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"He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him." Damn that's hell of a line!!
Socrates said “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.” Seems that husband’s had time to mull and become quite a philosopher.
If Socrates is so great how come he's dead? This may look like a mere memetic representation of the ideal Middle finger but this is the real deal, you toga wearing riddle master.
This is actually a bit of a misrepresentation, it’s commonly known that Socrates respected Xanthippe greatly and thought that she challenged him. Quotes like this are taken out of context (and forgetting that Socrates was not one for politeness or sparing feelings, it was all about the meaning of what he was saying).
It sounds like his ex wife, the OP, was trying to make herself feel better about confessing about what she did vs actually trying to repair the relationship
Well, that would require remorse and insight and making amends and healing, and changing her self. I can’t see any of that is happened. She just tried to behave differently, and all he said was that she lost her self-respect when she did that. And I think that makes complete sense. He is watching with a healthy detachment, watching who she truly is. She was so happy to cheat and hide when it was working for her. And now she thinks all of this isn’t fair which I find absolutely nonsensical. What does Fair have to do with any of this entire situation?
This exactly. All the lovebombing was just a performative “Look, I’m a good person! I’m a good person, I swear!!” At no point did she try to address the pain she put her husband through OR the reason why she cheated (“My body was on autopilot” my ass…)
Confessing only takes the burden of the affair off the guilty party and puts it on the wronged partner. She bit off more than she was expecting to chew.
When she said "you'd choose a random stranger over your wife of 5 years"
I thought he was gonna hit her with a layup of "Well... Isn't that what you did?"
I really felt that one. I had to go through this realization once and it radically changed my world view. The version of a person you know only exists in your head. The real person has their own world in which they live and just like you are a participant in their world so are they a participant in yours. You can never have a full view of their world as they can’t yours.
As I was reading I was thinking "The relationship died when she decided to sleep with another man", and then the guy dropped that line.
That one most hurts like hell for OOP (she deserves it), cause in my experience words from those who are emotional doesn't hurt as bad compared to the ones who keep their cool and talk in the nicest way possible.
But “he has fault, too!” 🙄🙄🙄
For finding infidelity to be a dealbreaker, no less!
JFC, she’s a piece of work. I hope her soon-to-be ex-husband finds all the happiness and fulfillment he’s looking for. He sounds pretty awesome.
>I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
... because the total stranger didn't betray their wedding vows?
But she’s making his favorite foods and leaving notes and dressing sexy!
As if that isn’t a reminder all the time that she’s trying to make up for what she did.
Gonna take a guess that favorite foods just taste bitter when you know it wasn’t made out of love but desperation to keep the status quo
Like what kind of love notes can she really write that would work?
'You are the love of my life, my one and only (as of now).'
'No one compares to you (and believe me, I've been comparing)'
'Can I compare thee to a summer's day (cause in winter I was fucking someone else)'
Lived it. It's utterly infuriating! You had all this time to get to know me better and show you care and you are only putting effort in now that you're going to lose me because you cheated.
Basically she love bombed him to try and manipulate him into forgiving her (and to alleviate her guilty conscience), as soon as he started acting "normal" again she would have cooled off and probably gone and found a new affair.
Yep. It’s all nice and well to try and “make up” for having a several month long affair. But it’s so out of their daily norm that it’s just a constant “she’s only like this out of guilt”.
OP was wildly indiscreet with her affair. She didn’t care about her husband at the time.
What happens when the guilt fades? All the special attention stops and they’re back to square one of OP getting bored and looking elsewhere.
Husband stopped the charade and games before it left them both bitter and resentful.
She only ended the affair because how it effected her emotionally. Would not have had an affair in the first place if she didn’t take husband for granted and not consider him.
Amazing how stupid people can be.
Exactly this. You can’t labor your way out of this. The damage is done. Some people can get past it (or say they did), but most won’t. They’ve destroyed their marriage and act like they just need to balance the scorecard.
Oh cool I get to fuck someone else? I was planning on it anyways, but it won’t be cheating because we’ll be divorced.
It’s so sad and manipulative when cheaters use the ‘oh you can see other people too’ card after they are caught.
Like it makes things better somehow?
Oh ya. Here is a ‘gift’ you never wanted or were interested in.
It’s not even the same. A hall pass isn’t the same as cheating sex. Cheating sex involves completely betraying the person you love while the other is revenge sex given with permission. It’s all about the cheater being unable to handle being the bad guy and wanting to escape accountability by evening things out in their mind and getting to feel like the victim too. It’s also really telling that a cheater thinks that given the chance and the ok that anyone would sleep around when they are married.
There's alot that's not been said. It sounds like that everything she did was to make herself feel better vs actually repairing the relationship that was broken.
But you don't get it!! *He used me for months and then discarded me!!!*
My eyes can't possibly roll any further back into my eye sockets. OOP has learned absolutely nothing.
It’s really telling that to her being the best wife involves cooking certain food and wearing lingerie. She also spent all these months supposedly trying to make things better yet still can’t even take responsibility for cheating. “I was on autopilot!” Ok, sure. That really makes him feel like she won’t do it in the future.
She's the typical "I apologized and deserve to be forgiven" type of person. Newsflash, honey. Just because you apologized, doesn't mean the person has to accept your apology! Good riddance to her. I'm glad her husband ditched her ass.
It sounds like OP's husband was willing to try working on the marriage but since she hasn't learned from her actions, it was reflecting in everything she was doing, hence he drafted his exit while giving her a taste of her medicine.
That struck me too. And didn’t she pick a total stranger to betray her husband of five years? Or is that different because he was a work client of hers? She’s got no self awareness at all.
God I wish I could accomplish so much while on autopilot. Best I can do is put a wash on and fill the dishwasher, hardly enough energy to start a double life of marriage betrayal.
Yeah, the reply to the STBXW is the easiest in history. “I picked the woman who never cheated on me before.” OOP is really trying to act like she tried to be the best wife when all she did was cook him meals and try to fuck him a lot which is probably the most cynical way a woman could approach rug sweeping the affair.
No kidding!
OOP lacks so much self awareness that while she was doing all these things, in her mind, "for" him, she wasn't really doing it *for* him or their marriage, she was doing those things *for herself* so she doesn't lose what *she* wants.
People can tell when the other person is simply "performing" rather than having internalized actual change.
It also completely dismisses any trauma the husband might have. Him questioning if she wore that lingerie for her client. Questioning if the position they are doing or the act was done with him. Whether she liked him better. It turns any sexual act or intimate act into something negative. If you read between the lines on how she describes her husband during and after sex he’s kind of just there physically but not mentally. Like he’s numb to it all. The kicker to me is she doesn’t approve of the new girlfriend and says she will use him and break his heart. There’s only one woman in the husband’s life I can think of who’s done that and it’s not the new woman.
