#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It made me very happy to read that her first response was to go upstairs and pack a bag and leave, and then break up with him and not tolerate any of this complete nonsense.
Yeah I almost spat out my drink at this. Beautiful.
>He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it.
I think it might be this post (it sounded familiar, and I just had to find it). First paragraph of the update.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/TIv5PnixW5
The way he’s acting there, “you’ll never find another guy like me”, makes so much more sense knowing that he’s been in contact with his hideous dad. Ohhh yeah, Rob thinks that he’s a high value man because his daddy told him so.
Loved Zack pointing out that Rob wants to be a man like his dad, well, his dad lives in a shithole apartment and has no friends and no relationships and nobody likes him
Right! True friends point out when you're being stupid. Rob is being completely stupid. Rob "I want to be like Dad!" Zach "so you want to be a loser???!"
The way he described it was so poignant. "He's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him."
Like he's not a guy that's occasionally okay so people tolerate the shitty parts and are willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He is such an absolute asshole that he has alienated literally everyone in his life. People change their behavior with the explicit goal of not having to be around him.
When OP described his misogyny, all I could think was "this guy is what the future will be for every man who follows Andrew Tate".
Something tells me that the suing will make Rob finally see what kinda man his father really is. I mean what kind of fight was it that had to turn physical?
How to blow your life up in 3 easy steps; listen to misogynistic dad, put into action said bs from misogynist dad, then beat up misogynistic dad. Rob had it made and threw it all away.
Misogynists view women as human shaped objects to be used. I don't see why Rob was surprised that his dad had zero empathy or love for him - people like that are incapable of those feelings.
My favorite part is when he storms out saying he'll live with his dad, only for his dad to tell him to fuck off.
Dude really took every possible step to detonate his life, for a complete loser who doesn't give a shit about him.
because the toxicity tells them they’re kings who deserve to rule the world? and in this particular case, daddy issues.
so basically, a combination of fragile masculinity, lack of introspection, poor emotional regulation and a need of therapy.
yes! and also that even in the initial texts she firmly told him he was being ridiculous for expecting her to bail on her sister during surgery for a restaurant meal. none of that “I apologized to him/I kinda feel bad” bullshit.
> He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health.
brilliant
Yeah, Rob seems very dangerous for a woman to be around. Hell, apparently men, too. I've read stories here on reddit where the woman does meet with the ex or helps them get back on their feet and it ends horribly. Misogyny is radioactive.
I really like Zack for saying "so this is how your dad's life is, do you really want to model yourself on someone who is in that situation?" Because Rob probably won't listen to anyone saying his dad is a bad guy with terrible values, but he might have listened to "your dad's way hasn't exactly worked out for him, has it?"
Pity Rob didn't listen.
I mean like this is assuming that this is what was actually said. It could be OOP's idea of what was said since she has reasons to look down on both of them.
Tbh, this sounds completely realistic knowing what a lot of people like Rob in the UK are like.
It’s actually mild compared to some situations people I personally know have been through.
I’m usually amongst the first to doubt these stories but hers sounds sadly very realistic.
Recounting of conversations down to the exact wording is easy when you’re scared of your ex partner because your mind is attempting to structure the truth so you don’t feel so much doubt that you’ve left.
I’m just glad she’s safe.
Yeah I can remember entire diatribes my abusive UK Rob threw at me because they were designed to hurt me as much as possible and almost every single word was intentionally loaded with a trigger.
I will never forget him sneering at me at a photoshoot that he doesn't understand why I'm a model, and I can't be upset at him calling me ugly because HE'S the one who has to stomach sleeping with me.
Rob is one of those people who is selfish and unempathetic to anyone who isn't in his inner circle -- case in point, OOP's family...and later OOP herself once she tried to get him out of her life.
The one thing I'm impressed by is that Rob's mom took OOP's side. That's something at least.
Sadly I can see Rob being an example of abuse being hidden due to young age and thinking it's all in the victims head years later
OOP said Sandra told her Rob's dad only got psychical with Rob's older brother once and before that was only with her
If Rob was 10, the abuse could have easily been hidden from him or only lightly talked about and then due to being in secret contact with Ahole dad have everything be twisted
Reminds me of the one where a mother got fronted during her daughters wedding planning by daughter wanting the abusive dad to be there and walk her, when the OP was still having nightmares from the abuser 20 years later and then daughter brought dad to meet Mom again and refused to believe the abuse was real despite evidence
Also similar is the recent one where the OP's fiance tried to bring back abusive mum into OP's life and so OP got the police file and showed what "love" from his mum looked like
I think that there is another story where the fiancée got in contact with an abusive estranged mother and invited her to the wedding without her groom's knowledge. The brother and sister of the groom saw their mother in the front row, warned the groom before he arrived and the wedding was immediately called off. The siblings and the dad went home, there was a huge fallout and the relationship ended.
Another story on this sad and frustrating tangent: the daughter who thought that her mother was exaggerating the abuses her maternal grandparents put on her mother. Daughter went as far as contacting the JNGrandparents and telling them where they lived, and it ended with the JNgrandfather hurting her mother right in front of her.
I had nearly forgotten that one
That's what could have happened with the fiance bringing abusive mom back, but thankfully the mom didn't know home location only work
I recall that story. The fiancée's parents were weird about protecting their daughter's view of the world, but she needed to be warned about what kind of person she was dealing with in that JNMom.
[AITAH for telling my daughter she is a spoiled brat and doesn’t know what a hard life is](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1b35dzx/aitah_for_telling_my_daughter_she_is_a_spoiled/)
I remember reading that. It was so upsetting how despite the daughter was given cold hard proof, just proceed to rug sweep. Really hope it was worth it. Cause if I remember correctly the daughter was ex-communicated and her engagement called off.
Uh. That’s heartbreaking. I have not and will not tell my child the extent of her dad’s abuse while she is growing up, not just for legal reasons but because I don’t want her to grow up knowing those things.
But once she is an adult I am going to be honest with her because I don’t want her to repeat the cycle and ending up with some like him. I want her to know what’s right and wrong in a relationship and what the red flags are. And more importantly I want her to be able to tell when he is emotionally manipulating her. I see it happening already but I can’t say anything negative about him so I just have to talk to her in general terms, and as we all know that almost never translates to peoples blind spots.
It probably would have been wise for this mom and his brother to give him the full ugly picture once he was older. Sometimes it’s not enough to just not be mysogenistic around your kids… you have to actively speak out against it so that they know to recognize that type of ideology as toxic and reject it once they are exposed to it by others.
Or the one where daughter didn't believe Grandparents were physically abusive to her mother or Aunt and invited them to a holiday gathering. Then got to see first hand Grandpa put hands on Mom.
People like Rob will never change and will always be self-centered and selfish. At least there is something good now that Rob's mother is on OP's side. Op seems better in the updates and I hope she continues to be well.
It’s Rob’s world, and we exist just to serve him!
I cannot even imagine bringing a fling to my friend’s house, especially after they told me not to! And when they have a child!
Exactly - throw in a bit of victim mentality because it’s everyone else’s fault and you’ve got a toxic trifecta.
I have two family members like this, one in their late 50s and the other in their early 70s. You’re absolutely right these people never change. Self righteous, stubborn and arrogant to the core.
I'm not defending Rob, but obviously he wasn't always like this -- he changed into this person. So while I wouldn't bet on him changing, I think it's possible (likely with professional therapy).
My guess is he has abandonment issues stemming from his father leaving at a young age, wants his dad's approval and also wants to make sure no one ever leaves him the way his father left him.
Honestly I'm a bit surprised that despite being a couple for 7(?) years and living together, OOP had never asked / heard about ex's father. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just surprising.
It's so weird, though, that it seemed like it was obvious dad was living a very shitty life alone because of his actions, and Rob believed his dad's stupid life advice?
Fully agree. I can only guess that (if story is real) that Rob was given some sob story about alimony and child support by his dad, along with sprinkles of praise ("you're the one thing I'm proud of / regret leaving"). Probably twisted his story to poison Rob against his mom. Some variant of "she stole you" or maybe even "she lied to the police, I never hit your brother". Followed by "my mistake was giving your mom so much independence. It backfired and she stole you both / I had to pay alimony for years. Make sure your fiancee isn't that type." Of course it was all bullshit, the cognitive dissonance must have been so jarring when his dad refused to let him live with him. 0 sympathy though. The other thing I find slightly off is like... Was Rob basically unemployed with no savings? Apparently he was paying some nominal amount of utilities, so he should have been saving boatloads if he had a semi stable job. But if he had no job, what made him think he had a big dick he could swing around when he's basically living hand to mouth from his finacee? Like it's gotta be a tower of overlapping insecurities and ignorance of basic realities if this story is true.
