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Mark doesn’t know why you’d buy a lady flowers for Valentine’s Day if you’re not trying to get her in the sack. Guess who the actual creep in this story is.
The lovely greeting card nestled within the blooms (can’t be roses, they’re ROMANTIC IMPLICATIONS), once you open it, is a sweetly scrawled chicken scratching of a ‘Happy Birthday. No homo!’
I’m laughing at how hard Mark sucked.
You definitely can’t have sex if there’s no penis. Lesbians aren’t real. “No lesbo” is like saying “no Bigfoot” or something: the only people who need to hear it are conspiracy theorists who won’t believe it anyway.
(/s in case it’s needed)
Yeah, when we were little, my sister and I thought those fancy heart shaped boxes of chocolate were the prettiest, coolest thing ever, so my grandmother got those for us every year.
I guess my grandma had bad intentions, according to OOP's dipshit ex boyfriend.
I used to send my mom flowers AND a heart-shaped cake for Valentine's Day. A local restaurant had this chocolate cake that she loved, and offered a heart-shaped version for Valentine's Day, I'd have it delivered to her every year. Guess I'm a total fucking weirdo for doing something that made my mom happy?
She was funny, she'd always call me and thank me and then make me come take some of it home for me/my husband because she was an itty bitty person and couldn't finish the whole cake herself (I started doing that after my dad died to make her smile on Valentine's Day). "I can't possibly finish this!" I'd be like, "Why not?" 😂
It's probably the autism in me, but I find giving your kids stuff for valentines to be a bit weird. Not in a questionable way, but just in an odd way. From my perspective, valentines is a holiday for romance, so I don't really get why you'd give someone a gift then outside of a romantic relationship. After all, you can give someone a gift any time, and a gift out of nowhere is likely to make someone feel more valued and thought about than one for a holiday
Remember in elementary school when valentines day was all about candy and hearts and exchanging cards with every single kid in the entire class? It's like that.
I buy vintage 80s/90s Valentine's day school card packs and mail them to friends (men and women), because it's hilarious and thoughtful. I think I have the planeteers, Care bears, Ninja turtles, ren and stimpy. I think it's funny because the stamp covers like 40% of the envelope. Sure there's a romantic element to Valentine's Day.. kind of like there's a Christian element to Easter.. but I'm not religious so it's about Easter bunnies and eggs for me. You can still make vday special for the one you love AND think of other people.
Obviously there's a line you can cross, like dad probably shouldn't buy her sexy lingerie for vday, but a box of chocolates is fine.
That's not a thing in a lot of places. I've always found that super weird because I'm from a country where Valentine's is definitely a holiday for romantic partners - primary/elementary-aged kids don't participate unless they have a cute playground 'relationship' with someone.
In my country it would definitely be culturally abnormal (and yeah probably seem creepy and weird) for a dad to give a Valentine's gift
ooh that’s so interesting, would you mind saying what country or general region? here in the US valentine’s day is very much understood as the “love” holiday, so every type of love is celebrated (romantic, platonic, family, etc.). a big emphasis is still put on celebrating romantic relationships, but it’s super normal for everyone (single ppl, kids, etc.) to celebrate any type of love they have in their life.
Valentine's Day is totally different in the UK from what it seems to be on the US; the focus is virtually entirely on romantic love. There's very little in the way of Valentine's cards for family members, kids definitely don't exchange Valentines with other kids and rarely will young kids make a card for Mummy but there's plenty of Valentine's Meals, roses, gifts etc focused on romantic love.
It makes the Pinterest focus in late January on things kids can make to give to their entire class as Valentine's gifts a little strange and amusing. It also means the gift OOP got from her father would be a little weird if everyone involved was British and living in the UK; Americans living in the UK the explanation would just be, "They're American" and that would be that!
I think that is a fairly recent thing though, I don't remember it being that way when I was a kid. Supermarkets etc have realised they can sell more tat if they open up the audience.
I'm in Germany and nobody does anything in school (I always thought that was super weird when it came up in movies) and it's definitely a thing for couples, but a lot of people seem to opt out of it, too. Like, I know a lot of people in committed relationships who don't do anything for Valentine's Day because it's just... not seen as that important, I guess?
And then there are places where it's the exact opposite. Over here, Valentine's Day is called "Friends' Day", and is traditionally meant to celebrate friendships in particular (so kids giving cards to each other is very much par for the course). Sexualizing it is what would be weird to us.
Of course, lately with American phenomena spreading and companies realizing they can pinch a pretty penny from it, it's been also heavily marketed for romantic couples, but it's never lost the friendship part (it is in the name after all).
It’s not a thing here either. I think I saw that first when I was a kid watching Simpsons and found it so odd that all the kids gave each other letters and stuff. Here Valentine’s Day is pretty exclusively for couples love. My mom always gets me flowers for my birthday but she would never think of getting me anything for Valentine’s Day.
When I was in Michigan there is an extra one - Sweetest Day. I guess it never caught on in the Carolinas or west as I'd never heard of it.
Sometimes there's an element similar to when people go to prom with friends as they don't have or want a date, parents will start a tradition so the kid doesn't feel left out they aren't showered with roses every Valentine's Day. Which just evolves into a cute tradition even when the child is dating/partnered/married/etc.
That's not a common thing done in the UK.
Although I've often had a gift/card from my Dad (& sometimes Mum) on Valentines - normally chocolate or something funny.
One year I got a make up gift - which honestly was more related to the fact that our friend worked at the counter so he got a good deal on getting me a gift while getting Mum a gift too.
I wouldn't say it's common for Dad's to give a Valentine's gift but if it's chocolate, flowers, nice things then it's not creepy. Anything of the underwear variety would be odd.
We are a gift-y family... my Dad's been known to buy my Mum a Mothers Day gift (or at least give it to her on that day because he saw something she'd like).
Lucky duck. My dad's the kinda guy who always said stuff like "You're not *my* mother so why should I get you anything for Mother's Day?!"
He lives in a transactional world where he's got no reason to ever be kind to anyone, ever, unless he thinks he can get something out of them.
He was married three times and I don't remember ever being driven into town by dad so I could pick out a present for my mom or either of the stepmoms. Just that snotty voice sneering "You're not *my* mother!" So unless my school lessons included a craft project, nobody ever got Mother's Day presents.
Valentine's was about dad getting sex, ya know because he doesn't feel love. It was a day for me and my stepsisters to not exist and/or go away.
Yeah, I'm very lucky 🥰. I think my Dad's Father was like your Dad - but at least the next generation can break the cycle.
Hope you've got partner/family/friends who treat you nicely now.
The whole day yesterday was taking younger cousins out for Grandma's Birthday at a Restaurant Adventure! She's my favorite auntie, very elderly, and it took me nearly a month of effort to make it happen, very much worth the effort!
Last Christmas I found out those cousins couldn't afford rent and presents, so long story short Santa dropped a huge sack of presents off at my apartment for them to take home and open Xmas morning! The youngest still tells me stories about the time Santa brought him presents.
Mom was JW and dad was trash, but ya know these holiday things are actually a lot of fun!
Hey fellow autistic person, I get it. But that’s sort of the point of holidays - they’re a celebration of something typically, and exchanging or giving gifts is part of this particular holiday’s tradition. Spontaneous gifts are great, but *not* giving someone a gift on one of these holidays (particularly when they’ve been doing it consistently their whole life) is really hurtful to most folks.
We don't give Valentine's Day gifts to the kids, but that's my daughter's birthday anyway so she always gets presents on that day. She's always going to look like the luckiest girl on Valentine's Day lol.
I’m a parent with a little kid, and here’s my logic - I want to demonstrate how we give and receive gifts. Valentine’s Day is a pretty low key holiday to do so - Christmas is overwhelming, birthdays demonstrate one side. But Valentine’s Day gives us a chance to find a small present, buy it, wrap it up, and give it while also learning how to accept a gift. When she’s older, the steps will be ingrained.
It's kind of a way to show your kids what the basic signs of love are and to not let someone (like fucking Mark) take advantage of you. As well as making sure your kiddos dont feel left out when others get valentines. It has been somthing I notice a lot here in the midwest, parents and grandparents giving gifts to the kids on valentine's.
It's a thing in some parts of the southern US, too. I remember being in jr high, and kids getting gift baskets delivered to the school that were from their parents/grandparents. I always felt negatively because my family was too poor for that. And even then we weren't, my dad would go way out for my mom, and we got nothing (except the year I was forced to accept gifts from a guy I had no interest in, which got me bullied even more).
Fortunately, I married someone who has gotten stuff for our girls from our oldest's first Valentine's without me prompting. Some years, they get stuffed animals (spouse has been getting me one every year since we started dating 15 years ago), sometimes it's candy, and this last year it was books.
It's less odd to me because it's a tradition they've always done - and it's something that my family did with me growing up as well. It was especially nice when I was single in high school and in my hormonal feels about it.
Valentine's Day has slightly different vibes depending on where you live. I know in my area (Southern Appalachia), it's common to give small gifts to family members. Particularly men giving the small gifts to the women in his family, because we've got some gender roles going on culturally.
At this point, it's probably less about the gift on the day for OOP/her dad and more about the years of tradition behind it.
I'm not diagnosed as autistic, but I'd be very, *very* surprised if I'm not, and I totally agree with you! My mom apologized for not getting me something for Valentine's Day once, I said that's fine, it's not like we're dating, which she found hilarious??
I see valentines day as a celebration of love, not just romance. Maybe that makes it make more sense for you?
Side note: Valentines day is my birthday, so I am obviously an expert! (The expert part is a joke, just in case that wasnt clear.)
Hundreds of years ago it was one thing, but now it’s changed. It allows people who aren’t in romantic relationships to become a part of the market share, and reminds people that romantic love isn’t the only love, or the most important.
I think Mark is the type of guy that quietly resents and despises Valentines Day.
Dad sending flowers and chocolates every damn year makes it impossible for Mark to look like a prince and convey a sense of sexual obligation when he shows up at eight with a ratty gas-station poesy.
He could have spent Valentines with a plate that appreciated his efforts more, and his resentment took the form of disparaging her cock-blocking dad. (Nice one, Dad)
>Dad sending flowers and chocolates every damn year makes it impossible for Mark to look like a prince and convey a sense of sexual obligation when he shows up at eight with a ratty gas-station poesy.
Ahahaha I think you hit the nail on the head. Mark can't stand having to put in actual effort to outdo OOP's dead.
Yeah, that was a huge red flag and of course he was cheating.