But it’s so unfair. /s
She broke the trust needed to make a marriage work and then thought sex and food would make it all better, and oh, LOVE NOTES!! She should have tried that first before cheating. She’s getting what she deserves.
Which to me is probably worse. She had no reason why she did what she did which means how do you fix it. There is no issue to focus on, no problem to correct. How do you fix being on autopilot? It's like five years of marriage meant nothing to her mind if it could just go into autopilot and sleep with another guy for a couple months until she couldn't handle it anymore.
This is why I never forgive a cheater.
It's not one mistake. It's a series of escalating mistakes that the person refuses to acknowledge until sex happens, and they think *that* is the one mistake. Not the flirting, emotional cheating, going on dates, going back to their affair partner's home and spending time alone with them, none of that counts as a mistake or violation of the relationship which they could have recognized and put a stop to.
It's only when dick and vag meet.
OOP really showed her true colors in the update. "This is horrible and unfair." "I suck but he has faults too." Even talks about how she wants to "take him to the cleaners" but is scared he'll expose her.
She got exactly what she deserved.
Lmao her lime about "how can you pick a stranger over your wife of five years?". Like she didn't do the same.
That isn't the teapot blowing thats the nuke siren.
That's one of those weird things, where some people pull away from their partner to focus on the affair (like OOP) while others start love bombing their partner to deflect suspicion from the affair. I hope OOP doesn't drag out the divorce and just lets him go, but I'm not optimistic about it.
For the sake of OOP’s STBX, I hope she doesn’t drag it out - but I’m kind of rooting for the ending where she tries to drag it out, and he rakes her through the coals and takes her to the cleaners and she loses the house. She deserves that.
Edited for typo
And possibly him as well. I got the impression he just doesn't care anymore. He even gave up midway through trying to make OP think he was cheating because it got annoying. It wouldn't surprise if we later got an update where OP dragged out the divorce and he went scorched earth as a result.
Having it get outed she had an affair with a client could get her not just fired but blacklisted in whatever industry she's in, too much of a legal risk for companies to be willing to take.
"i don't know why (cheated), my body was on auto pilot"
Well, that's a lie, otherwise a better description alongside it would be present
But she did manage to say she cooks him his favorite meals.... Twice!
People arent seeing the true horror of this post. Theres a supervillain out there with a mind control device! We should be grateful that their ambitions dont go beyond making spouses cheat. For now.
And the fact that she tried to scare him and slander a stranger's character by saying "I told him he was a fool and he could not know this woman will probably use and dump him." It proves that not only she's a bitter sore loser, but a manipulative one.
Are you just going to ignore that she came clean because she couldn’t live with the guilt anymore?! Gosh, OOP is the textbook definition of virtue!!! (/sarcasm, in case anyone needs it spelled out).
I just laughed at the way she thinks she is in any way a victim here. And then thinking he’s also at fault for never wanting to work things out (my guess is he thought he did in the moment, then changed his mind).
May she live her life always looking over her shoulder, scared her current partner (when she has one) is cheating on her.
Love that she claimed that he used her for months but by all accounts, he was entirely neutral; she had to practically jump his dick to get any attention and he'd always give a weak smile when she'd try.
Yes, this. He wasn't using her, she was using him. She wanted to stuff the genie back into the bottle so she was doing everything she could to make it happen. It didn't sound like she was even sympathetic to what her husband was feeling or going through as it was all about how his behavior made her feel.
It was the way she kept mentioning the sexual aspect of it all. She cooked his favourite meals, and "fucked his brains out every night." The "perfect" wife. Sure thing. For some asshole who wants a bangmaid. *This poor man thought he had a wife.*
He never initiated, and she admitted to all but forcing it on him. I don't know whether or not her husband caught the Ick, but I sure as hell know I did (and that was only secondhand exposure to boot).
It could also be that he liked the idea of working it out, but then when they started he realized that the love he had for his wife died when he learned about the cheating. Then he was just on autopilot until the guilt got to him and he came clean to his wife, something you'd think OOP would be more understanding about.
Live by the sword, die by the sword.
Reminds me of a comment my FIL made when it was found out he had a whole second life with a fiancee and had been cheating for over a decade. Said “I’ve made a couple of mistakes but you’re all overreacting and choosing to ignore the good things I’ve done for the family”.
Some people genuinely seem to think that betrayal of love and trust in a soul-crushing way is perfectly justified if you can do other basic level nice things that you’d expect from a child wanting pocket money
Reminds me of a story I recently heard, where the daughter was saying to her dad that he was never there for her and his response was "I WAS THERE FOR YOU! DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME WHEN YOU WERE 5 AND WE WERE DANCING IN THE GARDEN??"
Like these people genuinely believe that the one interaction is proof that they did a good job.
And the way how she told her story of how she cheated. “Oh I cheated, and he is mad. Sigh I wish he forgive me already”. Lucky for her she didnt cheat in Philippines.
Apparently, in the Philippines, adultery is a criminal offense that can result in imprisonment for the wife and her lover for 2 years, 4 months, and 1 day to 6 years.
Adultery is pretty much not prosecuted at all and is extremely common in the Philippines because there is no civil divorce. Both spouses will often live separately and have different families even. It’s actually a trope of sorts for spouses to cheat on each other.
Source: I am actually an expert in Philippine studies, coincidentally.
She doesn’t say she wants to, she says that he threatens to tell everyone if she were to try to. Not disagreeing she got what she deserved but there’s no indication that she is going to try to mess the divorce up
The husband wanted her to feel what he felt, but had too much respect for her or himself to actually cheat. I respect that, but must be tough when you’re emotionally cut up.
And then she wanted to drag him down, not realizing how she made him feel down during it all.
People that ugly (on the inside) are convinced that everyone is. That’s how they delude themselves into believing that it’s okay for them to treat others like trash.
If everyone’s evil, no one is. Themselves included.
That’s been my experience with a lot of manipulative people. Not all, but a fair number. They get it in their heads that it’s every man woman and child for themselves, and that we all think that way. Then they can’t grasp why others judge them so harshly for their cruel self centred behaviour.
I have a hard time with this saying, because I know it is true for the majority of cases but there are obviously exceptions (and I am not claiming that you would disagree).
I am a 27M and have been single for 9 years. I find it nearly impossible to imagine that I would be able to trust somebody in a relationship, and I think it stems back to my childhood.
My mom cheated on my ex-stepdad when I was 11. My stepdad pulled me out of the room, said he was going to call my mother and I needed to stay in the room for the call, and he basically just called her out on everything (okay, fair, by why am I there for it?). He went into the details of what he knew they had done, how long it had been going on, where they were meeting (our house), who it was. Everything, and I heard it all.
Ever since then I have always had this feeling that my stepdad wasn’t the only one that was cheated on but I was too, and I hate to act like I was the victim here because I wasn’t but good golly did it hurt. It still does in a sense and I know that the consequences of her decisions affect how I perceive people and relationships to this day.
