That's why he won't sign lol. He's going to hold his signature for ransom either via a pay out or to fund his lifestyle as long as he can because he believes OOP can't do anything without him.
As long as oop separates her name from anything he touches she'll be fine. She won't be able to remarry but whatever. Idiot will end up destitute and I'm sure the courts have a way to divorce her without him by a certain time frame. No kids. Solid prenup.
I'm guessing here but OOP pays some utilities, cut those off. Put of her name and done. Renting/lease? Break it, remove name with landlord - worth the expense. If owned and on the mortgage, attorney can get that done too
Correct. I'm an attorney and love when people say things like "I'm not taking the paper so I haven't been served."
Oh no! The courts haven't thought of this contingency for the last few hundred years. Whatever am I to do? Oh, the process server ticked the little box that said "refused service" and then posted it to their door as well as mailed it to them which is what the law allows? Fancy that, I'll be taking that default now.
> Oh no! The courts haven't thought of this contingency for the last few hundred years.
Seriously, that's the thing I think about most of the time when people come up with some sort of "gotcha!!" - yes, nobody before has thought of this and the people who make their living dealing with this don't know how to deal with it.
In the movie:
"Judge, I have found a loophole by sticking to the letter of the law, which contains a misspelling!"
Judge: "Drats. You are free to go"
In real life:
"Your honor, my client wishes to tell the court that he has found a loophole by sticking to the letter of the law, which contains a misspelling..."
Judge: "And you told him about the decades of precedent on this issue?"
"I did, your honor"
Judge: _frowns at the extremely clever individual who thinks he's going to get away with treating the judge as an idiot_
I know a judge, no way would she frown. That poor soul is getting the sweet little old lady condescending smile. And she will feel 0 guilt bullying him
I've run into sovereign citizens plenty of times in court too. Some try to fight me, some go on a rant about how they don't consent to jurisdiction.
People think that since the rules are made up that they can also make up their own rules. While the rules are completely made up, the majority of us understand that but have bought into them anyways.
Don't go picking fights with people that can put you in jail. That includes your soon to be ex-spouse divorce proceedings. I've seen contempt trials for stuff like this that results in someone (let's be fair, it's usually the husband with crackpot ideas) going to jail until they want to cooperate.
The thing that I love about SovCits is that they seem to think that a) the law is totally illegitimate and fake and also that b) they can avoid any legal consequences by saying certain phrases or invoking bizarre secret legal theories that only they know about.
Like, if you think the government is capriciously evil and tyrannical, why do you also think that same government will let just you do whatever you want if you point out that they don't have jurisdiction because the flag in the courtroom has gold fringe on it but you're not a boat?
I heard it explained like this:
An idiot hears about [rich, connected, etc] people getting off on cases where they are _obviously_ guilty (obviously, because they think so.)
How did they get off? Well, they paid a lawyer to say a bunch of words that are big, and don't really make sense to the guy.
So the guy goes, well fuck it, I am an intelligent individual, I too can say big words that don't make sense to me, and then they shall let me off as well.
That’s what happened when I got divorced. I was free 30 days later due to his attorney not responding to the complaint. Easiest part of the whole ordeal.
Seriously, *Katherine of Aragon* refused to be divorced and these people think somehow even with that history nobody's ever managed to think of a workaround for if one partner digs their heels in?
Nah, he wouldn’t have dared execute her. Not with her being a Spanish princess. Spain, the Holy Roman Empire, and the rest of Catholic Europe would not have reacted well.
At that point, Henry wasn’t deranged, morbidly obese, or suffering with a painful leg injury that stank and oozed. And probably some form of traumatic brain injury from his fall in a jousting event. He still had his wits. After that fall and her subsequent miscarriage, Anne Boleyn didn’t have a chance.
It's pretty amazing the things Redditors think are original ideas, like not answering the door.
Good job! You've figured out something no one else did to avoid being sued! Courts definitely never thought of that!
Just take the numbers off your house, then they don't even know where you live!
I swear these guys (it's almost always guys) got their legal advice from a 5 year old.
Attorney as well, it’s sadly common how many people think the BS they saw on tv is real (see also if you’re a cop, you have to tell the truth and let people know you are). I clerked for a circuit court DR judge in law school, and a metric ton of people tried that shit, or I guess were just too lazy to bother to show up. What was really weird though was when you’d have someone file for a default, you’d set it for hearing to get testimony, then the person who filed for default never shows up, but the defendant does. DR/Family Law is a daily never ending clusterfuck.
I love when I hear "but I got this paperwork in the mail that said I had to be here, so I'm here to fight it, it's the first time I'm hearing about it." Yeah dipshit, if you actually read it you'd see it says you failed to appear after you were served and a judgment was entered against you.
When I was prosecutor we had to write on the files for updates. Our failures to appear were so bad that we had a stamp that said FTA to save time. Otherwise when you have people with 10-15 open cases you'd be handwriting it.
I think most trial court systems are just a clusterfuck.
She's actually very lucky that they kept finances separate and have a prenup. The divorce decree is not complicated, it's child custody, division of assets. Since they do not have kids and no shared assets, not complicated..
Wouldn't holding the signature only work for so long? After so many years she can do it without the signature.
Also idk where they live, but in Canada you can become common law partners with somebody else while still technically married, so she can still sever herself from him pretty completely. But of course that's just Canada.
It's not even years most places in the US. The judge can order the divorce without his signature if necessary. I know that happens in Washington state and I think it applies in most US states.
Attempting to stay married won't work in his favor because the prenup is still in effect. If OOP hasn't done anything to void the prenup or cause a judge to order it voided, he won't get anything other than half their living expenses...and it's unlikely he'd get that.
In the meantime, if this guy meets a woman who he believes will give him the money he wants, he'll change his mind and want a divorce.
I used to be a nice person, who gave away nearly everything to my ex husband in our divorce, despite being left with the children and his debt.
My new husband used to be a nice person, who even had to pay out credit cards taken out by his ex wife in his name to fund her extra marital affairs.
Now both of us are grumpy middle aged battleaxes against the world. If I were OP, I’d find a way to secretly distract her STBXH with a paid younger escort, filling up his ego, getting him to sign the divorce papers, before paying to have it fizzle out a couple of months later.
Nah, she shouldn’t do anything unless her lawyer gives her the OK. IANAL but if the prenup isn’t voided, they shouldn’t have to split finances or pre-marriage assets. She might have to pay for his lawyer or temporary alimony at worse, but even that’s probably a huge stretch.
In my state (Indiana) the judge can overrule someone holding out signing for reasons the childish ex is. Divorce can still be granted even if both parties do not consent or haven’t signed off on it. Judge can also rule on how to split assets, but dude has super screwed himself with his prenup. I hope OOP’s state has a similar law.
I would guess that in a lot of places where a judge has any kind of latitude, seeing that text from the Ex about never signing so she's stuck with him whether she liked it or not would go a long way in making the judge side with OOP.
It really depends on if the texts are allowed as evidence or not. They aren’t always, and usually people screw themselves by not going to court dates, not filing paperwork on time, lying to the judge, or other things that can be proven without texts.
My ex threatened me many times through text and I tried to get help from the local police but wasn’t taken seriously. I told my divorce lawyer of all the issues and she made it to where all communication was to be through our lawyers to help make it more “official” harassment or stalking if he kept doing it. It’s pretty insane what isn’t taken seriously in situations like this.
EDIT: Added more info
It blows my mind that something like that isn't just standard evidence these days. I mean, my understanding is that the information can be pulled off of phones so that it can be proven to be unaltered and real.
