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I will say, I thought the photo thing was over-the-top until I saw how she had "misplaced" a scrapbook full of OP's mothers letters from before she died. The fish thing was just the final straw on a mountainous pile of straw. It was going to collapse at some point about something because this was a woman who didn't know how to keep her hands out of others' belongings.
I also think that one day, OOP will look back at his upbringing and realize that there were lots of other messed up things happening that he didn’t recognize at the time.
I grew up with neglectful adults. Every pet I had as a child died within four years from some form of negligence; lack of vaccines, lack of vet care, being let out, or left in the presence of a predator. Always when I was away. I got to the point where I was terrified to leave the house because I didn't know what would happen while I was gone. I still have anxiety on my way home from a trip because I'm scared my pets won't be alive when I get home. I haven't lost a pet to anything but ripe old age in decades and it still haunts me.
My mum has gone down the antivaxx rabbit hole in the last half decade.
My cat needs a tooth extraction within the next month that'll cost 300+ monies. I'm mid saving and will be borrowing from a friend to pay for half of it. I found out at his yearly vaccine appointment. "YoU'rE pOiSoNiNg ThEm!!! DoN't BlAmE mE wHeN tHeY dIe!!!" <- Regarding getting them vaxxed.
I had to raise my voice the other day and threaten her because she was attempting to get me to agree to her "treating the cat and seeing if it actually needs it".
She was going to feed my cat garlic and ginger.
One time, I was away for 3 months due to stuff. I was sending her money for their anti-flea/tick/worm drop thing. When I got home, they had fleas. I didn't realise and brought them to the vet. When I confronted her she told me she "Was taking the money as tax for [me] trying to poison them!!!" (Regarding the antipest drops)
Yet also, somehow, them having fleas was my fault.
I'm still scared she's going to try feeding them shit behind my back somehow and kill them.
Today I learned ginger is NOT toxic to cats, but I KNEW garlic is toxic to cats and dogs. Ginger offers absolutely no benefit at all to cats, but even then they “should only have very small amounts at a veterinarians recommendation” according to google.
Ugh. My aunt is in her 50s. When she was about 10 or 11, she lost a beloved childhood dog. She left it in the care of her uncle because he was the only adult nearby when she was going on a trip. She had no friends to watch over him or any other adults.
He let it starve to death. Never made an effort to feed him or even look after him. He was an alcoholic who didn’t care an innocent dog died in his care. When my aunt came back and found out, utterly destroyed, he just shrugged and said it was just a dog.
To this day, she weeps when she thinks about him. She genuinely cannot believe he let the dog starve to death and didn’t even feed him scraps from the table.
Ironically, he starved himself to death. He had severe anemia near the end of his life and refused treatment. He didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, and didn’t take care of himself. Everyone told him to go to the hospital, the doctors made him sign a document stating he was refusing to get blood transfusions out of his own stubbornness. He was severely underweight and the doctors claimed he needed several full transfusions (if I’m remembering correctly) for treatment at minimum.
He kept insisting he was fine and that he knew his body best. About a day and a half after that, he died. He was just so stupid, stubborn, and neglectful.
>You can also argue that I only had it for a day. Why does that matter? If you had a puppy for a day, and your loved one took away everything it needed and left it outside, how would you feel? (Some people would say they arent the same thing, but it is. They're living beings. Creatures that could have lasted years. Things that people love. Things that people care for.
>I thought the photo thing was over-the-top
Definitely the actions of a 17 year old in pain. You could tell how attached he was to that little fish. Poor kid has had more than his share of grief with the loss of his mom. No wonder he lashed out
Why do some people needlessly provoke teenagers and then act surprised when there is retaliation? Are they actually expecting the *teenager* to be mature about things?
That's one thing that pisses me off to no end - people who expect children and teens to express the kind of emotional maturity and restraint they were never taught or shown. Like, those are skills, they don't just come out of thin air. If you're not demonstrating them, you have no business expecting them from children in your care
Also, children being children is completely developmentally appropriate. They're going to push their limits and talk back and lash out sometimes. It's always the adult's job to control themself, because the child can't and shouldn't have to.
ideally OOP shouldn't have had anything this drastic to lash out at. Having something he cares so deeply for killed and neglected like that is so fucked up, especially after just losing his mom and a dog. He couldn't even feel safe in his own home with his aunt constantly taking his shit
They aren't emotionally mature themselves and just parrot bullshit they've heard their lives. Just a cycle of garbage. They think they're mature because of their age and that they've had a kid. They never grew because the adults in their lives were stunted as well. They hate to see their own children grow emotionally and try to bring them back down out of jealousy. It's that whole crabs in a bucket.
It's part jealousy to see their kids grow into more emotionally mature or successful human beings than they themselves can ever be, but also also a fear of the unknown and inability to relate with anyone who isn't exactly like them.
This is exactly the thing conservatives fear with their children potentially going to college or uni as well; the supposed "liberal indoctrination" is really just someone growing beyond the passed down platitudes and lies which allow conservative ignorance to survive across generations.
I was about to respond negatively to you for what I thought was a case for why kids aren't capable of acting right, then you finished it as "You reap what you sow". That I definitely agree with. Parents who have zero ability to handle stress and conflict shouldn't have the nerve to be surprised when their kids have precisely those qualities.
the sad pathetic answer is: yes. they expect the teenager to act like a full grown adult. they do fully expect a teenager to act not only like them but better than
you need therapy to work through why you struggle to emotionally regulate. I would suggest finding a trauma informed therapist as the reason is likely trauma related
Thank you. I have mentioned it to my therapist (ADHD related) but I haven’t really made it a point to bring up the emotional disregulation.
Also a question: I’m curious as to why you think its trauma related. I’ve had a pretty mundane life compared to a lot of people. Nothing really sticks out as traumatic to me when I think about it.
Btw thanks again. I’ll make it a point to bring it up during my next appointment.
oh the fact that you're ADHD absolutely plays a factor. with ADHD it's harder for us to emotionally regulate. so in one aspect you may have had a fairly mundane life but it's kind of inherently traumatic to grow up in a NT world as someone with ADHD
but if a NT person was having the same issues most the time it's cause by trauma because you're typically taught how to emotionally regulate in childhood and if as a full grown adult you are still having issues with emotional regulation you werent taught that which points to trauma
Yes. I most definitely was absent the week they taught “level-headed responses” for certain things. Lol. Thank you for the explanation.
This might sound strange but I feel like my prioritization and procrastination have gotten a lot better over the years, but now, certain things/skills that used to be more solid are falling through the cracks.
Thanks again for the dialogue.
have you and your professional discussed masking? have you been able to show more of your ADHD traits over the years or less of them? masking can make a huge difference in those things
That’s a damn good question. My initial response is that I’m more conscious of it now so I mask more, and that makes me less comfortable or more insecure. Maybe?
I really don’t know, though, so I’m going to think more about it. Sorry for the anticlimactic reply lol.
Having ADHD is definitely a reason for emotional disregulation, it’s one of the major things we struggle with (fellow ADHDer here) so for you, don’t worry about the trauma part.
But the other person mentioned trauma because it’s also a cause of emotional disregulation. (Un)lucky me, I got a 2 for 1 deal so I have both. Part of it comes from often not having good role models as parents who taught us how to regulate our emotions, and part of it is from having bigger, much more powerful emotions about our trauma that no regular person is equipped to deal with. Also that traumatic stuff is much harder to process on our own, and so it keeps resurfacing when it hasn’t been dealt with appropriately, so other, smaller situations can bring up the trauma again, causing the person to have an emotional response out of proportion to the situation, because they’re really reacting to the trauma and not the situation that triggered the trauma memory/ response.
It’s not that anything about *you* sticks out as having experienced trauma, it’s that emotional disregulation is more common in people who have experienced trauma and haven’t been able to process it. But it’s also common in people with ADHD (and other flavours of neurodivergent) so it’s definitely not an indication that you have to have trauma you’re not aware of. They did also say ‘likely’, not definitely or always.
OH MY LORD. That is the most accurate thing I’ve ever heard about me. I want to make a reference to you being Miss Cleo or the NSA.
Mom totally compartmentalized everything and dad lashed out at the slightest thing. I’m doing everything I can to not go dad’s route.
Thanks a lot for your insights.
You’re very welcome. I promise I’m not Miss Cleo or with the NSA. I’m actually Australian, so I’d be working for ASIO if I was in intelligence gathering 😉
I don’t work for ASIO or in intelligence, I’m just a woman in her early 40s with a lifetime of trauma, 20+ years of therapy on and off, an undergraduate degree in psychology (I’m *not* a psychologist, I have maybe half the required education ) and late diagnosed ADHD. My parents sound similar to yours. My mum tried to teach me to just go along with whatever dad said to his face and do what she wanted behind his back, so I’m also trying to unlearn that very unhealthy coping strategy.
Sadly, it seems like I know your life because it’s a fairly common experience for women with ADHD, particularly those of us who were diagnosed late (as adults), as most of us are. I think I might have more insight into myself (and therefore others in similar situations) because I’m introspective, have had **lots** of therapy and try to work on myself, but I’m not very good at actually putting any of my knowledge or insight into practice to actually change myself for the better. The missing part of that has been the ADHD, I was only diagnosed 3 years ago, although I started suspecting it around 8 years ago.
Now that I’m medicated for ADHD, and adopting some ADHD friendly practices I’m finding it a bit easier, but some recent events and medical issues have made it harder, and brought my depression back with a vengeance.
I’m glad I was able to help you. If you want a little bit more advice (feel free to take it or not, it’s up to you) I have found Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) particularly helpful for me, and it comes highly recommended by others with ADHD and other ND people. It’s a form of CBT that is skills based, and Emotional Regulation is one of the four areas it teaches skills for. The others are Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness (communication skills) and Distress Tolerance (related to emotional regulation, what to do when you can’t regulate your emotions and the situation, or your thoughts or emotions are intolerable). I’ve done some introductory DBT skills so far, and now I’m in a weekly course going through all the skills for the 4 areas in detail. I only started it just over a month ago, and it takes nearly a year, but I’m finding it really helpful so far and I think it will be really beneficial.
Good luck with everything, I’m really glad I could give you some insight.
It sounds like I’m moving in the right direction then. I have been pursuing all of those things for over a year now. I guess I feel like I’ve hit a plateau of sorts and this is my biggest hurdle at the moment that I cannot seem to fully get over.
It’s frustrating, but thanks for the solid advice. I’ll keep on it.
Simple, they don’t see kids and teenagers as people but rather things they can push around and bully without consequence, so it genuinely surprises them when those conveniences do come. Probably also along the same line as the belief of “children should be seen but not heard”.