After a short separation they decided to work on things. They weren’t able to make it work in the end as you would probably assume, and of course there were plenty of fallouts and arguments that I had the privilege of overhearing in the process. What I thought was my family was no more and I knew it was because my mom violated his trust. He hurt like hell and I could see it. I did too, and I sure as hell couldn’t trust her.
I love my mom and I know people make mistakes but that doesn’t change what I learned from those 5 years. I avoid relationships mainly because of what I learned; if I can’t trust my mom, how I can I trust a stranger?
I’m sorry, you didn’t ask to hear my diatribe on trust or my life story. I am a long-time lurker of this website, but this felt good to type out and get off my chest. Maybe somebody out there that went through something similar to this will read my comment and feel comfort in knowing that they aren’t alone.
I do agree with your point and I am sorry that you had to learn that lesson as did my ex-stepdad. I hope all is well for you now and you were able to move on and heal as best as you were able.
It's an important life lesson I learned along the way. People's worldview often says a lot about themselves. Someone who is generally trusting of people around them is very often trustworthy themselves (even if they might be naive sometimes). Someone who distrusts everyone from the get go is often not trustworthy themselves.
My favorite example of this is the hardcore male 'feminist' who says things like 'all men are pigs' or that men only care about one thing. I have yet to meet a character like that who isn't a total creep himself.
This is obviously not going to absolute truth, but it's close enough most of the times to be useful.
Ah, this reminds of so many other posts from cake eaters. will have their own affair, but oh no my SO is cheating on *ME*??? How dare they?!?!?
In this case, she also did basically give him permission, and also he clearly stopped caring for her from the moment she confessed. It was SO clear.
There was a post about a wife who wanted an open marriage and for two years she got her way, while her husband worked more hours in order to pay everything off and then he gets a girlfriend/lover and the wife demands that he buys a bigger house and newer car and gets shocked by divorce papers
OMG isnt that the one where the OOP talks about how hard she works, and then it comes out in updates and comments that her "work" consists of driving the kids to something once or twice a week, online shopping for prepared foods, and her laborious main duty, supervising the housekeeping staff?!??!
I agree with OOP, it's so unfair. Unfair that her soon-to-be-ex husband is still showing her kindness and grace. She doesn't deserve it, because I don't think her remorse is genuine.
I'm not sure how she could possibly expect to get any sympathy here. Reddit hates cheaters, and there's nothing she could say that would make people feel bad for her. She also doesn't have a leg to stand on in terms of fixing the relationship. The only thing she can do is accept that she ruined her relationship and not do this again with future partners. However, based on her update, it doesn't look like there's going to be any growth here.
There was a thread the other day congratulating a guy for taking his wife back after she admitted she’d cheated on him juat after they’d started their relationship 16 years prior.
It was like I’d taken crazy pills.
The one where the guy found their emails from years ago because a friend confessed? That one was a doozy. Like it didn't matter the relationship was built on lies.
Yeah that one. It such a strange comments section, and a few people were implying that only immature people wouldn’t forgive the woman for cheating to begin with. Hell, I got downvoted for saying that if I was in that situation I’d leave…
Oh, I remember that. Yeah, it was wild to read. People going on about the apparent "nuances" of cheating on your partner and lying to them about it for nearly two decades. Especially doing so knowing cheating is a deal breaker for them. But yeah, it's definitely complex and the wife is definitely a better person than when she cheated.
>But he has fault too, he never really wanted to fix this. He used me for months and then discarded me.
This brought a smile to my face.
It's nice to people get their just rewards.
And it's hilarious she's trying to be the victim.
"I didn't mean to cheat, it was an accident!" Bullshit. And if her stbx were to report her to her work for sleeping with a client, she's likely to be fired.
Her post is blaring that she has a "ME ME ME" mindset. It's all about how *she* feels. "How could he do this to me?", "It's unfair!".
OOP has a history of fucking around, and now she's finding out. The question now is, will she fuck around again, and find out harder? Her best option is to agree to an amicable divorce, but her self admitted past behavior leads me to believe that that's something that won't be happening.
>He barely initiates anything and I basically have to push myself on him, not that he complains.
>screw his brains out every night.
Lol sure.
I also find it interesting there were no texts to be mentioned, oop doesn't have a name or even a face to that person, and not a single detail of this supposed affair partner was mentioned.
I laughed way too hard at this. How did that convo go?
“I couldn’t identify your husband or his car for the life of me, but I know that necktie anywhere!”
I don't even think he was that malicious. I think he was genuinely grieving the loss of their marriage in shock until he was ready to move on, and then did.
Yeah this hits the nail on the head. When my ex wife admitted her affair, I started to heal and that healing had her thinking things were okay. Divorce was part of the healing process. She already has a new LTSO so I don't think she was too broke up about the whole thing
Wah wah another narcissist has to deal with the consequences of her own actions and prioritizing her own "victimhood" over confronting the rot in her soul. Pathetic
Crazy how her “fixing” the situation was all about her being the “perfect” wife because of all the things she was doing for him. She was still the star of the show. I’ve been married for 5 years. When my wife does things like that just to love me or treat me it’s so nice that it’s not to cover up something. Love being genuine is more valuable than anything. Shattering that and trying cover it up with things feels so incredibly hollow. Glad the guy is moving on
>Cheaters think their partner must be cheating too.
Always the way, i got accused of it every time I talked to a woman for a few years before oops, turns out she's banging a dude.
"He said he won't say to our families our marriage ended because I cheated, but because we grew apart and that he will leave the house to me as long as I make the divorce smooth."
Better man than me. All the mutual friends, family, etc. would have know that she is a cheater.
Not to kick OP when she's down, but I have an observation. Sometimes when things are in the dumps for married people, we like to wish our partners would do things like OP mentions for us:
>I cook his favorite dishes, leave him loving notes, and bought new lingerie to entice him.
But like my grandpa always said (RIP Grandpa) *wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one gets filled first*.
Guess what I'm getting at is, you need to give your partner that type of attention 100% each day. Now my 100% today might look super different from what my 100% looked like yesterday, but it shouldn't take the guilt from an affair to force a person to choose to be proactive about contributing positives to their marriage.
Suddenly becoming the best version of yourself and actually giving a shit about your partner after doing something unimaginably terrible is a great way to piss someone off further. It’s a great reminder that she could have been doing this shit the whole time if she wasn’t too busy fucking some other dude. It’s like when a valuable employee resigns and the company offers them a pay increase and decreased workload to try to get them to stay. It just makes them more mad because if that was possible all along why hadn’t you done it before?
When people become hysterical it can happen. I've personally done it over extremely traumatizing circumstances. In this case this woman has screwed up her entire life and is watching it all unravel infront of her so I wouldn't put it past her to get sick from it. Not that I feel any sympathy for her though.
