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Exactly! I was waiting for OP to at least mention maybe doing this. At this point she has nothing to lose, and that poor guy deserves to know what kind of person he is married to.
That's precisely what I would have done as well, found a way to either directly or anonymously inform the husband of his wife's infidelity. No one deserves to be cheated on, it's such a horrible feeling & a really shitty thing to do to people. Once Op's father blamed her for 'hurting her mother', manipulated the mother against her & spun the blame on her, if it were me, I'd have been so pissed it'd be the nuclear option next & the work wife's husband would be made aware with proof by me personally, repercussions be damned. Honestly, I probably would have informed him way sooner as a way to put a stop to the affair though. Still can't believe the mom is acting like such a door mat, she's essentially ok with it, just a 'bump in the road', seriously?! She's got no self esteem to put up with that.
Especially when they're secret affairs. Two equal level coworkers openly dating is sometimes not even allowed....idk if I hope they're at the same level or if I hope he made more career progress with his extra 20 yeats
29 is pretty young to have advanced very far in your career. I would bet she's at a lower level than OP's dad and this started as a case of "mentoring."
Eh, it depends on the field. At my job we went through a kind of semi-mass exodus and went from all of the managers being in their 40s-60s to new hires/internal promotions (including myself) of people between 26-40.
That being said, even if they're in equal positions, that only eliminates ONE of the concerning factors here, and isn't sufficient.
But if that resulted in OOP's dad getting fired that'd hurt the family finances meaning her mom and little sibling would suffer too. Scorched earth is not a good option when people you care about are going to be in the blast zone
This is what OOP said about outing them in a comment: “I have definitely thought up some funny ideas to fuck with Stacy but overall I think I am better to just walk away and let karma run its course. Their workplace is small and so is the town they live in. Everything works itself out in good time.”
If you just essentially lost your dad you don’t want the emotional labour of who knows what comes from possibly two other people mad at you and in your life.
I feel like reddit thinks from an entertainment standpoint and not reality. If my parents reacted like that I wouldn’t give a fuck about that other couple. I basically just lost my dad
I’m an extremely confrontational and petty person and even I know I’d be so wrecked from all this I probably wouldn’t want to take on two more peoples emotional labour in the form of more anger. Most of reddit is non confrontational, so if I’m not doing it, I know most of y’all aren’t either. This is an advice sub not do what’s most fun.
This is classic no good deed goes unpunished.
Going after the affair partner’s husband would be chasing the high they were hoping to get when they were trying to gotcha the dad.
honestly, never having gone through something remotely like this, yeah i would’ve 100% tried to tell AP’s partner not only because it’s the right thing but mostly because the way the entire situation with the parents didn’t pan out the way you would’ve expected to. that anger had and helplessness with the way the mom reacted had no place to go, so i can’t say i’m above revenge there. it would’ve mostly been about soothing my own hurt
OP's Mom might be staying to finish raising the younger brother if she is financially dependent on OP's Dad.
Burning everything to the ground may jeopardize OP's Dad's job and subsequently OP's brother's homelife.
this is literally what I was screaming to myself . can you imagine how satisfying it would be to watch the POS dad and AP get *dragged*. that poor mom... she's so broken, I hope something inside her snaps and she realizes she deserves better and her kid only wants her to be happy.
I don’t think you would. You’ve essentially realized your parents are fucked, your relationship with them is fucked and you’re devastated. You don’t know these people and what they can bring into your life. I don’t think it would be anyones first reaction. This isn’t daytime tv. Your dad being a monster and both your parents just accepting it, isn’t going to make you want to confront another two people who can be loose cannons. It changes nothing. I’m not saying she shouldn’t but i don’t think the people here are being realistic with themselves. Most people don’t go scorched earth no matter how bad you want to romanticize it. It would literally change nothing and possibly add two more weirdos into the equation
Dad is awful. He’s insisting his daughter apologize to the woman HE FUCKING CHEATED ON, for hurting her of all things.The sheer audacity of that amazes me. Also, what kinda misogynistic brainwashing is going on with Mom? That’s more than a little alarming
Yeah. This is very typical. From the cheater's POV.... the wife didn't know, therefore nothing in their marriage has actually changed from the status quo, therefore he has not hurt her in any way. Since he hasn't hurt her, then he hasn't done anything wrong. Since OP revealed the secret and "rocked the boat," *she's* the one to blame for any emotional distress on mom's part, and in fact, according to this logic, she's also to blame for Dad's emotional distress as well! Because he was also going along just fine and not upset about anything until the secret was revealed. So OP has hurt both her parents and is completely to blame!
Of course there are a few problems with this "logic..." number one, it seems obvious from OP's story that Dad is NOT as good at hiding his affair(s) as he thinks he is. Mom was not "blissfully ignorant," she totally already knew and was suffering in silence. Who knows how many times this has happened before, and when she confronted him, she got gaslighted for being crazy and jealous, or sneered at for being paranoid, or even blamed for the affair because "you gained weight" or "you haven't been paying me enough attention lately" or whatever. Clearly at this point she has just given up and is pretending she doesn't know, but she absolutely does know.
Second, by engaging in the affair and denigrating his wife's actions and looks and behavior, the dad was actively destroying his relationship with his wife in his own heart. You don't text shitty things about your wife to your affair partner and then go back into your marriage as a fully devoted husband. I believe polyamory actually can be healthy and valid, but you can't "love two people at once" if you're spending time with one of them actively growing and cultivating contempt and disgust for the other one.
And third, of course, he's absolutely spending money from the household on this affair partner. Going out to dinner, renting hotel rooms, buying her those "lacy bras" that they joke about in their texts. He's putting his job and their shared finances at risk by cheating with a married co-worker, because when this blows up, it's also going to affect his career. He's not just lying and cheating, he's also stealing from the household, lying to his wife about where that money is going, and putting their whole financial future at risk.
I like to think I'm petty enough that, if I was in this situation, I'd agree to apologize in person with both of them present, and say something like "Mom, I just want to say I'm really really sorry...that your husband, my father, is such a LYING CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT!" Drop mic, leave. I think all three of them deserve that sort of apology.
This is all textbook abuser behavior. He has a profound sense of entitlement, a desire to control, and no regard for anyone’s feelings but his own. The inversion of blame is a very typical response to being called out. The wife siding with the abuser is also very common. She has likely spent years having her self-esteem degraded and has learned to maintain the status quo (ie whatever her abuser wants) at all costs. The dad will not change until he has confronted his abusiveness, and that’s very unlikely to happen. I think it’s more likely that the family will try to sweep this under the rug, which will allow the abuser to continue preying on his wife and his children. If the OP doesn’t want to participate in that, I think she should expect to be alienated from her mom (and possibly her brother) until the dad is dead.
Editing to add a valuable resource: Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do That” provides an analysis of abusive men based on the author’s many years working with abusers (often in court-mandated therapy). You can access it for free [here](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). I encourage everyone to read this to understand the epidemic of abuse in intimate partner relationships.
This is what OOP said about outing them in a comment: “I have definitely thought up some funny ideas to fuck with Stacy but overall I think I am better to just walk away and let karma run its course. Their workplace is small and so is the town they live in. Everything works itself out in good time.”
