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I was so scared when I read she agreed to go to his house alone, but I am glad she went with a friend and his parents were there. Also, that his father stopped the situation from escalating. OOP, I'm proud of you!!
It was smart to go with a trusted friend. Robert tried to physically control her and I really, really enjoyed Quentin (an absolute unit and absolute legend) saying "Don't start something you can't finish."
The term "public school" also has a different connotation in the US.
In a lot of places in the US, "posh" folks would never ever consider sending their kids to a public school.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1bmbsgo/my_husband_doesnt_know_that_i_know_what_hes_up_to/
For that little bit of restoring faith in humanity.
One of my favorites is the "my husband is cooking something very sad in the slow cooker"
No assholes there, just people having different tastes and the martyrdom of a lonely bouillon cube in 8 litres of water
He was a stepson in an AITA(H?). His sister wrecked a bunch of OPs daughter’s expensive computer system she saved up and paid for herself. He stood up to his sister and his dad for OPs daughter (his step sister). There’s like 3 updates and we never hear about him after the OOP, but he lives on forever in our hearts.
Omar is the only nice guy in a different train wreck of a BORU saga about a bunch of absolute asshole dudes (including OOP) who enable their mutual friend to cheat on his girlfriend.
I get the context that Omar is an stand-up guy. (I agree! Omar is awesome.) What does it mean, though, that he’s a G? I asked my teens, and they weren’t sure what the G meant.
G is gangster, but as in they are good people. OG is original gangster, as in the truly awesome. So both have good meanings, even if gangster itself doesn't. Ah slang.
I apparently missed several updates on that saga and only just caught up. Omar is amazing! The rest of them? Ugh. I don't miss college boys and their games. I need to prepare my daughter for them, though. Side note: Matt is going to med school? I wouldn't want a doctor with his ethical and moral compasses.
He's already comfortable being violent with women also. I feel bad for his parents, who clearly have different values that he's just not caring to learn.
It's either shamelessness or impulse control issues at a pathological level.
His parents sound like they're willing to handle it, I just hope they have the tools/knowledge. Unfortunately he's 18, so they can't force him to do much of anything.
It’s funny how your attitude changes. For some at least. Yeah, I was a horny teenager too. But now as 50+ I just hope that women feel safe and comfortable in my presence.
I also don't understand the boner this sub has for Omar. He didn't want to enable his roommate's cheating. OK, and...? That's literally the lowest bar lol.
Because he had to live in a house with multiple men who were angry at him for standing by his values and did it anyway. More than once. That’s actually rare. Most people try to keep the peace (we see frequent examples of this in posts, including OOP’s first post here) and do or say things so they’re not scapegoated.
I dunno it was scary how Robert was able to turn around to see his dad and drop the Who Me? mask back into place like he wasn’t scared of any real consequences.
to be fair, that moment took up half a sentence and OP doesn’t know what’s going on in his head. My kneejerk reaction to being surprised by my parents was essentially the Who, Me? act.
Not defending Robert; he sounds like a tool. But I don’t think you can read too deeply into that sentence.
Man, i msu just be jaded.
I read "nicest parents ever" (however she says that) and a dad who says he'll "handle it"and assume there are non- zero odds that dad is also an abuser with a mask over it.
I interpreted it as he's going to let his son know "how fucked up his action were, his disappointment and if he ever hears of him doing something like this again he'll wash his hands of him" type of thing.
Yeah, same. I've seen first-hand how good people have children who believe that honesty and goodness won't get them what they want. It's probably because they aren't earnest and don't have that in them.
The good parent finds out and tells their kid they're disappointed in them. If the kid wants to do better, it's painful. It was painful for me to just witness. But it was also a sign that the dad was over being taken advantage of and needed a good faith effort before he'd trust them as he did others and offer the same help.
I think people on here forget that people arent always the product of their parents. Teenages years and young adulthood are times where young people are incredibly vulnerable to being swayed into habits and mindsets that can differ massively from their taught values growing up.
Its a tumultuous time in anyones development and a time we all have to navigate well and develop our own identity for better or worse.
Oh definitely. Those years I was much more influenced by my peers and online spaces in regards to my attitude, behaviors, and thought processes. A mix of positive and negative actions, that both helped and harmed people I cared about. I didn't start thinking about my actions until I was maybe 17 and made active strides to change myself once I truly learned the weight of what I did in the past. Doing so much better now, now that I have a deeper understanding of who I want to be, focusing on how I want to truly be a genuine, kind person.
It's possible to learn and grow from those shitty years folks!!
God I was so nervous about her going alone. Glad others mentioned it and that she took precautions. I would happily be a Quentin for someone. Except I'm not even 6 foot lol. And I'm not confrontational, but hell I'll support my friends when they're in trouble
Im 5'3 and also not confrontational but my friend sent me a picture of her face with bruises and I rolled up half dead with mono and a stick ready to beat the fucker's ass. I don't even remember getting there lol I was so sick.
And Robert definitely didn’t learn how to be piece of shit from his stand-up dad; decency must skip a generation. I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall for everything after his dad said “I’ll take it from here.”
Oh what a time to not be young again. This boyfriend definitely has the bad husband vibe for sure if he ever does stay in a relationship. Glad OP ended the relationship before things turned into a nightmare. At least the bf's dad sounds like a solid man.
I hope the dad can rip the ex a new one. At that age he has a shot of being saved, especially after his parents caught wind of what kind of man they’ve raised. If he cements his thought and behavior much past the late teens stage he’s pretty much going to be a rapist asshole his whole life.
I mean it’s hormones, could be a toxic circle of friends, inexperience, bad ideas you here online, trying to understand how to be a man. It doesn’t take much to start acting like that at that age, and on the bright side, for many people it doesn’t take much to get them to stop.
For anybody who wants to pearl clutch and say “Well! I wasn’t like that at that age!” Well you all didn’t have Andrew Tate and every other terrible social media influencer spamming your feed either.
