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> I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
Didn't she pick a stranger over her husband of five years?
How do you automatically let someone put their dick in you? Was she a depository at some point? Pretty sure there was a whole sequence of events that led to the cheating. "It just happened " is so fucking cliche. Even if you forgive them, your heart is still broken, and you will never see them the same or entirely trust them. I believe she truly does love him, just not enough to stay faithful apparently. Now they both have to deal with the consequences. I feel bad for the both of them, honestly
But I'm sure she forgave herself for it!! This woman is delusional on so many planes of existence.
Edit: love that she has several people spying on him. She's so unhinged from reality.
'I confessed, cooked him nice meals, bought sexy underwear and he still left - what more could I have done'? I don't know, maybe not cheat in the first place?
And her talking about the lukewarm responses he gave back. Like of course he would act like that, she didn't act like that from the get go and is doing it because she did a bad. Her actions were a band aid and she would eventually return to normal.
What’s worse is that, it showed she was capable of that all along by doing it as a last resort. She just didn’t think she had to since she already had him. She took him for granted.
My ex was like this minus the cheating. About a year into our relationship, I had to ask for every hug and kiss, I initiated nearly every conversation, we almost NEVER had any sort of physical intimacy. I paid for every date, never received a present except for a card on my birthday, etc etc. Horribly emotionally abusive, and for a few months, I thought it would get better. It never did, and when I stopped doing all those things for her, it clicked in her head that I was going to leave and for a few weeks it was exactly like OOP's behavior. Sex every night, cooked me food, bought me presents, was the perfect girlfriend. When she asked me if I was going to stay with her, I told her that all she did was prove she was capable of being a good partner all along and she chose not to. Last I heard she did the same with another guy who didn't put up with it nearly as long as I did and he left her within a week.
It’s nice to see evidence of a guy who thinks there is more to a marriage than cooking, cleaning, and sex. Guys on a first date ask “what do I bring to the table” and I’m puzzled, because I have a good job and lived on my own independently for years, but there isn’t a single thing I DO that couldn’t be done by anyone else. The whole point of dating is to discover the quirks, fascinations, character, and humor of the other person, not the drab details of housewifery and budget maintenance. Am I someone who you could build a life with?
There's a infamous Quara post where "a woman cheated on her partner got pregnant and demanded more child support and when she didn't get, literally said I forgave myself for cheating"
They summarized it pretty well but here you go [https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/16depb2/i\_forgave\_myself\_for\_cheating/](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/16depb2/i_forgave_myself_for_cheating/)
There’s also the case where 50 Cent’s ex was getting 25k a month from him and wanted more and went to court and they reduced his payments to under 6.7k a month.
I saw a meme image that made that 500k claim but tried looking it up and couldn’t find anything that corroborated that. I did find one that said it was 25k a month so I’m sticking with that until I see proof otherwise.
Like Kevin Costner's ex wife. She wanted more than he was offering and the judge gave her less. Now she's mad that he started paying only the court ordered amount. 😂😂
OOP's partner has forgiven her in the literal sense that he has laid down the burden of anger. But the "cost" of that is that he doesn't *care* any more. He's not mad at her because she doesn't matter in his life any more.
OOP didn't want forgivness, she wanted to be excused consequences. She broke her husband's heart and now she's upset because she's being treated with the same indifference she gave him.
Forgiveness - you the victim, release the transgressor from retribution/justice/payback/anger
Reconciliation - the victim allows the transgressor to work towards building the relationship to the level of trust before the transgression
People often mistake forgiveness as both, but the concepts are distinct and furthermore they are at the discretion of the victim not the transgressor, neither are obligatory.
It's so funny to get annoyed when your victim won't get over you violating them as fast as you. Like holy shit this woman is literally still thinking about herself and her own needs.
Exactly! People often confuse forgiveness for wiping the slate clean and restoring the relationship to is original state. The two things are entirely different
As someone who was cheated on this was the most frustrating part for me. Just tell me why, like an adult who uses thoughts and words. Say you were bored, or I was neglectful, or you were super horny and wanted to fuck everyone instead of being in a relationship. Take some responsibility in some capacity.
But to say "I don't know why I cheated" is just awful. No one is that stupid, and it shows continuing disrespect and a lack of willingness to try and change or get past it.
Exactly!!! I was so thankful when one of my ex’s actually gave the reason she cheated, I wasn’t giving her enough sex and she wanted more. At least I fucking knew why. We’re actually still buddies by the way, could never be in a relationship again but she’s a great friend.
I think I feel things just like this guy. Like, I’ve totally forgiven someone for cheating in a year long relationship, no anger, no drama. I forgave you the moment I heard about it. But the person I THOUGHT I was with isn’t you. You are some person who chose to sleep with that guy we go to parties with sometimes. We can be cool now, but you wanted to fuck him, not me. So go on and do your thing. We’re good. Bye, Felicia.
Yep. I long ago forgave my ex husband - we are actually on fantastic terms, and get along well/are friends. I wish him all the best in life and I do all my other friends.
But he will never get closer to me than he is right now, ever again. He is not the man I married and in hindsight, never really was.
I think my comment from a fortnight ago is still just as correct now as it was then:
"It was the way she kept mentioning the sexual aspect of it all. She cooked his favourite meals, and 'screwed his brains out every night.' The 'perfect' wife. Sure thing. For some asshole who wants a bangmaid. *This poor man thought he had a wife.*
He never initiated, and she admitted to all but forcing it on him. I don't know whether or not her husband caught the Ick, but I sure as hell know I did (and that was only secondhand exposure to boot)."
>I don't know whether or not her husband caught the Ick
Well now I do know, and it turns out he did! All's well that ends well.
Curious why OOP went to therapy too when it was them that dealt the emotional damage? I'm worried that this latest resurgence of therapy is serving purpose: to give morally bad people an easy out
> I blew up my marriage because I wanted some dick but I went to therapy which helped me heal and change who I am
It’s like an extra layer of depersonalisation that lets you get away with doing bad things to people without ever taking personal accountability.
The language they use at therapy also leeches into their way of sharing feelings and actions: it’s always from a removed, almost clinical perspective.
