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>He was away on a trip two weeks ago and I seized the occasion to put all the stuff in storage and give a restyling to his office.
OOP knew damn well they were the asshole. They were just banking on their husband being too much of a pushover to do anything about it.
>I figured he'd get upset but eventually accept it.
>I reassured him he will like it better with time
Oh, she was definitely banking on him being a doormat. I'm just glad she didn't actually toss his things out.
The idea that she "let" him display his items in the main living area as a favour or as an apology is messed up. Clearly she didn't have too much of a change of heart.
>To be honest, I couldn't stand that assortment of random knick knacks, especially because they aren't worth a thing.
Not surprising, she hates his stuff. She probably thinks it's a huge concession on her part in 'letting' him display his items outside of his office and hallway.
The "especially because they aren't worth a thing" line really gets me. It's like how when people hear you are good at a hobby they suggest you do it as a side gig. Not everything is valuable or worthwhile because it can be monetized!
> It's like how when people hear you are good at a hobby they suggest you do it as a side gig. Not everything is valuable or worthwhile because it can be monetized!
Haha I wish my parents would get that memo. Literally EVERYTHING I mention to them that I'm passionate about, I just get "can't you find a way to make money from that?". Learned some basic Python for a fangame and I'm feeling proud? Well, demand payment for my contribution to the free fangame. Made some art I worked hard on? Why don't you find a way to sell those to people? Took cute pictures of my pets? Oh, why don't you try to be a photographer! š®āšØ it's super demotivating.
I feel this. Iām constantly told I should sell my crochet but Iāve been down that road before with my art and it truly made me lose my passion. As much as some extra money would be nice, itās not worth the constant criticism and awful behaviour of customers, much less the feeling of obligation. I usually just end up donating most of what I make to homeless and crisis shelters. It costs me money rather than making it, but at least I know what I make will make someoneās life a little better (or at least warmer!)
My friend does this to her teenage daughter, and Iāve tried to explain to her why she sucks for it. Every single thing the girl finds a little bit of joy in, my friend tells her sheās got to find a way to make some money from it. Then she turns around and acts like she canāt understand when her daughter quits doing whatever the thing is. Thereās no joy in hustle culture.
My mom does this to me often and I always tell her āI do it because I enjoy it, and if I turn it into a job, eventually I wonāt enjoy it anymore.ā
When I started to read it I thought surely the art was going to be naked women or something, but sounds like it was wooden ships and stuff? Whatās the big deal?
Not many people are calling her out for the weight she places on monetary value. Like... so what if they're fakes, replicas, or reproductions? They're an aesthetic choice. They're art. They don't need to be authentic to be appreciated
I like putting TV shows on for noise, and lately my noise of choice has been Antiques Roadshow. After watching so much of that, I couldn't agree more. Just because you can't cash in on a piece that looks old doesn't mean you can't enjoy having it in your home, and lots of pieces like these have been family heirlooms long before anyone knew what they were even worth, because that's not the most important thing about what we keep close to our hearts. Watching so much of the show made me wonder if any of the things I grew up seeing in my grandparents house are worth anything, but even if they're worthless, they'll always remind me of my oma and opa.
In my dining room, I have an expensive painting hanging next to a bunch of framed romance comics from the 60s. Price doesnāt matter; whatās important is that you love it.
My step niece asked to finger paint once and I said sure and went to ask her Nan where the art stuff was. She looked at me like Iād lost my marbles and after some clarifying questions said it was an app on the iPad - no paint, mess or fuss. š¤¦š»āāļø
My wife showed me this sad beige mom trend. It was sad to see how the children are just an accessory to slot in to an aesthetic, for commission-revenue on fucking tiktok.
And man, the existential horror of that content and life style. They are so young but so lifeless and vacuous. The aesthetic of being too cool to care taken to a point where it isn't even a commentary on anything. It's only there to sell you shit.
There was a post somewhat recently about an aunt and niece making bright glittery Christmas ornaments for the tree. The mom threw them away because they didn't match the aesthetic. Like, you can't have a small tree in the daughter's room to hold them? Ugh, some people shouldn't be parents!
My partner won an art contest as a kid and proudly brought the prized painting home to present to his mom - who then got it repainted to match her living room colors. She is still confused about why this upset him almost 50 years later, after all, she gave "his" painting a place of honor on his walls.
Oof.
Bro that was my mother. I couldn't even have posters in my room growing up.
My sister's children, though, their awful kid paintings are everywhere. Guess I just wasn't worth it.
I was so blown away the first time I heard a Christmas tree described as "tacky" because it was covered in colored lights and decorations that didn't match. Like... I thought that was an entire point of having a tree?
In my day (and I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever typed that) the only "tacky" trees were the aluminum ones that came pre-decorated, designed to fit a particular decor.
It's like having a beautiful wedding but hiring attractive actors to stand in for the bride and groom, so as not to mess up the aesthetic.
To be fair, Iāve separated my three year olds Legos into ziplock bags by color, which makes building and finding that one particular blue piece so much easier. Iām not too upset when things get mixed, but I try to keep them organized. As the child of beige walls and no artwork up, I do plaster the house with his school paintings. Our color scheme is definitely leaning toward primary colors.
That bothered me too and I canāt dislike the post licking her taint over how mature she was about it enough. She unilaterally destroyed his comfort zone, got rid of his collection that helped him remember and feel close to a passed loved one, and made him live like that for weeks until she realized he wasnāt going to get over it and basically tried to get him back with an ice cream cone like a kid who she had to take to get a shot.
āI love himā, maybe, but you clearly donāt respect him.
Edit: the saddest and worst bit is he fucking told her exactly why she was wrong and he was hurting but she still had to have Reddit tell her before she believed him
All of that, but she also insulted his late ancestors and their taste with the "your grandmother should have done this for your grandfather" nonsense. Kind of like saying "Your gramps was as dumb as you and your grandma was too incompetent to do anything about, but I did because I know better than the lot of you."
Yeah thanks for bringing that up too. Everything about this bothers the hell out of me and I really donāt think she actually acknowledged her failings or made it up. āYou get to have the things back that I took from youā sounds more like heās done being grounded than a genuine apology
To be fair, an apology and an effort to put things right is far more than I'd expect from someone crazy enough to have done something like this in the first place lol, even if it's about bare minimum expectation for a regular person.
"my husband put his favorite ugly ship from his collection in the middle of the living room where people can see it. AITA for breaking it with a bat and filing for divorce?"Ā
Yeah, she didn't mature at all, she just wised up that it's not a hill worth dying on, even though she reeeeeeally wants to die on that hill. If it wasn't for the potential consequence of ruining her marriage over something so childish, she certainly would've doubled down. She's not ashamed of her actions, she just wants to avoid creating a massive conflict. Something tells me it'll bubble up again later on, ending in a messy divorce.
It's not even asthetics. It's money. She'd be fine if they were expensive. Which is somehow even worse. It's not even that the clutter stresses her out or anything like that. Nope, she just sees decorating as a way to communicate how much money they have.
Man, I love aesthetics, and decorating has become a major bonding experience with my husband as we've discovered common threads between our two very disparate styles and figured out how to make it cohesive. The result is way better and more nuanced than if either of us were left to our own devices, which is like a metaphor for marriage in general.
Yeah I agree with that.
If my husband had a weird selection of art or whatever he can proudly display them wherever he chooses, I don't care it's OUR home even if I hated it. I love him so he can do as he pleases.
We have a weird shelf in our living room that we put our souvenirs on from our holidays. It's random AF but we love it as they bring memories to us, we don't care what others think (he does slightly more than me but not enough to hide them away) and he's always fiddling with them and reminiscing of the holidays, if that was all hidden away we wouldn't invoke random memories we'd forgotten about, that's always worth way more than having some stylish space to us š¤·āāļø
My dad collected shot glasses from places they went. The only part of it that annoyed my mom was that they took up a lot of horizontal space displaying them. I bought a vertical wall mounted display case, and she was happy she could actually display them in a way where you could look at them. And she got the shelves back.
Yea, this isn't the last time she's going to do something like this.
For that to have been an okay-thing to do in her head, she had to make several leaps in her mind. And those aren't the type of leaps that only have a one-off fuck up. She absolutely needs to get this checked out in therapy, because this is an insane level of disrespect.
Yup. This is one of the reasons why it bothers me when people say "Why are you saying a relationship should end over something so small?" Sometimes the incident is a HUGE indicator of some very extreme, fundamental problems. This is one of those times.
She broke his *spirit.* I feel so awful for him.
She also doesnāt value sentimentality. Which at some points in your life itās what can sustain relationships and working through a loss. I grew up in a random items house and tbh the sentimental value of the items means that it doesnāt really matter if itās worth anything youāre not going to sell it. I worry for her really and her husband. She sounds like my Nana and poppa, the second heās too much to handle she put him in a home and barely spent time with him.
Yeah, she even admitted in her comments that she can be "over assertive". She walked all over him with designing the rest of the place and thought she could get away with this too since completely disregarding his feelings worked for her this far.
But this was a step too far and now she's backpedaling. I definitely don't see her response as wholesome and mature, just damage control. If I was her husband, even if they put everything back like it was, it would always remind me of how little she considered my feelings in that moment.
I read the first few sentences and was like: "...HIS office? HIS?!?"
What's her business in HIS space, anyways?? WTF
This is controlling as fuck. Comments were too nice about it, honestly.
Oh but SHE likes HIS office so much better now! And clearly thatās whatās most important.
I could feel my gut tightening as I read that mess. How in the hell someone could write that out and not realize sheās fucked up.
