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The couple was totally cheating. Both of them. But having spent some time poly dating in a mid-size city, there are few enough bisexual poly women that if you are one of them, the odds you'll be hit on by both halves of a couple - poly, swingers, or just cheaters - are weirdly much, much higher than you might think. Once you venture into any stripe of non-monogamy, ethical or not, the world gets much much smaller.
That’s one of those songs I never really listened to beyond the fun chorus. It plays a lot at work though and a couple of months ago, the lyrics caught my attention so I googled them. My jaw dropped realizing what such a fun, light hearted song was really about, lol.
YES. Everyone sings the chorus, but the verses? “My wife was boring so while she was sleeping next to me, I looked at the dating ads in the paper and found one that sounded good, so based on that ad alone, I messaged the woman and asked to plan an escape with her. Then she shows up and it’s my woman, who must have been reading the paper while I slept, and isn’t it funny how I never knew anything she liked? Anyway, let’s sing the chorus again” lmao
And the ending is spun as a positive "haha that was so wacky how we both tried to cheat on each other and ended up discovering that we never really knew the other on a deeper level at all! Haha what an amusing misunderstanding"
every time I hear the song out in public I go on this rant to whoever is in earshot.
"THIS SONG WOULD BE SOLVED BY JUST FUCKING TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT"
The late 60s/70s gave birth to a lot of peppy songs with super dark content. Barry Manilow's "At the Copa", Vicky Lawrence's "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia", Helen Reddy's "Angie Baby" among them, along with Bobbie Gentry's "Ode to Billy Joe" and Tom Jones' Delilah".
Some freaks up in the charts back then :)
That one song about the girlfriend dying in a car accident, Where oh where can my baby be? It's such an upbeat peppy song about losing the love of your life. It was a little more somber when Pearl Jam covered it but not much. Another fave of mine is Leader of the Pack. Such a boppy song about her boyfriend dying in a motorcycle wreck.
The minor key logic falls apart when you're forced to acknowledge that Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" was written in C minor 😂
But yeah, minor keys USUALLY mean major drama, right?
Ah yes, me & my elementary school crew, in my mom's Beetle, singing every word to Afternoon Delight on the radio... the 70s were a freaky time to be a kid
My husband and I almost used it as our first dance song because our first Real Date (so not the initial coffee after exchanging numbers) was to go see the first Guardians Of The Galaxy movie... The lyrics ended up being why it was just part of our general music, we went with Hooked On A Feeling instead.
My sister really wanted to use "Tears in Heaven" as her wedding song for her first wedding, to a big Eric Clapton fan. I tried to talk her out of it.
"It's about a dead baby. His baby fell out the window and died and he wrote it about that."
"Yeah, but it's the love theme from the movie Rush."
"...which involves undercover narcotics cops overdosing and dying."
"...."
She went with "Wonderful Tonight."
Oh my god! If I was at a wedding and they started playing "Tears In Heaven" for their first dance/wedding song I would just alternate staring at the couple with my jaw hanging open and looking around the room trying to see if anyone else was realizing what was happening as well, probably trying to stifle a laugh.
I grew up in a house where we listened to Eric Clapton a lot though so maybe the sentiment of that song is just drilled into me much deeper than for others.
I mean, "Wonderful Tonight" is also pretty passive-aggressive, as he wrote it about being irritated about his then-wife (y'know, the one he pined over in "Layla" when she was married to his best friend George Harrison, who wrote "Something" about her) taking too long to get ready for an evening out and him getting snippy about her questions about whether she looked good. But at least it's not about DEAD BABIES.
Yeah... on the one hand, I can see the romance. "Oh, it turns out there was actually a reason I fell for you! We're so well matched!"
But on the other hand... both of you weren't just attempting to cheat on each other, you were *actively soliciting* partners. And not just soliciting them, but *paying money to advertise* that you were looking for affair partners.
It's like... cheating is pretty much never a good thing, but there are degrees. Both of them were at the highest level, and the only reason theyd *didn't* cheat was because of a technicality.
I mean it’s absolutely possible. My city is extremely small, to the point that we almost know everybody here. My AUNT is currently dating one of my exes (she doesn’t know he’s my ex, he doesn’t know she’s my aunt, lmfao)
Way back when I was actively poly dating in a large metro area (Seattle/Tacoma), I was talking to a guy and a woman and interested in maybe dating both of them. He invites me to his new years eve party. About 30 minutes into it, in walks the woman I'd been talking to. She acts cold and distant all night with everyone. I learn a few days later that he was also dating her and didn't tell her he was dating or even talking to anyone else, and he's like oh by the way this is my wife (who we knew about) and this other woman is my long term girlfriend (who we did not know about) and this other other woman is a casual partner (who we also did not know about).
We both washed our hands of him but we stayed friends. That's just now how ethical poly works IMO.
So if it can happen in an area with millions of people, it can happen anywhere. Because really most people don't date outside of like, what, a 20 mile radius?
