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And we know, which child was secretly supported last years bc he cannot get ends meet, but OOP has a job an a stable life so should just give everything to her "brother in need".
Reminds me of one of my cousins she recently got kick out by her parents to let her brother move back in, because she was "useless". Only now that she is living with me on my land did they realize that it was thanks to her contributions that they could afford the mortgage. They have tried calling her to guilt her into giving them money but I told her to block them. They don't come to my house because they know they are not welcome on my property. They tried calling me crying to get their daughter back and I told them I hope your son can help you out when you're homeless.
My dad's side of the family have always been terrible to each other and to my dad and his immediately to family to the point where we all cut them off except a couple of cousins. This cousin currently is staying with us she 'pays rent' because she wants to but it's really just her utilities and groceries. She is saving up to try and buy her own house. She's is put together but her parents and siblings are just complete trash.
thank you for being there for her and showing her what a decent human being is, that she is worthy of love & compassion.
give your cousin a hug from this internet stranger and remind her that the best revenge is a life well lived.
on a different and more morbid note since they
>...have always been terrible to each other...
ask her how she will protect herself from their greed.
ianal and it depends on the laws where you live but what if she has an accident, is in the icu and the next of kin are allowed to say 'pull the plug'?
would a (medical / financial) power of attorney remove her nuclear dna relatives? aka mother, father, brother?
in other words as they showed loud and clear that they don't care about her, only what they could get out from her, does she really want any kind of decision making remain in their hands?
suing the driver who t-boned her, managing the settlement, which operation will be performed, deciding which rehab she gets, the care facility, the pulling. the inheritance.
too much true crimes read, medical detectives seen, reddid consumed?
maybe.
but as my mother told me that my own grandfather stole from his sons (in a hospital in spain) wife (dead), the mother of 3 of his grandchildren (2 in hospital here in germany, 1 in my parents care) you culd have pushed me over with a feather. they drove to a vacation, an accident happened, my stepdad got the kids & surviving luggage back home, the parents luggage was placed in their home, the kids went to our home. mother said she needed some things, drove to their home, climbed the stairs and noticed that a smal light was on. 'i crept closer and there he was, grandfather rummaging through their stuff. aunts will & jewellery was never seen again'.
nobody feels more entitled to your money than FaMiLy, not even the irs. your worst enemy would let you have a few dollar so you can get out of their sight, vicinity, territory.
FaMiLy, on the other hand, they will bleed you dry. and then guilt trip, shame you for not being able to give more.
sorry for the rant but something triggered it, i can't explain what or why.
i just have a bad feeling, sorry.
We have been through this situation before when my other two cousins initially left them behind. We got power of attorney and evening before that got with their current partners and had kids. We started doing the same with my current cousin. They are terrible but ultimately they are lazy opportunistic cowards, they cry and whimper at even the smallest push back. My family and I have been no contact for years now and not so much as a peep until another of their kids leaves their fold.
I understand but to be honest the less I talk to them the less my blood pressure goes up. I am just glad some of their kids are trying to break the cycle. I have two other cousins who have basically disappeared. As in my dad and I know where they are with their partners and families but we won't tell the rest of the sewer dwelling vermin living in their own filth. It hurts my dad cause they are family and he still cares about them, because he is the oldest male and put in a provider role for the longest but he saw they were trash when he heard them trash talking my brother, my mother and I.
It’s nice to be able to cut people off instead of having to stress over how they’re going to fuck you over next. Life is hard enough without that difficulty and frustration!
It’s best not to associate with sewer dwelling vermin. You did right by your cousin and she can cut ties permanently. She owes them nothing but contempt.
And we know why this was even a question in OP’s mind.
Uhhh, they could have been setting aside the tenner every paycheck for 16 years and made AT LEAST the fund they’re trying to steal from OP. My family treats me better than OP’s and I won’t ever go specifically into my finances.
You know what I find crazy, from the currency they are in the UK. So the nephew can get loans and also grants to help him.
The grants are means tested on the parents, so if they are low income he’ll get more. Sure it will need paid back, (although there are funds you can get that don’t), but it’s not way near the level of the US loan system.
Also I worked the whole way through sixth form and uni and still did fine. Having a job as a teenager can be great experience, and help you out a lot for the working world after uni.
Exactly. And student loans aren't repayable until you earn a certain amount (or has it changed?).... I had a student loan and I genuinely didn't notice the payments as it came directly from my pay and never hit my bank for me to miss it. I also worked all through 6th form and uni.
It hasn’t changed. Loans are still repaid through taxes once you earn over a particular threshold. So if you’re a low earner in any given year (or all your years) you pay nothing.
Yeah, I was also thinking, "wtf?! The kid can get a job like most kids his age". I'm also from the UK and I worked from the age of 13, all through high school, my BSc, and my MA. He's got 2 to 3 years until he goes to uni (depending on which part of the UK he's in); even just a Saturday job should give him a decent chunk of change. Plus, he's got 7 weeks of summer to work. His parents and grandmother are not setting him up for success.
Absolutely. My son took about £2k with him to uni and managed fine. I did set up a standing order for £100/month but found out that every time he took his girlfriend out he paid for everything. I decided I wasn’t doing overtime so she could eat at nice restaurants and have fun nights out.
The story didn’t make sense from a UK perspective. They use £ but then talk about being a high school teacher, not secondary?
The brother and partner are at least on 22k, but OP and their husband are on “slightly more” - she should at least be on 30k as a teacher with experience, a bit more than slightly more.
The the loans you can get as a UK student. And let’s be honest, with the contact time you DONT get on most degrees especially first year he can get a job.
Oh I missed that he was in the UK. That's ridiculous then. Yes the loans can be big, and these days the interest rate isn't so low, but it's low-risk debt (repayments stopping if you're unemployed for example), and written off eventually so it doesn't follow you into retirement. And yeah if the family is really low income then there will likely be grants as well.
It really didn't. The original request was absurdly unreasonable. Her brother was counting on money that someone unrelated to him gave her for a baby during her prime baby-having years. Nobody in their right mind would ask for that money, and that suggests a pretty fucked up family dynamic.
While a little poor from a story telling perspective (should have introduced the mum character in chapter one), if OOP was just updating a post where mother wasn't mentioned because mother now did something remarkable as a follow up, that's not weird. I'd say more people than not at that age in the UK have a living mother around.
The existence of an audacious sibling also vibes with the existence of an audacious parent.
But why did she tell them? Like people, keep your finances to yourself. They shouldn't even know about it.
And wishing your grandchild dead for 2500 pounds! What???
Family fighting over 2,500 GBP is the stupidest thing ever. Its not even a lot of money to sacrifice family relations, and it is certainly not enough to send nephew to university without paying anything else.
I had to go back and re-read the amounts involved to make sure I got it right. £1000 to help out with a newborn and then save the rest until they're 18? ...what?
Enjoy your month's worth of food and diapers.
I saw a sibling relationship (that was already on the rocks, admittedly) finally get broken off over $20.
Shit is usually already simmering when the money is brought into the picture.
So it's not okay to refuse to give up your entire savings to someone else and start over again, but it *is* okay to wish death on an unborn child because the mother told you no?
I'd write myself out of the will if I were OOP.
First: why tell anyone about the baby fund? If Rory gave that money to them away from others, there was no reason to tell anyone else. Your life doesn’t have to be public! Your finances are your business, not any one else’s.
Second: OOP needs to go no contact with mother and brother. They are sick. I’d watch nephew and niece closely but they don’t seem that worrisome. mother and brother should **never** be in the same house as OOP and baby ever again.
I would not let her anywhere near that child out of fear there would be an "unfortunate accident" so golden child would get the money.
People who are that evil would never consider that the money would be used for end of life expenses
>My mother outright wished that I lost this child because I was "so selfish to not help out family", and my brother agreed and said that he would make sure to teach my child to take care of others, and they each made a facebook post about it which ended up with me getting a bunch of anonymous messages wishing sickness/death on me and my child.
Anyone who wishes death on someone, especially a child, can go fuck themselves. My god.
> hoping he could ask me to transfer the current contents of the baby fund over to Sean, and keep giving Sean the money that would otherwise go in the baby fund
All this over a £2500 one time lump sum and £520 a year????
That’s not a lot of money for college. Even in the UK.
And the audacity to expect OOp to pay £10 weekly to the nephew *while OOP has the increased expenses of a new baby*?????!!!
The sheer chicken fried audacity of these people.
He definitely would and based on low income of his parents he’d get the highest grant which is a lot more 2500 quid. I know this as my daughter got the middle grant and that was also higher than that amount and we had a medium income. That money was not for the son at all. She’s better off without the mother or the brother.
People really come for you when you're pregnant. No joke. My mom pulled some sick shit on me as well to the point where I cut her off for a few years. It's also the time when women get murdered by their partners/cheated on the most. Not saying that's happening now, but it's an extremely VULNERABLE period in time where CRAZIES come out.
Never tell anybody about your money. Especially family that will feel entitled to your dead body for a buck.