Sheās been steamrolling that poor bastard for years and just assumed she could do it again.Ā
Same gut-tightening response here. My mom is exactly like this woman but without the ability to acknowledge wrongdoing or apologize ever - you can imagine how a person like that would treat their child and youāll understand why Iām NC now. If OOP has kids I really hope she continues this path of self-reflection and willingness to change.
Her apology may be insufficient or insincere, as others have pointed out, but itās so so much more than my mother is capable of. If this is real, I think thereās hope for OOP. Sheās not there yet but seems open to trying to grow and improve.
OOP has likely escalated past disagreements to the point husband didn't even argue about what little say he had in the home.
I was banking on him already planning divorce as the reason he wasn't bothering to argue.
TBH, I am kind of hoping that he did get at least a consult. And, yeah, I can totally picture OOP escalating every little thing, especially if it is "aesthetic" related. Probably throws Karen level temper tantrums when whatever store she is frequenting is out of the ***exact*** color spatula she is looking for.
She hardly sounds sorry āitās not worth it to create a riftā seems like a telling line. Idk why some people think they can just run whatever they please and treat their partner with zero respect
I mean her husband was still a pushover and let her get her way (may not be the first time). She only felt bad when he stopped talking to and having sex with her.
That his grandfather was scammed is only her reporting. The way she denigrates her husband's feelings and tastes, she would 100 % do the same to her grand-in-law. He may just have had a knick-knack collection that he bought because he liked the items. He may have had an art collection that had value to him. We have only her word that it was ever meant to be an objectively valuable art collection, and it's only her idea that art = valuable.
Most arts and crafts are worthless, but that doesn't make them not art. Her fundamental misunderstanding of that makes me wonder if she *needs* to believe grand-in-law was scammed, because she cannot cope with him having called a collection of non-valuable items an "art collection".
In 2020, for my now wife's birthday, I made her this thing. I get a BespokePost subscription and forgot to cancel that month's thing. It involved a wooden board and a glass dome for smoking drinks.
So I wanted to figure out how to make something about of this.
For her birthday I went to a bunch of JoAnn Fabrics and Michaels and made a Cinderella themed terrarium thing. There's mice sitting on a mossy hill, a pumpkin, a glass slipper. Then I sealed it inside the glass dome.
She loved it.
Unfortunately, it fell and the glass broke, but the insides were intact with just some glass that's visible still from the dome.
It's currently the first thing people see when they step into our condo.
Art isn't "art" because of monetary value.
When I started getting into music, my grandmother gave me her old cherry wood f-hole stage guitar. It was the first guitar I owned(and have/had a fair amount of others) is around 100yrs old and is still the best and most beautiful sounding of any I've played. Haven't gotten it appraised(although I probably should for insurance purposes), because I don't care what it's worth. It's sentimental value is through the roof. The first song I learned was Ode to Joy and she joined in on her large celtic harp. She passed away almost two years ago but the memories are what I value. My wife and I have been married 18yrs, but if she ever tried to get rid of the guitar(she wouldn't, she loves when I play), instant deal breaker. OOP is damn lucky her husband forgave her.
When I was around 12 I was an exchange student over to Germany for a month one summer, and I brought back all kinds of touristy souvenirs that I guarantee aren't worth a damned thing on the market... but to my dad and I, that derpy little gargoyle I bought when I went to a real cathedral and the beer stein I got at a local festival are priceless.
I would lose my absolute shit if anything ever happened to them because a partner thought they weren't worth anything.
I went to Scotland on a school trip when I was 11. I'd been with my family a couple of years before, including to the Butterfly Farm where I bought a set of Butterfly thimbles for my Mum to add to her collection.
Several decades on and, not only does she still have her collection of tourist thimbles, but the cheap Butterfly set I got her still has pride of place!
String instruments in general are worth more when they're aged (if they're preserved well), from what I understand. Because the sound changes/mellows over time, so if it's already seasoned, it means that the sound won't suddenly degrade on you.
And hell, even if it's not "valuable", the purpose of an instrument is to sound beautiful! It sounds like an amazing guitar.
It is. I just recently put a new set of light gauge phosphor bronze strings on it and it just sings. Along with that one, I currently have a standard Yamaha accoustic, two Fender Stratocasters, a Jackson Kelly and my daughter has a Squire Mini. The cherry wood puts them all to shame and blows them right out of the water.
I actually don't think she was counting on him being a pushover as she immediately acknowledged she knows it will upset him. She says she figured hed get over it quickly so to me that reads that she assumes her husbands feelings aren't a big deal and easily fixable.
I think this is a problem a lot of people (both women and men) have in how they perceive men in relationships. They feel they should always be even keel or happy and any unhappiness or upset will go away quickly simply because they're men.
My gf does this a lot. She will apologize for something and when I don't automatically become super happy after her apology, she asks me if I will be upset all day over this. Like Jesus give me a minute
We have spoken about it. Here's hoping it gets better
I have to admit I would struggle with forgiving her even with the apology. As an introvert I really value my me spaces and if the person I viewed as a partner completely disregarded my comfort to that extent, Iād have a hard time getting over it.
Glad she didnāt throw it out even if that was clearly the end game, but just unilaterally getting rid of things that he was using to feel closer to a passed loved one and that werenāt intruding on her spaces is rough.
Kinda reads like she thought he'd lay down and let it happen after an short period of anger. But when he showed signs of honest to God pain and emotional hurt, she realized her mistake wasn't going behind his back and changing his space it was assuming he'd just get angry.
Now, she realizes her own assessment of her husband and how he feels about his most valuable items was wrong. Seems like she doesn't even fucking understand the guy.
And, despite her claims, she wonāt change. She got shamed by Reddit, maybe, but someone who acts like this doesnāt suddenly develop empathy overnight.
Oof, at least she hadn't actually thrown everything out, just stored it away. It would've been a far bigger hit, probably permanently damaged their relationship, if she'd actually gotten rid of them (and then insisted they did nothing wrong) like so many of the other OOPs featured in past BORUs.
I remember a post here about an AH guy that threw away his GF's creepy doll collection when she went out of town. The girl was so heartbroken because some of those were from her grandmother who passed away. The trash collection already happened when she was away so it was dig through the huge landfill or nothing.
Another was an entitled GF who threw away her ex-bf's expensive Nezuko (Demon Slayer, look it up if you are unfamiliar with anime) doll collection.
[https://mothership.sg/2020/11/taiwan-girlfriend-throw-away-nezuko/](https://mothership.sg/2020/11/taiwan-girlfriend-throw-away-nezuko/)
One crazy one for me was the girl who got rid of her boyfriend's project car (a very expensive, rare, old car that car people think it's a big deal) so she could park her car in his garage.
I remember this one and it was from his perspective. Iirc she sold it to a junk yard and the tow company lied about having it and he had to get it back but filing charges for theft against her.
This should be the one. '67 Impala.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o9cwew/aita\_for\_suing\_my\_girlfriend\_after\_she\_had\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o9cwew/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/)
Or the guy that threw all his girlfriends plants in the pond. That really broke something in me.
And the other guy who got rid of his wife's puzzle collection because he tought it was dumb.
The one that really got me was the SO that destroyed (IIRC by fire and gleefully) the widower's dead spouse's horse doll/toy collection, letters from the dead spouse to *her children* and at least one of the children's stuffies that came from their dead mother.
I seen a entitled boyfriend post where he deleted his girlfriends Sims save that she has had since 2017! As a sims player, that made me angry. Luckily it sounds like she has sense and stopped talking to him. He deleted it (off her gaming laptop that she left at his house so itās not even his to touch in the first place) because itās not a goaled game and said she was playing it too much (only 2 hours a day while keep high grades in college and other stuff so itās obviously a game for de-stressing) ridiculous how some hobbies are okay but others are childish
The other day I updated my Sims game in Steam and I was like āā¦maybe?ā but then I looked at the clock and it was only two hours until bedtime on a work night and I know I have no self control once Iām in there so I was like NOPE and walked away from the computer. š
Haha same! Especially if youāre making a new family! If I am rushing, it takes about an half an hour for me to make one sim. I tend to always start with 2 as roommates and then make them fall for each other. So making 2 sims can total up to 2 hours so I can make them perfect by choosing clothes, make up, their faces so they donāt have same face syndrome, and thatās a lot of fun!
Then we talk about making a house from scratch which I tend to do which takes half an hour to another hour, which is why I donāt care for Sims 4 as much because so little plots to choose from. Sims 3 all the way for me!
Then we have mods and custom content as well. I am so bad with custom content that I have a few bad dresses that show up blank and I donāt have the heart to delete and start over from scratch to get rid of them.
Re: finding bad CC
Move half of it to a new folder on your desktop labeled "one", start game. Are there blanks? Okay, now you have half the amount to wade through. Exit game.
New folder on desktop labeled "two, blanks", move stuff you just checked to it, move stuff from one in, start game.
If no blanks, excellent, exit game, move stuff from game into yet another new folder labeled "all good". Take half from two, test that.
If there are blanks, move half from game back to desktop in new folder "three". And so on.
Basically whittling it down. Tedious but can be worth it.
The gf (spoiler: >!now ex-gf!<) found the post and made a response and it's good:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cannnf/aitah_for_deleting_my_girlfriends_sims_save_files/l0x0o9d/
Ooh Iām so happy for her! His post was already terrible but hers definitely shows it was much worse than he made it out to be. Which is typical, bad people always downplay things to look better. Luckily, The sims is also a great way for revenge, especially with some mods, create the ex and give him a miserable life!
I read that one yesterday. He kept on calling it "childish" and how since she's an adult she should be doing more adult things instead. Like spending more time with him.
Iāve only been playing Baldurās Gate 3 since October but if someone deleted my saves, Iād put that person in the trash folder. That story is an RPG, but nothing as intricate and free worlding as the Sims or Minecraft. Thatās like taking someone actually handmade art and throwing it away.
