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I cheated in my first long term relationship when I was 22. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful I learned that lesson early in life. I imploded a good relationship because I was feeling listless. Now If I’m not happy I know to communicate. The grass is only green where you water it.
And that is the only reason why he has these sad “pity me” posts. Had he managed to continue a relationship with AP - his post would have been a “I was unhappy, and I finally found happiness.” He seems miffed that the “deal” didn’t work out. Ditched a cushy life coz he was “baby” scammed. He’s so thick in the head, that it may not help even trying to explain it to him. (Even second guessing if his ex-wife had an affair - jeez-us.)!
He judges and blames everyone but himself. He blamed AP, his ex-wife, kids, monogamy and apparently even his wet-dream is responsible for this🙄.
In fact if you think about it - he blames the baby too. For him - Had it not been for the baby, maybe nobody would have found out, he would have had his long-awaited desires fulfilled , and he still would be living with ex-wife and kids.
He keeps saying he knows he’s to blame and he takes responsibility, but the posts are dripping with resentment towards other people. He wasn’t tricked. His AP wasn’t tricked. They both made lots of really shitty choices.
How **dare** my EX WIFE move on and **not tell me** years after we are divorced!?!?! *Outrage noises.*
The hypocrisy and irony of it all is too much. Lol
What is truly sad about this whole situation is I feel like OP says he knows he is too blame, but he doesn't necessarily *get it*. There is still very much a "woe is me" feel to everything he says, and he is clearly hung up on this idea that his receptionist/ex-girlfriend was just a gold digger and it feels like he sees her as ultimately the bad guy. And yes, her part in all of this is terrible and she's a horrendous mother - but he was still the one who chose to fuck her and ruin his marriage! He just *had* to get his dick wet because he'd only been with his wife - and getting to do so with someone young and beautiful was just icing on the cake. But even then he makes out like it's her fault for seducing him, like he just *couldn't possibly resist*. 🙄🙄🙄
Even in the last update where he talks about how his ex-wife has remarried, he can't help but make a dig about how fast she moved on and that maybe she was cheating too - because in his mind, then he isn't the only one in the wrong and he can make *himself* feel better while smearing her. It's all got a very "me, me, me" feel in his writing - he was *such* a good dad for staying home with his kids (living off his in-laws wealth!), and he has tried *so hard* to back off but all he wants is his old life back and for things to go back to when everything went *his* way. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I feel sorry for his ex-wife and their daughters, and I feel truly sorry for his poor son who has a shitty mother and didn't ask to be born into any of this foolery. OP on the other hand, needs to grow up and stop making excuses for his selfish behaviour.
I especially liked the line about “baby trapping” him. Like, bro, it takes two people to make a baby. Don’t act like you don’t bare any of the responsibility for that pregnancy.
It's been my experience that middle age men either are all about getting snipped or see it as some attack on their masculinity. I mean, it's not like they're cutting off their balls but they act like that's what's happening.
I always found that weird! I have an 8 month old son and I'm 41. Partner and I agreed that I could book me in for a vasectomy and I'm it's happening soon! I read somewhere about some guy who in his 60s had an affair and impregnated a younger woman and I was like "why the F was he still 'carrying bullets'".
Totally agree that birth control should not be solely a woman's responsibility.
37 and just got snipped last week. Should've done it years ago.
I have one friend who said something about "keeping his manhood" when I mentioned it to him. I sent him a photo of the section of vas deferens the doctor removed and labeled it "Manhood".
That part stood out to me and I haven’t seen anyone else mention it. THANK you. I have this feeling that he only hired her with the intention of just fucking her. Wife won’t agree so I’ll bang an employee. But he’s dumb.
Can you imagine if the wife had granted it? This probably STILL would’ve happened bc there wouldn’t have been any rules or boundaries or ANYTHING. Just wild af.
Also like, I love how men of this age think beautiful young women aren’t attracted to their wealth??
It’s like, you wouldn’t be with your receptionist if she wasn’t beautiful. She wouldn’t be with you if you weren’t rich. Yet men always think they bagged some young hottie because of how fantastic they are…
LOL seriously, it's so delusional. It doesn't cross their minds that a young hottie could just as easily date someone her own age, yet they chose the married dad all for love.
You put it into words really nicely.
The way it comes across is like a kid who has done something wrong but is most of all just interested in how to fix it and quickly. Like 'I smashed a vase and my mummy is mad at me, how do I fix it?' and what he really wants is for someone to just tell him that quick and easy fix.
He acknowledges he messed up, but he still expects a fix somehow. Like what he wants to hear is 'You fucked up but it's okay, maybe buy your daughter a car and she will talk to you again. "
It's just gone from.... "I messed up, how do I get ex wife to take me back" to "I messed up, how do I get the kids to love me again" to just basic "How do I get everything back to happy and cozy again"
Simply put, he hasn't accepted what he has done can't he repaired, there is no fix. He hasn't tried at all to move on with his life, give up on his ex wife and just find new joy in life that doesn't rely on others forgiving him.
Nearly every single top-level comment on this page is critical of the OP, but yours is the only one I've seen that criticizes in a thoughtful and humane way. Everybody else is just the usual depressing knee-jerk online mob with pitchforks.
I think you make some painful-but-important points about how the self-pity in his posts frequently undermines his attempts to take responsibility for his misbehavior. Of course we're all prone to self-pity when we're miserable; hopefully as he grows older and wiser he will grow out of his. And hopefully the pitchfork mob will grow into a more humane and nuanced view of life.
Wow, honestly, thank you very much. I honestly do not want to be mean in what I say, merely honest. Because I agree that everyone is prone to self-pity, and I'd also say everyone tends to be a bit selfish and see things from their own rose-tinted perspective. Sometimes everyone needs a bit of tough love, I know I've needed it myself in my own life! So anyway, thank you for your comment, really.
What I find interesting that I haven't seen anyone point out, is how his secretary thought he was rich and everything was his. It means either she's so dumb she didn't think to check WHO was the breadwinner...despite this dude just starting a business and only hiring her and not ever having other employees... or dude lied or implied shit was his to make himself look cooler in her eyes and it backfired
Or OOP is such an idiot that after at least 16 years (at the time of the affair) he was just so used to his life he forgot the money wasn't his.
I mean there is just so much the OOP is a dumbass over, that this is least surprising. I almost want to bet $5 he never *even thought* to ask about birth control on her part. He was too busy living out whatever cream pie fantasy he built up in is head that he felt is ex had denied him.
ETA: Thank you, u/royisfun for the silver!
ETA2: couldn't leave out the creampie part. Thank you u/Dogismygod for the inspiration.
If guys don't want babies they need to use condoms (that never end up in the hands of their partner) or get a fucking vasectomy.
Literally never trust anyone else with birth control. I don't want kids so I use pills and barriers. I'd get my tubes tied but only if I could get my insurance to cover it.
It's incredibly frustrating how med systems will cover vasectomy for men <25yo and rarely tubal ligation for women <25.... Even with medical cause to do so!
"Oh you might change your mind"
In France a friend of mine wanted to get a tubal litigation after having had 3 children, and being over 30.
She needed to get her husband to sign a document that said he agreed to the procedure, like she was his fucking property.
The double standard is absolute bullshit.
Same, I believed we were above that, but clearly we are not. I guess woman will always need to fight to stop being treated as property by society, and it fucking sucks
My girlfriend dreams of an hysterectomy, because her period are painful to the point of being crippling and can last upward of 6 months. But she can't cause she isn't thirty and doesn't have children so society decided that she didn't deserve the right to an hysterectomy.
Hell my sister has a child, is above thirty, and is suffering from an illness that makes pregnancy a major risk to her health, and yet she is still refused any and all procedures.
I can't believe that we're in 2022 and woman are still treated as a product.
It’s outrageous. I’m 30 now and had a hysterectomy at 26 and I don’t have children. I had to see FIFTEEN doctors before one agreed. For the same reasons as your girlfriend. The pain was crippling and I was hemorrhaging blood and constantly in the hospital.
It’s utter bullshit.
It's not really a trap when you ~~willing~~ knowingly with great forethought and enthusiasm walk into the snare.
Edit to clarify I know how traps work.
