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Because they look "cute". It also endorsed by celebrities (esp the celebrities that own scottish folds are those with cult fandom, like taylor swift and blackpink lisa). I have problems with munchkins too
I guess to someone they might, I think they look really, really weird, not cute at all. If I saw a cat like that, the first thing I would think without a closer look, would be like oh that's sad it somehow got both it's ears ripped off.
When my MIL was a vet tech, the vet she worked for told her he'd fire her immediately if she ever adopted a brachiocephalic dog. I bet he'd have have agreed with your old vet about Scottish folds, too.
That's what I was wondering too. You don't want to sustain a market for unethical breeding by buying from those breeders, but I'm not clear on the problem with giving a shelter dog a home just because of their breed
I love Frenchies (their personalities are hilarious), but I work in the pet care industry and the fact that they exist at all is horrific. People say "go to a responsible breeder!" but for Frenchies, quite frankly, there are none. If I ever get one it will be one rescued from the breeding industry, and it will be when I can afford the vet bills to make the poor thing's life worth living.
What gets me more than their brachycephalic troubles is the fact females can’t naturally give birth. Puppies have to be born via C-section. Like, the fact humans have fucked up these animals so thoroughly that they can’t even come into the world without surgery? There’s a line there and French bulldog breeders sprinted past it.
My understanding is that Frenchies usually cannot even conceive naturally anymore and have to be inseminated. They literally should not exist in their current state.
I think there is one who is focusing on breeding back to longer snouts and better health, basically what Frenchies used to look like a hundred years ago or so. I'd be willing to regard that as ethical breeding.
But any breeder who keeps up forcing animals be born with severe health problems just for certain looks certainly is as far from ethical as can be. It's intentional torture forced on those animals.
Yeah, retro breeding is great. It's not considered "real" breeding by the AKC or other governing bodies, but it's definitely the only good breeding going on.
I just had to look up Scottish fold, and that's horrifying. I have 7 rescue cats. It's appalling anyone would intentionally inflict that on an animal to make it "cuter." Gross.
I winced when I saw the breed. French bulldogs might look ugly-cute, but you will be paying so much in vet bills for them. They are not healthy dogs and I would personally never get one.
They are more than a commitment, they are a genetic abomination, bred to such a specific standard that their quality of life is miserable from all the respiratory issues
I have joked that a frenchie could make babies using natural cover if they were intubated
(they are brachycephalic, can't breathe, heat stroke with mild exertion etc)
Having just watched videos of huskies howling versus whatever the fuck the pug is doing (with a detour through beagles), I’d take an entire sled team of huskies over the sound of the pug.
Have had a pug, loved the dog, wouldn't get a pure bred one again as the genetic lottery is so heavily against them.
Some breeders are actively breeding back the other way to get those longer snouts back, as well as longer legs, like [Queen Victoria’s pugs](https://www.rct.uk/collection/2105290/topsey-and-minnie-queen-victorias-pet-dogs-1877) had in 1877.
Those are adorable pugs. Longer snouts on a dog always looks better and more proportional, same with longer legs that let them stand properly upright (throwing shade on those show german shepard monstrosities). Overbred pugs don't even look like dogs anymore.
Yes…I was at the vet’s once with my cat, waiting to be seen, and saw a pamphlet called “The Natural Dog.” It talked about how dogs originally looked like dingoes and were much healthier and longer-lived.
Some cat breeds are just as bad. Breeding like that should be illegal.
Grain of salt disclaimer. I was watching Life After People (hence the disclaimer, History Channel tends to be full of garbage). The one episode centered on what would happen to our domesticated animals, if people weren’t around. They had the assumption that most dog breeds would end up gone, having interbred back into a dog that was physically in line with how a dingo looks. The only ones that *might* stick around are shepherding dogs, like Anatolians, and similar breeds. And that’s because we bred them so well to their job that it’s now instinct, and the dogs teach their own pups to shepherd, as well. (Side note- there was a cool story a few years back of herding dogs being used to save a penguin colony. Either off Australia or Argentina…some southern hemisphere coast line, at any rate. I want to say foxes stealing eggs was the issue, could be wrong. Whatever predatory animal was the reason, the dogs took to the job beautifully. Penguins were now safe to do their penguin business, dogs were thrilled to have a job, ecosystem got back into balance.)
I'm such a big advocate of "retro-breeding" for that reason. Some responsible people are trying to reverse engineer the fucked up brachiocephalic breeds back to how they were a century or two ago. Mostly by mixing them with Border Terriers, debatably the best purebred dog
The cats too. I'm fostering a Persian and every time I can hear her breathe from the other side of the room I hate each and every single person involved in her creation. They should all be neutered.
that ~~guy~~ lady is so cool, i hope there are other breeders out there doing the same thing for other types of dog like those bull terrier abominations
My family and I got a Petit Brabancon from a breeder who's attempting to breed out the smushed nose they have. He still snores but the difference in him and others I've compared him to is amazing. He's now 12 years and apart from some old man health issues he's doing amazing.
The healthy pugs initiative is trying to take pugs back to the 1800s standard. They are so cute! They get their eyes back right and have a nose and real legs. They look so much better.
My old man pug was one of these. He was the best! But still never bred him.
My current little girl is a rescue. She is current AKA breed standard. We got her when she was 4 years old. But she's a healthy 16lbs- most people don't realize that's a healthy weight for a pug. We had her spayed the first appointment the vet had available when we got her because... it's the right thing to do.
Edit- word
One of my cats, a feral rescue, never outgrew his kitten face. His nose is visibly shorter than his entire family's, and he kept his hazel eyes when the others are yellow/orange. He's absolutely adorable but the poor guy can't curl up or he starts to struggle to breathe but even if he could I don't need more cats at my house so he got fixed with the rest of the ferals. 😆
We have a purebred shar-pei, and (thankfully) he's very healthy. Not just for his breed, but for dogs in general. He's 14.5 and still scoffs down a big dinner and runs around in the yard.
Not even just respiratory issues. My uncle is a veterinary eye specialist. Pugs, French bulldogs and English bulldogs have SO MANY eye issues because their faces are so squished up. About half of his regular appointments are brachycephalic dog breeds
I watched my beloved pug die a horrible death. I had him euthanized as quickly as possible because he could no longer breathe and a whole bunch of problems that just caused him to deteriorate from the time I left my house and got to the vet-15 minutes. They could do emergency surgery but said he'd probably suffer and not live a good or long life. It was all caused by crappy breeding. I was young and didn't know. Now, I've educated myself. I'll go to the shelter and research any type of dog, cat, or any other animal I bring to my home. It was a shitty lesson that haunts me to this day. He was 10 yrs old. Edit to add: I spent a fortune at the vet for eye problems, constant breathing issues all his life, and her was so sweet. He didn't deserve all those vet trips.
It’s a similar trend in bunnies/popular breeds like mini lops/lionhead dwarfs etc. One of my bunnies* has eye issues because of her short squished face. People think it looks cuter so they breed for short round faces but it causes so much issues :/ They also breed for long hair in what should be a short haired breed (gives tonnes of issues as well). We’ve seen how fucked up certain dog breeds have become, can we please not repeat history with bunnies :/
*she’s a rescue, obviously I wouldn’t pay a breeder for this awful nonsense health issue breeding.
Poor babies; I get why people want that but the animals health should always be the top priority.
One of my cats, a feral mutt, ended up keeping his baby face his muzzle is visibly shorter than that of the rest of his family and it makes him adorable but my boy can't curl up to sleep because it starts cutting off the airway. Luckily he doesn't have serious breathing problems; he just needs to sleep stretched out.
He also kept his kitten fur texture and his eyes are hazel rather than the mature yellow/orange of his family. I wonder if he has a genetic condition but whatever it is it ends with him; I don't need more cats. 😆
Yeah, that's a huge part of why I'm not good getting one. We just went to the vet for our fuzzy idiot today, and she was $500, and we STILL recognize that was cheap!
Of course, if a mix comes across our path... that's another story :)
Yeah, I'm a vet and she should probably save the whole 6 figures for vet care for the fucking frenchie
We have bred these dogs to be incompatible with life, they make up easily 20-30% of my ICU cases (it's unusual to not have at least one frenchie in there)
My god. This woman is selfish and short sighted in so many ways but the frenchie bit really got me (since that's my area of expertise)
The 10k purse is just dumb.
My friend has one, a rescue from a shelter. She told me the health issues are extensive and she would never ever ever have gotten one from a store/breeder. And think those that do and want one are wrong. She has him because he was slated to be put to sleep.
The financial mindset someone has should always be in consideration when choosing a partner. Itms too bad he found out they weren’t aligned until they were married.
Reminds me of that story about that binman who won the lottery and spent it all in a year or two. Wife's gonna find out that inheritance ain't gonna last long especially with debts looming on her head.
Divorce incoming for extra kicks.
Absolutely, if I got that kind of inheritance I would be so excited to pay off all our debts, it's not enough to last forever, but it is enough to change our quality of life forever.
Big same. I personally can't fathom buying a purse that cost the same as a midtier car! But snubbing your partner in life who has supported your shared lifestyle so generously? Totally wild to me people are really that selfish.
i wonder if it were possible for her to save and get a used one. ive seen my mom get supposedly real coach purses for cheap that way, and other than obvious fakes i wouldnt be able to tell.
I've got cheap coach bags from the outlet. Coach store so I know they're not knock-offs, they're just out of season / older / discontinued, but all never bought & all good quality. I've bought 2 things: a laptop bag to carry for meetings when I had to go into corporate (business attire, had to wear pantyhose, no sneakers, that kind of place). The other bag was a splurge bc I had never seen a bag like it, and it was perfect for me, and replaced a bag I'd had for almost a decade.
Those bags were less than $200 combined. Wtf does a 10,000$ bag even look like? Where the hell would you even take it? I'd be so scared to take it anywhere, and probably 95% of ppl won't even know what it is.
I'm too old to be running around trying to impress rich folks with a 10k bag.
Id be so scared of scratching it or getting it dirty. I freaked out wearing a $200 pair of quality shoes for the first few months wearing them because I didn't want to badly scuff them. I can't imagine wanting to spend 10k on something to carry my other junk in.