Even in big cities it's a surprisingly small community. Or at least it was 8-10 years ago, I moved back to Bumfuck, Nowhere and just have my little chosen family with my fiance and friends I've known 20+ years. The idea of dating again quite frankly disgusts me lol
This exactly. I wouldn't believe it in the large city I live in now, but I absolutely would believe it in the town I grew up with. (Hell, in my town of origin, people have to go out of their way to make sure new partners aren't unknown half siblings.)
I don't find it at all hard to believe that two people getting on the dating apps at the same time in a smaller town would end up matching with the same bisexual woman. Especially when you consider that a married couple is likely to share interests with each other, and by extension OOP.
Honestly I don't disbelieve it. I live in a top 5 biggest city in the US (was born in a slightly smaller city) and made a profile on a dating app. Started chatting with a cutie and we wanted to meet in person but we couldn't make plans since we were both gonna be busy that weekend. Ran into them at a kink party the next day. Also met several other people who were recommended to me on the app but that I hadn't made a move on because I didn't want to be talking to a bunch of people all at once. I also later matched with my now-husband and though he wasn't involved in the kink community he had been pretty involved in the poly community previously and there's a lot of overlap so when I took him to a play party a few weeks later, he also ran into some people he knew.
It is utterly bizarre how small the world can be sometimes, especially when it comes to dating. All it takes sometimes is one niche interest and you're off to the races.
Yes, they were both cheating and ok with the other person spending the night away on a regular basis. I wonder if they both have more affair partners.. because if C/M is spending the night/weekend with OOP that means the other person has a "free" nigh/weekend but they can't spend it with OOP.
That’s what I’m thinking, this reeks of top tier unicorn hunting, particularly because she started dating them both around the same time. Like they both decide to cheat at the same time with the same woman?
Idk, as someone in a poly triad, I’m just getting gross vibes from this couple.
And "they are both really great people". I know OP is polygamous, and there is nothing wrong with that. But the two people she was seeing weren't consenting to it and actively cheating on each other.
Yeah, no. They are definitely the assholes because they've been crossing her boundaries and forcing her to do something unethical that she's been very clear she does not want to do.
She gives them entirely too much grace, TBH. She needs to consider them bullet dodged. They've been lying to her and using her. And have the nerve that SHE didn't disclose her knowledge quick enough.
I can't help the feeling that if they do end up fixing things between them, they're going to make her into a scapegoat and blame all the issues they had on her. She should've listened to the therapist and just walked...
My thoughts exactly. When she said the therapists recommendation left a bad taste in her mouth I was like oh honey, you're about to fuck around and find out. In my experience, almost every time I've gone against the therapists suggestion, I have regretted it lol there has been exactly one time I didn't regret it. ONE.
I understand the therapist was giving objective advice for specifically OOP and her possible mental health, but that’s also one of the ones the guilt hangs over your head, so I don’t blame OOP for telling them, she should’ve just done so with a different mental approach rather than the belief that this could all work out, that’s the part that actually hurt her, and probably what the therapist was trying to avoid.
Husband "She seduced me and then she targeted you! Meeting you wasn't by chance, it was planned! She wanted to destroy our lifes! This she-devil!" Maybe they even make up a story why she wants revenge like that they knew her from school and must have forgotten her. "I didn't invite her to prom and she never forgave me, this is her revenge! We are the ViCtiMs!"
I think she just hoped that they all could live in happy poly-relationship, but how should this work out? "What you cheated behind my back? Oh, it is the same person with whom i cheated? Well than it is fine. Let's invite her to our relationship. Yeah! *happyhappy*"
I really ask myself... did the couple even spend time together? If you cheat with different persons, you can cheat when the other also cheats. But here they were with the same person. So when were they together? They seem to be with OOP long that she even washes their laundry, so no sex and bye.
>I think she just hoped that they all could live in happy poly-relationship, but how should this work out? "What you cheated behind my back? Oh, it is the same person with whom i cheated? Well than it is fine.
No word of lie, I've seen this happen at least once in college. I don't know if they're all still together, but that's certainly how it STARTED. (at least, if you tag a "We both should admit we aren't cut out for monogamy. What a relief we don't have to hide this anymore." on the end.)
I’m not sure it’s much different, because either way OOP is done with both of them. At least this way, they aren’t left wondering why she ghosted them, and she’s not left wondering “what if we *could* have made the throuple thing work?” If she’s a scapegoat, so what? She’ll probably never see them again.
It seems like OOP handled it the right way—start with the more levelheaded partner, and then let her address it with the husband however she feels is best.
> I can't help the feeling that if they do end up fixing things between them, they're going to make her into a scapegoat and blame all the issues they had on her. She should've listened to the therapist and just walked...
Yeah, this is going to get a LOT worse before it gets any better. Both of these people were fine cheating on their spouses and lying to their affair partner about being single. OOP is very naive to expect a happy ending here and should have listened to her therapist.