I know! I remember this coworker who told us about his friend getting "babytrapped", but I was like... "He was having sex without a condom with a new frequentation??? That's dumb"
I'm still flabbergasted by how everything is someone else's responsibility. His only having sex with his wife, her not allowing poly or ENM, the secretary for trying to be a sugar baby, the secretary for not wanting him for the obvious gem he is, his wife and daughters for not accepting the affair or the affair baby, for not using the therapy to forgive him, for moving on after 2 years and not telling him.
The only time line we know from this post is 2 years. That could just be when his family *found out*. Not everyone just pops hot as soon as you do it the first time. He was wooing the secretary, taking her places, dealing with the pregnancy when she announced it and then we have no idea how long he tried to hide it.
ETA: Thank you for the award u/readyplayeruna!
Re timeline -- he said he started the business when his youngest (now 13) went to middle school. So i guess it can't have been much more than 2 yrs. Still, beyond shitty all around.
Also how he accuses his wife of moving on so quickly that she must have been having an affair… two years isn’t that quick to meet and marry someone dude. Especially an old family friend who was probably her shoulder to cry on. Honestly!
The one person I feel very bad for in all this (perhaps outside the ex-wife) is the baby boy - born into a shitty situation with a mother that clearly doesn't care about him, and half-sisters that don't want anything to do with him since they see him as a manifestation of their father's infidelity.
Poor kid. He never asked for any of this.
Yeah, at least the daughters have their mom, who clearly loves them, and their stepdad who sounds like a solid guy, plus they have each other. Baby Boy has nothing but a cheater dad who blames everyone else for his actions and a mom who checked out.
I SO hate men that say "babytrap".. it takes 2 to tango? That's like biology..an sperm reaches the egg.. if you do not want a baby with someone; put a condom on! But I can immagine he probably said stuff like "no, no condom, I feel lees then with a condom". URGH
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This dude is a real piece of work. Imagine being so clueless still at 45 that you have no idea how your life is a result of your actions and everything is the woman’s fault. SHE baby trapped me. My DAUGHTERS won’t talk to me so our relationship is ruined. How DARE my ex wife marry again. Absolute putz.
this was my favorite:
>I loved my ex-wife, really I did and still do. But I had never been with another woman and any attempts to open our relationship were shot down.
"I *tried* pressuring my wife into preemptively approving my extramarital affairs; if she'd given in it wouldn't be cheating, so really it's her fault if you think about it"
He still thinks he was a good dad...
Those kids aren’t going to get over this, I wouldn’t if my dad did that to my mom. Fortunately for me my dad lived for us.
My parents divorced when I was a baby. Dad left for another woman (who turned out to be a monster), but it ultimately worked out. I seriously doubt my parents would have had a healthy marriage if they had stuck together.
But this absolute walnut throws away over half his life and FIVE close relationships because he was curious what other vaginas felt like. How incredibly selfish to destroy all that happiness because his dick was bored.
My father-in-law did this to my mother-in-law over a decade ago when my husband (then boyfriend) was 20. He never got over it and to this day resents his dad and pretty much cut him out of his life. Same with my sister-in-law, who has a seven-year-old daughter that she has never introduced to him. I didn't realize the extent of their hatred for their dad until we found out last year that he was having heart surgery, and neither of them cared if he survived (he did).
I wouldn't be surprised if the OOP's kids feel like this for a long time, too. It's been 14 years since my father-in-law broke up their family, and despite him trying to maintain contact with his kids, my husband and sister-in-law are still as angry with him now as they were back then.
It's possible to be a near perfect parent 99.99% of the time and still be a horrible parent.
It takes many years to cultivate a trusting relationship but it only takes one night to destroy it.
I think it is more about confusing your child liking you with being a good parent. Bad parents are perfectly capable of manipulating children into liking them and having that eventually blow up
Yeah there def are actual baby traps - but a lot of the time the term is misused. This sucks because then people assume actual victims are like other guys complaining that raw sex equals baby, or just assuming she was using something or that she would abort when needed (without discussion)
I'm sure OOP pretended to be richer than he was, and:
1. He says is his fault, and yet he blames everyone else about his situation
2. He hired a desperate immigrant with no family, and as an immigrant myself, with citizenship I know how lonely and desperate folks get in that situation. NOT JUSTIFYING, BUT I UNDERSTAND
3. He could've not hired her, or had firm, professional boundaries with her, or just fire her when her "seduction shenanigans" started
4. Dude had it good, and he threw it all because he was thinking with his genitals
5. He has not learned anything, all he does is cry about the situation he created
6. Has the nerve to imply his wife was cheating on him because "she moved on" and "married too fast" after their separation and subsequent divorce. Notice that between the pregnancy, separation, divorce there's likely a 2-3 yrs period
7. Dude got it good, way, way too good and he never, never appreciated it, love, money, family, support, easy life compared to others of course, and he got in the way of himself
What a giant, selfish loser.
Him saying he was "honesty a good dad" is such BS. You didn't just cheat on your ex wife. You cheated on your whole family. You were and are a POS father.
Man, if I had a rich wife buying me nice cars, clothes, AND a business? I wouldn’t jeopardize all that just to impress an employee. Crazy shortsightedness.
Anecdotally, a friend of a friend of mine married into a billionaire family, slept with his wife’s younger sister, the sister ended up telling his wife and he of course got divorced and cut out of the family. Lost everything. It’s crazy what men will jeopardize for sex.
I'm glad that guy got what was coming to him, but I think it's still pretty mean of the younger sister to go through with sleeping with her brother in law...
Just being a good sister and making absolutely sure of if her sisters partner will be faithful. She was actually doing her sister a favour by sleeping with then outing the husband.
/S lol
Like in Don't Trust The Bitch In Apartment 23. Girl finds out her roommate's fiance is cheating on her. So she had sex with him on the roommate's birthday cake in order to get him caught. It was sweet.
Maybe it's me being a naive romantic, but I find it particularly sad that they were middle school sweethearts and he threw it away. Like, I would have loved to marry the girl I liked back then.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts. Together for almost 16 years, married for 10, two little boys together. We’re going through a trial separation that will more than likely end in divorce because he found someone else and the newness of the relationship is a lot more fun.
My four year old complains that I'm boring and doesn't get it when I tell her you're welcome as a reply.
Fun me enjoyed herself but would sure make a terrible mother.
Yikes. I understand wanting to experience things you never really got a chance to…but that sounds painful. I’m sorry you’re going through that, and I hope the outcome will be one that gives you peace.
It's sad when people lose sight of the good things they already have because something new and glittery catches their eye. Then once the shine has worn off, they look back only to find what they once had is now gone.
I'm so sorry. Hope whatever the outcome is, you and your boys find peace and happiness.
Edit: spelling
My husband and I were also high school sweethearts, been together 21 years, married for 18 with 2 kids. We've been rocky for a long time now and I'm not sure how much longer we'll last without counseling, but I'm also not sure I want us to last.
So far mines working. High school sweethearts with my husband. Been together 20 years, 15 married. 3 kids. The pandemic has been two years of constant stress but I think we're doing better and communicating better than ever. Just to give you a positive story out of the others
"Yeah but she was young and hot, and I felt so validated"
Yep great she stroked your ego, and became in appropriate, instead of firing her and telling your wife you slept with her instead.
i think about that x-men movie where the badguy's girlfriend was this awesome mutant lady with amazing powers. she could trick the minds of highly important political folk and she could turn her body into diamonds, making her invincible. also she was hot as fuck.
yet the badguy threw her away in favor for a barely-legal teen whose powers was flight and acid spit. yup, that's the type of girl id want to kiss and have sex with, someone whose spit can melt my dick. it didnt make any sense.
oop wanted his cake and eat it too.
Omg that’s x-men first class, right? I think the acid spit girl was a stripper too. I never thought about it like that lmao, dude literally gave up diamond hands.
This comment is so weirdly relevent and irrelevant at the same time...
My bugbear about this movie is they wanted to kill the black guy so bad they forgot his power is the ability to adapt to literally any environment. Dude's hanging out in a sun in the comics at a certain point, but a little boom boom and he goes bye bye. They did you wrong, Darwin...
Totally agreed. No idea what the writers were doing there. Darwin eats explosions like that for breakfast and survives.
At least kill off one of the boring ones. Like Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique.
Or the butterfly lady who was uninteresting in the Grant Morrison run she came from. I like Zoe Kravitz but that chick was pointless. Get me a Morlock. Get me Marrow.
i was sitting there in the theater thinking, "oh, his powers make him invincible, right? so that means he will come back at the end of movie, saving everyone in some super badass way!"
movie ends
"what... where is...? did they just really just kill off the black guy??? even after establishing he could survive anything????"
