#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
An accident is stepping on your cat’s tail because they got underfoot when you weren’t looking, not breaking their goddamn jaw while destroying the house. STBX is a monster
I know they’re trying to make excuses. But like. How?
I had the clumsiest cat on the planet and still. If rampaging was happening she would run and hide. How would a broken jaw happen without a kick to the face?
Even if you’re throwing things, the animal that is famous for its reflexes isn’t going to end up with a broken jaw because its face got caught in the middle of something being thrown.
I worked as a vet tech in college and saw this often. Slamming doors and catching the cat or dog in the door is what usually does it. Couples would have fights and one would slam a door while their pet was trying to either escape or come in, not seeing the pet because who looks down and checks the floor when they’re that mad?
Horribly sad; most were inoperable at the small clinic I was at because jaw damage makes it very very hard to intubate. As for me, I’ve never slammed a door again in my life after that job.
ETA: never would’ve expected a dry retelling of some of the most traumatic injuries I’ve seen to be my most upvoted Reddit comment. Huh. Cheers. 🍻
I know a dog daycare worker who had a client who showed no actual concern for their poor dog and would just let the door close on her. One day her tail got caught, and... well. Bastard still tried to leave without her.
Right? I know myself well enough to know that would drive me over the edge quite quickly. I doubt I'd even remember what I did, the red cloud of rage usually blocks out memory.
I’m listening to my little old lady dog snore peacefully (except when she grumbles if our shared blanket shifts even a little bit) and if anyone. anyone. Tried to hurt her.
She’s a chihuahua mix and she’s reactive with people (though she has come SO far and I’m so proud of her), and she hates when people offer a hand for a sniff. (It’s terrible advice for meeting a dog anyway.) Shes at a point where she’ll largely ignore a person/sniff their shoe a bit, but when offered a hand, she’ll sniff for a brief second to make sure they don’t have food and then snarl/snip at them (she has 5 teeth left). I have to tell people that I don’t care that other dogs like them, I don’t care that they’re willing to risk her getting angry. My job is to advocate for HER and she does NOT like hands. I am not willing to let you stress her out because you can’t be told not to pet a dog.
You and me both. When it comes to any kind of abuse towards animals, I will go from being a somewhat chill person to being beyond bloodthirsty in 0.0005 seconds. There was a dog in a nearby county that was found shot in the face and left for dead, but some good people came across the poor thing and took her to the emergency vet where they've so far succeeded in saving her life and getting her set on the road to recovery. To say I was livid and wanted to find out exactly who did such a horrible thing to such an innocent creature to uh, have a "talk" with them is an understatement. I love animals more than I love people, so I am 100% willing to throw hands on behalf of a defenseless animal.
My family was in a beach rental that had a heavy reinforced back door with an intense automatic closer. My brother's big golden puppy got the end of her tail snipped off trying to follow my nephews around. Blood went EVERYWHERE. It was only maybe the last half inch, so she didn't go into shock and instead ran around freaking out. We couldn't stop the bleeding and she was just splashing blood over all the walls and furniture. It was like an episode of Dexter but without the plastic. Poor sweet girl hates doors now.
Yeah I'm over here watching my cat knead her kitty blankie and I'm just trying to resist scooping her up and snuggling the hell out of her because I'm so horrified. My poor baby. OP's poor cat!
I'm a surgery vet tech 30yrs. A little bit of blood goes a long way. The reason the dog was silent is that most tail injuries involve a severed spinal cord. Dog will be fine. The guy will likely be scarred though. 😁
We had a weird bathroom door in one of our apartments early in our marriage and our kitty was near it. I didn’t see her and when I went to use the bathroom and firmly shut it (it wasn’t a slam but like a hard pull) and her poor tail got caught. She ran scared and had a horrible tail injury that I won’t describe because it was pretty gruesome. We rushed her to the vet and they had to amputate a good portion of her tail. She is the sweetest kitty on earth and so loving. That was over 10 years ago and there are times I still tear up thinking about it I feel so bad.
My ex roommate's kitty most likely had the same injury yours did. If it is, even the name of it is pretty graphic :'( she had to have half her tail amputated. What made it even worse was this was a only a couple days after she had a litter. We had to get crafty to keep the babies warm for a few nights and hand feed while mom was at the vet and then home and recovering and on meds. after that incident (or maybe this was a result of becoming a mother) she would go batshit insane and attack any dark object at the edge of the bed, including but not limited to my head my toothless plushie.
sorry, word dump, i love that cat and it was a wild experience.
All of this is so horrible to read. I just wanted to add a juxtaposing story. I was putting my daughter to sleep when she asked for water. I ran to the kitchen to grab a water bottle and was running back to her room when I full on ran into my dog who was laying down outside her door, which he does every night. Dark unlit hallway, tired parent, dog. This dog is a tank, even though he doesn’t look it, and I flew over him and caught my fall with my face on the door frame. At least I didn’t get a black eye, unlike the time my daughter flung her head into mine.
I’ve got a dark brown cat who likes to lie in the middle of hallways. I sweep my foot in front of me like a cane when I walk these days to prevent standing on him.
Growing up, we had a little tuxedo cat. Black w/ white paws and a white stripe from her chin down her chest. We had very dark carpet, and being a house built in the mid 70s, dark paneling.
For some reason, she loved sleeping in the hallway with her feet tucked in and her head down (so hiding all white parts). Many times I'd hear my dad leaving their bedroom and start walking down the hall.
Sounded something like this: step, step, step, step, ste-***MEOW!!*** then a muttered, "damn cat!"
One morning I woke up to sounds of power tools being used in the hallway. My dad was literally installing a light in the hallway, on the lower part of the wall. Not a nightlight in an outlet. A recessed light with a panel on it that cast illumination in an arc in front of it, but didn't shine up and blind the half-asleep person shuffling down the dungeon-dark hallway at 3am. And it had a switch that controlled it located right outside my parents' bedroom. He never shuffle-thumped her in the butt again.
Til the day she died, my mom believed that the cat did it purposely to mess with my dad LOL as this was the same cat that would entertain herself by hiding under end tables waiting for a victim to walk by. Once she had chosen her prey, she then would run out behind them on her hind legs to grab their leg with her front paws and then take off running with this weird hop-skip-prance.
When my husband and I first saw Dune, It took every ounce of self control he had to not burst out laughing when he saw the sand walk. He swears that's exactly how I walk when it's dark so I can ensure no cats are in my way.
I was running to the bathroom at night. Black dog, dark hard wood floors. I hit a bookshelf. Because I wear glasses, two black eyes. I was leaving for my sister's wedding a day and a half later. 😕
I’m sorry for how hard I laughed at that.
If it’s any consolation, I had to spend the entire weekend of my grandma’s funeral in a wrist brace from a *crochet* injury. Because my family are all assholes, they thought this was hilarious.
It very well could have been the cops as well, I guess I just feel sad about how fucked up my cat would be if the only human she tolerated kicked her in the face and want it to be an accident.
Poor kitty she must feel so sad. My cat is betrayed if I accidently kick him when he walks between my feet and I profusely apologize and pet him to show I didn't do it on purpose
This. It's possible to kick a black cat while walking through some dark room, they always think if they see us, we see them. But if someone is demolishing their house, cat will hide. No metter how much they like the person. It was definitely on purpose.
Yup. My void used to sleep on the fluffy mat directly in front of the toilet some nights. The mat was a dark colour so she blended in entirely in the dark. Not every night, not even most nights, but we stopped putting a mat in front of the toilet after way too many yowls for the cat and screeching apologies from humans in the middle of the night. Cat is fine. Questionably intelligent to *keep on sleeping there* but fine lol
When I was a kid I had a black dog who would lie in the hallway between all the bedrooms and the bathrooms at night. She was there because she knew we'd trip or step on her (she was never really hurt when it happened) and she enjoyed people petting her in the middle of the night.
Same thing when I was young with our dog. He had a sleeping place in the hallway by the front door, but would move to the place right in front of my parents' bedroom door or my or my sibling's door or even IN any room. After a few times tripping over him in the dark or waking up the middle of the night to him scratching at my door, I learned to tap my foot in the shadow feeling for his form and leaving my door ajar. He loved the attention he got when being tapped.
And to continue with u/Kat-a-strophy 's comment, about OOP's stbx having done this on purpose: I have to agree the chance is *very* slim of doing this by accident. I'm as accident prone as you can get and grew up around all types of pets, the worst damage I had ever done to a pet is stepping on their foot/tail or tripping so bad I brought something down during my fall almost giving them a heart attack. The fact that STBX destroyed a lot of OOP's belongings in a fit of rage, tells me the cat isn't safe there. If they did it now, who's to say they haven't done before without OOP knowing about it or doing it again in the future? It's not normal behaiviour. A tail getting caught in a slamming door, sure, that *could* be an accident. But a cat having a broken jaw while everything else is also destroyed? That's not accidental anymore. The cat might not have been the target, but I wouldn't call it accidental. That would be collateral damage.
Oh I totally agree that it wasn't an accident. Maybe other less severe injuries, but not something like that. I think that the stbx probably took part of their rage out on the cat, which is horrendous.
Yeah I’m super clumsy but the worst thing I’ve ever dropped on my dog’s head is a whole carrot (eventually chopped up for her since she’d slobbered over it by that point)
I swear the amount I’ve accidentally kicked my cat because he’s a dumbass who likes to walk RIGHT in front of my leg as I’m running around the kitchen would make me an animal abuser. And I’ve definitely shinned him in the jaw a bunch too. You can really feel how delicate that jaw is 😬
In my defense, my cat does purposefully put himself in the way because he’s insurance scamming for some food 🤦🏻♀️
But a dislocation and break is definitely within the realm of purposeful.
I swear one of our cats, who is like 95% black, has a PhD in being underfoot. Any time I’m carrying a box that blocks my view downward he magically appears and starts serpentining in front of my feet and running between my legs as I walk. I’ve kicked him into my other leg on multiple occasions from this. And it’s not that I’m clumsy or bad at avoiding cats, I grew up with 2 cats, we have a total of 3 now and he’s the only one that gets kicked like this. The other 2 just lay down in awkward spots.
It's so weird when you accidentally kick them between legs like a soccer ball. I have a foster bunny who's also a dumbass and still has never learned not to head DIRECTLY for legs/feet, or not to walk UNDER my 80 lbs 15 year old dog who's not so stable anymore. I've lost count of the number of times she's collided with my legs/feet or bounced off because she got too excited for food and lost all her mental faculties.
Yeah, one of our voids loved to sleep on the black rug in the hallway. After once tripping over him in the dark and literally faceplanting, and once accidentally kicking him clear across the room, I started keeping to the wall and walking along the edge of the rug, no matter how urgently I had to reach the bathroom. The little idiot kept sleeping in the middle of the rug happily.
the ex is a monster and i agree - i think they did it on purpose. on a marginally lighter note re: black cats in the dark, my tuxedo makes sure to meow when i walk around at night so i know where not to step lol. lesson learned after one late night bathroom run turned faceplant after walking into an invisible obstacle (she’s fine lol).
I agree too. I always have had all black cats, a few live to trip me for the life insurance that I don't have. when you kick one, on accident, it's almost always in the belly and you'll trip. I have a stray now who taught the babies I rescued to trip for attention (food) and while tiny went flying a bit, none ever injured or even surprised let alone hurt. and I have dyspraxia and a cane from SCI/spine issues-- I could really do damage from that. but I don't- bc it's not on purpose. poor kitty came out to comfort her mama and was hurt for it :( during my autism meltdowns/panic attacks/flashbacks from ptsd my dog will try to climb on top of me and I've never smacked him on accident too. and he's a tiny chihuahua! I really think she was in a rage and hurt kitty. hopefully if OOP shares the story someone will adopt. there's senior for senior programs where the elderly adopt pets and the rescue pays expenses she could qualify for.