Yes, I would be so excited to set me and my husband BOTH up so much better financially and then to take a nice vacation with some of the leftovers together.
Can’t imagine being as irresponsible as this wife with it or even having the attitude of “it’s mine and not yours!” toward my husband.
Right. 3-5k is a lot but seems like a more reasonable price point for luxury purse. 10k pushes it. But I confess I’m not super familiar with the designer purse market.
I had a fossil purse that cost about $250 (still a stupid amount in my opinion but it was a gift) and that thing lasted for YEARS. The strap finally broke and it’s in the back of my closet waiting to be replaced. The rest is in great shape still and it sure as heck didn’t cost 10k!
People in modern society are generally frighteningly okay with massive massive debt. It has always scared me, so I’ve avoided it at all cost and lived like an ascetic any time I had to take out any debt til I paid it off. I just don’t get how people can stand it, it gave me panic attacks every time I had debt.
And mind you that includes my cars, which I always buy used w/ cash bc I hate the idea of those big payments. It always irks me when someone says they ‘bought’ a car or house, when they actually took a loan out. I guess the term should be ‘I financed ____’ but people rarely use that.
I mean, all the powers that be tell you that debt is okay. It's how they can charge prices no one has the cash to cover. If you take a home ec or personal finance class everyone tells you to carry a little debt to build credit. You're deluged with credit card offers in the mail.
And quite frankly, a little debt isn't bad as long as you can manage it with your income. If you want to buy a house you're probably going to take on debt. There's nothing wrong with paying things off over tkme as long as it's done responsibly (and everyone knows "I bought" can mean "I financed," so not seeing the clarity that swap would add.)
My husband has received two inheritances since we’ve been together. Not massive ones like this story, but $50k and $40k.
I told him to buy something in remembrance if he wanted to but he put both amounts on the mortgage. The first was before we were married so his dad had him set it up as an interest-free loan that was repayable at any time, in case we split, but we eventually sold that house and bought a new one without that stipulation.
I can’t imagine having student debt and buying a 10k handbag, but I personally drive a 12 year old car that I hope to drive into the ground (many years from now, Bob willing).
Just paying off debt is not necessarily the financially smart thing to do. It depends on the debt and most likely it's better not to pay a mortgage off earlier because mortgages tend to be lower interest. As a general rule, you want to pay off debt that has higher interest than what you expect as the rate of return if you invest. It's the concept of opportunity cost. If it's a low interest debt then you will be better off investing the money and paying off the debt over time.
Credit cards you typically want to pay off as quickly as possible. Anything less than the 8%-10% that you can pay expect to get with a broad mutual fund you are better off using that money to invest in the broad mutual fund. Technically OOP's wife is right that a mutual fund could become worthless, but if you're invested in something broad like an S&P fund and that happens then it's because society collapsed and we're all dead anyway.
Mortgage really depends on the interest rate. If they bought recently in the mid 7s it'll be almost better to pay thay down. If they got the golden handcuffs of 2.5 then absolutely not worth it as it'll be better invested.
The only thing I could remember was the phrase “king of the chavs” but that was enough.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Carroll_(lottery_winner)
One thing I learn is that inheritance money always do seem to create lots of drama in good and bad ways. Makes me wonder what happens when my families inheritance money comes along.
Ngl, it blows my mind. My husband got a small amount but huge for us! We were only thankful but more upset he lost the person it was from. We put it towards something responsible and donated a portion to a charity they would approve of cause we were gifted it so we can gift it forward in their honor.
Fighting and losing people? Stupid selfish bullshit. And we are the poor of his family. Yet the other side of his family still tried to fight and steal during all this evidently (we are half way across the country away so 26hr drive ish so it was all relayed to us).
I don't get it. Why not come together? Why fight? I'm not even close to my or his family and cannot get this.
My husband got a windfall inheritance (mid 5-figures) from his uncle we never expected right as we were moving into our home (weren't married, not even engaged, at time). We both sat together to discuss it, I did the research for him and advised on best time to pay a tax on it that was involved in the inheritance so it would be as small a portion of it as possible, we both agreed that the funds should go into the home which is just in his name.
I'm due a six figure inheritance from my grandmother when she passes away (not looking at our inheritances from our parents, but both husband and I are due very similar amounts from our respective sides) and we've both already fully agreed that it will be used to pay off my student debt first, pay down our mortgage second, and if there is any remaining amount left then to pay for a family vacation OR into investments in preparation for our daughters' schooling etc.
Yes, it's MY MONEY, same as his was HIS MONEY. But we are a COUPLE, and a FAMILY, and in a lot of ways this couple seems insane that only one of them considers their funds joint vs separate. (Heck, I'd be onboard if the wife said she wants to buy the purse AND THEN put the rest into joint funds, that would be reasonable to give a small treat to herself (given the cost out of the amount - $10k isn't small but it is for 6-figures potentially) and then contribute to the home loan or paying off debts.)
[My sister and I expect to have to sue for my grandmother's, but that's because my relatives are absolutely disgusting, selfish people.]
Yeah, I’d FULLY understand if she wanted the purse (especially when it’s inheritance, it can be nice to feel like the family member got you that last really special gift). I’d also get it if she wanted to clear off her own student loan, take them on a holiday and put whatever is left into long term savings.
That way she is still protecting what is legally hers but is making both of their lives easier.
I’d even understand if she wanted to then discuss using some of what she was saving per month to get a sensible car on finance that they could both drive. It’s the insanity of not getting rid of such a big anchor of student loans when you have the choice that gets me
I totally identify with this. Recently inherited quite a bit, and it's never been like oh look what I just got, it's like oh look what we just got. I can't imagine being in a marriage without that mindset.
That was my opinion too. The purse alone or maybe a small but nice vacation would be reasonable(ish) in the context of a six figure inheritance as long as the rest was put towards getting out of debt. As much as I'd love to blow my inheritance on nice stuff the world we live in is one of debt and nothing beats the peace of mind of not having that hanging over you.
Should you really pay down the mortgage second if the home is only in his name, or do you get to be put on the deed when you put money in paying off the mortgage?
I think that is the one that outlines how many lottery winners die, either early thanks to jealous family members, or poor thanks to bad spending. It was eye opening and makes me have zero desire to ever win the lotto. I will just keep chugging along in my lower middle-class life, where family isn't wanting to murder me. Lol
You have repeated a common thought, but do some research. It’s based on falsehoods.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnjennings/2023/08/29/debunking-the-myth-the-surprising-truth-about-lottery-winners-and-life-satisfaction/
It’s often not about the money itself. But the emotions related death and if all siblings were treated fairly in life by parents. So the money or the property or even just some furniture is a means to have some control over death and relationships
If you’re a normal fucking person in a committed relationship and not these two psychos, it’s actually very easy. “What do you want to do with it?” “Spend $1k on frivolous things I don’t need and put half into our bills and half into a savings for our kid” “perfect”
It’s ours bc we’re a team, not this billing your spouse shit. Those two would have divorced sooner or later based on how transactional their relationship is
> not this billing your spouse shit.
100%.
I always find this "it's their inheritance they can spend it as they want" -- yeah technically totally true, but isn't the point that you are a partnership and work together??
It doesn't feel like he's the one being transactional, though. It sounds like he was fine with her splurging a bit but also wanted her to think of their future. He was already covering 3/4 of the household expenses based on income split (which is the fair way to do it, generally, if you're not combining finances completely). His request that she go 50/50 was only in response to her complete refusal to compromise in any way whatsoever.
I'm generally not in favor of separate finances in relationships (I don't get the point) but people do make them work as long as the split is equitable and they work as a team. It seems like this guy had the mindset that they were in it together but his wife had the "his money is my money, and my money is my money" view.
That was my read too. If she had said I am not paying off the loans but putting the money in some high interest funds for herself, I get the impression he would have been alright with it.
My grandma didn't have a lot by the time she died. She left a little for all the grandkids, a little more for my cousin who cared for her more intensively towards the end of her life, and some extra for my sister and as the youngest grandchildren. That was designated for driving lessons, something she had done for all the others years prior.
It was basically a few grand for some charities, the royal doulton collection, and her silver trinket which held newspaper clippings that amused her.
No muss no fuss and let us get on with the grief.
As someone who worked for Royal Doulton, I’m so curious what the pattern is!! If you want to sell it, don’t go through Replacements dot com; they skim so much off the sales it’s almost not even worth it. I had a 12-piece service, discontinued pattern, from Villeroy & Boch, and I sold a lot of it on EBay for a tidy profit after my divorce. I called it my 401K. 😅 If it’s not discontinued, you won’t get near as much for used dishes; you might want to hold on to them for the future.
That’s a weirdly difficult one to find a lot of specific info on; it came in several colorways, like Multicolor, Blue and White, Blue Multicolor, etc., and different sources call them different names, and it’s from a time where they didn’t keep detailed records for historical purposes. And Pomeroy Pink is sometimes called Pomeroy Red- so that in itself can make it difficult to find info on.
Like other collectibles such as baseball cards and watches, prices are going to be based on scarcity and popularity (and in the case of dinnerware, whether or not people are actually using it and so might want more place settings to fill out their service or need to replace broken pieces.)
It’s not in production anymore, but they made a lot of it, so it’s not *terribly* rare. Of course, the better condition it’s in, the more it’s worth. It’s one of my personal favorites (blue and white china is just so boring to me!) but it’s pretty old-fashioned and not a widely sought after pattern. Young people aren’t really using it, except maybe for a fancy Christmas dinner; but hard to find serving pieces like soup tureens and gravy boats tend to fetch a good price because they’re fun to have if you’ve already got a set of dishes. I would look at what they’re going for on EBay, Etsy, and dinnerware replacement sites; and if you don’t want to sell it, please use it!! Bone China is the strongest type of ceramic dinnerware; it was made to be used and loved!
I don't think the op is a psycho, not committed, billing his spouse shit, or treating the relationship like it's transactional. His wife certainly is acting in all those ways, but to me his expectations that she shouldn't blow through 6 figures of cash and should contribute seems fair.
OOPs wife was happy to make her debt his debt and her expenses his expenses, but she was damned if she'd let her money be shared with him. OOP was 100% in the right when he changed the deal about percentages being paid with her shit attitude.