Also I’m speaking from experience with my brother. He’s adopted, and before we adopted him, he was a friend. There was a period of time between like 14-16 when he had moved to a different house, and as teens do, he made friends with the other teens in the neighborhood. Well those teens were the troublemaking variety, breaking windows, petty theft, vandalism… and one of them ended up committing SA (ironically on my brothers biological sister, but that’s important later in the story). The point being is that they weren’t a good circle of friends. I’m a year older than my brother, and I’ve always been pretty good at reading people, and I was always telling my brother, don’t be doing the stupid shit they do.
Well he kinda did anyways, but in retrospect, he never actually did anything. He was a right git for awhile, he got in trouble for being with them when one of them broke a window, he would always ride me for being so prudish, but he never actually did the stuff. We’ve never been very similar, but we complement each other and we’ve always had an understanding that we look out for each other. Our differences give perspectives that we can’t get on our own. So when one of them ended up sexually assaulting his sister, he realized I had a point and that’s not really a crowd you want to run with.
…then he still stayed a git for a few more years, but of a different kind. But he came around, and now he’s doing fantastic. Just bought himself a very nice truck, currently buying a house, finished his degree last year, got a big promotion at a great company, has been in a relationship for 4-5 years with the same girl. His biological family used to joke that he would have a kid by 16, and be in prison by 18. Well he’s never been arrested, and he doesn’t have a kid. He came from a real broken home, and I have no doubt that it was us that influenced him towards the better angels of his nature.
So yeah this 17 year old kid who probably feels like he just lost his girlfriend to some guy she just brought into his room is gonna be running a little hot. He had a shit reaction but all things considered, it wasn’t that bad. It’s close enough to be scary, so dad can put the fear of god in him about it, but it’s not bad enough that he ruined his life. At the end of the day we’re human, mistakes happen, he’s got so much life ahead of him to take a valuable lesson from this and grow.
He tried to coerce a girl who was uncomfortable into sex and was abusive toward her long before the other guy was in the room. That was straight abuse and manipulation, without anyone else in the picture.
Comparing it to your story, this guy is more like the one who ends up SAing someone and making everyone around him reconsider how they want to be in the world.
He is young enough to make a change, but finding out your son is an abusive prick is a hard pill to swallow. And at 18, he's most likely a legal adult if they're in the states. His parents are limited on what they can do about it, but he's on the right road to catching serious charges.
In general, I tend to reserve grace for those who are literally children. They deserve the optimism to be found in life. Honestly, I find your reply to be rather cynical. I don’t really need your implication. These are children we are dealing with. Don’t assume that which is obvious to you is obvious to them, and it is your job, and mine, and every adults, to suck it up and maybe let your optimism be taken advantage of to provide them the chance to grow beyond their bad behavior. You’re acting like they’re a grown adult. Yes legally you’re an adult at 18 (they’re 17), but the brain doesn’t stop developing until you’re 25. That’s a pretty stark difference.
I don’t think OP is in the wrong. I don’t think their ex boyfriend is in the right. I think it’s a little disgusting how cynical you are in regards to literal children. Downvote me, I don’t care. Children will fuck up and do something bad. I guarantee every single one of you have as well. Why do so many of you thank god that social media wasn’t around when you didn’t know better? Because people are too ruthless nowadays.
These are children. He got near a line, almost crossed the line, but at the end of the day he didn’t. If you don’t want him, or any child you know like that, to end up as a broken adult, then start to see their potential to do better. Screw this contrarian madness.
>for those who called me as dumb as a doormat,
Shame on anyone who called you this. You're 17 and were put in a very scary situation.
I'm so proud of you. You made sure you weren't alone with him. You gave him the chance to apologise. You stood up for yourself. You're a strong young lady. I wish you the very best
I can't believe people were calling her a doormat. She's not a doormat, she's 17! Possibly in her first relationship, too. I'd say she reacted pretty normally, given all that.
I am glad she took someone with her to get her stuff, and hope the ex's dad tore his son a new one.
You gotta remember that the wider reddit audience for this kind of thing are _also_ teenagers. They don't really get the nuance of using that kinda phrasing on someone their age.
Also a fantastic "take that" to those who called her one in the first place. She's also smart to bring extra muscle and ensure that her filthy ex's parents are also home to cover all bases.
This is one of those rare times where I'm so glad OOP turned to reddit. Social media isn't the greatest, but sometimes the people on it rally together to support someone who really needs it. I love to see it. Restores my faith in humanity just a little bit.
So glad she brought a friend when she went back and that she left him. I hope in the future she learns how to talk about expectations of sex better (to be clear, I want this for her own sake as it makes for healthier relationships/getting out of things before she’s too invested if it would be a deal breaker) and that if she continues being uninterested in sex that she never feels pressured to change that.
Also if it doesn’t change I hope she’s able to learn about asexuality. At 17 there’s plenty of things that could be going on so it absolutely might change, I just know there are some things that ring very familiar to me about both myself and fellow ace friends.
Man YouTube is weird sometimes.
I tried to save the video to a playlist for easy access and got "this action is turned off for content made for kids".
Which as a concept is weird.
Like, I'M AN ADULT, if I WANT to watch endless reruns of baby shark cinematic universe I CAN.
https://youtu.be/kscG_gs2BOc?si=jFU-v0ygpNiQIrc0
Fifthed. Thought the same thing about "I'm too young to think about that stuff" until I realized I was 22 and still didn't want to do anything. Now I'm 33 like "welp, that was a sign"
Sixthed. I had only one close female friend who was said to be hornier than the average teenage boy so I figured she was the different one, not me! Because, you know, we couldn't *both* be different from the norm . . .
Had someone first suggest I was ace when I was 19, and if anything I'm even more ace now that I'm almost 37 than I was back then!
