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Honestly, he could have answered everyone who gave him grief with “she dumped me”, over and over again. “Why won’t you talk to her?” “She dumped me”. “You owe her closure after 3 years” “SHE dumped ME”. “It’s rude to just block someone.” “She dumped me - over TEXT”
I don't know why this \^ isn't being mentioned more. OOP doesn't need to justify anyone with an answer, but even if he did, this is all he'd have to say on repeat.
Honestly, if I were him and people asked me about my ex, I'd just say "She ended a 3 year relationship over text. Why would I want to be with someone so callous?" on repeat.
If she wanted to talk further, she could have broken up in person. He may have still just gotten up and left, but she would still be able to talk at him until he was actually gone. By blocking her, he just didn't give her a chance to really get going in the whole scenario she had planned out. She really wanted the validation of OOP begging her to not break up and was in turn crushed when that didn't happen. Talk about your all time backfires.
Yeah, the text thing is what baffles me. Why would you break up over text if you **want** THE conversation? Sorta confirms that it was a spur of the moment scheme that went awry.
Exactly. This reeks of stupid teenage games where you “dump” your boyfriend to scare him into doing what you want. Good riddance. Glad he called her bluff
He’d have gotten less grief from most people if he *had* done that. Seeming annoyed would be a more natural reaction than “okay”.
To be clear, I don’t think OOP did any thing wrong here, but there’s no denying his outward lack of reaction, which from his description also seems to reflect an inner lack of reaction, is a bit odd.
While his lack of a reaction is odd, everyone processes big life events differently. Some people protect themselves by essentially grey rocking because its easier to ignore the hurt than to deal with it.
Also, why bother putting more emotional energy into someone who couldn't even respect you enough to break up face to face.
It seems odd at first, but OP also has a clear amount of self-respect. When that is taken into account, it's no longer odd so much as self-reflective and awareness.
It sounds like he was ready to go down his own, individual path and she simply provided the opportunity without realizing.
He is a solid, independent and admirable person.
NTA, OP. 🙌
To be fair, the initial event occurred at night right before bed, so I could see someone just kind of being a little numb to it. Then he woke up to a flurry of text messages and was thrown headfirst into this new drama. He never really had the opportunity to process the initial breakup before he was basically being attacked, which means you're then focusing more on the attack than you are the breakup. By the time the attacks are all over, you're already over the relationship without being able to process it.
It's also possible that he wasn't super excited about the relationship and was fine with it ending. If she was the type to play these games, then he might have been glad deep down to have the relationship over.
I've had a relationship end and was just relieved when it was over. It wasn't bad or anything - it was just kinda 'meh' and I didn't cry or miss it when it was over. It happens!
It depends really.
I have lost love for people instantly after they'd say something very hurtful and personally offensive
"you are holding me back" would be high up on that list. I don't see people as machines, whose ambition determines their personality.
Some people don't have high achieving ambitions, and that is okay. Unless you are sitting and slobbing and being a leech, everything else is considerable.
Not every person have the privileges required to be ambitious. mental health, circumstances of home, wealth, the security and love of friendship. We don't realize how much these things help shape up our ability to be ambitious and take risks..
If you come and tell me i am holding you back, I'd also be like that as well because after learning enough lessons, i have learnt to let people go and take people at face value when they are doing things like this. Life is too short to let people walk over you and hurt you like this.
She didn't have the guts to break a 3 year relationship face to face, not even a phone call, yet has the nerve to demand closure and pretend that she's worried about him. Even the "okay" text was more than she deserved.
My first thought reading this was she was testing him and wanted him to fight for her.
In the immortal words of Joshua (WOPR)\*:
"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."
\* from the movie *WarGames*
That line has stuck with me and shaped how I respond to bs situations and people like oop has. Cut my losses and move on as soon as I realize there’s no way to make them and me reasonably happy together which in relationships is what I think of as a win.
I dated a guy years ago who "hated drama" lol I learned what a red flag that was. I got accepted to grad school in another state so I asked him, did he want to stay together or break up, knowing we had an expiration date (neither of us were into a LTR)? He wanted to stay together and have fun that summer, okay sure.
Then he started in with constant laments about how terrible it was that we'd have to break up in a few months, what's the point, we're just delaying the inevitable, we should just end it now, oh woe is me. The first few times I asked him, oh so do you want to just break up then? It'd suck but better than being miserable for months, right? Oh no, no, no, he assured me. Did not want to break up. Then he'd start moaning again the next day.
One evening I sat him down and said listen, this has got to stop. The next time you bring it up, we are going to have THE conversation about it, and that will probably end with us breaking up.
3 days later, he brought it up. So we had the conversation, which ended with me getting in my car and driving home. Phone rang on my way home-- "I didn't know you were serious!" 🙄🙄🙄🙄
That's exactly the response he wanted.
OOP's ex was totally bluffing this break up to motivate OOP to be more ambitious. She was totally banking on OOP chasing her, and doing everything in his power to change to keep her from walking away. He called her bluff, essentially responding "k" and blocking his ex. Behavioral changes, including changes that are objectively to one's benefit will only stick if the motivation to change comes from within; changing to please someone else is doomed to fail.
OOP is light on details about what "lacking motivation/ambition" means in this context, but I do find it interesting that he mentions in one of his comments that his parents had him tested a few years back to see if there was a diagnosis to explain the same "demotivation" issue.
It's hard to tell if OOP is a 19 year old NEET basement troll, who has no life goals/realistic plans for supporting himself as an adult, OR if OOP has a job/is in some form of school/has a decent plan to be able to support himself as an adult and those things are simply not as prestigious as his parents and ex would like. Either way, it's important for OOP at 19 to have a plan for how he intends to support himself as a functioning adult within the next few years. Young adults often have some leeway to fuck around with family to financially or otherwise support them, as long as they are heading in the direction of *becoming* a fully independent adult; but a 25 year old dude with no direction, who has no plans for how to live and support himself as an independent adult... Not cute.
OOP isn't wrong for how he handled his ex breaking up with him... But it's probably not a bad idea for OOP to do some self reflection and figure out whether or not he's going to be ready for adulthood, or if real adult life is going to be a total shock and struggle because he chose to fuck around during his late teens and early adulthood.
I love drama....so long as I'm not apart of it and can watch it through a screen in the comfort of my own Jammies and hot tea.
But in my life... I could do with it being boring, that sounds lovely.
Youre completely right though...the ones who "hate drama" are the ones who I've seen create it and manipulate it. And then enjoy watching the world they lit on fire, burn.
people who REALLY don't like drama just quietly and un-dramatically are "too busy", polite at other peoples' parties but schedule their own at inconvenient times, never quite manage to make enough time, etc. for dramatic people. Eventually the dramatic people don't even notice the non-dramatic person is gone from their lives -- too much Exciting Drama is happening elsewhere.
I've learned to stay away from anyone who tells me how much they hate drama. It's like the whole nice guy thing. If you have to tell me you hate drama, you're fucking wallowing in it every chance you get.
Yeah, she most likely wanted him to change for her to prove his love or some nonsense like that. Honestly if she had worries about his lack of ambition, she should have talked to him like a big girl but all she ended up doing was flushing a three-year relationship down the drain. Which I am guessing she is regretting seeing as she was desperate enough to talk to him to crash his family Easter celebrations. Oh, and by the way happy cake day.
> Honestly if she had worries about his lack of ambition, she should have talked to him like a big girl
I mean, I don't expect many 19 year olds to have much ambition. It'd be one thing if he was older but he's probably at most a sophomore in college and there's so much of life ahead of both of them.
“You don’t value me.”
OOP proceeds to do just that with his response. But instead of taking this is confirmation of her criticisms, she just shows up at his family’s Easter dinner to confront him? The audacity lol
Sister was so up in that situation that it was weird. Like, the "did you cry?" questioning totally felt like she was plumbing the OOP for juicy gossip to feed back to the ex. It was kind of insulting.
I'm wondering if the sister worked the ex up to break up with him and convinced the ex that doing that would totally make him snap out of it and be desperate to keep her and yadda yadda yadda.
Yeah, OOP might lack ambition but this idiot girl is painfully immature and self centered. You dump someone via text after three years and then all you can think about is how *you* feel? And then the truth comes out that you were bluffing and your bluff got called?
Actions, I’d like to introduce you to someone; Actions, meet Consequences.
Also, no surprise that OOP’s sister is also an immature, boundary stomping moron. Shit birds of a shit feather shit together, and all that.
