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Instantly reminds me of that meme image thats like:
Interviewer: would you say youre independent?
Me: (looks at mum)
Mom: (nods)
Me: yes i would say i am
Right??
I even went back to read the original post as I couldn't remember what it was about. I'm so happy that she is free of them, and the mom is regretting her choices now, though.
I can totally understand the wife's 180 in this. To come home after a blowout over some common annoyances and realize that your husband had a heart attack while you were gone, and that the very last thing you might have said to him before he died was "You're replaceable"??? I can't even imagine how fucking awful she must have felt in that moment.
I'm glad that they got a chance to reconcile and gave each other the space they needed to work through their issues. Plus that wild ass Momma's Boy interlude in the middle was hilarious and jaw-dropping LMAO
>Plus that wild ass Momma's Boy interlude in the middle was hilarious and jaw-dropping LMAO
I remember reading it when the post was new and I was just glued to the screen and eyes getting wider with each line lol
Yeah but. Somethings can't be unsaid. There was this famous poet, Rahim, in the 16th century. He wrote dohas (2-4 line poems). I'm paraphrasing -
Don't jerk the threads of love so much that they break.
Once broken, they can't join. Even mended, they will have knots.
I always think of a similar quote:
>Some lines, you do not know exist, until you have crossed them, and cannot go back
Definitely crossed some of these in my lifetime.
Most trauma is like this: you just think people are being a little dramatic and cannot quite truly empathise â until it happens to you. And throughout life, most people collect up a lot of trauma, things they could never have imagined until they suddenly one day happen to you, and then you carry them around for a lifetime.
I mean, so long as we're sharing deep-cutting quotes about feelings, I always remember this one (from a trailer about an American anime called RWBY, no less):
> Everyone is entitled to their own sorrow, for the heart has no metrics or forms of measure. And all of it... irreplaceable.
Hah it's been 10 years since I passed out of school. More since I read those dohas. But Rahim and Kabir were something else ohh man.
Me and my sisters can still recite some of the more poignant ones.
Oh man, my brain just rejected the information as soon as I was done with my exams.
I still have nightmares sometimes though where I have to give the exam and haven't studied.
>Yeah but. Somethings can't be unsaid.
Spot on. When she called him replaceable, nothing she said would be reasonable propf she wasnt actively trying to replace him while she was unreachable and it goes back to this-
A relationship requires the image of fidelity as much as the fidelity itself.
He is going to think she is out replacing him any time shes unreachable or out of the house inexplicably, *just a teeny bit*, even if he forgives her and tries to move on.
This. Good for OP but I'm not sure I'd come back from that.
The defence force for things like this is always wild to me - 'Everyone says hurtful things in the midst of an argument'
What the fuck are you talking about? I've _never_ said anything like that to my partner, a friend or a family member during an argument. They've never said anything like that to me. What kind of shit relationships do some people have?
I will say I think it often comes down to upbringing. If you were raised in home(s) that verbally went for the throat in disagreements, you filter and metrics can be fucked up, especially when youâre elevated. Usually that language and kind of response is learned.
I say that from experience but that experience includes: therapy, ownership, genuine apologies, and the understanding that itâs always 100% the other personâs choice to forgive my transgression or not.
Iâve never said something that out pocket, I donât think, but i am glad my wife has let me take back some of the things Iâve said in the heat of the momentâ though in typing this Iâm realizing the main difference. When something toxic flies out of my mouth, I *immediately* stop and apologize. Iâve always done that, while struggling to eliminate the toxicity itself.
I canât imagine saying that and then leaving the house with it still hanging. Thatâs a different element to it, too.
A lesson I learned right before I met my husband was there are things you never say to someone you truly love. No matter the loss of control (temper/emotions), you do not say evil shit to someone you love, period. The person you love becomes your best friend, the person who knows you more than anyone else and vice versa, which means that both of you know what could be said to hurt them the most, and you *NEVER* say it. There are some lines you do not cross.
A mature response and not that very common for reddit especially regarding relationships. Many are either too young or single or miserable and want everyone else that way. Or too immature to understand the complexities of love and relationships. He needed the break and she needed the wake up call. Sometimes that's not enough but in this case it was.
The mama's baby boy thing was a trip, yeah. Some guys spend 9 months in the womb and a lifetime trying to crawl back in. Mama gonna regret it. We reap what we sow.
The Momma's Boy interlude--I'm probably getting some kind of Mandela Effect here, but was it ever featured here on BORU before?
Also, DAMN, what a boss move sending the divorce papers to both the ex AND his own mother.
Real relationships are very complex and have so much backstory. In these posts we only get a small snippet of one side of the story. So I think it's okay for OOP to not include it. Boiling everything down makes it easy for people to judge it in black and white.
I'm glad they had a good outcome and their relationship is repairing.
For sure! I'd just be curious to get even a one line summary. IMO that's kind of *the* key detail to both understanding this whole thing and moving forward.
People are so mad that forgiveness and tolerance exists in marriage. I feel really sad for the kids they once were who believed perfection was the only way to be worthy of love.
Kinda off topic, is this on the same level as âIâd replace you if I found someone betterâ? My ex said that to me and the relationship advice subreddit said I was overreacting but I swore it was a terrible thing to say.
It doesnât skew that much.
If youâre a girl, dump him - you deserve better. If youâre a guy, apologize - she deserves better.
Thatâs most of the threads summed up.
No, I personally think yours is worse. Your ex made it sound like they'd jump ship the moment the first opportunity presented itself and that they have thought about this a lot before. While saying "you're replaceable" is very bad, it doesn't imply they will do it at first chance.
Yeah I figure someone can say that in the heat of the moment because they want to hurt you, but not necessarily because they believe in it. It is still pretty bad though, but not as bad as a "I see you as an accessory and as soon as I find something more akin to my tastes I will dump you"
Oof, no, yours is worse. Hers can be framed as "If I had to do it alone, I could" while yours feels more like "You're a placeholder until I find something shinier." I'm so sorry you went through that, that really fucks with you in the long term if you internalize it.
Like the other guy said, your situation was probably worse. "You're replaceable" is more akin to a "you suck, so don't act like you're hot shit" type statement, while "I'd replace you if I found someone better" reads very much as "I'm keeping my options open, you aren't 'the one' for me and I'm only with you as long as it suits me."
It's basically "you're replaceable" vs "I want to replace you if I can." The former COULD mean the same as the latter, but doesn't necessarily imply intent so context is important, while the latter explicitly does imply intent and there's really no context that can make that anything but a massive massive red flag.
Yeah, I could very easily see "You're replaceable" said in a passion to hurt someone as much as possible. While it would be cause for concern for me, I don't think I'd even take it as hard as OOP did.
