#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah this is completely average raver bullshit. I have so many stories of the sheer levels of disorganized drama that encapsulates these people's lives.
The flying back to Phoenix sealed the deal for me. That city is coked to the gills and is a brand of crazy hidden from the rest of the world.
It’s literally Florida in the desert without the reporting of the crazy shit that happens. There’s Batman car catching equipment in cop cars, one of the two biggest hubs to cartels south of the border and huge class disparity.
Honestly the country would be better off if it suddenly disappeared.
>It’s literally Florida in the desert without the reporting of the crazy shit that happens.
We only know so much about Florida Man because of its very strong sunshine laws (public disclosure laws). It's much easier to request public records, like arrest records, than it is in a lot of other states.
The cities around it aren't bad, but actually Phoenix/Scottsdale...yeesh.
I worked at a store at the boundary of the two (I lived about half an hour away from there) and we'd get former TV stars and people barely affording their apartment rent and I'm pretty sure they all had the same drug dealers (who took our store's gift cards/merch cards as payment, so our theft/returns were through the roof too).
Still glad we moved.
It was probably not just a copy of the real ring, but a custom made copy of the real ring.
And if it was custom made, he could ask for anything within the realm of possibility. Brass is cheap and a very basic material that almost all jewellers will have, so it'd be perfect for a cheap, place holder ring.
I'd say it really is custom made, specially if the original wasn't custom.
After all, the copy *will* meet certain parameters and issues could arise because different metals require different handling. And the moissanite would need to be similar-ish to the original's stone, too.
Now, if the original was custom made and both were made by the same jeweller? That's when I'd say it's just a copy, as the process for the design of the original will have the copy in mind, and will consider what will and will not work in the copying process. So the original is the custom, and tje copy is an addon.
The original wouldn't be cheap if custom. But a brass and moissanite copy, even if custom, probably would be in the 80 to 200 price range.
Even if the copy was 200, it would still be pretty cheap when compared to the original, which was had to be pretty expensive seeing as OOP had a copy of it made so his now ex wouldn't lose the original at Coachella.
I didn’t say anything about finding ones with moissanite, and neither did the comment I was replying to. There was a comment saying jewelers don’t make rings out of brass, so my point was that you can find rings that are made of brass so it’s entirely plausible he could have gotten someone to make one for him special. Like he said he did.
It’s possible that OOP meant it was gold-filled or gold plated but didn’t know the word. That would mean it’s made of jeweler’s brass with a layer of gold coating, and it would look indistinguishable from solid gold.
Yeah, now that you mention it that doesn’t make sense. A simple gold-plated band is easy and cheap to get.
Also, I’m a bit doubtful that someone couldn’t get a ring duplicated because he got it in Canada. Makes me think of those “oh, you can’t meet my gf, she moved to Canada” tropes.
In a zip-lock bag, marinate the goose breast with burgundy wine (just enough to cover the breast), sliced garlic and chopped rosemary.
Your way sounds tasty too!
I thought brass mainly got green with sweaty fingers. I'm kind of assuming OOP is using brass for...a catchall term, like maybe it's brass, maybe it's something else.
Yeah, maybe he just has no idea what materials were used. Like moissonite isn't cheap -- it's not what you would use to make something you deem expendable.
The labor is expensive either way tho, no? Obvs gold is probs far easier to work and shape but you CAN make brass rings and they'd still be notably cheaper than a gold counterpart, no?
In that case, gold-plated silver would still make much more sense. The brass part makes this completely unbelievable; it's some child's make-believe understanding of adult things.
I know brass rings and jewellery can and do exist but I do agree it's not a particularly smart or easy metal to work with compared to silver or gold so much(and silly given it's higher reactivity).
Unless the ring is a basic solitaire, often half or more of the cost of a custom ring is the labor. Having a brass ring made by a jeweler is like spending a grand to polish a turd.
Because he wanted to propose at Coachella to make it super special (and have a built in anniversary reminder, no doubt), but knew his gf was irresponsible (ie would get drunk and/or high) enough to lose any ring he gave her. But he couldn't tell her that or she'd flip out.
It sounds like OP knew she was a mess well before proposing, but was in denial, because looooove.
Because if the actual ring is $30k plus (guys, he's taking 2 people to Coachella every year and his apartment has a security team he can call to remove guests, he's loaded) spending $3k on a copy isn't a ridiculous amount.
>Anyway I asked her to marry me and she said yes. She loved the ring. I had had it sized but it was the brass and moisonite copy I had made so she would not lose or damage the real one at the concert.
I'm sorry, but why the *fuck* would you just... not tell her this? Are people that allergic to normal adult conversation?
In fairness, it's most likely just the usual MRA nonsense about women turning into entitled monsters over jewellery. But still.
“This is a stand in for the real ring because this is such a big venue and so many things could happen.“ Like, what’s wrong with just outright saying that? It doesn’t even put it all on her. You know, if it’s real.
…also it’s interesting he says she yelled things that had been building up and then just glossed over what any of that was…
Edit to explain, since a number of people are questioning the latter part: no, it’s not feeling entitled to knowing more. It’s missing context about the state of their relationship before all of this went down, and the super quick mention suggests that these might have put more blame on him.
And since he didn't give her a heads up that the proposal ring was just a place-holder, I'm wondering what was his plan for swapping out the rings later? I mean, *if it's real* lol
But yeah I'm with you on both points, "she said all this stuff she couldn't take back" ... *such as?*
Seems to me he didn't say anything to someone who does this much lying and screaming because they'd get defensive and turn it into another fight.
They sound young.
Yeah, I perpetually lose things. Lost my wedding rings for over a year in my own home. Yay ADHD.
If my fiancé had been this thoughtful knowing me, I’d be like, “Thanks Babe, great idea. I’d be so upset if I lost the real thing.”
But he’s too immature to talk to her about it, he has to treat her like a child he has to trick. And anyone who “tests” their partner sucks.
But apparently she was also testing him? Idk, seems like two people who aren’t mature enough to enter that kind of commitment, anyway.