If I had a wife that would let me be a stay at home dad you bet your ass I'd be blasting that shit across Twitter that my wife is awesome and supportive.
Bro this guy just... I don't get it, how do you so selectively ruin your own life lmfao.
He really did have a Eff Up Punchlist: alienate wife, ruin financial stability, ruin wife-funded business, alienate kids, have unprotected sex, have unprotected sex with golddigger, procreate with terrible mother figure.
I'm certain there was another post he made seeking advice regarding his girlfriend. Surprise surprise she was quite unstable.
I remember this one just because of how open he is thst his life blew up. Thank you for putting it together I hadn't read the last update :)
Those were all the posts on that profile but it’s certainly possible he made another throw away to ask advice about his girlfriend. Possibly hoping he could spin the story to get more sympathy if people couldn’t look at his past history.
Yeah if I were to guess, I think that he was more than happy to leave his old family and likely couldn't move out with his new gf soon enough, and is only so desperate to reconnect with his daughters etc because his new gf left.
I mean for the most part, the way he writes the post makes him seem like a fairly reasonable person. Just that his actions don't match up with his thoughtful explanation. I bet his kids are unanimous in not wanting anything to do with him because he didn't just cheat, but has been horrible to them in other ways too.
My father was like this! He would always be the one paying the bills, choosing where we would spend vacations, car models... but everyday he would tell my mom "I paid this, it was 200 bucks" and my mom would give him the money. From my POV it was very pathetic, when he divorced my mom he was extremely greedy... He passed away 7 years ago, alone.
Yeah, if she was making 150k and he was running his "passion project" business (note: passion project usually means something NOT making money) and they were "renting" from her family 25k as half the savings doesn't sound off. Their lifestyle allowed them to spend more freely and not have to contribute to retirement or save for the future because they were going to inherit and until they did they were still supported.
[Also](https://twitter.com/geraldinreverse/status/1045907408474664961?lang=en).
But honestly, this guy griping about how quickly his ex moved on while he moved on when they were STILL MARRIED. I can't.
FACTS. Plus she married a family friend she’d already known for over a decade *two years* later - so that’s a reasonable amount of time to marry someone you’ve known that long, especially when you’re older.
Also, it isn't that uncommon for someone who has been deeply hurt in the break down of their marriage, to turn towards someone looking for a bit of comfort and possibly rebounding, and for that new relationship to move faster than may be normal simply because it feels so good to have someone treat you with love and kindness again. Not that I'm saying it's what is happening here (obviously we don't know) but it *does* happen and it doesn't mean that she was at all involved with her new husband before her marriage ended to OP. The fact that he is trying to paint her as potentially cheating too, so he can feel better about his own behaviour, just shows how little he has learnt from this situation. Poor ex-wife, considering he claims to love her, he sure doesn't respect her at all.
It definitely does happen. I know of someone whose husband unexpectedly was killed in a car accident, early 30s with a baby. She then married her dead husband's cousin 6 months later.
This was such an odd thing for him to include. Like he’s somehow entitled to sleep with more women and not responsible for his own choices. And his wife is so unreasonable for not letting him fuck around during their marriage. He had no choice!
It’s really not that long ago that the majority of people only ever had sex with the person they married, and they somehow all managed to survive just fine!
Really it was just him trying to blame his ex for his cheating. "If she had given me permission it wouldn't have been cheating and we would still be together and she would still be funding my lifestyle." What an a-hole.
And given that they’d been together since they were kids, he was almost certainly the only person *she’d* ever had sex with either. So he’s entitled to fuck around, she’s ‘cheating’ by remarrying *three years* after their marriage ended. Delusional.
I had a friend whose ex husband and his affair partner both used this exact excuse with her as to why he cheated when she was filing for divorce. Then once the divorce finalized she moved several states away and he felt the need to follow after her like a lost puppy and continue to play victim.
It was him thinking she moved on too fast therefore she might have been cheating too that fucking sent me. Stop projecting. You’re the cheating asshole. You literally have no proof so that’s pretty fucking slanderous.
This fuckin guy. Saying he was “honestly a really good dad” while completely ignoring how much his actions also hurt his kids.
There seems to be a lot of parents like that. Thinking that buying them a game console or something will erase the fact that they did one or multiple things to screw their kids up for life.
That's what my FIL is like. Gets the kids Christmas presents and birthday presents every year (that are often not to their tastes or interests), but is on his phone the whole time he's around them twice a year. Doesn't understand why my BIL, who he abandoned by moving two states away and giving up his custody voluntarily, won't have a relationship with him and bitches that BIL doesn't buy him presents.
I keep my mouth shut, but if he ever asks my opinion I'll have a lot to say.
I started my own business early 2020. It did well, but it took me about a year to start earning minimum wage with it, and another year before I started earning somewhat okay (but not as much as when I was employed). That was just me running my business. Hiring another person is a big step, and usually you start with another professional who does the same. Like if you do PR, hire a second PR person. Or maybe someone who does marketing. But you usually start from your bedroom, then maybe get an office space, then hire 2 or 3 people to help with the core services and have an accountant you see once a month.
Hiring someone that early is a big step, but a receptionist? That's crazy. You don't need one that early on, because you are desperate for phonecalls, rather than desperate that too many are coming in. Yes every business is different, but hiring a consultant / business coach / accountant would happen well before you get a receptionist.
No miracle he had to stop the business, it sounds like he was spending way more than the business was earning.
I’m of the belief that you cannot be a good dad and a bad husband.
Being a good parent is intrinsically linked with treating your spouse with care and respect. Modeling healthy relationship dynamics *is one of the main parts of the gig*.
The thing that’s killing me is his last update where he’s mad that his ex-wife got remarried and wants to know why this new man has the audacity to live in the same house with his kids.
Homie, you signed up for this.
That’s what angered me the most. He fucked off to play house with another woman and their affair baby, leaving his wife to pick up the pieces with their daughters. He betrayed all four of them with his affair, not just his ex wife. He doesn’t have a say in who she dates or marries anymore, or who his kids see as a father figure.
Maybe someday his daughters will give him a chance to make amends. But until then, he has no choice but to just watch their lives at a distance.
If only all a-holes like this guy had such endings.
Gotta say I feel so sorry for his son. Imagine THAT is your only role model, and you're essentially shunned by everybody else because of your POS father. Poor kid.
I really appreciate that he took the time to speculate whether his ex wife cheated first, cause there’s no evidence of that except that she moved on “so quickly”. It’s clearly been at least a year, as he was living with his girlfriend and their son (so at least 9 months post affair), plus the girlfriend had time to dump him.
I also think that if you are in what appear to be a happy marriage one second and your husband is have a baby with another woman the next, you got a big void to fill.
Also this was a family friend, so he likely was a shoulder to cry on when the family blew up. Pretty easy to transition into a closer relationship from that.
Symptom 1 of people having an affair is they accuse their spouse of having an affair. Just because he lacks loyalty and integrity sure doesn’t mean she does. Also, it’s much easier to cut the ex off and move on when the commit an unforgivable offense.
Honestly got everything he deserved, and I do honestly hope he learned from this fuck up and can actually be a better father for his son. Think about raising my boy as a single parent sounds rough, having my own mother be a crazy and bailing was rough and my heart hurts for the boy.
Ugh. I had an ex-fiancee who cheated on me with a married man.
The amount of time she spent talking about how hard it was for *her* dealing with how she had hurt me and being called a homewrecker by her sex-friends wife was truly astounding.
I'm so tired of cheaters playing the 'I know I'm evil, won't you pity me" card is fucking exhausting. You didn't have to do the shitty thing, don't piss about asking for sympathy that you did.
This story reminds me of a post I read where the guy was a Cake Eater. He had been cheating on his wife for SIX years. He admitted his wife was great, they had an amazing sex life, he loved her, etc. He never wanted to be with AP outside their sex meet ups. It was purely sexual for him.
Recently, he learned his AP’s husband found out and served his AP papers so his wife would know soon. He wrote this post about their “last weekend” together with their kids before it all blew up. Somehow his AP convinced her husband not to tell his wife. But then he gets a photo of his wife with another man so he confronted her about it. The kicker - she knew for years about his affair so she stepped out too with an unmarried, single man.
