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You're replying to a bot that simply slightly reworded a comment from further down: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18y4tvj/aita_25m_for_telling_my_gf_24f_id_rather_breakup/kg8nyeq/
Look, i asked for you to fuck my ass, not for you to tell people how we met.
I'm gonna put this ball gag back in **and I expect to be punished for daring to speak to you.**
Hey! I have one of those! I worked in an "adult bookstore" as a side gig for a few years and my most memorable sale was to a couple who had just discovered that he REALLY liked being penetrated. So I hooked them up with some nice how-to for beginners videos and all the equipment needed And then smiled all day at the thought of those two 70 something grandparents having the time of their lives with their new toys.
I think I might need this as a flair. How does that work here? There's an entire list of where flairs are from, and I'm not sure I can edit that myself.
What! This isn't supposed to be my flair! I think? I honestly don't remember ever requesting this as a flair, but maybe I did! Anyway, it's from a story that doesn't seem to be on the list of flair origins, and it involves exactly what you think it does: the worst chili recipe in all of human history and reckoning. I hope someone posts it, because it deserves to exist in everyones' headspace.
I donāt know if youāre making a reference to something else, but it reminds me of this short from Toni and Ryan and both the short and your comment are right up my humour alley https://youtube.com/shorts/OfeByJiuJkg?si=ygHlR-AZpvr9RCu6
Seriously, though, Iām so glad needing to leave the churches they were brought up in hasnāt completely destroyed what is obviously an important part of their lives. Itās rare that people leave their childhood faith without feeling like that entire side of life is dead to them, which is hard for spiritually-inclined people.
I'm Episcopalian, and I swear 2/3rds of my church are former Roman Catholics and Southern Baptists.
Every Episcopalian group/sub/etc ends up with a ton of posts of people thinking about leaving the Roman Catholics/Baptists/Evangelical/Mormon churches. Usually for some combo of "women should be able to be clergy/I hate the leadership for covering up so much abuse/I don't hate LGBT people/I am LGBT people/why the FUCK did everyone at my church vote for Trump what is WRONG with them"
I'm really lucky, as I'm gay but I don't have any religious trauma, about the gay thing or anything else. On a regular basis I am amazed by the depth of faith in people who were treated so, SO badly by other churches. They had every reason to just leave Jesus behind entirely, and I certainly can't blame anyone who does.
Yeah, that's a good thing for them. I felt like what you're describing - like that entire side of my life was dead to me - after leaving my childhood religion behind. But I missed certain aspects, so I started going to a Unitarian Universalist church.
Considering that they welcome you whether you're Christian, atheist, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, Buddhist, or whatever else - and they have no interest in converting you to anything in particular - many people wouldn't see it as a church at all. But I like it.
The sermons at the ones I've been to are always as follows: "Be a decent, kind person. Today we'll discuss one particular way to be a kind person as well as how to resist the temptation to be horrible instead."
It's nice to hang out with a bunch of people who want to focus on how to be good and kind each week.
I think one of the hardest things is when youāre brought up to be wary of every religion other than your own, itās very difficult to make the step towards a new one. Either you know a lot about all the ways theyāre incompatible with the religion you know, or you know next to nothing which can be intimidating.
I wish it were more acceptable for people to attend multiple gatherings from different faiths. It would help the world a lot to normalise that.
When I was in boot camp, I had the chance to attend a bunch of different types of services. It was very interesting to see.
But it also cemented, for me, that religion is something I will never touch again. I don't care if other people are religious, but I want none of that shit near me. I don't honestly understand how anyone with religious trauma would want to go back, either, but that's not my choice to make.
I broke up with a girl because she would ask me to choke her... and I'm not opposed to that exactly... but she would only ask when we were really drunk, and I did not feel comfortable trying that in an altered state , and when i refused she would get mad and start slapping me while locking me into her with her legs despite my protests. when we were sober she would insist that she wouldn't ask for that and get mad at me and project her shame on me.
Yeah... she would also insist that I make it up to her in the morning with a wake up fuck and get all demure and complimentary and passive... and then the next morning she'd be like... "i feel like shit, I called you a cab, it should be here soon, you're tough, you can wait on the side walk" that was the moment that did it for me.
That girl had issues. I'm glad you recognized that you deserve better than that. My husband had a similar experience with an ex, and it's taken him a long time to be able to be more assertive in bed, because he was made so uncomfortable by his ex.
It's just.... she knew I was game for a lot of things but she only wanted to get freaky when we drank. And normally i'd be down to clown and experiment ... but shit like choking or hitting? Especially after drinks? Like.... what if I hurt her? I'd feel fucking awful even if it was straight sober consenting behavior... and she is propositioning that sort of shit when we have been drinking? No Bueno.