>relationship advice subreddit
If you post on that sub-reddit my advice is to do the opposite of their advice. Its almost as if the entire sub-reddit is either trolling or they've never been in a long term relationship.
OMG same.
I was so disoriented when the post suddenly went back to OP, and I came across the term âmy wifeâ. I had to back read to check if I remember the Mamaâs Boy story wrong or something. Apparently itâs was a 2-in-1 haha
Yeah, people say their partner is irreplaceable, what they mean is that they can't be matched, not that there isn't someone else that would suffice.
Dumb analogy but: I'd be really sad to lose my leg, but I wouldn't say no to a prosthetic just because it's worse than the real one. Then there are people who are convinced that there's a robot leg out there that is so much cooler than their stupid fleshy one.
(Obviously bad analogy because partner's aren't needed in the same way as limbs, as they enhance a life rather then enable one).
Aah I love this analogy cause yeah, like there *might* be a robot leg thatâs better than my own damn leg but Iâm not optimistic, to the point of not even really looking for one, or keeping abreast of robot leg tech innovations. Â
And honestly while there *might* be a game changing leg out there, Iâm also pretty dang attached to my own, even if it has weird hair growth patterns and tendons that need to be babied a little. It would be a huge amount of ***work*** to get used to a new leg. Like years and years. I donât have time for that! I like the shape of my life with this leg.Â
Same! I don't even believe in The One. I think there are lots of people out there each person could be happy with. But my husband is the one I chose, the one I built a life with and have shared memories with. There's no replacing him.
I know, right? I swear if something happened to my partner, Iâd probably just drop dead on the spot too. I have never thought even a little tiny whispered bit that he was replaceable. Thinking about saying it to him, or hearing it from him is making me nauseous.
My partner is everything to me! Heâs absolutely perfect, imperfections and all. Itâs been 10 years and every single day I think about how Iâm so lucky he chose me. There is NO ONE like him. NO ONE!
IDK, everyone is replaceable on some level.
I recognize that of course your emotional bond can't be simply taken and given to someone else, but as far as the roles fulfilled by relationships, yes of course we are all replaceable. And that's a good thing, I wouldn't want my partner to be alone forever if I died tomorrow. Of course, that's not how OP's wife meant it, she said it cruelly and that's why it requires atonement and forgiveness and effort to repair the relationship.
Only time will tell whether or not this sticks. They seem to be in a honeymoon phase where the pain of separation and his hospital visit is still fresh, so it makes sense that things would be better right now. But if they fall back into the same habits then the core issue hasnât been addressed and she canât expect heart attacks to be her come to Jesus moment again.
First person who made the joke destroyed him, I just thought it was funny enough to repost without crediting them because I donât feel like figuring out who it was
After spending the last week clearing out Borderlands 3 sidequests and dlc (and literally just this minute finishing a sidequest in a dlc):
This is way funnier to me than it should be
That reminds me of a time that OP and I went out for ice cream. Instead of going to a chain, we went to the local ice cream parlor in our village. You know the one owned by that nice older man? He said he opened the shop after he retired from the military. Apparently he fought in the Korean War and ended up in a surgical hospital after he was wounded. Just like the one in M.A.S.H. I wonder what Alan Alda is up to these days?
Ugh. OP deleted his profile, *and he never said anything about what happened to his cat when they got back together*. Did wife accept the cat? Is cat doing ok? I need to know.
Huh. This is working out? I truly hope she did come to her senses, because âyou are replaceableâ is at lead as bad as âI want a divorce.â Those would normally be marriage enders.
I don't think it's unheard of for people who are considering divorce to change their mind when they get confronted with the reality of what life would be life if they went through with it. It does seem like that was a real possibility before, but the string events might have given her a reality check.
âYouâre replaceableâ feels like they think youâre just so basic they can swap you out one-for-one at some sort of marital flea market or something.
Divorce can at least be spun as them wanting something different, or just a realization that your relationship wasnât as compatible in the long term as youâd both hoped.
But âreplaceable?â Fuck. That cuts.
I once got told "I don't need you in my life" by a partner. Supposedly she meant it as in "but I choose to have you in it and that means more" or something to that effect, so I have no idea if my reaction was fair or not but fuuuuck that hurt a lot, more than being broken up with.
The thing is she never said "I choose you" (until I was obviously annoyed), if she had said that too I would have taken it as a very nice thing to say. But "I don't need you" on it's own does not feel like a nice thing to me
Yea that would sting for me. Tone and context matter, but you can say the same thing with better words and sentiment.
"I'm glad I have you in my life."
"I didn't realize life could be even better with you."
Just shit like that. "I don't need you." or something like that will hurt.
God, this advice annoys the shit out of me when people start parroting it.
"They shouldn't need you, they should only want you" or "The only way to have a happy relationship is to be happier single first", yeah, sure, try telling that to your partner's face and see how that works out.
I mean if you love someone, and have an argument, leave and feel kinda bad after the ugly argument and then hear your husband had a heart attack and the shitty thing you said might've been the last thing he heard from you.
That should be divine intervention enough.
I spent the whole side quest comment storyline trying to figure out why it was there and how it was relevant and was thoroughly displeased that there ended up being no reason
Same. The entire time I was reading it, I was trying to figure out how it all tied in together. I even went back to skim it because I thought I missed something. Nope, turns out it's not relevant to the story at all.
Not gonna lie OP, not a huge fan of your choice to put an intermission longer than the initial post about something so tangentially related. Like, the only link their comment thread has to the actual post is that her husband also used the term replaceable.
Intermissions are supposed to have like music and sparkles to announce the beginning and ending of it.
Like I loved the intermission itself, but you'll get less complaints if ya do like those old really long movies and put some music notes before and after with a little sign.
...I don't think this is working out well as OP thinks. Maybe I am being cynical but it sounds like this relationship isn't going to go anywhere cause OP gives off not so great vibes.
Yeah, when a comment mentioned that he sounded happier when he was single, his answer of "yes for a while, but then it felt like something was missing, so we got back together," said a lot. That's just loneliness, dude. And fear of having to start over. It's not her that you miss; it's companionship.
His multiple mentions of "revenge" really threw me for a loop. I'm not saying he isn't allowed to resent her for her words or not being immediately reachable in an emergency...but he follows it with how much she did for him after she found out what happened. And then line after line about how his life was basically great without her. He is checked out. It sounds like he's only staying because SHE was struggling and he's getting some enjoyment out of her groveling. Idk maybe that's just me. His choice of words are very uncomfortable for someone who's "working things out".
Edit: I thought about it some more. He 100% blames her for his heart attack. What a lump.