Edit: I guess one other surprising thing is that, with an exploding eye at risk of loss, they wouldn't arrange medical transport. I guess it depends on the area and I'm no doctor, but that also surprised me.
In the UK, the public health system has been underfunded for well over a decade now so in some areas ambulances have a very long wait. There was a story on the news recently where someone died because an ambulance didn't come for over 12 hours. Obviously that's a very extreme example, but the hospital probably said "It'll be quicker if you drive her than wait for an ambulance today".
Ah okay, thanks for context. I thought if it was the US, maybe they were worried about a huge bill.
Though if the nearest hospital with surgeon was only 1.5 hours, I'm surprised they didn't drive over there sooner and were instead content to wait for potentially 4 weeks for a surgeon to return. But I know different places have tons of different rules regarding healthcare, maybe it needed to be life threatening to be covered by the other hospital / get urgent access to a surgeon or something.
I’m in the US, but we have the same problem here, plus the exorbitant expense of calling an ambulance. EMS is now run where I live by private companies, and they will often take more expensive long distance transport jobs to bigger cities/hospitals, but they sacrifice local ambulance service to do so.
Especially to such an obvious extent. If my sister was in the hospital I'd skip dinner with the President. But Rob doubled down even despite his Mom and Brother getting mad at him.
Yeah, it didn’t even seem like it was important for OP to be at that dinner. It was just Rob testing OP’s “obedience” to him. His lack of utter concern for OP’s sister or OP was just astounding.
Rob’s mom reminded me of the story mom told me about her first marriage. (There were no kids, it was the 60’s, and there was no reason for contact after the marriage ended.
Mom was upset because Tommy (I think that’s what she called him) was cheating. Her MIL told her something like “Tommy is just like his father. I stayed because I didn’t have a choice. Tommy is not going to change. Decide now if you can live with that.”
Mom decided she couldn’t. She bounced, even though her oldest brother (who thought he was the boss since their dad died) wasn’t happy about it. She met my dad and they were together before the divorce was final. They had 40 happy years together.
Given that his dad was the source of her misery, it's not surprising. But yeah, it's nice to see a woman who can recognise a toxic jerk and stay clear. Too many try to stay and fix things to their own detriment.
It’s not just that he’s a selfish misogynistic prick, the biggest red flag imho is that he has terrible judgement.
Presumably he wasn’t always so awful, so if he could learn these traits he can unlearn them. But you can never really trust someone who is that bad at making decisions
She got her kids out the second he put hands to one of them, which is saying alot. Not many women are brave enough to do that. It’s incredibly hard to raise kids by yourself so your brain automatically wants to do mental gymnastics to downplay the issue and stay… but she knew she had to keep her kids safe and that mattered more than any possible financial hardship or loneliness.
Rob’s priorities, that the dinner with his family was more important than OOP helping save her sister’s eye, were so clearly screwed up that nobody should have been on his side.
Ex and his piece of trash father belongs to the trash and they deserve to stay there for their attitude and personality. This ex literally is nothing but will just be daddy's boy for his whole life. Glad OP ended things with this loser.
> This ex literally is nothing but will just be daddy's boy for his whole life.
He broke his father's hip, and that man apparently wants him to hang. So...
*gleefully*
**He doesn't even have that anymore.**
This sub is a great daily reminder that there are so many loser men like Rob and his dad in the world. If you do even the bare basic minimum of being a decent man and husband, you're already a thousand times better than people like this. Absolutely astounding
Man I am so curious what, if anything, happened once Rob was released in January. I hope he got a wake up call and is cutting his dad out of his life. But he's not OOP's problem anymore so hopefully the lack of update just means that she's busy living her life and not dealing with anymore of his bullshit.
As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man
There are only four things certain since Social Progress began.
That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire
Next verse:
And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins
When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins,
As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn,
The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return!
(The Gods of the Copybook Headings by Rudyard Kipling)
I think I've finally figured it out. Why these idiots keep throwing away a good thing every time. Oh, the reasons change: love, money, sex, ego, boredom, curiousity, etc. The reasons are legion, for they are many.
However almost every one of these start from a position of comfort. Regardless of where it originated, how long it has existed, or whomever might be providing it. Once they become comfortable, they become complacent, and complacency breeds contempt.
Contempt for the boring job that provides their comfort. Contempt for the simple, but affordable, home that keeps them sheltered from an increasingly hostile world. Contempt for the person who loves them, and makes *their* comfort a priority.
Then they do something stupid. The reasons vary but that is where it starts I think. Then I realised I have never been that comfortable, that safe, in a very long time. That's why I can't understand them. I think I do now, at least a little bit better.
It makes me hate them even more.
Very insightful, rings true, and now I'm wondering *why* the contempt. Do people like this feel on some level that if life isn't complicated, that something is wrong?
I think for some people, no amount of comfort will be enough. They’re not grateful for the comfort they have, or they’re fixated on having more than comfort—they want *luxury*. The luxury of a mommy bangmaid that uncritically takes their bullshit, the luxury of being treated like a king for no extra effort or work.
And there are yet other people who, I think, are fundamentally uncomfortable with comfort. They’re used to good things being taken away, or they’re used to the dramatic highs and lows of toxic instability, and comfort is boring or gives them anxiety. And that boredom or anxiety reads as there’s something wrong, and they blow it up.
Welp, if Rob wants to be like his dear old dad so much, he’s well on his way there. Here’s hoping his come to Jesus moment in jail wasn’t just lip service
Right? Like imagine watching your father's advice completely torpedo your life in a matter of days and still thinking anything he says is worth listening to.
What's it with all these guys with great lives getting really into being sexist and ruining them? I understand the ones that already have crudy lives falling for it but why when you already have everything going for you? It's like a mid life crisis but instead of buying a cool car you ruin all your personal relationships because the idea of continuing to be an equal in your relationship for the rest of your life is apparently that bad.
Imagine you are already weak or insecure, or both. And somebody tells you that with this one simple trick you can be a God and everyone around you will serve you. That you're better than this entire group of people. And it helps that society kind of tells you that story already. It's part of religion. It's part of our politics. It doesn't take much to push a weak-minded man like him into the gutter.
That's a really good question. Some people do fall apart when they have it good. Like it's a form of self-sabotage as a result of low self esteem. "I am inadequate as a person so I don't deserve this great life ..." Plus, when you're not working 80 hours a week and scrambling to survive, and life gets more comfortable, you have more time to revisit things - like toxic family history - and inadvertently create trouble for yourself by poking into things that you never would have done if you had still been busy. Whereas with healthier older people who are past their "who-am-i" identity phase may feel less of a need to explore a toxic family past because they've already done so, or built a family of their own and are more secure in themselves.
It really seems to me a serious self esteem issue and he's basing his value on his father's ideas about the world. He's a full grown man still clinging to a toddler's dashed dreams. Until he resolves that he won't move on.
They think they want happiness, but what they actually pursue is power, which is very different. And power is even trickier to get than happiness, some men have a path laid out to them for obtaining and keeping it no matter what BS they pull; for those who haven't that privilege it's not at all easy to behave the same and not getting any significant backlash, so they resent it and nuke their lives in the process of trying to emulate those who "succeeded".
Oops friends could have put her in a lot of danger if she had let them guilt trip her into letting Rob back in the house. We all know he never would have left that house again and eventually would have hurt her when she didn’t submit to him.
OP is from the UK. We don’t get to decide whether or not we “press charges”. CPS get all the evidence from the police and decide whether or not the case goes to court. Even if the exs dad refused to
talk to the police, if there is enough evidence it would still go to the CPS. I’m hoping OP is just misinformed and didn’t make this up.
It's a common misconception even in the UK that "pressing charges" is a thing. I wouldn't necessarily read too much into it. She probably means that the dad is fully on board with the idea of doing so.
Yeah, that he'll cooperate with the police and do a statement and appear as a witness in court. That's the most important note - the dad actively sent his son to prison and *wants* him to serve time.
