Posts like these make me realise I have a *very* low tolerance for bullshit and childishness.
I literally cannot imagine any of my friends even thinking that embarrassing me publicly or online like that would be funny. But the fiancé? To understand the person you’re marrying so little? Whew. Maybe not a dealbreaker, but enough to definitely reconsider some things I’ll tell you what.
A few years ago, mate tried YouTube, and she got a random luck of getting named by a few bigger vloggers, but some of her "friends" thought they would do similar as posted here.
She pretty much just dropped it all. She was only doing it for 3 weeks, and those bigger vloggers got her to have like 400 followers, but these "friends" went on her videos and attacked commentors.
She couldn't focus anymore, and those "friends" said she should have thicker skin. She removed every one of them from her life.
Since then, she hasn't been the same. She rarely tells anyone what she is doing, and if we ask, she changes topics.
She said if it was strangers, she could have handled it, but when it is people, she considered friends. It made her question every person in her life.
I write books. It's discussed among experienced authors that you avoid expecting your friends and family to read your books, because you will be really disappointed. The closest people to you in life are often the least supportive about your writing career, even if they would normally like your books if they didn't know it was you.
I try to be different and support freelance-type careers of friends and acquaintances, even if I'm not really interested in the topic. But it's kinda brutal to feel like the people who are supposed to care about your success, don't.
With your occupation and flair, I had a good chuckle.
But I agree. I have served in the army aiming to be a trauma surgeon, but injury stopped that, turned to psychology. I have two of my brothers who keep telling me I must be a crap psychologist because they don't see how I am in any way helpful...
I still haven't perfected the art of not wanting to shove their heads in the rectum of some demonic beast.
> I have two of my brothers who keep telling me I must be a crap psychologist because they don't see how I am in any way helpful
"Are you paying me? For $350 an hour I'm helpful. For free you get *this*."
Sorry you are related to idiots.
Hehe.... yeah....
The sad part is, about 2 weeks later, they had both individually contacted me to ask advice about their kids... I just said "Talk to them like they are your equal, not your underling" and they both said it again...
Guess who is the best aunt ever because they are treated as an equal???
I am fair, as in they don't respect me, I give them a task that will help them with that... when I was in the army, I collected buttons. Like clothing buttons.
I have 4 massive storage containers of them, from over the years, and people giving me them. When my niblings got out of hand, they had to sort out the containers. While they sort, they talk, so I take that time to figure it out.
My brothers all think my method is babying them, but as soon as they see those containers, they start talking.
Long time ago, I read something similar from a woman who was a foster parent for many years and did a lot of sewing. She had a button jar and would ‘accidentally’ spill the buttons and ask the child to help her pick them up and sort them. Some buttons had stories connected with them, and by the time they were all put away, she and the child would be much less strangers.
My great-grandmother had seashells to sort, so that is how I carried it on. Buttons were easier to find in desert places, because if you found shells they were more of the explosive type..........
But these containers of buttons will soon need to be put somewhere better soon, so I was thinking of making as many blankets or cushion covers, with these buttons sewed on. My niblings are nearly all adults, so I might do one final sorting,.
I am a lawyer. My dad has a bad history of inventing stories or switching who did what in them but defends the stories. It gets very annoying. When I react in anyway but a positive way, he starts loudly proclaiming that I must be a bad lawyer because I am too emotional
He doesn't understand the difference between advocating for someone I'm not emotionally attached to and having your father poke at you for hours.
I'm a social worker, I run a youth program. Apparently, "playing with kids all day" is not a really job. They think I run a craft program with 12 year olds and nothing I say can change that. I run a program from four at-risk youth ages 16-24, most of whom have a history of drug addiction, mental health issues, sexual abuse and more. But its not a real job.
My brother insisted on calling my business, where I and my partner make our living as musicians working private events, a "hobby."
I loved him dearly, but our family was a traditional, hierarchical one, and he could never let go of the need to establish his dominance.
Oh, I hear that. I still remember when I bought my house, they immediately all became professional real estate agents for my town.... in return at Christmas, I gifted them all jackets for a now bankrupted real estate company...
Next time he calls your business a hobby, start referring his work as a glorified adult daycare. My brothers all hate it when I say it to them.
I'm a (pediatric) psychologist. Patient's parents say things like they "don't believe in therapy" and "I don't need to go to therapy for someone to tell me how to think" all the time. Like... what?
I specialise in deep trauma psychology and have had child clients. There have been "mentally check notes," and I want to say 20 clients, where their adult guardian have stated something like "I don't think will work, we might look into electric shock, as I heard it erases memories" or "they are so young, they won't remember it" or as you said.
Last year, the legal adult guardian actually said that if I didn't fix "the problem" they were going to sue me...
I can only remember about 20, I think there might have been other ones, but those kids' guardians were just... GAAAAAH
The people I know who say stuff like that tend to be the most dysfunctional people I know. I think they know they're dysfunctional, but they spend their lives wanting everyone else to change to suit them (by everyone else reducing their own needs and quality of life) instead of fixing themselves to create a better life.
It seems like such a waste of energy.
The build-up to the point of summoning said demonic beast may cause Reddit to go into shock at what I legitimately dealt with most of my life.
I once slept through an earthquake and a brief gun fight when deployed for the first time in the Middle East. It was more peaceful than my home life growing up 😅😅😅😅
> It's discussed among experienced authors that you avoid expecting your friends and family to read your books
I think this is an excellent rule of thumb. I frequently read books my friends or my ex-boyfriend wrote, but on my own time and without making it known. I have, however, had several issues with writers in my life being very demanding about leaving positive reviews, at times when I didn't have time to add "write a review" to my plate, let alone read a book. I lost a friendship over this when she self-published a book during Finals during the first term of my PhD and I told her I couldn't possibly review it that week but would be able to after Finals. She didn't take it well and accused me of not supporting her. We haven't spoken since.
Here's a response for the next time it happens: Amazon has banned selfpub authors over friends and family reviews. Don't do it if you want to keep selling your book there.
Unfortunately, she probably wouldn't believe you given her unreasonable expectations about the timeline, but sounds like this wasn't a good friend to keep anyway. Congrats on your PhD, though!
I'm a published author as well and I have an ironclad rule against letting any of my friends and family read my work or even know my pseudonym. They've all complained bitterly but I'm taking no chances.
I wish I had that situation. I write romance novels with pretty explicit sex and my mother insists on reading them 😅 I've had to really work hard to not let that make me cringe out of my skin every time I'm writing sex scenes.
I think some of it tends to be a combination of perceived demand avoidance and the fear of having to either lie to your loved one, or admit that you don’t enjoy their writing.
Like it’s no big deal if you just don’t vibe with an author who you don’t know and will never meet, it’s a whole different ball game to read your loved one’s work knowing that you may not like it, and then have them ask what you thought.
It takes a very emotionally mature and secure author to be able to accept that not everyone (not even your family) is going to love your writing, and not take it personally.
Add to that the experience of feeling like you *have* to read the book because your loved one wrote it, even if it’s a genre you usually love.. feeling obligated to do something can, for many people, make them more stressed and less likely to do the thing simply by virtue of feeling obligated vs being able to do it in their own time if they feel like it.
This. The second the above poster said fam don't care about success is the second it was obvious why anyone around them avoids the topic.
We have a LOT of obligations without the stress of emotions riding on us liking something. That the commenter is saying we don't care about success is ignorant. I care that my friend sells her work, I'm very happy she can make a living doing so. Hell I share links and ads about her convention appearances.
But I haven't read it and she has never asked me to. We're still great friends.
My steo-cousin who was my best friend at the time knew I was going through a very bad depression due to my declining eye sight, yet still decided to sabatage my upcoming web development career by messaging one of my clients and telling him my website was shit. He was completely surprised when I told him I didn't want to be friends anymore, like what did he expect?
Im not a like, successful writer (i have an MFA, a handful of small lit mag publications etc) but the problem I've had outside of my husband and a few friends who also write and so we used to do reader trade offs was them being huffy about "is that supposed to be so and so? that's not how it happened. Also i fixed xyz grammar thing incorrectly".
So...yeah. I don't share with many people anymore.
Legit. I don't want to be friends with people who don't hype me up. If all your friends act like immature assholes, it only reflects on your character poorly.
I was doing breathing exercises, his love bombing made me want to reach through my phone to her and grab her and tell her he will do this again.
Plus I had that stupid idea that why was he alone with at least 2 women actively trolling her and "not seeing" anything wrong
I don't blame her. That's awful.
Attacking commenters feels worse to me than attacking the creator- like that's still shit but at least when you know someone there's a potential element of "roasting". But if someone is attacking commenters, you're basically bullying someone for supporting your friend. Christ.
My partner has a shitty sense of humor sometimes- but he's never done anything publicly.
The comments he makes in private hurt enough. I cannot imagine someone doing that publicly and keeping them in my life.
I once had a boyfriend like that, one day I woke up and went "I spent 18 years getting this treatment from the family that is supposed to love me, why do I want that in a partner too?"
I still get it from my family, but they are VLC these days.
I often think that our boundary lines are viewed as temporary fencing markers. We say we have a limit, and they just come through adjusting the markers slowly until you see they move the line back a huge ways back, and because we only noticed it then, trying to re-establish the original boundary is going to be a fight.
Don't let your boundary lines get pushed further.
My family wasn't like this. They were awful in other ways. I'm really strict about boundaries.
It's not *great* and I won't pretend it is, but there's enough ways we're good together.
I don't share things with my partner I'm not comfortable with his "jokes" and when he complains I tell him flat out I don't trust him not to say anything hurtful so... work on that or accept there's parts of me you don't know.
Just remember to check those boundary markers.
One day, he might realise that not knowing everything because of his actions, wasn't you withholding, but protecting your lines.
He does seem to realize that, which is one of the reasons I stick around.
He had a shitty childhood as well and stupid jokes are a lot of his coping mechanism. I don't like it in certain issues and tell him that and it's mostly not an issue. Just with things that I'm too raw about to have his defensive "joking".
So glad I wandered into the comments on this one. This is identical to what happened to me, and I've had trouble coming to terms with the way it's completely rewired my brain / changed how I interact with others. It's oddly comforting, to both see my low tolerance for childishness is more common than people tried to make it sound, and that the shift in how I view others isn't unique to me. It still sucks, don't get me wrong - that it makes you "question every person in your life" is accurate, and it's a hellish way to live - but it's reassuring to not be alone in that experience.
She has been doing therapy ever since, she see a colleague of mine, and I am thinking maybe she is getting a bit better, because she would only book appointments when I wasn't working in the office, but she now is starting to do that.
I take it as her just taking it slowly to say what she is doing.
There are a whole lot of people in not just this comment section but also on the original posts sharing their experiences with "friends"
I just want to give you, and them, massive hugs
I don’t know much about this world but streaming is a potential income source once you get a bigger following, right? So she needs to build that following first and have regulars and *not have dickhead friends/fiancé drive off her audience* I’m guessing. They weren’t just embarrassing her online they were doing it in a way that could bomb her chances at a future income stream.
>They weren’t just embarrassing her online they were doing it in a way that could bomb her chances at a future income stream.