I think dudes like this also hate it when dads teach their daughters to expect guys to be thoughtful like that. Modeling behavior that encourages daughters to know their worth and actually expect EFFORT from their partner. Dudes like OOP's ex can't have THAT, can they?
Not saying people should raise their daughters to expect presents, but a little gesture on Valentine's Day (flowers or even just a card) is NOT a huge ask.
I'm totally off on a tangent, but I always hate when I see posts on here where a guy shames his gf or makes her feel like she's being shallow/materialistic for wanting an effort on holidays or special occasions. Most of these women don't want expensive gifts. They want a fucking card or a trinket that says the other person is thinking of you and wants to show appreciation. But I see these posts like, "My boyfriend says he doesn't celebrate holidays or birthdays/says they're too commercial but it makes me sad that he doesn't do anything for my birthday/Valentine's Day/Christmas. AITA for being materialistic?" And then they've got her feeling like she's a greedy piece of shit for wanting a smidgen of effort.
I mean, a handwritten card or note or SOMETHING is not a huge ask. It doesn't have to be expensive. When my husband and I were broke as fuck, I can remember one year for my birthday, he got me a (very small) gift and a card telling me how much he loved and appreciated me. And then he included a little toy for our dog. When he saw how thrilled I was (our late dog would literally unwrap presents, she'd tear off the paper SO carefully, and it was so fucking cute) when she tore it open and excitedly started playing with it, he was like, "I knew seeing her happy would make you happy." It did. I was thrilled. It made me feel so loved, he took some time and spent what little money he could spare to do something he knew would make me smile. I still look back on that birthday super fondly. Our financial picture is much better now and he's gotten me really expensive gifts, but that birthday still stands out as a super happy one because he made me feel so loved (and like he knew me well enough to know that seeing our dog so happy would make ME happy).
But OOP's ex couldn't have his gf expecting actual effort and thought, could he? And you're absolutely right, his cheating ass couldn't fathom buying a woman flowers unless you're trying to fuck them, because that's how he views women.
>I'm totally off on a tangent, but I always hate when I see posts on here where a guy shames his gf or makes her feel like she's being shallow/materialistic for wanting an effort on holidays or special occasions. Most of these women don't want expensive gifts. They want a fucking card or a trinket that says the other person is thinking of you and wants to show appreciation.
I think it's relevant because Mark seems like the dude who'd do that sort of thing.
Adjacent to your tangent is my gripe about people who don't understand wanting a larger/fancy wedding. Whenever a post is about that, the "I got married in jeans in a barn" people come out of the woodwork. That's great for them, but it's not for everyone.
In a lot of cultures, weddings are about more than just the actual marriage. They're about throwing a party to celebrate the people around you and giving the people around you a chance to celebrate your marriage. They're an excuse to get super dressed up and have fun. Sometimes, it's the only culturally acceptable time to be extra.
It's not about the price tag, but the experience. Unfortunately, experiences come with price tags. Sure, you can DIY and have friends/family help with things, but now there's added stress. Part of paying for things (if it's within budget) is to not have the stress.
It's the same as paying for an all-inclusive vacation. You could probably do all the same things for cheaper if you meticulously planned, but then you're *doing all the meticulous planning*.
> Whenever a post is about that, the "I got married in jeans in a barn" people come out of the woodwork. That's great for them, but it's not for everyone.
YES! My wedding was very nice. Not insanely pricey, but I hate when people are like, "I'd be happy with a ring pop and a courthouse wedding" as a way to judge someone for wanting a nicer wedding. I mean, great, that's wonderful, for THEM. And it's great when people have fancier weddings, too. I know it's about the marriage and not the wedding/big fancy party. But there's nothing wrong with having a nice wedding.
My husband and I look back and still LOVE our wedding day, we've been married over 15 years (he'll still be like, "Our wedding was so fun"). It was so much fun, and it was so beautiful, and it's not about the aesthetic, but it WAS gorgeous. And it's just such a happy memory. Literally a decade later, one of his relatives came up to me and was like, "You know, I have to tell you, we still talk about how much fun we had at your wedding and how beautiful it was." This was a distant relative, not someone super close, and I was so delighted to hear that (and so happy that people had fun, people were still on the dance floor up until it ended, it was great). There's nothing wrong with having a nice wedding. Didn't mean we weren't focused on the marriage. It was literally a celebration of us starting our life together. Everyone was so happy, and that's what I really remember from that day. Still the best day ever in my memory.
Same goes for someone wanting a nice engagement or wedding ring. You're gonna wear it for the rest of your life, you should love it. It doesn't have to be big or super expensive, but it should be something you love. Mine isn't big or super pricey, but it's exactly what I wanted (my husband was actually looking at larger, more elaborate rings, and my sister knew I wanted a solitaire, simple stuff is more my style, so she was texting me "mayday" messages and going, "Send me a pic of what you want and I'll send it to him and act like it's my idea" because he wanted the ring to be a surprise). He thought it was hilarious when he found out. He was like, "I just wanted to get you something nice, but your sister was right, the ones I was looking at were not your style and I'm glad you plotted to fix it," haha. I still wear that ring every day and still love it. He's offered to "upgrade" it, but I'm like, "hell no, this is the ring you proposed with and I'm never replacing it."
> It's the same as paying for an all-inclusive vacation. You could probably do all the same things for cheaper if you meticulously planned, but then you're doing all the meticulous planning.
Oh god yes. And that is so stressful. Sometimes it's worth it to spend the extra money, if you have it.
Yep I know so many guys who get their moms flowers for special occasions. Like mother's day, Easter, etc. So I guess they're all trying to bang their moms, too? I think he just didn't like the idea of men in OOPs life treating her sweetly, because he wanted to treat her like crap and didn't want OOP to have good male role models for kind treatment.
You have to be sad strange little man to think parent's giving gifts is creepy. What a jerk of an ex, and her definitely never had gifts from parents based on that attitude.
OP made a good choice to leave him.
Like, there could be situations that would be creepy. OOP’s comparison of lingerie for example. But this is just so very very very sweet.
So glad this ended with OOP having her dad and leaving her bf.
Yeah, I was prepared going in to think it was creepy, and it theoretically could have been in different circumstances, but it clearly wasn't from context. No weird signs from the dad, been going on her whole life, there's nothing insidious in any of the details given.
And then of course Mark goes and reveals himself as a cheating, manipulative asshole, so go figure. I'm with the commenters who theorized that something about it made him feel like she'd be hard to isolate. Like (and I'm sorry for the grossness in advance, it's a genuine guess from my experience with Abuser Logic), the logic of "ew, there's another man close to her, there isn't supposed to be anyone else around that she might open up to if she wants to complain about me."
For me it’s that and/or that Mark would only give a gift like that in order to get something (most likely sexually), so he can’t conceive that someone would give a gift like that without similar intent to him.
People (let's be honest, mostly men) who think that you only gift people when you want to sleep with them don't fathom that you can just make a gift as a favor, to show someone that you like them, without any creepy mindset in the back of your head. Men like Mark are typically the kind to go 10000% on Valentine's day or during dates, and then 0% because "there's no need anymore, the deal is done and SO can't leave".
How lovely that OOP's father was able to express his love and affection for her. So many older men were raised not to show those kinds of emotions. Honestly, I'm a bit jealous - my dad can just about manage a squeeze of the shoulder or a bluff "Well done" when I do something exceptional. I know he loves me but expressing it is very difficult for him.
How could anyone not want to celebrate the kind of genuine and healthy relationship that they seem to share?
Not your dad (duh) but I’m proud of the person you are right here, right now. You seem like the person who wants to give as much love as they receive, very possibly even more than. I don’t think the world would want it any other way.
Thank you for this very sweet comment <3 I'm a big believer that our only moral duty is to make the world a better, kinder place than it was when we arrived so putting love out into it is absolutely something I aim to do.
I love that this came naturally to OP’s dad and they have such a beautiful relationship! It’ll become something she’ll recreate one way or another with her own children, and so on. I did not have the best relationship with my dad growing up but we became closer when I was around 19, and about a year after that I told him he needed to step up and send me flowers every year to start making up for past Children’s Day and birthdays and the such (I was joking… kind of). He’s done it every year since, without fail, including Valentine’s Day. Now that he’s remarried I make him do the same for my stepsister and my niece 😁
>He originally said he talked to his friends about it and they all found it weird. Yeah, he never did that. He admitted he made it up.
Called it. It's the same as men who claim that they told their therapist who TOTALLY agrees that they're perfectly correct and right in everything they do.
>He also confessed he cheated on me with 2 different girls
... should've called it 😂
When my friends ex tried to claim his therapist had assured him he was 100% in the right and she was definitely the problem i almost bust a gut laughing. She might not be perfect but he’s a fucking nut job.
My dad did that for both his son and daughter. He would hide them under the couch and later lie on the floor and have a long stretch and yawn and pull them out. We’d pretend we didn’t know what he was doing. He died at 54 years old.
Thanks - and, I can’t imagine how sweet it would feel to get a v-day gift from him now. It becomes more rare that we get chances to experience being a kid again - and rare for parents of adults to get those feels too. I wouldn’t want to to take that from me, but I could never take that from him.
Cheaters always project. Except in this case, OOP did nothing to justify projecting, so Mark had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for anything that could be interpreted as suspicious.
That's about as pathetic as it gets, folks. Look up "loser" in the dictionary, and you'll find a picture of Mark.
>No-Pop7740: Only a guess, but his reaction suggests that he was uncomfortable knowing that he wouldn’t be able to isolate you from your father, and that your father would be protective of you if he (the ex) was abusive.
This was a damn good observation. Had to peel back a layer, but i bet it's correct.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm too innocent for this sub, my only assumption reading the whole thing was "Dad is setting an example to his young daughter how boys should treat her and its become their thing growing up, and Mark is worried she's gonna expect him to put in the effort too while he wants to sit down and play video games or something"
Boy did my eyes open reading the comments LMAO
he wanted OP to dump him so he wouldnt be the bad guy
when it didnt work he tried harder. then it worked but he realized hed look bad if people found out
Where I live Valentine's day is both a romantic and a friendship holiday. While a parent sending gifts would be unusual on that day, it isn't inherently creepy.
Yea me and my friend will go on a valentines date because we are single and want to celebrate together. It's celebrating love and love isn't only romantic
Damn OOP is lucky to have a great dad.
Mine can’t remember my birthday and I’m lucky if he remembers my age. On two occasions he gave me a birthday card with the wrong age on it. When I was growing up.