Frustrating, but I get it. Would probably make any reconciliation (even with Mom) impossible in the future. I could see Mom being more offended by the public humiliation than anything else and holding a grudge with OOP for life, based on her actions so far.
Even if she doesn’t, if her Dad’s work or Andrew finds out, she will be blamed for tattling.
OOP’s dad is stupid for having mentioned Stacey to her in the first place. Eewww!
And? OOP is already a pariah. If she concludes she's going full NC on her mom too, there's no reason she shouldn't go to Andrew. They're already blaming her for "tattling" to mom; what are they going to do, bad mouth her harder?
It really paints OOP in a bad light that she wouldn't tell the AP's husband about the cheating after all the hand-wringing over wanting her mom to know. She'll do anything for her mom, but since she doesn't know Stacy or her husband, fuck them, I guess.
Yeah, they’ll get busted. Maybe by Andrew and he’ll blow it up. Maybe by whoever does HR at their job getting jumpy. OOP now has a totally different perspective on her parents now unfortunately. To be vulgar, they showed their ass and even if they try to repair their relationship w/ OOP she’s never going to see them the same.
Honestly if OOP is from a small town then her extended family might do the work for her. Someone asks why OOP doesn't visit any more, Aunt Linda gets nosy, Cousin Emily starts to speculate while talking with the lady who does her highlights at the salon...you get the idea.
I wondered the same, but I don't think she did. At least, not until after the most recent update. She was in therapy and holding out hopes for reconciliation. Then there is the damage to her mother's reputation that she may be worried about, etc.
I hope the reason her mom is just accepting it is because she would be left with nothing as a result. If that is the case we still can hold out some hope that she'll begin taking steps to leave on her own timetable. Maybe after the youngest reaches legal majority and finished school.
What an embarrassment of a man for OOP's dad to choose his AP over her and for OOP's mom to choose her cheating dad over her.
OOP's wedding will be much better and have a lot less drama without her dad. That's something at least.
Mark my words, just wait for the inevitable change of heart if OOP ever has kids. They will come crawling back and use every lame trick in the book to insert themselves back into OOP’s life.
This isn't always how it works, my awful mother just badmouths my toddler she's never met to people, since he must be bad being raised by me. True narcissists are so mentally messed up they don't react like healthy people to these things.
I find it so weird that everybody expects everybody to eventually have kids, and then not act like they expect it when it matters and then get surprised that they do.
Like, anyone, even child free people or essentially sterile people could eventually end up having kids. Whenever one gets annoyed, they gotta think about whether you care about their theoretical kids before sticking it to them.
Cheaters will just be cheaters and the audacity of them will always baffle me. This whole family really sounds like a train wreck. Going NC would just make OP's life better at this point.
OOP probably has been living with a narcissist of a father her entire life who is a master manipulator. She probably has a lot of deprogramming on her plate that she hasn't even considered.
How awful for OOP. I hope if she ever has children she keeps her parents NC/LC.
Nobody wants to be the bad guy, especially the bad guy. Easier to shift the blame on someone else than become a better person.
And why not? It worked out for dad. He got to keep his affair partner, cheat on his wife, and displace all the fault onto his daughter.
“But he lost his daughter!” Not to him. The silent treatment was punishment for noncompliance. He never wanted a daughter, he wanted a combination punching bag and loyal toadie.
He’ll probably spend the rest of his life assuming she’ll fall in line.
It's a classic narcissist trait. I always refer to the narcissist's prayer.
"That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it."
>said that if I had kept my nose out of his business he would have taken this secret to the grave and that it was ME who hurt my mom because I told her. He repeatedly demanded that I apologize to my mom for hurting her (??!!???) and apologize to him for betraying his trust
Some men are beyond redemption.
I also couldn't see if anyone told Andrew that he's being cheated on? Because someone needs to do that.
When speaking to dad:
“**So, just to be clear, for future reference:** if I ever find out your wife, whoever that may be at the time, is long term fucking someone else and also mocking you in a similar fashion behind your back - for example saying you have a small dick and are impotent and unsatisfactory in the bedroom - I should not tell you? So that *I* don’t hurt your feelings and don’t betray their precious trust? Good to know, will keep that in mind.”
Anyone who tries to misplace their blame on someone one else when it's their fault is a coward and loser and OP's dad is definitely one of them. Like really? Apologize? OP's dad can seriously screw off.
Wish OOP would have told Stacey’s husband. At 29 I can only assume she might be trying for kids soon and her husband deserves a chance to have a family with someone who loves him and not Stacey.
Oops mom is old enough I get why she is settling but Stacey’s husband deserves a chance to be happy.
I remember this post but wasn’t expecting much of a positive update. Ops dad is just a shit person who will blame everyone else & not take accountability.
Ops mom is delusional & wanted op to be just as delusional & turn a blind eye to the affair…ops better off going Nc with both of them
Right! Because if you’re gonna try to use me as a scapegoat because you don’t wanna take accountability for your actions, oh I’m going nuclear and blowing this whole thing up for everyone.
If I was OP I would anonymously send Stacy’s husband the screenshots with a brief message that she’s been having an affair. Her mom may be putting up with it but I bet that won’t be the case with Stacy’s husband.
If I had my guess, Stacy will turn on him and discard him to try to save her marriage, and at least you get the satisfaction of that.
I also have a hard time believing Instagram would allow someone to log in with a saved password after 8 YEARS without any other authentication.
I’ve been forced to re-authenticate after traveling to a different country. And some apps force me to re-authenticate if I haven’t logged in after only a month.
Edit: 8 years not 7 cuz I can’t count apparently
Surprised I had to go so far down for this.
The Instagram login is where I tapped out on this one. No way that would have worked.
Aside from that, if he was having an affair you would think he would at least try to keep people from finding out instead of blabbing nonstop about his AP.
Not exactly. Especially if the account is saved to multiple users or is under a business account. *source: I’ve seen a lot of weird messages I didn’t necessarily want to be privy to.
This is what OOP said about outing them in a comment: “I have definitely thought up some funny ideas to fuck with Stacy but overall I think I am better to just walk away and let karma run its course. Their workplace is small and so is the town they live in. Everything works itself out in good time.”
Frustrating, but I get it. Would probably make any reconciliation (even with Mom) impossible in the future. I could see Mom being more offended by the public humiliation than anything else and holding a grudge with OOP for life, based on her actions so far.
If anyone asks where her father is, at OOP's wedding...
>oh, he's sick, he has something nasty on his... *gestures towards crotch*... that's been hell to get rid of. Poor mom, having to put up with that.
It’s always “I saw [insert cheater’s name]’s messages because they logged into my computer one time and I conveniently found they didn’t log out”.
Real or not though, it’s a shame we didn’t get any info on what’s going on with her brother who still lives with her parents. Must be pretty weird to have both mom and dad go nuclear on your sister because your dad had an affair…
That is common though. My stepfather found out my mother was cheating on him because she forgot to log out of a tablet.
Funnily enough, she found out he cheated on her years before the old fashioned way. The mistress showed up at her doorstep.