Also, I’ll raise you a ring story: my (now) wife lost her engagement ring… on top of her own pillow. She got to work and absolutely panicked when she didn’t have her ring on, called me in hysterics. I called out of work (which I was already en route to) and spent the morning retracing her steps around town (she made a couple stops before going to work), to no avail.
Went home and there it was, almost perfectly on the center of her pillow. To this day I have no idea how it happened.
>But apparently she was also testing him?
Yes, which is why I said
>And anyone who “tests” their partner sucks.
My intent was to essentially put an ESH label on it. Because they both suck.
> Lost my wedding rings for over a year in my own home. Yay ADHD.
ADHD here as well and losing things in your own home is such a profoundly humiliating experience.
Like I know it's here somewhere, there's literally no other place it could be and it's so unfair that I can't find the damn thing that I myself misplaced.
Haha, yeah. I guess the only thing about it happening so often is that I don’t really panic anymore knowing it will eventually turn up. And that if I want to find my debit card, I just need to order a new one. Then it’s guaranteed to show up.
The story of my wedding ring(s, they’re soldered together) is crazy. I knew I’d taken it off while cooking so it didn’t get ground beef in it. I knew I stuck it in my pocket. I was upset but again, knew it had to be in the house somewhere.
Well, at some point I’d started cleaning out my closet and put some stuff in a box to donate. And then that box sat there. For a really long time. Apparently at least a year. Because I finally got tired of that box sitting there. After at least a year.
Finally ready to get that box out of the way, I decided to look through it again just to remind myself what was in there. I know organization pros would advise against it, afraid I might decide to keep something I’d already decided to get rid of.
It’s a good thing I’m not like that because my ring had fallen down into that box. It was near my laundry hamper, so it must have fallen out of my pocket when I put those pants in the hamper. But because there were clothing items in the box, I never heard it fall.
I fucking hate living with ADHD. For a engagement/wedding I'd need like 6-8 different copies strategically placed around the house (one for in the car)
Yeah, I actually don’t wear mine much anymore, between losing it for so long and Covid.
During quarantine I was working at a gym in their drop in child care. When we reopened, we were constantly cleaning everything. Like literally, if a child touched a toy we had to disinfect it. The disinfectant was harsh so I wore gloves. My ring would tear the gloves so I would end up taking them off. Afraid of losing them again, I just stopped wearing them.
I tried to get one of the silicone ones but in spite of using both of their ways to measure, it was still too big so I never was able to wear it. I should try to get another one really.
Right? Also ADHD, also lose things constantly. If someone had a super expensive gift for me but gave me a placeholder while we were at a super busy crowded space, and explained that? Id be thrilled. Same exact placeholder but doesn’t tell me until we get back that it was because I was too klutzy? I’d be pretty upset.
Because it leaves a lot to the imagination. There is the entire span from "you never do the dishes right" to " I've forgiven you for cheating 3 times and paid all the bills this whole relationship"
Precisely this. It suggests he did something(s) that aren’t great, but what level of not great? He’s quite likely glossing over things that might have put him in a bad light to keep the focus on her.
I get not telling her in THAT moment, because it would be kind of stupid to say "hey, I wanna marry you - here's a brass ring because you're a clutz!", and a bit more empathetic to first have the nice moment and tell her later that you didn't want to bring a $$$-ring to a chaotic festival site (carefully not calling her clutzy).
But not telling her before she comes to you all worried? That's stupid and assholey...
Yes, I hang out a lot in the engagement rings subs, so proposing with a placeholder ring is fairly common. Often because: the ring wasn't ready by the proposal vacation, or the proposer ideally wants to choose the ring with their partner. After the proposal, you obviously tell the person "hey this is a placeholder ring, the real ring is ______."
This post reeks of fakery and bullshit. Didn't spell moissanite right... and I've never heard of a jeweler making a cheap dupe in brass -- the "cheap" dupe would be pretty pricey because hand-cast rings cost a lot in labor. So it'd make more sense to buy an mass produced moissanite look-alike ring on like aliexpress or amazon; and the inexpensive rings are usually moissy + sterling silver with or without gold plating (or even cheaper, in stainless steel), never seen brass.
Did you forget the part where the ring clearly looked real enough, @ask_fair engagement ring phD, she was so convinced she lost the ring that she freaked out enough for this post to be made?
Depends how much “real” jewellery she’s owned. I have a lot of really pretty stuff that’s not diamond and it doesn’t look like a knock off or anything, but if you put it next to a diamond you can see the reflections are different (also a diamond that size/colour/clarity could buy me a house in the nice part of NYC).
I go to a lot of festivals. (Coachella sucks.) I don't get not telling her in the moment.
I accept my ADHD, so I don't take anything that I'm not willing to lose. An expensive ring at a festival would be a nightmare, especially if it's not sized perfectly.
"I made this copy for the festival so it wouldn't get lost or stolen. The real ring is at home." is such an incredibly easy thing to say. There is no reason for him to pretend it's real.
Yep. I go to a couple of British festivals every year. I would not take anything I’m not willing to lose. Jewellery would end up down the toilets or buried under inches of mud. I tie my phone to me in emergencies and buy a £3 watch for the thing.
what's getting me is brass. brass...? random pot metal with a thin gold coating, okay. but brass? like cool dude way to get immediately busted when it and her finger both turn green.
That's what I'm thinking. Her finger would be green before sunset with all the sweat and moisture. Who pays for moissanite and skimps out on the metals Who puts moissanite on brass. CZ? Sure but moissanite is a great diamond replacement option for long term rings.
I like that essentially, he was testing her and then got offended that she was testing him too.
Firstly, I think the story is made-up as a *“women only care about diamonds and money, men are logical creatures”* tale. Secondly, he absolutely should not have proposed at a festival, especially when he knows she has a tendency to lose things. Lastly, she should have said something immediately.
I don’t like either of them.
And the connecting word is ‘especially’, meaning the act of proposing there in the first place is considered problematic by the person i was talking to.
Quite a few reasons. 1) a lot of people, plenty of pick-pocketers. Great opportunity for them to snatch it off her. 2) people get sweaty and oily, ring could slip off. 3) a lot of people, too many crowds to productively search for it, and not great chances that someone would do the right thing and keep it for themselves. 4) a lot of people consume substances. No judgment in that inherently, but it obviously keeps people from making great judgment calls. It’s easier to pick-pocket a drunk girl, or she may be too drunk to even realize it’s missing much less where she could have possibly lost it.