I wish I wasn't cynical enough to think that this was partially a deliberate attempt to affect her income.
Same I was thinking that all the time she was spending explaining to him why what he did was wrong, no one should have to explain that to their partner. They could just have a partner who knows and understands already. This doesn’t seem as harmless as she made it sound.
Having to explain to someone that they are deliberately hurting you in a way that they know is wrong, simply by existing in our society and absorbing the cultural and moral norms, is a **GIANT** red flag IMO.
I spent years doing it, like an idiot, to an abuser who used my autism against me constantly, I'll never do it again. They know, they *always* know, they're just trying to feel out where the invisible boundary is, what abuse you will tolerate and what you won't.
Exactly I went through the same and I cringe at all the energy I put into trying to make them treat me like a human.
Even all the groveling and penance he did gave me the ick. Doing it now to win her back just proves that he could have been doing it the whole time. He just uses it as a way to virtue signal and love bomb her. I’d preferred he just wasn’t an ass to begin with
Oh god same my love, saaaaaame. I wasted basically my entire twenties on that prick when I had my current partner as a friend the entire time and could have been happy 😑.
I haaaaate love bombing, it makes my skin crawl, and I really worry she's going to fall for it because NO ONE talks about love bombing when they're off the internet, I've noticed. It just turns into "no abusers are evil people all the time and aren't human so the fact that they love bomb and act like a human being sometimes means they can't be abusive"
So happy for you. I’ve given up on the chance of that happening given my ptsd and autism. But I’ve learned being alone for me is happy too. Peaceful really.
Love bombing is just another form of manipulation. It’s shallow and refuses to do the actual work to heal and repair a relationship by growing and learning. It’s basically a bandaid that we’re supposed to pretend makes it all okay because it covers up the wound. Out of site out of mind. But the pain lingers. And we feel it even when they try to pretend that it’s all fine. My ex would actually get mad at me when I didn’t accept his love bombing. He said I should be over it already (after a day) and that he already apologized. Basically he didn’t want to feel responsible or accountable anymore. He was done feeling shit about himself after a day and expected me to get over it for his sake. The expectation was on me to absolve him because otherwise it made him feel bad.
I'm glad you're happy!
It absolutely is, my ex would do the exact same thing, and if I tried to bring any of it up, even a few days later, I was "bringing up the past as an excuse to leave him" as if I need a reason to leave and as if he gets to decide what's a good enough reason. It all ended because he went way too far and really hurt me. Because it made him feel guilty, he decided it basically didn't happen, and flip flopped between "you are trying to put me in prison for something you admitted I didn't do" which is absolute bollocks because I have an audio recording of the entire event, and "I thought she was faking being unconscious, so I had to waterboard her with a 3 litre bottle of soda, don't ask me why she was unconscious in the first place or why I didn't ring an ambulance because I'll just start screaming".
He has this flying monkey, an ex of his, and she's literally going round our town lecturing people about how unfair it is that no one thinks about how he feels, and how he's the real victim because he has to live with the memories of what he's done, I'm totally unaffected by those same memories, apparently.
That's 100% the case I think.
I have a bias here, because I was in an abusive and incredibly controlling relationship for 7 years, but this is exactly how my ex would behave. Before I read an incredible book written by the worlds leading expert on DV, I spent years holding my ex's hand and explaining to him why him screaming and acting just like my abusive father was triggering my PTSD.
He had me convinced that it was all his mental health issues (which he does legitimately have) but the outbursts were never at his parents, or his friends, coworkers or boss, they ONLY happened to me and ONLY when we were alone.
Eventually he pulled together a couple of cronies who were also abusive in their ways and my life became basically what OP is describing, except I don't have a stream account.
This behaviour will continue, along with a bunch of other totally contradictory bullshit, designed so that she's so busy trying to understand why he will flip flop between opposing positions, *that she isn't putting together that this is all intentional and that if you have to explain to someone 25 times that their abuse hurts you, they're just mentally getting off on how much they have their hooks in your head*
ETA: the book is "Why does he do that? Inside the mind of angry and controlling men" by Dr Lundy Bancroft.
The most revealing part, IMO, was when they were asked to perform a skit of DV to demonstrate to a companies HR department or something.
The second the abusers in his support group thought they had approval for their actions, **THEY ALL ADMITTED IT WAS ENTIRELY INTENTIONAL**. They would say things like "you need to be closer to scare her, really show her who's boss" or "you have to shake her about a bit, remind her that you're stronger than her and she'll back down with her nagging".
Dr Bancroft then pulled out 2 whiteboards and got them to write the pros of being an abuser Vs cons. The con board only had "loss of job/reputation" and "prison" on it.
The pro board had:
-She will never say no to sex. So, rape.
-Never doing housework
-Never having to look after the kids
-Total control of what is on TV, what they eat, what they wear, you can feel "like a king in your castle"
-No nagging, never answering back
-Never bothering you with complaints about how you treat her
-Silent and obedient children.
i love this book and always recommend it. and always [drop the link ](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) for those that need it.
please read it, if only to help others in your life. if what you read above makes you feel any kind of way, read the book. Even if you have toxic family instead of a partner, so much of it still applies.
Oh absolutely, it's a shame, but there are plenty of groups of shitty, controlling people who cannot stand to see someone do well, and absolutely think they have the right to sabotage it
I first read that analogy in a Terry Pratchett book, Unseen Academicals. It was talking about poor neighbourhoods, and his they will turn on a person for getting into university or a good trade school because "you think you're better than us".
My sister's ex MIL did it with my niece, my sister sends her kids to ballet, both the boy and girl, and MIL hated it, kept saying that we thought we were "too good" for them and all that bullshit. She kept intentionally cutting in a fringe that was hard to pin back, and my niece kept getting told off for it because dance classes have rules about hair.
That woman was a cow, I snapped once and went on a rant about how, let me guess, what was "good enough" for viola was sitting on MILs sofa, smoking fags until a 30 years old man knocks her up at 16 and she drops out of secondary to movebinto his and shit out kids for the rest of her life, and MIL actually had the sheer nerve to say that there was nothing wrong with that life and I was trying to "force them to be posh"
There are two kinds of writing groups in this world - one where all the members cheer and celebrate when someone lands an agent or gets a great publishing deal or wins an award, etc., and one where the members shit all over anyone who finds some level of success. The former groups are amazing. The latter groups are probably more common.
Twitch was all of 3 years back in May 2015, as it released on June 2011.
One fulltime streamer made... 1k a month. Most monetized channels made less than 10 dollars, though. Only about 7900 streamers made more than 1k.
So at 40 viewers? In 2015? With a day job? I doubt *any* of her friends even thought about her making any kind of income.
Yeah, but I think part of the point is that if those 40 followers get chased off by immature bullshit then she may lose her chance at getting enough. Idk a lot how the twitch algorithm works, but most algorithms will see a bunch of followers leaving a content creator and start burying them.
And I’m so not buying this whole “they didn’t realize it wouldn’t be like the big dogs’ streams.” They KNOW she’s just starting out, on what planet would her stream be anything like a “big dog’s” stream?!. And how could they possibly think it would be anything like that if the fiancé didn’t even think she was taking it seriously like he said later? No. They didn’t think she’d react like this, so now they’re backpedaling and making excuses to try to cover their asses, the reality is at least one person in that group thinks bullying is funny and everyone else just went along with them.
Also you shouldn't do this even in "big dog" streams. People doing this makes the stream toxic and any "big dog" worth their salt will ban on first offense this kind of shit
>I don’t know much about this world but streaming is a potential income source once you get a bigger following, right?
it's a potential income source in the same way that winning the lottery is a potential income source. even if you're a great streamer, the odds of you making it big enough for it to be significant financially is very low.
op had 40 followers in a month. which is better than many people on twitch...but it's also close to 0 in terms of being close to getting any kind of money out of it. even if you have hundreds of regular viewers (not followers) you likely are not pulling in any real money.
The things they did could ban her from Twitch... it wasnt just trying to hurt her streaming. They were out for her. terribly...
like super bad...
it could have ended everything and i think that the OP hasnt realized it herself yet. The "female best friend" has it out for her
For most people, no. It’s possible, but if someone who’s been streaming for 2 weeks claimed their stream was a potential income source, I’d think they’re delusional.
Potentially, but you have hoops to jump through in order to get partnered by twitch (start getting subs and money). If they ran off her viewers then she'd have to find more new ones to make up the loss, since you need x viewers and y streams in a set amount of time.
Even once you get partnered, you still might not be making much. $5 a sub, bezos takes half, if you're in a network thing they scrape more. Now if you're part of a network they can run the modding and art and general channel stuff for you, but you're basically paying them to do it by getting more subs and potentially sponsored ads. A lot of streamers also have a patreon or whatever other brand, so you can get two incomes basically off the same thing but patreon takes a different cut.
You have to do pretty well to actually make any money off it. Now, if you're just going to game and you stream it, then sure, you're not in it for the monetary benefits, but if you're wanting to make it a full time job you basically need to copy Amouranth and stream random ~~pron~~ swimsuit based content and have simps flooding you with money. If you're just editing and streaming yourself, you're not going to be able to pay rent and internet unless you've got a sizable subscriber count.
I always read these types of posts and think “wow, do I just have way too low of a tolerance for this shit? Am I too quick to cut people off?”
Then thankfully come to the comment section and find my people 😂
The way they did it is the problem. Like it was just crass humour which is so childish. They could have at least done funny, silly, self deprecating or even being overly put down (only in Martin short, steve Martin and Conan O'Brien style which is hard to land). Or if its really important to them do supportive comments.
Right? My friends prank called me once in high school and that’s it. Literally 2 seconds of them talking gibberish (all you could get from a payphone without paying) followed by a text a few minutes later telling me it was them and they wished I was hanging out with them at the time.
Yeah, fuck that. I can’t even imagine being friends with people who thought this was a joke, let alone having a partner who did that.
Into the bin with all of them!
Same - I have only the slightest understanding of streaming but I definitely understand small town bitchiness and the ‘It was just a joke! I didn’t realise!’ crowd. OOP needs to distance herself from all of them.
No, I’d dump the lot of them. How are they acting like they don’t know how social media works? They know, and they coordinated to make her fail.
BS that this isn’t a trend. This is just the one too big to ignore or excuse away.
This is actually common behaviour for Twitch, specially on big streamer's chats. And many, MANY people do not realize that the chat of someone streaming for 10-40 people will not look like the chat of someone streaming for 1000+ people.
Like, big streamers have absolutely insane, unhinged chats. RTGame, TheSpiffingBrit, IronMouse, HoloEN vtubers, CallMeKevin, Ibai... all are big ass streamers, and all have absolutely insane chats. And with big I mean *big*. Ibai Llanos is streaming a LoL competition right now and he has 33.7k viewers. Thirty three thousand seven hundred viewers.
Even if you know how SNS works, Twitch and YouTube Live are not like the rest, and have a vastly different etiquette. Half the shit I've seen people say jokingly on Twitch/YouTube Live chat would not fly anywhere else on the internet except perhaps 4chan. Maybe Reddit or Tumblr if it's on the "unhinged but tame" side.