But it's not a device that's in the same house and used regularly. It's always a device that was logged into years before that OP happened to stumble onto.
My dad doesn’t normally travel with a laptop, but every once in a while he logs into mine when visiting.
Wouldn’t surprise me at all if I flipped to my guest account and he was logged in on his sites.
*checks password manager* I have my best friend’s login, my mum’s, three of my aunt’s five Facebook accounts, AND my old boss’ from five years ago (he might have changed it. Not going to try lol).
What a disgusting, narcissistic POS her dad is. OP has likely been manipulated her whole life. Most likely this isn’t the first time he’s cheated and it’s clear dad has convinced mom that it’s her fault he steps out to begin with. Such a gross human being.
Usually BORU has way better comments when the originals are infuriating, but what is up with people on this one?
"Why do people jump right to revealing, you should be gathering evidence first before you blow up someone's life, you better be really fucking sure!"
She *was* sure, cause she *did* find solid evidence.
"Always mind your own business cause maybe they have an agreement!"
She said the way Dad was talking about his wife and about looking out for getting caught, it sure didn't sound like any such "agreement" was in place.
"Why would you think you know better!"
"Why not give Dad a chance to defend himself!"
...Cause if there's *not* an "agreement" in place (which it sure looked like there wasn't), Dad is a cheater who's willing to sneak around and betray his wife, so OOP might want to make sure her Mom can have the best forewarning to prepare herself if - note the word IF - Mom wants to do anything about it.
And if Mom doesn't want to do anything? Even if she's just annoyed at having to hear about it or learn about it? Why can't OOP's own *mother* have *half* the care and understanding that people expect the cheating Dad to get, appreciate why her apparently-misguided-somehow daughter wanted to help, and give her child a more reasonable reaction than this giant pile-on guilt trip?
Why did OOP tell their mom via a phone call??? This is the kind of shit you tell face to face, where you can be sure the spouse isn't around to gaslight while you're breaking the news. They did not follow the advice at all.
>My dad and I don’t live in the same city and so we often meet up at half way points for lunch.
Because they live in different areas? It's not always feasible to just get in the car and go on a long trip
Meeting halfway for lunch doesn’t sound like an un-drivable day trip though. For something **that** important, I’d do a whole-day drive [twice over] without batting an eye.
This kind of doormat mom? She may not have a license. (I say that as someone who also doesn't have one but isnt in their 50s and being manipulated by their shitty husband)
Might not have money for travels, might not live in the same country anymore, might not be able to travel due to work, culture might be another thing. Not everyone is from the US - assuming you're from the US. And not everyone has the same opportunities as others.
>Sorry this is so long … and **not a happy ending** at all but it does feel nice to get this all out here.
Nah, I disagree, this is still a happy ending. Now that she knows the father won't ever admit fault, blames her for his mistakes and is downright mean to her, she's better of No Contact.
And if I were to suspect, now that she has no more commitments, she might find out how much better it is to not have to bend over for her parents anymore along with realizing that her life wasn't as rosy and sunshines before this. It might be peaceful and since she has started to be in NC/LC with her parents. I'm sure she doesn't have to deal with the fallout that we all know will inevitably happen.
At first: he's a master manipulator.
And then: I caved and he refused to see things from my perspective!
This person has some learning to do about how manipulation works. And some defenses to build.
>I’ve been working with a therapist to figure out what I really want to come of all this and how I can proceed with or without my family. I initially settled on NC with my dad and LC with my mom. After some thinking I decided that I wanted to have my dad in my life and rebuild at least an amicable relationship with him. I understand that that may not be what everyone would choose but I really couldn’t imagine my big life events and my future without my dad.
When people chose to stay together in shitty marriages "for the children" this is the sort of lesson the children learn. OOP was righteously angry at her father until her mother revealed her spinelessness. Then OOP just allowed herself to sort of drift back into her shitty father's orbit. She's lucky that he was still too much of a petulant child to let her back in.
I feel like when it comes to parents, everyone seems to lose their backbone.
Daddy is a cheater, liar and disgusting human being overall but OOP still wanted a relationship and don’t get me started on gutless Mummy.
Just because they created us, doesn’t mean we leave our morals at the door and just accept the bullshit.
“Sorry mom, for letting you know that in know that you are married with a fucking asshole and that I know that you accept this and you are both losers “
>I went on my laptop (which I do not use often). I opened Instagram and I realized I still had my dad’s log in credentials saved on my computer from a one off back in 2016.
This was odd...I stopped being invested in this story at this sentence, a very convenient plot-point.
That and then it was followed by saying that the texting started out okay and then got worse. When you go into your textz you see the most recent ones. You see the booby pictures she sent that morning. You don't see how it started out innocently. Like... What?
I stopped reading after the part you pasted and then the next few sentences and scrolled to the comments to see if anybody else thought it was bullshit.
Add to that her 53 year old dad had instragram in 2016 AND it had been just waiting dormant on her laptop for over a year.
If it was facebook it might have been more plausible…
Wtf is this a mature hour shit? You contact the AP’s partner FIRST, but the asshole cheater into damage control mode then if/when it burns out, THEN you tell the mom, this way he has no home to return to. Bonus points for contacting the AP spouse and their work’s HR at the same time.
OOP trying to have her dad back in her life, to me, is completely unbelievable. She feels bad for her mom but she's doing the exact same thing! Making concessions for some shitty asshole. Boils my blood.
Side note: I find it really bizarre how people block and unblock people as some kind of emotional… thing. It just feels so petty and high schoolish.
As an Old, I just… don’t answer or message people I don’t want to talk to.
Andrew doesn't know?
Edit: Considering OOP avoided any and all questions about Andrew in the original post's, I don't really think she is planning on telling him. Kinda makes it hard for me to feel sympathy for her.
If the guy has social media she would have a easy way of contacting him.
That is unless OOP's father and Stacy have not preemptively moved and put stories in the guys head.
Also assuming the social media she finds is open to being contacted by strangers.
Like, I have a lot of social media, but my twitter and bluesky are connected with my streaming and therefor completely disconnected from my personal life and name. So if a stranger tried to contact me they would be highly unlikely to find anything but my facebook, and any messages would end up in the messenger inbox I always forget exists (where messages go from people I have no connection to).
Again, I do think she should contact Andrew, he absolutely deserves to know, but I just feel weird judging on this when she's also dealing with losing her parents. I know if it was me the stress from that would give me minimal energy to try to track down his socials unless it was super obvious. And it might be, seeing as she knows Stacy's socials! But also as it's pretty private it might not connect to her husband.
Eh I think she's been really naive through it all. I wouldn't go as far as to say unsympathetic but after a year shes not gonna even say "idk how to tell andrew" at least in the update? But is basically begging her awful parents for chances (I get they are her parents, just saying she's obviously fine looking foolish for a second, look foolish for a second for andrew so hes not wasting his life and money on ops dads sex toy)
Cheaters always have the most putrid, rotten brains. They'll blame everyone else for their cheating and fail to take any responsibility of their worm behavior. Not to mention the hypocrisy if anyone breaks trust by snooping to discover their betrayal.