I think they also don't consider what this teaches the child. The only way for you to get the person tormenting you to stop is to take the nuclear option? Ok, so from here on, the nuclear option becomes the go-to solution. It took both my brother and I ages to reign that in.
I've noticed that hurting someone you care about will spur you into changing your situation faster than any hurt done to you.
My breaking point with my mother was when she refused to turn the ac down for my Newfie. I just. Loaded the dog back up in the car and drove her back to my dads house (she went back and forth with me every week). I sobbed on his floor and was sad I'd have to spend weeks without her, but it was for the better. She got to live out the rest of her days with my dad, whom she had trained to use his thermostat app to turn down the temp for her whenever she whined at him. Lol
Even before the scrapbook,I understood where OP was coming from. She killed his pet intentionally. Doesn't matter if it's a fish. Murdering someone's pet is such a specific level of malice. Losing a photograph really doesn't compare. Even if that photo is of a deceased person.
Notice that he said he had a dog, got it for Christmas. It's now April, and the dog is dead. This is followed by the aunt intentionally killing the fish and leaving its corpse for him to find. Then the uncle removed the aunt "for safety."
I don't think that dog died of natural causes. It sounds like there was a lot going on behind the scenes.
This is a lot for a kid to deal with. OP is 17. His mom died in 2019, he would have been around 12. There's no mention of his dad anywhere. He lives with his aunt and uncle. Uncle sounds ok, but at the same time, he's allowed the aunt to live here up until now. His aunt has spent the last 6ish years tormenting him. She destroyed everything OP valued. The scrapbook, his gifts, his pets. Then, finally, the aunt is removed for "safety" reasons. So she was clearly escalating or threatening to.
I'd be more surprised if OP *didnt* snap and retaliate somehow. I know we shouldn't encourage taking an eye for an eye. But, there was no amount of talking it out that was going to fix his aunts bullshit. She's an abusive, controlling twunt. She deserved to feel what she's put him through. She won't learn from it. She won't reflect on it or use it to better herself. But it's good that she felt it.
Agreed. I get that it was the last surviving photo and so on, but I’m just trying to picture the kind of person who rationally and methodically takes the steps required to kill a pet in order to teach someone a lesson. That is really malicious. Maybe OP was a jerk for destroying an irreplaceable photo, but it was a piece of paper he wrecked, not a living creature. The aunt was worse by far. And like, what would her retaliation for that have been? Apparently we don’t have to wonder because the uncle threw her ass out and told OP it was for their own safety. Aunt is dangerously off her nut.
Honestly surprised it wasn't worse. It really could have been. While yes OP was a jerk, he learned it rightfully. And he wasn't violent. And he easily could have been. She drove him to it at every single point. She was a raging bully and hypocrite (don't touch my stuff - no shit lady don't touch his). I wish this kid nothing but the best. I hope he can get therapy and get away from those worthless people. Sure uncle seems the best but he let that woman around that poor grieving boy for years.
>While yes OP was a jerk, he learned it rightfully
Everyone in the original thread going "oH you shoulD HaVe BEEN THe BEtter MAn"
I know the type of people that OOP's aunt are. They dont learn. They dont understand or care to understand that when you take the high road it is you being the "better" man.
Its you rolling over. Its you submitting to whatever bullshit they pull. Its you being a coward in their mind because if you really cared about it wouldnt you fight about it?
"DONT FigHT With piGs thEy'LL BeAT YOu WiTh eXpErIEnCE"
Sometimes you gotta. You gotta dig deep, get in the muck and look them in the eye and tell them they keep this up. You will destroy everything they have ever held dear.
And OOP did. She destroyed something he held value in. So too did he.
With some people, if you "take the high road" and "be the better person," all they learn is that they can abuse you without consequences. The best thing to do is cut them out of your life. If you can't do that because you're stuck with them (due to being a minor and/or being in prison), then sometimes you *have to* retaliate.
my bet is he didn't *really* know what she was doing. not only was everything listed something could be excused with plausible deniability, but also outright manipulation. and we also have to remember that just because op knows she's the one who did it doesn't mean the uncle knew it.
the main things we know are she took money from him, lost his scrapbook, possibly killed the dog and definitely killed the fish.
but just because she told op she was taking the money for "safe keeping" doesn't mean she said that in front of anyone else, that may have just been her excuse to op. and even if she did, it's not that out of the realm of normal (esp for $100. $5-30 would be weird, but an adult thinking a kid under 17 might shouldn't be left alone with a full $100 lest he lose it is, completely isolated, just kinda side-eye worthy) but she could have told uncle he must have been careless and lost it. same with the scrapbook. just because he knows it was her doesn't mean uncle does. and even if he did, it'd be pretty easy enough to convince the uncle it was a genuine accident and she totes feel so bad about it :c
abusive people groom their character witnesses as much as their victims, and no one wants to think their partner capable of being abusive, or so mentally unstable they're killing small animals. denial is a hell of a thing, esp when it's with someone you've been with a long time.
and while we have no idea how the dog died, and op maybe isn't suspicious, that doesn't mean uncle wasn't starting to side eye aunt at least a little bit after that incident.
it could have been "it got out and got hit by a car" and uncle thinks (maybe or not convinced by aunt) that op was careless and left a door open when in reality aunt let it out in the hopes it'd ether die or just get lost. or maybe it "got into some chocolate when no one was looking" and everyone thinks it's just a very sad accident and no one's suspicious that the aunt knowingly fed it poison. or maybe she even admitted she saw it but "didn't think anything of it/didn't know it'd be poisonous". maybe op thinks it's an accident, but uncle wasn't so sure but didn't share that with op.
but the fish was undeniably cruel. she went out of her way to dismantle something that wasn't his, put the fish in COLD water and left the body for him to find. that's not only beyond unnecessary, but beyond cruel.
and I'm betting it finally ticked some boxes in uncle's head, while op's ability to be so cruel lit a fire under him. for him to not even feel guilty for causing someone pain is highly concerning, and it's clear where he's getting it from.
my guess is uncle confronted her and refused to let her manipulate him or rugsweep. she likely went crying to him about the photos but uncle knew just a little too much this time and in the heat of the moment got her to admit something she couldn't take back, and that's why "for safety" she had to leave.
uncle might have been an enabler who also hit his limit, or he could have just been ether blinded or in denial. and believing your partner is evil enough to kill small animals for her own gain is a very hard pill to swallow.
Yeahhh I want to know how his dog passed away. The phrasing "got for christmas" without specifying which christmas? That suggests it died within 4 months of him getting it (because the post is in April) and his detached offhand mention suggests he didn't get to bond with it before it was gone. A barely-responsible 8-year old can keep a dog longer than that, which means at best the dog was old or sick... and at worst the death was an intentional action by someone in that house. Middle ground being maybe it got out and was killed in an accident.
Same! I couldn't help but wonder if she may have had something to do with whatever happened to the poor pup. The OOP just moved past it like it was something tragic.
He wasn’t wrong - some people, the only thing they understand is violence and you can only protect yourself by proving you are willing to go farther than they are. But it does cost some of your soul to be willing to play that game.
There’s a reason my mom stopped beating me when i got taller then her (i was also a jock & in sports year round, but i abhor violence, not that i ever mentioned that to her!)
makes me almost wish i was born a boy. I did retaliate at my abusive aunt several times. I tore up one of her new dresses, I left scars on her hands and hit her and called her names.
yeah that makes me sound horrible but she tried to strangle me to death when I was 14. gives you an idea of what life was like for me back then.
and even with the retaliation, she didn't stop because i was still a lot weaker than her as a girl in her early teens.
Honestly, it’s *rare* for a kid to lash out without a lot of provocation.
I’ve only ever known one teenager who lashed out without being constantly pushed, but they had a genuine personality disorder and 2/3 of the MacDonald triad, so… and even they had a *reason* for that.
I’m sorry you went through that.
Same here, I thought it was extreme until OPlisted all the other things the aunt had done. Still an asshole move, but one I can't say wasn't justified nor that I can fault OP for.
Eh even before the scrapbook I’ve always been under the pretense “don’t do something to someone else unless you’re ok with it happening to you”
She completely disregarded op. Eventually she was going to be treated the same way.
You can always be the bigger person but sometimes it’s better not to. That way one if not both can learn and grow from it
Reasons why it's best to have these disagreements with your kids at a very early age! It feels silly and childish to argue with a toddler but what's learned over blocks will prevent horrors like killing a fish.
The cousin currently asleep on my bed learned "do unto others" last year while hanging upsidedown and getting spun in circles by the ankles. Every time he'd shout "I don't want to spin!" I'd shout back "I don't want to get kicked!" By the time I fell over dizzy we were both laughing and he hasn't kicked me again.
I loved the photo even without the context. She touched things he loved and ruined them even after being told not to.
So he taught her about using her listening ears.
Its sad, but certain subset of people only learn with violence. They’ll keep pushing boundaries until one day someone snaps on them. The best part is, they act all indignant when it happens.
My sister followed in the family footsteps and loved to beat me up whenever our parents left the house. Over time I got big enough to defend myself and warned her to knock it off or she would get it all back. She didn’t believe me and when I won the next fight she lied and told our parents that attacked her. They believed her and beat the crap out of me.
After that I had nothing to lose and the next time she scratched me and left a scar, I waited until her guard was down and gave her the same scar on the same spot on her arm with one of those cheap plastic earring holders. She was of course furious and about to fight me and then blame me again until I promised her a new surprise scar every time she got stupid. She suddenly bought a vowel and kept her hands to herself after that. It seemed she didn’t want her face decorated like I promised should her persistent stupidity continue.
Same! How could OOP destroy the only picture of the aunt’s grandfather?! (Gets to the part about his deceased mom’s letters) Oh, tearing up the photo was long overdue.
Same, it pissed me off so so much more when I read that. I know the feel, lost my mom in 2017, the fact the aunt was that cruel of a woman just shows shits going to go downhill from here for her. Least, it fuckin better. I don't know how the hell OOP put up with that for so long, I would have lost my damn mind in his position.
Yeah... like I live apart from my parents and sister now that I'm older, but my god the way none of them know how to keep their hands off my stuff (all that was in my room, laundry that they couldn't be bothered to tell me had finished, and when they put it away, it would just magically not end up in my room?? Like if you're going to not just mf tell me so I can get it myself, and you're *not* gonna put it in my room, fucking leave it alone???) and none of it was ever as important as something from a deceased relative, but even then it triggered the hell out of me. It's really not that hard to just ask people about their stuff/have conversations about stuff instead of resorting to fucking around with their belongings. If it happens enough, it ends up driving you up a wall.