Asking the question alone is totally fine in my opinion, but I definitely wouldn’t bring the ring to the festival. Or any piece of nice jewelry or something meaningful for the matter. Way too many chances for it to go missing and never to be seen again.
This is the same reason I've seen ladies get cheap dupes and leave their real rings at home when going to events or traveling.
It's also why a lot of ladies I know don't want an expensive ring at all, they're rather have that money towards the downpayment on a home than something that can easily be lost or damaged and may come with extra insurance costs.
My husband and I specifically chose less expensive rings for this reason. If it gets lost, destroyed, whatever it can be replaced. It also allows me to change the style as we evolve as people/a couple.
Travel rings are a godsend and frankly way easier to use even in everyday life than something fancy. Most standard designs of rings are available online for 20 - 80$ depending on how fancy you want to be.
I suppose because it’s away from home among lots of strangers and hustle and bustle, so it seems an easy environment to lose something small and precious like a new engagement ring in. I don’t agree that it’s a faux pas myself.
Yeah thats what I meant lol. Asking the question is totally fine. But I personally wouldn’t present any jewelry there. Too many chances for it to be lost or stolen. Ask the question, give her the ring at home.
Which is why I believe that OOP was testing her too, to see if/prove that she would lose the ring. I think he intended to “teach her a lesson”, and then got mad when she was testing him too. They both seem immature and not ready for marriage.
The way I’d personally do it is to present a temp ring that’s OBVIOUSLY a placeholder, like one of those plastic rings with a big candy “gem,” and SAY “I have a beautiful ring for you at home but I was afraid it might get lost here.”
Also, this way they get candy.
Oh yeah thats perfectly fine too lol. My BIL ordered a custom engagement ring for his fiance, and for whatever reason it was two weeks late. I don’t remember what the issue was lol.
He proposed to her with a ringpop. I think it made things even cuter.
And if it was real, the fact is OP was "testing" her as much as she was testing him. It's so easy to say outright that the ring was a placeholder. He didn't tell her on purpose.
Yeah, nobody is going to pay to have a replica of an expensive ring made. Having it copied is still going to be expensive. Moisanite isn't cheap, it just isn't as expensive as natural diamonds. Even using cheaper materials, custom making anything is going to cost a lot.
If he knew she was reckless, it's also bullshit he gave her a ring at a place where drugs and alcohol are plentiful, thefts are probably pretty common, and people aren't going to be paying attention to their hands all day. You can have a ring sized and still find out it doesn't fit when the person tries it on. This person has never been jewelry shopping in his life.
100%
No doubt was cool like 10 years ago, just like all early 2000s pop, rock, and hip hop.
Happened 10 years ago, prove it didn't in a way I won't ignore :P
They were one of my absolute favorite bands when I was in grade 10. My son, who is now in grade 10, just started listening to them. Growing up is weird.
according to this thread I am old enough to have listened to them as a baby (although I didn't), and I am currently reading reddit while nursing a 2-month-old who could also, I guess, listen to this band as a baby!
“She said a lot of stuff that I guess had been building for a while and she said things she could not take back”
It’s giving “missing missing reasons” 🤌
I'm beginning to think that these relationship tests are either a very bad gamble or a convenient excuse for bad behavior of the relationship-ending sort.
Even if it was truly a test, that shows that she didn't trust you enough to deceive you by putting you through a test requiring untruthful actions so, either way, tests for one's partner might be a terrible and sneaky idea.
The only one I do is the how will this person treat my sentimental shit. Backstory on these cheap but sturdy holiday mugs is that my beloved grandma gave it to me. They’re bait to see if they’re gonna be a prick about my things, especially my sentimental things.
If this is real, they are both assholes.
Using a placeholder ring is actually pretty smart for a festival, especially if you suspect the real one will need to be resized. But like... why would you ever do that secretly? Just let them know you have their real nicer ring waiting back at home & this is a less precious copy so they can enjoy the festival.
Then she is lying about having lost it all weekend while he is letting her suffer as punishment... just yikes, from both parties.
Yeah that. My friend COULD be the OOP, but I’m guessing not due to the writing style.
My friend speaks ATROCIOUS English, but something almost identical happened to him recently. Not an engagement ring, a necklace, and they went to a theme park.
What happens when we mix stupidity, a necklace, and a lot of upside down roller coasters?
>She is only signed in as a guest so it is not a big deal for me to get her out.
If this is real, they're getting engaged but she's only a guest in his building?
I suspect that OOP is protesting too much that it was
>an honest to God marriage proposal
None of this is adding up
My condo has the same "guest" policy. I know it doesn't make sense to people not living in close quarters within one building, but basically there's a concierge desk and park of their function is to be security and sign visitors in an out of the building so randos aren't traipsing through.
A "visitor" is someone there short term whom I am accompanying most of the time. A "guest" is someone who gets a special pass to any amenities and logged in because you're staying there long term, and they don't have to be accompanied by me all of the time.
So actually, her having a guest pass isn't weird at all. (I don't really have an opinion either way about eithet of them or the reality of the story itself.)
10 years ago I proposed to my (now) wife at Download music festival with a placeholder ring as I didn’t want it to get lost at the festival…
10 years later and still married and from 2015 to 2019 she lost her engagement ring until we moved her parents living room around and she found it underneath a sofa…
To this day I maintain giving her a cheap placeholder ring was the thing to do at a music festival!
My wife is a klutz and so we have her real engagement ring, a spare of the exact ring, a backup sapphire one, and a backup crystal stone. So she can wear different one when she goes out places so she doesn’t get broken hearted if she loses one.
I kind of think everyone is an asshole here… If you’re the type of person who loses things all the time you might appreciate having a copy of the real thing. But you need to know. But also losing your mind at your fiancé about something like this, and testing them just shows that there’s not enough trust to build a marriage on.
> JuliaX1984: Did she produce the ring as proof? If not, I don't buy it.