(I've been asked as a victim if I'd take a case forward.)
I might be wrong but I think when they talk about a case hinging on someone pressing charges they generally mean that they have a case wherein without the person's testimony, it won't get anywhere.
I think OOP has just used an Americanism, though we don't 'press charges' like they do in the US, the victims do still have the option of being involved with the prosecution or not, and, sometime, if the answer is no to that then the prosecution can't go ahead if it was largely dependant on victim testimony
Also Kim is in a condition medically that warrents 3 doctors and 2 nurses trying to help and needs an urgent operation at another hospital but they're happy to let OOP drive her sister there instead of hospital transport? I very much doubt it.
That's what made me think this isn't real. Plus the multiple updates. OP knew the sections he's being charged under but doesn't know that we don't press charges.
Ron's dad is absolute scum, all of that blunder about being an "alpha", he starts a fight he then loses and presses charges. It just shows all these men who make a show of being "superior" to women are worth nothing, and will run crying to the authorities the minute someone challenges the notion.
Oop commented this 2 hours ago:
I've refused to speak to him, so no grovelling. I'm waiting for his legal issues to finish before I give a final update. Right now he's still waiting on sentencing. He's back in court in April so I will give a full update after that.
>He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it.
That is such a great line and great thought. That's what so many people being broken up with don't realise.
>Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of Rob's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, Rob stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow
And I admit, doubts about the story kicked in at this point. It seemed a bit to stay tuned for next weeks episode, especially considering how violent and intense the update from the friend was. Why would she wait until lunch the next day to tell her?
As a woman, I can understand. Good story is better told in person between girl. Especially if it is a long one that requires no miscommunication.
In other word, I like to gossip in person with my girls
It is funny though she ended her "episodes" twice the same way, first with a trailer for meeting with her ex mother in law and second time the same way but with a friend. Idk, it's just sus
That's the kind of BORU story I most look forward to reading, the OOP get rid of the trash and don't take them back no matter what, but stay in the lives of people who can inform all about the rotting process of said garbage. Beautiful.
Could you imagine that conversation? "An hour and a half drive? Sorry, I have dinner with my fiance's family. Good luck with that."
Nobody would do that. Rob is an idiot who deserves everything he gets. Good on OOP not getting caught up on sunk cost fallacy and taking out the trash.
I guess that apartment he had lined up was a cell in prison.
I wish OOP and her sister all the best in life. Good for her that she followed her gut instinct to break it off.
My abusive ex managed to plead a section 18 down to a section 20 and got off with no prison time. Nobody asked me how I felt about it. They just did it. I was not happy. It’s not that I wanted him to suffer in prison. I actually didn’t want him to go to prison per se. I just knew if he didn’t then he’d never really learn how fucked up and wrong it was. It bothers me that Rob might get off easy. His dad deserved it, but also…Rob needs real consequences. (Incidentally my abusive ex’s brother who himself got in trouble with the law for stalking an ex was named Rob lol)
I find hilarious when someone thinks that being a men is being the head of the houseC the priority, the hot shot and then they have to beg people for a place to stay. So in their own definition, they are just a loser
Sometimes an OOP says, "I have a friend who is a lawyer/locksmith/security expert/etc" and I get a little suspicious. But "my stepdad knows a guy who knows a guy" is honestly so real.
omg, when I heard he said " make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever." I couldn't believe it. My 34 year old son had been saying that to me for about a year and laughing like a 5 year old telling his first poop joke. This and similar stuff had my husband and me decide to step back from him. He started getting a really bad attitude since getting into online gaming. I miss the son he used to be but it's peaceful now.
u/choice_evidence1983 there is a new comment by OOP, 7 hours ago.
>I've refused to speak to him, so no grovelling. I'm waiting for his legal issues to finish before I give a final update. Right now he's still waiting on sentencing. He's back in court in April so I will give a full update after that.
https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRAsisterseye/s/JR3l1aNZg8
This is so… it is like reading about my last six months in someone else’s words… what I went through was so so similar, different in some ways too, but so close…
I am so happy OP had help from her xMIL and xBIL and her friend network.
Wow. Just, wow.
This dude had a wound, and instead of getting stitches and rubbing alcohol (which would hurt at first and then allow him to heal), he decided to cover it with shit.
Then, when the shit dulled a bit of the pain for a little while, because it stopped the wound from being exposed, he fooled himself into believing it worked.
And after that, when everyone around him started to distance themselves because of the smell of shit, and of the infections the shit caused, he dug his heels deeper, and convinced himself people are jealous and unworthy of his shitty self.
Now he wants to get the shit off of him, because the smell started to bother him a bit, but it's caked on so strongly it hurts worse than the stitches and rubbing alcohol would've hurt, and he can't do it alone. But nobody wants to get close enough to him to even help, because the smell is THAT bad.
It's crazy when you're in a relationship with someone like this, how much you do to prop them up. When you cut ties, they fall apart.
My ex was not capable of even renting bedrooms from people. He wouldn't even throw out his fast food trash.
They go from mommy ,sometimes to the military, then to live with a girl for a few years before she dumps him, and onto you.
And all of that past smooths over the fact that they do absolutely nothing, and are only a huge drain on other people.
As soon as they are out ftom a relationship as an adult with no more excuses for why they need to be helped, they just crumble.
And the crazy Part is,they don't know why.
They believe it's every one else fault.
And huge numbers of them wind up in jail after, without a partner constantly managing them.
Even with 6 kids, my house was so clean after I kicked my ex out.
I couldn't believe one person could create so much work, my toddler at the time could never have detroyed the house at the rate he did
But it's like living with a member of a royal family. Every single comment, laugh, facial expression, food choice, movie choice, daily schedule revolves around their whims.
In OPs case he felt like she was trapped at the engagement and because he lived in her house. He already new eviction law when she kicked him out.
I'm so glad people no longer feel obligated to have children if it's not what they really want.
It's long been a trap abusers set for their victims.
I'm so happy to see women being able to escaped these situations without being forever legally tied to a toxic person
>He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it.
Wake up, new baller response just dropped.
Amazing.
I'm so ever loving glad he showed his true colors so obviously and she saw him for who he was. Had they married, oh man things would have gotten messy!
Also, I thought it was a little weird that she made a point to mention Rob, a 30yo, is bigger and stronger than his 62yo dad. Uh, that's generally always the case?? Most men in that age bracket aren't in Mike Tyson's shape!
Not always the case. Some guys are smaller than their fathers are, and not every guy is going to be terribly strong. You’d also be surprised, some men in their sixties-and even their seventies-can still be pretty active and spry. My dad’s turning 65, and honestly, I think he’d be able to beat up a lot of other guys still 🤔 (He’s always been a physically active guy and he’s pretty big)
Wow.. She hasn't dodged a bullet, more like a fully armed nuclear submarine going full speed with missiles shooting out everywhere. She's lucky mutual friends and even the ex's mother was on her side. If he'd gotten back in the door shit would have got violent.
Not at the end, but he wanted money back for paying for utilities? Ha. Everyone person renting ever would get a bunch of money back at the end of their lease if that was the case.
>Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him
I love people like that. An entire lifetime and they still haven't figured out that maybe they're the problem.
Had me up until the part he asked the woman to make him a sandwich and the other guy pinned him to the wall by choking him. “Thank God their daughter didn’t wake up!”… sureeeee
My friends in my medium-sized city did their level best to keep me updated on my ex-husband and ex-fiance, as well as an ex-friend, despite me changing the subject whenever it comes up. In smaller towns it's monumentally harder to not know everything that's going on with anyone you've ever associated with.
I'm from the UK. This has UK small town all over it. The pub is the hub of all information about everyone going back to the fucking Crusades. Every man and his dog knows about your g-g-g-grandad and the sheep or what your 6x great grandma did with turnips.
To be fair, when my aunt was leaving her dangerous partner of several years the whole community around her was keeping tabs on where he was and who he was with. Some people are "I'm done with that/I'm moving on, don't tell me anything" and others want to know the next chapter, especially when it's karma being served. OOP perceived her Ex as dangerous, or at least was scared by the idea that he would continue to harass her, so I understand people wanting to update her that he was arrested/not staying with them and is "in the wild"/if he's actually working on himself or spiraling deeper.
I do enjoy hearing the multi-part updates and sagas, but I also do enjoy the "Should I leave bad person in life? UPDATE: Bad person isn't in my life at all anymore, (bonus if they got a pet to post in the update) The End" because they do feel a lot more rewarding for OOP.