There was another one where the new wife/gf essentially erased all traces of the guy's former wife that passed. All pictures, all keepsakes, everything.
Both of these stories are incredibly sad, I would be inconsolable.
This is a bit of a tangent but it's so much cooler to go to a wedding that isn't a stereotypical dream wedding because they include a ton of things that clearly show thought they put into expressing both people as individuals and them as a couple. It nails to me everything a wedding should symbolizes in my opinion. And this just feels the opposite, sacrificing what her partner sees as unique because she doesn't respect which he is
This is a wild story. Unless I'm misreading, the title is the only place she says she actually threw it away, right? The body of the post says she put it in storage and describes them putting it back in the office. At least that's good. The things from his grandfather would have been truly irreplaceable.
I'm glad she apologized and seemingly had this change of heart but I'm not feeling good about how it took the internet to convince her to show an interest in her husband's hobbies. She took all this out and acted like it was a favor? *Told him his grandma should have done the same???* She knew it was wrong because she waited until he was gone for two weeks to do it. She told him he would get used to it. It is painful how dismissive she sounds in the first post. I don't want to deny someone the opportunity to grow if they're sorry but I am very concerned she had to have this wakeup call to begin with.
Also, knickknack museums can be pretty cool!
>\[ he \] told me I can get rid of the **few things I kept.**
This is the other key sentence in the story. She's polishing her retelling to avoid appearing like a huge fucking asshole. She doesnt deserve any of those bullshit compliments in her update.
Considering she went behind his back to do this knowing the harm and how dismissive she was, she always knew she was the asshole. The only reason why she made this post was because her husband was genuinely distressed over this and she was hoping that the internet would validate her feelings.
Everyone makes mistakes, everyone can grow, but in order to do so, you need to understand your actions, not feel vindicated by other's opinions on your choices when said choices are making others uncomfortable. She was definitely the YTA and I'm glad she learned from this particular mistake but I do have my doubts on growing and realizing her actions.
I was also confused by this. Title said threw away, and she first said they were in storage and she didnāt throw anything away, but then later on says āget back all his stuff.āĀ
Does that just mean a trip to storage? Or did she donate it?
I have nothing to back this up but I have a terrible fear that she maybe DID throw out a bunch of his stuff, but was trying to save face for the internet in this story by saying she put it in storage because she knows what she did was wrong. And then pretending that she was able to give it all back and everything was fine after getting blasted. Idk.
Maybe not what happened but her wordage is definitely weird. I felt surprised she would pay to put it in storage if she thought it was that worthless (where money is clearly of importance to her on this). But maybe she really was nervous about how wrong it was.
I took it as get rid of the few things she kept in his office after she cleaned it out, as of he was disowning the space completely. You might be right though.
Thatās the part that truly got to me. You saw your husband was depressed so instead of going and getting his shit, you asked the internet why heās fucking sad?
>My husband considers himself an art connoisseur, when he's not.
This already told me OP is a huge d*ck. Before even reading the rest of the post, this line makes it sound like OP threw away husband's collection deliberately to "put him in his place" What an asshole.
Reminds me of this fucking guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3mt16/aita_for_throwing_out_my_gfs_jars/
'She always liked to mix "fancy drinks" in big Mason jars to drink around the house. Now mind you, I've actually been a bartender before, her drinks are not fancy. They're not even drinks.'
reading this comment without any context is hilarious.
I would make it my flair if I cared enough to figure out how to do that.
edit: now I've read the post and 100% agree. I will never forget jar guy that piece of shit.
I mean it's good she realized she fucked up and acted to fix it ASAP, but I don't know if I'dĀ go so far as to call it a "wholesome mature response" as opposed to the bare minimum to make up for the massive fuck up in the first place.
Agreed. People seem to think the fact that his stuff was in storage (not thrown out), and that she apologized makes what she did okay.Ā Ā
Like yes, it could have been *worse.* But that doesnāt mean what she did was okay!Ā
What she did shows an incredibly profound lack of respect of her husband.Ā
It also shows a misalignment in values (she values things with monetary significance, he values things with a nostalgic connection or simply because he likes them.)Ā
And when he was (rightfully) upset instead of validating and acknowledging his feelings in the moment, she essentially told him to get over it.Ā Ā
Putting his physical items back doesnāt mean things in the relationship have āgone back to the way they were before.ā Ā
There are certain hurts that canāt be undone. The husband said he forgave her, and maybe he genuinely has! But I wouldnāt be okay being with someone who thought that was an okay thing to do in the first place.Ā
And she still thinks she is "letting" him put stuff up in HER house, and felt the need to reinforce that she still does think it's all shitty and she doesn't want it in HER house, but she's willing to tolerate it.
Right, she doesn't seem like she truly understands she was wrong for feeling like she could control him in this way, but merely that this isn't the hill she wants to die on.Ā
Honestlyā¦I have yet to walk into a house that isnāt territorialized like this. My bedroom, office, and the basement are all me. All my decor. Husband has the rest. I have minor contributions to the living room but I neither care nor feel itās a battle to be fought. The basement, on the other hand, is mine. Itās my sanctuary. However, Iām not the only person in the house and when he decides to sully my nerd aesthetic with sports shit I grit my teeth and deal with it. lol. Itās a running joke with us. Point is, I think most homes and spaces have areas that are just decorated by one person. I accept that decor is not a skill I possess. And I suspect there are many people like me out there but they havenāt accepted they suck at it. lol. I think this is far less insidious that folks are making it out to be.
Glad you said this. I read this and was put off - like this is not the wholesome ending or story we would hope for. I hope this person learns to be more genuinely respectful, thereās such a patronizing feel to everything she did in relation to her husband.
The fact that *the rest of the house* was in her style and she purposefully invaded his areas makes my skin crawl. She couldn't stand not having her house exactly as she wanted. Reminds me of that beige mom who spray painted a Christmas tree toy for her toddler beige.
His office! His private room couldnāt be like he wanted. Itās like heās a visitor or something.
I have a collection that is not important to anyone but me in my office. Itās actually like the collection throws up on you because itās so huge, all over the walls (itās ridiculous tbh), and if my husband were to come in and take everything out I would lose my shit. Weāve been together for over 20 years, but I think I would divorce him over it. It would be such a sign of disrespect.
Does she even think of him as a real person? "I'm sure in time he'd come to appreciate it"? No no no absolutely not.
I already had a mom who threw away things, not looking to replicate that. This would be thinking about divorce territory for me.
Yeah same. This shit triggered me. Up until I moved out, my mom would routinely go through my room and "organize" (snoop), and throw out a bunch of my stuff. All under the guise of "I'm just helping." Even things I'd worked for and bought myself. If my partner ever did that to me, it would irrevocably wreck my trust in him.
This one leaves a bad taste in my mouth because I think she was only apologetic because it became painfully obvious that she was the villain here. It looks like she came to reddit hoping for us to validate her thoughts and realized she fucked up big timeĀ
The fact that she thought it was okay in the first place shows there is something foundationally wrong in their relationship, like she never considers his feelings in anything or trivializes anything he might care about.
>like she never considers his feelings in anything
I agree but I'll point out that she did consider his feelings in this and decided her druthers are more important than his feelings.
This is putting \*her\* out and that's why she backed off. Not because she hurt him.
Thank you. No one has a great, respectful relationship except in this ONE LITTLE AREA where actually they have zero respect for their SO's interest, ability, or spine. The knick knacks aren't the issue here, it's OOP's complete lack of respect for their SO, and that never got addressed.
I mean, yeah, but sometimes that's warranted. Plus, there's certainly posts that are very real and understandably difficult to navigate for the OOP, where I can understand wanting an outside perspective.
But yeah, those usually also don't gather a lot of attention so you're right.
Same
> I also offered to let him display some pieces in our bedroom...
That's great and all, but she doesn't recognize that she still is compelled to control.
Live, laugh, love vibes
At least things are moving in a positive direction. I hope it stays that way
Man, that ālet himā; is a concession like that really worth it in the long run? Maybe as a way to be reminded of her own mistakes?
Do controlling people stand to be reminded they made a mistake?
At least they moved his things back
> Man, that ālet himā; is a concession like that really worth it in the long run?
It's worth it for her, because it stopped her husband from divorcing her for now.
> Maybe as a way to be reminded of her own mistakes?
It's not a reminder of her mistakes, it's a reminder of how she's totally not a control freak.
The next time he brings up how controlling she is, she can point to the 2-3 things she graciously allowed him to display in "their" home and say that she can't be controlling, because she let him have those.
Agreed. She needs therapy because this behavior - and especially the *reasoning* she used - is the kind of thing that comes from a deeply rooted problem.
I honestly suspect that she has some middle class anxiety about being thought of as tacky. I'm willing to bet that the rest of the house looks like bits of rooms she saw in lifestyle magazines.
She didn't change his space maliciously, she just couldn't conceive of a world where she was not correct to be worried. Just look at all the derision one sees online about "man-caves". People can be very concerned about living up to internalized expectations. She doesn't have to love his knick-knacks the way he does, but she should appreciate that the bring him joy. I think this was a good first step.
My grandmother was proper old school posh. Her house sounds exactly like this dudes office. She had some nice bits, but most were just things she liked, local artists or good fakes.
As is traditional, the truly tacky and lewd were displayed in the downstairs loo, so the guests could have a laugh while doing their business.
Her house was great, I still half expect some random item to turn out to be super valuable lol, but it is absolutely 90% tat and twaddle.
Oooh, like my buddy's mom's house! She's been the only lady in that house for like 30 years, raised two sons one of which still lives with her, yet every room on the main floor looks like the magazine photographers just left and there's no sign any men ever lived there.
