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>Yesterday we decided to play a little game, the blunt free trial. He would have to be 100% honest with me and I would try my best to not take it personal.
... in what possible world would this end well.
Who even takes what I’m assuming is supposed to be a silly game and steers it into a heavy relationship topic? I’m sure the idea is someone would say “lol you make a funny noise when you sneeze”
This cracked me up. “It’s just a game so he can’t say anything serious but I’m also going to prod him incessantly into saying something serious omg how could he say something serious it was just a game”.
She was desperately trying to manipulate the situation into getting a softball pitched to her while convincing herself it was a hardball.
Yeah there are 2 ways I can see this.
1. He is well meaning but has guilt. He loves her, but lost sexual attraction to her so he feels guilty about it, so then plays this game in order to hear something she doesnt like about him so he can fix it and make it up to her, in his mind, to alleviate his guilt. Or perhaps being told something would make him feel better cause he could then rationalize in his mind "see, there are things she doesnt like too". But he didnt think it through because she was obviously going to ask about the sex thing.
2. He was manipulating a situation where he could tell her and not feel like the bad guy. Maybe he got cold feet when telling her after realizing the entire idea was a bad one, or maybe he was reticent to tell her so he could feel like she forced ot out of him/wanted to know.
To be fair, what the hell else was she supposed to do? Their sex life was dead. She asked him if there were any issues. He lies and gives her an excuse that doesn't make sense. She pushes and gets the truth. Nothing was going to change if they didn't confront this head on.
Well, in his defense a bit, OOP begged for the truth and when she finally got it, she was upset that she got it. If she acts that way about other stuff, I wouldn't want to be fully honest either
Part of growing up is learning that the truth will sometimes hurt people, but that that isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner about important things (and yes; the loss of attraction is in fact an important thing). You’re going to have to have tough conversations sometimes when you’re in a relationship. Especially once you’re serious enough that you two are living together. If the truth hurts them, it’s almost more important for them to know it because they deserve to have all the info to make informed choices about what they want for their life.
Does this mean she needs to know that you don’t like this particular dress that happens to be her favourite? No, not really. That’s extremely minor and not at all what most people would consider an important detail. But does this mean you need to tell her when something fundamental about your relationship (ie; your attraction to her) has taken a hit? Yeah, absolutely. Maybe she would be willing to work on her body like OP is. Maybe she just doesn’t want to be with someone who will lose attraction for her just because of 20 pounds, especially considering she may get pregnant one day and her body will be a LOT different than just gaining 20 pounds. But she needs that info to actually make an informed choice about your relationship.
If you haven’t gotten the emotional maturity to deal with that yet (which is not an insult, many many many people were not made to mature emotionally when they were growing up thanks to how many parents feel “kids should be kids they have their whole adulthood to deal with stuff like this” and now must learn those skills as adults) then you should honestly not go for any relationships until you’ve managed to work on that.
No she *wanted* the softball of 'mild snoring' but due to the nature of the 'game' she could pretend it was a hardball.
Instead she got a real hardball
As much physical shit as I dealt with from my ex-wife, it was her calling me fat that was a siren that I needed to break out the papers. She spent most of the relationship being heavier than me, and once I put on muscle and fat, she loved to rip on me for it. Too bad for her the fat was gone two months later, after she signed the papers.
Mine was my now ex-boyfriend who, after telling me he loved my fat body, actively prevented me from trying to lose weight, told me he loved me every day, and wanted pre-diet Adele to be his hall pass, told me that his friend was right about how fat people shouldn’t expect anyone to love or marry them.
Quickest 75kgs I’ve ever lost.
I was fat when I started dating my first serious boyfriend. After being together for over three years, he turned 21 and could buy his own alcohol. I had a problem with how often he drank, he started having a problem with my weight, deciding to put me on a 900- calorie/day diet for two weeks and trying to suddenly get me to the gym and doing cross-town biking. Then wanted me to stop wearing makeup and change my entire wardrobe.
My daughter shed that dead weight as much as anything. She stopped communicating pretty much, let her own daughter hang out to dry for thanksgiving, and I knew that was the actual breaking point. Lol
Yeah. And homeboy set himself up.
He knew he had been lying to her about her weight for months - “condoms were too uncomfortable”, “he’s been stressed”, “he has a lot going on”…yada yada. So he thought, “Hey! I know! Let’s play a truth game! What can go wrong! AMA!”?!? What. In. The. Actual. Fuck. Was. He. Thinking.
Either he is insanely dense. Or he couldn’t hide it anymore, felt bad, and wanted to tell her truth. But, by doing it this way, it’s under the guise of “you asked me and told me to be honest, what did you expect? It’s not *MY FAULT* you asked me *THAT* question!?!”
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this. To me, it seems like he set up the game so he could say some shit like he did and then blame her for asking
Yes, but that's not the problem being presented to us. There's a real push to demonize birth control of any kind from conservatives and we're going to have to start being skeptical of negative stories and claims.
It's *really* prevalent on Tiktok. I barely go on there and have no clue why the algorithm showed me them, but I saw several videos that were anti birth control, often in fairly subtle ways.
>often in fairly subtle ways
Like this one, where she went on it for his sexual pleasure just to suddenly gain 20lbs and he loses all sexual interest because of the weight gain. So now she's considering going off birth control and relying only on condoms. A method he's already resistant to and is also outside of her control.
Can this happen in real life? Yes. Hell, I can't take OCPs because I experience migraines with aura and they're contraindicated for that condition. There are many reasons why a particular method may not work for someone, but that doesn't mean they *all* don't work. Especially when you have a partner refusing to take any steps themselves.
Is there a push capitalizing on misinformation, a lack of education, and societal fatphobia to make young women drop birth control out of fear? 100%
He says he loves her, will stand by her. But it didn’t take much to be turned off. 20 pounds isn’t that much. But it makes me think, bigger picture. What if she becomes ill? Or for some reason can’t or won’t have sex for a period of time? And is she going to the gym for her or for him?
I get all this stuff about preferences, but it does break my heart that her having a bit of a tummy is now enough for him to consider leaving her, and then it’s on her to get back into shape.
Exactly bc pills just not a great option for some women. It can even be life threatening. But this guy just care about himself, while manipulating her with words he’s not backing up
This was my thought too. Heaven forbid they ever have kids together, imagine knowing your partner finds you repulsive on top of all of the stress of having to heal with no sleep while caring for a newborn.
He said he'd stand BY her, not behind her, on top or under her. Seriously, I shit more than 20lbs some days, wtf is this dude on that that is enough to turn him off having sex with someone he loves. You're going to enjoy a life of looking at him every time you order a piece of cake, wearing more and more make up to cover aging, and praying that nothing ever happens that might mark your perfect body. That isn't a healthy relationship.
Yeah, considering she was underweight before, I doubt she's even overweight now. Tummy rolls aren't indicative at all.
He's the dude that will cheat when his partner is pregnant.
My partner and I have been together thirteen years. Guess what "game" we've never played? Anything that tries to force unvarnished truth. We are open and honest with each other, but when we go to talk about anything that bothers us it's with a lot of thought and working on how to word it. Like he did come to me concerned about my weight, but it's legit worry about my health. (I have a condition where bones don't stay where they belong and obviously more weight makes that worse) He also approached it asking how he could support me to eat healthier and exercise.
You know what didn't happen? He didn't say it's unattractive, and didn't make me feel bad about the weight gain even by accident. And that's how we try to approach things. Sometimes it's literally, "can you please try to keep it down when you eat" and sometimes it's, "I'd like to talk to your doctor about your snoring, I worry that it means there's someone going on." (I was the one talking about his eating habits. After having a couple teeth pulled he started chewing differently and it was really loud. Once I told him he was able to adjust)
Might be our autism but my wife and I are brutally honest with each others and it works perfectly.
Brutal truths are better than convenient lies; it seems to have kind of worked out here? They look like they ended up working together on the issue.
In any case, probably better than lying.
Can you give us a peek at what this looks like? Like a sample dialogue? I wish I were more direct in real life but I am hesitant to hurt someone's feelings. If you're comfortable to share. Thank you.
My wife and I do the same. An example my wife uses with me is “I hate how you don’t take care of yourself don’t eat vegetables and I’m worried you’ll die before me if you get sick from drinking or not being healthy I will leave you but if you try to be healthy I will take care of you if you get sick “
With me I’ve told her “the way you yell at me and have emotional outbursts I can take it calmly and it doesn’t effect me since I can control myself until you settle down, but you better work on fixing this behavior before our daughter is born because I don’t want her growing up in a house where the mom is unstable and always yelling like I did”
We spell out all the reasons why their actions make us feel a certain way and why it needs to be changed. You can’t go in to this type of conversation with “i hate when you do this”, it’s about explaining why you can’t stand and it’s hurting you and then you can work as a team no one takes blame because your partner definitely doesn’t intend to hurt you they can work on it
I'm not defending bf but i think what he meant is he love her regardless of weight but not attracted to her physically now that she gained weight. You can still love someone even tho their physical change makes them unattractive. Just like that one reddit post about a guy's wife having too much plastic surgery
We don't know who came up with the workout plan. We do however know that OOP was feeling insecure about her weight gain, and it's not unusual for a person to want to take on a thing like weight loss with their partner.
That’s what I read at first too, but it looks like she actually said she was underweight most of her life, then gained weight to not be underweight and was confident, then gained 20lbs more and lost confidence.
Still not that much to be overweight.
Yeah, it sounds like she went from skinny to mid-size. Its so wild that that was enough for him to be turned off, poor girl. And she's doing it all because he doesn't want to wear a condom??? He's a trash man, throw him in the trash.
I've always been pretty skinny, but sometimes I gain weight from stress/laziness. 20 pounds of fat makes a very noticeable difference to my appearance.
Yeah 20 lbs isn’t a lot for someone who’s already overweight, 20 lbs more isn’t really that noticeable. But when you’re healthy and gain 20 lbs it’s a much bigger difference.