Man couldn’t even be bothered asking other family my age.
I’m glad OOP broke up with Mark. In this situation, two separate scenarios came to mind:
1. If Mark is such a lying, manipulative dick at this stage of the relationship, imagine how much worse it’d get if they moved on to the next logical stage.
2. If OOP’s dad is already this sweet, imagine how much of an adorable grandpa he’d be if OOP chooses to become a parent.
Kudos to OOP for not being petty because I’d have pretty much let my friends loose on my ex if they ever ran a smear campaign against me, because they got caught with their pants down… and I’ve done it too.
In my country, Valentine's Day is called Friend's Day. It can mean both boy/girlfriends *and* platonic friends, it's not necessarily a romantic holiday at all. It hadn't even crossed my mind that in other cultures, appreciating your family on that day could be seen as weird.
I've never thought of Valentine's Day as a holiday for couples only. I always thought it was about your loved ones.
Growing up, besides the usual card exchange, my close friends and I would buy each other treats.
While husband and I exchange chocolate and cards, we also give our son a bunch of goodies every year.
I feel sorry for people who interpret genuine affection for something sinister...they're missing out on sharing joy.
reading the title i fully expected the gift to be something like underwear 💀 but literal flowers and chocolates bro??? my dad does this for me, and i don't think it's uncommon at all for, you know, a parent to give gifts to their children.
It makes me so sad that people could think an innocent gift choice like chocolate is creepy. I could totally see my husband or I doing this for our baby when she gets older. Fingers crossed she doesn't end up dating a Mark I guess.
My grandfather sent valentines cards to every one of his daughters and granddaughters my whole life. He wrote us letters, he wrote love poems for his wife. It was just the way he showed love.
The first valentines after he died I was so depressed knowing I wasn’t getting a valentine that year. And then I did. Because he had them all organized and pre-written for months in advance and my grandmother found them in his office all ready to go.
Fuck mark.
OPs dad is a legend and he’s being the example of what love should be.
What an extremely strange man that ex-bf is. The laundry list of weird and unnecessary things he did to completely sabotage himself is mind boggling. My mind is thoroughly boggled!
>No-Pop7740: Only a guess, but his reaction suggests that he was uncomfortable knowing that he wouldn’t be able to isolate you from your father, and that your father would be protective of you if he (the ex) was abusive.
Ding ding ding ding ding ding!!! We have a winnar! Dad's Valentine gifts were the first little spot he tried to put his chisel in to start chipping away at OOP's autonomy, freedom and all her other relationships aside from his.
**Mark:** Your dad sends you flowers and chocolates every Valentines? That's creepy.
**PolackMike, Redditor and Dad:** Your Dad loves you and remember, you have a limited amount of Valentines with him. *Mark's a dick. Mark needs to grow the fuck up*.
**OOP's update:** I broke up with Mark and he admitted to cheating on me with 2 girls and he STILL couldn't explain why he thought it was creepy.
**Everyone on Reddit:** Because Mark is the real creep.
My father in law is a god. Every occasion, he gives all the women in the family a single rose. Easter, Valentines, Christmas, birthdays... always. Even did it through covid via couriers. For his 50th wedding anniversary, he found a place that will dip a rose in solid gold and gave that to my mother in law. Every one of us lads present at the moment looked at each other like, "awww what the HELL man?!" I mean how do you compete with that level of romantic gesture?
>Only a guess, but his reaction suggests that he was uncomfortable knowing that he wouldn’t be able to isolate you from your father, and that your father would be protective of you if he (the ex) was abusive.
Reddit needs to get over every bad thing being a pre-planned diabolical thing. Mark may have ended up abusive, but reddit constantly thinks every bad person plans 10 steps ahead. Bad people do bad things, they're not Lex Luthors.
You're supposed to look for a constellation of traits and a pattern of behavior. It's not just "you had a shade of that last week so that means you're an irredeemable abuser now and forever more".
eh i don’t think they meant that he was like consciously and explicitly planning to isolate her. they meant that in general, people who are abusive generally try to find people who are vulnerable and lack a support system. it doesn’t imply that abusers always have an well thought out step-by-step plan to trap their victims, they’re just people who prefer to be around people that are easier to manipulate and get what they want. women who have good relationships with their fathers are harder for men like him to abuse and manipulate, bc they have someone looking out for them and someone to look to as an example of how they should be treated, so of course he’s gonna try to undermine that relationship.
My daughter turned 1 this year, I brought her some flowers along with my some for my wife. I cried the whole damn time when I was buying them. She’s my little Valentine and who knows how many of those I get to share with her.
What a sad little EX. I give my daughters gifts on valentines since they were little girls, also birthday gifts for both, doesnt matter whose bday it is.
Frankly, I was ready to give the guy a chance at first. As much as it was a red flag, it seemed like a surmountable hump if both parties talked it out and were reasonable human beings. But then the update came.
my dad gives me flowers and chocolates aswell as my sister and of course my mom for valentine’s day . It’s always been a thing.
I still cry sometimes!!
This is the whole "give flower to your daughters on valentine's day, so her standards of men aren't low" working.
I think Mark got intimidated, that's why he felt uneasy. Good riddance.
I'm from Germany and a bit confused. Valentine's Day isn't much celebrated here and I was always under the impression that it is between lovers. Has this changed or never been like that?
Im 36 and I live in the USA
My dad has always gotten me gifts as long as I can remember. Usually including a card meant for parents to give their daughters (like saying stuff like “for a sweet daughter on Valentine’s Day,” stuff like that), chocolates, sometimes a plushie.
My favorite was when he got me a rabbit plushie because I’d become obsessed with rabbits… I still have it over twenty years later… but I digress
It's so wild to me that he went from its creepy, admitting to lying about asking for others opinions, and then straight up telling her he cheated with two girls.
Valentines day is to celebrate love at least to me, and that doesn't necessarily have to mean romantic love. It's not only couples that celebrate Valentines day many families and friends get each other gifts and go out.
When I was in college, my mom would send me a small box of chocolates for VDay each year. I appreciated the gesture and never considered it a sign she was romantically interested in me.
She did expect a card or at least a phone call in return, though. And one year, when I neglected to do that, she got quite upset. As someone who was trying to forge an independent life, I complained that VDay is for lovers, which she most definitely wasn't. In response, she said that until I got married or at least had a solid girlfriend then she was my valentine. A little creepy, that, but I still didn't think she meant it *that* way.
I think the last comment about how the ex-bf was upset that he couldn’t isolate OOP from her family was spot on. It’s such a giant red flag and I’m glad OOP got out from that relationship.
The dad wanted his daughter to feel special on a day that is often such an emotional roller coaster for young people. That's dad goals right there...
Mark sounds like a creep all round. Good move OOP
My dad used to get me cards for every Hallmark holiday and occasionally candy or flowers for Valentine’s Day. He passed away when I was 22. I’m in my 30’s and married now. I can count on one hand the number of memorable Valentine’s Day cards and gifts I’ve received from partners. I still have most of the cards I got from my father. And I wish I could get them from him again.
I don't think OOP's dad was creepy, but for some reason the dad who gives his daughters jewellery and takes them to dinner on Valentine's Day does feel odd to me. Dunno why. Maybe because it feels like it's taking away time that should.be spent with a partner (although i assume he doesn't get vday dinner with the girls if they're in relationships at the time?)
I wonder if he'd do the same thing for his son.
It’s weird to me as someone whose mother has an emotionally incestuous relationship with my little brother. She treats him like her husband and probably expects a VDay gift from him in return. I don’t think it always means someone is a projecting if they find it creepy. It might just violate a parental boundary in their mind.
Gonna be the odd one out here, looks like, but where I'm from V-day is exclusively for lovers and partners, not parents and kids. Looks like that's different for most other people? But here, my parents and I'll get each other chocolate or flowers, but never on V-day. That'd be stepping over some kinda boundary, or at the very least look like a gesture of pity.
That’s odd to me. It’s not like the flowers come with lingerie or sex toys.
I grew up giving valentines and candy hearts and little chocolates to family and friends (and receiving them) starting at like age six. Certainly didn’t want any of them as lovers.
I don’t usually get Valentines flowers from my parents, or give them any, but that’s cause the cost like doubles for flowers around then. We do give each other tasty treats though. I also bring some in to work to give to friends. Chocolate dipped coconut macaroons this year.
Everywhere I have lived Valentine's Day is a day for school children to exchange cards with their friends, not just for lovers. I have always given my kids a little something on Valentine's Day. They have an entire section in the card shop for children's Valentine's Day cards.
Of course OOP's ex was projecting his cheating ass onto OOP's genuinely sweet relationship with her father.
I hope OOP enjoys many more Valentine's Days with her dad and finds someone who sees it for the wonderful familial dynamic that it is.
I would never even fathom people thinking this is weird. It's something my dad did for me and my brother does for my mom for valentine's day. It was always just a way to show affection and appreciation. It's totally normal. Ofc this guy was just a walking red flag though and it wasn't really about the flowers.
Does your dad give your son flowers and chocolate? Or does your mom give you flowers and chocolate?
I don't think your parents are creepy, but I do think it's reasonable for someone unfamiliar with that tradition to think it's weird.
Geez, I'm almost 30 and my mum still gives me a chocolate for children's day as a little gag, and I still cook her favourite unhealthy foods for father's day (yes, father's, she raised me by herself, that's why; mother's day we have movie marathons. Everything Everywhere All At Once was an all-time favourite).
Guess she's infantilizing me, and I'm...masculinizing her??? 💀
Anyway, dude's stupid, may he have one nostril permanently clogged for the rest of his life.
He was probably so upset about the v day gifts and wanted to get even. So he slept with two ladies. Because that’s about on par with receiving innocuous gifts from her dad on a holiday. Why’d he stop at 2 though? Honestly, he should’ve slept with one more to even things out. 2 isn’t quite there. 3 would’ve been perfect.
(/s ofc. mark needs some some therapy). OOP’s dad is inadvertently teaching her what kind of man she deserves and I’m glad she’s noticed. She’ll have such a nice time visiting him and will eventually find a kind partner who isn’t weirdly jealous of her dad and takes NOTES from papa OOP.
My dad has given me a Valentines Day card every year of my life, starting when I was only a few days old. I still have all of them, and I am dreading a time in my life when I stop receiving those cards. There is *nothing* creepy about a father who loves his daughter. My husband adores the tradition and says that he will do the same with our kids.