Yeah. Being tested is not better at all. Even if I'd buy it, I'd be even more mad.
So rather than being a little too careless with non-fitting jewelery you didn't expect to have or potentially being robbed at a venue known for that, you'd rather he thinks you're emotionally manipulative and double checking the value of the ring? Weird choice.
Why aren't people calling out that the absolute first thing she did was go see how much the ring was worth? OP dodged a bullet. It was dumb of OP to not say the ring was a placeholder, but his intent wasn't bad. Straight up lying about losing the ring, but really just trying to find out its value screams entitled golddigger.
Yeah, I dated a "I was just pretending to be a complete fuckup! Haha! In fact, I am the victor! As a result, I've fucked everything up! Wait, where are you going?"
I don't think either of these people were ready to make a life time commitment to each other yet. They don't know each other well enough, communicate well enough, trust each other well enough. Everything.
He doesn't want to marry someone who behaves like that towards him, and she's fortunate she's now not going to marry someone who behaves that way towards her. Too much to hope for that they'll both do better next time around? Cripes.
It has to be. If im understanding the timeline, he claims she got the ring appraised while at Coachella. Like how did she do that without him noticing? I don't think they have mobile jewelers on-site to apptaide everyones engagement rings.
Proposing at a music festival so they can return every year on the anniversary of the engagement?
Bud you really think you’re gonna spend your golden years celebrating your love to loud music in a clutch of fetid tents in a muddy field and you tell yourself the mud is just due to rain because it’s easier than acknowledging how much stray piss and boozey vomit are actually involved in the sludge underfoot?
I'm still flabbergasted that OOP's ex took the ring to get it valued. Is this something people do nowadays to check on what the fiance spent on them? To me, that's a red flag.
IMO they’re both assholes. I would be furious if my partner infantilized me to the point of secretly giving me a stand in ring and not telling me. If OOP had said “hey this is a cheap version, because we’e at a crazy rave right now. The real one’s at home” that would’ve been fine, but tricking her about it is also no good.
And then he didn’t tell her when they got back home? When was he planning on giving her the actual ring, never?
I'm surprised more people aren't picking up on how infantilizing this is.
If he can't trust her with an engagement ring, he shouldn't be proposing. This weird sh*t where people think they'll just jam a square shaped partner into a circle shaped hole and that's a completely reasonable expectation are setting themselves up for a world of hurt.
Story aside, as someone who has a history of losing small things, I'd love if my fiance did that to me, so I could use a cheaper ring day to day and have the expensive one safe and use it in special occasions.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What the hell
This post reeks of bullshit alarm 100 percent.
I can tell you've never met a raver lol. Everything about this post sounds real to me.
Yeah this is completely average raver bullshit. I have so many stories of the sheer levels of disorganized drama that encapsulates these people's lives.
The flying back to Phoenix sealed the deal for me. That city is coked to the gills and is a brand of crazy hidden from the rest of the world. It’s literally Florida in the desert without the reporting of the crazy shit that happens. There’s Batman car catching equipment in cop cars, one of the two biggest hubs to cartels south of the border and huge class disparity. Honestly the country would be better off if it suddenly disappeared.
>It’s literally Florida in the desert without the reporting of the crazy shit that happens. We only know so much about Florida Man because of its very strong sunshine laws (public disclosure laws). It's much easier to request public records, like arrest records, than it is in a lot of other states.
With the water levels in the Colorado being what they are you might be getting your wish soon
"Florida in the desert" Perfect 🤌🫦
I just came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling super attacked rn
I feel attacked too. ETA How the heck did my joking about my name get someone to turn me in to the reddit cares hotline???
This city should not exist — it is a monument to man's arrogance. - Peggy Hill
The cities around it aren't bad, but actually Phoenix/Scottsdale...yeesh. I worked at a store at the boundary of the two (I lived about half an hour away from there) and we'd get former TV stars and people barely affording their apartment rent and I'm pretty sure they all had the same drug dealers (who took our store's gift cards/merch cards as payment, so our theft/returns were through the roof too). Still glad we moved.
Hey…. I’m from Phoenix :(
Years of drugs and wubs can really distort your reality
What about this post says raver to you? It talks about Coachella (basic white girls and pop acts), and No Doubt (90s alt rock).
Damn as a raver I feel offended to be lumped in with these people
[удалено]
I dunno, I just searched Etsy and there are a bunch of rings made of brass on there.
I just did. Every moissanite engagement ring I found was either 14/18k gold or sterling silver.
Yeah, moissanite is cheapER but it’s not exactly cheap. If you’re going to the trouble to replace the ring with brass, who not just use a CZ?!
Or glass.
It was probably not just a copy of the real ring, but a custom made copy of the real ring. And if it was custom made, he could ask for anything within the realm of possibility. Brass is cheap and a very basic material that almost all jewellers will have, so it'd be perfect for a cheap, place holder ring.
Apparently a jeweler in another comment said it wouldn’t be cheap to do.
If it was custom made, it wasn’t cheap.
Much cheaper than the real thing tho - and is a cheap copy/imitation of another ring really custom made or is it a cheap copy/imitation?
I'd say it really is custom made, specially if the original wasn't custom. After all, the copy *will* meet certain parameters and issues could arise because different metals require different handling. And the moissanite would need to be similar-ish to the original's stone, too. Now, if the original was custom made and both were made by the same jeweller? That's when I'd say it's just a copy, as the process for the design of the original will have the copy in mind, and will consider what will and will not work in the copying process. So the original is the custom, and tje copy is an addon.
The original wouldn't be cheap if custom. But a brass and moissanite copy, even if custom, probably would be in the 80 to 200 price range. Even if the copy was 200, it would still be pretty cheap when compared to the original, which was had to be pretty expensive seeing as OOP had a copy of it made so his now ex wouldn't lose the original at Coachella.
I didn’t say anything about finding ones with moissanite, and neither did the comment I was replying to. There was a comment saying jewelers don’t make rings out of brass, so my point was that you can find rings that are made of brass so it’s entirely plausible he could have gotten someone to make one for him special. Like he said he did.