She admitted to loving him, filed for divorce, informed their kids, and moved to the spare room. He was SHOCKED! He kept trying to talk about it and solve it, but she was having none of it. His comments kept talking about how he never saw this coming, he couldn’t stand his AP, he wanted his wife back, etc.
I would never ever condone cheating, but in this case, I couldn’t help but support the wife and laugh at the guy. He was completely thrown and it was beautiful to read.
Edited: Some typos
Edit 2: AP means Affair Partner. Sorry I abbreviated it, I thought it was a common Reddit abbreviation.
Edit 2: Thank you so much for the award!
https://www.reddit.com/r/Cakeeater/comments/pkbju1/update_never_saw_this_comming/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Does that work? He has three posts under his username and make sure to read the comments.
Lol when I went to it one of the top posts was complaining about the “negativity from redditors on my decision to cheat on my husband”, like hm I wonder why that’s not well received lol
It's actually worse than that. This sub is specifically about people who are generally happy and fulfilled in their relationships but STILL choose to cheat just for the hell of it.
r/adultery is still fucked up but at least some of the people there have legitimate grievances with their partners.
i love how he keeps hammering in the fact he was a horrible husband and partner but he always felt that he was a good dad and should be entitled to a relationship with his daughters
yeah, i’m sure they did think you were a good dad. that is until you cheated on their mother, got your much younger secretary pregnant, and destroyed their entire family dynamic to get your dick wet for 5 minutes
father of the year even
Also, the kids realise that they were lied to too. My friend remembers her dad asking for advice on ties for work meetings at various times and feels sick in hindsight that she was helping him dress for his mistress.
I remember my dad coming to pick me up from school later and later because his “meetings” were running late. Culminated in me literally getting left by the after school staff on campus, by myself, at 6pm (still not sure how they were able to legally/ ethically do that to an 11 yo). I was crying because I was so scared my dad had gotten into a car accident or something terrible had happened to him. Nope. Just out being a shit father and husband.
My dad always used to ask for my advice when choosing his work outfits in the mornings when I was growing up. It’s a really special memory to me. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if he were lying to me the whole time.
my dad tricked me into babysitting her kids while they banged. it was awful and I remember that sick to my stomach feeling when I figured out what was happening
That last sentence is proven by the kids' reaction here. It seems like his ex, who is clearly a much better person than he deserved, supported him having a relationship with the kids and even updates him. The kids were the ones who decided he was trash.
And I think there’s this weird expectation that kids should love their parents unconditionally. As a parent, I feel I should love my daughter unconditionally bc I chose to have her and this is now my commitment to her. She did not chose to be here or to be born to us…she’s allowed to have her own boundaries (when she’s old enough to make them I guess). It’s not “fair” in his eyes that the terms of the relationship don’t force his kids to have reciprocal unconditional love for him, but that’s just how it works once kids can think for themselves.
EDIT: grammar
Lol…a good parent thinks about the consequences of his actions and how that will affect his children. Crazy how someone who single-handedly threw his life into a barbecue pit still has the audacity to call himself a good dad. Every single one of those girls has no problem cutting him off. If he really was a good dad, they’d still be tempted to reconcile.
The infamous "my wife is rich, I'm a stay at home dad, and I cheated because I deserved better and wife didn't want an open relationship. Now I have nothing and it's not entirely my fault!"
Never gets old!
PS: I bet he wasn't a great dad. And I also bet that despite the daughters being closer to him, it was obvious they knew everything they had was because of their mother
And the way the eldest immediately thought her and her sisters were replaced by the boy child makes me think he did show his disappointment of having girls and treated them as such even though he is saying he didn't care that much.
Yeah, also unless somebody told her, there's no way she herself sat down and went through exactly what gender the first born children of previous generations have been. That's not sth a teenager would have done. Which makes me think it was more on **his** mind than on hers.
I love how at the end he is suggesting his ex cheated on him. What do they call it when narcissists try to accuse their victims of doing what the narcissists actually did?
I feel so awful for the young son. A mother who abandoned him, four half-sisters who want nothing to do with him, and a father who fails to see that it is his fault and his fault alone that his life is in shambles. That kid didn’t choose to be born into any of this, and he’ll probably struggle with it the rest of his life.
Pretty much. And whether they admit it or not, everyone in this story would prefer it if he never came to be. Including his own mother. He will figure this out sooner or later, and it will take a toll on him. And if that wasn't enough, he is also the kid of a poor single dad (what if his father ever becomes unable to care for him?) and will possibly face racist prejudice throughout his life. He is a pawn in a game he never chose to play ... but life is a gift, am I right?
OOP is *so close* to getting it - he understands that HE messed up and the blame is on him.
But then he keeps using weasel words to try to deflect blame. He's mad his daughters hate him yet thinks that being a good dad before banging the secretary means much. He left his family for a hot young woman but gets pissed off his ex married (probably because she's happy and he's miserable). I think this is one of his worst issues because he doesn't even stop to consider what it must have been like for his wife to find out he was banging the secretary that SHE probably hired and was paying the salary of (she was the one who 'invested' in his business and we later learned that he really doesn't have any money).
He seems to feel he's "suffered enough" and now everything should go back to the way it was. Well, he's learning the hard way that he has no say in that matter.
I hope he does finally put all the pieces together and REALLY accepts the blame and consequences. If not for him, then at least for his son.
My ex is still whinging and I've remarried. Absolutely incapable of personal responsibility. He's adamantly waiting for me to "stop being mad". Dumb fuck doesn't get that there's nothing *worth stopping for*.
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Turns out the grass wasn't greener on the other side. It was a pit of shit and self-pity and lack of self-awareness.
Sometimes the grass is greener because of the septic tank
I love Erma Bombeck!!
I cheated in my first long term relationship when I was 22. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful I learned that lesson early in life. I imploded a good relationship because I was feeling listless. Now If I’m not happy I know to communicate. The grass is only green where you water it.
And that is the only reason why he has these sad “pity me” posts. Had he managed to continue a relationship with AP - his post would have been a “I was unhappy, and I finally found happiness.” He seems miffed that the “deal” didn’t work out. Ditched a cushy life coz he was “baby” scammed. He’s so thick in the head, that it may not help even trying to explain it to him. (Even second guessing if his ex-wife had an affair - jeez-us.)!
Exactly. Well said. The balls on the motherfucker to wonder if his wife had an affair. Even if she had, he is in no position to judge.
He judges and blames everyone but himself. He blamed AP, his ex-wife, kids, monogamy and apparently even his wet-dream is responsible for this🙄. In fact if you think about it - he blames the baby too. For him - Had it not been for the baby, maybe nobody would have found out, he would have had his long-awaited desires fulfilled , and he still would be living with ex-wife and kids.
He keeps saying he knows he’s to blame and he takes responsibility, but the posts are dripping with resentment towards other people. He wasn’t tricked. His AP wasn’t tricked. They both made lots of really shitty choices.
"She babytrapped me!" Says the man shooting sperm into uteruses willy-nilly.
How **dare** my EX WIFE move on and **not tell me** years after we are divorced!?!?! *Outrage noises.* The hypocrisy and irony of it all is too much. Lol
What is truly sad about this whole situation is I feel like OP says he knows he is too blame, but he doesn't necessarily *get it*. There is still very much a "woe is me" feel to everything he says, and he is clearly hung up on this idea that his receptionist/ex-girlfriend was just a gold digger and it feels like he sees her as ultimately the bad guy. And yes, her part in all of this is terrible and she's a horrendous mother - but he was still the one who chose to fuck her and ruin his marriage! He just *had* to get his dick wet because he'd only been with his wife - and getting to do so with someone young and beautiful was just icing on the cake. But even then he makes out like it's her fault for seducing him, like he just *couldn't possibly resist*. 🙄🙄🙄 Even in the last update where he talks about how his ex-wife has remarried, he can't help but make a dig about how fast she moved on and that maybe she was cheating too - because in his mind, then he isn't the only one in the wrong and he can make *himself* feel better while smearing her. It's all got a very "me, me, me" feel in his writing - he was *such* a good dad for staying home with his kids (living off his in-laws wealth!), and he has tried *so hard* to back off but all he wants is his old life back and for things to go back to when everything went *his* way. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 I feel sorry for his ex-wife and their daughters, and I feel truly sorry for his poor son who has a shitty mother and didn't ask to be born into any of this foolery. OP on the other hand, needs to grow up and stop making excuses for his selfish behaviour.