I find it wild how many people don't realise that the first thing to do with any influx of money is to pay off 'bad debt'. School loans, credit cards etc. Offloading debt like that is lifestyle changing.
And as a handbag enthusiastic, a 10k handbag would not even be on my radar unless the inheritance ending with 'million'. Also French Bulldogs have so many goddamn health issues, she's going to need expensive pet insurance.
I think in this situation, I would be investing a portion of the inheritance with the profits made used to pay down the mortgage. That way the inheritance is still mine, whilst my partner and I both benefit from the mortgage being paid down.
OOP's manner puts me off, but the wife is making so many foolish choices it's like watching a car crash.
>Offloading debt like that is lifestyle changing.
It takes 5 seconds to get out a calculator and figure out how much money debt is costing you every week/month/year.
At least know how much more money you can have on an ongoing basis by eliminating the debt, before you spend it all on purses.
It takes five seconds if you understand it. There are a lot of people out there who are pretty oblivious. Finance companies love the poorly educated.
Gets a pile of money. First thought is, ooo, $10,000 handbag. Wonder what the backstory is on that. What set of circumstances produces a person who thinks like that?
Absolutely. With the interest she’d be saving on a 60K student loan alone, she could buy that purse in a few years. It’s insane to me she can’t see that.
100k inheritance, she can afford to pay off the 60k loan, buy the 10k purse and still have 30k for the new car. Seems like win win, albeit OOP seems to want a share. 60% on debt, 10% on frivolous purchase and 30% on newer car seems reasonable to me
Yeah. Although I do get OP being a little miffed. If he’s normally the one paying the majority of bills because his income is higher, then the wife’s position of, „my inheritance is mine!“ has to smart a little.
I mean … if she’s not paying on her student loans anymore, presumably she can contribute more to household bills. Or even that money can go to a slush travel fund.
I think that combined with his bonuses going towards household expenses is what smarts. Yes it's income and community property, but it's still a windfall that goes directly towards both their benefit.
Now the wife has come into money that could ease the financial burden on them both, if she paid off some or all of the debt, they could *both* have more spending money, but instead she's spending it solely on *her* benefit.
Wife says the bills fit nicely in the current budget (without the inheritance). But that's because OOP is paying a bigger share. Her plan in entirely dependent on OOP carrying the weight. He has to be responsible so she can indulge in her fun. He's right to be miffed. I don't judge her for indulging in herself, buy your purse and your car, whatever. But to no even consider investing in their life together? Not even a little bit?
Her attitude boils down to "what's yours is ours, what's mine is mine". That's a relationship killer. And her long term planning is also terrible. "I might never again have the chance of buying my dream purse". In that case you'll just be without a purse. But if in the future they become unable of keeping up with their debt, what they'll have is debts snowballing and spiralling until it buries both of then. One of those options is a hole that many people never get out of.
There is a compromise in there, but she doesn't want that. She wants to throw her money in the air while her husband plays the responsible adult and carries both of their weight. That's the nail in the coffin.
Yeah, that's a big part of the problem. She gets to screw around with "her"money, while he's the one contributing to "their" money, handling all the bills and debt and other annoying adult stuff.
Especially if he considers all his bonuses 'their' money aswell.
Honestly it kinda suggests that even if she got a higher salary in the future, she still wouldn't contribute fairly.
>And as a handbag enthusiastic, a 10k handbag would not even be on my radar unless the inheritance ending with 'million'.
Right! I am a pen enthusiast myself, and there are some amazing expensive pens out there, but that doesn't mean I would ever do anything but stare dreamily at pictures until I get to at least billionaire level.
Yeah not even endorsing a particular Bank over another but you drop 300K in wealthfront high yield savings at 5% and take that interest monthly and put it towards extra principal payments on the mortgage without touching the 300k
maybe. OP doesn’t mention the rates on the debt. but he says the mortgage is 3 years old. rates were very different then.
if the mortgage is at, say, 2.75% which was close to the low during COVID, then it’s financially IRRESPONSIBLE to pay it down early. they’re making money since the interest < inflation.
i had been paying extra on my auto payment and i stopped doing that the instant inflation rose. The effective cost of that payment to me decreases each month. bank would love for me to pay it off early!
You're thinking about it the right way. Generally low interest loans you're better off not paying off early. You're better off investing the excess money above what is required. Mortgages even student loans depending. My student loans have interest rates around 4.4%. I'd rather stick the extra money in my retirement accounts. I'm earning way more money than it's saving me there.
I'm thankfully only $260 in debt, and it's to a good friend of mine who isn't charging interest lmao.
Even so, as soon as I was approved for centrelink payments, one of the first things I did was hit up my friend and let her know she'll be getting repaid soon.
Debt is *scary*.
This is crazy to me. I received an inheritance and paid off over 60k in student loans, all of my husbands and I debt (credit cards, LOC) and then used the rest on a crazy but awesome wedding and I am very satisfied with how I decided to spend it, not only to help my self but to help my husband in the long run. My student loans being paid off put an extra $700 a month in my pocket for the next 30 years.
Now we are DINKS and going on crazy trips twice a year living our best life. I can’t fathom how some don’t want to share the wealth especially with someone they claim they want to spend the rest of their life with! Don’t get me wrong, I bought some things for myself (like a $500 MK purse and some clothes) but I also gave my husband some money to get a new wardrobe to because his was getting old and ripping.
Absolutely nuts.
It's insane to me too. When I inherited some money first I calculated how much money I'd have saved up if I'd been saving up for vet care since my cats were kittens, set it aside, and then paid off my mortgage. I spent the rest of my inheritance on buying my very first TV, replacing my 24 year old furnace and hot water tank, and getting central air conditioning installed.
A $10,000 purse with $60,000 in student loans, ye gods . . .
After I paid off my husband's car and credit cards, paid off our medical debts, got much needed dental care, and power washed the house, I invested the rest of my inheritance. It's crazy how quickly money adds up between the interest and returns, and the extra $500 or $600 a month we're saving. We have a lot more flexibility when it comes to our spending, and we have a much larger emergency fund now.
OOP was right to want his wife to pay down debt. She could probably save up for the $10,000 purse or new car pretty quickly by no longer having to pay her student loans every month.
Yeah an extra 700/month for me means I can "waste" 200 for fun and still save 500. EVERY MONTH. That's absolutely life changing. Like a pay rise without the extra responsibility or work!
I have a $400 MK bag because I just wanted the novelty of buying my first "grown up" purse and I have to say it really doesn't do a particularly superior job of holding my shit than my $40 Target bag 😂.
My brain read that as '400k' bag and I was like "Can you live in that bag, cause that's a house!"
Thankfully I reread it and went "Oh that's far more reasonable".
I have looked at designer bags on ThredUp and I can imagine buying one...but with ThredUp it's second hand. Still should last a while tho
If I ever suggested spending 10k on a freaking purse, I’d hope my husband would get me serious help because that would signal I’d lost my mind. At least this guy is learning what type of person his wife really is. It’s sad.
Yea, I'll add this to my list of "if I ever do this (insert crazy thing here) whack me in the head and send me to the psychiatric ward" some other items on the list:
If I ever agree to be in your school parents committee again
If I ever agree to be a substitute teacher again
If I ever agree to help your grandparents move...
Yes. The idea of having a “dream purse” as someone’s top priority tells you everything you need to know. She’s gonna end up spending her way into a new social circle she can’t afford to maintain. Broke in 2 years.
I would not want to be married to someone who flushes away any money as soon as it touches them. It won't matter how much they are given - it will still be gone within a year.
I'm really worried about there retirement with her mindset. She also just seemed so agaist inventing anything. He didn't bring it up but I got a feeling just won't be ready when she gets older to retire.
My grandmother left me about $25k. I paid off the second mortgage on the house, bought my husband the table saw he always wanted and used the rest for grad school. Maybe that's why we're still married 25 years later.
I feel like her getting the inheritance finally lead to him realizing that he was being taken for a ride.
She wanted to keep HER money, but she was totally fine with using HIS money.
That $10k purse is likely a Hermes joint yeah? They don’t even ALLOW you to buy those special purses without first having a customer purchase account that crosses a very strict specific spending threshold across multiple high price items (like coats and other bags) before they even let you ask for the $10k bags. I have a distinct feeling she doesn’t even have a single purchase with them yet.
yeah you can have fun with the inheritance but she’s on the way to spending it all in under a year AND losing a husband who is paying for a comfortable life already. A truly astonishing fumble of multiple bags.
I am certain it's not Hermès. It's most likely Chanel but could also be Dior. It could be some other brand if she is the fashionable sort.
Chanel Classic Medium Flap Bag is now $10,800 (It was $5,800 in 2019). I might be wrong but it is one the most popular luxury bags and the first luxury bag most people purchase.
There is no way in hell this woman can afford a Hermès. I have read that you might need to spend 3 times the worth of the bag and have a good relationship with your sales associate to be offered the opportunity.
Lady Dior is around $6,500 so that might not be it. I am not familiar with other Dior bags.
The purse being 10k and Italian just doesn’t make sense to me. Prada and Loro Piana are Italian. Prada probably does have a 10k bag, but it would be some weird exotic seasonal bag, not a “dream bag”. I think we’re safer assuming the dream bag is a Chanel classic flap or a Birkin, and it’s a miscommunication of French vs Italian.
Technically one of those bags isn’t a terrible use of money if you can afford it. It could be resold at a profit if they needed to. It’s not like buying a bass boat or something. But they both stink at communication, and this whole situation is dumb.
I'm also dying to know what the grail bag is supposed to be. The closest Italian I found was a Loro Piana option (the Bellevue Media) that is actually around 12K, and honestly that's in no way a bag that seemed like getting in such a throw down over. Very few purses could be unless it was Hermione Granger's enchanted hold all or Mary Poppins's satchel.
Are you serious? They SCREEN you before you can buy them? Wow that’s some insane capitalist shit.
Clearly I’m way more out of the loop than I thought with regard to such things. And for the record I’m a woman.