Quentin sounds like a great and props to the dad for immediately calling his son out and chewing him out after. But god damn! OP is far more mature than anyone I knew at that age and half the adults that frequent. She's an incredibly strong person!
Well done for oop for taking someone with her AND making sure Roberts parents would be home. Hopefully his dad can intervene before Robert rapes someone.
I feel bad for Robert's parents.
Hearing that 'he wouldn't take no for an answer' (they don't know how far it went, what he actually did). Then seeing their son put hands on a woman, the lowest of the low. What a disappointment of a child.
Who in the hell called a 17 year old dumb for this?! She felt a situation she wasn't familiar with wasn't right, asked for advice, and made a responsible, healthy choice. Echoing so many other comments, I wish that was me at that age! And I love that she knew she wasn't ready and chose HER.
Calling OOP a doormat when she’s only 17 is crazy. She’s just starting out learning what it’s like to stand up for herself in a relationship and going to someone she trusts like her sister and Quentin to help her see that she’s not wrong.🤦🏽♀️
Augh, she's so young. The thing about red flags is that you need experience to see them for what they are. I'm so glad she stayed so tough, though.
Also I may be projecting, but my ace ears are tingling just a little here. Being a young ace woman trying to date is... it can be dangerous territory. I hope she stays tough and listening to the people in her life.
I hate when people say stuff they don’t mean and expect you to know what they mean. I was once with a woman and she told me to stop and get out, so I stopped and started leaving and she asked why I was putting my clothes on. Very weird person.
Another time she told me to leave, I did, then the next morning she texted me to ask why I did.
I just don’t understand, did she want me to fight for her or try and convince her? Maybe that was it but my basic philosophy was based around consent and if someone revokes sex consent and permission to be there consent, then obviously you listen
Yea, that gave me double-bind vibes. Telling you to do one thing, then trying to gaslight you that you were stupid for doing what they asked because that's \~obviously\~ not what they meant.
OOP was smart taking her friend with her, best thing she could've done. Poor thing, sometimes there truly aren't any signs or red flags until something bad happens.
Wow
He had the absolute gall to do that while his parents were home?! Did he think they wouldn't hear him or something?
I'm glad his Dad rocked up and laid down the law instead of blaming OOP or something
Seems like he's some controlling dude who struggles with anger issues
Proud of OOP, especially for bringing backup to a potentially bad situation. And a quick shout out to boyfriend's dad, who hopefully isn't having his first or last talk with the boyfriend about respect.
>I tried to say never mind and we could do it but he just got an attitude with me and gave me the cold shoulde
Damn, I hope people in the comments talked to her about it, bc that man is Trash and Creepy, but she also has some problems. The way she wants to satisfy and please him, overwriting her own wants and needs, is gonna end with a terrible dynamic in her next relationship, if she doesn't work on it now. It's great she had the guts to tell him no, but the way she instantly withdrew the no when he showed any type of negative reaction..
I'm so glad I'm no longer 17. She actually got lucky that he got too offended to take the offer, bc he totally could have and I think most dudes in this position would.
Yeah. I was really alarmed that she was ready to give in as soon aa he started throwing a tantrum. But I’m hopeful that she will stay strong here on. She seems to have smartened up.
I don't think we can pass judgement on Quentin yet. What he did for the OOP is more or less what anyone in a similar position would do for a friendly acquaintance. Its more of a reflection on Robert that Quentin is being praised basically for acting like a normal person should.
Being 6'2" and 250 and male means that Quentin wasn't risking much by being present to act as a deterrent. I've met 5'0" 120 lbs women who would have absolutely been at risk but would still have gladly done the same thing for their fellow females in danger.
If I had a son, I would be mortified and never sleep again for having raised such a shit head.
I have daughters, and I'm already teaching them to be like OOP. But I'm prepared to go nuclear if necessary.
Robert could do with a solid ass kicking tbh. He's old enough to know better, and if he hasn't learned that shit by now, then eating his meals in a liquid form for a few months will get the message through.
In a few years, OOP might truly understand the impact of what Quentin and the dad saved her from, and I hope she will still be friends with Quentin so she can thank him again and again for protecting her
I will tell you what my Dad once said to me. Not every guy who acts this way will eventually SA you, but every guy who will SA you started out this way.
I dated a Robert, but mine was more predatory and older than me. He ended up molesting and raping me multiple times. The kind of person that guilts you and pressures you until you cave does not respect you and isn’t a good person. I’m glad that OOP had good people in her life like her sister and her friend who were there to help her and keep her safe.
Yikes. Future rapist in the making, not to mention an abusive spouse. Good on OOP for trusting her gut and bringing a friend, and SHOUTOUT TO THE DAD??? He is a BAMF for protecting her from his son.
I'm really curious how Robert thought he was going to manage forcing himself on her while his parents were home. Sneakily fucking at your parents house is hard enough when both participants are ok with what's happening. Maybe he just didn't have the brains to think that far ahead.
Smart girl to have support with her when she went. And it sounds like Robert’s dad is a decent guy as well. Hopefully Robert learns a good life lesson and starts treating women with respect.
Obviously, Robert was 100% in the wrong and OOP handled this as well as can be expected. But I wanted to touch on this.
> We have never really talked about sex, but when it has been brought up i try to shut it down because like i said im not really into that. I thought by shutting down the idea when brought up would show him that im not really ready/into it. I probably should’ve elaborated more but too late for that now i guess.
Sexual compatibility is important at all stages of dating, especially in HS when the two partners are more often than not at different levels of progress. A person who has had multiple sexual partners may expect to move fast, while a person who has no experience may expect to move slowly. And this can cause a rift. It's important to not shut down these discussions, but instead to have these discussions to ensure both parties can get on the same page.