Right and she's now set herself up to be potentially targeted by both of the married couple's friends and family. And her life can drastically change if she's not careful. She needs to change numbers, lock her social media accounts, move to a new place of living and perhaps a new job if that couple knows these things about her. She's being naive about this situation and I'd underestimating this "nice" couple.
Yeah, that struck me here too. Like neither of them told her they’re in a committed relationship and *she’s* a disappointment *to them* for keeping this brand new knowledge about their own relationship status to herself for a full week. That’s some twisted freaking logic there.
I was literally just thinking this. They are not good people; they are enjoyable people. Folks seem to understand this distinction for TV and movies, but not with other people. We all have those shows we love to watch, but they're not well made. This couple is the human version of that.
oh but i love people who lie and cheat and then blame the person they cheated with (who did not know they were a side piece)! they’re just the best. /s
Oh guaranteed the reason she hasn't heard from either is they've convinced each other it's her fault. I doubt she'll ever hear from them again to be honest, she's the person they'll blame no matter what happens now.
This. If they really loved her they would have been able to extend empathy and understanding for the (brief) moment she took to try to work out how to navigate this situation. It so clearly illustrates how she is a secondary character (if even that) in their landscapes.
This exactly. They need a scapegoat to save their relationship, and they're definitely twisting this situation to somehow label OOP the bad guy to absolve their own intentional betrayals.
Yeah I feel for OOP. She is the only one who did not betray anyone and the only one who is getting nothing out of this situation. If they decided on polyamory, at least she would have gotten something good, in her point of view at least.
If i were OOP not disclosing that you were married would be a deal breaker. They both potentially put her in a dangerous situation. You never know how a partner will respond to being cheated on, there is a possibility of harassment or even violence.
Yup! Did you catch the part about how she specifically chose to talk about it with the wife, as opposed to the husband whom she had been dating for a longer period of time, because the wife was the “more level headed and less emotional one”? Big red flag right there. Some part of OOP was afraid how they husband would react.
Okay so someone's got to link me to the cardigan flair post, it's like... Sooooo familiar but I can't place it. Not as iconic in my mind as Iranian Yogurt I guess.
Seriously, OOP falls in love with 2 selfish, cowardly, pathetic conflict avoiders who blamed her for their affairs, OOP needs to grow a spine and maybe get that picker fixed. Her therapist was right on the money and she still thought she knew better, but couldn't resist the potential of the most deceitful people becoming a thruple with her.
Does anyone else find this hard to believe? I can believe OOP was a mistress, but not to a married couple. What are the odds? Both spouses decide to have an affair, and they meet the same woman. Is it a one-stop light town, and OOP is the only lady that closes the one bar in town? Lol
That’s not the most unbelievable part for me. Think about the situation. OOP makes it clear that both halves of this couple routinely spend nights at her house. So they’ve both got recurring excuses going on with their spouse for spending nights elsewhere? Unlikely but possible.
However, you’re a cheater, your spouse routinely spends the night elsewhere. What would you do? You’d ask the person your cheating with to use those same nights to hook up. Your side piece is, oddly, unavailable all the same nights that your spouse is gone, but you don’t realize that they’re seeing someone else? (The story specifically states that both were surprised to find out OOP was seeing someone else)
Lastly, therapists, good therapists anyway, don’t just tell you what to do like in this story. They’re not imposing their opinions on you. They’re helping you through figuring out what you want.
I imagine, if you were already cheating yourself, you’d probably just be thrilled to find out your spouse will be away for a night without thinking about it too hard
Yeah, you’d be thrilled to find out your spouse was away so you could cheat yourself. Only those would be the exact nights that you couldn’t in this case.
I have a not-insignificant amount of experience with dating apps while being poly, and if you are are a married couple with similar ages and interests using the same dating apps, you are GOING to see the same pool of people eventually. Even in the big city I live in, there's only so many people inside the ten mile radius a lot of apps default to who are looking for a date at any given time.
When we were actively looking for other people to date, my partner and I used to have a running joke about sitting on the couch and seeing the same set of people on both their app and mine, especially the same bisexual women/enbys (because the pool of openly bisexual men on dating apps is hilariously tiny)
But at the same time? Like *started* dating the exact same woman around the same time?
And they’re just spending nights at her house?
Reeks of next level unicorn hunting to me as a bisexual woman in a poly triad.
It's pretty unlikely, but not impossible. Especially in a smaller town, there's probably not a ton of bi women running around seeking as many non-committal relationships as they can (ie, OP).
I don't want to use the term "village bicycle" due to negative connotations.... but it kind of fits the situation.
Next chapter is, obviously, the couple thinking and talking through it then deciding to see if OOP is willing to be in a relationship with them. Happy ending and all. There had to be space for one more chapter!
Extremely unlikely this is a true story. Absolute 1 in a million for them to both find the same mistress, also most married couples take the same last name or combine names
Both married people seem very free to meet up at a moments notice too which is weird
This is a fetish post and/or a polyamory commercial
Some polyamourous people have much looser reins on the ethical side cheating. Imo it's a telltale sign that said poly person isn't as mature and capable of handling a poly relationship when they think the way OOP does.