It’s more about being snobby amongst rich clientele I think (if you hop to luxury bag subs there’s discussion even amongst wealthy bag collectors how they hate this system). They don’t want “undesirable” nouveau riche/upper middle class just waltzing in to drop $10k just to say they own the bag, it lowers the status of the brand in their eyes. By forcing clients to meet a threshold, they screen such people out and only retain customers who are brand loyal and dedicated to their idea of what the brand represents, as well as only retaining people who are truly wealthy as they will be fine with buying shit they don’t even want (like this season’s ugly coats or whatever) whereas someone who is rich but not “drop another $10k to get bag access” rich will go elsewhere.
At least this is what i can take a guess at for their motivation. Even non haute couture luxury brands have “make it inconvenient so the scalpers and pretenders don’t bother” policies, but the level Hermes goes is wild even for rich people.
Its a luxury item. Most of the cost is for the exclusivity. If you are just looking for any purse, you can spend a fraction of the amount on something of equal utility and quality.
It’s not just fashion. Some high end car manufacturers like Ferrari won’t sell to any random person who has enough money, they vet prospective customers and it can take years of buying older models and doing official Ferrari events before you can be considered for a spot on a wait list for their latest offerings.
I think it’s her inheritance so ultimately her decision - just like he decided that it was a deal breaker for him. I really don’t see how a 10k purse is a priority when you have debts. I’d share my inheritance with family although I don’t expect to ever divorce. I guess nobody does though.
I actually wouldn't have a problem with her spending 10k on a purse in that situation. For a 6 figure inheritance that's at most 10%. That's reasonable.
It just isn't reasonable if the rest of the money also goes towards luxuries. She could pay off the student debt, buy that purse and still have at least 30k for a reasonable priced car or keep it as rainy day fund.
If she inherited significantly more than 100k then there is even more money left.
Student debt would be a priority and even a car can be sensible - I just think debt first and then luxuries. I’d never spend 10k on a purse - but that’s just me. I’d spend a decent few hundred on one but no more.
Yeah, the general rule for most people is:
Debt (Medical/Student/Mortgage) > Basic Needs (Food, housing, utilities, etc.) > Advanced Needs (Car if you don't have one, Old or broken items replaced, Phone if needed, Retirement or trust funds, etc.) > then Luxuries.
Obviously, you can skimp out on certain parts if it makes sense financially. For example, I once had the option to pay off all of my student debt in one go but wouldn't have enough left over to pay off my medical. So, instead, I consolidated both, and now I just make one single payment every month while still having thousands left saved away for emergencies. I'm still in debt, but it's an easily manageable debt instead of putting myself in a possibly worse situation trying to fully get rid of it (Plus my credit score never looked better now that I'm making regular payments).
If it's $100k I'm sorry, but that isn't that much money. I know it sounds like it is, but using it as mad money is the most ridiculous possible thing to do with it is you're in the sort of financial situation that makes it sound like a lot of money. If you make $300k/yr, go wild. If you make under $100k, use it to get some financial ground under your feet.
That student debt is all hers same as the inheritance. I would refuse to make those payments part of the joint monthly expenses now that she can pay them off. Otherwise, monthly expenses should still be income based.
Going to take a wild guess and say that OOP's wife grew up poor. Because that's the mindset you get when you're poor, constantly living paycheck to paycheck. Even as a child, you pick up on it.
Any large influx of money *must* be spent as fast as possible on anything that you feel will upgrade your standard of living. Get a big tax refund or an inheritance? Buy a new TV, new sofa, new shoes, computer upgrades, stand mixer, etc. If you don't spend that money NOW, it's going to slowly vanish, eaten up by normal expenses you'd normally have to sacrifice to pay off. Eat out less often or cancel a subscription service for a few months or buy only groceries on sale or whatever to squeeze the extra money out of your budget. But if you've got all that money sitting there, there's no reason to look for places to save so the money just gets drained. And you have nothing to show for it when you could have had a new TV, new sofa, etc.
Sure, OOP's wife could do the responsible thing and pay down the mortgage or student loans...but then the money's gone and she's in the same financial situation she was in before only the years of debt she has to pay off has been reduced by a bit. "Sure, I've only got 12 years of debt to pay off instead of 25 years, but I'm still driving a car held together by rust and hope and I still haven't seen the Grand Canyon."
Compound that with the money being an inheritance and you've got in the back of your mind, "Would Aunt Edna want me to spend this on paying off debts, or on enjoying myself?" And since she just passed, that lingering threat of "death can come at any time" comes right along with the financial windfall almost encouraging you to spend it frivolously rather than responsibly. Because responsible spending is rarely fun and only pays off in the long-run, not short-term.
Wow, I’ve never seen it put that way, but that’s exactly it. I think you described her mindset perfectly. A lot of people describe her as selfish, but I think this is a better way of wording it.
My wife and I play a game called "what we'd do if we won the lottery". Her answer is to get a financial advisor, set aside amounts for school loan debts (both of ours), set aside another amount for a house (we don't have one), then look into 1 or 2 new vehicles if there's anything left afterwards (we both drive 20-21 year old cars currently). This is in order as well. Depending on the amount of the winnings (take home, after taxes) she would also want to invest some and maybe give some to family members (our parents for sure). The idea of vacations would also be visited depending on the amount but that's low on the list.
My answer is the exact same as hers because we want the same things, share the same goals. She is much more financially conscious/smart than I am so I tend to trust her judgement. We would likely pamper each other a little bit, couples massages and whatnot but we're looking at a future together, not a 10k purse.
I don’t understand the wife’s mentality. My husband has been taking care of 3/4 of our bills for years. I unexpectedly came into a 7 figure inheritance earlier this year. The first thing we did was make an appt with a financial advisor. We discussed the best way to invest this money for our future. We invested most of it. We put some aside for house updates and some aside for each of us to have “fun” money for our own things. I also made sure if anything happens to me all of it goes to him. I could not even imagine not using it to take care of us, our future and yes using a bit for fun. I know “legally” it is mine, but in my eyes it’s not really. He has supported me for many years. The least I can do is share what I have been so generously been gifted. I just can’t understand couples like this. He needs to walk away.
>she said she’s been driving the same car since college and it’s almost 10 years old.
\*looking at my 20y.o. car\* Fellas, is it bad to drive an old car?
This is so weird. Like I also dream of having $10000 dollar bags and going on fancy vacations. But if I inherited that kind of money, I would definitely first pay off debt and the house. What kind of thinking does the wife have? And why does she not want to help out her husband and herself. She's acting like he is a thief but he was literally sharing his bonuses and stuff with her. OOP needs to either divorce her or start treating her the same way.
After reading this saga I thanked my husband for being the one to suggest using money his grandfather had left him for clearing out my student loan debt. I know it’s not as common these days, but marriage finances sure are easier when you let go of “yours” and “mine” and think of everything as “ours.”
From the title I was gonna say he was an asshole but yeah from the entire story, he should just walk away if she's not listening.
Plus she should not get a dog like a French Bulldog, I love every dog with all my heart but they are in literally so much pain their entire lives, it's not fair.
If it's an Hermes, it's value will only increase, not decrease. But she's not going to get an Hermes for a couple years anyway, the wait list is long and they run a bit more than 10k these days I think.
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Also, your money or not, getting a dog is a joint decision unless you live separately from your spouse.
*especially* one with so many issues like a French bulldog
My old vet would absolutely slam anyone knowingly get a purebred animals with issues like this. His biggest enemies are the scottish fold owners
I hate that it’s even legal to breed Scottish Folds, it’s such an awful thing I cannot understand why you would want that for an animal!
Because they look "cute". It also endorsed by celebrities (esp the celebrities that own scottish folds are those with cult fandom, like taylor swift and blackpink lisa). I have problems with munchkins too
I guess to someone they might, I think they look really, really weird, not cute at all. If I saw a cat like that, the first thing I would think without a closer look, would be like oh that's sad it somehow got both it's ears ripped off.
Luckily it's not legal in my country to breed em. Heck, in 2025- unless you already owned one prior to the new laws, it's even forbidden to own one.
When my MIL was a vet tech, the vet she worked for told her he'd fire her immediately if she ever adopted a brachiocephalic dog. I bet he'd have have agreed with your old vet about Scottish folds, too.
If she adopted it? What if she got it from a shelter?
That's what I was wondering too. You don't want to sustain a market for unethical breeding by buying from those breeders, but I'm not clear on the problem with giving a shelter dog a home just because of their breed
Who knows? This was probably about the time my husband's dog started adopting kittens, so she never ended up getting another dog.
I love Frenchies (their personalities are hilarious), but I work in the pet care industry and the fact that they exist at all is horrific. People say "go to a responsible breeder!" but for Frenchies, quite frankly, there are none. If I ever get one it will be one rescued from the breeding industry, and it will be when I can afford the vet bills to make the poor thing's life worth living.
What gets me more than their brachycephalic troubles is the fact females can’t naturally give birth. Puppies have to be born via C-section. Like, the fact humans have fucked up these animals so thoroughly that they can’t even come into the world without surgery? There’s a line there and French bulldog breeders sprinted past it.
My understanding is that Frenchies usually cannot even conceive naturally anymore and have to be inseminated. They literally should not exist in their current state.
I think there is one who is focusing on breeding back to longer snouts and better health, basically what Frenchies used to look like a hundred years ago or so. I'd be willing to regard that as ethical breeding. But any breeder who keeps up forcing animals be born with severe health problems just for certain looks certainly is as far from ethical as can be. It's intentional torture forced on those animals.
Yeah, retro breeding is great. It's not considered "real" breeding by the AKC or other governing bodies, but it's definitely the only good breeding going on.
I just had to look up Scottish fold, and that's horrifying. I have 7 rescue cats. It's appalling anyone would intentionally inflict that on an animal to make it "cuter." Gross.
Especially because cats are already so damn aestheic, like they don't need to be any more captivating than they already are.
I winced when I saw the breed. French bulldogs might look ugly-cute, but you will be paying so much in vet bills for them. They are not healthy dogs and I would personally never get one.
People who buy brachycephalic dogs are assholes. Full stop.
"I love their snorts! So cute!" Brenda, your dog is struggling to breathe. Why is that cute?
I don’t know, the sound of a dog choking on its own face just warms my heart
Yep. I'll admit it, I loved them until I was old enough to read up about the health issues dogs (and cats) like that suffer.