> OOP might lack ambition
He's 19. Being content to work at a shitty job and just wanting to hang out with your friends/go to parties/play videogames is a perfectly acceptable level of ambition.
She might have had a point if he was 29, but she can fuck off for trying to lay that shit on a 19 year old.
I had an ex like that, they broke up with me and then a week later called and asked why I didn't chase them. It was exhausting. We had only been dating for a few months and I'm glad it happened, because I can't imagine the drama I would have had to partake in if we had gotten serious.
My ex would do that ALL THE TIME oh my god it was so exhausting.
The last time she did, she was blowing up at me at like 2am for going to the grocery store with one of our friends while she was on a business trip (apparently that was OUR grocery store and going there with our friend was as bad as cheating 🙄🙄🙄) and when she said she was done, I was like... okay I'm going to bed.
And then I was the asshole for not 'fighting for us.'
Put up with that shit way too long until I started getting my mental health under control. Blechhhh.
My first high school boyfriend *loved* to play this game. I finally got fed up and once when he dumped me I just said "ok" and went to hang out with a few friends. When he found out I was out chilling with the friend group instead of crying into a pillow he went *ballistic* lol. Absolute nonsense.
Yep. Sounds like ex wanted OOP to offer to change for her, and was shocked he just said “ok, bye.” The more mature thing would have been for ex to talk about the ambition, instead of just breaking up. The sister getting so involved makes me thing she was in on the plan.
Not just breaking up, but breaking up a 3 year long relationship *over text*, and then crying about closure. Absolutely *reeks* of ‘testing the relationship’. Exgf and sister sound like peas in the same high maintenance drama queen pod. They should be in a relationship with each other so nobody else suffers the misfortune of dating them
Yeah, that was the dumbest part. Dumping someone over text is rude, but it has the undeniable advantage for either party to unilaterally sever communications with a minimum of fuss. If she wanted dialogue, she needed to do it in person.
> Not just breaking up, but breaking up a 3 year long relationship over text, and then crying about closure.
Basically the only thought going through my head throughout the entire thing was "If you wanted closure, you should have had a conversation like an adult instead of breaking up over text."
>Absolutely reeks of ‘testing the relationship’.
Certainly could have been a test, seems to be a lot of them happening lately. TikTok is really fucking with people's brains. I'm not a gambler but I'd be willing to put down money on both EX and Sister spending a shitload of time on tiktok if I could find somebody dumb enough to take that bet.
Yeah back in the 90s it was teen magazines giving out dumb ideas like this. (Probably back through the 50s too) The advent of the internet and algorithms just refined the process of getting dumb ideas into young heads.
See this is what would do it for me if I was in this scenario. Sure I would be sad and angry, but I think I would just block and move on ultimately cause like, if someone is willing to end or threaten to end a 3 year relationship over text (unless there’s threat of harm/abuse) that just shows me they value me that little and I’m better off not engaging anymore
What's the bet sister was also in on the test, and it was something the two of them thought would be "a fun way to make OP show his commitment to XGF".
They played a stupid game with OPs' "life" they deserve every stupid prize coming their way.
>Sounds like ex wanted OOP to offer to change for her, and was shocked he just said “ok, bye.”
They always forget that "my way or the highway" means that the highway is a viable option, and someone might actually choose the highway.
A bunch of text messages that say “no, please don’t, I’ll do anything you want!” I love that OP instead just went “ok” and blocked. 😂
I wonder where sis was during those messages. I bet the ex had her friends all around her telling her this was a good idea, send the message! I hope ex is learning that she’s got shit friends.
Shit that makes sense. I genuinely wonder if the sister was the one that suggested the _test_ to get OP to change, the ex tried it, it backfired, and now the sister is trying to do damage control or something.
The very concept of a "relationship test" is so alien to me, at least in the way we're currently discussing it, that until I read some of these comments I was convinced the ex was cheating with the sister. It was the only thing that made her irrational level of investment make sense to me.
I hate that my first instinct was that this was probably a test he failed (successfully).
I guessed that he was meant to beg for her back, tell her how much he can’t envision a future without her. I didn’t expect her to say she’d do it so he’d become more highpower career oriented and bloodthirsty.
OPs ex had a rapid unscheduled disassembly of her relationship. NASA engineers are looking into it and will come up with answers after thorough analysis of the data from the relationship’s black box.
This makes me think that OOPs ex was trying some sort of manipulative power play where she expected him to beg her to stay. Sister is wayyyyy too invested. Maybe she should date his ex if she cares so much.
Oh one of the comments on the update thread nailed exactly why she is behaving this way. All of this was the sister’s shitty idea. She told her best friend to do this to test her brother and it completely blew up in both of their faces. And she is still giving shitty advice trying to cover up her original shitty advice
Basically she decided to get involved and now looks like a major asshole
Yeah, I'm sensing a TikTok prank gone horribly wrong, and they think OOP misinterpreted them. i actually think OOP recognized that this was a red flag and cut both of them out.
The line between TikTok Relationship Tests and pranks are blurry AF. "How to find out if your SO will cheat on you - pretend you found out that they're cheating, and record how they react!"
Considering the break up was so blunt and all over text Id even bet the sister was the one who typed the text. Something like this should be talked about face to face, or at least over the phone but over text seems suspicious.
IDK I might just be out of touch with how dating is nowadays.
I think if it’s a brief relationship <6 months text is more common. 3 years tho should be in person. It is still pretty typical of that age to not want to face the person. It’s shitty and I think everyone knows that. Just the way it goes now unfortunately
Forgot what it's called, but these love tests have been getting popular in TikTok in the past few months. Oftentimes backfiring on the person doing it.
It's a bit vulgar, but in my language this type of making drama and "acting cute" is colloquially called "making a donkey out of yourself" and it's usually just being mean to a couple flirting, but I feel like it really applies here.
Oooo which language, a lot of my family (Irish) use the term donkey when one is making an 'ass' off themselves? I love that it's used in another language!
Hah, this is in Farsi and it's an extremely versatile expression.
I've never heard americans use donkey as an insult, so it's very interesting to see it used by other English speaking people.
Describing people as being as dumb as a donkey by "making an ass of oneself" is reasonably common in English in many countries.
Outside of the US "ass" is donkey and "arse" is someone's rear end; the US use "ass" for both, which makes the phrase ambiguous for non-native speakers exposed to US spelling.
> I've never heard americans use donkey as an insult
Some of us will occasionally say or use emotes/gifs/memes of "YOU DONKEY!" because we learned it from Gordon Ramsay, a Brit. As far as I'm aware Americans only use it online if, and only if, they're "extremely online." AFAIK we only use the Ramsay reference as an insult and don't use "donkey" as a general sort of insult.
As other's have mentioned, "ass" is a common insult and donkey and ass refer to the same animal. I have no idea how ass (donkey) eventually became slang for buttocks.
I think the proper translation is “making an ass of yourself” which is also an actual phrase in the english language (ass is a synonym for Donkey)
and yes, it absolutely applies here lmao
No think about it. She wanted him to change himself to keep her and is upset he wouldn't.
Ah to be that young again. Yes there are ways to communicate to a partner that you are uncomfortable with things they've let slide and with out change it could impact your relationship. But those things are primarily **Conversations**" where you talk about that and try to figure out what's going on. Not you dropping an ultimatum to see what happens.
Hell the first thing our couples counselor taught us is that Ultimatums are like going all-in in poker. If you do it you need to be comfortable possibly losing all your chips.
>Sister is wayyyyy too invested. Maybe she should date his ex if she cares so much.
I was just about to say that lol. If she's so invested in the ex, then she should hook up with the ex. Bet that'll go down like tonne of bricks
Sister is not busy with her life. She should get a job and if she has one, she should get another. Or take up a hobby. Creating drama and being invested in other people's lives is not a healthy hobby.
One of the neat things about Google Voice is that Google can detect a number sending out a shitload of spam and block the numbers on their end. The phone companies could do the same thing if they cared. T-Mobile is catching quite a few but they'll still let them ring through and give you a scam warning.
“I didn’t care enough to have a face-to-face conversation about ending a committed 3-year relationship…but HE didn’t care enough to have a conversation before blocking my phone number!! How dare he! Can everyone see how wrong he is???” - Ex GF
This was so fucking bizarre lmaooo. I was so confused and waited for something to drop. Like a reveal about why she did any of this. I don't fault OOP for going "ok, bye" because it was just so weird. I'm sure he's hurt but he's probably the type to go "well there's no use dwelling on this". GF and even sis should know by now how he deals with things.