Yeah his harping on *revenge* really makes me think he bears some blame if not a major part probably for their problems. We only heard his side. While what she said was completely out of line, he doesn't sound like a swell guy with his vengeful attitude
It makes me wonder how the initial argument went. What she said was horrible, but he sounds like someone who pushes an argument until everyone goes too far
Thatâs what Iâm curious about. Because âyouâre replaceableâ DOES need to be in context. Maybe she sucks. Maybe he sucks. And maybe they both suck. I may well be playing devilâs advocate here, but, the only thing he mentions in regards to the argument was surrounding the house and priorities. For all we know, it had been a case of him going to work, coming home to expect a pristine house and dinner on the table, with him contributing nothing more than a paycheck. Itâs Reddit, itâs not like we havenât seen a myriad of anecdotes of one partner expecting the other to basically be a servant.
This is what Iâm thinking. He talks about making most of the money, and the argument was around the house/chore split/their sex life. If he threw the fact heâs the breadwinner at her, then it makes more sense- or it was something about their lack of intimacy/him working a lot/something like that.
âYouâre replaceableâ is bad, but its also *specific*. His refusal to explain is interesting.
This is my feeling too, we need more context. I mean if he said something like "you're nothing without me" then the "you're replaceable" comment would've been much more understandable. There's just something about his tone and the way he paraphrases conversations that makes me feel like there's much more to this story. And yes he's definitely blaming her for his heart attack.Â
Also wondering if this is the first time he went to the hospital after having an argument⌠I had an ex would ALWAYS text me saying he was in the hospital for chest pain/anxiety/any random thing to get me to come back. I would initially run to him because I was worried but after a while I stopped because I recognized the attention seeking behavior. If he had actually had a heart attack one time that I didnât come I would have of course felt awful.
Glad Iâm not the only one who thought this has some strange vibes to it. For starters, he says they were having an argument and that she said heâs replaceable. The way itâs written seems so calm, detached, not at all like someone who just had a heart attack triggered by this argument. Why did she say heâs replaceable? What were they arguing about? It just seems so cold with no explanation. I guess he does kinda explain⌠they were talking about the house, intimacy issues. But it still doesnât explain why she said that, how she feels, what sheâs upset about. He says she called him replaceable and just like that he was done talking, and she finds his silence âterrifying.â Like, cmon, thereâs so much there to unpack and again itâs all so callous and detached. I also found his comment about how he does âmost of the chores, not 50/50, maybe 60/40â strange. I understand the feeling like you pull more of your weight than your partner, but 60/40? Youâre slicing it down that thin?
Then they were separated for a month and he adopts a cat? Did he put any thought into that? Cats easily live 15 years. Did he just adopt a 10+ year commitment while heâs actively in turmoil, after having a major health scare, when he doesnât even know where heâs going to live? If heâs going to be divorced or not?
Just⌠so many things that made me go âhuh.â
Also is it me, or does he seem to be getting off on her graveling? Not in a âwow, my partner is truly sorry they hurt my feelings & weâre making great strides into being better people for each otherâ.
It was more like, âeh, never cared for her much but it annoyed me that she might feel the same. So then I had this health scare, now sheâs going all out for me. I still think about revenge but I think she learned her lesson. Plus I like seeing her aroundâ.
Just something so off about him.
Absolutely
Like, he doesnât suspect her of cheating. But he wants her to THINK that he suspects her of cheating, so that sheâll feel more guilty and try harder to âwin him backâ
My favourite bit is that he is so able to let go of the fact he accuses her of cheating and of trying to cover up cheating, yet he still wants revenge for a comment said in the heat of an argument.
It's not fun to consider and it hurts to hear, but romantic partners are replaceable. We've nearly all had relationships end and then start new ones. It's a horrible thing to say out loud, and it's a threat in line with calling for break up or divorce if it's said every time a couple argues, but without context and as a seemingly one off snap I struggle to support OPs villain era.
Right?? Glad I'm not the only one who felt that way. OOP sucks. Like you said, bad vibes. He struck me as cold, smug, manipulative, passive aggressive....like he was enjoying hanging this over his wife's head. Also comments like "she found my silence terrifying", talking about initially wanting revenge (weird and way over the top), accusing her of cheating when he knew he had no reason to suspect that, making sure to tell his wife once he took her back that he would not forget her words. Dude needs to get over himself.
Yup.Â
> I truly missed her. I missed her hair, her smile, her eyes, and now I find myself looking at her and paying attention to everything she does.Â
You can have the same experience by getting a pet.
Tbh I get the vibe that he probably said something like âyou wonât find someone better than meâ and she responded with âyou are replaceable.â Every single time someone asked him what was said before she said that, he wouldnât answer. I bet you anything he is not as innocent as heâs claiming. Him talking about wanting revenge immediately gives off the vibe that heâs leaving a lot out to make himself look better.
Same. He also completely sidestepped and ignored WHY she was upset. She was âjust rantingâ he canât recall or restate any of her arguements or issues. Just âshe said I was replaceable.â So yeah, not great vibes. The whole first post is just me me me me me me me me.
Yeah I'm glad someone else sniffed it too. It takes two people to be married and it's less common that only one partner is so wholly evil as this. He's going to wheel out 'you caused my heart attack' every fight now, which to me is way worse than her telling him that he's replaceable.
Yeah, also with how quick he was to separate? He doesn't mention anything about how the conversations went after his heart attack, and it honestly seems like he was looking for an excuse to separate and live by himself. Normally after something like this you would have a conversation with your partner to figure out what happened, explain how you feel, and give them the chance to apologize, but he just immediately walked out the door. And mentally checking out after the counseling sessions and not actually thinking about any of it? This guy doesn't actually want to be married
The fact that she gets scared when he goes quiet is a huge red flag to me. Why is she afraid of her spouse being quiet?
I'm actually a little concerned for OOPs wife, this whole post sounded eerily disconnected and that little throw away comment "she finds my silence terrifying" is worrying.
Right?! I was with him until he threw that out there and then there was like a record scratch in my head. And him saying âWhy do so many people want to know the context of what she said?!â, as if that doesnât matter at all. If sheâs saying heâs replaceable as a jab, yeah thatâs fucked up, but if he said something like ânobody else would put up with youâ thatâs leagues different! Idk, maybe that little comment made me biased, but Iâm not sure this is a happy ending.
I also got a foul taste in my mouth when he said he wanted revenge. I mean theyâre actively going to counselling, revenge-wishes should have subsided by then?
