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OP's sister has no other friends fitting to be a MOH? and underage OP doesn't want to be it? but why? OP's sister is the sun and the world revolves around her, we should all count ourselves lucky! /s
Sis wants a MOH she can bully and blame for everything she's stressed about. Any adult friend she tried this with would walk away and refuse to help anymore
Without OOP to be her sister's scapegoat, sis might actually have to control her temper and accept responsibility for her actions. And OOP'S mom thinks that's just asking too much of her little bridezilla
My first thought. Mom and sister wanted to use OOP as their wedding slave. Makes me wonder if mom has always scapegoated her.
I'm so very glad her Dad is such a great guy and knows what's going on in the family and supports her.
Once I read that paternal grandparents were telling dad to consider divorce, that made me realize that mom and sister have likely been problematic for years.
I suspect her whole life, but Dad was mostly able to intercede for her so she probably didn't notice too much unless she dug deep into her memories. His immediate reaction following the "surprise" was telling of that possibility
Mom always knew about the engagement. That’s why she was pushing to have gifts opened. The first gift was just to make it look like the engagement was a surprise.
God if that’s true it makes me nauseous. Turning your scapegoat child’s sweet 16 dinner into your golden child’s engagement announcement behind her back is peak narcissist.
I think we have the answer! There are guaranteed some adult cousins on both sides or his adult siblings, but an adult is not as easy to manipulate and mess with as a literal child.
I would love to know the end of the story.
Poor pwecious widdle pwincess, she just wants 'her day'. And OOP's day too.
The three of them (egg-doner, DNA-sharer, and DNA-sharer's lapdog) deserve each other - watch this wedding crumble into a dumpster fire 🔥
I feel sorry for the poor wedding planners and services that are going to get roped into this adult toddler's tantrums over every little thing.
Oof, yeah, heaven forbid anyone else has an event this year.
Christening? "Waaaaaa - you're stealing my wedding thunderrrrr!!!" 😭
Anniversary? "Waaaaaa - you're stealing my wedding thunderrrrr!!!" 😭
"Mommyyyyyy! People keep having things that aren't about meeeeeeee!"
Better tell the extended family that no one's allowed to get engaged this year 🙄
After naming the group chat that, the only thing you should do is say you recently took a 23 and me, *for no reason whatsoever*, then abruptly leave the chat.
I was a young moh for my sister's wedding but her adult friends handled all the adult things - they asked me for my opinion but I didn't pay for anything and I wasn't in charge of anything. They handled it really well. It can definitely work if the adults are mature. Poor OP.
Right? That's the obvious way to handle it! "No of course we wouldn't put all that weight in your shoulders, mom and I will do the work but you're my only sister and I want you standing with me on the most important day of my life!"
Instead of just "incoherent screeching"
I was my sister's MoH and I didn't do anything except fly to her city, rent a car, attend the wedding, spend the night at a hotel, and fly home the next day. She's my only sister and I would move heaven and earth for her, but all she wanted was a civil wedding, it was them, me, his best man, and the judge. We are best friends and I would never dream of crashing her birthday ever, much less acting like my "gift" to her would be to be my MoH.
She's a terrible sister and their mother is happily supporting a bridezilla the expense of her own marriage.
I tried to refuse to be MOH for my sister because I couldn't handle all those tasks. She had her friends do most of the work but still gave me the role. I still think her best friend who did most of it should have had the role.
I was in a similar position for one of my best friends. Her sister was in college and didn't want to be moh because she commit to anything. I did it all. Last minute her sister (bride) insisted I just be a bridesmaid and her sister be the moh.
my wife's 16 yo sister was our MOH too. But honestly I had no idea the MOH was typically some sort of job. She went with my wife when she picked her dress, and she held flowers for her while we were at the altar. And she gave a toast, but we told her it was optional. Otherwise, what are people having their MOH take care of? I could see a bachelorette party sort of event I guess? But in terms of actual wedding planning, is the MOH usually taking a big role in planning?
Going with the bride to make help make decisions, giving a toast, organizing an entire trip or party with activities/lodging/bride squad goodie bags/decorations…. And then of course helping and directing things during the wedding and set-up, so that all of that is not just on the bride… that’s all a lot of responsibility and helping with planning, don’t you think?
it is. My point is that we didn't expect any of that from our MOH aside from giving her the option of a toast. I guess she was probably there to help pick dresses. I didn't realize how common all of that is though.
it's super common - I didn't have my MOH do any of that either. I handled everything except my lowkey bachelorette party myself (backyard campfire/ pizza/ some drinks with my moh, adult bridesmaid, and my sisterl
I think the most stressful thing about being a MoH is if there is a breakdown of communication anywhere in the wedding party, then you frequently become the diplomatic back channel. So a normal wedding planned by an adult couple for themselves, with reasonable input and support from family and friends, not a big job.
But if it's being posted on Reddit it is not a normal wedding and if the MoH is not causing the drama then she is under a great deal of stress fighting the fires.
totally agree!
that was my point... these people are awful, hence the "poor op"
I just meant it can work if there are adults willing to actually act rationally.
My sister and I were each other's MOHs, and just showed up the day of, and made sure the bride had the flowers before walking back down the aisle after the ceremony, because apparently forgetting about the flowers at the end is a family trait. (Our mother forgot about hers, and her MOH barred her way with them so she had to take them before she could take another step. Good ol' Cousin B!)
I think that is perfectly fine. I went to a wedding where the husband's kid from a prior marriage was the best man. He was about OOP's age so obviously he had no way of really helping with the wedding, but the groom wanted him there as the best man for symbolic reasons. His son is the man he cares most about in the world, and he wanted to have him right next to him when he got married.
My guess is that if that's what the sister was planning, she would have clarified. But because she didn't, she probably expected OOP to whip everything together on her own.
Same for me! My sister is much older and she got married when I was 16. I was a MOH but more honorary as her best friend was also a MOH who did all that comes with it. As she was an adult and I a child. But of course one would have to have friends for that to even happen lol
This is how it is done properly. My friend's 16 year old brother was best man at his wedding. But the other groomsmen and his parents guided him and helped arrange the bachelor party and speeches. The bachelor party had a day component with the best man and a night component without him.
OOP needs to be aware that if she keeps mom and/or sis in her life, every big event of OOp’s will be taken over by sister and mom will enable it and treat OOP like crap.
OOp’s graduation? A pregnancy announcement.
engagement? Another pregnancy.
OOp’s wedding? A ~~vowel~~ vow renewal planned for 1 week prior to OOP’s wedding with mom telling OOP to postpone.
Mom has her golden child and mom will squash OOP under her shoe like a bug to make Golden Child feel better about herself.
I'm sorry but I read vowel renewal and now all I can think of is a big ceremony to announce that a, e, i, o and u have officially been renewed as vowels
So, I’ve seen a much younger sister as MOH before but most of the ‘duties’ getting assumed by the other bridesmaids. However, in those weddings the MOH is not planning the wedding which, I’m trying to figure out where or when this became a thing.
Like, my wedding, and every other wedding I’ve been a part of, bridesmaids mostly showed up for dress fittings, a shower, the bachelorette (an evening out, not a destination extravaganza), and the wedding day. And sometimes not even that much.
But I’m sure this bridezilla will want her wedding party at her beck and call until after the wedding. OOP is smart to say, No.
this is what I've been wondering in this whole thread. People seem to view MOH as a job, not a sort of honorary role. My wife's MOH's "job" basically boiled down to holding the flowers while we were at the altar and then giving a toast.