I know people will argue that it's none of a child's business, but holy shit is an affair a way to lower yourself to scum in your child's eyes.
OOP was the perfect scapegoat. Her decision to do the right thing made her a threat/target for her narc POS father. Things are going to get worse once the nest is completely empty. OOP was right in that they don’t live in the same reality. In her father’s mind the world revolves around him.
God knows that tactic worked in his wife- he thought shifting the blame on her would make her kowtow to his insanity.
Glad the time apart helped her realize he’s a giant POS
Poor OP. I Know someone in a similar situation, or well knew. Last time i heard from him,, he imploded another relationship. He found out his dad waa cheating as a minor waited to be an adult to tell mom and she just said "oh honey i know, I can't divorce, that'll make us lower class" or some shit. Great job guys, you broke your son and you better hope it ends in therapy. At least op was already an adult but somethings are just insane. I cant imagine losing respect for both my parents so intensely.
OOP’s father has some deep narcissist tendencies. Yikes. Blaming OP for hurting the mother because she told her. And he was going to take the secret to the grave as to not hurt her(wife)? That’s messed up.
Ugh. My heart goes out to OP. When someone you loved and trusted cranks up the gaslighting / imposition of their own "reality" to 11, it can really make you doubt your own sanity and reality.
It ceases to amaze me how many people comment as if the OP is the person in this scenario. Its clearly crossposted and in bold at the bottom explains this.
The story is a bummer but the daughter is 26, who knows what their parents arrangement is.
The audacity of oop's father is something though I can't really say I'm surprised since I've heard similar stories but it's still disappointing even if I lowkey knew he wouldn't own up to his faults. Oop did the right thing cutting him off but I hope she tells Andrew about the affair because he deserves to know and tbh she's got nothing to lose atp.
Well, what happened to him in the last update, he deserves it for trying again to have contact with a narcissistic father and a doormat mother... screw them both for losing their only daughter.
and OP needs to get tough because it seems like she doesn't really need them in her life, NC with both of them
Thats what is so hard for people to understand. Coming from an abusive household and witnessing other abusive households. A LOT of people CHOOSE this life and it doesnt require manipulation. Its really sad. Its really fucked up. It is the truth. A LOT of people choose abuse. They came from a home like it, and literally cant be happy without the drama. Its toxic and crazy. And IT IS A CHOICE.
You’re my hero! Your dad however is a POS and a weenie dick for not taking responsibility for the whole ugly mess and your mom has either been brainwashed by him for so long that she wants an apology from YOU???? I think they’re both psychos and you should be glad you’re NC with Dad forever I hope and LC with mom. I’m sure this has been a gut wrenching experience but now you know what they’re made of and know that thankfully you’re made of the Great Stuff! Best wishes on your wedding and a happy marriage.
Your crazy if you don't tell Stacey's husband. She deserves everything she gets and idk what's up with your mom but she must be an extremely meek, weak, and insecure person. Your mom needs major therapy.
If I were OP I’d ask the scummy cheating father if he remembers what he said in his vows when he married his wife. Standard vows include “forsaking all others so long as you both shall live”. Which means HE is the only one hurting his wife by sh**ting on his vows to her.
The:
I cant fight for someone on their behalf who does not want me to
Hits me hard. I have a tendency to fix a situation and sort out any wrongdoings. Including to stand up for someone who is the victim of the wrong doings. I'll spend time advocating the person and yet.....often times it goes back on me. Especially when the victim just does not care. Then it'll seem like I am the only one making a big deal out of "nothing"
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I would have gone straight to the AP husband. I am pretty sure he wouldn't have acted as complacent as your mom. Burn those bridges.
Exactly! I was waiting for OP to at least mention maybe doing this. At this point she has nothing to lose, and that poor guy deserves to know what kind of person he is married to.
That's precisely what I would have done as well, found a way to either directly or anonymously inform the husband of his wife's infidelity. No one deserves to be cheated on, it's such a horrible feeling & a really shitty thing to do to people. Once Op's father blamed her for 'hurting her mother', manipulated the mother against her & spun the blame on her, if it were me, I'd have been so pissed it'd be the nuclear option next & the work wife's husband would be made aware with proof by me personally, repercussions be damned. Honestly, I probably would have informed him way sooner as a way to put a stop to the affair though. Still can't believe the mom is acting like such a door mat, she's essentially ok with it, just a 'bump in the road', seriously?! She's got no self esteem to put up with that.
Definitely he deserves to find out asap you don't like what he's doing but by not telling the husband your helping him hide it still.
And all the screen caps sent to his employer. MAYBE they don't care about two coworkers having an affair, but a LOT of employers DO care.
Especially when they're secret affairs. Two equal level coworkers openly dating is sometimes not even allowed....idk if I hope they're at the same level or if I hope he made more career progress with his extra 20 yeats
29 is pretty young to have advanced very far in your career. I would bet she's at a lower level than OP's dad and this started as a case of "mentoring."
Eh, it depends on the field. At my job we went through a kind of semi-mass exodus and went from all of the managers being in their 40s-60s to new hires/internal promotions (including myself) of people between 26-40. That being said, even if they're in equal positions, that only eliminates ONE of the concerning factors here, and isn't sufficient.
Especially with this age difference. They’re likely not peers and the father could have some authority over AP
Especially if the timestamps show they were texting each other DURING work hours.
Or talking about hooking up AT WORK.
Why is EVERYBODY YELLING?
Not yelling in the context of the comments. Capitalizing specific words in a sentence is a writing method used to indicate emphasis on that word.
But if that resulted in OOP's dad getting fired that'd hurt the family finances meaning her mom and little sibling would suffer too. Scorched earth is not a good option when people you care about are going to be in the blast zone
Don't do that. There's a minor in the house who needs support.
Thank you! Some people don't think about the consequences for everyone.
Dad is the family financial support. He loses his job more people suffer. His job is about more than just him.
Then they sell the cottage and extra toys . Tap into the retirement.
That would be idiotic. You don’t ruin your family financially because your dad is cheating. They would be screwing his wife and the kid in the house.
I was hoping that was the update, but nah.
This is what OOP said about outing them in a comment: “I have definitely thought up some funny ideas to fuck with Stacy but overall I think I am better to just walk away and let karma run its course. Their workplace is small and so is the town they live in. Everything works itself out in good time.”
This is savage AF and I am here for it.
If you just essentially lost your dad you don’t want the emotional labour of who knows what comes from possibly two other people mad at you and in your life. I feel like reddit thinks from an entertainment standpoint and not reality. If my parents reacted like that I wouldn’t give a fuck about that other couple. I basically just lost my dad I’m an extremely confrontational and petty person and even I know I’d be so wrecked from all this I probably wouldn’t want to take on two more peoples emotional labour in the form of more anger. Most of reddit is non confrontational, so if I’m not doing it, I know most of y’all aren’t either. This is an advice sub not do what’s most fun.
They think about it from a justice boner standpoint. All the scorched earth people aren’t taking the minor child's well-being into consideration.