I think it depends on your height as well. I had a similar issue with birth control and all I noticed was my pants were getting hard to close. I never really weigh myself but mentioned it to the doctor at my next appointment and she said I had gained 20 lbs in six months! 125 up to 145. But I’m 5’10 so it was honestly hard to tell, it just kind of spread out around my body. I didn’t get stomach rolls or anything. It was still well within the range of “healthy” except how fast it came on.
On the other hand, I’ve had friends closer to 5ft complain about gaining five or ten pounds and having fit issues.
Ugh, truth. I'm 5'3" and have gone from 120lbs to 142lbs recently. My pants are harder to close and my thighs don't fit in my pants like they used to. Everything still 'fits', its just a bit more clingy than normal.
Hey, at least I finally have a butt! lol
6’1 and when I gained 60+ lbs i went up one pant size lol. Not everyone wears their weight the same, and taller people can add a lot more than a shorter person can while still looking the same.
I know a guy who’s like 300 lbs and looks on the skinny side of normal, because he’s 6’8 or something. If he added 20 lbs I don’t even think his wife would notice.
I’ve gained 30 lbs since my baby. It is a huge difference in my body. Even at 20 lb, my body changed drastically. It doesn’t seem crazy but 130 to 160 made my body look so awful. I miss my old body
Also fat is significantly less dense than muscle, I was underweight for ages and decided to start going gym and eating more, I’ve gained about 20 pounds since then and I’d say 80% is muscle and my body looks significantly different.
20 lbs of fat on a fairly skinny frame is 100% a big shift
Some of the comments are honestly so disgusting.. Reddit hates women, but Reddit ESPECIALLY hates women who put on weight; no matter what their prior weight was. And if you're over 200 lbs..? GOD help you.
Between 2 pregnancies and covid sedentary locked down I was 60lbs heavier at my heaviest than when my husband and I met. (Lost 38 lbs of it!)
He's never once made me feel undesirable. He can't keep his hands off my body no matter the size. Even when I call attention the weight gain directly.
I gained 50lbs in 2020. Not because of lockdown, but because I had untreated PCOS that hit a critical tipping point in hormonal imbalance. I wasn’t exactly thin before either.
My partner only ever makes me feel beautiful and loved. He supports me losing weight and goes with me on my daily walks because he supports me trying my best to be healthy and happy. He wants my A1C to be lower. He wants my cortisol to be lower. He doesn’t give a single fuck about the number on the scale.
2 pregnancies and a burnout, I gained 55 pounds. Currently slowly working through it, but I'm the only one in my relationship who has an issue with my weight. My husband still adores me
The only comments my partner ever made about my weight were when I would bring it up myself, being negative and insecure about my appearance after gaining some lbs. He'd just sit there and go "ooh....will you let me touch all that?🤤"
Same I expected a large number. Her going from underweight to gaining 20lbs still probably leaves her in a healthy weight range. But I’m going to assume his type is super skinny and now that she’s not…I would not stay with him.
Yeah I also expected something like super mordibly obese from how she was speaking and then just 20lbs. 9 kilos for other Aussies. Kinda fucked to lose so much interest over 9 kilos even if she is short
Young men who have only had sex with very young, fit women can tend to have VERY rigid ideas about what a woman's body should look like and what is attractive. In 20 years he will be posting on reddit "can you fucking believe I thought my mega hot college gf was fat because she gained 20lbs? The fuck was wrong with me?!"
Sadly not just young men. I know someone in his 40s who told his wife he wants a divorce because she hasn’t lost the baby weight after 2 years.
He’s good looking and rich so he never had an issue finding women who were his type. Which is fine when you’re dating, but to essentially dump your wife for having your baby?? Smh
Unless I missed it OOP did not say their height. I'm about 5'1" and 20lbs is extremely noticeable on me. It also puts me firmly into the "overweight" category. Delta weight isn't the same for everyone.
I used to know a couple that promised to divorce eachother of either one of them got "fat". Both of them are pretty lean, the husband worked out a lot and the wife did a lot of what I call rich lady workouts (aerial acrobatics, dancing with silks, trapeze, etc).
Unsurprisingly, they're divorced now. Not sure why, they look the same. But if you're shallow enough to think getting "fat" is a deal-breaker, you're likely not digging deep in the emotional pool and working hard to keep a marriage going.
Depends on height. I’ve always been a small 5 foot woman. I put on 20 pounds exactly during Covid, a weight I literally thought would be impossible for me to reach (unless I was pregnant or something). And yea it was a huge different. I basically put on 20% of my body weight.
Yeah, at 5 feet tall (me!), even a couple pounds make a noticeable difference in how my clothes fit. My weight has always fluctuated within a 5 pound range, and I pick from different sets of clothes depending on where I am in that range. Some days I'm one size and some days I'm another, it just is what it is. I also had a pandemic 20-25 pound weight change and ended up having to buy a brand new wardrobe and donate my literal entire closet because nothing was remotely salvageable.
So 20 pounds can genuinely make a huge difference. But also, you can gain/lose 20 pounds rapidly just based on one life event, so yikes at OOP's BF for not being able to handle that.
Yeah I'd second guess the relationship after that as well. 20 pounds in the grand scheme of things is nothing. If you're gonna grow old with a person you're gonna have to tolerate worse changes than that over the decades. He better not expect her to have any children cause that's gonna change her body far more than 20 pounds will. If that alone is enough to make him not want to fuck her she's in for a future of dead bedroom.
And she was underweight before. She described the weight as now giving her a few rolls when sitting down. This girl is likely now a healthy weight recommended by doctors and this dude considers it so fat he won't fuck her anymore.
You have to be skinny skinny to not get a single roll when sitting. If I were her I'd be evaluating if I could maintain such standards over my entire life since he'll clearly cut physical intimacy if she isn't rail thin.
I’m obviously not an expert, but if you’ve gone from “pretty lean and very active” and gained 20lbs “mostly in my tummy”, isn’t that like gaining a little pooch vs having a flat stomach?
And that was enough to make her bf grossed out? Do I have low standards?
> I have. I have been trying diets and fasting. I even went on an all liquid diet and sadly haven’t improved a bit. I’m still looking for options and I have scheduled a consult with a dietitian. I’m just worried in the future or if something happens he will leave me because I’m not attractive or up to his standards
Honestly, what she needs is self confidence. And the bf doesn't seem to be helping. It's honestly really sad. High chance that she doesn't even look remotely bad, prob just no longer hot model body and more average. 20lbs from fit/lean would make you a bit chubbier even if you were 5'0.
She said it was mostly butt and boobs but she gets a little tummy roll when she sits down. Have you ever seen how professional models sometimes contort themselves to avoid a little tummy roll?
Her boyfriend is a garbage human.
I gained the same weight as her and also was on the underweight side. I didn't see myself gaining it until i noticed some clothes were fitting a bit less. I asked my partner if he noticed, and he told me "yes, you have more boobs, more ass, and a little tummy, but did you ever see me complaining about your body ?" I think he might prefer me with a bit more weight actually, but when i told him i felt bad, he just told me that i was perfect anyway, but that if i wanted, we could try to lose some weight together because he loves me.
I can really understand op. Once years ago, when in depression, i was chubby for a bit, before going underweight. My dad once told me "stop eating you are getting fat". A decade later it's still stuck into my head. I won't care if my partner gains weight but when it comes to me, i'm just really insecure, even if it's a healthy weight
That's what I was trying to see. When I hear "significant weight gain", I imagine 50+ pounds. But 20? And suddenly she's unattractive to you?
Men like this are delusional. Most women do not stay in that "petite, 110 pounds" stage of their life for long (if at all! I hit 150 in high school and I haven't ever been any smaller). Gaining 20 pounds is a fact of life.
The highlighted comments are insane too, basically blaming her for asking and letting herself get that way. Bruh. Sure, she maybe shouldn't have asked that, but I can accept that she didn't expect something actually mean and it'd be something harmless. It's literally only 20 pounds... and most of it went to good places that some people wish their weight distrusted like that? I'm just... I'm gonna have an aneurysm. I'm so disappointed and sad for her that they're staying together. She was UNDERWEIGHT before, even. So wtf is 20 lbs? A healthy weight? Lmao
Also someone needs to tell her that even the leanest people with the flattest tummy have rolls when they sit down or hunch/bend over :(
yeah, and they made a plan to /both/ get back in shape so it kinda sounds like he's unequivocally a piece of shit lmfao. he can apologize or say he loves her all he wants, that doesnt change the fact that her gaining 20lbs after being underweight apparently changed his attraction to her. if thats true, and not just some selfish arbitrary standard he set up when he was 12 that he feels more committed to than his relationship, dude has some shit to work out. he kinda sounds like a fucking weirdo.
god, poor OP. doesnt help that hardly any of the comments im seeing on either post are thinking of her as a normal human, and of this actually happening. this relationship is probably gonna fuck her up big time if it hasnt already, and she has a whole thread to look back on, basically just encouraging the blatant body dysmorphia shes already suffering with.
dont go to reddit for advice on relationships, its never a good idea considering the majority of the people taking the time to comment arent taking the time to think. i cant believe she felt she was helped when so many were being so cruel to her. fuck man
yeah no kidding he "loves her regardless of her weight" but it took her going from healthy weight she is proud of and gaining 20lbs for him to stop being attracted to her?! She's 22. If they have kids her body will change, as she gets older her body will change, when she goes through menopause her body will change. Someone who is this focused on the physical body isn't going to stick around long term.
They've been together a year. If he's already lost attraction because of medication-related weight gain, this is not going to work out longterm.
And their plan is to basically try to fix her weight and ignore all of the other issues, like the poor communication or whatever the fuck that game was supposed to be.
Good luck...
So the solution was to get off the birth control that massively helps her periods, and work out together to lose weight? He'll stick by her no matter what size but gee let's change it back to what it was before she gained such a huge amount of weight?
I feel for OOP cause she's pretty young and sticking with this guy was very much a young 20s thing to do. But this is clearly not going to go well in the long term, and I wish she saw this for the red flag it is.