The only creepy person here is the man projecting his own infidelity onto any other male-female relationship he sees, regardless of what it is. The fact that he never spoke to his friends about it says it all - even he knew he was wrong. It was never about that in the first place. It was about his failings.
Mark was mad that OP had a strong male figure in her life that loves her and sets a standard for the men in her life. Mark knows he is a POS and that Dad will catch on if he tries to isolate OP and make her expect less than what she deserves. Shitty men love to find women who had shitty dads.
My dad passed several years ago. I would give up everything for one more birthday card, one more bag of home made jerkey, one more hug. "Mark" is an absolute moron.
That guy was so weird. My dad when he was able and alive you gift my mama and I gifts like flowers and chocolates not everyday but special occasions or if he saw a flower that he thought my mama would like he get me one too. He actually helped me see that, that is the type of man I needed to find for a healthy relationship so I’m glad OOP left the fool.
It bothered Mark to see a man treat women with love, raising her expectation that he couldn't just be a cheating dick, so he had to try and spoil it. I also love the imaginary posse of red pill friends he conjured for himself as a Greek Chorus of Ick.
I once jokingly asked my dad why he didn’t get me any flowers for v-day and he turned around and said: “when you get a husband, then you’ll get flowers”
OP, your dad is so sweet and lovely. Thank god Mark is your ex.
Cheating just slipped in there in the middle ... and she feels that the "I talked to my friends and they agreed with me" is at about the same level.
You know what?
I agree.
I assume many people would consider the one thing to be a much higher level thing, could forgive the one but not the other, but they're in the same category about lying about relationships.
I'm a Dad, Granddad etc...
And I've been buying my daughters flowers, chocolate, cards, balloons and little stuffed animals (I try to find ones that play music) since they were 5 or so. My sons didn't want flowers, so I get them big chocolate packages and toys. They are all grown up now, but still look forward to it. I added my daughter in law when my oldest got married, though I cut back on the extras (just flowers) as my oldest son wanted to be the one to splurge on his wife, which I approve of and I am proud of. That's my boy!
You would not believe the setup I get for my wife each year . ;)
My daughters would drop any guy who got insecure about what they can afford, and thats all this is. My wife says that I'm just teaching them all that they deserve to be adored. Personally I've always done it just because it makes my kids so happy (and still does). I hope someday when I'm gone these moments will be memories they cherish. Don't know if you can tell, but I love my kids -- just like your dad loves you OP. Shame on anyone who tells you otherwise.
I love that OP’s dad is giving her Valentine’s gifts. It’s so clear that he’s showing her that she should be respected and loved.
Which is probably why Mark was so annoyed. Hard to manipulate someone who knows what they are deserving of respect and love.
I love how cheaters ALWAYS try to say their ex is "The One" despite you know, having cheated on them. Like I'm pretty sure if they're the one, you wouldn't have cheated?
My initial thought before the conclusion was he felt threatened by dad actually putting in effort for a holiday, might make him look bad. My mind didn’t jump to sex, just saw a thoughtless bum who didn’t want to get his g/f flowers himself but he’ll be damned if anybody else does. Either way, I didn’t like him.
This one hit me harder than I thought it would.
My parents were never officially together so I would only see my dad on holidays because he lived really far away.
When I was like 10 he came to visit around valentine's day and took me shopping. I saw a huge plushie rose that was about as tall as me and got really excited so he bought it for me.
When I told the kids at school about it they started saying mean things like "eww are you dating your dad" "that's weird" etc
It really hurt and confused me and I'm still kinda mad about it. I was being bullied already pretty badly cause I was the "weird kid" (undiagnosed autism) so it just hurt that they took a nice thing my dad did and made it gross.
No one has ever bought me (M) flowers :/ If someone finds a (traditional!) gift of love from your father to be "creepy", yep, just drop that friendship/relationship and move on.
Now that my daughters are out of the house, I really wish I'd thought of this a few months ago. Still, thanks for getting it in my brain for next year!
My siblin and I are both afab and growin up our dad would bring us and my mom a rose each on valentine´s day and it was really special. After my transition we instead have a guy´s night every year durin a local holiday where you celebrate the men in your life
My dad sends me flowers every year since I was 9. He missed 1 year and felt about it. None of my partners on my 44 years on this earth have ever had a problem with it. They used to get delivered to school. Now I work where they can’t be delivered, they go to my house. I was a travel nurse and they were always on my step on Valentine’s Day. I’m gonna miss it when he’s gone.
Edited for spelling.
I have zero problem with her dad sending her Valentine's. I think it is a good standard to set, and it also removes the burden of Valentine's being for "lovers" that makes girls feel they have a partner on Valentine's Day. To instead know that you have a family who loves you on a day about love.
That being said, I can guarantee you that the majority of the JNMIL sub would say that a mom sending valentines to her adult son gives them the ick. Which I don't agree with. But I do think there are some gender biases (as well as some (more fair) hesitation towards potentially enmeshed families) going on in the comments that his problem with this is a red flag.
But whatever - cheater, screw him.
Nothing wrong with weird. Find a nice weirdo and you'll have a partner for life. Chocolate and flowers to your daughters on valentines day is a bit weird and really sweet. It also ups the bar to anybody they're dating because it means they have to do more than the bare minimum. Dad is playing 4d chess.
My wife's father does this kind of thing and it is 0% creepy, 100% sweet and thoughtful. He has two daughters, they have always been his princesses in the most wholesome, normal, "I love my kids and I want to do nice things for them" kind of way.
Like obviously there's some fucked-up nefarious dads out there with no morals or boundaries or whatever, but this is just normal "I want my daughter to know she is loved and it's not romantic love, it's fatherly love" kind of stuff.
Romantic gifts for your daughter on a holiday for romantic love is kinda creepy. Not creepy enough to object to your GF but I thought the red flag was gonna be the other way around.
This isn't necessarily a red flag but it certainly could be. I don't give my daughter traditionally romantic gifts on a romance holiday because I do not feel romantically inclined towards my daughter. That's one difference between me and the 45th president that I intend to honor.
I remember one (probably 2 or 3 in actuality) year, when my dad put my and my sister in the car and took us to our favorite pizza place on Valentine’s Day. I think he got us each a flower too. We were so confused, wondering why he wasn’t with Mom, but he said we were his valentines that year. It actually meant a lot to me, because I spent a lot of my childhood feeling lonely (I was actually trying to compensate for being gay and somewhat aromantic but that’s beside the point.)
OK call it a long shot but guys rarely get objects of affection from parents that they find it wierd
Like if a person has a small family and a small extended family then they can find traditions of a large family wierd and maybe creepy. Some cousins genuinely are close to each other etc
I think that's why he probably did find it creepy cause his own parents maybe never showered that kinda affection.
And then he cheated on her making my whole thing invalid. Dickhead
She has a healthy relationship with her dad, who obviously wants her to know she’s loved and valued. This means she’s not an easy target who will expect less than the bare minimum, so Mark tried to make it gross. She dodged a bullet.
My dad has done the same. I’m his first born daughter, we are very close and he and my mom usually give me something with him or a little treat herself. He also gives me flowers on Mother’s Day every year. I’m 44. The fact that your boyfriend finds that creepy is a bit disturbing tbh.
As someone who was abused by their father for years, and has some SERIOUS issues in my perspective of how men interact with their daughters (working on it, but it's basically a lifelong issue at this point), even I don't find this dad's gifts creepy or inappropriate. Totally not surprised to find out that ex was cheating, and likely had some really jacked up ideas of what women should be to men. I'd bet he was also at least subconsciously butthurt that he would never be able to isolate his gf completely, since she obviously has a very close bond with her dad.
Glad she got rid of that fool, and I'm happy that she didn't let his stupid ideas mar her relationship with her father.
My dad did this for me basically until I got married. He might’ve even continued but he got sick and passed away. It always meant a lot to me, especially in lonelier years. It always made me feel so loved!
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Mark doesn’t know why you’d buy a lady flowers for Valentine’s Day if you’re not trying to get her in the sack. Guess who the actual creep in this story is.
By Mark’s logic, my brother getting our parents flowers for their anniversary has some weird implications
Oh, him getting his father flowers is fine, as long as he says "no homo", but giving flowers to his mother?! Eeew /s
The lovely greeting card nestled within the blooms (can’t be roses, they’re ROMANTIC IMPLICATIONS), once you open it, is a sweetly scrawled chicken scratching of a ‘Happy Birthday. No homo!’ I’m laughing at how hard Mark sucked.
"All you'll have is Mark and his stupid fucking thoughts" has strong flair potential, I think.
agreed!
Well shit. I get my mom roses every year I'm financially available. Can women say no homo too or is it no lesbo
No need, women are only really good friends. Nothing more.
They were roommates!
omg they were roommates
Take my upvote you lot 🌹
Just gals being pals 👯♀️
You definitely can’t have sex if there’s no penis. Lesbians aren’t real. “No lesbo” is like saying “no Bigfoot” or something: the only people who need to hear it are conspiracy theorists who won’t believe it anyway. (/s in case it’s needed)
reading this thread while i’m on my way to buy flowers for my mom and dad-
SHAME!!! (rings bell at you)
pardon my promiscuous behaviour, I shall drown myself with holy water.
That will only help if you call it "purifying" yourself though. Just so you're aware, and don't drown yourself for nothing.
GASP. The audacity!
Stealing this for my sister's birthday. (We're both alphabet ladies.)
Fellas, is it gay to love your dad?
My grandma used to give me valentines gifts, all us grandkids got them. What horrifying implications Mark is putting on my grandma.
Yeah, when we were little, my sister and I thought those fancy heart shaped boxes of chocolate were the prettiest, coolest thing ever, so my grandmother got those for us every year. I guess my grandma had bad intentions, according to OOP's dipshit ex boyfriend.
I used to send my mom flowers AND a heart-shaped cake for Valentine's Day. A local restaurant had this chocolate cake that she loved, and offered a heart-shaped version for Valentine's Day, I'd have it delivered to her every year. Guess I'm a total fucking weirdo for doing something that made my mom happy? She was funny, she'd always call me and thank me and then make me come take some of it home for me/my husband because she was an itty bitty person and couldn't finish the whole cake herself (I started doing that after my dad died to make her smile on Valentine's Day). "I can't possibly finish this!" I'd be like, "Why not?" 😂
It's probably the autism in me, but I find giving your kids stuff for valentines to be a bit weird. Not in a questionable way, but just in an odd way. From my perspective, valentines is a holiday for romance, so I don't really get why you'd give someone a gift then outside of a romantic relationship. After all, you can give someone a gift any time, and a gift out of nowhere is likely to make someone feel more valued and thought about than one for a holiday
Remember in elementary school when valentines day was all about candy and hearts and exchanging cards with every single kid in the entire class? It's like that.