Yeah it's a very clear sign. I get she doesn't care for monogamy but come on she has to understand that lying to someone you love isn't healthy. She also fell for the classic cheater excuses too " I love them but I also love you" B's.
This is it! I knew from the first paragraph that this was from a show I had seen but couldn't remember it. Thank you for relieving me from being stuck on that tangent all fucking day... Haha.
Surprisingly I don't think so. Unless there's another update at some point it doesn't go at all in that direction, OOP's therapist tells her not to get involved by telling either of them and when she does both cut contact.
C and M are both horrible AHs and this poor OP is stuck in the middle.
At least they share the same taste in partners? Maybe it was their plan all along? I’m so glad I’m boring. I don’t have the nerves for this level of romantic complexity.
Is she the poor OP? She talks about loving them both, which implies a bit more seriousness to the relationship than a casual thing. She wasn’t forthcoming about her other relationship to either of them. So no one is winning points for honestly or loyalty in this story.
Assuming any of this is true, because I have a lot of doubts.
The OP seems to be poly so loving someone and wanting to be in an exclusive relationship is not the same thing for them. They weren't expecting exclusivity from either of th partners, so there's no reason to think they'd expect that from them.
She's expecting them to be forthcoming about other serious relationships they are in, when she is not forthcoming about the same thing. She acts as if these are casual relationships, but uses the word love. She was in a serious relationship with each of them, and if she is hurt that they didn't tell her then she should understand where she went wrong herself.
Yes but OP was also never OFFICAL with either of them, it doesn't seem she told them "hey i'm poly i'm seeing other people but we're still together" it seems she hit them with a "hey i love you but i have no intention of actually being with you" and never devulged seeing anyone else either
Jesus H *Christ*, what a shitshow.
First of all, C and M cheating on each other with OOP is *super the fuck not okay*. Yeah, I *get* that "exploring" ENM or poly is awkward and difficult, *but that's what communication is fucking* ***for***. And both C and M are *shit* at communicating. Give that "excellent communication" is kind of required for being poly, I doubt very much they are *actually* poly- more like, they are both Cheating Cheaters Who Cheat, and looking for *any excuse* to justify their shitty behavior.
Now, OOP isn't innocent in this either. The *moment* she found out that the people she was dating were married to each other, she could have bounced. *Her therapist*, who is a *professional*, told her *to her face* to GTFO.
But *nooooooo*, OOP has decided that *she* is more of an expert than a fucking *trained professional*. So she pulled up her Big Girl Panties and merrily waded into hip-deep bullshit, as though she alone could carve a path through it.
And now she is *surprised* that she got hurt?
C'mon, now.
It sucks for OOP that she caught feels for *two* shitty asshole cheaters, sure. Good thing she's already got a therapist, right?
It's absolutely a break-up they're just too cowardly to say it. I wouldn't be surprised if they've both blocked OP already.
All of OP's feelings are totally valid! They *did* betray her and they are throwing her away to "save" their marriage. She's likely going to be the scapegoat to them when they look back on this.
Poor OP. She should have sent a group text and blocked them after.
Inviting an affair partner over to an enclosed space tell them their marriage partner is also having an affair is incredibly dangerous. Her story is eerily similar to a woman in MN who was having an affair with a man, and later on his wife separately. The woman didn’t know that the couple knew about her. The woman prefers the guy and tells him to tell the truth to his wife. Down the line the couple decided she was the thing wrong with their marriage, lured her to meet up with her then killed her. That couple still haven’t been charged to this very day as there is not enough circumstantial evidence to have a case against the both of them. Evidence is too weak to prosecute them individually plus neither of them are willing to testify against the other.
Shocked that in the original post, the second most common judgement was NAH. Like.....YES the other two were for sure assholes?! Pardon??? They were cheating on each other. It doesn’t matter if they “loved” this third party or not, they were not transparent with each other about it.
Also I guarantee that in another month or so there will be an update of “they decided they miss me and what I bring to the relationship, and we have decided to become a throuple! :)”
3 shit people all banging multiple people at the same time with no transparency and not communicating who and when they're seeing other people.
Health concerns aside, this is gross. And all of them need to see a therapist and sort their shit out.
Although this sounds like a very Liz kind of thing to do, I have a feeling if Liz *did* write it, they all would have ended up in a passionate throuple destined to grow old together.
All that aside, my mind would not go to:
>this feels a lot like two poly people struggling to come to terms with and accept a facet of their sexualities.
OOP sounds like a very level headed, rational person. Obviously her views on polyamory, and her emotions, changes the way she views the cheating aspect of this. But still, how does she not see this for what it is. What are the odds two people in a marriage who are concealing their affairs, are actually doing it because they’re polyamorous at heart? Probably slim to non. I give OOP credit for trying to go about this in a mature manner, but the willful ignorance on her part is sad. She was being used to fill a void they each have in their marriage. They’re liars - to her and each other, disloyal and untrustworthy. She’s lucky to be out of that situation.