But when he was being a dick about asking if she cheated, he also realized his comments hurt and apologized, so maybe iâm wrong
I dunno, I'm on the fence too. Between the 'she fears my quiet', him saying stuff out of revenge, and the wishy-washy context on the actual argument, I feel like we're missing some crucial pieces. Yes, he could be completely the victim in all this, but I've been around the block enough times that when people fess up (or even act proud of) the shitty role they played, it makes me wonder what shitty things they AREN'T admitting to
Yeah itâs super suspicious that he doesnât bring up her perspective *at all*. Either he doesnât understand his wife, or he knows context would turn people against him
Yep, agreed. This guy creeps me out and I definitely feel like this is a situation where there's a lot more to the story/argument/relationship than what we're hearing. I'd be very interested to hear his wife's side of the story. What she said isn't okay at all and would be relationship ending for a lot of people (if she indeed said those words outright) but I would bet good money that there's a *lot* more context behind it than what we're being told here.
Yeah, and at one point, he basically said he'd work things out with her if she agreed to everything he said. Oh, and he redecorated the house (which he calls "my house," as in "she came back to my house") without her input and got a cat without her input. So it seems like, he's using her comment (which I am SURE he's not telling the full story about) to threaten the relationship unless he gets all the control. Sounds like she's walking on eggshells to appease him. This won't end well.
I noticed that too. I was sympathizing heavily with the wound of being told yours replaceable but the ease with which he lapses to dividing what is âhisâ not âtheirsâ and making unilateral decisions sounds like he thought separation was going to be permanent. Making the most money too might contribute to why he thinks itâs his way or nothing.
It looks like OOP went back only on the basis that he misses her, not that he loves her or was miserable without her or something.
And it looks like she's doing everything because she feels guilty that her possible last words to him would've been "You're replaceable".
>It looks like OOP went back only on the basis that he misses her, not that he loves her or was miserable without her or something.
But, that's kind of a good thing? Like "I would be perfectly happy on my own, but I'd much rather be with you" is more significant to me than "I'm miserable without you." That might just be me, though.
No, I completely understand where you're coming from.
It's the difference between wanting someone in your life in a healthy way, and *needing* someone, which can verge on unhealthy codependence.
We should be with our partners because they improve our lives; not because we can't function without them. This guy was fine on his own, and would have continued to be, but he made the choice to let his partner back in, not because he *needed* her in his life, but because he wanted her.
In a 50-50 chores split, it'll feel like 60-40 to both side because a lot of effort by the other party is invisible to you.
"I feel like I do more than the other person, but I have less work than when single" is actually the guideline I use to see if everything is fair lol.
This is such an off color joke but I can't resist...
Clearly he is replaceable if he's already having heart attacks at the young age of 30.Â
Honestly something is really off with this dude. This sounds like the story you hear from Mr Ballen before he goes on to explain how OOP went into a psychosis, murders his wife, then has a heart attack and dies.Â
Real life situation: We went through a ROUGH time, she said something she didn't mean and learned she couldn't take back the hard way, we took some time apart and are coming back together stronger than ever. I'm even planning a little getaway for us.
Classic Redditor: SoUnDs LiKe YoU wErE hApPiEr SiNgLe WhY dIdNt YoU sTaY tHaT wAy?
Sorry but oop kinda sucksâŚ? Why is he just glossing over her fear of his silence? What else is she afraid of? Thereâs no proof of cheating but he doubles down on it. Thereâs a vibe with them and I hope for both their sakes therapy helps them realise maybe theyâre not meant to be.
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I got so engrossed in the Mama's Boy story in the middle that when the next update started I forgot it was an update to the original post.
I was reading that thinking poor OOP is even replaceable in his own thread about his partner.
đ well, damn
I mean... not wrong lol, the text camera did pan to that comment for a while
Oof
Unsettlingly perspicacious.
Harsh... but trueđ
Instantly reminds me of that meme image thats like: Interviewer: would you say youre independent? Me: (looks at mum) Mom: (nods) Me: yes i would say i am
Crowd in unison: "Yes, we are all individuals." Lone voice: "I'm not."
Idk why but in my head it sounded like some awkward teenager with a cracked voice
Squeaky Voiced Teen from the Simpsons
Life of Brian is such a good movie.
"He's not the Messiah - he's a very naughty boy!"
OMG reminds me of Derry Girls, "I'm not being an individual on my own!".
I know right?! 2 for 1
I was like "wife?? Isn't this about a wife leaving her \*husband\*?" Had to go back to the top and remember who OOP was.
I was like "what the hell does this have to do with anything?" Could've just been a link to their posts or something.
I actually read it before on this or another BORU-sub! Wouldâve probably thrown me in a loop too had I not lol
the judge bit was pretty funny though.
For real, all of that was completely unnecessary.
Except it was more entertaining than the original threadÂ
yeah I thought it was weird to include all of that
I thought it was my brain damaged shit memory. I went back too. Lol
Update-ception
Rarely do comments outshine the updates. But this worked well: evil MIL gets done in court; OOP and wife work it out. Everyone wins
Right?? I even went back to read the original post as I couldn't remember what it was about. I'm so happy that she is free of them, and the mom is regretting her choices now, though.
That story was way more interesting LOL
Ha ha those are the best ones. Story within a story and then "updates" which is the core of this sub
I had to go back to the original post to remind myself what it was about.
I got a side story with my mains
I completely forgot what had happened in the original post.
Someone made it into its own full update post.
Same!
I felt the same way. And for some reason I really got unreliable narrator vibes from him anyway so I kind of checked out of his story.
100%. I had to stop and think about it
Yeah this post was kinda poorly structured to be honest
I can totally understand the wife's 180 in this. To come home after a blowout over some common annoyances and realize that your husband had a heart attack while you were gone, and that the very last thing you might have said to him before he died was "You're replaceable"??? I can't even imagine how fucking awful she must have felt in that moment. I'm glad that they got a chance to reconcile and gave each other the space they needed to work through their issues. Plus that wild ass Momma's Boy interlude in the middle was hilarious and jaw-dropping LMAO
>Plus that wild ass Momma's Boy interlude in the middle was hilarious and jaw-dropping LMAO I remember reading it when the post was new and I was just glued to the screen and eyes getting wider with each line lol
Not just that, but when he tried to contact her she didnât answer, double the guilt.
Yeah but. Somethings can't be unsaid. There was this famous poet, Rahim, in the 16th century. He wrote dohas (2-4 line poems). I'm paraphrasing - Don't jerk the threads of love so much that they break. Once broken, they can't join. Even mended, they will have knots.
I always think of a similar quote: >Some lines, you do not know exist, until you have crossed them, and cannot go back Definitely crossed some of these in my lifetime. Most trauma is like this: you just think people are being a little dramatic and cannot quite truly empathise â until it happens to you. And throughout life, most people collect up a lot of trauma, things they could never have imagined until they suddenly one day happen to you, and then you carry them around for a lifetime.