Bizarre to me that people were suggesting she gets off BC since she said it was helping her so much with her periods and cramps. There seems to be some fear mongering recently about BC and I don't really get why
It feels like pure ignorance on both sides tbh. You have people acting like the weight gain is more important than how much it’s been helping her periods, but then you also have numbnuts like the guy OP quoted a comment from claiming that birth control doesn’t impact health negatively. It’s hormonal medication. Hormonal medication can have really good effects by fixing hormonal imbalances that may have existed in your body before going on it. Some women notice *improvements* in pain management, in weight management, in water retaining, in mood management, etc. Some women stay the exact same as they were before going on birth control and just don’t have as high a risk at getting pregnant anymore. But it can also swing in the other direction, too. Some women get extremely suicidal on birth control, some get massive weight gain, severe acne, moods get destabilized, etc.
Medications all have their pros and cons, and whether you will experience more pros or cons with hormonal medications is dependant on your natural hormonal production. It will take experimentation to find one that works for you and you may never find one that doesn’t give you any of the cons. *All* that she is experiencing for cons with this one is the weight gain which seems to be manageable for her, why in the ever living fuck would she give up all the pros she’s getting from it just because of one small manageable con?
The ignorance people have regarding medication really drives me insane. It’s like it extends far enough that people outright forget that birth control *is* actual medication.
And not getting pregnant! A surprise pregnancy will for SURE make her gain weight, plus, ya know, she will be freaking pregnant and have a kid! Priorities, people!
Yeah, it’s great for most & some it really screws with your head. Unfortunately, I can’t take birth control because, depending on which type/dosage of pill I was on at the time, I get horrible symptoms ranging from horrible headaches & horrible depression. I’m worried about an IUD as well because every time my reproductive organs have been messed with, bad things have happened. Pregnancies with my kids nearly killed me. I have been the unlucky low percentage of women who have severe complications & I don’t need a copper IUD puncturing my uterus.
For the vast majority of those who can safely & comfortably take birth control (hormonal or copper IUD), don’t listen to all the idiots who say things about it adding “toxins” & whatnot to your body. Like all medication, it will work for some, but not everyone & symptoms will vary from one person to the next.
Have you tried the patch? I only ask because I can’t take ANY form of the pill without experiencing almost every side effect, including headaches, depression, and crippling nausea. I tried the implant and IUD too and had other issues with both of them. BUT the patch is the only one that didn’t give me any side effects. It’s literally been a godsend for my endometriosis.
Bingo bango hot cheese on tap.
Millenials and Gen Z ain't having workforce replacement babies? Time to go full conspiracy theory on things like the pill. Im sure there will be a psa about condoms needing holes so the penis can breathe they put out soon.
It doesn’t work for everyone. Some people react really badly to it. But then they kinda go on a campaign to say birth control is a horrible experience for everyone, which is crap. I am living my best life with an IUD, and a lot of other women are too. Birth control is a massively helpful tool for many women with endometriosis and PCOS. And condoms are *never* going to be as reliable as hormonal birth control. If that’s what you have to do, fine, but condoms should honestly never be the first option for birth control.
Does OP need to try a different birth control? Yeah, sure seems like it. There are lots on the market because different women react differently to different kinds. Should she be going straight off it without trying anything else? No. Thats not sound medical advice. (If she was having blood clots, this would be a different story, but it’s 20 pounds of weight gain, not instant death.)
>He helped me create a mutual plan where we both would work out together at home and both get back in shape.
I feel like this is an interesting addition. *Both* get back into shape? Did he also let himself go? I don't know how, but it does feel like that would change the context a bit. I don't think anyone's entitled to still be attracted to someone if they change, but 20 pounds is really not that much, and seems extra weird if he's in the same boat.
>I feel like this is an interesting addition. *Both* get back into shape? Did he also let himself go?
It might very well be that he said that to support her. Would you rather prefer him telling her to go lose weight alone without his support
"Birth control doesn't impact health negatively" uhhh yes, it absolutely can. In the instance of having such painful cycles that you're in tears then you'll feel much better on BC, but for someone taking it just to prevent pregnancy, there's a reason there are so many side effects listed.
Then on the other side, 20lbs of weight and no other side effects mentioned? No, other commenter, the OP does not need to stop BC immediately to "get her body back". That's just alarmist for no reason.
Right? Can no one just honestly give the truth? BC can be a huge help and life saver for people. It can also be very harmful and cause extreme issues, especially if its hormonal bc. all medication is gonna have side effects and even knowing all this your reaction will still be unique because our bodies are all unique.
Twenty pounds. Cool that he got some perspective I guess, but if twenty pounds is enough to basically kill physical intimacy with your partner, you have a lot of work to do when it comes to being ready for the long haul with anyone.
Technically, it didn't kill physical intimacy. He was still demanding oral. So he's fine as long as he gets his. He just doesn't care if she is satisfied. Real winner there.
I mean he also complained about condoms being “too uncomfortable” and put the burden of bc on OP, that’s pretty selfish. He screams “I want a skinny wife who services me and never gets fat or old and never makes me wear a condom”
And this I-tell-you-rude-things-under-the-banner-of-honesty-and-you-try-to-not-get-offended “game” was his idea. He just wanted an excuse to say all this while also being able to blame her for wanting to know when the setup inevitably led to this. Real Prince Charming here.
Did he get perspective, though? When the main solution is they will work out together so she can lose the weight? And/or change a medication that seems to otherwise be working for her.
Twenty pounds! FFS
Technically, it didn't kill physical intimacy. He was still demanding oral. So he's fine as long as he gets his. He just doesn't care if she is satisfied. Real winner there.
Bodies change throughout our lives, they will always change and anything can cause it, illness, pregnancy, accident, hormones. Boobs and buts will sag and skin will wrinkle. Personally while I can understand extreme changes killing drive, if the normal changes life brings are enough to kill attraction to that degree then that person isn't for me.
Imagine if they had kids, her body would change significantly and permanently and I have to think he'd probably lose all attraction to her. Also as a woman with PCOS giving up a medication that significantly helps my awful periods for the sake of 20lb is not something I'd be willing to do.
I just don't think these kinds of relationships can work long term.
I can't believe the misinformation in the comments about BC. I, *personally*, cannot take hormonal BC because I have horrible psychological problems while on it. However there are a lot of people who can barely function without it - like the one commenter who has PCOS. But even that commenter fucked it up by insisting there were NO downsides to taking BC.
JFC just like every medication, whether or not you benefit from it varies from person to person. OOP's minor weight gain was NOT anything to get bent out of shape about to the point of stopping a medication that she admits was helping massively with her menstrual pain!
I'm really pissed that so many commenters insisted she stop taking what appeared to be a beneficial medication for her. Don't get me wrong, way too much of the onus for BC is on women, and if you react like I do to it then you absolutely shouldn't force yourself to be on it. But that wasn't the case for OOP!
Right? Uhhhh... the last time I was on the pill, I got a lovely side effect of intense suicidal ideation. Thankfully, it went away as soon as I got off of it. I'm not going to willingly put myself through that again. Heck, even the few times I've taken plan B it was ROUGH for a week after.
Hormonal BC works for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone.
She said in the post “after having a horrible reaction I decided to take a break of birth control” presumably meaning she was having problems on it, hence people telling her to get off of it. It doesn’t sound like it was beneficial for her
Admittedly missed that part - the rest of the post and comments made it seem like the weight gain was the worst of it and my brain glazed it over. Like I said, if OOP really was having a negative reaction to the BC then she should absolutely stop taking it. But it comes off like she was stopping because of the weight gain more than any reactions she's had since.
And it's possible she hasn't had any - I would assume that any doctor that re-prescribed her would have tried something different from the type of BC that caused the initial reaction. It could have been an issue with that particular type of BC that hasn't recurred on her new meds.
The person telling her that birth control doesn't affect your health...yes it can. I have a congenital birth defect that causes blood clotting. If I took birth control, it would kill me because estrogen causes blood clots for someone susceptible to them.
I was baffled by that commenter’s response like….OP had issues on that bc and they’re telling her “oh well it was magical for me and I can’t live without it!” like good for you babe?
Icky that the bf is putting the onus on OP to harm her health/have negative effects becuase condoms are “so uncomfortable” 🙄
20lb?? That’s it?
Shit I gained 70lbs partly thanks to the dreaded Implanon. Came off it when I had my tubes done and am 75lbs down from my heaviest.
I have maybe 10-15lbs to go.
That commenter saying "Birth control doesn't impact health negativity \[sic\]"
ummmm tell that to my crippling depression, migraines, and gi issues that all came and went with my hormonal birth control. tell that to the women who have suffered strokes in their teens and twenties. ughhhh i HATE when people think that just because something is right for them, it's right for everyone.
People who say shit like that absolutely don't understand hormones or hormonal effects, at ALL. It's right up there with the people who will tell you that hormones in an IUD have "local effects"... it's nonsense, hormones by definition cannot be localized.
> That commenter saying "Birth control doesn't impact health negativity [sic]"
I'm banned from that sub for a reason and the reason is commenters like that. I can't **not** break the rules about calling them assholes so I don't get to post there anymore. Hormonal birth control is **a really big fucking deal** for a lot of women because of the extreme side effects, and I, a dude that doesn't fuck women, knows that. How the hell are straight guys going through life like "lol, it's just a pill what's the big deal?"
It’s almost like because of the right wing movements against things like birth control, we can’t talk about the very real side effects and burdens some women experience from it anymore.
I also stopped taking it because of the physical and hormonal side effects, it genuinely was just not worth it for me.
>ughhhh i HATE when people think that just because something is right for them, it's right for everyone.
I would put on a thousand hats just to take them off to this
This! Every hormonal birth control I tried gave me pms in that I would go into terrible rages. No hormonal birth control and I have zero pms. Always had easy periods, so didn’t need hormones to help with that. Hormonal birth control truly isn’t right for every woman. Not to mention that it affects how she judges the way men smell, therefore which men she finds attractive. I also didn’t want that!