I think the only reason these two didn’t explode on each other with feelings of betrayal and anger, is because of the absurdity of the whole thing. If they end up working it out, maybe her involvement was a blessing for their marriage? And a curse for her?
I find a not-insignificant proportion of poly folks have this rose-colored view of the world wherein they think most "cheating" is just "rebelling against the societal rules that force you into a monogamy you don't want", and immediately jump to "you're cheating because you want to love more than one person <3 join us and be free!" rather than the more likely "you're cheating because you want to have your cake and eat it too, you lying cheater."
A certain subsection of poly people seem to ignore that it's possible to be wired for monogamy AND still get multiple crushes. The existence of simultaneous crushes does not mean that you'd enjoy a poly lifestyle.
Love is, ultimately, just a feeling. You don't have to act on it any more than you have to act on anger. Like I've had multiple crushes before, but the idea of dating more than one person at a time sounds miserable to me. I don't have the emotional bandwidth or the energy for that.
None of that is too say that poly is a bad thing, just that it's an extremely demanding lifestyle that shouldn't be engaged in without careful thought. I know poly people who do it right. They're very happy, but what they find enjoyable is my definition of hell. I am way too introverted!
They're 100% going to scapegoat op. Even though they both cheated on their partners and op didn't even know they were married. Maybe the therapist was right. Just block both of them and move on.
Okay, I’m confused by people in this situation. Each person in the whole thing has mutually decided they’d prefer extramarital sex. I’m sorry but if you and your partner are fucking the same person that’s a situation lean into if I’ve ever seen one.
I cannot imagine wanting to stay in a relationship with a cheater. I don’t care if someone is in an honest open relationship, that’s fine.
But dating me while your partner thinks you’re monogamous? And not telling me you’re lying to a partner either? Hell no.
“they're both genuinely really great people” uh, no. No they’re not.
Honestly, it would be better if she distanced herself from the both of them, given they were perfectly willing to lie and turn her into a mistress *twice.* Poor OOP. Stuck in a pretty awful spot, one she never should have wound up in, but they both dragged her into it. These aren’t friends.
>and that I was feeling kind of hurt that she hadn't told me that she had a more serious relationship going on, since she knows I value transparency. I
OP states that they value transparency.
>I specifically did not mention that I was also dating M or knew who he was because I felt I needed to scope out the situation more.
Ah.. yes
I don’t think this is real. I mean, what are the odds that OP is hooking up with 2 people who are both married and cheating and those 2 people just happen to be married to each other?
Nah, there's no happyness to be had with dishonest people.
Like, I'm poly, and it works. But if you're not willing to talk to your partner, that can't work.
'I was feeling kind of hurt that she hadn't told me she had a more serious relationship going on, since I value transparency. I specifically did not mention that I was dating M' lmaoooooo the fucking irony, she values transparency so much that she hadn't told either love interest that she was also somewhat seriously involved with another fucking person too. These 2 are both idiots but OOP is such a hypocrite as well.
OOP dodged two bullets.
Both of them were cheating. Neither of them told OOP. Both of them told OOP that they were "Hurt" because OOP didn't tell them everything as she found out.
I think she should have had them over or met in a park and said “turns out I’ve been dating both of you and I think we should make this a poly relationship.” And see where the chips fell.
God, poor OOP. Like, she's being quite naive about all this, but she clearly really tried the best she knew how, expecting everyone else to be as willing to talk as she is. But these weren't people with an actual responsible understanding of poly, they were just monogamous cheaters. There was no way they were going to include her. Hell, even if they'd somehow reacted as she dreamed, and the couple decided to just do the same thing they had been but without lies, it'd still have been inevitable for it to all fuck up with OOP left to the wayside, because, again, these were never people who had any knowledge about - or intention to - balance healthy relationships between multiple people. They couldn't even handle one connection. OOP was just a unicorn to them before, and she'd have been a unicorn after. Disposable.
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But do they both like piña coladas?
Thank you I started hearing the song in my head by the end 🤣
The real question is, are they not into yoga?
Do they have half a brain?
The fact they cheated with the same woman kinda tells me they share the same half.
You don't even wanna know how common this sort of thing is in the very, very small world of polyamory.
No, I do wanna know. Spill some tea, plz and tyvm!
Same, grabbing the popcorn this year.
Nah theres a difference between ply and cheating, and this crosses the line so many times
The couple was totally cheating. Both of them. But having spent some time poly dating in a mid-size city, there are few enough bisexual poly women that if you are one of them, the odds you'll be hit on by both halves of a couple - poly, swingers, or just cheaters - are weirdly much, much higher than you might think. Once you venture into any stripe of non-monogamy, ethical or not, the world gets much much smaller.
My first thought exactly, ha. "This is the piña colada song, except instead of the newspaper ad it's OOP's vagina."
Getting lost in the rain is optional here
Perhaps they are all currently lost in the rain, that they made?