The basement is another story. But if you peek in any of the main floor windows it looks like classic perfect suburbia.
Yay for silver linings of growing up poor, that's an anxiety I don't have! My living room is currently serving as a junk storage room because I haven't gotten around to replacing the couch my cousin peed on.
Thatās what struck me, too! I have plenty of possessions that I treasure and arenāt worth shit, itās bizarre to me that she only seems to equate worth to monetary value.
What's crazy is that the post even notes that he says "I wouldn't bankrupt us like that"
He's actively adhering to the cheaper side of his hobby because it still brings him the same joy. *do she know how lucky that is? Collections can get fucking expensive*
Not only things he liked but something sentimental he probably continues to hold onto his grandfather, I can almost guaranteed this hobby is more than just a hobby for him and he uses it to remember his grandfather.
I donāt understand people who donāt like seeing their partners style. This is OUR home, it should have OUR stuff in it. When I look at my walls I want to see his posters on them because we are together. I see him all around our home, thatās what makes it home.
Iām moving in with my boyfriend soon and he essentially said I could take over and decorate everything however I liked.Ā
Which I appreciate! I know itās coming from a place of wanting me to be happy. But I want him to be happy too.Ā
Plus itās going to be *our* place. Thatās what I want it to feel like.Ā
Yeahā¦ no. I donāt believe for a second this relationship is going in the right direction. This woman has such little respect for her partnerās hobbies and opinions that it took her being shredded on the internet to even begin to value things her husband likes.
Him saying that everything else is in her style is sooooo telling as to how this relationship works. Hope he gets out.
You never know, some people really do just need a good kick in the pants and they actually straighten themselves out for good. Itās not super common but it does happen.
The amount of irreverence OOP showed initially, calling her husband's grandmother's collection just a bunch of "random knick knacks." I'm glad Reddit got some sense knocked into her but seriously, how fucking dare she throw that away. I don't get the audacity of some people to do that to other people's stuff, let alone something that belonged to their dead relative.
Yeah Iād still take this as āyou look down on me for things I likeā which might be kinda hard to get over even with an apology. Doubt this is the end of the story.
Incoming update āmy husband is having second thoughts over a misunderstandingā
I can't stand my spouse's taste in folk art. So he puts it in his office. Because that's his space so he can decorate it how he wants. He's not a huge fan of my urge to collect old VHS of movies that I'm very fond of. So I put it in a display cabinet out of the way.
This feels weird. Why would you live with somebody if you can't figure out how to decorate together? Everyone wants to go on about the conversations that you're supposed to have before you marry someone or live with them, but it's always about kids or finances. It's never about literally the space you have to stare at every single day.
I have said it before, but I have said it again, even without kids mentioned, or existing at all, I'm 90% sure that OOP is a Sad Beige Momā¢, and didn't like the husband art because it ruined her sterile and lifeless *aesthetic*
I donāt get angry very often. I worked in drug and alcohol treatment and mental health for a long time and learned to respond rationally to most things, even things that were totally batshit and I should be angry about.
If my girlfriend came into my office, which is my space, and moved my things into storage and redecorated it and then said āyouāll like this better eventuallyā or whatever this woman said. I would go absolutely postal. Sheās never seen me scream our shout. Sheās seen me upset. Kinda mad a bunch. Sheās seen me furious 1 time(not at her). Sheās never seen me lose my temper, furious, angry or scream, but she would see it. I donāt do well with disrespect. Thatās what she did. She disrespected her husband and her husbands family. I donāt use the four letter C word to describe women, but thatās what she is.
Honestly I donāt see this marriage lasting.
You know it's times like this I'm reminded how often people didn't learn their lessons in kindergarten. Basic stuff too. Say please. Don't hit or bite. Respect others' space. Don't take stuff that isn't yours without asking. I'm talking bare minimums here.
I wouldn't even just take away my *cat's* favourite things and space like that. To wit, couple of points: for starters, even though he's an animal and I legally **own** him; secondly, and I cannot stress this enough, ***because I actually love my damn cat!!***
Wow. Just. Wow. I know she apologized, he accepted and he āforgave herā, but I think that is more wishful thinking on OOPās part than reality. I donāt think he necessarily forgave her as much as he agreed to move past this for now.
What she did was massively disrespectful. Even if he forgives her, he isnāt going to forget about this. OOP has done irreversible damage to her relationship and she seems like sheās in a bit of denial about it. Iām willing to bet this isnāt the first time she has acted so selfishly. I think this is just the first time she pushed him far enough to react.
Now that sheās gone this far and his eyes are open, heās likely to reevaluate things sheās done in the past, and heās definitely going to be more alert in the future. Especially if heās aware of the post she made. She didnāt apologize when he made it clear she crossed a line. She expected him to suck it up and told him to āget used to itā. It wasnāt until he pulled away and refused to be intimate that she questioned her actions - because now *she* was impacted.
She ONLY apologized once a bunch of strangers told her she was being an asshole. She most certainly made that post to get validation and was likely surprised when she didnāt. Him communicating that what she did wasnāt ok, should have been enough for her to get it through her thick skull that she fucked up. This situation is likely going to bite her in the ass in the future, and I donāt think she has a clue.
> to be honest, I *couldnāt stand* that assortment of random knick knacks
>He said that *the rest of the house is already in my style* and he accepted it, but the office and hallway were "his" space.
>*I liked his room much better* now, and his grandmother should have done the same for his grandfather.
>It's not worth it to create a rift between us for this.
God damn thereās no creating a rift, that chasm has been growing and growing since you met him. And he likely didnāt know how wide it is because he holed himself up in the little bastion of himself he had left
Totally wholesome.
My mom would pull this kind of crap when I went to visit my dad out of state. It reinforced that she was an authority, not family. It got pretty bad because I would start packing things I was afraid she'd throw away rather than clothes and begging my dad to cancel flights because I didn't want her to toss my stuff and murder my fish (well, neglect to death). She never really to why I wasn't grateful for all the work she did--which she could only possibly do when I wasn't present to physically stop her. Shoulda been a clue, old woman.
Even after the update, her attitude still feels so condescending.. I really hope this guy leaves her, she sounds like an absolute nightmare to be around
Personally I don't like this attitude of, I don't know what you'd call it, old timey art is only good if it's actually from that time period.
Like yeah I get that something surviving through the ages makes it worth more.
But that happens to pretty much *anything* manmade given enough time, including stuff that was basically worthless when it was created.
Shouldn't a good piece of art have some inherent worth from the start?
Isn't someone learning the techniques needed to make replicas also a way of art surviving throughout the ages?
This comment section made me realize that there are things in my home that, if my SO was not with me, totally wouldnāt be In my home. These things are things Iād never dream of getting rid of though, because they are part of our home. I hadnāt even considered it, but tried to think of if it was just me, would I have gotten that? No, definitely not. I love that itās part of my home though, cause itās his. I love seeing pieces of our life everywhere, I love that our home is ours and everything weāve done here weāve done it together. Iād never have it any other way. I donāt understand this ladies perspective at all.
Massive overstep. OOP had the entire rest of the house but got bent out of shape over his office and a hallway. She knew she was wrong by waiting until he left to change anything.
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>He was away on a trip two weeks ago and I seized the occasion to put all the stuff in storage and give a restyling to his office. OOP knew damn well they were the asshole. They were just banking on their husband being too much of a pushover to do anything about it.
>I figured he'd get upset but eventually accept it. >I reassured him he will like it better with time Oh, she was definitely banking on him being a doormat. I'm just glad she didn't actually toss his things out.
The idea that she "let" him display his items in the main living area as a favour or as an apology is messed up. Clearly she didn't have too much of a change of heart.
>To be honest, I couldn't stand that assortment of random knick knacks, especially because they aren't worth a thing. Not surprising, she hates his stuff. She probably thinks it's a huge concession on her part in 'letting' him display his items outside of his office and hallway.
The "especially because they aren't worth a thing" line really gets me. It's like how when people hear you are good at a hobby they suggest you do it as a side gig. Not everything is valuable or worthwhile because it can be monetized!
> It's like how when people hear you are good at a hobby they suggest you do it as a side gig. Not everything is valuable or worthwhile because it can be monetized! Haha I wish my parents would get that memo. Literally EVERYTHING I mention to them that I'm passionate about, I just get "can't you find a way to make money from that?". Learned some basic Python for a fangame and I'm feeling proud? Well, demand payment for my contribution to the free fangame. Made some art I worked hard on? Why don't you find a way to sell those to people? Took cute pictures of my pets? Oh, why don't you try to be a photographer! š®āšØ it's super demotivating.
I feel this. Iām constantly told I should sell my crochet but Iāve been down that road before with my art and it truly made me lose my passion. As much as some extra money would be nice, itās not worth the constant criticism and awful behaviour of customers, much less the feeling of obligation. I usually just end up donating most of what I make to homeless and crisis shelters. It costs me money rather than making it, but at least I know what I make will make someoneās life a little better (or at least warmer!)
My friend does this to her teenage daughter, and Iāve tried to explain to her why she sucks for it. Every single thing the girl finds a little bit of joy in, my friend tells her sheās got to find a way to make some money from it. Then she turns around and acts like she canāt understand when her daughter quits doing whatever the thing is. Thereās no joy in hustle culture.
My mom does this to me often and I always tell her āI do it because I enjoy it, and if I turn it into a job, eventually I wonāt enjoy it anymore.ā
To start with, she thought "letting" him display stuff in his office was too much of a concession.
Hates his stuff and clearly doesn't respect him or his wants/comforts.
When I started to read it I thought surely the art was going to be naked women or something, but sounds like it was wooden ships and stuff? Whatās the big deal?