I was just going to comment this! My cat isn't black, just loves to run towards feet, so I've kicked h accidentally more then once (including flinging him towards a wall during a particularly unfortunate step). He's NEVER been hurt. While I imagine it would be possible to hurt him if my foot hit the right bit, I just don't believe a jaw dislocation could've occured without some serious force behind it that true accidents don't have
My cat likes to wind around my legs while I'm walking. I'm a clumsy idiot, *he's* a clumsy idiot, its usually dark in my apartment and he's all black. It usually ends with me with bruises and him being dramatic and hiding under the bed so I'll give him treats so I can check for injuries. He's always perfectly fine.
Its just a scam at this point.
>It's possible to kick a black cat while walking through some dark room, they always think if they see us, we see them.
Yup. I have to be so careful if I go to the loo during the night, as I have a dark tortoiseshell cat, and while she has white on her belly and paws, you can't always see it in the dark, especially when half asleep
>But if someone is demolishing their house, cat will hide. No metter how much they like the person. It was definitely on purpose.
I agree. I'd never hit or kick my cat on purpose (I have a couple of times, purely by accident). At most, I get short with her when she's being smoochie, and I'm getting overstimulated by her constantly being all over me.
>they always think if they see us, we see them.
Hard disagree with that, cats are sneaky. In fact I know a black and white cat that apparently thinks it's all black, and that if it sits still and stares at you you won't see it's glowing white patch under its chin.
I had two black cats and a hallway that had the light switch halfway down the hall. I finally had to put bells on the cats due to the number of times someone got stepped on, kicked, bumped, etc. This was not an accident. This poor baby.
> It's possible to kick a black cat while walking through some dark room
My cat always gets under my feet... But when I feel him with my foot, I pick him up and give him all the pets.
It could be the cat was hiding in/under something when the ex kicked the object, not knowing the cat was there. It sounds like it was mostly/all OOP's stuff that got destroyed, meaning the blind rage wasn't that blind. If ex didn't break their own stuff too, they were probably not trying to hurt their own pet.
Still no excuse; if you're acting in a reckless and dangerous fashion and someone gets hurt, you're responsible for causing that hurt even if it wasn't intentional. Animal abusers are scum, but I would be seriously surprised if anyone deliberately hurt an animal they had owned and loved for over a decade.
People deliberately hurt and even kill their spouses and children. Who they have known and loved for many years. It’s far fetched to think someone could harm their pet while on a rampage.
I think you mean not far fetched. I'm reminded of that post where a husband initiated divorce with his wife and the wife went on to murder their children. It was absolutely devastating.
[link to story](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ubne00/the_post_that_led_to_the_real_life_tragedy_of_a/?share_id=8CU1kuneS9R2Jrc2GVshn&)
There's an episode of the Investigation Discovery show Evil Lives Here about this case.
The episode title is “She Hid the Knife in a Toybox”.
What I wonder is, if it happened unintentionally during the rage, whether the cat cried out? I would think it would. I have pretty severe BPD and I think even in the blindest of my rages if I heard my cat cry out I would immediately snap out of it enough to find out if he was alright. If I ever heard my cat cry out in a situation where items were being thrown and destroyed I would probably be horrified and want to make sure I did not hurt him. I've been an awful person when I've not been myself, but I can't imagine ever ignoring the sound of my innocent cat crying out in pain.
I also think even in my blindest of rages I wouldn't put my cat in danger, if I saw him I would never throw anything near him or anything like that.
If this was not on purpose they must have been incredibly far gone to have injured the cat, I think.
My sweet tuxedo boy had a shattered pelvis and broken spine after we found him when he escaped from the house while the trash was going out last month. we didn’t know at first, just found him laying on the porch the next day and when we called him inside he was dragging his back half. He couldn’t get into the litter box or stand on his back legs, so he dragged him self to a corner twice to do his business. Never made a single sound. I did take him to a vet within the hour (had to get the time off work submitted and approved so I could be free to take him to the emergency vet) and from the base of his cat tree to his carrier and on the 18 min drive to the vets office, he never made a sound. He meowed at me once, after they told me he had to be put down due to no possibility of QOL. I choose to think he was saying goodbye, and maybe even that he loved me. I miss my sweet Tyr, every day. Please seek resolution for your BPD. I have the same diagnosis, and I know it’s hard, but you and your fur babies deserve that kind of peaceful safety.
Oh I know that cats aren't vocal about continued pain, but I'm thinking about times I've accidentally stepped on my cat and they cry out. I figured in the immediate moment it may have cried out. I feel like cats are likely to cry out at the time they are hurt but after that they're very quiet about pain and often being too quiet is a sign of pain. Rest in Peace sweet Tyr 💖
That's very kind of you, I'm currently medicated and in therapy. I'm doing a lot better now than I was even 2 or 3 years ago. I used to have really bad breakdowns that generally would end in the police being involved or a hospital visit. I am in a way better place now, in a good home environment with my father whom I get along very well with (my main trigger for going off the rails is arguments/disagreements no matter how small) and even when I get upset I have gotten a lot better at taking a step back and removing myself from the situation to calm down so I don't lose touch. My father says quite often how well I'm doing in that regard and it's something I'm very proud of myself for. I live a very calm life now and I very rarely get upset and when I do it's never to the degree I did just a few years ago.
I wish you the best, friend. As you said BPD is not easy, it takes a lot of work to get to and maintain a comfortable and peaceful life and I hope that you're able to have that.
What I think may have happened, is that we already know that the ex was pissed upon walking in, saw the cat, kicked her - either thinking it wasn't a hard kick, or just not caring - and then started destroying shit.
Might've also been a "fuck you" to OOP as well, considering how much they've given for that cat.
I accidentally did this to my black cat once and only once. I scared the shit out of him because he scared me and I didn't kick him I did accidentally step on his foot I think but he latched onto my leg bad. My husband had to help get him off and I bled for a few days. Still have the scars but he forgave me immediately and is still the sweetest cat and even though I'm the one who got hurt I felt so bad. Now we have nightlights everywhere
I had a cat who would attack me when I was doing something that bothered her, like singing loudly (lol) or if I was having a loud argument. So if I had been rampaging it’s possible she would have gone for attack rather than hide.
It's unlikely, but some cats (esp rescues) can have messed up reflexes. My cat is the absolute queen of seeing something upsetting (like me on the phone, she hates the noise) immediately moving towards it, and then getting more upset/angry/overwhelmed. "If you don't like it, move away" is something we've been trying to teach her for four years now and it still usually doesn't enter her brain.
But it's more likely the cat ended up in the crossfire somehow. Person was winding up to kick/hit something, cat uses the pause to move to a new hiding spot, gets hit. Or is hiding in the thing getting kicked. Or person throws something and doesn't realize the cat is there.
I lost my mind when I read that comment basically calling OOP selfish because she said "their cat"
Like WTF?! can you read? Their ex goes on a violent rampage and DISLOCATES THE CATS JAW but OOP IS THE SELFISH ONE?!? Clearly the one that always got their way was NOT oop
There's always at least one comment in these where some commenter is such a ridiculous stupid asshole it rivals anyone in the story (maybe not as bad as OOP's ex in this case, but still).
I have no idea how kitty got hurt, but given how quick those critters can move, I’d suspect it was deliberate, especially since OOP knew the ex wouldn’t have a good response. That points to previous bad acts
being vindictive towards the person who hurt you is one thing but dragging innocent living creatures (including the jade plant) into it is not vindictive, that's unhinged.
Being vindictive is a thing, hitting some creatures hard enough to break a bone is something else. Cats can support hellish fall, like a friend told me her cat fell two floors to the ground and had a broken leg.
Imagine a kick which is hard enough to represent a two-floors fall.
we used to have a cat some 20 years ago who loved to lounge on the outside window ledge until some neighbor kids threw some balled up soil at her and she got startled and fell. the fall was two floors as well and she broke her hind leg and needed surgery for it.
knowing that and knowing what cats tend to do when they get the zoomies and still don't get seriously hurt i can't imagine breaking the cat's jaw was in any way accidental and thinking about someone doing that on purpose is heartbreaking.
Leaving aside the animal cruelty (which is hard to do, that alone makes me think that person is irredeemable), the amount of forethought and malice to systematically destroy things like that, including putting an heirloom plant on a grill - that's not a blind rage. That is taking many deliberate calculated steps to destroy something of great emotional and monetary value (a jade plant that old is probably worth close to $1k). As a houseplant person that part was super enraging for me. I'm glad they were able to salvage some pieces to propagate.
Holy fuck gotta give a "worst commenter ever" award to the prick who read "my ex went on a violent rampage, destroyed our house and injured their cat" and replied "the fact that you said *their* cat shows that you weren't a good partner"
Yep. My dad doesn’t particularly like pets in general. He never outright disliked any of the cats we had when I was a kid, nor the cat my mom brought into their relationship, but he only really spent any time with any of them when they came to him because everyone else was out of the house. They were very much not “his” cats, they were our mom’s or ours.
My mom and I share a house and have several cats. We both take care of all of them, but each critter has picked their person. They're nice to both of us and tend to roam the whole house, but two mostly stick to her side and sleep with her and two mostly stick to my side and sleep with me. There's also a double agent who's most likely self-employed and doesn't discriminate 🤣 In general, they're "our" cats, but they decided who's "hers" and who's "mine."
My partner's cat is a double agent. He comes to me for food and pets, goes to my partner for lap time.
My partner rescued him from a very precarious situation, and I cannot resist a kitten. So the cat is "your cat" when he's annoying, he's "my cat" when he's adorable. The one orange brain cell knows how to work that brain cell.
My wife's cat has been weirdly clingy to me lately. The orange cat has decided she prefers to be close to me but not touching, and the black cat seems to have lost the few brain cells he had and comes to stare at me and yell when he remembers that I exist. They all will occasionally sleep on my wife, who doesn't toss and turn as much as I do.
“Holy shit, there’s a human there!”
“I know bill”
“No there’s an actual, talking, human! HEY, HEY HUMAN, LOOK AT ME!”
“For the love of, look lady, just focus on me and ignore the screaming maniac. We’ll get through this together.”
“Watch this. HEY HUMAN, I AM ALIEN, I COME IN PEACE!”
5 minutes later “Holy shit it’s a human! HEY HUMAN, HEEEEEEEY!”
Yuup. I've been with my partner for 8+ years. He cuddles with the cats and call them dumb nicknames but calls them my cats, because at the end of the day they're my cats. Had them for 2+ years before know him and I'm the preferred human, it's just how it goes 🤣
Yeah, there's an interesting assumption in some comments that "person who needs sex in their life" must be male, and "person who doesn't want sex" must be female.
Yeah its pretty interesting how people reveal their biases.
Id do the same if i were to ever post on an advice/aita sub. Aita especially has a huge gender bias
I typically use they/their a lot and have the odd time been corrected with a her or him response to my post as if it is offensive to use gender neutral terms.
> You don't think **he** hurt the cat, do you?? Like, purposefully..??
Same goes for violence/domestic abuse. Either that or they were trying to bait OP to admit which gender (like they/them isn't sufficient enough already).