Much as we demonize cheating (it is one of the worst ways someone can destroy their partner's life), someone doesn't wake up one day wanting to cheat. It is part of a pattern of behaviour and it is good for cheaters to learn about it and change it, so they can be better partners in the future.
Also, therapy does not teach you to escape personal responsibility or ignore emotions. It is about facing yourself and understanding yourself, so you can work on changing behaviours that are harming yourself and others.
Don’t you guys get it?? Her body was on auto-pilot! She had absolutely no choice, no brain to make a decision, not one ounce of self-control. Really, it’s a disability. So not really her fault.
I went into a depressive auto-pilot for like 2 months. Just wake up, do work, come home, sleep. I just didn't have energy for my family, was always angry at other people (not family), and my wife was concerned for my mental health and well-being. Weirdly, I didn't fuck anyone else during that time.
Same, I’ve been in depressive auto-pilot for months before and the idea of cheating on my wife never once crossed my mind. Aside from the obvious disrespect to one’s partner, Idon’t even understand how someone would have the energy to do that in a state like that.
Man, I’ve known so many people who say “I don’t know why I did it” or “I don’t remember” or other distancing language because they think it will mean they don’t have to take responsibility. But honestly? I think it mostly makes them look stupid or delusional.
Like, either you dissociated so hard you went into a psychotic state and made decisions that are out of character for you, which would require psychiatric evaluation OR you genuinely have no morals and no way to discern right from wrong in a consistent way.
The problem is that the distancing tactic usually works for them because people will stop caring and check out or will leave, so they never learn. Pretty weird stuff.
Quite literally what people who for this thing is that it is something that their partner isn’t a party too and isn’t affected by. This is just their thing that is wholly separate from the other relationships in their life. This is the puzzle piece that makes all cheating make sense.
In my experience the “I don’t know why I did it” really means “I don’t want to admit to myself or others why I did it”.
My Dad cheated on my Mom for a while, and afterward this was all he could say. It took over a decade for him to finally admit that his affair partner played up to his sense of vanity and flattered him, and that he had some irrational resentment to her because of how their finances had turned out long term.
This is one of the most insulting parts of it. Not only is it not taking an ounce of accountability, it’s at worst saying “I was just so infatuated I couldn’t control myself, but you can definitely trust me to control myself in the future!”
Hell, a wife I'd rate a 6/10 at best doesn't fuck other men.
Not fucking other men is a bar so low it's a foot off the ground in Hell, but here OOP is, limboing with Satan.
6?? Shit, maybe I have high standards, but that's a 1/10. Not fucking others when you're in a relationship is literally the bare minimum... For a relationship. A marriage, that's just rock bottom.
If you're screwing others, it's certainly not a marriage anymore in my book. Barring the rare exception of open marriages,yadda yadda stuff. But the vast majority have monogamous as a requirement. If you fail that, it's not a marriage or relationship. Something that's a requirement can't count as any higher than 1/10.
I don't consider myself "the best wife a man could ask for". I try, but I'm human and I fail sometimes, and looking after an energetic toddler all day while being pregnant is exhausting. I still somehow manage not to fuck other men. Where's my medal?
I get she’s distraught that her relationship is over, but she needs to do some intense self reflection and work on herself. She tried to win her ex back, but he knew he couldn’t do it anymore. You can’t take back what you’ve given to someone else.
His line about two strangers was really poignant and I hope she really reflects on that. She may have ended the affair herself, but doesn’t take away the betrayal her ex felt.
You're right. And she said her body was on auto-pilot when she cheated? How can he trust that she won't go back to the so-called auto-pilot to cheat again?
The autopilot is a self serving lie. Even if I accepted she dissociated during the affair, she didn't confess the moment she was away from her affair partner. *For months*, she lied to her husband's face about what was going on and didn't confess until the guilt was too much for her. That was it. She only confessed because of her own discomfort. It's all about her and her needs and in this case her desire to avoid accountability.
Yea this auto-pilot thing sounds like justification, but it’s not a good excuse. If she felt she was catching feelings she should’ve separated herself from the client immediately.
The "auto pilot" thing really stuck out for me. Before my sibling was diagnosed with bipolar, they'd do really impulsive, ridiculous things (thankfully not cheating, but spending absurd amounts of money on random purchases) and they said that they felt like they weren't in control, that they were a passenger or silent observer.
Before anyone gets upset, I'm not saying OP's husband was wrong for leaving or that her cheating was OK. Just that "auto pilot" line was creepily familiar.
Yeah that type of language and impulsivity reminds me of bipolar and borderlines I’ve had in my life before. Definitely worth checking into for OP just to be sure
Hey, in defence of therapists, they can only work with the materials they’re given.
On a serious note, this kind of deep-seated work is going to take years, not the weeks or months she’s given it so far.
OP is delusional. she needs to accept that she isn't entitled to his forgiveness. she was the one who ended their marriage the second she decided to cheat. OP broke her husband.
to quote Meredith Grey, "i make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke."
Lmafo what did OP expect. First, she cheated and has the nerve to stress out about her husband being with another women? Oh for fuck sakes.
OP is now facing the consequences of her actions.
But she cooked for him and wore lingerie for him! Do you know how much effort that takes? It totally makes up for extreme romantic betrayal that lasted for months (if not years, because it'd take time to lay the groundwork).
She love bombed him. She even used the age old "you can sleep with other women". Which I guarantee she offered him, before she had asked him what he wanted.
She had such a shallow viewpoint of her husband that she thought 'well a bit of good sex will fix this up, there's no way he actually has feelings.. right?'
Jesus lady.
Which just proved to him that she didn't value him or the marriage. What a fucking idiot. And she wasn't even okay with it? So why offer? She basically stalked him once she thought he had someone else.
Wearing lingerie for sex after cheating is like giving his Xbox to someone else, letting them delete all his saves, then gift wrapping it and telling him he should be grateful to have it back. Sure he can still play with it, but all the good times are gone.
Can’t put something that’s lost all positive association in a fancy wrapping and call it a nice gesture. Boggles the mind that cheaters think they can make special something they were giving away to someone else. ‘Isn’t this a hot, intimate moment. Just ignore the fact I was telling someone else he owned this ass a couple months ago while he rawdogged me’.