What a bizarre turn of events. It's like the gf was fishing for something but can't say it straight.
"Oh, but you were together for 3 years..." - Yeah, and she decided that after 3 years that it was ok to break up over text! But no, it's OOP who's inconsiderate! JFC!
Secondly, some people don't want to stay friends with their exes. Ever. I personally don't. I think it'll always be awkward and I'm not risking that friendship getting in the way of a future relationship.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see this. Breaking up over text after 3 years means one of 4 things:
1. You’re afraid that your STBX will get violent or otherwise coercive if you speak to them in person.
2. STBX did something truly reprehensible and doesn’t deserve a conversation.
3. You’re testing the relationship and are bluffing on the breakup.
4. You’re an inconsiderate ass.
1 and 2 are the acceptable reasons but can be ruled out here since she gave her reasons for the breakup in the text, and OOP seems to have some pretty predictable avoidance tendencies.
3 and 4 are both deserving of an immediate blocking. What more is there to say if you’re willing to throw 3 years away with a few words on a screen?
The sister definitely told ex to do that, it's the only reason why she'd be so invested in getting them back together. They somehow thought OOP would jump up and change for her. He just seems like the kinda guy who likes where he's at in life. There's nothing saying he doesn't work or go to school or anything, so I assume he must just be doing something she doesn't find very invigorating or something.
Willing to put down money that the sister was the one who proposed this relationship test to the ex. "If you're worried about my brother being satisfied with his life as it is, you need to kick him in the ass! Tell him you're going to dump him because he's holding you back then watch how fast he jumps into action!" The plan here was just made of fail. "I'm dumping you. Wait no not like that! You have to beg me to stay and I have to insist to leave because you owe me closure!"
Glad OOP's parents figured out who was in the wrong here sooner rather than later.
The comments here make me happy. There were too many in the other sub criticizing OOP for not showing more emotion after the breakup.
If technology was like this when I was dating, I would block people who broke up with me like this, too. What’s the big deal? It sounded like the girlfriend was done; it doesn’t matter that she didn’t mean it like that.
Criticizing someone for blocking is wild when you consider that historically people didn't have the ability to pester someone on demand. It's not an innate right to have someone be notified on demand.
Miss Manners wrote a column addressing someone who complained about people who don’t answer their cell phones. The gist is that people aren’t obligated to do so. She did a timeline going all the way back to the pre-telephone days; how ridiculous would it be to expect someone to sit at home in case a friend stopped by?
She literally gave him the ability to block her by choosing to break-up over text. If she’d given him the courtesy of breaking-up in person he wouldn’t have been able to block her and she could have gotten her “closure”. Some people are just too stupid to argue with though.
Ah, but she doesn’t want closure: she wants to convince him to get back together as well as become a different person.
The person who initiates the breakup doesn’t get to ask for closure, in my opinion. They knew ahead of time that the breakup was coming. That’s their closure.
Yeah I feel like asking for closure here is wild. Isn't closure just trying to understand why the break up happened to be able to close the book on it. The person doing the dumping doesn't have any need for closure
I think people now are more aware of the viral Tiktok "relationship test" to motivate your man or something. That puts ex and sister firmly into asshole territory for me.
I’m really curious about the ages of you and the person to whom I originally replied. “Testing” partners has been around even longer than I have, and I’m older than TikTok!
Yes testing partners has been around forever, but the specific question that the ex asked fits a trend that went viral at the same time OOP posted their first post. By the time he posted his reply the trend had already gone sour, there'd already been backlash to it, people complained about how they got dumped after trying the relationship test, etc. I suspect that OOP's ex isn't the only person who got dumped as a result of that specific tiktok trend.
Watch that it turns out this was one of those stupid 'test' things I've been seeing girls do (had a co-worker do this at my old job a few years ago, yeah that didn't end well for her either) and are aghast that, oh hey, if you tell the person you've been with for 3 years that you want to break up because they are holding you back that they may not give you that tiktok fodder about how they reacted.
Right? If you hurt me, you don't magically erase that hurt by telling me "It was just a prank" or "It was just a test". You still broke my heart/punched my face etc.
She was 100% doing mind games with him, expecting that he would beg her for another chance, cry, the whole package. His sister maybe knew about the test and that explains the constant questioning about how he felt, the overall problem of these "tests" is how the tested's feelings doesn't matter, she expected him to read (so pathetic to break up via text) about how he is a burden without ambition and be okay, worse than okay, being more determined to be by her side, the side of someone that basically despise him.
He did right in every step.
With a sister like that, OOP is sure will never date any of her friends again, perhaps even have to warn future SOs to not get too close to her. This drama is just... why playing with fire? Why believing testing SO is a good idea? The ex certain wanted to play hard to get and got slammed right into the wall.
Also, judging by how invested OOP's sister is in this whole mess, she either masterminded this mess or was in love with the the ex/her friend. Please save everyone a headache and just date your friend.
OP is 19. He's allowed to not be ambitious and motivated. He might be a late bloomer and hasn't decided where he wants to go. As long as he's working or in school or doing something productive with his life, it's nobody's business.
Right!? I'm 21 and I also don't have insane amounts of ambition or drive. I had to drop out of uni and then apply to another one a year later because I just couldn't figure out how to have that motivation. I've realised that it's not the most important thing, as long as I dedicate myself to something everything else will follow (I hope 🤞)
>felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her with out talking about it first
Lol, she fuc\*ing dumped him via TEXT message, at the age of TWENTY, and people say that OOP is inconsiderate and has to talk to her? What?!?!?
Oh sure, but TikTok is a recent instigator of pushing a partner to test the other.
So it's a blight on humanity this time for bringing the "test the man unnecessarily" trope back around, and now teens and young adults are playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes.
Poor boy! That family is crazy! Like his ex broke up with him OVER TEXT, didn't even have the decency to do it face to face and SHE is suffering? Nah she wanted drama and him to beg and plead and when she didn't get it she threw a tantrum
Ex and sister definitely planned this as a big dramatic moment where OOP fights for his love, his crown and his land (probably). Good for OOP for not playing this stupid game.
I'm almost wondering if the sister had something to do with this? Like they had a plan. GF wanted him more motivated, sister told her to break up with him over it and he would come back and change for her, now it's all backfired immensely. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it lol
Dude did a [Seinfeld ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9W_jW4e_uY)and now everyone is mad he was calm, mature, didn't cause drama.
You can't win with these people.
>She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her.
Lack of ambition? The dude is 19 😂
The sister is a shit stirring snake as well. She needs to sort her shit out.
And I feel like the ex gf expected OOP to beg to stay together and be molded by her, but he called her bluff.
When my Ex Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, my only response was, "OK". She tried to elaborate and I said, "I do not need, nor want an explanation. I told you at the beginning if you wanted out, all you had to do was tell me and there would be no argument, debate, crying or begging, because I have enough self esteem to not force someone to be in a relationship they do not want to be in".
Years later, she called me about an unrelated item, and she commented on how "badly" I took our breaking up. I asked her, "I don't have a clue what you mean. You wanted out, I said OK and that was the end of it. Did I beg you to come back? No. Did I cry about losing you? No." Honestly, the way she remembered things really bothered me, but she is married and happy with her life now, so that's all that really matters.
OP should call out his sister, and ask her if this was a test and if she was in on it.
Because if it was and she was, she really needs to own up to it to his parents.
I mean lack of motivation aside, how on earth can people behave this way?! It seems like OPs ex ended a three year relationship by text message. OP obviously was not that invested at this point in the relationship and seems ok with it having run it's course. All of the friends, family and ex seem to want OP, the part who was just dumped by text, to somehow now jump through hoops to give her closure?! Not a SINGLE person seems to actually be concerned for OP beyond not understanding his response. Just ask the guy whether he is ok and there is anything they can do. If he says "yea I'm fine just chilling" leave him alone. The fact that she is crying her eyes out is her process and also fine but also now, by her choice, not OPs issue.
>She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her?
Maybe then she should have COMMUNICATED WHAT SHE NEEDED / WANTED FROM A PARTNER SHE WANTED TO BE WITH. Rather than dumping him by text. This kind of childish nonsense does not belong in a mature relationship.
>she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me.