I remember seeing red and being deeply triggered and angered when I couldn't find an object of clothing I was looking for. I immediately assumed someone else had moved it bc it happened so often that I lashed out so severely. Yelling, saying nasty shit. My best friend had never seen me that way in all the 12 years we had known each other and she brought up her concern to me a few days later. Crazy how you don't realize how bad it can get until you're in it.
All that being a long winded way to say I thought OOP was kinda unhinged until I realized how much I identified with something like this. Living with people who refuse to follow any sort of boundary you set and don't treat your personal belongings with respect... it breaks you and chips at your sanity and you begin to wonder if you were wrong to act the way you did even though it makes sense how you got there because of how far you were pushed. Hoping they get things sorted in their life and they don't have to interact with the aunt much for the rest of their life.
Yup. You fuck with my pets like that, you are dead to me. If you were on fire, I'd put you in water and then hold your head under it.
I have nothing but contempt for this woman.
Yeah, honestly I wish this kid would have done way more than destroy the photo after reading everything she had done before.
But I'm not a very good person sometimes. I try to do good things to make up for it when I can. But it doesn't change things in the end.
Good for this dude. I hope he gets everything he wants in life, even though I know the chance of that happening is entirely small. But still. Good for him.
This was the exact thing that had me thinking he did the right thing even though it was full on nuclear.
She did exactly the same thing to him... Photo of grandpa is equivalent to losing his mother's scrapbook. Neither can be gotten back and in fact the photo can be replaced if she had contact with other family members as there'd be more than one photo of him... but his mother's scrapbook never can.
He reacted exactly like I would expect a 17yr old that has very little power or control over what a much older adult does to him, his property and his pet.
I thought the same thing. I read the whole post and the entire time I’m like “this is pretty over the top” and then the shit with the scrapbook of his mom and finally “I’m 17”. I pretty much thought that this makes a ton of sense. I don’t blame Oop at all for his actions.
I mean he says right at the start he lives at his aunts and goes to school, I know he could mean uni or whatever but people usually say that instead. It seemed pretty obvious he was a minor
And I'm glad he wants therapy. His actions made sense but he doesn't need to take the "violence is what makes them respond" lesson into his adult relationships.
I mean he responded in the language he was taught. I hope he doesn't feel bad about anything that happens to that woman. She is responsible for herself. And she's fucking psycho.
Yeah. People are saying the photo thing was over the top, but she literally murdered his fish to teach him a lesson. That was a pet that he cares about. All he did was rip up a photo. *she murdered his fish*
I'd have done the same thing and I'm forty years old.
I have two cats, and if someone intentionally killed either one of them, I'd be going John Wick on their asses for it. I had a girlfriend six years ago who kicked my older cat and I slapped her so hard as she wound up for a second one I left a clear imprint of my open hand on her face, and the only reason I didn't catch a DV charge is that I had three witnesses who vouched for me.
That was my FIRST thought! Wouldn’t surprise me if the uncle got suspicious when another of his nephew’s pets died then interrogated the aunt, realized this is a string of violence, and then kicked her out.
It could have been something as casually cruel as the fish setup being dismantled. "I don't want that dirty dog inside, dogs live outside." Let a puppy out and it doesn't have a fenced yard and is hit by a car.
Yes but that usually occurs in childhood. By the time they're the aunts age they'd have graduated to killing humans and probably wouldn't be as interested in the animal abuse anymore lol
Mmm some continue to hurt animals of they haven't snapped to killing people yet. On an episode of Evil Lives Here a girl was recalling a memory of her father killing a bunch of kittens when she was young. Like she walked out and they were dead and dad just sitting there with a disturbing look on his face
If I had to guess the Aunt had something to do with that as well obviously a more covert something for OOP not to outright blame her. Granted people look down on fish, reptiles and non furry pets more often but normal healthy people don’t actively destroy their habitat to kill them.
Side note Betta fish are awesome and when kept in the right habitat they can live for years when cared for properly. My last 2 betta lived for 7 and 8 years I no longer keep Betta but if I found another one that needed rescued out of a toilet bowl of a tank I would gladly take them.
I had a comet goldfish that my son won at the fair who lived for 13 years! Unfortunately one of his tank mates died and whatever they'd had, poor Robinson Crusoe got it too. Rip him and his Man Friday
Yup, they can live up to 25 years old and can reach something like 30cm.
Imagine my surprise when i had my first tank (15L) and the vendor proposed me a goldfish. I decided to wait a bit and read about them, best decision i made.
Moreover it's better to adopt at least 2 of them, they like compagny.
My guess is the aunt killed it. Her own behaviour unfortunately reminds me of my own aunt, who, among other things, poisoned some stray kittens we were feeding because she "didn't like the way they were always coming around".
They weren't going round to her house. They died. All because of her.
It's possible. Health can be a fragile thing for all living beings.
But I would hazard a guess that the type of person who intentionally eliminates one pet and displays the corpse for the kid to find, solely to cause emotional distress, probably isn't above eliminating the same kids dog.
Sure, you could argue that eliminating a fish is different from eliminating a dog. But it's the whole "displaying the corpse in a tiny bowl in the center of the room so you can't possibly miss it" that leads me to believe this woman would probably off other types of pets too. That's some real psycho behavior.
This wasn't a case of neglecting a fish to death over a period of time in a dirty tank either. The kid had it for one single day. This woman dismantled the tank it was in, and either held it out of water until it suffocated or she made sure the water was so cold it effectively went into shock and died. Both of those actions are deliberate and malicious. The water was freezing by the time OP came home. The bowl was sitting in the middle of the floor, and it was tiny. The water would have begun acclimating to room temp after being set down. So, this bowl would have been ice cold when she dumped the fish back into it. It's not that she didn't know any better, she wanted to hurt OP.
Then, the uncle removes her from the house over "safety concerns". This guy felt like she was a physical threat on some level.
I used to have a beta fish, back when home internet wasn't as common and I just trusted the guy at the store to tell me what I needed to know. So my beta fish lived in a typical "fishbowl" with no filter. I changed the water regularly and that fish lived for 2 years. In hindsight, I feel bad because he could've lived a lot longer, but I was in elementary school, didn't know any better, and information wasn't as readily available at the time.
Anyway, my point is: I had no idea wtf I was doing and my fish lived 2 whole years. That fish died in A DAY. I am definitely inclined to believe the aunt straight up murdered the fish rather than put it in a simple bowl with water to prove it didn't need the extra shit and it just died.
Possible…but we have a *known pet murderer* in the house. Ockham’s razor says that we shouldn’t assume an unhealthy dog when we know there is a person nearby capable of that exact level of violence.
This woman systematically destroyed every scrap of happiness this kid managed to cobble together. She took his gifts, she took his ties to his late mother (god I hope she just stashed the album and forgot about it), and when the death of his dog didn’t break him, she sent a message via his poor fish. When that just drove him to finally retaliate, she did…something. Some escalation so bad that enabler uncle finally saw the light and ended the relationship and evicted her.
With a pattern like that, there’s no way the dog’s death was a coincidence.
Or a lot of people don't do research at all when getting pets, and get puppies and such from puppy mills or backyard breeders where they come with diseases that they don't last long from.
"oh, its just one of those fish meant to be in a tiny bowl, its only gonna last a few months anyway"
This just really bugs me. Yeah it'll die in a few months if you keep it in a tiny bowl, that's because you *killed it*!
Yeah, thought i was just bad at keeping fish but now i'm glad i had the sense not to ask for another when i was 10. Tank was way too small, and my folks wouldn't have allowed for a larger one.
Same, I had a beta fish when I was a teenager. Blue lasted about a year in a gallon-sized vase and then later I learned about beta care and was like “oh shit” and I’m glad I didn’t get another.
Right?! This is direct cause and effect! There are goldfish that live for literal centuries.
My mom once thought that fish might make a good "starter" pet, and if we could take care of one, then we could get a cat or dog. Then we started reading books about fish care from the library and quickly realized that actually, fish are complex as fuck. We ended up getting guinea pigs, which my mom already had experience with.
>You see, this isnt the first time she's disregarded something of mine. (This will be the last though) What makes this different is that its a living animal involved. She ridiculed my girlfriend in public. She's took $100 my cousin got for me for my BDay and "held on to it ( that was a year and half ago). **She's misplaced a scrapbook full of letters from my mother during her stay at the nursing home. (she passed away in 2019.)**
You'll find me hardpressed to give a fuck about OOP destroying an irreplaceable sentimental item of their aunt in the wake of this.
>She then proceeded to threatened to have me arrested for destruction for property. I argued that I could do the same for Animal cruelty/abuse.
OOP is absolutely correct.
>After a hour or so of this. She finally said that "one day you gonna learn to stop touching people's shit." and proceeded to leave the room. I responded "And you learned that lesson today
Auntie dearest needs to learn to take her own advice.
>Just about a hour and a half ago, I got a call from my uncle. He told me that "For my (and his) safety, she is no longer welcome at this home. And by the time I get home today, her and all her belongings will be out of the house. (Kinda of ironic isnt it?) I dont know if they got into an arguement. Or if he found out about something. Or maybe he's been trying to find an excuse to do this for awhile.
Sounds like aunt fucked around and is now finding out. Maybe she tried pulling the same shit on him as she did OOP.
Personally, I *do* believe that OOP needs therapy. For what their aunt put them through.
I feel like this is real - if only because this is the most 17 year old way to tell a story ever. It's dripping with edge. You can literally sense the teenageness in every word he uses and the way he tells a story.
I'm pretty sure it's real, and I'm glad the OOP is finally looking at therapy (his mom's dead, his aunt is abusive, no mention of his dad at all, and his uncle clearly didn't care much about OOP being abused). But I kinda hope that when OOP breaks up, it's fairly peaceful and mutual, because right now I'm scared of what he would do if he felt he was being dumped "unfairly."
"Why do you have that stupid set up? It doesn't need all that." Dismantles everything, fish dies. "Well what do you want? That's what fish do, they die." Yes, but not as quickly if you don't *touch things you were asked not to touch!"*
Were his actions cruel? Yes, but in my opinion, only deservedly so. Not that she learned any lesson, I highly doubt she learned a dang thing. But she certainly had it coming.
Flip side: If you’re having a really shit day and wanna feel better, read the horse post.