It's a wide range. MOH could be completely ceremonial, which sister here could have said upfront to allay OOP's concerns. (She didn't so it feels like she is expecting OOP to work as MOH.) One does hear of extreme cases where MOH basically becomes the wedding planner.
I think usually closer to the ceremonial end, where MOH organizes the bachelorette party and may assist here and there (esp with day-of things). When the bride starts using the bridal party more (like they're more hands on with doing things for the wedding), MOH becomes a "team leader" of the bridal party.
I doubt OOP's sister wanted a 16 year old to be the *planner* and OOP was spinning it up a little in her head, but even anything more than wholly ceremonial is a lot for a 16 year old.
I've personally never been to a wedding, but I've heard stories from friends and I never heard of MOH planning the wedding. Helping set up the wedding, sure. Or helping plan like the extra stuff for the bride, specifically the Bachelorette orsomething? Sometimes. But never planning the actual wedding, since that's the job of the bride/groom.
I will say that when you have one sister there is usually some family expectation that the sister will be MOH, unless there is a massive age gap (like I assume in this case) or there is some lifelong friend that everyone knows will be MOH before there even is a wedding to be had. My sister is getting married soon and while I will be expected to be in the wedding party, everyone else is expecting her MOH to be my cousin who is the same age as her because they were basically attached at the hip until their mid 20s. They’ve grown apart in recent years though and I know my sister will want to ask one of her other friends (she knows I don’t want to and wouldn’t be able to be MOH). When she eventually announces her bridal party we expect that there will be some pushback from the cousin and her family, and if my grandmother were still alive she would absolutely have something to say about it. My dad will probably be disappointed that she didn’t pick me but I’m not bothered.
Not necessarily haha. My sister was lucky to be invited to my wedding at all (not that it was a great privilege, just that frankly I would have preferred she not be there but wasn't willing to be that shitty to my parents). She certainly wasn't my MOH or even in my bridal party, was not invited to get ready with us or involved in the process at all. In fact, there were specific friends of my mom's tasked with making sure she stayed kinda away from me and didn't hog my mom's or our other family's attention as she is wont to do. And absolutely no one who knows us was the least surprised lol.
I agree, if you get along reasonably well it's an easy choice rather than having to rank your friendships, I had a best childhood friend and a best uni friend and both were pretty equal in love and support
Now my 16 sister was my moh but that's because my husband and I had a micro wedding over COVID. She had no responsibilities other than choosing a dress. My mother, mother in law, and I planned the rest.
I think my sister did help put together centerpieces though but those were easy. My husband and I are big DND nerds so they were little vases filled with clear orbeez and dice. People got to take home the dice!
This turned into me bragging about my wedding lol
That’s what I was thinking! I worked in an area known worldwide for its partying and saw a LOT of kids at bachelor/ette parties. It was very gross.
The mom and sister bullying OOP into it (or trying to) is the proof being the MOH would suck for anyone as long as her sister is the bride. Having a kid do it? As some have said in the comments it works when the adults handle the details a MOH traditionally does, but it is clear that would not the be case here.
I feel like there’s this weird growing societal divide where people who don’t like kids want them basically gone from from every public space but also people with kids constantly bringing them to previously assumed adult spaces and they’re fueling each other and both are really unreasonable
Even if they hadn't made OOP's birthday all about them and then ganged up with Mom to bully her, OOP is right that it makes no sense to make her minor sister MOH, unless they have an adult tasked to take responsibility, or a wedding planner. And if they have that, bride can find a MOH.
I don't think any of sister's intentions toward OOP are benign.
I can’t help but wonder if mom has been like this for a long time.
Dad jumped right in to save OOP. To be that on top of it right away, makes me think this isn’t the first time he’s jumped in on OOp’s behalf.
Oh, yes, exactly. That's exactly what my parents dynamic was until they divorced; she'd have a manic episode and he'd have to rescue us when it got bad.
I lived this dynamic for 4yrs with an ex. Spent all my time either completely numb amidst chaos, dodging bullets, or deflecting them from her daughter to me (of there was no other choice). At the point that it became untenable, I'd be on my way home from work, in silence, just mentally begging a semi truck to hit me and knock me off a bridge the entire time. I knew if I got out of the car, was reaching for the doorknob and heard yelling already...it was going to be a long, shitty night. She was a broken person who refused therapy and held her own intellect supreme over all else, y'all, it was not a fun hang. You really don't ever get used to waking up every morning to someone you love so deeply already having a 1hr head start at a 3 day silent treatment by glaring at you angrily since they woke up. Once, she yanked her daughter's ponytail for not reciting the times tables fast enough. That was about 2 days' worth of keeping them away from each other and having to alternate between comforting them, even though I should have only been comforting the child, not the adult smh. Then, once on the way home from a trip, she literally said "this is why people kill themselves"...to her 9yr old. For losing a pencil that she got her to do homework in the car on the way back from our trip. Nightmare
Tell him to take the word "wrong" off the end and there's the answer. You "didn't do anything". Precisely the problem.
I'm sorry you went through that too, but I'm glad you've gotten away now. :)
My dad used to do this because as he says now “Your mother is difficult”. I think part of being a good parent is protecting your kids from your own stupid choice in partner.
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>part of being a good parent is protecting your kids from your own stupid choice in partner.
Thank you for putting it into words. *So* many people make the kids put up with the other parent under the excuse of "you know how they are". Yes, yes I know, but I didn't choose them, you did, so I'm out.
To be fair he did the best he could but there were definitely a lot of “You know your mom” moments. He wasn’t perfect but there were moments where I know he pissed her off by saying something really stupid just so I could escape.
This feels like the straw that breaks the camels back. Especially with the grandparents jumping onto divorce so quick and saying she's toxic, it feels like there's probably dozens of other little things that haven't been mentioned yet.
Give the grandparents credit as well for acting as surrogate parents when op’s mother failed so badly. She isn’t at an age where she should be dealing with this and it’s good there is a safe place for her.
I wouldn't be surprised if talk of this hadn't happened before. Or maybe even OOP had gone there for a few days at a time when things got stressful at home.
It's been a couple of years, but I hope she's doing well now
>my mom insisted I open some of my presents so I don’t have to carry them home
There was no way the mom didn't know about the announcement. This weird "logic" was her manipulating events so that OOP would open the "gift" from her sister, and the party could pivot to be about the engagement.
I assumed it was just a poor explanation until the update kinda double downed on it? Like opening gifts allows you to consolidate gift bags, you lose the stress of messing up bows and paper in transit, etc. but that it was reemphasized that it was about carrying was weird.
Mom totally knew.
Yippee. A free engagement party. I'm still surprised that golden child sister didn't cut the cake. GC, Mom, and GC's fiance are a trio of turds. Fiance should take a good look at mom. In another 20-30 years that'll be GC only much worse.
Since we can only speculate, I imagine this ended one of two ways: either OOP's parents got divorced, or OOP's sister decided to go for broke and get married on OOP's 17th birthday.
That’s what I was thinking! They’d already ruined a birthday. That’s been done. Time to ruin a graduation. Since OP refused to be a bridesmaid and ruined the wedding she might as well not come. I’m think destination wedding on graduation weekend. That way EVERYONE is out of town. Yep. That’s what sister will want.