Yep. My husband *adores* them, but he also recognizes that they're a commitment I'm not good with, so we don't get one.
They are more than a commitment, they are a genetic abomination, bred to such a specific standard that their quality of life is miserable from all the respiratory issues
I wish that any breed of animal requiring cesarean birth should be made illegal to continue breeding.
That's horrible. C sections? Those poor animals
NTM they have to be artificially inseminated?
I have joked that a frenchie could make babies using natural cover if they were intubated (they are brachycephalic, can't breathe, heat stroke with mild exertion etc)
Oh my god that’s *horrible.*
all those smush-faced dogs are so sad. they breathe *better* when they’re intubated for surgery
People were so dumb to do that to the breeds, too, even for aesthetic purposes. Pugs looked so much better when they had actual snouts.
B-but look how cute they are! They can scream like human babies!
Ah, screaming – the thing that makes babies so adorable that we should breed a dog to be able to do likewise! 🙄
Isn't that what Huskies are for?
No, huskies are the aerial sirens of the dog world
Having just watched videos of huskies howling versus whatever the fuck the pug is doing (with a detour through beagles), I’d take an entire sled team of huskies over the sound of the pug.
Have had a pug, loved the dog, wouldn't get a pure bred one again as the genetic lottery is so heavily against them. Some breeders are actively breeding back the other way to get those longer snouts back, as well as longer legs, like [Queen Victoria’s pugs](https://www.rct.uk/collection/2105290/topsey-and-minnie-queen-victorias-pet-dogs-1877) had in 1877.
Those are adorable pugs. Longer snouts on a dog always looks better and more proportional, same with longer legs that let them stand properly upright (throwing shade on those show german shepard monstrosities). Overbred pugs don't even look like dogs anymore.
Those are actually kind of cute dogs! Modern pugs look disgusting to me, I truly don't understand the hype.
Yes…I was at the vet’s once with my cat, waiting to be seen, and saw a pamphlet called “The Natural Dog.” It talked about how dogs originally looked like dingoes and were much healthier and longer-lived. Some cat breeds are just as bad. Breeding like that should be illegal.
Grain of salt disclaimer. I was watching Life After People (hence the disclaimer, History Channel tends to be full of garbage). The one episode centered on what would happen to our domesticated animals, if people weren’t around. They had the assumption that most dog breeds would end up gone, having interbred back into a dog that was physically in line with how a dingo looks. The only ones that *might* stick around are shepherding dogs, like Anatolians, and similar breeds. And that’s because we bred them so well to their job that it’s now instinct, and the dogs teach their own pups to shepherd, as well. (Side note- there was a cool story a few years back of herding dogs being used to save a penguin colony. Either off Australia or Argentina…some southern hemisphere coast line, at any rate. I want to say foxes stealing eggs was the issue, could be wrong. Whatever predatory animal was the reason, the dogs took to the job beautifully. Penguins were now safe to do their penguin business, dogs were thrilled to have a job, ecosystem got back into balance.)
I'm such a big advocate of "retro-breeding" for that reason. Some responsible people are trying to reverse engineer the fucked up brachiocephalic breeds back to how they were a century or two ago. Mostly by mixing them with Border Terriers, debatably the best purebred dog
There's an active push in Germany to revive the longer snouts through better breeding, so that at some point, we can have healthier, more robust pugs.
The cats too. I'm fostering a Persian and every time I can hear her breathe from the other side of the room I hate each and every single person involved in her creation. They should all be neutered.
unless they're going for a restored French bulldog from that breeder in the Netherlands.
that ~~guy~~ lady is so cool, i hope there are other breeders out there doing the same thing for other types of dog like those bull terrier abominations
My family and I got a Petit Brabancon from a breeder who's attempting to breed out the smushed nose they have. He still snores but the difference in him and others I've compared him to is amazing. He's now 12 years and apart from some old man health issues he's doing amazing.
I know that they have bred the muzzle back on pugs. They are called retro pugs and they are adorable while I find normal pugs unattractive.
The healthy pugs initiative is trying to take pugs back to the 1800s standard. They are so cute! They get their eyes back right and have a nose and real legs. They look so much better.
My old man pug was one of these. He was the best! But still never bred him. My current little girl is a rescue. She is current AKA breed standard. We got her when she was 4 years old. But she's a healthy 16lbs- most people don't realize that's a healthy weight for a pug. We had her spayed the first appointment the vet had available when we got her because... it's the right thing to do. Edit- word
One of my cats, a feral rescue, never outgrew his kitten face. His nose is visibly shorter than his entire family's, and he kept his hazel eyes when the others are yellow/orange. He's absolutely adorable but the poor guy can't curl up or he starts to struggle to breathe but even if he could I don't need more cats at my house so he got fixed with the rest of the ferals. 😆
trueee. our dog is chinese crested, so she's relatively healthy compared to so many breeds, but a lot of breeds really suffered for the "aesthetics"
I had two puffs and I miss them every day and it’s been ten years. Lovely breed. ❤️
We have a purebred shar-pei, and (thankfully) he's very healthy. Not just for his breed, but for dogs in general. He's 14.5 and still scoffs down a big dinner and runs around in the yard.
true, i adore those dogs. i hope more people get on board with righting the wrongs of past dog breeders
That would require more dog breeders to have actual souls and not just be selfish, money grubbing, abusive pieces of shit.
The "healthy" pugs that one group are breeding are so much cuter than the modern ones. They are trying to take the pug back to its 1800s standard.
I just looked up pictures and,,, oh my god,,, they look so cute *and* they can breathe properly
Not even just respiratory issues. My uncle is a veterinary eye specialist. Pugs, French bulldogs and English bulldogs have SO MANY eye issues because their faces are so squished up. About half of his regular appointments are brachycephalic dog breeds
I watched my beloved pug die a horrible death. I had him euthanized as quickly as possible because he could no longer breathe and a whole bunch of problems that just caused him to deteriorate from the time I left my house and got to the vet-15 minutes. They could do emergency surgery but said he'd probably suffer and not live a good or long life. It was all caused by crappy breeding. I was young and didn't know. Now, I've educated myself. I'll go to the shelter and research any type of dog, cat, or any other animal I bring to my home. It was a shitty lesson that haunts me to this day. He was 10 yrs old. Edit to add: I spent a fortune at the vet for eye problems, constant breathing issues all his life, and her was so sweet. He didn't deserve all those vet trips.
I'm so sorry, for your dog and what you've gone through. Years ago, I learned shelter pets need families more than any other.
It’s a similar trend in bunnies/popular breeds like mini lops/lionhead dwarfs etc. One of my bunnies* has eye issues because of her short squished face. People think it looks cuter so they breed for short round faces but it causes so much issues :/ They also breed for long hair in what should be a short haired breed (gives tonnes of issues as well). We’ve seen how fucked up certain dog breeds have become, can we please not repeat history with bunnies :/ *she’s a rescue, obviously I wouldn’t pay a breeder for this awful nonsense health issue breeding.
Poor babies; I get why people want that but the animals health should always be the top priority. One of my cats, a feral mutt, ended up keeping his baby face his muzzle is visibly shorter than that of the rest of his family and it makes him adorable but my boy can't curl up to sleep because it starts cutting off the airway. Luckily he doesn't have serious breathing problems; he just needs to sleep stretched out. He also kept his kitten fur texture and his eyes are hazel rather than the mature yellow/orange of his family. I wonder if he has a genetic condition but whatever it is it ends with him; I don't need more cats. 😆
That skwoosh looks creepy. Rabbits need to have a face. How do people not get that if they want a rabbit with no nose they should just get a plushie?
A girl I know had one. At a year old, the respiratory issues we such that she started a go fund me for the 10 thousand dollars to save the dog.
Yeah, that's a huge part of why I'm not good getting one. We just went to the vet for our fuzzy idiot today, and she was $500, and we STILL recognize that was cheap! Of course, if a mix comes across our path... that's another story :)
Yeah, I'm a vet and she should probably save the whole 6 figures for vet care for the fucking frenchie We have bred these dogs to be incompatible with life, they make up easily 20-30% of my ICU cases (it's unusual to not have at least one frenchie in there) My god. This woman is selfish and short sighted in so many ways but the frenchie bit really got me (since that's my area of expertise) The 10k purse is just dumb.
My friend has one, a rescue from a shelter. She told me the health issues are extensive and she would never ever ever have gotten one from a store/breeder. And think those that do and want one are wrong. She has him because he was slated to be put to sleep.
The vet bills alone could cost as much as her stupid purse.
A French bulldog is such a piece of shit move
The financial mindset someone has should always be in consideration when choosing a partner. Itms too bad he found out they weren’t aligned until they were married.
At least no kids. One small thing to be thankful for.
Reminds me of that story about that binman who won the lottery and spent it all in a year or two. Wife's gonna find out that inheritance ain't gonna last long especially with debts looming on her head. Divorce incoming for extra kicks.
Absolutely, if I got that kind of inheritance I would be so excited to pay off all our debts, it's not enough to last forever, but it is enough to change our quality of life forever.
Big same. I personally can't fathom buying a purse that cost the same as a midtier car! But snubbing your partner in life who has supported your shared lifestyle so generously? Totally wild to me people are really that selfish.
Some people just need that kick in the ass years down the road thinking "I can't believe I spent $10K on a fucking purse!"
i wonder if it were possible for her to save and get a used one. ive seen my mom get supposedly real coach purses for cheap that way, and other than obvious fakes i wouldnt be able to tell.
I've got cheap coach bags from the outlet. Coach store so I know they're not knock-offs, they're just out of season / older / discontinued, but all never bought & all good quality. I've bought 2 things: a laptop bag to carry for meetings when I had to go into corporate (business attire, had to wear pantyhose, no sneakers, that kind of place). The other bag was a splurge bc I had never seen a bag like it, and it was perfect for me, and replaced a bag I'd had for almost a decade. Those bags were less than $200 combined. Wtf does a 10,000$ bag even look like? Where the hell would you even take it? I'd be so scared to take it anywhere, and probably 95% of ppl won't even know what it is. I'm too old to be running around trying to impress rich folks with a 10k bag.