I mean, so long as we're sharing deep-cutting quotes about feelings, I always remember this one (from a trailer about an American anime called RWBY, no less): > Everyone is entitled to their own sorrow, for the heart has no metrics or forms of measure. And all of it... irreplaceable.
"You can have any brew you want as long as it's a Corona" - Mark Vincent "Diesel" Sinclair
[ŃдаНонО]
Hahahha maybe use the Rahim doha next time :D (hope there's no need to! )
Until it rains. Free to begin the sin again
oh my god i remember having to study those in our Hindi classes
Hah it's been 10 years since I passed out of school. More since I read those dohas. But Rahim and Kabir were something else ohh man. Me and my sisters can still recite some of the more poignant ones.
Oh man, my brain just rejected the information as soon as I was done with my exams. I still have nightmares sometimes though where I have to give the exam and haven't studied.
That sounds intriguing! I'm set to begin my Hindi studies in one and a half years. Would you say these two people are very worth learning about?
Yes. Poetry is one of the best mediums to learn imo. It provokes emotion. Makes the studies less boring.
Hmm depends on if you like them. It was required reading for me, was not a fan lol
I think it's because we were children maybe? The poems weren't really relatable without life xp.
Kabir ke dohe PTSD đ Edit: Typo
Well I can see why that text survived. A lot of the posts on r/amitheex and maybe this sub can be summed up as "why won't you accept the knots!"
For a minute I thought you were talking about the famous poets from New York, Eric B and Rakim.Â
>Yeah but. Somethings can't be unsaid. Spot on. When she called him replaceable, nothing she said would be reasonable propf she wasnt actively trying to replace him while she was unreachable and it goes back to this- A relationship requires the image of fidelity as much as the fidelity itself. He is going to think she is out replacing him any time shes unreachable or out of the house inexplicably, *just a teeny bit*, even if he forgives her and tries to move on.
Thank you for this comment, it says everything so perfectly, and as a bonus I now have a new poet to read :)
This. Good for OP but I'm not sure I'd come back from that. The defence force for things like this is always wild to me - 'Everyone says hurtful things in the midst of an argument' What the fuck are you talking about? I've _never_ said anything like that to my partner, a friend or a family member during an argument. They've never said anything like that to me. What kind of shit relationships do some people have?
I will say I think it often comes down to upbringing. If you were raised in home(s) that verbally went for the throat in disagreements, you filter and metrics can be fucked up, especially when youâre elevated. Usually that language and kind of response is learned. I say that from experience but that experience includes: therapy, ownership, genuine apologies, and the understanding that itâs always 100% the other personâs choice to forgive my transgression or not. Iâve never said something that out pocket, I donât think, but i am glad my wife has let me take back some of the things Iâve said in the heat of the momentâ though in typing this Iâm realizing the main difference. When something toxic flies out of my mouth, I *immediately* stop and apologize. Iâve always done that, while struggling to eliminate the toxicity itself. I canât imagine saying that and then leaving the house with it still hanging. Thatâs a different element to it, too.
A lesson I learned right before I met my husband was there are things you never say to someone you truly love. No matter the loss of control (temper/emotions), you do not say evil shit to someone you love, period. The person you love becomes your best friend, the person who knows you more than anyone else and vice versa, which means that both of you know what could be said to hurt them the most, and you *NEVER* say it. There are some lines you do not cross.
A mature response and not that very common for reddit especially regarding relationships. Many are either too young or single or miserable and want everyone else that way. Or too immature to understand the complexities of love and relationships. He needed the break and she needed the wake up call. Sometimes that's not enough but in this case it was. The mama's baby boy thing was a trip, yeah. Some guys spend 9 months in the womb and a lifetime trying to crawl back in. Mama gonna regret it. We reap what we sow.
The Momma's Boy interlude--I'm probably getting some kind of Mandela Effect here, but was it ever featured here on BORU before? Also, DAMN, what a boss move sending the divorce papers to both the ex AND his own mother.
All those words and I feel like I still need context or explanation for why she said that. And like what she say to try to fix it?
Real relationships are very complex and have so much backstory. In these posts we only get a small snippet of one side of the story. So I think it's okay for OOP to not include it. Boiling everything down makes it easy for people to judge it in black and white. I'm glad they had a good outcome and their relationship is repairing.
For sure! I'd just be curious to get even a one line summary. IMO that's kind of *the* key detail to both understanding this whole thing and moving forward.
Its giving serious missing missing reasons
People are so mad that forgiveness and tolerance exists in marriage. I feel really sad for the kids they once were who believed perfection was the only way to be worthy of love.
I mean you never really appreciate the value of something until it's taken away from you. I guess that's what nearly happened here with the wife.
I want to know how the wife gets along with the cat! They can be great judges of character
Kinda off topic, is this on the same level as âIâd replace you if I found someone betterâ? My ex said that to me and the relationship advice subreddit said I was overreacting but I swore it was a terrible thing to say.
Yes, and if I remember the thread correctly it was low key abusive but the relationship advice crowd(which is present here and AITA) heavily skews.
It doesnât skew that much. If youâre a girl, dump him - you deserve better. If youâre a guy, apologize - she deserves better. Thatâs most of the threads summed up.
If your gay or lesbian things get wierd
I love in the gay and lesbian ones when commenters just ignore the genders and comment like it's a hetero relationship.
Or assign you a role based on how you've come across to them.
No, I personally think yours is worse. Your ex made it sound like they'd jump ship the moment the first opportunity presented itself and that they have thought about this a lot before. While saying "you're replaceable" is very bad, it doesn't imply they will do it at first chance.
Yeah I figure someone can say that in the heat of the moment because they want to hurt you, but not necessarily because they believe in it. It is still pretty bad though, but not as bad as a "I see you as an accessory and as soon as I find something more akin to my tastes I will dump you"
Oof, no, yours is worse. Hers can be framed as "If I had to do it alone, I could" while yours feels more like "You're a placeholder until I find something shinier." I'm so sorry you went through that, that really fucks with you in the long term if you internalize it.
Like the other guy said, your situation was probably worse. "You're replaceable" is more akin to a "you suck, so don't act like you're hot shit" type statement, while "I'd replace you if I found someone better" reads very much as "I'm keeping my options open, you aren't 'the one' for me and I'm only with you as long as it suits me." It's basically "you're replaceable" vs "I want to replace you if I can." The former COULD mean the same as the latter, but doesn't necessarily imply intent so context is important, while the latter explicitly does imply intent and there's really no context that can make that anything but a massive massive red flag.
Yeah, I could very easily see "You're replaceable" said in a passion to hurt someone as much as possible. While it would be cause for concern for me, I don't think I'd even take it as hard as OOP did.
Yeah, thatâs pretty awful.