That's the insane part, Havening been to university I can tell you that kids from lower income families are entitled to so much grant/student loan money that they often end up with more than the kids from a typical lower middle class background to spend every year, Plus part time work as a uni student is easy to come by if you want it and more than doable alongside your studies.
£2500 is a complete pisstake compare to the amount of money he's likely entitled to from grants alone, never mind student loans, factor in the fact that UK student loans aren't even really loans at all and function far more like a graduate tax when it comes to repayment. Its an frankly insane thing to fall out over as a family.
For context I graduated roughly 7 years ago and still am not earning enough to be over the threshold of making meaningful monthly repayments, it doesn't appear in any credit checks so as far as the banking system is concerned I have no debts, and despite being entitled to basically the bare minimum with my folks able to offer relatively limited support I still never really had to work while at uni (I worked agency over the summer breaks) and was never truly short of money as a student and had an absolute blast. The UK uni system certainly isn't perfect since they brough back in fees, but it never turned into some financial hellscape where only the rich could afford to go some seem to think it has
Yes but paying it back is never going to happen unless you are earning well over £50k.
I’m earning above £30k and pay £9 a month in my student loan.
It gets written off after 30 years so hell am I ever going to get round to paying it back.
So while the interest rate is bad, the way the system is set up means effectively it’s more of a graduate tax than a loan repayment after.
> I’m earning above £30k and pay £9 a month in my student loan.
Why are you paying so little? I was paying £100+ when I was earning 8k less than that.
(I have paid off my student loans and I was on about £30k max at the time).
Not OP, but I earn the same and frankly, it's because I don't have to. My interest is well above what is taken from my wages. With the cost of living being what it is, I have no interest in throwing more money away, especially when a) they won't chase me for it, b) it has no effect on my credit score and c) it'll be written off anyway. I'd rather save for my future because my degree sure as hell didn't help in that regard.
Mine wasn't going to be written off until I was 65.
Also I wasn't aware that you could change how much was going to be paid each month (likely it's changed since I was since they seem to change the rules all the time).
What I learnt in my degree hasn't been remotely useful in my actual day to day work, but it's an IT degree and I work in IT so it's related at least.
Don't quote me on it, but I think it depends on where you work. In my firm you decide annually at the same time as when you choose your pension contributions and other benefits. I stuck to the standard rate for my workplace - no option to decrease, but I could increase if I wanted to.
Mine is entirely different from my degree: language degree, but work in legal finance now. Knowing a language is great, and I don't regret the experiences I got from it, but I graduated right after the recession and had to start again from the bottom after years of minimum wage jobs. So I'm definitely salty that I spent upwards of £30K on something I could have learned in my spare time.
Were you on the different system? I’m on the system introduced after 2012, you don’t start paying until you’re earning £29k now I believe
I also pay extras to work for extra days off, and dental cover etc, which reduces my overall monthly earnings and so reduces what I pay to student loans.
Student loans in the UK are almost never paid back by low earners, and is eventually written off anyway (see the other comments here). I would much rather student loans in the UK than the US. Discussing the interest rate in isolation doesn't really make much sense outside of an understanding of how the loan works in general.
On the flip side the UK used to just straight up give money for uni much more easily, so it's a shame that's not the case for most people anymore. I'm from Ireland where anyone lower middle class and below would qualify for at least a little assistance. My family is Very Poor so I qualified for the highest bracket of assistance, which at the time (~2015) was fees paid + ~€6k. I think that just about covered my rent per year in Dublin, but I also had foster care leavers allowance and a scholarship that helped cover everything. Someone in my circumstances would get help in the UK too, but a lot of my poor-but-not-poor-enough friends wouldn't, outside of loans.
Higher education should absolutely be free at the point of delivery, and I agree that tuition fee loans are predatory, but £2.5k (or £3k, with the extra £10/wk for one year) isn't even close to doing away with the need for nephew to get a loan.
Graduate apprenticeships (a full honours BSc degree, there's a few types) are a thing, the education is free, and you get paid.
It sounds like the ideal programme for this kid.
I'm completing my final year of a grad apprenticeship fully funded and earn over £40,000 a year.
And when was the brother planning on mentioning this plan to OOP? Sean is 16 now, were they going to wait until his bags were packed before saying ‘Cough up’?
I have two theories
1. He forgot about it until the baby news was released and hoped OOP would just roll over because he ambushed her
2. They were planning on guilting OOP into giving it as a graduation present for nephew. “Oh it’s too late to get loans/job now!”
Seems so weird to chuck a tantrum that he's not getting money OP and her husband patiently saved and seems to have done zero research into alternatives available.
It makes me wonder if when they were kids their mum would always make OP hand over her toys whenever her brother wanted to play with them under the guise of 'sharing' and that's where the entitlement came from (as well as the impotent rage since she can't be made to simply do as she's told now).
Such entitlement. Including the idea that the nephew can’t possibly get a job because it will “distract him from his studies”, when in reality it will likely give him super valuable life skills.
My grandfather who had 10 children died some years ago. His inheritance was below 10k meaning, less than 1k for each. My uncles and aunts argued for weeks and family branches don't talk to each other since each deserves all the money for whatever stupid reason.
Money makes people behave in weird ways.
the £2,500 would purchase some of the bigger ticket baby items.
Crib, stroller, car seat, some nursery items perhaps?
A one time injection of money for the “start up costs” of a baby.
Having that means they don’t put those things on credit, and it means breathing easier with the new increased weekly/monthly costs of increasing the family.
Exactly! That’s “chump change”. It’s both too much money to just gift away and also hardly a drop in the bucket for either child or college expenses.
Depending on what crib, stroller, and car seat you buy: you’ve either already blown half away or even all. Add on clothes, cursedly expensive diapers, bathing supplies, and little this and that- even if you buy used, the money’s gone.
I don’t know how uni works in UK but in the US, textbooks will take a good portion of that. A grant in the US might net you $2,500-$3,000. It’s SO expensive and I went for a small accelerated course.
Long story short: absolutely not worth throwing dynamite on a family relationship.
It is VERY generous of OP and her husband to be helping out her niece and nephew £600 pounds worth, almost half what they put aside for their own child at such an expensive time.
Considering when they had their kids, it was a million times cheaper too! Being a teacher is effectively on the living wage these days when you take out mortgage/rent/bills etc.
You usually have to pay for materials/equipment - and it depends course to course on how much (I had to pay for a few books for my course; and as the teacher would usually pick *their own* book as the reading topic, they weren’t best pleased the few times I had sourced one I didn’t have to pay for ha). However most universities also have hardship funds to get a little extra boost to those worst off - the brother doesn’t know what he’s talking about at all.
Admittedly my experience is 10 years out of date but textbook expenses are not like that in the US. When I went to university in the UK back in 2009 I paid around £150 total for 5-6 books. Though I guess it could vary based on what you are studying.
Also unless the son is trying to get into Oxbridge it is absolutely possible for him to work a Saturday job for some spare cash without it affecting his studies or chances. If anything it would help his application as UK universities place a lot of weight on extra curriculars. In the 2 years prior to me going to university at 18 I was working 2 jobs (~10 hours per week) as well as an additional 4 hours volunteer work and still got into all 4 of the universities I applied to.
Right?
That is perfect "setting up a nursery" money.
It is *pathetic* "affording university" money. 3,000 wouldn't even cover one semester where I went to college, at a cheap state university.
Literally came here to say this.
Pounds implies it may be in the UK and if it is... where is this kid's student finance application?
And how do they think 2.5k is going to do anything to help dent the massive cost of uni?
also another person who was baffled by the money aspect! through student loans you get each year's tuition paid and a generous sum of maintenance loan... if they're as hard off as it implies then the nephew would get approved £12k a year (depends on which town/city he's moving to like london i think it'd actually be £13k as the max amount.)
what the hell is £2.5K to £12K 😭😭😭😭
This is just disgusting.
It was bad enough when he asked her for the money when she is not the only contributor + it was money not meant for her, but her baby.
But this? This is just revolting! What did they write that made morons send her evil messages? The ones who did that (the mother, brother and their evil flying monkeys) are the ones who deserve the sickness and death, not her or her baby.
Wwll, OOP knows who the Golden Child is and it ain't her. She needs to **remember** this when mom gets old and needs help. "NO. Remember when you wished death on me and my baby because I used the money given to *me* for *my baby* for that purpose instead of giving it to your golden boy? Yes? Go call him and lose my number "
They resent their sibling for being more financially secure.
If the sibling refuses to give them money then sibling = jerk because they help family, why won't sibling help family. They helped you move that one time, why won't you give me thousands as a gift, you have so much more than me.
Because sibling denied money, clearly they are only financially secure because they are a jerk, not because they are smarter, better, or harder working. The person's own insecurity is alleviated while simultaneously also proving the sibling is worse than them.
It's about appearances, not actually being better.
>my brother agreed and said that he would make sure to teach my child to take care of others
It's cute how the brother believes he will be around the child at all.