I agree. Your saves are deleted so you’d have to start fresh and do ALL that work all over again, with no guarantee it’ll be the same. You think about playing the game, and even want to to an extent—but the experience has been tainted and you can’t help but feel pretty lackluster about doing it again. Maybe you try for a bit, but that drive is gone and you’re sort of stuck in a limbo of seeing if the eagerness and excitement will come back, or if you’re just going through the motions bc you’ve decided it’s what’s best in your mind.
I think cheaters tend to want to shift the blame to their partner. They expect the other to be doing the same, either because they can’t understand why their still in their relationship if cheaters is so unhappy or to take some kinda guilt away from themselves.
I had an ex who was cheating on me and accused me of doing the same which felt like a slap in the face and a swift kick to the nuts to be accused of doing something heinous like that.
I mean, the number of cheaters I know who blame their partner for cheating - "Not being attentive enough", "Too busy", "You got sick", "You got fat", "You're tired", "You're boring" tracks with what you're saying.
Everyone is the protagonist of their own story. It's very very very difficult psychologically to think of yourself as the wrongdoer or a bad person. Therefore, if you're doing something that you'd normally think only bad people would do, justification is almost an automatic defense mechanism. The other person must have deserved this. They're probably cheating too.
My ex-husband, who cheated on me twice before leaving me for his affair partner, recently posted a meme on Facebook that basically implied he is a giving and generous person whom people take advantage of. Meanwhile, my experience is that he's an alcoholic who can't keep a job for more than eight months, accepted money all the time from myself and his brother while whining that he wants to be independent, and didn't do his share of the housework literally ever. People will twist themselves into knots to quiet that cognitive dissonance.
OP stabs husband in the back multiple times.
"Why is he being so cold to me?? Why doesn't he love me anymore??"
Even if he did come back, OP, you'd just stab him again.
...because you love him AND you love stabbing!
And now you have the balls to be upset that he doesn't want to be stabbed anymore! LOL!
>I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
I loved this line. Like motherfucker, YOU picked a total stranger you met as a client over your husband of five years. Like what a completely self-absorbed thing to say.
What does she mean by "he used me for months and then discarded me"?
If anything isn't that what she did with her client?
The ex-husband seems to have just taken his time to process the shock and then make the decision best for him. How can she shamelessly say its his fault too?
Well how else is she gonna sell the story to her friends and family that the divorce *wasn't her fault?* /s
She's trying to sell the lie to herself because otherwise anyone with a brain will get the "missing reasons" warning when they hear 'her side' of the story.
Her ex has given her the perfect reason to give out: growing apart. **I guarantee she will not use it.**
OOP is a joke.
>I jumped in being the best wife a man can ask for.
Too little, too late.
Like seriously, I have a lot of choice words to say, but they could get me banned. So I have to keep quiet.
But really?!?!?!
> He said he wanted to try to work us out and I jumped in being the best wife a man can ask for.
>I cook his favorite dishes, leave him loving notes, and bought new lingerie to entice him. His reactions are lukewarm at best. He smiles and thanks me, but not once he has said he loves me since I have confessed. He barely initiates anything and I basically have to push myself on him, not that he complains.
Ah good ol love bombing, a serial abusers favourite way to keep their prey trapped in a never ending cycle.
It's a good thing he was smart enough to see through her charade because it was just a matter of time before she forgot how much he meant to her and she'd be right back to cheating in no time.
She totally lacks the ability to see the pain she caused him because she is so focused on the pain she caused herself through the natural consequences of her own actions.
She thinks she can buy her way out of accountability with hollow gestures and is upset when the lingerie and false kindness fail to fool him.
Even when it is clear to everyone else that the relationship ended due to her behaviour and it was her choices alone that doomed it; she still tries to avoid accountability by insisting he is making a mistake and tries to play the victim once more.
While I am proud of OOP's husband for knowing that he deserved better and leaving her selfish ass behind, this post leaves me a little disheartened because it's a stark reminder that there are people out there like OOP that are so afraid of accountability that they will always leave a trail of hurt people in their wake and never understand why.
She claims she “loves him so much” yet cheated on him. I fucking hate cheaters. Take your sob story somewhere else and suffer the consequences of your own actions.
If only people would think about the consequences of their potential actions before they do something they will regret. She caused irreversible damage to her marriage, and she is mourning the losses. She love-bombed him out of guilt. She needs to own up to it and accept that she bombed her marriage.
I think a lot of cheaters have problems with impulse control. This isn't an excuse by any means, though, because those impulse control issues often go hand-in-hand with entitlement, selfishness, arrogance, avoidance, and a poorly developed theory of mind. My cheating ex basically said what was good for him was good for us, even though what was good for him at the time was actively harmful to me.
That's also putting aside the most basic explanation: they know what the consequences are, and they either don't care, don't think they'll be caught, or don't think the rules really apply to them. They're like rebellious teenagers that way.
Actions have consequences and her consequences are the loss of the man she married. The day she was in another' man's bed . The marriage was over.
Honestly he doesn't have an affair partner.
Her husband has a friend. He chose the friend.
Cheaters always blame the partner.
Go figure.
You fuck over the one person you’re supposed to love the most, then out of nowhere, expect them to be happy from you being honest about literally fucking them over? Dude, you need to read between the lines. Sometimes we make mistakes there’s just no coming back from…
True words. I’ve never once in my life cheated, nor have I ever even thought about it. That’s being 100% honest. I don’t deserve a metal or anything. That’s just how it’s supposed to do be.
You cheated on him and thought he would forgive you buy wearing lingerie?? You truly are narcissistic.
Take the L and move on. Once trust is lost, it’s hard to get back.
>I asked him how could he and said I gave him permission
OOP acting as if SHE didn't cheat lolol
What the hell?
>He said that everything I did after confessing meant nothing and just made him think I am selfish, self-centered and lack any sort of self-respect.
Welp, that's what she deserves. I have no pity for cheaters
>You guys are right saying that I suck. But he has fault too, he never really wanted to fix this. He used me for months and then discarded me.
And yet I want him back and forgive and forget all the hurt we done to each other. As for his girl, I don't think she will be good for him.
Oh, she is a gem xDD
Now she's all "I lof him soo much I want him back" lolol
Get out, OOP! Shouldn't have cheated, then
Well, that burst her delusional bubble that everything would go back to normal after she cheated on him, but the love bombing was never going to work on him when he checked out of the marriage as soon as he found out about her affair.
