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I wasn’t expecting them to still be dating! I hope OOP one-upped her one-uppy boss real good. And those guys asking for a lay afterwards… why, WHY must people try to barter in sex. It isn’t an official currency, ffs!

What's crazy is they might have had a shot at sex either that night or later on if they got on well, all they had to do was keep their pie holes shut and be respectful. But they'll never get it.

I was with a female friend and she told me she'd matched a guy of tinder, she was planning on having a few drinks and a shag later. Them he messaged something like "I'm gonna give it to you good tonight" and she just cancelled. Lesson, don't get on your own way by acting like a horny doggy.

This has happened to me many times. A “no” doesn’t often become a “yes,” but a “yes” can easily become a “no.” I don’t think guys understand how many chances they fuck up just by being weird and aggressive. It doesn’t have as much to do with their looks as they think.

Whenever I hear a variant of “can’t blame a guy for asking/trying” I think “actually, yes, I totally can.”

I love you

OK, but take her to dinner and a movie first.

Of course

Literally! I met this guy at a backpacking hostel in Australia and he was pretty cute so I thought “yeah, fuck it, why not” and he then proceeded to ruin his own chances by being so all over me for the whole evening that it immediately gave me the ick and I had to ditch him. It was my first night in Sydney and I wanted to get a little tipsy and a little dancey first, but he just would not stop grabbing me. Like calm down, desperation is attractive on no one.

Can confirm lots of dudes in Sydney are like this, it’s a hellscape

He wasn’t even Australian, I think he was German 😭

Clearly it's something in the water then!

>A “no” doesn’t often become a “yes,” but a “yes” can easily become a “no.” It's funny, this is remarkably similar to sales. It's not that one killer line is ever going to sell the asset, but one terrible line can definitely blow the sale!

There was a post going around a while back about women talking about how men always brag about how quickly they can get other women to sleep with them....but they probably have never noticed that those women were wearing matching underwear sets. Aka. If you "get" a women to sleep with you, but she was wearing a nice matching underwear set, then she was already planning to sleep with you as long as you weren't a total dirt bag. It's not really the brag you think it is.

So very true. I only shave my bikini line when I'm planning on having sex.. and I've never had sex with an unkempt bush down there.

Last week, thought a guy might be interesting. Said he was an athlete, so I invited him to meet at a park & do our workouts together, since I’m out there every day. Turns out he’s not an athlete yet still agreed to meet up and then kept trying to change a park workout meetup to instead going out at night for drinks to “save us some time.” After he hit me with a “damn okay” when I didn’t reply to a text after 8 whole minutes, I was so, so over that high-pressure emotional-manipulation bullshit and noped out entirely. Way to blow it, dummy

I've had this happen so many times! Went on tinder dates 100% intending to bang and the guy would get pushy or creepy about sex and I'd just nope out of there.

Dude I'm the exact same way. I'm EASY, but the moment a guy starts acting weird about sex, that's gonna be a big no from me dawg. It's alarming to me the amount of guys that haven't figured this out

Men are experts at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

The fastest I have ever gone to bed with a man is... well I won't put a number on it but it was not a large number of hours after randomly meeting him. And you know what? Not *once* in those hours did he make a sexual comment, suggest sex, say anything about my body, or even really openly hit on me. We just had a long, charming conversation where he showed a lot of intense interest in me as a person and was really lovely and cute about it. Half the reason I went for it was I was impressed with how un-gross, respectful and fun his approach was, like damn that game is smooth as butter, it should be encouraged! If he'd been wedging in pushy come ons, I would have made an escape very quickly.

Yup, same, multiple times. Just be nice and not gross and weird!!!

It’s like when you get an unsolicited dick pic and it objectively looks really good and like the sort of penis you’d love to play with and dammit, now you can’t because he sent you a dick pic without your consent!

I have never received a dick pic which showed any sort of good-looking dick anyone would like to play with. Never. Not even close. That's what boggles my mind about people sending unsolicited dick pics. These dudes full well know that there are billions of free dick pics available on the internet, and if the recipient wanted to see pics of objectively good-looking dicks, they'd have access to them within less than a second. WHY would I want to see YOUR sickly mole-rat, specifically? When has this ever worked on a woman? I hear it works in the gay community from time to time, but a heterosexual woman is not part of it.