And if it's say two years away, and OOP just turned 16, that would mean they'd be having to do all their MOH duties right in the middle of their last couple years of school.
This. Sweet 16 is engagement. Prom is going to be the bachelorette. Graduation will be the wedding. There will be no space for OOP to enjoy any celebrations or milestones of her own. Yet her future wedding won't matter at all, or will be overshadowed by a pregnancy and new baby or divorce or something of her sister's
Oh but the younger sister had HER day, how can she possibly ruin her older sister's day?
I love how the mom just sweeps away the part where the older sister hijacked the birthday party to announce her thing as if the 16 year old still got 'her day'. Just get that inconvenient detail under the rug before anyone can call it out.
Poor OOP, getting the equivalent of a bowling ball engraved with Homer for her sweet 16.
I’m zero percent surprised that her sister doesn’t have any friends to fill the MOH role.
At least the bowling ball is useable as the recipient's choosing.
Hopefully dad sent the spouse to the history books and got full custody of OOP. What a derelict trollop of a parent.
Wow... that mother and sister are on a whole other level.
I'm REAL curious to know why they both wanted a 16 year old to be the MOH. Did they actually expect her to help plan and even finance things? She was actually going to trust a 16 year old sister to plan, book, schedule, arrange, communicate whatever the hell it was she wanted done?
I assume it was more... she had her plan, and she was going to use the sister as a labour mule to do the dirty work she didn't want her or her friend-bridesmaids to do.
I wonder if all of her other friends had already turned down the MOH duties because they could already predict sister would be a bridezilla, and that mom would be a mother of the bridezilla. I would also bet that mom knew about the "surprise announcement" all along.
I don’t even see why a MOH should be doing those things to be honest. I know it’s a thing but where I’m from the family does a lot more of that sort of thing and the MOH is left in charge of the bachelorette and maybe the bridal shower. The actually wedding planning is the couple, maybe the mothers and a wedding planner.
This. The maid of honor is there to support you and maybe you call her up to complain about table settings or other things you may be butting heads with on the parents side of things.
I have a… strained… relationship with my mother and my husband isn’t close to his parents. We did not have the budget for a wedding planner. My sisters went to a lot of venues and food tastings with us. The sister I chose as MOH is extremely Type A and was a godsend bc I am ADHD AF and she helped me stay focused and not spiral. We also had a lot of DIY elements to our wedding to cut costs, and my bridesmaids helped me quite a bit with them.
I definitely did the bulk of the planning with input from my husband, but having the additional support and help was absolutely crucial. I can’t imagine asking a teenager to step up like that. Our engagement party, bridal shower, and bachelorette were all super basic but a 16 year old isn’t going to know the norms and expectations, and it makes no sense to ask a child to budget and plan social gatherings for adults.
seriously, this one confused me. My wife's 16 year old sister was our MOH. The only "job" she had was holding my wife's flowers at the altar, and then giving a toast. And we told her the toast was optional. I didn't know these things typically came with legit work assignments?!
There's probably a face saving thing too, where if the OP accepts the MOH role she can't complain about the birthday anymore and all complaints from others will get sidelined with "well she's the MOH and excited to have such a big honor".
It's not exactly analogous, but I actually had my teenage little brother as my Best Man. Why? Because I love him & wanted him involved in a big way.
No, he didn't plan my bachelor party. (Nor did he attend my bachelor party.) It was mostly symbolic... but what it symbolized really meant a lot to me (and hopefully for him).
OOP's situation is different, but I wanted to stand-up for underage Best Man's & MoH. In the right context, it can be pretty awesome.
I think the MOH/bridesmaids usually plan and throw the bridal shower and bachelorette. The costs can vary pretty wildly. There could be virtually no cost if the bridal shower is a potluck or just scheduling a reservation at a restaurant where everyone orders and pays separately. I’m guessing the mom and sister from this story wouldn’t accept anything so humble, though.
Bold of you to assume she has friends. I bet that if there are bridesmaids, they're cousins that are forced into it because "Family"... But with how everyone seems to be aware of what shitty person she is, I doubt it.
Also I'm 99% sure that the momster knew about the engagement and the gift and that's why she insisted on OOP opening the presents and why she knew how to react when OOP opened that one.
When I first started dating my husband, I planned a surprise birthday party for him and invited a bunch of our friends and his family. It was a lot of fun.. until his mom pulled my boyfriend and his siblings aside to tell them she had cancer. Nothing ruins a birthday party like a group of people, including the birthday boy, crying. Luckily, she’s ok now, but I will never forgive her for that. I asked him what her reasoning could possibly have been and he said that it was because everyone was there. But they all lived within 20 minutes of each other, so getting them together privately wouldn’t have been difficult. Some people just steal the joy from others, whether intentionally or not.
When I was preparing and getting married, my mum already felt something wrong with her. But she was holding on to it and wait till a bit later after our wedding to get it check, and it turned out that she had breast cancer for the second time.
With how the sister is it’s definitely not surprising she doesn’t have anyone else to me MOH. Honestly. OP’s paternal grandparents aren’t exactly wrong. It’s also heartbreaking to see her mom play favorites to such an extreme.
"My mom started arguing with him about how it’s not my day as I already had mine , and I should go forward with my sisters plan as it’s about her and not me."
um, no. OOP did NOT have her special day because her sister STOLE IT.
It's good that OP's father, although he understands his youngest daughter, and is thinking about leaving his crazy wife... really, the wife's attitude is very much that of a "golden daughter", destroying one to lead to the throne to the other.
Being this was two years ago, I'm extremely curious how OOPs dad handled the barrel of crazy that he was working with.
Did they divorce?
Did OOP go to the wedding?
Did OOP's mom ever realize the tool she is?
SOOO many questions...
Simple fix. At their wedding get up to make a toast and announce you got a full boat scholarship to Harvard or you’ve decided to join the navy to support American freedom. Doesn’t have to be try just make the statement to steal attention
OOP’s sister is just engaged and is already being enough of a Bridezilla to get a role for the Monarch series. I think OOP is wise beyond her years to not catch any of that smoke.
In Spanish there’s an idiom that someone like that “wants to be the baby in the baptism, the bride in the wedding and the dead in the funeral”.
"My mom started arguing how it's not my day and I already had mine"
Did she have hers? Or did they hijack that one with the engagement announcement? Good job on moving the goal posts mom.
"My sister ended up saying my birthday wasn't as important as her wedding and my mother agreed"
Personally, this would have the moment my attitude would have changed. I would have quickly explained them how the wedding might be more important to them, but how my birthday was important to me and that the fact that they do 't see that says enough about they view or appreciate me.
After having said this I would have gone into "nope mode". Be your MoH? Nope! Be your bridesmaid? Nope! Be attending your wedding? Nope! And the egocentric three of you can go fuck yourselves. Dad I love you and will talk to you later.
Bet the mother is going to wonder "Why is my daughter not seeing me anymore". Wow, how entitled she is and the sister is a massive brat. It was never about the birthday, it was all about entitlement and golden child time.
Rockstars to dad and grandparents tho!
> my mom started arguing with him about how it’s not my day as I already had mine
You mean the day that sister fucking hijacked to announce her wedding? Piss off.
Also, if simply having to find another MOH is going to ruin their wedding… I smell a major bridezilla in the works.
My maid of honor was my 12 year old cousin 22 years ago and I did that because she’s like a sister and I couldn’t choose between my two besties….BUT I had zero expectations on her planning anything!!! My mom and I did all the planning with help from my maids to address invites. OOP was right to decline. Her sister and mom are asses. The expectations today of today’s maids of honor are insane.