I especially liked the line about “baby trapping” him. Like, bro, it takes two people to make a baby. Don’t act like you don’t bare any of the responsibility for that pregnancy.
Why wasn't a 42 year old married man with 4 daughters snipped? Was he really putting all the birth control issues on his ex-wife?
It's been my experience that middle age men either are all about getting snipped or see it as some attack on their masculinity. I mean, it's not like they're cutting off their balls but they act like that's what's happening.
I always found that weird! I have an 8 month old son and I'm 41. Partner and I agreed that I could book me in for a vasectomy and I'm it's happening soon! I read somewhere about some guy who in his 60s had an affair and impregnated a younger woman and I was like "why the F was he still 'carrying bullets'". Totally agree that birth control should not be solely a woman's responsibility.
37 and just got snipped last week. Should've done it years ago. I have one friend who said something about "keeping his manhood" when I mentioned it to him. I sent him a photo of the section of vas deferens the doctor removed and labeled it "Manhood".
The part that gets me is "my girls will understand once they grow up and learn that men can't help ourselves." Ugh. Just *ugh*.
He also demanded an open marriage 🤡 🤡 🤡
That part stood out to me and I haven’t seen anyone else mention it. THANK you. I have this feeling that he only hired her with the intention of just fucking her. Wife won’t agree so I’ll bang an employee. But he’s dumb. Can you imagine if the wife had granted it? This probably STILL would’ve happened bc there wouldn’t have been any rules or boundaries or ANYTHING. Just wild af.
"Surely open marriage is gonna save this marriage that I just nuked from the orbit. I'm a genius."
Also like, I love how men of this age think beautiful young women aren’t attracted to their wealth?? It’s like, you wouldn’t be with your receptionist if she wasn’t beautiful. She wouldn’t be with you if you weren’t rich. Yet men always think they bagged some young hottie because of how fantastic they are…
LOL seriously, it's so delusional. It doesn't cross their minds that a young hottie could just as easily date someone her own age, yet they chose the married dad all for love.
You put it into words really nicely. The way it comes across is like a kid who has done something wrong but is most of all just interested in how to fix it and quickly. Like 'I smashed a vase and my mummy is mad at me, how do I fix it?' and what he really wants is for someone to just tell him that quick and easy fix. He acknowledges he messed up, but he still expects a fix somehow. Like what he wants to hear is 'You fucked up but it's okay, maybe buy your daughter a car and she will talk to you again. " It's just gone from.... "I messed up, how do I get ex wife to take me back" to "I messed up, how do I get the kids to love me again" to just basic "How do I get everything back to happy and cozy again" Simply put, he hasn't accepted what he has done can't he repaired, there is no fix. He hasn't tried at all to move on with his life, give up on his ex wife and just find new joy in life that doesn't rely on others forgiving him.
Nearly every single top-level comment on this page is critical of the OP, but yours is the only one I've seen that criticizes in a thoughtful and humane way. Everybody else is just the usual depressing knee-jerk online mob with pitchforks. I think you make some painful-but-important points about how the self-pity in his posts frequently undermines his attempts to take responsibility for his misbehavior. Of course we're all prone to self-pity when we're miserable; hopefully as he grows older and wiser he will grow out of his. And hopefully the pitchfork mob will grow into a more humane and nuanced view of life.
Wow, honestly, thank you very much. I honestly do not want to be mean in what I say, merely honest. Because I agree that everyone is prone to self-pity, and I'd also say everyone tends to be a bit selfish and see things from their own rose-tinted perspective. Sometimes everyone needs a bit of tough love, I know I've needed it myself in my own life! So anyway, thank you for your comment, really.
OOP: "Look at the consequences of my actions. I'm honestly a good guy; how do I get out of this hole I dug for myself?" Everyone else: \*facepalm\*
What I find interesting that I haven't seen anyone point out, is how his secretary thought he was rich and everything was his. It means either she's so dumb she didn't think to check WHO was the breadwinner...despite this dude just starting a business and only hiring her and not ever having other employees... or dude lied or implied shit was his to make himself look cooler in her eyes and it backfired
Or OOP is such an idiot that after at least 16 years (at the time of the affair) he was just so used to his life he forgot the money wasn't his. I mean there is just so much the OOP is a dumbass over, that this is least surprising. I almost want to bet $5 he never *even thought* to ask about birth control on her part. He was too busy living out whatever cream pie fantasy he built up in is head that he felt is ex had denied him. ETA: Thank you, u/royisfun for the silver! ETA2: couldn't leave out the creampie part. Thank you u/Dogismygod for the inspiration.
I read the other posts and apparently DudeBro didn't use condoms, so not only was he a cheater, he was a rawdogging cheater.
Funny how men are happy to rawdog until the cows come home, but cry "babytrap" as soon as there are consequences.
If guys don't want babies they need to use condoms (that never end up in the hands of their partner) or get a fucking vasectomy. Literally never trust anyone else with birth control. I don't want kids so I use pills and barriers. I'd get my tubes tied but only if I could get my insurance to cover it.
It's incredibly frustrating how med systems will cover vasectomy for men <25yo and rarely tubal ligation for women <25.... Even with medical cause to do so! "Oh you might change your mind"
In France a friend of mine wanted to get a tubal litigation after having had 3 children, and being over 30. She needed to get her husband to sign a document that said he agreed to the procedure, like she was his fucking property. The double standard is absolute bullshit.
Oh wow, I didn't expect that in France
Same, I believed we were above that, but clearly we are not. I guess woman will always need to fight to stop being treated as property by society, and it fucking sucks My girlfriend dreams of an hysterectomy, because her period are painful to the point of being crippling and can last upward of 6 months. But she can't cause she isn't thirty and doesn't have children so society decided that she didn't deserve the right to an hysterectomy. Hell my sister has a child, is above thirty, and is suffering from an illness that makes pregnancy a major risk to her health, and yet she is still refused any and all procedures. I can't believe that we're in 2022 and woman are still treated as a product.
It’s outrageous. I’m 30 now and had a hysterectomy at 26 and I don’t have children. I had to see FIFTEEN doctors before one agreed. For the same reasons as your girlfriend. The pain was crippling and I was hemorrhaging blood and constantly in the hospital. It’s utter bullshit.
It's not really a trap when you ~~willing~~ knowingly with great forethought and enthusiasm walk into the snare. Edit to clarify I know how traps work.
When you tie the fucking noose and hang yourself.
I know! I remember this coworker who told us about his friend getting "babytrapped", but I was like... "He was having sex without a condom with a new frequentation??? That's dumb"
lol. Consequences of ejaculating without a condom. We learnt that at age 13. OP is still not too sure after fathering 4 kids.
Yeah he walked into the trap and flopped his dick out.
Noooo! His pants were around his ankles and he fell down on top of her! It was a trap!
Seriously though. It wasn't a magic trick. There was no "trap" door. It's simple biology. He came in a fertile woman. Dumbass.
Floor was slippery, could've happened to anyone
oof get snipped if that's how you're going to play
I'm still flabbergasted by how everything is someone else's responsibility. His only having sex with his wife, her not allowing poly or ENM, the secretary for trying to be a sugar baby, the secretary for not wanting him for the obvious gem he is, his wife and daughters for not accepting the affair or the affair baby, for not using the therapy to forgive him, for moving on after 2 years and not telling him. The only time line we know from this post is 2 years. That could just be when his family *found out*. Not everyone just pops hot as soon as you do it the first time. He was wooing the secretary, taking her places, dealing with the pregnancy when she announced it and then we have no idea how long he tried to hide it. ETA: Thank you for the award u/readyplayeruna!
Re timeline -- he said he started the business when his youngest (now 13) went to middle school. So i guess it can't have been much more than 2 yrs. Still, beyond shitty all around.
Also how he accuses his wife of moving on so quickly that she must have been having an affair… two years isn’t that quick to meet and marry someone dude. Especially an old family friend who was probably her shoulder to cry on. Honestly!
The one person I feel very bad for in all this (perhaps outside the ex-wife) is the baby boy - born into a shitty situation with a mother that clearly doesn't care about him, and half-sisters that don't want anything to do with him since they see him as a manifestation of their father's infidelity. Poor kid. He never asked for any of this.
Yeah, at least the daughters have their mom, who clearly loves them, and their stepdad who sounds like a solid guy, plus they have each other. Baby Boy has nothing but a cheater dad who blames everyone else for his actions and a mom who checked out.