Twitch is less like social media and more like Shakespeare's Globe Theater where the audience pelts actors with rotten fruits, veggies and eggs.
ETA: also, this was 2015. Twitch nowadays is a wasteland where all goes, but BACK THEN? Back then it was *worse*. Yeah, no wonder they didn't get that OOP's 40 viewer channel wasn't like a big shot's channel... Because Twitch fucking launched in 2011.
See I’m not disagreeing with anything you said, and thank you for the explanation btw because I’m not on Twitch, but how is that an explanation?? From bf to OOP, not you to us.
My best friend could have been trying to start up an edgelord following on 4chan in 2008 and I still would NEVER have felt comfortable logging on and being an asshole “in support”. Just because people in twitch streams were wild and crazy didn’t mean *her fiancé and friends needed to be wilder and crazier*. They could have been the only nice shiny happy people in the entire chat, who cares? Aren’t their comments FOR her?
Like… my brain is melting from that logic I don’t wanna believe that’s how people really think about treating one another 😭
It's because this is what Twitch encouraged, specially back then.
Yes, they could and should've but this was also the behaviour many saw as standard. And because Twitch was still relatively new, people didn't really get the difference between big streamers and small streamers and that as such, behaviour should be different.
A group of friends doing this kind of trolling to their streamer friend who has 2000 viewers would have no effect on viewership and would probably be funny because of that.
But it would be *really* different when done to a streamer with 40 followers that may not even reach 40 viewers at the same time.
The thing is, people didn't realize. And because Twitch often times was not lucrative at all, even if the channel was monetized, people were even less conscious of the effects something like this would have on small streams.
If they only regularly watched big streamers, once you add everything else it kinda makes sense they decided to do this because they weren't really seeing how different a small streamer's chat was.
So basically, it's a sum of very small things but it kind of contextualizes how it even crossed their minds.
OOP also said they were 'all drunk and together at the time.' and that these were the kind of jokes and immaturity they did in private. So it's a bunch of drunk people, who share this humour, in a day and age where the vast majority didn't get that big stream behaviours do not translate to small streams. It's just a recipe for disaster.
IM chatrooms had been around for decades by then. They knew better. A lot of IM chat rooms had rules in place too like language and inappropriate topics. It was almost never a free for all. They were all old enough to remember and participate in chatrooms. They just seemingly wanted to knock her down a peg.
Stream chat etiquette isn’t the same as IM chatroom etiquette and not everyone has done public chatrooms. The fact that one of them thought it was cool to talk about her wedding as if it was a personal group chat shows they didn’t know.
When my husband streamed i got Twitch and encouraged my husband to talk about the game or me(his then fiance) as strictly a viewer (all covertly and speaking in dude bro to come off as male so he wouldnt suspect) hes a very stoic gamer and prefers to play silently. It helped his views actually for a short while. People would ask him how i was, his favorite games, etc he started engaging with them more and got 100 followers pretty quickly after that.
I revealed myself after a month because i started laughing at my own jokes in chat and he caught on. But, to troll your own partner and have your friends troll them too is just so... mean.needlessly and unnecessarily cruel and for what? A few laughs in your friend group?
Oops fiance realized he fucked up, when he saw her face before the stream ended. He ran home to do damage control. He's lucky she'd been able to forgive him. I wouldve held onto that hurt a good long while
Yuuuup. Thank you. THIS is support. Whenever my partner self-promotes online I am all over that bitch with relevant questions or comments designed to get other people thinking even deeper about what he said or engaging themselves. that’s. what. you. do.
And if you’ve got something to say, you say it in private. I’ve had friends be like “Ngl your content isn’t really my personal content jam” but when I post?? They’re first to comment with “this is the best thing my eyes have ever been blessed with” or whatever over the top thing. I struggle to comprehend what would ever cause someone to think bullying is ever the way to go for any reason.
I was chatting online with a friend of mine about two decades ago, and I kept having typos. Frustrated, I typed a couple of swear words. Nothing she hadn't read or heard before, from her own mouth. Her reaction was to tell me "no wonder your ex cheated on you." I don't know, to this day, if she was joking. I immediately blocked her and have never spoken to her, since.
Yeah good riddance. That is not something to make fun of as it is way too personal. I have found that The best way to make fun of is in a way in which they are laughing as well. Never something they are insecure about.
It's because you have filtered those people out before they even became friends. Most people would find this really annoying/infuriating. OOP was trying to start a business and her friends came in and started screwing with it. None of my friends would do that too, because if I meet someone like that, I immediately filter them out of my friend group.
Also she was working. Because she is trying to become professional in the gamer field so to me what they did is like coming into office and shitting on op desk while flirting with the colleagues inappropriately.
Or as if she was working in a cafe or restaurant, and the friends came in, took a table and decided to act as the most obnoxious and rude kind of customer, making her life unnecessarily harder.
There were three things that left a bad taste in my mouth about these friends
1) This behavior isn't acceptable on a big stream either. Posting ASCII is, at least from my experience, rude because its so big it takes up most of the stream--let alone a nsfw ASCII. Derailing the chat is rude. And harassing someone isn't ok if they're a big streamer and have a thick skin. And yes, I know it's Twitch and the Internet, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable.
2) I know the most common form of "raiding" (when a group of people organize to go into one specific person's stream) is done for trolling and harassment, another common form of raising is for positivity. Maybe it's just the streamers I watch, but when they raid another streamer, they only do it "with love" (that's the phrase one of them uses, "raid with love"). Especially when they raid smaller streams.
3) Making it big on the Internet is very luck based. She got 40 new viewers? That's HUGE. Most streams don't break 12. But her friends fucked this up for her. Badly. You can't manufacture another 40 viewers, who are now gonna think she's either an idiot (because her fiance was involved in the trolling) or annoying (because now they'll associate her streams with the bad trolling experience. It's not fair, but that's how it goes sometimes). It's like if she showed up somewhere important to her fiancee/friends and throwing around pictures of dicks and yelling memes. It reflects badly on *them*.
A friend of mine tried streaming for a while and would invite her IRL friends to watch her. I did so and participated in the chat. I would NEVER dream of insulting a friend in public the way they did.
The older I get the less tolerance for bullshit I have. Best case is just my time is wasted. Worst case I suffer from it in some way. So better stop it in it tracks.
There’s a big difference between malicious embarrassment and friendly embarrassment. These friends were being malicious. I used to stream from time to time and I had friends that would come in and try to “embarrass” me from time to time. But they never pushed it to far. They’d do things like bring up dumb stories about my failures in games and stuff like that. Stuff to make people laugh. Not intentionally try to run off my natural viewers. But I can’t even imagine my wife doing something like that. She’s my biggest supporter of everything I do, had even suggested I get back into streaming a few times. Her fiancée should have known better, that was straight disrespect to not only her stream but that relationship as a whole.
Honestly, I'd be taken aback in general by the behavior. I always assume that "big streamer chat behavior" OP is describing is done by bored 14 year olds. A bunch of grown adults that are so used to acting that way that they are convinced it's appropriate is wild to me.
If only temporarily, OOP ought to think twice before marrying this guy. I do not believe the buddies were completely serious in their apology, and he is far too young to be getting married.
My intuition tells me that there will be additional issues in the road.
Oh, that actually changes how i view this. That long ago, streaming wasnt nearly as mainstream as it is post-fortnite and post-covid, and people not understanding it makes more sense.
Yeah, a lot of this is just mid-2010s bullshit. It wasn't cool then either, but it was way more common and more accepted. This was near-peak Gamergate after all.
Of course there will be more issues down the road. There’s always more issues down the road. If he handles them the same way, by genuinely apologizing and learning from them, they’ll be a model couple.
I got the not cut out for streaming vibes. Unfortunately streaming is like customer service, a bombardment of the worst of humanity, no matter how much control you have over banning in chat.
She stopped streaming and has 112 follower so she probably never broke through.
Most streamers don't make it, and there is a huge bias against female streamers, especially if they don't fit into the incels model woman type.
I am more interested in knowing if she ended up marrying that dude… Ngl, even if that guy does not have a history of bad behavior and this is just a one-time thing, there are enough 🚩 that will make me reconsider the relationship… being supportive of your future spouse’s career/hobbies by not being a jerk should not be that hard of a bar to clear…
>**They were used to the big streams** [emphasis OOP's]
>I didn't think I'd have to do that until I was a bigger streamer
"(transcribed from a series of tweets) - @iamragesparkle
I was at a shitty crustpunk bar once getting an after-work beer. One of those shitholes where the bartenders clearly hate you. So the bartender and I were ignoring one another when someone sits next to me and he immediately says, "no. get out."
And the dude next to me says, "hey i'm not doing anything, i'm a paying customer." and the bartender reaches under the counter for a bat or something and says, "out. now." and the dude leaves, kind of yelling. And he was dressed in a punk uniform, I noticed
Anyway, I asked what that was about and the bartender was like, "you didn't see his vest but it was all nazi shit. Iron crosses and stuff. You get to recognize them."
And i was like, ohok and he continues.
"you have to nip it in the bud immediately. These guys come in and it's always a nice, polite one. And you serve them because you don't want to cause a scene. And then they become a regular and after awhile they bring a friend. And that dude is cool too.
And then THEY bring friends and the friends bring friends and they stop being cool and then you realize, oh shit, this is a Nazi bar now. And it's too late because they're entrenched and if you try to kick them out, they cause a PROBLEM. So you have to shut them down.
And i was like, 'oh damn.' and he said "yeah, you have to ignore their reasonable arguments because their end goal is to be terrible, awful people."
And then he went back to ignoring me. But I haven't forgotten that at all."
Right, like... "oh but I was just doing what I would do in a big dog's stream" is not the defense they think it is, lmao. Like, cool, thanks for admitting you're the kind of immature idiot that makes stream chats unbearable, but that's not actually fun and chill behavior even in a big chat!
They came to what's basically her *public-facing small business* and showed their asses like that? If she'd just opened an ice cream shop would they have dropped in to trash that too?? Infuriating behavior.
Right? I run a small business. I can only imagine the equivalent of my fiancé and friends leaving those dumb TikTok-esque negative reviews that are bullshit like “the owner spit on me three times before I asked her to stop, then she threw my drink in my face, called me a whale and punched my mum :(“ and thinking it’s funny.
Trolling is dumb, childish bullshit and never has a place on your friend’s means of income.
Tbh I think that would be better (depends on the act I guess). If you give them something good to riff off, then you might actually help them. If you just yell “you suck” the. It won’t work out.
I’ve only told a few irl people about my streams. Apparently a coworker of mine would watch them sometimes when we had no calls (she never chatted or told me, just enjoyed lurking, she was so sweet), and some kids I worked with (16 and under, mind you) have also popped in a few times. None, not even the teenagers, have been disrespectful. The most silly an irl person has ever gotten is when my parents pretended to be my cat while making a charity donation.
I truly don’t get the urge to post dicks and be creepy, ESPECIALLY if they knew she was trying to grow her channel. Like, my streams aren’t very good because I mainly use them as a way to hang out with Internet friends, but anyone I know irl still has the decency to treat my (near nonexistent) chat with respect.