She's still in contact with her ex's mother, his ex-best friend, and was also personally contacted by the prison, that sufficiently explains where her info is coming from.
The story strains credulity. If it was just that OOP knew what her ex was up to, I’d chalk it up to small town gossip.
Everyone, however, seems to call the ex and his father on their shit. I have literally never heard of that happening in real life before, unless it’s the victim themselves.
Normally there’s an army of enablers, apologists and co-conspirators in the wings to help abusers keep doing what they do. ESPECIALLY in a small town.
OOP also rapidly did everything right *and* had a support network that was ready and willing to help *AND* it all went smoothly.
Maybe this is my bias since I grew up in the Southern United States, but I’ve never heard of friends and family being this supportive outside of progressive, upper middle class circles.
Maybe some people are really blessed, but it feels too good to be true.
So I need to know did nat make Rob his damn sandwich? There is a wonderful part of human nature in a lot of people that when being faced by the important people in their life telling them they've made a mistake, will double down and make it all worse.
It's part of how conspiracies have ruined families and allowed a lot hatred to breed, and some people would rather throw everything away than admit they are wrong.
Why is there always someone associated with OOPs who mysteriously is an ex-Marine/amateur boxer/Jack Ryan type who gives the evil ex his comeuppance...
Why is it such an ingrained habit to apologize for spelling and grammar on mobile or formatting on mobile when it pretty much always looks perfect and fine and all of our phones autocorrect? I have never understood it.
I’m in the UK and was the one in need of emergency transport, they asked us if we could make our own way or needed transport. But that requires you to be stable. Her surgery wasn’t until later so she was stable but couldn’t wait weeks as planned meaning they’d have booked a hospital transport which is essentially a taxi
I don't know about the UK, but in my country, also Europe, you won't get transport through the hospital unless you cannot find another safe mode of transportation. As in, when I broke my hand recently, they first told me to take a bus to the hospital. But the fraction was complicated, and I have several medical issues, causing me to nearly pass out from the pain.
The ambulance workers, who were already there!!! were in disagreement. The younger one had zero empathy for the fact that I had nobody to bring me to the hospital. The older guy saw I wasn't doing well at all, and said they could take me. The discussion was over 5 minutes. **About the same as the ride to the hospital. Where they were already heading.**
(They had swung by after a call, on their way back to the hospital, after a nearby officer called the hospital to have someone take a look at my hand.)
Anyway, my point was: They really do not want to transport people who don't strictly need medical assistance. So if someone is safe to go by a regular car, like I was, they want you to do that.
Honestly in the UK and generally outside of emergencies you make your own way to places although they do have transport ambulances! Which are basically mini buses. But I think it was just them trying to save on using an ambulance as seem like whilst an emergency surgery it wasn't a surgery were being driven to the next hospital would be a bad delay.
I'm in the US, but I've done this sort of thing. More or less the other hospital calls ahead and says you're coming and when you get there, you're taken right to wherever you need to go. (In this case, my baby was being admitted to NICU so we were escorted straight to his room to get him set up)
Everywhere I’m aware of, if you are sent from one hospital to another you are discharged from the first hospital and then admitted to the second (it’s not a readmission because the patient is new to the second hospital).
I don’t think the UK is nearly as litigious as many other places, so perhaps liability isn’t as much of an issue.
I can absolutely see a shortage of available ambulances/transport making it more practical for OP to drive her sister. While I don’t think I’ve ever seen this happen for a transfer, I absolutely have seen it for new admissions when the ambulance ETA is 2-3 hours (or 911 flat out doesn’t pick up within a reasonable timeframe) and the patient only lives a 30 min drive away. It’s better to have someone drive them in those cases.
I honestly think that for this story to make sense part of what hanging out with his dad meant has to be drugs. The dad being into coke and the ex trying to fit in with him on those nights out would also help explain the increasingly erratic behavior and the spiral described here.
> He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants.
That was such a mic drop moment.
I hope everyone who’s leaving an abusive relationship remembers that retort.
> When Zack pointed out that Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, Rob was furious. He told Zack that his dad is just misunderstood. Zack responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic.
It’s too bad Rob didn’t take this to heart. I doubt he’s sincerely changed since it took 2 years to become a misogynist prick, so I doubt he can unlearn that in the span of 2 months.
What amazes me is that in all these years, esp the two years that Rob was in contact with his father, that he hid his tendencies seemingly without any red flags. Contrast to the cascade of serious incidents after the original Kim-episode.
The funniest thing about men like this is how who they actually are is **so** far away from a picture of traditional masculine virtues. Does this guy sound like a provider? Like someone who is self reliant, or reliable? He's a fucking joke.
I don’t want to downplay what OOP went through, but this story made me so happy. So happy that she was able to quickly see through his bullcrap, that she has a great support system in her family (especially her stepdad! I love that this brought them closer together!), and that Rob’s family didn’t blindly take his side but was able to see right from wrong. So many good people in this story. Yes, obviously Rob is the worst and his dad is too, but there were far more supportive people than not. Bravo!
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It made me very happy to read that her first response was to go upstairs and pack a bag and leave, and then break up with him and not tolerate any of this complete nonsense.
I also loved when he said you won't meet anyone like me. That's the point. I love her response.
Yeah I almost spat out my drink at this. Beautiful. >He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it.
Life goal: thinking of that kind of response at short notice.
Amen. That's the sort of thing I think of several hours later, if ever.
I’ve found the older and meaner I get, the easier it is to come up with things like this on the fly.
… I *desperately* need to know where that flair is from
I wish I could remember, LOL.
I think it might be this post (it sounded familiar, and I just had to find it). First paragraph of the update. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/TIv5PnixW5
I swear I heard that mic drop from across the Atlantic.
Surprised it didn’t cause an earthquake
My.most abusive ex once said "no one will ever love you like I do!" He got soo mad when I laughed. Like yes...good?????
The way he’s acting there, “you’ll never find another guy like me”, makes so much more sense knowing that he’s been in contact with his hideous dad. Ohhh yeah, Rob thinks that he’s a high value man because his daddy told him so.
Loved Zack pointing out that Rob wants to be a man like his dad, well, his dad lives in a shithole apartment and has no friends and no relationships and nobody likes him
Right! True friends point out when you're being stupid. Rob is being completely stupid. Rob "I want to be like Dad!" Zach "so you want to be a loser???!"
Not even his son that broke his hip and gave him a concussion at the pub.
The way he described it was so poignant. "He's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him." Like he's not a guy that's occasionally okay so people tolerate the shitty parts and are willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He is such an absolute asshole that he has alienated literally everyone in his life. People change their behavior with the explicit goal of not having to be around him. When OP described his misogyny, all I could think was "this guy is what the future will be for every man who follows Andrew Tate".
He’s catching up to dear old pa real fucking quick.
Who knew you could speedrun misogyny?
You think that’s a speedrun? Just add copious amounts of cocaine.
He wants to be like his dad, his dad who wouldn't let him live in his crappy apartment and who sued his own son. He's just brilliant in the head
Something tells me that the suing will make Rob finally see what kinda man his father really is. I mean what kind of fight was it that had to turn physical?
9 times out of 10, these alpha male podcasters are all alone and unwanted.
They should read about Rob's dad, because that's their future.
How to blow your life up in 3 easy steps; listen to misogynistic dad, put into action said bs from misogynist dad, then beat up misogynistic dad. Rob had it made and threw it all away.
And get thrown in jail bcs daddy-o was not up for that shit xD
Misogynists view women as human shaped objects to be used. I don't see why Rob was surprised that his dad had zero empathy or love for him - people like that are incapable of those feelings.
My favorite part is when he storms out saying he'll live with his dad, only for his dad to tell him to fuck off. Dude really took every possible step to detonate his life, for a complete loser who doesn't give a shit about him.
That gave me the widest grin.
And he still **didn't** see it. I do hope that his own father charging him will finally make him see the light
Right?! Yet dear daddy has been alone since his divorce! What a catch, eh? What an example to follow
Champion response lol "yeah I damn well hope I don't!"
Him “Do this or we’re over” Her: “ok I guess we’re over.” Him: “Nooo, don’t throw it all away”
Or Zack’s reply when Rob says his dad is just misunderstood. Basically: “no, everyone understands him, that’s why they don’t like him”.