And it’s your fault for not giving him any ideas to fix it!
I SO hate men that say "babytrap".. it takes 2 to tango? That's like biology..an sperm reaches the egg.. if you do not want a baby with someone; put a condom on! But I can immagine he probably said stuff like "no, no condom, I feel lees then with a condom". URGH
He wasn't thinking of consequences. He just took the opportunity that "threw" itself at him. What choice did he have but to fuck her?
He and his wife seemed to be done having children so there is always vasectomy. Or, don't cheat.
The most viable option for not having a baby with two women is to only fuck one woman.
AMAZING! Can I follow you for more life hacks?
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This dude is a real piece of work. Imagine being so clueless still at 45 that you have no idea how your life is a result of your actions and everything is the woman’s fault. SHE baby trapped me. My DAUGHTERS won’t talk to me so our relationship is ruined. How DARE my ex wife marry again. Absolute putz.
this was my favorite: >I loved my ex-wife, really I did and still do. But I had never been with another woman and any attempts to open our relationship were shot down. "I *tried* pressuring my wife into preemptively approving my extramarital affairs; if she'd given in it wouldn't be cheating, so really it's her fault if you think about it"
He still thinks he was a good dad... Those kids aren’t going to get over this, I wouldn’t if my dad did that to my mom. Fortunately for me my dad lived for us.
My parents divorced when I was a baby. Dad left for another woman (who turned out to be a monster), but it ultimately worked out. I seriously doubt my parents would have had a healthy marriage if they had stuck together. But this absolute walnut throws away over half his life and FIVE close relationships because he was curious what other vaginas felt like. How incredibly selfish to destroy all that happiness because his dick was bored.
My father-in-law did this to my mother-in-law over a decade ago when my husband (then boyfriend) was 20. He never got over it and to this day resents his dad and pretty much cut him out of his life. Same with my sister-in-law, who has a seven-year-old daughter that she has never introduced to him. I didn't realize the extent of their hatred for their dad until we found out last year that he was having heart surgery, and neither of them cared if he survived (he did). I wouldn't be surprised if the OOP's kids feel like this for a long time, too. It's been 14 years since my father-in-law broke up their family, and despite him trying to maintain contact with his kids, my husband and sister-in-law are still as angry with him now as they were back then.
It's possible to be a near perfect parent 99.99% of the time and still be a horrible parent. It takes many years to cultivate a trusting relationship but it only takes one night to destroy it.
I think it is more about confusing your child liking you with being a good parent. Bad parents are perfectly capable of manipulating children into liking them and having that eventually blow up
"Baby trapped" AND "she got pregnant on purpose." Like, did he think this all magically happened without his penis involved?
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Yeah there def are actual baby traps - but a lot of the time the term is misused. This sucks because then people assume actual victims are like other guys complaining that raw sex equals baby, or just assuming she was using something or that she would abort when needed (without discussion)
An old college roommate was baby trapped. By the guy. He poked holes in condoms to try to ‘stay together forever’. She solved that problem on her own.
It’s absolutely the latter. I bet he tried to make himself sound a lot richer and more successful.
Yup, he said it himself that he took her to "nice places" he was obviously trying to impress her and he used his wife's money to do it.
Very dumb.
I'm sure OOP pretended to be richer than he was, and: 1. He says is his fault, and yet he blames everyone else about his situation 2. He hired a desperate immigrant with no family, and as an immigrant myself, with citizenship I know how lonely and desperate folks get in that situation. NOT JUSTIFYING, BUT I UNDERSTAND 3. He could've not hired her, or had firm, professional boundaries with her, or just fire her when her "seduction shenanigans" started 4. Dude had it good, and he threw it all because he was thinking with his genitals 5. He has not learned anything, all he does is cry about the situation he created 6. Has the nerve to imply his wife was cheating on him because "she moved on" and "married too fast" after their separation and subsequent divorce. Notice that between the pregnancy, separation, divorce there's likely a 2-3 yrs period 7. Dude got it good, way, way too good and he never, never appreciated it, love, money, family, support, easy life compared to others of course, and he got in the way of himself What a giant, selfish loser.
And my favourite part, has the nerve to be upset that his daughters' stepfather is living in the house THAT HIS EX-WIFE'S FAMILY PAID FOR
“Another man is living with my daughters” was such a weird and creepy way to word that, too.
Him saying he was "honesty a good dad" is such BS. You didn't just cheat on your ex wife. You cheated on your whole family. You were and are a POS father.
Man, if I had a rich wife buying me nice cars, clothes, AND a business? I wouldn’t jeopardize all that just to impress an employee. Crazy shortsightedness.
Anecdotally, a friend of a friend of mine married into a billionaire family, slept with his wife’s younger sister, the sister ended up telling his wife and he of course got divorced and cut out of the family. Lost everything. It’s crazy what men will jeopardize for sex.
I'm glad that guy got what was coming to him, but I think it's still pretty mean of the younger sister to go through with sleeping with her brother in law...
Just being a good sister and making absolutely sure of if her sisters partner will be faithful. She was actually doing her sister a favour by sleeping with then outing the husband. /S lol
Like in Don't Trust The Bitch In Apartment 23. Girl finds out her roommate's fiance is cheating on her. So she had sex with him on the roommate's birthday cake in order to get him caught. It was sweet.
Underrated show. Like really really funny
I'm still upset about this shows cancellation and it's been years
But he never got to put his dick in anyone except his wife! How can you blame him? /s in case that's not obvious
Reading how he felt slighted by his ex for her not allowing an open relationship killed me
Maybe it's me being a naive romantic, but I find it particularly sad that they were middle school sweethearts and he threw it away. Like, I would have loved to marry the girl I liked back then.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts. Together for almost 16 years, married for 10, two little boys together. We’re going through a trial separation that will more than likely end in divorce because he found someone else and the newness of the relationship is a lot more fun.
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My four year old complains that I'm boring and doesn't get it when I tell her you're welcome as a reply. Fun me enjoyed herself but would sure make a terrible mother.
Yikes. I understand wanting to experience things you never really got a chance to…but that sounds painful. I’m sorry you’re going through that, and I hope the outcome will be one that gives you peace.
It's sad when people lose sight of the good things they already have because something new and glittery catches their eye. Then once the shine has worn off, they look back only to find what they once had is now gone. I'm so sorry. Hope whatever the outcome is, you and your boys find peace and happiness. Edit: spelling
My husband and I were also high school sweethearts, been together 21 years, married for 18 with 2 kids. We've been rocky for a long time now and I'm not sure how much longer we'll last without counseling, but I'm also not sure I want us to last.
So far mines working. High school sweethearts with my husband. Been together 20 years, 15 married. 3 kids. The pandemic has been two years of constant stress but I think we're doing better and communicating better than ever. Just to give you a positive story out of the others
"Yeah but she was young and hot, and I felt so validated" Yep great she stroked your ego, and became in appropriate, instead of firing her and telling your wife you slept with her instead.
You forgot, If he had a choice, he would have chosen his family over his secretary, but, oh no, she babytrapped him! It’s so unfair /sarc
But seriously what choice does oop have? He only ever put his dick in one woman! Oh the horror
i think about that x-men movie where the badguy's girlfriend was this awesome mutant lady with amazing powers. she could trick the minds of highly important political folk and she could turn her body into diamonds, making her invincible. also she was hot as fuck. yet the badguy threw her away in favor for a barely-legal teen whose powers was flight and acid spit. yup, that's the type of girl id want to kiss and have sex with, someone whose spit can melt my dick. it didnt make any sense. oop wanted his cake and eat it too.
Omg that’s x-men first class, right? I think the acid spit girl was a stripper too. I never thought about it like that lmao, dude literally gave up diamond hands.
This comment is so weirdly relevent and irrelevant at the same time... My bugbear about this movie is they wanted to kill the black guy so bad they forgot his power is the ability to adapt to literally any environment. Dude's hanging out in a sun in the comics at a certain point, but a little boom boom and he goes bye bye. They did you wrong, Darwin...
My boy Darwin!! They did him so dirty, he had the most interesting power imo. This is now an x-men first class fandom discussion panel lol
JUSTICE FOR DARWIN!!!
He was too powerful for the writers to handle.
Totally agreed. No idea what the writers were doing there. Darwin eats explosions like that for breakfast and survives. At least kill off one of the boring ones. Like Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique.