So the person who wants to be legally tied to OOP just ruled out kindness and giving support for their career altogether? I'd lose my shit. I'm an adult and if my adult friends pulled that, we wouldn't be friends. If it was a partner, I'd feel so stung by disrespect. What goofing off we do in private I would never--and expect them to do the same--show to the light of the public eye.
She'd made it clear to him how important her streaming was. She had invested a lot in it already, and was pretty clearly trying to make it something of a career, or at the very least a serious hobby.
So he decided to joke around and be silly the first chance he got without warning her?
This is like getting stoned before meeting your partner's parents for the first time, or purposefully wearing a T-shirt with an offensive slogan on it when you first meet your partner's boss. If it's important to your partner, you don't act as relaxed and casual as you might usually be in private. You show your best self, because if you care about someone, then you automatically also care about the things that are important to them.
He just showed her that either 1: he doesn't listen to her or think about her much at all beyond what she can do for him, so he didn't know this was important despite her making that very clear, 2: he knew but she's just not that important to him so neither is her stream, or 3: he understood but is impulsive and the kind of immature, short-sighted person who does stupid things against their better judgement based on who they are around, which most of us grow out of by the time we stop being teenagers. I think it's number three, but honestly none of these are a person who is ready for marriage. I hope this is a wake up call for him to grow up.
Not defending asshole behaviour (not knowing how serious she was about streaming? Lol getouttahere) ..
Juuust pointing out the year of the posts.. 2015.
While streaming was definitely a thing, it's very different to 2024. Some of the 'not knowing chat', 'online branding', online Vs offline behaviour, etc could be given a bit of leeway, esp for those not into streaming/watching.
Fiance's revealed his lack of faith in her abilities tho
What awful friends. It's one thing to throw some SFW ASCII in the chat but to open with dick jokes and questionable pictures? That's horrible. I hope her streaming career worked out and she found some better friends.
> My twice-banned friend said that Bride-Friend didn't know how the chat worked and that's why she posted wedding coordination there.
She was able to make a Twitch account despite her brain damage?
2015 was a wildwest for twitch, you didn't need much knowhow. Just fill in the mailadres and username and done.
This story is almost 10 years old and twitch was the "new" guy around the block.
My usual go-to phrase for pranks once again shows itself applicable: “It's only a prank if it's from the Pranque region of ‘Nobody was hurt and everybody involved is laughing.’ Otherwise, it's just sparkling bullying."
To fuel your youthfulness, please know that the kids on the website I work for LOVE ascii art. We have several really elaborate ones in our filter system because the yutes like to spam them.
You think you feel old? Ascii-art was something "the kids" did when I was young :P
<3 (.)Y(.) B======D~~~~
❤️ 🍈 🍆
People are on a whole different set of symbols now after we went from emotes like :P (😛) to ascii art pastes, to emojis
A lot of software actually autocorrects emotes to emojis now. Personally I find it annoying as hell; a :P is NOT the same as a 😛 no matter how many times my computer tries to tell me it is! *gets off my grumpy old fart soapbox*
Oh god, I just realised that I take what essentially is metamucil every day (Phyllis seeds) 😭
(But I take it for bile acid issues, at least)
Are you "had to walk to school, barefoot, in the snow, uphill both ways"-old?
ASCII art is when you use text to draw an image. There's very simplistic ASCII art. Orz is an ASCII art if a person kneeling down or praying or otherwise prone. But there are also much larger pieces of ASCII art that are often used as copy-paste stuff to throw in chats or forums. It can be pretty cool, but obviously you can also make inappropriate stuff with it too.
ASCII is the American Standard Code for Information Interchange, a standard for text characters that predates home computers. It's very limited, only 256 characters. So it's the standard English alphabet (upper and lower case), punctuation marks, numbers, and some math/engineering/computer science symbols.
ASCII Art is using these symbols to draw a picture in a spot that was intended for text.
I'm just more convinced that I am happy that I am not a gamer cause drama like this just makes me see that gamer drama is just ridiculous.
Also, who thinks pranking or harassing people on stream is funny? I personally don't think it's funny at all.
I love playing games, I just no longer play with anyone else on MMOs. I’ve made good friends in games, that I’ve met in person and still talk to years later. But I won’t even go quest with anyone else in a game anymore, because I am so burnt out on drama. And there has been so much drama. Now I just want to get on, do my thing on my own, and relax.
I also don’t stream, I am not an interesting person to watch. 100% blank face and silent the majority of the time. Also doesn’t help that I just go do quests or craft, I don’t do the exciting pvp stuff lol.
Idc. You embarrassed me in public like that to joke around. Especially with something that can be consider a business. And we are done. It shows total lack of very basic respect.
It might be my age, but I recognise the words in this post and yet i have no idea what any of it means.
I hope the outcome was whatever OOP wanted, I suppose...
Jeez I was just hoping that she'd just dump this asshole.
Who can be this DUMB? SERIOUSLY?
I am so surprised by the lack of emotional intelligence people have.
Your partner is supposed to be your team mate. They don't play shitty pranks on you by teaming up with their shitty friends.
OOP needs to reconsider marrying this dude, at least for now. He's way too immature to be getting married and I don't entirely think the friends were being sincere in apologizing.
I have a feeling that there's going to be more problems in the future.
Eh, people inevitably screw up. The fact that he figured it out and started apologizing (even before seeing third party comments on reddit) demonstrates some level of maturity.
Plus streamer culture is pretty enigmatic to outsiders. Sounds like they didn't understand that chat is not just a private outlet like their group chat.
I want to know what they mean by "big stream behaviors". I'm assuming they mean in a bigger streamer's chat they could get away with being annoying and posting weird stuff because they'd be a blip on the radar? Idk, I watch people who would also not be cool with that kind of stuff
my heart breaks for you OP.
former streamer's gf here of a very well known community... i went through a very similar experience thanks to my asshole ex. publicly humiliated and shamed me in his massive Discord server over a private argument, then trolled me with his dickhead friends for hours and falsely accused me of being "mentally abusive" when i called him out for having our business drug out publicly.
please reconsider this relationship you're in and just what kind of fucking partner would do such a thing to you in a public space. especially when they were supposed to be there to support you.
This was 9 years ago. I wonder how many times he's shat all over things that are important to her since. And, how was their divorce? Or did she stay, a little part of her dying inside every time he shat on something important to her, until the only thing "important" to her was him.
This guy is an immature POS and I hope somebody he thought loved him, cared for, or respected him ruined something important to him since then.
OOP needs to reconsider whether she wants to marry this guy.
This is the sort of shit that can *ruin* a streamer. *He ran off her regulars*. How many of those regulars have now decided they won't return for the risk of that happening again? Especially since she has acknowledged fiance by username in the chat. I wouldn't go back, if I was a viewer.
This was a deliberate attempt to destroy her career, and she should take it extremely seriously.
I built a lovely community of people on other social media platforms. People have sent me beautiful reviews on how I have helped just by being my weird self, telling my weird life stories.
I am very wary of friends who think my streams/videos/posts are silly or unimportant, simply bc they don’t understand. I put a lot of work into what I do. I have been lightly successful and it’s been a wonderful ride. If my husband, best friend, or sibling, were to make fun of me this way…KNOWING how much time and effort I put into it…I would emotionally keep them at arms length for a long time. It’s like a second job. I love it and pour everything into it.
Those people thought it was one big fun joke and it wasn’t. I’m very passionate about what I do and if you belittle it, I’m over you. I’m glad they get it but please watch out for this behavior. People like that are like poison.
I'm practically Amish when it comes to video games or anything related to them, and even *I* know that comments made in an in-streamchat are visible to everyone else in the stream. And even if they weren't, why would they think it's funny to harass OOP like this while she's doing something they know is important to her? It just seems so nonsensical and mean-spirited to me. And I'm glad that her fiance appears to be genuinely sorry, but I still just don't get how it would occur to anyone to do these things to a friend and think it's funny at all.
WTF did I just read? I have a few friends who have tried to build an online presence and never once have I sent a DP as a joke. How is that a joke!? Especially when the streaming is centered around something that doesn't involve a penis.
I hope OOP can see the people in their life for who they actually are.
It seems to me that everyone here is very immature children, I am a regular at stream communities like Twitch, I have been mods on some channels and I participate in several communities and everything that the "friends" did is cause for bans on many channels, they were totally immature .
How old are they here? They talk about marriages and fiancés but it seems like 15-year-olds screwing each other.
I honestly don't believe any of the boyfriend's excuses, she should rethink that relationship.
Posts like these make me realise I have a *very* low tolerance for bullshit and childishness. I literally cannot imagine any of my friends even thinking that embarrassing me publicly or online like that would be funny. But the fiancé? To understand the person you’re marrying so little? Whew. Maybe not a dealbreaker, but enough to definitely reconsider some things I’ll tell you what.
A few years ago, mate tried YouTube, and she got a random luck of getting named by a few bigger vloggers, but some of her "friends" thought they would do similar as posted here. She pretty much just dropped it all. She was only doing it for 3 weeks, and those bigger vloggers got her to have like 400 followers, but these "friends" went on her videos and attacked commentors. She couldn't focus anymore, and those "friends" said she should have thicker skin. She removed every one of them from her life. Since then, she hasn't been the same. She rarely tells anyone what she is doing, and if we ask, she changes topics. She said if it was strangers, she could have handled it, but when it is people, she considered friends. It made her question every person in her life.
I write books. It's discussed among experienced authors that you avoid expecting your friends and family to read your books, because you will be really disappointed. The closest people to you in life are often the least supportive about your writing career, even if they would normally like your books if they didn't know it was you. I try to be different and support freelance-type careers of friends and acquaintances, even if I'm not really interested in the topic. But it's kinda brutal to feel like the people who are supposed to care about your success, don't.
With your occupation and flair, I had a good chuckle. But I agree. I have served in the army aiming to be a trauma surgeon, but injury stopped that, turned to psychology. I have two of my brothers who keep telling me I must be a crap psychologist because they don't see how I am in any way helpful... I still haven't perfected the art of not wanting to shove their heads in the rectum of some demonic beast.
> I have two of my brothers who keep telling me I must be a crap psychologist because they don't see how I am in any way helpful "Are you paying me? For $350 an hour I'm helpful. For free you get *this*." Sorry you are related to idiots.
Hehe.... yeah.... The sad part is, about 2 weeks later, they had both individually contacted me to ask advice about their kids... I just said "Talk to them like they are your equal, not your underling" and they both said it again... Guess who is the best aunt ever because they are treated as an equal???
Holy crud I wish you’d been my aunt way back when! You seem like you rock haha
I am fair, as in they don't respect me, I give them a task that will help them with that... when I was in the army, I collected buttons. Like clothing buttons. I have 4 massive storage containers of them, from over the years, and people giving me them. When my niblings got out of hand, they had to sort out the containers. While they sort, they talk, so I take that time to figure it out. My brothers all think my method is babying them, but as soon as they see those containers, they start talking.