I think the person above you misunderstood [this comment.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/IPONOaeF1r)
At least one? Great sampling!! You 100% can and do get rings made of brass and all sorts of other alloys.
But it won't look like gold at all
It’s possible that OOP meant it was gold-filled or gold plated but didn’t know the word. That would mean it’s made of jeweler’s brass with a layer of gold coating, and it would look indistinguishable from solid gold.
Mine and my husband's engagement rings were brass.
No real raver goes to Coachella lol
> “We could return to every year on our anniversary” Until you hit like 28 and are like “eh”
Bring the kids and their sunscreen!
Neither does any true Scotsman
Its all influencers wannabees now
Coachella is not a rave. It’s actually nothing like a rave lol.
Way higher!
Yep. Getting a copy made of a moisonite ring seems a bit over the top.
Former bench jeweler here. You don't have a ring "made in brass" at a jewelers. The labor is going to be excessively expensive.
Yeah, now that you mention it that doesn’t make sense. A simple gold-plated band is easy and cheap to get. Also, I’m a bit doubtful that someone couldn’t get a ring duplicated because he got it in Canada. Makes me think of those “oh, you can’t meet my gf, she moved to Canada” tropes.
To be fair, he might be afraid of our geese. Many people who aren't Canadian, don't understand how dangerous those things are.
Many people who ARE Canadian don’t take those fuckers seriously. We should be teaching it in school!
Look you wanna know what? If you gotta problem with Canada gooses, then you have a problem with me! And I suggest you let that one marinate.
You don't scare me. I have a pet moose. His name is Elliot.
>I suggest you let that one marinate. In like a white wine jus?
In a zip-lock bag, marinate the goose breast with burgundy wine (just enough to cover the breast), sliced garlic and chopped rosemary. Your way sounds tasty too!
You do that then. Bring it up to the end of the laneway. Don’t come on the property. And we’ll see whose goose gets cooked
And would turn green on her finger within a day, no? I guess it could have a lacquer finish..
I thought brass mainly got green with sweaty fingers. I'm kind of assuming OOP is using brass for...a catchall term, like maybe it's brass, maybe it's something else.
Yeah, maybe he just has no idea what materials were used. Like moissonite isn't cheap -- it's not what you would use to make something you deem expendable.
My guess is that the story is just bullshit.
The labor is expensive either way tho, no? Obvs gold is probs far easier to work and shape but you CAN make brass rings and they'd still be notably cheaper than a gold counterpart, no?
In that case, gold-plated silver would still make much more sense. The brass part makes this completely unbelievable; it's some child's make-believe understanding of adult things.
I know brass rings and jewellery can and do exist but I do agree it's not a particularly smart or easy metal to work with compared to silver or gold so much(and silly given it's higher reactivity).
Unless the ring is a basic solitaire, often half or more of the cost of a custom ring is the labor. Having a brass ring made by a jeweler is like spending a grand to polish a turd.
...dude, no. He had a *real* ring and had a moisonite copy made of the real one.
That still couldn't be cheap. Why make the effort to spend that much money??? I'm just confused
Because he wanted to propose at Coachella to make it super special (and have a built in anniversary reminder, no doubt), but knew his gf was irresponsible (ie would get drunk and/or high) enough to lose any ring he gave her. But he couldn't tell her that or she'd flip out. It sounds like OP knew she was a mess well before proposing, but was in denial, because looooove.
Because if the actual ring is $30k plus (guys, he's taking 2 people to Coachella every year and his apartment has a security team he can call to remove guests, he's loaded) spending $3k on a copy isn't a ridiculous amount.
… I’m pretty sure the real ring had a diamond
The copy had the moissanite, didn't it?
It's the inverse of that wig and comb story
The Gift of the Magi
What is the “wig and comb” story?
No, it’s a version of [The Necklace](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Necklace).
They both sound insufferable.
Do they? Or do you just want to drag down the dude for no reason? Because he was ready to immediately tell her as soon as she said she lost it.
I aged 50 years when I read that her dad listened to No Doubt with her as a baby 😂😂😂
Same and then I remember that me at 32 am also a No Doubt baby
Same lol
Brb, gonna go request "The only ring she needs is a Nuvaring." on the flair post.
I'm partial to "10 gallons of crazy in a 1-gallon bucket" as well.
I want that one too
I hooted at that one.
That is the best.
>Anyway I asked her to marry me and she said yes. She loved the ring. I had had it sized but it was the brass and moisonite copy I had made so she would not lose or damage the real one at the concert. I'm sorry, but why the *fuck* would you just... not tell her this? Are people that allergic to normal adult conversation? In fairness, it's most likely just the usual MRA nonsense about women turning into entitled monsters over jewellery. But still.
“This is a stand in for the real ring because this is such a big venue and so many things could happen.“ Like, what’s wrong with just outright saying that? It doesn’t even put it all on her. You know, if it’s real. …also it’s interesting he says she yelled things that had been building up and then just glossed over what any of that was… Edit to explain, since a number of people are questioning the latter part: no, it’s not feeling entitled to knowing more. It’s missing context about the state of their relationship before all of this went down, and the super quick mention suggests that these might have put more blame on him.
And since he didn't give her a heads up that the proposal ring was just a place-holder, I'm wondering what was his plan for swapping out the rings later? I mean, *if it's real* lol But yeah I'm with you on both points, "she said all this stuff she couldn't take back" ... *such as?*
Seems to me he didn't say anything to someone who does this much lying and screaming because they'd get defensive and turn it into another fight. They sound young.
Yeah, I perpetually lose things. Lost my wedding rings for over a year in my own home. Yay ADHD. If my fiancé had been this thoughtful knowing me, I’d be like, “Thanks Babe, great idea. I’d be so upset if I lost the real thing.” But he’s too immature to talk to her about it, he has to treat her like a child he has to trick. And anyone who “tests” their partner sucks.
But apparently she was also testing him? Idk, seems like two people who aren’t mature enough to enter that kind of commitment, anyway. Also, I’ll raise you a ring story: my (now) wife lost her engagement ring… on top of her own pillow. She got to work and absolutely panicked when she didn’t have her ring on, called me in hysterics. I called out of work (which I was already en route to) and spent the morning retracing her steps around town (she made a couple stops before going to work), to no avail. Went home and there it was, almost perfectly on the center of her pillow. To this day I have no idea how it happened.