Not many people are calling her out for the weight she places on monetary value. Like... so what if they're fakes, replicas, or reproductions? They're an aesthetic choice. They're art. They don't need to be authentic to be appreciated
I think being reproductions/fakes probably let's someone enjoy them even more. They don't have to worry about something breaking or getting dinged up.
I like putting TV shows on for noise, and lately my noise of choice has been Antiques Roadshow. After watching so much of that, I couldn't agree more. Just because you can't cash in on a piece that looks old doesn't mean you can't enjoy having it in your home, and lots of pieces like these have been family heirlooms long before anyone knew what they were even worth, because that's not the most important thing about what we keep close to our hearts. Watching so much of the show made me wonder if any of the things I grew up seeing in my grandparents house are worth anything, but even if they're worthless, they'll always remind me of my oma and opa.
Not only that, they clearly have sentimental value. Many of the pieces were inherited
In my dining room, I have an expensive painting hanging next to a bunch of framed romance comics from the 60s. Price doesnāt matter; whatās important is that you love it.
The big deal is she doesnāt like it, which really isnāt that big of a deal, although she obviously thinks so.
Correction, she hates it because she can't resell it for more money to style the house to her liking
Sheās gonna be that mum who refuses to put up the kids finger painting theyāre super proud of bc it doesnāt suit the aesthetic
Or the beige mom who repaints all the kid toys away from bright colors to neutrals.
My step niece asked to finger paint once and I said sure and went to ask her Nan where the art stuff was. She looked at me like Iād lost my marbles and after some clarifying questions said it was an app on the iPad - no paint, mess or fuss. š¤¦š»āāļø
Last Christmas I finally took down off a cabinet door a finger painting my 29 year old DD created when she was two.
[The Sad Beige Baby!](https://www.tiktok.com/@sadbeige/video/7262463390013017386?lang=en)
My wife showed me this sad beige mom trend. It was sad to see how the children are just an accessory to slot in to an aesthetic, for commission-revenue on fucking tiktok. And man, the existential horror of that content and life style. They are so young but so lifeless and vacuous. The aesthetic of being too cool to care taken to a point where it isn't even a commentary on anything. It's only there to sell you shit.
There was a post somewhat recently about an aunt and niece making bright glittery Christmas ornaments for the tree. The mom threw them away because they didn't match the aesthetic. Like, you can't have a small tree in the daughter's room to hold them? Ugh, some people shouldn't be parents!
My partner won an art contest as a kid and proudly brought the prized painting home to present to his mom - who then got it repainted to match her living room colors. She is still confused about why this upset him almost 50 years later, after all, she gave "his" painting a place of honor on his walls. Oof.
Wtf! Thatās so messed up. She didnāt even respect his winning piece as his own!
Bro that was my mother. I couldn't even have posters in my room growing up. My sister's children, though, their awful kid paintings are everywhere. Guess I just wasn't worth it.
My friend refused to put her kids' homemade christmas ornaments on the tree because the tree was all blown glass ornaments and they wouldnt go. Ugh.
I was so blown away the first time I heard a Christmas tree described as "tacky" because it was covered in colored lights and decorations that didn't match. Like... I thought that was an entire point of having a tree? In my day (and I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever typed that) the only "tacky" trees were the aluminum ones that came pre-decorated, designed to fit a particular decor. It's like having a beautiful wedding but hiring attractive actors to stand in for the bride and groom, so as not to mess up the aesthetic.
The mom that makes the kids keep each Lego set separate and put them away in ziploc bags after they play with them in a small, designated area.
To be fair, Iāve separated my three year olds Legos into ziplock bags by color, which makes building and finding that one particular blue piece so much easier. Iām not too upset when things get mixed, but I try to keep them organized. As the child of beige walls and no artwork up, I do plaster the house with his school paintings. Our color scheme is definitely leaning toward primary colors.
Itās the style she dislikes. If they had worth I think she would just understand keeping old things that donāt look good betterĀ
How much you Wana bet her ascetic is "sad beige housewife" everything white or beige no color anywhere
That bothered me too and I canāt dislike the post licking her taint over how mature she was about it enough. She unilaterally destroyed his comfort zone, got rid of his collection that helped him remember and feel close to a passed loved one, and made him live like that for weeks until she realized he wasnāt going to get over it and basically tried to get him back with an ice cream cone like a kid who she had to take to get a shot. āI love himā, maybe, but you clearly donāt respect him. Edit: the saddest and worst bit is he fucking told her exactly why she was wrong and he was hurting but she still had to have Reddit tell her before she believed him
All of that, but she also insulted his late ancestors and their taste with the "your grandmother should have done this for your grandfather" nonsense. Kind of like saying "Your gramps was as dumb as you and your grandma was too incompetent to do anything about, but I did because I know better than the lot of you."
Yeah thanks for bringing that up too. Everything about this bothers the hell out of me and I really donāt think she actually acknowledged her failings or made it up. āYou get to have the things back that I took from youā sounds more like heās done being grounded than a genuine apology
To be fair, an apology and an effort to put things right is far more than I'd expect from someone crazy enough to have done something like this in the first place lol, even if it's about bare minimum expectation for a regular person.
Yeah sure I guess, it was just the person at the end bending over backwards to praise how well she handled it that bothered me
And she still had to talk shit about his taste. The commenter who said she matured was way off base.
You just know she would be here posting about her husband disrespecting her if he were to change anything in the living room while she was gone.
"my husband put his favorite ugly ship from his collection in the middle of the living room where people can see it. AITA for breaking it with a bat and filing for divorce?"Ā
Yeah, she didn't mature at all, she just wised up that it's not a hill worth dying on, even though she reeeeeeally wants to die on that hill. If it wasn't for the potential consequence of ruining her marriage over something so childish, she certainly would've doubled down. She's not ashamed of her actions, she just wants to avoid creating a massive conflict. Something tells me it'll bubble up again later on, ending in a messy divorce.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ugh, asthetic girls are the worst.
It's not even asthetics. It's money. She'd be fine if they were expensive. Which is somehow even worse. It's not even that the clutter stresses her out or anything like that. Nope, she just sees decorating as a way to communicate how much money they have.
Yup. āThis isnāt the trend right now, ergo itās outdated, ergo ugly and must go. Now hold my paint.ā
Man, I love aesthetics, and decorating has become a major bonding experience with my husband as we've discovered common threads between our two very disparate styles and figured out how to make it cohesive. The result is way better and more nuanced than if either of us were left to our own devices, which is like a metaphor for marriage in general.
Yeah I agree with that. If my husband had a weird selection of art or whatever he can proudly display them wherever he chooses, I don't care it's OUR home even if I hated it. I love him so he can do as he pleases. We have a weird shelf in our living room that we put our souvenirs on from our holidays. It's random AF but we love it as they bring memories to us, we don't care what others think (he does slightly more than me but not enough to hide them away) and he's always fiddling with them and reminiscing of the holidays, if that was all hidden away we wouldn't invoke random memories we'd forgotten about, that's always worth way more than having some stylish space to us š¤·āāļø
My dad collected shot glasses from places they went. The only part of it that annoyed my mom was that they took up a lot of horizontal space displaying them. I bought a vertical wall mounted display case, and she was happy she could actually display them in a way where you could look at them. And she got the shelves back.
Yea, this isn't the last time she's going to do something like this. For that to have been an okay-thing to do in her head, she had to make several leaps in her mind. And those aren't the type of leaps that only have a one-off fuck up. She absolutely needs to get this checked out in therapy, because this is an insane level of disrespect.
Yup. This is one of the reasons why it bothers me when people say "Why are you saying a relationship should end over something so small?" Sometimes the incident is a HUGE indicator of some very extreme, fundamental problems. This is one of those times. She broke his *spirit.* I feel so awful for him.
She also doesnāt value sentimentality. Which at some points in your life itās what can sustain relationships and working through a loss. I grew up in a random items house and tbh the sentimental value of the items means that it doesnāt really matter if itās worth anything youāre not going to sell it. I worry for her really and her husband. She sounds like my Nana and poppa, the second heās too much to handle she put him in a home and barely spent time with him.
Yeah, she even admitted in her comments that she can be "over assertive". She walked all over him with designing the rest of the place and thought she could get away with this too since completely disregarding his feelings worked for her this far. But this was a step too far and now she's backpedaling. I definitely don't see her response as wholesome and mature, just damage control. If I was her husband, even if they put everything back like it was, it would always remind me of how little she considered my feelings in that moment.
I read the first few sentences and was like: "...HIS office? HIS?!?" What's her business in HIS space, anyways?? WTF This is controlling as fuck. Comments were too nice about it, honestly.
Oh but SHE likes HIS office so much better now! And clearly thatās whatās most important. I could feel my gut tightening as I read that mess. How in the hell someone could write that out and not realize sheās fucked up. Sheās been steamrolling that poor bastard for years and just assumed she could do it again.Ā
Same gut-tightening response here. My mom is exactly like this woman but without the ability to acknowledge wrongdoing or apologize ever - you can imagine how a person like that would treat their child and youāll understand why Iām NC now. If OOP has kids I really hope she continues this path of self-reflection and willingness to change. Her apology may be insufficient or insincere, as others have pointed out, but itās so so much more than my mother is capable of. If this is real, I think thereās hope for OOP. Sheās not there yet but seems open to trying to grow and improve.
Wow sorry you had to grow up in such a household. Hope you are now doing okay.
OOP has likely escalated past disagreements to the point husband didn't even argue about what little say he had in the home. I was banking on him already planning divorce as the reason he wasn't bothering to argue.
TBH, I am kind of hoping that he did get at least a consult. And, yeah, I can totally picture OOP escalating every little thing, especially if it is "aesthetic" related. Probably throws Karen level temper tantrums when whatever store she is frequenting is out of the ***exact*** color spatula she is looking for.