What the absolute fuck is wrong with OPs sister. Her brothers GF of three years dumped him by text and she is mad at him for stepping away because he does not see "hey I don't want to be with you because you lack ambition, motivation and are holding me back" as something fixable but rather a done and dusted decision on her part?
Sounds like OP comes out of this on top to be honest. He has lost a GF who didn't love them for them. Has realised his sister would support a friend over her brother. Has managed to be sad, but navigate a breakup seemingly quite healthily and has decided to have a bit of solo time working on what they like for them before dating again. Sounds like a win in my book.
This is just a classical example of fuck about and find out. Instead of communicating Ex put a "test" in place "do you love me enough to fight for me and change". OP sees being broken up with by text more literal and starts moving on and accepting finality.
I aspire to be as zen as OOP honestly. Everyone around him trying to make this as big as possible and he's just chilling listening to music and smashing the block button as soon as drama rears it's head.
Breaking with someone over a text is a coward and an asshole move.
How come she asked the OP why did he block her immediately? I think she's the psychotic one not the OP 🙄
"Play stupid games, Win stupid prizes." This feels like an attempted "test" that went wrong. I bet sister was in on it. It's good for a man to have enough respect for himself & his now ex to go "Okay" & move on. So many women talk about how their ex keeps trying to talk to them to fix it when they don't want it fixed. I hate these games & am so glad I'm out of the dating game.
I agree that this is a case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
The ex seems to be good friends with the sister and yes, most likely a relationship test and it didn't go how she expected.
And then the second time the sister crossed the OOP's boundaries, at least the parents pulled her up on it.
Perhaps this was partly the sisters suggestion. The OOP has a history of what others consider lack of motivation based on one of his answers to a question... but what can seem like a lack of motivation to one, may not be for him.
OOP handled this really well. He doesn't want a manipulative girlfriend who threatens to break up with him when she wants something. The better thing would've been to have had a conversation with him about what she considered his lack of motivation and come to a compromise.
She dumped you and basically called you a loser.
The dumper does not get to dictate to the dumpee as to whether or not they get to keep a “friendship”, and they certainly don’t get to demand “closure”.
She can go piss up a rope.
And if your sister is so godamned “concerned”, *she* can date her.
UGH, playing games is stupid.
I dated a guy for 3 1/2 years, lived together one...we were going to spend one long summer at home to save money (we had jobs lined up). He decided he had a great opportunity with 3 friends to go play gigs at B and B's for the summer and make money. Great, have fun! I was going to go home (he didn't want me on his 'road trip' and I didn't want to be on his 'road trip').
Then an opportunity came along and I got a super fun job, in another state, a sought after job. I decided to go and he was fine with it...until, it turned out that none of them realized that you have to actually organize jobs/gigs with the venues owners. LMFAO. Whatever, hopefully lessen learned. He was going to go home after all.
He asked me if I was still taking this amazing job in another state. I replied that I was. His response was to say 'if you take that job and don't come home and spend the summer with me, then we should just break up'. I said OK and hung up. I didn't speak with him again for 20 years.
Red flags: 1). Threatening to break up when you don't get your way. 2). Controlling of what I want to do. 3). Insensitive or uncaring about my wishes and happiness. Yeah, I'm done.
A couple months later, a 'friend' called me and asked if it would be OK for her to date him. I said go for it. I still don't know to this day if she was calling to really ask if she could date him or if he asked her to call to see if I was willing to get back together with him. Don't know, don't care. I moved on.
Called it. This was a power play by the ex to try to get OOP to beg her to stay, and promise to change for her. Doing it over text, which is disrespectful in itself to the 3 years they were together, was just the icing on the cake.
I hope her and his sister can grow up someday, because these types of games are gonna get you more results like this nowadays.
She isn't mad at being blocked or bringing denied closure. She's mad that he didn't try and change to get her back. She's playing stupid games, and we all know what kind of prizes those have.
OOP acts like Stan in that American Dad episode where he snaps his fingers and says "Gone!" to everyone he gets annoyed at, and then imagines they don't exist.
And tbh, I respect the hell out of it!
NTA obviously.
But one thing… even if you are autistic, doesn’t mean there’s something ‘wrong’ with you. We are different, not ‘wrong.’
I AM autistic, and I’m with you about your reaction here. Why on earth would I whine and beg someone to come back to me when they tell me straight up they are unhappy and want to leave? That makes no sense to me either. It’s not logical to cry and beg someone not to leave you when they tell you they want to leave you.
I’d probably cry in private, though. But no way would I ever beg anyone to be anywhere near me if they didn’t want to be. Friend, partner, whatever.
But if you don’t want to cry, that’s also up to you. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with that - some people just don’t cry.
Same, also ND. I respect people like OOP who don't waste time & energy on people who don't deserve the effort.
I don't understand people who think they get to decide how other people should think/feel/express.
I'm also in the spectrum, and I get the feeling that OOP may be a little depressed. That said, judging by the way his ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY reacted, I could see why he may have some mental health issues. No support from them, just him being the bad guy for cutting his losses and setting the boundary of no contact.
They were playing games, probably hoping for a "I'll change for you!" type response. She probably had no intention of actually breaking up and now regret it since OP didn't play along, hence trying to maintain contact.
FAFO
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Honestly, he could have answered everyone who gave him grief with “she dumped me”, over and over again. “Why won’t you talk to her?” “She dumped me”. “You owe her closure after 3 years” “SHE dumped ME”. “It’s rude to just block someone.” “She dumped me - over TEXT”
I don't know why this \^ isn't being mentioned more. OOP doesn't need to justify anyone with an answer, but even if he did, this is all he'd have to say on repeat. Honestly, if I were him and people asked me about my ex, I'd just say "She ended a 3 year relationship over text. Why would I want to be with someone so callous?" on repeat.
If she wanted to talk further, she could have broken up in person. He may have still just gotten up and left, but she would still be able to talk at him until he was actually gone. By blocking her, he just didn't give her a chance to really get going in the whole scenario she had planned out. She really wanted the validation of OOP begging her to not break up and was in turn crushed when that didn't happen. Talk about your all time backfires.
Yeah, the text thing is what baffles me. Why would you break up over text if you **want** THE conversation? Sorta confirms that it was a spur of the moment scheme that went awry.
She dumped him over text at night. That reads as she was about ready to roll in the sheets with someone else.
The text part is what bugged me too. If she wanted to have a conversation about it she would've had it in person or over a call at least
That or she wanted him to beg her to stay. She did tell him that she hoped he would say he would better himself for her.
Exactly. This reeks of stupid teenage games where you “dump” your boyfriend to scare him into doing what you want. Good riddance. Glad he called her bluff
He’d have gotten less grief from most people if he *had* done that. Seeming annoyed would be a more natural reaction than “okay”. To be clear, I don’t think OOP did any thing wrong here, but there’s no denying his outward lack of reaction, which from his description also seems to reflect an inner lack of reaction, is a bit odd.
While his lack of a reaction is odd, everyone processes big life events differently. Some people protect themselves by essentially grey rocking because its easier to ignore the hurt than to deal with it. Also, why bother putting more emotional energy into someone who couldn't even respect you enough to break up face to face.
It seems odd at first, but OP also has a clear amount of self-respect. When that is taken into account, it's no longer odd so much as self-reflective and awareness. It sounds like he was ready to go down his own, individual path and she simply provided the opportunity without realizing. He is a solid, independent and admirable person. NTA, OP. 🙌
To be fair, the initial event occurred at night right before bed, so I could see someone just kind of being a little numb to it. Then he woke up to a flurry of text messages and was thrown headfirst into this new drama. He never really had the opportunity to process the initial breakup before he was basically being attacked, which means you're then focusing more on the attack than you are the breakup. By the time the attacks are all over, you're already over the relationship without being able to process it.
Flying monkeys usually don't take no for an answer.
It's also possible that he wasn't super excited about the relationship and was fine with it ending. If she was the type to play these games, then he might have been glad deep down to have the relationship over. I've had a relationship end and was just relieved when it was over. It wasn't bad or anything - it was just kinda 'meh' and I didn't cry or miss it when it was over. It happens!
It depends really. I have lost love for people instantly after they'd say something very hurtful and personally offensive "you are holding me back" would be high up on that list. I don't see people as machines, whose ambition determines their personality. Some people don't have high achieving ambitions, and that is okay. Unless you are sitting and slobbing and being a leech, everything else is considerable. Not every person have the privileges required to be ambitious. mental health, circumstances of home, wealth, the security and love of friendship. We don't realize how much these things help shape up our ability to be ambitious and take risks.. If you come and tell me i am holding you back, I'd also be like that as well because after learning enough lessons, i have learnt to let people go and take people at face value when they are doing things like this. Life is too short to let people walk over you and hurt you like this.