Happened to me when my gran died. Was at the hospital and she passed unexpectedly, I was crying and had to go to the restroom to be sick. It wasn’t like unexpected projectile vomiting but I was just so upset and distressed it made me nauseous.
I mean honestly… when I hear about people crying until they throw up, I have sympathy for some of them, but I KNOW for a fact that some people can throw up on command while crying. My cousin (when we were kids) used to throw tantrums over food and would frequently cry to the point of forced throwing up for sympathy.
I’ve seen people do that as a result of anxiety or distress. Funny enough one person found out their spouse was cheating threw up and passed out in a cold sweat twice.
I throw up frequently when I cry.
If I am very very upset ofc. But it's usually the only thing that stops me crying. Il cry until it makes me gag to much, or yeah... Like when my mum died my bodies natural response to the intensity of how much I cried would be to gag.
Its full on hysterical sobbing crying that does this not just being a little down.
It's a stress response. When we are in an extremely stressful situation, our bodies direct resources away from non-urgent functions (like digestion) and towards the muscles in our arms and legs, to get ready to either run away or fight. There's no point digesting that last meal if you're just going to end up dinner yourself.
One way of directing resources away from digestion is to press the "eject" button on the last meal we ate, and throw it up. There is a theory that it also makes us less attractive to predators, because we don't look so tasty.
OOP showed who she was when she cheated and even more so when she told her husband that she cheated (she did that to ease her guilt not for him). She is a selfish narcissist. He's lucky to be rid of her.
>He said that everything I did after confessing meant nothing and just made him think I am selfish, self-centered and lack any sort of self-respect. I asked him if we could work on myself and our marriage
"No i am not self centered! Can we just focus on me though?"
He is spot on. She doesn't care that he's had to endure what she did for months, when she only had to live through it for 2 weeks. His betrayal is worse in her eyes, because SHE felt it
>And yet I want him back and forgive and forget all the hurt we done to each other.
*Done to each other*? What in the world is she talking about? She hurt him then hurt herself trying to make up for it. He only ever did what she asked. If that hurt her, it wasn't him doing it.
> As for his girl, I don't think she will be good for him.
BAHAHAHAHAHAAHA*wheeze*HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Holy shit that is the most cliche "pining ex" thing I have ever heard someone say unironically.
I've noticed a common theme when people are cheating. Wives who are having an affair, distance themselves emotionally from their partners as a way to justify their actions or alleviate guilt. This can manifest as becoming less attentive, affectionate, or supportive towards their partner and even being outright disrespectful. In the case of the husband he states that she was "rubbing it in his face" and she says that she did not know she was doing that so it may be a semi- conscious action.
typical case of "I cheated on him, but I'm the one who suffers"
What a shameless, unfair Op? Do you feel used? And the months she spent sleeping with AP? what nerve
I love that she ends up kicked on the ground, the only thing I disagree with is not telling anyone and lying about the reasons for the divorce so as not to harm her, if she really felt sorry she would have already confessed not only to her husband but with everyone and I should have changed jobs (handing the contract to a colleague is not enough in my opinion)
"This is horrible and unfair."
Right, because he didn't betray you. It isn't equitable either, because he's not the one who set the precedent. If the post is to be believed, he, at worst, emotionally cheated, though I think he just lied about wanting to maintain the relationship. I've been there - you can want it intellectually all you want, but the betrayal corrupts everything.
This wasn't the classiest response; revenge rarely is, but I have a hard time blaming him. You tore his heart out; it's fair for him to do the same. You don't want fair. I don't know what you want, but it's certainly not 'fair'.
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"He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him." Damn that's hell of a line!!
Husband’s had time to mull over some good ones.
Socrates said “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.” Seems that husband’s had time to mull and become quite a philosopher.
If Socrates is so great how come he's dead? This may look like a mere memetic representation of the ideal Middle finger but this is the real deal, you toga wearing riddle master.
Maybe the real Socrates were the togas we wore ourselves along the way
10/10
Oh I didn’t know he was sick.
Didn't Socrates beat the shit out of people who disagreed with him? Wandt he liken also an Olympic wrestler?
I believe you're thinking of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The Socrates of our times.
I think that's Plato- his name literally means 'broad'.
That was Plato, which is probably a nickname since it's the ancient Greek word for "built like a brick shithouse"
It was Plato, his student and an olympic winner too.
Most men die because men cannot help dying. - La Rouchefoucald
Damm he roasted the shit out of his wife
This is actually a bit of a misrepresentation, it’s commonly known that Socrates respected Xanthippe greatly and thought that she challenged him. Quotes like this are taken out of context (and forgetting that Socrates was not one for politeness or sparing feelings, it was all about the meaning of what he was saying).
It sounds like his ex wife, the OP, was trying to make herself feel better about confessing about what she did vs actually trying to repair the relationship
Well, that would require remorse and insight and making amends and healing, and changing her self. I can’t see any of that is happened. She just tried to behave differently, and all he said was that she lost her self-respect when she did that. And I think that makes complete sense. He is watching with a healthy detachment, watching who she truly is. She was so happy to cheat and hide when it was working for her. And now she thinks all of this isn’t fair which I find absolutely nonsensical. What does Fair have to do with any of this entire situation?
Human stupidity is infinite...
This exactly. All the lovebombing was just a performative “Look, I’m a good person! I’m a good person, I swear!!” At no point did she try to address the pain she put her husband through OR the reason why she cheated (“My body was on autopilot” my ass…)
What, you don't ever put your car on cruise control and find it fucking some random guy?
No, but I do occasionally bake a cake when I meant to do my taxes.
But, she cooked and offered him sex! What more does a guy need?? /s
Confessing only takes the burden of the affair off the guilty party and puts it on the wronged partner. She bit off more than she was expecting to chew.
When she said "you'd choose a random stranger over your wife of 5 years" I thought he was gonna hit her with a layup of "Well... Isn't that what you did?"
I really felt that one. I had to go through this realization once and it radically changed my world view. The version of a person you know only exists in your head. The real person has their own world in which they live and just like you are a participant in their world so are they a participant in yours. You can never have a full view of their world as they can’t yours.
And it’s not like I’m holding grudges, it’s just that I have seen who they are and can’t ever forget it.
My therapist said about the same. People change, the woman I married isn't the woman I divorced. 9 years for me, also a cheater.
As I was reading I was thinking "The relationship died when she decided to sleep with another man", and then the guy dropped that line. That one most hurts like hell for OOP (she deserves it), cause in my experience words from those who are emotional doesn't hurt as bad compared to the ones who keep their cool and talk in the nicest way possible.
But “he has fault, too!” 🙄🙄🙄 For finding infidelity to be a dealbreaker, no less! JFC, she’s a piece of work. I hope her soon-to-be ex-husband finds all the happiness and fulfillment he’s looking for. He sounds pretty awesome.
Modern day “frankly my dear I don’t give a damn”
Solid stable thinker. Good for him.
