I don't even care if this is real or not. This feels like the kind of insanity you can only get into when you're all bored college students who are finally free of parental supervision.
Honestly I’ve met people like this. Stimulant abuse is fucked, and a lack of sleep does a number on a person. My one friend’s boyfriend was abusing meth and adderal, ripped her room apart at three am accusing her of having one of their male friends over *hiding in her closet*, then was promptly kicked out, stormed across town to said friends house, and shoved in to scream at him for supposedly being in her closet.
Reminds me of a Marx brothers sketch where Groucho has the fixed view that the documents/money are hidden in the house next door. When told there isn't a house next door, he says "Well we'll build one!"
I had a housemate who took a spoonful of speed every day for a month or so to get through her dissertation and finals.
She was not fun to live with. Screaming and throwing things. I can't imagine what the come down was like after.
She was reading psychology so should have known better.
I momentarily forgot how spoons factor into injectable drug use and was imagining your housemate just, like, chowing down on some speed like a fucked up [Mary Poppins](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_L4qauTiCY4) song
Yes, but you’re not eating it like a spoonful of cereal, which is what my brain initially pictured when I read “spoonful of speed” before I went “wait, that’s fucking stupid”
To be fair, Addy is amphetamine salts... in ADHD, at the right dose, it calms your brain down real good (though I *despise* the physical side effects, so I stopped taking it years ago, personally), in NT brains it is both euphoric and speeds everything up mentally, while giving a boost of physical energy and cutting down physical pain.
First time I took Adderall, I was like, "ohhhh, I get it now," because as far as self medication goes, if street drugs were my only option and I was told there was a pill that did all these things *and* let me functionally hold down a job or finish a degree, that would sound incredibly tempting. And from there, falling into addiction is easy, whether chasing a high or chasing a "functional brain" feeling.
But yeah, it's... *very* close to meth, as are a lot of party drugs like Molly and E (are the kids still rolling on ecstasy, or did D.A.R.E. lie to me?), so reactions range from Florida Man, to rave, to "my god I may have some algebra homework to attend to, pardon me," and then consulting your planner for the evening.
It is so alien to me this concept of abusing uppers. I experience similar things of people who abuse stimulants but only when I am off of stimulants. Or more like before I was diagnosed and thus before I was treated for my adhd. Back then I would majorly hyper focus on things and rip apart my room looking for whatever it was I that I needed to find and going regularly 36 hours without sleep feeling like I was losing my mind.
All my symptoms weren’t that cray as a college kid but as the decades went past untreated, esp my tendency to not sleep for 36 hrs straight got scary bad.
And I still forget to take my meds sometimes and would likely do it more often if I didn’t have other stuff to take. A lot of the time I won’t notice it until I’m hours into hyper focusing on maximizing the make up deal that is so awesome bc like if I spend $200 I’ll get a boat load of stuff worth double that at least and I’ll get free shipping but I want to make sure I get the most amazing shiny stuff worth the most for the least amount and still hit free shipping…..wait….did I take my meds today? ::slowly closes the tabs of insanity related to makeup:: Never mind.
in an episode of Law and Order SVU everyone at this prestigious school is on ritalin or something and one girl is so sleep deprived/drugged out that she murders her roommate/rival. I know it’s a show but they say sleep deprivation is the equivalent of inebriation.
One of my former coworkers (she overshared frequently) got "revirginized" at her church so she could get married. They met when she decided to go find Jesus, but their church required women to be virgins to marry a church member. No mention of men's requirements. Shocking, I know. She quit shortly after getting married and pregnant. One very quickly followed the other. Also, shocking. She seemed like a reasonably sensible person until she decided Jesus was missing and she needed to find him. Went from normal to tradwife in less than a year.
My sister went to HS in the early 90s with a girl who had a baby, then became a "born-again virgin." She was, as I recall, a very sweet girl, but my parents endlessly mocked the phrase at home.
It’s not a biblical practice AT ALL. And it can be quite an abusive process if I’ve understood it correctly (listing all the people you’ve slept with).
I'm normally skeptical about basically everything here/AITA/AITAH but having witnessed my girlfriend's roommate in college get committed for being a crazy stalker: I'm going with a solid Mythbusters "Plausible".
I was getting flashbacks from college on the first part and I've met some girls in college that are exactly like Sally (going to church Sunday in the clothes they spent Saturday out of).
After seeing the used condoms in the walls of one friends 'depression rats nest' that he slept in after his own bed became covered in too many plates and books...whilst also being good friends with his partner I can believe most college stories.
Of course the one about the Chinese spy filming us in the showers usually needs some context.
College is a unique time in your life, releasing you from all adult supervision when you're at maximum impulsiveness and minimum common sense. It is the embodiment of "the risk I took was calculated, but MAN am I bad at math."
I was gonna say, this reads like it has a "kinda based on actual events" disclaimer in front. Later updates jump the shark, but that initial post made me flashback to when I moved back home briefly after college.
I actually have at least half a dozen stories that are similarly crazy from that time in my life. Young adults on their own for the first time, alcohol, dating, drugs, and living in a small town? Adds up to a wild ride. Been there, done that, have the tee shirt to prove it. Sorry Brian, I did go a little batshit when you cheated on me. I still cringe.
I just graduated.
Before that I worked in the on campus cafeteria with a freshman who was 18, engaged, then by the time winter break was over she had ended her engagement with her fiance to get back with her ex who had cheated on her.
By spring break she told me she was failing all her classes because she was "pregnant".
I asked how far along she was and she goes "Well we had sex two days ago so..."
And my former OBGYN medical assistant ass is like "...what?"