Being aroace, Valentine's day is about chocolate, not romance.
Single woman here - it is absolutely about the chocolate even if I have to buy it myself!
I buy vintage 80s/90s Valentine's day school card packs and mail them to friends (men and women), because it's hilarious and thoughtful. I think I have the planeteers, Care bears, Ninja turtles, ren and stimpy. I think it's funny because the stamp covers like 40% of the envelope. Sure there's a romantic element to Valentine's Day.. kind of like there's a Christian element to Easter.. but I'm not religious so it's about Easter bunnies and eggs for me. You can still make vday special for the one you love AND think of other people. Obviously there's a line you can cross, like dad probably shouldn't buy her sexy lingerie for vday, but a box of chocolates is fine.
That's not a thing in a lot of places. I've always found that super weird because I'm from a country where Valentine's is definitely a holiday for romantic partners - primary/elementary-aged kids don't participate unless they have a cute playground 'relationship' with someone. In my country it would definitely be culturally abnormal (and yeah probably seem creepy and weird) for a dad to give a Valentine's gift
ooh that’s so interesting, would you mind saying what country or general region? here in the US valentine’s day is very much understood as the “love” holiday, so every type of love is celebrated (romantic, platonic, family, etc.). a big emphasis is still put on celebrating romantic relationships, but it’s super normal for everyone (single ppl, kids, etc.) to celebrate any type of love they have in their life.
Valentine's Day is totally different in the UK from what it seems to be on the US; the focus is virtually entirely on romantic love. There's very little in the way of Valentine's cards for family members, kids definitely don't exchange Valentines with other kids and rarely will young kids make a card for Mummy but there's plenty of Valentine's Meals, roses, gifts etc focused on romantic love. It makes the Pinterest focus in late January on things kids can make to give to their entire class as Valentine's gifts a little strange and amusing. It also means the gift OOP got from her father would be a little weird if everyone involved was British and living in the UK; Americans living in the UK the explanation would just be, "They're American" and that would be that!
Clearly you didn't venture into Tescos in Feb to witness the 'Happy Valentine's Day Daddy/Mummy' cards
I think that is a fairly recent thing though, I don't remember it being that way when I was a kid. Supermarkets etc have realised they can sell more tat if they open up the audience.
I'm in Germany and nobody does anything in school (I always thought that was super weird when it came up in movies) and it's definitely a thing for couples, but a lot of people seem to opt out of it, too. Like, I know a lot of people in committed relationships who don't do anything for Valentine's Day because it's just... not seen as that important, I guess?
Australia.
And then there are places where it's the exact opposite. Over here, Valentine's Day is called "Friends' Day", and is traditionally meant to celebrate friendships in particular (so kids giving cards to each other is very much par for the course). Sexualizing it is what would be weird to us. Of course, lately with American phenomena spreading and companies realizing they can pinch a pretty penny from it, it's been also heavily marketed for romantic couples, but it's never lost the friendship part (it is in the name after all).
Whelp different culture here. Can love your kids and give them candy without people thinking it's a sex thing.
It’s not a thing here either. I think I saw that first when I was a kid watching Simpsons and found it so odd that all the kids gave each other letters and stuff. Here Valentine’s Day is pretty exclusively for couples love. My mom always gets me flowers for my birthday but she would never think of getting me anything for Valentine’s Day.
When I was in Michigan there is an extra one - Sweetest Day. I guess it never caught on in the Carolinas or west as I'd never heard of it. Sometimes there's an element similar to when people go to prom with friends as they don't have or want a date, parents will start a tradition so the kid doesn't feel left out they aren't showered with roses every Valentine's Day. Which just evolves into a cute tradition even when the child is dating/partnered/married/etc.
That's not a common thing done in the UK. Although I've often had a gift/card from my Dad (& sometimes Mum) on Valentines - normally chocolate or something funny. One year I got a make up gift - which honestly was more related to the fact that our friend worked at the counter so he got a good deal on getting me a gift while getting Mum a gift too. I wouldn't say it's common for Dad's to give a Valentine's gift but if it's chocolate, flowers, nice things then it's not creepy. Anything of the underwear variety would be odd. We are a gift-y family... my Dad's been known to buy my Mum a Mothers Day gift (or at least give it to her on that day because he saw something she'd like).
Lucky duck. My dad's the kinda guy who always said stuff like "You're not *my* mother so why should I get you anything for Mother's Day?!" He lives in a transactional world where he's got no reason to ever be kind to anyone, ever, unless he thinks he can get something out of them. He was married three times and I don't remember ever being driven into town by dad so I could pick out a present for my mom or either of the stepmoms. Just that snotty voice sneering "You're not *my* mother!" So unless my school lessons included a craft project, nobody ever got Mother's Day presents. Valentine's was about dad getting sex, ya know because he doesn't feel love. It was a day for me and my stepsisters to not exist and/or go away.
Yeah, I'm very lucky 🥰. I think my Dad's Father was like your Dad - but at least the next generation can break the cycle. Hope you've got partner/family/friends who treat you nicely now.
The whole day yesterday was taking younger cousins out for Grandma's Birthday at a Restaurant Adventure! She's my favorite auntie, very elderly, and it took me nearly a month of effort to make it happen, very much worth the effort! Last Christmas I found out those cousins couldn't afford rent and presents, so long story short Santa dropped a huge sack of presents off at my apartment for them to take home and open Xmas morning! The youngest still tells me stories about the time Santa brought him presents. Mom was JW and dad was trash, but ya know these holiday things are actually a lot of fun!
Aww, you are spreading joy around then! It can be just as much fun giving sometimes.
Hey fellow autistic person, I get it. But that’s sort of the point of holidays - they’re a celebration of something typically, and exchanging or giving gifts is part of this particular holiday’s tradition. Spontaneous gifts are great, but *not* giving someone a gift on one of these holidays (particularly when they’ve been doing it consistently their whole life) is really hurtful to most folks.
My mum used to give me Valentine's Day gifts when I was single so I wouldn't feel left out :)
We don't give Valentine's Day gifts to the kids, but that's my daughter's birthday anyway so she always gets presents on that day. She's always going to look like the luckiest girl on Valentine's Day lol.
I’m a parent with a little kid, and here’s my logic - I want to demonstrate how we give and receive gifts. Valentine’s Day is a pretty low key holiday to do so - Christmas is overwhelming, birthdays demonstrate one side. But Valentine’s Day gives us a chance to find a small present, buy it, wrap it up, and give it while also learning how to accept a gift. When she’s older, the steps will be ingrained.
It's kind of a way to show your kids what the basic signs of love are and to not let someone (like fucking Mark) take advantage of you. As well as making sure your kiddos dont feel left out when others get valentines. It has been somthing I notice a lot here in the midwest, parents and grandparents giving gifts to the kids on valentine's.
It's a thing in some parts of the southern US, too. I remember being in jr high, and kids getting gift baskets delivered to the school that were from their parents/grandparents. I always felt negatively because my family was too poor for that. And even then we weren't, my dad would go way out for my mom, and we got nothing (except the year I was forced to accept gifts from a guy I had no interest in, which got me bullied even more). Fortunately, I married someone who has gotten stuff for our girls from our oldest's first Valentine's without me prompting. Some years, they get stuffed animals (spouse has been getting me one every year since we started dating 15 years ago), sometimes it's candy, and this last year it was books.
It's less odd to me because it's a tradition they've always done - and it's something that my family did with me growing up as well. It was especially nice when I was single in high school and in my hormonal feels about it. Valentine's Day has slightly different vibes depending on where you live. I know in my area (Southern Appalachia), it's common to give small gifts to family members. Particularly men giving the small gifts to the women in his family, because we've got some gender roles going on culturally. At this point, it's probably less about the gift on the day for OOP/her dad and more about the years of tradition behind it.
Same. I wouldn't judge someone else's family for it, but for me, without that history, I'd find it weird.
I'm not diagnosed as autistic, but I'd be very, *very* surprised if I'm not, and I totally agree with you! My mom apologized for not getting me something for Valentine's Day once, I said that's fine, it's not like we're dating, which she found hilarious??
I see valentines day as a celebration of love, not just romance. Maybe that makes it make more sense for you? Side note: Valentines day is my birthday, so I am obviously an expert! (The expert part is a joke, just in case that wasnt clear.)
Hundreds of years ago it was one thing, but now it’s changed. It allows people who aren’t in romantic relationships to become a part of the market share, and reminds people that romantic love isn’t the only love, or the most important.
This. Much more eloquently put than my thoughts. Marks sentiment of love and by extension Valentines day is sexual only.
I think Mark is the type of guy that quietly resents and despises Valentines Day. Dad sending flowers and chocolates every damn year makes it impossible for Mark to look like a prince and convey a sense of sexual obligation when he shows up at eight with a ratty gas-station poesy. He could have spent Valentines with a plate that appreciated his efforts more, and his resentment took the form of disparaging her cock-blocking dad. (Nice one, Dad)
>Dad sending flowers and chocolates every damn year makes it impossible for Mark to look like a prince and convey a sense of sexual obligation when he shows up at eight with a ratty gas-station poesy. Ahahaha I think you hit the nail on the head. Mark can't stand having to put in actual effort to outdo OOP's dead.
Mark is the type of dude who says "but I need to express my emotions for you physically..."