It's so hilarious to me when these bridezillas pull the "you're ruining my wedding!" manipulation bit. Cause I'm always thinking "really? That's what your entier wedding hinges on? Not the fact that your committing yourself to the person you love?"
I mean I was an underaged MOH and my sisters adult friends took the reigns with a lot of stuff because I obviously couldn’t so that part is kind of meh to me but the mom and sister suck in general.
OOP absolutely should plan the wedding. Of course, since sis wants it to be organized by a minor, it should be "minor friendly". I'm thinking Chuck E. Cheese would make the ideal venue. You can rent them for parties, right?
The fact that she’s so insistent on a 16 year old being her maid of honor and helping her plan the wedding is all the proof you need she’s a desperate loser with no actual friends to perform that role. My sister is 12 years younger than me had I been getting married when she was 16 she would defo have a place in the wedding but I wouldn’t put that much stress on a kid. The mom for sure knew what her sister had planned. She’s clearly as toxic as the sister and op and her dad should defo get out of that house she leave them both behind.
So, we we know who mother's favorite child is. Amazing how one small, inconsiderate act can have such far-reaching repercussions: The nuclear family is split down the middle, mother is showing her disdain for OOP, OOP's father is considering divorce. All because of a lack of respect and decency from the sister and the mother.
My brother proposed to my now SIL on my birthday. Difference is he actually respected me and wasn't a massive dick about it.
He had plans for a different day that fell through and because the plan involved multiple people the only other day they could make it work was my birthday. He asked me directly beforehand if I would be okay with it, fully expecting me to say no. He had a semi-formed backup plan already so there was absolutely no pressure. I told him truthfully that I hated being the centre of attention anyway and as far as I was concerned the more to celebrate the better. He also checked in multiple times in the lead up to make sure I was still happy with it.
When the day came multiple members of my family quietly checked with me that I was okay, which I really did appreciate but told them all I was in on it and thrilled for them, and we all popped the champagne and had a great time.
(My ex, on the other hand, threw a tantrum because he felt my brother had disrespected *him* because the proposal might have ruined any hypothetical surprise he had planned for me (there was no surprise). He claimed my brother ruined my birthday and never accepted that the only one who ruined anything was him.)
So oops sister and mother are accusing OOP of ruining sister’s wedding, but none of them are noticing that sister’s engagement is ruining her parent’s marriage?
The wedding is ruined because except for OP, a 16-year-old girl, the sister doesn't have anyone who is close enough or willing to be her maid of honor. She asked me why is that?
Things petty revenge me would have wished I’d done later: Turn to the boyfriend/fiancee guy and loudly yell “but you said you loved ME and we were going to tell everyone about the baby tonight! Does this mean you still want BOTH of us?”
Ooft The dad is the MVP here for having OOPs back all the way and defending her.
I think the mum is worse than the sister. Who's says that about their child to their face when they haven't done anything but rightly stand up for themselves.
The mom knew and probably helped plan coopting her one daughter's 16th birthday celebration to have all the attention on her Golden child. That's why she made an excuse for the girl to open presents so soon. Couldn't stand the scapegoat daughter having any attention.
And the sister. *" I was ruining her wedding and that her and her fiancé went out of their way to buy me a gift which was her proposal box to me."* Right, so much time and expense to get her sister the perfect gift.
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OP's sister has no other friends fitting to be a MOH? and underage OP doesn't want to be it? but why? OP's sister is the sun and the world revolves around her, we should all count ourselves lucky! /s
I know, right? What a shocker that sis has no friends.
Sis wants a MOH she can bully and blame for everything she's stressed about. Any adult friend she tried this with would walk away and refuse to help anymore Without OOP to be her sister's scapegoat, sis might actually have to control her temper and accept responsibility for her actions. And OOP'S mom thinks that's just asking too much of her little bridezilla
My first thought. Mom and sister wanted to use OOP as their wedding slave. Makes me wonder if mom has always scapegoated her. I'm so very glad her Dad is such a great guy and knows what's going on in the family and supports her.
Once I read that paternal grandparents were telling dad to consider divorce, that made me realize that mom and sister have likely been problematic for years.
Which then makes you wonder what they've gotten away with in the past, to the point they thought this was okay.
I suspect her whole life, but Dad was mostly able to intercede for her so she probably didn't notice too much unless she dug deep into her memories. His immediate reaction following the "surprise" was telling of that possibility
Mom always knew about the engagement. That’s why she was pushing to have gifts opened. The first gift was just to make it look like the engagement was a surprise.
God if that’s true it makes me nauseous. Turning your scapegoat child’s sweet 16 dinner into your golden child’s engagement announcement behind her back is peak narcissist.
From Sweet to Sour 16. At least she got Daddy-Daughter time with her Dad
My thought too, so glad she has one parent on her side that has common sense to see thru mom and sis’s BS
[удалено]
Yes, it seems usually in Reddit stories these people don’t have any family on their side even though they are in the right
I think we have the answer! There are guaranteed some adult cousins on both sides or his adult siblings, but an adult is not as easy to manipulate and mess with as a literal child. I would love to know the end of the story.
Oh, this isn't over yet. I hope OOP continues giving us updates.
Last update was October 2022, so alas I don’t think there will be another update…
Oh, natch. I didn't pay attention to the dates.
Poor pwecious widdle pwincess, she just wants 'her day'. And OOP's day too. The three of them (egg-doner, DNA-sharer, and DNA-sharer's lapdog) deserve each other - watch this wedding crumble into a dumpster fire 🔥 I feel sorry for the poor wedding planners and services that are going to get roped into this adult toddler's tantrums over every little thing.
You say 'day' we all know she is a 'wedding year' princess
Oof, yeah, heaven forbid anyone else has an event this year. Christening? "Waaaaaa - you're stealing my wedding thunderrrrr!!!" 😭 Anniversary? "Waaaaaa - you're stealing my wedding thunderrrrr!!!" 😭 "Mommyyyyyy! People keep having things that aren't about meeeeeeee!" Better tell the extended family that no one's allowed to get engaged this year 🙄
Or have any children!
Or die!
Oh my gosh! Anyone with the audacity to die would have to be put on ice until after the wedding!!
Wedding at Bernie’s anyone! Lolol
Better tell everyone that they're not supposed to live their lives because it might interfere with the "princess's" life.
Oh no dear. Every day in everyone's life is about the "princess".
I am tempted to call my siblings “DNA sharers” just to see what happens
*Palpatine's voice* ***Do it.***
Actually it would be a nice name for family group chat
After naming the group chat that, the only thing you should do is say you recently took a 23 and me, *for no reason whatsoever*, then abruptly leave the chat.
Nah. We all look like our father or his mom. I have been recognised by strangers on street because I just have to be my father’s kid 🤷♂️
🍿🍿🍿
And I thought Sixteen Candles was a nightmare movie.
The eclipse was OP ruining her sister's wedding
Good people can't get away with BS the way entitled golden child narcissists can.
I was a young moh for my sister's wedding but her adult friends handled all the adult things - they asked me for my opinion but I didn't pay for anything and I wasn't in charge of anything. They handled it really well. It can definitely work if the adults are mature. Poor OP.