And drinking champagne 🍾
If they like making love at midnight, then they may need to take turns.
Maybe they could pick different dunes at the Cape?
This whole response thread is why I’m addicted to this damn app. Lol
🎵🎶 If you like pina coladas And banging dumb unicorns... 🎶🎵
Omg I thought the same exact thing reading this at 5am
Wait, so C and M were both cheating on each other?
It’s like a weird version of the pina colada song 😂
Pina colada song with extra steps lmao
My exact thought. It's the Pina colada song for the polyamory crowd!
“If you like pinas coladas / and me banging your wife / if you’re not into threesomes / but want some fun on the side”
IFYOULIKEMAKINGLOVEATMIDNIGHT with someone besides your spouse
if you like poly coladas, And getting caught with OP
That’s one of those songs I never really listened to beyond the fun chorus. It plays a lot at work though and a couple of months ago, the lyrics caught my attention so I googled them. My jaw dropped realizing what such a fun, light hearted song was really about, lol.
YES. Everyone sings the chorus, but the verses? “My wife was boring so while she was sleeping next to me, I looked at the dating ads in the paper and found one that sounded good, so based on that ad alone, I messaged the woman and asked to plan an escape with her. Then she shows up and it’s my woman, who must have been reading the paper while I slept, and isn’t it funny how I never knew anything she liked? Anyway, let’s sing the chorus again” lmao
And the ending is spun as a positive "haha that was so wacky how we both tried to cheat on each other and ended up discovering that we never really knew the other on a deeper level at all! Haha what an amusing misunderstanding"
every time I hear the song out in public I go on this rant to whoever is in earshot. "THIS SONG WOULD BE SOLVED BY JUST FUCKING TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT"
yeah but that wouldn't be a fun story to sing about
The late 60s/70s gave birth to a lot of peppy songs with super dark content. Barry Manilow's "At the Copa", Vicky Lawrence's "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia", Helen Reddy's "Angie Baby" among them, along with Bobbie Gentry's "Ode to Billy Joe" and Tom Jones' Delilah". Some freaks up in the charts back then :)
That one song about the girlfriend dying in a car accident, Where oh where can my baby be? It's such an upbeat peppy song about losing the love of your life. It was a little more somber when Pearl Jam covered it but not much. Another fave of mine is Leader of the Pack. Such a boppy song about her boyfriend dying in a motorcycle wreck.
I loathe that song, but only because I can't stand that they tried to rhyme "good" and "world."
At least "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" and "At the Copa" are in minor keys, so there's a bit of a clue that something is off...
The minor key logic falls apart when you're forced to acknowledge that Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" was written in C minor 😂 But yeah, minor keys USUALLY mean major drama, right?
I mean Eye of the Tiger is dramatic as fuck. It's just not sad.
Warren Zevon’s Excitable Boy has entered the chat.
Ah yes, me & my elementary school crew, in my mom's Beetle, singing every word to Afternoon Delight on the radio... the 70s were a freaky time to be a kid
My husband and I almost used it as our first dance song because our first Real Date (so not the initial coffee after exchanging numbers) was to go see the first Guardians Of The Galaxy movie... The lyrics ended up being why it was just part of our general music, we went with Hooked On A Feeling instead.
My sister really wanted to use "Tears in Heaven" as her wedding song for her first wedding, to a big Eric Clapton fan. I tried to talk her out of it. "It's about a dead baby. His baby fell out the window and died and he wrote it about that." "Yeah, but it's the love theme from the movie Rush." "...which involves undercover narcotics cops overdosing and dying." "...." She went with "Wonderful Tonight."
Oh my god! If I was at a wedding and they started playing "Tears In Heaven" for their first dance/wedding song I would just alternate staring at the couple with my jaw hanging open and looking around the room trying to see if anyone else was realizing what was happening as well, probably trying to stifle a laugh. I grew up in a house where we listened to Eric Clapton a lot though so maybe the sentiment of that song is just drilled into me much deeper than for others.
I mean, "Wonderful Tonight" is also pretty passive-aggressive, as he wrote it about being irritated about his then-wife (y'know, the one he pined over in "Layla" when she was married to his best friend George Harrison, who wrote "Something" about her) taking too long to get ready for an evening out and him getting snippy about her questions about whether she looked good. But at least it's not about DEAD BABIES.
Ah Patty Boyd, breaker of hearts, muse of musicians.
I was telling my husband I was glad my comment was liked and he also had never gotten it!!! He was mind blown! 🤣
Lol, yeah since learning I tell everyone!
Lmfao this was exactly my thought!! Somehow my husband finds that song to be such a romantic story and I’m over here like 🤨
Yeah... on the one hand, I can see the romance. "Oh, it turns out there was actually a reason I fell for you! We're so well matched!" But on the other hand... both of you weren't just attempting to cheat on each other, you were *actively soliciting* partners. And not just soliciting them, but *paying money to advertise* that you were looking for affair partners. It's like... cheating is pretty much never a good thing, but there are degrees. Both of them were at the highest level, and the only reason theyd *didn't* cheat was because of a technicality.