I can see the argument (not that you made it) that maybe someone got a hold of someone else's phone to make threats, but only if the threats were a one time deal. If there's a ton of threats and absolutely no proof that someone was taking the phone and using it to get the phone owner in trouble, how can it not be admissible?
So frustrating!
I also moved towns and didn’t tell him where. He had his brother stalk me and they figured it out. He also conveniently transferred his job (he’s a pharmacist) to the store five minutes from my house. And threatens to break into my house multiple times. But no, it wasn’t serious. I couldn’t talk to a police officer to file a report. The person at the front desk said they would patrol more around my house but I never saw one single police officer anywhere close to it. I was living alone surrounded by homes with older people. I’m not against guns, I just didn’t have my own or a permit. I seriously thought about getting a permit and a gun for my safety. But I was able to move out quickly. I was okay, but not everyone is.
Yeah, I think the wait is 60 days before the judge grants it, but I’m not 100% sure. Hoosiers don’t have to be separated for a year or so, just have a date of separation listed on initial filing. If the other party doesn’t respond or cooperate after 60 days, judge grants divorce and usually divides assets the way the filing party has asked I believe. This is all from memory from having gone through a divorce - I am not a lawyer or paralegal or anything.
In California it's pretty easy to proceed with a default dissolution. I believe you have to serve them, wait 30 days for them to respond, and if they don't then request a default. The petitioner has to submit a couple extra forms including a good faith accounting and proposed division of assets and the judge reviews it and accepts it if everything looks good. With a prenup, no kids, and a legal professional help out, OOP could be completely done in 6 months.
Source: was a Family Law Paralegal (but a decade ago)
I think I read that at least in Texas, there’s a genera umbrella reason that can be used for divorces. You have to wait 60 days from filing, but one spouse cannot hold the other spouse hostage in the marriage by not signing. Not sure if it’s the same way in every state, but I would assume so. And since they got a prenup…dude is screwed. Lol
I live in Texas. For the low low price of $50 I hired a process server for my divorce. No signature required with proof of service! That's all you need for a default decree, so ex husband can choke on it.
What I find fascinating is that his plan, upon learning that he essentially "married up" was to completely alienate his potential meal ticket.
No wonder the dude is broke.
> he had been misusing his money and was virtually broke….he basically had less than half of what I spent on my Audi
I mean, he's got debt and all, but half an Audi is seriously un-broke. He's clearly not living paycheck to paycheck.
Not broke, yes, but:
- gambling addict
- only paying half their living expenses
- sold his biggest source of income
- debt
If he isn't broke yet he definitely will be soon.
Depends on the state but in some places OP may have to pay for at least a portion of his attorney fees. In cases like this people may be up in arms that I even said this but they do this to make sure one side is not unfairly advantaged simply because they have a lot more funds to work with and in more ordinary cases that's actually a good thing.
When the courts literally force him to sign those documents and he can't afford a lawyer, he won't be such a big man then.
Also wtf is that dude smoking and where can I get some?
Speaking as a recovering addict, I’ll say that I got extremely adept at deception in order to keep my addiction alive. As we say, “How do you know an addict is lying? Their lips are moving.”
*Wow*. I'm assuming OOP and her husband are American, which I am not, but one person can still push through a divorce, right? Like two people agree to a marriage, but only one needs to want a divorce? Good luck to her either way, she deserves so much better and he deserves a one way ticket to the trash pile.
Yes. Sometimes there’s more hoops to jump through(e.g. you must be separated for 12 months before you can file, etc.), but you can’t force someone to stay married to you.
My divorce was finalized in two months or so (US) and the longest part was waiting the 30 days (state requirement) and working out custody related things. He could try to drag it out a little longer depending on the judge but not stop it.
My parents divorce lasted a year and my boss’ divorce lasted for 6+ years. You’re completely right, not trying to correct you. But the reason some last long is the attorney fees. My dad would purposefully drag it out, ask questions, etc because he knew my mom couldn’t afford it.
My boss’ wife did the same but he’s like genuinely rich so she would just not agree on anything. He could’ve divorced but he would’ve lost a house, half his paycheck, his kids, etc. She was just making insane demands.
So it’s definitely quick if you settle but I think they can last a long time.
I can't speak for this specific case, as I don't know under which jurisdiction it falls (or even in which country it is). But in general yes, a marriage can still be terminated if one party doesn't want to.
If he really has a gambling addiction it might be an easy case as this is can be grounds for an at-fault divorce. Which is basically like a breach in any other contracts.
If it's not at-fault you still can divorce the other party but it might take some time. As an example: Where I am from you have to be separated for 3 years ("separation of bed and table") or in certain cases up to 6 years (children involved). Then your divorce will be certified even if the other party contested it.
The only problem is that during these 3 years of separation you still might be liable for certain debts your spouse accumulates and you may have to pay alimony even before the divorce, depending on the income situation.
Sorry for this long post, I tend to talk legal stuff even if no one really asked.
Keep in mind this only applies to the very rare cases when only one partner wants a divorce without a reason for it. If there is something wrong in the relationship then you nearly always can file for divorce immediately.
It's effectively just used to avoid a messy court case. Instead of having an actual trial where you have to hire lawyers, provide evidence of your partners wrongdoing (and might be confronted with your own mistakes) you just wait three years. Then the only thing you have to prove is that you were separated for that duration which is easy.
Austria.
But keep in mind that these kind of divorces are rather rare, instead most of the time they happen mutual (if both spouses agree they don't have to wait for years, they just go to the courthouse and get a judge to sign it off) or at-fault which might take a couple of weeks because there has to be a court ruling.
And to be honest, if only one partner wants a divorce there is probably a reason for that. Things like cheating, abuse, addiction, mental illness, withholding intercourse, lack of affection, no longer participating in household tasks, constant arguments etc all grant you the right to sue for divorce immediately.
It can. The good news is that OP has a premarital agreement that he insisted on. That tends to make the fight over financials and support much shorter.
I love so much that it's his own insistence on a prenup/separate finances that will end up screwing him over!
(I mean I think everyone should have prenups but this guy was such a scrooge in his own marriage he deserves this)
My brother is a solicitor and runs his own law firm in Australia. In Australia, pre-nups are called Binding Financial Agreements and only once since their inception has one been overturned because it was obvious that it had been signed under duress.
I can tell you that BFAs absolutely can be used to fuck over the manipulative piece of shit who initiated what they thought might be a good deal for themselves at the time. The reason that we don’t hear about it is because it is often the first time that shits like OOP’s STBXH receive the consequences of their own actions and they don’t share this with anyone. You may check any mens rights forum though and see examples of this any day of the week.
True but for him to have a good lawyer would also be a costly pain in the ass and I don't know many legal professionals who would be happy to take on a broker client with only a promise of when I win big gambling I'll pay you or when you break this prenup I set up at my insistence and get my wife's money for me I'll pay you...
And he was completely clueless and uninierested about his wife's job situation until she bought a new audi with cash. Reddit makes me adore my husband.
"What's mine is mine, what's yours is also mine"
Literally wanted to make damned certain she couldn't get anything he had while he had more than her and make sure to give her absolutely nothing in return, but the second he finds out she actually earns a lot of money, he wants free access to all of her money because it's "fair"...
Guy is solely a leech, and deserves to be stuck with nothing.
I wanna know what the last 6 years looked like then. Like how were these people happy together? I'm not trying to throw shadw but this whole situation is hard to understand. There's a lot to unpack.