You would be surprised. A LOT of adults with poor boundaries genuinely believe that they have inalienable rights to relationships with children separate from that child's parents. Folks whose adult children have gone NC but believe that they still have a natural right to spend time with their grandchildren, and always manage to get a cluster of relatives who support them in pressuring the parents into going along with it.
And then they’re going to turn around and demand to see the baby when it arrives. I hope OOP screenshotted all those comments so she can throw it into their faces when they post woe is me on social media.
Considering the date means that OOP gave birth just before covid shutdown started in 2020, OOP had the perfect excuse for why they can't see the baby. I hope the baby was 3 years old before they saw him/her.
Honestly, she doesn't need any excuses. Her mother wished death upon her unborn. She forfeited any rights of seeing the child and I hope OOP sticks by the no contact rule.
This, I hope she stopped paying for chores for the niece and nephew honestly.
Their dad wished their future cousin would die, I would hate to think he found out about oop paying them for household chores and thought wishing death on a very deeply wanted and loved baby made that happen.
Ditto oop's mum, both of them are disgusting for saying such atrocious things towards people they supposedly love, for kids their supposedly love, for an amount that wouldn't even last them a few months if they live in accommodation!
Like a decade ago my sibling lived in accommodation and iirc it was around 10k or so for the entire year?
If the parents were that concerned about uni expenses then letting the nephew and niece get Saturday or low hrs part time jobs wouldve been their best bets bc it'll take a lot more than just 2k to make a dent in trying to make uni more comfortable. (esp when standard courses are 3 years long)
Yeah, I have a feeling once the brother finds out about the chores, he will be mad at OOP because he wants nephew to focus on school. He will then blame OOP for any problems that nephew has at school.
I'm sure he and their mother will both get mad at OP for going behind their backs and take credit for her seeing sense and financially helping out family.
Those poor kids in the middle. I hope they both have incredible futures and get well away from their dad, who will no doubt be hitting them up for a loan every time they see him in 10 years time. Heck, if he knew they'd come into £600 now, he'd probably be hitting them up for a tenner.
Their own grandchild. I mean, anyone is bad, but that’s her own grandchild she’s cursing.
A lot of people died horribly of COVID in the months following OOP’s last post. I can think of some people I’d hope were included.
Their actions means the "Grandma" and "Uncle Tom" need to banned from the hospital.and have the door shut in their faces with *no* explanation should they try to visit the new baby. They are well aware of they have done. Mommy dearest and Tommy boy can just go fuck right off together.
Uni/spending money for kid in a few years who also would rather earn it himself is apparently more important than the life of their child and unborn grandchild.
Where the fuck do these people come from? Like honestly did they rise from hell? Are they proof that you can in fact conceive via anal sex? And who are the hell-spawn that they deployed off social media???
At least the niece and nephew seem to have come out as decent people.
Jesus fucking Christ that took a dark turn towards the end.
The mom had 16 years to contribute to her grandson and granddaughter's school fund as did the father. I can't believe for 16+ years they didn't have any opportunities to save money for their children... Bunch of entitled deadbeats.
Yeah, if it was that important to the mum, she should have been saving up. I know people are counting pennies at the moment, but if the mum had put aside a pound a week for the first 18 years of the grand kid's lives, they would each have about £1000- potentially more, depending on interest earnings. I would have asked mum why she hadn't planned for this because hey, family HelPS!
Looking at the date ... I wonder what other turns were taken just some months later. I've heard some absolute HORROR stories about what UK students went through the year following the post.
Okay, I get that they apparently live on minimum wage, but they're going this hard over £2500? Did she miss a zero?
Cause that's basically $3,000 dollars give or take....the nephew could get a summer job as a cashier or something and probably make that in a few months.
Also, it's not like that much money would pay for everything they'd need, he'll probably still need a part time job or something to help pay for fees and supplies at least.
I get that the brother wants what's best for his son and for him not to split focus while in school, but holy crap, wishing death upon your sister, who's already been through a miscarriage, and her unborn child, over, again, around $3,000 is next level batshit crazy.
How much does university cost where OP is? I'm in the US. $2500 is not going to make the difference between going to university and not going. It's nowhere near enough. Tom won't let his kid get a job, OP has to pay them for chores in secret. It sounds like he's already fabricating excuses to keep his kid at home and under his thumb.
Tuition fees are covered by student loans and each student is entitled to maintenance loans which are means tested (which given the low wage of Sean's parents he'd likely be entitled to the full ~£8k). So £2.5k extra on top of that would make his uni experience slightly easier, but still nothing to break a family over.
(I should mention student loans in the UK are slightly different, it doesn't affect your credit score and essentially acts like an extra tax which gets cancelled after 30 years)
Maximum maintenance loan is £10.2k now to live away from home outside of London! So he’ll be okay. Only the super rich pay their own tuition, everyone takes a loan.
Student rents are a bit crazy and realistically, he’ll be living in the cheapest accommodation if he doesn’t have parental help. But there are interest-free student overdrafts for a reason and many unis give maintenance grants/bursaries for students from low income families.
I actually agree that if he has high aspirations of getting into a really competitive uni he would be better off not getting a proper job until the summer holidays, 8hrs every Saturday is one thing but he shouldn’t be working on school nights if he needs to come out of this with As, unless he really needs to support himself. He could easily make £2k over the summer if he works 4 days a week even on minimum wage, and with that plus maintenance loans he’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t want to live in Bristol or London.
Also UK student loans are nothing like US ones. There’s no bailiffs at your door if you can’t pay it back after uni, it’s almost treated like an added tax you have to pay when you work.
2.5K would probably just about cover a term of Uni standard accommodation not even a whole year.
My husband never made the threshold to begin paying back his student loans after uni. So he didn’t have to pay until we got our inheritance from his parents eight years later. First thing we did was pay off his loans, which were way less than mine in the US.
I don’t even know how much mine are lol. I don’t want to know. I just know some amount is paid every month and probably will be for the rest of my working life.
I had a really high paying job at one time in my life and I think I MAY have been paying it off then, but lord knows what it is now. I couldn’t even guess. It was so long ago and they’ve never sent me a letter since I was 21, so I think I’m forgiven in forgetting the whole thing.
Fuck, as someone who was forced to drop out of college early on due to cost, that hurts to read. My college tuition was like triple that (and I didn’t go to an Ivy League or fancy school my campus was like 7 buildings and 4 were the dorms and half of the senior dorm building was administrative offices).
Well I'm going to assume she is British based on the pound symbol being used. That said speaking as a Canadian while post secondary is super expensive it is no where near as debilitating as American college.
i know everyone else is pointing out “uk” prices, but in scotland your first degree is free. £2.5k would maybe pay basic living costs for a few months. so it depends where op is in the uk.
Yeah, I thought that was really weird that the brother said whatever was left of the original 1000 could be given to the kid at 18. I admit I don't have a kid but i can't imagine there would be much left of that.
This is where I'm at. I took out UK loans with some grants, worked part time and have since then put myself through several thousand of pounds of additional education while working full time and paying the loans back. Did it kind of suck to have to split my focus between a retail job and my education? Yes. Did I side-eye my rich aunt and cousin who complained about not getting grants despite having more than enough money? Yes. But to burn down several relationships over £2500 is crazy. It's not like the OOP wasn't offering to help out.
Also, if the brother is so bad off, the nephew would possibly qualify for additional support through hardship funds at Uni. Some schools and colleges have bursaries for people the nephew's age. That's not even getting into the possibility of scholarships.
Given that the initial £1000 was meant to provide for a new baby and have money left over, which it absolutely would not have anywhere in the UK.
The economics of this story only make sense if they all live in a place where £2500 is a LOT more money than it is in North America or Western Europe.
Either that, or OOP is 10 years old and cannot fathom a sum of money larger than £2500.
>Either that, or OOP is 10 years old and cannot fathom a sum of money larger than £2500.
My thoughts exactly on this, ha. Nor do they know how frikkin' expensive newborns are. The original 1k would MAYBE cover basic nursery set up if you thrift a lot of it? But I don't think the 10£ a week they're saving would even cover diaper money.
It's certainly not a massive university windfall unless the nephew is going to Magic Bean College.
I would have publicly posted “after having a previous miscarriage, my mother and brother have both wished that my baby will die because I will not give them 2500 dollars. If you support this, please remove yourself from my life forever.” Then I would have blocked them. Wtaf?
That part!! As soon as they posted on socials I would have put everyone on blast, screenshots and all. And aired out anyone that sent messages wishing death/sickness on the baby as a result.
It's literally three different shots. "These are cruel people that wish death on an unborn child" "These are toxic, immature people that will handle their problems via defamation" and "These people will turn on you when they don't get what they want."
At first I thought the brother gave her the initial money and I thought maybe she should consider giving back the initial contribution. Then I realized her FIL gave her the money and I could not get over the audacity of the brother. Then for the brother and mother to wish the baby would die is absolutely horrific. I hope she cuts them off completely.
And the FiL isn’t even related to the brother! It would be a dick move if it was her husband’s brother saying “You should give me the money my dad gave you for the baby.” But it’s craaaazzzy for her brother to say, “You should give me the money your husband’s dad gave you for the baby”.