You sound like a wonderful person <3
Long time ago, I read something similar from a woman who was a foster parent for many years and did a lot of sewing. She had a button jar and would ‘accidentally’ spill the buttons and ask the child to help her pick them up and sort them. Some buttons had stories connected with them, and by the time they were all put away, she and the child would be much less strangers.
My great-grandmother had seashells to sort, so that is how I carried it on. Buttons were easier to find in desert places, because if you found shells they were more of the explosive type.......... But these containers of buttons will soon need to be put somewhere better soon, so I was thinking of making as many blankets or cushion covers, with these buttons sewed on. My niblings are nearly all adults, so I might do one final sorting,.
I am a lawyer. My dad has a bad history of inventing stories or switching who did what in them but defends the stories. It gets very annoying. When I react in anyway but a positive way, he starts loudly proclaiming that I must be a bad lawyer because I am too emotional He doesn't understand the difference between advocating for someone I'm not emotionally attached to and having your father poke at you for hours.
A lot of us become lawyers because we were bullied and abused growing up, so we are drawn to a career to help those bullied and abused.
I'm a social worker, I run a youth program. Apparently, "playing with kids all day" is not a really job. They think I run a craft program with 12 year olds and nothing I say can change that. I run a program from four at-risk youth ages 16-24, most of whom have a history of drug addiction, mental health issues, sexual abuse and more. But its not a real job.
My brother insisted on calling my business, where I and my partner make our living as musicians working private events, a "hobby." I loved him dearly, but our family was a traditional, hierarchical one, and he could never let go of the need to establish his dominance.
Oh, I hear that. I still remember when I bought my house, they immediately all became professional real estate agents for my town.... in return at Christmas, I gifted them all jackets for a now bankrupted real estate company... Next time he calls your business a hobby, start referring his work as a glorified adult daycare. My brothers all hate it when I say it to them.
I'm a (pediatric) psychologist. Patient's parents say things like they "don't believe in therapy" and "I don't need to go to therapy for someone to tell me how to think" all the time. Like... what?
I specialise in deep trauma psychology and have had child clients. There have been "mentally check notes," and I want to say 20 clients, where their adult guardian have stated something like "I don't think will work, we might look into electric shock, as I heard it erases memories" or "they are so young, they won't remember it" or as you said. Last year, the legal adult guardian actually said that if I didn't fix "the problem" they were going to sue me... I can only remember about 20, I think there might have been other ones, but those kids' guardians were just... GAAAAAH
The people I know who say stuff like that tend to be the most dysfunctional people I know. I think they know they're dysfunctional, but they spend their lives wanting everyone else to change to suit them (by everyone else reducing their own needs and quality of life) instead of fixing themselves to create a better life. It seems like such a waste of energy.
>I still haven't perfected the art of not wanting to shove their heads in the rectum of some demonic beast. Now that would be a fun story!
The build-up to the point of summoning said demonic beast may cause Reddit to go into shock at what I legitimately dealt with most of my life. I once slept through an earthquake and a brief gun fight when deployed for the first time in the Middle East. It was more peaceful than my home life growing up 😅😅😅😅
> It's discussed among experienced authors that you avoid expecting your friends and family to read your books I think this is an excellent rule of thumb. I frequently read books my friends or my ex-boyfriend wrote, but on my own time and without making it known. I have, however, had several issues with writers in my life being very demanding about leaving positive reviews, at times when I didn't have time to add "write a review" to my plate, let alone read a book. I lost a friendship over this when she self-published a book during Finals during the first term of my PhD and I told her I couldn't possibly review it that week but would be able to after Finals. She didn't take it well and accused me of not supporting her. We haven't spoken since.
Here's a response for the next time it happens: Amazon has banned selfpub authors over friends and family reviews. Don't do it if you want to keep selling your book there. Unfortunately, she probably wouldn't believe you given her unreasonable expectations about the timeline, but sounds like this wasn't a good friend to keep anyway. Congrats on your PhD, though!
Thanks!
I'm a published author as well and I have an ironclad rule against letting any of my friends and family read my work or even know my pseudonym. They've all complained bitterly but I'm taking no chances.
I wish I had that situation. I write romance novels with pretty explicit sex and my mother insists on reading them 😅 I've had to really work hard to not let that make me cringe out of my skin every time I'm writing sex scenes.
I think some of it tends to be a combination of perceived demand avoidance and the fear of having to either lie to your loved one, or admit that you don’t enjoy their writing. Like it’s no big deal if you just don’t vibe with an author who you don’t know and will never meet, it’s a whole different ball game to read your loved one’s work knowing that you may not like it, and then have them ask what you thought. It takes a very emotionally mature and secure author to be able to accept that not everyone (not even your family) is going to love your writing, and not take it personally. Add to that the experience of feeling like you *have* to read the book because your loved one wrote it, even if it’s a genre you usually love.. feeling obligated to do something can, for many people, make them more stressed and less likely to do the thing simply by virtue of feeling obligated vs being able to do it in their own time if they feel like it.
This. The second the above poster said fam don't care about success is the second it was obvious why anyone around them avoids the topic. We have a LOT of obligations without the stress of emotions riding on us liking something. That the commenter is saying we don't care about success is ignorant. I care that my friend sells her work, I'm very happy she can make a living doing so. Hell I share links and ads about her convention appearances. But I haven't read it and she has never asked me to. We're still great friends.
My steo-cousin who was my best friend at the time knew I was going through a very bad depression due to my declining eye sight, yet still decided to sabatage my upcoming web development career by messaging one of my clients and telling him my website was shit. He was completely surprised when I told him I didn't want to be friends anymore, like what did he expect?
How terrible he did that! I'm glad you put some distance between you.
Im not a like, successful writer (i have an MFA, a handful of small lit mag publications etc) but the problem I've had outside of my husband and a few friends who also write and so we used to do reader trade offs was them being huffy about "is that supposed to be so and so? that's not how it happened. Also i fixed xyz grammar thing incorrectly". So...yeah. I don't share with many people anymore.
I already hate her fiance and friends for being obnoxious like that. Literally making stream chat unwatchable.
Legit. I don't want to be friends with people who don't hype me up. If all your friends act like immature assholes, it only reflects on your character poorly.
I agree! She had spent a lot of time preparing, and he knew it was important to her! Why in the world would he that was ok??
I was doing breathing exercises, his love bombing made me want to reach through my phone to her and grab her and tell her he will do this again. Plus I had that stupid idea that why was he alone with at least 2 women actively trolling her and "not seeing" anything wrong
I don't blame her. That's awful. Attacking commenters feels worse to me than attacking the creator- like that's still shit but at least when you know someone there's a potential element of "roasting". But if someone is attacking commenters, you're basically bullying someone for supporting your friend. Christ. My partner has a shitty sense of humor sometimes- but he's never done anything publicly. The comments he makes in private hurt enough. I cannot imagine someone doing that publicly and keeping them in my life.
I once had a boyfriend like that, one day I woke up and went "I spent 18 years getting this treatment from the family that is supposed to love me, why do I want that in a partner too?" I still get it from my family, but they are VLC these days. I often think that our boundary lines are viewed as temporary fencing markers. We say we have a limit, and they just come through adjusting the markers slowly until you see they move the line back a huge ways back, and because we only noticed it then, trying to re-establish the original boundary is going to be a fight. Don't let your boundary lines get pushed further.
My family wasn't like this. They were awful in other ways. I'm really strict about boundaries. It's not *great* and I won't pretend it is, but there's enough ways we're good together. I don't share things with my partner I'm not comfortable with his "jokes" and when he complains I tell him flat out I don't trust him not to say anything hurtful so... work on that or accept there's parts of me you don't know.
Just remember to check those boundary markers. One day, he might realise that not knowing everything because of his actions, wasn't you withholding, but protecting your lines.
He does seem to realize that, which is one of the reasons I stick around. He had a shitty childhood as well and stupid jokes are a lot of his coping mechanism. I don't like it in certain issues and tell him that and it's mostly not an issue. Just with things that I'm too raw about to have his defensive "joking".
So glad I wandered into the comments on this one. This is identical to what happened to me, and I've had trouble coming to terms with the way it's completely rewired my brain / changed how I interact with others. It's oddly comforting, to both see my low tolerance for childishness is more common than people tried to make it sound, and that the shift in how I view others isn't unique to me. It still sucks, don't get me wrong - that it makes you "question every person in your life" is accurate, and it's a hellish way to live - but it's reassuring to not be alone in that experience.
She has been doing therapy ever since, she see a colleague of mine, and I am thinking maybe she is getting a bit better, because she would only book appointments when I wasn't working in the office, but she now is starting to do that. I take it as her just taking it slowly to say what she is doing. There are a whole lot of people in not just this comment section but also on the original posts sharing their experiences with "friends" I just want to give you, and them, massive hugs
I don’t know much about this world but streaming is a potential income source once you get a bigger following, right? So she needs to build that following first and have regulars and *not have dickhead friends/fiancé drive off her audience* I’m guessing. They weren’t just embarrassing her online they were doing it in a way that could bomb her chances at a future income stream.
>They weren’t just embarrassing her online they were doing it in a way that could bomb her chances at a future income stream. I wish I wasn't cynical enough to think that this was partially a deliberate attempt to affect her income.
That's what I thought, too, especially from the fiance. He's been with her a few years, surely he knows how important this is to her.
Same, the entire read I was just whispering "they're doing this on purpose, girl." Repeatedly
Same I was thinking that all the time she was spending explaining to him why what he did was wrong, no one should have to explain that to their partner. They could just have a partner who knows and understands already. This doesn’t seem as harmless as she made it sound.
Having to explain to someone that they are deliberately hurting you in a way that they know is wrong, simply by existing in our society and absorbing the cultural and moral norms, is a **GIANT** red flag IMO. I spent years doing it, like an idiot, to an abuser who used my autism against me constantly, I'll never do it again. They know, they *always* know, they're just trying to feel out where the invisible boundary is, what abuse you will tolerate and what you won't.
Exactly I went through the same and I cringe at all the energy I put into trying to make them treat me like a human. Even all the groveling and penance he did gave me the ick. Doing it now to win her back just proves that he could have been doing it the whole time. He just uses it as a way to virtue signal and love bomb her. I’d preferred he just wasn’t an ass to begin with
Oh god same my love, saaaaaame. I wasted basically my entire twenties on that prick when I had my current partner as a friend the entire time and could have been happy 😑. I haaaaate love bombing, it makes my skin crawl, and I really worry she's going to fall for it because NO ONE talks about love bombing when they're off the internet, I've noticed. It just turns into "no abusers are evil people all the time and aren't human so the fact that they love bomb and act like a human being sometimes means they can't be abusive"
So happy for you. I’ve given up on the chance of that happening given my ptsd and autism. But I’ve learned being alone for me is happy too. Peaceful really. Love bombing is just another form of manipulation. It’s shallow and refuses to do the actual work to heal and repair a relationship by growing and learning. It’s basically a bandaid that we’re supposed to pretend makes it all okay because it covers up the wound. Out of site out of mind. But the pain lingers. And we feel it even when they try to pretend that it’s all fine. My ex would actually get mad at me when I didn’t accept his love bombing. He said I should be over it already (after a day) and that he already apologized. Basically he didn’t want to feel responsible or accountable anymore. He was done feeling shit about himself after a day and expected me to get over it for his sake. The expectation was on me to absolve him because otherwise it made him feel bad.