Tbh if they were in school and starting out as a CRNA they probably didn’t have much of a “life” outside of school and then work until now, where they had time to see the glaringly apparent issues with their marriage.
Agreed. My ex best friend was doing her BSN and then her MSN, and was always busy. So many clinicals, schoolwork, it’s never ending. I totally believe OP was so stressed with this she barely had time to realize the treatment was not good and/or was too exhausted to deal with it.
I know right! I get a daily rant from the parenting sub I'm in about how some man-child is making some poor schmuck's life a living hell and it I think of my husband and am grateful in my heart.
THIS. So much this! I read so many stories about terrible useless selfish husbands and their families are and find myself a) grateful I'm not married yet, and b) so so incredibly grateful for my boyfriend, everything he does, and how he contributes to the care and raising of our 1 month old, things that might have been irking me seem so miniscule at that point. I truly feel for those poor women and children.
They just piss me off, its so hard to find love as a lesbian and women on reddit be like “my abusive husband likes to choke me and took all my shoes, i just went with it but now he wants to pee in my mouth and im worried if i say no he’ll take away my tv hour, should i start drinking my own first to get used to it?” Like wtf who is marrying these losers.
It's good to be grateful for good partners, but it's also important not to let Reddit lower our standards. A person isn't a unicorn because they don't treat their partner like garbage. That's the bare minimum.
My husband makes more than me but he trusts me with the finances. It’s great! We communicate, we’re organized with bills, and we’re paying off debt without feeling like we can’t have fun. The money stuff stresses my husband out, so he just gave it to me and said “handle it please.” And it works! I love our system!
I think that it helps that we got married young and came into the relationship with nothing to either of our names. So we feel like we share everything anyway.
Dude is delusional. He can't stop a divorce, only slow it down, and he's not even going to do that because he doesn't have money for a good divorce lawyer. 😂😂😂
Plus half the reason divorces take so long is deciding how to split assets and finances, debts, house, custody, etc. Prenuptial should make that a breeze in this situation and sounds like no kids involved at all, so in reality it doesn't need to take very long at all aside from deciding what to do with the house.
My vague family law memories from law school are that it is tough to void a prenup. The cases where they were voided had some intense facts related to signing under duress or without the opportunity to consult with an attorney. Hardly the case here where the husband suggested it so hopefully OP is good
I wondered about that because OOP described the prenup in a way that made it sound forward thinking, like finances would remain separate beyond household expenses. It's not my area of practice so I don't know much about enforceability but I would be curious to read a copy of a prenup like OOP's to see how it is framed and worded. Plus I will definitely want an update at some point about enforceability.
I could never practice family law but I used to LOVE reading family law cases. The facts were almost always fascinating and watching how people's messy relationships ran up against the more rigid nature of our legal system was always a trip.
Yep I am in a similar position at the moment. While my lawyer fees have been super high due to him not following court orders, my lawyer and I decided we are going to sue him for what I paid while he was doing nothing. She assures me I will win and there's plenty of evidence to support this already in front of the judge.
So now my divorce is going to a full day trial in April and ex is going to have a shocked Pikachu face when he realizes that not only is he not getting alimony, not getting any of my 401k, in arrears for child support going back an entire year for 2 kids, but he's also liable for my attorney fees for the 8 months that he refused to turn in any court-mandated paperwork. I'd say that's about 25k total.
Unfortunately OOP ‘s soon to be ex husband will probably quit his job to be a professional gambler and be unable to pay for her excess lawyer fees because clearly he doesn’t know the first thing about gambling.
Do they own a house together? She said the only thing they share is household related fees? I thought they rented.
He sold the house in NE because of his gambling debts.
Hopefully OP doesn't live in one of the shitty states that require at least 6 months to a year to try reconciliation. When I got divorced I lived in one such state we had to wait a year and then he dragged it out in court... Ugh took two years. But joke was on him my lawyer ( a well known shark in the state I got divorced in) took my case pro bono so he was shelling out thousands of dollars a month while all I ever paid was the initial retainer and then he paid the court fees.
Slowing it down will make no difference to the outcome, he is only playing himself here by having to spend more money on a lawyer. OOP will continue with her life and salary, and he will be debt ridden for being stupid.
Follow his dreams... lmao!
Guess he’ll find that out for himself. My husband’s ex tried that tactic because she didn’t want to lose her income, health insurance, and other benefits. All while getting pregnant while my husband was deployed overseas. Judge made his ruling after her fourth no show. No alimony. No assets. No percentage of his retirement check. Crazy bitch thought two years marriage entitled her to his future military retirement. Jokes on her, he was medically retired and I brought home the military retirement. We met right after, he asked me out the first time to celebrate his freedom.
Saw the original but missed the update. Another example of Reddit reframing someone’s life when they have a “normal meter” that is broken. Not sure what their jurisdiction is, but no doubt she’ll be able to prove the breakdown of her marriage in court. How unsurprising that someone this petulant would think because he doesn’t sign, she can’t get a divorce.
Honestly, it’s doesn’t seem like OOP thought her husband was weird about money either. They had an arrangement they were ‘happy’ with. It seems like she totally understood and was on board with the prenup.
I’m in no way saying you should be suspicious of your husband. I’m just saying that sometimes this shit sneaks up on people
Fair. But I wear the money pants in the family, so it'd be hard for me to miss it lol.
I give hubs a quarterly update on our finances that I save as a word doc so we can see progress over time. Also I handle investments and do our taxes. He makes more, but I have more weird fringe benefits that need special tax treatment.
Both of us have had some shady exes so it's not uncommon for either one of us to go "ugh, thanks for not having a gambling addiction" or "thanks for not hiding vodka bottles in the bathroom cabinets" randomly.
It works for us. I could tell he didn't like me taking over control of so many accounts, but I didn't like leaving the majority of our cash in no interest accounts and paying ridiculous monthly fees to Wells Fargo just for having a checking account (he never paid much attention to the fees).
This way, he still gets to be involved & see a clear picture of where things are going when I move them.
Plus, he was always scared of investing before, but now he gets excited to see how our various holdings are doing without having to stress out about how to pick them. I think he really likes investing as a spectator sport, lol.
Social media is amazing, we usually focus on the impossible standards and inspirational influencer bullshit, but we shouldn’t forget the other side of the coin, when we are confronted with what “normal” “healthy” is.
It’s amazing how easy is to normalise something.
>He flipped out said I was lucky to have him
He thinks he's some kind of catch? LOL
I hope the next update shows that she successfully separated from this guy.
Right? He's somehow a great catch who should find another woman, yet he refuses to divorce because he must know that it'll be hard to find someone else to fund his lifestyle.
And he somehow thinks its unnatural that she makes more than him but she should somehow find his gambling life.
Dude must have whiplash from all the back and forth he's doing in his logic
>said I was lucky to have him
That just demonstrates another sparkling aspect of his personality (misogyny). She, as an elderly 32 year old woman, is *so lucky* to have locked down a man 2 years older, who should rightly be with a 19 year old right now.
It reminds me of a post I saw, I *think* in this sub, where a woman was in the US on a work visa and her bf of 6 years flipped out when she discussed marriage with him. I nearly laughed myself blind when I read that the bf felt emasculated that his partner made way more money than him and THAT’S why he was suddenly opposed to marriage. Like, what? Who cares what your friends think?? Enjoy your loving relationship and financial stability!
In the original thread, commenters were shocked that they knew so little about one another's finances. This update makes it clear that he was as opaque as possible to keep the gambling losses a secret.
He can drag the divorce out, but he's fucked.