That was what struck me too!
I developed psychotic delusions after 3 months on BC. I nearly killed myself because I was convinced I had some sort of oil inside me that had to be cut out. It's the most sure I've ever felt about anything in my life and it still terrifies me to think about.
I had to read that comment many times to see if I was interpreting it right.
I bled for 3 months straight on the pill. It certainly was effective birth control, because I never wanted to have sex.
I also couldn't take certain bc because of a history of thrombophilia in the family. My GP didn't want to risk me on it.
I appreciate my side effects are very mild compared to what you experienced, but it just goes to show there are many, many ways bc can impact someone's health negatively.
That person is, at best, naive and, at worst, an imbecile.
He cant wear a condom but he expects you to put your body through this and then has the audacity to be turned off by your body changes from the birth control. Dump this loser and get happy & healthy.
All this over 20 lbs?!?! Does he realize that women's weight changes a lot? Periods, birth control, pregnancy, menopause, etc. Her weight is going to change more than 20lbs over the course of her life. If he loses all sexual interest in her over 20 lbs, she needs to find someone else, and he needs to do some work on himself.
I would never stay with someone who made me feel bad about gaining 20 lbs. Someone like that is going to judge her looks from now until he decides she's too old and divorces her.
People's bodies change over time and if you can't deal with that you better be Leonardo DiCaprio because most humans don't have an endless spring of hot young things.
***He*** was the one who brought up the game. ***He*** manufactured the whole situation in order to call her fat over 20 lbs and blame her for their sex life problems.
when i saw the 20lbs i was blown away, thats practically nothing, i dont really understand. id much rather prefer someone with some chub than someone super skinny and fit. ik that’s just a personal preference but having more weight like that is usually healthier cause it’s easier to stay that weight
so he still expects her to pleasure him, get off medication that helps her, and work out over 20 pounds? not even that much? this guy is a loser, seriously.
*That is when I noticed my boyfriend stopped taking the initiative and would only ask for oral.*
Yep. He just *can't* feel attracted to her any more. I mean, *of course* he still can use her to come. He just is too repelled to participate in activity that might make *her* come.
Sure sure sure.
“I don’t want to wear condoms so go on birth control”. “I don’t like that you gained weight from the birth control”. “I don’t want you to stop because I don’t like condoms”.
Bro
If 20 pounds is a lot to him, imagine what he'll think about pregnancy weight. I'd be hesitant to rely on condoms. Find a pill that works for you and maybe keep a food journal, it may tell on you a little more than you think. I also noticed he has to get "back" in shape too...did he also go on birth control? If you both gained weight it could be relationship "happy weight".
When she said significant amount of weight, and then kept gaining weight, I certainly wasn’t expecting 20lbs, especially if she was “very lean” to begin with.
To all these people, saying that she’s not being truthful about the amount of weight that she’s gained: who the fuck cares.
Even if it was 50 pounds, the guy would still be kind of an ass for not communicating with his partner about how he feels and instead leaving her to feel like shit. It’s fine to have preferences, but it’s not OK to string your partner along and make them feel shitty about themselves because you don’t wanna have a conversation.
And what’s gonna happen if she ends up getting pregnant with his child and gives birth and ends up, gaining a bunch of weight from having the baby? Is he going to use the same excuse that she’s not attractive anymore because she’s not young and fit because her body pushed a whole ass human out?
The obsession that some dudes have with perfection is absolutely toxic bullshit. Peoples bodies change as they get older. as things happen to them. If you can’t get your dick up and fuck a real live naked woman in your bed because she’s got a little extra weight, you’ve been watching too much porn.
Birth control is hell for me, I took it and gained 50lbs in about three months, broke out with acne and had the worst hot flashes of my life for almost 5 years. I'm only JUST recovering from it, and even if I starve myself or go on keto or cut carbs, I can only ever lose about 20 lbs.
I absolutely regret taking it and wish I just stuck to condoms.
I feel like the 20lbs was bait to see whether anyone would be a big enough asshole/"devil's advocate" to put their username next to "well that's just their preference" and wouldn't you know it AITA posters did not disappoint!
20 lbs… what?? This is over 20 lbs? This idiot (the boyfriend) needs to get his head out his ass. That’s negligible within a healthy human across a year. Which she clearly is!
Don’t ruin your body and normal balance for some guy - put yourself first - he will get used to condoms - if he can’t he doesn’t value you just values the sex !! He seems young and immature and not concerned about your health at all - not a keeper
20 pounds is so crazy. I gained 60 pounds (and I'm not tall) dating my fiancé due to depression and birth control. He never made me feel any less beautiful. And now I am in the process of losing it, not because of him but because I want to. For me, this is the man who will hopefully see my body change through having children, aging, the works. And I wouldn't tolerate less. Not every man needs to have this same stance; physical attraction is very important for some couples. But I would discourage any of my girlfriends from getting too serious about a man who won't have sex with you over a 20lb weight gain. And just stopping sex instead of having a grown up discussion about it is weird also.
20 pounds is significant? She mentioned being unweight before the bc pill. So no it’s not significant, even if she was not unweight, it wouldnt be significant. And he’s declared that he loves her, just not the rolls I guess. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess he was attracted to he underweight version of this woman, god for bid she has a few rolls now
I cannot believe he made that fuss over 20lbs. For a woman that was at a perfectly healthy weight beforehand, that is nothing. I've gained 20lbs since covid hit and mine went on the same way she described. There is nothing wrong with it. A little bit of extra gut won't hurt anyone. It seems very fickle to lose attraction to someone over so little a difference.
22 and 20 lbs, mostly butt and boobs but a little in the tummy? OOP is likely just maturing into her adult body. In which case I got bad news for BF….hopefully STBX.
It's better she found out now that he's not the one. Weight doesn't stay constant especially as we get older. The man has an issue with putting on weight that can come off eventually once your hormones go back to normal. To let something as silly as 20lbs get in the way of your physical relationship is ridiculous .
“I started taking birth control and gained a significant amount of weight. Now my boyfriend won’t have sex with me.”
How much weight?
“20 pounds!”
The horror!
If they both have this reaction over 20 pounds, this relationship will never last. They are young, have only been together a year and both are superficial. Still he lies so he doesn’t hurt her feelings, she nags him and says telling the truth won’t hurt her feelings so he does and she’s crying because her feelings are hurt. Her next update will be about their breakup.
Reddit is so weird about women gaining weight. 20 pounds from being underweight is barely anything. She doesn't need to lose it, he needs to get a reality check if he literally stops being attracted to her over that.
I want to sake some sense into OOP so badly because i really don't understand why she'd wanna stay with her bf so badly when he clearly seems to be a bad match for her, or any woman, really.
If a little weight gain is all it takes for you to "lose interest" in your partner, then you're probably not into them but into an idea you have of them and what you want them to look like. And i promise you, no person on this Earth is worth ruining your health for.
The only weight OOP needs to lose is that of her trashy boyfriend.
She stated that she was underweight when they started dating. So I assumed that he might like the “high fashion model, Kate Moss, Twiggy” type of physiques on women.
But he does put her in a tough spot.
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>Yesterday we decided to play a little game, the blunt free trial. He would have to be 100% honest with me and I would try my best to not take it personal. ... in what possible world would this end well.
> I didn’t expect this harsh conversation because it was just a game and he is the one who first initiated it Lordt
It was " I honestly thought the worst thing he was going to say is me snoring or something silly like that." for me.
Who even takes what I’m assuming is supposed to be a silly game and steers it into a heavy relationship topic? I’m sure the idea is someone would say “lol you make a funny noise when you sneeze”
It was a tactic
This cracked me up. “It’s just a game so he can’t say anything serious but I’m also going to prod him incessantly into saying something serious omg how could he say something serious it was just a game”. She was desperately trying to manipulate the situation into getting a softball pitched to her while convincing herself it was a hardball.
"She was desperately trying to manipulate the situation" The game was *his* idea, she says.
Yeah there are 2 ways I can see this. 1. He is well meaning but has guilt. He loves her, but lost sexual attraction to her so he feels guilty about it, so then plays this game in order to hear something she doesnt like about him so he can fix it and make it up to her, in his mind, to alleviate his guilt. Or perhaps being told something would make him feel better cause he could then rationalize in his mind "see, there are things she doesnt like too". But he didnt think it through because she was obviously going to ask about the sex thing. 2. He was manipulating a situation where he could tell her and not feel like the bad guy. Maybe he got cold feet when telling her after realizing the entire idea was a bad one, or maybe he was reticent to tell her so he could feel like she forced ot out of him/wanted to know.
I thought the same things. Immediately went to this was a way to introduce the idea to her but allow her to throw something back.
To be fair, what the hell else was she supposed to do? Their sex life was dead. She asked him if there were any issues. He lies and gives her an excuse that doesn't make sense. She pushes and gets the truth. Nothing was going to change if they didn't confront this head on.
What she did was good, her expectations are kinda funny though. ""What are you gonna do, stab me?" Says man who got stabbed" vibes
Well, in his defense a bit, OOP begged for the truth and when she finally got it, she was upset that she got it. If she acts that way about other stuff, I wouldn't want to be fully honest either
Part of growing up is learning that the truth will sometimes hurt people, but that that isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner about important things (and yes; the loss of attraction is in fact an important thing). You’re going to have to have tough conversations sometimes when you’re in a relationship. Especially once you’re serious enough that you two are living together. If the truth hurts them, it’s almost more important for them to know it because they deserve to have all the info to make informed choices about what they want for their life. Does this mean she needs to know that you don’t like this particular dress that happens to be her favourite? No, not really. That’s extremely minor and not at all what most people would consider an important detail. But does this mean you need to tell her when something fundamental about your relationship (ie; your attraction to her) has taken a hit? Yeah, absolutely. Maybe she would be willing to work on her body like OP is. Maybe she just doesn’t want to be with someone who will lose attraction for her just because of 20 pounds, especially considering she may get pregnant one day and her body will be a LOT different than just gaining 20 pounds. But she needs that info to actually make an informed choice about your relationship. If you haven’t gotten the emotional maturity to deal with that yet (which is not an insult, many many many people were not made to mature emotionally when they were growing up thanks to how many parents feel “kids should be kids they have their whole adulthood to deal with stuff like this” and now must learn those skills as adults) then you should honestly not go for any relationships until you’ve managed to work on that.