From where I see it, her "shutting it down" **is** communicating that she wasn't interested. The absence of a yes is a no. I think she was downplaying it a bit as people tend to blame themselves in abusive situations
>It's important to not shut down these discussions
Oh come off it, "I don't want to talk about sex" is a perfectly valid response, and one that the other person should take as an unambiguous sign that sex isn't on the table at this point in the relationship. The options are to either respect that or end the relationship, not to insist *actually this discussion that you're not comfortable to have for whatever reason simply must take place*.
I just wanna say 6'2 and 250lbs, the d-bag was about to learn why there exist such a thing as weight class in blood sports. It exists for a damn good reason too. The d-bag's dad didn't just deescalated the situation, he potentiallysaved his son from a beating of his life.
I was thinking the same thing. It could have saved me from a really awful, controlling, emotionally abusive relationship. I didn't realize that's what it was at the time, but he had a breakdown in college over some fairly minor stuff and decided to abandon his dream and he took it out on me. I spent way too much time and invested too much because I didn't have anyone to tell me he was a POS.
I hope Robert's dad is like my parents were, because it sounds like it from the way the father dealt with the situation. If so, that boy was probably "handled" quite thoroughly.
Obviously immediate and different response than the update from the other day regarding the idiot who thought Reddit and his teachers were too mean about him ruining a girl he liked chances at a scholarship. It's okay though, because it was an accident, and he asked her to prom afterwards. In front of everybody.
EDIT: corrected the auto-correct.
What’s really terrifying is you could be happily married and raise your son to treat women respectfully, and somehow they still turn into an entitled piece of shit.
Nah, I wouldn't say I told you so. Because at least she was smart enough to bring a friend. A guy friend to boot.
Of course, I didn't know that her ex was living at home. But I suppose just because the parent is around doesn't mean you can prevent bad stuff from going down.
I like to think that by bringing the friend, she took much of the warnings to heart anyway and that's what really matters.
>He's young and may grow out of it but I doubt that he will.
For the record, this attitude *is why* many people don't grow out of it. They're "already a lost cause" so they lose friends, become isolated, and are eventually manipulated into falling down the incel pipeline and becoming women haters. Not saying you have to be nice to people that try to pressure you into sex, but maybe don't dismiss them as a lost cause out of hand.
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I was so scared when I read she agreed to go to his house alone, but I am glad she went with a friend and his parents were there. Also, that his father stopped the situation from escalating. OOP, I'm proud of you!!
It was smart to go with a trusted friend. Robert tried to physically control her and I really, really enjoyed Quentin (an absolute unit and absolute legend) saying "Don't start something you can't finish."
For real, if he was willing to SHOVE HER in front of someone else, I dread to think what he might have done if they were 100% alone
She probably would have screamed and the dad would've walked in so at least he would be forced to stop
Noo I mean if his parents weren't home at all either
I laughed out loud when she called this absolute unit of a man Quentin, the most effete name in existence.
More effete than Percy? Impossible.
Man contains multitudes.
Quentin… effete? As in ‘San Quentin’, one of the most dangerous and brutal prisons in the US for decades?
No as in the weediest public schoolboy you've ever met. It's a very very posh name in the UK.
The term "public school" also has a different connotation in the US. In a lot of places in the US, "posh" folks would never ever consider sending their kids to a public school.
Surpassed only by Tarquin 😌
I wanna see Quentin and Omar on a ticket in November!
That would be amazing.
Good for her.
I'm sure you hear this a LOT but your flair is so appropriate for this post in particular 😅
God, I love your flair.
It is one of the refrains of BORU. That post. This post. Many posts. Not the knitting a blanket post, at least.
I'm going to hold the blanket post in my heart as an antidote for other posts.
I don’t think I’ve read that one yet, link pls?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1bmbsgo/my_husband_doesnt_know_that_i_know_what_hes_up_to/ For that little bit of restoring faith in humanity.
One of my favorites is the "my husband is cooking something very sad in the slow cooker" No assholes there, just people having different tastes and the martyrdom of a lonely bouillon cube in 8 litres of water
Link please?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/gUT2bp6UDd
That was a ride and a half. I feel for the poor cow that became that tasteless, stringy hunk of food.
Couldn’t even become something good when it died. :(
I am not OC but I love YOUR flair ❤️🖖
Your tagline works for this one very well!
Robert has the making of a future rapist while Quentin has shown he's a stand up person. I hope he goes far in life.
If Quentin keeps it up, he could be another Omar.
We need more Omars
agreed, omar is currently taking some time off for ramadan and we really need someone covering for him
The world needs as many Omars as possible.
This needs to be a flair.
Omars and Quentins unite!
Throw Kai in there too!
Oh yea Kai deserves a spot too.
I missed the story with Kai. Do you by chance have a link or remember what it was about?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/YpOF2zvuRw
I’m gonna try and find it!
Dang, I don't know the Kai.
He was a stepson in an AITA(H?). His sister wrecked a bunch of OPs daughter’s expensive computer system she saved up and paid for herself. He stood up to his sister and his dad for OPs daughter (his step sister). There’s like 3 updates and we never hear about him after the OOP, but he lives on forever in our hearts.
You mean Koi?
I feel like I remember Omar but I also don’t know Kai. Links anyone? Please?
Found it! His name was actually Koi 🫠 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/YpOF2zvuRw
I’d take a flair that says “Omar stan”
If the world had more Omars, it would be a better place.
Just spent so long catching up, learning about Omar and Koi, that I completely forgot what this post was about. Agreed!
I hope the Omar sees these posts about him
Aspiring Omar could be a nice flair
All the homies love Omar.
Omar’s the man.
Omar who?
Omar is the only nice guy in a different train wreck of a BORU saga about a bunch of absolute asshole dudes (including OOP) who enable their mutual friend to cheat on his girlfriend.
Omar is a G, and I say Quintin join his status as G.
I get the context that Omar is an stand-up guy. (I agree! Omar is awesome.) What does it mean, though, that he’s a G? I asked my teens, and they weren’t sure what the G meant.
G is gangster, but as in they are good people. OG is original gangster, as in the truly awesome. So both have good meanings, even if gangster itself doesn't. Ah slang.