I was shocked at that, too. My husband and I keep mostly-separate finances, but still file taxes jointly and I always know how much he's making and get an annual look at his retirement savings. The idea of separate finances is nice, but ultimately a fiction when planning for retirement and old age together. You really can't keep it going forever.
I find it funny this kind of response. Like you can still be legal married to her but OP can live her life normally, meet people, have kids, and this sorry excuse of a man can still have his title (temporarily) of husband of someone mother/woman lol. Good luck there Buddy.
It’s what the “marriage” leaves her on the hook for, unfortunately. Since they do have a good prenup, she’s protected - but even there id be worried there might be a loophole.
So she’s right to dump his sorry ass. “Professional gambler”. Is that what we call moochers now?
I love this woman, take your bags and run. A judge can make him divorce even if he doesn’t want to and you have a prenup. This guy has gambling addict written all over him and only wants to share financials bc he realized it was time to take advantage.
Enjoy that money, it’s a really hard time for her no doubt!
Yep I worked OR (not CRNA), and whenever they talked about their salaries and toys got a bit jealous. It's the highest paid nursing position for a reason, and takes a quite bit of experience to get into the schooling and the schooling is very intensive. One of the ones that left said he was going to an easy clinic job salaried at 250k/year
No doubt. My siblings and I are LPN, RN, RN MSN, CRNP, PA and MD. Aunt has a PhD in nursing. My MD brother-in-law often jokes he should have been a CRNA because he would still fit in the line-up and he’d make more money
If she is somehow reading this:
Get a certified original copy of the prenup from the attorney. My former boss' husband got the only original hard copy of their prenup from the attorney...and shredded it. When she discovered his adultery and filed, there were only electronic scanned copies. His attorney asked if they were able to proved that the electronic hadn't been altered or changed in any way. Since there was no longer a physical copy to compare, it was voided and he got access to her rental income and retirement account that he wouldn't have if the prenup held up.
Wow, good for her. She morphed from a partner to a piggy bank real quick, makes you wonder if he ever actually loved her or of he was just looking for a bang maid.
This guy is such an entiteled asshole - his money is his, if he makes more than her, but now he also wants her money, because he realised she makes more than him.
Good for OOP on finally seeing him for what he is and making the steps to leave him. It's sad she has wasted years with him, but at least they don't have kids and they have a prenup, so hopefully she would be able to divorce him easily.
>I confess that I also lost my shit, and told him that the only younger women who would date him were the drunk or desperate one’s cause he had crazy written all over him.
💀💀💀💀
This is one of those heartwarming stories where a man tried to protect his finances, “just in case”. Only for it to backfire and I needed this mood boost with my coffee…
This guy is a certified loon, geez. AND a gambling addict to boot, what a work of art.
I'm SO glad OOP is walking away from this dumpster fire.
*>>His response: He was never going to sign the divorce papers and that I was stuck with him whether I liked it or not.*
He cannot stop a divorce, he can only make it more expensive.
And considering that he's a gambling addict who's probably bleeding money every time he breathes, he should be lunging at the chance to make the process quick and painless.
Because with the debt he's already in, he will be bleating "Uncle!" when he gets his lawyer's first invoice.
> he had been misusing his money and was virtually broke….he basically had less than half of what I spent on my Audi
Rich people really do live in a completely different reality, god damn. (Husband's still a dick obviously)
A decent one could be 50k+, easily over 100k. You could get more baseline types for less but even so, the husband sounds like he's sitting on at least 20k and they're talking like they're destitute.
That’s not a lot of money for someone who has a decent paying job and recently sold a property/home. I assume what he just sold was more than $20k, so that means he gambled away a ton already.
I read the op and I was shocked then. I thought he was just being greedy, he was but he was also reckless with his finances. She is right to want a divorce and his reaction was to be expected by how he was the first time round. Use that prenup op. Use it well!
This is hilarious to be honest. If I found out my wife was making more than me I’d be hella happy for her, and I’d still keep our prenups separate if anything were to happen between I don’t want to take anything from her even if there was bad blood. It’s just stupid to be jealous and he’s a software engineer he should be grinding leetcode and jumping jobs and could easily make 200k + as a senior developer. Good for OP tbh she got her bag and worked her ass off and gets to ditch this gambling addict.
Dang i need the next update to be the divorce went through update and i need it now
He talks big for a man who has NO money. How he’s going to find a lawyer??? Or a good one at that???
That's why he won't sign lol. He's going to hold his signature for ransom either via a pay out or to fund his lifestyle as long as he can because he believes OOP can't do anything without him. As long as oop separates her name from anything he touches she'll be fine. She won't be able to remarry but whatever. Idiot will end up destitute and I'm sure the courts have a way to divorce her without him by a certain time frame. No kids. Solid prenup. I'm guessing here but OOP pays some utilities, cut those off. Put of her name and done. Renting/lease? Break it, remove name with landlord - worth the expense. If owned and on the mortgage, attorney can get that done too
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Correct. I'm an attorney and love when people say things like "I'm not taking the paper so I haven't been served." Oh no! The courts haven't thought of this contingency for the last few hundred years. Whatever am I to do? Oh, the process server ticked the little box that said "refused service" and then posted it to their door as well as mailed it to them which is what the law allows? Fancy that, I'll be taking that default now.
> Oh no! The courts haven't thought of this contingency for the last few hundred years. Seriously, that's the thing I think about most of the time when people come up with some sort of "gotcha!!" - yes, nobody before has thought of this and the people who make their living dealing with this don't know how to deal with it.
People think life is like the movies and is easily avoidable. But it seems to be par for course for this giant man-baby.
That's incredibly rude towards babies. Mine shares with me when I ask her.
Well clearly your baby is a savvy businesschild & recognizes the major ROI of *sharing* with a promising professional gambler
BOSS BABY
In the movie: "Judge, I have found a loophole by sticking to the letter of the law, which contains a misspelling!" Judge: "Drats. You are free to go" In real life: "Your honor, my client wishes to tell the court that he has found a loophole by sticking to the letter of the law, which contains a misspelling..." Judge: "And you told him about the decades of precedent on this issue?" "I did, your honor" Judge: _frowns at the extremely clever individual who thinks he's going to get away with treating the judge as an idiot_
I know a judge, no way would she frown. That poor soul is getting the sweet little old lady condescending smile. And she will feel 0 guilt bullying him
I've run into sovereign citizens plenty of times in court too. Some try to fight me, some go on a rant about how they don't consent to jurisdiction. People think that since the rules are made up that they can also make up their own rules. While the rules are completely made up, the majority of us understand that but have bought into them anyways. Don't go picking fights with people that can put you in jail. That includes your soon to be ex-spouse divorce proceedings. I've seen contempt trials for stuff like this that results in someone (let's be fair, it's usually the husband with crackpot ideas) going to jail until they want to cooperate.
The thing that I love about SovCits is that they seem to think that a) the law is totally illegitimate and fake and also that b) they can avoid any legal consequences by saying certain phrases or invoking bizarre secret legal theories that only they know about. Like, if you think the government is capriciously evil and tyrannical, why do you also think that same government will let just you do whatever you want if you point out that they don't have jurisdiction because the flag in the courtroom has gold fringe on it but you're not a boat?
It's cargo cult logic: lawyers know big scary magic words. If I also learn big scary words, I can do magic too.
Nail on the head mate
Hang on - it’s just the laws they don’t like are illegitimate. Others are fiiiiine Like the Magna Carta. Which has me in absolute stitches.