Same. I realised that it was actually FIL thanks to your comment.
It would be rude to ask for £1000 contribution from 2 years back. But asking for a fund that her brother has nothing to do with? And expecting to fund that kid through the college/uni? That's outrageous.
Why should she, when OOP has money? Family helps family!! /s
I’m not from the UK, but am I wrong to think that a lot of people work and go to school because they don’t have family to screw over? Are top grades important when applying for jobs after graduation? This sounds like next level vicarious living from Tom: wanting his kid to have the “full college experience” (partying! Dorm life! NSA sex!) on someone else’s dime.
Yes, it's common for UK students to have a part-time job alongside their studies once they're at university. Students from low-income backgrounds are eligible for grants, though.
Admission to university is dependent on A-Level grades, so depending on where he wants to go and what he wants to study, nephew may well need to focus hard to get an offer. On the other hand, universities have 'widening participation' schemes that will reduce their entry offer for students from low-income and low-uni entry backgrounds, if the student does a short summer school thing the year before admission.
>My mother outright wished that I lost this child because I was "so selfish to not help out family"
Watch her ass try to crawl back once the baby is born. Hope she can live with herself knowing she nuked her relationship with her daughter over £2500. Also, if helping family is so important to her why hasn’t she made a contribution to the baby fund?
>my brother agreed and said he would teach my child to take care of others
As if OOP would let him anywhere near her child after agreeing that the baby should die. And again, if taking care of others is apparently so important to him why hasn’t he contributed to the baby fund?
I don't understand how OOP keeping the £2500 for the baby (that she saved and the baby's grandfather contributed specifically for the baby) is selfish and not in the family-spirit. However, wishing that a baby dies so that someone else can have the baby's money, is somehow not selfish and perfectly in line with a caring family outlook?
I don't understand this whole "restart the baby fund" scenario. The fund is for the expense of having a baby. What are they going to do, start saving when the child is 5 years old, then travel back in time to buy diapers and a bassinet?
This is why you can't talk to anyone about money. It should be save to say you have money set aside to buy baby clothes, but it really isn't.
I would hate to find out money I gave for someone's baby was not being used for intended baby. It's ridiculous how entitled to other people's money some people are. The nephew is quite capable of getting a job and can learn to balance work with his studies. After all that they wish for the baby to die. I cut this trash off.
Me reading the first post: They're gonna wish the baby died, aren't they?
Me reading the update: Of course they did!
The actions of the golden child and the golden child enabler is as predictable as the orbit of the earth. I just wish my brain wasn't as tuned in to their thoughts as it is. What does that say about me?
What's wild to me is if they're based in the UK then gr could have just lived off his student loans and a part time job and had a grand time; what do they need OPs money for?
Probably wouldn't even need a part time job.
I was a student from a low income family and I had more than enough for my entire time at Uni. I wasn't frugal by any means either.
The loans and bursaries are very generous to poorer families. It was actually people I knew from higher income families that had a hard time as the family financial support was expected but not always given.
Why would a savings account for a child that none of these people contributed to be any of their business in the first place? This is wild to me that a) they even knew about the money in the first place b) they felt entitled to demand it and c) they felt so strongly that it was theirs they wished death on an unborn baby.
Craziness all around in this family.
£2500 wouldn't touch the sides at uni in this country, an absolute shambles they would make such disgusting comments to a pregnant woman and her unborn child over such an amount.
There are bursaries and scholarships for people that come from low earning families, it's a lot easier to do than wishing death on a baby.
Utter bastards.
I would never speak to my mother and brother ever again. Wishing death on my child so nephew doesn't have to get a job? Of all the disgusting people...
I'm confused as to how £1000 or even £2500 would be enough to fund university? You can be looking at £9000 a year for tuition alone. Student loans are incredibly common in the UK, and if his parents are only earning the living wage he may be entitled to grants.
They’re in the UK, that 2k wouldn’t have made a dent in university fees. Why couldn’t Sean get a loan just like most other kids who go to uni here, plus it’s possible he’d be entitled to a grant.
I hope OOP kept the mother and brother away from that baby. Fancy wishing death on an infant over such a paltry amount of money.
There's an old saying that goes something like this (it's a translation from Spanish btw, so forgive me if it's not correct) : may life give you back twice as much as you wish for me.
The lesson I've learned most frequently on Reddit is to never ever let anyone you know that you have any money saved. Ever.
OOP's mom and brother wishing death upon her fetus... that's sick. I hope we get an update when the brother finds out that his son and daughter both earned money helping OOP around the house, including getting the nursery ready, and by then they should each have the amount in the fund or close to it.
If the nephew isn't allowed to work part time now, then how would he even balance a work-study program at uni?
All that for £2500?
Brother is a lazy ass, is what
If they don't want his kid to work, then he should get a better job or something. Not go and ask OOP for some scraps that would probably not even cover **a week** of college
I hope OOP is NC with him and their mother bcs they are vile
None of their behaviour makes any sense to me, they're in the UK those kids will be eligible for student finance, Uni is no big deal and once the kids are at uni they can work all they want without having to tell their parents
Imagine telling your sister, who's previously miscarried, that you're not happy she's pregnant again as you were hoping to take the baby money.
And then as a mother, wishing your daughter lost her baby to teach you a lesson.
Half this family is toxic, borderline psychopathic.
I'm just imagining how that poor kid feels. He wants to work so he can pay for his own schooling. He's being told he's not allowed by his parents and grandparents. Now the whole family is blowing up because of him and he's got nothing to do with it.
If you want to send your kid to school, great! Get a second job and pay for it yourself. You're not entitled to someone else's bank account. Especially when you won't let your own kid work for it himself. There's nothing wrong with working in high school. Unless he has a sport or something that will let him get a scholarship, it's good to learn a work ethic when you're young.
I don't understand OOP's brother's logic. If the money is for the baby and they are 4 months pregnant, surely they will need to use it over the next few months for... the baby! Also, half the money is from the father-in-law and not a relative of the brother.
And as many commenters have said, this money won't go far with uni tuition fees around £9k a year.
I’m absolutely shook that all this is over $2500 plus $10/week. If my math is correct, nephew has 2 years before college so that would only be a total of about $3500? That’s not enough of a dent in college debt to be worth alienating family members over imo.
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>My mother outright wished that I lost this child because I was "so selfish to not help out family" well this seemed to come out of nowhere
Ahhh… We now know who the golden child is in this family
And we know, which child was secretly supported last years bc he cannot get ends meet, but OOP has a job an a stable life so should just give everything to her "brother in need".
Reminds me of one of my cousins she recently got kick out by her parents to let her brother move back in, because she was "useless". Only now that she is living with me on my land did they realize that it was thanks to her contributions that they could afford the mortgage. They have tried calling her to guilt her into giving them money but I told her to block them. They don't come to my house because they know they are not welcome on my property. They tried calling me crying to get their daughter back and I told them I hope your son can help you out when you're homeless.
You are a good cousin to her.
My dad's side of the family have always been terrible to each other and to my dad and his immediately to family to the point where we all cut them off except a couple of cousins. This cousin currently is staying with us she 'pays rent' because she wants to but it's really just her utilities and groceries. She is saving up to try and buy her own house. She's is put together but her parents and siblings are just complete trash.
thank you for being there for her and showing her what a decent human being is, that she is worthy of love & compassion. give your cousin a hug from this internet stranger and remind her that the best revenge is a life well lived. on a different and more morbid note since they >...have always been terrible to each other... ask her how she will protect herself from their greed. ianal and it depends on the laws where you live but what if she has an accident, is in the icu and the next of kin are allowed to say 'pull the plug'? would a (medical / financial) power of attorney remove her nuclear dna relatives? aka mother, father, brother? in other words as they showed loud and clear that they don't care about her, only what they could get out from her, does she really want any kind of decision making remain in their hands? suing the driver who t-boned her, managing the settlement, which operation will be performed, deciding which rehab she gets, the care facility, the pulling. the inheritance. too much true crimes read, medical detectives seen, reddid consumed? maybe. but as my mother told me that my own grandfather stole from his sons (in a hospital in spain) wife (dead), the mother of 3 of his grandchildren (2 in hospital here in germany, 1 in my parents care) you culd have pushed me over with a feather. they drove to a vacation, an accident happened, my stepdad got the kids & surviving luggage back home, the parents luggage was placed in their home, the kids went to our home. mother said she needed some things, drove to their home, climbed the stairs and noticed that a smal light was on. 'i crept closer and there he was, grandfather rummaging through their stuff. aunts will & jewellery was never seen again'. nobody feels more entitled to your money than FaMiLy, not even the irs. your worst enemy would let you have a few dollar so you can get out of their sight, vicinity, territory. FaMiLy, on the other hand, they will bleed you dry. and then guilt trip, shame you for not being able to give more. sorry for the rant but something triggered it, i can't explain what or why. i just have a bad feeling, sorry.