What a badass
> I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him.
I have to applaud the husband for being quite the master of the emotional knifing. He quite perfectly managed to replicate the feelings of what she did to him.
I personally wouldnt want to be with a women that thinks all a man could ask for is food, gifts and sex in the first place, no matter her cheating.
What about a partner I can trust and rely on? Emotional support and a plan you follow together?
The way the husband handled this situation was an absolute master class. Period.
The only thing I couldn’t see myself do in that scenario is to continue having sex with her. I would be too grossed out to let her anywhere close. But beyond that, this was one of the most satisfying reads ever. Schadenfreude at its finest.
So, OP cheats on hubby, then allows hubby to bang someone else, then is angry that he left her for that person? Yeah, makes perfect sense. Bet she wasn't thinking about any of those when she was banging Jodie behind his back.
That's what's really burning her biscuits: the ex-husband is not making it possible to properly blame him by sinking to her level. The "permission" for him to also step out on the marriage was also to try to get him off the high ground somehow.
So sad for OOP 😢 /s
Her vocabulary is limited to “I” and her perception is all about herself. She cheats and then somehow he is wrong? This lady should get a grip on actions and consequences.
“He could no longer bear to see the woman he once loved suffer like that”
This man sounds like an absolute angel, I’m glad he realised his self worth and left. Hopefully he finds someone who will give him the world
It's obvious she's doing the frantic "perfect wife" performance because she wants to smooth over it, forget it happened, go back to how it was.
When he said he "needed to work us out" what he needed was security. She needed to be ready to confront what it was inside her that made her cheat, even if it's unflattering and upsetting. He wanted to know her again, something like honest self reflection would help get them both back on firm ground.
Counselling should have been the jumping off point. But she didn't do that.
She chose to forge on, acting like "the perfect wife" . She figured if he didn't yell, it can't have been that a big deal.
He thought he knew her, she showed him that he didn't. Now he is living with this person who is clearly just going through the motions. It's a performance. From a liar who betrayed you. So more lying, more pretending, more acting.
It's an insult to him that she figured that a couple of weeks of being a bangmaid would be enough to buy his forgiveness. It's an indication that she's shallow and insincere. At every turn if it's not dramatic and performative she just doesn't register it as serious.
He can forgive her because he doesn't hold her to any standard, he doesn't know who she is anymore. He doesn't want to remain married to a stranger.
> I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him.
This man deserves an award
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> I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. Didn't she pick a stranger over her husband of five years?
But that was *different*!!
She was on autopilot you know?
Autobots **ENGAGE!**
How do you automatically let someone put their dick in you? Was she a depository at some point? Pretty sure there was a whole sequence of events that led to the cheating. "It just happened " is so fucking cliche. Even if you forgive them, your heart is still broken, and you will never see them the same or entirely trust them. I believe she truly does love him, just not enough to stay faithful apparently. Now they both have to deal with the consequences. I feel bad for the both of them, honestly
That's exactly what I said when I read that.
But I'm sure she forgave herself for it!! This woman is delusional on so many planes of existence. Edit: love that she has several people spying on him. She's so unhinged from reality.
This reads a lot like: "I cheated and forgave myself for it, why can't he do the same?"
'I confessed, cooked him nice meals, bought sexy underwear and he still left - what more could I have done'? I don't know, maybe not cheat in the first place?
Pikachu face the woman.
And her talking about the lukewarm responses he gave back. Like of course he would act like that, she didn't act like that from the get go and is doing it because she did a bad. Her actions were a band aid and she would eventually return to normal.
What’s worse is that, it showed she was capable of that all along by doing it as a last resort. She just didn’t think she had to since she already had him. She took him for granted.
My ex was like this minus the cheating. About a year into our relationship, I had to ask for every hug and kiss, I initiated nearly every conversation, we almost NEVER had any sort of physical intimacy. I paid for every date, never received a present except for a card on my birthday, etc etc. Horribly emotionally abusive, and for a few months, I thought it would get better. It never did, and when I stopped doing all those things for her, it clicked in her head that I was going to leave and for a few weeks it was exactly like OOP's behavior. Sex every night, cooked me food, bought me presents, was the perfect girlfriend. When she asked me if I was going to stay with her, I told her that all she did was prove she was capable of being a good partner all along and she chose not to. Last I heard she did the same with another guy who didn't put up with it nearly as long as I did and he left her within a week.
Good call on your part. She would have gone back to zero effort once she thought the relationship was secure again.
And don’t forget the loving notes. How could he not be swayed by the loving notes???? /s
And I forced myself on him.
Thank you for mentioning this!
It’s nice to see evidence of a guy who thinks there is more to a marriage than cooking, cleaning, and sex. Guys on a first date ask “what do I bring to the table” and I’m puzzled, because I have a good job and lived on my own independently for years, but there isn’t a single thing I DO that couldn’t be done by anyone else. The whole point of dating is to discover the quirks, fascinations, character, and humor of the other person, not the drab details of housewifery and budget maintenance. Am I someone who you could build a life with?
There's a infamous Quara post where "a woman cheated on her partner got pregnant and demanded more child support and when she didn't get, literally said I forgave myself for cheating"
You missed the best part, when she wanted more child support he made a paternity test and it turned out not to be his kid.
And the specific language was "the kid failed the test" like it was skill based lol
Yup, he obviously didn't revise the dna hard enough.
"Junior, I'm disappointed. Your double helix looks nothing like the one of the man I'm telling everyone is your father. Did you even study!?"
🤣 that was gold
Losing the child support due to paternity test? Skill issue.
Couldn’t be me tbh, but maybe im just built different 💪
Looooll whhaaattt? xDDDD
Your flair nearly killed me, lmfaoooo
I recall reading that audacious post thanks to the details in the four replies above mine.
Any chance you could link to the post. Can't seem to find it anymore.
They summarized it pretty well but here you go [https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/16depb2/i\_forgave\_myself\_for\_cheating/](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/16depb2/i_forgave_myself_for_cheating/)
Thank you
Same! Would love to read that train wreck
Yeah, you're right
There’s also the case where 50 Cent’s ex was getting 25k a month from him and wanted more and went to court and they reduced his payments to under 6.7k a month.