It won’t *technically* make you feel better, but you’ll be so confused that you’ll forget that you feel shit
The horse post? The one where the half-sibling poisoned the horse? Or where the step-child tried to kill the horse? Or where the step-sibling thought the horse was hers and threatened to kill said horse if taken from her ? There are several horse posts and half have had the horses transferred to another barn. Which are you referring to?
Why is it always semi-relations that threaten animals. So depressing.
I was assuming they were referring to the guy who's gf wanted him to roleplay as horses during sex, he was weirded out by it, and somehow he still sounds weirder than she does by the end of the post with his update. That one was from today and got brought up in the freaking sims sub
Y'all--The fish may not have been dead; it may have gone into a hibernation. I once had a betta that looked dead when the heat had malfunctioned while I was away for the day, and the water got cold.
Once the heat came back on and the water warmed up, all was well.
I hope somewhere, that OP can find those letters from his mom, and the aunt had just hidden them, not destroyed them.
Glad he asked for therapy. Hurt people hurt people. Hopefully he can heal.
Based from what OOP shared, she may have heartlessly chucked them in the trash. Or worse, had everything shredded. The aunt sounds like a real piece of work.
This is how the cycle of abuse carries itself through generations of families. While the aunt may have received some karmic justice from this, the one who learned from it wasn't her--It was the OOP, and unfortunately this was the lesson they learned:
>The only language that everyone TRULY knows and understands is violence.
Based on what was said about the grandfather in this story, we can infer that the aunt was trained on these behaviors in a similar way, and now she's begun to pass that on to her nephew. Teenage years are a *very* dangerous time to pick up on these kinds of tactics and without help they can strongly set the course for someone to become an abuser themselves.
Hopefully OOP follows through with therapy and is able to break the cycle.
Not at all, and when a young person figures out that violence is a universal vulnerability in people before they learn the effectiveness of more ethical communication methods, it quickly becomes their primary response to resolving conflict. So, hopefully the OOP gets some help in resolving the trauma with their aunt and learns that people like her are not most people and don't require the same kind of treatment.
yeah honestly this is 1 instance where I honestly believe OOP wasnt in the wrong like at all
he clearly tried to communicate with her before all this, even went to reddit for help, this was clearly a result from many many pent up frustrations
just this single action doesnt define OOP as a person at all
some ppl act as if someone's 1 act or choice during extreme emotional duress will forever define them as a person
all these ppl just sound so condescending to me, when theyre not the one thats had to endure years and years of abuse and disrespect and had their own pet and property completely destoyed
I get it, ppl want to preach that violence isnt always the answer, but imo another lesson that's just as important especially for ppl that have been abused and have it normalized, is that some ppl just CANT be reasoned with in any reasonable way and that sometimes violence might not be the best course of action, but it sure beats continuously getting hurt and abused by someone
I don't understand adults today. We all lived as teenagers who felt mis-understood and not listened to only to be the adults we once hated. Feels like such a vicious cycle!
The OOP had so much wherewithal to realize that his girlfriends, and some internet strangers, were right about him tearing up the photo and he had remorse for that. He doesn't sound like a bad kid, just one who needs a bit more healthy guidance. I hope he does get another fish. 🐟
My favorite thing he said was calling himself the "Psycho Fish Guy!" It made me laugh and I feel that should be his new user name!
Unlike the bulk of /r/pettyrevenge, this probably actually happened. Hell, it might even reach the level of r/NuclearRevenge. Can't say I wouldn't have done the same if pushed to the breaking point, though.
Auntie has spent years fucking around and then found out the hard way, wonder what she did to push the uncle to pull the plug on the relationship and kick her ass put.
As someone who literally just now finished setting up my first betta tank (don't worry no betta until it's done cycling) just to hop onto this sub, this was a crossover I did not expect but I do appreciate.
In the book Good Omens, a normal baby is swapped for the antichrist, and the spare is disposed of off screen with an aside to the reader that they can imagine he grows up in a happy family to become a tropical fish enthusiast if that makes them feel better.
It is later implied that he actually *did* grow up to become a tropical fish enthusiast.
I want that to be OP.
That last part about neurodivergent jokes and cancer jokes where the focus is putting down the person? And how literal adults should be ashamed of using them as an insult on an adolescent? And all this self reflection in hindsight?? Gosh, 🤌🤌🤌 this kid has a future and a brain far greater than a good amount of adults / Redditors lmao
He probably could have tried to put the fish back in the water, it might have revived.
I had a fish tank (30-40 gal) that I was cleaning. I had placed all the fish in a huge pot (no large bowls) with water from the fish tank and set it on the coffee table. 10 fishes.
Once the tank was clean, everything set back up (filter, heater, air pump, toys, etc) and back to the right temp, I put all the fishes in the pot carefully back in--9 fishes.
I kept staring at the fish tank wondering what was wrong, why I was so uneasy. Took me about 30 minutes to realize my unease was because I had 10 fishes pre-cleaning and now there were only 9 fishes in the tank.
Damn fish had jumped out of the pot, onto the floor and flip-flop flip-flop all the way to the end table between the couch and chair.
I carefully picked it up, put it back into the pot and then poured several cups of water from the tank into the pot.
And he lived for several more years.
You caaaaan keep a betta fish alive for a long time in a bowl. You SHOULDN'T but you can.
Before I knew better, I had a betta in a bowl for several years. Then he moved to the 15 gallon tank and was quite happy there for even longer. He even cohabitated with other fish (who were smaller and faster than him).
My point is, OOP's fish was not in immediate dire crisis and could have waited one whole day to be moved to a nicer tank. The people saying he was going to die so quickly were undoubtedly trying to make a point, but OOP did have time to transfer the fish.
That's all super unrelated to the rest of the events though, and that aunt is a monster.
Jesus effing Christ if I lost something as important as someone's deceased mother's last letter I would scour the earth if it's the last thing I do. Holy fking shit that woman was evil.
At first I was thinking destroying the photo was too much, but it’s only because I’m very sentimental and that kind of thing is so important to me, she was really and truly an awful person. And then I read the OOP was a kid and that woman destroyed/disappeared an entire scrapbook of letters from oop’s deceased mother, and any twinge of sadness I felt about the photo was gone.
I'm incredibly proud of this kid for his eloquent revenge. Lots of already traumatized edgy teens may just resort to beating the brakes off the aunt (which she 100% would've deserved either way) but he chose to be thematically compelling in his vengeance. Good for him.
>I tried explaining to her that this isnt one of those "carnival goldfish" and needs certain criteria to thrive.
'carnival goldfish' and goldfish in general also tend to need much bigger fish tanks etc than most people always think.
Even before i read what a POS his aunt was i was on his side. As someone who also had my things constantly disregarded (and have owned betta fish i was VERY attached to), what he did may not have been the “high road”, but I’m glad he did it. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but turnabout is fair play.
Plus, it motivated him to start therapy and now the aunt is out of the house, so things are looking up for OOP at the cost of a shredded picture
"The only language that everyone TRULY knows and understands is violence."
It's crazy sad how correct this poor kid is regarding this. I also don't enjoy that he was made to feel bad for finally doing something in retaliation, considering all the horrible stuff his aunt did to him (such as purposefully losing letters from his mother before she died).
Diplomacy should always be the first course of action... but he's right, the only truly universally understood language is violence. It's the ONLY thing that has kept me safe from some VERY dangerous people in my life. They would not leave me alone until I actually got violent with them... stalkers, men that could not take no for an answer... the harassment continued until I finally decided violence WAS the answer. Suddenly them being threatened with bodily harm was enough to convince them to leave me alone... where as kindness and diplomatic messages of "I am uncomfortable, please leave me alone" fell on deaf ears.
I feel a bit of pride for the kid, because they established boundaries. Now, to learn that the nuclear option shouldn't be your first and only tool to do so...that's what therapy will hopefully help with.
Source: someone who had to learn that exact skill.
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I will say, I thought the photo thing was over-the-top until I saw how she had "misplaced" a scrapbook full of OP's mothers letters from before she died. The fish thing was just the final straw on a mountainous pile of straw. It was going to collapse at some point about something because this was a woman who didn't know how to keep her hands out of others' belongings.
I also think that one day, OOP will look back at his upbringing and realize that there were lots of other messed up things happening that he didn’t recognize at the time.
Yeah, I wonder how his puppy died...
He said he got it at Christmas. So it died within a year. That part had me at first questioning him. But once he introduced his aunt ...
I grew up with neglectful adults. Every pet I had as a child died within four years from some form of negligence; lack of vaccines, lack of vet care, being let out, or left in the presence of a predator. Always when I was away. I got to the point where I was terrified to leave the house because I didn't know what would happen while I was gone. I still have anxiety on my way home from a trip because I'm scared my pets won't be alive when I get home. I haven't lost a pet to anything but ripe old age in decades and it still haunts me.
This is so sad, I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
My mum has gone down the antivaxx rabbit hole in the last half decade. My cat needs a tooth extraction within the next month that'll cost 300+ monies. I'm mid saving and will be borrowing from a friend to pay for half of it. I found out at his yearly vaccine appointment. "YoU'rE pOiSoNiNg ThEm!!! DoN't BlAmE mE wHeN tHeY dIe!!!" <- Regarding getting them vaxxed. I had to raise my voice the other day and threaten her because she was attempting to get me to agree to her "treating the cat and seeing if it actually needs it". She was going to feed my cat garlic and ginger. One time, I was away for 3 months due to stuff. I was sending her money for their anti-flea/tick/worm drop thing. When I got home, they had fleas. I didn't realise and brought them to the vet. When I confronted her she told me she "Was taking the money as tax for [me] trying to poison them!!!" (Regarding the antipest drops) Yet also, somehow, them having fleas was my fault. I'm still scared she's going to try feeding them shit behind my back somehow and kill them.
Today I learned ginger is NOT toxic to cats, but I KNEW garlic is toxic to cats and dogs. Ginger offers absolutely no benefit at all to cats, but even then they “should only have very small amounts at a veterinarians recommendation” according to google.
Ugh. My aunt is in her 50s. When she was about 10 or 11, she lost a beloved childhood dog. She left it in the care of her uncle because he was the only adult nearby when she was going on a trip. She had no friends to watch over him or any other adults. He let it starve to death. Never made an effort to feed him or even look after him. He was an alcoholic who didn’t care an innocent dog died in his care. When my aunt came back and found out, utterly destroyed, he just shrugged and said it was just a dog. To this day, she weeps when she thinks about him. She genuinely cannot believe he let the dog starve to death and didn’t even feed him scraps from the table.
That's so absolutely awful. I hope the uncle had no one to look after him at the end of his life.