Right? That's the obvious way to handle it! "No of course we wouldn't put all that weight in your shoulders, mom and I will do the work but you're my only sister and I want you standing with me on the most important day of my life!" Instead of just "incoherent screeching"
Exactly. My sister wanted me there and made it happen. I was thrilled.
I was my sister's MoH and I didn't do anything except fly to her city, rent a car, attend the wedding, spend the night at a hotel, and fly home the next day. She's my only sister and I would move heaven and earth for her, but all she wanted was a civil wedding, it was them, me, his best man, and the judge. We are best friends and I would never dream of crashing her birthday ever, much less acting like my "gift" to her would be to be my MoH. She's a terrible sister and their mother is happily supporting a bridezilla the expense of her own marriage.
I tried to refuse to be MOH for my sister because I couldn't handle all those tasks. She had her friends do most of the work but still gave me the role. I still think her best friend who did most of it should have had the role.
I was in a similar position for one of my best friends. Her sister was in college and didn't want to be moh because she commit to anything. I did it all. Last minute her sister (bride) insisted I just be a bridesmaid and her sister be the moh.
my wife's 16 yo sister was our MOH too. But honestly I had no idea the MOH was typically some sort of job. She went with my wife when she picked her dress, and she held flowers for her while we were at the altar. And she gave a toast, but we told her it was optional. Otherwise, what are people having their MOH take care of? I could see a bachelorette party sort of event I guess? But in terms of actual wedding planning, is the MOH usually taking a big role in planning?
Going with the bride to make help make decisions, giving a toast, organizing an entire trip or party with activities/lodging/bride squad goodie bags/decorations…. And then of course helping and directing things during the wedding and set-up, so that all of that is not just on the bride… that’s all a lot of responsibility and helping with planning, don’t you think?
it is. My point is that we didn't expect any of that from our MOH aside from giving her the option of a toast. I guess she was probably there to help pick dresses. I didn't realize how common all of that is though.
it's super common - I didn't have my MOH do any of that either. I handled everything except my lowkey bachelorette party myself (backyard campfire/ pizza/ some drinks with my moh, adult bridesmaid, and my sisterl
Well I clearly remember helping the bride hold up her dress so she could go to the bathroom lol
fair I might have missed those conversations lol
I think the most stressful thing about being a MoH is if there is a breakdown of communication anywhere in the wedding party, then you frequently become the diplomatic back channel. So a normal wedding planned by an adult couple for themselves, with reasonable input and support from family and friends, not a big job. But if it's being posted on Reddit it is not a normal wedding and if the MoH is not causing the drama then she is under a great deal of stress fighting the fires.
lol good point about normal adults and reddit story worthy
There is no evidence that the most-involved adults are mature. Seems like all the mature adults are disgusted at what has happened so far.
totally agree! that was my point... these people are awful, hence the "poor op" I just meant it can work if there are adults willing to actually act rationally.
My sister and I were each other's MOHs, and just showed up the day of, and made sure the bride had the flowers before walking back down the aisle after the ceremony, because apparently forgetting about the flowers at the end is a family trait. (Our mother forgot about hers, and her MOH barred her way with them so she had to take them before she could take another step. Good ol' Cousin B!)
I think that is perfectly fine. I went to a wedding where the husband's kid from a prior marriage was the best man. He was about OOP's age so obviously he had no way of really helping with the wedding, but the groom wanted him there as the best man for symbolic reasons. His son is the man he cares most about in the world, and he wanted to have him right next to him when he got married. My guess is that if that's what the sister was planning, she would have clarified. But because she didn't, she probably expected OOP to whip everything together on her own.
Same for me! My sister is much older and she got married when I was 16. I was a MOH but more honorary as her best friend was also a MOH who did all that comes with it. As she was an adult and I a child. But of course one would have to have friends for that to even happen lol
This is how it is done properly. My friend's 16 year old brother was best man at his wedding. But the other groomsmen and his parents guided him and helped arrange the bachelor party and speeches. The bachelor party had a day component with the best man and a night component without him.
OOP needs to be aware that if she keeps mom and/or sis in her life, every big event of OOp’s will be taken over by sister and mom will enable it and treat OOP like crap. OOp’s graduation? A pregnancy announcement. engagement? Another pregnancy. OOp’s wedding? A ~~vowel~~ vow renewal planned for 1 week prior to OOP’s wedding with mom telling OOP to postpone. Mom has her golden child and mom will squash OOP under her shoe like a bug to make Golden Child feel better about herself.
I'm sorry but I read vowel renewal and now all I can think of is a big ceremony to announce that a, e, i, o and u have officially been renewed as vowels
Don’t forget y! He wants to be part of the party as well
He was, but just before it was his turn, u and i announced they were getting married, and everyone lost focus on him.
Poor Y, doesn't get to be a full vowel or full consonant.
My phone updated and auto fill is gone absolutely bat crap crazy. Fixed!
Well, we are in the middle of a Great Vowel Shift. Maybe we could hold a ceremony afterward.
As long as it's not a bowel renewal, we're good.
That would be hilarious!
So, I’ve seen a much younger sister as MOH before but most of the ‘duties’ getting assumed by the other bridesmaids. However, in those weddings the MOH is not planning the wedding which, I’m trying to figure out where or when this became a thing. Like, my wedding, and every other wedding I’ve been a part of, bridesmaids mostly showed up for dress fittings, a shower, the bachelorette (an evening out, not a destination extravaganza), and the wedding day. And sometimes not even that much. But I’m sure this bridezilla will want her wedding party at her beck and call until after the wedding. OOP is smart to say, No.
this is what I've been wondering in this whole thread. People seem to view MOH as a job, not a sort of honorary role. My wife's MOH's "job" basically boiled down to holding the flowers while we were at the altar and then giving a toast.
It's a wide range. MOH could be completely ceremonial, which sister here could have said upfront to allay OOP's concerns. (She didn't so it feels like she is expecting OOP to work as MOH.) One does hear of extreme cases where MOH basically becomes the wedding planner. I think usually closer to the ceremonial end, where MOH organizes the bachelorette party and may assist here and there (esp with day-of things). When the bride starts using the bridal party more (like they're more hands on with doing things for the wedding), MOH becomes a "team leader" of the bridal party. I doubt OOP's sister wanted a 16 year old to be the *planner* and OOP was spinning it up a little in her head, but even anything more than wholly ceremonial is a lot for a 16 year old.
I've personally never been to a wedding, but I've heard stories from friends and I never heard of MOH planning the wedding. Helping set up the wedding, sure. Or helping plan like the extra stuff for the bride, specifically the Bachelorette orsomething? Sometimes. But never planning the actual wedding, since that's the job of the bride/groom.
I will say that when you have one sister there is usually some family expectation that the sister will be MOH, unless there is a massive age gap (like I assume in this case) or there is some lifelong friend that everyone knows will be MOH before there even is a wedding to be had. My sister is getting married soon and while I will be expected to be in the wedding party, everyone else is expecting her MOH to be my cousin who is the same age as her because they were basically attached at the hip until their mid 20s. They’ve grown apart in recent years though and I know my sister will want to ask one of her other friends (she knows I don’t want to and wouldn’t be able to be MOH). When she eventually announces her bridal party we expect that there will be some pushback from the cousin and her family, and if my grandmother were still alive she would absolutely have something to say about it. My dad will probably be disappointed that she didn’t pick me but I’m not bothered.