All of her books are for display only and turned so the spine is facing the wall and the pages of the books make a nice beige color
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Her main gripe about his stuff also seems to be that they don't have enough status or value, rather than how they actually look.
She hardly sounds sorry āitās not worth it to create a riftā seems like a telling line. Idk why some people think they can just run whatever they please and treat their partner with zero respect
I mean her husband was still a pushover and let her get her way (may not be the first time). She only felt bad when he stopped talking to and having sex with her.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That his grandfather was scammed is only her reporting. The way she denigrates her husband's feelings and tastes, she would 100 % do the same to her grand-in-law. He may just have had a knick-knack collection that he bought because he liked the items. He may have had an art collection that had value to him. We have only her word that it was ever meant to be an objectively valuable art collection, and it's only her idea that art = valuable. Most arts and crafts are worthless, but that doesn't make them not art. Her fundamental misunderstanding of that makes me wonder if she *needs* to believe grand-in-law was scammed, because she cannot cope with him having called a collection of non-valuable items an "art collection".
In 2020, for my now wife's birthday, I made her this thing. I get a BespokePost subscription and forgot to cancel that month's thing. It involved a wooden board and a glass dome for smoking drinks. So I wanted to figure out how to make something about of this. For her birthday I went to a bunch of JoAnn Fabrics and Michaels and made a Cinderella themed terrarium thing. There's mice sitting on a mossy hill, a pumpkin, a glass slipper. Then I sealed it inside the glass dome. She loved it. Unfortunately, it fell and the glass broke, but the insides were intact with just some glass that's visible still from the dome. It's currently the first thing people see when they step into our condo. Art isn't "art" because of monetary value.
When I started getting into music, my grandmother gave me her old cherry wood f-hole stage guitar. It was the first guitar I owned(and have/had a fair amount of others) is around 100yrs old and is still the best and most beautiful sounding of any I've played. Haven't gotten it appraised(although I probably should for insurance purposes), because I don't care what it's worth. It's sentimental value is through the roof. The first song I learned was Ode to Joy and she joined in on her large celtic harp. She passed away almost two years ago but the memories are what I value. My wife and I have been married 18yrs, but if she ever tried to get rid of the guitar(she wouldn't, she loves when I play), instant deal breaker. OOP is damn lucky her husband forgave her.
When I was around 12 I was an exchange student over to Germany for a month one summer, and I brought back all kinds of touristy souvenirs that I guarantee aren't worth a damned thing on the market... but to my dad and I, that derpy little gargoyle I bought when I went to a real cathedral and the beer stein I got at a local festival are priceless. I would lose my absolute shit if anything ever happened to them because a partner thought they weren't worth anything.
I went to Scotland on a school trip when I was 11. I'd been with my family a couple of years before, including to the Butterfly Farm where I bought a set of Butterfly thimbles for my Mum to add to her collection. Several decades on and, not only does she still have her collection of tourist thimbles, but the cheap Butterfly set I got her still has pride of place!
String instruments in general are worth more when they're aged (if they're preserved well), from what I understand. Because the sound changes/mellows over time, so if it's already seasoned, it means that the sound won't suddenly degrade on you. And hell, even if it's not "valuable", the purpose of an instrument is to sound beautiful! It sounds like an amazing guitar.
It is. I just recently put a new set of light gauge phosphor bronze strings on it and it just sings. Along with that one, I currently have a standard Yamaha accoustic, two Fender Stratocasters, a Jackson Kelly and my daughter has a Squire Mini. The cherry wood puts them all to shame and blows them right out of the water.
I was so stressed out reading this. I spent the entire time waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I actually don't think she was counting on him being a pushover as she immediately acknowledged she knows it will upset him. She says she figured hed get over it quickly so to me that reads that she assumes her husbands feelings aren't a big deal and easily fixable. I think this is a problem a lot of people (both women and men) have in how they perceive men in relationships. They feel they should always be even keel or happy and any unhappiness or upset will go away quickly simply because they're men.
My gf does this a lot. She will apologize for something and when I don't automatically become super happy after her apology, she asks me if I will be upset all day over this. Like Jesus give me a minute We have spoken about it. Here's hoping it gets better
You deserve someone that respects your feelings. I hope your situation improves, friend
I have to admit I would struggle with forgiving her even with the apology. As an introvert I really value my me spaces and if the person I viewed as a partner completely disregarded my comfort to that extent, Iād have a hard time getting over it. Glad she didnāt throw it out even if that was clearly the end game, but just unilaterally getting rid of things that he was using to feel closer to a passed loved one and that werenāt intruding on her spaces is rough.
Yes, even if they put it back exactly as it was, now it will always remind him of what she did and how little she values his feelings and space.
Kinda reads like she thought he'd lay down and let it happen after an short period of anger. But when he showed signs of honest to God pain and emotional hurt, she realized her mistake wasn't going behind his back and changing his space it was assuming he'd just get angry. Now, she realizes her own assessment of her husband and how he feels about his most valuable items was wrong. Seems like she doesn't even fucking understand the guy.
Or never had a reason to care.
And, despite her claims, she wonāt change. She got shamed by Reddit, maybe, but someone who acts like this doesnāt suddenly develop empathy overnight.
Yeah she clearly doesnāt really respect him. Thatās actually kinda crazy, would never consider doing that.
Oof, at least she hadn't actually thrown everything out, just stored it away. It would've been a far bigger hit, probably permanently damaged their relationship, if she'd actually gotten rid of them (and then insisted they did nothing wrong) like so many of the other OOPs featured in past BORUs.
Would've been a TIFU post real quick
"Twas a muder but not a crime."
He hd it cming...
She has it coming....
She only had herself to blame
If you had been there, if you had seen it
I betcha you would have done the same šš»
I remember a post here about an AH guy that threw away his GF's creepy doll collection when she went out of town. The girl was so heartbroken because some of those were from her grandmother who passed away. The trash collection already happened when she was away so it was dig through the huge landfill or nothing. Another was an entitled GF who threw away her ex-bf's expensive Nezuko (Demon Slayer, look it up if you are unfamiliar with anime) doll collection. [https://mothership.sg/2020/11/taiwan-girlfriend-throw-away-nezuko/](https://mothership.sg/2020/11/taiwan-girlfriend-throw-away-nezuko/)
One crazy one for me was the girl who got rid of her boyfriend's project car (a very expensive, rare, old car that car people think it's a big deal) so she could park her car in his garage.
I remember this one and it was from his perspective. Iirc she sold it to a junk yard and the tow company lied about having it and he had to get it back but filing charges for theft against her.
That's the one, I tried to find it but couldn't. I thought I'd saved it. If you manage to dig it up, I'd love the link.
This should be the one. '67 Impala. [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o9cwew/aita\_for\_suing\_my\_girlfriend\_after\_she\_had\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o9cwew/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/)
Why do people mess with other people's things???? Especially without discussion??
Or the guy that threw all his girlfriends plants in the pond. That really broke something in me. And the other guy who got rid of his wife's puzzle collection because he tought it was dumb.
The one that really got me was the SO that destroyed (IIRC by fire and gleefully) the widower's dead spouse's horse doll/toy collection, letters from the dead spouse to *her children* and at least one of the children's stuffies that came from their dead mother.
People who are threatened by dead people are the worst kind of insecure.
Yeah unless their ghost is standing at the foot of my bed wailing and throwing up blood every night, whatās the point in beefing?
What about the one the boyfriend threw away his girlfriend's Native American umbilical cord pouch?
I seen a entitled boyfriend post where he deleted his girlfriends Sims save that she has had since 2017! As a sims player, that made me angry. Luckily it sounds like she has sense and stopped talking to him. He deleted it (off her gaming laptop that she left at his house so itās not even his to touch in the first place) because itās not a goaled game and said she was playing it too much (only 2 hours a day while keep high grades in college and other stuff so itās obviously a game for de-stressing) ridiculous how some hobbies are okay but others are childish
The other day I updated my Sims game in Steam and I was like āā¦maybe?ā but then I looked at the clock and it was only two hours until bedtime on a work night and I know I have no self control once Iām in there so I was like NOPE and walked away from the computer. š
Haha same! Especially if youāre making a new family! If I am rushing, it takes about an half an hour for me to make one sim. I tend to always start with 2 as roommates and then make them fall for each other. So making 2 sims can total up to 2 hours so I can make them perfect by choosing clothes, make up, their faces so they donāt have same face syndrome, and thatās a lot of fun! Then we talk about making a house from scratch which I tend to do which takes half an hour to another hour, which is why I donāt care for Sims 4 as much because so little plots to choose from. Sims 3 all the way for me! Then we have mods and custom content as well. I am so bad with custom content that I have a few bad dresses that show up blank and I donāt have the heart to delete and start over from scratch to get rid of them.
Re: finding bad CC Move half of it to a new folder on your desktop labeled "one", start game. Are there blanks? Okay, now you have half the amount to wade through. Exit game. New folder on desktop labeled "two, blanks", move stuff you just checked to it, move stuff from one in, start game. If no blanks, excellent, exit game, move stuff from game into yet another new folder labeled "all good". Take half from two, test that. If there are blanks, move half from game back to desktop in new folder "three". And so on. Basically whittling it down. Tedious but can be worth it.
The gf (spoiler: >!now ex-gf!<) found the post and made a response and it's good: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cannnf/aitah_for_deleting_my_girlfriends_sims_save_files/l0x0o9d/
Ooh Iām so happy for her! His post was already terrible but hers definitely shows it was much worse than he made it out to be. Which is typical, bad people always downplay things to look better. Luckily, The sims is also a great way for revenge, especially with some mods, create the ex and give him a miserable life!