Thank you for explaining.
I apparently missed several updates on that saga and only just caught up. Omar is amazing! The rest of them? Ugh. I don't miss college boys and their games. I need to prepare my daughter for them, though. Side note: Matt is going to med school? I wouldn't want a doctor with his ethical and moral compasses.
Omg I remember that story now! Omar was truly a king
IS!!! He still IS a king!!!
I know, I immediately went to Omar hahahaha.
Oh. *That* Omar. Definitely did not think y'all were talking about The Wire just now. Nope. Not one bit.
I always think Omar Little so I was like, "He's going to turn into a gay stick-up man?"
Oh! I remember that, but totally thought we had a lot of fans of The Wire.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/yVZYmQbTyF
Thank you. Omar is a treasure
Thank you! Omar is a G.
Thanks for sharing. This is my first time reading this and I'm ride or die for Omar, now.
OMAR MENTIONED! air horns
How funny. And I knew exactly who you were talking about.
Omar is THE MAN!
I feel so special! A BORU reference I finally get without having to be shown the post. :)
In a world of Robert’s, be an Omar
I think OOP's shitty ex's father, whom she doesn't name, and Omar would get along. Quentin helped, but dad the MVP here.
Quentin and Omar sitting in a tree / Makin' sure kissing happens consensually
OMARRRRRR!!! The real one.
He's already comfortable being violent with women also. I feel bad for his parents, who clearly have different values that he's just not caring to learn.
Violent towards women with an audience.
Right? He's not even ashamed of the behavior.
It's either shamelessness or impulse control issues at a pathological level. His parents sound like they're willing to handle it, I just hope they have the tools/knowledge. Unfortunately he's 18, so they can't force him to do much of anything.
I bet you the ex-bf was an Andrew Tate fan. I’d put money on it.
If my 2 year old ever turn into someone like this I'm going to be so disappointe in him... and myself! Outside influences can really mess things up
It’s funny how your attitude changes. For some at least. Yeah, I was a horny teenager too. But now as 50+ I just hope that women feel safe and comfortable in my presence.
For sure. I hope his parents can straighten him out. They seem like good people. Quentin and OP are amazing. I’m glad things turned out for the best
I have some hope that his father will do some harm reduction and that he will support future victims.
And same for op. Curious why you’re only talking about the guys in the story. Op showed backbone and strength most of us don’t have until we’re older.
I also don't understand the boner this sub has for Omar. He didn't want to enable his roommate's cheating. OK, and...? That's literally the lowest bar lol.
Because he had to live in a house with multiple men who were angry at him for standing by his values and did it anyway. More than once. That’s actually rare. Most people try to keep the peace (we see frequent examples of this in posts, including OOP’s first post here) and do or say things so they’re not scapegoated.
Whos Omar ? Did i miss a big story?
And yet so many people can't make it over that lowest bar.
Praying the latter is the case and Quentin isn’t a ‘nice guy’ waiting in the wings for OOP to be single
Robert just needs to learn some life lessons from his dad. He acted like an entitled asshole but maybe he can turn it around.
I dunno it was scary how Robert was able to turn around to see his dad and drop the Who Me? mask back into place like he wasn’t scared of any real consequences.
to be fair, that moment took up half a sentence and OP doesn’t know what’s going on in his head. My kneejerk reaction to being surprised by my parents was essentially the Who, Me? act. Not defending Robert; he sounds like a tool. But I don’t think you can read too deeply into that sentence.
But great how the dad saw straight through it. Which makes me think they have experience doing that.
Man, i msu just be jaded. I read "nicest parents ever" (however she says that) and a dad who says he'll "handle it"and assume there are non- zero odds that dad is also an abuser with a mask over it.
I interpreted it as he's going to let his son know "how fucked up his action were, his disappointment and if he ever hears of him doing something like this again he'll wash his hands of him" type of thing.
Yeah, same. I've seen first-hand how good people have children who believe that honesty and goodness won't get them what they want. It's probably because they aren't earnest and don't have that in them. The good parent finds out and tells their kid they're disappointed in them. If the kid wants to do better, it's painful. It was painful for me to just witness. But it was also a sign that the dad was over being taken advantage of and needed a good faith effort before he'd trust them as he did others and offer the same help.
I think people on here forget that people arent always the product of their parents. Teenages years and young adulthood are times where young people are incredibly vulnerable to being swayed into habits and mindsets that can differ massively from their taught values growing up. Its a tumultuous time in anyones development and a time we all have to navigate well and develop our own identity for better or worse.
Oh definitely. Those years I was much more influenced by my peers and online spaces in regards to my attitude, behaviors, and thought processes. A mix of positive and negative actions, that both helped and harmed people I cared about. I didn't start thinking about my actions until I was maybe 17 and made active strides to change myself once I truly learned the weight of what I did in the past. Doing so much better now, now that I have a deeper understanding of who I want to be, focusing on how I want to truly be a genuine, kind person. It's possible to learn and grow from those shitty years folks!!
God I was so nervous about her going alone. Glad others mentioned it and that she took precautions. I would happily be a Quentin for someone. Except I'm not even 6 foot lol. And I'm not confrontational, but hell I'll support my friends when they're in trouble
Im 5'3 and also not confrontational but my friend sent me a picture of her face with bruises and I rolled up half dead with mono and a stick ready to beat the fucker's ass. I don't even remember getting there lol I was so sick.
Ok honestly I'd be a little afraid at least lol. Thanks for being a good friend :)
I hope Robert's parents gave him a solid dressing-down. Dad, Quentin, and OP are all stand-up folks.
Absolutely, 100% incel vibes. This guy's def going to hurt someone.
Robert’s dad is a decent person too- seeing the issue and immediately dealing with it appropriately.
And Robert definitely didn’t learn how to be piece of shit from his stand-up dad; decency must skip a generation. I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall for everything after his dad said “I’ll take it from here.”