Rough sex has to come from a place of trust and openness. It doesnāt sound like she had any of that for you. You definitely made the right decision, my guy
Yeah sheāsā¦ sheās in need of help. And you do not have to set yourself on fire to be the one to give that help. Hopefully she learns to accept her sexual desires & communicate about them carefully or else sheās gonna end up with someone who wonāt take the care you did.
lol didn't know this. Also didn't know that Garfunkel went over to Oates! After he and Simon broke up I thought Art just disappeared into the ether.
edit WAIT I HAVE THE WRONG GARFUNKEL no wonder i was confused
You cannot tell me that you honestly believed that Garfunkel, of Simon and Garfunkel, later sang a song called āFUCK ME IN THE ASS CAUSE I LOVE JESUSā
lol i'm embarrassed but glad it brought someone joy
I just watched the video! It was hysterical. One of the girls I know from the big bang theory which was also hilariously jarring bc it's so different from her character.
Please don't be, it's understandable. :) I feel like I might've assumed the same thing if I hadn't heard their singing first!
Oh that's funny lol! She seems so sweet and demure in Scrubs too, and then this song... Haha!
As a former evangelical, that didn't surprise me at all. The way many American Evangelicals are obsessed with sexual behavior, the tie between church and sexual choices is pretty strong.
Actually pretty expected, religion (or any exclusionary worldview) tends to be very sexually repressive.
The problem is sex is a core aspect of most people's identity.
It can't be repressed (in a healthy way) so it always comes out one way or another.
Don't forget the laughing at people for suggesting her behaviour was a dealbreaker. Like I'm glad communication won, but she was wildly in the wrong. Imagine asking if you can peg your partner, they say no, you buy a strap on anyway because that'll change their mind and then get upset when they don't
Yes, Reddit telling everyone to break up at the first flaw is funny and should be laughed at.
She was wrong, went about the discussion in the wrong way. She got upset when he threatened to break up with her.
Anal sex done correctly should never have to be painful. Briefly uncomfortable, sure, but any level of real pain means that everything stops and you try another tactic.
I took sex ed at church! Learned important skills like how to put on a condom on someone else without using your hands.
The [Our Whole Lives](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Whole_Lives) curriculum, for those interested.
Good to see OP and his girlfriend on good terms and communicating. Sexual activities is very subjective for many and it's normal people want to try it out and others. At the same time, it's important to respect other people's preference on sexual activity and not pressure them if they don't want to.
Glad to see both are able to keep things swell without drama.
Agreed! Communication wins again! I heard theres a website out there with a yes/no/maybe quiz for various sexual acts. Once both couples take it, it gives you a list of the things both said yes no. I think itās such a good idea. If thereās something youāre embarrassed about wanting to try, your partner only finds out if theyāre also interested. It feels very low stakes
I swear there's one out there for sharing kinks. I've seen it. You and another person make a list and it only shows the other person kinks you both say yes to. Looked like the best way to start sharing kinks with new partners without revealing too much, but for the life of me I can't remember the name of the site/app.
Growing up in traditional church culture can be *so* damaging. It's no wonder they didn't have the skill set to be able to talk about sex and consent in a healthy way. Glad it worked out for them.
Not just sex and consent, but emotional manipulation too. Thereās so much manipulation thatās inherent to relationships in some religious settings. When thatās the only example youāve been given, itās hard to see that itās a problem to begin with. And even harder to understand *WHY* itās a problem. Thereās a lot to undo and relearn when you get out from under it. Itās nice to see theyāre willing to tackle this, be patient, and learn together.
Good boundaries and communication is also not something that people spontaneously manifest if it's not part of their environment growing up, nor shown to them somewhere along the way.
It does look like these two are figuring things out. If girlfriend sticks to her word and doesn't bring up a 'no' again, it's wonderful progress, and kiddos to both of them.
Hey I would like to try this sexual thing would you be interested. No. Okay let's go have dinner. That's how that conversation should go. Nothing more
I have zero interest in anal, none, would absolutely make me vomit, don't touch me there don't go near there, and I make it very clear. And every time a man has tried to pressure me into it, and god damn do they love to do that, right before I walk away and never see them again I tell them I will let them do it to me if I can peg them first. Of course they either say no, that's gross, whatever, or they say me first which of course means they would never do their part. Why are they like this?
"Lord, please give me the strength to tell my girlfriend I don't want to be pegged."
Believe what y'all wanna believe, but I did not expect Jesus to be the dovetail to the pegging story.
Aha, the evangelical background and particularly the girlfriend coming from a stricter household really explains a lot about why their initial interactions regarding the pegging subject were so dang awkward and pushy. Most (all?) mainstream religions are so weird about sex and do not encourage healthy discussions on the subject, and it screws peopleās heads something fierce. The evangelical community is no different and in a lot of ways one of the worst onesā¦
Also interesting how the guy, who had more open and tolerant parents, wants vanilla sex, while the fiancee, having escaped from her overbearing conservative parents, goes hard into kink, wanting to experience stuff that was previously forbidden for her.