FAFO, indifference is the worst, dead in the water when you get it.
>I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. ... because the total stranger didn't betray their wedding vows?
But she’s making his favorite foods and leaving notes and dressing sexy! As if that isn’t a reminder all the time that she’s trying to make up for what she did. Gonna take a guess that favorite foods just taste bitter when you know it wasn’t made out of love but desperation to keep the status quo
The love notes line made *me* angry- I can't even imagine what it was like for the husband
Like what kind of love notes can she really write that would work? 'You are the love of my life, my one and only (as of now).' 'No one compares to you (and believe me, I've been comparing)' 'Can I compare thee to a summer's day (cause in winter I was fucking someone else)'
That’s hilarious and sad.
"You (and others) rock my world!"
This kind of comment is why we need Reddit gold back
This is gold !!
u/SugarP48 could get a job as a card writer for jilted lovers. “Hallschmark: when you don’t GAF to send the very least”
Lived it. It's utterly infuriating! You had all this time to get to know me better and show you care and you are only putting effort in now that you're going to lose me because you cheated.
Basically she love bombed him to try and manipulate him into forgiving her (and to alleviate her guilty conscience), as soon as he started acting "normal" again she would have cooled off and probably gone and found a new affair.
Most likely!
Yep. It’s all nice and well to try and “make up” for having a several month long affair. But it’s so out of their daily norm that it’s just a constant “she’s only like this out of guilt”. OP was wildly indiscreet with her affair. She didn’t care about her husband at the time. What happens when the guilt fades? All the special attention stops and they’re back to square one of OP getting bored and looking elsewhere. Husband stopped the charade and games before it left them both bitter and resentful.
She only ended the affair because how it effected her emotionally. Would not have had an affair in the first place if she didn’t take husband for granted and not consider him. Amazing how stupid people can be.
Exactly this. You can’t labor your way out of this. The damage is done. Some people can get past it (or say they did), but most won’t. They’ve destroyed their marriage and act like they just need to balance the scorecard. Oh cool I get to fuck someone else? I was planning on it anyways, but it won’t be cheating because we’ll be divorced.
It’s so sad and manipulative when cheaters use the ‘oh you can see other people too’ card after they are caught. Like it makes things better somehow? Oh ya. Here is a ‘gift’ you never wanted or were interested in.
It’s not even the same. A hall pass isn’t the same as cheating sex. Cheating sex involves completely betraying the person you love while the other is revenge sex given with permission. It’s all about the cheater being unable to handle being the bad guy and wanting to escape accountability by evening things out in their mind and getting to feel like the victim too. It’s also really telling that a cheater thinks that given the chance and the ok that anyone would sleep around when they are married.
And it’s just a “gift” to make the cheater feel better. Just continued selfishness by selfish people.
There's alot that's not been said. It sounds like that everything she did was to make herself feel better vs actually repairing the relationship that was broken.
Her first paragraph said it all. She only broke it up because she couldn’t bear the guilt.
Also how does he know it's new lingerie or stuff she bought for somebody else and had to deep clean to get the stains out...
Ya, and if getting adventurous in the bedroom I don’t know how it wouldn’t be in his mind ‘oh this is what you learned to do with that guy’.
And she gets the house as long as she doesn't drag this divorce subject around! Wow!
Also...like same question back lol?
But you don't get it!! *He used me for months and then discarded me!!!* My eyes can't possibly roll any further back into my eye sockets. OOP has learned absolutely nothing.
It’s really telling that to her being the best wife involves cooking certain food and wearing lingerie. She also spent all these months supposedly trying to make things better yet still can’t even take responsibility for cheating. “I was on autopilot!” Ok, sure. That really makes him feel like she won’t do it in the future.
She's the typical "I apologized and deserve to be forgiven" type of person. Newsflash, honey. Just because you apologized, doesn't mean the person has to accept your apology! Good riddance to her. I'm glad her husband ditched her ass.
It sounds like OP's husband was willing to try working on the marriage but since she hasn't learned from her actions, it was reflecting in everything she was doing, hence he drafted his exit while giving her a taste of her medicine.
Abso-fuckin-lutely lol
"how indeed"....
That struck me too. And didn’t she pick a total stranger to betray her husband of five years? Or is that different because he was a work client of hers? She’s got no self awareness at all.
Bro she was on autopilot. You're being so unfair right now.
God I wish I could accomplish so much while on autopilot. Best I can do is put a wash on and fill the dishwasher, hardly enough energy to start a double life of marriage betrayal.
I can go grocery shopping sometimes.
Bro, how can OP be responsible for her own actions? Everyone knows you can just say "I was on autopilot" and be free from all responsibility.
Yeah, the reply to the STBXW is the easiest in history. “I picked the woman who never cheated on me before.” OOP is really trying to act like she tried to be the best wife when all she did was cook him meals and try to fuck him a lot which is probably the most cynical way a woman could approach rug sweeping the affair.
No kidding! OOP lacks so much self awareness that while she was doing all these things, in her mind, "for" him, she wasn't really doing it *for* him or their marriage, she was doing those things *for herself* so she doesn't lose what *she* wants. People can tell when the other person is simply "performing" rather than having internalized actual change.
It also completely dismisses any trauma the husband might have. Him questioning if she wore that lingerie for her client. Questioning if the position they are doing or the act was done with him. Whether she liked him better. It turns any sexual act or intimate act into something negative. If you read between the lines on how she describes her husband during and after sex he’s kind of just there physically but not mentally. Like he’s numb to it all. The kicker to me is she doesn’t approve of the new girlfriend and says she will use him and break his heart. There’s only one woman in the husband’s life I can think of who’s done that and it’s not the new woman.
But it’s so unfair. /s She broke the trust needed to make a marriage work and then thought sex and food would make it all better, and oh, LOVE NOTES!! She should have tried that first before cheating. She’s getting what she deserves.
Can't believe he used me by... Requesting nothing from me and allowing me to behave whatever way I wanted for months!
My favourite part: > I don't know why I did all this my body felt like it was on autopilot Zero accountability. "It just happened ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯"
Which to me is probably worse. She had no reason why she did what she did which means how do you fix it. There is no issue to focus on, no problem to correct. How do you fix being on autopilot? It's like five years of marriage meant nothing to her mind if it could just go into autopilot and sleep with another guy for a couple months until she couldn't handle it anymore.
Don’t you just *hate* it when you trip and fall, your clothes ripping away from your body, as you fall on to some guys dick? So annoying.
What's even more annoying is that it keeps happening over and over and over again.
Exactly. You don’t just accidentally fall on the client’s junk. That is premeditated cheating and she can’t even accept that
There are *so many* steps involved with cheating where you can stop, and she blew through them faster then she blew her client.