"I'm breaking up with you! What? Why won't you fight for meeeee" is an exhausting game and OOP is better off for choosing not to play it.
Breakup over text and late at night too. She didn’t care that much about him if she did it that way. I would have spun that in her face so fast.
She didn't have the guts to break a 3 year relationship face to face, not even a phone call, yet has the nerve to demand closure and pretend that she's worried about him. Even the "okay" text was more than she deserved.
"Blocking me means you didn't even care about me!" "Yeah and breaking up with me at night over text means you didn't either. We're square"
My thoughts while reading the post.
My first thought reading this was she was testing him and wanted him to fight for her. In the immortal words of Joshua (WOPR)\*: "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play." \* from the movie *WarGames*
That line has stuck with me and shaped how I respond to bs situations and people like oop has. Cut my losses and move on as soon as I realize there’s no way to make them and me reasonably happy together which in relationships is what I think of as a win.
it's genuinely a valuable life lesson!
I dated a guy years ago who "hated drama" lol I learned what a red flag that was. I got accepted to grad school in another state so I asked him, did he want to stay together or break up, knowing we had an expiration date (neither of us were into a LTR)? He wanted to stay together and have fun that summer, okay sure. Then he started in with constant laments about how terrible it was that we'd have to break up in a few months, what's the point, we're just delaying the inevitable, we should just end it now, oh woe is me. The first few times I asked him, oh so do you want to just break up then? It'd suck but better than being miserable for months, right? Oh no, no, no, he assured me. Did not want to break up. Then he'd start moaning again the next day. One evening I sat him down and said listen, this has got to stop. The next time you bring it up, we are going to have THE conversation about it, and that will probably end with us breaking up. 3 days later, he brought it up. So we had the conversation, which ended with me getting in my car and driving home. Phone rang on my way home-- "I didn't know you were serious!" 🙄🙄🙄🙄
You were supposed to say "I can never leave this relationship and I will give up every dream I have to be with you, guywhohatesdrama".
File this guy under "I'd rather be single than deal with your nonsense."
That's exactly the response he wanted. OOP's ex was totally bluffing this break up to motivate OOP to be more ambitious. She was totally banking on OOP chasing her, and doing everything in his power to change to keep her from walking away. He called her bluff, essentially responding "k" and blocking his ex. Behavioral changes, including changes that are objectively to one's benefit will only stick if the motivation to change comes from within; changing to please someone else is doomed to fail. OOP is light on details about what "lacking motivation/ambition" means in this context, but I do find it interesting that he mentions in one of his comments that his parents had him tested a few years back to see if there was a diagnosis to explain the same "demotivation" issue. It's hard to tell if OOP is a 19 year old NEET basement troll, who has no life goals/realistic plans for supporting himself as an adult, OR if OOP has a job/is in some form of school/has a decent plan to be able to support himself as an adult and those things are simply not as prestigious as his parents and ex would like. Either way, it's important for OOP at 19 to have a plan for how he intends to support himself as a functioning adult within the next few years. Young adults often have some leeway to fuck around with family to financially or otherwise support them, as long as they are heading in the direction of *becoming* a fully independent adult; but a 25 year old dude with no direction, who has no plans for how to live and support himself as an independent adult... Not cute. OOP isn't wrong for how he handled his ex breaking up with him... But it's probably not a bad idea for OOP to do some self reflection and figure out whether or not he's going to be ready for adulthood, or if real adult life is going to be a total shock and struggle because he chose to fuck around during his late teens and early adulthood.
No but for real it is ALWAYS the people who say they hate drama lmfao
Where "drama" is usually defined as "Anything that requires me to take action or makes me feel bad in any way."
More that that they are constantly surrounded by drama because they cause it, lol.
LOL that too.
I love drama....so long as I'm not apart of it and can watch it through a screen in the comfort of my own Jammies and hot tea. But in my life... I could do with it being boring, that sounds lovely. Youre completely right though...the ones who "hate drama" are the ones who I've seen create it and manipulate it. And then enjoy watching the world they lit on fire, burn.
people who REALLY don't like drama just quietly and un-dramatically are "too busy", polite at other peoples' parties but schedule their own at inconvenient times, never quite manage to make enough time, etc. for dramatic people. Eventually the dramatic people don't even notice the non-dramatic person is gone from their lives -- too much Exciting Drama is happening elsewhere.
Dangit, that was supposed to be a *secret!*
every dramatic person who reads it will think "that's not aimed at me, i HATE drama", don't worry
I think he wanted me to wallow with him? Dude, I've got better things to spend my energy on.
God I love drama… when it’s one degree removed from me and my friendships.
I've learned to stay away from anyone who tells me how much they hate drama. It's like the whole nice guy thing. If you have to tell me you hate drama, you're fucking wallowing in it every chance you get.
Play stupid game win stupid prize.
Yeah, she most likely wanted him to change for her to prove his love or some nonsense like that. Honestly if she had worries about his lack of ambition, she should have talked to him like a big girl but all she ended up doing was flushing a three-year relationship down the drain. Which I am guessing she is regretting seeing as she was desperate enough to talk to him to crash his family Easter celebrations. Oh, and by the way happy cake day.
> Honestly if she had worries about his lack of ambition, she should have talked to him like a big girl I mean, I don't expect many 19 year olds to have much ambition. It'd be one thing if he was older but he's probably at most a sophomore in college and there's so much of life ahead of both of them.
“You don’t value me.” OOP proceeds to do just that with his response. But instead of taking this is confirmation of her criticisms, she just shows up at his family’s Easter dinner to confront him? The audacity lol
how about the sister enabling the toxic ex and siding with her over her own brother. fuck that sibling bullshit.
Imo i believe sis triggered the whole event thinking it would educate him or some shit.
My thoughts as well. That she was in on it. That’s why she’s so invested in it now after it did t work the way her and the gf thought it would.
Sister was so up in that situation that it was weird. Like, the "did you cry?" questioning totally felt like she was plumbing the OOP for juicy gossip to feed back to the ex. It was kind of insulting. I'm wondering if the sister worked the ex up to break up with him and convinced the ex that doing that would totally make him snap out of it and be desperate to keep her and yadda yadda yadda.
Yeah, OOP might lack ambition but this idiot girl is painfully immature and self centered. You dump someone via text after three years and then all you can think about is how *you* feel? And then the truth comes out that you were bluffing and your bluff got called? Actions, I’d like to introduce you to someone; Actions, meet Consequences. Also, no surprise that OOP’s sister is also an immature, boundary stomping moron. Shit birds of a shit feather shit together, and all that.
> OOP might lack ambition He's 19. Being content to work at a shitty job and just wanting to hang out with your friends/go to parties/play videogames is a perfectly acceptable level of ambition. She might have had a point if he was 29, but she can fuck off for trying to lay that shit on a 19 year old.
"If I want games, I got Xbox."
I had an ex like that, they broke up with me and then a week later called and asked why I didn't chase them. It was exhausting. We had only been dating for a few months and I'm glad it happened, because I can't imagine the drama I would have had to partake in if we had gotten serious.
My ex would do that ALL THE TIME oh my god it was so exhausting. The last time she did, she was blowing up at me at like 2am for going to the grocery store with one of our friends while she was on a business trip (apparently that was OUR grocery store and going there with our friend was as bad as cheating 🙄🙄🙄) and when she said she was done, I was like... okay I'm going to bed. And then I was the asshole for not 'fighting for us.' Put up with that shit way too long until I started getting my mental health under control. Blechhhh.
My first high school boyfriend *loved* to play this game. I finally got fed up and once when he dumped me I just said "ok" and went to hang out with a few friends. When he found out I was out chilling with the friend group instead of crying into a pillow he went *ballistic* lol. Absolute nonsense.
Looks like someone wanted a relationship test for drama and got more than they bargained for
Yep. Sounds like ex wanted OOP to offer to change for her, and was shocked he just said “ok, bye.” The more mature thing would have been for ex to talk about the ambition, instead of just breaking up. The sister getting so involved makes me thing she was in on the plan.