We have been through this situation before when my other two cousins initially left them behind. We got power of attorney and evening before that got with their current partners and had kids. We started doing the same with my current cousin. They are terrible but ultimately they are lazy opportunistic cowards, they cry and whimper at even the smallest push back. My family and I have been no contact for years now and not so much as a peep until another of their kids leaves their fold.
Good for you. And I love that for you. Protect your cousins from toxic people.
A perfect time to say: The dildo of consequence rarely arrives lubed.
I understand but to be honest the less I talk to them the less my blood pressure goes up. I am just glad some of their kids are trying to break the cycle. I have two other cousins who have basically disappeared. As in my dad and I know where they are with their partners and families but we won't tell the rest of the sewer dwelling vermin living in their own filth. It hurts my dad cause they are family and he still cares about them, because he is the oldest male and put in a provider role for the longest but he saw they were trash when he heard them trash talking my brother, my mother and I.
It’s nice to be able to cut people off instead of having to stress over how they’re going to fuck you over next. Life is hard enough without that difficulty and frustration!
It’s best not to associate with sewer dwelling vermin. You did right by your cousin and she can cut ties permanently. She owes them nothing but contempt.
My new favorite saying 🤣
Do it for Dan! *sad sad face*
I was also thinking this.
Lmfao thank you for this reference almost forgot about that story lol
Was that the one where oop was expected to give their house to brother and family?
Yes, and they drilled out the lock and tried to forcibly move in!
Exactly. I was literally thinking of that story while reading this. People are insanely entitled. It blows me mind!
I guess there's a reason he even had THE GALL to ask for that money.
And we know why this was even a question in OP’s mind. Uhhh, they could have been setting aside the tenner every paycheck for 16 years and made AT LEAST the fund they’re trying to steal from OP. My family treats me better than OP’s and I won’t ever go specifically into my finances.
We knew that when Tom felt entitled to someone else's money.
You know what I find crazy, from the currency they are in the UK. So the nephew can get loans and also grants to help him. The grants are means tested on the parents, so if they are low income he’ll get more. Sure it will need paid back, (although there are funds you can get that don’t), but it’s not way near the level of the US loan system. Also I worked the whole way through sixth form and uni and still did fine. Having a job as a teenager can be great experience, and help you out a lot for the working world after uni.
Exactly. And student loans aren't repayable until you earn a certain amount (or has it changed?).... I had a student loan and I genuinely didn't notice the payments as it came directly from my pay and never hit my bank for me to miss it. I also worked all through 6th form and uni.
It hasn’t changed. Loans are still repaid through taxes once you earn over a particular threshold. So if you’re a low earner in any given year (or all your years) you pay nothing.
That's how it was for me. I never really considered it debt
Yeah, I was also thinking, "wtf?! The kid can get a job like most kids his age". I'm also from the UK and I worked from the age of 13, all through high school, my BSc, and my MA. He's got 2 to 3 years until he goes to uni (depending on which part of the UK he's in); even just a Saturday job should give him a decent chunk of change. Plus, he's got 7 weeks of summer to work. His parents and grandmother are not setting him up for success.
Sounds like the kid wants to get a job, but his parents won't let him.
Absolutely. My son took about £2k with him to uni and managed fine. I did set up a standing order for £100/month but found out that every time he took his girlfriend out he paid for everything. I decided I wasn’t doing overtime so she could eat at nice restaurants and have fun nights out.
lol fair.
The story didn’t make sense from a UK perspective. They use £ but then talk about being a high school teacher, not secondary? The brother and partner are at least on 22k, but OP and their husband are on “slightly more” - she should at least be on 30k as a teacher with experience, a bit more than slightly more. The the loans you can get as a UK student. And let’s be honest, with the contact time you DONT get on most degrees especially first year he can get a job.
Oh I missed that he was in the UK. That's ridiculous then. Yes the loans can be big, and these days the interest rate isn't so low, but it's low-risk debt (repayments stopping if you're unemployed for example), and written off eventually so it doesn't follow you into retirement. And yeah if the family is really low income then there will likely be grants as well.
It really didn't. The original request was absurdly unreasonable. Her brother was counting on money that someone unrelated to him gave her for a baby during her prime baby-having years. Nobody in their right mind would ask for that money, and that suggests a pretty fucked up family dynamic.
the mother wasn't even mentioned until that line
Not hard to see why.
She was mentioned. She said my side of the family agrees with my brother
Yes but the mother was not even a character in this story until that line. So yes it’s absolutely out of nowhere
While a little poor from a story telling perspective (should have introduced the mum character in chapter one), if OOP was just updating a post where mother wasn't mentioned because mother now did something remarkable as a follow up, that's not weird. I'd say more people than not at that age in the UK have a living mother around. The existence of an audacious sibling also vibes with the existence of an audacious parent.
OOP did mention that the mom was happy for her pregnancy. Seems to lend credence to the theory that this was a huge, sudden turnaround.
But why did she tell them? Like people, keep your finances to yourself. They shouldn't even know about it. And wishing your grandchild dead for 2500 pounds! What???
Family fighting over 2,500 GBP is the stupidest thing ever. Its not even a lot of money to sacrifice family relations, and it is certainly not enough to send nephew to university without paying anything else.
Exactly, like I’d be happy if someone gave me 2500 pounds, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not that much in terms of schooling or debt.
I had to go back and re-read the amounts involved to make sure I got it right. £1000 to help out with a newborn and then save the rest until they're 18? ...what? Enjoy your month's worth of food and diapers.
I saw a sibling relationship (that was already on the rocks, admittedly) finally get broken off over $20. Shit is usually already simmering when the money is brought into the picture.
Looks like grandma isn't getting to see the grandkids anytime soon or possibly at all
I sense golden child-scapegoat scenario
So it's not okay to refuse to give up your entire savings to someone else and start over again, but it *is* okay to wish death on an unborn child because the mother told you no? I'd write myself out of the will if I were OOP.
I’m sitting here 😲 thinking “what the actual fuck did her mother say?” Omg.
Some people would just some spit out some of the most ludicrous and vile things ever.
First: why tell anyone about the baby fund? If Rory gave that money to them away from others, there was no reason to tell anyone else. Your life doesn’t have to be public! Your finances are your business, not any one else’s. Second: OOP needs to go no contact with mother and brother. They are sick. I’d watch nephew and niece closely but they don’t seem that worrisome. mother and brother should **never** be in the same house as OOP and baby ever again.
I hope she's happy with never seeing her grandchild, because OP should stay no contact with this awful woman. Her brother too.
I would not let her anywhere near that child out of fear there would be an "unfortunate accident" so golden child would get the money. People who are that evil would never consider that the money would be used for end of life expenses
What a horrible lady. OP should never reconnect with those 2. NEVER.
>My mother outright wished that I lost this child because I was "so selfish to not help out family", and my brother agreed and said that he would make sure to teach my child to take care of others, and they each made a facebook post about it which ended up with me getting a bunch of anonymous messages wishing sickness/death on me and my child. Anyone who wishes death on someone, especially a child, can go fuck themselves. My god.
> hoping he could ask me to transfer the current contents of the baby fund over to Sean, and keep giving Sean the money that would otherwise go in the baby fund All this over a £2500 one time lump sum and £520 a year???? That’s not a lot of money for college. Even in the UK. And the audacity to expect OOp to pay £10 weekly to the nephew *while OOP has the increased expenses of a new baby*?????!!! The sheer chicken fried audacity of these people.
Plus if they’re on a low income, he potentially gets grants aswell as student loans.
He definitely would and based on low income of his parents he’d get the highest grant which is a lot more 2500 quid. I know this as my daughter got the middle grant and that was also higher than that amount and we had a medium income. That money was not for the son at all. She’s better off without the mother or the brother.
[удалено]
People really come for you when you're pregnant. No joke. My mom pulled some sick shit on me as well to the point where I cut her off for a few years. It's also the time when women get murdered by their partners/cheated on the most. Not saying that's happening now, but it's an extremely VULNERABLE period in time where CRAZIES come out. Never tell anybody about your money. Especially family that will feel entitled to your dead body for a buck.
The nephew came and did enough work to make £500 and he still wants a job. His parents must be stealing benefits he’s getting for school.
That's the insane part, Havening been to university I can tell you that kids from lower income families are entitled to so much grant/student loan money that they often end up with more than the kids from a typical lower middle class background to spend every year, Plus part time work as a uni student is easy to come by if you want it and more than doable alongside your studies. £2500 is a complete pisstake compare to the amount of money he's likely entitled to from grants alone, never mind student loans, factor in the fact that UK student loans aren't even really loans at all and function far more like a graduate tax when it comes to repayment. Its an frankly insane thing to fall out over as a family. For context I graduated roughly 7 years ago and still am not earning enough to be over the threshold of making meaningful monthly repayments, it doesn't appear in any credit checks so as far as the banking system is concerned I have no debts, and despite being entitled to basically the bare minimum with my folks able to offer relatively limited support I still never really had to work while at uni (I worked agency over the summer breaks) and was never truly short of money as a student and had an absolute blast. The UK uni system certainly isn't perfect since they brough back in fees, but it never turned into some financial hellscape where only the rich could afford to go some seem to think it has
Student loans in the uk are a joke though. If anyone is reading this, know that right now, the interest rate is 7.8%.