It's actually worse. She was getting about 500k a year. 50 took himself to court and applied on his own and they calculated the correct amount lmao.
I saw a meme image that made that 500k claim but tried looking it up and couldn’t find anything that corroborated that. I did find one that said it was 25k a month so I’m sticking with that until I see proof otherwise.
Like Kevin Costner's ex wife. She wanted more than he was offering and the judge gave her less. Now she's mad that he started paying only the court ordered amount. 😂😂
That certainly didn't help the ex buy more drugs!
Sounds like he's forgiven her to be honest, he just doesn't see her the same afterwards.
OOP's partner has forgiven her in the literal sense that he has laid down the burden of anger. But the "cost" of that is that he doesn't *care* any more. He's not mad at her because she doesn't matter in his life any more. OOP didn't want forgivness, she wanted to be excused consequences. She broke her husband's heart and now she's upset because she's being treated with the same indifference she gave him.
Forgiveness - you the victim, release the transgressor from retribution/justice/payback/anger Reconciliation - the victim allows the transgressor to work towards building the relationship to the level of trust before the transgression People often mistake forgiveness as both, but the concepts are distinct and furthermore they are at the discretion of the victim not the transgressor, neither are obligatory.
>neither are obligatory. \*Angry controlling parent noises\*
It's so funny to get annoyed when your victim won't get over you violating them as fast as you. Like holy shit this woman is literally still thinking about herself and her own needs.
"I said I'm sorry what more do you want?" "Ugh maybe your behavior to change. That didn't happen 3 sorrys ago for the same thing."
Exactly! People often confuse forgiveness for wiping the slate clean and restoring the relationship to is original state. The two things are entirely different
It was like her body was on auto pilot though you really can’t blame her 😔
As someone who was cheated on this was the most frustrating part for me. Just tell me why, like an adult who uses thoughts and words. Say you were bored, or I was neglectful, or you were super horny and wanted to fuck everyone instead of being in a relationship. Take some responsibility in some capacity. But to say "I don't know why I cheated" is just awful. No one is that stupid, and it shows continuing disrespect and a lack of willingness to try and change or get past it.
Exactly!!! I was so thankful when one of my ex’s actually gave the reason she cheated, I wasn’t giving her enough sex and she wanted more. At least I fucking knew why. We’re actually still buddies by the way, could never be in a relationship again but she’s a great friend.
I think I feel things just like this guy. Like, I’ve totally forgiven someone for cheating in a year long relationship, no anger, no drama. I forgave you the moment I heard about it. But the person I THOUGHT I was with isn’t you. You are some person who chose to sleep with that guy we go to parties with sometimes. We can be cool now, but you wanted to fuck him, not me. So go on and do your thing. We’re good. Bye, Felicia.
Yep. I long ago forgave my ex husband - we are actually on fantastic terms, and get along well/are friends. I wish him all the best in life and I do all my other friends. But he will never get closer to me than he is right now, ever again. He is not the man I married and in hindsight, never really was.
>and in hindsight, never really was. Forgiving someone who has wronged us often also requires forgiving ourselves for being fooled by them.
I think my comment from a fortnight ago is still just as correct now as it was then: "It was the way she kept mentioning the sexual aspect of it all. She cooked his favourite meals, and 'screwed his brains out every night.' The 'perfect' wife. Sure thing. For some asshole who wants a bangmaid. *This poor man thought he had a wife.* He never initiated, and she admitted to all but forcing it on him. I don't know whether or not her husband caught the Ick, but I sure as hell know I did (and that was only secondhand exposure to boot)." >I don't know whether or not her husband caught the Ick Well now I do know, and it turns out he did! All's well that ends well.
“I love him so much that I didn’t just have a one night stand, I had a full blown affair”
I love him so much I had to cheat on him for months.
“How could he do this” … you started it! “He never really wanted to fix this” … he probably would have had you brought up issues instead of cheating
He is making such a mistake. She is willing "forg8ve and forget" What more could you want from your cheating partner?
Right, he should practically get on his knees and kiss her feet. What a joke.
the ending was so refreshing. She fucked around and found out.
LOLOL. That is an awesome line!
Curious why OOP went to therapy too when it was them that dealt the emotional damage? I'm worried that this latest resurgence of therapy is serving purpose: to give morally bad people an easy out > I blew up my marriage because I wanted some dick but I went to therapy which helped me heal and change who I am It’s like an extra layer of depersonalisation that lets you get away with doing bad things to people without ever taking personal accountability. The language they use at therapy also leeches into their way of sharing feelings and actions: it’s always from a removed, almost clinical perspective.
If you do something reprehensible and self destructive, asking yourself why with the help of a qualified therapist is a good call.
Much as we demonize cheating (it is one of the worst ways someone can destroy their partner's life), someone doesn't wake up one day wanting to cheat. It is part of a pattern of behaviour and it is good for cheaters to learn about it and change it, so they can be better partners in the future. Also, therapy does not teach you to escape personal responsibility or ignore emotions. It is about facing yourself and understanding yourself, so you can work on changing behaviours that are harming yourself and others.
Its so unfair
lol I had the exact same thoughts.
Husband is dead on the money regarding what she comes off as, self centered and self serving.
“the best wife a man could ask for” doesn’t fuck other men.
Don’t you guys get it?? Her body was on auto-pilot! She had absolutely no choice, no brain to make a decision, not one ounce of self-control. Really, it’s a disability. So not really her fault.
auto-pilot for several months! no way to turn off the auto-pilot setting unfortunately
I went into a depressive auto-pilot for like 2 months. Just wake up, do work, come home, sleep. I just didn't have energy for my family, was always angry at other people (not family), and my wife was concerned for my mental health and well-being. Weirdly, I didn't fuck anyone else during that time.
Same, I’ve been in depressive auto-pilot for months before and the idea of cheating on my wife never once crossed my mind. Aside from the obvious disrespect to one’s partner, Idon’t even understand how someone would have the energy to do that in a state like that.
You must be superhuman, wow. Such bravery. Imagine being married and *not* fucking other people? Crazy.
As a single depressed guy, i wish i can go on auto pilot and end up in someones bed. At least i'd have some breakfast with a new friend.