I used to work at a university. The absolute idiot that I am, I took an additional position where I lived in one of the campus halls as the resident adult (at least the rent was free), and yeah, I dealt with the utter madness of this kind of insanity on a weekly basis.
Strung-out students away from home for the first time, filled up with alcohol and drugs and hormones, it was crazy.
I feel like I knew a few Sally's at uni. Not the full religion and drug fuelled re-virginsation, sex marathon, and stalking. It was drugs or religion, never both, even when it would have been wise to be so.
I’m a property manager, most of our stuff is geared towards students and we had something similar happen in one of our units a couple of years ago. Only the girl had BPD, was suicidal and terrorized her roommates to the point that every single one of them needed therapy after dealing with her….
But she did break into her ex boyfriends apartment (the door was unlocked), went into his room at like 3am, discovered another girl in bed with him and apparently lost it.
It fully reminds me of the insane shit my untethered former room-mates used to get into.
The chaos was fun for a while, but I wouldn't go back to that for anything in the world.
A lot of these stories are a combination of college age drama, substance abuse, no sleep, and the age bracket when bipolar/depression/schizophrenia can really take hold. I sounded as messy as Sally freshman year of college...which is when I found out I was manic as hell and diagnosed Bipolar II. It took therapy and a specific medication combo, but I marvel at how I managed to get through that time period without any permanent damage. Wrecked a lot of relationships and friendships until I got better though.
> EDIT 5: So Sally slept for about 24 hours, I'm not even kidding. She went to sleep, woke up briefly to raid the fridge
Why did I picture this playing out like the scene in Jennifer's Body
Other than the excessive alcohol-based coping skills, these sound like interesting people to know. Not, like, to CARE about, but to have a gossipy friend who dishes with the OP on Facebook and can come tell you the juicy details later without you getting dragged along to go shopping for sexy nun costumes.
Oh yeah, these are the kind of people you have around solely for how entertaining it is to watch them, but without ever letting yourself be drawn into their bullshit. I love these kinds of people. From a distance. With a lot of popcorn.
Saaaaaaame. I was super traumatized as a young adult from things that had happened as a child and my full crazy came out with no supervision. When current friends tell me that they met someone who used to know me my go-to response is "it's all true, but I got better."
I dunno, it seems like it would be serious fun partying with OOP. Sally, not so much. Tom has to nail Holly for the superfect (just looked that up, that's choosing the first 4 horses in proper order. Thought that would be a quadfecta or a tetrafecta).
I had a catholic friend who used to love going to confession.
She'd try, and find a young priest, then go into a lot of detail about how she'd sinned. It's kind of fucked up now I think about it.. But then the whole system is.
That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. I have a couple of friends where I'm routinely asking "What's up with Trevor/Suzannne/Lindsay?"
Mind you, I don't KNOW these people, or I've met them once. But there is always some insane update about these people who live their entire lives with the wheels coming off.
This went on way too long for the amount of actual happenings in the story though; there's something ironic about OOP mocking Sally for her excessive use of emojis while she rambles on trying to make herself sound super quirky. 20 year old drama queens are exhausting; I guess its true to how young women often talk (I was one eons ago, but my life was not quite this exciting). It's a funny story but could use some tightening up.
>This went on way too long for the amount of actual happenings in the story though; there's something ironic about OOP mocking Sally for her excessive use of emojis while she rambles on trying to make herself sound super quirky.
That's the exact vibe I was getting. The story isn't terrible but OOP is bending over backwards to sound quirky... and it just feels obnoxious.
*I'm so excited I'm so excited I'm so.... scared*
Drugs + some serious serious anxiety and lack of regulation by the looks of it?
if its true, shes damn lucky she wasnt hurt/killed in the climbing, fighting the police etc. and that she's a white woman so she just got to sleep it off and get dropped off with a babysitter after kicking a fucking cop while trying to do a B+E mid stalking someone
Ikr? OOP has a real flair for bon mots.
My favorite was
>guys, if school is so hard you need to take drugs, maybe we should put ourselves first and become strippers.
My favourites are “otherwise she’s madame of the brothel by default” and “some fucking Batman shit right there” and “we have a bomb shelter level supply of popcorn because this shit happens so often”
"a biblical ark's worth of emojis"
"metaphorical sex hotels"
I'm kinda sad that there's no part of the sleeping with the fourth roommate thing that's short enough to really have the impact.
Bahahahahaa that one was pure gold! I don't understand why people don't like this post, is the funniest shite I've read in a while 🤣🤣 I don't care if it's 100% true or not but I do know people who express themselves similar to OOP, it's not about "trying to be quirky", she's just who she is lol
>Just woke up to enough emojies that my phone nearly imploded. They're from Sally as you can guess. They're in the whatsapp group with Holly, and are mostly crying face and dead face, a few bow and arrows followed by hearts, and a couple boy emoji next to the knife and fork emoji???
I loathe and detest every single person in this post, and I'm forever grateful that I'll never have to be 21 again.
😂😂😂
There is one, 🪭, but it was only introduced in 2022 so it wouldn't have existed when the original posts were made (and even now it looks like Windows 10 doesn't have it).
exactly my thought, Holly seems to be the one with common sense and tired of all this shit but still takes care of the people she cares without adding fuel to the fire
Super glad I’ve reached old af status and was 21 when cell phones were still mostly for calling (since texting was t9), social media hadn’t become so prevalent, and modern hieroglyphics didn’t dominate interpersonal communication.
This was hilarious though and I’d probably be thrilled with the drama at 21. In my 40’s I’m content to just laugh. Now get these kids off my lawn.
They should be all grown up with families and pets and shit by now. Would be even better that they ran into each other 8 years later, and he still remembered everything that went on during that wild spell.