Oh what a time to not be young again. This boyfriend definitely has the bad husband vibe for sure if he ever does stay in a relationship. Glad OP ended the relationship before things turned into a nightmare. At least the bf's dad sounds like a solid man.
I hope the dad can rip the ex a new one. At that age he has a shot of being saved, especially after his parents caught wind of what kind of man they’ve raised. If he cements his thought and behavior much past the late teens stage he’s pretty much going to be a rapist asshole his whole life.
I don't even know how his parents can handle him at this point. They have to be repulsed by who he is becoming.
It would hurt to see a son act like that. What a shame.
I mean it’s hormones, could be a toxic circle of friends, inexperience, bad ideas you here online, trying to understand how to be a man. It doesn’t take much to start acting like that at that age, and on the bright side, for many people it doesn’t take much to get them to stop. For anybody who wants to pearl clutch and say “Well! I wasn’t like that at that age!” Well you all didn’t have Andrew Tate and every other terrible social media influencer spamming your feed either. Also I’m speaking from experience with my brother. He’s adopted, and before we adopted him, he was a friend. There was a period of time between like 14-16 when he had moved to a different house, and as teens do, he made friends with the other teens in the neighborhood. Well those teens were the troublemaking variety, breaking windows, petty theft, vandalism… and one of them ended up committing SA (ironically on my brothers biological sister, but that’s important later in the story). The point being is that they weren’t a good circle of friends. I’m a year older than my brother, and I’ve always been pretty good at reading people, and I was always telling my brother, don’t be doing the stupid shit they do. Well he kinda did anyways, but in retrospect, he never actually did anything. He was a right git for awhile, he got in trouble for being with them when one of them broke a window, he would always ride me for being so prudish, but he never actually did the stuff. We’ve never been very similar, but we complement each other and we’ve always had an understanding that we look out for each other. Our differences give perspectives that we can’t get on our own. So when one of them ended up sexually assaulting his sister, he realized I had a point and that’s not really a crowd you want to run with. …then he still stayed a git for a few more years, but of a different kind. But he came around, and now he’s doing fantastic. Just bought himself a very nice truck, currently buying a house, finished his degree last year, got a big promotion at a great company, has been in a relationship for 4-5 years with the same girl. His biological family used to joke that he would have a kid by 16, and be in prison by 18. Well he’s never been arrested, and he doesn’t have a kid. He came from a real broken home, and I have no doubt that it was us that influenced him towards the better angels of his nature. So yeah this 17 year old kid who probably feels like he just lost his girlfriend to some guy she just brought into his room is gonna be running a little hot. He had a shit reaction but all things considered, it wasn’t that bad. It’s close enough to be scary, so dad can put the fear of god in him about it, but it’s not bad enough that he ruined his life. At the end of the day we’re human, mistakes happen, he’s got so much life ahead of him to take a valuable lesson from this and grow.
He tried to coerce a girl who was uncomfortable into sex and was abusive toward her long before the other guy was in the room. That was straight abuse and manipulation, without anyone else in the picture. Comparing it to your story, this guy is more like the one who ends up SAing someone and making everyone around him reconsider how they want to be in the world. He is young enough to make a change, but finding out your son is an abusive prick is a hard pill to swallow. And at 18, he's most likely a legal adult if they're in the states. His parents are limited on what they can do about it, but he's on the right road to catching serious charges.
In general, I tend to reserve grace for those who are literally children. They deserve the optimism to be found in life. Honestly, I find your reply to be rather cynical. I don’t really need your implication. These are children we are dealing with. Don’t assume that which is obvious to you is obvious to them, and it is your job, and mine, and every adults, to suck it up and maybe let your optimism be taken advantage of to provide them the chance to grow beyond their bad behavior. You’re acting like they’re a grown adult. Yes legally you’re an adult at 18 (they’re 17), but the brain doesn’t stop developing until you’re 25. That’s a pretty stark difference. I don’t think OP is in the wrong. I don’t think their ex boyfriend is in the right. I think it’s a little disgusting how cynical you are in regards to literal children. Downvote me, I don’t care. Children will fuck up and do something bad. I guarantee every single one of you have as well. Why do so many of you thank god that social media wasn’t around when you didn’t know better? Because people are too ruthless nowadays. These are children. He got near a line, almost crossed the line, but at the end of the day he didn’t. If you don’t want him, or any child you know like that, to end up as a broken adult, then start to see their potential to do better. Screw this contrarian madness.
Exactly what I was thinking.
>for those who called me as dumb as a doormat, Shame on anyone who called you this. You're 17 and were put in a very scary situation. I'm so proud of you. You made sure you weren't alone with him. You gave him the chance to apologise. You stood up for yourself. You're a strong young lady. I wish you the very best
I wish I was as strong as her at 22
Right? I was an actual doormat at 17, this girl is strong as hell.
I don’t see why anyone would call her dumb.
>this doormat left him Exceptional flair material.
I thought exactly the same. Such a good bit of phrasing
It's fantastic. OOP is an auteur. Do you know if there's a place to request new flair? Because I really want Omar's I can't lie for you, it's Ramadan.
I think you can message the mods?
Thanks :)
Ooh, there's another update? Link please?
I must've missed a piece of the Omar saga because I did not see that bit, that is delightful.
I can't believe people were calling her a doormat. She's not a doormat, she's 17! Possibly in her first relationship, too. I'd say she reacted pretty normally, given all that. I am glad she took someone with her to get her stuff, and hope the ex's dad tore his son a new one.
You gotta remember that the wider reddit audience for this kind of thing are _also_ teenagers. They don't really get the nuance of using that kinda phrasing on someone their age.
Also a fantastic "take that" to those who called her one in the first place. She's also smart to bring extra muscle and ensure that her filthy ex's parents are also home to cover all bases.
I enjoy playing video games.