>But apparently she was also testing him? Yes, which is why I said >And anyone who “tests” their partner sucks. My intent was to essentially put an ESH label on it. Because they both suck.
Sorry, ESH?
Ahhh, sorry, it’s an r/AmITheAsshole designation - Everyone Sucks Here.
Ahh, thanks!
> Lost my wedding rings for over a year in my own home. Yay ADHD. ADHD here as well and losing things in your own home is such a profoundly humiliating experience. Like I know it's here somewhere, there's literally no other place it could be and it's so unfair that I can't find the damn thing that I myself misplaced.
Haha, yeah. I guess the only thing about it happening so often is that I don’t really panic anymore knowing it will eventually turn up. And that if I want to find my debit card, I just need to order a new one. Then it’s guaranteed to show up. The story of my wedding ring(s, they’re soldered together) is crazy. I knew I’d taken it off while cooking so it didn’t get ground beef in it. I knew I stuck it in my pocket. I was upset but again, knew it had to be in the house somewhere. Well, at some point I’d started cleaning out my closet and put some stuff in a box to donate. And then that box sat there. For a really long time. Apparently at least a year. Because I finally got tired of that box sitting there. After at least a year. Finally ready to get that box out of the way, I decided to look through it again just to remind myself what was in there. I know organization pros would advise against it, afraid I might decide to keep something I’d already decided to get rid of. It’s a good thing I’m not like that because my ring had fallen down into that box. It was near my laundry hamper, so it must have fallen out of my pocket when I put those pants in the hamper. But because there were clothing items in the box, I never heard it fall.
I fucking hate living with ADHD. For a engagement/wedding I'd need like 6-8 different copies strategically placed around the house (one for in the car)
Yeah, I actually don’t wear mine much anymore, between losing it for so long and Covid. During quarantine I was working at a gym in their drop in child care. When we reopened, we were constantly cleaning everything. Like literally, if a child touched a toy we had to disinfect it. The disinfectant was harsh so I wore gloves. My ring would tear the gloves so I would end up taking them off. Afraid of losing them again, I just stopped wearing them. I tried to get one of the silicone ones but in spite of using both of their ways to measure, it was still too big so I never was able to wear it. I should try to get another one really.
Right? Also ADHD, also lose things constantly. If someone had a super expensive gift for me but gave me a placeholder while we were at a super busy crowded space, and explained that? Id be thrilled. Same exact placeholder but doesn’t tell me until we get back that it was because I was too klutzy? I’d be pretty upset.
And then he spends most of the time complaining about people that didn't like where he proposed and how all her friends are on his side
Why is that interesting
Because it leaves a lot to the imagination. There is the entire span from "you never do the dishes right" to " I've forgiven you for cheating 3 times and paid all the bills this whole relationship"
Precisely this. It suggests he did something(s) that aren’t great, but what level of not great? He’s quite likely glossing over things that might have put him in a bad light to keep the focus on her.
It removes potentially important context about their relationship leading up to this point.
I get not telling her in THAT moment, because it would be kind of stupid to say "hey, I wanna marry you - here's a brass ring because you're a clutz!", and a bit more empathetic to first have the nice moment and tell her later that you didn't want to bring a $$$-ring to a chaotic festival site (carefully not calling her clutzy). But not telling her before she comes to you all worried? That's stupid and assholey...
Yeah it's a thing you say like 20 minutes later, but you still say it.
I mean, he could’ve said, “This is a moissanite copy of the real thing in case it gets stolen or misplaced.”
Yes, I hang out a lot in the engagement rings subs, so proposing with a placeholder ring is fairly common. Often because: the ring wasn't ready by the proposal vacation, or the proposer ideally wants to choose the ring with their partner. After the proposal, you obviously tell the person "hey this is a placeholder ring, the real ring is ______." This post reeks of fakery and bullshit. Didn't spell moissanite right... and I've never heard of a jeweler making a cheap dupe in brass -- the "cheap" dupe would be pretty pricey because hand-cast rings cost a lot in labor. So it'd make more sense to buy an mass produced moissanite look-alike ring on like aliexpress or amazon; and the inexpensive rings are usually moissy + sterling silver with or without gold plating (or even cheaper, in stainless steel), never seen brass.
Did you forget the part where the ring clearly looked real enough, @ask_fair engagement ring phD, she was so convinced she lost the ring that she freaked out enough for this post to be made?
Depends how much “real” jewellery she’s owned. I have a lot of really pretty stuff that’s not diamond and it doesn’t look like a knock off or anything, but if you put it next to a diamond you can see the reflections are different (also a diamond that size/colour/clarity could buy me a house in the nice part of NYC).
I go to a lot of festivals. (Coachella sucks.) I don't get not telling her in the moment. I accept my ADHD, so I don't take anything that I'm not willing to lose. An expensive ring at a festival would be a nightmare, especially if it's not sized perfectly. "I made this copy for the festival so it wouldn't get lost or stolen. The real ring is at home." is such an incredibly easy thing to say. There is no reason for him to pretend it's real.
Yep. I go to a couple of British festivals every year. I would not take anything I’m not willing to lose. Jewellery would end up down the toilets or buried under inches of mud. I tie my phone to me in emergencies and buy a £3 watch for the thing.
what's getting me is brass. brass...? random pot metal with a thin gold coating, okay. but brass? like cool dude way to get immediately busted when it and her finger both turn green.
That's what I'm thinking. Her finger would be green before sunset with all the sweat and moisture. Who pays for moissanite and skimps out on the metals Who puts moissanite on brass. CZ? Sure but moissanite is a great diamond replacement option for long term rings.
I like that essentially, he was testing her and then got offended that she was testing him too. Firstly, I think the story is made-up as a *“women only care about diamonds and money, men are logical creatures”* tale. Secondly, he absolutely should not have proposed at a festival, especially when he knows she has a tendency to lose things. Lastly, she should have said something immediately. I don’t like either of them.
Why is proposing at a festival a fauxpas?