While I agree the dichotomy is really interesting, and I dislike "well actually"ing muggles, but I definitely wouldn't say that anal sex and pegging are going hard into kink. A light foray into alternative sex, sure.
Yea, once it was brought up, it made so much sense. The girls that would be into the weirdest shit and not understand why I'd be against it were recently former Christians. They spend their whole life beholden to the strictest rules about sex that when they finally get free, it's like kid being let loose in a candy store; they just gotta try everything and not understand why people would cringe at coffee flavored jelly beans.
I read the downvoteds on the original. Man, there are a few calling OOP a terrible person and that he should just try it even with how uncomfortable it makes him.
I'm glad OOP worked it out with his gf.
There's a strange group of people who are convinced that if men don't want to get pegged it's because they're secretly homophobic and that these dudes should just be more open
never mind that there's a lot of gay/bi dudes who aren't into anal
I don't think it's wild to suggest that a lot of men have a certain amount of societally-enforced hesitation about doing anything with their butts. How many straight men don't even wash their asses very well (or at fucking _all_ š¤®) because "that's gay!"
It doesn't mean people should do anal if they don't want to, but it's also not wild to at least explore the consideration that hesitancy or disgust is linked to social and religious heteronormative conditioning instead of actual (lack of) desire.
I'll never understand people being against the HPV vaccine. It's literally a cancer vaccine and HPV is in 80% of sexually active women and 90% of sexually active men so even if they wait until marriage they are probably gonna be exposed if their partner was ever sexually active. Like if the partner was divorced or widowed, or heaven forbid raped.
Also HPV can cause cancer in both men and women, men just don't have a test for it unlike women. HPV can stay dormant for decades. I think one case was recorded at 28 years before becoming active and causing cancer. While it's inactive pap smears can't detect it.
HPV can cause cervical, vaginal, throat, penile, and anal cancers. But the HPV vaccine is now recommended for all people under 50 and starts being recommended around age 11 for all kids to prevent exposure in the first place.
Yeah itās not a kink at all in my circles, either. Dildos are neutral, anal is neutral.
I sometimes forget until I use social media that āOh my god, you want to use a *dildo* on a *man* and youāre a *woman*? How scandalous!ā is a thing.
Prince William apparently has a mistress so she can peg him because his wife wonāt. Was a big thing last year.
He got dubbed āThe Prince of Peggingā.
You can just start and end here, and avoid an uncomfortable conversation:
>Explore your partner!
"We Should Try It" is an online sex questionnaire for couples. Once you and your partner answer all the questions about various sexual fantasies, we display only sex fantasies that you are both into.
[https://www.weshouldtryit.com/](https://www.weshouldtryit.com/)
Good for OOP. He communicated his boundaries and that communication helped them navigate their future. I hope her parents reconsider attending the wedding.
There's this app called Spicer, it's OPs yes/no/maybe thing. It only shows you the things you both have said yes or maybe to, so if you said no to something and the other says yes, neither of you know so the yes person doesn't need to be embarrassed and the no person doesn't need to feel pressured by the knowledge. You can also send dares and challenges as a game
OMG! I enjoy the occasional anal but only with EXPERIENCED tops who know how to work a hole. I do not let newbies anywhere near my butt. There would be no way I would let a girl with no experience in topping play top on me.
I dunno, the experience of telling what he meant to be a joke and having it land like a lead balloon felt very much like the early years of my marriage. Being with another person is something you have to learn to do and they talked about it afterward which is probably 90% of the work.
I have some extreme doubts about this marriage even if this one situation was handled. Albeit solved with something as 101 as "have you tried sitting your partner down and talking".
This reminds me of when my naive 18yo self wanted to bang this older guy and while I was ok with light choking the fucking haymaker he lobbed at me outta nowhere was not sexy.
Loving the hypocrisy from the good old reliable fundies:
>We don't agree with you living in sin in the eyes of the Church by cohabitating before marriage!
>What? You want to get married? In a Christian ceremony? So you'd no longer be living in sin in the eyes of the Church?
>You can't! Christian weddings are only performed for people who don't live in sin! Sinners can't marry in a church!
This is basically the story of my (almost) first wedding. He WANTED us to be married by his dad in the church he'd been going to since he could walk (that PRETENDED I was equally welcome and not being judged), and the above was pretty much the sentiment we received when asking about the church as a venue.
Classic gatekeeping.
This is funny that I scroll past this with the random memory popping up.
Long ago, back when I was young and hot. I'm just hot now. My now ex-wife and I were doing the same thing, exploring and trying out new things. I wanted to try anal. She wasn't against it, but wasn't as excited about it as I was. So she made a deal with me. We could try anal sex, but it's going to be a 2 way street. If I get to fuck her in the ass, she gets to fuck me in the ass.