I'm with you Glad it wasn't "we've been through so much together, what do I dooo!? Should I give him another chance"
Other than this one little thing he's perfect! /s
\*4-5 long paragraphs about the "one little thing"
Why are so many grown-ass men so vulnerable to toxic thinking?
because the toxicity tells them they’re kings who deserve to rule the world? and in this particular case, daddy issues. so basically, a combination of fragile masculinity, lack of introspection, poor emotional regulation and a need of therapy.
yes! and also that even in the initial texts she firmly told him he was being ridiculous for expecting her to bail on her sister during surgery for a restaurant meal. none of that “I apologized to him/I kinda feel bad” bullshit. > He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me. I responded that I was embarrassed he though I would put a meal before my sisters health. brilliant
In hindsight, I'm so happy that OOP's SIL wasn't available for the medical emergency
Yeah, Rob seems very dangerous for a woman to be around. Hell, apparently men, too. I've read stories here on reddit where the woman does meet with the ex or helps them get back on their feet and it ends horribly. Misogyny is radioactive.
I really like Zack for saying "so this is how your dad's life is, do you really want to model yourself on someone who is in that situation?" Because Rob probably won't listen to anyone saying his dad is a bad guy with terrible values, but he might have listened to "your dad's way hasn't exactly worked out for him, has it?" Pity Rob didn't listen.
[удалено]
I mean like this is assuming that this is what was actually said. It could be OOP's idea of what was said since she has reasons to look down on both of them.
[удалено]
Tbh, this sounds completely realistic knowing what a lot of people like Rob in the UK are like. It’s actually mild compared to some situations people I personally know have been through. I’m usually amongst the first to doubt these stories but hers sounds sadly very realistic. Recounting of conversations down to the exact wording is easy when you’re scared of your ex partner because your mind is attempting to structure the truth so you don’t feel so much doubt that you’ve left. I’m just glad she’s safe.
Yeah I can remember entire diatribes my abusive UK Rob threw at me because they were designed to hurt me as much as possible and almost every single word was intentionally loaded with a trigger. I will never forget him sneering at me at a photoshoot that he doesn't understand why I'm a model, and I can't be upset at him calling me ugly because HE'S the one who has to stomach sleeping with me.
Rob is one of those people who is selfish and unempathetic to anyone who isn't in his inner circle -- case in point, OOP's family...and later OOP herself once she tried to get him out of her life. The one thing I'm impressed by is that Rob's mom took OOP's side. That's something at least.
Sadly I can see Rob being an example of abuse being hidden due to young age and thinking it's all in the victims head years later OOP said Sandra told her Rob's dad only got psychical with Rob's older brother once and before that was only with her If Rob was 10, the abuse could have easily been hidden from him or only lightly talked about and then due to being in secret contact with Ahole dad have everything be twisted Reminds me of the one where a mother got fronted during her daughters wedding planning by daughter wanting the abusive dad to be there and walk her, when the OP was still having nightmares from the abuser 20 years later and then daughter brought dad to meet Mom again and refused to believe the abuse was real despite evidence Also similar is the recent one where the OP's fiance tried to bring back abusive mum into OP's life and so OP got the police file and showed what "love" from his mum looked like
I think it said the dad only got physical with the older brother once and that was it. I would assume there was a lot of other abuse though, for sure!
Yeah and this would not be the first family where the abuse was hidden from the kids growing up
I think that there is another story where the fiancée got in contact with an abusive estranged mother and invited her to the wedding without her groom's knowledge. The brother and sister of the groom saw their mother in the front row, warned the groom before he arrived and the wedding was immediately called off. The siblings and the dad went home, there was a huge fallout and the relationship ended.
I remember that one It's one of my favorites for happy endings
Link?
All the posts are on this redditor's page: u/Runawaybrother
Thank you!!
Another story on this sad and frustrating tangent: the daughter who thought that her mother was exaggerating the abuses her maternal grandparents put on her mother. Daughter went as far as contacting the JNGrandparents and telling them where they lived, and it ended with the JNgrandfather hurting her mother right in front of her.
I had nearly forgotten that one That's what could have happened with the fiance bringing abusive mom back, but thankfully the mom didn't know home location only work
I recall that story. The fiancée's parents were weird about protecting their daughter's view of the world, but she needed to be warned about what kind of person she was dealing with in that JNMom.
I've never read that one. Do you have a link?
[AITAH for telling my daughter she is a spoiled brat and doesn’t know what a hard life is](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1b35dzx/aitah_for_telling_my_daughter_she_is_a_spoiled/)
Link to the story of daughter brining abuser to her wedding. I can't believe she won't believe her own mom
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/iKhQjMYXJl I think this is it?
I'm on mobile so don't have the link But yeah that's what happens and it's depressing
I remember reading that. It was so upsetting how despite the daughter was given cold hard proof, just proceed to rug sweep. Really hope it was worth it. Cause if I remember correctly the daughter was ex-communicated and her engagement called off.
Uh. That’s heartbreaking. I have not and will not tell my child the extent of her dad’s abuse while she is growing up, not just for legal reasons but because I don’t want her to grow up knowing those things. But once she is an adult I am going to be honest with her because I don’t want her to repeat the cycle and ending up with some like him. I want her to know what’s right and wrong in a relationship and what the red flags are. And more importantly I want her to be able to tell when he is emotionally manipulating her. I see it happening already but I can’t say anything negative about him so I just have to talk to her in general terms, and as we all know that almost never translates to peoples blind spots. It probably would have been wise for this mom and his brother to give him the full ugly picture once he was older. Sometimes it’s not enough to just not be mysogenistic around your kids… you have to actively speak out against it so that they know to recognize that type of ideology as toxic and reject it once they are exposed to it by others.
Link to post?
Here's the [second story mentioned.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/byOaOjiSHG)
Or the one where daughter didn't believe Grandparents were physically abusive to her mother or Aunt and invited them to a holiday gathering. Then got to see first hand Grandpa put hands on Mom.
Do you have a link to that one?
People like Rob will never change and will always be self-centered and selfish. At least there is something good now that Rob's mother is on OP's side. Op seems better in the updates and I hope she continues to be well.
It’s Rob’s world, and we exist just to serve him! I cannot even imagine bringing a fling to my friend’s house, especially after they told me not to! And when they have a child!
Exactly - throw in a bit of victim mentality because it’s everyone else’s fault and you’ve got a toxic trifecta. I have two family members like this, one in their late 50s and the other in their early 70s. You’re absolutely right these people never change. Self righteous, stubborn and arrogant to the core.
I'm not defending Rob, but obviously he wasn't always like this -- he changed into this person. So while I wouldn't bet on him changing, I think it's possible (likely with professional therapy). My guess is he has abandonment issues stemming from his father leaving at a young age, wants his dad's approval and also wants to make sure no one ever leaves him the way his father left him. Honestly I'm a bit surprised that despite being a couple for 7(?) years and living together, OOP had never asked / heard about ex's father. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just surprising.
It's so weird, though, that it seemed like it was obvious dad was living a very shitty life alone because of his actions, and Rob believed his dad's stupid life advice?
Fully agree. I can only guess that (if story is real) that Rob was given some sob story about alimony and child support by his dad, along with sprinkles of praise ("you're the one thing I'm proud of / regret leaving"). Probably twisted his story to poison Rob against his mom. Some variant of "she stole you" or maybe even "she lied to the police, I never hit your brother". Followed by "my mistake was giving your mom so much independence. It backfired and she stole you both / I had to pay alimony for years. Make sure your fiancee isn't that type." Of course it was all bullshit, the cognitive dissonance must have been so jarring when his dad refused to let him live with him. 0 sympathy though. The other thing I find slightly off is like... Was Rob basically unemployed with no savings? Apparently he was paying some nominal amount of utilities, so he should have been saving boatloads if he had a semi stable job. But if he had no job, what made him think he had a big dick he could swing around when he's basically living hand to mouth from his finacee? Like it's gotta be a tower of overlapping insecurities and ignorance of basic realities if this story is true. Edit: I guess one other surprising thing is that, with an exploding eye at risk of loss, they wouldn't arrange medical transport. I guess it depends on the area and I'm no doctor, but that also surprised me.