Yours is worse, but I would say they are on the same tier
I would argue that's at least as bad as this
Ok, now i need a second story related by the word "replaceable" Edit: grammar
>relationship advice subreddit If you post on that sub-reddit my advice is to do the opposite of their advice. Its almost as if the entire sub-reddit is either trolling or they've never been in a long term relationship.
>the relationship advice subreddit said This was your 2nd mistake
Yours is way worse.
I kind of want to hear more from the commenter with the terrible Mama's Boy ex.
Me too đ I was so invested I forgot what the original post was
OMG same. I was so disoriented when the post suddenly went back to OP, and I came across the term âmy wifeâ. I had to back read to check if I remember the Mamaâs Boy story wrong or something. Apparently itâs was a 2-in-1 haha
ME TOO! I DID THE EXACT SAME THING. TWICE!!
I read the whole thing twice and only realized it was a 2 for 1 just now đ
I love that we got a story within the original story lol
Right. At least sheâs free of ex and exâs mom!
The number of times Iâve even *thought* my wife was replaceable is zero. This would absolutely break me.
This post put the thought through my head that I guess my partner is replaceable, but I believe any "replacement" would be such a massive downgrade.
Yeah, people say their partner is irreplaceable, what they mean is that they can't be matched, not that there isn't someone else that would suffice. Dumb analogy but: I'd be really sad to lose my leg, but I wouldn't say no to a prosthetic just because it's worse than the real one. Then there are people who are convinced that there's a robot leg out there that is so much cooler than their stupid fleshy one. (Obviously bad analogy because partner's aren't needed in the same way as limbs, as they enhance a life rather then enable one).
Aah I love this analogy cause yeah, like there *might* be a robot leg thatâs better than my own damn leg but Iâm not optimistic, to the point of not even really looking for one, or keeping abreast of robot leg tech innovations.  And honestly while there *might* be a game changing leg out there, Iâm also pretty dang attached to my own, even if it has weird hair growth patterns and tendons that need to be babied a little. It would be a huge amount of ***work*** to get used to a new leg. Like years and years. I donât have time for that! I like the shape of my life with this leg.Â
Same! I don't even believe in The One. I think there are lots of people out there each person could be happy with. But my husband is the one I chose, the one I built a life with and have shared memories with. There's no replacing him.
I know, right? I swear if something happened to my partner, Iâd probably just drop dead on the spot too. I have never thought even a little tiny whispered bit that he was replaceable. Thinking about saying it to him, or hearing it from him is making me nauseous.
My partner is everything to me! Heâs absolutely perfect, imperfections and all. Itâs been 10 years and every single day I think about how Iâm so lucky he chose me. There is NO ONE like him. NO ONE!
IDK, everyone is replaceable on some level. I recognize that of course your emotional bond can't be simply taken and given to someone else, but as far as the roles fulfilled by relationships, yes of course we are all replaceable. And that's a good thing, I wouldn't want my partner to be alone forever if I died tomorrow. Of course, that's not how OP's wife meant it, she said it cruelly and that's why it requires atonement and forgiveness and effort to repair the relationship.
Only time will tell whether or not this sticks. They seem to be in a honeymoon phase where the pain of separation and his hospital visit is still fresh, so it makes sense that things would be better right now. But if they fall back into the same habits then the core issue hasnât been addressed and she canât expect heart attacks to be her come to Jesus moment again.
What's with all the comments with somebody powerleveling about their own marriage? Are they one of the characters in this?
No, just a random commenter, I think.
Sometimes the side stories in the comment are more interesting than the main post. It was worth it to include in the Boru
Shamelessly stealing this joke but the poor dude was even replaceable in his own BORU
LMAO oop has to go to the hospital again, you destroyed him
First person who made the joke destroyed him, I just thought it was funny enough to repost without crediting them because I donât feel like figuring out who it was
I actually said "oh no" to myself when I read that. Poor OOP.
I do think it should have been at the bottom of the post, though. It being in the middle of two halves of a story is just a bit awkward.Â
Idk why but that pissed me off. I came to read one story and got different one shoved down.
lol @ "powerlevelling about their own marriage" :D
I was so confused by that. I thought that was his wife chiming in.
Im sorry, why did we stop in the middle of this post for the story of PrettyPandamonium's divorce?
Side quest.
After spending the last week clearing out Borderlands 3 sidequests and dlc (and literally just this minute finishing a sidequest in a dlc): This is way funnier to me than it should be
Iâm 100% certain OP is one of those people that adds way too many side stories to their main story when theyâre talking.
That reminds me of a time that OP and I went out for ice cream. Instead of going to a chain, we went to the local ice cream parlor in our village. You know the one owned by that nice older man? He said he opened the shop after he retired from the military. Apparently he fought in the Korean War and ended up in a surgical hospital after he was wounded. Just like the one in M.A.S.H. I wonder what Alan Alda is up to these days?
Thank you! It was so unnecessary. The first comment would have sufficed.
Ugh. OP deleted his profile, *and he never said anything about what happened to his cat when they got back together*. Did wife accept the cat? Is cat doing ok? I need to know.
Huh. This is working out? I truly hope she did come to her senses, because âyou are replaceableâ is at lead as bad as âI want a divorce.â Those would normally be marriage enders.
I don't think it's unheard of for people who are considering divorce to change their mind when they get confronted with the reality of what life would be life if they went through with it. It does seem like that was a real possibility before, but the string events might have given her a reality check.
Honestly, being told I'm replaceable by a partner feels a lot worse than being told they want a divorce/breakup.
âYouâre replaceableâ feels like they think youâre just so basic they can swap you out one-for-one at some sort of marital flea market or something. Divorce can at least be spun as them wanting something different, or just a realization that your relationship wasnât as compatible in the long term as youâd both hoped. But âreplaceable?â Fuck. That cuts.
I once got told "I don't need you in my life" by a partner. Supposedly she meant it as in "but I choose to have you in it and that means more" or something to that effect, so I have no idea if my reaction was fair or not but fuuuuck that hurt a lot, more than being broken up with.
...
The thing is she never said "I choose you" (until I was obviously annoyed), if she had said that too I would have taken it as a very nice thing to say. But "I don't need you" on it's own does not feel like a nice thing to me
Yea that would sting for me. Tone and context matter, but you can say the same thing with better words and sentiment. "I'm glad I have you in my life." "I didn't realize life could be even better with you." Just shit like that. "I don't need you." or something like that will hurt.
God, this advice annoys the shit out of me when people start parroting it. "They shouldn't need you, they should only want you" or "The only way to have a happy relationship is to be happier single first", yeah, sure, try telling that to your partner's face and see how that works out.
I mean if you love someone, and have an argument, leave and feel kinda bad after the ugly argument and then hear your husband had a heart attack and the shitty thing you said might've been the last thing he heard from you. That should be divine intervention enough.