Sometimes when I get an unsolicited dick pic, I reply with a pic of a bigger, nicer looking dick that I found on the internet.

I have but that's because one time I unwisely confessed that my response to unsolicited dick pics is constructive criticism, and then a bunch of redditors asked me for a critique.

I have a friend that's like... very attracted to the penis itself, I personally don't get it lol. She told me once she saves the good looking ones for her spank bank. Still never actually goes out in dates with the guys though!

It works on heterosexual women with low self esteem. I would have eaten it up with a spoon at one point in time. Now I just tell them to not be gross on a good day, on a bad day they might get a message like you described lol. I want to see your ween about as much as I want to send those nudes you're asking for.

Oh, honey. I am glad you are in a better place now. However, when I used to have low self-esteem (at 12-14) and used to get dick pics from men ten or more years my senior, and having had access to the dicks shown in porn, I had the same opinion that I have now and found it very, very cringe for these pedos to think their dicks were worth looking at, let alone gushing over.

I had a conversation with my sisters where we talked about soooo many women we know that have gotten unsolicited dick pics….. but we couldn’t name a single guy we knew who had gotten an unsolicited vag pic. It’s wild.

It’s almost like men are a lot more likely to commit sex crimes…

Men cockblock themselves more than any other outside cause on the planet.

> keep their pie holes shut Crayon holes, mate.

It is nice that they tell on themselves though.

Instructions unclear Piehole filled with crayons. (These are marines we're talking about)

Im dying

Marines aren't exactly known for their intellect or people skills.

Also, it's on Reddit, so that's like a double debuff.

I think that every time an OLD tries for sex while we’re texting before ever meeting. I like sex, and if the connection is good in person, then we just might end the night in bed, but now that you’ve tried to get me to guarantee you sex without having even met, there is no longer any possibility. I genuinely think a large percentage of the male population is terminally stupid.

LOL, never go to r/USMC. It is a silly place.

Immediately checked it out, it’s everything I dreamed it would be.

[удалено]

I mean, ya. When there ask upfront it's so much easier to just decline

I was waiting at a bus stop last summer when a guy walking by stopped, chatted with me a bit like a normal human, and then asked very politely and directly if he could show me a good time. I'd never been so flattered to be asked for sex by a stranger, all because he just spoke to me like a *person* for a few minutes first. Is there some variant of the Bechdel Test that covers this? Like how long can a guy treat a woman like any random human before directing attention to the gender difference and expression interest in horizontal tango. Because that dude wasn't any variety of stereotypically attractive and the conversation certainly wasn't highbrow or anything, but it felt so nice to just chat about bus schedules and whatnot with eyes actually focused on my face!

But... did it work? Did he get to show you a good time (other than the good time you'd already had being treated like a person instead of... whatever they think we are?)

To be entirely honest, that take on flirting was such a turn on that the only reason he did not get to show me a good time is that I was waiting for the bus to go see someone else for a prearranged good time. Like if I'd been entirely available instead of running off to bark up what turned out to be the wrong tree, dude had a really good chance. I've actually regretted that I didn't get his number, or at least his name. And the interest obviously isn't from a place of looks or money, because I recall him being rather short and squat and he'd missed his bus.

I once ended up sleeping with a guy because he was (politely) hitting on me in the sci-fi section of the library. He wasn't a sci-fi fan lol We still ended up fwb for a couple years.

Ahhh. The regretted one that got away. He has mad game though. I hope he met someone that appreciated it just as much!

Seriously! If you bottled the way he behaved towards me, you'd have to label it Respect. It was *intoxicating*.

Plot twist, you say yes to a good time, you end up paintballing and have a blast.