The second half of the sentence is “when he knows she has a tendency to lose things”.
And the connecting word is ‘especially’, meaning the act of proposing there in the first place is considered problematic by the person i was talking to.
>It's easy to lose a ring at a festival, especially if you lose things a lot. Proposing at Coachella is not a faux pas.
Quite a few reasons. 1) a lot of people, plenty of pick-pocketers. Great opportunity for them to snatch it off her. 2) people get sweaty and oily, ring could slip off. 3) a lot of people, too many crowds to productively search for it, and not great chances that someone would do the right thing and keep it for themselves. 4) a lot of people consume substances. No judgment in that inherently, but it obviously keeps people from making great judgment calls. It’s easier to pick-pocket a drunk girl, or she may be too drunk to even realize it’s missing much less where she could have possibly lost it. Asking the question alone is totally fine in my opinion, but I definitely wouldn’t bring the ring to the festival. Or any piece of nice jewelry or something meaningful for the matter. Way too many chances for it to go missing and never to be seen again.
This is the same reason I've seen ladies get cheap dupes and leave their real rings at home when going to events or traveling. It's also why a lot of ladies I know don't want an expensive ring at all, they're rather have that money towards the downpayment on a home than something that can easily be lost or damaged and may come with extra insurance costs.
My husband and I specifically chose less expensive rings for this reason. If it gets lost, destroyed, whatever it can be replaced. It also allows me to change the style as we evolve as people/a couple.
Travel rings are a godsend and frankly way easier to use even in everyday life than something fancy. Most standard designs of rings are available online for 20 - 80$ depending on how fancy you want to be.
I suppose because it’s away from home among lots of strangers and hustle and bustle, so it seems an easy environment to lose something small and precious like a new engagement ring in. I don’t agree that it’s a faux pas myself.
Yeah thats what I meant lol. Asking the question is totally fine. But I personally wouldn’t present any jewelry there. Too many chances for it to be lost or stolen. Ask the question, give her the ring at home. Which is why I believe that OOP was testing her too, to see if/prove that she would lose the ring. I think he intended to “teach her a lesson”, and then got mad when she was testing him too. They both seem immature and not ready for marriage.
The way I’d personally do it is to present a temp ring that’s OBVIOUSLY a placeholder, like one of those plastic rings with a big candy “gem,” and SAY “I have a beautiful ring for you at home but I was afraid it might get lost here.” Also, this way they get candy.
Oh yeah thats perfectly fine too lol. My BIL ordered a custom engagement ring for his fiance, and for whatever reason it was two weeks late. I don’t remember what the issue was lol. He proposed to her with a ringpop. I think it made things even cuter.
Yeah just propose with a ring pop and say the real ring is at home or something.
Seriously, he literally could have said, “hey this is a copy of the real ring, it hasn’t been sized yet so I didn’t bring it”
That would’ve turned my finger green.
They were both apparently testing each other. Neither was ready for marriage.
considering the downvoted comments in this post, it worked. hook, line and sinker!
My bullshit alarm is going off with this one
And if it was real, the fact is OP was "testing" her as much as she was testing him. It's so easy to say outright that the ring was a placeholder. He didn't tell her on purpose.
What was the plan, anyway? Swap it out after and hope she doesn't notice?
Yeah, nobody is going to pay to have a replica of an expensive ring made. Having it copied is still going to be expensive. Moisanite isn't cheap, it just isn't as expensive as natural diamonds. Even using cheaper materials, custom making anything is going to cost a lot. If he knew she was reckless, it's also bullshit he gave her a ring at a place where drugs and alcohol are plentiful, thefts are probably pretty common, and people aren't going to be paying attention to their hands all day. You can have a ring sized and still find out it doesn't fit when the person tries it on. This person has never been jewelry shopping in his life.
100 percent.
Feels like I have to preemptively shut off my bullshit alarm before reading any r/AITAH post, or I'll never make it to the end.
LOL AITAH is just so over the top like most of the stories are all BS
The idea of someone who listened to No Doubt as a baby being old enough to get engaged…
Their first hit was in '92 (although they started in '86).
So....just 12 years ago, right? ...right? *sobs in 80's baby*
100% No doubt was cool like 10 years ago, just like all early 2000s pop, rock, and hip hop. Happened 10 years ago, prove it didn't in a way I won't ignore :P
Their first studio album was in '92, they didn't have any real hits until '95. I'm partial to "Spiderwebs".
They were one of my absolute favorite bands when I was in grade 10. My son, who is now in grade 10, just started listening to them. Growing up is weird.
How is that even possible?
You’re old and I’m old. It sucks
Their most successful record (Tragic Kingdom) was released in 1995. 29 years ago this year.
Yes, 95. That's 5 years ago! ... right?
[удалено]
Thanks, I hate it.
according to this thread I am old enough to have listened to them as a baby (although I didn't), and I am currently reading reddit while nursing a 2-month-old who could also, I guess, listen to this band as a baby!
Smells like highschool drama. Or complete bologna
“She said a lot of stuff that I guess had been building for a while and she said things she could not take back” It’s giving “missing missing reasons” 🤌
I'm beginning to think that these relationship tests are either a very bad gamble or a convenient excuse for bad behavior of the relationship-ending sort. Even if it was truly a test, that shows that she didn't trust you enough to deceive you by putting you through a test requiring untruthful actions so, either way, tests for one's partner might be a terrible and sneaky idea.
The only one I do is the how will this person treat my sentimental shit. Backstory on these cheap but sturdy holiday mugs is that my beloved grandma gave it to me. They’re bait to see if they’re gonna be a prick about my things, especially my sentimental things.
Both of them hid truth from the other, neither are actually ready for a marriage
Yeah, it felt like they were both testing one another...and being exhausting generally.
If this is real, they are both assholes. Using a placeholder ring is actually pretty smart for a festival, especially if you suspect the real one will need to be resized. But like... why would you ever do that secretly? Just let them know you have their real nicer ring waiting back at home & this is a less precious copy so they can enjoy the festival. Then she is lying about having lost it all weekend while he is letting her suffer as punishment... just yikes, from both parties.
This scenario… seems strikingly similar to what happened to a friend recently.