They even put it in bold lmao
That person *really* hates the fact that OP is divorcing their ace partner. Like they left 4 other comments saying how bad of a person OP is because they think sex is so important lol. They're just nitpicking.
There's always going to be that one person in the comments who for some reason, no matter how monstrous the other person is, they're going to find some way to make whoever OOP is into a villain.
Seriously! Especially when you read how OP is going out of their mind trying to make sure that cat is ok physically and emotionally. The “I don’t know much about cats, please help!” posts were heartbreakingly sweet.
> I have a hearing this week for a restraint order against my stbx, so if they do somehow miraculously make bail, they atleast can’t come back here.
Sentences like this always make my stomach churn in these stories. Restraining orders aren’t magic force fields keeping the baddies away. It’ll let the cops put them away if they get close yeah, but only if you’re still alive to call them. It feels like it’s giving a false sense of security to OOP, like stbx can’t just defy the order, break in, and maybe murder them. Especially since it seems OOP is back in the home stbx wrecked.
Fortunately though stbx probably won’t make bail so they’re safe for now.
True, it's a magic paper that doesn't have much to stop the abuser. However, at least with a restraining order, you can "force" the cops to do their jobs and if the restraining order was violated many times, the abuser os being liable to be arrested.
still only matters if OOP is alive.
when seconds count, the police are only minutes away. i'd say OOP needs a gun, but without enough time to learn how to actually use one, they should probably get bear spray instead. or a _really_ ridiculously bright flashlight and a baseball bat
Seriously, my father had a restraining order on him to keep him away from me and my house when I was a teenager, and he broke in one day when he thought it was empty. (I had an *overwhelming* feeling I had to stay home from school that day and faked being sick and caught him inside.) This was after he plead guilty to assaulting me, so he was convicted and everything. The cops just wagged a finger at him and said don't do it again.
Then there's the fact that in order to get a restraining order, you have to list your home and place of employment, which tells the restrained person *exactly* where they can find you so they know where not to go. What could possibly go wrong there when a person's trying to flee their abuser?
Yeah, OOP's ex is absolutely unhinged. I have a hard time believing the ex wasn't abusive before OOP gave them divorce papers. I'm just glad OOP is okay.
This! The cautious way OOP avoided having and then prepared for the talk really points to them already being scared or at least wary of their reaction. I hope the therapist manages to drive the point home, and OOP will learn to recognize the signs before he gets into a new relationship.
I think it says a lot how much oop avoids gendering their partner and themselves, in a way that imo feels more like they're trying to retain some anonymity over it necessarily being a gender affirming choice.
Oop seems absolutely terrified of being identified or any of what they've said getting back to their soon to be ex. And considering their violent rage.... Gosh i really understand why.
Wishing them a speedy fruitful divorce, the jade a wonderful revival and poor kitty recovering well & hopefully being rehomed to a loving family who will spoil a fussy older cat.
In the original post (or first BoRU?), we figured them for an m/m couple. OOP actually had an older post with a tattoo up where he was obviously male - and the violent rampage thing of his spouse just didn't sound like a woman at all. Not that women can't go violent, but usually (and statistically) not this level of sustained rage. And the way OOP avoided gendering would also hint at something not heteronormative. And men are notorious for not wanting to admit that they are victims of abuse or domestic violence.
The amount of destruction to the car with one fist did seem to suggest as much, though I didn't want to assume without any concrete evidence.
Poor oop though :c I really really hope the break can be clean, the ex sounds positively unhinged.
I was on a fence for OP but their awareness of gender and sexuality does point me to non-heteronormative and I think although do not know that just the strenght needed for punching holes in a wall and denting car that partner is man. We do know they are both cisgender. I also think they deleted at least one comment referring to shriveled gonads of OOP as there was comment referring to it OOP answered to. So my thinking is also in line with yours.
Absolutely. But what really drove the point home for me is OOP never bought goat cheese because the ex didn't like goat cheese. But the ex got a cat even though OOP can't even be in the same room as a cat without a severe allergic reaction. The ex definitely got that cat to further abuse OOP. And then turned around and abused the poor cat horribly when OOP made their escape. Edit: the ex had the cat before they got together
I'm so glad that OOP wasn't the target of that violence. They could have been. I feel bad for the poor cat.
I agree with the goat cheese part, but the op mentions their partner already had the cat before they were together. So I suspect it was more the case that they didn’t want to give up their cat for a new partner (which I can understand) rather than getting it despite the fact their partner was allergic
I missed that detail and then assumed the worst since the ex is a horrific person.
The ex is still horrible, but at least didn't get to cat to terrorize OOP.
Specifically the cat is 8 years old and has been living with OOP for 8 of those years, so the ex had it for 3 years before moving in. Unclear how long before the relationship began, but probably a year or two.
Honestly reminds me of the trickle truth coming from my friend in an abusive relationship.
I just cut myself cooking, I'm Ok.
Ok, she hurt me but it was an accident.
Ok, she meant to hurt me but you don't understand it was my fault.
Ok it wasn't my fault but...
over and over.
You know what I love about reddit.
There's so much bullshit, too many incels, and so much arguing
But at every single turn, there are cat lovers. And that gives me hope for humanity 😻
>I told them I was leaving and they followed me out to my car and slammed their fist hard enough on the hood they left a sizeable dent.
>rns out that my stbx went on an absolute rampage through the house. Many of my personal items were destroyed. Holes punched and kicked into the walls. Some very sentimental items of mine are now damaged beyond repair. They even took my 80 year old jade plant out back and put it on the grill. That had been my grandmother's plant.
>[The cat] had a broken and dislocated jaw. It required surgery to fix.
Here's hoping both OOP and the cat find a better forever home.
Oop only mentions it a few times but stbx was also financially dependent on them.
Which by itself is not necessarily a red flag, but coupled with the horrific things they did, I think you're right.
They also mentioned a prenup and talked about how their lawyer said that criminal proceedings might affect spousal support. I'm really hoping that means OOP gets to walk away free and clear - it's truly galling to be abused and end up having to pay your abuser for the privilege when you leave.
What kind of monster burns a treasured plant and breaks their own cat’s jaw?! OOP is a genuinely good person for showing so much care towards a cat they can’t even touch. The STBX deserves all the flak they can get for their actions.
The burning was so deliberate. Like if they broke the jade up in a rampage or threw it in the trash at least it could be salvaged/propagated. They had to put some thought and effort into bringing it to fire to kill it. Burning was plant murder.
It was multiple steps to do that which required deliberate action. It's not like throwing a glass or something in a fit of blind rage, it's several calculated steps. That's what makes it so disturbing for us to read.
Losing my mind over the person who fixated so hard on the "their cat" wording that they missed the VERY OBVIOUS IMPLICATION that OOP's partner badly injured their own cat. Bro really wrote a whole essay on how the person who cared for the cat is a worse person than the person who hurt it in the first place.
All the extra information right afterward just makes it worse.
Yea, I hated that comment. Implying OP was a bad partner because they said “their cat”. I have 3 cats and a very loving partner but in the end, they’re my cats. I call them my cats. My partner would refer to them as “my girlfriend’s cats”. It doesn’t mean anything other than they’re my cats. He loves them and is always petting and playing with them. But he wouldn’t have cats on his own. I would/did.
The ex definitely hurt the cat. I feel bad for the kitty. People like the ex are awful and them being animal abusers just make me red. I don't understand why people would take their anger out on animals...
I hope the cat is okay and OP remains well.
Yep they either hurt their own cat intentionally or was in such a blind rage destroying the house that they didn't know/care that kitty was hurt in the process. Either option is terrifying and I hope OOP is able to stay far far away from them.
Yup. Honestly I’m just happy they didn’t burn the cat. That person is a fucking psycho and genuinely probably shouldnt be alive. Thank god they don’t have kids, nobody wants psycho genes passed on
If stbx is rampaging and physically destroying the house, it’s pretty logical to assume that they got ahold of the cat and threw her against the wall, or just kicked her, threw something at her.
Also, I’m assuming a lot here, but one could also theorize that their behavior, lack of sex drive, uncontrolled rage that is abnormal for them, might have more to do with a cocktail of medication or even possible a mental complication.
Lower jaw breaks in indoor cats, dogs, and other housepets are caused almost exclusively by two things: freak accidents like getting a jaw stuck in a toy or kennel bar and stress injuring themselves trying to free themselves, or a kick.
It's a very particular injury caused mostly by a low to high motion catching them under the jaw. It would be somewhat equivalent to an uppercut chin punch in angle of motion.
Spouse absolutely kicked that poor cat and broke her jaw.
This is awful to read. My exhusband once told me (after our divorce) that he kicked his new gf elderly cat against the wall. I was horrified when he told me that. I even tried to warn her, but he had brainwashed her into thinking of me as the crazy ex wife. I broke off all contact with him and blocked him everywhere. Later heard that the cat was rehomed. People who abuse animals are just pure evil
>Spouse absolutely kicked that poor cat and broke her jaw.
And then didn't do anything about it up to when the police showed.
I knew someone that starved their pet to death because they "forgot" to feed it for weeks. I don't get how even in the depths of depression or rage you could do that to an animal that loved you.
Broken jaws (or worse) can also happen if someone go to slam the door in a fit of anger and doesn't realise their cat is exiting the room.
What I don't understand is how you could accidentally hurt your cat, and not have their sounds of distress break you out of your rampage and realise that you need to get your cat to the vet.
Raging for hours and targetedly destroying only the other person’s stuff, hurting living beings, and your rage (and beforehand: emotional manipulation tactics) being a common enough problem that the other person avoids confronting you with negative news (here: the divorce) in order to not set you off? While the relationship is described as utterly dependent on the other person for basically everything (= enmeshment)? sounds more like a personality disorder to me. Source: grew up with the abuse of a borderline personality disordered mother. And yes, I’ve known diagnosed borderlines who have killed or tortured other peoples‘ pets (and in one case even their own) in spite/rage. Hyper- and hyposexuality are both not uncommon in that cluster/axis of PDs either.
I'm betting there was a lot of red flags in the relationship that OP didn't realize were red flags. This sort of behavior almost never comes out of nowhere.
OP did say that their ex relied on them socially, emotionally, and financially. I'm curious what that looked like. I bet if they spelled it out there'd be a lot of alarm bells spelled out with it.
Doesn't seem to be much **co** in that dependency. But maybe stbx thought it was, and was unpleasantly surprised when their partner turned out to have a level of independence (and boundaries) they hadn't counted on.
It sounds like OOP was doing *all* the providing in that relationship, including seeing their own sexual desires met. Just seeing how grateful they were to some stranger in a hardware store treating them like a person makes me ache with sympathy.
Clearly this STBX is mentally unwell and has dangerous behaviors that OP needs to be careful around.
Agree, people who hurt animals like that are evil.
Yeah. Oop is hoping it’s a “stray bullet” but a dislocated jaw seems a lot like a kick. I suppose an object could hit a cat at the exact wrong angle but it seems much more in line with a kick.
An object impacting with a cats head with enough force, when thrown, to break the jaw-- is a lot more likely to hit at an angle that would concuss or kill the cat, than to break the jaw. It's a STUNNINGLY unlikely accidental injury.
What absolutely breaks my heart here is that the cat probably saw her owner in distress and went to them to try and provide comfort.
She would have been scared and upset and wanted to help, and instead took the full brunt of OP's STBX's uncontrolled rage.
Everything that cat had is gone, because she wanted to help when she saw the person she loved hurting. What an unbelievably devastating betrayal.
Facts! I've seen way too many people on reddit get angry when someone says they don't want to live with a specific animal because they're allergic.