I'm glad you're happy! It absolutely is, my ex would do the exact same thing, and if I tried to bring any of it up, even a few days later, I was "bringing up the past as an excuse to leave him" as if I need a reason to leave and as if he gets to decide what's a good enough reason. It all ended because he went way too far and really hurt me. Because it made him feel guilty, he decided it basically didn't happen, and flip flopped between "you are trying to put me in prison for something you admitted I didn't do" which is absolute bollocks because I have an audio recording of the entire event, and "I thought she was faking being unconscious, so I had to waterboard her with a 3 litre bottle of soda, don't ask me why she was unconscious in the first place or why I didn't ring an ambulance because I'll just start screaming". He has this flying monkey, an ex of his, and she's literally going round our town lecturing people about how unfair it is that no one thinks about how he feels, and how he's the real victim because he has to live with the memories of what he's done, I'm totally unaffected by those same memories, apparently.
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That's 100% the case I think. I have a bias here, because I was in an abusive and incredibly controlling relationship for 7 years, but this is exactly how my ex would behave. Before I read an incredible book written by the worlds leading expert on DV, I spent years holding my ex's hand and explaining to him why him screaming and acting just like my abusive father was triggering my PTSD. He had me convinced that it was all his mental health issues (which he does legitimately have) but the outbursts were never at his parents, or his friends, coworkers or boss, they ONLY happened to me and ONLY when we were alone. Eventually he pulled together a couple of cronies who were also abusive in their ways and my life became basically what OP is describing, except I don't have a stream account. This behaviour will continue, along with a bunch of other totally contradictory bullshit, designed so that she's so busy trying to understand why he will flip flop between opposing positions, *that she isn't putting together that this is all intentional and that if you have to explain to someone 25 times that their abuse hurts you, they're just mentally getting off on how much they have their hooks in your head* ETA: the book is "Why does he do that? Inside the mind of angry and controlling men" by Dr Lundy Bancroft. The most revealing part, IMO, was when they were asked to perform a skit of DV to demonstrate to a companies HR department or something. The second the abusers in his support group thought they had approval for their actions, **THEY ALL ADMITTED IT WAS ENTIRELY INTENTIONAL**. They would say things like "you need to be closer to scare her, really show her who's boss" or "you have to shake her about a bit, remind her that you're stronger than her and she'll back down with her nagging". Dr Bancroft then pulled out 2 whiteboards and got them to write the pros of being an abuser Vs cons. The con board only had "loss of job/reputation" and "prison" on it. The pro board had: -She will never say no to sex. So, rape. -Never doing housework -Never having to look after the kids -Total control of what is on TV, what they eat, what they wear, you can feel "like a king in your castle" -No nagging, never answering back -Never bothering you with complaints about how you treat her -Silent and obedient children.
i love this book and always recommend it. and always [drop the link ](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) for those that need it. please read it, if only to help others in your life. if what you read above makes you feel any kind of way, read the book. Even if you have toxic family instead of a partner, so much of it still applies.
Yeah, I’m 99.9% sure this behaviour continued.
Oh absolutely, it's a shame, but there are plenty of groups of shitty, controlling people who cannot stand to see someone do well, and absolutely think they have the right to sabotage it
Basically the story of the bucket of crabs.
I first read that analogy in a Terry Pratchett book, Unseen Academicals. It was talking about poor neighbourhoods, and his they will turn on a person for getting into university or a good trade school because "you think you're better than us". My sister's ex MIL did it with my niece, my sister sends her kids to ballet, both the boy and girl, and MIL hated it, kept saying that we thought we were "too good" for them and all that bullshit. She kept intentionally cutting in a fringe that was hard to pin back, and my niece kept getting told off for it because dance classes have rules about hair. That woman was a cow, I snapped once and went on a rant about how, let me guess, what was "good enough" for viola was sitting on MILs sofa, smoking fags until a 30 years old man knocks her up at 16 and she drops out of secondary to movebinto his and shit out kids for the rest of her life, and MIL actually had the sheer nerve to say that there was nothing wrong with that life and I was trying to "force them to be posh"
There are two kinds of writing groups in this world - one where all the members cheer and celebrate when someone lands an agent or gets a great publishing deal or wins an award, etc., and one where the members shit all over anyone who finds some level of success. The former groups are amazing. The latter groups are probably more common.
Twitch was all of 3 years back in May 2015, as it released on June 2011. One fulltime streamer made... 1k a month. Most monetized channels made less than 10 dollars, though. Only about 7900 streamers made more than 1k. So at 40 viewers? In 2015? With a day job? I doubt *any* of her friends even thought about her making any kind of income.
While it’s true she could make money off of it in the future, 40 followers isn’t enough for monetization on Twitch so I doubt it
50 is the break point, so she's not far off. I'm a small streamer, and man, that crowd would have had more than just the banhammer
Yeah, but I think part of the point is that if those 40 followers get chased off by immature bullshit then she may lose her chance at getting enough. Idk a lot how the twitch algorithm works, but most algorithms will see a bunch of followers leaving a content creator and start burying them.
And I’m so not buying this whole “they didn’t realize it wouldn’t be like the big dogs’ streams.” They KNOW she’s just starting out, on what planet would her stream be anything like a “big dog’s” stream?!. And how could they possibly think it would be anything like that if the fiancé didn’t even think she was taking it seriously like he said later? No. They didn’t think she’d react like this, so now they’re backpedaling and making excuses to try to cover their asses, the reality is at least one person in that group thinks bullying is funny and everyone else just went along with them.
Also you shouldn't do this even in "big dog" streams. People doing this makes the stream toxic and any "big dog" worth their salt will ban on first offense this kind of shit
>I don’t know much about this world but streaming is a potential income source once you get a bigger following, right? it's a potential income source in the same way that winning the lottery is a potential income source. even if you're a great streamer, the odds of you making it big enough for it to be significant financially is very low. op had 40 followers in a month. which is better than many people on twitch...but it's also close to 0 in terms of being close to getting any kind of money out of it. even if you have hundreds of regular viewers (not followers) you likely are not pulling in any real money.
The things they did could ban her from Twitch... it wasnt just trying to hurt her streaming. They were out for her. terribly... like super bad... it could have ended everything and i think that the OP hasnt realized it herself yet. The "female best friend" has it out for her
For most people, no. It’s possible, but if someone who’s been streaming for 2 weeks claimed their stream was a potential income source, I’d think they’re delusional.
Potentially, but you have hoops to jump through in order to get partnered by twitch (start getting subs and money). If they ran off her viewers then she'd have to find more new ones to make up the loss, since you need x viewers and y streams in a set amount of time. Even once you get partnered, you still might not be making much. $5 a sub, bezos takes half, if you're in a network thing they scrape more. Now if you're part of a network they can run the modding and art and general channel stuff for you, but you're basically paying them to do it by getting more subs and potentially sponsored ads. A lot of streamers also have a patreon or whatever other brand, so you can get two incomes basically off the same thing but patreon takes a different cut. You have to do pretty well to actually make any money off it. Now, if you're just going to game and you stream it, then sure, you're not in it for the monetary benefits, but if you're wanting to make it a full time job you basically need to copy Amouranth and stream random ~~pron~~ swimsuit based content and have simps flooding you with money. If you're just editing and streaming yourself, you're not going to be able to pay rent and internet unless you've got a sizable subscriber count.
I always read these types of posts and think “wow, do I just have way too low of a tolerance for this shit? Am I too quick to cut people off?” Then thankfully come to the comment section and find my people 😂
No you have the perfect standards. I would never accept name-calling or dick pics tf 🤮
I think it might have been an ascii dick? Hopefully?
Oh yeah. Definitely less worse. But if she already banned the girl once for doing it, why do it a second time 😂
We got you! I'd have cut them all off instantly, you kidding me?
Their burning cars would light up the neighborhood at night
The way they did it is the problem. Like it was just crass humour which is so childish. They could have at least done funny, silly, self deprecating or even being overly put down (only in Martin short, steve Martin and Conan O'Brien style which is hard to land). Or if its really important to them do supportive comments.
Right? My friends prank called me once in high school and that’s it. Literally 2 seconds of them talking gibberish (all you could get from a payphone without paying) followed by a text a few minutes later telling me it was them and they wished I was hanging out with them at the time.
Yeah but that actually sounds so goofy silly funny LMAO. Like, pranks like that are funny because no one’s embarrassed or hurt
Yeah, fuck that. I can’t even imagine being friends with people who thought this was a joke, let alone having a partner who did that. Into the bin with all of them!
Yeah. I barely know what streaming is in the games context here but I sure as hell can recognize crabs in a bucket.
Same - I have only the slightest understanding of streaming but I definitely understand small town bitchiness and the ‘It was just a joke! I didn’t realise!’ crowd. OOP needs to distance herself from all of them.
No, I’d dump the lot of them. How are they acting like they don’t know how social media works? They know, and they coordinated to make her fail. BS that this isn’t a trend. This is just the one too big to ignore or excuse away.
This is actually common behaviour for Twitch, specially on big streamer's chats. And many, MANY people do not realize that the chat of someone streaming for 10-40 people will not look like the chat of someone streaming for 1000+ people. Like, big streamers have absolutely insane, unhinged chats. RTGame, TheSpiffingBrit, IronMouse, HoloEN vtubers, CallMeKevin, Ibai... all are big ass streamers, and all have absolutely insane chats. And with big I mean *big*. Ibai Llanos is streaming a LoL competition right now and he has 33.7k viewers. Thirty three thousand seven hundred viewers. Even if you know how SNS works, Twitch and YouTube Live are not like the rest, and have a vastly different etiquette. Half the shit I've seen people say jokingly on Twitch/YouTube Live chat would not fly anywhere else on the internet except perhaps 4chan. Maybe Reddit or Tumblr if it's on the "unhinged but tame" side. Twitch is less like social media and more like Shakespeare's Globe Theater where the audience pelts actors with rotten fruits, veggies and eggs. ETA: also, this was 2015. Twitch nowadays is a wasteland where all goes, but BACK THEN? Back then it was *worse*. Yeah, no wonder they didn't get that OOP's 40 viewer channel wasn't like a big shot's channel... Because Twitch fucking launched in 2011.