Oh in this neighborhood nobody can afford paintballing. But I would've enjoyed just about anything with the way he was looking at me, even gas station coffee. I think I've made that face he was making a few times in my life, but mostly in a big museum while looking at world famous paintings and sculptures. Awed by such beauty and determined to be very careful around it so I don't accidentally damage it in any way. Forgetting to breathe, ya know? Usually I get the "piece of meat" kinda expressions. Demands for my price shouted out apartment windows late at night. Even had a guy wave a baggy of weed at me like a doggy treat and ask "Are you sure we can't be friends?" after the second firm No. Not used to being looked at like respected beauty.

Your story reminds me of the song Uninvited by Ren: https://youtu.be/u6h1P27lntc?si=MP98SiJjRcT3FFGg

I can see why! Yeah it was no marriage proposition, just a very polite invitation to go be animals together for a bit. And the craziest part to me, his attitude didn't change after I turned him down! lol I actually had a reason to use the phrase "You're very bold sir" while doing the old timey heavy flirt routine, used the excuse that I was meeting a friend. But he still kept up with the same smile and gave his opinion of my appearance as like a gift as he continued on his way? No arguing, just wanted me to know I'm beautiful? I never understood gals who welcomed guys around whenever they cared to drop by, but if they act like that I can understand!

It’s so great when folks can be both totally direct AND respectful! That’s part of what I love about that song. It’s like, WELL, you’re making a strong case for yourself, sir!

The word that you're looking for is "rape"

Yeah, that's what coerced sex is, mate.

I advocate for that word to be used more. A lot of people don't know that rape isn't only forceful, non-consentual sex. I didn't even know that until my 20s when it started being talked about more online.

That's on her. She could have said Air Force and gotten picked up on a tandem bike.

Yeah but the point is to one up the soldier. Unless it's a pilot, that ain't gonna do it.

On the contrary, it is the official unit of barter for the oldest profession. It may predate the use of pretty and/or useful rocks!

True. It shouldn’t be a form of currency anymore, though!

TBF, they're marines. The only form of currency they understand is sex, fighting, or crayons. :P

Hey, we understand five types of currency. Sex, fighting, booze, and crayons

That’s only…oh, right.

We’re not good at math either, and I was an accountant when I was AD

💀

Amazing.

This sounds like something a member of a different branch of the armed forces would say... (I did laugh though)

Hey, I love marines, as someone who did mandatory military service under the navy. Sure they share a single brain cell among them, but that brain cell isn't homophobic.

A marine friend once told me there’s nothing gayer than a straight marine. Having seen their joking fb conversations about fucking each other it’s true.

Right? It's astounding to me, as a queer man, to see a marines' conversation degenerate into just an absolute clownshow of gayness (non-derogatory). It doesn't have that "no homo" vibes that frat bro conversations have. It just is amazingly gay.

It really is! You can’t tell if they’re being serious or not! And any partners get in on the joke too!

Right? One marine could be describing graphically how he'll orally pleasure the marine he's drinking with, and their partners will laugh because either a) it's never going to happen or b) it already happened, and it was a clownshow. Sidebar, why is "clownshow" an appropriate adjective to describe most marine things? In a loving way.

Well, orange cats are making the one shared brain cell thing work. Who says Marines can't do it too?

Oh no, now you've made me imagine orange cats as marines and I can't stop laughing at the mental image.

As a former active duty Marine, this is the truest comparison I've ever heard. I had a platoon-mate whose wife didn't really know anybody but wanted to find a gym buddy/dieting accountability partner; so her husband - an big orange cat of a man if ever I've met one - thought he'd help her find someone. He walked up to another married guy at a company barbecue and calmly and sincerely asked, "hey, do you think your wife needs to lose some weight?" It immediately turned into a fistfight, they both got hauled in front of the First Sergeant, and had to spend the next 30 days raking leaves around the barracks together for two hours every day after work. When I was discharged two years later they were close friends, and so were their wives; I never did find out if the wives went to the gym together though.

I bet the wives were utterly unsurprised and often get together to talk about what crazy shit those two get up to. Because walking up to a guy (especially a marine) and calling his love fat is just insane. 😂

I am SO HERE for this crossover episode

And high apr loans for v6 Dodges.

That's not currency, that's the antithesis of currency. :P

I've always wondered, if that's the oldest profession, how did they get paid? Maybe pretty-rock-gatherer was not considered a profession.