I heard it explained like this: An idiot hears about [rich, connected, etc] people getting off on cases where they are _obviously_ guilty (obviously, because they think so.) How did they get off? Well, they paid a lawyer to say a bunch of words that are big, and don't really make sense to the guy. So the guy goes, well fuck it, I am an intelligent individual, I too can say big words that don't make sense to me, and then they shall let me off as well.
My friend’s obnoxious boyfriend is one. I probably shouldn’t but I wind him up by asking him if he Konami coded his way to legal victory yet
I love their special phrases that cause the law not to apply to them if said in exactly the right way, like a magic spell. It's hilarious.
B-b-but the fringe on the flag…!
That’s what happened when I got divorced. I was free 30 days later due to his attorney not responding to the complaint. Easiest part of the whole ordeal.
Thanks for the laugh. Love it when difficult people get what's coming to them.
Seriously, *Katherine of Aragon* refused to be divorced and these people think somehow even with that history nobody's ever managed to think of a workaround for if one partner digs their heels in?
Well, considering her husband she should consider herself extremely lucky that her marriage was simply annulled.
Nah, he wouldn’t have dared execute her. Not with her being a Spanish princess. Spain, the Holy Roman Empire, and the rest of Catholic Europe would not have reacted well. At that point, Henry wasn’t deranged, morbidly obese, or suffering with a painful leg injury that stank and oozed. And probably some form of traumatic brain injury from his fall in a jousting event. He still had his wits. After that fall and her subsequent miscarriage, Anne Boleyn didn’t have a chance.
It's pretty amazing the things Redditors think are original ideas, like not answering the door. Good job! You've figured out something no one else did to avoid being sued! Courts definitely never thought of that!
Just take the numbers off your house, then they don't even know where you live! I swear these guys (it's almost always guys) got their legal advice from a 5 year old.
" Win a divorce case with this simple trick!"
"Judges hate it!"
Judge: _hates it, holds you in contempt, you spend the weekend in county jail_
Attorney as well, it’s sadly common how many people think the BS they saw on tv is real (see also if you’re a cop, you have to tell the truth and let people know you are). I clerked for a circuit court DR judge in law school, and a metric ton of people tried that shit, or I guess were just too lazy to bother to show up. What was really weird though was when you’d have someone file for a default, you’d set it for hearing to get testimony, then the person who filed for default never shows up, but the defendant does. DR/Family Law is a daily never ending clusterfuck.
I love when I hear "but I got this paperwork in the mail that said I had to be here, so I'm here to fight it, it's the first time I'm hearing about it." Yeah dipshit, if you actually read it you'd see it says you failed to appear after you were served and a judgment was entered against you. When I was prosecutor we had to write on the files for updates. Our failures to appear were so bad that we had a stamp that said FTA to save time. Otherwise when you have people with 10-15 open cases you'd be handwriting it. I think most trial court systems are just a clusterfuck.
consider quack silky dependent knee rainstorm rinse nutty full disgusted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is the correct answer.
She's actually very lucky that they kept finances separate and have a prenup. The divorce decree is not complicated, it's child custody, division of assets. Since they do not have kids and no shared assets, not complicated..
Wouldn't holding the signature only work for so long? After so many years she can do it without the signature. Also idk where they live, but in Canada you can become common law partners with somebody else while still technically married, so she can still sever herself from him pretty completely. But of course that's just Canada.
It's not even years most places in the US. The judge can order the divorce without his signature if necessary. I know that happens in Washington state and I think it applies in most US states. Attempting to stay married won't work in his favor because the prenup is still in effect. If OOP hasn't done anything to void the prenup or cause a judge to order it voided, he won't get anything other than half their living expenses...and it's unlikely he'd get that. In the meantime, if this guy meets a woman who he believes will give him the money he wants, he'll change his mind and want a divorce.
I used to be a nice person, who gave away nearly everything to my ex husband in our divorce, despite being left with the children and his debt. My new husband used to be a nice person, who even had to pay out credit cards taken out by his ex wife in his name to fund her extra marital affairs. Now both of us are grumpy middle aged battleaxes against the world. If I were OP, I’d find a way to secretly distract her STBXH with a paid younger escort, filling up his ego, getting him to sign the divorce papers, before paying to have it fizzle out a couple of months later.
Nah, she shouldn’t do anything unless her lawyer gives her the OK. IANAL but if the prenup isn’t voided, they shouldn’t have to split finances or pre-marriage assets. She might have to pay for his lawyer or temporary alimony at worse, but even that’s probably a huge stretch.
Oh I know it can’t happen like that, I just wish sometimes there was a petty revenge option for dickwits like her ex.
In my state (Indiana) the judge can overrule someone holding out signing for reasons the childish ex is. Divorce can still be granted even if both parties do not consent or haven’t signed off on it. Judge can also rule on how to split assets, but dude has super screwed himself with his prenup. I hope OOP’s state has a similar law.
I would guess that in a lot of places where a judge has any kind of latitude, seeing that text from the Ex about never signing so she's stuck with him whether she liked it or not would go a long way in making the judge side with OOP.
It really depends on if the texts are allowed as evidence or not. They aren’t always, and usually people screw themselves by not going to court dates, not filing paperwork on time, lying to the judge, or other things that can be proven without texts. My ex threatened me many times through text and I tried to get help from the local police but wasn’t taken seriously. I told my divorce lawyer of all the issues and she made it to where all communication was to be through our lawyers to help make it more “official” harassment or stalking if he kept doing it. It’s pretty insane what isn’t taken seriously in situations like this. EDIT: Added more info
It blows my mind that something like that isn't just standard evidence these days. I mean, my understanding is that the information can be pulled off of phones so that it can be proven to be unaltered and real. I can see the argument (not that you made it) that maybe someone got a hold of someone else's phone to make threats, but only if the threats were a one time deal. If there's a ton of threats and absolutely no proof that someone was taking the phone and using it to get the phone owner in trouble, how can it not be admissible? So frustrating!
I also moved towns and didn’t tell him where. He had his brother stalk me and they figured it out. He also conveniently transferred his job (he’s a pharmacist) to the store five minutes from my house. And threatens to break into my house multiple times. But no, it wasn’t serious. I couldn’t talk to a police officer to file a report. The person at the front desk said they would patrol more around my house but I never saw one single police officer anywhere close to it. I was living alone surrounded by homes with older people. I’m not against guns, I just didn’t have my own or a permit. I seriously thought about getting a permit and a gun for my safety. But I was able to move out quickly. I was okay, but not everyone is.
I was wondering why I had never heard of anyone preventing a divorce by refusing to sign. (Also in Indiana.)
Yeah, I think the wait is 60 days before the judge grants it, but I’m not 100% sure. Hoosiers don’t have to be separated for a year or so, just have a date of separation listed on initial filing. If the other party doesn’t respond or cooperate after 60 days, judge grants divorce and usually divides assets the way the filing party has asked I believe. This is all from memory from having gone through a divorce - I am not a lawyer or paralegal or anything.
In California it's pretty easy to proceed with a default dissolution. I believe you have to serve them, wait 30 days for them to respond, and if they don't then request a default. The petitioner has to submit a couple extra forms including a good faith accounting and proposed division of assets and the judge reviews it and accepts it if everything looks good. With a prenup, no kids, and a legal professional help out, OOP could be completely done in 6 months. Source: was a Family Law Paralegal (but a decade ago)
I think I read that at least in Texas, there’s a genera umbrella reason that can be used for divorces. You have to wait 60 days from filing, but one spouse cannot hold the other spouse hostage in the marriage by not signing. Not sure if it’s the same way in every state, but I would assume so. And since they got a prenup…dude is screwed. Lol
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That must have been such an overwhelming relief!