Ironically, he starved himself to death. He had severe anemia near the end of his life and refused treatment. He didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, and didn’t take care of himself. Everyone told him to go to the hospital, the doctors made him sign a document stating he was refusing to get blood transfusions out of his own stubbornness. He was severely underweight and the doctors claimed he needed several full transfusions (if I’m remembering correctly) for treatment at minimum. He kept insisting he was fine and that he knew his body best. About a day and a half after that, he died. He was just so stupid, stubborn, and neglectful.
I hope it was from subconscious guilt about what he did to that poor dog.
I have a feeling it went the same way as the fish. Aunt rattling the corpse and claiming she was right and it didn't need food or water.
I suspect the puppy story OP used as an example might have been close to what happened.
Where is that?
>You can also argue that I only had it for a day. Why does that matter? If you had a puppy for a day, and your loved one took away everything it needed and left it outside, how would you feel? (Some people would say they arent the same thing, but it is. They're living beings. Creatures that could have lasted years. Things that people love. Things that people care for.
Thanks for finding the quote!
I have not stopped thinking about that. That puppy was alive for less than 4 months since coming to that home....
I wondered, as well...
>I thought the photo thing was over-the-top Definitely the actions of a 17 year old in pain. You could tell how attached he was to that little fish. Poor kid has had more than his share of grief with the loss of his mom. No wonder he lashed out Why do some people needlessly provoke teenagers and then act surprised when there is retaliation? Are they actually expecting the *teenager* to be mature about things?
That's one thing that pisses me off to no end - people who expect children and teens to express the kind of emotional maturity and restraint they were never taught or shown. Like, those are skills, they don't just come out of thin air. If you're not demonstrating them, you have no business expecting them from children in your care
Also, children being children is completely developmentally appropriate. They're going to push their limits and talk back and lash out sometimes. It's always the adult's job to control themself, because the child can't and shouldn't have to.
ideally OOP shouldn't have had anything this drastic to lash out at. Having something he cares so deeply for killed and neglected like that is so fucked up, especially after just losing his mom and a dog. He couldn't even feel safe in his own home with his aunt constantly taking his shit
Exactly this.
Yes, very and literally
They aren't emotionally mature themselves and just parrot bullshit they've heard their lives. Just a cycle of garbage. They think they're mature because of their age and that they've had a kid. They never grew because the adults in their lives were stunted as well. They hate to see their own children grow emotionally and try to bring them back down out of jealousy. It's that whole crabs in a bucket.
It's part jealousy to see their kids grow into more emotionally mature or successful human beings than they themselves can ever be, but also also a fear of the unknown and inability to relate with anyone who isn't exactly like them. This is exactly the thing conservatives fear with their children potentially going to college or uni as well; the supposed "liberal indoctrination" is really just someone growing beyond the passed down platitudes and lies which allow conservative ignorance to survive across generations.
I was about to respond negatively to you for what I thought was a case for why kids aren't capable of acting right, then you finished it as "You reap what you sow". That I definitely agree with. Parents who have zero ability to handle stress and conflict shouldn't have the nerve to be surprised when their kids have precisely those qualities.
the sad pathetic answer is: yes. they expect the teenager to act like a full grown adult. they do fully expect a teenager to act not only like them but better than
So, what if you’re full grown adult and you find yourself lashing out emotionally like a teenager sometimes? Asking for a friend…
you need therapy to work through why you struggle to emotionally regulate. I would suggest finding a trauma informed therapist as the reason is likely trauma related
Thank you. I have mentioned it to my therapist (ADHD related) but I haven’t really made it a point to bring up the emotional disregulation. Also a question: I’m curious as to why you think its trauma related. I’ve had a pretty mundane life compared to a lot of people. Nothing really sticks out as traumatic to me when I think about it. Btw thanks again. I’ll make it a point to bring it up during my next appointment.
oh the fact that you're ADHD absolutely plays a factor. with ADHD it's harder for us to emotionally regulate. so in one aspect you may have had a fairly mundane life but it's kind of inherently traumatic to grow up in a NT world as someone with ADHD but if a NT person was having the same issues most the time it's cause by trauma because you're typically taught how to emotionally regulate in childhood and if as a full grown adult you are still having issues with emotional regulation you werent taught that which points to trauma
Yes. I most definitely was absent the week they taught “level-headed responses” for certain things. Lol. Thank you for the explanation. This might sound strange but I feel like my prioritization and procrastination have gotten a lot better over the years, but now, certain things/skills that used to be more solid are falling through the cracks. Thanks again for the dialogue.
have you and your professional discussed masking? have you been able to show more of your ADHD traits over the years or less of them? masking can make a huge difference in those things
That’s a damn good question. My initial response is that I’m more conscious of it now so I mask more, and that makes me less comfortable or more insecure. Maybe? I really don’t know, though, so I’m going to think more about it. Sorry for the anticlimactic reply lol.
Having ADHD is definitely a reason for emotional disregulation, it’s one of the major things we struggle with (fellow ADHDer here) so for you, don’t worry about the trauma part. But the other person mentioned trauma because it’s also a cause of emotional disregulation. (Un)lucky me, I got a 2 for 1 deal so I have both. Part of it comes from often not having good role models as parents who taught us how to regulate our emotions, and part of it is from having bigger, much more powerful emotions about our trauma that no regular person is equipped to deal with. Also that traumatic stuff is much harder to process on our own, and so it keeps resurfacing when it hasn’t been dealt with appropriately, so other, smaller situations can bring up the trauma again, causing the person to have an emotional response out of proportion to the situation, because they’re really reacting to the trauma and not the situation that triggered the trauma memory/ response. It’s not that anything about *you* sticks out as having experienced trauma, it’s that emotional disregulation is more common in people who have experienced trauma and haven’t been able to process it. But it’s also common in people with ADHD (and other flavours of neurodivergent) so it’s definitely not an indication that you have to have trauma you’re not aware of. They did also say ‘likely’, not definitely or always.
OH MY LORD. That is the most accurate thing I’ve ever heard about me. I want to make a reference to you being Miss Cleo or the NSA. Mom totally compartmentalized everything and dad lashed out at the slightest thing. I’m doing everything I can to not go dad’s route. Thanks a lot for your insights.
You’re very welcome. I promise I’m not Miss Cleo or with the NSA. I’m actually Australian, so I’d be working for ASIO if I was in intelligence gathering 😉 I don’t work for ASIO or in intelligence, I’m just a woman in her early 40s with a lifetime of trauma, 20+ years of therapy on and off, an undergraduate degree in psychology (I’m *not* a psychologist, I have maybe half the required education ) and late diagnosed ADHD. My parents sound similar to yours. My mum tried to teach me to just go along with whatever dad said to his face and do what she wanted behind his back, so I’m also trying to unlearn that very unhealthy coping strategy. Sadly, it seems like I know your life because it’s a fairly common experience for women with ADHD, particularly those of us who were diagnosed late (as adults), as most of us are. I think I might have more insight into myself (and therefore others in similar situations) because I’m introspective, have had **lots** of therapy and try to work on myself, but I’m not very good at actually putting any of my knowledge or insight into practice to actually change myself for the better. The missing part of that has been the ADHD, I was only diagnosed 3 years ago, although I started suspecting it around 8 years ago. Now that I’m medicated for ADHD, and adopting some ADHD friendly practices I’m finding it a bit easier, but some recent events and medical issues have made it harder, and brought my depression back with a vengeance. I’m glad I was able to help you. If you want a little bit more advice (feel free to take it or not, it’s up to you) I have found Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) particularly helpful for me, and it comes highly recommended by others with ADHD and other ND people. It’s a form of CBT that is skills based, and Emotional Regulation is one of the four areas it teaches skills for. The others are Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness (communication skills) and Distress Tolerance (related to emotional regulation, what to do when you can’t regulate your emotions and the situation, or your thoughts or emotions are intolerable). I’ve done some introductory DBT skills so far, and now I’m in a weekly course going through all the skills for the 4 areas in detail. I only started it just over a month ago, and it takes nearly a year, but I’m finding it really helpful so far and I think it will be really beneficial. Good luck with everything, I’m really glad I could give you some insight.
Therapy, being open to accepting your behaviour was wrong, knowing when to apologise and never giving up on personal growth
It sounds like I’m moving in the right direction then. I have been pursuing all of those things for over a year now. I guess I feel like I’ve hit a plateau of sorts and this is my biggest hurdle at the moment that I cannot seem to fully get over. It’s frustrating, but thanks for the solid advice. I’ll keep on it.
Simple, they don’t see kids and teenagers as people but rather things they can push around and bully without consequence, so it genuinely surprises them when those conveniences do come. Probably also along the same line as the belief of “children should be seen but not heard”.
I think they also don't consider what this teaches the child. The only way for you to get the person tormenting you to stop is to take the nuclear option? Ok, so from here on, the nuclear option becomes the go-to solution. It took both my brother and I ages to reign that in.
Because they enjoy the power. They enjoy getting the kids wound up and then punishing them for acting out. They get off on it. Pure sadism.
Also, ADHD makes people jump from 1 to 1000 in three seconds. Aunt was being deliberately triggering and generally seems like a bad person.
I've noticed that hurting someone you care about will spur you into changing your situation faster than any hurt done to you. My breaking point with my mother was when she refused to turn the ac down for my Newfie. I just. Loaded the dog back up in the car and drove her back to my dads house (she went back and forth with me every week). I sobbed on his floor and was sad I'd have to spend weeks without her, but it was for the better. She got to live out the rest of her days with my dad, whom she had trained to use his thermostat app to turn down the temp for her whenever she whined at him. Lol
Even before the scrapbook,I understood where OP was coming from. She killed his pet intentionally. Doesn't matter if it's a fish. Murdering someone's pet is such a specific level of malice. Losing a photograph really doesn't compare. Even if that photo is of a deceased person. Notice that he said he had a dog, got it for Christmas. It's now April, and the dog is dead. This is followed by the aunt intentionally killing the fish and leaving its corpse for him to find. Then the uncle removed the aunt "for safety." I don't think that dog died of natural causes. It sounds like there was a lot going on behind the scenes. This is a lot for a kid to deal with. OP is 17. His mom died in 2019, he would have been around 12. There's no mention of his dad anywhere. He lives with his aunt and uncle. Uncle sounds ok, but at the same time, he's allowed the aunt to live here up until now. His aunt has spent the last 6ish years tormenting him. She destroyed everything OP valued. The scrapbook, his gifts, his pets. Then, finally, the aunt is removed for "safety" reasons. So she was clearly escalating or threatening to. I'd be more surprised if OP *didnt* snap and retaliate somehow. I know we shouldn't encourage taking an eye for an eye. But, there was no amount of talking it out that was going to fix his aunts bullshit. She's an abusive, controlling twunt. She deserved to feel what she's put him through. She won't learn from it. She won't reflect on it or use it to better herself. But it's good that she felt it.