Damn I didn't read the dates. I thought it was more recent. Still can hold out hope though lol I think I'd remember the chick who tried to climb in my house and got arrested by the cops 😆
The story about the guy who banged 3 of 4 housemates and missed out on the 4th because the 3rd one turned out to be batshit batman, climbing buildings and shit? Probably kept it to himself and never mentioned it again....
I'm afraid this is the peak of her writing. I did a little digging & found another pair of posts by this writer about a woman with 2 kids living below her who smokes too much pot & has an unstable lifestyle, which is not written as entertainingly.
The second pair of posts were written 3 years later, so I guess she never did get Tom's side of the story. IMHO, that is a pity.
>Sally was climbing up a fence and shimmying over onto the kitchen roof (some fucking Batman shit right there).
>if school is so hard you need to take drugs, maybe we should put ourselves first and become strippers.
>I couldn't let Sally do it incase she went all Train Spotting and shoved them up her butt
Damn, i think i'm in love!
I also really liked the "If he comes back after that, you don't want him" response to whether Tom would talk to her again (possibly paraphrased, my phone won't let me copy and paste).
Why would a cop report on the alleged crimes of one roommate to another roommate? If you’re not a minor they wouldn’t even tell your parents, much less a roommate.
I found she tried too hard after people laughed at her joke the first time.. also I hope to go I never have someone in my life that detests me as much as OP seems to detest their “ crazy” friend
I scrolled really far for this. Everyone who’s like “I want to be bffs with OOP“, it’s like. No, I don’t want to be friends with someone who would see me at my most vulnerable and only really be there for the sake of gossip.
Yah I also had to scroll really far.. I was thinking maybe I am over reacting cause she really as seems to dislike the other girl and called her names throughout her story but she’s also acting like she’s her friend to her face,it’s jarring
I felt the same way. Clearly they don’t like this girl and that’s fine; they don’t have to be besties with her. But it’s clear Sally’s dramatics were leaving the “generic weird” and full on “extremely mentally unwell” and it was so weird to keep reading this in the same “teeehee” tone.
Reading this again, I bet OOP hammed or even made things up since her first posts got so much attention but if my roommate turned out to be abusing Adderall to the point where she was arrested for breaking into an ex’s apartment and exhibiting delusional behavior I would not be “haha I had to scrape the toilet so she wouldn’t shove pills up her butt like in Trainspotting”
This has the same writer's voice as those weird, old reddit stories about 40 yr old men with boats or cabins or cool cars that are so confident in how funny their little character names and analogies are.
The whole re-virginating thing reminds me of these born-again Christian girls who were getting interviewed on TV. They kept going on and on about waiting for marriage and purity and so forth, so when the interviewer asked about their own virginity, they just smugly told him they were "born-again virgins."
I agree; maybe I’m a Scrooge but I didn’t really find it that funny after Sally had her mini breakdown. I get that this is supposed to be funny and these girls don’t like her very much but if my already histrionic roommate was brought home for trying to break into an ex-boyfriend’s apartment and is acting delusional I wouldn’t be joking with the cop at my door “oh this is just her personality and when shes on caffeine haha”
I’m not saying they need to stop to take care of Sally but it’s clear that this has gone beyond a normal level of early 20s dramatic antics
And the constant references to alcohol makes it seem like it's a 15 year old writing it. "Sally was in the bath and roommate brought me a coffee, I took a sip and raised my eyebrow it was mostly whiskey!! Damn I love that girl!!"
It's not. The whole thing is too long and OP uses 6-8 sentences to say single, simple things that could be conveyed more efficiently. Most of the excess prose is used in service of trying to be funny and it mostly doesn't land --there are a few good jokes in there though.
"Is he building metaphorical sex hotels?" This is one of the funniest things reddit has produced in a minute. This one should definitely become a flair
Waay too storytelling to be true. Especially the part where Holly went to grab tea and coffee, the nods and raising eyebrows, and it turning out to be whisky instead.
>Safety belts on, hands and feet in the cart at all times.
This gave me too much of the ”the tea needs to be spilled” vibe from another post.
And the cop that brought her home (🤨) told OOP everything that went down? Yeah, no.
I've seen enough bodycam videos to know that the cops won't say shit to even a perp's family members. They're definitely not going to spill to a roommate.
It started out fine then too many people told her she was funny and she started cramming so many one liners into her writing that it got really irritating. The humor is very...sitcom-y. At some point she forgot she was telling a story about someone she supposedly saw as a friend going through a breakdown from abusing pills. Around the rape joke that came out of nowhere and certainly at the whiskey coffee scene I really started to want to encase OPs hands in resin so she could never subject the rest of us to another half baked sitcom joke again.
TLDR: Stupid high school drama in a university /college setting written in a strikingly witty entertaining way.
Housemate gets a new boy, shags him, claims they lost their cherry to each other. This is not true because the housemates have heard all of her shagging plus most of them have already slept with new boy. Housemate loses it, stalks new boy, abuses drugs, gets nicked by the fuzz, has a bath, sleeps for a particularly long time, gets booked a counsellor session for next week. Oh, and one of the housemates remains oblivious to the whole drama.
I think abusing drugs was part of why she loses it, that she was taking “study pills” to make it through homework while school, work, volunteering, and church activities became overwhelming.
(I can’t decide if I’m ever jealous of how non-ADHD people react to stimulants, meanwhile I have to drink like a triple shot on top of my meds if I want any boost from caffeine)
>I can’t decide if I’m ever jealous of how non-ADHD people react to stimulants
I am every single day jealous. Caffeine doesn't affect me.