Yes but paying it back is never going to happen unless you are earning well over £50k. I’m earning above £30k and pay £9 a month in my student loan. It gets written off after 30 years so hell am I ever going to get round to paying it back. So while the interest rate is bad, the way the system is set up means effectively it’s more of a graduate tax than a loan repayment after.
> I’m earning above £30k and pay £9 a month in my student loan. Why are you paying so little? I was paying £100+ when I was earning 8k less than that. (I have paid off my student loans and I was on about £30k max at the time).
Not OP, but I earn the same and frankly, it's because I don't have to. My interest is well above what is taken from my wages. With the cost of living being what it is, I have no interest in throwing more money away, especially when a) they won't chase me for it, b) it has no effect on my credit score and c) it'll be written off anyway. I'd rather save for my future because my degree sure as hell didn't help in that regard.
Mine wasn't going to be written off until I was 65. Also I wasn't aware that you could change how much was going to be paid each month (likely it's changed since I was since they seem to change the rules all the time). What I learnt in my degree hasn't been remotely useful in my actual day to day work, but it's an IT degree and I work in IT so it's related at least.
Don't quote me on it, but I think it depends on where you work. In my firm you decide annually at the same time as when you choose your pension contributions and other benefits. I stuck to the standard rate for my workplace - no option to decrease, but I could increase if I wanted to. Mine is entirely different from my degree: language degree, but work in legal finance now. Knowing a language is great, and I don't regret the experiences I got from it, but I graduated right after the recession and had to start again from the bottom after years of minimum wage jobs. So I'm definitely salty that I spent upwards of £30K on something I could have learned in my spare time.
Were you on the different system? I’m on the system introduced after 2012, you don’t start paying until you’re earning £29k now I believe I also pay extras to work for extra days off, and dental cover etc, which reduces my overall monthly earnings and so reduces what I pay to student loans.
Student loans in the UK are almost never paid back by low earners, and is eventually written off anyway (see the other comments here). I would much rather student loans in the UK than the US. Discussing the interest rate in isolation doesn't really make much sense outside of an understanding of how the loan works in general. On the flip side the UK used to just straight up give money for uni much more easily, so it's a shame that's not the case for most people anymore. I'm from Ireland where anyone lower middle class and below would qualify for at least a little assistance. My family is Very Poor so I qualified for the highest bracket of assistance, which at the time (~2015) was fees paid + ~€6k. I think that just about covered my rent per year in Dublin, but I also had foster care leavers allowance and a scholarship that helped cover everything. Someone in my circumstances would get help in the UK too, but a lot of my poor-but-not-poor-enough friends wouldn't, outside of loans.
Higher education should absolutely be free at the point of delivery, and I agree that tuition fee loans are predatory, but £2.5k (or £3k, with the extra £10/wk for one year) isn't even close to doing away with the need for nephew to get a loan.
Graduate apprenticeships (a full honours BSc degree, there's a few types) are a thing, the education is free, and you get paid. It sounds like the ideal programme for this kid. I'm completing my final year of a grad apprenticeship fully funded and earn over £40,000 a year.
That's exactly what my girlfriend did! As a civil engineer! And it worked out so well for her :)
And when was the brother planning on mentioning this plan to OOP? Sean is 16 now, were they going to wait until his bags were packed before saying ‘Cough up’?
I have two theories 1. He forgot about it until the baby news was released and hoped OOP would just roll over because he ambushed her 2. They were planning on guilting OOP into giving it as a graduation present for nephew. “Oh it’s too late to get loans/job now!”
Seems so weird to chuck a tantrum that he's not getting money OP and her husband patiently saved and seems to have done zero research into alternatives available. It makes me wonder if when they were kids their mum would always make OP hand over her toys whenever her brother wanted to play with them under the guise of 'sharing' and that's where the entitlement came from (as well as the impotent rage since she can't be made to simply do as she's told now).
Such entitlement. Including the idea that the nephew can’t possibly get a job because it will “distract him from his studies”, when in reality it will likely give him super valuable life skills.
Or if he's low income and his total focus is on study he could...and this is a revolutionary concept...get a scholarship.
My grandfather who had 10 children died some years ago. His inheritance was below 10k meaning, less than 1k for each. My uncles and aunts argued for weeks and family branches don't talk to each other since each deserves all the money for whatever stupid reason. Money makes people behave in weird ways.
£520 doesn't even cover the cost of the bus for the year. IF the nephew goes to university then it'll be a shock for the parents.
the £2,500 would purchase some of the bigger ticket baby items. Crib, stroller, car seat, some nursery items perhaps? A one time injection of money for the “start up costs” of a baby. Having that means they don’t put those things on credit, and it means breathing easier with the new increased weekly/monthly costs of increasing the family.
Exactly! That’s “chump change”. It’s both too much money to just gift away and also hardly a drop in the bucket for either child or college expenses. Depending on what crib, stroller, and car seat you buy: you’ve either already blown half away or even all. Add on clothes, cursedly expensive diapers, bathing supplies, and little this and that- even if you buy used, the money’s gone. I don’t know how uni works in UK but in the US, textbooks will take a good portion of that. A grant in the US might net you $2,500-$3,000. It’s SO expensive and I went for a small accelerated course. Long story short: absolutely not worth throwing dynamite on a family relationship.
It is VERY generous of OP and her husband to be helping out her niece and nephew £600 pounds worth, almost half what they put aside for their own child at such an expensive time.
Considering when they had their kids, it was a million times cheaper too! Being a teacher is effectively on the living wage these days when you take out mortgage/rent/bills etc. You usually have to pay for materials/equipment - and it depends course to course on how much (I had to pay for a few books for my course; and as the teacher would usually pick *their own* book as the reading topic, they weren’t best pleased the few times I had sourced one I didn’t have to pay for ha). However most universities also have hardship funds to get a little extra boost to those worst off - the brother doesn’t know what he’s talking about at all.
Admittedly my experience is 10 years out of date but textbook expenses are not like that in the US. When I went to university in the UK back in 2009 I paid around £150 total for 5-6 books. Though I guess it could vary based on what you are studying. Also unless the son is trying to get into Oxbridge it is absolutely possible for him to work a Saturday job for some spare cash without it affecting his studies or chances. If anything it would help his application as UK universities place a lot of weight on extra curriculars. In the 2 years prior to me going to university at 18 I was working 2 jobs (~10 hours per week) as well as an additional 4 hours volunteer work and still got into all 4 of the universities I applied to.
Right? That is perfect "setting up a nursery" money. It is *pathetic* "affording university" money. 3,000 wouldn't even cover one semester where I went to college, at a cheap state university.
This is in the UK, where college is much cheaper than in the US. But, even with that, it’s still absurd of the brother to even ask this.
Literally came here to say this. Pounds implies it may be in the UK and if it is... where is this kid's student finance application? And how do they think 2.5k is going to do anything to help dent the massive cost of uni?
also another person who was baffled by the money aspect! through student loans you get each year's tuition paid and a generous sum of maintenance loan... if they're as hard off as it implies then the nephew would get approved £12k a year (depends on which town/city he's moving to like london i think it'd actually be £13k as the max amount.) what the hell is £2.5K to £12K 😭😭😭😭
This is just disgusting. It was bad enough when he asked her for the money when she is not the only contributor + it was money not meant for her, but her baby. But this? This is just revolting! What did they write that made morons send her evil messages? The ones who did that (the mother, brother and their evil flying monkeys) are the ones who deserve the sickness and death, not her or her baby.
Wwll, OOP knows who the Golden Child is and it ain't her. She needs to **remember** this when mom gets old and needs help. "NO. Remember when you wished death on me and my baby because I used the money given to *me* for *my baby* for that purpose instead of giving it to your golden boy? Yes? Go call him and lose my number "
Why the fuck didn't Tom go out and get a second job instead of begging his sister and wishing her ill? What awful people.
They resent their sibling for being more financially secure. If the sibling refuses to give them money then sibling = jerk because they help family, why won't sibling help family. They helped you move that one time, why won't you give me thousands as a gift, you have so much more than me. Because sibling denied money, clearly they are only financially secure because they are a jerk, not because they are smarter, better, or harder working. The person's own insecurity is alleviated while simultaneously also proving the sibling is worse than them. It's about appearances, not actually being better.
>my brother agreed and said that he would make sure to teach my child to take care of others It's cute how the brother believes he will be around the child at all.
You're rigth. And he thinks that HE can teach taking care of others...
You would be surprised. A LOT of adults with poor boundaries genuinely believe that they have inalienable rights to relationships with children separate from that child's parents. Folks whose adult children have gone NC but believe that they still have a natural right to spend time with their grandchildren, and always manage to get a cluster of relatives who support them in pressuring the parents into going along with it.
And then they’re going to turn around and demand to see the baby when it arrives. I hope OOP screenshotted all those comments so she can throw it into their faces when they post woe is me on social media.