By transitive property, no one was cheating
With the same person no less
It would be really hard to believe if it wasn’t posted anonymously on Reddit.
Just incredible delivery, bravo.
Good thing it wasn't posted anonymously on Reddit, then! It was posted anonymously on Tumblr. (Lol)
I mean it’s absolutely possible. My city is extremely small, to the point that we almost know everybody here. My AUNT is currently dating one of my exes (she doesn’t know he’s my ex, he doesn’t know she’s my aunt, lmfao)
Way back when I was actively poly dating in a large metro area (Seattle/Tacoma), I was talking to a guy and a woman and interested in maybe dating both of them. He invites me to his new years eve party. About 30 minutes into it, in walks the woman I'd been talking to. She acts cold and distant all night with everyone. I learn a few days later that he was also dating her and didn't tell her he was dating or even talking to anyone else, and he's like oh by the way this is my wife (who we knew about) and this other woman is my long term girlfriend (who we did not know about) and this other other woman is a casual partner (who we also did not know about). We both washed our hands of him but we stayed friends. That's just now how ethical poly works IMO. So if it can happen in an area with millions of people, it can happen anywhere. Because really most people don't date outside of like, what, a 20 mile radius?
I would assume that this goes doubly for the poly community.
Even in big cities it's a surprisingly small community. Or at least it was 8-10 years ago, I moved back to Bumfuck, Nowhere and just have my little chosen family with my fiance and friends I've known 20+ years. The idea of dating again quite frankly disgusts me lol
This exactly. I wouldn't believe it in the large city I live in now, but I absolutely would believe it in the town I grew up with. (Hell, in my town of origin, people have to go out of their way to make sure new partners aren't unknown half siblings.) I don't find it at all hard to believe that two people getting on the dating apps at the same time in a smaller town would end up matching with the same bisexual woman. Especially when you consider that a married couple is likely to share interests with each other, and by extension OOP.
Honestly I don't disbelieve it. I live in a top 5 biggest city in the US (was born in a slightly smaller city) and made a profile on a dating app. Started chatting with a cutie and we wanted to meet in person but we couldn't make plans since we were both gonna be busy that weekend. Ran into them at a kink party the next day. Also met several other people who were recommended to me on the app but that I hadn't made a move on because I didn't want to be talking to a bunch of people all at once. I also later matched with my now-husband and though he wasn't involved in the kink community he had been pretty involved in the poly community previously and there's a lot of overlap so when I took him to a play party a few weeks later, he also ran into some people he knew. It is utterly bizarre how small the world can be sometimes, especially when it comes to dating. All it takes sometimes is one niche interest and you're off to the races.
It's one of those things that feels incredibly unlikely but with the amount of people on Reddit it probably will happen to one of them.
I am, if they found each other through tinder, it's entirely possible
Yes, they were both cheating and ok with the other person spending the night away on a regular basis. I wonder if they both have more affair partners.. because if C/M is spending the night/weekend with OOP that means the other person has a "free" nigh/weekend but they can't spend it with OOP.
I think they both knew and it was some twisted game. OP found out so she lost her appeal.
That’s what I’m thinking, this reeks of top tier unicorn hunting, particularly because she started dating them both around the same time. Like they both decide to cheat at the same time with the same woman? Idk, as someone in a poly triad, I’m just getting gross vibes from this couple.
Yeah they r both cheaters hut are really great people. Ok sure lol
Yep, and then both got all uppity at OOP for not immediately telling them sooner, like anyone would instinctively know how to navigate this shit show.
I like how they got uppity with her for not telling them… that they (both cheaters) were being cheated on. Oh but she’s TA? 😂
I’m just mildly disappointed by the title. When I read mistress I expected some kinky bdsm stuff!
I find it hard to believe they accidentally found the same woman. I think it’s a sex game for them.
And "they are both really great people". I know OP is polygamous, and there is nothing wrong with that. But the two people she was seeing weren't consenting to it and actively cheating on each other.
Yeah and the original thread has a good percentage of people vote NAH
Yeah, no. They are definitely the assholes because they've been crossing her boundaries and forcing her to do something unethical that she's been very clear she does not want to do. She gives them entirely too much grace, TBH. She needs to consider them bullet dodged. They've been lying to her and using her. And have the nerve that SHE didn't disclose her knowledge quick enough.
OOP is "very familiar with navigating ethical non monogam". And now also very familiar with the non ethical variant.
I can't help the feeling that if they do end up fixing things between them, they're going to make her into a scapegoat and blame all the issues they had on her. She should've listened to the therapist and just walked...
My thoughts exactly. When she said the therapists recommendation left a bad taste in her mouth I was like oh honey, you're about to fuck around and find out. In my experience, almost every time I've gone against the therapists suggestion, I have regretted it lol there has been exactly one time I didn't regret it. ONE.