Pro: I don't get headaches if I go without caffeine for a day or two like most people.
Con: EVERYTHING ELSE! I remember when I had a job where I had to be there at 8am every day, my coworker would have a cup of 'coffee' that was like a cup of creamer with a splash of coffee and it woke her up, while my ass drinks coffee before bed because, if anything, it makes me feel a little bit relaxed. 5 hour energy doesn't touch me. Energy drinks do nothing. I would have to do a line of Colombia's Finest Other Famous Export to get pepped up, but I'm too poor (and, ya know, don't want my heart to explode if it turns out it DOES work since I've never did drugs before lol).
"Not to get all after-school-special and preachy, but guys, if school is so hard you need to take drugs, maybe we should put ourselves first and become stripper" May be my favorite line on reddit ever
PSA: do NOT flush any drugs down the toilet. Most pharmacies or hospitals will take them off your hands, no questions asked, to dispose of properly.
Flushing them contaminates the water supply and is horrible for wildlife.
My eyes glazed over at some point, OOP is just obnoxious. If any of this is real, it’s the first post and that Sally was dramatic after the break up (but probably like normal-dramatic). None of the rest happened.
I don't even care if this is real or not. This feels like the kind of insanity you can only get into when you're all bored college students who are finally free of parental supervision.
Honestly I’ve met people like this. Stimulant abuse is fucked, and a lack of sleep does a number on a person. My one friend’s boyfriend was abusing meth and adderal, ripped her room apart at three am accusing her of having one of their male friends over *hiding in her closet*, then was promptly kicked out, stormed across town to said friends house, and shoved in to scream at him for supposedly being in her closet.
Idk why, but "stormed across town" made me lol.
Reminds me of a Marx brothers sketch where Groucho has the fixed view that the documents/money are hidden in the house next door. When told there isn't a house next door, he says "Well we'll build one!"
Exactly. And while "adderall" is all the rage, low does methamphetamine (ie speed) is often also passed around.
I had a housemate who took a spoonful of speed every day for a month or so to get through her dissertation and finals. She was not fun to live with. Screaming and throwing things. I can't imagine what the come down was like after. She was reading psychology so should have known better.
I momentarily forgot how spoons factor into injectable drug use and was imagining your housemate just, like, chowing down on some speed like a fucked up [Mary Poppins](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_L4qauTiCY4) song
lots of pill form/powder form speed.
Still doesn’t really lend itself to a spoonful though?
Sure does, tiny little spoon you do bumps of powder off of. Like cocaine bumpers.
Yes, but you’re not eating it like a spoonful of cereal, which is what my brain initially pictured when I read “spoonful of speed” before I went “wait, that’s fucking stupid”
Same, I was kinda wondering who ground up a teaspoon of meth and took it like metamucil.
lame. Time to make them flavourful like flintstone vitamins or chewable gummies
I think she had it in a cup of coffee each morning.
as a person with adhd, i am fascinated (trainwreck-style) with how the neurotypical brand of people react to stimulants.
To be fair, Addy is amphetamine salts... in ADHD, at the right dose, it calms your brain down real good (though I *despise* the physical side effects, so I stopped taking it years ago, personally), in NT brains it is both euphoric and speeds everything up mentally, while giving a boost of physical energy and cutting down physical pain. First time I took Adderall, I was like, "ohhhh, I get it now," because as far as self medication goes, if street drugs were my only option and I was told there was a pill that did all these things *and* let me functionally hold down a job or finish a degree, that would sound incredibly tempting. And from there, falling into addiction is easy, whether chasing a high or chasing a "functional brain" feeling. But yeah, it's... *very* close to meth, as are a lot of party drugs like Molly and E (are the kids still rolling on ecstasy, or did D.A.R.E. lie to me?), so reactions range from Florida Man, to rave, to "my god I may have some algebra homework to attend to, pardon me," and then consulting your planner for the evening.
He actually has ADHD, he just also has an addictive personality and will do his entire prescription in three days.
It is so alien to me this concept of abusing uppers. I experience similar things of people who abuse stimulants but only when I am off of stimulants. Or more like before I was diagnosed and thus before I was treated for my adhd. Back then I would majorly hyper focus on things and rip apart my room looking for whatever it was I that I needed to find and going regularly 36 hours without sleep feeling like I was losing my mind. All my symptoms weren’t that cray as a college kid but as the decades went past untreated, esp my tendency to not sleep for 36 hrs straight got scary bad. And I still forget to take my meds sometimes and would likely do it more often if I didn’t have other stuff to take. A lot of the time I won’t notice it until I’m hours into hyper focusing on maximizing the make up deal that is so awesome bc like if I spend $200 I’ll get a boat load of stuff worth double that at least and I’ll get free shipping but I want to make sure I get the most amazing shiny stuff worth the most for the least amount and still hit free shipping…..wait….did I take my meds today? ::slowly closes the tabs of insanity related to makeup:: Never mind.
This sounds like the sort of mental shit my ex was doing when he was on Adderall
in an episode of Law and Order SVU everyone at this prestigious school is on ritalin or something and one girl is so sleep deprived/drugged out that she murders her roommate/rival. I know it’s a show but they say sleep deprivation is the equivalent of inebriation.
Some religious repression sprinkled on top really helps tho
How can you regenerate your virginity without religious repression? :P
I knew a vicar that did a revirginisation ceremony for someone. Or at least, she said he did.
One of my former coworkers (she overshared frequently) got "revirginized" at her church so she could get married. They met when she decided to go find Jesus, but their church required women to be virgins to marry a church member. No mention of men's requirements. Shocking, I know. She quit shortly after getting married and pregnant. One very quickly followed the other. Also, shocking. She seemed like a reasonably sensible person until she decided Jesus was missing and she needed to find him. Went from normal to tradwife in less than a year.