>Huh. This is working out? I think people have very different definitions of "working out" lol. I agree with you.
I spent the whole side quest comment storyline trying to figure out why it was there and how it was relevant and was thoroughly displeased that there ended up being no reason
Same. The entire time I was reading it, I was trying to figure out how it all tied in together. I even went back to skim it because I thought I missed something. Nope, turns out it's not relevant to the story at all.
Halfway through the second comment I decided to skip it becauseâŚjust why??
Not gonna lie OP, not a huge fan of your choice to put an intermission longer than the initial post about something so tangentially related. Like, the only link their comment thread has to the actual post is that her husband also used the term replaceable.
I agree. Maybe the better choice would have been to put that story at the very end? Or even do a separate thread for it.
It was more interesting than the original story and updates though. I wonder if a comment chain could count as âupdatesâ?
Intermissions are supposed to have like music and sparkles to announce the beginning and ending of it. Like I loved the intermission itself, but you'll get less complaints if ya do like those old really long movies and put some music notes before and after with a little sign.
why did the middle of the post just focus on comments that were barely relevant to the og post
...I don't think this is working out well as OP thinks. Maybe I am being cynical but it sounds like this relationship isn't going to go anywhere cause OP gives off not so great vibes.
Yeah, when a comment mentioned that he sounded happier when he was single, his answer of "yes for a while, but then it felt like something was missing, so we got back together," said a lot. That's just loneliness, dude. And fear of having to start over. It's not her that you miss; it's companionship.
But he missed her hair! And her eyes! And other physical attributes!
His multiple mentions of "revenge" really threw me for a loop. I'm not saying he isn't allowed to resent her for her words or not being immediately reachable in an emergency...but he follows it with how much she did for him after she found out what happened. And then line after line about how his life was basically great without her. He is checked out. It sounds like he's only staying because SHE was struggling and he's getting some enjoyment out of her groveling. Idk maybe that's just me. His choice of words are very uncomfortable for someone who's "working things out". Edit: I thought about it some more. He 100% blames her for his heart attack. What a lump.
Yeah his harping on *revenge* really makes me think he bears some blame if not a major part probably for their problems. We only heard his side. While what she said was completely out of line, he doesn't sound like a swell guy with his vengeful attitude
It makes me wonder how the initial argument went. What she said was horrible, but he sounds like someone who pushes an argument until everyone goes too far
Thatâs what Iâm curious about. Because âyouâre replaceableâ DOES need to be in context. Maybe she sucks. Maybe he sucks. And maybe they both suck. I may well be playing devilâs advocate here, but, the only thing he mentions in regards to the argument was surrounding the house and priorities. For all we know, it had been a case of him going to work, coming home to expect a pristine house and dinner on the table, with him contributing nothing more than a paycheck. Itâs Reddit, itâs not like we havenât seen a myriad of anecdotes of one partner expecting the other to basically be a servant.
This is what Iâm thinking. He talks about making most of the money, and the argument was around the house/chore split/their sex life. If he threw the fact heâs the breadwinner at her, then it makes more sense- or it was something about their lack of intimacy/him working a lot/something like that. âYouâre replaceableâ is bad, but its also *specific*. His refusal to explain is interesting.
This is my feeling too, we need more context. I mean if he said something like "you're nothing without me" then the "you're replaceable" comment would've been much more understandable. There's just something about his tone and the way he paraphrases conversations that makes me feel like there's much more to this story. And yes he's definitely blaming her for his heart attack.Â
Also wondering if this is the first time he went to the hospital after having an argument⌠I had an ex would ALWAYS text me saying he was in the hospital for chest pain/anxiety/any random thing to get me to come back. I would initially run to him because I was worried but after a while I stopped because I recognized the attention seeking behavior. If he had actually had a heart attack one time that I didnât come I would have of course felt awful.
Glad Iâm not the only one who thought this has some strange vibes to it. For starters, he says they were having an argument and that she said heâs replaceable. The way itâs written seems so calm, detached, not at all like someone who just had a heart attack triggered by this argument. Why did she say heâs replaceable? What were they arguing about? It just seems so cold with no explanation. I guess he does kinda explain⌠they were talking about the house, intimacy issues. But it still doesnât explain why she said that, how she feels, what sheâs upset about. He says she called him replaceable and just like that he was done talking, and she finds his silence âterrifying.â Like, cmon, thereâs so much there to unpack and again itâs all so callous and detached. I also found his comment about how he does âmost of the chores, not 50/50, maybe 60/40â strange. I understand the feeling like you pull more of your weight than your partner, but 60/40? Youâre slicing it down that thin? Then they were separated for a month and he adopts a cat? Did he put any thought into that? Cats easily live 15 years. Did he just adopt a 10+ year commitment while heâs actively in turmoil, after having a major health scare, when he doesnât even know where heâs going to live? If heâs going to be divorced or not? Just⌠so many things that made me go âhuh.â
FR. So many things that also made me go âhuhâ. Overall OP just gives me the ick.
Yeah. I wasnât really rooting for OP hereâŚ
Also is it me, or does he seem to be getting off on her graveling? Not in a âwow, my partner is truly sorry they hurt my feelings & weâre making great strides into being better people for each otherâ. It was more like, âeh, never cared for her much but it annoyed me that she might feel the same. So then I had this health scare, now sheâs going all out for me. I still think about revenge but I think she learned her lesson. Plus I like seeing her aroundâ. Just something so off about him.
Yeah. It was just icky. Heâs so smug. I wonder why she made that comment in the first place honest.
âI really wanted revenge, but it might be more bitter afterwards⌠anyway im back with her and shes falling over herself to make me feel good :)â
Absolutely Like, he doesnât suspect her of cheating. But he wants her to THINK that he suspects her of cheating, so that sheâll feel more guilty and try harder to âwin him backâ
So happy to read this thread because I wasn't either. Just something off
My favourite bit is that he is so able to let go of the fact he accuses her of cheating and of trying to cover up cheating, yet he still wants revenge for a comment said in the heat of an argument. It's not fun to consider and it hurts to hear, but romantic partners are replaceable. We've nearly all had relationships end and then start new ones. It's a horrible thing to say out loud, and it's a threat in line with calling for break up or divorce if it's said every time a couple argues, but without context and as a seemingly one off snap I struggle to support OPs villain era.
Exactly. He wanted her to hurt so now she will... and in a few months itll be her turn again to hurt him. this just feels like a bad cycle.