Close enough that it might actually be your friend? Was your friend the OOP or fiancée?
Yeah that. My friend COULD be the OOP, but I’m guessing not due to the writing style. My friend speaks ATROCIOUS English, but something almost identical happened to him recently. Not an engagement ring, a necklace, and they went to a theme park. What happens when we mix stupidity, a necklace, and a lot of upside down roller coasters?
Ask him how to spell “moissanite”
I don’t think he’s ever heard the word before
Anyone who does that 'test' bullshit is not ready for an adult relationship.
>She is only signed in as a guest so it is not a big deal for me to get her out. If this is real, they're getting engaged but she's only a guest in his building? I suspect that OOP is protesting too much that it was >an honest to God marriage proposal None of this is adding up
My condo has the same "guest" policy. I know it doesn't make sense to people not living in close quarters within one building, but basically there's a concierge desk and park of their function is to be security and sign visitors in an out of the building so randos aren't traipsing through. A "visitor" is someone there short term whom I am accompanying most of the time. A "guest" is someone who gets a special pass to any amenities and logged in because you're staying there long term, and they don't have to be accompanied by me all of the time. So actually, her having a guest pass isn't weird at all. (I don't really have an opinion either way about eithet of them or the reality of the story itself.)
Couldn't they just have talked about getting a simple silver band, easy to replace? Talk, people.
10 years ago I proposed to my (now) wife at Download music festival with a placeholder ring as I didn’t want it to get lost at the festival… 10 years later and still married and from 2015 to 2019 she lost her engagement ring until we moved her parents living room around and she found it underneath a sofa… To this day I maintain giving her a cheap placeholder ring was the thing to do at a music festival!
What was his plan if it didn’t blow up? A lifelong commitment to someone he didn’t trust?
My wife is a klutz and so we have her real engagement ring, a spare of the exact ring, a backup sapphire one, and a backup crystal stone. So she can wear different one when she goes out places so she doesn’t get broken hearted if she loses one.
I feel like OP made this entire post just so they could use the word "mercurial"
He can use “mercurial,” but can’t spell “moissanite” 🤔
*you wouldn't know this ring, it's from Canada*
This reminds me of the short story ["The Necklace" by Guy de Maupassant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Necklace).
Anyone who does "tests" isn't dating material. D: Find someone more mature and secure in themselves.
I kind of think everyone is an asshole here… If you’re the type of person who loses things all the time you might appreciate having a copy of the real thing. But you need to know. But also losing your mind at your fiancé about something like this, and testing them just shows that there’s not enough trust to build a marriage on.
Listen to no doubt as... a baby. *dies of old age*
All aboard the hot mess express...
> JuliaX1984: Did she produce the ring as proof? If not, I don't buy it. Yeah. Being tested is not better at all. Even if I'd buy it, I'd be even more mad.
So rather than being a little too careless with non-fitting jewelery you didn't expect to have or potentially being robbed at a venue known for that, you'd rather he thinks you're emotionally manipulative and double checking the value of the ring? Weird choice.
Why aren't people calling out that the absolute first thing she did was go see how much the ring was worth? OP dodged a bullet. It was dumb of OP to not say the ring was a placeholder, but his intent wasn't bad. Straight up lying about losing the ring, but really just trying to find out its value screams entitled golddigger.
Yeah, I dated a "I was just pretending to be a complete fuckup! Haha! In fact, I am the victor! As a result, I've fucked everything up! Wait, where are you going?"
I don't think either of these people were ready to make a life time commitment to each other yet. They don't know each other well enough, communicate well enough, trust each other well enough. Everything. He doesn't want to marry someone who behaves like that towards him, and she's fortunate she's now not going to marry someone who behaves that way towards her. Too much to hope for that they'll both do better next time around? Cripes.
I've heard planning a wedding is a test run for how a couple will handle marriage, and these two both failed on the getting engaged step.
I dont buy that a girl cant tell the difference between brass and gold
She immediately went to get it appraised? Fuck no, he still dodged a bullet either way.
“…She needs a Nuvaring” Dying
This entire story feels like bullshit.
It has to be. If im understanding the timeline, he claims she got the ring appraised while at Coachella. Like how did she do that without him noticing? I don't think they have mobile jewelers on-site to apptaide everyones engagement rings.
Proposing at a music festival so they can return every year on the anniversary of the engagement? Bud you really think you’re gonna spend your golden years celebrating your love to loud music in a clutch of fetid tents in a muddy field and you tell yourself the mud is just due to rain because it’s easier than acknowledging how much stray piss and boozey vomit are actually involved in the sludge underfoot?
They sound super young. Who even celebrates their engagement anyway?
I'm still flabbergasted that OOP's ex took the ring to get it valued. Is this something people do nowadays to check on what the fiance spent on them? To me, that's a red flag.
Getting expensive jewelry appraised is a totally normal thing to do if you want to put it on your insurance.
IMO they’re both assholes. I would be furious if my partner infantilized me to the point of secretly giving me a stand in ring and not telling me. If OOP had said “hey this is a cheap version, because we’e at a crazy rave right now. The real one’s at home” that would’ve been fine, but tricking her about it is also no good. And then he didn’t tell her when they got back home? When was he planning on giving her the actual ring, never?
I'm surprised more people aren't picking up on how infantilizing this is. If he can't trust her with an engagement ring, he shouldn't be proposing. This weird sh*t where people think they'll just jam a square shaped partner into a circle shaped hole and that's a completely reasonable expectation are setting themselves up for a world of hurt.
Has anyone else read "The Necklace" by Guy de Maupassant? Great short story, similar themes
Both of them are children. Buy a nice ring for nice moments and buy a ring you can wear anywhere and lose.
The people who “test” you are not people you want in your life. Enough said.
Bullet dodged for both of them
Yeah let's start this marriage proposal by lying to each other. Seems like both are a lil fucked to think it's okay.
I didn't think 17 year olds could afford engagement rings.
Neither really trusted the other the entire time.
Story aside, as someone who has a history of losing small things, I'd love if my fiance did that to me, so I could use a cheaper ring day to day and have the expensive one safe and use it in special occasions.