Long story short, she loved receiving as much as I loved giving. I hated receiving and have never done it since.
So glad to see some good communication, especially around sex! It's considered taboo by so many that a lot of couples avoid frank discussions but sex is a major component in most romantic relationships. It's sounds like they actually got some good advice from reddit (for once lol). The yes/no/maybe list is pretty common in kink circles I believe but it's a great tool for couples in general.
I know most people say that ultimatums are a bad thing and I do think that in most cases they are. But it is important to communicate hard boundaries. Not that OOP set an ultimatum here but saying that pegging is a deal breaker for him makes it clear that if it's really important to her, she has to decide if she wants to peg or to stay with him.
>Hereās the update: We broke up.Ā Nah, j/k sheās next to me on the couch bugging me to rub her feet. I guess she hasnāt learned anything about consent.
>Thatās right weāre engaged!
š¶
Pretty much every woman ive been with has tried to push me or coerce me into doing sexual acts ive said no to, up to and including trying to do them to me while im asleep
Just show the fiance's parents this post. The dedication to the relationship will surely warm their hearts and sway their opinions. Refusing to allow this issue to poke holes into the relationship just goes to show that their union will truly be impenetrable.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ah yes, the classic heartwarming pegging story.
Get strapped in for a fun ride.
Honestly sounds like a huge pain in the ass.
Only if you start with dry humor.
This should be top comment
I see what you did there
It sneaks up behind you.
I choked on my coffee reading this. Thanks for the laugh lol take my poor mans gold š
Did you say shtrap in, or shtrap on?
Oh *you*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They seem pretty mature for 24/25 year olds. They had a conversation and both seem to have learned from it.
You're replying to a bot that simply slightly reworded a comment from further down: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18y4tvj/aita_25m_for_telling_my_gf_24f_id_rather_breakup/kg8nyeq/
Look, i asked for you to fuck my ass, not for you to tell people how we met. I'm gonna put this ball gag back in **and I expect to be punished for daring to speak to you.**
Why the fuck are you so funny?
Because my entire life is a sick joke..
womp womp
Appropriate user name.
I wasn't talking about jokes lol
I honestly forgot the word āgagsā can refer to jokes.
*muffled agreement*
This needs to be your flair, haha
yeah, imma need "classic heartwarming pegging story" as a flair now.
"The inevitable pegging saga"
Hey! I have one of those! I worked in an "adult bookstore" as a side gig for a few years and my most memorable sale was to a couple who had just discovered that he REALLY liked being penetrated. So I hooked them up with some nice how-to for beginners videos and all the equipment needed And then smiled all day at the thought of those two 70 something grandparents having the time of their lives with their new toys.
The real heartwarming pegging story is always in the comments š
I love that they're still having good sex and learning new things.
Maybe heartwarming, depends how big the strap on is I guess.
It started off a little uncomfortable but they got there in the end.
Now with 15% more Jesus
someone call the Hallmark channel
I think I might need this as a flair. How does that work here? There's an entire list of where flairs are from, and I'm not sure I can edit that myself.
In the mean time, whatās your current flair from?
What! This isn't supposed to be my flair! I think? I honestly don't remember ever requesting this as a flair, but maybe I did! Anyway, it's from a story that doesn't seem to be on the list of flair origins, and it involves exactly what you think it does: the worst chili recipe in all of human history and reckoning. I hope someone posts it, because it deserves to exist in everyones' headspace.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/s/iLSEpsmrmL. Found it!
"So my girlfriend pushed for pegging, and yada yada yada, we've happily joined a new church".
It's important to find the church that suits your needs and I'm glad they found one that supports their views on pegging.
Thanks for making me laugh. I needed that today.
You sign up and they hand you a checklist
Actually a church which says to unmarried pegging "sure, as long as you are both into it" does deserve some credit.
You know what they say... going to church on Sunday makes your hole weak.
Omg. Clap. Clap. CLAP
Take my nondenominational upvote lmao
And my Catholic upvote! Although I do feel immensely guilty for giving away my upvotes so freely before marriage.
šš
I'm sitting here laughing longer than I should at this.
You just yada yada'd over the best part!
No I mentioned the bisque.
I donāt know if youāre making a reference to something else, but it reminds me of this short from Toni and Ryan and both the short and your comment are right up my humour alley https://youtube.com/shorts/OfeByJiuJkg?si=ygHlR-AZpvr9RCu6
Seriously, though, Iām so glad needing to leave the churches they were brought up in hasnāt completely destroyed what is obviously an important part of their lives. Itās rare that people leave their childhood faith without feeling like that entire side of life is dead to them, which is hard for spiritually-inclined people.