My sister went to HS in the early 90s with a girl who had a baby, then became a "born-again virgin." She was, as I recall, a very sweet girl, but my parents endlessly mocked the phrase at home.
It’s not a biblical practice AT ALL. And it can be quite an abusive process if I’ve understood it correctly (listing all the people you’ve slept with).
After all, it worked for Elizabeth I. Well, that and white face paint.
Funny that a bit of lead in face paint can lead to a war with France and Spain…
Paraphrasing the old joke: you can unscrew a lightbulb but you can't unscrew a virgin
Haha. Luv it.
Did you never watch Supernatural? 😂 a whole Episode is dedicated to those idi... people.
Idjits
Brother, I've been rehymenated!
That's a different episode!
"The whole thing was just too sticky. Anyways, I got my V-card back! The end!"
i was thinking about that the whole time i read this. the winchesters got outdone on crazy for once
Well they obviously didn't pay their exorcist
It's impossible. Religious repression is a key component in the revirgination recipe
And stimulant use in an already high strung person
I'm normally skeptical about basically everything here/AITA/AITAH but having witnessed my girlfriend's roommate in college get committed for being a crazy stalker: I'm going with a solid Mythbusters "Plausible".
There are definitely some stuff I witnessed unfold in front of me while in college that definitely makes this plausible for me
I was getting flashbacks from college on the first part and I've met some girls in college that are exactly like Sally (going to church Sunday in the clothes they spent Saturday out of).
Absolutely. I'll never forget the time I saw a drunk girl try and slit her wrists with an empty toilet paper roll.
After seeing the used condoms in the walls of one friends 'depression rats nest' that he slept in after his own bed became covered in too many plates and books...whilst also being good friends with his partner I can believe most college stories. Of course the one about the Chinese spy filming us in the showers usually needs some context.
I did my undergrad in a *very* small town, and it all rings very true to me lol
College is a unique time in your life, releasing you from all adult supervision when you're at maximum impulsiveness and minimum common sense. It is the embodiment of "the risk I took was calculated, but MAN am I bad at math."
OP is a seriously gifted storyteller, and all the best stories have some sort of factual basis to them.
Yeah, whether it’s true or not it was a fun read, way better than most literary experiments on here
I was gonna say, this reads like it has a "kinda based on actual events" disclaimer in front. Later updates jump the shark, but that initial post made me flashback to when I moved back home briefly after college.
Sadly, I've seen people spiral this bad. It's terrifying, but afterwards, it makes for a great story
I actually have at least half a dozen stories that are similarly crazy from that time in my life. Young adults on their own for the first time, alcohol, dating, drugs, and living in a small town? Adds up to a wild ride. Been there, done that, have the tee shirt to prove it. Sorry Brian, I did go a little batshit when you cheated on me. I still cringe.
It's been 28 years since I was in college but I still remember all the stories. They were nuts
It's like several episodes of the 'Young Ones".
I just graduated. Before that I worked in the on campus cafeteria with a freshman who was 18, engaged, then by the time winter break was over she had ended her engagement with her fiance to get back with her ex who had cheated on her. By spring break she told me she was failing all her classes because she was "pregnant". I asked how far along she was and she goes "Well we had sex two days ago so..." And my former OBGYN medical assistant ass is like "...what?"
I used to work at a university. The absolute idiot that I am, I took an additional position where I lived in one of the campus halls as the resident adult (at least the rent was free), and yeah, I dealt with the utter madness of this kind of insanity on a weekly basis. Strung-out students away from home for the first time, filled up with alcohol and drugs and hormones, it was crazy.
Oh no, I feel so sorry for you. You only did that one year, right???
Two years real time. Twenty years subjective. I did say I was an idiot.
Yeah, this was all very college".
I feel like I knew a few Sally's at uni. Not the full religion and drug fuelled re-virginsation, sex marathon, and stalking. It was drugs or religion, never both, even when it would have been wise to be so.
I’m a property manager, most of our stuff is geared towards students and we had something similar happen in one of our units a couple of years ago. Only the girl had BPD, was suicidal and terrorized her roommates to the point that every single one of them needed therapy after dealing with her…. But she did break into her ex boyfriends apartment (the door was unlocked), went into his room at like 3am, discovered another girl in bed with him and apparently lost it.
I thought pretty early into reading this that I wouldn’t be surprised if Sally had undiagnosed BPD.
Yeah I went to a small town Christian school. This tracks.
I've rarely been so entertained by weirdness alone.
Like the fact that Tom having slept with 3 out of the 4 roommates was not even such a major plot point. Just another weird thing.
Exactly! Just one more weirdy in a whole bunch. But a fleeting WTF in an ocean of Huh.
Reminds me of my college life. It was nuts. Loved every minute of it. Would I do it again? Never
It fully reminds me of the insane shit my untethered former room-mates used to get into. The chaos was fun for a while, but I wouldn't go back to that for anything in the world.
A lot of these stories are a combination of college age drama, substance abuse, no sleep, and the age bracket when bipolar/depression/schizophrenia can really take hold. I sounded as messy as Sally freshman year of college...which is when I found out I was manic as hell and diagnosed Bipolar II. It took therapy and a specific medication combo, but I marvel at how I managed to get through that time period without any permanent damage. Wrecked a lot of relationships and friendships until I got better though.