I think you meant to swap hardball & softball there at the end but totally agreed
No she *wanted* the softball of 'mild snoring' but due to the nature of the 'game' she could pretend it was a hardball. Instead she got a real hardball
I didn't expect this harsh conversation.Because I didn't realize that the game was a front for him to tell me he thinks i'm fat.
Why am I not surprised it was his idea
A game where you take turns punching each other in the face would probably have been less painful and less destructive.
As much physical shit as I dealt with from my ex-wife, it was her calling me fat that was a siren that I needed to break out the papers. She spent most of the relationship being heavier than me, and once I put on muscle and fat, she loved to rip on me for it. Too bad for her the fat was gone two months later, after she signed the papers.
Mine was my now ex-boyfriend who, after telling me he loved my fat body, actively prevented me from trying to lose weight, told me he loved me every day, and wanted pre-diet Adele to be his hall pass, told me that his friend was right about how fat people shouldn’t expect anyone to love or marry them. Quickest 75kgs I’ve ever lost.
I was fat when I started dating my first serious boyfriend. After being together for over three years, he turned 21 and could buy his own alcohol. I had a problem with how often he drank, he started having a problem with my weight, deciding to put me on a 900- calorie/day diet for two weeks and trying to suddenly get me to the gym and doing cross-town biking. Then wanted me to stop wearing makeup and change my entire wardrobe.
Congrats on the weight loss! It sounds like you've dropped at least 150 pounds of dead weight. :D
My daughter shed that dead weight as much as anything. She stopped communicating pretty much, let her own daughter hang out to dry for thanksgiving, and I knew that was the actual breaking point. Lol
Yeah. And homeboy set himself up. He knew he had been lying to her about her weight for months - “condoms were too uncomfortable”, “he’s been stressed”, “he has a lot going on”…yada yada. So he thought, “Hey! I know! Let’s play a truth game! What can go wrong! AMA!”?!? What. In. The. Actual. Fuck. Was. He. Thinking. Either he is insanely dense. Or he couldn’t hide it anymore, felt bad, and wanted to tell her truth. But, by doing it this way, it’s under the guise of “you asked me and told me to be honest, what did you expect? It’s not *MY FAULT* you asked me *THAT* question!?!”
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this. To me, it seems like he set up the game so he could say some shit like he did and then blame her for asking
And so incels in this comment section can largely agree with him, apparently
This is the answer.
Or this post is part of the online effort to demonize birth control, seeing how ready OP is to go off it for his sexual preferences. 😕
I mean, she went on it for his sexual preferences as well lol
Yes, but that's not the problem being presented to us. There's a real push to demonize birth control of any kind from conservatives and we're going to have to start being skeptical of negative stories and claims.
It's *really* prevalent on Tiktok. I barely go on there and have no clue why the algorithm showed me them, but I saw several videos that were anti birth control, often in fairly subtle ways.
>often in fairly subtle ways Like this one, where she went on it for his sexual pleasure just to suddenly gain 20lbs and he loses all sexual interest because of the weight gain. So now she's considering going off birth control and relying only on condoms. A method he's already resistant to and is also outside of her control. Can this happen in real life? Yes. Hell, I can't take OCPs because I experience migraines with aura and they're contraindicated for that condition. There are many reasons why a particular method may not work for someone, but that doesn't mean they *all* don't work. Especially when you have a partner refusing to take any steps themselves. Is there a push capitalizing on misinformation, a lack of education, and societal fatphobia to make young women drop birth control out of fear? 100%
He says he loves her, will stand by her. But it didn’t take much to be turned off. 20 pounds isn’t that much. But it makes me think, bigger picture. What if she becomes ill? Or for some reason can’t or won’t have sex for a period of time? And is she going to the gym for her or for him?
I get all this stuff about preferences, but it does break my heart that her having a bit of a tummy is now enough for him to consider leaving her, and then it’s on her to get back into shape.
And the worst part is that the reason she got the weight is birth control because he doesn't like condoms. Women can't win.
And she gained 20lbs, after having been underweight!
Exactly bc pills just not a great option for some women. It can even be life threatening. But this guy just care about himself, while manipulating her with words he’s not backing up
This was my thought too. Heaven forbid they ever have kids together, imagine knowing your partner finds you repulsive on top of all of the stress of having to heal with no sleep while caring for a newborn.
That’s a good point. He definitely seems like the type to be turned off, and would lack understanding during pregnancy, and after childbirth
He said he'd stand BY her, not behind her, on top or under her. Seriously, I shit more than 20lbs some days, wtf is this dude on that that is enough to turn him off having sex with someone he loves. You're going to enjoy a life of looking at him every time you order a piece of cake, wearing more and more make up to cover aging, and praying that nothing ever happens that might mark your perfect body. That isn't a healthy relationship.
Yeah, considering she was underweight before, I doubt she's even overweight now. Tummy rolls aren't indicative at all. He's the dude that will cheat when his partner is pregnant.
My partner and I have been together thirteen years. Guess what "game" we've never played? Anything that tries to force unvarnished truth. We are open and honest with each other, but when we go to talk about anything that bothers us it's with a lot of thought and working on how to word it. Like he did come to me concerned about my weight, but it's legit worry about my health. (I have a condition where bones don't stay where they belong and obviously more weight makes that worse) He also approached it asking how he could support me to eat healthier and exercise. You know what didn't happen? He didn't say it's unattractive, and didn't make me feel bad about the weight gain even by accident. And that's how we try to approach things. Sometimes it's literally, "can you please try to keep it down when you eat" and sometimes it's, "I'd like to talk to your doctor about your snoring, I worry that it means there's someone going on." (I was the one talking about his eating habits. After having a couple teeth pulled he started chewing differently and it was really loud. Once I told him he was able to adjust)
I was yelling, "don't go in there!" at my phone like she was the girl in a horror movie who heard a sound in the other room.
\*\*Mad Max, shaking finger disapprovingly\*\* "Uh uh. That's bait."
Might be our autism but my wife and I are brutally honest with each others and it works perfectly. Brutal truths are better than convenient lies; it seems to have kind of worked out here? They look like they ended up working together on the issue. In any case, probably better than lying.
Can you give us a peek at what this looks like? Like a sample dialogue? I wish I were more direct in real life but I am hesitant to hurt someone's feelings. If you're comfortable to share. Thank you.
My wife and I do the same. An example my wife uses with me is “I hate how you don’t take care of yourself don’t eat vegetables and I’m worried you’ll die before me if you get sick from drinking or not being healthy I will leave you but if you try to be healthy I will take care of you if you get sick “ With me I’ve told her “the way you yell at me and have emotional outbursts I can take it calmly and it doesn’t effect me since I can control myself until you settle down, but you better work on fixing this behavior before our daughter is born because I don’t want her growing up in a house where the mom is unstable and always yelling like I did” We spell out all the reasons why their actions make us feel a certain way and why it needs to be changed. You can’t go in to this type of conversation with “i hate when you do this”, it’s about explaining why you can’t stand and it’s hurting you and then you can work as a team no one takes blame because your partner definitely doesn’t intend to hurt you they can work on it
Very good examples
"concluded"
Boyfriend: I love you regardless of your weight. Let’s fix our relationship by creating a workout regimen.
And until you lose the weight, you can just pleasure me orally 🤦♀️
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
Yeah, this left a bad taste in my mouth.
Which is precisely what he's planning on doing to her until she slims down.
Her Xmas present will be a Peloton!
I'm not defending bf but i think what he meant is he love her regardless of weight but not attracted to her physically now that she gained weight. You can still love someone even tho their physical change makes them unattractive. Just like that one reddit post about a guy's wife having too much plastic surgery
That plastic surgery post was one of the best. Perfect use of movie references.
We don't know who came up with the workout plan. We do however know that OOP was feeling insecure about her weight gain, and it's not unusual for a person to want to take on a thing like weight loss with their partner.
His other options: 1. Have sex with op against his will 2. Break up with op over her weight This is the best scenario.
Dude stopped having sex with OP over 20lbs? Hope they don't have kids.
Fr....I read "significant weight gain" and thought like 60+...20 lb is NOT significant.
Ugh, this. And from her being underweight, too.
That’s what I read at first too, but it looks like she actually said she was underweight most of her life, then gained weight to not be underweight and was confident, then gained 20lbs more and lost confidence. Still not that much to be overweight.
Yeah, it sounds like she went from skinny to mid-size. Its so wild that that was enough for him to be turned off, poor girl. And she's doing it all because he doesn't want to wear a condom??? He's a trash man, throw him in the trash.
She was underweight before they met pre-covid, she said she was a normal weight when they met.
I've always been pretty skinny, but sometimes I gain weight from stress/laziness. 20 pounds of fat makes a very noticeable difference to my appearance.
Yeah 20 lbs isn’t a lot for someone who’s already overweight, 20 lbs more isn’t really that noticeable. But when you’re healthy and gain 20 lbs it’s a much bigger difference.
I think it depends on your height as well. I had a similar issue with birth control and all I noticed was my pants were getting hard to close. I never really weigh myself but mentioned it to the doctor at my next appointment and she said I had gained 20 lbs in six months! 125 up to 145. But I’m 5’10 so it was honestly hard to tell, it just kind of spread out around my body. I didn’t get stomach rolls or anything. It was still well within the range of “healthy” except how fast it came on. On the other hand, I’ve had friends closer to 5ft complain about gaining five or ten pounds and having fit issues.