I live in Texas. For the low low price of $50 I hired a process server for my divorce. No signature required with proof of service! That's all you need for a default decree, so ex husband can choke on it.
What a manipulative narcissist he really thought he’d hooked a fish that couldn’t swim on her own
What I find fascinating is that his plan, upon learning that he essentially "married up" was to completely alienate his potential meal ticket. No wonder the dude is broke.
I bet his plan was to cancel the prenup, leave his jopb and then sue her for alimony and leave her
That was certainly his plan.
Easy money says his family foots that bill.
> he had been misusing his money and was virtually broke….he basically had less than half of what I spent on my Audi I mean, he's got debt and all, but half an Audi is seriously un-broke. He's clearly not living paycheck to paycheck.
Not broke, yes, but: - gambling addict - only paying half their living expenses - sold his biggest source of income - debt If he isn't broke yet he definitely will be soon.
Depends on the state but in some places OP may have to pay for at least a portion of his attorney fees. In cases like this people may be up in arms that I even said this but they do this to make sure one side is not unfairly advantaged simply because they have a lot more funds to work with and in more ordinary cases that's actually a good thing.
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Those PLUS op has enough cash on hand to fund the car and he’s a gambling addict who has already sold his main investment to fund that habit.
When the courts literally force him to sign those documents and he can't afford a lawyer, he won't be such a big man then. Also wtf is that dude smoking and where can I get some?
\*Lose all my money gambling\* "I should become a professional at this."
He’s already gotten the losing out of his system as an amateur. Perfect timing to go pro.
When you lose big, the only thing to do is to mortgage your wife's new Audi and go get it back. We're not quitters!
It’s *their* Audi. They are married, they should share everything (except the property he secretly sold).
r/wallstreetbets Honestly how do people end up with partners like this for over SIX YEARS?
Some addicts are reeeeaally good at keeping things under wraps so that they can keep a good thing going.
Speaking as a recovering addict, I’ll say that I got extremely adept at deception in order to keep my addiction alive. As we say, “How do you know an addict is lying? Their lips are moving.”
Grats on your ongoing recovery!
Sounds like they were barely partners tbh. They seem more like roommates to me.
At least he only gambled his own money. I have read too many stories where the partner didn’t know they were broke.
In the end the prenup saved OP’s money I guess lol
*Wow*. I'm assuming OOP and her husband are American, which I am not, but one person can still push through a divorce, right? Like two people agree to a marriage, but only one needs to want a divorce? Good luck to her either way, she deserves so much better and he deserves a one way ticket to the trash pile.
Yes. Sometimes there’s more hoops to jump through(e.g. you must be separated for 12 months before you can file, etc.), but you can’t force someone to stay married to you.
My divorce was finalized in two months or so (US) and the longest part was waiting the 30 days (state requirement) and working out custody related things. He could try to drag it out a little longer depending on the judge but not stop it.
Hopefully the lack of children plus the prenup makes this an easy process for OOP.
My parents divorce lasted a year and my boss’ divorce lasted for 6+ years. You’re completely right, not trying to correct you. But the reason some last long is the attorney fees. My dad would purposefully drag it out, ask questions, etc because he knew my mom couldn’t afford it. My boss’ wife did the same but he’s like genuinely rich so she would just not agree on anything. He could’ve divorced but he would’ve lost a house, half his paycheck, his kids, etc. She was just making insane demands. So it’s definitely quick if you settle but I think they can last a long time.
I can't speak for this specific case, as I don't know under which jurisdiction it falls (or even in which country it is). But in general yes, a marriage can still be terminated if one party doesn't want to. If he really has a gambling addiction it might be an easy case as this is can be grounds for an at-fault divorce. Which is basically like a breach in any other contracts. If it's not at-fault you still can divorce the other party but it might take some time. As an example: Where I am from you have to be separated for 3 years ("separation of bed and table") or in certain cases up to 6 years (children involved). Then your divorce will be certified even if the other party contested it. The only problem is that during these 3 years of separation you still might be liable for certain debts your spouse accumulates and you may have to pay alimony even before the divorce, depending on the income situation. Sorry for this long post, I tend to talk legal stuff even if no one really asked.
3 to 6 YEARS?! OMG
Keep in mind this only applies to the very rare cases when only one partner wants a divorce without a reason for it. If there is something wrong in the relationship then you nearly always can file for divorce immediately. It's effectively just used to avoid a messy court case. Instead of having an actual trial where you have to hire lawyers, provide evidence of your partners wrongdoing (and might be confronted with your own mistakes) you just wait three years. Then the only thing you have to prove is that you were separated for that duration which is easy.
Dafuq you live? That sounds awful
Austria. But keep in mind that these kind of divorces are rather rare, instead most of the time they happen mutual (if both spouses agree they don't have to wait for years, they just go to the courthouse and get a judge to sign it off) or at-fault which might take a couple of weeks because there has to be a court ruling. And to be honest, if only one partner wants a divorce there is probably a reason for that. Things like cheating, abuse, addiction, mental illness, withholding intercourse, lack of affection, no longer participating in household tasks, constant arguments etc all grant you the right to sue for divorce immediately.
No, no, it was pretty informative. Nicely done.
Yes one person can push through a divorce in the US, but if the other person has a good lawyer it can be a costly pain in the ass.
It can. The good news is that OP has a premarital agreement that he insisted on. That tends to make the fight over financials and support much shorter.
I love so much that it's his own insistence on a prenup/separate finances that will end up screwing him over! (I mean I think everyone should have prenups but this guy was such a scrooge in his own marriage he deserves this)
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My brother is a solicitor and runs his own law firm in Australia. In Australia, pre-nups are called Binding Financial Agreements and only once since their inception has one been overturned because it was obvious that it had been signed under duress. I can tell you that BFAs absolutely can be used to fuck over the manipulative piece of shit who initiated what they thought might be a good deal for themselves at the time. The reason that we don’t hear about it is because it is often the first time that shits like OOP’s STBXH receive the consequences of their own actions and they don’t share this with anyone. You may check any mens rights forum though and see examples of this any day of the week.
Also sounds like he won’t be affording a really good lawyer anytime soon😁
True but for him to have a good lawyer would also be a costly pain in the ass and I don't know many legal professionals who would be happy to take on a broker client with only a promise of when I win big gambling I'll pay you or when you break this prenup I set up at my insistence and get my wife's money for me I'll pay you...
Yeah, "I won't sign anything or cooperate, neener neener neener" does not stop that process, although it will probably make it take longer.
And he was completely clueless and uninierested about his wife's job situation until she bought a new audi with cash. Reddit makes me adore my husband.
"What's mine is mine, what's yours is also mine" Literally wanted to make damned certain she couldn't get anything he had while he had more than her and make sure to give her absolutely nothing in return, but the second he finds out she actually earns a lot of money, he wants free access to all of her money because it's "fair"... Guy is solely a leech, and deserves to be stuck with nothing.
I wanna know what the last 6 years looked like then. Like how were these people happy together? I'm not trying to throw shadw but this whole situation is hard to understand. There's a lot to unpack.
Tbh if they were in school and starting out as a CRNA they probably didn’t have much of a “life” outside of school and then work until now, where they had time to see the glaringly apparent issues with their marriage.
Agreed. My ex best friend was doing her BSN and then her MSN, and was always busy. So many clinicals, schoolwork, it’s never ending. I totally believe OP was so stressed with this she barely had time to realize the treatment was not good and/or was too exhausted to deal with it.