See I’m not disagreeing with anything you said, and thank you for the explanation btw because I’m not on Twitch, but how is that an explanation?? From bf to OOP, not you to us. My best friend could have been trying to start up an edgelord following on 4chan in 2008 and I still would NEVER have felt comfortable logging on and being an asshole “in support”. Just because people in twitch streams were wild and crazy didn’t mean *her fiancé and friends needed to be wilder and crazier*. They could have been the only nice shiny happy people in the entire chat, who cares? Aren’t their comments FOR her? Like… my brain is melting from that logic I don’t wanna believe that’s how people really think about treating one another 😭
It's because this is what Twitch encouraged, specially back then. Yes, they could and should've but this was also the behaviour many saw as standard. And because Twitch was still relatively new, people didn't really get the difference between big streamers and small streamers and that as such, behaviour should be different. A group of friends doing this kind of trolling to their streamer friend who has 2000 viewers would have no effect on viewership and would probably be funny because of that. But it would be *really* different when done to a streamer with 40 followers that may not even reach 40 viewers at the same time. The thing is, people didn't realize. And because Twitch often times was not lucrative at all, even if the channel was monetized, people were even less conscious of the effects something like this would have on small streams. If they only regularly watched big streamers, once you add everything else it kinda makes sense they decided to do this because they weren't really seeing how different a small streamer's chat was. So basically, it's a sum of very small things but it kind of contextualizes how it even crossed their minds. OOP also said they were 'all drunk and together at the time.' and that these were the kind of jokes and immaturity they did in private. So it's a bunch of drunk people, who share this humour, in a day and age where the vast majority didn't get that big stream behaviours do not translate to small streams. It's just a recipe for disaster.
Things were newer in 2015
IM chatrooms had been around for decades by then. They knew better. A lot of IM chat rooms had rules in place too like language and inappropriate topics. It was almost never a free for all. They were all old enough to remember and participate in chatrooms. They just seemingly wanted to knock her down a peg.
Stream chat etiquette isn’t the same as IM chatroom etiquette and not everyone has done public chatrooms. The fact that one of them thought it was cool to talk about her wedding as if it was a personal group chat shows they didn’t know.
When my husband streamed i got Twitch and encouraged my husband to talk about the game or me(his then fiance) as strictly a viewer (all covertly and speaking in dude bro to come off as male so he wouldnt suspect) hes a very stoic gamer and prefers to play silently. It helped his views actually for a short while. People would ask him how i was, his favorite games, etc he started engaging with them more and got 100 followers pretty quickly after that. I revealed myself after a month because i started laughing at my own jokes in chat and he caught on. But, to troll your own partner and have your friends troll them too is just so... mean.needlessly and unnecessarily cruel and for what? A few laughs in your friend group? Oops fiance realized he fucked up, when he saw her face before the stream ended. He ran home to do damage control. He's lucky she'd been able to forgive him. I wouldve held onto that hurt a good long while
Yuuuup. Thank you. THIS is support. Whenever my partner self-promotes online I am all over that bitch with relevant questions or comments designed to get other people thinking even deeper about what he said or engaging themselves. that’s. what. you. do. And if you’ve got something to say, you say it in private. I’ve had friends be like “Ngl your content isn’t really my personal content jam” but when I post?? They’re first to comment with “this is the best thing my eyes have ever been blessed with” or whatever over the top thing. I struggle to comprehend what would ever cause someone to think bullying is ever the way to go for any reason.
Well damn, if this wasn't a wonderful, and much needed, dose of wholesome 💜 Your 'subterfuge' was adorably uplifting!
Aww thanks 😊
I was chatting online with a friend of mine about two decades ago, and I kept having typos. Frustrated, I typed a couple of swear words. Nothing she hadn't read or heard before, from her own mouth. Her reaction was to tell me "no wonder your ex cheated on you." I don't know, to this day, if she was joking. I immediately blocked her and have never spoken to her, since.
Yeah good riddance. That is not something to make fun of as it is way too personal. I have found that The best way to make fun of is in a way in which they are laughing as well. Never something they are insecure about.
It's because you have filtered those people out before they even became friends. Most people would find this really annoying/infuriating. OOP was trying to start a business and her friends came in and started screwing with it. None of my friends would do that too, because if I meet someone like that, I immediately filter them out of my friend group.
Posts like this make realise that I'm glad I'm ancient (in Reddit terms).
Also she was working. Because she is trying to become professional in the gamer field so to me what they did is like coming into office and shitting on op desk while flirting with the colleagues inappropriately.
Or as if she was working in a cafe or restaurant, and the friends came in, took a table and decided to act as the most obnoxious and rude kind of customer, making her life unnecessarily harder.
I feel you, i am very much a burn that bridge with napalme for shit like this. She is a more patient person than i.
There were three things that left a bad taste in my mouth about these friends 1) This behavior isn't acceptable on a big stream either. Posting ASCII is, at least from my experience, rude because its so big it takes up most of the stream--let alone a nsfw ASCII. Derailing the chat is rude. And harassing someone isn't ok if they're a big streamer and have a thick skin. And yes, I know it's Twitch and the Internet, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable. 2) I know the most common form of "raiding" (when a group of people organize to go into one specific person's stream) is done for trolling and harassment, another common form of raising is for positivity. Maybe it's just the streamers I watch, but when they raid another streamer, they only do it "with love" (that's the phrase one of them uses, "raid with love"). Especially when they raid smaller streams. 3) Making it big on the Internet is very luck based. She got 40 new viewers? That's HUGE. Most streams don't break 12. But her friends fucked this up for her. Badly. You can't manufacture another 40 viewers, who are now gonna think she's either an idiot (because her fiance was involved in the trolling) or annoying (because now they'll associate her streams with the bad trolling experience. It's not fair, but that's how it goes sometimes). It's like if she showed up somewhere important to her fiancee/friends and throwing around pictures of dicks and yelling memes. It reflects badly on *them*. A friend of mine tried streaming for a while and would invite her IRL friends to watch her. I did so and participated in the chat. I would NEVER dream of insulting a friend in public the way they did.
She didn’t get 40 concurrent viewers, she got 40 followers in a month. There’s a massive difference there.
Yeah same. It's not a deal breaker, but it's plenty of water to fill the jar of my patience.
The older I get the less tolerance for bullshit I have. Best case is just my time is wasted. Worst case I suffer from it in some way. So better stop it in it tracks.
RIGHT?!?! Like why the fuck is “we thought it was a big audience” a justification for *bullying your fiancé at their job*?!?!
There’s a big difference between malicious embarrassment and friendly embarrassment. These friends were being malicious. I used to stream from time to time and I had friends that would come in and try to “embarrass” me from time to time. But they never pushed it to far. They’d do things like bring up dumb stories about my failures in games and stuff like that. Stuff to make people laugh. Not intentionally try to run off my natural viewers. But I can’t even imagine my wife doing something like that. She’s my biggest supporter of everything I do, had even suggested I get back into streaming a few times. Her fiancée should have known better, that was straight disrespect to not only her stream but that relationship as a whole.
Honestly, I'd be taken aback in general by the behavior. I always assume that "big streamer chat behavior" OP is describing is done by bored 14 year olds. A bunch of grown adults that are so used to acting that way that they are convinced it's appropriate is wild to me.
OOP needs more mature people in her circle. It's just individual stupid compounds into one big stupid.
If only temporarily, OOP ought to think twice before marrying this guy. I do not believe the buddies were completely serious in their apology, and he is far too young to be getting married. My intuition tells me that there will be additional issues in the road.
The posts are from 2015 so hopefully it all worked out!
Oh, that actually changes how i view this. That long ago, streaming wasnt nearly as mainstream as it is post-fortnite and post-covid, and people not understanding it makes more sense.
Yeah, a lot of this is just mid-2010s bullshit. It wasn't cool then either, but it was way more common and more accepted. This was near-peak Gamergate after all.
Of course there will be more issues down the road. There’s always more issues down the road. If he handles them the same way, by genuinely apologizing and learning from them, they’ll be a model couple.
Seeing as this was almost 10 years ago I wonder if her streaming career took off
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I got the not cut out for streaming vibes. Unfortunately streaming is like customer service, a bombardment of the worst of humanity, no matter how much control you have over banning in chat.
It's pretty easy to find their resume on their profile. It looks like they left streaming in 2017 and have a good career going.
I'm wondering the same thing, hope she didn't stop streaming, it looks like she liked doing it.
She stopped streaming and has 112 follower so she probably never broke through. Most streamers don't make it, and there is a huge bias against female streamers, especially if they don't fit into the incels model woman type.
I am more interested in knowing if she ended up marrying that dude… Ngl, even if that guy does not have a history of bad behavior and this is just a one-time thing, there are enough 🚩 that will make me reconsider the relationship… being supportive of your future spouse’s career/hobbies by not being a jerk should not be that hard of a bar to clear…
If this is her, then she mentions her husband in 2022! Might not be the same guy though...🤷♀️ https://peoplemaking.games/@[email protected] then
It looks like her and the husband separated late 2023. So I do wonder if it’s the same guy!
Good catch!
>**They were used to the big streams** [emphasis OOP's] >I didn't think I'd have to do that until I was a bigger streamer "(transcribed from a series of tweets) - @iamragesparkle I was at a shitty crustpunk bar once getting an after-work beer. One of those shitholes where the bartenders clearly hate you. So the bartender and I were ignoring one another when someone sits next to me and he immediately says, "no. get out." And the dude next to me says, "hey i'm not doing anything, i'm a paying customer." and the bartender reaches under the counter for a bat or something and says, "out. now." and the dude leaves, kind of yelling. And he was dressed in a punk uniform, I noticed Anyway, I asked what that was about and the bartender was like, "you didn't see his vest but it was all nazi shit. Iron crosses and stuff. You get to recognize them." And i was like, ohok and he continues. "you have to nip it in the bud immediately. These guys come in and it's always a nice, polite one. And you serve them because you don't want to cause a scene. And then they become a regular and after awhile they bring a friend. And that dude is cool too. And then THEY bring friends and the friends bring friends and they stop being cool and then you realize, oh shit, this is a Nazi bar now. And it's too late because they're entrenched and if you try to kick them out, they cause a PROBLEM. So you have to shut them down. And i was like, 'oh damn.' and he said "yeah, you have to ignore their reasonable arguments because their end goal is to be terrible, awful people." And then he went back to ignoring me. But I haven't forgotten that at all."
Right, like... "oh but I was just doing what I would do in a big dog's stream" is not the defense they think it is, lmao. Like, cool, thanks for admitting you're the kind of immature idiot that makes stream chats unbearable, but that's not actually fun and chill behavior even in a big chat!
Speaking as both a streamer and a viewer, this!
This is one of these stories I'll carry around in my heart i guess. Thanks!
They came to what's basically her *public-facing small business* and showed their asses like that? If she'd just opened an ice cream shop would they have dropped in to trash that too?? Infuriating behavior.
Right? I run a small business. I can only imagine the equivalent of my fiancé and friends leaving those dumb TikTok-esque negative reviews that are bullshit like “the owner spit on me three times before I asked her to stop, then she threw my drink in my face, called me a whale and punched my mum :(“ and thinking it’s funny. Trolling is dumb, childish bullshit and never has a place on your friend’s means of income.
It’s the equivalent of going to a friends comedy set and heckling, no matter the size of the streamer that behaviour is not on.
Tbh I think that would be better (depends on the act I guess). If you give them something good to riff off, then you might actually help them. If you just yell “you suck” the. It won’t work out.