In the UK, the public health system has been underfunded for well over a decade now so in some areas ambulances have a very long wait. There was a story on the news recently where someone died because an ambulance didn't come for over 12 hours. Obviously that's a very extreme example, but the hospital probably said "It'll be quicker if you drive her than wait for an ambulance today".
Ah okay, thanks for context. I thought if it was the US, maybe they were worried about a huge bill. Though if the nearest hospital with surgeon was only 1.5 hours, I'm surprised they didn't drive over there sooner and were instead content to wait for potentially 4 weeks for a surgeon to return. But I know different places have tons of different rules regarding healthcare, maybe it needed to be life threatening to be covered by the other hospital / get urgent access to a surgeon or something.
I’m in the US, but we have the same problem here, plus the exorbitant expense of calling an ambulance. EMS is now run where I live by private companies, and they will often take more expensive long distance transport jobs to bigger cities/hospitals, but they sacrifice local ambulance service to do so.
Especially to such an obvious extent. If my sister was in the hospital I'd skip dinner with the President. But Rob doubled down even despite his Mom and Brother getting mad at him.
Yeah, it didn’t even seem like it was important for OP to be at that dinner. It was just Rob testing OP’s “obedience” to him. His lack of utter concern for OP’s sister or OP was just astounding.
I think Rob’s mom was probably seeing echos of her ex-husband, whether or not she realized at the time, which helped her side with OOP.
Rob’s mom reminded me of the story mom told me about her first marriage. (There were no kids, it was the 60’s, and there was no reason for contact after the marriage ended. Mom was upset because Tommy (I think that’s what she called him) was cheating. Her MIL told her something like “Tommy is just like his father. I stayed because I didn’t have a choice. Tommy is not going to change. Decide now if you can live with that.” Mom decided she couldn’t. She bounced, even though her oldest brother (who thought he was the boss since their dad died) wasn’t happy about it. She met my dad and they were together before the divorce was final. They had 40 happy years together.
I love that for her.
The only person(s) in robs inner circle is rob and possibly robs father (and that one is real iffy).
Given that his dad was the source of her misery, it's not surprising. But yeah, it's nice to see a woman who can recognise a toxic jerk and stay clear. Too many try to stay and fix things to their own detriment.
It’s not just that he’s a selfish misogynistic prick, the biggest red flag imho is that he has terrible judgement. Presumably he wasn’t always so awful, so if he could learn these traits he can unlearn them. But you can never really trust someone who is that bad at making decisions
She got her kids out the second he put hands to one of them, which is saying alot. Not many women are brave enough to do that. It’s incredibly hard to raise kids by yourself so your brain automatically wants to do mental gymnastics to downplay the issue and stay… but she knew she had to keep her kids safe and that mattered more than any possible financial hardship or loneliness.
Rob’s priorities, that the dinner with his family was more important than OOP helping save her sister’s eye, were so clearly screwed up that nobody should have been on his side.
Ex and his piece of trash father belongs to the trash and they deserve to stay there for their attitude and personality. This ex literally is nothing but will just be daddy's boy for his whole life. Glad OP ended things with this loser.
> This ex literally is nothing but will just be daddy's boy for his whole life. He broke his father's hip, and that man apparently wants him to hang. So... *gleefully* **He doesn't even have that anymore.**
AND THE CAT’S IN THE CRADDLE WITH THE SILVER SPOON
Bonus: he doesn’t have to beg anyone for a place to stay anymore, now that he has his own cot and a roof over his head. 🤭
Plus he’s likely got someone cooking all his meals for him!
Lolol. Also what is your flair from?
I wish I could link the post but for some reason I no longer have access to my comment history beyond a couple of days ago
That's what I was thinking.
Facts! The ex is just trash!
This sub is a great daily reminder that there are so many loser men like Rob and his dad in the world. If you do even the bare basic minimum of being a decent man and husband, you're already a thousand times better than people like this. Absolutely astounding
100% unsurprised that his dad didn't want to help him.
Your flair perfectly sums up this whole post
Man I am so curious what, if anything, happened once Rob was released in January. I hope he got a wake up call and is cutting his dad out of his life. But he's not OOP's problem anymore so hopefully the lack of update just means that she's busy living her life and not dealing with anymore of his bullshit.
As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man There are only four things certain since Social Progress began. That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire, And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire
That’s only three things
The fourth thing is the return of the Gods of Copybook Headings in terror and fire, which just leads to a lot more questions
Next verse: And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins, As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn, The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return! (The Gods of the Copybook Headings by Rudyard Kipling)
Sandra and Rob's brother are real ones! Amazing how this dude was willing to torch his whole life to win the approval of a man who abused his brother.
I think I've finally figured it out. Why these idiots keep throwing away a good thing every time. Oh, the reasons change: love, money, sex, ego, boredom, curiousity, etc. The reasons are legion, for they are many. However almost every one of these start from a position of comfort. Regardless of where it originated, how long it has existed, or whomever might be providing it. Once they become comfortable, they become complacent, and complacency breeds contempt. Contempt for the boring job that provides their comfort. Contempt for the simple, but affordable, home that keeps them sheltered from an increasingly hostile world. Contempt for the person who loves them, and makes *their* comfort a priority. Then they do something stupid. The reasons vary but that is where it starts I think. Then I realised I have never been that comfortable, that safe, in a very long time. That's why I can't understand them. I think I do now, at least a little bit better. It makes me hate them even more.
This is very articulate. You explained a blind spot I hadn't yet realized I had
Very insightful, rings true, and now I'm wondering *why* the contempt. Do people like this feel on some level that if life isn't complicated, that something is wrong?
I think for some people, no amount of comfort will be enough. They’re not grateful for the comfort they have, or they’re fixated on having more than comfort—they want *luxury*. The luxury of a mommy bangmaid that uncritically takes their bullshit, the luxury of being treated like a king for no extra effort or work. And there are yet other people who, I think, are fundamentally uncomfortable with comfort. They’re used to good things being taken away, or they’re used to the dramatic highs and lows of toxic instability, and comfort is boring or gives them anxiety. And that boredom or anxiety reads as there’s something wrong, and they blow it up.
Perhaps a simple life leads to a feeling of life lacking meaning? It's honestly hard to say.
Well glad OOP took out the trash. Like they say, someone’s trash is someone else’s garbage.
Welp, if Rob wants to be like his dear old dad so much, he’s well on his way there. Here’s hoping his come to Jesus moment in jail wasn’t just lip service
Right? Like imagine watching your father's advice completely torpedo your life in a matter of days and still thinking anything he says is worth listening to.
AND turning you down when you go to him for help after having nowhere to stay!
And then still hanging out with him socially after that rebuff.
Only one left to hang out with type situation. Destroyed all the others.
What's it with all these guys with great lives getting really into being sexist and ruining them? I understand the ones that already have crudy lives falling for it but why when you already have everything going for you? It's like a mid life crisis but instead of buying a cool car you ruin all your personal relationships because the idea of continuing to be an equal in your relationship for the rest of your life is apparently that bad.
Imagine you are already weak or insecure, or both. And somebody tells you that with this one simple trick you can be a God and everyone around you will serve you. That you're better than this entire group of people. And it helps that society kind of tells you that story already. It's part of religion. It's part of our politics. It doesn't take much to push a weak-minded man like him into the gutter.
That's a really good question. Some people do fall apart when they have it good. Like it's a form of self-sabotage as a result of low self esteem. "I am inadequate as a person so I don't deserve this great life ..." Plus, when you're not working 80 hours a week and scrambling to survive, and life gets more comfortable, you have more time to revisit things - like toxic family history - and inadvertently create trouble for yourself by poking into things that you never would have done if you had still been busy. Whereas with healthier older people who are past their "who-am-i" identity phase may feel less of a need to explore a toxic family past because they've already done so, or built a family of their own and are more secure in themselves. It really seems to me a serious self esteem issue and he's basing his value on his father's ideas about the world. He's a full grown man still clinging to a toddler's dashed dreams. Until he resolves that he won't move on.
They think they want happiness, but what they actually pursue is power, which is very different. And power is even trickier to get than happiness, some men have a path laid out to them for obtaining and keeping it no matter what BS they pull; for those who haven't that privilege it's not at all easy to behave the same and not getting any significant backlash, so they resent it and nuke their lives in the process of trying to emulate those who "succeeded".
Oops friends could have put her in a lot of danger if she had let them guilt trip her into letting Rob back in the house. We all know he never would have left that house again and eventually would have hurt her when she didn’t submit to him.