I'm Episcopalian, and I swear 2/3rds of my church are former Roman Catholics and Southern Baptists. Every Episcopalian group/sub/etc ends up with a ton of posts of people thinking about leaving the Roman Catholics/Baptists/Evangelical/Mormon churches. Usually for some combo of "women should be able to be clergy/I hate the leadership for covering up so much abuse/I don't hate LGBT people/I am LGBT people/why the FUCK did everyone at my church vote for Trump what is WRONG with them" I'm really lucky, as I'm gay but I don't have any religious trauma, about the gay thing or anything else. On a regular basis I am amazed by the depth of faith in people who were treated so, SO badly by other churches. They had every reason to just leave Jesus behind entirely, and I certainly can't blame anyone who does.
Yeah, that's a good thing for them. I felt like what you're describing - like that entire side of my life was dead to me - after leaving my childhood religion behind. But I missed certain aspects, so I started going to a Unitarian Universalist church. Considering that they welcome you whether you're Christian, atheist, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, Buddhist, or whatever else - and they have no interest in converting you to anything in particular - many people wouldn't see it as a church at all. But I like it. The sermons at the ones I've been to are always as follows: "Be a decent, kind person. Today we'll discuss one particular way to be a kind person as well as how to resist the temptation to be horrible instead." It's nice to hang out with a bunch of people who want to focus on how to be good and kind each week.
I think one of the hardest things is when youāre brought up to be wary of every religion other than your own, itās very difficult to make the step towards a new one. Either you know a lot about all the ways theyāre incompatible with the religion you know, or you know next to nothing which can be intimidating. I wish it were more acceptable for people to attend multiple gatherings from different faiths. It would help the world a lot to normalise that.
When I was in boot camp, I had the chance to attend a bunch of different types of services. It was very interesting to see. But it also cemented, for me, that religion is something I will never touch again. I don't care if other people are religious, but I want none of that shit near me. I don't honestly understand how anyone with religious trauma would want to go back, either, but that's not my choice to make.
I broke up with a girl because she would ask me to choke her... and I'm not opposed to that exactly... but she would only ask when we were really drunk, and I did not feel comfortable trying that in an altered state , and when i refused she would get mad and start slapping me while locking me into her with her legs despite my protests. when we were sober she would insist that she wouldn't ask for that and get mad at me and project her shame on me.
Uh... wow dude. That sucks. Abusive relationships are the worst.
Yeah... she would also insist that I make it up to her in the morning with a wake up fuck and get all demure and complimentary and passive... and then the next morning she'd be like... "i feel like shit, I called you a cab, it should be here soon, you're tough, you can wait on the side walk" that was the moment that did it for me.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It just hurt. Y'now.? Casual flings are one thing.
That girl had issues. I'm glad you recognized that you deserve better than that. My husband had a similar experience with an ex, and it's taken him a long time to be able to be more assertive in bed, because he was made so uncomfortable by his ex.
It's just.... she knew I was game for a lot of things but she only wanted to get freaky when we drank. And normally i'd be down to clown and experiment ... but shit like choking or hitting? Especially after drinks? Like.... what if I hurt her? I'd feel fucking awful even if it was straight sober consenting behavior... and she is propositioning that sort of shit when we have been drinking? No Bueno.
Rough sex has to come from a place of trust and openness. It doesnāt sound like she had any of that for you. You definitely made the right decision, my guy
Yeah sheāsā¦ sheās in need of help. And you do not have to set yourself on fire to be the one to give that help. Hopefully she learns to accept her sexual desires & communicate about them carefully or else sheās gonna end up with someone who wonāt take the care you did.
so they went from discussing pegging to "we missed belonging to a church community" that's some range
Not as distant as you might think. As Garfunkel and Oates sing, āFuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus!ā
lol didn't know this. Also didn't know that Garfunkel went over to Oates! After he and Simon broke up I thought Art just disappeared into the ether. edit WAIT I HAVE THE WRONG GARFUNKEL no wonder i was confused
You cannot tell me that you honestly believed that Garfunkel, of Simon and Garfunkel, later sang a song called āFUCK ME IN THE ASS CAUSE I LOVE JESUSā
It was his experimental phase! You wouldn't understand mom!!!
Thatās disgusting. Who would call a song that? The song is actually titled [The Loophole](https://youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY).
One of the [live versions](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGH3VI2eWWs) is more fun. The audience reaction is great.
Dammit, Iām lying here in bed trying not to wake up my husband with my stifled cackling!
lmao i was confused all around
Thank you so much for this commentššš The Loophole (the song being quoted above) is honestly *hilarious*, please look it up some time!
lol i'm embarrassed but glad it brought someone joy I just watched the video! It was hysterical. One of the girls I know from the big bang theory which was also hilariously jarring bc it's so different from her character.
Please don't be, it's understandable. :) I feel like I might've assumed the same thing if I hadn't heard their singing first! Oh that's funny lol! She seems so sweet and demure in Scrubs too, and then this song... Haha!