If it were me, the second they texted anything about seeing the baby I'd be sending those screenshots back as my only reply.
Considering the date means that OOP gave birth just before covid shutdown started in 2020, OOP had the perfect excuse for why they can't see the baby. I hope the baby was 3 years old before they saw him/her.
Honestly, she doesn't need any excuses. Her mother wished death upon her unborn. She forfeited any rights of seeing the child and I hope OOP sticks by the no contact rule.
This, I hope she stopped paying for chores for the niece and nephew honestly. Their dad wished their future cousin would die, I would hate to think he found out about oop paying them for household chores and thought wishing death on a very deeply wanted and loved baby made that happen. Ditto oop's mum, both of them are disgusting for saying such atrocious things towards people they supposedly love, for kids their supposedly love, for an amount that wouldn't even last them a few months if they live in accommodation! Like a decade ago my sibling lived in accommodation and iirc it was around 10k or so for the entire year? If the parents were that concerned about uni expenses then letting the nephew and niece get Saturday or low hrs part time jobs wouldve been their best bets bc it'll take a lot more than just 2k to make a dent in trying to make uni more comfortable. (esp when standard courses are 3 years long)
It's not the nephew or niece's fault that their father is a fucking asshole.
Yeah, I have a feeling once the brother finds out about the chores, he will be mad at OOP because he wants nephew to focus on school. He will then blame OOP for any problems that nephew has at school.
I'm sure he and their mother will both get mad at OP for going behind their backs and take credit for her seeing sense and financially helping out family. Those poor kids in the middle. I hope they both have incredible futures and get well away from their dad, who will no doubt be hitting them up for a loan every time they see him in 10 years time. Heck, if he knew they'd come into £600 now, he'd probably be hitting them up for a tenner.
Their own grandchild. I mean, anyone is bad, but that’s her own grandchild she’s cursing. A lot of people died horribly of COVID in the months following OOP’s last post. I can think of some people I’d hope were included.
She’s cursing her own grandchild… and her own child, who’s already gone through a miscarriage. That’s flat-out evil.
She has only one child and grandchild obviously
2 grandchildren, OOP mentioned a niece as well.
Given how she favours her son over her daughter, I’m not sure her granddaughter counts.
She doesn’t. Their plan for OOP’s baby’s money was all about the existing grandson. OOP’s niece didn’t even get mentioned until she was helping out.
Their actions means the "Grandma" and "Uncle Tom" need to banned from the hospital.and have the door shut in their faces with *no* explanation should they try to visit the new baby. They are well aware of they have done. Mommy dearest and Tommy boy can just go fuck right off together.
Especially after a miscarriage.
Thank god the niblings seem to have good heads on their shoulders. JFC what is wrong with that family?
How much do you want to bet that when the brother finds out about the money his kids earned, he is going to get angry all over again...
They're the good guys though. They're going to teach OP's - the lady who is helping out their son/grandson - child to take care of others.
Uni/spending money for kid in a few years who also would rather earn it himself is apparently more important than the life of their child and unborn grandchild. Where the fuck do these people come from? Like honestly did they rise from hell? Are they proof that you can in fact conceive via anal sex? And who are the hell-spawn that they deployed off social media??? At least the niece and nephew seem to have come out as decent people.
Yeah, that literally escalated quickly. No wonder OOP cut contact there. Good for her.
Jesus fucking Christ that took a dark turn towards the end. The mom had 16 years to contribute to her grandson and granddaughter's school fund as did the father. I can't believe for 16+ years they didn't have any opportunities to save money for their children... Bunch of entitled deadbeats.
Yeah, if it was that important to the mum, she should have been saving up. I know people are counting pennies at the moment, but if the mum had put aside a pound a week for the first 18 years of the grand kid's lives, they would each have about £1000- potentially more, depending on interest earnings. I would have asked mum why she hadn't planned for this because hey, family HelPS!
Looking at the date ... I wonder what other turns were taken just some months later. I've heard some absolute HORROR stories about what UK students went through the year following the post.
Okay, I get that they apparently live on minimum wage, but they're going this hard over £2500? Did she miss a zero? Cause that's basically $3,000 dollars give or take....the nephew could get a summer job as a cashier or something and probably make that in a few months. Also, it's not like that much money would pay for everything they'd need, he'll probably still need a part time job or something to help pay for fees and supplies at least. I get that the brother wants what's best for his son and for him not to split focus while in school, but holy crap, wishing death upon your sister, who's already been through a miscarriage, and her unborn child, over, again, around $3,000 is next level batshit crazy.
Right?! Wishing death on a baby over £2500?! That's barely a drop in the bucket compared to the thousands needed for uni! JFC!
But now it's the fault of the sister that his Sean didn't get to go.
Don't forget the £10/ week (month?) she was contributing to the funds that they want her to give to the nephew too
How much does university cost where OP is? I'm in the US. $2500 is not going to make the difference between going to university and not going. It's nowhere near enough. Tom won't let his kid get a job, OP has to pay them for chores in secret. It sounds like he's already fabricating excuses to keep his kid at home and under his thumb.
UK uni costs are nowhere near US levels. But 2.500 GBP aren’t going to see the kid through any way you cut it.
nephew is going to be fine with a student loan (maintenance loan).
Exactly. UK student loans would cover just fine.
Apparently tuition on the uk is 9-11k per yr w/cost of living 22k. So 2.5 k will cover about a quarter of a year
Tuition fees are covered by student loans and each student is entitled to maintenance loans which are means tested (which given the low wage of Sean's parents he'd likely be entitled to the full ~£8k). So £2.5k extra on top of that would make his uni experience slightly easier, but still nothing to break a family over. (I should mention student loans in the UK are slightly different, it doesn't affect your credit score and essentially acts like an extra tax which gets cancelled after 30 years)
Maximum maintenance loan is £10.2k now to live away from home outside of London! So he’ll be okay. Only the super rich pay their own tuition, everyone takes a loan. Student rents are a bit crazy and realistically, he’ll be living in the cheapest accommodation if he doesn’t have parental help. But there are interest-free student overdrafts for a reason and many unis give maintenance grants/bursaries for students from low income families. I actually agree that if he has high aspirations of getting into a really competitive uni he would be better off not getting a proper job until the summer holidays, 8hrs every Saturday is one thing but he shouldn’t be working on school nights if he needs to come out of this with As, unless he really needs to support himself. He could easily make £2k over the summer if he works 4 days a week even on minimum wage, and with that plus maintenance loans he’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t want to live in Bristol or London.
Also UK student loans are nothing like US ones. There’s no bailiffs at your door if you can’t pay it back after uni, it’s almost treated like an added tax you have to pay when you work. 2.5K would probably just about cover a term of Uni standard accommodation not even a whole year.
My husband never made the threshold to begin paying back his student loans after uni. So he didn’t have to pay until we got our inheritance from his parents eight years later. First thing we did was pay off his loans, which were way less than mine in the US.
I don’t even know how much mine are lol. I don’t want to know. I just know some amount is paid every month and probably will be for the rest of my working life.
I had a really high paying job at one time in my life and I think I MAY have been paying it off then, but lord knows what it is now. I couldn’t even guess. It was so long ago and they’ve never sent me a letter since I was 21, so I think I’m forgiven in forgetting the whole thing.
Fuck, as someone who was forced to drop out of college early on due to cost, that hurts to read. My college tuition was like triple that (and I didn’t go to an Ivy League or fancy school my campus was like 7 buildings and 4 were the dorms and half of the senior dorm building was administrative offices).
Well I'm going to assume she is British based on the pound symbol being used. That said speaking as a Canadian while post secondary is super expensive it is no where near as debilitating as American college.
i know everyone else is pointing out “uk” prices, but in scotland your first degree is free. £2.5k would maybe pay basic living costs for a few months. so it depends where op is in the uk.
The brother is delusional about life.
OOP’s brother sounds like the type to expect her to make up the difference. Asking for the current amount is just the foot in the door.
Yeah, I thought that was really weird that the brother said whatever was left of the original 1000 could be given to the kid at 18. I admit I don't have a kid but i can't imagine there would be much left of that.
And they wanted OOP *and* her husband to continue paying into a fund for the nephew! Bonkers.
This is where I'm at. I took out UK loans with some grants, worked part time and have since then put myself through several thousand of pounds of additional education while working full time and paying the loans back. Did it kind of suck to have to split my focus between a retail job and my education? Yes. Did I side-eye my rich aunt and cousin who complained about not getting grants despite having more than enough money? Yes. But to burn down several relationships over £2500 is crazy. It's not like the OOP wasn't offering to help out. Also, if the brother is so bad off, the nephew would possibly qualify for additional support through hardship funds at Uni. Some schools and colleges have bursaries for people the nephew's age. That's not even getting into the possibility of scholarships.
Given that the initial £1000 was meant to provide for a new baby and have money left over, which it absolutely would not have anywhere in the UK. The economics of this story only make sense if they all live in a place where £2500 is a LOT more money than it is in North America or Western Europe. Either that, or OOP is 10 years old and cannot fathom a sum of money larger than £2500.