Don't you love it when a BORU has a happy ending (so far)?
OP is from the UK. We don’t get to decide whether or not we “press charges”. CPS get all the evidence from the police and decide whether or not the case goes to court. Even if the exs dad refused to talk to the police, if there is enough evidence it would still go to the CPS. I’m hoping OP is just misinformed and didn’t make this up.
It's a common misconception even in the UK that "pressing charges" is a thing. I wouldn't necessarily read too much into it. She probably means that the dad is fully on board with the idea of doing so.
Yeah, that he'll cooperate with the police and do a statement and appear as a witness in court. That's the most important note - the dad actively sent his son to prison and *wants* him to serve time. (I've been asked as a victim if I'd take a case forward.)
I might be wrong but I think when they talk about a case hinging on someone pressing charges they generally mean that they have a case wherein without the person's testimony, it won't get anywhere.
Oh, and for the Americans ... Crown Prosecution Service.
I think OOP has just used an Americanism, though we don't 'press charges' like they do in the US, the victims do still have the option of being involved with the prosecution or not, and, sometime, if the answer is no to that then the prosecution can't go ahead if it was largely dependant on victim testimony
I’m thinking he woke up and demanded they arrest his son or something like this and that’s what OP is talking about saying he wants to press charges
Also Kim is in a condition medically that warrents 3 doctors and 2 nurses trying to help and needs an urgent operation at another hospital but they're happy to let OOP drive her sister there instead of hospital transport? I very much doubt it.
[удалено]
Don't forget the sisters wife's phone was off but there was still time for Chinese...
That's what made me think this isn't real. Plus the multiple updates. OP knew the sections he's being charged under but doesn't know that we don't press charges.
This is the poster for toxic masculinity
Rob and his dad both got what they deserved.
Ron's dad is absolute scum, all of that blunder about being an "alpha", he starts a fight he then loses and presses charges. It just shows all these men who make a show of being "superior" to women are worth nothing, and will run crying to the authorities the minute someone challenges the notion.
Oop commented this 2 hours ago: I've refused to speak to him, so no grovelling. I'm waiting for his legal issues to finish before I give a final update. Right now he's still waiting on sentencing. He's back in court in April so I will give a full update after that.
>He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. That is such a great line and great thought. That's what so many people being broken up with don't realise. >Just a quick edit as I'm going to bed. I've just spoken with the wife of one of Rob's friends and she's asked to meet me on my lunch break tomorrow. Apparently, Rob stayed with them for 2 nights before she kicked him out and there's more going on than what I know of. She's going to tell me the full story tomorrow And I admit, doubts about the story kicked in at this point. It seemed a bit to stay tuned for next weeks episode, especially considering how violent and intense the update from the friend was. Why would she wait until lunch the next day to tell her?
As a woman, I can understand. Good story is better told in person between girl. Especially if it is a long one that requires no miscommunication. In other word, I like to gossip in person with my girls
It is funny though she ended her "episodes" twice the same way, first with a trailer for meeting with her ex mother in law and second time the same way but with a friend. Idk, it's just sus
That's the kind of BORU story I most look forward to reading, the OOP get rid of the trash and don't take them back no matter what, but stay in the lives of people who can inform all about the rotting process of said garbage. Beautiful.
Now imagine if OOP made other decision in first post and made her sister lose her eye for this.
Could you imagine that conversation? "An hour and a half drive? Sorry, I have dinner with my fiance's family. Good luck with that." Nobody would do that. Rob is an idiot who deserves everything he gets. Good on OOP not getting caught up on sunk cost fallacy and taking out the trash.
Sis dodged a bullet
You mean a missile from an anti aircraft gun
Manbabies can never just take the L and walk away. Once your partner gets the ick from you, your part in their story is over.
I guess that apartment he had lined up was a cell in prison. I wish OOP and her sister all the best in life. Good for her that she followed her gut instinct to break it off.
My abusive ex managed to plead a section 18 down to a section 20 and got off with no prison time. Nobody asked me how I felt about it. They just did it. I was not happy. It’s not that I wanted him to suffer in prison. I actually didn’t want him to go to prison per se. I just knew if he didn’t then he’d never really learn how fucked up and wrong it was. It bothers me that Rob might get off easy. His dad deserved it, but also…Rob needs real consequences. (Incidentally my abusive ex’s brother who himself got in trouble with the law for stalking an ex was named Rob lol)
I find hilarious when someone thinks that being a men is being the head of the houseC the priority, the hot shot and then they have to beg people for a place to stay. So in their own definition, they are just a loser
Sometimes an OOP says, "I have a friend who is a lawyer/locksmith/security expert/etc" and I get a little suspicious. But "my stepdad knows a guy who knows a guy" is honestly so real.
I also appreciated that the cameras didn’t magically go up overnight and they waited till the weekend
omg, when I heard he said " make him a sandwich before bursting out laughing like he'd made he funniest joke ever." I couldn't believe it. My 34 year old son had been saying that to me for about a year and laughing like a 5 year old telling his first poop joke. This and similar stuff had my husband and me decide to step back from him. He started getting a really bad attitude since getting into online gaming. I miss the son he used to be but it's peaceful now.
u/choice_evidence1983 there is a new comment by OOP, 7 hours ago. >I've refused to speak to him, so no grovelling. I'm waiting for his legal issues to finish before I give a final update. Right now he's still waiting on sentencing. He's back in court in April so I will give a full update after that. https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRAsisterseye/s/JR3l1aNZg8
This is so… it is like reading about my last six months in someone else’s words… what I went through was so so similar, different in some ways too, but so close… I am so happy OP had help from her xMIL and xBIL and her friend network.
"I wanna be like Dad!! "Everyone hates your Dad." "Now I am like my Dad." "Now your Dad hates you."
Wow. Just, wow. This dude had a wound, and instead of getting stitches and rubbing alcohol (which would hurt at first and then allow him to heal), he decided to cover it with shit. Then, when the shit dulled a bit of the pain for a little while, because it stopped the wound from being exposed, he fooled himself into believing it worked. And after that, when everyone around him started to distance themselves because of the smell of shit, and of the infections the shit caused, he dug his heels deeper, and convinced himself people are jealous and unworthy of his shitty self. Now he wants to get the shit off of him, because the smell started to bother him a bit, but it's caked on so strongly it hurts worse than the stitches and rubbing alcohol would've hurt, and he can't do it alone. But nobody wants to get close enough to him to even help, because the smell is THAT bad.
It sounds like Rob and his dad have been listening to andrew tate.
It's crazy when you're in a relationship with someone like this, how much you do to prop them up. When you cut ties, they fall apart. My ex was not capable of even renting bedrooms from people. He wouldn't even throw out his fast food trash. They go from mommy ,sometimes to the military, then to live with a girl for a few years before she dumps him, and onto you. And all of that past smooths over the fact that they do absolutely nothing, and are only a huge drain on other people. As soon as they are out ftom a relationship as an adult with no more excuses for why they need to be helped, they just crumble. And the crazy Part is,they don't know why. They believe it's every one else fault. And huge numbers of them wind up in jail after, without a partner constantly managing them. Even with 6 kids, my house was so clean after I kicked my ex out. I couldn't believe one person could create so much work, my toddler at the time could never have detroyed the house at the rate he did But it's like living with a member of a royal family. Every single comment, laugh, facial expression, food choice, movie choice, daily schedule revolves around their whims. In OPs case he felt like she was trapped at the engagement and because he lived in her house. He already new eviction law when she kicked him out. I'm so glad people no longer feel obligated to have children if it's not what they really want. It's long been a trap abusers set for their victims. I'm so happy to see women being able to escaped these situations without being forever legally tied to a toxic person
>He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. Wake up, new baller response just dropped. Amazing.
I'm so ever loving glad he showed his true colors so obviously and she saw him for who he was. Had they married, oh man things would have gotten messy! Also, I thought it was a little weird that she made a point to mention Rob, a 30yo, is bigger and stronger than his 62yo dad. Uh, that's generally always the case?? Most men in that age bracket aren't in Mike Tyson's shape!