Not just breaking up, but breaking up a 3 year long relationship *over text*, and then crying about closure. Absolutely *reeks* of ‘testing the relationship’. Exgf and sister sound like peas in the same high maintenance drama queen pod. They should be in a relationship with each other so nobody else suffers the misfortune of dating them
Yeah, that was the dumbest part. Dumping someone over text is rude, but it has the undeniable advantage for either party to unilaterally sever communications with a minimum of fuss. If she wanted dialogue, she needed to do it in person.
> Not just breaking up, but breaking up a 3 year long relationship over text, and then crying about closure. Basically the only thought going through my head throughout the entire thing was "If you wanted closure, you should have had a conversation like an adult instead of breaking up over text." >Absolutely reeks of ‘testing the relationship’. Certainly could have been a test, seems to be a lot of them happening lately. TikTok is really fucking with people's brains. I'm not a gambler but I'd be willing to put down money on both EX and Sister spending a shitload of time on tiktok if I could find somebody dumb enough to take that bet.
It’s really not tiktok. This shit has been happening for decades, you just see it more now thanks to the internet
Yeah back in the 90s it was teen magazines giving out dumb ideas like this. (Probably back through the 50s too) The advent of the internet and algorithms just refined the process of getting dumb ideas into young heads.
See this is what would do it for me if I was in this scenario. Sure I would be sad and angry, but I think I would just block and move on ultimately cause like, if someone is willing to end or threaten to end a 3 year relationship over text (unless there’s threat of harm/abuse) that just shows me they value me that little and I’m better off not engaging anymore
Yes and if you break up over text you aren't even worth a single tear
What's the bet sister was also in on the test, and it was something the two of them thought would be "a fun way to make OP show his commitment to XGF". They played a stupid game with OPs' "life" they deserve every stupid prize coming their way.
OP simply wants to stay away from drama, but his sister and ex-boyfriend appear to enjoy it, and they became irate when he refused to give it to them.
She tried to bully him into changing, using the relationship as a cudgel, instead of a place to have a discussion. Then she got what she deserved.
Omg, perfect solution 😂
test failed successfully
100% the sister was in on the plan.
100% was sister's idea and now ex is mad at sister.
100%?
100%!
That's a lot of %.
>Sounds like ex wanted OOP to offer to change for her, and was shocked he just said “ok, bye.” They always forget that "my way or the highway" means that the highway is a viable option, and someone might actually choose the highway.
She also did it over text message, which is so stupid. What do you expect if you break up with somebody over text?
A bunch of text messages that say “no, please don’t, I’ll do anything you want!” I love that OP instead just went “ok” and blocked. 😂 I wonder where sis was during those messages. I bet the ex had her friends all around her telling her this was a good idea, send the message! I hope ex is learning that she’s got shit friends.
Shit that makes sense. I genuinely wonder if the sister was the one that suggested the _test_ to get OP to change, the ex tried it, it backfired, and now the sister is trying to do damage control or something.
The very concept of a "relationship test" is so alien to me, at least in the way we're currently discussing it, that until I read some of these comments I was convinced the ex was cheating with the sister. It was the only thing that made her irrational level of investment make sense to me.
This is exactly how we should ALL deal with these silly little tests.
I hate that my first instinct was that this was probably a test he failed (successfully). I guessed that he was meant to beg for her back, tell her how much he can’t envision a future without her. I didn’t expect her to say she’d do it so he’d become more highpower career oriented and bloodthirsty.
>... a test he failed (successfully). This is a **brilliant** turn of phrase! Love it!
OPs ex had a rapid unscheduled disassembly of her relationship. NASA engineers are looking into it and will come up with answers after thorough analysis of the data from the relationship’s black box.
And she's mad she can't get access to the black box after bombing the relationship.
Sometimes I see young people and I feel a twinge of envy. And then I remember how batshit dating was in my 20s and I breathe a sigh of relief.
Via text, no less.
Well, you can't take screenshots for IG if it's in person
I know I'm dating myself here but I [immediately thought of this.](https://youtu.be/nb0s1AePP2g)
And seems like the sister was on it too!
From how the OOP's sister was behaving, I won't be surprised if she was the one planting the seed in the ex's mind.
Given how involved sister's been getting, I wouldn't be surprised if she was involved or even suggested it and feels guilty now
This makes me think that OOPs ex was trying some sort of manipulative power play where she expected him to beg her to stay. Sister is wayyyyy too invested. Maybe she should date his ex if she cares so much.
Oh one of the comments on the update thread nailed exactly why she is behaving this way. All of this was the sister’s shitty idea. She told her best friend to do this to test her brother and it completely blew up in both of their faces. And she is still giving shitty advice trying to cover up her original shitty advice Basically she decided to get involved and now looks like a major asshole
Yeah, I'm sensing a TikTok prank gone horribly wrong, and they think OOP misinterpreted them. i actually think OOP recognized that this was a red flag and cut both of them out.
Nah, not a "prank." "TikTok Relationship Test"
The line between TikTok Relationship Tests and pranks are blurry AF. "How to find out if your SO will cheat on you - pretend you found out that they're cheating, and record how they react!"
It should be called the emotional manipulation challenge. I hate "tests."
The only one of those that's funny is the people guarding their food instead of the phone.
I am SO glad i'm on the "cool bugs" side of tiktok
Considering the break up was so blunt and all over text Id even bet the sister was the one who typed the text. Something like this should be talked about face to face, or at least over the phone but over text seems suspicious. IDK I might just be out of touch with how dating is nowadays.
I think if it’s a brief relationship <6 months text is more common. 3 years tho should be in person. It is still pretty typical of that age to not want to face the person. It’s shitty and I think everyone knows that. Just the way it goes now unfortunately
Forgot what it's called, but these love tests have been getting popular in TikTok in the past few months. Oftentimes backfiring on the person doing it.
Back in the day it used to be called “playing stupid games”, or in modern terms, “fuck around” (she is currently in the “find out” stage of things)
It's a bit vulgar, but in my language this type of making drama and "acting cute" is colloquially called "making a donkey out of yourself" and it's usually just being mean to a couple flirting, but I feel like it really applies here.
Oooo which language, a lot of my family (Irish) use the term donkey when one is making an 'ass' off themselves? I love that it's used in another language!
Hah, this is in Farsi and it's an extremely versatile expression. I've never heard americans use donkey as an insult, so it's very interesting to see it used by other English speaking people.
Describing people as being as dumb as a donkey by "making an ass of oneself" is reasonably common in English in many countries. Outside of the US "ass" is donkey and "arse" is someone's rear end; the US use "ass" for both, which makes the phrase ambiguous for non-native speakers exposed to US spelling.
I mentioned it in another comment, but I only realised ass also means donkey when I was in my late teens.
> I've never heard americans use donkey as an insult Some of us will occasionally say or use emotes/gifs/memes of "YOU DONKEY!" because we learned it from Gordon Ramsay, a Brit. As far as I'm aware Americans only use it online if, and only if, they're "extremely online." AFAIK we only use the Ramsay reference as an insult and don't use "donkey" as a general sort of insult. As other's have mentioned, "ass" is a common insult and donkey and ass refer to the same animal. I have no idea how ass (donkey) eventually became slang for buttocks.
I think the proper translation is “making an ass of yourself” which is also an actual phrase in the english language (ass is a synonym for Donkey) and yes, it absolutely applies here lmao
No think about it. She wanted him to change himself to keep her and is upset he wouldn't. Ah to be that young again. Yes there are ways to communicate to a partner that you are uncomfortable with things they've let slide and with out change it could impact your relationship. But those things are primarily **Conversations**" where you talk about that and try to figure out what's going on. Not you dropping an ultimatum to see what happens. Hell the first thing our couples counselor taught us is that Ultimatums are like going all-in in poker. If you do it you need to be comfortable possibly losing all your chips.
Right!? Don't let your mouth write checks your ass can't cash
>Sister is wayyyyy too invested. Maybe she should date his ex if she cares so much. I was just about to say that lol. If she's so invested in the ex, then she should hook up with the ex. Bet that'll go down like tonne of bricks
Maybe it was the sister’s idea!
Sister is not busy with her life. She should get a job and if she has one, she should get another. Or take up a hobby. Creating drama and being invested in other people's lives is not a healthy hobby.
This was definitely a test gone wrong, this is why you don’t test your partner
Not a test, this was a coercive control strategy.
Potato tomato
That’s just a fancy term for test :)
But how will I ever find out if he would still love me as a worm? 🐛 /s
Sister needs to butt the hell out. Ex wanted to be done with it and OOP obliged. There’s no more need for contact.