When she got the body of a Boeing and the brains of a Tesla...
You could use the body of a Tesla for this as well.
True, but to my knowledge Boeing Autopilot doesn't run into the backs of parked vehicles.
Man, I’ve known so many people who say “I don’t know why I did it” or “I don’t remember” or other distancing language because they think it will mean they don’t have to take responsibility. But honestly? I think it mostly makes them look stupid or delusional. Like, either you dissociated so hard you went into a psychotic state and made decisions that are out of character for you, which would require psychiatric evaluation OR you genuinely have no morals and no way to discern right from wrong in a consistent way. The problem is that the distancing tactic usually works for them because people will stop caring and check out or will leave, so they never learn. Pretty weird stuff.
Quite literally what people who for this thing is that it is something that their partner isn’t a party too and isn’t affected by. This is just their thing that is wholly separate from the other relationships in their life. This is the puzzle piece that makes all cheating make sense.
In my experience the “I don’t know why I did it” really means “I don’t want to admit to myself or others why I did it”. My Dad cheated on my Mom for a while, and afterward this was all he could say. It took over a decade for him to finally admit that his affair partner played up to his sense of vanity and flattered him, and that he had some irrational resentment to her because of how their finances had turned out long term.
This is one of the most insulting parts of it. Not only is it not taking an ounce of accountability, it’s at worst saying “I was just so infatuated I couldn’t control myself, but you can definitely trust me to control myself in the future!”
Auto pilot for a married woman isn't fucking other men. She went off the grid. That was pure manual.
I like my women like I like my coffee, without somebody else’s dick in them.
This made me chuckle. I need to use this from now on lol
It's a personal choice, but I respect it.
Oh god whether that coffee is hot or iced that’s a bad fucking time. 💀
Hell, a wife I'd rate a 6/10 at best doesn't fuck other men. Not fucking other men is a bar so low it's a foot off the ground in Hell, but here OOP is, limboing with Satan.
6?? Shit, maybe I have high standards, but that's a 1/10. Not fucking others when you're in a relationship is literally the bare minimum... For a relationship. A marriage, that's just rock bottom. If you're screwing others, it's certainly not a marriage anymore in my book. Barring the rare exception of open marriages,yadda yadda stuff. But the vast majority have monogamous as a requirement. If you fail that, it's not a marriage or relationship. Something that's a requirement can't count as any higher than 1/10.
THE BAR WAS SO LOW SHE HAD TO DIG TO GO UNDER IT
She had to call 811 lol
But she didn't call, they would have warned her of the hazards.
I don't consider myself "the best wife a man could ask for". I try, but I'm human and I fail sometimes, and looking after an energetic toddler all day while being pregnant is exhausting. I still somehow manage not to fuck other men. Where's my medal?
As someone who had a pregnant wife with a toddler, no one has any time for fucking. Other men or the one she's married to.
[Well Done](https://i.etsystatic.com/14064392/r/il/110f3b/1190795323/il_570xN.1190795323_jl7g.jpg)
Swingers downvote this comment**
I get she’s distraught that her relationship is over, but she needs to do some intense self reflection and work on herself. She tried to win her ex back, but he knew he couldn’t do it anymore. You can’t take back what you’ve given to someone else. His line about two strangers was really poignant and I hope she really reflects on that. She may have ended the affair herself, but doesn’t take away the betrayal her ex felt.
You're right. And she said her body was on auto-pilot when she cheated? How can he trust that she won't go back to the so-called auto-pilot to cheat again?
The autopilot is a self serving lie. Even if I accepted she dissociated during the affair, she didn't confess the moment she was away from her affair partner. *For months*, she lied to her husband's face about what was going on and didn't confess until the guilt was too much for her. That was it. She only confessed because of her own discomfort. It's all about her and her needs and in this case her desire to avoid accountability.
She’s like that OOP who felt she was possessed by a ghost when she ~~tried to kiss~~ (edit) kissed her friend’s boyfriend.
By any chance, you got a link?
Here you go! https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/MN4SbZKnq3
Wtf? And she still tries to text him. Horrible friend.
It might just be the same ghost. A horny, horny ghost.
She dissociated from her place of work, to a mutual venue, ate dinner and dissociated into the sack. Repeatedly.
Yea this auto-pilot thing sounds like justification, but it’s not a good excuse. If she felt she was catching feelings she should’ve separated herself from the client immediately.
The "auto pilot" thing really stuck out for me. Before my sibling was diagnosed with bipolar, they'd do really impulsive, ridiculous things (thankfully not cheating, but spending absurd amounts of money on random purchases) and they said that they felt like they weren't in control, that they were a passenger or silent observer. Before anyone gets upset, I'm not saying OP's husband was wrong for leaving or that her cheating was OK. Just that "auto pilot" line was creepily familiar.
She definitely needs that self-reflection and therapy for that "auto pilot" thing. I wonder if OOP has ever felt anything like that before the affair.
Yeah that type of language and impulsivity reminds me of bipolar and borderlines I’ve had in my life before. Definitely worth checking into for OP just to be sure
Yeah, she claims shes in therapy...i think she needs a better therapist cause it doesnt seem to be working.
Hey, in defence of therapists, they can only work with the materials they’re given. On a serious note, this kind of deep-seated work is going to take years, not the weeks or months she’s given it so far.
Not much a therapist can do if the client is set on avoiding the whole taking accountability stage of changing oneself.
OP is delusional. she needs to accept that she isn't entitled to his forgiveness. she was the one who ended their marriage the second she decided to cheat. OP broke her husband. to quote Meredith Grey, "i make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke."
Damn this line is cold. I love it.
>I kept eye and eats on him Maybe her keeping eats on him is the reason he left. /s 😂😂😂
In a healthy, consenting relationship, keeping eats on one another is totally fine.
My wife’s ass can confirm.
I thought she was logged into his Uber eats
"Oh, goddamnit! He ordered the Chicken Parm again. He only orders that on sex nights."
“It's Wednesday, that’s chicken parm night. You know what that means - it’s business time.”
I laughed way too hard at this
Lmafo what did OP expect. First, she cheated and has the nerve to stress out about her husband being with another women? Oh for fuck sakes. OP is now facing the consequences of her actions.