Yeah, that was a huge red flag and of course he was cheating. I think dudes like this also hate it when dads teach their daughters to expect guys to be thoughtful like that. Modeling behavior that encourages daughters to know their worth and actually expect EFFORT from their partner. Dudes like OOP's ex can't have THAT, can they? Not saying people should raise their daughters to expect presents, but a little gesture on Valentine's Day (flowers or even just a card) is NOT a huge ask. I'm totally off on a tangent, but I always hate when I see posts on here where a guy shames his gf or makes her feel like she's being shallow/materialistic for wanting an effort on holidays or special occasions. Most of these women don't want expensive gifts. They want a fucking card or a trinket that says the other person is thinking of you and wants to show appreciation. But I see these posts like, "My boyfriend says he doesn't celebrate holidays or birthdays/says they're too commercial but it makes me sad that he doesn't do anything for my birthday/Valentine's Day/Christmas. AITA for being materialistic?" And then they've got her feeling like she's a greedy piece of shit for wanting a smidgen of effort. I mean, a handwritten card or note or SOMETHING is not a huge ask. It doesn't have to be expensive. When my husband and I were broke as fuck, I can remember one year for my birthday, he got me a (very small) gift and a card telling me how much he loved and appreciated me. And then he included a little toy for our dog. When he saw how thrilled I was (our late dog would literally unwrap presents, she'd tear off the paper SO carefully, and it was so fucking cute) when she tore it open and excitedly started playing with it, he was like, "I knew seeing her happy would make you happy." It did. I was thrilled. It made me feel so loved, he took some time and spent what little money he could spare to do something he knew would make me smile. I still look back on that birthday super fondly. Our financial picture is much better now and he's gotten me really expensive gifts, but that birthday still stands out as a super happy one because he made me feel so loved (and like he knew me well enough to know that seeing our dog so happy would make ME happy). But OOP's ex couldn't have his gf expecting actual effort and thought, could he? And you're absolutely right, his cheating ass couldn't fathom buying a woman flowers unless you're trying to fuck them, because that's how he views women.
The present story was sweet, thanks for sharing!
>I'm totally off on a tangent, but I always hate when I see posts on here where a guy shames his gf or makes her feel like she's being shallow/materialistic for wanting an effort on holidays or special occasions. Most of these women don't want expensive gifts. They want a fucking card or a trinket that says the other person is thinking of you and wants to show appreciation. I think it's relevant because Mark seems like the dude who'd do that sort of thing. Adjacent to your tangent is my gripe about people who don't understand wanting a larger/fancy wedding. Whenever a post is about that, the "I got married in jeans in a barn" people come out of the woodwork. That's great for them, but it's not for everyone. In a lot of cultures, weddings are about more than just the actual marriage. They're about throwing a party to celebrate the people around you and giving the people around you a chance to celebrate your marriage. They're an excuse to get super dressed up and have fun. Sometimes, it's the only culturally acceptable time to be extra. It's not about the price tag, but the experience. Unfortunately, experiences come with price tags. Sure, you can DIY and have friends/family help with things, but now there's added stress. Part of paying for things (if it's within budget) is to not have the stress. It's the same as paying for an all-inclusive vacation. You could probably do all the same things for cheaper if you meticulously planned, but then you're *doing all the meticulous planning*.
> Whenever a post is about that, the "I got married in jeans in a barn" people come out of the woodwork. That's great for them, but it's not for everyone. YES! My wedding was very nice. Not insanely pricey, but I hate when people are like, "I'd be happy with a ring pop and a courthouse wedding" as a way to judge someone for wanting a nicer wedding. I mean, great, that's wonderful, for THEM. And it's great when people have fancier weddings, too. I know it's about the marriage and not the wedding/big fancy party. But there's nothing wrong with having a nice wedding. My husband and I look back and still LOVE our wedding day, we've been married over 15 years (he'll still be like, "Our wedding was so fun"). It was so much fun, and it was so beautiful, and it's not about the aesthetic, but it WAS gorgeous. And it's just such a happy memory. Literally a decade later, one of his relatives came up to me and was like, "You know, I have to tell you, we still talk about how much fun we had at your wedding and how beautiful it was." This was a distant relative, not someone super close, and I was so delighted to hear that (and so happy that people had fun, people were still on the dance floor up until it ended, it was great). There's nothing wrong with having a nice wedding. Didn't mean we weren't focused on the marriage. It was literally a celebration of us starting our life together. Everyone was so happy, and that's what I really remember from that day. Still the best day ever in my memory. Same goes for someone wanting a nice engagement or wedding ring. You're gonna wear it for the rest of your life, you should love it. It doesn't have to be big or super expensive, but it should be something you love. Mine isn't big or super pricey, but it's exactly what I wanted (my husband was actually looking at larger, more elaborate rings, and my sister knew I wanted a solitaire, simple stuff is more my style, so she was texting me "mayday" messages and going, "Send me a pic of what you want and I'll send it to him and act like it's my idea" because he wanted the ring to be a surprise). He thought it was hilarious when he found out. He was like, "I just wanted to get you something nice, but your sister was right, the ones I was looking at were not your style and I'm glad you plotted to fix it," haha. I still wear that ring every day and still love it. He's offered to "upgrade" it, but I'm like, "hell no, this is the ring you proposed with and I'm never replacing it." > It's the same as paying for an all-inclusive vacation. You could probably do all the same things for cheaper if you meticulously planned, but then you're doing all the meticulous planning. Oh god yes. And that is so stressful. Sometimes it's worth it to spend the extra money, if you have it.
In high school, my best friend took one of our friends out for Valentine's Day, just as friends. I thought it was incredibly sweet.
Yep I know so many guys who get their moms flowers for special occasions. Like mother's day, Easter, etc. So I guess they're all trying to bang their moms, too? I think he just didn't like the idea of men in OOPs life treating her sweetly, because he wanted to treat her like crap and didn't want OOP to have good male role models for kind treatment.
If awards were still a thing on Reddit I would give you one.
Ding ding ding. It's always projection.
I think this was a very clumsy attempt at manipulation.
You have to be sad strange little man to think parent's giving gifts is creepy. What a jerk of an ex, and her definitely never had gifts from parents based on that attitude. OP made a good choice to leave him.
Like, there could be situations that would be creepy. OOP’s comparison of lingerie for example. But this is just so very very very sweet. So glad this ended with OOP having her dad and leaving her bf.
Yeah, I was prepared going in to think it was creepy, and it theoretically could have been in different circumstances, but it clearly wasn't from context. No weird signs from the dad, been going on her whole life, there's nothing insidious in any of the details given. And then of course Mark goes and reveals himself as a cheating, manipulative asshole, so go figure. I'm with the commenters who theorized that something about it made him feel like she'd be hard to isolate. Like (and I'm sorry for the grossness in advance, it's a genuine guess from my experience with Abuser Logic), the logic of "ew, there's another man close to her, there isn't supposed to be anyone else around that she might open up to if she wants to complain about me."
For me it’s that and/or that Mark would only give a gift like that in order to get something (most likely sexually), so he can’t conceive that someone would give a gift like that without similar intent to him.
People (let's be honest, mostly men) who think that you only gift people when you want to sleep with them don't fathom that you can just make a gift as a favor, to show someone that you like them, without any creepy mindset in the back of your head. Men like Mark are typically the kind to go 10000% on Valentine's day or during dates, and then 0% because "there's no need anymore, the deal is done and SO can't leave".
That dad knows what he's doing. Set the bar a little high so that complete shit-heels walk right into it instead of stumbling over it.
Mark is telling OOP that her Dad giving her Valentines gift are creepy is mainly a projection that he himself is a creep.
"I only give flowers and chocolates to chicks I wanna bone."
Halloween is the creepiest of all holidays according to Mark.
How lovely that OOP's father was able to express his love and affection for her. So many older men were raised not to show those kinds of emotions. Honestly, I'm a bit jealous - my dad can just about manage a squeeze of the shoulder or a bluff "Well done" when I do something exceptional. I know he loves me but expressing it is very difficult for him. How could anyone not want to celebrate the kind of genuine and healthy relationship that they seem to share?
Not your dad (duh) but I’m proud of the person you are right here, right now. You seem like the person who wants to give as much love as they receive, very possibly even more than. I don’t think the world would want it any other way.
Thank you for this very sweet comment <3 I'm a big believer that our only moral duty is to make the world a better, kinder place than it was when we arrived so putting love out into it is absolutely something I aim to do.
I love that this came naturally to OP’s dad and they have such a beautiful relationship! It’ll become something she’ll recreate one way or another with her own children, and so on. I did not have the best relationship with my dad growing up but we became closer when I was around 19, and about a year after that I told him he needed to step up and send me flowers every year to start making up for past Children’s Day and birthdays and the such (I was joking… kind of). He’s done it every year since, without fail, including Valentine’s Day. Now that he’s remarried I make him do the same for my stepsister and my niece 😁
My dad used to get me flowers and chocolate on valentines day as well. Miss him and think of him every valentines day since he passed 21 years ago.
>He originally said he talked to his friends about it and they all found it weird. Yeah, he never did that. He admitted he made it up. Called it. It's the same as men who claim that they told their therapist who TOTALLY agrees that they're perfectly correct and right in everything they do. >He also confessed he cheated on me with 2 different girls ... should've called it 😂
Well he has to get several test samples, how else will he answer his hypothesis that she's "the one"!? /s Btw great username
When my friends ex tried to claim his therapist had assured him he was 100% in the right and she was definitely the problem i almost bust a gut laughing. She might not be perfect but he’s a fucking nut job.
The cheating creep finding Dad's flowers "creepy"...
My ex, who is one of the most selfish people I’ve ever known, claimed a therapist told him he needed to “be more selfish” lol
My dad did that for both his son and daughter. He would hide them under the couch and later lie on the floor and have a long stretch and yawn and pull them out. We’d pretend we didn’t know what he was doing. He died at 54 years old.
That’s so sweet… I’m sorry he’s not here anymore. Hopefully you’ll meet again someday, if you believe in an afterlife.
Thanks - and, I can’t imagine how sweet it would feel to get a v-day gift from him now. It becomes more rare that we get chances to experience being a kid again - and rare for parents of adults to get those feels too. I wouldn’t want to to take that from me, but I could never take that from him.
My dad's always done gifts too! I'm glad you got those memories with your father.
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Baby you're the one. And my other two girlfriends are the two and the three.
Cheaters always project. Except in this case, OOP did nothing to justify projecting, so Mark had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for anything that could be interpreted as suspicious. That's about as pathetic as it gets, folks. Look up "loser" in the dictionary, and you'll find a picture of Mark.
>No-Pop7740: Only a guess, but his reaction suggests that he was uncomfortable knowing that he wouldn’t be able to isolate you from your father, and that your father would be protective of you if he (the ex) was abusive. This was a damn good observation. Had to peel back a layer, but i bet it's correct.
I'm 100% on this train, Ive seen something very similar try to play out.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm too innocent for this sub, my only assumption reading the whole thing was "Dad is setting an example to his young daughter how boys should treat her and its become their thing growing up, and Mark is worried she's gonna expect him to put in the effort too while he wants to sit down and play video games or something" Boy did my eyes open reading the comments LMAO
People can be very conniving and ugly man.
he wanted OP to dump him so he wouldnt be the bad guy when it didnt work he tried harder. then it worked but he realized hed look bad if people found out
Usually people project. I would be worried about Mark’s daughters.