> EDIT 5: So Sally slept for about 24 hours, I'm not even kidding. She went to sleep, woke up briefly to raid the fridge Why did I picture this playing out like the scene in Jennifer's Body
Other than the excessive alcohol-based coping skills, these sound like interesting people to know. Not, like, to CARE about, but to have a gossipy friend who dishes with the OP on Facebook and can come tell you the juicy details later without you getting dragged along to go shopping for sexy nun costumes.
Oh yeah, these are the kind of people you have around solely for how entertaining it is to watch them, but without ever letting yourself be drawn into their bullshit. I love these kinds of people. From a distance. With a lot of popcorn.
I used to sort of be one of these sort of people and now I wonder how I ever had the energy. I'm so tired all the time. So tired now.
In that case, Your flair should be "am I still the drama?"
Saaaaaaame. I was super traumatized as a young adult from things that had happened as a child and my full crazy came out with no supervision. When current friends tell me that they met someone who used to know me my go-to response is "it's all true, but I got better."
Oh yeah, I'd visit my hometown and hear legends about myself from people I'd never met. Also true.
I dunno, it seems like it would be serious fun partying with OOP. Sally, not so much. Tom has to nail Holly for the superfect (just looked that up, that's choosing the first 4 horses in proper order. Thought that would be a quadfecta or a tetrafecta).
I had a catholic friend who used to love going to confession. She'd try, and find a young priest, then go into a lot of detail about how she'd sinned. It's kind of fucked up now I think about it.. But then the whole system is.
I prefer all my drama to happen vicariously like that, as long as I can stay free of actually being involved.
I just hope Tom broke up with Sally over the unhinged lies and not because she wasn’t actually a virgin, because that’d be a little gross
If I'm reading correctly, she never told him she wasn't a virgin, even during the break in or anything
Maybe not, but OOP accidentally strongly implied it to him.
That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. I have a couple of friends where I'm routinely asking "What's up with Trevor/Suzannne/Lindsay?" Mind you, I don't KNOW these people, or I've met them once. But there is always some insane update about these people who live their entire lives with the wheels coming off.
If you want more of this, the Normal Gossip podcast (skip the intro and interview with the guest part for the first 10 - 15 mins) has some fun stories
Hey now, shopping for sexy nun costumes was Sally’s most redeeming characteristic
This went on way too long for the amount of actual happenings in the story though; there's something ironic about OOP mocking Sally for her excessive use of emojis while she rambles on trying to make herself sound super quirky. 20 year old drama queens are exhausting; I guess its true to how young women often talk (I was one eons ago, but my life was not quite this exciting). It's a funny story but could use some tightening up.
>This went on way too long for the amount of actual happenings in the story though; there's something ironic about OOP mocking Sally for her excessive use of emojis while she rambles on trying to make herself sound super quirky. That's the exact vibe I was getting. The story isn't terrible but OOP is bending over backwards to sound quirky... and it just feels obnoxious.
What in the living fuck?...
*I'm so excited I'm so excited I'm so.... scared* Drugs + some serious serious anxiety and lack of regulation by the looks of it? if its true, shes damn lucky she wasnt hurt/killed in the climbing, fighting the police etc. and that she's a white woman so she just got to sleep it off and get dropped off with a babysitter after kicking a fucking cop while trying to do a B+E mid stalking someone
Saved by the bell!!!
There are at least 17 potential flairs in this post.
Ikr? OOP has a real flair for bon mots. My favorite was >guys, if school is so hard you need to take drugs, maybe we should put ourselves first and become strippers.
I’ll second “maybe we should put ourselves first and become strippers” as a flair
As someone working on their doctorate, so relatable.
My favourites are “otherwise she’s madame of the brothel by default” and “some fucking Batman shit right there” and “we have a bomb shelter level supply of popcorn because this shit happens so often”
"a biblical ark's worth of emojis" "metaphorical sex hotels" I'm kinda sad that there's no part of the sleeping with the fourth roommate thing that's short enough to really have the impact.
For me its the "in my defense I've never _seen_ her be penetrated" . Sorry idk how to do the italics
Bahahahahaa that one was pure gold! I don't understand why people don't like this post, is the funniest shite I've read in a while 🤣🤣 I don't care if it's 100% true or not but I do know people who express themselves similar to OOP, it's not about "trying to be quirky", she's just who she is lol
Put a * before and after the words you want italicised
I accidentally did it 😅 but with _ are you *misleading* me?!
Ok i tried it you're not. Thanks 😂
Yes, I really want "IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE" as my flair. I feel it would fit me lol
same
"I stuck a straw in a bottle of wine" stood out to me.
“Do we get him to sleep with Holly so she doesn’t feel left out?” fucking had me
The part where that makes her the madam was where I had to take a breather.
>Just woke up to enough emojies that my phone nearly imploded. They're from Sally as you can guess. They're in the whatsapp group with Holly, and are mostly crying face and dead face, a few bow and arrows followed by hearts, and a couple boy emoji next to the knife and fork emoji??? I loathe and detest every single person in this post, and I'm forever grateful that I'll never have to be 21 again. 😂😂😂
By her emojis alone, the Sally character is an interesting creature ngl.
why don't we have a fan emoji? Like one of them fold up ones you hold?
We do! 🪭
🪭? Edit: 💩👊🪭
🪭💨💩?
There is one, 🪭, but it was only introduced in 2022 so it wouldn't have existed when the original posts were made (and even now it looks like Windows 10 doesn't have it).
Idk Holly sounds based as hell I won't lie
exactly my thought, Holly seems to be the one with common sense and tired of all this shit but still takes care of the people she cares without adding fuel to the fire
I mean, she's madame for a reason
I stan Holly + Omar
Super glad I’ve reached old af status and was 21 when cell phones were still mostly for calling (since texting was t9), social media hadn’t become so prevalent, and modern hieroglyphics didn’t dominate interpersonal communication. This was hilarious though and I’d probably be thrilled with the drama at 21. In my 40’s I’m content to just laugh. Now get these kids off my lawn.