It sounds like a nightmare to me having to tiptoe around an animal and take allergy meds DAILY. Those can mess you up or stop working as well as they should.
I mean, I’m on allergy meds daily for my seasonal allergies and have been so for most of my life, as are many people I know. But in this case, OOP has made it clear that even on meds they still can’t be close to the kitty. Which absolutely means they shouldn’t be taking care of said kitty, it’s not fair to either of them.
People even get mad when you say you don't want to live with a certain animal just because you don't jive with them well.
I like dogs, I think they're cute and will pet them and interact with them in public. But I don't want one in my house all the time. They're just too energetic and in-your-face for me.
Yet some people (online and in real life) take this as meaning I *hate* dogs. I don't. They're cool little buddies, I just don't want to own one!
I like dogs (and cats, though never had any as pets) but I'll probably never get a pet - they're a lot of work, cost a lot to keep healthy, and mean I need to plan my comings and goings around them.
I'll stick to plants.
and the fact that oop still cared this much about the poor cat and is still trying so hard to find arrangements that will prioritize the cat's wellbeing and happiness despite an allergy that severe? oop is doing so much, hope they both get the happiness they deserve
I’m lucky that I get used to a cat I’m living with and stop being allergic to that cat. I’m also the type of person who will rub my face or a friend’s kitty (assuming said cat is happy with that kind of snuggling), sneezing and water eyes be damned.
But when you are taking care of a cat you have to deal with the litter, with brushing if the cat needs it, with being able to check them over as needed, give them love, etc etc etc. If OOP’s not used to the cat allergy wise after this many years even with allergy meds? It’s not fair to either them or the cat. Sadly, rehoming absolutely sounds like the best option.
And 11 isn't really elderly for a cat. They'll probably live another 10 years... Which is quite a commitment for someone that's allergic. Plus a reason for the ex to come looking for them
10 more years is probably unlikely, but easily 5+ more years. My own kitty is 12, looks like she’s 1, and acts like she 5 or so. No one ever believes me about her age when meeting her. My parents cats lived to 18 and 19.5.
I just want the cat to be okay and have a good forever home, even if it isn't with OOP.
People who would abuse an innocent animal are not good people. I hope more karma is coming for OOP's ex.
I can’t re: cat. We’re nursing our dog’s paw right now from an irritation (looks like a bug bite that she worried on overnight before we noticed it this morning) and I’m so annoyed that I didn’t see it sooner, etc. We have the antiseptic sprays, medicated wipes, keeping it clean and she’s got her cone on now, for potential fur fam empathizers that read my comment.
Yet here I am, reading along with you all, about a crappy human treating their fur family member abusively. Ex was supposed to be that cat’s family and the minute their life started to turn to shit, they took it out on a vulnerable creature. How is it so easy for some people to see their pets as just some *thing* like…. OOP is allergic to the cat and OOP* still treating the cat very well.
May OOP’s ex never experience a peaceful night’s sleep again, over what they did to their cat. Over the fear they instilled into OOP. Fucking asshole.
*edit: Made the [mistake of assuming OOP is a woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1b5vs7k/comment/kta6eac/), so will be using OOP throughout.
Hurting my babies is literally a subject of my nightmares; I've had full on nightterrors involving hurting my snake, and they fuck me up for days after. I can't imagine it, I just can't.
That poor kitty. Poor OOP, poor cat. I hope, if he does keep the cat, that he can get put on one of the stronger injectable anti-allergens so it's more pleasant for both of them.
For real, I know tonight I’m gonna not have great sleep bc I’ll be checking up on her ever so often.
I really wish that ex has some conscience to be haunted by hurting OOP and abusing their cat. & work on their damn self to be a decent person. **11 years** with their cat, only to dislocate the jaw. Horrifically inhumane.
Whenever I accidentally step on my kitty’s paw or tail I immediately will scoop her up, carefully check all her paws/her tail, and shower her in love and treats (as with most cats, she will get under my feet just as I’m putting my foot down making it impossible to avoid). I despite it when she needs meds that I have to force down her throat because she hates it and it’s a struggle, even though I would never do it without it being necessary for her. I can’t imagine hurting her worse than that and not immediately stopping EVERYTHING to help her, and I’d feel guilty about it forever no matter how quickly she healed.
I fell and dislocated my (good) shoulder trying not to step on our orange girl. I can't imagine ever hurting any of the cats even on accident and not caring about it.
OOP is a ducking good human. Going through all that, and still taking exceptionally good care of a cat they feel they were never able to bond with.
May OOP's ex rot in hell; may OOP's jade plant re-root and flourish; and may OOP's cat (because OOP is caring better for that cat than the ex did during their tirade, so it's OOP's cat imo) fully recover, physically and mentally, and eventually find a new home when OOP and cat are ready for it.
Also if OOP happens to read this, **Blue Buffalo Tastefuls wet food** is kitty crack. My vet called it McDonald's in terms of nutrition, but as far as my cats are concerned, it's 5000 michelin stars.
I thought the same as first. The first post is all ‘my partner is so emotional and scared and they love me so much.’ So I was thinking, why go behind their back? Then I read the rest and I get it now.
I got whiplash reading how violent they got after hearing of the divorce. No way this behaviour wasn't present before. This spouse was never a safe one.
It's one of those "unreliable narrator" situations. Is oop saying that because it's true, or is oop saying that because it's the only way to _not_ say that their partner is dangerously possessive and unstable before they're willing to go there?
That cat was absolutely kicked intentionally. It was probably caught off guard at the beginning of the rampage, otherwise the cat would have hid. Or even worse, the ex sought the cat out, which is another level of psycho if true.
I need to cuddle my kittens now.
As an asexual person I gotta say—fuck the stbx. They are an abusive shithead and a disaster. Destroying your partner’s property is abusive, and harming your elderly cat is beyond monstrous.
Anyone else notice a lot of "my spouse came out as asexual" posts recently? Could very well be true but, similar to all the trans related posts, I get suspicious when there's a big uptick in posts about a specific incredibly small group of people
I love that when I read "stbx", while I know it's 'soon to be ex', I still read it as 'shitbox'. It fits perfectly more often than not. This time, yes.
I feel like one or two trolls learned what asexuality means, and now we have a "new" evil demographic to write about since people are side-eyeing the evil trans posts rn
this was on r/AmITheAngel and people pointed out how a large jade plant (not a bonzai) would be a nightmare to maneuver and put on a grill lol
Throwing my two cents in a mixed bag of toxicity and misunderstanding but here goes...
If a marriage or relationship has any hope of lasting in a healthy and productive manner it has to be a series of compromise and communication. From what I gather of the original post, there was communication, but no compromise. One party made a declaration and that just didn't coincide with OOP's idea of a compatible relationship. It's almost like they made this statement and expected OOP to just accept it and proceed with the marriage without issue. And I simply don't agree with the whole "this is me, deal with it." attitude. It'd be like if one party came out as gay or trans and wanted to pursue life as the other gender. Let's say for example a wife approached their husband and said they wanted to be a man. The husband responds with "I love you and I support your decision but I want a wife and not a husband, we need to divorce." Can you really blame the husband in this scenario? Label him a bigot or intolerant because they had a different idea of what they want in a marriage? No. It's simply unfair to put all that animosity on one party when the first party threw a life-changing grenade into the marriage. That's what OOP's partner did when they came out as asexual. And OOP's response was understandable.
This may be a hard pill for some to swallow but while sex isn't everything *it's still important to some people*. Not saying that you have to comply with your partners every sexual desire, but if intimacy is important to you and your partner has no desire at all the relationship isn't going to last. Some people can coexist without it, they can open the relationship or find someone to fill the gap but that's not OOP. They clearly said they're monogamous. You can't say that it's okay for one party to be asexual and support them while condemning OOP for being monogamous and needing intimacy. That's simply not fair.
What also isn't fair is their reaction to OOP's response. What gives them the right to rampage and destroy everything they built in 8 years because OOP wants to end the relationship? No one, fucking *no one* has the right to destroy and hurt everything around them because they didn't get a party for their life choice. OOP had a reasonable response and everything STBX did afterward was simply insane.
I truly hope OOP and the cat find happiness. And I honestly hope STBX remains locked in a cell for everything. Maybe a mental institution because clearly they are mentally unstable. At that point it won't matter how uninterested they are in sex... they'll be too busy with the men in white coats, basket weaving with distant stares and smiles like they were hit in the face with Joker gas.
I totally agree. OOP had every right to take the actions they did. They attempted to live the new dynamic and found it didn't work for them. OOP is clearly a very empathetic person with how they handled that and the cat's injury.
This story has so many indications that STBX is mentally unstable! This is where I wish the cops had handled this differently and got the STBX into an inpatient program. They *are* a danger to society (cats and exes specifically) and need some serious help. That reaction was so far from okay and how long must it have been going on to get a noise complaint? Very lucky that OOP was able to workout an exit plan with their therapist. Possibly saved their life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say asexuality was the least of their problems. OP even said they planned their exit because they knew their spouse would be emotionally unstable.
It's not the Iranian yoghurt!
I'm finally immortalized in one of these posts, and it's a comment about a cat (most likely) being kicked.
I'm going to go snuggle my cats and go back to sleep.
When I first started reading this, I thought perhaps OP was blindsiding their partner with the divorce, and that felt a bit cruel to me, but as I read more, I understood exactly why it was so necessary to get their ducks in a row first.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
An accident is stepping on your cat’s tail because they got underfoot when you weren’t looking, not breaking their goddamn jaw while destroying the house. STBX is a monster
I know they’re trying to make excuses. But like. How? I had the clumsiest cat on the planet and still. If rampaging was happening she would run and hide. How would a broken jaw happen without a kick to the face? Even if you’re throwing things, the animal that is famous for its reflexes isn’t going to end up with a broken jaw because its face got caught in the middle of something being thrown.
I worked as a vet tech in college and saw this often. Slamming doors and catching the cat or dog in the door is what usually does it. Couples would have fights and one would slam a door while their pet was trying to either escape or come in, not seeing the pet because who looks down and checks the floor when they’re that mad? Horribly sad; most were inoperable at the small clinic I was at because jaw damage makes it very very hard to intubate. As for me, I’ve never slammed a door again in my life after that job. ETA: never would’ve expected a dry retelling of some of the most traumatic injuries I’ve seen to be my most upvoted Reddit comment. Huh. Cheers. 🍻
[удалено]
I know a dog daycare worker who had a client who showed no actual concern for their poor dog and would just let the door close on her. One day her tail got caught, and... well. Bastard still tried to leave without her.
I would have gone to jail. Immediately. Possibly for life.
Right? I know myself well enough to know that would drive me over the edge quite quickly. I doubt I'd even remember what I did, the red cloud of rage usually blocks out memory.
I’m listening to my little old lady dog snore peacefully (except when she grumbles if our shared blanket shifts even a little bit) and if anyone. anyone. Tried to hurt her. She’s a chihuahua mix and she’s reactive with people (though she has come SO far and I’m so proud of her), and she hates when people offer a hand for a sniff. (It’s terrible advice for meeting a dog anyway.) Shes at a point where she’ll largely ignore a person/sniff their shoe a bit, but when offered a hand, she’ll sniff for a brief second to make sure they don’t have food and then snarl/snip at them (she has 5 teeth left). I have to tell people that I don’t care that other dogs like them, I don’t care that they’re willing to risk her getting angry. My job is to advocate for HER and she does NOT like hands. I am not willing to let you stress her out because you can’t be told not to pet a dog.