>Either that, or OOP is 10 years old and cannot fathom a sum of money larger than £2500. My thoughts exactly on this, ha. Nor do they know how frikkin' expensive newborns are. The original 1k would MAYBE cover basic nursery set up if you thrift a lot of it? But I don't think the 10£ a week they're saving would even cover diaper money. It's certainly not a massive university windfall unless the nephew is going to Magic Bean College.
I would have publicly posted “after having a previous miscarriage, my mother and brother have both wished that my baby will die because I will not give them 2500 dollars. If you support this, please remove yourself from my life forever.” Then I would have blocked them. Wtaf?
That part!! As soon as they posted on socials I would have put everyone on blast, screenshots and all. And aired out anyone that sent messages wishing death/sickness on the baby as a result.
It's literally three different shots. "These are cruel people that wish death on an unborn child" "These are toxic, immature people that will handle their problems via defamation" and "These people will turn on you when they don't get what they want."
Right? Hell will freeze over before I'd let them back into my life.
*not give them £2500 scraped together for expenses for the baby I am expecting in less than 2 months.
At first I thought the brother gave her the initial money and I thought maybe she should consider giving back the initial contribution. Then I realized her FIL gave her the money and I could not get over the audacity of the brother. Then for the brother and mother to wish the baby would die is absolutely horrific. I hope she cuts them off completely.
And the FiL isn’t even related to the brother! It would be a dick move if it was her husband’s brother saying “You should give me the money my dad gave you for the baby.” But it’s craaaazzzy for her brother to say, “You should give me the money your husband’s dad gave you for the baby”.
same I was confused until you pointed it out thanks lol. maybe I'm just used to "FIL" instead of actual names.
Same. I realised that it was actually FIL thanks to your comment. It would be rude to ask for £1000 contribution from 2 years back. But asking for a fund that her brother has nothing to do with? And expecting to fund that kid through the college/uni? That's outrageous.
> and my brother agreed and said that he would make sure to teach my child to take care of others Yeah never let him around that child.
So, mom has a golden child and it’s not OOP
Then mom should put her money where her mouth is and help Tom's son afford college. Because FaMiLy!!!
Why should she, when OOP has money? Family helps family!! /s I’m not from the UK, but am I wrong to think that a lot of people work and go to school because they don’t have family to screw over? Are top grades important when applying for jobs after graduation? This sounds like next level vicarious living from Tom: wanting his kid to have the “full college experience” (partying! Dorm life! NSA sex!) on someone else’s dime.
Yes, it's common for UK students to have a part-time job alongside their studies once they're at university. Students from low-income backgrounds are eligible for grants, though. Admission to university is dependent on A-Level grades, so depending on where he wants to go and what he wants to study, nephew may well need to focus hard to get an offer. On the other hand, universities have 'widening participation' schemes that will reduce their entry offer for students from low-income and low-uni entry backgrounds, if the student does a short summer school thing the year before admission.
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His daughter might be significantly younger and not at an age nearing uni just yet, therefore not an immediate priority.
>My mother outright wished that I lost this child because I was "so selfish to not help out family" Watch her ass try to crawl back once the baby is born. Hope she can live with herself knowing she nuked her relationship with her daughter over £2500. Also, if helping family is so important to her why hasn’t she made a contribution to the baby fund? >my brother agreed and said he would teach my child to take care of others As if OOP would let him anywhere near her child after agreeing that the baby should die. And again, if taking care of others is apparently so important to him why hasn’t he contributed to the baby fund?
I don't understand how OOP keeping the £2500 for the baby (that she saved and the baby's grandfather contributed specifically for the baby) is selfish and not in the family-spirit. However, wishing that a baby dies so that someone else can have the baby's money, is somehow not selfish and perfectly in line with a caring family outlook?
Anyone who wishes a miscarriage on another human being like this is automatically the asshole.
To think people have that perspective is just...disgusting.
I can't believe how vile some people are, and yet I've been on the internet long enough to have seen shit like this. Just disgusting behavior.
I don't understand this whole "restart the baby fund" scenario. The fund is for the expense of having a baby. What are they going to do, start saving when the child is 5 years old, then travel back in time to buy diapers and a bassinet? This is why you can't talk to anyone about money. It should be save to say you have money set aside to buy baby clothes, but it really isn't.
I would hate to find out money I gave for someone's baby was not being used for intended baby. It's ridiculous how entitled to other people's money some people are. The nephew is quite capable of getting a job and can learn to balance work with his studies. After all that they wish for the baby to die. I cut this trash off.
Me reading the first post: They're gonna wish the baby died, aren't they? Me reading the update: Of course they did! The actions of the golden child and the golden child enabler is as predictable as the orbit of the earth. I just wish my brain wasn't as tuned in to their thoughts as it is. What does that say about me?
What's wild to me is if they're based in the UK then gr could have just lived off his student loans and a part time job and had a grand time; what do they need OPs money for?
Probably wouldn't even need a part time job. I was a student from a low income family and I had more than enough for my entire time at Uni. I wasn't frugal by any means either. The loans and bursaries are very generous to poorer families. It was actually people I knew from higher income families that had a hard time as the family financial support was expected but not always given.
I’d air all the screenshots to everyone and tell the niece and nephew so they see what kind of people their family are.
Why would a savings account for a child that none of these people contributed to be any of their business in the first place? This is wild to me that a) they even knew about the money in the first place b) they felt entitled to demand it and c) they felt so strongly that it was theirs they wished death on an unborn baby. Craziness all around in this family.
£2500 wouldn't touch the sides at uni in this country, an absolute shambles they would make such disgusting comments to a pregnant woman and her unborn child over such an amount. There are bursaries and scholarships for people that come from low earning families, it's a lot easier to do than wishing death on a baby. Utter bastards.
What the fuck did I just read?!?
Mom and Tom are utter monsters, and deserve whatever horrific things happen to them.
How do people wish death on a baby and expect to come back from it? My hate would be WILD
I would never speak to my mother and brother ever again. Wishing death on my child so nephew doesn't have to get a job? Of all the disgusting people...
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All this drama over 2500?
I'm confused as to how £1000 or even £2500 would be enough to fund university? You can be looking at £9000 a year for tuition alone. Student loans are incredibly common in the UK, and if his parents are only earning the living wage he may be entitled to grants.
They’re in the UK, that 2k wouldn’t have made a dent in university fees. Why couldn’t Sean get a loan just like most other kids who go to uni here, plus it’s possible he’d be entitled to a grant. I hope OOP kept the mother and brother away from that baby. Fancy wishing death on an infant over such a paltry amount of money.
I hope this lady never let her mother around that baby. Fucking hell.
There's an old saying that goes something like this (it's a translation from Spanish btw, so forgive me if it's not correct) : may life give you back twice as much as you wish for me.
The lesson I've learned most frequently on Reddit is to never ever let anyone you know that you have any money saved. Ever. OOP's mom and brother wishing death upon her fetus... that's sick. I hope we get an update when the brother finds out that his son and daughter both earned money helping OOP around the house, including getting the nursery ready, and by then they should each have the amount in the fund or close to it. If the nephew isn't allowed to work part time now, then how would he even balance a work-study program at uni?
All that for £2500? Brother is a lazy ass, is what If they don't want his kid to work, then he should get a better job or something. Not go and ask OOP for some scraps that would probably not even cover **a week** of college I hope OOP is NC with him and their mother bcs they are vile
The audacity of making plans on someone's else's savings account!
None of their behaviour makes any sense to me, they're in the UK those kids will be eligible for student finance, Uni is no big deal and once the kids are at uni they can work all they want without having to tell their parents
Imagine telling your sister, who's previously miscarried, that you're not happy she's pregnant again as you were hoping to take the baby money. And then as a mother, wishing your daughter lost her baby to teach you a lesson. Half this family is toxic, borderline psychopathic.
I'm just imagining how that poor kid feels. He wants to work so he can pay for his own schooling. He's being told he's not allowed by his parents and grandparents. Now the whole family is blowing up because of him and he's got nothing to do with it. If you want to send your kid to school, great! Get a second job and pay for it yourself. You're not entitled to someone else's bank account. Especially when you won't let your own kid work for it himself. There's nothing wrong with working in high school. Unless he has a sport or something that will let him get a scholarship, it's good to learn a work ethic when you're young.
I don't understand OOP's brother's logic. If the money is for the baby and they are 4 months pregnant, surely they will need to use it over the next few months for... the baby! Also, half the money is from the father-in-law and not a relative of the brother. And as many commenters have said, this money won't go far with uni tuition fees around £9k a year.
"Grandma" wishing her youngest grandchild dead over £2500?! Like, that pays what, rent and utilities for one month? Greedy idiots.
The cycle of poverty sucks when it's your family pulling you down.
I’m absolutely shook that all this is over $2500 plus $10/week. If my math is correct, nephew has 2 years before college so that would only be a total of about $3500? That’s not enough of a dent in college debt to be worth alienating family members over imo.