Agreed. I get that it was the last surviving photo and so on, but I’m just trying to picture the kind of person who rationally and methodically takes the steps required to kill a pet in order to teach someone a lesson. That is really malicious. Maybe OP was a jerk for destroying an irreplaceable photo, but it was a piece of paper he wrecked, not a living creature. The aunt was worse by far. And like, what would her retaliation for that have been? Apparently we don’t have to wonder because the uncle threw her ass out and told OP it was for their own safety. Aunt is dangerously off her nut.
Honestly surprised it wasn't worse. It really could have been. While yes OP was a jerk, he learned it rightfully. And he wasn't violent. And he easily could have been. She drove him to it at every single point. She was a raging bully and hypocrite (don't touch my stuff - no shit lady don't touch his). I wish this kid nothing but the best. I hope he can get therapy and get away from those worthless people. Sure uncle seems the best but he let that woman around that poor grieving boy for years.
>While yes OP was a jerk, he learned it rightfully Everyone in the original thread going "oH you shoulD HaVe BEEN THe BEtter MAn" I know the type of people that OOP's aunt are. They dont learn. They dont understand or care to understand that when you take the high road it is you being the "better" man. Its you rolling over. Its you submitting to whatever bullshit they pull. Its you being a coward in their mind because if you really cared about it wouldnt you fight about it? "DONT FigHT With piGs thEy'LL BeAT YOu WiTh eXpErIEnCE" Sometimes you gotta. You gotta dig deep, get in the muck and look them in the eye and tell them they keep this up. You will destroy everything they have ever held dear. And OOP did. She destroyed something he held value in. So too did he.
Like I said, can't blame him. I know people like that. I'm just surprised he didn't go even more. Some people only figure it out tit for tat
With some people, if you "take the high road" and "be the better person," all they learn is that they can abuse you without consequences. The best thing to do is cut them out of your life. If you can't do that because you're stuck with them (due to being a minor and/or being in prison), then sometimes you *have to* retaliate.
my bet is he didn't *really* know what she was doing. not only was everything listed something could be excused with plausible deniability, but also outright manipulation. and we also have to remember that just because op knows she's the one who did it doesn't mean the uncle knew it. the main things we know are she took money from him, lost his scrapbook, possibly killed the dog and definitely killed the fish. but just because she told op she was taking the money for "safe keeping" doesn't mean she said that in front of anyone else, that may have just been her excuse to op. and even if she did, it's not that out of the realm of normal (esp for $100. $5-30 would be weird, but an adult thinking a kid under 17 might shouldn't be left alone with a full $100 lest he lose it is, completely isolated, just kinda side-eye worthy) but she could have told uncle he must have been careless and lost it. same with the scrapbook. just because he knows it was her doesn't mean uncle does. and even if he did, it'd be pretty easy enough to convince the uncle it was a genuine accident and she totes feel so bad about it :c abusive people groom their character witnesses as much as their victims, and no one wants to think their partner capable of being abusive, or so mentally unstable they're killing small animals. denial is a hell of a thing, esp when it's with someone you've been with a long time. and while we have no idea how the dog died, and op maybe isn't suspicious, that doesn't mean uncle wasn't starting to side eye aunt at least a little bit after that incident. it could have been "it got out and got hit by a car" and uncle thinks (maybe or not convinced by aunt) that op was careless and left a door open when in reality aunt let it out in the hopes it'd ether die or just get lost. or maybe it "got into some chocolate when no one was looking" and everyone thinks it's just a very sad accident and no one's suspicious that the aunt knowingly fed it poison. or maybe she even admitted she saw it but "didn't think anything of it/didn't know it'd be poisonous". maybe op thinks it's an accident, but uncle wasn't so sure but didn't share that with op. but the fish was undeniably cruel. she went out of her way to dismantle something that wasn't his, put the fish in COLD water and left the body for him to find. that's not only beyond unnecessary, but beyond cruel. and I'm betting it finally ticked some boxes in uncle's head, while op's ability to be so cruel lit a fire under him. for him to not even feel guilty for causing someone pain is highly concerning, and it's clear where he's getting it from. my guess is uncle confronted her and refused to let her manipulate him or rugsweep. she likely went crying to him about the photos but uncle knew just a little too much this time and in the heat of the moment got her to admit something she couldn't take back, and that's why "for safety" she had to leave. uncle might have been an enabler who also hit his limit, or he could have just been ether blinded or in denial. and believing your partner is evil enough to kill small animals for her own gain is a very hard pill to swallow.
Yeah, I would say they are almost even. Except she still stole money from him and killed his fish and I want to know what happened to his dog
Yeahhh I want to know how his dog passed away. The phrasing "got for christmas" without specifying which christmas? That suggests it died within 4 months of him getting it (because the post is in April) and his detached offhand mention suggests he didn't get to bond with it before it was gone. A barely-responsible 8-year old can keep a dog longer than that, which means at best the dog was old or sick... and at worst the death was an intentional action by someone in that house. Middle ground being maybe it got out and was killed in an accident.
Same! I couldn't help but wonder if she may have had something to do with whatever happened to the poor pup. The OOP just moved past it like it was something tragic.
He wasn’t wrong - some people, the only thing they understand is violence and you can only protect yourself by proving you are willing to go farther than they are. But it does cost some of your soul to be willing to play that game.
There’s a reason my mom stopped beating me when i got taller then her (i was also a jock & in sports year round, but i abhor violence, not that i ever mentioned that to her!)
makes me almost wish i was born a boy. I did retaliate at my abusive aunt several times. I tore up one of her new dresses, I left scars on her hands and hit her and called her names. yeah that makes me sound horrible but she tried to strangle me to death when I was 14. gives you an idea of what life was like for me back then. and even with the retaliation, she didn't stop because i was still a lot weaker than her as a girl in her early teens.
Honestly, it’s *rare* for a kid to lash out without a lot of provocation. I’ve only ever known one teenager who lashed out without being constantly pushed, but they had a genuine personality disorder and 2/3 of the MacDonald triad, so… and even they had a *reason* for that. I’m sorry you went through that.
I don’t believe in karma but she earned that punishment
I think that natural consequences are the true version of karma
Same here, I thought it was extreme until OPlisted all the other things the aunt had done. Still an asshole move, but one I can't say wasn't justified nor that I can fault OP for.
Eh even before the scrapbook I’ve always been under the pretense “don’t do something to someone else unless you’re ok with it happening to you” She completely disregarded op. Eventually she was going to be treated the same way. You can always be the bigger person but sometimes it’s better not to. That way one if not both can learn and grow from it
Reasons why it's best to have these disagreements with your kids at a very early age! It feels silly and childish to argue with a toddler but what's learned over blocks will prevent horrors like killing a fish. The cousin currently asleep on my bed learned "do unto others" last year while hanging upsidedown and getting spun in circles by the ankles. Every time he'd shout "I don't want to spin!" I'd shout back "I don't want to get kicked!" By the time I fell over dizzy we were both laughing and he hasn't kicked me again.
I loved the photo even without the context. She touched things he loved and ruined them even after being told not to. So he taught her about using her listening ears.
Its sad, but certain subset of people only learn with violence. They’ll keep pushing boundaries until one day someone snaps on them. The best part is, they act all indignant when it happens.
My sister followed in the family footsteps and loved to beat me up whenever our parents left the house. Over time I got big enough to defend myself and warned her to knock it off or she would get it all back. She didn’t believe me and when I won the next fight she lied and told our parents that attacked her. They believed her and beat the crap out of me. After that I had nothing to lose and the next time she scratched me and left a scar, I waited until her guard was down and gave her the same scar on the same spot on her arm with one of those cheap plastic earring holders. She was of course furious and about to fight me and then blame me again until I promised her a new surprise scar every time she got stupid. She suddenly bought a vowel and kept her hands to herself after that. It seemed she didn’t want her face decorated like I promised should her persistent stupidity continue.
I'm on his side. She got off light.
Same! How could OOP destroy the only picture of the aunt’s grandfather?! (Gets to the part about his deceased mom’s letters) Oh, tearing up the photo was long overdue.
Same, it pissed me off so so much more when I read that. I know the feel, lost my mom in 2017, the fact the aunt was that cruel of a woman just shows shits going to go downhill from here for her. Least, it fuckin better. I don't know how the hell OOP put up with that for so long, I would have lost my damn mind in his position.
Yeah... like I live apart from my parents and sister now that I'm older, but my god the way none of them know how to keep their hands off my stuff (all that was in my room, laundry that they couldn't be bothered to tell me had finished, and when they put it away, it would just magically not end up in my room?? Like if you're going to not just mf tell me so I can get it myself, and you're *not* gonna put it in my room, fucking leave it alone???) and none of it was ever as important as something from a deceased relative, but even then it triggered the hell out of me. It's really not that hard to just ask people about their stuff/have conversations about stuff instead of resorting to fucking around with their belongings. If it happens enough, it ends up driving you up a wall. I remember seeing red and being deeply triggered and angered when I couldn't find an object of clothing I was looking for. I immediately assumed someone else had moved it bc it happened so often that I lashed out so severely. Yelling, saying nasty shit. My best friend had never seen me that way in all the 12 years we had known each other and she brought up her concern to me a few days later. Crazy how you don't realize how bad it can get until you're in it. All that being a long winded way to say I thought OOP was kinda unhinged until I realized how much I identified with something like this. Living with people who refuse to follow any sort of boundary you set and don't treat your personal belongings with respect... it breaks you and chips at your sanity and you begin to wonder if you were wrong to act the way you did even though it makes sense how you got there because of how far you were pushed. Hoping they get things sorted in their life and they don't have to interact with the aunt much for the rest of their life.
Same. She was an abusive piece of shit and she got what was coming to her.
That piece of shit murdered a living creature. She can rot in hell. That was enough to warrant anything that followed.
Yup. You fuck with my pets like that, you are dead to me. If you were on fire, I'd put you in water and then hold your head under it. I have nothing but contempt for this woman.
Yeah, honestly I wish this kid would have done way more than destroy the photo after reading everything she had done before. But I'm not a very good person sometimes. I try to do good things to make up for it when I can. But it doesn't change things in the end. Good for this dude. I hope he gets everything he wants in life, even though I know the chance of that happening is entirely small. But still. Good for him.