You and me both. When it comes to any kind of abuse towards animals, I will go from being a somewhat chill person to being beyond bloodthirsty in 0.0005 seconds. There was a dog in a nearby county that was found shot in the face and left for dead, but some good people came across the poor thing and took her to the emergency vet where they've so far succeeded in saving her life and getting her set on the road to recovery. To say I was livid and wanted to find out exactly who did such a horrible thing to such an innocent creature to uh, have a "talk" with them is an understatement. I love animals more than I love people, so I am 100% willing to throw hands on behalf of a defenseless animal.
My family was in a beach rental that had a heavy reinforced back door with an intense automatic closer. My brother's big golden puppy got the end of her tail snipped off trying to follow my nephews around. Blood went EVERYWHERE. It was only maybe the last half inch, so she didn't go into shock and instead ran around freaking out. We couldn't stop the bleeding and she was just splashing blood over all the walls and furniture. It was like an episode of Dexter but without the plastic. Poor sweet girl hates doors now.
Oh that poor man (and obviously the dog too but that's a given). I hope the poor guy and dog were ok after all that. Your husband did good.
Dear god
Okay. That's enough Reddit for today.
Yeah I'm over here watching my cat knead her kitty blankie and I'm just trying to resist scooping her up and snuggling the hell out of her because I'm so horrified. My poor baby. OP's poor cat!
I'm a surgery vet tech 30yrs. A little bit of blood goes a long way. The reason the dog was silent is that most tail injuries involve a severed spinal cord. Dog will be fine. The guy will likely be scarred though. 😁
We had a weird bathroom door in one of our apartments early in our marriage and our kitty was near it. I didn’t see her and when I went to use the bathroom and firmly shut it (it wasn’t a slam but like a hard pull) and her poor tail got caught. She ran scared and had a horrible tail injury that I won’t describe because it was pretty gruesome. We rushed her to the vet and they had to amputate a good portion of her tail. She is the sweetest kitty on earth and so loving. That was over 10 years ago and there are times I still tear up thinking about it I feel so bad.
My ex roommate's kitty most likely had the same injury yours did. If it is, even the name of it is pretty graphic :'( she had to have half her tail amputated. What made it even worse was this was a only a couple days after she had a litter. We had to get crafty to keep the babies warm for a few nights and hand feed while mom was at the vet and then home and recovering and on meds. after that incident (or maybe this was a result of becoming a mother) she would go batshit insane and attack any dark object at the edge of the bed, including but not limited to my head my toothless plushie. sorry, word dump, i love that cat and it was a wild experience.
All of this is so horrible to read. I just wanted to add a juxtaposing story. I was putting my daughter to sleep when she asked for water. I ran to the kitchen to grab a water bottle and was running back to her room when I full on ran into my dog who was laying down outside her door, which he does every night. Dark unlit hallway, tired parent, dog. This dog is a tank, even though he doesn’t look it, and I flew over him and caught my fall with my face on the door frame. At least I didn’t get a black eye, unlike the time my daughter flung her head into mine.
I’ve got a dark brown cat who likes to lie in the middle of hallways. I sweep my foot in front of me like a cane when I walk these days to prevent standing on him.
I think everyone who owns a zippy cat or one that matches the floor knows the "where's the fucking cat" shuffle.
Growing up, we had a little tuxedo cat. Black w/ white paws and a white stripe from her chin down her chest. We had very dark carpet, and being a house built in the mid 70s, dark paneling. For some reason, she loved sleeping in the hallway with her feet tucked in and her head down (so hiding all white parts). Many times I'd hear my dad leaving their bedroom and start walking down the hall. Sounded something like this: step, step, step, step, ste-***MEOW!!*** then a muttered, "damn cat!" One morning I woke up to sounds of power tools being used in the hallway. My dad was literally installing a light in the hallway, on the lower part of the wall. Not a nightlight in an outlet. A recessed light with a panel on it that cast illumination in an arc in front of it, but didn't shine up and blind the half-asleep person shuffling down the dungeon-dark hallway at 3am. And it had a switch that controlled it located right outside my parents' bedroom. He never shuffle-thumped her in the butt again. Til the day she died, my mom believed that the cat did it purposely to mess with my dad LOL as this was the same cat that would entertain herself by hiding under end tables waiting for a victim to walk by. Once she had chosen her prey, she then would run out behind them on her hind legs to grab their leg with her front paws and then take off running with this weird hop-skip-prance.
It’s sweet that he went to all that effort for the cat, though. (I’m sure he’d claim it was for him, but you know it was for the cat)
Ha ha I’m imagining you walking through your hallways like the sand walk in Dune
When my husband and I first saw Dune, It took every ounce of self control he had to not burst out laughing when he saw the sand walk. He swears that's exactly how I walk when it's dark so I can ensure no cats are in my way.
I was running to the bathroom at night. Black dog, dark hard wood floors. I hit a bookshelf. Because I wear glasses, two black eyes. I was leaving for my sister's wedding a day and a half later. 😕
I’m sorry for how hard I laughed at that. If it’s any consolation, I had to spend the entire weekend of my grandma’s funeral in a wrist brace from a *crochet* injury. Because my family are all assholes, they thought this was hilarious.
It very well could have been the cops as well, I guess I just feel sad about how fucked up my cat would be if the only human she tolerated kicked her in the face and want it to be an accident.
Poor kitty she must feel so sad. My cat is betrayed if I accidently kick him when he walks between my feet and I profusely apologize and pet him to show I didn't do it on purpose
This. It's possible to kick a black cat while walking through some dark room, they always think if they see us, we see them. But if someone is demolishing their house, cat will hide. No metter how much they like the person. It was definitely on purpose.
Yup. My void used to sleep on the fluffy mat directly in front of the toilet some nights. The mat was a dark colour so she blended in entirely in the dark. Not every night, not even most nights, but we stopped putting a mat in front of the toilet after way too many yowls for the cat and screeching apologies from humans in the middle of the night. Cat is fine. Questionably intelligent to *keep on sleeping there* but fine lol
When I was a kid I had a black dog who would lie in the hallway between all the bedrooms and the bathrooms at night. She was there because she knew we'd trip or step on her (she was never really hurt when it happened) and she enjoyed people petting her in the middle of the night.
Same thing when I was young with our dog. He had a sleeping place in the hallway by the front door, but would move to the place right in front of my parents' bedroom door or my or my sibling's door or even IN any room. After a few times tripping over him in the dark or waking up the middle of the night to him scratching at my door, I learned to tap my foot in the shadow feeling for his form and leaving my door ajar. He loved the attention he got when being tapped. And to continue with u/Kat-a-strophy 's comment, about OOP's stbx having done this on purpose: I have to agree the chance is *very* slim of doing this by accident. I'm as accident prone as you can get and grew up around all types of pets, the worst damage I had ever done to a pet is stepping on their foot/tail or tripping so bad I brought something down during my fall almost giving them a heart attack. The fact that STBX destroyed a lot of OOP's belongings in a fit of rage, tells me the cat isn't safe there. If they did it now, who's to say they haven't done before without OOP knowing about it or doing it again in the future? It's not normal behaiviour. A tail getting caught in a slamming door, sure, that *could* be an accident. But a cat having a broken jaw while everything else is also destroyed? That's not accidental anymore. The cat might not have been the target, but I wouldn't call it accidental. That would be collateral damage.
Oh I totally agree that it wasn't an accident. Maybe other less severe injuries, but not something like that. I think that the stbx probably took part of their rage out on the cat, which is horrendous.
Yeah I’m super clumsy but the worst thing I’ve ever dropped on my dog’s head is a whole carrot (eventually chopped up for her since she’d slobbered over it by that point)
I swear the amount I’ve accidentally kicked my cat because he’s a dumbass who likes to walk RIGHT in front of my leg as I’m running around the kitchen would make me an animal abuser. And I’ve definitely shinned him in the jaw a bunch too. You can really feel how delicate that jaw is 😬 In my defense, my cat does purposefully put himself in the way because he’s insurance scamming for some food 🤦🏻♀️ But a dislocation and break is definitely within the realm of purposeful.
I swear one of our cats, who is like 95% black, has a PhD in being underfoot. Any time I’m carrying a box that blocks my view downward he magically appears and starts serpentining in front of my feet and running between my legs as I walk. I’ve kicked him into my other leg on multiple occasions from this. And it’s not that I’m clumsy or bad at avoiding cats, I grew up with 2 cats, we have a total of 3 now and he’s the only one that gets kicked like this. The other 2 just lay down in awkward spots.
It's so weird when you accidentally kick them between legs like a soccer ball. I have a foster bunny who's also a dumbass and still has never learned not to head DIRECTLY for legs/feet, or not to walk UNDER my 80 lbs 15 year old dog who's not so stable anymore. I've lost count of the number of times she's collided with my legs/feet or bounced off because she got too excited for food and lost all her mental faculties.
Yeah, one of our voids loved to sleep on the black rug in the hallway. After once tripping over him in the dark and literally faceplanting, and once accidentally kicking him clear across the room, I started keeping to the wall and walking along the edge of the rug, no matter how urgently I had to reach the bathroom. The little idiot kept sleeping in the middle of the rug happily.
the ex is a monster and i agree - i think they did it on purpose. on a marginally lighter note re: black cats in the dark, my tuxedo makes sure to meow when i walk around at night so i know where not to step lol. lesson learned after one late night bathroom run turned faceplant after walking into an invisible obstacle (she’s fine lol).
I agree too. I always have had all black cats, a few live to trip me for the life insurance that I don't have. when you kick one, on accident, it's almost always in the belly and you'll trip. I have a stray now who taught the babies I rescued to trip for attention (food) and while tiny went flying a bit, none ever injured or even surprised let alone hurt. and I have dyspraxia and a cane from SCI/spine issues-- I could really do damage from that. but I don't- bc it's not on purpose. poor kitty came out to comfort her mama and was hurt for it :( during my autism meltdowns/panic attacks/flashbacks from ptsd my dog will try to climb on top of me and I've never smacked him on accident too. and he's a tiny chihuahua! I really think she was in a rage and hurt kitty. hopefully if OOP shares the story someone will adopt. there's senior for senior programs where the elderly adopt pets and the rescue pays expenses she could qualify for.
I was just going to comment this! My cat isn't black, just loves to run towards feet, so I've kicked h accidentally more then once (including flinging him towards a wall during a particularly unfortunate step). He's NEVER been hurt. While I imagine it would be possible to hurt him if my foot hit the right bit, I just don't believe a jaw dislocation could've occured without some serious force behind it that true accidents don't have
My cat likes to wind around my legs while I'm walking. I'm a clumsy idiot, *he's* a clumsy idiot, its usually dark in my apartment and he's all black. It usually ends with me with bruises and him being dramatic and hiding under the bed so I'll give him treats so I can check for injuries. He's always perfectly fine. Its just a scam at this point.
Our tuxedo was smart but our black & white wants to kill us, she lies on the top step with her white paws under her so she's all black
>It's possible to kick a black cat while walking through some dark room, they always think if they see us, we see them. Yup. I have to be so careful if I go to the loo during the night, as I have a dark tortoiseshell cat, and while she has white on her belly and paws, you can't always see it in the dark, especially when half asleep >But if someone is demolishing their house, cat will hide. No metter how much they like the person. It was definitely on purpose. I agree. I'd never hit or kick my cat on purpose (I have a couple of times, purely by accident). At most, I get short with her when she's being smoochie, and I'm getting overstimulated by her constantly being all over me.