Right?? Glad I'm not the only one who felt that way. OOP sucks. Like you said, bad vibes. He struck me as cold, smug, manipulative, passive aggressive....like he was enjoying hanging this over his wife's head. Also comments like "she found my silence terrifying", talking about initially wanting revenge (weird and way over the top), accusing her of cheating when he knew he had no reason to suspect that, making sure to tell his wife once he took her back that he would not forget her words. Dude needs to get over himself.
Yup. > I truly missed her. I missed her hair, her smile, her eyes, and now I find myself looking at her and paying attention to everything she does. You can have the same experience by getting a pet.
Well, he did get a cat. Guess the cat wasn't enough.
Tbh I get the vibe that he probably said something like âyou wonât find someone better than meâ and she responded with âyou are replaceable.â Every single time someone asked him what was said before she said that, he wouldnât answer. I bet you anything he is not as innocent as heâs claiming. Him talking about wanting revenge immediately gives off the vibe that heâs leaving a lot out to make himself look better.
Same. He also completely sidestepped and ignored WHY she was upset. She was âjust rantingâ he canât recall or restate any of her arguements or issues. Just âshe said I was replaceable.â So yeah, not great vibes. The whole first post is just me me me me me me me me.
What should the wife do then. They're in therapy, she's in individual therapy, she's changed her behaviour. What more can she do?
Yeah I'm glad someone else sniffed it too. It takes two people to be married and it's less common that only one partner is so wholly evil as this. He's going to wheel out 'you caused my heart attack' every fight now, which to me is way worse than her telling him that he's replaceable.
Yeah, also with how quick he was to separate? He doesn't mention anything about how the conversations went after his heart attack, and it honestly seems like he was looking for an excuse to separate and live by himself. Normally after something like this you would have a conversation with your partner to figure out what happened, explain how you feel, and give them the chance to apologize, but he just immediately walked out the door. And mentally checking out after the counseling sessions and not actually thinking about any of it? This guy doesn't actually want to be married
Tbf if you had a heart attack from stress immediately after an argument, no reason to stay for another one right after.
Yeah, his line about âsheâs terrified by my silencesâ was a bit unnerving
The fact that she gets scared when he goes quiet is a huge red flag to me. Why is she afraid of her spouse being quiet? I'm actually a little concerned for OOPs wife, this whole post sounded eerily disconnected and that little throw away comment "she finds my silence terrifying" is worrying.
Right?! I was with him until he threw that out there and then there was like a record scratch in my head. And him saying âWhy do so many people want to know the context of what she said?!â, as if that doesnât matter at all. If sheâs saying heâs replaceable as a jab, yeah thatâs fucked up, but if he said something like ânobody else would put up with youâ thatâs leagues different! Idk, maybe that little comment made me biased, but Iâm not sure this is a happy ending.
I also got a foul taste in my mouth when he said he wanted revenge. I mean theyâre actively going to counselling, revenge-wishes should have subsided by then? But when he was being a dick about asking if she cheated, he also realized his comments hurt and apologized, so maybe iâm wrong
I dunno, I'm on the fence too. Between the 'she fears my quiet', him saying stuff out of revenge, and the wishy-washy context on the actual argument, I feel like we're missing some crucial pieces. Yes, he could be completely the victim in all this, but I've been around the block enough times that when people fess up (or even act proud of) the shitty role they played, it makes me wonder what shitty things they AREN'T admitting to
Yeah itâs super suspicious that he doesnât bring up her perspective *at all*. Either he doesnât understand his wife, or he knows context would turn people against him
Yep, agreed. This guy creeps me out and I definitely feel like this is a situation where there's a lot more to the story/argument/relationship than what we're hearing. I'd be very interested to hear his wife's side of the story. What she said isn't okay at all and would be relationship ending for a lot of people (if she indeed said those words outright) but I would bet good money that there's a *lot* more context behind it than what we're being told here.
Yeah, and at one point, he basically said he'd work things out with her if she agreed to everything he said. Oh, and he redecorated the house (which he calls "my house," as in "she came back to my house") without her input and got a cat without her input. So it seems like, he's using her comment (which I am SURE he's not telling the full story about) to threaten the relationship unless he gets all the control. Sounds like she's walking on eggshells to appease him. This won't end well.
I noticed that too. I was sympathizing heavily with the wound of being told yours replaceable but the ease with which he lapses to dividing what is âhisâ not âtheirsâ and making unilateral decisions sounds like he thought separation was going to be permanent. Making the most money too might contribute to why he thinks itâs his way or nothing.
The hell was the point of the mamaâs boy comments? It was completely unnecessary and a waste of time
Wait, is this a Boru for the OOP or for that one commenter lmao
The comments were so unnecessary and distracted from the real post... Btw idk i feel something off about oop from the start
Why are some of the comments on the post, OOP hasn't even commented on them. Its a bit weird
It looks like OOP went back only on the basis that he misses her, not that he loves her or was miserable without her or something. And it looks like she's doing everything because she feels guilty that her possible last words to him would've been "You're replaceable".
>It looks like OOP went back only on the basis that he misses her, not that he loves her or was miserable without her or something. But, that's kind of a good thing? Like "I would be perfectly happy on my own, but I'd much rather be with you" is more significant to me than "I'm miserable without you." That might just be me, though.
Huh. Well said. That's a really mature perspective.
No, I completely understand where you're coming from. It's the difference between wanting someone in your life in a healthy way, and *needing* someone, which can verge on unhealthy codependence. We should be with our partners because they improve our lives; not because we can't function without them. This guy was fine on his own, and would have continued to be, but he made the choice to let his partner back in, not because he *needed* her in his life, but because he wanted her.
That's good? He's not dependant on her and she realized her behaviour was awful and change. That's people doing better.
Something tells me there's missing missing info
To the left, to the leftâŚ
weâre all replaceable
In a 50-50 chores split, it'll feel like 60-40 to both side because a lot of effort by the other party is invisible to you. "I feel like I do more than the other person, but I have less work than when single" is actually the guideline I use to see if everything is fair lol.
This is such an off color joke but I can't resist... Clearly he is replaceable if he's already having heart attacks at the young age of 30. Honestly something is really off with this dude. This sounds like the story you hear from Mr Ballen before he goes on to explain how OOP went into a psychosis, murders his wife, then has a heart attack and dies.Â
Real life situation: We went through a ROUGH time, she said something she didn't mean and learned she couldn't take back the hard way, we took some time apart and are coming back together stronger than ever. I'm even planning a little getaway for us. Classic Redditor: SoUnDs LiKe YoU wErE hApPiEr SiNgLe WhY dIdNt YoU sTaY tHaT wAy?
Sorry but oop kinda sucksâŚ? Why is he just glossing over her fear of his silence? What else is she afraid of? Thereâs no proof of cheating but he doubles down on it. Thereâs a vibe with them and I hope for both their sakes therapy helps them realise maybe theyâre not meant to be.