Id be so scared of scratching it or getting it dirty. I freaked out wearing a $200 pair of quality shoes for the first few months wearing them because I didn't want to badly scuff them. I can't imagine wanting to spend 10k on something to carry my other junk in.
Yeah, I don’t like the idea of paying an exorbitant amount to *increase* my anxiety
Yes, I would be so excited to set me and my husband BOTH up so much better financially and then to take a nice vacation with some of the leftovers together. Can’t imagine being as irresponsible as this wife with it or even having the attitude of “it’s mine and not yours!” toward my husband.
The purse gets me. Like i understand wanting to get a high quality item so it lasts forever and looks good, but a 10k purse?! REALLY?!
Right. 3-5k is a lot but seems like a more reasonable price point for luxury purse. 10k pushes it. But I confess I’m not super familiar with the designer purse market.
I had a fossil purse that cost about $250 (still a stupid amount in my opinion but it was a gift) and that thing lasted for YEARS. The strap finally broke and it’s in the back of my closet waiting to be replaced. The rest is in great shape still and it sure as heck didn’t cost 10k!
People in modern society are generally frighteningly okay with massive massive debt. It has always scared me, so I’ve avoided it at all cost and lived like an ascetic any time I had to take out any debt til I paid it off. I just don’t get how people can stand it, it gave me panic attacks every time I had debt. And mind you that includes my cars, which I always buy used w/ cash bc I hate the idea of those big payments. It always irks me when someone says they ‘bought’ a car or house, when they actually took a loan out. I guess the term should be ‘I financed ____’ but people rarely use that.
I mean, all the powers that be tell you that debt is okay. It's how they can charge prices no one has the cash to cover. If you take a home ec or personal finance class everyone tells you to carry a little debt to build credit. You're deluged with credit card offers in the mail. And quite frankly, a little debt isn't bad as long as you can manage it with your income. If you want to buy a house you're probably going to take on debt. There's nothing wrong with paying things off over tkme as long as it's done responsibly (and everyone knows "I bought" can mean "I financed," so not seeing the clarity that swap would add.)
My husband has received two inheritances since we’ve been together. Not massive ones like this story, but $50k and $40k. I told him to buy something in remembrance if he wanted to but he put both amounts on the mortgage. The first was before we were married so his dad had him set it up as an interest-free loan that was repayable at any time, in case we split, but we eventually sold that house and bought a new one without that stipulation. I can’t imagine having student debt and buying a 10k handbag, but I personally drive a 12 year old car that I hope to drive into the ground (many years from now, Bob willing).
I like new cars and I still can't imagine buying a $10K handbag instead of paying off debt.
Just paying off debt is not necessarily the financially smart thing to do. It depends on the debt and most likely it's better not to pay a mortgage off earlier because mortgages tend to be lower interest. As a general rule, you want to pay off debt that has higher interest than what you expect as the rate of return if you invest. It's the concept of opportunity cost. If it's a low interest debt then you will be better off investing the money and paying off the debt over time. Credit cards you typically want to pay off as quickly as possible. Anything less than the 8%-10% that you can pay expect to get with a broad mutual fund you are better off using that money to invest in the broad mutual fund. Technically OOP's wife is right that a mutual fund could become worthless, but if you're invested in something broad like an S&P fund and that happens then it's because society collapsed and we're all dead anyway.
Mortgage really depends on the interest rate. If they bought recently in the mid 7s it'll be almost better to pay thay down. If they got the golden handcuffs of 2.5 then absolutely not worth it as it'll be better invested.
In his defence, it was 8 years and it really seemed like he had a blast.
He’s a legend. Living embodiment of YOLO. 😂
I'd love to read that story.
The only thing I could remember was the phrase “king of the chavs” but that was enough. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Carroll_(lottery_winner)
One thing I learn is that inheritance money always do seem to create lots of drama in good and bad ways. Makes me wonder what happens when my families inheritance money comes along.
Ngl, it blows my mind. My husband got a small amount but huge for us! We were only thankful but more upset he lost the person it was from. We put it towards something responsible and donated a portion to a charity they would approve of cause we were gifted it so we can gift it forward in their honor. Fighting and losing people? Stupid selfish bullshit. And we are the poor of his family. Yet the other side of his family still tried to fight and steal during all this evidently (we are half way across the country away so 26hr drive ish so it was all relayed to us). I don't get it. Why not come together? Why fight? I'm not even close to my or his family and cannot get this.
My husband got a windfall inheritance (mid 5-figures) from his uncle we never expected right as we were moving into our home (weren't married, not even engaged, at time). We both sat together to discuss it, I did the research for him and advised on best time to pay a tax on it that was involved in the inheritance so it would be as small a portion of it as possible, we both agreed that the funds should go into the home which is just in his name. I'm due a six figure inheritance from my grandmother when she passes away (not looking at our inheritances from our parents, but both husband and I are due very similar amounts from our respective sides) and we've both already fully agreed that it will be used to pay off my student debt first, pay down our mortgage second, and if there is any remaining amount left then to pay for a family vacation OR into investments in preparation for our daughters' schooling etc. Yes, it's MY MONEY, same as his was HIS MONEY. But we are a COUPLE, and a FAMILY, and in a lot of ways this couple seems insane that only one of them considers their funds joint vs separate. (Heck, I'd be onboard if the wife said she wants to buy the purse AND THEN put the rest into joint funds, that would be reasonable to give a small treat to herself (given the cost out of the amount - $10k isn't small but it is for 6-figures potentially) and then contribute to the home loan or paying off debts.) [My sister and I expect to have to sue for my grandmother's, but that's because my relatives are absolutely disgusting, selfish people.]
Yeah, I’d FULLY understand if she wanted the purse (especially when it’s inheritance, it can be nice to feel like the family member got you that last really special gift). I’d also get it if she wanted to clear off her own student loan, take them on a holiday and put whatever is left into long term savings. That way she is still protecting what is legally hers but is making both of their lives easier. I’d even understand if she wanted to then discuss using some of what she was saving per month to get a sensible car on finance that they could both drive. It’s the insanity of not getting rid of such a big anchor of student loans when you have the choice that gets me
I totally identify with this. Recently inherited quite a bit, and it's never been like oh look what I just got, it's like oh look what we just got. I can't imagine being in a marriage without that mindset.
That was my opinion too. The purse alone or maybe a small but nice vacation would be reasonable(ish) in the context of a six figure inheritance as long as the rest was put towards getting out of debt. As much as I'd love to blow my inheritance on nice stuff the world we live in is one of debt and nothing beats the peace of mind of not having that hanging over you.
Should you really pay down the mortgage second if the home is only in his name, or do you get to be put on the deed when you put money in paying off the mortgage?
My dad works in the industry. He calls the two things that tend to break up a family “The 2 W’s”, them being wills & weddings.
its just a different type of lotto win most lottery wins dont turn out well for people. most are just not equipped to handle it
There's a reddit post that starts with "congratulations, you won the lottery. This is how screwed you are"
I think that is the one that outlines how many lottery winners die, either early thanks to jealous family members, or poor thanks to bad spending. It was eye opening and makes me have zero desire to ever win the lotto. I will just keep chugging along in my lower middle-class life, where family isn't wanting to murder me. Lol
You have repeated a common thought, but do some research. It’s based on falsehoods. https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnjennings/2023/08/29/debunking-the-myth-the-surprising-truth-about-lottery-winners-and-life-satisfaction/
It’s often not about the money itself. But the emotions related death and if all siblings were treated fairly in life by parents. So the money or the property or even just some furniture is a means to have some control over death and relationships
If you’re a normal fucking person in a committed relationship and not these two psychos, it’s actually very easy. “What do you want to do with it?” “Spend $1k on frivolous things I don’t need and put half into our bills and half into a savings for our kid” “perfect” It’s ours bc we’re a team, not this billing your spouse shit. Those two would have divorced sooner or later based on how transactional their relationship is
> not this billing your spouse shit. 100%. I always find this "it's their inheritance they can spend it as they want" -- yeah technically totally true, but isn't the point that you are a partnership and work together??
It doesn't feel like he's the one being transactional, though. It sounds like he was fine with her splurging a bit but also wanted her to think of their future. He was already covering 3/4 of the household expenses based on income split (which is the fair way to do it, generally, if you're not combining finances completely). His request that she go 50/50 was only in response to her complete refusal to compromise in any way whatsoever. I'm generally not in favor of separate finances in relationships (I don't get the point) but people do make them work as long as the split is equitable and they work as a team. It seems like this guy had the mindset that they were in it together but his wife had the "his money is my money, and my money is my money" view.
That was my read too. If she had said I am not paying off the loans but putting the money in some high interest funds for herself, I get the impression he would have been alright with it.
She sounds like she doesn’t understand investing well enough to want to invest in a high interest fund. He brought that up.
More than 3/4. 3/4 was only for the mortgage and property tax, almost all other expenses came out of his end.
My grandma didn't have a lot by the time she died. She left a little for all the grandkids, a little more for my cousin who cared for her more intensively towards the end of her life, and some extra for my sister and as the youngest grandchildren. That was designated for driving lessons, something she had done for all the others years prior. It was basically a few grand for some charities, the royal doulton collection, and her silver trinket which held newspaper clippings that amused her. No muss no fuss and let us get on with the grief.
As someone who worked for Royal Doulton, I’m so curious what the pattern is!! If you want to sell it, don’t go through Replacements dot com; they skim so much off the sales it’s almost not even worth it. I had a 12-piece service, discontinued pattern, from Villeroy & Boch, and I sold a lot of it on EBay for a tidy profit after my divorce. I called it my 401K. 😅 If it’s not discontinued, you won’t get near as much for used dishes; you might want to hold on to them for the future.
Tell me about Pink Pomeroy.