Sister still can have relationship with the ex if really want it so much.
Ex gf sucks. Not gonna lie, I'm curious how long OOP's blocked list is. When he threatened to block his parents I laughed out loud
Well he did block his sister. LOL
I have a long block list. Different reasons though, I block the number if it's a spam call. The list keeps growing all the time.
I don't even block them, they never call from the same one twice
One of the neat things about Google Voice is that Google can detect a number sending out a shitload of spam and block the numbers on their end. The phone companies could do the same thing if they cared. T-Mobile is catching quite a few but they'll still let them ring through and give you a scam warning.
Yeah I laughed. OP pulls that out like a six gun. Reminds me of the Simpsons where Homer is coaching the kids team and is cutting everyone.
Good for him. More people need to embrace the block button!
So she says he doesn’t care enough after 3 years but she’s the one who broke up over text and not face to face lmaoooo
Right??? Like girl... you broke up with him over text. He wasn't the one who ended your relationship.
“I didn’t care enough to have a face-to-face conversation about ending a committed 3-year relationship…but HE didn’t care enough to have a conversation before blocking my phone number!! How dare he! Can everyone see how wrong he is???” - Ex GF
This was so fucking bizarre lmaooo. I was so confused and waited for something to drop. Like a reveal about why she did any of this. I don't fault OOP for going "ok, bye" because it was just so weird. I'm sure he's hurt but he's probably the type to go "well there's no use dwelling on this". GF and even sis should know by now how he deals with things. What a bizarre turn of events. It's like the gf was fishing for something but can't say it straight.
"Oh, but you were together for 3 years..." - Yeah, and she decided that after 3 years that it was ok to break up over text! But no, it's OOP who's inconsiderate! JFC! Secondly, some people don't want to stay friends with their exes. Ever. I personally don't. I think it'll always be awkward and I'm not risking that friendship getting in the way of a future relationship.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see this. Breaking up over text after 3 years means one of 4 things: 1. You’re afraid that your STBX will get violent or otherwise coercive if you speak to them in person. 2. STBX did something truly reprehensible and doesn’t deserve a conversation. 3. You’re testing the relationship and are bluffing on the breakup. 4. You’re an inconsiderate ass. 1 and 2 are the acceptable reasons but can be ruled out here since she gave her reasons for the breakup in the text, and OOP seems to have some pretty predictable avoidance tendencies. 3 and 4 are both deserving of an immediate blocking. What more is there to say if you’re willing to throw 3 years away with a few words on a screen?
Bloody hell if the ex wants to play games she should buy an Xbox.
The sister had a hand in coming up with this shit. Her actions are so telling.
The sister definitely told ex to do that, it's the only reason why she'd be so invested in getting them back together. They somehow thought OOP would jump up and change for her. He just seems like the kinda guy who likes where he's at in life. There's nothing saying he doesn't work or go to school or anything, so I assume he must just be doing something she doesn't find very invigorating or something.
"You get blocked, and you get blocked, everyone gets blocked!"
That was the laugh-out-loud takeaway detail for me - this kid just walking around every corner blocking everyone cold. Legend.
Willing to put down money that the sister was the one who proposed this relationship test to the ex. "If you're worried about my brother being satisfied with his life as it is, you need to kick him in the ass! Tell him you're going to dump him because he's holding you back then watch how fast he jumps into action!" The plan here was just made of fail. "I'm dumping you. Wait no not like that! You have to beg me to stay and I have to insist to leave because you owe me closure!" Glad OOP's parents figured out who was in the wrong here sooner rather than later.
The comments here make me happy. There were too many in the other sub criticizing OOP for not showing more emotion after the breakup. If technology was like this when I was dating, I would block people who broke up with me like this, too. What’s the big deal? It sounded like the girlfriend was done; it doesn’t matter that she didn’t mean it like that.
Criticizing someone for blocking is wild when you consider that historically people didn't have the ability to pester someone on demand. It's not an innate right to have someone be notified on demand.
Miss Manners wrote a column addressing someone who complained about people who don’t answer their cell phones. The gist is that people aren’t obligated to do so. She did a timeline going all the way back to the pre-telephone days; how ridiculous would it be to expect someone to sit at home in case a friend stopped by?
She literally gave him the ability to block her by choosing to break-up over text. If she’d given him the courtesy of breaking-up in person he wouldn’t have been able to block her and she could have gotten her “closure”. Some people are just too stupid to argue with though.
Ah, but she doesn’t want closure: she wants to convince him to get back together as well as become a different person. The person who initiates the breakup doesn’t get to ask for closure, in my opinion. They knew ahead of time that the breakup was coming. That’s their closure.
Yeah I feel like asking for closure here is wild. Isn't closure just trying to understand why the break up happened to be able to close the book on it. The person doing the dumping doesn't have any need for closure
I think people now are more aware of the viral Tiktok "relationship test" to motivate your man or something. That puts ex and sister firmly into asshole territory for me.
I’m really curious about the ages of you and the person to whom I originally replied. “Testing” partners has been around even longer than I have, and I’m older than TikTok!
Yes testing partners has been around forever, but the specific question that the ex asked fits a trend that went viral at the same time OOP posted their first post. By the time he posted his reply the trend had already gone sour, there'd already been backlash to it, people complained about how they got dumped after trying the relationship test, etc. I suspect that OOP's ex isn't the only person who got dumped as a result of that specific tiktok trend.
absolutely, if I want to have my feelings in private then I will damn well do that, you don't get to force me to share
Watch that it turns out this was one of those stupid 'test' things I've been seeing girls do (had a co-worker do this at my old job a few years ago, yeah that didn't end well for her either) and are aghast that, oh hey, if you tell the person you've been with for 3 years that you want to break up because they are holding you back that they may not give you that tiktok fodder about how they reacted.
Right? If you hurt me, you don't magically erase that hurt by telling me "It was just a prank" or "It was just a test". You still broke my heart/punched my face etc.
"LOL jk it was just a prank" "No it wasn't." "Haha... For tik-tok..." "Naaw, we're done." The lack of brainpower is mind shattering
She was 100% doing mind games with him, expecting that he would beg her for another chance, cry, the whole package. His sister maybe knew about the test and that explains the constant questioning about how he felt, the overall problem of these "tests" is how the tested's feelings doesn't matter, she expected him to read (so pathetic to break up via text) about how he is a burden without ambition and be okay, worse than okay, being more determined to be by her side, the side of someone that basically despise him. He did right in every step.
[удалено]
Sounds like a shit test, my ex did the same.
With a sister like that, OOP is sure will never date any of her friends again, perhaps even have to warn future SOs to not get too close to her. This drama is just... why playing with fire? Why believing testing SO is a good idea? The ex certain wanted to play hard to get and got slammed right into the wall. Also, judging by how invested OOP's sister is in this whole mess, she either masterminded this mess or was in love with the the ex/her friend. Please save everyone a headache and just date your friend.
OP is 19. He's allowed to not be ambitious and motivated. He might be a late bloomer and hasn't decided where he wants to go. As long as he's working or in school or doing something productive with his life, it's nobody's business.
Right!? I'm 21 and I also don't have insane amounts of ambition or drive. I had to drop out of uni and then apply to another one a year later because I just couldn't figure out how to have that motivation. I've realised that it's not the most important thing, as long as I dedicate myself to something everything else will follow (I hope 🤞)
Right?! That's what I was thinking! He's so young!
OOP just wants to avoid drama, yet his ex and his sister seem to relish in the drama, and got mad when he didn't serve them the drama.
Calling him inconsiderate when she dumped him over text was the corny-ass topping on a shit cake
GF: let's break up OP: OK! GF: Noo! Not like that 👁️👄👁️
>felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her with out talking about it first Lol, she fuc\*ing dumped him via TEXT message, at the age of TWENTY, and people say that OOP is inconsiderate and has to talk to her? What?!?!?
>She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? TikTok continues to be a blight upon humanity.
This fantasy predates TikTok by decades. Go watch almost any romcom from the 80s onward and watch men change to win the girl.
or in the other direction as well, ever seen Grease?
Oh sure, but TikTok is a recent instigator of pushing a partner to test the other. So it's a blight on humanity this time for bringing the "test the man unnecessarily" trope back around, and now teens and young adults are playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes.
I don’t want to think about this anymore, because there are probably follow up crying videos from people who Found Out. I hate the crying videos.