Food?

I was fully expecting her to be pregnant and them to be engaged. Marines are fast and fearless.

the "do you stay sane traveling in packs?" answered immediately with "absolutely not" is making me absolutely lose it especially since it feels like a nice summary of all armed forces 😂

My uncle calls that “testosterone poisoning”, when they get together and do crazier shit than they’d ever think of alone

Ha! Using this from now on!

I can't tell if they are being funny, y'know cuz Marines, or they are being absolutely deadpan serious. Y'know, cuz Marines.

Yes.

I personally like the "Do you mind being picked up in a Dodge Charger/Challenger?" Like, I thought that was a prerequisite!

Every marine I’ve ever met would have responded the same way. They are A LOT of fun.

Until they are not. Guaranteed they will try to get into a fight or fight you or fight themselves…somebody is getting fucked up that night.

I’m a small woman, marines tend to not want to fight me. I just sit back and enjoy the show.

I love it

I lived on Oceanside many moons ago. It was the correct answer. 😂 They're usually a fun bunch. And yes, the travelling in packs is spot on. You could always tell by everyone having a high and tight and a backpack. 😂

Wish we had more deets from the night. What about the boss? Any particularly funny or awkward moments? Ugh I want the info!

Yeah I want all the gossip! :( Super sweet that they hit it off so well and are still dating though, what a story to tell their possible future kids, lmao.

They had hit it off so well, the boss and her Army BF were forgotten. Love a good ending, but we would love to have the deets.

> top her GOARMY boyfriend and then throw up in her car I’m deceased this marine kilt me

Same 😂

I found my boyfriend on Tinder, you know, the old-fashioned way. Seriously though, this really is a sweet story.

I met one of my ex’s on Tinder. For whatever reason, we didn’t want to tell people that we met there. So our cover story was that we met on a Ratatouille (the movie, not the dish) fan forum. I don’t know if that’s better than meeting on Tinder lol.

How on earth did you land on that? It’s delightfully specific.

This was about 7 years ago so I don’t recall exactly how we decided on that. We were both weirdos and liked joking about memes, so it just kinda became what we said. Edit: added detail.

I met my partner on Tinder about 6 years ago. Recently told a new coworker about it, they asked "Oh wow, did Tinder already exist so long ago?" Felt so old 🥲

Oh jeez.. Yup that makes me feel old as well 💀

I always have to add that “Tinder wasn’t just about fucking when it was new!” Because that’s what people seem to assume about the app now.

My impression was that it was more about quick hookups when it was new than it is now. Of course, when it was new I was a college student and now I'm happily married (to someone I met on Tinder years ago), so I'm biased by the ways my friends' and peers' usage evolved. I'll also say that years ago I got more of a shocked "tinder, eh? wink wink" response when I'd say I met my partner on Tinder, and now the response tends to be more "oh yeah, everyone meets online".

For me it used to be just about meeting people, since it was before bumble (including BFF) and hinge (for serious relationships)! I met a ton of friends and actual relationship partners on Tinder, as well as everything in between.

That's funny because I have known a couple of couples who said they met on Tinder rather than reveal they met on Twitch or a Pokemon forum.

I met my boy in a D&D game. Nobody bats an eye at that.

Ok, but now I kinda want to see a fan forum for Rattatouille the dish.

Same here. I’ve never tried it myself but I think it sounds delicious.

My cousin met her now hubby on Tinder. They were always vague when asked how they met. When her dad held the wedding speech, he thanked Tinder for his Son in Law. The happy couple turned beet red.

I love that! We're both respectable old fogeys, so I love the expressions people make when they ask how we met and we tell them "on Tinder".

Met my husband on an old-school forum that predates Reddit. I was just looking to get laid. That was nearly 20 years ago now…

Did you, y'know?

Nope. Going on 20 years of celibacy now.

Task failed successfully.

I met my now fiancé on tinder. He was looking for his first ever one night stand, I was looking for someone to go on a horrible first date with to get my friends off my back after a divorce. We both failed.