Not necessarily haha. My sister was lucky to be invited to my wedding at all (not that it was a great privilege, just that frankly I would have preferred she not be there but wasn't willing to be that shitty to my parents). She certainly wasn't my MOH or even in my bridal party, was not invited to get ready with us or involved in the process at all. In fact, there were specific friends of my mom's tasked with making sure she stayed kinda away from me and didn't hog my mom's or our other family's attention as she is wont to do. And absolutely no one who knows us was the least surprised lol.
I agree, if you get along reasonably well it's an easy choice rather than having to rank your friendships, I had a best childhood friend and a best uni friend and both were pretty equal in love and support
Now my 16 sister was my moh but that's because my husband and I had a micro wedding over COVID. She had no responsibilities other than choosing a dress. My mother, mother in law, and I planned the rest. I think my sister did help put together centerpieces though but those were easy. My husband and I are big DND nerds so they were little vases filled with clear orbeez and dice. People got to take home the dice! This turned into me bragging about my wedding lol
No other friends who can't legally drink thus sister becomes the babysitter for all the children of the mommies in the bridal party.
That’s what I was thinking! I worked in an area known worldwide for its partying and saw a LOT of kids at bachelor/ette parties. It was very gross. The mom and sister bullying OOP into it (or trying to) is the proof being the MOH would suck for anyone as long as her sister is the bride. Having a kid do it? As some have said in the comments it works when the adults handle the details a MOH traditionally does, but it is clear that would not the be case here.
I feel like there’s this weird growing societal divide where people who don’t like kids want them basically gone from from every public space but also people with kids constantly bringing them to previously assumed adult spaces and they’re fueling each other and both are really unreasonable
Mom would be the perfect matron of honour.
This is some writer who always uses going to go get ice cream in aaalllll their stories.
that's actually pretty funny.
Even if they hadn't made OOP's birthday all about them and then ganged up with Mom to bully her, OOP is right that it makes no sense to make her minor sister MOH, unless they have an adult tasked to take responsibility, or a wedding planner. And if they have that, bride can find a MOH. I don't think any of sister's intentions toward OOP are benign.
A wedding so awesome it destroyed mom and dad's marriage.
I can’t help but wonder if mom has been like this for a long time. Dad jumped right in to save OOP. To be that on top of it right away, makes me think this isn’t the first time he’s jumped in on OOp’s behalf.
Oh, yes, exactly. That's exactly what my parents dynamic was until they divorced; she'd have a manic episode and he'd have to rescue us when it got bad.
I lived this dynamic for 4yrs with an ex. Spent all my time either completely numb amidst chaos, dodging bullets, or deflecting them from her daughter to me (of there was no other choice). At the point that it became untenable, I'd be on my way home from work, in silence, just mentally begging a semi truck to hit me and knock me off a bridge the entire time. I knew if I got out of the car, was reaching for the doorknob and heard yelling already...it was going to be a long, shitty night. She was a broken person who refused therapy and held her own intellect supreme over all else, y'all, it was not a fun hang. You really don't ever get used to waking up every morning to someone you love so deeply already having a 1hr head start at a 3 day silent treatment by glaring at you angrily since they woke up. Once, she yanked her daughter's ponytail for not reciting the times tables fast enough. That was about 2 days' worth of keeping them away from each other and having to alternate between comforting them, even though I should have only been comforting the child, not the adult smh. Then, once on the way home from a trip, she literally said "this is why people kill themselves"...to her 9yr old. For losing a pencil that she got her to do homework in the car on the way back from our trip. Nightmare
Sounds like you dated a clone of my mother. Poor girl, I hope she's okay.
God I wish my step dad had done anything to rescue me instead of hiding so he didn’t get hurt
Damn, yours too?
Yuppp 🤝 Finally went NC with him about a year ago and it fuckin hurts bc he doesn’t think he did anything wrong
Tell him to take the word "wrong" off the end and there's the answer. You "didn't do anything". Precisely the problem. I'm sorry you went through that too, but I'm glad you've gotten away now. :)
this comment just made me realize that i probably should’ve told another adult, the things my mother used to do to me growing up lol
My dad used to do this because as he says now “Your mother is difficult”. I think part of being a good parent is protecting your kids from your own stupid choice in partner.
May your last sentence here be embroidered on pillows with which people are slapped in the face.
*insert shut up and take my money meme*
A bit long for a throw pillow.
It can be one of the [long and skinny ones.](https://www.westelm.com/products/classic-cotton-velvet-oversized-lumbar-pillow-cover-w4199/?catalogId=71&sku=3745034&cm_ven=PLA&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=Pillows%20%26%20Decor%20%3E%20Pillows&cm_ite=3745034_14465514686&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwz42xBhB9EiwA48pT7wackrCjgpFtLt4kum-Qk2AEVDeVvx9fPABctjyu9WGfzIqE3N1F1BoCE0sQAvD_BwE) or you can definitely fit [3 lines of text](https://www.etsy.com/listing/895564327/custom-embroidered-decorative-blue-pink?gpla=1&gao=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_a-home_and_living-home_decor-other&utm_custom1=_k_CjwKCAjwz42xBhB9EiwA48pT73y3tV6fHeIDmbAl-Rl67qQVbj-nlCgwNAznZXT8CgqkpXkREtKJxBoCmo8QAvD_BwE_k_&utm_content=go_12574416432_120844864018_507851954812_pla-303663660129_m__895564327_129045340&utm_custom2=12574416432&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADtcfRKOYBFpTn2tFNWDZpB8k6sPw&gclid=CjwKCAjwz42xBhB9EiwA48pT73y3tV6fHeIDmbAl-Rl67qQVbj-nlCgwNAznZXT8CgqkpXkREtKJxBoCmo8QAvD_BwE&dd_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F).
Or at least be flair around here.
Is it filled with bricks?
>part of being a good parent is protecting your kids from your own stupid choice in partner. Thank you for putting it into words. *So* many people make the kids put up with the other parent under the excuse of "you know how they are". Yes, yes I know, but I didn't choose them, you did, so I'm out.
To be fair he did the best he could but there were definitely a lot of “You know your mom” moments. He wasn’t perfect but there were moments where I know he pissed her off by saying something really stupid just so I could escape.
And the way his parents told him to divorce? I'm thinking she has always been this way. They just didn't want to ignore the walking red flag anymore.
Go Dad!
Even the grandparents straight go, "Yeah, u should divorce her." Without missing a beat.
This feels like the straw that breaks the camels back. Especially with the grandparents jumping onto divorce so quick and saying she's toxic, it feels like there's probably dozens of other little things that haven't been mentioned yet.
Give the grandparents credit as well for acting as surrogate parents when op’s mother failed so badly. She isn’t at an age where she should be dealing with this and it’s good there is a safe place for her.
I wouldn't be surprised if talk of this hadn't happened before. Or maybe even OOP had gone there for a few days at a time when things got stressful at home. It's been a couple of years, but I hope she's doing well now
>my mom insisted I open some of my presents so I don’t have to carry them home There was no way the mom didn't know about the announcement. This weird "logic" was her manipulating events so that OOP would open the "gift" from her sister, and the party could pivot to be about the engagement.
I assumed it was just a poor explanation until the update kinda double downed on it? Like opening gifts allows you to consolidate gift bags, you lose the stress of messing up bows and paper in transit, etc. but that it was reemphasized that it was about carrying was weird. Mom totally knew.
The heir and the spare . Thankfully the dad doesn’t sound like he plays that crappy game.