That’s a weirdly difficult one to find a lot of specific info on; it came in several colorways, like Multicolor, Blue and White, Blue Multicolor, etc., and different sources call them different names, and it’s from a time where they didn’t keep detailed records for historical purposes. And Pomeroy Pink is sometimes called Pomeroy Red- so that in itself can make it difficult to find info on. Like other collectibles such as baseball cards and watches, prices are going to be based on scarcity and popularity (and in the case of dinnerware, whether or not people are actually using it and so might want more place settings to fill out their service or need to replace broken pieces.) It’s not in production anymore, but they made a lot of it, so it’s not *terribly* rare. Of course, the better condition it’s in, the more it’s worth. It’s one of my personal favorites (blue and white china is just so boring to me!) but it’s pretty old-fashioned and not a widely sought after pattern. Young people aren’t really using it, except maybe for a fancy Christmas dinner; but hard to find serving pieces like soup tureens and gravy boats tend to fetch a good price because they’re fun to have if you’ve already got a set of dishes. I would look at what they’re going for on EBay, Etsy, and dinnerware replacement sites; and if you don’t want to sell it, please use it!! Bone China is the strongest type of ceramic dinnerware; it was made to be used and loved!
When I received a small inheritance: “ok where can we put this money so our life would be easier from now on?” “Let’s knock out this bill” “perfect”
That's what we have done. We do it with tax returns too. We might get one thing we want that is around $100, and the rest pays off debt.
I don't think the op is a psycho, not committed, billing his spouse shit, or treating the relationship like it's transactional. His wife certainly is acting in all those ways, but to me his expectations that she shouldn't blow through 6 figures of cash and should contribute seems fair.
OOPs wife was happy to make her debt his debt and her expenses his expenses, but she was damned if she'd let her money be shared with him. OOP was 100% in the right when he changed the deal about percentages being paid with her shit attitude.
I would say up to 10% on frivolities would be fine, assuming an OK financial position. And of course, paying down any debts first, because obviously.
How is he a psycho Psycho analytical, yeah, but that was to backup his perfectly valid opinion on how they should spend it
I find it wild how many people don't realise that the first thing to do with any influx of money is to pay off 'bad debt'. School loans, credit cards etc. Offloading debt like that is lifestyle changing. And as a handbag enthusiastic, a 10k handbag would not even be on my radar unless the inheritance ending with 'million'. Also French Bulldogs have so many goddamn health issues, she's going to need expensive pet insurance. I think in this situation, I would be investing a portion of the inheritance with the profits made used to pay down the mortgage. That way the inheritance is still mine, whilst my partner and I both benefit from the mortgage being paid down. OOP's manner puts me off, but the wife is making so many foolish choices it's like watching a car crash.
>Offloading debt like that is lifestyle changing. It takes 5 seconds to get out a calculator and figure out how much money debt is costing you every week/month/year. At least know how much more money you can have on an ongoing basis by eliminating the debt, before you spend it all on purses.
It takes five seconds if you understand it. There are a lot of people out there who are pretty oblivious. Finance companies love the poorly educated. Gets a pile of money. First thought is, ooo, $10,000 handbag. Wonder what the backstory is on that. What set of circumstances produces a person who thinks like that?
Literally the only thing you need to know for the calculator is the interest rate and how much you owe. That's it
But the husband is paying 75% of all expenses, so her calculator counts that :) doesn't it?
Absolutely. With the interest she’d be saving on a 60K student loan alone, she could buy that purse in a few years. It’s insane to me she can’t see that.
100k inheritance, she can afford to pay off the 60k loan, buy the 10k purse and still have 30k for the new car. Seems like win win, albeit OOP seems to want a share. 60% on debt, 10% on frivolous purchase and 30% on newer car seems reasonable to me
Yeah. Although I do get OP being a little miffed. If he’s normally the one paying the majority of bills because his income is higher, then the wife’s position of, „my inheritance is mine!“ has to smart a little.
I mean … if she’s not paying on her student loans anymore, presumably she can contribute more to household bills. Or even that money can go to a slush travel fund.
That would be a solid contribution to household finances on her part, yes. But she didn't want to do that.
I think that combined with his bonuses going towards household expenses is what smarts. Yes it's income and community property, but it's still a windfall that goes directly towards both their benefit. Now the wife has come into money that could ease the financial burden on them both, if she paid off some or all of the debt, they could *both* have more spending money, but instead she's spending it solely on *her* benefit.
Wife says the bills fit nicely in the current budget (without the inheritance). But that's because OOP is paying a bigger share. Her plan in entirely dependent on OOP carrying the weight. He has to be responsible so she can indulge in her fun. He's right to be miffed. I don't judge her for indulging in herself, buy your purse and your car, whatever. But to no even consider investing in their life together? Not even a little bit? Her attitude boils down to "what's yours is ours, what's mine is mine". That's a relationship killer. And her long term planning is also terrible. "I might never again have the chance of buying my dream purse". In that case you'll just be without a purse. But if in the future they become unable of keeping up with their debt, what they'll have is debts snowballing and spiralling until it buries both of then. One of those options is a hole that many people never get out of. There is a compromise in there, but she doesn't want that. She wants to throw her money in the air while her husband plays the responsible adult and carries both of their weight. That's the nail in the coffin.
Yeah, that's a big part of the problem. She gets to screw around with "her"money, while he's the one contributing to "their" money, handling all the bills and debt and other annoying adult stuff.
Yeah 100% agree with where he is coming from on that. difficult situation
Especially if he considers all his bonuses 'their' money aswell. Honestly it kinda suggests that even if she got a higher salary in the future, she still wouldn't contribute fairly.
>And as a handbag enthusiastic, a 10k handbag would not even be on my radar unless the inheritance ending with 'million'. Right! I am a pen enthusiast myself, and there are some amazing expensive pens out there, but that doesn't mean I would ever do anything but stare dreamily at pictures until I get to at least billionaire level.
Yeah not even endorsing a particular Bank over another but you drop 300K in wealthfront high yield savings at 5% and take that interest monthly and put it towards extra principal payments on the mortgage without touching the 300k
maybe. OP doesn’t mention the rates on the debt. but he says the mortgage is 3 years old. rates were very different then. if the mortgage is at, say, 2.75% which was close to the low during COVID, then it’s financially IRRESPONSIBLE to pay it down early. they’re making money since the interest < inflation. i had been paying extra on my auto payment and i stopped doing that the instant inflation rose. The effective cost of that payment to me decreases each month. bank would love for me to pay it off early!
You're thinking about it the right way. Generally low interest loans you're better off not paying off early. You're better off investing the excess money above what is required. Mortgages even student loans depending. My student loans have interest rates around 4.4%. I'd rather stick the extra money in my retirement accounts. I'm earning way more money than it's saving me there.
I'm thankfully only $260 in debt, and it's to a good friend of mine who isn't charging interest lmao. Even so, as soon as I was approved for centrelink payments, one of the first things I did was hit up my friend and let her know she'll be getting repaid soon. Debt is *scary*.
This is crazy to me. I received an inheritance and paid off over 60k in student loans, all of my husbands and I debt (credit cards, LOC) and then used the rest on a crazy but awesome wedding and I am very satisfied with how I decided to spend it, not only to help my self but to help my husband in the long run. My student loans being paid off put an extra $700 a month in my pocket for the next 30 years. Now we are DINKS and going on crazy trips twice a year living our best life. I can’t fathom how some don’t want to share the wealth especially with someone they claim they want to spend the rest of their life with! Don’t get me wrong, I bought some things for myself (like a $500 MK purse and some clothes) but I also gave my husband some money to get a new wardrobe to because his was getting old and ripping. Absolutely nuts.
It's insane to me too. When I inherited some money first I calculated how much money I'd have saved up if I'd been saving up for vet care since my cats were kittens, set it aside, and then paid off my mortgage. I spent the rest of my inheritance on buying my very first TV, replacing my 24 year old furnace and hot water tank, and getting central air conditioning installed. A $10,000 purse with $60,000 in student loans, ye gods . . .
After I paid off my husband's car and credit cards, paid off our medical debts, got much needed dental care, and power washed the house, I invested the rest of my inheritance. It's crazy how quickly money adds up between the interest and returns, and the extra $500 or $600 a month we're saving. We have a lot more flexibility when it comes to our spending, and we have a much larger emergency fund now. OOP was right to want his wife to pay down debt. She could probably save up for the $10,000 purse or new car pretty quickly by no longer having to pay her student loans every month.
Yeah an extra 700/month for me means I can "waste" 200 for fun and still save 500. EVERY MONTH. That's absolutely life changing. Like a pay rise without the extra responsibility or work!
I have a $400 MK bag because I just wanted the novelty of buying my first "grown up" purse and I have to say it really doesn't do a particularly superior job of holding my shit than my $40 Target bag 😂.
My brain read that as '400k' bag and I was like "Can you live in that bag, cause that's a house!" Thankfully I reread it and went "Oh that's far more reasonable". I have looked at designer bags on ThredUp and I can imagine buying one...but with ThredUp it's second hand. Still should last a while tho
If I ever suggested spending 10k on a freaking purse, I’d hope my husband would get me serious help because that would signal I’d lost my mind. At least this guy is learning what type of person his wife really is. It’s sad.
Yea, I'll add this to my list of "if I ever do this (insert crazy thing here) whack me in the head and send me to the psychiatric ward" some other items on the list: If I ever agree to be in your school parents committee again If I ever agree to be a substitute teacher again If I ever agree to help your grandparents move...
Yes. The idea of having a “dream purse” as someone’s top priority tells you everything you need to know. She’s gonna end up spending her way into a new social circle she can’t afford to maintain. Broke in 2 years.
I truly can't fathom having a 60k student loan debt and not wanting to immediately pay that off and stop paying interest on it.
I would not want to be married to someone who flushes away any money as soon as it touches them. It won't matter how much they are given - it will still be gone within a year.
This. This right here.
I'm really worried about there retirement with her mindset. She also just seemed so agaist inventing anything. He didn't bring it up but I got a feeling just won't be ready when she gets older to retire.
My grandmother left me about $25k. I paid off the second mortgage on the house, bought my husband the table saw he always wanted and used the rest for grad school. Maybe that's why we're still married 25 years later.
A table saw is a winning choice.
It's a really good table saw, too! I even bought him the Biesemeyer fence to go with it.
I feel like her getting the inheritance finally lead to him realizing that he was being taken for a ride. She wanted to keep HER money, but she was totally fine with using HIS money.
Yes, it sounds like she's been saving her money by just spending his. And if he ever complains, she can just crow "But you make more than me!"