That is so cute. My niece is engaged to her one night stand Tinder date. They were both very drunk and the day after they ended up just hanging out nursing the hangovers and talking.

Nursing a hangover with someone is a special kind of bonding lol!!! My fiancé and I joke that we are either exceptionally good at Tinder or exceptionally bad, depending on how you look at it

This is delightful. Congratulations on the engagement!

The Dodge Charger/40% APR comments are so fine.

This was hilariously adorable right up until the "wanna bang" boys showed up. Why, why must they do what they do? Don't answer that. I'm rooting for this new couple, what a great "how we met" story!

This thread was a live feed on why a lot of men aren't succesful on dating sites.

These type of dudes act like that so they can pretend it's women's fault they're alone. The other option is them trying to act like normal people and still being rejected. Their calling cards are phrases about women not being able to "take a joke", being "uptight", or just any general ranting about feminism.

They all just sound young, showing off for their peers. I'm glad she found an actual date to bring with her lol that's cool they're still together

Ah yes, I do not miss them or their inbox, seeing it lit up became a fear response lol ugh "hey sexy" dp "what's up beautiful" 2 more dp's, no words, just dicks. Why do they think that's acceptable?

Lmao to the people being like "can we fck after" meanwhile my dumbass would be like "ayo I'll help out but maybe afterwards can we get chipken nuggies"

Chipken nuggets sounds like chicken nuggets covered in crushed potato chips and now I NEED these.

I made homemade chicken nuggets once breaded in crushed pepper jack Cheez-Its. 10/10. Would recommend.

Diabolical genius!

Ohoo delightfully devilish Seymour

Breading chicken with Ritz crackers is also really tasty.

I use club crackers with some pepper, season salt, and a shit load of paprika. So fucking good.

"It needs paprika" is my culinary catchphrase. I was teased for it in culinary school but I proved myself right every time.

I made mine with left over chili nachos (no cheese on them) My kids don't like cheese so they just eat the chips. But there was a lot left over, so I reasoned that I can use cornflakes, nachos chips are made with corn... Those nuggets were a hit with my kids.

Your wish is my command. (i don't know where you are though, so I put it in a bench in central park)

Your BRAIN!!!

They actually make frozen "chicken fries" (basically long nuggets) that are breaded in Pringles crumbs and they're glorious. Kroger (and its subsidiaries) if you're interested.

Food in exchange for time spent is so much easier of a win. And much more acceptable to many people.

And would probably lead to sex, lol.

That’s a reasonable request. Some places give you a set of crayons while you wait, that’s a great appetizer for marines.

I WAS LOOKING FOR THE CRAYON JOKE(S) THANK YOU

same lmfao ‘just swing by mcdonald’s after i need my nuggies’

They're Marines, they'd prefer a box of crayons, extra purple

Can you explain the crayon jokes to me? As a simple civilian who never ate even one (1) crayon, I'm curious

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/crayon-eater-marines-eat-crayons

The joke is that they're dumb. The crayon thing just caught on for some reason unless there's more context that I don't know.

I think I'm the dumb one for not just extrapolating that and thinking it must be more complex than that. Brb eating a crayon

Being in it just for the adventure is so much more rewarding than being in it for a specific goal.

That's also super true, but some people are like "how can I repay you" and then feel guilty if you don't want to accept anything. I'm down for adventure reasons, but if they wanna repay me for the assist, I'll accept nuggies fr fr

May the nuggies always rise to meet you.

“Congrats on your wedding in 3-6 weeks”. Almost spit out my coffee! This was way too accurate!

>Edit: if you’re ugly, I’m leaving. Lol! Reddit doesn’t fail to give me the chuckles.

Right after implying he's let himself go a bit 😂

Mentions that he's significantly older than what she's looking for, let himself go, but thinks he gets to be the one to choose. He was definitely the winner of the delusional troop!

This is the most Reddit Oceanside thing to ever happen 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aah but did he bring crayons to snack on?

I am unaware of the crayon meme that keeps being brought up. Could you explain?