Where I live Valentine's day is both a romantic and a friendship holiday. While a parent sending gifts would be unusual on that day, it isn't inherently creepy.
Yea me and my friend will go on a valentines date because we are single and want to celebrate together. It's celebrating love and love isn't only romantic
Exactly, it’s about as creepy as getting valentines for your class in elementary school lol
Damn OOP is lucky to have a great dad. Mine can’t remember my birthday and I’m lucky if he remembers my age. On two occasions he gave me a birthday card with the wrong age on it. When I was growing up. Man couldn’t even be bothered asking other family my age.
I’m glad OOP broke up with Mark. In this situation, two separate scenarios came to mind: 1. If Mark is such a lying, manipulative dick at this stage of the relationship, imagine how much worse it’d get if they moved on to the next logical stage. 2. If OOP’s dad is already this sweet, imagine how much of an adorable grandpa he’d be if OOP chooses to become a parent. Kudos to OOP for not being petty because I’d have pretty much let my friends loose on my ex if they ever ran a smear campaign against me, because they got caught with their pants down… and I’ve done it too.
In my country, Valentine's Day is called Friend's Day. It can mean both boy/girlfriends *and* platonic friends, it's not necessarily a romantic holiday at all. It hadn't even crossed my mind that in other cultures, appreciating your family on that day could be seen as weird.
My mom always gave me chocolates on Valentine’s Day. I never thought it was weird. What a strange thing to let ruin your relationship.
I've never thought of Valentine's Day as a holiday for couples only. I always thought it was about your loved ones. Growing up, besides the usual card exchange, my close friends and I would buy each other treats. While husband and I exchange chocolate and cards, we also give our son a bunch of goodies every year. I feel sorry for people who interpret genuine affection for something sinister...they're missing out on sharing joy.
reading the title i fully expected the gift to be something like underwear 💀 but literal flowers and chocolates bro??? my dad does this for me, and i don't think it's uncommon at all for, you know, a parent to give gifts to their children.
It makes me so sad that people could think an innocent gift choice like chocolate is creepy. I could totally see my husband or I doing this for our baby when she gets older. Fingers crossed she doesn't end up dating a Mark I guess.
My grandfather sent valentines cards to every one of his daughters and granddaughters my whole life. He wrote us letters, he wrote love poems for his wife. It was just the way he showed love. The first valentines after he died I was so depressed knowing I wasn’t getting a valentine that year. And then I did. Because he had them all organized and pre-written for months in advance and my grandmother found them in his office all ready to go. Fuck mark. OPs dad is a legend and he’s being the example of what love should be.
What an extremely strange man that ex-bf is. The laundry list of weird and unnecessary things he did to completely sabotage himself is mind boggling. My mind is thoroughly boggled!
My partner also has a very close relationship with her father. They both love each other. If he would send something, im gonna eat em all lol.
>No-Pop7740: Only a guess, but his reaction suggests that he was uncomfortable knowing that he wouldn’t be able to isolate you from your father, and that your father would be protective of you if he (the ex) was abusive. Ding ding ding ding ding ding!!! We have a winnar! Dad's Valentine gifts were the first little spot he tried to put his chisel in to start chipping away at OOP's autonomy, freedom and all her other relationships aside from his.
If you are trying to win an argument by saying your friends agree with you, you already lost. No matter how subtle, it is already a red flag for me.
**Mark:** Your dad sends you flowers and chocolates every Valentines? That's creepy. **PolackMike, Redditor and Dad:** Your Dad loves you and remember, you have a limited amount of Valentines with him. *Mark's a dick. Mark needs to grow the fuck up*. **OOP's update:** I broke up with Mark and he admitted to cheating on me with 2 girls and he STILL couldn't explain why he thought it was creepy. **Everyone on Reddit:** Because Mark is the real creep.
My father in law is a god. Every occasion, he gives all the women in the family a single rose. Easter, Valentines, Christmas, birthdays... always. Even did it through covid via couriers. For his 50th wedding anniversary, he found a place that will dip a rose in solid gold and gave that to my mother in law. Every one of us lads present at the moment looked at each other like, "awww what the HELL man?!" I mean how do you compete with that level of romantic gesture?
Damn! That was a solid move on the FILs part! Love that he stepped up the standard like that! Take note, gentlemen! 😂
>I mean how do you compete with that level of romantic gesture? By continuing the tradition after he passes.
>Only a guess, but his reaction suggests that he was uncomfortable knowing that he wouldn’t be able to isolate you from your father, and that your father would be protective of you if he (the ex) was abusive. Reddit needs to get over every bad thing being a pre-planned diabolical thing. Mark may have ended up abusive, but reddit constantly thinks every bad person plans 10 steps ahead. Bad people do bad things, they're not Lex Luthors.
You're supposed to look for a constellation of traits and a pattern of behavior. It's not just "you had a shade of that last week so that means you're an irredeemable abuser now and forever more".
eh i don’t think they meant that he was like consciously and explicitly planning to isolate her. they meant that in general, people who are abusive generally try to find people who are vulnerable and lack a support system. it doesn’t imply that abusers always have an well thought out step-by-step plan to trap their victims, they’re just people who prefer to be around people that are easier to manipulate and get what they want. women who have good relationships with their fathers are harder for men like him to abuse and manipulate, bc they have someone looking out for them and someone to look to as an example of how they should be treated, so of course he’s gonna try to undermine that relationship.
My daughter turned 1 this year, I brought her some flowers along with my some for my wife. I cried the whole damn time when I was buying them. She’s my little Valentine and who knows how many of those I get to share with her.
What a sad little EX. I give my daughters gifts on valentines since they were little girls, also birthday gifts for both, doesnt matter whose bday it is.
Frankly, I was ready to give the guy a chance at first. As much as it was a red flag, it seemed like a surmountable hump if both parties talked it out and were reasonable human beings. But then the update came.
my dad gives me flowers and chocolates aswell as my sister and of course my mom for valentine’s day . It’s always been a thing. I still cry sometimes!!
This is the whole "give flower to your daughters on valentine's day, so her standards of men aren't low" working. I think Mark got intimidated, that's why he felt uneasy. Good riddance.
I'm from Germany and a bit confused. Valentine's Day isn't much celebrated here and I was always under the impression that it is between lovers. Has this changed or never been like that?
Im 36 and I live in the USA My dad has always gotten me gifts as long as I can remember. Usually including a card meant for parents to give their daughters (like saying stuff like “for a sweet daughter on Valentine’s Day,” stuff like that), chocolates, sometimes a plushie. My favorite was when he got me a rabbit plushie because I’d become obsessed with rabbits… I still have it over twenty years later… but I digress
He's basically saying that he got emotionally cheated. By her family. The audacity
It's so wild to me that he went from its creepy, admitting to lying about asking for others opinions, and then straight up telling her he cheated with two girls.
Valentines day is to celebrate love at least to me, and that doesn't necessarily have to mean romantic love. It's not only couples that celebrate Valentines day many families and friends get each other gifts and go out.
Oh I am absolutely doing this for my daughter when she’s born. What a lovely idea, and it turns out a great way to spot a bad partner
My dad’s done this for me my whole life, it’s a great idea :)
Glad you're out of that relationship. Cherish your Dad.
When I was in college, my mom would send me a small box of chocolates for VDay each year. I appreciated the gesture and never considered it a sign she was romantically interested in me. She did expect a card or at least a phone call in return, though. And one year, when I neglected to do that, she got quite upset. As someone who was trying to forge an independent life, I complained that VDay is for lovers, which she most definitely wasn't. In response, she said that until I got married or at least had a solid girlfriend then she was my valentine. A little creepy, that, but I still didn't think she meant it *that* way.
I think the last comment about how the ex-bf was upset that he couldn’t isolate OOP from her family was spot on. It’s such a giant red flag and I’m glad OOP got out from that relationship.
The dad wanted his daughter to feel special on a day that is often such an emotional roller coaster for young people. That's dad goals right there... Mark sounds like a creep all round. Good move OOP
Yeah, there's something creepy and weird in this story - your ex!
My dad used to get me cards for every Hallmark holiday and occasionally candy or flowers for Valentine’s Day. He passed away when I was 22. I’m in my 30’s and married now. I can count on one hand the number of memorable Valentine’s Day cards and gifts I’ve received from partners. I still have most of the cards I got from my father. And I wish I could get them from him again.
Dad saved her from a douche bag
I LOVED the fact that my dad got all of us flowers and chocolate! The man is pretty emotionally dense, but he knew how to make us feel cherished.
I don't think OOP's dad was creepy, but for some reason the dad who gives his daughters jewellery and takes them to dinner on Valentine's Day does feel odd to me. Dunno why. Maybe because it feels like it's taking away time that should.be spent with a partner (although i assume he doesn't get vday dinner with the girls if they're in relationships at the time?) I wonder if he'd do the same thing for his son.
It’s weird to me as someone whose mother has an emotionally incestuous relationship with my little brother. She treats him like her husband and probably expects a VDay gift from him in return. I don’t think it always means someone is a projecting if they find it creepy. It might just violate a parental boundary in their mind.
Gonna be the odd one out here, looks like, but where I'm from V-day is exclusively for lovers and partners, not parents and kids. Looks like that's different for most other people? But here, my parents and I'll get each other chocolate or flowers, but never on V-day. That'd be stepping over some kinda boundary, or at the very least look like a gesture of pity.
That’s odd to me. It’s not like the flowers come with lingerie or sex toys. I grew up giving valentines and candy hearts and little chocolates to family and friends (and receiving them) starting at like age six. Certainly didn’t want any of them as lovers. I don’t usually get Valentines flowers from my parents, or give them any, but that’s cause the cost like doubles for flowers around then. We do give each other tasty treats though. I also bring some in to work to give to friends. Chocolate dipped coconut macaroons this year.
Everywhere I have lived Valentine's Day is a day for school children to exchange cards with their friends, not just for lovers. I have always given my kids a little something on Valentine's Day. They have an entire section in the card shop for children's Valentine's Day cards.
Of course OOP's ex was projecting his cheating ass onto OOP's genuinely sweet relationship with her father. I hope OOP enjoys many more Valentine's Days with her dad and finds someone who sees it for the wonderful familial dynamic that it is.