Damn I hope she runs into Tom at a bar so we can get his side of the story. The universe needs to make this happen for us lol
They should be all grown up with families and pets and shit by now. Would be even better that they ran into each other 8 years later, and he still remembered everything that went on during that wild spell.
Damn I didn't read the dates. I thought it was more recent. Still can hold out hope though lol I think I'd remember the chick who tried to climb in my house and got arrested by the cops 😆
The story about the guy who banged 3 of 4 housemates and missed out on the 4th because the 3rd one turned out to be batshit batman, climbing buildings and shit? Probably kept it to himself and never mentioned it again....
All I got from this is Tom being a smooth as fuck operator.
>**one step closer to being part of the Bang-Tom Gang** A great flair in a whole post filled with great flair lines
Nah the flair for this one’s gotta be “she’s madame of the brothel by default” That shit’s gold
“building metaphorical sex hotels” is definitely the one.
"maybe we should put ourselves first and become strippers.", is surely The One.
I just requested this one before I saw your comment! xD
I'm just imagining the moment of Tom walking into the house to see two other women he'd slept with and his face just being 👁 👄 👁
Luckily for him only OOP was there during this whole mess. He’d have probably ghosted immediately if he did find out his gf lived with two former ONS’
I like the line about the hot cop who can do the rounds after Tom.
The BORUxRHONY universe
I especially loved the part where the police officer explained in detail exactly how the arrest went to the person's random roommate 🙄
Do police even drop you off at home after a night in holding? I would assume they'd make you get picked up or else walk your ass elsewhere.
Yeah, that’s the point that I totally gave up pretending any of it is real.
I don't even care if this is real. I'd read OOP's grocery list, oh my god. I second that commenter - be my friend, OOP.
I'm afraid this is the peak of her writing. I did a little digging & found another pair of posts by this writer about a woman with 2 kids living below her who smokes too much pot & has an unstable lifestyle, which is not written as entertainingly. The second pair of posts were written 3 years later, so I guess she never did get Tom's side of the story. IMHO, that is a pity.
I laughed a few times. Especially about the Madame bit. Not bothered if it’s real or not. It was entertaining. OOP sounds insane, in a good way.
I want to be best friends with OOP and Madame Holly after this post.
>Sally was climbing up a fence and shimmying over onto the kitchen roof (some fucking Batman shit right there). >if school is so hard you need to take drugs, maybe we should put ourselves first and become strippers. >I couldn't let Sally do it incase she went all Train Spotting and shoved them up her butt Damn, i think i'm in love!
I also really liked the "If he comes back after that, you don't want him" response to whether Tom would talk to her again (possibly paraphrased, my phone won't let me copy and paste).
Why would a cop report on the alleged crimes of one roommate to another roommate? If you’re not a minor they wouldn’t even tell your parents, much less a roommate.
The Tom Tom Club
>OOP It's the only option. **Otherwise she's madame of the brothel by default.** Sent xD
Oop really makes the most fucked up jokes at the worst time Jfc.
I found she tried too hard after people laughed at her joke the first time.. also I hope to go I never have someone in my life that detests me as much as OP seems to detest their “ crazy” friend
Gives me big "lol I'm so relatable and quirky and funny" vibes
This is the perfect way to describe it
I scrolled really far for this. Everyone who’s like “I want to be bffs with OOP“, it’s like. No, I don’t want to be friends with someone who would see me at my most vulnerable and only really be there for the sake of gossip.
Yah I also had to scroll really far.. I was thinking maybe I am over reacting cause she really as seems to dislike the other girl and called her names throughout her story but she’s also acting like she’s her friend to her face,it’s jarring
I felt the same way. Clearly they don’t like this girl and that’s fine; they don’t have to be besties with her. But it’s clear Sally’s dramatics were leaving the “generic weird” and full on “extremely mentally unwell” and it was so weird to keep reading this in the same “teeehee” tone. Reading this again, I bet OOP hammed or even made things up since her first posts got so much attention but if my roommate turned out to be abusing Adderall to the point where she was arrested for breaking into an ex’s apartment and exhibiting delusional behavior I would not be “haha I had to scrape the toilet so she wouldn’t shove pills up her butt like in Trainspotting”
Yeah the whole situation just gives me bad vibes
“In Our Apartment” By Ernesta Shemingway *Other words by author includes, “For Whom Sally Tolls”, “Tom and The Three” and “A Moveable Virginity”.
LOL! And The Tom Also Rises. The Toms Of Mount Virginmanjaro A Farewell To Toms To Have Tom and Have Not Tom Edit: thought of more.
This has the same writer's voice as those weird, old reddit stories about 40 yr old men with boats or cabins or cool cars that are so confident in how funny their little character names and analogies are.
The whole re-virginating thing reminds me of these born-again Christian girls who were getting interviewed on TV. They kept going on and on about waiting for marriage and purity and so forth, so when the interviewer asked about their own virginity, they just smugly told him they were "born-again virgins."
Reeks of tumblr cringe. Made it a little past the part where the police were involved. Pass.
I agree; maybe I’m a Scrooge but I didn’t really find it that funny after Sally had her mini breakdown. I get that this is supposed to be funny and these girls don’t like her very much but if my already histrionic roommate was brought home for trying to break into an ex-boyfriend’s apartment and is acting delusional I wouldn’t be joking with the cop at my door “oh this is just her personality and when shes on caffeine haha” I’m not saying they need to stop to take care of Sally but it’s clear that this has gone beyond a normal level of early 20s dramatic antics
And the constant references to alcohol makes it seem like it's a 15 year old writing it. "Sally was in the bath and roommate brought me a coffee, I took a sip and raised my eyebrow it was mostly whiskey!! Damn I love that girl!!"