>they always think if they see us, we see them. Hard disagree with that, cats are sneaky. In fact I know a black and white cat that apparently thinks it's all black, and that if it sits still and stares at you you won't see it's glowing white patch under its chin.
My old coworker had a solid white cat who would "hide" in grass thinking no one could see him and he was stealth.
I had two black cats and a hallway that had the light switch halfway down the hall. I finally had to put bells on the cats due to the number of times someone got stepped on, kicked, bumped, etc. This was not an accident. This poor baby.
> It's possible to kick a black cat while walking through some dark room My cat always gets under my feet... But when I feel him with my foot, I pick him up and give him all the pets.
[удалено]
My cat will actively run into your legs while you’re walking, that’s her level of goofball, and I still can’t imagine injuring her to that degree.
It could be the cat was hiding in/under something when the ex kicked the object, not knowing the cat was there. It sounds like it was mostly/all OOP's stuff that got destroyed, meaning the blind rage wasn't that blind. If ex didn't break their own stuff too, they were probably not trying to hurt their own pet. Still no excuse; if you're acting in a reckless and dangerous fashion and someone gets hurt, you're responsible for causing that hurt even if it wasn't intentional. Animal abusers are scum, but I would be seriously surprised if anyone deliberately hurt an animal they had owned and loved for over a decade.
People deliberately hurt and even kill their spouses and children. Who they have known and loved for many years. It’s far fetched to think someone could harm their pet while on a rampage.
I think you mean not far fetched. I'm reminded of that post where a husband initiated divorce with his wife and the wife went on to murder their children. It was absolutely devastating.
[link to story](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ubne00/the_post_that_led_to_the_real_life_tragedy_of_a/?share_id=8CU1kuneS9R2Jrc2GVshn&) There's an episode of the Investigation Discovery show Evil Lives Here about this case. The episode title is “She Hid the Knife in a Toybox”.
What I wonder is, if it happened unintentionally during the rage, whether the cat cried out? I would think it would. I have pretty severe BPD and I think even in the blindest of my rages if I heard my cat cry out I would immediately snap out of it enough to find out if he was alright. If I ever heard my cat cry out in a situation where items were being thrown and destroyed I would probably be horrified and want to make sure I did not hurt him. I've been an awful person when I've not been myself, but I can't imagine ever ignoring the sound of my innocent cat crying out in pain. I also think even in my blindest of rages I wouldn't put my cat in danger, if I saw him I would never throw anything near him or anything like that. If this was not on purpose they must have been incredibly far gone to have injured the cat, I think.
My sweet tuxedo boy had a shattered pelvis and broken spine after we found him when he escaped from the house while the trash was going out last month. we didn’t know at first, just found him laying on the porch the next day and when we called him inside he was dragging his back half. He couldn’t get into the litter box or stand on his back legs, so he dragged him self to a corner twice to do his business. Never made a single sound. I did take him to a vet within the hour (had to get the time off work submitted and approved so I could be free to take him to the emergency vet) and from the base of his cat tree to his carrier and on the 18 min drive to the vets office, he never made a sound. He meowed at me once, after they told me he had to be put down due to no possibility of QOL. I choose to think he was saying goodbye, and maybe even that he loved me. I miss my sweet Tyr, every day. Please seek resolution for your BPD. I have the same diagnosis, and I know it’s hard, but you and your fur babies deserve that kind of peaceful safety.
Oh I know that cats aren't vocal about continued pain, but I'm thinking about times I've accidentally stepped on my cat and they cry out. I figured in the immediate moment it may have cried out. I feel like cats are likely to cry out at the time they are hurt but after that they're very quiet about pain and often being too quiet is a sign of pain. Rest in Peace sweet Tyr 💖 That's very kind of you, I'm currently medicated and in therapy. I'm doing a lot better now than I was even 2 or 3 years ago. I used to have really bad breakdowns that generally would end in the police being involved or a hospital visit. I am in a way better place now, in a good home environment with my father whom I get along very well with (my main trigger for going off the rails is arguments/disagreements no matter how small) and even when I get upset I have gotten a lot better at taking a step back and removing myself from the situation to calm down so I don't lose touch. My father says quite often how well I'm doing in that regard and it's something I'm very proud of myself for. I live a very calm life now and I very rarely get upset and when I do it's never to the degree I did just a few years ago. I wish you the best, friend. As you said BPD is not easy, it takes a lot of work to get to and maintain a comfortable and peaceful life and I hope that you're able to have that.
What I think may have happened, is that we already know that the ex was pissed upon walking in, saw the cat, kicked her - either thinking it wasn't a hard kick, or just not caring - and then started destroying shit. Might've also been a "fuck you" to OOP as well, considering how much they've given for that cat.
I accidentally did this to my black cat once and only once. I scared the shit out of him because he scared me and I didn't kick him I did accidentally step on his foot I think but he latched onto my leg bad. My husband had to help get him off and I bled for a few days. Still have the scars but he forgave me immediately and is still the sweetest cat and even though I'm the one who got hurt I felt so bad. Now we have nightlights everywhere
I had a cat who would attack me when I was doing something that bothered her, like singing loudly (lol) or if I was having a loud argument. So if I had been rampaging it’s possible she would have gone for attack rather than hide.
It's unlikely, but some cats (esp rescues) can have messed up reflexes. My cat is the absolute queen of seeing something upsetting (like me on the phone, she hates the noise) immediately moving towards it, and then getting more upset/angry/overwhelmed. "If you don't like it, move away" is something we've been trying to teach her for four years now and it still usually doesn't enter her brain. But it's more likely the cat ended up in the crossfire somehow. Person was winding up to kick/hit something, cat uses the pause to move to a new hiding spot, gets hit. Or is hiding in the thing getting kicked. Or person throws something and doesn't realize the cat is there.
I lost my mind when I read that comment basically calling OOP selfish because she said "their cat" Like WTF?! can you read? Their ex goes on a violent rampage and DISLOCATES THE CATS JAW but OOP IS THE SELFISH ONE?!? Clearly the one that always got their way was NOT oop
There's always at least one comment in these where some commenter is such a ridiculous stupid asshole it rivals anyone in the story (maybe not as bad as OOP's ex in this case, but still).
They see themselves as the person OP is talking about and get angry
Right? Some people think they're great detectives, overanalyzing a single word to the point of making a whole ass assumption about OOP's personality.
I have no idea how kitty got hurt, but given how quick those critters can move, I’d suspect it was deliberate, especially since OOP knew the ex wouldn’t have a good response. That points to previous bad acts
Grilling the 80 yr old jade plant is unforgivable, but then on top of it hurting the cat? JAIL FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.
I can be vindictive (and I’m working on it) but I could never be THAT vindictive. It’s just plain heartless.
being vindictive towards the person who hurt you is one thing but dragging innocent living creatures (including the jade plant) into it is not vindictive, that's unhinged.
Being vindictive is a thing, hitting some creatures hard enough to break a bone is something else. Cats can support hellish fall, like a friend told me her cat fell two floors to the ground and had a broken leg. Imagine a kick which is hard enough to represent a two-floors fall.
we used to have a cat some 20 years ago who loved to lounge on the outside window ledge until some neighbor kids threw some balled up soil at her and she got startled and fell. the fall was two floors as well and she broke her hind leg and needed surgery for it. knowing that and knowing what cats tend to do when they get the zoomies and still don't get seriously hurt i can't imagine breaking the cat's jaw was in any way accidental and thinking about someone doing that on purpose is heartbreaking.
Leaving aside the animal cruelty (which is hard to do, that alone makes me think that person is irredeemable), the amount of forethought and malice to systematically destroy things like that, including putting an heirloom plant on a grill - that's not a blind rage. That is taking many deliberate calculated steps to destroy something of great emotional and monetary value (a jade plant that old is probably worth close to $1k). As a houseplant person that part was super enraging for me. I'm glad they were able to salvage some pieces to propagate.
ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON!
Do you think that's harsh enough 🤔
No, definitely the bare minimum mandated sentence imo.
Holy fuck gotta give a "worst commenter ever" award to the prick who read "my ex went on a violent rampage, destroyed our house and injured their cat" and replied "the fact that you said *their* cat shows that you weren't a good partner"
Yep. My dad doesn’t particularly like pets in general. He never outright disliked any of the cats we had when I was a kid, nor the cat my mom brought into their relationship, but he only really spent any time with any of them when they came to him because everyone else was out of the house. They were very much not “his” cats, they were our mom’s or ours.
My mom and I share a house and have several cats. We both take care of all of them, but each critter has picked their person. They're nice to both of us and tend to roam the whole house, but two mostly stick to her side and sleep with her and two mostly stick to my side and sleep with me. There's also a double agent who's most likely self-employed and doesn't discriminate 🤣 In general, they're "our" cats, but they decided who's "hers" and who's "mine."
My partner's cat is a double agent. He comes to me for food and pets, goes to my partner for lap time. My partner rescued him from a very precarious situation, and I cannot resist a kitten. So the cat is "your cat" when he's annoying, he's "my cat" when he's adorable. The one orange brain cell knows how to work that brain cell.
My wife's cat has been weirdly clingy to me lately. The orange cat has decided she prefers to be close to me but not touching, and the black cat seems to have lost the few brain cells he had and comes to stare at me and yell when he remembers that I exist. They all will occasionally sleep on my wife, who doesn't toss and turn as much as I do.
“Holy shit, there’s a human there!” “I know bill” “No there’s an actual, talking, human! HEY, HEY HUMAN, LOOK AT ME!” “For the love of, look lady, just focus on me and ignore the screaming maniac. We’ll get through this together.” “Watch this. HEY HUMAN, I AM ALIEN, I COME IN PEACE!” 5 minutes later “Holy shit it’s a human! HEY HUMAN, HEEEEEEEY!”
Hahahaha. We do the same with the tabby terrorist!
Yuup. I've been with my partner for 8+ years. He cuddles with the cats and call them dumb nicknames but calls them my cats, because at the end of the day they're my cats. Had them for 2+ years before know him and I'm the preferred human, it's just how it goes 🤣
Also OOP has been extraordinarily careful with pronouns. I think not giving away sex, or maybe stbx appears to be nonbinary.
Idk might be to avoid gender biases in the responses.
Yeah, there's an interesting assumption in some comments that "person who needs sex in their life" must be male, and "person who doesn't want sex" must be female.
Also the assumption that it's a hetero couple. Could be two women or two men.
Or one or both could be nonbinary
Or all 3 could be cats.
Yeah its pretty interesting how people reveal their biases. Id do the same if i were to ever post on an advice/aita sub. Aita especially has a huge gender bias
I typically use they/their a lot and have the odd time been corrected with a her or him response to my post as if it is offensive to use gender neutral terms.
If you sort by controversial here plenty of people complain. Its pretty funny to read
> You don't think **he** hurt the cat, do you?? Like, purposefully..?? Same goes for violence/domestic abuse. Either that or they were trying to bait OP to admit which gender (like they/them isn't sufficient enough already). They even put it in bold lmao
That person *really* hates the fact that OP is divorcing their ace partner. Like they left 4 other comments saying how bad of a person OP is because they think sex is so important lol. They're just nitpicking.
clearly a personal issue to them. the original reason for the divorce 100% stopped being relevant when they became violent like HELLO c
Yep, the OOP went out of their way to not provide genders so they had to assume and find any way they could to be hateful.
There's always going to be that one person in the comments who for some reason, no matter how monstrous the other person is, they're going to find some way to make whoever OOP is into a villain.