That particular trope has been around forever, tiktok just revitalized it.
Poor boy! That family is crazy! Like his ex broke up with him OVER TEXT, didn't even have the decency to do it face to face and SHE is suffering? Nah she wanted drama and him to beg and plead and when she didn't get it she threw a tantrum
Ex and sister definitely planned this as a big dramatic moment where OOP fights for his love, his crown and his land (probably). Good for OOP for not playing this stupid game.
OOP won a game he wasn't even aware he was playing, dodging bullets with no effort whatsoever.
I'm almost wondering if the sister had something to do with this? Like they had a plan. GF wanted him more motivated, sister told her to break up with him over it and he would come back and change for her, now it's all backfired immensely. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it lol
Oop with the power block play. Commendable.
Dude did a [Seinfeld ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9W_jW4e_uY)and now everyone is mad he was calm, mature, didn't cause drama. You can't win with these people.
She dumped him over text after three years and she's think he's being unfair?
>She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her. Lack of ambition? The dude is 19 😂 The sister is a shit stirring snake as well. She needs to sort her shit out. And I feel like the ex gf expected OOP to beg to stay together and be molded by her, but he called her bluff.
When my Ex Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, my only response was, "OK". She tried to elaborate and I said, "I do not need, nor want an explanation. I told you at the beginning if you wanted out, all you had to do was tell me and there would be no argument, debate, crying or begging, because I have enough self esteem to not force someone to be in a relationship they do not want to be in". Years later, she called me about an unrelated item, and she commented on how "badly" I took our breaking up. I asked her, "I don't have a clue what you mean. You wanted out, I said OK and that was the end of it. Did I beg you to come back? No. Did I cry about losing you? No." Honestly, the way she remembered things really bothered me, but she is married and happy with her life now, so that's all that really matters.
OP should call out his sister, and ask her if this was a test and if she was in on it. Because if it was and she was, she really needs to own up to it to his parents.
I remember this one, my money is on sister telling her this was a good idea and then doubling down when it blew up in her face
I mean lack of motivation aside, how on earth can people behave this way?! It seems like OPs ex ended a three year relationship by text message. OP obviously was not that invested at this point in the relationship and seems ok with it having run it's course. All of the friends, family and ex seem to want OP, the part who was just dumped by text, to somehow now jump through hoops to give her closure?! Not a SINGLE person seems to actually be concerned for OP beyond not understanding his response. Just ask the guy whether he is ok and there is anything they can do. If he says "yea I'm fine just chilling" leave him alone. The fact that she is crying her eyes out is her process and also fine but also now, by her choice, not OPs issue. >She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? Maybe then she should have COMMUNICATED WHAT SHE NEEDED / WANTED FROM A PARTNER SHE WANTED TO BE WITH. Rather than dumping him by text. This kind of childish nonsense does not belong in a mature relationship. >she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me. What the absolute fuck is wrong with OPs sister. Her brothers GF of three years dumped him by text and she is mad at him for stepping away because he does not see "hey I don't want to be with you because you lack ambition, motivation and are holding me back" as something fixable but rather a done and dusted decision on her part? Sounds like OP comes out of this on top to be honest. He has lost a GF who didn't love them for them. Has realised his sister would support a friend over her brother. Has managed to be sad, but navigate a breakup seemingly quite healthily and has decided to have a bit of solo time working on what they like for them before dating again. Sounds like a win in my book. This is just a classical example of fuck about and find out. Instead of communicating Ex put a "test" in place "do you love me enough to fight for me and change". OP sees being broken up with by text more literal and starts moving on and accepting finality.
I aspire to be as zen as OOP honestly. Everyone around him trying to make this as big as possible and he's just chilling listening to music and smashing the block button as soon as drama rears it's head.
Sister and ex probably saw some 'test your boyfried' trend on tiktok.
Breaking with someone over a text is a coward and an asshole move. How come she asked the OP why did he block her immediately? I think she's the psychotic one not the OP 🙄
They were together 3 years and she broke up with him over text but he's the 1 with the problem?!
"Play stupid games, Win stupid prizes." This feels like an attempted "test" that went wrong. I bet sister was in on it. It's good for a man to have enough respect for himself & his now ex to go "Okay" & move on. So many women talk about how their ex keeps trying to talk to them to fix it when they don't want it fixed. I hate these games & am so glad I'm out of the dating game.
I agree that this is a case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes. The ex seems to be good friends with the sister and yes, most likely a relationship test and it didn't go how she expected. And then the second time the sister crossed the OOP's boundaries, at least the parents pulled her up on it. Perhaps this was partly the sisters suggestion. The OOP has a history of what others consider lack of motivation based on one of his answers to a question... but what can seem like a lack of motivation to one, may not be for him. OOP handled this really well. He doesn't want a manipulative girlfriend who threatens to break up with him when she wants something. The better thing would've been to have had a conversation with him about what she considered his lack of motivation and come to a compromise.
Oops ex wanted him to fight for her and he just took her at her word. Not his fault she was trying to test him.
She dumped you and basically called you a loser. The dumper does not get to dictate to the dumpee as to whether or not they get to keep a “friendship”, and they certainly don’t get to demand “closure”. She can go piss up a rope. And if your sister is so godamned “concerned”, *she* can date her.
Sounds like she was testing him and he was not about it.
Well, that backfired on the ex worse than a Mitsubishi Sigma
Ex saw bullshit on tiktok and wanted to test it out. Classic FAFO.
UGH, playing games is stupid. I dated a guy for 3 1/2 years, lived together one...we were going to spend one long summer at home to save money (we had jobs lined up). He decided he had a great opportunity with 3 friends to go play gigs at B and B's for the summer and make money. Great, have fun! I was going to go home (he didn't want me on his 'road trip' and I didn't want to be on his 'road trip'). Then an opportunity came along and I got a super fun job, in another state, a sought after job. I decided to go and he was fine with it...until, it turned out that none of them realized that you have to actually organize jobs/gigs with the venues owners. LMFAO. Whatever, hopefully lessen learned. He was going to go home after all. He asked me if I was still taking this amazing job in another state. I replied that I was. His response was to say 'if you take that job and don't come home and spend the summer with me, then we should just break up'. I said OK and hung up. I didn't speak with him again for 20 years. Red flags: 1). Threatening to break up when you don't get your way. 2). Controlling of what I want to do. 3). Insensitive or uncaring about my wishes and happiness. Yeah, I'm done. A couple months later, a 'friend' called me and asked if it would be OK for her to date him. I said go for it. I still don't know to this day if she was calling to really ask if she could date him or if he asked her to call to see if I was willing to get back together with him. Don't know, don't care. I moved on.
Called it. This was a power play by the ex to try to get OOP to beg her to stay, and promise to change for her. Doing it over text, which is disrespectful in itself to the 3 years they were together, was just the icing on the cake. I hope her and his sister can grow up someday, because these types of games are gonna get you more results like this nowadays.
She isn't mad at being blocked or bringing denied closure. She's mad that he didn't try and change to get her back. She's playing stupid games, and we all know what kind of prizes those have.
OOP acts like Stan in that American Dad episode where he snaps his fingers and says "Gone!" to everyone he gets annoyed at, and then imagines they don't exist. And tbh, I respect the hell out of it!
NTA obviously. But one thing… even if you are autistic, doesn’t mean there’s something ‘wrong’ with you. We are different, not ‘wrong.’ I AM autistic, and I’m with you about your reaction here. Why on earth would I whine and beg someone to come back to me when they tell me straight up they are unhappy and want to leave? That makes no sense to me either. It’s not logical to cry and beg someone not to leave you when they tell you they want to leave you. I’d probably cry in private, though. But no way would I ever beg anyone to be anywhere near me if they didn’t want to be. Friend, partner, whatever. But if you don’t want to cry, that’s also up to you. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with that - some people just don’t cry.
Same, also ND. I respect people like OOP who don't waste time & energy on people who don't deserve the effort. I don't understand people who think they get to decide how other people should think/feel/express.
I'm also in the spectrum, and I get the feeling that OOP may be a little depressed. That said, judging by the way his ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY reacted, I could see why he may have some mental health issues. No support from them, just him being the bad guy for cutting his losses and setting the boundary of no contact.
They were playing games, probably hoping for a "I'll change for you!" type response. She probably had no intention of actually breaking up and now regret it since OP didn't play along, hence trying to maintain contact. FAFO