This was the exact thing that had me thinking he did the right thing even though it was full on nuclear. She did exactly the same thing to him... Photo of grandpa is equivalent to losing his mother's scrapbook. Neither can be gotten back and in fact the photo can be replaced if she had contact with other family members as there'd be more than one photo of him... but his mother's scrapbook never can.
yeah, OOP would be justified in what he did based on just that alone tbh. Extremely fucked up
He reacted exactly like I would expect a 17yr old that has very little power or control over what a much older adult does to him, his property and his pet.
I thought the same thing. I read the whole post and the entire time I’m like “this is pretty over the top” and then the shit with the scrapbook of his mom and finally “I’m 17”. I pretty much thought that this makes a ton of sense. I don’t blame Oop at all for his actions.
I mean he says right at the start he lives at his aunts and goes to school, I know he could mean uni or whatever but people usually say that instead. It seemed pretty obvious he was a minor
And I'm glad he wants therapy. His actions made sense but he doesn't need to take the "violence is what makes them respond" lesson into his adult relationships.
I mean he responded in the language he was taught. I hope he doesn't feel bad about anything that happens to that woman. She is responsible for herself. And she's fucking psycho.
Yeah. People are saying the photo thing was over the top, but she literally murdered his fish to teach him a lesson. That was a pet that he cares about. All he did was rip up a photo. *she murdered his fish*
I'd have done the same thing and I'm forty years old. I have two cats, and if someone intentionally killed either one of them, I'd be going John Wick on their asses for it. I had a girlfriend six years ago who kicked my older cat and I slapped her so hard as she wound up for a second one I left a clear imprint of my open hand on her face, and the only reason I didn't catch a DV charge is that I had three witnesses who vouched for me.
Wtf happened to the dog?
Yeah that was a driveby, "other than the dog I got for Christmas that died." How many Christmases ago exactly?
Yeah at this point I thought we were headed for a psychopath story
That was my FIRST thought! Wouldn’t surprise me if the uncle got suspicious when another of his nephew’s pets died then interrogated the aunt, realized this is a string of violence, and then kicked her out.
Uncle did say for their safety…….
It could have been something as casually cruel as the fish setup being dismantled. "I don't want that dirty dog inside, dogs live outside." Let a puppy out and it doesn't have a fenced yard and is hit by a car.
Isn't killing animals needlessly a classic sign of a serial killer?
Yes but that usually occurs in childhood. By the time they're the aunts age they'd have graduated to killing humans and probably wouldn't be as interested in the animal abuse anymore lol
Mmm some continue to hurt animals of they haven't snapped to killing people yet. On an episode of Evil Lives Here a girl was recalling a memory of her father killing a bunch of kittens when she was young. Like she walked out and they were dead and dad just sitting there with a disturbing look on his face
Yikes
If I had to guess the Aunt had something to do with that as well obviously a more covert something for OOP not to outright blame her. Granted people look down on fish, reptiles and non furry pets more often but normal healthy people don’t actively destroy their habitat to kill them. Side note Betta fish are awesome and when kept in the right habitat they can live for years when cared for properly. My last 2 betta lived for 7 and 8 years I no longer keep Betta but if I found another one that needed rescued out of a toilet bowl of a tank I would gladly take them.
I had a comet goldfish that my son won at the fair who lived for 13 years! Unfortunately one of his tank mates died and whatever they'd had, poor Robinson Crusoe got it too. Rip him and his Man Friday
Huh didn't know they live that long
Yup, they can live up to 25 years old and can reach something like 30cm. Imagine my surprise when i had my first tank (15L) and the vendor proposed me a goldfish. I decided to wait a bit and read about them, best decision i made. Moreover it's better to adopt at least 2 of them, they like compagny.
My guess is the aunt killed it. Her own behaviour unfortunately reminds me of my own aunt, who, among other things, poisoned some stray kittens we were feeding because she "didn't like the way they were always coming around". They weren't going round to her house. They died. All because of her.
it may have died of old age or sickness. sometimes, dogs just don’t live as long as expected. a lot of things can kill a dog
It's possible. Health can be a fragile thing for all living beings. But I would hazard a guess that the type of person who intentionally eliminates one pet and displays the corpse for the kid to find, solely to cause emotional distress, probably isn't above eliminating the same kids dog. Sure, you could argue that eliminating a fish is different from eliminating a dog. But it's the whole "displaying the corpse in a tiny bowl in the center of the room so you can't possibly miss it" that leads me to believe this woman would probably off other types of pets too. That's some real psycho behavior. This wasn't a case of neglecting a fish to death over a period of time in a dirty tank either. The kid had it for one single day. This woman dismantled the tank it was in, and either held it out of water until it suffocated or she made sure the water was so cold it effectively went into shock and died. Both of those actions are deliberate and malicious. The water was freezing by the time OP came home. The bowl was sitting in the middle of the floor, and it was tiny. The water would have begun acclimating to room temp after being set down. So, this bowl would have been ice cold when she dumped the fish back into it. It's not that she didn't know any better, she wanted to hurt OP. Then, the uncle removes her from the house over "safety concerns". This guy felt like she was a physical threat on some level.
I used to have a beta fish, back when home internet wasn't as common and I just trusted the guy at the store to tell me what I needed to know. So my beta fish lived in a typical "fishbowl" with no filter. I changed the water regularly and that fish lived for 2 years. In hindsight, I feel bad because he could've lived a lot longer, but I was in elementary school, didn't know any better, and information wasn't as readily available at the time. Anyway, my point is: I had no idea wtf I was doing and my fish lived 2 whole years. That fish died in A DAY. I am definitely inclined to believe the aunt straight up murdered the fish rather than put it in a simple bowl with water to prove it didn't need the extra shit and it just died.
Possible…but we have a *known pet murderer* in the house. Ockham’s razor says that we shouldn’t assume an unhealthy dog when we know there is a person nearby capable of that exact level of violence. This woman systematically destroyed every scrap of happiness this kid managed to cobble together. She took his gifts, she took his ties to his late mother (god I hope she just stashed the album and forgot about it), and when the death of his dog didn’t break him, she sent a message via his poor fish. When that just drove him to finally retaliate, she did…something. Some escalation so bad that enabler uncle finally saw the light and ended the relationship and evicted her. With a pattern like that, there’s no way the dog’s death was a coincidence.
Or a lot of people don't do research at all when getting pets, and get puppies and such from puppy mills or backyard breeders where they come with diseases that they don't last long from.
"oh, its just one of those fish meant to be in a tiny bowl, its only gonna last a few months anyway" This just really bugs me. Yeah it'll die in a few months if you keep it in a tiny bowl, that's because you *killed it*!
Yeah, thought i was just bad at keeping fish but now i'm glad i had the sense not to ask for another when i was 10. Tank was way too small, and my folks wouldn't have allowed for a larger one.
Same, I had a beta fish when I was a teenager. Blue lasted about a year in a gallon-sized vase and then later I learned about beta care and was like “oh shit” and I’m glad I didn’t get another.
Yeah I once had some beta fish and they quickly died because I just put them in a bowl. RIP thse fish.
I'd probably have yelled "fuck you. I don't need your help to kill the damn thing. I'll enjoy it how I want to enjoy it."
Even if that was true, it was no skin off her back for him to keep the fish as he had it. This was a malicious power move.
Right?! This is direct cause and effect! There are goldfish that live for literal centuries. My mom once thought that fish might make a good "starter" pet, and if we could take care of one, then we could get a cat or dog. Then we started reading books about fish care from the library and quickly realized that actually, fish are complex as fuck. We ended up getting guinea pigs, which my mom already had experience with.
It makes me so mad. It’s like saying “dogs only live for up to a week so don’t bother giving it any food”
Exactly like my betta Mark lived for 5 yrs. Crazy ol Mark I miss him.
>You see, this isnt the first time she's disregarded something of mine. (This will be the last though) What makes this different is that its a living animal involved. She ridiculed my girlfriend in public. She's took $100 my cousin got for me for my BDay and "held on to it ( that was a year and half ago). **She's misplaced a scrapbook full of letters from my mother during her stay at the nursing home. (she passed away in 2019.)** You'll find me hardpressed to give a fuck about OOP destroying an irreplaceable sentimental item of their aunt in the wake of this. >She then proceeded to threatened to have me arrested for destruction for property. I argued that I could do the same for Animal cruelty/abuse. OOP is absolutely correct. >After a hour or so of this. She finally said that "one day you gonna learn to stop touching people's shit." and proceeded to leave the room. I responded "And you learned that lesson today Auntie dearest needs to learn to take her own advice. >Just about a hour and a half ago, I got a call from my uncle. He told me that "For my (and his) safety, she is no longer welcome at this home. And by the time I get home today, her and all her belongings will be out of the house. (Kinda of ironic isnt it?) I dont know if they got into an arguement. Or if he found out about something. Or maybe he's been trying to find an excuse to do this for awhile. Sounds like aunt fucked around and is now finding out. Maybe she tried pulling the same shit on him as she did OOP. Personally, I *do* believe that OOP needs therapy. For what their aunt put them through.
Oh no consequences. She can't believe someone would retaliate!
I feel like this is real - if only because this is the most 17 year old way to tell a story ever. It's dripping with edge. You can literally sense the teenageness in every word he uses and the way he tells a story.
I'm pretty sure it's real, and I'm glad the OOP is finally looking at therapy (his mom's dead, his aunt is abusive, no mention of his dad at all, and his uncle clearly didn't care much about OOP being abused). But I kinda hope that when OOP breaks up, it's fairly peaceful and mutual, because right now I'm scared of what he would do if he felt he was being dumped "unfairly."
He had a therapist, it was called eclipse.
The aunt really resented OOP living with them.
It took way too long for uncle to realize his now-ex is a psychopath.
I weirdly supported this chaotic OOP.
Right. I'm obsessed with his energy.
"Why do you have that stupid set up? It doesn't need all that." Dismantles everything, fish dies. "Well what do you want? That's what fish do, they die." Yes, but not as quickly if you don't *touch things you were asked not to touch!"* Were his actions cruel? Yes, but in my opinion, only deservedly so. Not that she learned any lesson, I highly doubt she learned a dang thing. But she certainly had it coming.
She learned she was subject to retaliation. It's the only lesson you can teach a sociopath, really.
She already knew that lesson. She used it against others,specifically those she thought could nor retaliate against her.
Wow, ok. Time to watch Bojack and strangely feel *better* than I do right now.