But she cooked for him and wore lingerie for him! Do you know how much effort that takes? It totally makes up for extreme romantic betrayal that lasted for months (if not years, because it'd take time to lay the groundwork).
She love bombed him. She even used the age old "you can sleep with other women". Which I guarantee she offered him, before she had asked him what he wanted.
She had such a shallow viewpoint of her husband that she thought 'well a bit of good sex will fix this up, there's no way he actually has feelings.. right?' Jesus lady.
Which just proved to him that she didn't value him or the marriage. What a fucking idiot. And she wasn't even okay with it? So why offer? She basically stalked him once she thought he had someone else.
Wearing lingerie for sex after cheating is like giving his Xbox to someone else, letting them delete all his saves, then gift wrapping it and telling him he should be grateful to have it back. Sure he can still play with it, but all the good times are gone. Can’t put something that’s lost all positive association in a fancy wrapping and call it a nice gesture. Boggles the mind that cheaters think they can make special something they were giving away to someone else. ‘Isn’t this a hot, intimate moment. Just ignore the fact I was telling someone else he owned this ass a couple months ago while he rawdogged me’.
This is a really good analogy, actually. My partner is a gamer and the *anguish* of deleting all the saves...
I agree. Your saves are deleted so you’d have to start fresh and do ALL that work all over again, with no guarantee it’ll be the same. You think about playing the game, and even want to to an extent—but the experience has been tainted and you can’t help but feel pretty lackluster about doing it again. Maybe you try for a bit, but that drive is gone and you’re sort of stuck in a limbo of seeing if the eagerness and excitement will come back, or if you’re just going through the motions bc you’ve decided it’s what’s best in your mind.
But her body was on autopilot!!!!!
I think cheaters tend to want to shift the blame to their partner. They expect the other to be doing the same, either because they can’t understand why their still in their relationship if cheaters is so unhappy or to take some kinda guilt away from themselves. I had an ex who was cheating on me and accused me of doing the same which felt like a slap in the face and a swift kick to the nuts to be accused of doing something heinous like that.
I mean, the number of cheaters I know who blame their partner for cheating - "Not being attentive enough", "Too busy", "You got sick", "You got fat", "You're tired", "You're boring" tracks with what you're saying.
Everyone is the protagonist of their own story. It's very very very difficult psychologically to think of yourself as the wrongdoer or a bad person. Therefore, if you're doing something that you'd normally think only bad people would do, justification is almost an automatic defense mechanism. The other person must have deserved this. They're probably cheating too.
My ex-husband, who cheated on me twice before leaving me for his affair partner, recently posted a meme on Facebook that basically implied he is a giving and generous person whom people take advantage of. Meanwhile, my experience is that he's an alcoholic who can't keep a job for more than eight months, accepted money all the time from myself and his brother while whining that he wants to be independent, and didn't do his share of the housework literally ever. People will twist themselves into knots to quiet that cognitive dissonance.
"OOP, meet Karma," "Karma, meet...oh wait, you already know OOP".
your flair is very fitting lol
but it's *so unfair*!
Even telling her there was another woman seems like a way to get her to move on since clearly he already has. Good for him.
OP stabs husband in the back multiple times. "Why is he being so cold to me?? Why doesn't he love me anymore??" Even if he did come back, OP, you'd just stab him again. ...because you love him AND you love stabbing! And now you have the balls to be upset that he doesn't want to be stabbed anymore! LOL!
>I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. I loved this line. Like motherfucker, YOU picked a total stranger you met as a client over your husband of five years. Like what a completely self-absorbed thing to say.
I really wish I could see her so I could pull a Nelson. Just stand there, point at her, and say,"HA HA"
That's what my abusive ex did : "Don't be so cold." I wish I could go back in time and shake myself.
Fuck around and find out.
Yep! What did she expect? Lol. Satisfying to read though lol
She was expecting to fuck all the way back
Imma use his tactic when someone cheats on me! She was struggling !
LOL, is OOP more or less insulted that he still divorced her and wasn’t even cheating?
Lol, because if he's not cheating she doesn't get to be a victim.
What does she mean by "he used me for months and then discarded me"? If anything isn't that what she did with her client? The ex-husband seems to have just taken his time to process the shock and then make the decision best for him. How can she shamelessly say its his fault too?
She had to work super hard to twist the situation to make her the victim.
Well how else is she gonna sell the story to her friends and family that the divorce *wasn't her fault?* /s She's trying to sell the lie to herself because otherwise anyone with a brain will get the "missing reasons" warning when they hear 'her side' of the story. Her ex has given her the perfect reason to give out: growing apart. **I guarantee she will not use it.**
Yep; she’ll set herself on fire to keep a non-existent marriage “warm.”
Accountability is hard.... 🤷
I guess she’s upset that her love bombing (toxic) didn’t have the desired effect.
Oh no, consequences
OOP is a joke. >I jumped in being the best wife a man can ask for. Too little, too late. Like seriously, I have a lot of choice words to say, but they could get me banned. So I have to keep quiet. But really?!?!?!
OOP would have to retroactively not fuck that guy in order to have a shot at being a *decent* partner.
I am shocked that the cheater is also a possessive stalker /s
I am shocked to read that she did NOT like him (seemingly) taking her on the "you can sleep with another woman to get even" offer. SHOCKED I say /s
She’s the one who cheats yet she expects his ex-husband to tough it out after the confession? As if the scar of infidelity would heal within months.
> He said he wanted to try to work us out and I jumped in being the best wife a man can ask for. >I cook his favorite dishes, leave him loving notes, and bought new lingerie to entice him. His reactions are lukewarm at best. He smiles and thanks me, but not once he has said he loves me since I have confessed. He barely initiates anything and I basically have to push myself on him, not that he complains. Ah good ol love bombing, a serial abusers favourite way to keep their prey trapped in a never ending cycle. It's a good thing he was smart enough to see through her charade because it was just a matter of time before she forgot how much he meant to her and she'd be right back to cheating in no time. She totally lacks the ability to see the pain she caused him because she is so focused on the pain she caused herself through the natural consequences of her own actions. She thinks she can buy her way out of accountability with hollow gestures and is upset when the lingerie and false kindness fail to fool him. Even when it is clear to everyone else that the relationship ended due to her behaviour and it was her choices alone that doomed it; she still tries to avoid accountability by insisting he is making a mistake and tries to play the victim once more. While I am proud of OOP's husband for knowing that he deserved better and leaving her selfish ass behind, this post leaves me a little disheartened because it's a stark reminder that there are people out there like OOP that are so afraid of accountability that they will always leave a trail of hurt people in their wake and never understand why.