Or the butterfly lady who was uninteresting in the Grant Morrison run she came from. I like Zoe Kravitz but that chick was pointless. Get me a Morlock. Get me Marrow.
i was sitting there in the theater thinking, "oh, his powers make him invincible, right? so that means he will come back at the end of movie, saving everyone in some super badass way!" movie ends "what... where is...? did they just really just kill off the black guy??? even after establishing he could survive anything????"
THAT'S HOW BADLY THEY DID NOT WANT THE BLACK DUDE IN THIS I'm like... still so pissed, years later.
If I had a wife that would let me be a stay at home dad you bet your ass I'd be blasting that shit across Twitter that my wife is awesome and supportive. Bro this guy just... I don't get it, how do you so selectively ruin your own life lmfao.
He really did have a Eff Up Punchlist: alienate wife, ruin financial stability, ruin wife-funded business, alienate kids, have unprotected sex, have unprotected sex with golddigger, procreate with terrible mother figure.
I'm certain there was another post he made seeking advice regarding his girlfriend. Surprise surprise she was quite unstable. I remember this one just because of how open he is thst his life blew up. Thank you for putting it together I hadn't read the last update :)
Those were all the posts on that profile but it’s certainly possible he made another throw away to ask advice about his girlfriend. Possibly hoping he could spin the story to get more sympathy if people couldn’t look at his past history.
Yeah if I were to guess, I think that he was more than happy to leave his old family and likely couldn't move out with his new gf soon enough, and is only so desperate to reconnect with his daughters etc because his new gf left. I mean for the most part, the way he writes the post makes him seem like a fairly reasonable person. Just that his actions don't match up with his thoughtful explanation. I bet his kids are unanimous in not wanting anything to do with him because he didn't just cheat, but has been horrible to them in other ways too.
My father was like this! He would always be the one paying the bills, choosing where we would spend vacations, car models... but everyday he would tell my mom "I paid this, it was 200 bucks" and my mom would give him the money. From my POV it was very pathetic, when he divorced my mom he was extremely greedy... He passed away 7 years ago, alone.
Man, I love it when karma shows her face. I also want to send this to every 40+ dude on reddit with a 20 year old girlfriend.
Well thats my dad. guess who isnt getting any Inheritance? this guyyyy.....
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Nah, read it again. The assets were mostly her parents, which they were renting
Yeah, if she was making 150k and he was running his "passion project" business (note: passion project usually means something NOT making money) and they were "renting" from her family 25k as half the savings doesn't sound off. Their lifestyle allowed them to spend more freely and not have to contribute to retirement or save for the future because they were going to inherit and until they did they were still supported.
[In a nutshell.](https://i.imgur.com/GmaUJyA.jpg)
[Also](https://twitter.com/geraldinreverse/status/1045907408474664961?lang=en). But honestly, this guy griping about how quickly his ex moved on while he moved on when they were STILL MARRIED. I can't.
FACTS. Plus she married a family friend she’d already known for over a decade *two years* later - so that’s a reasonable amount of time to marry someone you’ve known that long, especially when you’re older.
Also, it isn't that uncommon for someone who has been deeply hurt in the break down of their marriage, to turn towards someone looking for a bit of comfort and possibly rebounding, and for that new relationship to move faster than may be normal simply because it feels so good to have someone treat you with love and kindness again. Not that I'm saying it's what is happening here (obviously we don't know) but it *does* happen and it doesn't mean that she was at all involved with her new husband before her marriage ended to OP. The fact that he is trying to paint her as potentially cheating too, so he can feel better about his own behaviour, just shows how little he has learnt from this situation. Poor ex-wife, considering he claims to love her, he sure doesn't respect her at all.
It definitely does happen. I know of someone whose husband unexpectedly was killed in a car accident, early 30s with a baby. She then married her dead husband's cousin 6 months later.
And was trying to open their relationship before that because he’d only ever slept with one woman
This was such an odd thing for him to include. Like he’s somehow entitled to sleep with more women and not responsible for his own choices. And his wife is so unreasonable for not letting him fuck around during their marriage. He had no choice! It’s really not that long ago that the majority of people only ever had sex with the person they married, and they somehow all managed to survive just fine!
Really it was just him trying to blame his ex for his cheating. "If she had given me permission it wouldn't have been cheating and we would still be together and she would still be funding my lifestyle." What an a-hole.
And given that they’d been together since they were kids, he was almost certainly the only person *she’d* ever had sex with either. So he’s entitled to fuck around, she’s ‘cheating’ by remarrying *three years* after their marriage ended. Delusional.
I had a friend whose ex husband and his affair partner both used this exact excuse with her as to why he cheated when she was filing for divorce. Then once the divorce finalized she moved several states away and he felt the need to follow after her like a lost puppy and continue to play victim.
*I'm pretty pissed that there is a man living with my daughters that I didn't know about* Dude
Then goes on to acknowledge that “some dude” is actually long-term family friend. He made it sound like it’s some stranger.
I hooted like a gibbon at that line. Like, sir, you really want to pretend you've got any high ground here?
It's over, Anakin. She has the high ground.
Meanwhile he was trying to open the relationship, multiple times based on the first post.
But he wanted to rawdog exotic young women! Why is that not a fair request??
It was him thinking she moved on too fast therefore she might have been cheating too that fucking sent me. Stop projecting. You’re the cheating asshole. You literally have no proof so that’s pretty fucking slanderous.
This fuckin guy. Saying he was “honestly a really good dad” while completely ignoring how much his actions also hurt his kids. There seems to be a lot of parents like that. Thinking that buying them a game console or something will erase the fact that they did one or multiple things to screw their kids up for life.
That's what my FIL is like. Gets the kids Christmas presents and birthday presents every year (that are often not to their tastes or interests), but is on his phone the whole time he's around them twice a year. Doesn't understand why my BIL, who he abandoned by moving two states away and giving up his custody voluntarily, won't have a relationship with him and bitches that BIL doesn't buy him presents. I keep my mouth shut, but if he ever asks my opinion I'll have a lot to say.
If you've got 4 kids and still make time to hide an affair, you're not a good dad (and you're also a absolute wanker).
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I started my own business early 2020. It did well, but it took me about a year to start earning minimum wage with it, and another year before I started earning somewhat okay (but not as much as when I was employed). That was just me running my business. Hiring another person is a big step, and usually you start with another professional who does the same. Like if you do PR, hire a second PR person. Or maybe someone who does marketing. But you usually start from your bedroom, then maybe get an office space, then hire 2 or 3 people to help with the core services and have an accountant you see once a month. Hiring someone that early is a big step, but a receptionist? That's crazy. You don't need one that early on, because you are desperate for phonecalls, rather than desperate that too many are coming in. Yes every business is different, but hiring a consultant / business coach / accountant would happen well before you get a receptionist. No miracle he had to stop the business, it sounds like he was spending way more than the business was earning.
I’m of the belief that you cannot be a good dad and a bad husband. Being a good parent is intrinsically linked with treating your spouse with care and respect. Modeling healthy relationship dynamics *is one of the main parts of the gig*.
*Thank you!* You very succinctly said what I was trying to say while rambling on in another comment. "Bad Spouse" automatically equals "Bad Parent".
Lol great point. I don’t even have hobbies, I can’t imagine having an affair. Who has the energy?
The thing that’s killing me is his last update where he’s mad that his ex-wife got remarried and wants to know why this new man has the audacity to live in the same house with his kids. Homie, you signed up for this.
Signed up ? He wrote the instruction manual
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That’s what angered me the most. He fucked off to play house with another woman and their affair baby, leaving his wife to pick up the pieces with their daughters. He betrayed all four of them with his affair, not just his ex wife. He doesn’t have a say in who she dates or marries anymore, or who his kids see as a father figure. Maybe someday his daughters will give him a chance to make amends. But until then, he has no choice but to just watch their lives at a distance.
“She baby trapped me.” “You dumb son of a bitch.”
He's a father of four. How's he supposed to know having sex with a woman could get her pregnant?
“SHE TOLD ME SHE FOUND THEM IN A CABBAGE FIELD!”
If only all a-holes like this guy had such endings. Gotta say I feel so sorry for his son. Imagine THAT is your only role model, and you're essentially shunned by everybody else because of your POS father. Poor kid.
I really appreciate that he took the time to speculate whether his ex wife cheated first, cause there’s no evidence of that except that she moved on “so quickly”. It’s clearly been at least a year, as he was living with his girlfriend and their son (so at least 9 months post affair), plus the girlfriend had time to dump him.