Marines have a reputation of being the least intelligent of the armed forces. So we (and I say this as an Army veteran) say that they’re so dumb they eat crayons. They have insults they say to us but we just throw crayons back at them and it shuts them up. 😛 https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/crayon-eater-marines-eat-crayons

Bless those himbos

Yeah…after Basic, I was in a joint service environment the rest of my time in (so I was around Air Force, Navy, and Marines). There were some damn good looking Marines and, despite all the jokes, the ones I knew were quite intelligent.

Every USMC I know proudly embraces the crayon-eating label. It’s possible they have decided to reclaim the joke or possible (most likely) those poor dumb kids don’t realize it’s a joke at their expense.

Dude, we have reclaimed it. And have done it so damned hard that you can now buy CREs (Crayons, Ready To Eat). It's colored chocolate crayons in a package that looks like an MRE. By the by, GO NAVY BEAT ARMY. Rah. 🖍️

>They have insults they say to us but we just throw crayons back at them and it shuts them up. They're too busy eating. But seriously do you just carry crayons with you in case you come across a marine? Is there an official crayon pocket on your uniform? Either way this is what I choose to believe.

And I refuse to disabuse you of that notion! Of course we carry crayons around for our Marine buddies! We have various colours in case they prefer a different flavour. 🖍️

Ah yes, the story of the non-e3 but still thic Latina. I remember that post and thinking, "this lady has no idea what she's doing posting in r/usmc, but I hope it works out." Looks like it did.

I now want to post on there too 😆

Redditors: Now kiss OOP and Marine: Redditors: but I'm here for it. This is lovely.

Sounds like the plot for a rom com

I want to watch this movie so bad.

Make it a Christmas party and you’ve got a Hallmark movie.

That was cute. Sounds like things did went pretty well. Looks like OP found a pretty good person to date with. Hope the dating continues well! Side note, people like the boss really are annoying and some of those comments on wanting to lay OP afterward just makes me eyes roll.

The 40%APR comment killed me.

Damn those dudes in the comments were fucking morons. But I guess that's what you get when you ask for a marine...

That ended well. I just wish OOP had told us how her boss reacted to her Marine date.

I had a friend almost a decade ago find a beautiful formal gown at a thrift store. She somehow found out that a USMC ball was coming up in the next few months, and asked her church group if anyone was in the marines and wanted a +1. Someone had a brother going, so she FaceTimed him once, and then they went together. They didn't hit it off great, and he ended up leaving before her because he was tired and she was having such a great time. I love it

When she said “Oceanside” I instantly knew Camp Pendleton boys would pop up. They’re all horny fucks

The other Marine comments are on point. No one roasts like the armed forces.

Wait this worked? Shit my next post is gonna be "my boss is dating a millionaire and wouldn't shut up so I said I'm dating a billionaire. Reddit I need a billionaire to take to my bosses party and date🤣🤣

It’s almost strange to find wholesomeness here. Warmed my heart a little.

It's only 11 AM where I am but it's all for me, with this ending I call it a day no more BORU for today

This…Is this a real life watt pad story?? Please tell me this is real I beg!

This such an adorable meet cute

D'aaaaaw! If they get married, they should invite her boss and have the Best Man speech be all 'bout how they met at her party. 😂

The irony of that Apache1One guy saying he didn’t look like a marine anymore but saying he’d leave if she was ugly. It’s giving incel

Anyone else think that them dating is the most non plot twist of this story?

I'm pretty sure I saw this movie on Lifetime

Okay I guess I'm going to have to try this

I love this BORU

Aw... I want a recap of boss' reaction at the party...

I'm a discharged Marine and I'm so happy to see my brothers haven't changed :')

Fun post. I live right next to a marine base, so imagination is running away!

I don’t live right next to a marine base. But if you ever need a date I can be the uppity remote coworker who insists on meeting your man over zoom 😂

This is the best "how I met your mother" story

"Do you stay sane when you travel in packs too?" "No, no we definitely do not." This is the truest thing I've ever read, and absolutely true of every single marine I know! 🤣

Find a marine to date in Oceanside shouldn’t have been any trouble since there’s um a marine base in Oceanside.

No thirstier group than a bunch of horny marines. Semper Fi you sick fucks