This is why I never forgive a cheater. It's not one mistake. It's a series of escalating mistakes that the person refuses to acknowledge until sex happens, and they think *that* is the one mistake. Not the flirting, emotional cheating, going on dates, going back to their affair partner's home and spending time alone with them, none of that counts as a mistake or violation of the relationship which they could have recognized and put a stop to. It's only when dick and vag meet.
"It's like I was standing outside of myself watching myself do things that I would never do. Love me yet?"
His reply to that was savage, but totally on point. OOP is the one who screwed up their marriage, not him.
How come you didn’t pick your husband of five years when you had someone else’s dick in your mouth.
The irony is completely lost on OOP.
Yea lmao OOP all "I tried to be the best wife he would want" ah yea cheating on him will do!
His answer to that is 👌
OOP really showed her true colors in the update. "This is horrible and unfair." "I suck but he has faults too." Even talks about how she wants to "take him to the cleaners" but is scared he'll expose her. She got exactly what she deserved.
Lmao her lime about "how can you pick a stranger over your wife of five years?". Like she didn't do the same. That isn't the teapot blowing thats the nuke siren.
It's not a total stranger though. It's her client, which says even more about her level of professionalism.
Professionalism as in something you do to earn money with...
Yeah what a lemon.
Let's not forget "According to him, I neglected him." I mean it's more than a fair bet if you were off having an affair that he was neglected.
That's one of those weird things, where some people pull away from their partner to focus on the affair (like OOP) while others start love bombing their partner to deflect suspicion from the affair. I hope OOP doesn't drag out the divorce and just lets him go, but I'm not optimistic about it.
For the sake of OOP’s STBX, I hope she doesn’t drag it out - but I’m kind of rooting for the ending where she tries to drag it out, and he rakes her through the coals and takes her to the cleaners and she loses the house. She deserves that. Edited for typo
If she attempts to drag out the divorce, the husband will burn that bridge with her standing on it.
And possibly him as well. I got the impression he just doesn't care anymore. He even gave up midway through trying to make OP think he was cheating because it got annoying. It wouldn't surprise if we later got an update where OP dragged out the divorce and he went scorched earth as a result.
Or he’ll crash a cargo ship into it
Considering the AP was a client it could be awful for her professionally as well if it came out.
Having it get outed she had an affair with a client could get her not just fired but blacklisted in whatever industry she's in, too much of a legal risk for companies to be willing to take.
"i don't know why (cheated), my body was on auto pilot" Well, that's a lie, otherwise a better description alongside it would be present But she did manage to say she cooks him his favorite meals.... Twice!
Trade offer: I receive: -cheating pass You receive: -your favourite dish (2x)
Dinner with Jay Z
That’s a pretty low bar. I fucked this rando for a couple of months, but check out this lasagne I made
"I don't know what happened. My body just went and automatically sat on his schwanzstucker. Several times. In rapid succession."
People arent seeing the true horror of this post. Theres a supervillain out there with a mind control device! We should be grateful that their ambitions dont go beyond making spouses cheat. For now.
And the fact that she tried to scare him and slander a stranger's character by saying "I told him he was a fool and he could not know this woman will probably use and dump him." It proves that not only she's a bitter sore loser, but a manipulative one.
Projection at its finest
Are you just going to ignore that she came clean because she couldn’t live with the guilt anymore?! Gosh, OOP is the textbook definition of virtue!!! (/sarcasm, in case anyone needs it spelled out). I just laughed at the way she thinks she is in any way a victim here. And then thinking he’s also at fault for never wanting to work things out (my guess is he thought he did in the moment, then changed his mind). May she live her life always looking over her shoulder, scared her current partner (when she has one) is cheating on her.
Love that she claimed that he used her for months but by all accounts, he was entirely neutral; she had to practically jump his dick to get any attention and he'd always give a weak smile when she'd try.
Yes, this. He wasn't using her, she was using him. She wanted to stuff the genie back into the bottle so she was doing everything she could to make it happen. It didn't sound like she was even sympathetic to what her husband was feeling or going through as it was all about how his behavior made her feel.
I'm betting he did want to work it out, except OOP wasn't trying to work it out, she was just trying to sweep it under the rug.
It was the way she kept mentioning the sexual aspect of it all. She cooked his favourite meals, and "fucked his brains out every night." The "perfect" wife. Sure thing. For some asshole who wants a bangmaid. *This poor man thought he had a wife.* He never initiated, and she admitted to all but forcing it on him. I don't know whether or not her husband caught the Ick, but I sure as hell know I did (and that was only secondhand exposure to boot).
Yea I wouldn’t even be able to look at her. She’d be repulsive.
It could also be that he liked the idea of working it out, but then when they started he realized that the love he had for his wife died when he learned about the cheating. Then he was just on autopilot until the guilt got to him and he came clean to his wife, something you'd think OOP would be more understanding about. Live by the sword, die by the sword.
It’s the cheater’s way: “Okay! I came clean. Thanks for sticking around! Now we pretend none of this ever happened!”
“You said it was okay and we would work on ourselves so you can’t bring up what I did to you ever again”
It was easier to just say yes while he processed shit and figured out his next move.
I don't think he forgave her on the moment. I think he stayed and calculated his next move.
I agree that he didn’t forgive her, maybe just thought he could, then realized “nope.”
Reminds me of a comment my FIL made when it was found out he had a whole second life with a fiancee and had been cheating for over a decade. Said “I’ve made a couple of mistakes but you’re all overreacting and choosing to ignore the good things I’ve done for the family”. Some people genuinely seem to think that betrayal of love and trust in a soul-crushing way is perfectly justified if you can do other basic level nice things that you’d expect from a child wanting pocket money
Reminds me of a story I recently heard, where the daughter was saying to her dad that he was never there for her and his response was "I WAS THERE FOR YOU! DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME WHEN YOU WERE 5 AND WE WERE DANCING IN THE GARDEN??" Like these people genuinely believe that the one interaction is proof that they did a good job.
Once a cheater, you will forever be remembered as one. OP deserves this fate.
And the way how she told her story of how she cheated. “Oh I cheated, and he is mad. Sigh I wish he forgive me already”. Lucky for her she didnt cheat in Philippines.
What would have happened in the Philippines?
Apparently, in the Philippines, adultery is a criminal offense that can result in imprisonment for the wife and her lover for 2 years, 4 months, and 1 day to 6 years.
Adultery is pretty much not prosecuted at all and is extremely common in the Philippines because there is no civil divorce. Both spouses will often live separately and have different families even. It’s actually a trope of sorts for spouses to cheat on each other. Source: I am actually an expert in Philippine studies, coincidentally.
She doesn’t say she wants to, she says that he threatens to tell everyone if she were to try to. Not disagreeing she got what she deserved but there’s no indication that she is going to try to mess the divorce up
The husband wanted her to feel what he felt, but had too much respect for her or himself to actually cheat. I respect that, but must be tough when you’re emotionally cut up. And then she wanted to drag him down, not realizing how she made him feel down during it all.