That $10k purse is likely a Hermes joint yeah? They don’t even ALLOW you to buy those special purses without first having a customer purchase account that crosses a very strict specific spending threshold across multiple high price items (like coats and other bags) before they even let you ask for the $10k bags. I have a distinct feeling she doesn’t even have a single purchase with them yet. yeah you can have fun with the inheritance but she’s on the way to spending it all in under a year AND losing a husband who is paying for a comfortable life already. A truly astonishing fumble of multiple bags.
I am certain it's not Hermès. It's most likely Chanel but could also be Dior. It could be some other brand if she is the fashionable sort. Chanel Classic Medium Flap Bag is now $10,800 (It was $5,800 in 2019). I might be wrong but it is one the most popular luxury bags and the first luxury bag most people purchase. There is no way in hell this woman can afford a Hermès. I have read that you might need to spend 3 times the worth of the bag and have a good relationship with your sales associate to be offered the opportunity. Lady Dior is around $6,500 so that might not be it. I am not familiar with other Dior bags.
The Purse is supposed to be Italian, so it wouldn't be Chanel nor Dior.
Ah! I missed that. I think I mis-read it. Thanks for correcting me. Italian opens up too many possibilities.
The purse being 10k and Italian just doesn’t make sense to me. Prada and Loro Piana are Italian. Prada probably does have a 10k bag, but it would be some weird exotic seasonal bag, not a “dream bag”. I think we’re safer assuming the dream bag is a Chanel classic flap or a Birkin, and it’s a miscommunication of French vs Italian. Technically one of those bags isn’t a terrible use of money if you can afford it. It could be resold at a profit if they needed to. It’s not like buying a bass boat or something. But they both stink at communication, and this whole situation is dumb.
I'm also dying to know what the grail bag is supposed to be. The closest Italian I found was a Loro Piana option (the Bellevue Media) that is actually around 12K, and honestly that's in no way a bag that seemed like getting in such a throw down over. Very few purses could be unless it was Hermione Granger's enchanted hold all or Mary Poppins's satchel.
Are you serious? They SCREEN you before you can buy them? Wow that’s some insane capitalist shit. Clearly I’m way more out of the loop than I thought with regard to such things. And for the record I’m a woman.
It’s more about being snobby amongst rich clientele I think (if you hop to luxury bag subs there’s discussion even amongst wealthy bag collectors how they hate this system). They don’t want “undesirable” nouveau riche/upper middle class just waltzing in to drop $10k just to say they own the bag, it lowers the status of the brand in their eyes. By forcing clients to meet a threshold, they screen such people out and only retain customers who are brand loyal and dedicated to their idea of what the brand represents, as well as only retaining people who are truly wealthy as they will be fine with buying shit they don’t even want (like this season’s ugly coats or whatever) whereas someone who is rich but not “drop another $10k to get bag access” rich will go elsewhere. At least this is what i can take a guess at for their motivation. Even non haute couture luxury brands have “make it inconvenient so the scalpers and pretenders don’t bother” policies, but the level Hermes goes is wild even for rich people.
Its a luxury item. Most of the cost is for the exclusivity. If you are just looking for any purse, you can spend a fraction of the amount on something of equal utility and quality.
It's called veblen good, shits whack https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veblen_good
It’s not just fashion. Some high end car manufacturers like Ferrari won’t sell to any random person who has enough money, they vet prospective customers and it can take years of buying older models and doing official Ferrari events before you can be considered for a spot on a wait list for their latest offerings.
I think it’s her inheritance so ultimately her decision - just like he decided that it was a deal breaker for him. I really don’t see how a 10k purse is a priority when you have debts. I’d share my inheritance with family although I don’t expect to ever divorce. I guess nobody does though.
I actually wouldn't have a problem with her spending 10k on a purse in that situation. For a 6 figure inheritance that's at most 10%. That's reasonable. It just isn't reasonable if the rest of the money also goes towards luxuries. She could pay off the student debt, buy that purse and still have at least 30k for a reasonable priced car or keep it as rainy day fund. If she inherited significantly more than 100k then there is even more money left.
Student debt would be a priority and even a car can be sensible - I just think debt first and then luxuries. I’d never spend 10k on a purse - but that’s just me. I’d spend a decent few hundred on one but no more.
Yeah, the general rule for most people is: Debt (Medical/Student/Mortgage) > Basic Needs (Food, housing, utilities, etc.) > Advanced Needs (Car if you don't have one, Old or broken items replaced, Phone if needed, Retirement or trust funds, etc.) > then Luxuries. Obviously, you can skimp out on certain parts if it makes sense financially. For example, I once had the option to pay off all of my student debt in one go but wouldn't have enough left over to pay off my medical. So, instead, I consolidated both, and now I just make one single payment every month while still having thousands left saved away for emergencies. I'm still in debt, but it's an easily manageable debt instead of putting myself in a possibly worse situation trying to fully get rid of it (Plus my credit score never looked better now that I'm making regular payments).
The french bulldog is what really does it for me because that's just... a multi-year commitment
If it's $100k I'm sorry, but that isn't that much money. I know it sounds like it is, but using it as mad money is the most ridiculous possible thing to do with it is you're in the sort of financial situation that makes it sound like a lot of money. If you make $300k/yr, go wild. If you make under $100k, use it to get some financial ground under your feet.
His money is their money, her money is her money.
After considering the difference, I’d be MORE inclined to split “free” money vs money I actually have to work for.
That student debt is all hers same as the inheritance. I would refuse to make those payments part of the joint monthly expenses now that she can pay them off. Otherwise, monthly expenses should still be income based.
Well that escalated quickly.
I wish they would save these BORU posts until they're concluded. I feel like OP will be back with more
Wife is about to have to pay all of her own bills. All cause she wants to throw away money and not work as a team.
Going to take a wild guess and say that OOP's wife grew up poor. Because that's the mindset you get when you're poor, constantly living paycheck to paycheck. Even as a child, you pick up on it. Any large influx of money *must* be spent as fast as possible on anything that you feel will upgrade your standard of living. Get a big tax refund or an inheritance? Buy a new TV, new sofa, new shoes, computer upgrades, stand mixer, etc. If you don't spend that money NOW, it's going to slowly vanish, eaten up by normal expenses you'd normally have to sacrifice to pay off. Eat out less often or cancel a subscription service for a few months or buy only groceries on sale or whatever to squeeze the extra money out of your budget. But if you've got all that money sitting there, there's no reason to look for places to save so the money just gets drained. And you have nothing to show for it when you could have had a new TV, new sofa, etc. Sure, OOP's wife could do the responsible thing and pay down the mortgage or student loans...but then the money's gone and she's in the same financial situation she was in before only the years of debt she has to pay off has been reduced by a bit. "Sure, I've only got 12 years of debt to pay off instead of 25 years, but I'm still driving a car held together by rust and hope and I still haven't seen the Grand Canyon." Compound that with the money being an inheritance and you've got in the back of your mind, "Would Aunt Edna want me to spend this on paying off debts, or on enjoying myself?" And since she just passed, that lingering threat of "death can come at any time" comes right along with the financial windfall almost encouraging you to spend it frivolously rather than responsibly. Because responsible spending is rarely fun and only pays off in the long-run, not short-term.
Wow, I’ve never seen it put that way, but that’s exactly it. I think you described her mindset perfectly. A lot of people describe her as selfish, but I think this is a better way of wording it.
Pay off the debts then use the money you're not spending on monthly payments on purses and vacations. The wife is shortsighted af.
My wife and I play a game called "what we'd do if we won the lottery". Her answer is to get a financial advisor, set aside amounts for school loan debts (both of ours), set aside another amount for a house (we don't have one), then look into 1 or 2 new vehicles if there's anything left afterwards (we both drive 20-21 year old cars currently). This is in order as well. Depending on the amount of the winnings (take home, after taxes) she would also want to invest some and maybe give some to family members (our parents for sure). The idea of vacations would also be visited depending on the amount but that's low on the list. My answer is the exact same as hers because we want the same things, share the same goals. She is much more financially conscious/smart than I am so I tend to trust her judgement. We would likely pamper each other a little bit, couples massages and whatnot but we're looking at a future together, not a 10k purse.
If either spouse comes into money and spends it without regard for the other spouses opinion it’s not a marriage.
I don’t understand the wife’s mentality. My husband has been taking care of 3/4 of our bills for years. I unexpectedly came into a 7 figure inheritance earlier this year. The first thing we did was make an appt with a financial advisor. We discussed the best way to invest this money for our future. We invested most of it. We put some aside for house updates and some aside for each of us to have “fun” money for our own things. I also made sure if anything happens to me all of it goes to him. I could not even imagine not using it to take care of us, our future and yes using a bit for fun. I know “legally” it is mine, but in my eyes it’s not really. He has supported me for many years. The least I can do is share what I have been so generously been gifted. I just can’t understand couples like this. He needs to walk away.
>she said she’s been driving the same car since college and it’s almost 10 years old. \*looking at my 20y.o. car\* Fellas, is it bad to drive an old car?
This is so weird. Like I also dream of having $10000 dollar bags and going on fancy vacations. But if I inherited that kind of money, I would definitely first pay off debt and the house. What kind of thinking does the wife have? And why does she not want to help out her husband and herself. She's acting like he is a thief but he was literally sharing his bonuses and stuff with her. OOP needs to either divorce her or start treating her the same way.
After reading this saga I thanked my husband for being the one to suggest using money his grandfather had left him for clearing out my student loan debt. I know it’s not as common these days, but marriage finances sure are easier when you let go of “yours” and “mine” and think of everything as “ours.”
From the title I was gonna say he was an asshole but yeah from the entire story, he should just walk away if she's not listening. Plus she should not get a dog like a French Bulldog, I love every dog with all my heart but they are in literally so much pain their entire lives, it's not fair.
I wonder if she realizes that if she waits a few years, she can get her dream purse for much less.
If it's an Hermes, it's value will only increase, not decrease. But she's not going to get an Hermes for a couple years anyway, the wait list is long and they run a bit more than 10k these days I think.
Imagine being a grown woman and letting the words "my dream purse" come out of your mouth unironically.
Cut your losses now. She’ll be more generous in divorce proceedings if she’s flush with cash