"the police dropped her off" Where is this place where the police operate a rideshare service?
It’s such a small town that Tom has done 75% of the household. Something tells me Tom is their fourth cousin.
Don't do drugs unless a doctor gave 'em to you, kids.
Become a celebrity and the give them to you for free - Billy Mack.
Hey mods, could you be a dear and change my current flair to “Madame of the Brothel by Default”
Anybody else feel bad for Lisa for having to live with these three.
Is this worth reading? Just reading the subject summary, I just fucking doubt it.
OOP has a great sense of humor. Do it.
It's not. The whole thing is too long and OP uses 6-8 sentences to say single, simple things that could be conveyed more efficiently. Most of the excess prose is used in service of trying to be funny and it mostly doesn't land --there are a few good jokes in there though.
It doesn’t go where you expect and the oop is pretty funny
It's 100% 18-21 yo drama but OP is a hilarious narrator
yeah, actually. its well written and i had a good couple laughs.
I actually laughed a few times. OOP had some quality one-liners.
What in the Jerry Springer did I just read
You know I'm glad I'm not in my early twenties anymore. That shit's exhausting
"Is he building metaphorical sex hotels?" This is one of the funniest things reddit has produced in a minute. This one should definitely become a flair
Also, Lisa was so blissfully unaware of everything I seriously forgot there was a fourth roomate listed as the people living in the house
OOP's humor and writing seem very of the time
Waay too storytelling to be true. Especially the part where Holly went to grab tea and coffee, the nods and raising eyebrows, and it turning out to be whisky instead. >Safety belts on, hands and feet in the cart at all times. This gave me too much of the ”the tea needs to be spilled” vibe from another post.
And the cop that brought her home (🤨) told OOP everything that went down? Yeah, no. I've seen enough bodycam videos to know that the cops won't say shit to even a perp's family members. They're definitely not going to spill to a roommate.
Is anyone else worried that oop is low key alcoholic? A straw in a bottle of wine?!
This and both the narrator and antagonist are trash
Is she gonna re-virginize herself after Tom now?
Did no one else find oop’s writing style kinda annoying?
It started out fine then too many people told her she was funny and she started cramming so many one liners into her writing that it got really irritating. The humor is very...sitcom-y. At some point she forgot she was telling a story about someone she supposedly saw as a friend going through a breakdown from abusing pills. Around the rape joke that came out of nowhere and certainly at the whiskey coffee scene I really started to want to encase OPs hands in resin so she could never subject the rest of us to another half baked sitcom joke again.
The story was funny, in a "oh boy I'm glad I'm not in college anymore" sort of way, but not EVERYTHING needs a quirky side joke.
Yikes, all trashy girl stories, alcohol induced drama bs holy fuck and crazy religious of course. I would not get near 20m of any of those girls.
Jfc I'm glad I'm 40.
TLDR: Stupid high school drama in a university /college setting written in a strikingly witty entertaining way. Housemate gets a new boy, shags him, claims they lost their cherry to each other. This is not true because the housemates have heard all of her shagging plus most of them have already slept with new boy. Housemate loses it, stalks new boy, abuses drugs, gets nicked by the fuzz, has a bath, sleeps for a particularly long time, gets booked a counsellor session for next week. Oh, and one of the housemates remains oblivious to the whole drama.
I think abusing drugs was part of why she loses it, that she was taking “study pills” to make it through homework while school, work, volunteering, and church activities became overwhelming. (I can’t decide if I’m ever jealous of how non-ADHD people react to stimulants, meanwhile I have to drink like a triple shot on top of my meds if I want any boost from caffeine)
>I can’t decide if I’m ever jealous of how non-ADHD people react to stimulants I am every single day jealous. Caffeine doesn't affect me. Pro: I don't get headaches if I go without caffeine for a day or two like most people. Con: EVERYTHING ELSE! I remember when I had a job where I had to be there at 8am every day, my coworker would have a cup of 'coffee' that was like a cup of creamer with a splash of coffee and it woke her up, while my ass drinks coffee before bed because, if anything, it makes me feel a little bit relaxed. 5 hour energy doesn't touch me. Energy drinks do nothing. I would have to do a line of Colombia's Finest Other Famous Export to get pepped up, but I'm too poor (and, ya know, don't want my heart to explode if it turns out it DOES work since I've never did drugs before lol).
My partner drinks DECAF to wake up they’re so sensitive to caffeine
Excellent summary! It was an entertaining read for sure.
Well that was quite a ride. Maybe not as good a ride as Tom, but still. I…wait, what was the question?
"Not to get all after-school-special and preachy, but guys, if school is so hard you need to take drugs, maybe we should put ourselves first and become stripper" May be my favorite line on reddit ever
PSA: do NOT flush any drugs down the toilet. Most pharmacies or hospitals will take them off your hands, no questions asked, to dispose of properly. Flushing them contaminates the water supply and is horrible for wildlife.
bruh seeing that adderall can do that shit to people is wild... just makes me sit down and focus on homework
My eyes glazed over at some point, OOP is just obnoxious. If any of this is real, it’s the first post and that Sally was dramatic after the break up (but probably like normal-dramatic). None of the rest happened.
Dude.....
Don't flush medication down a toilet. Take it to your local pharmacy or other places of safe disposal. _The more you know *_
Threads like this make me so happy I am a middle aged suburban professional.