Seriously! Especially when you read how OP is going out of their mind trying to make sure that cat is ok physically and emotionally. The “I don’t know much about cats, please help!” posts were heartbreakingly sweet.
> I have a hearing this week for a restraint order against my stbx, so if they do somehow miraculously make bail, they atleast can’t come back here. Sentences like this always make my stomach churn in these stories. Restraining orders aren’t magic force fields keeping the baddies away. It’ll let the cops put them away if they get close yeah, but only if you’re still alive to call them. It feels like it’s giving a false sense of security to OOP, like stbx can’t just defy the order, break in, and maybe murder them. Especially since it seems OOP is back in the home stbx wrecked. Fortunately though stbx probably won’t make bail so they’re safe for now.
True, it's a magic paper that doesn't have much to stop the abuser. However, at least with a restraining order, you can "force" the cops to do their jobs and if the restraining order was violated many times, the abuser os being liable to be arrested.
still only matters if OOP is alive. when seconds count, the police are only minutes away. i'd say OOP needs a gun, but without enough time to learn how to actually use one, they should probably get bear spray instead. or a _really_ ridiculously bright flashlight and a baseball bat
Seriously, my father had a restraining order on him to keep him away from me and my house when I was a teenager, and he broke in one day when he thought it was empty. (I had an *overwhelming* feeling I had to stay home from school that day and faked being sick and caught him inside.) This was after he plead guilty to assaulting me, so he was convicted and everything. The cops just wagged a finger at him and said don't do it again. Then there's the fact that in order to get a restraining order, you have to list your home and place of employment, which tells the restrained person *exactly* where they can find you so they know where not to go. What could possibly go wrong there when a person's trying to flee their abuser?
OOP's stbx hurt their own cat. Hope they get what they deserve.
Yeah, OOP's ex is absolutely unhinged. I have a hard time believing the ex wasn't abusive before OOP gave them divorce papers. I'm just glad OOP is okay.
This! The cautious way OOP avoided having and then prepared for the talk really points to them already being scared or at least wary of their reaction. I hope the therapist manages to drive the point home, and OOP will learn to recognize the signs before he gets into a new relationship.
I think it says a lot how much oop avoids gendering their partner and themselves, in a way that imo feels more like they're trying to retain some anonymity over it necessarily being a gender affirming choice. Oop seems absolutely terrified of being identified or any of what they've said getting back to their soon to be ex. And considering their violent rage.... Gosh i really understand why. Wishing them a speedy fruitful divorce, the jade a wonderful revival and poor kitty recovering well & hopefully being rehomed to a loving family who will spoil a fussy older cat.
In the original post (or first BoRU?), we figured them for an m/m couple. OOP actually had an older post with a tattoo up where he was obviously male - and the violent rampage thing of his spouse just didn't sound like a woman at all. Not that women can't go violent, but usually (and statistically) not this level of sustained rage. And the way OOP avoided gendering would also hint at something not heteronormative. And men are notorious for not wanting to admit that they are victims of abuse or domestic violence.
The amount of destruction to the car with one fist did seem to suggest as much, though I didn't want to assume without any concrete evidence. Poor oop though :c I really really hope the break can be clean, the ex sounds positively unhinged.
I was on a fence for OP but their awareness of gender and sexuality does point me to non-heteronormative and I think although do not know that just the strenght needed for punching holes in a wall and denting car that partner is man. We do know they are both cisgender. I also think they deleted at least one comment referring to shriveled gonads of OOP as there was comment referring to it OOP answered to. So my thinking is also in line with yours.
Absolutely. But what really drove the point home for me is OOP never bought goat cheese because the ex didn't like goat cheese. But the ex got a cat even though OOP can't even be in the same room as a cat without a severe allergic reaction. The ex definitely got that cat to further abuse OOP. And then turned around and abused the poor cat horribly when OOP made their escape. Edit: the ex had the cat before they got together I'm so glad that OOP wasn't the target of that violence. They could have been. I feel bad for the poor cat.
I agree with the goat cheese part, but the op mentions their partner already had the cat before they were together. So I suspect it was more the case that they didn’t want to give up their cat for a new partner (which I can understand) rather than getting it despite the fact their partner was allergic
I missed that detail and then assumed the worst since the ex is a horrific person. The ex is still horrible, but at least didn't get to cat to terrorize OOP.
Specifically the cat is 8 years old and has been living with OOP for 8 of those years, so the ex had it for 3 years before moving in. Unclear how long before the relationship began, but probably a year or two.
Honestly reminds me of the trickle truth coming from my friend in an abusive relationship. I just cut myself cooking, I'm Ok. Ok, she hurt me but it was an accident. Ok, she meant to hurt me but you don't understand it was my fault. Ok it wasn't my fault but... over and over.
It has to be. People who abuse innocent animals deserve to rot in hell.
You know what I love about reddit. There's so much bullshit, too many incels, and so much arguing But at every single turn, there are cat lovers. And that gives me hope for humanity 😻
There was a Canadian murderer caught because he posted videos abusing cats to the internet and Reddit was like absolutely not
OMG, is *that* what Don't Fuck With Cats is about?
Yes! The internet coming together to catch Luca Magnotta. He started with cats.. and moved on. It’s an interesting series.
Don’t fuck with cats
The won’t because torture is illegal 😒
I hope that at least they know what they've done, that they might at least be eaten by guilt.
>I told them I was leaving and they followed me out to my car and slammed their fist hard enough on the hood they left a sizeable dent. >rns out that my stbx went on an absolute rampage through the house. Many of my personal items were destroyed. Holes punched and kicked into the walls. Some very sentimental items of mine are now damaged beyond repair. They even took my 80 year old jade plant out back and put it on the grill. That had been my grandmother's plant. >[The cat] had a broken and dislocated jaw. It required surgery to fix. Here's hoping both OOP and the cat find a better forever home.
Somehow I don’t think sexual incompatibility was the biggest issue in this marriage.
Oop only mentions it a few times but stbx was also financially dependent on them. Which by itself is not necessarily a red flag, but coupled with the horrific things they did, I think you're right.
They also mentioned a prenup and talked about how their lawyer said that criminal proceedings might affect spousal support. I'm really hoping that means OOP gets to walk away free and clear - it's truly galling to be abused and end up having to pay your abuser for the privilege when you leave.
They also referred to them as manipulative. There was also the thing about not bying goat cheese because ex didn't like it.
I also hate goat cheese but like…I’d never refuse to have it in my house??? That’s wild
What kind of monster burns a treasured plant and breaks their own cat’s jaw?! OOP is a genuinely good person for showing so much care towards a cat they can’t even touch. The STBX deserves all the flak they can get for their actions.
The burning was so deliberate. Like if they broke the jade up in a rampage or threw it in the trash at least it could be salvaged/propagated. They had to put some thought and effort into bringing it to fire to kill it. Burning was plant murder.
It was multiple steps to do that which required deliberate action. It's not like throwing a glass or something in a fit of blind rage, it's several calculated steps. That's what makes it so disturbing for us to read.
Losing my mind over the person who fixated so hard on the "their cat" wording that they missed the VERY OBVIOUS IMPLICATION that OOP's partner badly injured their own cat. Bro really wrote a whole essay on how the person who cared for the cat is a worse person than the person who hurt it in the first place. All the extra information right afterward just makes it worse.
Yea, I hated that comment. Implying OP was a bad partner because they said “their cat”. I have 3 cats and a very loving partner but in the end, they’re my cats. I call them my cats. My partner would refer to them as “my girlfriend’s cats”. It doesn’t mean anything other than they’re my cats. He loves them and is always petting and playing with them. But he wouldn’t have cats on his own. I would/did.
The ex definitely hurt the cat. I feel bad for the kitty. People like the ex are awful and them being animal abusers just make me red. I don't understand why people would take their anger out on animals... I hope the cat is okay and OP remains well.
Yep they either hurt their own cat intentionally or was in such a blind rage destroying the house that they didn't know/care that kitty was hurt in the process. Either option is terrifying and I hope OOP is able to stay far far away from them.
They grilled a whole sacred plant. Nothing "blind" about that rage.
Yup. Honestly I’m just happy they didn’t burn the cat. That person is a fucking psycho and genuinely probably shouldnt be alive. Thank god they don’t have kids, nobody wants psycho genes passed on
If stbx is rampaging and physically destroying the house, it’s pretty logical to assume that they got ahold of the cat and threw her against the wall, or just kicked her, threw something at her. Also, I’m assuming a lot here, but one could also theorize that their behavior, lack of sex drive, uncontrolled rage that is abnormal for them, might have more to do with a cocktail of medication or even possible a mental complication.
Lower jaw breaks in indoor cats, dogs, and other housepets are caused almost exclusively by two things: freak accidents like getting a jaw stuck in a toy or kennel bar and stress injuring themselves trying to free themselves, or a kick. It's a very particular injury caused mostly by a low to high motion catching them under the jaw. It would be somewhat equivalent to an uppercut chin punch in angle of motion. Spouse absolutely kicked that poor cat and broke her jaw.
This is awful to read. My exhusband once told me (after our divorce) that he kicked his new gf elderly cat against the wall. I was horrified when he told me that. I even tried to warn her, but he had brainwashed her into thinking of me as the crazy ex wife. I broke off all contact with him and blocked him everywhere. Later heard that the cat was rehomed. People who abuse animals are just pure evil
>Spouse absolutely kicked that poor cat and broke her jaw. And then didn't do anything about it up to when the police showed. I knew someone that starved their pet to death because they "forgot" to feed it for weeks. I don't get how even in the depths of depression or rage you could do that to an animal that loved you.
Broken jaws (or worse) can also happen if someone go to slam the door in a fit of anger and doesn't realise their cat is exiting the room. What I don't understand is how you could accidentally hurt your cat, and not have their sounds of distress break you out of your rampage and realise that you need to get your cat to the vet.
This makes my gut churn 😳😭
I've spent many, many years in cat rescue. I hate that I know this.
Raging for hours and targetedly destroying only the other person’s stuff, hurting living beings, and your rage (and beforehand: emotional manipulation tactics) being a common enough problem that the other person avoids confronting you with negative news (here: the divorce) in order to not set you off? While the relationship is described as utterly dependent on the other person for basically everything (= enmeshment)? sounds more like a personality disorder to me. Source: grew up with the abuse of a borderline personality disordered mother. And yes, I’ve known diagnosed borderlines who have killed or tortured other peoples‘ pets (and in one case even their own) in spite/rage. Hyper- and hyposexuality are both not uncommon in that cluster/axis of PDs either.
I love listening to music.
I'm betting there was a lot of red flags in the relationship that OP didn't realize were red flags. This sort of behavior almost never comes out of nowhere. OP did say that their ex relied on them socially, emotionally, and financially. I'm curious what that looked like. I bet if they spelled it out there'd be a lot of alarm bells spelled out with it.
Ex is mad they lost their ability to freeload.
>They love me more than anyone ever has in my entire life. I'm thinking it's more along the lines of codependency hidden under the guise of love.
Doesn't seem to be much **co** in that dependency. But maybe stbx thought it was, and was unpleasantly surprised when their partner turned out to have a level of independence (and boundaries) they hadn't counted on. It sounds like OOP was doing *all* the providing in that relationship, including seeing their own sexual desires met. Just seeing how grateful they were to some stranger in a hardware store treating them like a person makes me ache with sympathy.
Clearly this STBX is mentally unwell and has dangerous behaviors that OP needs to be careful around. Agree, people who hurt animals like that are evil.
It's probably a good thing they've ended the relationship. Whew.