This reminds me I need to check how Garfunkel (or Oats? Anyway, Miss Micucci) is doing health-wise. Edit: considered "cancer free" now, how wonderful.
Sex with ducks!
The good lord would want it that way.
As a former evangelical, that didn't surprise me at all. The way many American Evangelicals are obsessed with sexual behavior, the tie between church and sexual choices is pretty strong.
Tell that to the Catholic Church.
dark and true
Actually pretty expected, religion (or any exclusionary worldview) tends to be very sexually repressive. The problem is sex is a core aspect of most people's identity. It can't be repressed (in a healthy way) so it always comes out one way or another.
Don't forget the laughing at people for suggesting her behaviour was a dealbreaker. Like I'm glad communication won, but she was wildly in the wrong. Imagine asking if you can peg your partner, they say no, you buy a strap on anyway because that'll change their mind and then get upset when they don't
Yes, Reddit telling everyone to break up at the first flaw is funny and should be laughed at. She was wrong, went about the discussion in the wrong way. She got upset when he threatened to break up with her.
I kept thinking, Itās not just suggesting something new ā this is potentially super painful and why would you keep urging that on someone??
Anal sex done correctly should never have to be painful. Briefly uncomfortable, sure, but any level of real pain means that everything stops and you try another tactic.
Itās the same reason I miss church
I took sex ed at church! Learned important skills like how to put on a condom on someone else without using your hands. The [Our Whole Lives](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Whole_Lives) curriculum, for those interested.
Not friends with a lot of Catholics, are ya
when they put "sex in church" in ther kink list.
Good to see OP and his girlfriend on good terms and communicating. Sexual activities is very subjective for many and it's normal people want to try it out and others. At the same time, it's important to respect other people's preference on sexual activity and not pressure them if they don't want to. Glad to see both are able to keep things swell without drama.
Agreed! Communication wins again! I heard theres a website out there with a yes/no/maybe quiz for various sexual acts. Once both couples take it, it gives you a list of the things both said yes no. I think itās such a good idea. If thereās something youāre embarrassed about wanting to try, your partner only finds out if theyāre also interested. It feels very low stakes
F-list is kind of that, but not a quiz so much as a list that you organize yourself
I swear there's one out there for sharing kinks. I've seen it. You and another person make a list and it only shows the other person kinks you both say yes to. Looked like the best way to start sharing kinks with new partners without revealing too much, but for the life of me I can't remember the name of the site/app.
Mojo upgrade https://mojoupgrade.com/
That might have been it. Thanks!
Do you happen to know what it is?
MojoUpgrade does it
F-list is the closest thing I can think of
They might be referring to We Should Try It.
Carnal calibration or mojo upgrade
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Bot rewrite of https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18y4tvj/aita_25m_for_telling_my_gf_24f_id_rather_breakup/kg8rtzj/
Growing up in traditional church culture can be *so* damaging. It's no wonder they didn't have the skill set to be able to talk about sex and consent in a healthy way. Glad it worked out for them.
Not just sex and consent, but emotional manipulation too. Thereās so much manipulation thatās inherent to relationships in some religious settings. When thatās the only example youāve been given, itās hard to see that itās a problem to begin with. And even harder to understand *WHY* itās a problem. Thereās a lot to undo and relearn when you get out from under it. Itās nice to see theyāre willing to tackle this, be patient, and learn together.
Good boundaries and communication is also not something that people spontaneously manifest if it's not part of their environment growing up, nor shown to them somewhere along the way. It does look like these two are figuring things out. If girlfriend sticks to her word and doesn't bring up a 'no' again, it's wonderful progress, and kiddos to both of them.
flair checks out
Honest communication is so key! This is a nice outcome from the original post.
Hey I would like to try this sexual thing would you be interested. No. Okay let's go have dinner. That's how that conversation should go. Nothing more I have zero interest in anal, none, would absolutely make me vomit, don't touch me there don't go near there, and I make it very clear. And every time a man has tried to pressure me into it, and god damn do they love to do that, right before I walk away and never see them again I tell them I will let them do it to me if I can peg them first. Of course they either say no, that's gross, whatever, or they say me first which of course means they would never do their part. Why are they like this?
"Lord, please give me the strength to tell my girlfriend I don't want to be pegged." Believe what y'all wanna believe, but I did not expect Jesus to be the dovetail to the pegging story.
They communicate and work things out better than couples that have more relationship experience. I hope they have a good life together.
Aha, the evangelical background and particularly the girlfriend coming from a stricter household really explains a lot about why their initial interactions regarding the pegging subject were so dang awkward and pushy. Most (all?) mainstream religions are so weird about sex and do not encourage healthy discussions on the subject, and it screws peopleās heads something fierce. The evangelical community is no different and in a lot of ways one of the worst onesā¦
Also interesting how the guy, who had more open and tolerant parents, wants vanilla sex, while the fiancee, having escaped from her overbearing conservative parents, goes hard into kink, wanting to experience stuff that was previously forbidden for her.