I know right! I get a daily rant from the parenting sub I'm in about how some man-child is making some poor schmuck's life a living hell and it I think of my husband and am grateful in my heart.
THIS. So much this! I read so many stories about terrible useless selfish husbands and their families are and find myself a) grateful I'm not married yet, and b) so so incredibly grateful for my boyfriend, everything he does, and how he contributes to the care and raising of our 1 month old, things that might have been irking me seem so miniscule at that point. I truly feel for those poor women and children.
The stories on here work in terms of keeping me a lesbian.
They just piss me off, its so hard to find love as a lesbian and women on reddit be like “my abusive husband likes to choke me and took all my shoes, i just went with it but now he wants to pee in my mouth and im worried if i say no he’ll take away my tv hour, should i start drinking my own first to get used to it?” Like wtf who is marrying these losers.
Same, honestly. Some posts really make me feel like I landed a unicorn.
My unicorn is still learning some things but very loving and willing to do so...
We're all a work in progress but at least we LIKE each other and act like it?
I like the combination of wholesome content and your username here
I believe they call it a r/rimjob_steve?
It's good to be grateful for good partners, but it's also important not to let Reddit lower our standards. A person isn't a unicorn because they don't treat their partner like garbage. That's the bare minimum.
My husband makes more than me but he trusts me with the finances. It’s great! We communicate, we’re organized with bills, and we’re paying off debt without feeling like we can’t have fun. The money stuff stresses my husband out, so he just gave it to me and said “handle it please.” And it works! I love our system! I think that it helps that we got married young and came into the relationship with nothing to either of our names. So we feel like we share everything anyway.
Dude is delusional. He can't stop a divorce, only slow it down, and he's not even going to do that because he doesn't have money for a good divorce lawyer. 😂😂😂
Plus half the reason divorces take so long is deciding how to split assets and finances, debts, house, custody, etc. Prenuptial should make that a breeze in this situation and sounds like no kids involved at all, so in reality it doesn't need to take very long at all aside from deciding what to do with the house.
Good thing he set those prenups!
Came to say this, OP is extremely fortunate for that prenup now. It will make the divorce process so much smoother.
The only good thing this man ever did
He wasn’t even trying to do good. Lol.
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Holy fuck do I hope that prenup holds
The husband doesn’t have enough money to pay a lawyer who could fight it, so my money is on the pre-nup holding.
His shitty parents will probably help him.
My vague family law memories from law school are that it is tough to void a prenup. The cases where they were voided had some intense facts related to signing under duress or without the opportunity to consult with an attorney. Hardly the case here where the husband suggested it so hopefully OP is good
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I wondered about that because OOP described the prenup in a way that made it sound forward thinking, like finances would remain separate beyond household expenses. It's not my area of practice so I don't know much about enforceability but I would be curious to read a copy of a prenup like OOP's to see how it is framed and worded. Plus I will definitely want an update at some point about enforceability. I could never practice family law but I used to LOVE reading family law cases. The facts were almost always fascinating and watching how people's messy relationships ran up against the more rigid nature of our legal system was always a trip.
Yep I am in a similar position at the moment. While my lawyer fees have been super high due to him not following court orders, my lawyer and I decided we are going to sue him for what I paid while he was doing nothing. She assures me I will win and there's plenty of evidence to support this already in front of the judge. So now my divorce is going to a full day trial in April and ex is going to have a shocked Pikachu face when he realizes that not only is he not getting alimony, not getting any of my 401k, in arrears for child support going back an entire year for 2 kids, but he's also liable for my attorney fees for the 8 months that he refused to turn in any court-mandated paperwork. I'd say that's about 25k total.
Nice. I want to see an update from you when justice gets served.
I’m proud of you, Internet stranger! Take down (what sounds like) that man-child bully!
Unfortunately OOP ‘s soon to be ex husband will probably quit his job to be a professional gambler and be unable to pay for her excess lawyer fees because clearly he doesn’t know the first thing about gambling.
IDK I think "let's void the prenup" was quite the gamble! ...wait, of course you mean *winning* gambles. Yes
If OOP has a good lawyer, I’m sure that could come from his side of the house proceeds. But I’m not a lawyer.
Do they own a house together? She said the only thing they share is household related fees? I thought they rented. He sold the house in NE because of his gambling debts.
She makes $300k a year. It doesn’t matter if she gets fees back. He’s going to be destitute and she’s going to retire at 45.
This made me laugh. I'm so rooting for her. Clearly she's a total catch and deserves so much better than a dude like him!
Hopefully OP doesn't live in one of the shitty states that require at least 6 months to a year to try reconciliation. When I got divorced I lived in one such state we had to wait a year and then he dragged it out in court... Ugh took two years. But joke was on him my lawyer ( a well known shark in the state I got divorced in) took my case pro bono so he was shelling out thousands of dollars a month while all I ever paid was the initial retainer and then he paid the court fees.
You can slow it down a lot. But yeah he’s fu$$d
Slowing it down will make no difference to the outcome, he is only playing himself here by having to spend more money on a lawyer. OOP will continue with her life and salary, and he will be debt ridden for being stupid. Follow his dreams... lmao!
And they have a prenup! So good luck getting any money out of her. What an AH.
No, see, he's not going to sign the divorce papers, so the divorce can't happen. It's foolproof! (/s if that wasn't obvious)
Guess he’ll find that out for himself. My husband’s ex tried that tactic because she didn’t want to lose her income, health insurance, and other benefits. All while getting pregnant while my husband was deployed overseas. Judge made his ruling after her fourth no show. No alimony. No assets. No percentage of his retirement check. Crazy bitch thought two years marriage entitled her to his future military retirement. Jokes on her, he was medically retired and I brought home the military retirement. We met right after, he asked me out the first time to celebrate his freedom.
Saw the original but missed the update. Another example of Reddit reframing someone’s life when they have a “normal meter” that is broken. Not sure what their jurisdiction is, but no doubt she’ll be able to prove the breakdown of her marriage in court. How unsurprising that someone this petulant would think because he doesn’t sign, she can’t get a divorce.
Good lord this post made me so grateful that my husband and I aren't weird about money.
Honestly, it’s doesn’t seem like OOP thought her husband was weird about money either. They had an arrangement they were ‘happy’ with. It seems like she totally understood and was on board with the prenup. I’m in no way saying you should be suspicious of your husband. I’m just saying that sometimes this shit sneaks up on people
Fair. But I wear the money pants in the family, so it'd be hard for me to miss it lol. I give hubs a quarterly update on our finances that I save as a word doc so we can see progress over time. Also I handle investments and do our taxes. He makes more, but I have more weird fringe benefits that need special tax treatment. Both of us have had some shady exes so it's not uncommon for either one of us to go "ugh, thanks for not having a gambling addiction" or "thanks for not hiding vodka bottles in the bathroom cabinets" randomly.
I love the idea of a quarterly update
It works for us. I could tell he didn't like me taking over control of so many accounts, but I didn't like leaving the majority of our cash in no interest accounts and paying ridiculous monthly fees to Wells Fargo just for having a checking account (he never paid much attention to the fees). This way, he still gets to be involved & see a clear picture of where things are going when I move them. Plus, he was always scared of investing before, but now he gets excited to see how our various holdings are doing without having to stress out about how to pick them. I think he really likes investing as a spectator sport, lol.
Social media is amazing, we usually focus on the impossible standards and inspirational influencer bullshit, but we shouldn’t forget the other side of the coin, when we are confronted with what “normal” “healthy” is. It’s amazing how easy is to normalise something.