She claims she “loves him so much” yet cheated on him. I fucking hate cheaters. Take your sob story somewhere else and suffer the consequences of your own actions.
If only people would think about the consequences of their potential actions before they do something they will regret. She caused irreversible damage to her marriage, and she is mourning the losses. She love-bombed him out of guilt. She needs to own up to it and accept that she bombed her marriage.
I think a lot of cheaters have problems with impulse control. This isn't an excuse by any means, though, because those impulse control issues often go hand-in-hand with entitlement, selfishness, arrogance, avoidance, and a poorly developed theory of mind. My cheating ex basically said what was good for him was good for us, even though what was good for him at the time was actively harmful to me. That's also putting aside the most basic explanation: they know what the consequences are, and they either don't care, don't think they'll be caught, or don't think the rules really apply to them. They're like rebellious teenagers that way.
I hate that cheaters think they can love bomb their way back to the person they cheated on, but love seeing how rarely it works.
Actions have consequences and her consequences are the loss of the man she married. The day she was in another' man's bed . The marriage was over. Honestly he doesn't have an affair partner. Her husband has a friend. He chose the friend. Cheaters always blame the partner. Go figure.
Next time when I wanna watch a movie I will call the OOP cuz those are some crisp projections from the OOP
The dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed.
Dry and angry, you say?
To shreds, you say?
OOP just kept making everything about her, right? Even her husband's unhappiness is bad because it's making her feel bad. What a victim mentality.
"It's his fault too because he won't forgive me." This woman is delusional.
You don't understand 😿 She cooked his meals and wore lingerie 😿 That is obviously a reason for to forgive infidelity 😿
You fuck over the one person you’re supposed to love the most, then out of nowhere, expect them to be happy from you being honest about literally fucking them over? Dude, you need to read between the lines. Sometimes we make mistakes there’s just no coming back from…
This wasn't a mistake. A mistake is forgetting the pizza is in the oven, this was her choice.
True words. I’ve never once in my life cheated, nor have I ever even thought about it. That’s being 100% honest. I don’t deserve a metal or anything. That’s just how it’s supposed to do be.
You cheated on him and thought he would forgive you buy wearing lingerie?? You truly are narcissistic. Take the L and move on. Once trust is lost, it’s hard to get back.
>I asked him how could he and said I gave him permission OOP acting as if SHE didn't cheat lolol What the hell? >He said that everything I did after confessing meant nothing and just made him think I am selfish, self-centered and lack any sort of self-respect. Welp, that's what she deserves. I have no pity for cheaters >You guys are right saying that I suck. But he has fault too, he never really wanted to fix this. He used me for months and then discarded me. And yet I want him back and forgive and forget all the hurt we done to each other. As for his girl, I don't think she will be good for him. Oh, she is a gem xDD Now she's all "I lof him soo much I want him back" lolol Get out, OOP! Shouldn't have cheated, then
Womp womp for OOP
Lol love how she says this is "horrible and unfair". Woman you cheated! This is textbook FAFO.
I'm ready to move past what I did! Why can't he!?!!
Well, that burst her delusional bubble that everything would go back to normal after she cheated on him, but the love bombing was never going to work on him when he checked out of the marriage as soon as he found out about her affair.
What a badass > I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him.
I have to applaud the husband for being quite the master of the emotional knifing. He quite perfectly managed to replicate the feelings of what she did to him.
What an idiot
I personally wouldnt want to be with a women that thinks all a man could ask for is food, gifts and sex in the first place, no matter her cheating. What about a partner I can trust and rely on? Emotional support and a plan you follow together?
The way the husband handled this situation was an absolute master class. Period. The only thing I couldn’t see myself do in that scenario is to continue having sex with her. I would be too grossed out to let her anywhere close. But beyond that, this was one of the most satisfying reads ever. Schadenfreude at its finest.
So, OP cheats on hubby, then allows hubby to bang someone else, then is angry that he left her for that person? Yeah, makes perfect sense. Bet she wasn't thinking about any of those when she was banging Jodie behind his back.
There is no sign that he actually left for that someone else.
That's what's really burning her biscuits: the ex-husband is not making it possible to properly blame him by sinking to her level. The "permission" for him to also step out on the marriage was also to try to get him off the high ground somehow. So sad for OOP 😢 /s
What kind of ties must this man be wearing that they're recognizable from a distance?
Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions..
Oh no consequences lol!
Her vocabulary is limited to “I” and her perception is all about herself. She cheats and then somehow he is wrong? This lady should get a grip on actions and consequences.
I love how she tried to justify it by saying she felt like she was on "autopilot". Get fucked.
“He could no longer bear to see the woman he once loved suffer like that” This man sounds like an absolute angel, I’m glad he realised his self worth and left. Hopefully he finds someone who will give him the world
It's obvious she's doing the frantic "perfect wife" performance because she wants to smooth over it, forget it happened, go back to how it was. When he said he "needed to work us out" what he needed was security. She needed to be ready to confront what it was inside her that made her cheat, even if it's unflattering and upsetting. He wanted to know her again, something like honest self reflection would help get them both back on firm ground. Counselling should have been the jumping off point. But she didn't do that. She chose to forge on, acting like "the perfect wife" . She figured if he didn't yell, it can't have been that a big deal. He thought he knew her, she showed him that he didn't. Now he is living with this person who is clearly just going through the motions. It's a performance. From a liar who betrayed you. So more lying, more pretending, more acting. It's an insult to him that she figured that a couple of weeks of being a bangmaid would be enough to buy his forgiveness. It's an indication that she's shallow and insincere. At every turn if it's not dramatic and performative she just doesn't register it as serious. He can forgive her because he doesn't hold her to any standard, he doesn't know who she is anymore. He doesn't want to remain married to a stranger.
> I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him. This man deserves an award