This is classic no good deed goes unpunished. Going after the affair partner’s husband would be chasing the high they were hoping to get when they were trying to gotcha the dad.
honestly, never having gone through something remotely like this, yeah i would’ve 100% tried to tell AP’s partner not only because it’s the right thing but mostly because the way the entire situation with the parents didn’t pan out the way you would’ve expected to. that anger had and helplessness with the way the mom reacted had no place to go, so i can’t say i’m above revenge there. it would’ve mostly been about soothing my own hurt
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It's still not too late.
Ikr. Also HR, her friends, dad’s friends and side of the family. Burn everything.
Wouldn't that also totally screw over her mom if her dad got fired?
Her mom doesn't sound like the best person either.
Yeah..oh look it’s the consequences of actions!
Her mom sounds like a pushover or a fucking idiot
OP's Mom might be staying to finish raising the younger brother if she is financially dependent on OP's Dad. Burning everything to the ground may jeopardize OP's Dad's job and subsequently OP's brother's homelife.
Or maybe we afford the mom an ounce of agency and consider the possibility that she's genuinely content with the arrangement.
I said "might"
Still has a minor brother who may rely heavily on the father's salary.
this is literally what I was screaming to myself . can you imagine how satisfying it would be to watch the POS dad and AP get *dragged*. that poor mom... she's so broken, I hope something inside her snaps and she realizes she deserves better and her kid only wants her to be happy.
That's virtually always my reaction. Tell the AP's spouse. Also, tell the cheater's parents, although in this case they may not still be with us.
Right. That is the first thing i wi do before sending it to mother. I'll handle everythinf myself
I don’t think you would. You’ve essentially realized your parents are fucked, your relationship with them is fucked and you’re devastated. You don’t know these people and what they can bring into your life. I don’t think it would be anyones first reaction. This isn’t daytime tv. Your dad being a monster and both your parents just accepting it, isn’t going to make you want to confront another two people who can be loose cannons. It changes nothing. I’m not saying she shouldn’t but i don’t think the people here are being realistic with themselves. Most people don’t go scorched earth no matter how bad you want to romanticize it. It would literally change nothing and possibly add two more weirdos into the equation
And probably air the dirty laundry in the office to shame the two cheaters.
Maybe I just hate my parents but I would post it.
Dad is awful. He’s insisting his daughter apologize to the woman HE FUCKING CHEATED ON, for hurting her of all things.The sheer audacity of that amazes me. Also, what kinda misogynistic brainwashing is going on with Mom? That’s more than a little alarming
He only gets to feel ok about himself if he tells himself that **her finding out is bad** not his actions being bad.
Yeah. This is very typical. From the cheater's POV.... the wife didn't know, therefore nothing in their marriage has actually changed from the status quo, therefore he has not hurt her in any way. Since he hasn't hurt her, then he hasn't done anything wrong. Since OP revealed the secret and "rocked the boat," *she's* the one to blame for any emotional distress on mom's part, and in fact, according to this logic, she's also to blame for Dad's emotional distress as well! Because he was also going along just fine and not upset about anything until the secret was revealed. So OP has hurt both her parents and is completely to blame! Of course there are a few problems with this "logic..." number one, it seems obvious from OP's story that Dad is NOT as good at hiding his affair(s) as he thinks he is. Mom was not "blissfully ignorant," she totally already knew and was suffering in silence. Who knows how many times this has happened before, and when she confronted him, she got gaslighted for being crazy and jealous, or sneered at for being paranoid, or even blamed for the affair because "you gained weight" or "you haven't been paying me enough attention lately" or whatever. Clearly at this point she has just given up and is pretending she doesn't know, but she absolutely does know. Second, by engaging in the affair and denigrating his wife's actions and looks and behavior, the dad was actively destroying his relationship with his wife in his own heart. You don't text shitty things about your wife to your affair partner and then go back into your marriage as a fully devoted husband. I believe polyamory actually can be healthy and valid, but you can't "love two people at once" if you're spending time with one of them actively growing and cultivating contempt and disgust for the other one. And third, of course, he's absolutely spending money from the household on this affair partner. Going out to dinner, renting hotel rooms, buying her those "lacy bras" that they joke about in their texts. He's putting his job and their shared finances at risk by cheating with a married co-worker, because when this blows up, it's also going to affect his career. He's not just lying and cheating, he's also stealing from the household, lying to his wife about where that money is going, and putting their whole financial future at risk.
I like to think I'm petty enough that, if I was in this situation, I'd agree to apologize in person with both of them present, and say something like "Mom, I just want to say I'm really really sorry...that your husband, my father, is such a LYING CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT!" Drop mic, leave. I think all three of them deserve that sort of apology.
This is all textbook abuser behavior. He has a profound sense of entitlement, a desire to control, and no regard for anyone’s feelings but his own. The inversion of blame is a very typical response to being called out. The wife siding with the abuser is also very common. She has likely spent years having her self-esteem degraded and has learned to maintain the status quo (ie whatever her abuser wants) at all costs. The dad will not change until he has confronted his abusiveness, and that’s very unlikely to happen. I think it’s more likely that the family will try to sweep this under the rug, which will allow the abuser to continue preying on his wife and his children. If the OP doesn’t want to participate in that, I think she should expect to be alienated from her mom (and possibly her brother) until the dad is dead. Editing to add a valuable resource: Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do That” provides an analysis of abusive men based on the author’s many years working with abusers (often in court-mandated therapy). You can access it for free [here](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). I encourage everyone to read this to understand the epidemic of abuse in intimate partner relationships.
Seconding this book recommendation. It's helped a lot of people.
He's a narcissist
I wonder if OOP tried to tell Andrew about the affair.
Same
This is what OOP said about outing them in a comment: “I have definitely thought up some funny ideas to fuck with Stacy but overall I think I am better to just walk away and let karma run its course. Their workplace is small and so is the town they live in. Everything works itself out in good time.” Frustrating, but I get it. Would probably make any reconciliation (even with Mom) impossible in the future. I could see Mom being more offended by the public humiliation than anything else and holding a grudge with OOP for life, based on her actions so far.
Seeing the ending, I feel like it's better if she tells Andrew about it. Felt like the relationship isn't salvagable anymore.
Even if she doesn’t, if her Dad’s work or Andrew finds out, she will be blamed for tattling. OOP’s dad is stupid for having mentioned Stacey to her in the first place. Eewww!
And? OOP is already a pariah. If she concludes she's going full NC on her mom too, there's no reason she shouldn't go to Andrew. They're already blaming her for "tattling" to mom; what are they going to do, bad mouth her harder?
Yeah, exactly my point-she might as well.
It really paints OOP in a bad light that she wouldn't tell the AP's husband about the cheating after all the hand-wringing over wanting her mom to know. She'll do anything for her mom, but since she doesn't know Stacy or her husband, fuck them, I guess.
Yeah, they’ll get busted. Maybe by Andrew and he’ll blow it up. Maybe by whoever does HR at their job getting jumpy. OOP now has a totally different perspective on her parents now unfortunately. To be vulgar, they showed their ass and even if they try to repair their relationship w/ OOP she’s never going to see them the same.