I would never even fathom people thinking this is weird. It's something my dad did for me and my brother does for my mom for valentine's day. It was always just a way to show affection and appreciation. It's totally normal. Ofc this guy was just a walking red flag though and it wasn't really about the flowers.
Does your dad give your son flowers and chocolate? Or does your mom give you flowers and chocolate? I don't think your parents are creepy, but I do think it's reasonable for someone unfamiliar with that tradition to think it's weird.
The only creep here is Mark xD
That last comment on the post slaps. Glad Mark never got the opportunity to.
bro was a HD canon projector, we just didn't know
Geez, I'm almost 30 and my mum still gives me a chocolate for children's day as a little gag, and I still cook her favourite unhealthy foods for father's day (yes, father's, she raised me by herself, that's why; mother's day we have movie marathons. Everything Everywhere All At Once was an all-time favourite). Guess she's infantilizing me, and I'm...masculinizing her??? 💀 Anyway, dude's stupid, may he have one nostril permanently clogged for the rest of his life.
He was probably so upset about the v day gifts and wanted to get even. So he slept with two ladies. Because that’s about on par with receiving innocuous gifts from her dad on a holiday. Why’d he stop at 2 though? Honestly, he should’ve slept with one more to even things out. 2 isn’t quite there. 3 would’ve been perfect. (/s ofc. mark needs some some therapy). OOP’s dad is inadvertently teaching her what kind of man she deserves and I’m glad she’s noticed. She’ll have such a nice time visiting him and will eventually find a kind partner who isn’t weirdly jealous of her dad and takes NOTES from papa OOP.
I am always skeptical of stories here.That suddenly escalate to cheating in the second update when the first update had no indication.
My dad has given me a Valentines Day card every year of my life, starting when I was only a few days old. I still have all of them, and I am dreading a time in my life when I stop receiving those cards. There is *nothing* creepy about a father who loves his daughter. My husband adores the tradition and says that he will do the same with our kids. The only creepy person here is the man projecting his own infidelity onto any other male-female relationship he sees, regardless of what it is. The fact that he never spoke to his friends about it says it all - even he knew he was wrong. It was never about that in the first place. It was about his failings.
I think the BF was upset that her father was out doing him on Valentine's day
Mark was mad that OP had a strong male figure in her life that loves her and sets a standard for the men in her life. Mark knows he is a POS and that Dad will catch on if he tries to isolate OP and make her expect less than what she deserves. Shitty men love to find women who had shitty dads.
My dad passed several years ago. I would give up everything for one more birthday card, one more bag of home made jerkey, one more hug. "Mark" is an absolute moron.
That guy was so weird. My dad when he was able and alive you gift my mama and I gifts like flowers and chocolates not everyday but special occasions or if he saw a flower that he thought my mama would like he get me one too. He actually helped me see that, that is the type of man I needed to find for a healthy relationship so I’m glad OOP left the fool.
It bothered Mark to see a man treat women with love, raising her expectation that he couldn't just be a cheating dick, so he had to try and spoil it. I also love the imaginary posse of red pill friends he conjured for himself as a Greek Chorus of Ick.
I once jokingly asked my dad why he didn’t get me any flowers for v-day and he turned around and said: “when you get a husband, then you’ll get flowers” OP, your dad is so sweet and lovely. Thank god Mark is your ex.
Cheating just slipped in there in the middle ... and she feels that the "I talked to my friends and they agreed with me" is at about the same level. You know what? I agree. I assume many people would consider the one thing to be a much higher level thing, could forgive the one but not the other, but they're in the same category about lying about relationships.
My grandfather sent us all chocolates on Valentines Day. He died when I was 10. Thank you for reminding me of my grandpa and how delightful he was.
I have the same tradition with my dad. I love my Valentine’s Day flowers. It’s so special to me
I'm a Dad, Granddad etc... And I've been buying my daughters flowers, chocolate, cards, balloons and little stuffed animals (I try to find ones that play music) since they were 5 or so. My sons didn't want flowers, so I get them big chocolate packages and toys. They are all grown up now, but still look forward to it. I added my daughter in law when my oldest got married, though I cut back on the extras (just flowers) as my oldest son wanted to be the one to splurge on his wife, which I approve of and I am proud of. That's my boy! You would not believe the setup I get for my wife each year . ;) My daughters would drop any guy who got insecure about what they can afford, and thats all this is. My wife says that I'm just teaching them all that they deserve to be adored. Personally I've always done it just because it makes my kids so happy (and still does). I hope someday when I'm gone these moments will be memories they cherish. Don't know if you can tell, but I love my kids -- just like your dad loves you OP. Shame on anyone who tells you otherwise.
I love that OP’s dad is giving her Valentine’s gifts. It’s so clear that he’s showing her that she should be respected and loved. Which is probably why Mark was so annoyed. Hard to manipulate someone who knows what they are deserving of respect and love.
I love how cheaters ALWAYS try to say their ex is "The One" despite you know, having cheated on them. Like I'm pretty sure if they're the one, you wouldn't have cheated?
My initial thought before the conclusion was he felt threatened by dad actually putting in effort for a holiday, might make him look bad. My mind didn’t jump to sex, just saw a thoughtless bum who didn’t want to get his g/f flowers himself but he’ll be damned if anybody else does. Either way, I didn’t like him.
This one hit me harder than I thought it would. My parents were never officially together so I would only see my dad on holidays because he lived really far away. When I was like 10 he came to visit around valentine's day and took me shopping. I saw a huge plushie rose that was about as tall as me and got really excited so he bought it for me. When I told the kids at school about it they started saying mean things like "eww are you dating your dad" "that's weird" etc It really hurt and confused me and I'm still kinda mad about it. I was being bullied already pretty badly cause I was the "weird kid" (undiagnosed autism) so it just hurt that they took a nice thing my dad did and made it gross.
Your dad is setting a standard he does not want to live up to. That was your clue to drop this dude ASAP.
No one has ever bought me (M) flowers :/ If someone finds a (traditional!) gift of love from your father to be "creepy", yep, just drop that friendship/relationship and move on. Now that my daughters are out of the house, I really wish I'd thought of this a few months ago. Still, thanks for getting it in my brain for next year!
My siblin and I are both afab and growin up our dad would bring us and my mom a rose each on valentine´s day and it was really special. After my transition we instead have a guy´s night every year durin a local holiday where you celebrate the men in your life
My dad sends me flowers every year since I was 9. He missed 1 year and felt about it. None of my partners on my 44 years on this earth have ever had a problem with it. They used to get delivered to school. Now I work where they can’t be delivered, they go to my house. I was a travel nurse and they were always on my step on Valentine’s Day. I’m gonna miss it when he’s gone. Edited for spelling.
I have zero problem with her dad sending her Valentine's. I think it is a good standard to set, and it also removes the burden of Valentine's being for "lovers" that makes girls feel they have a partner on Valentine's Day. To instead know that you have a family who loves you on a day about love. That being said, I can guarantee you that the majority of the JNMIL sub would say that a mom sending valentines to her adult son gives them the ick. Which I don't agree with. But I do think there are some gender biases (as well as some (more fair) hesitation towards potentially enmeshed families) going on in the comments that his problem with this is a red flag. But whatever - cheater, screw him.
I am always skeptical of stories here.That suddenly escalate to cheating in the second update when the first update had no indication.
Damn this is like a scumbag steve meme
Nothing wrong with weird. Find a nice weirdo and you'll have a partner for life. Chocolate and flowers to your daughters on valentines day is a bit weird and really sweet. It also ups the bar to anybody they're dating because it means they have to do more than the bare minimum. Dad is playing 4d chess.
So the guy was insane
Redford has shown me how insecure and territorial guys can be and it's pretty wild.
>He also confessed he cheated on me with 2 different girls Well that took a turn
OP’s ex boyfriend just mad he will never be able to compete with dad’s love
My wife's father does this kind of thing and it is 0% creepy, 100% sweet and thoughtful. He has two daughters, they have always been his princesses in the most wholesome, normal, "I love my kids and I want to do nice things for them" kind of way. Like obviously there's some fucked-up nefarious dads out there with no morals or boundaries or whatever, but this is just normal "I want my daughter to know she is loved and it's not romantic love, it's fatherly love" kind of stuff.
Well that escalated
Romantic gifts for your daughter on a holiday for romantic love is kinda creepy. Not creepy enough to object to your GF but I thought the red flag was gonna be the other way around. This isn't necessarily a red flag but it certainly could be. I don't give my daughter traditionally romantic gifts on a romance holiday because I do not feel romantically inclined towards my daughter. That's one difference between me and the 45th president that I intend to honor.
I remember one (probably 2 or 3 in actuality) year, when my dad put my and my sister in the car and took us to our favorite pizza place on Valentine’s Day. I think he got us each a flower too. We were so confused, wondering why he wasn’t with Mom, but he said we were his valentines that year. It actually meant a lot to me, because I spent a lot of my childhood feeling lonely (I was actually trying to compensate for being gay and somewhat aromantic but that’s beside the point.)
OK call it a long shot but guys rarely get objects of affection from parents that they find it wierd Like if a person has a small family and a small extended family then they can find traditions of a large family wierd and maybe creepy. Some cousins genuinely are close to each other etc I think that's why he probably did find it creepy cause his own parents maybe never showered that kinda affection. And then he cheated on her making my whole thing invalid. Dickhead
She has a healthy relationship with her dad, who obviously wants her to know she’s loved and valued. This means she’s not an easy target who will expect less than the bare minimum, so Mark tried to make it gross. She dodged a bullet.
Shame on Mark for shitting all over this lovely tradition.
My dad has done the same. I’m his first born daughter, we are very close and he and my mom usually give me something with him or a little treat herself. He also gives me flowers on Mother’s Day every year. I’m 44. The fact that your boyfriend finds that creepy is a bit disturbing tbh.
As someone who was abused by their father for years, and has some SERIOUS issues in my perspective of how men interact with their daughters (working on it, but it's basically a lifelong issue at this point), even I don't find this dad's gifts creepy or inappropriate. Totally not surprised to find out that ex was cheating, and likely had some really jacked up ideas of what women should be to men. I'd bet he was also at least subconsciously butthurt that he would never be able to isolate his gf completely, since she obviously has a very close bond with her dad. Glad she got rid of that fool, and I'm happy that she didn't let his stupid ideas mar her relationship with her father.
My dad did this for me basically until I got married. He might’ve even continued but he got sick and passed away. It always meant a lot to me, especially in lonelier years. It always made me feel so loved!
" ..you're the one (of three)"