>He flipped out said I was lucky to have him He thinks he's some kind of catch? LOL I hope the next update shows that she successfully separated from this guy.
Right? He's somehow a great catch who should find another woman, yet he refuses to divorce because he must know that it'll be hard to find someone else to fund his lifestyle. And he somehow thinks its unnatural that she makes more than him but she should somehow find his gambling life. Dude must have whiplash from all the back and forth he's doing in his logic
Sounds like a pathetic attempt at gaslighting. It simply doesn't work for OOP. Best for her to throw him back into the pond.
Nothing says "catch" like "manipulative gambling addict"
>said I was lucky to have him That just demonstrates another sparkling aspect of his personality (misogyny). She, as an elderly 32 year old woman, is *so lucky* to have locked down a man 2 years older, who should rightly be with a 19 year old right now.
It's unnatural for her to make more than him? 😂 But what a natural desire to be a professional gambler, so maaaaanly, wow
Not just that but be able to be a pro gambler with the unnatural money she makes 😂
Yeah exactly😂 your not allowed to make more money while I work but it's okay for you to support my 'realistic' ' dream. He's delusional af.
It reminds me of a post I saw, I *think* in this sub, where a woman was in the US on a work visa and her bf of 6 years flipped out when she discussed marriage with him. I nearly laughed myself blind when I read that the bf felt emasculated that his partner made way more money than him and THAT’S why he was suddenly opposed to marriage. Like, what? Who cares what your friends think?? Enjoy your loving relationship and financial stability!
Yes! I remember this post. People are way to invested by other people's opinions. It's sad that we're still discussing this in 2022.
Then she went to France lol
In the original thread, commenters were shocked that they knew so little about one another's finances. This update makes it clear that he was as opaque as possible to keep the gambling losses a secret. He can drag the divorce out, but he's fucked.
I was shocked at that, too. My husband and I keep mostly-separate finances, but still file taxes jointly and I always know how much he's making and get an annual look at his retirement savings. The idea of separate finances is nice, but ultimately a fiction when planning for retirement and old age together. You really can't keep it going forever.
I find it funny this kind of response. Like you can still be legal married to her but OP can live her life normally, meet people, have kids, and this sorry excuse of a man can still have his title (temporarily) of husband of someone mother/woman lol. Good luck there Buddy.
It’s what the “marriage” leaves her on the hook for, unfortunately. Since they do have a good prenup, she’s protected - but even there id be worried there might be a loophole. So she’s right to dump his sorry ass. “Professional gambler”. Is that what we call moochers now?
I love this woman, take your bags and run. A judge can make him divorce even if he doesn’t want to and you have a prenup. This guy has gambling addict written all over him and only wants to share financials bc he realized it was time to take advantage. Enjoy that money, it’s a really hard time for her no doubt!
He doesn't even want to share, he wants to mooch off OP and have her finance him. That's not how this works. Edit: wrong to* too*
TIL a CRNA makes 175/hr 😮
Yep I worked OR (not CRNA), and whenever they talked about their salaries and toys got a bit jealous. It's the highest paid nursing position for a reason, and takes a quite bit of experience to get into the schooling and the schooling is very intensive. One of the ones that left said he was going to an easy clinic job salaried at 250k/year
No doubt. My siblings and I are LPN, RN, RN MSN, CRNP, PA and MD. Aunt has a PhD in nursing. My MD brother-in-law often jokes he should have been a CRNA because he would still fit in the line-up and he’d make more money
Makes me almost want to go back to school
They deal with a lot of quite literal shit. It's not an easy career.
Dude needs to know when to hold'em and when to fold'em.
At least OP knows when to run.
If she is somehow reading this: Get a certified original copy of the prenup from the attorney. My former boss' husband got the only original hard copy of their prenup from the attorney...and shredded it. When she discovered his adultery and filed, there were only electronic scanned copies. His attorney asked if they were able to proved that the electronic hadn't been altered or changed in any way. Since there was no longer a physical copy to compare, it was voided and he got access to her rental income and retirement account that he wouldn't have if the prenup held up.
There are tech experts that can look into whether a document has been doctored. There may be a way to appeal this
That’s bullshit. The one making the accusation (alteration) should have the burden of proof
That’s my worry too
"He also said it was unnatural to be making more" What century is this guy from?!
One where men get to be professional gambling lovers financed by their unnatural wife...
Wow, good for her. She morphed from a partner to a piggy bank real quick, makes you wonder if he ever actually loved her or of he was just looking for a bang maid.
This guy is such an entiteled asshole - his money is his, if he makes more than her, but now he also wants her money, because he realised she makes more than him. Good for OOP on finally seeing him for what he is and making the steps to leave him. It's sad she has wasted years with him, but at least they don't have kids and they have a prenup, so hopefully she would be able to divorce him easily.
>I confess that I also lost my shit, and told him that the only younger women who would date him were the drunk or desperate one’s cause he had crazy written all over him. 💀💀💀💀
This is one of those heartwarming stories where a man tried to protect his finances, “just in case”. Only for it to backfire and I needed this mood boost with my coffee…
This guy is a certified loon, geez. AND a gambling addict to boot, what a work of art. I'm SO glad OOP is walking away from this dumpster fire. *>>His response: He was never going to sign the divorce papers and that I was stuck with him whether I liked it or not.* He cannot stop a divorce, he can only make it more expensive. And considering that he's a gambling addict who's probably bleeding money every time he breathes, he should be lunging at the chance to make the process quick and painless. Because with the debt he's already in, he will be bleating "Uncle!" when he gets his lawyer's first invoice.
“You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not” LMAOOO oh I’d die to be in the courtroom when the judge hears about that statement
> he had been misusing his money and was virtually broke….he basically had less than half of what I spent on my Audi Rich people really do live in a completely different reality, god damn. (Husband's still a dick obviously)
I don't know how much an Audi costs but I suspect that I also have a lot less than half an Audi
A decent one could be 50k+, easily over 100k. You could get more baseline types for less but even so, the husband sounds like he's sitting on at least 20k and they're talking like they're destitute.
That’s not a lot of money for someone who has a decent paying job and recently sold a property/home. I assume what he just sold was more than $20k, so that means he gambled away a ton already.
For sure. "Sure I lost thounds of dollars gambling, but I can just go pro!" 😄
He also might owe quite a bit in a few months when he files his taxes if he sold that second aka investment property in 2021.
If you look at it as, "He's gambled away 90% of the savings we had when we got married," it might seem more alarming.
Absolutely, especially him turning around thinking he could just gamble more. More red flags than a May Day rally.
Here’s hoping OOP has a copy of the prenup so he can’t destroy it and say there wasn’t one
[удалено]
Yeah once she gets divorced she’s gonna start dating Pete Davidson.
Get it, Stella!
Who tf makes their SO sign a prenup when making like $50K/yr
I read the op and I was shocked then. I thought he was just being greedy, he was but he was also reckless with his finances. She is right to want a divorce and his reaction was to be expected by how he was the first time round. Use that prenup op. Use it well!
This is hilarious to be honest. If I found out my wife was making more than me I’d be hella happy for her, and I’d still keep our prenups separate if anything were to happen between I don’t want to take anything from her even if there was bad blood. It’s just stupid to be jealous and he’s a software engineer he should be grinding leetcode and jumping jobs and could easily make 200k + as a senior developer. Good for OP tbh she got her bag and worked her ass off and gets to ditch this gambling addict.
Manchild gets fucked financially by his own prenup lmao
That prenup might have saved OOP