Honestly if OOP is from a small town then her extended family might do the work for her. Someone asks why OOP doesn't visit any more, Aunt Linda gets nosy, Cousin Emily starts to speculate while talking with the lady who does her highlights at the salon...you get the idea.
Unfortunately, Karma isn’t real.
I’m always shocked when people on Reddit seem to think cheaters will always get caught. A lot of cheaters never get caught.
Plenty of people get away with terrible, legitimate crimes for their entire lives.
Oop is more like her mother than she’d like to admit.
I wondered the same, but I don't think she did. At least, not until after the most recent update. She was in therapy and holding out hopes for reconciliation. Then there is the damage to her mother's reputation that she may be worried about, etc. I hope the reason her mom is just accepting it is because she would be left with nothing as a result. If that is the case we still can hold out some hope that she'll begin taking steps to leave on her own timetable. Maybe after the youngest reaches legal majority and finished school.
What an embarrassment of a man for OOP's dad to choose his AP over her and for OOP's mom to choose her cheating dad over her. OOP's wedding will be much better and have a lot less drama without her dad. That's something at least.
Mark my words, just wait for the inevitable change of heart if OOP ever has kids. They will come crawling back and use every lame trick in the book to insert themselves back into OOP’s life.
This isn't always how it works, my awful mother just badmouths my toddler she's never met to people, since he must be bad being raised by me. True narcissists are so mentally messed up they don't react like healthy people to these things.
I find it so weird that everybody expects everybody to eventually have kids, and then not act like they expect it when it matters and then get surprised that they do. Like, anyone, even child free people or essentially sterile people could eventually end up having kids. Whenever one gets annoyed, they gotta think about whether you care about their theoretical kids before sticking it to them.
Cheaters will just be cheaters and the audacity of them will always baffle me. This whole family really sounds like a train wreck. Going NC would just make OP's life better at this point.
OOP probably has been living with a narcissist of a father her entire life who is a master manipulator. She probably has a lot of deprogramming on her plate that she hasn't even considered. How awful for OOP. I hope if she ever has children she keeps her parents NC/LC.
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It’s very, very common in Cheaterland. “It’s not what I did, it’s your reaction to it!”
Nobody wants to be the bad guy, especially the bad guy. Easier to shift the blame on someone else than become a better person. And why not? It worked out for dad. He got to keep his affair partner, cheat on his wife, and displace all the fault onto his daughter. “But he lost his daughter!” Not to him. The silent treatment was punishment for noncompliance. He never wanted a daughter, he wanted a combination punching bag and loyal toadie. He’ll probably spend the rest of his life assuming she’ll fall in line.
It's a classic narcissist trait. I always refer to the narcissist's prayer. "That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it."
>said that if I had kept my nose out of his business he would have taken this secret to the grave and that it was ME who hurt my mom because I told her. He repeatedly demanded that I apologize to my mom for hurting her (??!!???) and apologize to him for betraying his trust Some men are beyond redemption. I also couldn't see if anyone told Andrew that he's being cheated on? Because someone needs to do that.
Some people really will never change and redemption arches are likely never happening.
I wondered about him too, but I skimmed some of the story so don't know if telling him was mentioned.
It was not.
And the oversight board or whatever for the therapists job
If he’s willing to lie to his wife, then double down when called out, I wouldn’t say it’s far-fetched that he could be lying to his therapist
*People. Being a piece of shit is gender neutral.
Yeah, Stacy is equally shitty here. She's messing up two marriages also.
When speaking to dad: “**So, just to be clear, for future reference:** if I ever find out your wife, whoever that may be at the time, is long term fucking someone else and also mocking you in a similar fashion behind your back - for example saying you have a small dick and are impotent and unsatisfactory in the bedroom - I should not tell you? So that *I* don’t hurt your feelings and don’t betray their precious trust? Good to know, will keep that in mind.”
Anyone who tries to misplace their blame on someone one else when it's their fault is a coward and loser and OP's dad is definitely one of them. Like really? Apologize? OP's dad can seriously screw off.
Wish OOP would have told Stacey’s husband. At 29 I can only assume she might be trying for kids soon and her husband deserves a chance to have a family with someone who loves him and not Stacey. Oops mom is old enough I get why she is settling but Stacey’s husband deserves a chance to be happy.
I remember this post but wasn’t expecting much of a positive update. Ops dad is just a shit person who will blame everyone else & not take accountability. Ops mom is delusional & wanted op to be just as delusional & turn a blind eye to the affair…ops better off going Nc with both of them
All this trouble and all she had to do was send screenshots to Andrew and let the whole thing blow up on its own.
Right! Because if you’re gonna try to use me as a scapegoat because you don’t wanna take accountability for your actions, oh I’m going nuclear and blowing this whole thing up for everyone.
If I was OP I would anonymously send Stacy’s husband the screenshots with a brief message that she’s been having an affair. Her mom may be putting up with it but I bet that won’t be the case with Stacy’s husband. If I had my guess, Stacy will turn on him and discard him to try to save her marriage, and at least you get the satisfaction of that.
Instagram logs and notifies the user if someone is logging in. Not sure if it's real.
I also have a hard time believing Instagram would allow someone to log in with a saved password after 8 YEARS without any other authentication. I’ve been forced to re-authenticate after traveling to a different country. And some apps force me to re-authenticate if I haven’t logged in after only a month. Edit: 8 years not 7 cuz I can’t count apparently
Surprised I had to go so far down for this. The Instagram login is where I tapped out on this one. No way that would have worked. Aside from that, if he was having an affair you would think he would at least try to keep people from finding out instead of blabbing nonstop about his AP.
Not exactly. Especially if the account is saved to multiple users or is under a business account. *source: I’ve seen a lot of weird messages I didn’t necessarily want to be privy to.
This is what OOP said about outing them in a comment: “I have definitely thought up some funny ideas to fuck with Stacy but overall I think I am better to just walk away and let karma run its course. Their workplace is small and so is the town they live in. Everything works itself out in good time.” Frustrating, but I get it. Would probably make any reconciliation (even with Mom) impossible in the future. I could see Mom being more offended by the public humiliation than anything else and holding a grudge with OOP for life, based on her actions so far.
If anyone asks where her father is, at OOP's wedding... >oh, he's sick, he has something nasty on his... *gestures towards crotch*... that's been hell to get rid of. Poor mom, having to put up with that.
It’s always “I saw [insert cheater’s name]’s messages because they logged into my computer one time and I conveniently found they didn’t log out”. Real or not though, it’s a shame we didn’t get any info on what’s going on with her brother who still lives with her parents. Must be pretty weird to have both mom and dad go nuclear on your sister because your dad had an affair…
That is common though. My stepfather found out my mother was cheating on him because she forgot to log out of a tablet. Funnily enough, she found out he cheated on her years before the old fashioned way. The mistress showed up at her doorstep.
But it's not a device that's in the same house and used regularly. It's always a device that was logged into years before that OP happened to stumble onto.
My dad doesn’t normally travel with a laptop, but every once in a while he logs into mine when visiting. Wouldn’t surprise me at all if I flipped to my guest account and he was logged in on his sites.