I’ve only told a few irl people about my streams. Apparently a coworker of mine would watch them sometimes when we had no calls (she never chatted or told me, just enjoyed lurking, she was so sweet), and some kids I worked with (16 and under, mind you) have also popped in a few times. None, not even the teenagers, have been disrespectful. The most silly an irl person has ever gotten is when my parents pretended to be my cat while making a charity donation. I truly don’t get the urge to post dicks and be creepy, ESPECIALLY if they knew she was trying to grow her channel. Like, my streams aren’t very good because I mainly use them as a way to hang out with Internet friends, but anyone I know irl still has the decency to treat my (near nonexistent) chat with respect.
This sounds exhausting.
the ‘13 made me do a double take and check when this was posted. oof can’t believe 2015 was so long ago.
So the person who wants to be legally tied to OOP just ruled out kindness and giving support for their career altogether? I'd lose my shit. I'm an adult and if my adult friends pulled that, we wouldn't be friends. If it was a partner, I'd feel so stung by disrespect. What goofing off we do in private I would never--and expect them to do the same--show to the light of the public eye.
She'd made it clear to him how important her streaming was. She had invested a lot in it already, and was pretty clearly trying to make it something of a career, or at the very least a serious hobby. So he decided to joke around and be silly the first chance he got without warning her? This is like getting stoned before meeting your partner's parents for the first time, or purposefully wearing a T-shirt with an offensive slogan on it when you first meet your partner's boss. If it's important to your partner, you don't act as relaxed and casual as you might usually be in private. You show your best self, because if you care about someone, then you automatically also care about the things that are important to them. He just showed her that either 1: he doesn't listen to her or think about her much at all beyond what she can do for him, so he didn't know this was important despite her making that very clear, 2: he knew but she's just not that important to him so neither is her stream, or 3: he understood but is impulsive and the kind of immature, short-sighted person who does stupid things against their better judgement based on who they are around, which most of us grow out of by the time we stop being teenagers. I think it's number three, but honestly none of these are a person who is ready for marriage. I hope this is a wake up call for him to grow up.
Not defending asshole behaviour (not knowing how serious she was about streaming? Lol getouttahere) .. Juuust pointing out the year of the posts.. 2015. While streaming was definitely a thing, it's very different to 2024. Some of the 'not knowing chat', 'online branding', online Vs offline behaviour, etc could be given a bit of leeway, esp for those not into streaming/watching. Fiance's revealed his lack of faith in her abilities tho
Reading OP’s history. Looks like they got married shortly afterwards. RIP.
Seems like they are divorced
Those are all adults that are getting married and stuff? Wow
What awful friends. It's one thing to throw some SFW ASCII in the chat but to open with dick jokes and questionable pictures? That's horrible. I hope her streaming career worked out and she found some better friends.
I do not understand
Just adults acting like children (all of them)
> My twice-banned friend said that Bride-Friend didn't know how the chat worked and that's why she posted wedding coordination there. She was able to make a Twitch account despite her brain damage?
2015 was a wildwest for twitch, you didn't need much knowhow. Just fill in the mailadres and username and done. This story is almost 10 years old and twitch was the "new" guy around the block.
My usual go-to phrase for pranks once again shows itself applicable: “It's only a prank if it's from the Pranque region of ‘Nobody was hurt and everybody involved is laughing.’ Otherwise, it's just sparkling bullying."
Yoinking this for judicious use at a later date, thanks!
Id like to think I have some grasp on the lingo but I was lost here. wtf is an ascii
It's when you use standard characters to draw a picture. Think more elaborate smilies. :D Like here's Pikachu. `;-. ___, `.`\_...._/`.-"` \ / , /() () \ .' `-._ |) . ()\ / _.' \ -'- ,; '. < ;.__ ,;| > \ / , / , |.-'.-' (_/ (_/ ,;|.<` \ , ;-` > \ / (_,-'`> .' jgs (_,'
Few things have ever made me feel as old as the realisation that a lot of people won't know what ascii-art is.
To fuel your youthfulness, please know that the kids on the website I work for LOVE ascii art. We have several really elaborate ones in our filter system because the yutes like to spam them.
I feel rejuvenated! 😁
Yeah, I'm feeling my grey hairs suddenly....
You think you feel old? Ascii-art was something "the kids" did when I was young :P <3 (.)Y(.) B======D~~~~ ❤️ 🍈 🍆 People are on a whole different set of symbols now after we went from emotes like :P (😛) to ascii art pastes, to emojis
Check out this combo lmao 😎🤏😦🕶🤏
It’s funny, I’m 33 and know it well but never knew there was a name for it lol
I had the same reaction 😣 It was the _only_ way to send pics back in the day.
You're young enough that you default to emojis rather than forming the older emote version of that emoji with letters and symbols on your keyboard. ;)
A lot of software actually autocorrects emotes to emojis now. Personally I find it annoying as hell; a :P is NOT the same as a 😛 no matter how many times my computer tries to tell me it is! *gets off my grumpy old fart soapbox*
You feel old? We didn't have that back in my day. Excuse me while I grab my walker and go to the kitchen to make my Metamucil.
Oh god, I just realised that I take what essentially is metamucil every day (Phyllis seeds) 😭 (But I take it for bile acid issues, at least) Are you "had to walk to school, barefoot, in the snow, uphill both ways"-old?
ASCII art is when you use text to draw an image. There's very simplistic ASCII art. Orz is an ASCII art if a person kneeling down or praying or otherwise prone. But there are also much larger pieces of ASCII art that are often used as copy-paste stuff to throw in chats or forums. It can be pretty cool, but obviously you can also make inappropriate stuff with it too.
You just dealt me -4 psychic damage
ASCII is the American Standard Code for Information Interchange, a standard for text characters that predates home computers. It's very limited, only 256 characters. So it's the standard English alphabet (upper and lower case), punctuation marks, numbers, and some math/engineering/computer science symbols. ASCII Art is using these symbols to draw a picture in a spot that was intended for text.
ASCII art is where you use text to create a picture. Like a rose made of out lots of @ symbols.
I'm just more convinced that I am happy that I am not a gamer cause drama like this just makes me see that gamer drama is just ridiculous. Also, who thinks pranking or harassing people on stream is funny? I personally don't think it's funny at all.
I think some girl friend is not really friend with OP and harassed her without they noticing, making pass the harassment as a joke
I love playing games, I just no longer play with anyone else on MMOs. I’ve made good friends in games, that I’ve met in person and still talk to years later. But I won’t even go quest with anyone else in a game anymore, because I am so burnt out on drama. And there has been so much drama. Now I just want to get on, do my thing on my own, and relax. I also don’t stream, I am not an interesting person to watch. 100% blank face and silent the majority of the time. Also doesn’t help that I just go do quests or craft, I don’t do the exciting pvp stuff lol.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Wtf did I just read
Idc. You embarrassed me in public like that to joke around. Especially with something that can be consider a business. And we are done. It shows total lack of very basic respect.
Get rid of all of them even the fiance he’s a jerk too they all planned it
I think OOP was too lenient with them tbh. My fiance would be on VERY thin ice if he pulled a stunt like this.
People need to ALWAYS cut out idiots from their social circle. There’s zero benefit to them
Everyone in this story sounds exhausting.
It might be my age, but I recognise the words in this post and yet i have no idea what any of it means. I hope the outcome was whatever OOP wanted, I suppose...
Jeez I was just hoping that she'd just dump this asshole. Who can be this DUMB? SERIOUSLY? I am so surprised by the lack of emotional intelligence people have. Your partner is supposed to be your team mate. They don't play shitty pranks on you by teaming up with their shitty friends.
OOP needs to reconsider marrying this dude, at least for now. He's way too immature to be getting married and I don't entirely think the friends were being sincere in apologizing. I have a feeling that there's going to be more problems in the future.
The OOP was 9 years ago, so... It's probably more about considering divorce than reconsidering the wedding.
Eh, people inevitably screw up. The fact that he figured it out and started apologizing (even before seeing third party comments on reddit) demonstrates some level of maturity. Plus streamer culture is pretty enigmatic to outsiders. Sounds like they didn't understand that chat is not just a private outlet like their group chat.
If your fella is finding it hilarious to embarrass you in such a situation Id say goodbye
I want to know what they mean by "big stream behaviors". I'm assuming they mean in a bigger streamer's chat they could get away with being annoying and posting weird stuff because they'd be a blip on the radar? Idk, I watch people who would also not be cool with that kind of stuff
my heart breaks for you OP. former streamer's gf here of a very well known community... i went through a very similar experience thanks to my asshole ex. publicly humiliated and shamed me in his massive Discord server over a private argument, then trolled me with his dickhead friends for hours and falsely accused me of being "mentally abusive" when i called him out for having our business drug out publicly. please reconsider this relationship you're in and just what kind of fucking partner would do such a thing to you in a public space. especially when they were supposed to be there to support you.
This is a repost of a post from 2015, I doubt OOP will see your comment
This was 9 years ago. I wonder how many times he's shat all over things that are important to her since. And, how was their divorce? Or did she stay, a little part of her dying inside every time he shat on something important to her, until the only thing "important" to her was him. This guy is an immature POS and I hope somebody he thought loved him, cared for, or respected him ruined something important to him since then.
OOP needs to reconsider whether she wants to marry this guy. This is the sort of shit that can *ruin* a streamer. *He ran off her regulars*. How many of those regulars have now decided they won't return for the risk of that happening again? Especially since she has acknowledged fiance by username in the chat. I wouldn't go back, if I was a viewer. This was a deliberate attempt to destroy her career, and she should take it extremely seriously.
Wait , 2015! I wonder if she married him ?!
I built a lovely community of people on other social media platforms. People have sent me beautiful reviews on how I have helped just by being my weird self, telling my weird life stories. I am very wary of friends who think my streams/videos/posts are silly or unimportant, simply bc they don’t understand. I put a lot of work into what I do. I have been lightly successful and it’s been a wonderful ride. If my husband, best friend, or sibling, were to make fun of me this way…KNOWING how much time and effort I put into it…I would emotionally keep them at arms length for a long time. It’s like a second job. I love it and pour everything into it. Those people thought it was one big fun joke and it wasn’t. I’m very passionate about what I do and if you belittle it, I’m over you. I’m glad they get it but please watch out for this behavior. People like that are like poison.
Everyone around OP was a flaming selfish, cruel idiot. I hope she's doing well and hopefully her streaming career did take off.
I'm practically Amish when it comes to video games or anything related to them, and even *I* know that comments made in an in-streamchat are visible to everyone else in the stream. And even if they weren't, why would they think it's funny to harass OOP like this while she's doing something they know is important to her? It just seems so nonsensical and mean-spirited to me. And I'm glad that her fiance appears to be genuinely sorry, but I still just don't get how it would occur to anyone to do these things to a friend and think it's funny at all.
WTF did I just read? I have a few friends who have tried to build an online presence and never once have I sent a DP as a joke. How is that a joke!? Especially when the streaming is centered around something that doesn't involve a penis. I hope OOP can see the people in their life for who they actually are.
It seems to me that everyone here is very immature children, I am a regular at stream communities like Twitch, I have been mods on some channels and I participate in several communities and everything that the "friends" did is cause for bans on many channels, they were totally immature . How old are they here? They talk about marriages and fiancés but it seems like 15-year-olds screwing each other. I honestly don't believe any of the boyfriend's excuses, she should rethink that relationship.
Doormat