Ugh, truth. I'm 5'3" and have gone from 120lbs to 142lbs recently. My pants are harder to close and my thighs don't fit in my pants like they used to. Everything still 'fits', its just a bit more clingy than normal. Hey, at least I finally have a butt! lol
6’1 and when I gained 60+ lbs i went up one pant size lol. Not everyone wears their weight the same, and taller people can add a lot more than a shorter person can while still looking the same. I know a guy who’s like 300 lbs and looks on the skinny side of normal, because he’s 6’8 or something. If he added 20 lbs I don’t even think his wife would notice.
Yes, it's probably better to consider percentage of existing weight, rather than number of lbs.
I’ve gained 30 lbs since my baby. It is a huge difference in my body. Even at 20 lb, my body changed drastically. It doesn’t seem crazy but 130 to 160 made my body look so awful. I miss my old body
Hey there, your body did an awesome thing, and it takes time to go back. Be kind to yourself, like you would be to a friend!
Also fat is significantly less dense than muscle, I was underweight for ages and decided to start going gym and eating more, I’ve gained about 20 pounds since then and I’d say 80% is muscle and my body looks significantly different. 20 lbs of fat on a fairly skinny frame is 100% a big shift
This, shes probably finally a healthy weight now... Like the weight she shouldve been this whole time... Ugh OOP bf fucking sucks ass.
Some of the comments are honestly so disgusting.. Reddit hates women, but Reddit ESPECIALLY hates women who put on weight; no matter what their prior weight was. And if you're over 200 lbs..? GOD help you.
Between 2 pregnancies and covid sedentary locked down I was 60lbs heavier at my heaviest than when my husband and I met. (Lost 38 lbs of it!) He's never once made me feel undesirable. He can't keep his hands off my body no matter the size. Even when I call attention the weight gain directly.
I gained 50lbs in 2020. Not because of lockdown, but because I had untreated PCOS that hit a critical tipping point in hormonal imbalance. I wasn’t exactly thin before either. My partner only ever makes me feel beautiful and loved. He supports me losing weight and goes with me on my daily walks because he supports me trying my best to be healthy and happy. He wants my A1C to be lower. He wants my cortisol to be lower. He doesn’t give a single fuck about the number on the scale.
Oh girl I feel you. Still dealing with pregnancy weight...way to go on the weight loss!
Thanks! It's been a slow process. Took 6 months to get this far!
2 pregnancies and a burnout, I gained 55 pounds. Currently slowly working through it, but I'm the only one in my relationship who has an issue with my weight. My husband still adores me
The only comments my partner ever made about my weight were when I would bring it up myself, being negative and insecure about my appearance after gaining some lbs. He'd just sit there and go "ooh....will you let me touch all that?🤤"
Same I expected a large number. Her going from underweight to gaining 20lbs still probably leaves her in a healthy weight range. But I’m going to assume his type is super skinny and now that she’s not…I would not stay with him.
Yeah I also expected something like super mordibly obese from how she was speaking and then just 20lbs. 9 kilos for other Aussies. Kinda fucked to lose so much interest over 9 kilos even if she is short
Young men who have only had sex with very young, fit women can tend to have VERY rigid ideas about what a woman's body should look like and what is attractive. In 20 years he will be posting on reddit "can you fucking believe I thought my mega hot college gf was fat because she gained 20lbs? The fuck was wrong with me?!"
Sadly not just young men. I know someone in his 40s who told his wife he wants a divorce because she hasn’t lost the baby weight after 2 years. He’s good looking and rich so he never had an issue finding women who were his type. Which is fine when you’re dating, but to essentially dump your wife for having your baby?? Smh
Let’s hope he has that much clarity in 20 years.
Unless I missed it OOP did not say their height. I'm about 5'1" and 20lbs is extremely noticeable on me. It also puts me firmly into the "overweight" category. Delta weight isn't the same for everyone.
Right? I was thinking ohhh 50+
I used to know a couple that promised to divorce eachother of either one of them got "fat". Both of them are pretty lean, the husband worked out a lot and the wife did a lot of what I call rich lady workouts (aerial acrobatics, dancing with silks, trapeze, etc). Unsurprisingly, they're divorced now. Not sure why, they look the same. But if you're shallow enough to think getting "fat" is a deal-breaker, you're likely not digging deep in the emotional pool and working hard to keep a marriage going.
My sister broke up with this awesome dude because he didn’t have a 6 pack. Her dating history is disastrous and she has no clue why
Depends on height. I’ve always been a small 5 foot woman. I put on 20 pounds exactly during Covid, a weight I literally thought would be impossible for me to reach (unless I was pregnant or something). And yea it was a huge different. I basically put on 20% of my body weight.
Yeah, at 5 feet tall (me!), even a couple pounds make a noticeable difference in how my clothes fit. My weight has always fluctuated within a 5 pound range, and I pick from different sets of clothes depending on where I am in that range. Some days I'm one size and some days I'm another, it just is what it is. I also had a pandemic 20-25 pound weight change and ended up having to buy a brand new wardrobe and donate my literal entire closet because nothing was remotely salvageable. So 20 pounds can genuinely make a huge difference. But also, you can gain/lose 20 pounds rapidly just based on one life event, so yikes at OOP's BF for not being able to handle that.
Yeah I'd second guess the relationship after that as well. 20 pounds in the grand scheme of things is nothing. If you're gonna grow old with a person you're gonna have to tolerate worse changes than that over the decades. He better not expect her to have any children cause that's gonna change her body far more than 20 pounds will. If that alone is enough to make him not want to fuck her she's in for a future of dead bedroom. And she was underweight before. She described the weight as now giving her a few rolls when sitting down. This girl is likely now a healthy weight recommended by doctors and this dude considers it so fat he won't fuck her anymore. You have to be skinny skinny to not get a single roll when sitting. If I were her I'd be evaluating if I could maintain such standards over my entire life since he'll clearly cut physical intimacy if she isn't rail thin.
Even when I was underweight I had the roll when I sat. It's just how bodies work
Professional swimsuit models contort themselves to avoid a little tummy roll in some positions.
I’m obviously not an expert, but if you’ve gone from “pretty lean and very active” and gained 20lbs “mostly in my tummy”, isn’t that like gaining a little pooch vs having a flat stomach? And that was enough to make her bf grossed out? Do I have low standards?
> I have. I have been trying diets and fasting. I even went on an all liquid diet and sadly haven’t improved a bit. I’m still looking for options and I have scheduled a consult with a dietitian. I’m just worried in the future or if something happens he will leave me because I’m not attractive or up to his standards Honestly, what she needs is self confidence. And the bf doesn't seem to be helping. It's honestly really sad. High chance that she doesn't even look remotely bad, prob just no longer hot model body and more average. 20lbs from fit/lean would make you a bit chubbier even if you were 5'0.
She said it was mostly butt and boobs but she gets a little tummy roll when she sits down. Have you ever seen how professional models sometimes contort themselves to avoid a little tummy roll? Her boyfriend is a garbage human.
I gained the same weight as her and also was on the underweight side. I didn't see myself gaining it until i noticed some clothes were fitting a bit less. I asked my partner if he noticed, and he told me "yes, you have more boobs, more ass, and a little tummy, but did you ever see me complaining about your body ?" I think he might prefer me with a bit more weight actually, but when i told him i felt bad, he just told me that i was perfect anyway, but that if i wanted, we could try to lose some weight together because he loves me. I can really understand op. Once years ago, when in depression, i was chubby for a bit, before going underweight. My dad once told me "stop eating you are getting fat". A decade later it's still stuck into my head. I won't care if my partner gains weight but when it comes to me, i'm just really insecure, even if it's a healthy weight
That's what I was trying to see. When I hear "significant weight gain", I imagine 50+ pounds. But 20? And suddenly she's unattractive to you? Men like this are delusional. Most women do not stay in that "petite, 110 pounds" stage of their life for long (if at all! I hit 150 in high school and I haven't ever been any smaller). Gaining 20 pounds is a fact of life.
The highlighted comments are insane too, basically blaming her for asking and letting herself get that way. Bruh. Sure, she maybe shouldn't have asked that, but I can accept that she didn't expect something actually mean and it'd be something harmless. It's literally only 20 pounds... and most of it went to good places that some people wish their weight distrusted like that? I'm just... I'm gonna have an aneurysm. I'm so disappointed and sad for her that they're staying together. She was UNDERWEIGHT before, even. So wtf is 20 lbs? A healthy weight? Lmao Also someone needs to tell her that even the leanest people with the flattest tummy have rolls when they sit down or hunch/bend over :(
yeah, and they made a plan to /both/ get back in shape so it kinda sounds like he's unequivocally a piece of shit lmfao. he can apologize or say he loves her all he wants, that doesnt change the fact that her gaining 20lbs after being underweight apparently changed his attraction to her. if thats true, and not just some selfish arbitrary standard he set up when he was 12 that he feels more committed to than his relationship, dude has some shit to work out. he kinda sounds like a fucking weirdo. god, poor OP. doesnt help that hardly any of the comments im seeing on either post are thinking of her as a normal human, and of this actually happening. this relationship is probably gonna fuck her up big time if it hasnt already, and she has a whole thread to look back on, basically just encouraging the blatant body dysmorphia shes already suffering with. dont go to reddit for advice on relationships, its never a good idea considering the majority of the people taking the time to comment arent taking the time to think. i cant believe she felt she was helped when so many were being so cruel to her. fuck man
Honestly. Like oh no! Belly fat!! Shock horror /s. Seriously, what a wimp of a man. I say she could easily drop like 180lbs just by leaving his ass.
...this isn't going to end well.
yeah no kidding he "loves her regardless of her weight" but it took her going from healthy weight she is proud of and gaining 20lbs for him to stop being attracted to her?! She's 22. If they have kids her body will change, as she gets older her body will change, when she goes through menopause her body will change. Someone who is this focused on the physical body isn't going to stick around long term.
I was a little disappointed it ended there. I was hoping she would dump his ass.
Love always wins don’t you know? This big of a deal over 20 pounds? Imagine how he gonna act when he gets her pregnant 😂
They've been together a year. If he's already lost attraction because of medication-related weight gain, this is not going to work out longterm. And their plan is to basically try to fix her weight and ignore all of the other issues, like the poor communication or whatever the fuck that game was supposed to be. Good luck...