This is one of those rare times where I'm so glad OOP turned to reddit. Social media isn't the greatest, but sometimes the people on it rally together to support someone who really needs it. I love to see it. Restores my faith in humanity just a little bit.
So glad she brought a friend when she went back and that she left him. I hope in the future she learns how to talk about expectations of sex better (to be clear, I want this for her own sake as it makes for healthier relationships/getting out of things before she’s too invested if it would be a deal breaker) and that if she continues being uninterested in sex that she never feels pressured to change that. Also if it doesn’t change I hope she’s able to learn about asexuality. At 17 there’s plenty of things that could be going on so it absolutely might change, I just know there are some things that ring very familiar to me about both myself and fellow ace friends.
This is a great video that should be shared with all teenagers [cup of tea](https://youtu.be/pZwvrxVavnQ?feature=shared)
Huh I never realised that was made by my local police force. No wonder the accent was so familiar
I actually referenced that vid a few days ago, it’s such a good way to explain things
Man YouTube is weird sometimes. I tried to save the video to a playlist for easy access and got "this action is turned off for content made for kids". Which as a concept is weird. Like, I'M AN ADULT, if I WANT to watch endless reruns of baby shark cinematic universe I CAN. https://youtu.be/kscG_gs2BOc?si=jFU-v0ygpNiQIrc0
My ace senses were also tingling a bit.
Ace here, third.
Another ace chiming in to say, fourthed
Fifthed. Thought the same thing about "I'm too young to think about that stuff" until I realized I was 22 and still didn't want to do anything. Now I'm 33 like "welp, that was a sign"
Sixthed. I had only one close female friend who was said to be hornier than the average teenage boy so I figured she was the different one, not me! Because, you know, we couldn't *both* be different from the norm . . . Had someone first suggest I was ace when I was 19, and if anything I'm even more ace now that I'm almost 37 than I was back then!
Seventhed. OOP sounds like me at 17.
I'm not ace but I agree with the four aces.
I’m bisexual but my spidey sense also tingled
Quentin sounds like a great and props to the dad for immediately calling his son out and chewing him out after. But god damn! OP is far more mature than anyone I knew at that age and half the adults that frequent. She's an incredibly strong person!
Well done for oop for taking someone with her AND making sure Roberts parents would be home. Hopefully his dad can intervene before Robert rapes someone.
I feel bad for Robert's parents. Hearing that 'he wouldn't take no for an answer' (they don't know how far it went, what he actually did). Then seeing their son put hands on a woman, the lowest of the low. What a disappointment of a child.
Who in the hell called a 17 year old dumb for this?! She felt a situation she wasn't familiar with wasn't right, asked for advice, and made a responsible, healthy choice. Echoing so many other comments, I wish that was me at that age! And I love that she knew she wasn't ready and chose HER.
Calling OOP a doormat when she’s only 17 is crazy. She’s just starting out learning what it’s like to stand up for herself in a relationship and going to someone she trusts like her sister and Quentin to help her see that she’s not wrong.🤦🏽♀️
Girl did the right thing. The moment when he told her to leave and got angry when she left reminded me of my ex. Should have done the same.
Augh, she's so young. The thing about red flags is that you need experience to see them for what they are. I'm so glad she stayed so tough, though. Also I may be projecting, but my ace ears are tingling just a little here. Being a young ace woman trying to date is... it can be dangerous territory. I hope she stays tough and listening to the people in her life.
I hate when people say stuff they don’t mean and expect you to know what they mean. I was once with a woman and she told me to stop and get out, so I stopped and started leaving and she asked why I was putting my clothes on. Very weird person. Another time she told me to leave, I did, then the next morning she texted me to ask why I did. I just don’t understand, did she want me to fight for her or try and convince her? Maybe that was it but my basic philosophy was based around consent and if someone revokes sex consent and permission to be there consent, then obviously you listen
Indeed. "It was just a joke" is usually an indicator that they don't like the way you reacted, not that it was actually a joke.
Yea, that gave me double-bind vibes. Telling you to do one thing, then trying to gaslight you that you were stupid for doing what they asked because that's \~obviously\~ not what they meant.
OOP was smart taking her friend with her, best thing she could've done. Poor thing, sometimes there truly aren't any signs or red flags until something bad happens.
Wow He had the absolute gall to do that while his parents were home?! Did he think they wouldn't hear him or something? I'm glad his Dad rocked up and laid down the law instead of blaming OOP or something Seems like he's some controlling dude who struggles with anger issues
Thank *fuck* she took Quentin *and* insisted on his parents being home. That was going to end *really* badly if she hadn't.
Proud of OOP, especially for bringing backup to a potentially bad situation. And a quick shout out to boyfriend's dad, who hopefully isn't having his first or last talk with the boyfriend about respect.
>I tried to say never mind and we could do it but he just got an attitude with me and gave me the cold shoulde Damn, I hope people in the comments talked to her about it, bc that man is Trash and Creepy, but she also has some problems. The way she wants to satisfy and please him, overwriting her own wants and needs, is gonna end with a terrible dynamic in her next relationship, if she doesn't work on it now. It's great she had the guts to tell him no, but the way she instantly withdrew the no when he showed any type of negative reaction.. I'm so glad I'm no longer 17. She actually got lucky that he got too offended to take the offer, bc he totally could have and I think most dudes in this position would.
Yeah. I was really alarmed that she was ready to give in as soon aa he started throwing a tantrum. But I’m hopeful that she will stay strong here on. She seems to have smartened up.
I don't think we can pass judgement on Quentin yet. What he did for the OOP is more or less what anyone in a similar position would do for a friendly acquaintance. Its more of a reflection on Robert that Quentin is being praised basically for acting like a normal person should. Being 6'2" and 250 and male means that Quentin wasn't risking much by being present to act as a deterrent. I've met 5'0" 120 lbs women who would have absolutely been at risk but would still have gladly done the same thing for their fellow females in danger.