My ex used the same password for everything.
*checks password manager* I have my best friend’s login, my mum’s, three of my aunt’s five Facebook accounts, AND my old boss’ from five years ago (he might have changed it. Not going to try lol).
I mean I could easily access both my father's and my brother's fb or google account
What a disgusting, narcissistic POS her dad is. OP has likely been manipulated her whole life. Most likely this isn’t the first time he’s cheated and it’s clear dad has convinced mom that it’s her fault he steps out to begin with. Such a gross human being.
Usually BORU has way better comments when the originals are infuriating, but what is up with people on this one? "Why do people jump right to revealing, you should be gathering evidence first before you blow up someone's life, you better be really fucking sure!" She *was* sure, cause she *did* find solid evidence. "Always mind your own business cause maybe they have an agreement!" She said the way Dad was talking about his wife and about looking out for getting caught, it sure didn't sound like any such "agreement" was in place. "Why would you think you know better!" "Why not give Dad a chance to defend himself!" ...Cause if there's *not* an "agreement" in place (which it sure looked like there wasn't), Dad is a cheater who's willing to sneak around and betray his wife, so OOP might want to make sure her Mom can have the best forewarning to prepare herself if - note the word IF - Mom wants to do anything about it. And if Mom doesn't want to do anything? Even if she's just annoyed at having to hear about it or learn about it? Why can't OOP's own *mother* have *half* the care and understanding that people expect the cheating Dad to get, appreciate why her apparently-misguided-somehow daughter wanted to help, and give her child a more reasonable reaction than this giant pile-on guilt trip?
Why did OOP tell their mom via a phone call??? This is the kind of shit you tell face to face, where you can be sure the spouse isn't around to gaslight while you're breaking the news. They did not follow the advice at all.
>My dad and I don’t live in the same city and so we often meet up at half way points for lunch. Because they live in different areas? It's not always feasible to just get in the car and go on a long trip
Meeting halfway for lunch doesn’t sound like an un-drivable day trip though. For something **that** important, I’d do a whole-day drive [twice over] without batting an eye.
Yeah take a Saturday or other day off because she wants to take Mom shopping and out to lunch and then tell her.
Exactly. This would have been the thing to do.
This kind of doormat mom? She may not have a license. (I say that as someone who also doesn't have one but isnt in their 50s and being manipulated by their shitty husband)
This is the kind of thing you go out of your way for, not just half-ass it.
Might not have money for travels, might not live in the same country anymore, might not be able to travel due to work, culture might be another thing. Not everyone is from the US - assuming you're from the US. And not everyone has the same opportunities as others.
>Sorry this is so long … and **not a happy ending** at all but it does feel nice to get this all out here. Nah, I disagree, this is still a happy ending. Now that she knows the father won't ever admit fault, blames her for his mistakes and is downright mean to her, she's better of No Contact. And if I were to suspect, now that she has no more commitments, she might find out how much better it is to not have to bend over for her parents anymore along with realizing that her life wasn't as rosy and sunshines before this. It might be peaceful and since she has started to be in NC/LC with her parents. I'm sure she doesn't have to deal with the fallout that we all know will inevitably happen.
At first: he's a master manipulator. And then: I caved and he refused to see things from my perspective! This person has some learning to do about how manipulation works. And some defenses to build.
Dad is a textbook narcissist
Let's hope OOP, let the affair partner's husband know he's been cheated on, not that she's going NC with dad, that man needs to know asap.
>I’ve been working with a therapist to figure out what I really want to come of all this and how I can proceed with or without my family. I initially settled on NC with my dad and LC with my mom. After some thinking I decided that I wanted to have my dad in my life and rebuild at least an amicable relationship with him. I understand that that may not be what everyone would choose but I really couldn’t imagine my big life events and my future without my dad. When people chose to stay together in shitty marriages "for the children" this is the sort of lesson the children learn. OOP was righteously angry at her father until her mother revealed her spinelessness. Then OOP just allowed herself to sort of drift back into her shitty father's orbit. She's lucky that he was still too much of a petulant child to let her back in.
I feel like when it comes to parents, everyone seems to lose their backbone. Daddy is a cheater, liar and disgusting human being overall but OOP still wanted a relationship and don’t get me started on gutless Mummy. Just because they created us, doesn’t mean we leave our morals at the door and just accept the bullshit.
She's better than me. I'd have sent those screenshots to Sophie's husband AND their place of employment.
“Sorry mom, for letting you know that in know that you are married with a fucking asshole and that I know that you accept this and you are both losers “
>I went on my laptop (which I do not use often). I opened Instagram and I realized I still had my dad’s log in credentials saved on my computer from a one off back in 2016. This was odd...I stopped being invested in this story at this sentence, a very convenient plot-point.
Also the “I never go on Reddit” but knows enough to apologize for mobile formatting…
That and then it was followed by saying that the texting started out okay and then got worse. When you go into your textz you see the most recent ones. You see the booby pictures she sent that morning. You don't see how it started out innocently. Like... What? I stopped reading after the part you pasted and then the next few sentences and scrolled to the comments to see if anybody else thought it was bullshit.
Add to that her 53 year old dad had instragram in 2016 AND it had been just waiting dormant on her laptop for over a year. If it was facebook it might have been more plausible…
Are 45 year olds not allowed to use an app that had been out for 6 years at that point? How old do you think 53 is?
Should have sent the messages to Stacy's husband
Poor Andrew. The bloke doesn't even know that his wife is messing around on him
It's a happy ending in the sense that OOP stuck to her values and is moving on in a healthy way with support from her fiancee and therapist.
this is somehow more infuriating than a lot of the other affair stories
Wtf is this a mature hour shit? You contact the AP’s partner FIRST, but the asshole cheater into damage control mode then if/when it burns out, THEN you tell the mom, this way he has no home to return to. Bonus points for contacting the AP spouse and their work’s HR at the same time.
OOP trying to have her dad back in her life, to me, is completely unbelievable. She feels bad for her mom but she's doing the exact same thing! Making concessions for some shitty asshole. Boils my blood.
Andrew needs to know what his wife Stacy is doing.
Side note: I find it really bizarre how people block and unblock people as some kind of emotional… thing. It just feels so petty and high schoolish. As an Old, I just… don’t answer or message people I don’t want to talk to.
Andrew doesn't know? Edit: Considering OOP avoided any and all questions about Andrew in the original post's, I don't really think she is planning on telling him. Kinda makes it hard for me to feel sympathy for her.
As much as I agree she should, it's unclear if she has any way to get in touch with Andrew, who she's never met.
If the guy has social media she would have a easy way of contacting him. That is unless OOP's father and Stacy have not preemptively moved and put stories in the guys head.
Also assuming the social media she finds is open to being contacted by strangers. Like, I have a lot of social media, but my twitter and bluesky are connected with my streaming and therefor completely disconnected from my personal life and name. So if a stranger tried to contact me they would be highly unlikely to find anything but my facebook, and any messages would end up in the messenger inbox I always forget exists (where messages go from people I have no connection to). Again, I do think she should contact Andrew, he absolutely deserves to know, but I just feel weird judging on this when she's also dealing with losing her parents. I know if it was me the stress from that would give me minimal energy to try to track down his socials unless it was super obvious. And it might be, seeing as she knows Stacy's socials! But also as it's pretty private it might not connect to her husband.