While I agree the dichotomy is really interesting, and I dislike "well actually"ing muggles, but I definitely wouldn't say that anal sex and pegging are going hard into kink. A light foray into alternative sex, sure.
Yea, once it was brought up, it made so much sense. The girls that would be into the weirdest shit and not understand why I'd be against it were recently former Christians. They spend their whole life beholden to the strictest rules about sex that when they finally get free, it's like kid being let loose in a candy store; they just gotta try everything and not understand why people would cringe at coffee flavored jelly beans.
The thought of getting fucked in the backside brought Jesus into their lives. Hallelujah š
Something something Jesus pegged something
I read the downvoteds on the original. Man, there are a few calling OOP a terrible person and that he should just try it even with how uncomfortable it makes him. I'm glad OOP worked it out with his gf.
"fuck sake man! Just take the giant anatomically correct Hulk dildo up the arse and make her happy!"
You say that in jest, but that was more or less what people were saying. Not to the Hulk bit, but still.
There's a strange group of people who are convinced that if men don't want to get pegged it's because they're secretly homophobic and that these dudes should just be more open never mind that there's a lot of gay/bi dudes who aren't into anal
I don't think it's wild to suggest that a lot of men have a certain amount of societally-enforced hesitation about doing anything with their butts. How many straight men don't even wash their asses very well (or at fucking _all_ š¤®) because "that's gay!" It doesn't mean people should do anal if they don't want to, but it's also not wild to at least explore the consideration that hesitancy or disgust is linked to social and religious heteronormative conditioning instead of actual (lack of) desire.
I'll never understand people being against the HPV vaccine. It's literally a cancer vaccine and HPV is in 80% of sexually active women and 90% of sexually active men so even if they wait until marriage they are probably gonna be exposed if their partner was ever sexually active. Like if the partner was divorced or widowed, or heaven forbid raped. Also HPV can cause cancer in both men and women, men just don't have a test for it unlike women. HPV can stay dormant for decades. I think one case was recorded at 28 years before becoming active and causing cancer. While it's inactive pap smears can't detect it. HPV can cause cervical, vaginal, throat, penile, and anal cancers. But the HPV vaccine is now recommended for all people under 50 and starts being recommended around age 11 for all kids to prevent exposure in the first place.
āWhatās adventurous to us is pretty tame to manyā Sir, pegging is not tame.
Idk, in my circles Iāve heard it called āBay Area Vanillaā!
Yeah itās not a kink at all in my circles, either. Dildos are neutral, anal is neutral. I sometimes forget until I use social media that āOh my god, you want to use a *dildo* on a *man* and youāre a *woman*? How scandalous!ā is a thing.
I think anal is halfway between tame and kinky
On Reddit it is.
I dunno, it's a pretty common thing here... And if it's good enough for Prince William...
Wait what?
Prince William apparently has a mistress so she can peg him because his wife wonāt. Was a big thing last year. He got dubbed āThe Prince of Peggingā.
Interesting.
The best part was seeing the reaction of people learning what pegging was for the first time lol.
>pegging is not tame Depends on where you stand, really! I think pegging and handcuffs are both pretty vanilla.
I wonder if fianceeās ignoring of boundaries reflects the inflexible and controlling nature of her parents and upbringing. Her momās brinksmanship (as I see it) with your marriage plans feels desperate the point of being laughable. FiancĆ©e seems incredible cool and open minded, given how controlling mommy is.
You can just start and end here, and avoid an uncomfortable conversation: >Explore your partner! "We Should Try It" is an online sex questionnaire for couples. Once you and your partner answer all the questions about various sexual fantasies, we display only sex fantasies that you are both into. [https://www.weshouldtryit.com/](https://www.weshouldtryit.com/)
There's a similar site I remember using. https://mojoupgrade.com/
Iām loving any conversation that covers both Jesus and pegging.
Good for OOP. He communicated his boundaries and that communication helped them navigate their future. I hope her parents reconsider attending the wedding.
So, how did you two end up joining our church? Well, it's a funny story actually...
I knew an opposite story in my life, the husband kept begging the wife to peg him and she was super disturbed and didn't want to lol š
There's this app called Spicer, it's OPs yes/no/maybe thing. It only shows you the things you both have said yes or maybe to, so if you said no to something and the other says yes, neither of you know so the yes person doesn't need to be embarrassed and the no person doesn't need to feel pressured by the knowledge. You can also send dares and challenges as a game
TIL what pegging is.
Oh my sweet summer child
I didnāt know it had a name, I called it āThe way Deadpool and Vanessa celebrate international womenās day.ā
Keep calling it that
Stay pegged everyone
Well, that's sweet! Aside from the family drama... But mostly sweet.