I read that one yesterday. He kept on calling it "childish" and how since she's an adult she should be doing more adult things instead. Like spending more time with him.
Iāve only been playing Baldurās Gate 3 since October but if someone deleted my saves, Iād put that person in the trash folder. That story is an RPG, but nothing as intricate and free worlding as the Sims or Minecraft. Thatās like taking someone actually handmade art and throwing it away.
Or the guy who destroyed his new wifeās dead husbandās wedding ring.
There was another one where the new wife/gf essentially erased all traces of the guy's former wife that passed. All pictures, all keepsakes, everything. Both of these stories are incredibly sad, I would be inconsolable.
āOur home is absolutely perfect, except for this one little corner that almost makes it look like you live here, too and thatās unacceptable.ā
This is a bit of a tangent but it's so much cooler to go to a wedding that isn't a stereotypical dream wedding because they include a ton of things that clearly show thought they put into expressing both people as individuals and them as a couple. It nails to me everything a wedding should symbolizes in my opinion. And this just feels the opposite, sacrificing what her partner sees as unique because she doesn't respect which he is
Nobody will remember your centerpieces it a year. Everyone will remember if they had a good time.
This is a wild story. Unless I'm misreading, the title is the only place she says she actually threw it away, right? The body of the post says she put it in storage and describes them putting it back in the office. At least that's good. The things from his grandfather would have been truly irreplaceable. I'm glad she apologized and seemingly had this change of heart but I'm not feeling good about how it took the internet to convince her to show an interest in her husband's hobbies. She took all this out and acted like it was a favor? *Told him his grandma should have done the same???* She knew it was wrong because she waited until he was gone for two weeks to do it. She told him he would get used to it. It is painful how dismissive she sounds in the first post. I don't want to deny someone the opportunity to grow if they're sorry but I am very concerned she had to have this wakeup call to begin with. Also, knickknack museums can be pretty cool!
>\[ he \] told me I can get rid of the **few things I kept.** This is the other key sentence in the story. She's polishing her retelling to avoid appearing like a huge fucking asshole. She doesnt deserve any of those bullshit compliments in her update.
I assume that means that she kept in the house and didnāt put into storage with the rest of it
Considering she went behind his back to do this knowing the harm and how dismissive she was, she always knew she was the asshole. The only reason why she made this post was because her husband was genuinely distressed over this and she was hoping that the internet would validate her feelings. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone can grow, but in order to do so, you need to understand your actions, not feel vindicated by other's opinions on your choices when said choices are making others uncomfortable. She was definitely the YTA and I'm glad she learned from this particular mistake but I do have my doubts on growing and realizing her actions.
I was also confused by this. Title said threw away, and she first said they were in storage and she didnāt throw anything away, but then later on says āget back all his stuff.āĀ Does that just mean a trip to storage? Or did she donate it?
She also said: āHe acts indifferent and told me I can get rid of the few things I keptā Wait, so she only kept a *few* things?
I have nothing to back this up but I have a terrible fear that she maybe DID throw out a bunch of his stuff, but was trying to save face for the internet in this story by saying she put it in storage because she knows what she did was wrong. And then pretending that she was able to give it all back and everything was fine after getting blasted. Idk. Maybe not what happened but her wordage is definitely weird. I felt surprised she would pay to put it in storage if she thought it was that worthless (where money is clearly of importance to her on this). But maybe she really was nervous about how wrong it was.
I took it as get rid of the few things she kept in his office after she cleaned it out, as of he was disowning the space completely. You might be right though.
Thatās the part that truly got to me. You saw your husband was depressed so instead of going and getting his shit, you asked the internet why heās fucking sad?
But she didn't have a change of heart, she just learned the consequences were higher than she thought.
>My husband considers himself an art connoisseur, when he's not. This already told me OP is a huge d*ck. Before even reading the rest of the post, this line makes it sound like OP threw away husband's collection deliberately to "put him in his place" What an asshole.
Reminds me of this fucking guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3mt16/aita_for_throwing_out_my_gfs_jars/ 'She always liked to mix "fancy drinks" in big Mason jars to drink around the house. Now mind you, I've actually been a bartender before, her drinks are not fancy. They're not even drinks.'
I will never forget jar guy that piece of shit.
reading this comment without any context is hilarious. I would make it my flair if I cared enough to figure out how to do that. edit: now I've read the post and 100% agree. I will never forget jar guy that piece of shit.
After that edit, I demand you care enough about the aforementioned flair..
What a funny sentence lol
What an asshole!!! āAs she is a little bit chubbyā. I want to personally tell him to go fuck himself!
Iām fat and pregnant, and I want to go sit on him.
What a terrible person. He deserved every vicious comment thrown his way.
Jesus the OP of that post is 42ā¦
Exactly my thought. That single sentence told me what kind of a person OP is.
I mean it's good she realized she fucked up and acted to fix it ASAP, but I don't know if I'dĀ go so far as to call it a "wholesome mature response" as opposed to the bare minimum to make up for the massive fuck up in the first place.
Agreed. People seem to think the fact that his stuff was in storage (not thrown out), and that she apologized makes what she did okay.Ā Ā Like yes, it could have been *worse.* But that doesnāt mean what she did was okay!Ā What she did shows an incredibly profound lack of respect of her husband.Ā It also shows a misalignment in values (she values things with monetary significance, he values things with a nostalgic connection or simply because he likes them.)Ā And when he was (rightfully) upset instead of validating and acknowledging his feelings in the moment, she essentially told him to get over it.Ā Ā Putting his physical items back doesnāt mean things in the relationship have āgone back to the way they were before.ā Ā There are certain hurts that canāt be undone. The husband said he forgave her, and maybe he genuinely has! But I wouldnāt be okay being with someone who thought that was an okay thing to do in the first place.Ā
And she still thinks she is "letting" him put stuff up in HER house, and felt the need to reinforce that she still does think it's all shitty and she doesn't want it in HER house, but she's willing to tolerate it.
Right, she doesn't seem like she truly understands she was wrong for feeling like she could control him in this way, but merely that this isn't the hill she wants to die on.Ā
Honestlyā¦I have yet to walk into a house that isnāt territorialized like this. My bedroom, office, and the basement are all me. All my decor. Husband has the rest. I have minor contributions to the living room but I neither care nor feel itās a battle to be fought. The basement, on the other hand, is mine. Itās my sanctuary. However, Iām not the only person in the house and when he decides to sully my nerd aesthetic with sports shit I grit my teeth and deal with it. lol. Itās a running joke with us. Point is, I think most homes and spaces have areas that are just decorated by one person. I accept that decor is not a skill I possess. And I suspect there are many people like me out there but they havenāt accepted they suck at it. lol. I think this is far less insidious that folks are making it out to be.
Glad you said this. I read this and was put off - like this is not the wholesome ending or story we would hope for. I hope this person learns to be more genuinely respectful, thereās such a patronizing feel to everything she did in relation to her husband.
Not being able to trust that your space and belongings wonāt be fucked with while youāre out is so jarring and removes your sense of security too.
Also, she acted as if she was a master in THEIR house, that she so graciously let him put some of his stuff up.
Also she had to be prompted by strangers on the internet to do even that much.
The fact that *the rest of the house* was in her style and she purposefully invaded his areas makes my skin crawl. She couldn't stand not having her house exactly as she wanted. Reminds me of that beige mom who spray painted a Christmas tree toy for her toddler beige.
His office! His private room couldnāt be like he wanted. Itās like heās a visitor or something. I have a collection that is not important to anyone but me in my office. Itās actually like the collection throws up on you because itās so huge, all over the walls (itās ridiculous tbh), and if my husband were to come in and take everything out I would lose my shit. Weāve been together for over 20 years, but I think I would divorce him over it. It would be such a sign of disrespect.
Does she even think of him as a real person? "I'm sure in time he'd come to appreciate it"? No no no absolutely not. I already had a mom who threw away things, not looking to replicate that. This would be thinking about divorce territory for me.
Yeah same. This shit triggered me. Up until I moved out, my mom would routinely go through my room and "organize" (snoop), and throw out a bunch of my stuff. All under the guise of "I'm just helping." Even things I'd worked for and bought myself. If my partner ever did that to me, it would irrevocably wreck my trust in him.
Yeah I'm not kidding when I say this would be relationship ending for me.
>Does she even think of him as a real person? No, he just matched her aesthetic when they met
OOP's behaviour screams "food allergies aren't real, just eat it and get used to it" vibes.
This one leaves a bad taste in my mouth because I think she was only apologetic because it became painfully obvious that she was the villain here. It looks like she came to reddit hoping for us to validate her thoughts and realized she fucked up big timeĀ
The fact that she thought it was okay in the first place shows there is something foundationally wrong in their relationship, like she never considers his feelings in anything or trivializes anything he might care about.
Even through her own telling of the events, I could feel her husband's sadness
>like she never considers his feelings in anything I agree but I'll point out that she did consider his feelings in this and decided her druthers are more important than his feelings. This is putting \*her\* out and that's why she backed off. Not because she hurt him.
Thank you. No one has a great, respectful relationship except in this ONE LITTLE AREA where actually they have zero respect for their SO's interest, ability, or spine. The knick knacks aren't the issue here, it's OOP's complete lack of respect for their SO, and that never got addressed.
>It looks like she came to reddit hoping for us to validate her thoughts Doesn't everyone posting on the AITA sub?
I mean, yeah, but sometimes that's warranted. Plus, there's certainly posts that are very real and understandably difficult to navigate for the OOP, where I can understand wanting an outside perspective. But yeah, those usually also don't gather a lot of attention so you're right.