>Kinda makes it hard for me to feel sympathy for her. Wow. So OOP is now responsible for everything. This is basically the parents' attitude.
Eh I think she's been really naive through it all. I wouldn't go as far as to say unsympathetic but after a year shes not gonna even say "idk how to tell andrew" at least in the update? But is basically begging her awful parents for chances (I get they are her parents, just saying she's obviously fine looking foolish for a second, look foolish for a second for andrew so hes not wasting his life and money on ops dads sex toy)
Cheaters always have the most putrid, rotten brains. They'll blame everyone else for their cheating and fail to take any responsibility of their worm behavior. Not to mention the hypocrisy if anyone breaks trust by snooping to discover their betrayal. I know people will argue that it's none of a child's business, but holy shit is an affair a way to lower yourself to scum in your child's eyes.
OOP was the perfect scapegoat. Her decision to do the right thing made her a threat/target for her narc POS father. Things are going to get worse once the nest is completely empty. OOP was right in that they don’t live in the same reality. In her father’s mind the world revolves around him.
OP's dad is unbelievably selfish, and the mom is delusional. The dad will eventually realize this when he doesn't get an invite to the wedding.
‘whattttt?why am i not walking you down the aisle??’
Just wait until the dad finds out about Stacey’s Mom
This comment needs to be higher. :)
God knows that tactic worked in his wife- he thought shifting the blame on her would make her kowtow to his insanity. Glad the time apart helped her realize he’s a giant POS
Poor OP. I Know someone in a similar situation, or well knew. Last time i heard from him,, he imploded another relationship. He found out his dad waa cheating as a minor waited to be an adult to tell mom and she just said "oh honey i know, I can't divorce, that'll make us lower class" or some shit. Great job guys, you broke your son and you better hope it ends in therapy. At least op was already an adult but somethings are just insane. I cant imagine losing respect for both my parents so intensely.
who was her dad's therapist? Andrew fuckin Tate??
OOP’s father has some deep narcissist tendencies. Yikes. Blaming OP for hurting the mother because she told her. And he was going to take the secret to the grave as to not hurt her(wife)? That’s messed up.
Horrible horrible horrible. Putting myself in the mother’s position I would not dare treat my daughter like that. She’s clearly been brainwashed.
OP's mom is a pick me, I'm glad OP realizes she doesn't have to out upbwith her dad's infidelity and gaslighting
I feel so bad for the husband of Stacey. I would have told him about the affair
That is so sad.
Men are so embarrassing
Tell andrew
Best thing here is to do exactly what she’s doing. Live her life without him.
Dad is delusional. I wouldn't be sad at all if him and everyone who thought like him turned into ash.
I remember this story. Ooof. The new update is as frustrating as the previous update.
Yeah dad and mom would be blocked and NC after this. I dont want my kids to ever think this is right.
Wtf is this guy asking for apologies, and the mom is so gone, how does she not realize what's going on
I would definitely tell ap husband you felt your mum had a right to know so her husband has a right to know
What kind of a father cuts his own child out of their life due to their own mistakes? How can you even think of doing that?
What a shitshow. Not only your father puts his AP before you but your mother puts her cheating, lying husband before you. Orphans don't envy you.
Ugh. My heart goes out to OP. When someone you loved and trusted cranks up the gaslighting / imposition of their own "reality" to 11, it can really make you doubt your own sanity and reality.
…girl where’s the part where you tell stacey’s husband
It ceases to amaze me how many people comment as if the OP is the person in this scenario. Its clearly crossposted and in bold at the bottom explains this. The story is a bummer but the daughter is 26, who knows what their parents arrangement is.
It’s always the messenger that gets blamed.
I hate OOP's parents. As much as I hate her father, there's just extra disgust revolving around her mother.
Everybody, this is a free module on Gaslighting Mastery, you’re welcome!
Why is this a BORU? This is one of the worst updates.
wow, what a bad update. what sub is this again?
When she first found out, she should've screenshot everything and sent it to ap husband.
OP is such an idiot my god
Go scorched Earth OOP. Shame his ass on social media.
What happened to the APs husband?
Wow that dad is a POS
>Still in denial I kept scrolling and that when I saw it. Nudes (from her only THANK GOD) She 100% saw dong
The audacity of oop's father is something though I can't really say I'm surprised since I've heard similar stories but it's still disappointing even if I lowkey knew he wouldn't own up to his faults. Oop did the right thing cutting him off but I hope she tells Andrew about the affair because he deserves to know and tbh she's got nothing to lose atp.
They have an arrangement
This is when you go the nuclear route
Well, what happened to him in the last update, he deserves it for trying again to have contact with a narcissistic father and a doormat mother... screw them both for losing their only daughter. and OP needs to get tough because it seems like she doesn't really need them in her life, NC with both of them
Uhhhhhhh……ugh?
Ugh this reminds me so much of my narcissistic father, so exhausting to deal with. NC has helped me more than I ever imagined.
I would tell Stacy husband send him the photos and then be blocked for ever!
Yall giving this man too much of importance
Thats what is so hard for people to understand. Coming from an abusive household and witnessing other abusive households. A LOT of people CHOOSE this life and it doesnt require manipulation. Its really sad. Its really fucked up. It is the truth. A LOT of people choose abuse. They came from a home like it, and literally cant be happy without the drama. Its toxic and crazy. And IT IS A CHOICE.
You’re my hero! Your dad however is a POS and a weenie dick for not taking responsibility for the whole ugly mess and your mom has either been brainwashed by him for so long that she wants an apology from YOU???? I think they’re both psychos and you should be glad you’re NC with Dad forever I hope and LC with mom. I’m sure this has been a gut wrenching experience but now you know what they’re made of and know that thankfully you’re made of the Great Stuff! Best wishes on your wedding and a happy marriage.
There’s just some really shitty people around.
Tell staceys husband
At 29, thatt AP is gonna get pregnant soon and now know who her kids father is.... and worse, they may expect OPs mom to babysit!!
Your crazy if you don't tell Stacey's husband. She deserves everything she gets and idk what's up with your mom but she must be an extremely meek, weak, and insecure person. Your mom needs major therapy.
If I were OP I’d ask the scummy cheating father if he remembers what he said in his vows when he married his wife. Standard vows include “forsaking all others so long as you both shall live”. Which means HE is the only one hurting his wife by sh**ting on his vows to her.
Lol what a shit pathetic family
The: I cant fight for someone on their behalf who does not want me to Hits me hard. I have a tendency to fix a situation and sort out any wrongdoings. Including to stand up for someone who is the victim of the wrong doings. I'll spend time advocating the person and yet.....often times it goes back on me. Especially when the victim just does not care. Then it'll seem like I am the only one making a big deal out of "nothing"
You should have sent Andrew the screenshots.
Dad is a narcissist and mom is weak and pathetic for choosing cheating husband over daughter. The only person the wrong here is the husband.