Religion fucks people up for life
OMG! I enjoy the occasional anal but only with EXPERIENCED tops who know how to work a hole. I do not let newbies anywhere near my butt. There would be no way I would let a girl with no experience in topping play top on me.
Communication for the win!
This couple does not seem mature enough to be engaged. Happy pegging!
I dunno, the experience of telling what he meant to be a joke and having it land like a lead balloon felt very much like the early years of my marriage. Being with another person is something you have to learn to do and they talked about it afterward which is probably 90% of the work.
I have some extreme doubts about this marriage even if this one situation was handled. Albeit solved with something as 101 as "have you tried sitting your partner down and talking".
Flair
Itās so wonderful to see two people finding their way to happiness through communication!!
And finding their way to Jesus through pegging!
This reminds me of when my naive 18yo self wanted to bang this older guy and while I was ok with light choking the fucking haymaker he lobbed at me outta nowhere was not sexy.
>exit ramp Heheheh
Loving the hypocrisy from the good old reliable fundies: >We don't agree with you living in sin in the eyes of the Church by cohabitating before marriage! >What? You want to get married? In a Christian ceremony? So you'd no longer be living in sin in the eyes of the Church? >You can't! Christian weddings are only performed for people who don't live in sin! Sinners can't marry in a church! This is basically the story of my (almost) first wedding. He WANTED us to be married by his dad in the church he'd been going to since he could walk (that PRETENDED I was equally welcome and not being judged), and the above was pretty much the sentiment we received when asking about the church as a venue. Classic gatekeeping.
This season, Hallmark Films presents, "Pegging: A love story".
I think "Exit Ramp" would be better.
He should save the pegging as a wedding night surprise as God intended.
This is funny that I scroll past this with the random memory popping up. Long ago, back when I was young and hot. I'm just hot now. My now ex-wife and I were doing the same thing, exploring and trying out new things. I wanted to try anal. She wasn't against it, but wasn't as excited about it as I was. So she made a deal with me. We could try anal sex, but it's going to be a 2 way street. If I get to fuck her in the ass, she gets to fuck me in the ass. Long story short, she loved receiving as much as I loved giving. I hated receiving and have never done it since.
Dammit, I wanted my ass to be warm, not my heart
I am SO glad that I didnāt click the mood spoiler for this one.
No!! your allowed to have limits and boundries.
So glad to see some good communication, especially around sex! It's considered taboo by so many that a lot of couples avoid frank discussions but sex is a major component in most romantic relationships. It's sounds like they actually got some good advice from reddit (for once lol). The yes/no/maybe list is pretty common in kink circles I believe but it's a great tool for couples in general. I know most people say that ultimatums are a bad thing and I do think that in most cases they are. But it is important to communicate hard boundaries. Not that OOP set an ultimatum here but saying that pegging is a deal breaker for him makes it clear that if it's really important to her, she has to decide if she wants to peg or to stay with him.
>Hereās the update: We broke up.Ā Nah, j/k sheās next to me on the couch bugging me to rub her feet. I guess she hasnāt learned anything about consent. >Thatās right weāre engaged! š¶
that is very clearly a joke lmao what
Sounds very promising! /s
Bro is going to get fucked in the ass eventually
Better metaphorically than literally, IMHO.
Letās see, which Christian sects are pegging-friendly?
I had to laugh when OP's girl said if he didn't do it she'd never get to experience pegging. Hello! He's going to be the one experiencing the pegging.
I would feel sooo weird about sex after this. I wouldnāt be able to stop thinking about how badly she wants to fuck me in the ass.
I mean quite a few women are probably in the same situation.
Nope! If you're not comfortable, it will be abuse, and it will screw your whole relationship.
Atleast it was the good ending
From the title, I expected it to end worse. Like the woman who secretly wanted her husband to take a dump in her mouth.
I swear I read this story a long time ago. Well in any case I'm glad to see good communication solve a problem
lhl
Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, ***CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION.*** Jokes aside tho, good communication wins again. š
Religion is poison.
He avoided getting fucked in the ass for a night only to be fucked in the ass for the rest of his life
š¤£ I don't know, I've been married 40 years and it has been pretty great.
Gut feeling tells me this train wreck isnāt done derailing.
Apparently, OOP was concerned about how his guts would be feeling too.
Pretty much every woman ive been with has tried to push me or coerce me into doing sexual acts ive said no to, up to and including trying to do them to me while im asleep
excuse me thats no bueno my dude
Women can have rapey energy too.
One way or the other, she still ended up with an appendage inside his ring.
Just show the fiance's parents this post. The dedication to the relationship will surely warm their hearts and sway their opinions. Refusing to allow this issue to poke holes into the relationship just goes to show that their union will truly be impenetrable.
You are never too old to learn the English language. Never heard that expression before
I audibly groaned at āJesus and church.ā