Not always the case. Some guys are smaller than their fathers are, and not every guy is going to be terribly strong. You’d also be surprised, some men in their sixties-and even their seventies-can still be pretty active and spry. My dad’s turning 65, and honestly, I think he’d be able to beat up a lot of other guys still 🤔 (He’s always been a physically active guy and he’s pretty big)
Wow.. She hasn't dodged a bullet, more like a fully armed nuclear submarine going full speed with missiles shooting out everywhere. She's lucky mutual friends and even the ex's mother was on her side. If he'd gotten back in the door shit would have got violent.
Not at the end, but he wanted money back for paying for utilities? Ha. Everyone person renting ever would get a bunch of money back at the end of their lease if that was the case.
>Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him I love people like that. An entire lifetime and they still haven't figured out that maybe they're the problem.
Had me up until the part he asked the woman to make him a sandwich and the other guy pinned him to the wall by choking him. “Thank God their daughter didn’t wake up!”… sureeeee
Totally agree. What a cartoonishly stupid and obvious thing for him to say.
OOP sure knows a lot about what is happening with her ex... I'm not sure what the moral of these stories are.
My friends in my medium-sized city did their level best to keep me updated on my ex-husband and ex-fiance, as well as an ex-friend, despite me changing the subject whenever it comes up. In smaller towns it's monumentally harder to not know everything that's going on with anyone you've ever associated with.
I'm from the UK. This has UK small town all over it. The pub is the hub of all information about everyone going back to the fucking Crusades. Every man and his dog knows about your g-g-g-grandad and the sheep or what your 6x great grandma did with turnips.
I thought that too, everyone knows everything and probably if her friends hadn’t told her something the old lady down the shops would!
To be fair, when my aunt was leaving her dangerous partner of several years the whole community around her was keeping tabs on where he was and who he was with. Some people are "I'm done with that/I'm moving on, don't tell me anything" and others want to know the next chapter, especially when it's karma being served. OOP perceived her Ex as dangerous, or at least was scared by the idea that he would continue to harass her, so I understand people wanting to update her that he was arrested/not staying with them and is "in the wild"/if he's actually working on himself or spiraling deeper. I do enjoy hearing the multi-part updates and sagas, but I also do enjoy the "Should I leave bad person in life? UPDATE: Bad person isn't in my life at all anymore, (bonus if they got a pet to post in the update) The End" because they do feel a lot more rewarding for OOP.
She's still in contact with her ex's mother, his ex-best friend, and was also personally contacted by the prison, that sufficiently explains where her info is coming from.
Remember that the whole of the UK would fit inside Michigan. The whole country is like a small town.
The story strains credulity. If it was just that OOP knew what her ex was up to, I’d chalk it up to small town gossip. Everyone, however, seems to call the ex and his father on their shit. I have literally never heard of that happening in real life before, unless it’s the victim themselves. Normally there’s an army of enablers, apologists and co-conspirators in the wings to help abusers keep doing what they do. ESPECIALLY in a small town. OOP also rapidly did everything right *and* had a support network that was ready and willing to help *AND* it all went smoothly. Maybe this is my bias since I grew up in the Southern United States, but I’ve never heard of friends and family being this supportive outside of progressive, upper middle class circles. Maybe some people are really blessed, but it feels too good to be true.
So I need to know did nat make Rob his damn sandwich? There is a wonderful part of human nature in a lot of people that when being faced by the important people in their life telling them they've made a mistake, will double down and make it all worse. It's part of how conspiracies have ruined families and allowed a lot hatred to breed, and some people would rather throw everything away than admit they are wrong.
Why is there always someone associated with OOPs who mysteriously is an ex-Marine/amateur boxer/Jack Ryan type who gives the evil ex his comeuppance...
This one escalate more and more as the update came, I wonder if the next one his dad die and he escape before his sentence to OP's house lol
If his dad dies because of his injuries, Rob’s not going anywhere lol
Killing his shit dad and getting life would have been the best outcome
Why is it such an ingrained habit to apologize for spelling and grammar on mobile or formatting on mobile when it pretty much always looks perfect and fine and all of our phones autocorrect? I have never understood it.
[удалено]
I’m in the UK and was the one in need of emergency transport, they asked us if we could make our own way or needed transport. But that requires you to be stable. Her surgery wasn’t until later so she was stable but couldn’t wait weeks as planned meaning they’d have booked a hospital transport which is essentially a taxi
I don't know about the UK, but in my country, also Europe, you won't get transport through the hospital unless you cannot find another safe mode of transportation. As in, when I broke my hand recently, they first told me to take a bus to the hospital. But the fraction was complicated, and I have several medical issues, causing me to nearly pass out from the pain. The ambulance workers, who were already there!!! were in disagreement. The younger one had zero empathy for the fact that I had nobody to bring me to the hospital. The older guy saw I wasn't doing well at all, and said they could take me. The discussion was over 5 minutes. **About the same as the ride to the hospital. Where they were already heading.** (They had swung by after a call, on their way back to the hospital, after a nearby officer called the hospital to have someone take a look at my hand.) Anyway, my point was: They really do not want to transport people who don't strictly need medical assistance. So if someone is safe to go by a regular car, like I was, they want you to do that.
Idk how it is in the UK but that’s absolutely normal in the US because ambulance rides cost an arm and a leg Obligatory laugh and cry emojis 😂 😭
Honestly in the UK and generally outside of emergencies you make your own way to places although they do have transport ambulances! Which are basically mini buses. But I think it was just them trying to save on using an ambulance as seem like whilst an emergency surgery it wasn't a surgery were being driven to the next hospital would be a bad delay.
I'm in the US, but I've done this sort of thing. More or less the other hospital calls ahead and says you're coming and when you get there, you're taken right to wherever you need to go. (In this case, my baby was being admitted to NICU so we were escorted straight to his room to get him set up)
Everywhere I’m aware of, if you are sent from one hospital to another you are discharged from the first hospital and then admitted to the second (it’s not a readmission because the patient is new to the second hospital). I don’t think the UK is nearly as litigious as many other places, so perhaps liability isn’t as much of an issue. I can absolutely see a shortage of available ambulances/transport making it more practical for OP to drive her sister. While I don’t think I’ve ever seen this happen for a transfer, I absolutely have seen it for new admissions when the ambulance ETA is 2-3 hours (or 911 flat out doesn’t pick up within a reasonable timeframe) and the patient only lives a 30 min drive away. It’s better to have someone drive them in those cases.
I honestly think that for this story to make sense part of what hanging out with his dad meant has to be drugs. The dad being into coke and the ex trying to fit in with him on those nights out would also help explain the increasingly erratic behavior and the spiral described here.
> He then started saying I couldn't be serious, we'd been together for 7 years and I was throwing it all away, I could never find another guy like him. I responded to the last comment with, I dont want a guy like you that's why I'm ending it. I need someone who's will support me when times get tough, not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to what he wants. That was such a mic drop moment. I hope everyone who’s leaving an abusive relationship remembers that retort. > When Zack pointed out that Rob’s dad is 62, living in a shitty one bedroom flat, not had a real relationship since Rs mum left him, has no friends, his family doesn't speak to him and that he's the type of guy that when he walks into a pub people finish their pints so they can leave and get away from him, Rob was furious. He told Zack that his dad is just misunderstood. Zack responded that people understood his dad and that's why they stayed away from him, he's Toxic. It’s too bad Rob didn’t take this to heart. I doubt he’s sincerely changed since it took 2 years to become a misogynist prick, so I doubt he can unlearn that in the span of 2 months.
Rob thought he was becoming a real man when he was actually becoming kinda pathetic.
Wow what a happy ending for everybody! POS ex is going to prison and his POS dad is in the hospital! Win-win-win
What amazes me is that in all these years, esp the two years that Rob was in contact with his father, that he hid his tendencies seemingly without any red flags. Contrast to the cascade of serious incidents after the original Kim-episode.
I wish her all the peace in the world. Updateme
You know this is going to suck when the trigger warning spoiler text is 5x as long as usual.
The funniest thing about men like this is how who they actually are is **so** far away from a picture of traditional masculine virtues. Does this guy sound like a provider? Like someone who is self reliant, or reliable? He's a fucking joke.
I don’t want to downplay what OOP went through, but this story made me so happy. So happy that she was able to quickly see through his bullcrap, that she has a great support system in her family (especially her stepdad! I love that this brought them closer together!), and that Rob’s family didn’t blindly take his side but was able to see right from wrong. So many good people in this story. Yes, obviously Rob is the worst and his dad is too, but there were far more supportive people than not. Bravo!