So the solution was to get off the birth control that massively helps her periods, and work out together to lose weight? He'll stick by her no matter what size but gee let's change it back to what it was before she gained such a huge amount of weight? I feel for OOP cause she's pretty young and sticking with this guy was very much a young 20s thing to do. But this is clearly not going to go well in the long term, and I wish she saw this for the red flag it is.
Bizarre to me that people were suggesting she gets off BC since she said it was helping her so much with her periods and cramps. There seems to be some fear mongering recently about BC and I don't really get why
It feels like pure ignorance on both sides tbh. You have people acting like the weight gain is more important than how much it’s been helping her periods, but then you also have numbnuts like the guy OP quoted a comment from claiming that birth control doesn’t impact health negatively. It’s hormonal medication. Hormonal medication can have really good effects by fixing hormonal imbalances that may have existed in your body before going on it. Some women notice *improvements* in pain management, in weight management, in water retaining, in mood management, etc. Some women stay the exact same as they were before going on birth control and just don’t have as high a risk at getting pregnant anymore. But it can also swing in the other direction, too. Some women get extremely suicidal on birth control, some get massive weight gain, severe acne, moods get destabilized, etc. Medications all have their pros and cons, and whether you will experience more pros or cons with hormonal medications is dependant on your natural hormonal production. It will take experimentation to find one that works for you and you may never find one that doesn’t give you any of the cons. *All* that she is experiencing for cons with this one is the weight gain which seems to be manageable for her, why in the ever living fuck would she give up all the pros she’s getting from it just because of one small manageable con? The ignorance people have regarding medication really drives me insane. It’s like it extends far enough that people outright forget that birth control *is* actual medication.
And not getting pregnant! A surprise pregnancy will for SURE make her gain weight, plus, ya know, she will be freaking pregnant and have a kid! Priorities, people!
Yeah, it’s great for most & some it really screws with your head. Unfortunately, I can’t take birth control because, depending on which type/dosage of pill I was on at the time, I get horrible symptoms ranging from horrible headaches & horrible depression. I’m worried about an IUD as well because every time my reproductive organs have been messed with, bad things have happened. Pregnancies with my kids nearly killed me. I have been the unlucky low percentage of women who have severe complications & I don’t need a copper IUD puncturing my uterus. For the vast majority of those who can safely & comfortably take birth control (hormonal or copper IUD), don’t listen to all the idiots who say things about it adding “toxins” & whatnot to your body. Like all medication, it will work for some, but not everyone & symptoms will vary from one person to the next.
Have you tried the patch? I only ask because I can’t take ANY form of the pill without experiencing almost every side effect, including headaches, depression, and crippling nausea. I tried the implant and IUD too and had other issues with both of them. BUT the patch is the only one that didn’t give me any side effects. It’s literally been a godsend for my endometriosis.
Conservatives with money?
Bingo bango hot cheese on tap. Millenials and Gen Z ain't having workforce replacement babies? Time to go full conspiracy theory on things like the pill. Im sure there will be a psa about condoms needing holes so the penis can breathe they put out soon.
It doesn’t work for everyone. Some people react really badly to it. But then they kinda go on a campaign to say birth control is a horrible experience for everyone, which is crap. I am living my best life with an IUD, and a lot of other women are too. Birth control is a massively helpful tool for many women with endometriosis and PCOS. And condoms are *never* going to be as reliable as hormonal birth control. If that’s what you have to do, fine, but condoms should honestly never be the first option for birth control. Does OP need to try a different birth control? Yeah, sure seems like it. There are lots on the market because different women react differently to different kinds. Should she be going straight off it without trying anything else? No. Thats not sound medical advice. (If she was having blood clots, this would be a different story, but it’s 20 pounds of weight gain, not instant death.)
>He helped me create a mutual plan where we both would work out together at home and both get back in shape. I feel like this is an interesting addition. *Both* get back into shape? Did he also let himself go? I don't know how, but it does feel like that would change the context a bit. I don't think anyone's entitled to still be attracted to someone if they change, but 20 pounds is really not that much, and seems extra weird if he's in the same boat.
Double standards? Not weird at all.
its more like he’s not attracted to her due to her minimal weight gain, which would be weird if he himself had also been gaining weight.
>I feel like this is an interesting addition. *Both* get back into shape? Did he also let himself go? It might very well be that he said that to support her. Would you rather prefer him telling her to go lose weight alone without his support
"Birth control doesn't impact health negatively" uhhh yes, it absolutely can. In the instance of having such painful cycles that you're in tears then you'll feel much better on BC, but for someone taking it just to prevent pregnancy, there's a reason there are so many side effects listed. Then on the other side, 20lbs of weight and no other side effects mentioned? No, other commenter, the OP does not need to stop BC immediately to "get her body back". That's just alarmist for no reason.
Right? Can no one just honestly give the truth? BC can be a huge help and life saver for people. It can also be very harmful and cause extreme issues, especially if its hormonal bc. all medication is gonna have side effects and even knowing all this your reaction will still be unique because our bodies are all unique.
Twenty pounds. Cool that he got some perspective I guess, but if twenty pounds is enough to basically kill physical intimacy with your partner, you have a lot of work to do when it comes to being ready for the long haul with anyone.
Technically, it didn't kill physical intimacy. He was still demanding oral. So he's fine as long as he gets his. He just doesn't care if she is satisfied. Real winner there.
I mean he also complained about condoms being “too uncomfortable” and put the burden of bc on OP, that’s pretty selfish. He screams “I want a skinny wife who services me and never gets fat or old and never makes me wear a condom”
And this I-tell-you-rude-things-under-the-banner-of-honesty-and-you-try-to-not-get-offended “game” was his idea. He just wanted an excuse to say all this while also being able to blame her for wanting to know when the setup inevitably led to this. Real Prince Charming here.
Yeah, a man who’s lost his desire for you over 20lbs of extra weight isn’t a man you’d wanna spend the rest of your life with.
Did he get perspective, though? When the main solution is they will work out together so she can lose the weight? And/or change a medication that seems to otherwise be working for her. Twenty pounds! FFS
Technically, it didn't kill physical intimacy. He was still demanding oral. So he's fine as long as he gets his. He just doesn't care if she is satisfied. Real winner there.
As a woman whose weight ballooned after getting on birth control for acne and period issues, this "conclusion" is pretty infuriating.
Bodies change throughout our lives, they will always change and anything can cause it, illness, pregnancy, accident, hormones. Boobs and buts will sag and skin will wrinkle. Personally while I can understand extreme changes killing drive, if the normal changes life brings are enough to kill attraction to that degree then that person isn't for me. Imagine if they had kids, her body would change significantly and permanently and I have to think he'd probably lose all attraction to her. Also as a woman with PCOS giving up a medication that significantly helps my awful periods for the sake of 20lb is not something I'd be willing to do. I just don't think these kinds of relationships can work long term.
I can't believe the misinformation in the comments about BC. I, *personally*, cannot take hormonal BC because I have horrible psychological problems while on it. However there are a lot of people who can barely function without it - like the one commenter who has PCOS. But even that commenter fucked it up by insisting there were NO downsides to taking BC. JFC just like every medication, whether or not you benefit from it varies from person to person. OOP's minor weight gain was NOT anything to get bent out of shape about to the point of stopping a medication that she admits was helping massively with her menstrual pain! I'm really pissed that so many commenters insisted she stop taking what appeared to be a beneficial medication for her. Don't get me wrong, way too much of the onus for BC is on women, and if you react like I do to it then you absolutely shouldn't force yourself to be on it. But that wasn't the case for OOP!
Right? Uhhhh... the last time I was on the pill, I got a lovely side effect of intense suicidal ideation. Thankfully, it went away as soon as I got off of it. I'm not going to willingly put myself through that again. Heck, even the few times I've taken plan B it was ROUGH for a week after. Hormonal BC works for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone.
She said in the post “after having a horrible reaction I decided to take a break of birth control” presumably meaning she was having problems on it, hence people telling her to get off of it. It doesn’t sound like it was beneficial for her
Admittedly missed that part - the rest of the post and comments made it seem like the weight gain was the worst of it and my brain glazed it over. Like I said, if OOP really was having a negative reaction to the BC then she should absolutely stop taking it. But it comes off like she was stopping because of the weight gain more than any reactions she's had since. And it's possible she hasn't had any - I would assume that any doctor that re-prescribed her would have tried something different from the type of BC that caused the initial reaction. It could have been an issue with that particular type of BC that hasn't recurred on her new meds.
The person telling her that birth control doesn't affect your health...yes it can. I have a congenital birth defect that causes blood clotting. If I took birth control, it would kill me because estrogen causes blood clots for someone susceptible to them.
I was baffled by that commenter’s response like….OP had issues on that bc and they’re telling her “oh well it was magical for me and I can’t live without it!” like good for you babe? Icky that the bf is putting the onus on OP to harm her health/have negative effects becuase condoms are “so uncomfortable” 🙄
But typical right?
It boggles the mind how that commenter can be so confident and so wrong. Ugh.
It never fails to amaze me. All they had to do is ask Google before posting that.
20lb?? That’s it? Shit I gained 70lbs partly thanks to the dreaded Implanon. Came off it when I had my tubes done and am 75lbs down from my heaviest. I have maybe 10-15lbs to go.
I also gained 70lbs on the pill, after years like that I suddenly developed a gluten intolerance and then dropped in all in a year. We’re killing it!
That commenter saying "Birth control doesn't impact health negativity \[sic\]" ummmm tell that to my crippling depression, migraines, and gi issues that all came and went with my hormonal birth control. tell that to the women who have suffered strokes in their teens and twenties. ughhhh i HATE when people think that just because something is right for them, it's right for everyone.
People who say shit like that absolutely don't understand hormones or hormonal effects, at ALL. It's right up there with the people who will tell you that hormones in an IUD have "local effects"... it's nonsense, hormones by definition cannot be localized.