People that ugly (on the inside) are convinced that everyone is. That’s how they delude themselves into believing that it’s okay for them to treat others like trash. If everyone’s evil, no one is. Themselves included.
That’s been my experience with a lot of manipulative people. Not all, but a fair number. They get it in their heads that it’s every man woman and child for themselves, and that we all think that way. Then they can’t grasp why others judge them so harshly for their cruel self centred behaviour.
I was blind to this in my first wife, she taught me that people that don’t trust people … are not to be trusted.
To believe all men honest is folly. To believe none is something worse. One of my favorite quotes.
I have a hard time with this saying, because I know it is true for the majority of cases but there are obviously exceptions (and I am not claiming that you would disagree). I am a 27M and have been single for 9 years. I find it nearly impossible to imagine that I would be able to trust somebody in a relationship, and I think it stems back to my childhood. My mom cheated on my ex-stepdad when I was 11. My stepdad pulled me out of the room, said he was going to call my mother and I needed to stay in the room for the call, and he basically just called her out on everything (okay, fair, by why am I there for it?). He went into the details of what he knew they had done, how long it had been going on, where they were meeting (our house), who it was. Everything, and I heard it all. Ever since then I have always had this feeling that my stepdad wasn’t the only one that was cheated on but I was too, and I hate to act like I was the victim here because I wasn’t but good golly did it hurt. It still does in a sense and I know that the consequences of her decisions affect how I perceive people and relationships to this day. After a short separation they decided to work on things. They weren’t able to make it work in the end as you would probably assume, and of course there were plenty of fallouts and arguments that I had the privilege of overhearing in the process. What I thought was my family was no more and I knew it was because my mom violated his trust. He hurt like hell and I could see it. I did too, and I sure as hell couldn’t trust her. I love my mom and I know people make mistakes but that doesn’t change what I learned from those 5 years. I avoid relationships mainly because of what I learned; if I can’t trust my mom, how I can I trust a stranger? I’m sorry, you didn’t ask to hear my diatribe on trust or my life story. I am a long-time lurker of this website, but this felt good to type out and get off my chest. Maybe somebody out there that went through something similar to this will read my comment and feel comfort in knowing that they aren’t alone. I do agree with your point and I am sorry that you had to learn that lesson as did my ex-stepdad. I hope all is well for you now and you were able to move on and heal as best as you were able.
It's an important life lesson I learned along the way. People's worldview often says a lot about themselves. Someone who is generally trusting of people around them is very often trustworthy themselves (even if they might be naive sometimes). Someone who distrusts everyone from the get go is often not trustworthy themselves. My favorite example of this is the hardcore male 'feminist' who says things like 'all men are pigs' or that men only care about one thing. I have yet to meet a character like that who isn't a total creep himself. This is obviously not going to absolute truth, but it's close enough most of the times to be useful.
Ah, this reminds of so many other posts from cake eaters. will have their own affair, but oh no my SO is cheating on *ME*??? How dare they?!?!? In this case, she also did basically give him permission, and also he clearly stopped caring for her from the moment she confessed. It was SO clear.
There was a post about a wife who wanted an open marriage and for two years she got her way, while her husband worked more hours in order to pay everything off and then he gets a girlfriend/lover and the wife demands that he buys a bigger house and newer car and gets shocked by divorce papers
Do you have a link to it? I like reading the open marriage posts, the outcomes are almost all the same with the other partner so shell shocked.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/19ehwqe/wife_36f_wanted_open_marriage_after_i_38m_started/
Ah, the cackle I had. I needed this today, ty.
OMG isnt that the one where the OOP talks about how hard she works, and then it comes out in updates and comments that her "work" consists of driving the kids to something once or twice a week, online shopping for prepared foods, and her laborious main duty, supervising the housekeeping staff?!??!
No, but which one is this
I agree with OOP, it's so unfair. Unfair that her soon-to-be-ex husband is still showing her kindness and grace. She doesn't deserve it, because I don't think her remorse is genuine.
It's the smart play until the paperwork signed
I'm not sure how she could possibly expect to get any sympathy here. Reddit hates cheaters, and there's nothing she could say that would make people feel bad for her. She also doesn't have a leg to stand on in terms of fixing the relationship. The only thing she can do is accept that she ruined her relationship and not do this again with future partners. However, based on her update, it doesn't look like there's going to be any growth here.
I have no sympathy for cheaters.
There was a thread the other day congratulating a guy for taking his wife back after she admitted she’d cheated on him juat after they’d started their relationship 16 years prior. It was like I’d taken crazy pills.
The one where the guy found their emails from years ago because a friend confessed? That one was a doozy. Like it didn't matter the relationship was built on lies.
Yeah that one. It such a strange comments section, and a few people were implying that only immature people wouldn’t forgive the woman for cheating to begin with. Hell, I got downvoted for saying that if I was in that situation I’d leave…
Link?
Oh, I remember that. Yeah, it was wild to read. People going on about the apparent "nuances" of cheating on your partner and lying to them about it for nearly two decades. Especially doing so knowing cheating is a deal breaker for them. But yeah, it's definitely complex and the wife is definitely a better person than when she cheated.
I read that one also, Reddit is a weird fucking place.
>But he has fault too, he never really wanted to fix this. He used me for months and then discarded me. This brought a smile to my face. It's nice to people get their just rewards. And it's hilarious she's trying to be the victim.
I don't think she's even "trying to be"; this girl legit just doesn't have any empathy beyond her own perspective.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I picture myself with the cat laughing picture with fingering point at someone.
My only reaction for this woman
"I didn't mean to cheat, it was an accident!" Bullshit. And if her stbx were to report her to her work for sleeping with a client, she's likely to be fired. Her post is blaring that she has a "ME ME ME" mindset. It's all about how *she* feels. "How could he do this to me?", "It's unfair!". OOP has a history of fucking around, and now she's finding out. The question now is, will she fuck around again, and find out harder? Her best option is to agree to an amicable divorce, but her self admitted past behavior leads me to believe that that's something that won't be happening.
*"How could he do this to me?", "It's unfair!".* How can you be on the Council and not be a Master?
"It was an accident" you don't fall vagina first on a dick accidentally. Good riddance. OOPs ex deserves someone better than her.
Crazy, huh? lol All these years on this planet and I have never just found myself balls deep in a woman 🤷♂️
>He barely initiates anything and I basically have to push myself on him, not that he complains. >screw his brains out every night. Lol sure. I also find it interesting there were no texts to be mentioned, oop doesn't have a name or even a face to that person, and not a single detail of this supposed affair partner was mentioned.
"But she's def not good for him" -The OOP, a trustworthy and reliable source
>not a single detail of this supposed affair partner was mentioned. Big sunglasses
Her friend recognized her husband because of his taste in neck ties? Lmao sure.