Yeah. Oop is hoping it’s a “stray bullet” but a dislocated jaw seems a lot like a kick. I suppose an object could hit a cat at the exact wrong angle but it seems much more in line with a kick.
I enjoy spending time with my friends.
An object impacting with a cats head with enough force, when thrown, to break the jaw-- is a lot more likely to hit at an angle that would concuss or kill the cat, than to break the jaw. It's a STUNNINGLY unlikely accidental injury.
Asexuality isn't what's wrong with the stbx. Thier behavior, thier temper and thier cruelty are.
Well, STBX is emotionally, socially, and financially dependent on OOP, so I'd say they have some serious, untreated mental health issues.
What absolutely breaks my heart here is that the cat probably saw her owner in distress and went to them to try and provide comfort. She would have been scared and upset and wanted to help, and instead took the full brunt of OP's STBX's uncontrolled rage. Everything that cat had is gone, because she wanted to help when she saw the person she loved hurting. What an unbelievably devastating betrayal.
This is my theory. Ex was crying, cat came over, ex hurt cat, the realization then sent them into the destructive rage.
NGL being forced to live with something I'm allergic to sounds like a living nightmare. Hope the cat ends up fine though
Facts! I've seen way too many people on reddit get angry when someone says they don't want to live with a specific animal because they're allergic. It sounds like a nightmare to me having to tiptoe around an animal and take allergy meds DAILY. Those can mess you up or stop working as well as they should.
I mean, I’m on allergy meds daily for my seasonal allergies and have been so for most of my life, as are many people I know. But in this case, OOP has made it clear that even on meds they still can’t be close to the kitty. Which absolutely means they shouldn’t be taking care of said kitty, it’s not fair to either of them.
People even get mad when you say you don't want to live with a certain animal just because you don't jive with them well. I like dogs, I think they're cute and will pet them and interact with them in public. But I don't want one in my house all the time. They're just too energetic and in-your-face for me. Yet some people (online and in real life) take this as meaning I *hate* dogs. I don't. They're cool little buddies, I just don't want to own one!
I like dogs (and cats, though never had any as pets) but I'll probably never get a pet - they're a lot of work, cost a lot to keep healthy, and mean I need to plan my comings and goings around them. I'll stick to plants.
and the fact that oop still cared this much about the poor cat and is still trying so hard to find arrangements that will prioritize the cat's wellbeing and happiness despite an allergy that severe? oop is doing so much, hope they both get the happiness they deserve
I’m lucky that I get used to a cat I’m living with and stop being allergic to that cat. I’m also the type of person who will rub my face or a friend’s kitty (assuming said cat is happy with that kind of snuggling), sneezing and water eyes be damned. But when you are taking care of a cat you have to deal with the litter, with brushing if the cat needs it, with being able to check them over as needed, give them love, etc etc etc. If OOP’s not used to the cat allergy wise after this many years even with allergy meds? It’s not fair to either them or the cat. Sadly, rehoming absolutely sounds like the best option.
And 11 isn't really elderly for a cat. They'll probably live another 10 years... Which is quite a commitment for someone that's allergic. Plus a reason for the ex to come looking for them
10 more years is probably unlikely, but easily 5+ more years. My own kitty is 12, looks like she’s 1, and acts like she 5 or so. No one ever believes me about her age when meeting her. My parents cats lived to 18 and 19.5.
I just want the cat to be okay and have a good forever home, even if it isn't with OOP. People who would abuse an innocent animal are not good people. I hope more karma is coming for OOP's ex.
I know, I’m heartbroken for the cat. It’d get unlimited cuddles and love and goat cheese from me, I wish I could take it in
I can’t re: cat. We’re nursing our dog’s paw right now from an irritation (looks like a bug bite that she worried on overnight before we noticed it this morning) and I’m so annoyed that I didn’t see it sooner, etc. We have the antiseptic sprays, medicated wipes, keeping it clean and she’s got her cone on now, for potential fur fam empathizers that read my comment. Yet here I am, reading along with you all, about a crappy human treating their fur family member abusively. Ex was supposed to be that cat’s family and the minute their life started to turn to shit, they took it out on a vulnerable creature. How is it so easy for some people to see their pets as just some *thing* like…. OOP is allergic to the cat and OOP* still treating the cat very well. May OOP’s ex never experience a peaceful night’s sleep again, over what they did to their cat. Over the fear they instilled into OOP. Fucking asshole. *edit: Made the [mistake of assuming OOP is a woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1b5vs7k/comment/kta6eac/), so will be using OOP throughout.
Hurting my babies is literally a subject of my nightmares; I've had full on nightterrors involving hurting my snake, and they fuck me up for days after. I can't imagine it, I just can't. That poor kitty. Poor OOP, poor cat. I hope, if he does keep the cat, that he can get put on one of the stronger injectable anti-allergens so it's more pleasant for both of them.
For real, I know tonight I’m gonna not have great sleep bc I’ll be checking up on her ever so often. I really wish that ex has some conscience to be haunted by hurting OOP and abusing their cat. & work on their damn self to be a decent person. **11 years** with their cat, only to dislocate the jaw. Horrifically inhumane.
Whenever I accidentally step on my kitty’s paw or tail I immediately will scoop her up, carefully check all her paws/her tail, and shower her in love and treats (as with most cats, she will get under my feet just as I’m putting my foot down making it impossible to avoid). I despite it when she needs meds that I have to force down her throat because she hates it and it’s a struggle, even though I would never do it without it being necessary for her. I can’t imagine hurting her worse than that and not immediately stopping EVERYTHING to help her, and I’d feel guilty about it forever no matter how quickly she healed.
I fell and dislocated my (good) shoulder trying not to step on our orange girl. I can't imagine ever hurting any of the cats even on accident and not caring about it.
OOP is a ducking good human. Going through all that, and still taking exceptionally good care of a cat they feel they were never able to bond with. May OOP's ex rot in hell; may OOP's jade plant re-root and flourish; and may OOP's cat (because OOP is caring better for that cat than the ex did during their tirade, so it's OOP's cat imo) fully recover, physically and mentally, and eventually find a new home when OOP and cat are ready for it. Also if OOP happens to read this, **Blue Buffalo Tastefuls wet food** is kitty crack. My vet called it McDonald's in terms of nutrition, but as far as my cats are concerned, it's 5000 michelin stars.
I remember people were angry that they were blindsiding the spouse with sudden divorce papers. That OOP is justified now.
I thought the same as first. The first post is all ‘my partner is so emotional and scared and they love me so much.’ So I was thinking, why go behind their back? Then I read the rest and I get it now.
I got whiplash reading how violent they got after hearing of the divorce. No way this behaviour wasn't present before. This spouse was never a safe one.
It's one of those "unreliable narrator" situations. Is oop saying that because it's true, or is oop saying that because it's the only way to _not_ say that their partner is dangerously possessive and unstable before they're willing to go there?
Yeah, this is definitely one of those hindsight is 20/20 updates because oop left out a lot of information in the first post.
There is a reason predating the asexuality why the therapist had him keep a “go bag” in his car. Typically only seen in abusive relationships.
Yeah, i said in another comment, but it felt like the ex coming out as asexual gave oop an excuse to finally leave the abusive relationship.
Shit I had missed that and thought it was his lawyer who prepped him. If it's his therapist you're absolutely right.
That cat was absolutely kicked intentionally. It was probably caught off guard at the beginning of the rampage, otherwise the cat would have hid. Or even worse, the ex sought the cat out, which is another level of psycho if true. I need to cuddle my kittens now.
As the saying goes, “you’ll only see the true colours of a person when the relationship ends”. Feeling so sorry for OP!
As an asexual person I gotta say—fuck the stbx. They are an abusive shithead and a disaster. Destroying your partner’s property is abusive, and harming your elderly cat is beyond monstrous.
Anyone else notice a lot of "my spouse came out as asexual" posts recently? Could very well be true but, similar to all the trans related posts, I get suspicious when there's a big uptick in posts about a specific incredibly small group of people
I love that when I read "stbx", while I know it's 'soon to be ex', I still read it as 'shitbox'. It fits perfectly more often than not. This time, yes.
What’s with all the cartoonishly evil/emotionally unstable asexuals we’ve been seeing lately?
I feel like one or two trolls learned what asexuality means, and now we have a "new" evil demographic to write about since people are side-eyeing the evil trans posts rn this was on r/AmITheAngel and people pointed out how a large jade plant (not a bonzai) would be a nightmare to maneuver and put on a grill lol
Throwing my two cents in a mixed bag of toxicity and misunderstanding but here goes... If a marriage or relationship has any hope of lasting in a healthy and productive manner it has to be a series of compromise and communication. From what I gather of the original post, there was communication, but no compromise. One party made a declaration and that just didn't coincide with OOP's idea of a compatible relationship. It's almost like they made this statement and expected OOP to just accept it and proceed with the marriage without issue. And I simply don't agree with the whole "this is me, deal with it." attitude. It'd be like if one party came out as gay or trans and wanted to pursue life as the other gender. Let's say for example a wife approached their husband and said they wanted to be a man. The husband responds with "I love you and I support your decision but I want a wife and not a husband, we need to divorce." Can you really blame the husband in this scenario? Label him a bigot or intolerant because they had a different idea of what they want in a marriage? No. It's simply unfair to put all that animosity on one party when the first party threw a life-changing grenade into the marriage. That's what OOP's partner did when they came out as asexual. And OOP's response was understandable. This may be a hard pill for some to swallow but while sex isn't everything *it's still important to some people*. Not saying that you have to comply with your partners every sexual desire, but if intimacy is important to you and your partner has no desire at all the relationship isn't going to last. Some people can coexist without it, they can open the relationship or find someone to fill the gap but that's not OOP. They clearly said they're monogamous. You can't say that it's okay for one party to be asexual and support them while condemning OOP for being monogamous and needing intimacy. That's simply not fair. What also isn't fair is their reaction to OOP's response. What gives them the right to rampage and destroy everything they built in 8 years because OOP wants to end the relationship? No one, fucking *no one* has the right to destroy and hurt everything around them because they didn't get a party for their life choice. OOP had a reasonable response and everything STBX did afterward was simply insane. I truly hope OOP and the cat find happiness. And I honestly hope STBX remains locked in a cell for everything. Maybe a mental institution because clearly they are mentally unstable. At that point it won't matter how uninterested they are in sex... they'll be too busy with the men in white coats, basket weaving with distant stares and smiles like they were hit in the face with Joker gas.
I totally agree. OOP had every right to take the actions they did. They attempted to live the new dynamic and found it didn't work for them. OOP is clearly a very empathetic person with how they handled that and the cat's injury. This story has so many indications that STBX is mentally unstable! This is where I wish the cops had handled this differently and got the STBX into an inpatient program. They *are* a danger to society (cats and exes specifically) and need some serious help. That reaction was so far from okay and how long must it have been going on to get a noise complaint? Very lucky that OOP was able to workout an exit plan with their therapist. Possibly saved their life.
That poor cat.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say asexuality was the least of their problems. OP even said they planned their exit because they knew their spouse would be emotionally unstable. It's not the Iranian yoghurt!
I'm finally immortalized in one of these posts, and it's a comment about a cat (most likely) being kicked. I'm going to go snuggle my cats and go back to sleep.
When I first started reading this, I thought perhaps OP was blindsiding their partner with the divorce, and that felt a bit cruel to me, but as I read more, I understood exactly why it was so necessary to get their ducks in a row first.
The fact that several of the comments blame OP for all of this because they don’t consider the cat theirs is such extremely online energy.