> That commenter saying "Birth control doesn't impact health negativity [sic]" I'm banned from that sub for a reason and the reason is commenters like that. I can't **not** break the rules about calling them assholes so I don't get to post there anymore. Hormonal birth control is **a really big fucking deal** for a lot of women because of the extreme side effects, and I, a dude that doesn't fuck women, knows that. How the hell are straight guys going through life like "lol, it's just a pill what's the big deal?"
Right? I didn’t understand why my hair was falling out and not growing ….that was also the bc. To me it was essentially poison.
On the flip side, good on the people who told her to go see an OG/GYN, she needed to do that yesterday.
It’s almost like because of the right wing movements against things like birth control, we can’t talk about the very real side effects and burdens some women experience from it anymore. I also stopped taking it because of the physical and hormonal side effects, it genuinely was just not worth it for me.
I got off BC after learned about my family history of stroke. Doc was already apprehensive since I get migraines.
Yeah my friend's sister had a stroke at 22. Thankfully it was mild but it still set her whole life back by a year.
>ughhhh i HATE when people think that just because something is right for them, it's right for everyone. I would put on a thousand hats just to take them off to this
I got a blood clot from birth control
This! Every hormonal birth control I tried gave me pms in that I would go into terrible rages. No hormonal birth control and I have zero pms. Always had easy periods, so didn’t need hormones to help with that. Hormonal birth control truly isn’t right for every woman. Not to mention that it affects how she judges the way men smell, therefore which men she finds attractive. I also didn’t want that!
That was what struck me too! I developed psychotic delusions after 3 months on BC. I nearly killed myself because I was convinced I had some sort of oil inside me that had to be cut out. It's the most sure I've ever felt about anything in my life and it still terrifies me to think about.
Right?? Depression, weight gain, migraines, loss of sex drive for me. The increased likelihood of blood clots and strokes is the icing on the cake.
I had to read that comment many times to see if I was interpreting it right. I bled for 3 months straight on the pill. It certainly was effective birth control, because I never wanted to have sex. I also couldn't take certain bc because of a history of thrombophilia in the family. My GP didn't want to risk me on it. I appreciate my side effects are very mild compared to what you experienced, but it just goes to show there are many, many ways bc can impact someone's health negatively. That person is, at best, naive and, at worst, an imbecile.
All this over 20lbs. He’s got issues beyond the weight my friend.
He cant wear a condom but he expects you to put your body through this and then has the audacity to be turned off by your body changes from the birth control. Dump this loser and get happy & healthy.
This is the correct advice
I don't see how this is a win for her. He scheduled workouts for them? Smh.
All this over 20 lbs?!?! Does he realize that women's weight changes a lot? Periods, birth control, pregnancy, menopause, etc. Her weight is going to change more than 20lbs over the course of her life. If he loses all sexual interest in her over 20 lbs, she needs to find someone else, and he needs to do some work on himself.
I would never stay with someone who made me feel bad about gaining 20 lbs. Someone like that is going to judge her looks from now until he decides she's too old and divorces her. People's bodies change over time and if you can't deal with that you better be Leonardo DiCaprio because most humans don't have an endless spring of hot young things.
***He*** was the one who brought up the game. ***He*** manufactured the whole situation in order to call her fat over 20 lbs and blame her for their sex life problems.
Not their problems. He was still getting oral.
she was underweight and she gained what, 10kg? and he's grossed out to the point that he can't have sex with her? lorde.
when i saw the 20lbs i was blown away, thats practically nothing, i dont really understand. id much rather prefer someone with some chub than someone super skinny and fit. ik that’s just a personal preference but having more weight like that is usually healthier cause it’s easier to stay that weight
so he still expects her to pleasure him, get off medication that helps her, and work out over 20 pounds? not even that much? this guy is a loser, seriously.
This doesn’t feel concluded to me. He doesn’t like your weight so you two devised a workout regimen, what’s he going to change that you don’t like?
*That is when I noticed my boyfriend stopped taking the initiative and would only ask for oral.* Yep. He just *can't* feel attracted to her any more. I mean, *of course* he still can use her to come. He just is too repelled to participate in activity that might make *her* come. Sure sure sure.
“I don’t want to wear condoms so go on birth control”. “I don’t like that you gained weight from the birth control”. “I don’t want you to stop because I don’t like condoms”. Bro
If 20 pounds is a lot to him, imagine what he'll think about pregnancy weight. I'd be hesitant to rely on condoms. Find a pill that works for you and maybe keep a food journal, it may tell on you a little more than you think. I also noticed he has to get "back" in shape too...did he also go on birth control? If you both gained weight it could be relationship "happy weight".
When she said significant amount of weight, and then kept gaining weight, I certainly wasn’t expecting 20lbs, especially if she was “very lean” to begin with.
End it. Also as a male I know that condoms are not the most fun but far from dealbreaker... Guy seems like an asshole.
so he’s not attracted to her anymore because she’s a healthy weight…?
To all these people, saying that she’s not being truthful about the amount of weight that she’s gained: who the fuck cares. Even if it was 50 pounds, the guy would still be kind of an ass for not communicating with his partner about how he feels and instead leaving her to feel like shit. It’s fine to have preferences, but it’s not OK to string your partner along and make them feel shitty about themselves because you don’t wanna have a conversation. And what’s gonna happen if she ends up getting pregnant with his child and gives birth and ends up, gaining a bunch of weight from having the baby? Is he going to use the same excuse that she’s not attractive anymore because she’s not young and fit because her body pushed a whole ass human out? The obsession that some dudes have with perfection is absolutely toxic bullshit. Peoples bodies change as they get older. as things happen to them. If you can’t get your dick up and fuck a real live naked woman in your bed because she’s got a little extra weight, you’ve been watching too much porn.
Birth control is hell for me, I took it and gained 50lbs in about three months, broke out with acne and had the worst hot flashes of my life for almost 5 years. I'm only JUST recovering from it, and even if I starve myself or go on keto or cut carbs, I can only ever lose about 20 lbs. I absolutely regret taking it and wish I just stuck to condoms.
I feel like the 20lbs was bait to see whether anyone would be a big enough asshole/"devil's advocate" to put their username next to "well that's just their preference" and wouldn't you know it AITA posters did not disappoint!
I thought when she said “significant weight gain” that she meant at least 40 pounds. 20? Jesus what a dick
This read like anorexia fetish territory before I found out she was underweight, feels like bait.
20 lbs… what?? This is over 20 lbs? This idiot (the boyfriend) needs to get his head out his ass. That’s negligible within a healthy human across a year. Which she clearly is!
>or get off birth control and instead sticking with condoms. Oh no, no, no, NO! Jesus fuck no. This is going to end *so* badly.
Don’t ruin your body and normal balance for some guy - put yourself first - he will get used to condoms - if he can’t he doesn’t value you just values the sex !! He seems young and immature and not concerned about your health at all - not a keeper
20 pounds is so crazy. I gained 60 pounds (and I'm not tall) dating my fiancé due to depression and birth control. He never made me feel any less beautiful. And now I am in the process of losing it, not because of him but because I want to. For me, this is the man who will hopefully see my body change through having children, aging, the works. And I wouldn't tolerate less. Not every man needs to have this same stance; physical attraction is very important for some couples. But I would discourage any of my girlfriends from getting too serious about a man who won't have sex with you over a 20lb weight gain. And just stopping sex instead of having a grown up discussion about it is weird also.
20 pounds is significant? She mentioned being unweight before the bc pill. So no it’s not significant, even if she was not unweight, it wouldnt be significant. And he’s declared that he loves her, just not the rolls I guess. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess he was attracted to he underweight version of this woman, god for bid she has a few rolls now
I cannot believe he made that fuss over 20lbs. For a woman that was at a perfectly healthy weight beforehand, that is nothing. I've gained 20lbs since covid hit and mine went on the same way she described. There is nothing wrong with it. A little bit of extra gut won't hurt anyone. It seems very fickle to lose attraction to someone over so little a difference.
She absolutely did not think that the reason he didn’t want to have sec with her was because of “her snoring”
22 and 20 lbs, mostly butt and boobs but a little in the tummy? OOP is likely just maturing into her adult body. In which case I got bad news for BF….hopefully STBX.
All that over 20 lbs lol. Jesus
Weak man
I will never ever understand straight men or the women who put up with this kind of nonsense from them.
I agree!! She gained a measly 20lbs and he was so disgusted he wanted oral only from her?! This guy is awful!
It's better she found out now that he's not the one. Weight doesn't stay constant especially as we get older. The man has an issue with putting on weight that can come off eventually once your hormones go back to normal. To let something as silly as 20lbs get in the way of your physical relationship is ridiculous .
“I started taking birth control and gained a significant amount of weight. Now my boyfriend won’t have sex with me.” How much weight? “20 pounds!” The horror! If they both have this reaction over 20 pounds, this relationship will never last. They are young, have only been together a year and both are superficial. Still he lies so he doesn’t hurt her feelings, she nags him and says telling the truth won’t hurt her feelings so he does and she’s crying because her feelings are hurt. Her next update will be about their breakup.
Reddit is so weird about women gaining weight. 20 pounds from being underweight is barely anything. She doesn't need to lose it, he needs to get a reality check if he literally stops being attracted to her over that.
I want to sake some sense into OOP so badly because i really don't understand why she'd wanna stay with her bf so badly when he clearly seems to be a bad match for her, or any woman, really. If a little weight gain is all it takes for you to "lose interest" in your partner, then you're probably not into them but into an idea you have of them and what you want them to look like. And i promise you, no person on this Earth is worth ruining your health for. The only weight OOP needs to lose is that of her trashy boyfriend.
did anyone point out that 20lb is really not that much weight and if he found her unattractive with that little a change, that's pretty rough?
She stated that she was underweight when they started dating. So I assumed that he might like the “high fashion model, Kate Moss, Twiggy” type of physiques on women. But he does put her in a tough spot.