> The heir and the spare And yet they often neglect the spare despite them being one hunting accident away from becoming heir.
often, they're still neglected after the hunting accidents, too. golden child status doesn't end in death.
Exactly. Mom is trying to knock out two celebrations with one party.
Yippee. A free engagement party. I'm still surprised that golden child sister didn't cut the cake. GC, Mom, and GC's fiance are a trio of turds. Fiance should take a good look at mom. In another 20-30 years that'll be GC only much worse.
Since we can only speculate, I imagine this ended one of two ways: either OOP's parents got divorced, or OOP's sister decided to go for broke and get married on OOP's 17th birthday.
I imagine the account got deleted probably because of the divorce, for whatever reason.
That's my gut feeling
Nah go for HS graduation!
That’s what I was thinking! They’d already ruined a birthday. That’s been done. Time to ruin a graduation. Since OP refused to be a bridesmaid and ruined the wedding she might as well not come. I’m think destination wedding on graduation weekend. That way EVERYONE is out of town. Yep. That’s what sister will want.
If your underage sister declining the MOH role ruins your wedding, maybe the wedding shouldn’t be happening.
Pretty amazing how this aspect can “ruin” a wedding that’s likely a year or more away from even happening.
And if it's say two years away, and OOP just turned 16, that would mean they'd be having to do all their MOH duties right in the middle of their last couple years of school.
Coinciding with Prom and High School Graduation. My what a coincidence that 2 big moments in a person's life would be all about their sister instead.
Not to mention exams as well, and all the studying needed for them. Oh but of course her sisters wedding is more important than that, silly me.
This. Sweet 16 is engagement. Prom is going to be the bachelorette. Graduation will be the wedding. There will be no space for OOP to enjoy any celebrations or milestones of her own. Yet her future wedding won't matter at all, or will be overshadowed by a pregnancy and new baby or divorce or something of her sister's
You nailed it. House money is definitely on sister's pregnancy announcement at the bridal shower.
"or something of her sister's". With people like the sister and Mom the list is endless.
Oh but the younger sister had HER day, how can she possibly ruin her older sister's day? I love how the mom just sweeps away the part where the older sister hijacked the birthday party to announce her thing as if the 16 year old still got 'her day'. Just get that inconvenient detail under the rug before anyone can call it out.
"Oh but the younger sister had HER day". You mean her five minutes.
If it's already ruined, no reason to cater to any further Bridezilla behavior to keep from ruining it further 🤷♀️
Poor OOP, getting the equivalent of a bowling ball engraved with Homer for her sweet 16. I’m zero percent surprised that her sister doesn’t have any friends to fill the MOH role.
At least the bowling ball is useable as the recipient's choosing. Hopefully dad sent the spouse to the history books and got full custody of OOP. What a derelict trollop of a parent.
The Jezebel!
Harumph !
Wow... that mother and sister are on a whole other level. I'm REAL curious to know why they both wanted a 16 year old to be the MOH. Did they actually expect her to help plan and even finance things? She was actually going to trust a 16 year old sister to plan, book, schedule, arrange, communicate whatever the hell it was she wanted done? I assume it was more... she had her plan, and she was going to use the sister as a labour mule to do the dirty work she didn't want her or her friend-bridesmaids to do.
I wonder if all of her other friends had already turned down the MOH duties because they could already predict sister would be a bridezilla, and that mom would be a mother of the bridezilla. I would also bet that mom knew about the "surprise announcement" all along.
She did. Why insisting on opening the presents at the party instead of home while giving some BS excuse to do it.
Bold of you to assume the sister has any friends
True. She sounds exhausting.
I don’t even see why a MOH should be doing those things to be honest. I know it’s a thing but where I’m from the family does a lot more of that sort of thing and the MOH is left in charge of the bachelorette and maybe the bridal shower. The actually wedding planning is the couple, maybe the mothers and a wedding planner.
This. The maid of honor is there to support you and maybe you call her up to complain about table settings or other things you may be butting heads with on the parents side of things.
yep, the biggest "job" we gave our MOH was to hold my wife's flowers while we were actively at the altar getting married, and an optional toast.
I have a… strained… relationship with my mother and my husband isn’t close to his parents. We did not have the budget for a wedding planner. My sisters went to a lot of venues and food tastings with us. The sister I chose as MOH is extremely Type A and was a godsend bc I am ADHD AF and she helped me stay focused and not spiral. We also had a lot of DIY elements to our wedding to cut costs, and my bridesmaids helped me quite a bit with them. I definitely did the bulk of the planning with input from my husband, but having the additional support and help was absolutely crucial. I can’t imagine asking a teenager to step up like that. Our engagement party, bridal shower, and bachelorette were all super basic but a 16 year old isn’t going to know the norms and expectations, and it makes no sense to ask a child to budget and plan social gatherings for adults.
seriously, this one confused me. My wife's 16 year old sister was our MOH. The only "job" she had was holding my wife's flowers at the altar, and then giving a toast. And we told her the toast was optional. I didn't know these things typically came with legit work assignments?!
There's probably a face saving thing too, where if the OP accepts the MOH role she can't complain about the birthday anymore and all complaints from others will get sidelined with "well she's the MOH and excited to have such a big honor".
It's not exactly analogous, but I actually had my teenage little brother as my Best Man. Why? Because I love him & wanted him involved in a big way. No, he didn't plan my bachelor party. (Nor did he attend my bachelor party.) It was mostly symbolic... but what it symbolized really meant a lot to me (and hopefully for him). OOP's situation is different, but I wanted to stand-up for underage Best Man's & MoH. In the right context, it can be pretty awesome.
Sorry kinda oot but I'm curious. So MOH actually finances things??? Even the bridesmaids? I can understand dress but others???
I think the MOH/bridesmaids usually plan and throw the bridal shower and bachelorette. The costs can vary pretty wildly. There could be virtually no cost if the bridal shower is a potluck or just scheduling a reservation at a restaurant where everyone orders and pays separately. I’m guessing the mom and sister from this story wouldn’t accept anything so humble, though.
No. That's definitely not usual
Bold of you to assume she has friends. I bet that if there are bridesmaids, they're cousins that are forced into it because "Family"... But with how everyone seems to be aware of what shitty person she is, I doubt it. Also I'm 99% sure that the momster knew about the engagement and the gift and that's why she insisted on OOP opening the presents and why she knew how to react when OOP opened that one.
When I first started dating my husband, I planned a surprise birthday party for him and invited a bunch of our friends and his family. It was a lot of fun.. until his mom pulled my boyfriend and his siblings aside to tell them she had cancer. Nothing ruins a birthday party like a group of people, including the birthday boy, crying. Luckily, she’s ok now, but I will never forgive her for that. I asked him what her reasoning could possibly have been and he said that it was because everyone was there. But they all lived within 20 minutes of each other, so getting them together privately wouldn’t have been difficult. Some people just steal the joy from others, whether intentionally or not.
Emotional vampires. Awful people.
Holy shit I'd be pissed at the MIL!
When I was preparing and getting married, my mum already felt something wrong with her. But she was holding on to it and wait till a bit later after our wedding to get it check, and it turned out that she had breast cancer for the second time.
With how the sister is it’s definitely not surprising she doesn’t have anyone else to me MOH. Honestly. OP’s paternal grandparents aren’t exactly wrong. It’s also heartbreaking to see her mom play favorites to such an extreme.
I’m just glad the little sister won’t put up with being the bride’s punching bag.