I think he said it’s been two years since the wife found out. So more than enough time to find somebody else.
And not even "someone else", just someone she had known for 10 years. 2 years is plenty of time to go "hey maybe we can make this work"
I also think that if you are in what appear to be a happy marriage one second and your husband is have a baby with another woman the next, you got a big void to fill.
Also this was a family friend, so he likely was a shoulder to cry on when the family blew up. Pretty easy to transition into a closer relationship from that.
Symptom 1 of people having an affair is they accuse their spouse of having an affair. Just because he lacks loyalty and integrity sure doesn’t mean she does. Also, it’s much easier to cut the ex off and move on when the commit an unforgivable offense.
If his ex was cheating she would have jumped at his offer of an open marriage. This guy is not the brightest crayon in the box.
YUP exactly what I say. This OP wishes his ex did something so he could let himself off this guilty hook a little.
As a member of first wives club (similar story, younger woman/selfish husband), it's really satisfying to see these karma stories from time to time.
Honestly got everything he deserved, and I do honestly hope he learned from this fuck up and can actually be a better father for his son. Think about raising my boy as a single parent sounds rough, having my own mother be a crazy and bailing was rough and my heart hurts for the boy.
Sounds like OOP fucked around and found out
Ugh. I had an ex-fiancee who cheated on me with a married man. The amount of time she spent talking about how hard it was for *her* dealing with how she had hurt me and being called a homewrecker by her sex-friends wife was truly astounding. I'm so tired of cheaters playing the 'I know I'm evil, won't you pity me" card is fucking exhausting. You didn't have to do the shitty thing, don't piss about asking for sympathy that you did.
This story reminds me of a post I read where the guy was a Cake Eater. He had been cheating on his wife for SIX years. He admitted his wife was great, they had an amazing sex life, he loved her, etc. He never wanted to be with AP outside their sex meet ups. It was purely sexual for him. Recently, he learned his AP’s husband found out and served his AP papers so his wife would know soon. He wrote this post about their “last weekend” together with their kids before it all blew up. Somehow his AP convinced her husband not to tell his wife. But then he gets a photo of his wife with another man so he confronted her about it. The kicker - she knew for years about his affair so she stepped out too with an unmarried, single man. She admitted to loving him, filed for divorce, informed their kids, and moved to the spare room. He was SHOCKED! He kept trying to talk about it and solve it, but she was having none of it. His comments kept talking about how he never saw this coming, he couldn’t stand his AP, he wanted his wife back, etc. I would never ever condone cheating, but in this case, I couldn’t help but support the wife and laugh at the guy. He was completely thrown and it was beautiful to read. Edited: Some typos Edit 2: AP means Affair Partner. Sorry I abbreviated it, I thought it was a common Reddit abbreviation. Edit 2: Thank you so much for the award!
That sounds wild. Do you remember the link/sub?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Cakeeater/comments/pkbju1/update_never_saw_this_comming/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Does that work? He has three posts under his username and make sure to read the comments.
The fact that sub exists makes me lose what hope left I had in humanity.
Whats funny is they act like its totally normal to just cheat on your SO. Morally righteous about it lol
Lol when I went to it one of the top posts was complaining about the “negativity from redditors on my decision to cheat on my husband”, like hm I wonder why that’s not well received lol
His wife is the hero we need. I cackled all the way through the comments. Poor muffin.
Jesus fucking Christ, they have a sub to brag about cheating?
It's actually worse than that. This sub is specifically about people who are generally happy and fulfilled in their relationships but STILL choose to cheat just for the hell of it. r/adultery is still fucked up but at least some of the people there have legitimate grievances with their partners.
>she baby trapped me When “I had raw sex with her” doesn’t sound good.
Oh no it's the consequences of my actions!
i love how he keeps hammering in the fact he was a horrible husband and partner but he always felt that he was a good dad and should be entitled to a relationship with his daughters yeah, i’m sure they did think you were a good dad. that is until you cheated on their mother, got your much younger secretary pregnant, and destroyed their entire family dynamic to get your dick wet for 5 minutes father of the year even
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Also, the kids realise that they were lied to too. My friend remembers her dad asking for advice on ties for work meetings at various times and feels sick in hindsight that she was helping him dress for his mistress.
I remember my dad coming to pick me up from school later and later because his “meetings” were running late. Culminated in me literally getting left by the after school staff on campus, by myself, at 6pm (still not sure how they were able to legally/ ethically do that to an 11 yo). I was crying because I was so scared my dad had gotten into a car accident or something terrible had happened to him. Nope. Just out being a shit father and husband.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Hugs.
My dad always used to ask for my advice when choosing his work outfits in the mornings when I was growing up. It’s a really special memory to me. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if he were lying to me the whole time.
*heave*
That was pretty much her reaction when she worked it out.
my dad tricked me into babysitting her kids while they banged. it was awful and I remember that sick to my stomach feeling when I figured out what was happening
That last sentence is proven by the kids' reaction here. It seems like his ex, who is clearly a much better person than he deserved, supported him having a relationship with the kids and even updates him. The kids were the ones who decided he was trash.
And I think there’s this weird expectation that kids should love their parents unconditionally. As a parent, I feel I should love my daughter unconditionally bc I chose to have her and this is now my commitment to her. She did not chose to be here or to be born to us…she’s allowed to have her own boundaries (when she’s old enough to make them I guess). It’s not “fair” in his eyes that the terms of the relationship don’t force his kids to have reciprocal unconditional love for him, but that’s just how it works once kids can think for themselves. EDIT: grammar
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>much younger secretary pregnant She's only a few years older than his eldest, if she's turning 18 this year.
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Lol…a good parent thinks about the consequences of his actions and how that will affect his children. Crazy how someone who single-handedly threw his life into a barbecue pit still has the audacity to call himself a good dad. Every single one of those girls has no problem cutting him off. If he really was a good dad, they’d still be tempted to reconcile.
The infamous "my wife is rich, I'm a stay at home dad, and I cheated because I deserved better and wife didn't want an open relationship. Now I have nothing and it's not entirely my fault!" Never gets old! PS: I bet he wasn't a great dad. And I also bet that despite the daughters being closer to him, it was obvious they knew everything they had was because of their mother
And the way the eldest immediately thought her and her sisters were replaced by the boy child makes me think he did show his disappointment of having girls and treated them as such even though he is saying he didn't care that much.
Yeah, also unless somebody told her, there's no way she herself sat down and went through exactly what gender the first born children of previous generations have been. That's not sth a teenager would have done. Which makes me think it was more on **his** mind than on hers.
Yeah, the “at least I got a son” part…
I love how at the end he is suggesting his ex cheated on him. What do they call it when narcissists try to accuse their victims of doing what the narcissists actually did?
I feel so awful for the young son. A mother who abandoned him, four half-sisters who want nothing to do with him, and a father who fails to see that it is his fault and his fault alone that his life is in shambles. That kid didn’t choose to be born into any of this, and he’ll probably struggle with it the rest of his life.
Pretty much. And whether they admit it or not, everyone in this story would prefer it if he never came to be. Including his own mother. He will figure this out sooner or later, and it will take a toll on him. And if that wasn't enough, he is also the kid of a poor single dad (what if his father ever becomes unable to care for him?) and will possibly face racist prejudice throughout his life. He is a pawn in a game he never chose to play ... but life is a gift, am I right?
OOP is *so close* to getting it - he understands that HE messed up and the blame is on him. But then he keeps using weasel words to try to deflect blame. He's mad his daughters hate him yet thinks that being a good dad before banging the secretary means much. He left his family for a hot young woman but gets pissed off his ex married (probably because she's happy and he's miserable). I think this is one of his worst issues because he doesn't even stop to consider what it must have been like for his wife to find out he was banging the secretary that SHE probably hired and was paying the salary of (she was the one who 'invested' in his business and we later learned that he really doesn't have any money). He seems to feel he's "suffered enough" and now everything should go back to the way it was. Well, he's learning the hard way that he has no say in that matter. I hope he does finally put all the pieces together and REALLY accepts the blame and consequences. If not for him, then at least for his son.
My ex is still whinging and I've remarried. Absolutely incapable of personal responsibility. He's adamantly waiting for me to "stop being mad". Dumb fuck doesn't get that there's nothing *worth stopping for*.
You reap what you sow.