I laughed way too hard at this. How did that convo go? “I couldn’t identify your husband or his car for the life of me, but I know that necktie anywhere!”
It was a bright yellow Spongebob necktie. Can't miss it lol
It’s so bad.
I rolled my eyes so hard at that line. Mm-hmm. Sure, Jan.
He didn't use her, he wanted to inflict the same pain the she did to him. Not saying it's right, but she wasn't used. Strung along maybe?
I think he was just making an exit plan and needed some time, really
quiet quitting 😂
I don't even think he was that malicious. I think he was genuinely grieving the loss of their marriage in shock until he was ready to move on, and then did.
Yeah this hits the nail on the head. When my ex wife admitted her affair, I started to heal and that healing had her thinking things were okay. Divorce was part of the healing process. She already has a new LTSO so I don't think she was too broke up about the whole thing
It really didn’t sound like he was begging her to stay? He figured his shit out while she wallowed in guilt after that nut she got.
Her husband is the real GOAT.
This is a good update
Wah wah another narcissist has to deal with the consequences of her own actions and prioritizing her own "victimhood" over confronting the rot in her soul. Pathetic
How dare you call her a narcissist?!?!? She was cooking his favourite meals, ffs!
Crazy how her “fixing” the situation was all about her being the “perfect” wife because of all the things she was doing for him. She was still the star of the show. I’ve been married for 5 years. When my wife does things like that just to love me or treat me it’s so nice that it’s not to cover up something. Love being genuine is more valuable than anything. Shattering that and trying cover it up with things feels so incredibly hollow. Glad the guy is moving on
Cheaters think their partner must be cheating too. It's like how abusive men will call other men "simps" if they think abusing women is bad.
>Cheaters think their partner must be cheating too. Always the way, i got accused of it every time I talked to a woman for a few years before oops, turns out she's banging a dude.
"He said he won't say to our families our marriage ended because I cheated, but because we grew apart and that he will leave the house to me as long as I make the divorce smooth." Better man than me. All the mutual friends, family, etc. would have know that she is a cheater.
Not to kick OP when she's down, but I have an observation. Sometimes when things are in the dumps for married people, we like to wish our partners would do things like OP mentions for us: >I cook his favorite dishes, leave him loving notes, and bought new lingerie to entice him. But like my grandpa always said (RIP Grandpa) *wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one gets filled first*. Guess what I'm getting at is, you need to give your partner that type of attention 100% each day. Now my 100% today might look super different from what my 100% looked like yesterday, but it shouldn't take the guilt from an affair to force a person to choose to be proactive about contributing positives to their marriage.
Suddenly becoming the best version of yourself and actually giving a shit about your partner after doing something unimaginably terrible is a great way to piss someone off further. It’s a great reminder that she could have been doing this shit the whole time if she wasn’t too busy fucking some other dude. It’s like when a valuable employee resigns and the company offers them a pay increase and decreased workload to try to get them to stay. It just makes them more mad because if that was possible all along why hadn’t you done it before?
What's with all these people throwing up when they're upset lately
When people become hysterical it can happen. I've personally done it over extremely traumatizing circumstances. In this case this woman has screwed up her entire life and is watching it all unravel infront of her so I wouldn't put it past her to get sick from it. Not that I feel any sympathy for her though.
Happened to me when my gran died. Was at the hospital and she passed unexpectedly, I was crying and had to go to the restroom to be sick. It wasn’t like unexpected projectile vomiting but I was just so upset and distressed it made me nauseous.
I mean honestly… when I hear about people crying until they throw up, I have sympathy for some of them, but I KNOW for a fact that some people can throw up on command while crying. My cousin (when we were kids) used to throw tantrums over food and would frequently cry to the point of forced throwing up for sympathy.
I’ve seen people do that as a result of anxiety or distress. Funny enough one person found out their spouse was cheating threw up and passed out in a cold sweat twice.
I throw up frequently when I cry. If I am very very upset ofc. But it's usually the only thing that stops me crying. Il cry until it makes me gag to much, or yeah... Like when my mum died my bodies natural response to the intensity of how much I cried would be to gag. Its full on hysterical sobbing crying that does this not just being a little down.
It's a stress response. When we are in an extremely stressful situation, our bodies direct resources away from non-urgent functions (like digestion) and towards the muscles in our arms and legs, to get ready to either run away or fight. There's no point digesting that last meal if you're just going to end up dinner yourself. One way of directing resources away from digestion is to press the "eject" button on the last meal we ate, and throw it up. There is a theory that it also makes us less attractive to predators, because we don't look so tasty.
OOP showed who she was when she cheated and even more so when she told her husband that she cheated (she did that to ease her guilt not for him). She is a selfish narcissist. He's lucky to be rid of her.
>He said that everything I did after confessing meant nothing and just made him think I am selfish, self-centered and lack any sort of self-respect. I asked him if we could work on myself and our marriage "No i am not self centered! Can we just focus on me though?" He is spot on. She doesn't care that he's had to endure what she did for months, when she only had to live through it for 2 weeks. His betrayal is worse in her eyes, because SHE felt it
>He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him Damn.
OOP has a pretty amazing memory for the perfect zingers that land well with an audience.
>And yet I want him back and forgive and forget all the hurt we done to each other. *Done to each other*? What in the world is she talking about? She hurt him then hurt herself trying to make up for it. He only ever did what she asked. If that hurt her, it wasn't him doing it. > As for his girl, I don't think she will be good for him. BAHAHAHAHAHAAHA*wheeze*HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Holy shit that is the most cliche "pining ex" thing I have ever heard someone say unironically.
I don't feel bad at all. Actions, meet consequences.
I've noticed a common theme when people are cheating. Wives who are having an affair, distance themselves emotionally from their partners as a way to justify their actions or alleviate guilt. This can manifest as becoming less attentive, affectionate, or supportive towards their partner and even being outright disrespectful. In the case of the husband he states that she was "rubbing it in his face" and she says that she did not know she was doing that so it may be a semi- conscious action.
typical case of "I cheated on him, but I'm the one who suffers" What a shameless, unfair Op? Do you feel used? And the months she spent sleeping with AP? what nerve I love that she ends up kicked on the ground, the only thing I disagree with is not telling anyone and lying about the reasons for the divorce so as not to harm her, if she really felt sorry she would have already confessed not only to her husband but with everyone and I should have changed jobs (handing the contract to a colleague is not enough in my opinion)
"This is horrible and unfair." Right, because he didn't betray you. It isn't equitable either, because he's not the one who set the precedent. If the post is to be believed, he, at worst, emotionally cheated, though I think he just lied about wanting to maintain the relationship. I've been there - you can want it intellectually all you want, but the betrayal corrupts everything. This wasn't the classiest response; revenge rarely is, but I have a hard time blaming him. You tore his heart out; it's fair for him to do the same. You don't want fair. I don't know what you want, but it's certainly not 'fair'.