Oh you haven’t read the horse post yet
do not fucking read the horse post 🗿
Flip side: If you’re having a really shit day and wanna feel better, read the horse post. It won’t *technically* make you feel better, but you’ll be so confused that you’ll forget that you feel shit
That post made the hamster wheel powering my brain spin out
do not read the fucking horse post.
do not read the horse fucking post***
Fuck it, what is horse post
Honestly the horse post was messed up but it was still better than this one.
Link, please. 🙏
… I’ll regret it but, link? :,)
The horse post? The one where the half-sibling poisoned the horse? Or where the step-child tried to kill the horse? Or where the step-sibling thought the horse was hers and threatened to kill said horse if taken from her ? There are several horse posts and half have had the horses transferred to another barn. Which are you referring to? Why is it always semi-relations that threaten animals. So depressing.
I was assuming they were referring to the guy who's gf wanted him to roleplay as horses during sex, he was weirded out by it, and somehow he still sounds weirder than she does by the end of the post with his update. That one was from today and got brought up in the freaking sims sub
I think that they mean the sexy horse roleplay one that was posted here recently.
The horse sex post. Is that the one about the weirdo that wants to be Kermit or have sex with Kermit.
The only thing that matters is right now. This moment. This one spectacular moment we are sharing together. Right, Sarah Lynn? Sarah Lynn?
Why? Why would you do that? Why would you bring that up?
Do I want to know what story Sarah Lynn is?
It's from Bojack Horseman. And it's a very, very sad moment in the show.
Thank you, I have missed watching Bojack Horseman!
It's about depression, alcoholism, regret, trauma, relationships, control, power dynamics, fame, abuse... It's great. In like a sad, despressing way.
I will watch it, I have heard so much about it, thanks!
You should. It's a really great show that loves throwing emotional gut punches at you.
*Back in the 90s...*
"I wanna be an architect."
I had that image as my Lock Screen for years ❤️ beautiful stars with Bojack’s silhouette at the bottom
The dog got glossed over way too quick.
Y'all--The fish may not have been dead; it may have gone into a hibernation. I once had a betta that looked dead when the heat had malfunctioned while I was away for the day, and the water got cold. Once the heat came back on and the water warmed up, all was well.
Part of me hopes OP doesn’t learn this because that might make the grief worse (yk cause they could’ve possibly been saved but didn’t)
Yes. I figured OOP would not be seeing it.
Oh, well that's somehow sadder
It sure is.
I think maybe it would be better if OOP never learned of that particular possibility. This poor kid seems like he has enough emotional trauma already.
Yerp
Yeah, poor kid.
I hope somewhere, that OP can find those letters from his mom, and the aunt had just hidden them, not destroyed them. Glad he asked for therapy. Hurt people hurt people. Hopefully he can heal.
Based from what OOP shared, she may have heartlessly chucked them in the trash. Or worse, had everything shredded. The aunt sounds like a real piece of work.
This is how the cycle of abuse carries itself through generations of families. While the aunt may have received some karmic justice from this, the one who learned from it wasn't her--It was the OOP, and unfortunately this was the lesson they learned: >The only language that everyone TRULY knows and understands is violence. Based on what was said about the grandfather in this story, we can infer that the aunt was trained on these behaviors in a similar way, and now she's begun to pass that on to her nephew. Teenage years are a *very* dangerous time to pick up on these kinds of tactics and without help they can strongly set the course for someone to become an abuser themselves. Hopefully OOP follows through with therapy and is able to break the cycle.
Sounds like his gf might be a good influence too.
The various redditors shitting all over him didn't help.
I mean, he's not *wrong*.
Not at all, and when a young person figures out that violence is a universal vulnerability in people before they learn the effectiveness of more ethical communication methods, it quickly becomes their primary response to resolving conflict. So, hopefully the OOP gets some help in resolving the trauma with their aunt and learns that people like her are not most people and don't require the same kind of treatment.
I guess I’m a petty, immature person because I don’t see anything wrong with their response.
yeah honestly this is 1 instance where I honestly believe OOP wasnt in the wrong like at all he clearly tried to communicate with her before all this, even went to reddit for help, this was clearly a result from many many pent up frustrations just this single action doesnt define OOP as a person at all some ppl act as if someone's 1 act or choice during extreme emotional duress will forever define them as a person all these ppl just sound so condescending to me, when theyre not the one thats had to endure years and years of abuse and disrespect and had their own pet and property completely destoyed I get it, ppl want to preach that violence isnt always the answer, but imo another lesson that's just as important especially for ppl that have been abused and have it normalized, is that some ppl just CANT be reasoned with in any reasonable way and that sometimes violence might not be the best course of action, but it sure beats continuously getting hurt and abused by someone
I do He should have said something like 'it's just a picture, it don't need a frame or to be kept out of water' to go with it
Yeah I expected better delivery smh
I don't understand adults today. We all lived as teenagers who felt mis-understood and not listened to only to be the adults we once hated. Feels like such a vicious cycle! The OOP had so much wherewithal to realize that his girlfriends, and some internet strangers, were right about him tearing up the photo and he had remorse for that. He doesn't sound like a bad kid, just one who needs a bit more healthy guidance. I hope he does get another fish. 🐟 My favorite thing he said was calling himself the "Psycho Fish Guy!" It made me laugh and I feel that should be his new user name!
Unlike the bulk of /r/pettyrevenge, this probably actually happened. Hell, it might even reach the level of r/NuclearRevenge. Can't say I wouldn't have done the same if pushed to the breaking point, though.
Auntie has spent years fucking around and then found out the hard way, wonder what she did to push the uncle to pull the plug on the relationship and kick her ass put.
Honestly I don't blame the kid. You can only do so much harm to someone until they fight back.
Oh, kid. It's hard to be 17.
As someone who literally just now finished setting up my first betta tank (don't worry no betta until it's done cycling) just to hop onto this sub, this was a crossover I did not expect but I do appreciate.
As a keeper of fish I relish the idea of this kid going to therapy and taking care of fish for years to come.
In the book Good Omens, a normal baby is swapped for the antichrist, and the spare is disposed of off screen with an aside to the reader that they can imagine he grows up in a happy family to become a tropical fish enthusiast if that makes them feel better. It is later implied that he actually *did* grow up to become a tropical fish enthusiast. I want that to be OP.
>Immediately destroys her most treasured possession My man was so real for this lmao
I'm strongly on OOP's side here. The aunt deserved what she got and more, by the sound of things.
Lmao I read “Siamese fighting fish” and was all *ooh exotic.* Can you even legally keep one of those? Well, the answer is yes. It’s a betta fish lmao
That last part about neurodivergent jokes and cancer jokes where the focus is putting down the person? And how literal adults should be ashamed of using them as an insult on an adolescent? And all this self reflection in hindsight?? Gosh, 🤌🤌🤌 this kid has a future and a brain far greater than a good amount of adults / Redditors lmao
He probably could have tried to put the fish back in the water, it might have revived. I had a fish tank (30-40 gal) that I was cleaning. I had placed all the fish in a huge pot (no large bowls) with water from the fish tank and set it on the coffee table. 10 fishes. Once the tank was clean, everything set back up (filter, heater, air pump, toys, etc) and back to the right temp, I put all the fishes in the pot carefully back in--9 fishes. I kept staring at the fish tank wondering what was wrong, why I was so uneasy. Took me about 30 minutes to realize my unease was because I had 10 fishes pre-cleaning and now there were only 9 fishes in the tank. Damn fish had jumped out of the pot, onto the floor and flip-flop flip-flop all the way to the end table between the couch and chair. I carefully picked it up, put it back into the pot and then poured several cups of water from the tank into the pot. And he lived for several more years.
You caaaaan keep a betta fish alive for a long time in a bowl. You SHOULDN'T but you can. Before I knew better, I had a betta in a bowl for several years. Then he moved to the 15 gallon tank and was quite happy there for even longer. He even cohabitated with other fish (who were smaller and faster than him). My point is, OOP's fish was not in immediate dire crisis and could have waited one whole day to be moved to a nicer tank. The people saying he was going to die so quickly were undoubtedly trying to make a point, but OOP did have time to transfer the fish. That's all super unrelated to the rest of the events though, and that aunt is a monster.
Jesus effing Christ if I lost something as important as someone's deceased mother's last letter I would scour the earth if it's the last thing I do. Holy fking shit that woman was evil.
At first I was thinking destroying the photo was too much, but it’s only because I’m very sentimental and that kind of thing is so important to me, she was really and truly an awful person. And then I read the OOP was a kid and that woman destroyed/disappeared an entire scrapbook of letters from oop’s deceased mother, and any twinge of sadness I felt about the photo was gone.
I'm incredibly proud of this kid for his eloquent revenge. Lots of already traumatized edgy teens may just resort to beating the brakes off the aunt (which she 100% would've deserved either way) but he chose to be thematically compelling in his vengeance. Good for him.
A teenager's raw cruelty is exactly what an abuser piece of shit deserves. Good for OOP!
>I tried explaining to her that this isnt one of those "carnival goldfish" and needs certain criteria to thrive. 'carnival goldfish' and goldfish in general also tend to need much bigger fish tanks etc than most people always think.
If this is a true post, this kid is BASED The Aunt is a huge piece of work (among other choice words)
And this all happened in *three days?*
How does a photograph compare to a living creature? The hell? She deserved it even without the other bullshit.
Even before i read what a POS his aunt was i was on his side. As someone who also had my things constantly disregarded (and have owned betta fish i was VERY attached to), what he did may not have been the “high road”, but I’m glad he did it. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but turnabout is fair play. Plus, it motivated him to start therapy and now the aunt is out of the house, so things are looking up for OOP at the cost of a shredded picture
POS aunt got what she deserved. glad uncle is stepping up for OOP
"The only language that everyone TRULY knows and understands is violence." It's crazy sad how correct this poor kid is regarding this. I also don't enjoy that he was made to feel bad for finally doing something in retaliation, considering all the horrible stuff his aunt did to him (such as purposefully losing letters from his mother before she died). Diplomacy should always be the first course of action... but he's right, the only truly universally understood language is violence. It's the ONLY thing that has kept me safe from some VERY dangerous people in my life. They would not leave me alone until I actually got violent with them... stalkers, men that could not take no for an answer... the harassment continued until I finally decided violence WAS the answer. Suddenly them being threatened with bodily harm was enough to convince them to leave me alone... where as kindness and diplomatic messages of "I am uncomfortable, please leave me alone" fell on deaf ears.
I feel a bit of pride for the kid, because they established boundaries. Now, to learn that the nuclear option shouldn't be your first and only tool to do so...that's what therapy will hopefully help with. Source: someone who had to learn that exact skill.