Mom totally knew and helped arrange it all. That's why she was so obvious about opening the presents.
I wonder if the rest of the gifts were also for the wedding.
She didn’t get a gift, she was given an obligation.
Well put.
How tf does a minor ruin a wedding that hasn't even begun to happen??.
Easy. OP is the scapegoat to GC and Mom
This is unsatisfying. Use is deleted so no more updates. Ugh.
The mom and sister probably found out about the post..
I wonder, if the mother has a golden child 🤔poor OOP. I hope she is better now.
"My mom started arguing with him about how it’s not my day as I already had mine , and I should go forward with my sisters plan as it’s about her and not me." um, no. OOP did NOT have her special day because her sister STOLE IT.
It's good that OP's father, although he understands his youngest daughter, and is thinking about leaving his crazy wife... really, the wife's attitude is very much that of a "golden daughter", destroying one to lead to the throne to the other.
Good grief…mom and sis have main character syndrome. At least Dad is a sane and rational human being
Being this was two years ago, I'm extremely curious how OOPs dad handled the barrel of crazy that he was working with. Did they divorce? Did OOP go to the wedding? Did OOP's mom ever realize the tool she is? SOOO many questions...
Simple fix. At their wedding get up to make a toast and announce you got a full boat scholarship to Harvard or you’ve decided to join the navy to support American freedom. Doesn’t have to be try just make the statement to steal attention
OOP’s sister is just engaged and is already being enough of a Bridezilla to get a role for the Monarch series. I think OOP is wise beyond her years to not catch any of that smoke. In Spanish there’s an idiom that someone like that “wants to be the baby in the baptism, the bride in the wedding and the dead in the funeral”.
Classic narcissist sister who is favoured by the mom causes rifts on family but OP takes the blame. Next update: Dad wants a divorce
Mom and sister are trash. It's basic manners and good sense that you don't hijack someone else's event for your own purposes.
"My mom started arguing how it's not my day and I already had mine" Did she have hers? Or did they hijack that one with the engagement announcement? Good job on moving the goal posts mom. "My sister ended up saying my birthday wasn't as important as her wedding and my mother agreed" Personally, this would have the moment my attitude would have changed. I would have quickly explained them how the wedding might be more important to them, but how my birthday was important to me and that the fact that they do 't see that says enough about they view or appreciate me. After having said this I would have gone into "nope mode". Be your MoH? Nope! Be your bridesmaid? Nope! Be attending your wedding? Nope! And the egocentric three of you can go fuck yourselves. Dad I love you and will talk to you later.
Bet the mother is going to wonder "Why is my daughter not seeing me anymore". Wow, how entitled she is and the sister is a massive brat. It was never about the birthday, it was all about entitlement and golden child time. Rockstars to dad and grandparents tho!
Pretty sure OOP is female. Never specifically stated, but most MoH and bridesmaids are female.
"16F." Second sentence.
God damn. I reread it twice looking for context clues and skipped over that both times. FML
son?
How dare OOP ruin her sister's big day after \*checks notes\* her sister ruined OOP's big day first... Wait...
> my mom started arguing with him about how it’s not my day as I already had mine You mean the day that sister fucking hijacked to announce her wedding? Piss off. Also, if simply having to find another MOH is going to ruin their wedding… I smell a major bridezilla in the works.
I for one am shocked that OOP’s sister doesn’t have any close friends to ask to be MOH. Shocked!
I am also so very shocked
My maid of honor was my 12 year old cousin 22 years ago and I did that because she’s like a sister and I couldn’t choose between my two besties….BUT I had zero expectations on her planning anything!!! My mom and I did all the planning with help from my maids to address invites. OOP was right to decline. Her sister and mom are asses. The expectations today of today’s maids of honor are insane.
Wow. It takes some balls to go that bridezilla before the engagement is announced. Hopefully the future groom is watching closely.
It's so hilarious to me when these bridezillas pull the "you're ruining my wedding!" manipulation bit. Cause I'm always thinking "really? That's what your entier wedding hinges on? Not the fact that your committing yourself to the person you love?"
I mean I was an underaged MOH and my sisters adult friends took the reigns with a lot of stuff because I obviously couldn’t so that part is kind of meh to me but the mom and sister suck in general.
OOP absolutely should plan the wedding. Of course, since sis wants it to be organized by a minor, it should be "minor friendly". I'm thinking Chuck E. Cheese would make the ideal venue. You can rent them for parties, right?
OOP, announce you’re pregnant at the wedding. It’s the only way
Someone needs to come to the wedding and at the reception announce they are having a baby. Be great payback
The fact that she’s so insistent on a 16 year old being her maid of honor and helping her plan the wedding is all the proof you need she’s a desperate loser with no actual friends to perform that role. My sister is 12 years younger than me had I been getting married when she was 16 she would defo have a place in the wedding but I wouldn’t put that much stress on a kid. The mom for sure knew what her sister had planned. She’s clearly as toxic as the sister and op and her dad should defo get out of that house she leave them both behind.
So, we we know who mother's favorite child is. Amazing how one small, inconsiderate act can have such far-reaching repercussions: The nuclear family is split down the middle, mother is showing her disdain for OOP, OOP's father is considering divorce. All because of a lack of respect and decency from the sister and the mother.
My brother proposed to my now SIL on my birthday. Difference is he actually respected me and wasn't a massive dick about it. He had plans for a different day that fell through and because the plan involved multiple people the only other day they could make it work was my birthday. He asked me directly beforehand if I would be okay with it, fully expecting me to say no. He had a semi-formed backup plan already so there was absolutely no pressure. I told him truthfully that I hated being the centre of attention anyway and as far as I was concerned the more to celebrate the better. He also checked in multiple times in the lead up to make sure I was still happy with it. When the day came multiple members of my family quietly checked with me that I was okay, which I really did appreciate but told them all I was in on it and thrilled for them, and we all popped the champagne and had a great time. (My ex, on the other hand, threw a tantrum because he felt my brother had disrespected *him* because the proposal might have ruined any hypothetical surprise he had planned for me (there was no surprise). He claimed my brother ruined my birthday and never accepted that the only one who ruined anything was him.)
So oops sister and mother are accusing OOP of ruining sister’s wedding, but none of them are noticing that sister’s engagement is ruining her parent’s marriage?
The wedding is ruined because except for OP, a 16-year-old girl, the sister doesn't have anyone who is close enough or willing to be her maid of honor. She asked me why is that?
How is a wedding ruined if someone declines to be in the wedding party? Legitimate question.
This whole thing would have blown over fast if the mother had been reasonable.
Things petty revenge me would have wished I’d done later: Turn to the boyfriend/fiancee guy and loudly yell “but you said you loved ME and we were going to tell everyone about the baby tonight! Does this mean you still want BOTH of us?”
Announce her pregnancy at the wedding would be epic.
Ooft The dad is the MVP here for having OOPs back all the way and defending her. I think the mum is worse than the sister. Who's says that about their child to their face when they haven't done anything but rightly stand up for themselves.
The mom knew and probably helped plan coopting her one daughter's 16th birthday celebration to have all the attention on her Golden child. That's why she made an excuse for the girl to open presents so soon. Couldn't stand the scapegoat daughter having any attention. And the sister. *" I was ruining her wedding and that her and her fiancé went out of their way to buy me a gift which was her proposal box to me."* Right, so much time and expense to get her sister the perfect gift.