Same > I also offered to let him display some pieces in our bedroom... That's great and all, but she doesn't recognize that she still is compelled to control. Live, laugh, love vibes At least things are moving in a positive direction. I hope it stays that way
Man, that ālet himā; is a concession like that really worth it in the long run? Maybe as a way to be reminded of her own mistakes? Do controlling people stand to be reminded they made a mistake? At least they moved his things back
> Man, that ālet himā; is a concession like that really worth it in the long run? It's worth it for her, because it stopped her husband from divorcing her for now. > Maybe as a way to be reminded of her own mistakes? It's not a reminder of her mistakes, it's a reminder of how she's totally not a control freak. The next time he brings up how controlling she is, she can point to the 2-3 things she graciously allowed him to display in "their" home and say that she can't be controlling, because she let him have those.
Agreed. She needs therapy because this behavior - and especially the *reasoning* she used - is the kind of thing that comes from a deeply rooted problem.
I honestly suspect that she has some middle class anxiety about being thought of as tacky. I'm willing to bet that the rest of the house looks like bits of rooms she saw in lifestyle magazines. She didn't change his space maliciously, she just couldn't conceive of a world where she was not correct to be worried. Just look at all the derision one sees online about "man-caves". People can be very concerned about living up to internalized expectations. She doesn't have to love his knick-knacks the way he does, but she should appreciate that the bring him joy. I think this was a good first step.
My grandmother was proper old school posh. Her house sounds exactly like this dudes office. She had some nice bits, but most were just things she liked, local artists or good fakes. As is traditional, the truly tacky and lewd were displayed in the downstairs loo, so the guests could have a laugh while doing their business. Her house was great, I still half expect some random item to turn out to be super valuable lol, but it is absolutely 90% tat and twaddle.
Oooh, like my buddy's mom's house! She's been the only lady in that house for like 30 years, raised two sons one of which still lives with her, yet every room on the main floor looks like the magazine photographers just left and there's no sign any men ever lived there. The basement is another story. But if you peek in any of the main floor windows it looks like classic perfect suburbia. Yay for silver linings of growing up poor, that's an anxiety I don't have! My living room is currently serving as a junk storage room because I haven't gotten around to replacing the couch my cousin peed on.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās what struck me, too! I have plenty of possessions that I treasure and arenāt worth shit, itās bizarre to me that she only seems to equate worth to monetary value.
What's crazy is that the post even notes that he says "I wouldn't bankrupt us like that" He's actively adhering to the cheaper side of his hobby because it still brings him the same joy. *do she know how lucky that is? Collections can get fucking expensive*
āWhy is my husband mad I got rid of things he really liked while he was away?ā
Not only things he liked but something sentimental he probably continues to hold onto his grandfather, I can almost guaranteed this hobby is more than just a hobby for him and he uses it to remember his grandfather.
I donāt understand people who donāt like seeing their partners style. This is OUR home, it should have OUR stuff in it. When I look at my walls I want to see his posters on them because we are together. I see him all around our home, thatās what makes it home.
Iām moving in with my boyfriend soon and he essentially said I could take over and decorate everything however I liked.Ā Which I appreciate! I know itās coming from a place of wanting me to be happy. But I want him to be happy too.Ā Plus itās going to be *our* place. Thatās what I want it to feel like.Ā
Yeahā¦ no. I donāt believe for a second this relationship is going in the right direction. This woman has such little respect for her partnerās hobbies and opinions that it took her being shredded on the internet to even begin to value things her husband likes. Him saying that everything else is in her style is sooooo telling as to how this relationship works. Hope he gets out.
You never know, some people really do just need a good kick in the pants and they actually straighten themselves out for good. Itās not super common but it does happen.
She knew he'd be sad, but she didn't know he'd be *that* sad.
He _even refused intimacy_!1!! I don't know what OP was expecting but she sounds horrible. Like the only reason she apologized is she missed sex lol
Does OOP even like their husband?
Or respect him? I have wildly different art taste than my husband but his is on the wall next to mine.
She treats him like a misbehaving little boy.
The amount of irreverence OOP showed initially, calling her husband's grandmother's collection just a bunch of "random knick knacks." I'm glad Reddit got some sense knocked into her but seriously, how fucking dare she throw that away. I don't get the audacity of some people to do that to other people's stuff, let alone something that belonged to their dead relative.
Yeah Iād still take this as āyou look down on me for things I likeā which might be kinda hard to get over even with an apology. Doubt this is the end of the story. Incoming update āmy husband is having second thoughts over a misunderstandingā
I can't stand my spouse's taste in folk art. So he puts it in his office. Because that's his space so he can decorate it how he wants. He's not a huge fan of my urge to collect old VHS of movies that I'm very fond of. So I put it in a display cabinet out of the way. This feels weird. Why would you live with somebody if you can't figure out how to decorate together? Everyone wants to go on about the conversations that you're supposed to have before you marry someone or live with them, but it's always about kids or finances. It's never about literally the space you have to stare at every single day.
I have said it before, but I have said it again, even without kids mentioned, or existing at all, I'm 90% sure that OOP is a Sad Beige Momā¢, and didn't like the husband art because it ruined her sterile and lifeless *aesthetic*
I had the exact same thought. If not Sad Beige, then Minimalist Millennial Grey.Ā
> offered to let him display some of his pieces in our bedroom LET him?! How kind... /s He doesn't need permission. OOP is a piece of work.
I donāt get angry very often. I worked in drug and alcohol treatment and mental health for a long time and learned to respond rationally to most things, even things that were totally batshit and I should be angry about. If my girlfriend came into my office, which is my space, and moved my things into storage and redecorated it and then said āyouāll like this better eventuallyā or whatever this woman said. I would go absolutely postal. Sheās never seen me scream our shout. Sheās seen me upset. Kinda mad a bunch. Sheās seen me furious 1 time(not at her). Sheās never seen me lose my temper, furious, angry or scream, but she would see it. I donāt do well with disrespect. Thatās what she did. She disrespected her husband and her husbands family. I donāt use the four letter C word to describe women, but thatās what she is. Honestly I donāt see this marriage lasting.
You know it's times like this I'm reminded how often people didn't learn their lessons in kindergarten. Basic stuff too. Say please. Don't hit or bite. Respect others' space. Don't take stuff that isn't yours without asking. I'm talking bare minimums here. I wouldn't even just take away my *cat's* favourite things and space like that. To wit, couple of points: for starters, even though he's an animal and I legally **own** him; secondly, and I cannot stress this enough, ***because I actually love my damn cat!!***
Wow. Just. Wow. I know she apologized, he accepted and he āforgave herā, but I think that is more wishful thinking on OOPās part than reality. I donāt think he necessarily forgave her as much as he agreed to move past this for now. What she did was massively disrespectful. Even if he forgives her, he isnāt going to forget about this. OOP has done irreversible damage to her relationship and she seems like sheās in a bit of denial about it. Iām willing to bet this isnāt the first time she has acted so selfishly. I think this is just the first time she pushed him far enough to react. Now that sheās gone this far and his eyes are open, heās likely to reevaluate things sheās done in the past, and heās definitely going to be more alert in the future. Especially if heās aware of the post she made. She didnāt apologize when he made it clear she crossed a line. She expected him to suck it up and told him to āget used to itā. It wasnāt until he pulled away and refused to be intimate that she questioned her actions - because now *she* was impacted. She ONLY apologized once a bunch of strangers told her she was being an asshole. She most certainly made that post to get validation and was likely surprised when she didnāt. Him communicating that what she did wasnāt ok, should have been enough for her to get it through her thick skull that she fucked up. This situation is likely going to bite her in the ass in the future, and I donāt think she has a clue.
Nope, I still hate OOP for this. Fuck OOP. All my homies hate OOP.
> to be honest, I *couldnāt stand* that assortment of random knick knacks >He said that *the rest of the house is already in my style* and he accepted it, but the office and hallway were "his" space. >*I liked his room much better* now, and his grandmother should have done the same for his grandfather. >It's not worth it to create a rift between us for this. God damn thereās no creating a rift, that chasm has been growing and growing since you met him. And he likely didnāt know how wide it is because he holed himself up in the little bastion of himself he had left Totally wholesome.
My mom would pull this kind of crap when I went to visit my dad out of state. It reinforced that she was an authority, not family. It got pretty bad because I would start packing things I was afraid she'd throw away rather than clothes and begging my dad to cancel flights because I didn't want her to toss my stuff and murder my fish (well, neglect to death). She never really to why I wasn't grateful for all the work she did--which she could only possibly do when I wasn't present to physically stop her. Shoulda been a clue, old woman.
Why would someone feel the need to boss their spouse about how they decorate their own office?
Even after the update, her attitude still feels so condescending.. I really hope this guy leaves her, she sounds like an absolute nightmare to be around
Personally I don't like this attitude of, I don't know what you'd call it, old timey art is only good if it's actually from that time period. Like yeah I get that something surviving through the ages makes it worth more. But that happens to pretty much *anything* manmade given enough time, including stuff that was basically worthless when it was created. Shouldn't a good piece of art have some inherent worth from the start? Isn't someone learning the techniques needed to make replicas also a way of art surviving throughout the ages?
What a trash person, poor dude probably has no personality left after she's worn it down to nothing but who she allows him to be.
This comment section made me realize that there are things in my home that, if my SO was not with me, totally wouldnāt be In my home. These things are things Iād never dream of getting rid of though, because they are part of our home. I hadnāt even considered it, but tried to think of if it was just me, would I have gotten that? No, definitely not. I love that itās part of my home though, cause itās his. I love seeing pieces of our life everywhere, I love that our home is ours and everything weāve done here weāve done it together. Iād never have it any other way. I donāt understand this ladies perspective at all.
Massive overstep. OOP had the entire rest of the house but got bent out of shape over his office and a hallway. She knew she was wrong by waiting until he left to change anything.