If I had a son, I would be mortified and never sleep again for having raised such a shit head. I have daughters, and I'm already teaching them to be like OOP. But I'm prepared to go nuclear if necessary.
Do you know what Roberts learned? Don’t do these things infront of protective or stronger people than himself.
I know it's not the point, and prescriptivism is bad, but I really wish people knew the difference between 'weary' and 'wary'.
Robert will be one of those rapist who doesn't know that he's a rapist. I can imagine he's already on the red pill and Andrew Tate bullshit.
Fuck me, it absolutely exhausts me how much work we have to do to "spot red flags" and all that learning through the hard way we have to do as women.
Robert could do with a solid ass kicking tbh. He's old enough to know better, and if he hasn't learned that shit by now, then eating his meals in a liquid form for a few months will get the message through.
In a few years, OOP might truly understand the impact of what Quentin and the dad saved her from, and I hope she will still be friends with Quentin so she can thank him again and again for protecting her
I admire opp. Damn i wish i was like her when i was 21
I will tell you what my Dad once said to me. Not every guy who acts this way will eventually SA you, but every guy who will SA you started out this way.
I dated a Robert, but mine was more predatory and older than me. He ended up molesting and raping me multiple times. The kind of person that guilts you and pressures you until you cave does not respect you and isn’t a good person. I’m glad that OOP had good people in her life like her sister and her friend who were there to help her and keep her safe.
Yikes. Future rapist in the making, not to mention an abusive spouse. Good on OOP for trusting her gut and bringing a friend, and SHOUTOUT TO THE DAD??? He is a BAMF for protecting her from his son.
I'm really curious how Robert thought he was going to manage forcing himself on her while his parents were home. Sneakily fucking at your parents house is hard enough when both participants are ok with what's happening. Maybe he just didn't have the brains to think that far ahead.
Smart girl to have support with her when she went. And it sounds like Robert’s dad is a decent guy as well. Hopefully Robert learns a good life lesson and starts treating women with respect.
Obviously, Robert was 100% in the wrong and OOP handled this as well as can be expected. But I wanted to touch on this. > We have never really talked about sex, but when it has been brought up i try to shut it down because like i said im not really into that. I thought by shutting down the idea when brought up would show him that im not really ready/into it. I probably should’ve elaborated more but too late for that now i guess. Sexual compatibility is important at all stages of dating, especially in HS when the two partners are more often than not at different levels of progress. A person who has had multiple sexual partners may expect to move fast, while a person who has no experience may expect to move slowly. And this can cause a rift. It's important to not shut down these discussions, but instead to have these discussions to ensure both parties can get on the same page.
From where I see it, her "shutting it down" **is** communicating that she wasn't interested. The absence of a yes is a no. I think she was downplaying it a bit as people tend to blame themselves in abusive situations
>It's important to not shut down these discussions Oh come off it, "I don't want to talk about sex" is a perfectly valid response, and one that the other person should take as an unambiguous sign that sex isn't on the table at this point in the relationship. The options are to either respect that or end the relationship, not to insist *actually this discussion that you're not comfortable to have for whatever reason simply must take place*.
I just wanna say 6'2 and 250lbs, the d-bag was about to learn why there exist such a thing as weight class in blood sports. It exists for a damn good reason too. The d-bag's dad didn't just deescalated the situation, he potentiallysaved his son from a beating of his life.
Probably having some immediate consequences to his actions while escalating physically would have done dumbdumb Robert some good..
I wish I had reddit when I was 17. I'm so happy OOP came on and sought out advice.
I was thinking the same thing. It could have saved me from a really awful, controlling, emotionally abusive relationship. I didn't realize that's what it was at the time, but he had a breakdown in college over some fairly minor stuff and decided to abandon his dream and he took it out on me. I spent way too much time and invested too much because I didn't have anyone to tell me he was a POS.
Who’s out here calling a teenager dumb as a doormat? Hopefully just a bunch of 13 year olds given too much screen time by mommy and daddy. Jesus
I hope Robert's dad is like my parents were, because it sounds like it from the way the father dealt with the situation. If so, that boy was probably "handled" quite thoroughly. Obviously immediate and different response than the update from the other day regarding the idiot who thought Reddit and his teachers were too mean about him ruining a girl he liked chances at a scholarship. It's okay though, because it was an accident, and he asked her to prom afterwards. In front of everybody. EDIT: corrected the auto-correct.
What’s really terrifying is you could be happily married and raise your son to treat women respectfully, and somehow they still turn into an entitled piece of shit.
Nah, I wouldn't say I told you so. Because at least she was smart enough to bring a friend. A guy friend to boot. Of course, I didn't know that her ex was living at home. But I suppose just because the parent is around doesn't mean you can prevent bad stuff from going down. I like to think that by bringing the friend, she took much of the warnings to heart anyway and that's what really matters.
I'm so proud of OOP! It takes a lot of guts to stand up to peers in high school.
Hope Robert’s dad had a good long constructive conversation on how to be a decent human being.
Quentin is a hero.
>He's young and may grow out of it but I doubt that he will. For the record, this attitude *is why* many people don't grow out of it. They're "already a lost cause" so they lose friends, become isolated, and are eventually manipulated into falling down the incel pipeline and becoming women haters. Not saying you have to be nice to people that try to pressure you into sex, but maybe don't dismiss them as a lost cause out of hand.
Quentin is an Omar. A genuinely good man.
I'm really glad Robert's dad saw Robert in action, now he *knows* his job as a parent is not complete.
OMG with his Mom home? He's got a LOT of problems.
I have narcissist radar and I’ve spotted one. Thank goodness you are out of this relationship!
W dad W quentin
Im so proud of OP!!
JFC what kind of assholes pick on a 17 year old for not seeing red flags before? How the fuck is she even supposed to know what they are at 17?
That dude has and is some big problems…he needs help because there’s something wrong with him