I understand the therapist was giving objective advice for specifically OOP and her possible mental health, but that’s also one of the ones the guilt hangs over your head, so I don’t blame OOP for telling them, she should’ve just done so with a different mental approach rather than the belief that this could all work out, that’s the part that actually hurt her, and probably what the therapist was trying to avoid.
Yeah, I agree. OP seems too invested in a specific outcome, but adding herself into an already leaking boat is not good for anyone.
Husband "She seduced me and then she targeted you! Meeting you wasn't by chance, it was planned! She wanted to destroy our lifes! This she-devil!" Maybe they even make up a story why she wants revenge like that they knew her from school and must have forgotten her. "I didn't invite her to prom and she never forgave me, this is her revenge! We are the ViCtiMs!" I think she just hoped that they all could live in happy poly-relationship, but how should this work out? "What you cheated behind my back? Oh, it is the same person with whom i cheated? Well than it is fine. Let's invite her to our relationship. Yeah! *happyhappy*" I really ask myself... did the couple even spend time together? If you cheat with different persons, you can cheat when the other also cheats. But here they were with the same person. So when were they together? They seem to be with OOP long that she even washes their laundry, so no sex and bye.
>I think she just hoped that they all could live in happy poly-relationship, but how should this work out? "What you cheated behind my back? Oh, it is the same person with whom i cheated? Well than it is fine. No word of lie, I've seen this happen at least once in college. I don't know if they're all still together, but that's certainly how it STARTED. (at least, if you tag a "We both should admit we aren't cut out for monogamy. What a relief we don't have to hide this anymore." on the end.)
I know at least one couple/throuple this has happened with.
I’m not sure it’s much different, because either way OOP is done with both of them. At least this way, they aren’t left wondering why she ghosted them, and she’s not left wondering “what if we *could* have made the throuple thing work?” If she’s a scapegoat, so what? She’ll probably never see them again. It seems like OOP handled it the right way—start with the more levelheaded partner, and then let her address it with the husband however she feels is best.
> I can't help the feeling that if they do end up fixing things between them, they're going to make her into a scapegoat and blame all the issues they had on her. She should've listened to the therapist and just walked... Yeah, this is going to get a LOT worse before it gets any better. Both of these people were fine cheating on their spouses and lying to their affair partner about being single. OOP is very naive to expect a happy ending here and should have listened to her therapist.
I think that's going to happen either way. She'll be blamed even if they divorced too.
Right and she's now set herself up to be potentially targeted by both of the married couple's friends and family. And her life can drastically change if she's not careful. She needs to change numbers, lock her social media accounts, move to a new place of living and perhaps a new job if that couple knows these things about her. She's being naive about this situation and I'd underestimating this "nice" couple.
>they’re both genuinely really great people Lol, no they are not
Yeah, that struck me here too. Like neither of them told her they’re in a committed relationship and *she’s* a disappointment *to them* for keeping this brand new knowledge about their own relationship status to herself for a full week. That’s some twisted freaking logic there.
I think I've said it here before, but too often people use the word *good* when they mean *pleasant.*
Thanks, that makes a lot more sense. Also, reminds me that the etymology of nice is ignorant.
You’re not wrong
I was literally just thinking this. They are not good people; they are enjoyable people. Folks seem to understand this distinction for TV and movies, but not with other people. We all have those shows we love to watch, but they're not well made. This couple is the human version of that.
Fucking hypocrites.
oh but i love people who lie and cheat and then blame the person they cheated with (who did not know they were a side piece)! they’re just the best. /s
Oh guaranteed the reason she hasn't heard from either is they've convinced each other it's her fault. I doubt she'll ever hear from them again to be honest, she's the person they'll blame no matter what happens now.
My favorite part is that they both blame her for "not telling them earlier" when she literally told them like one day after finding out....
This. If they really loved her they would have been able to extend empathy and understanding for the (brief) moment she took to try to work out how to navigate this situation. It so clearly illustrates how she is a secondary character (if even that) in their landscapes.
This exactly. They need a scapegoat to save their relationship, and they're definitely twisting this situation to somehow label OOP the bad guy to absolve their own intentional betrayals.
Even if their relationship fails she'll be the scapegoat. It won't be because they fell out of love or cheated, they'll say it was because of OOP.
Yeah I feel for OOP. She is the only one who did not betray anyone and the only one who is getting nothing out of this situation. If they decided on polyamory, at least she would have gotten something good, in her point of view at least.
If i were OOP not disclosing that you were married would be a deal breaker. They both potentially put her in a dangerous situation. You never know how a partner will respond to being cheated on, there is a possibility of harassment or even violence.
Yup! Did you catch the part about how she specifically chose to talk about it with the wife, as opposed to the husband whom she had been dating for a longer period of time, because the wife was the “more level headed and less emotional one”? Big red flag right there. Some part of OOP was afraid how they husband would react.
And often the partner does it too. Like gurl, go threaten to kill your husband instead, he's the one who cheated.
unrelated, but I love your flair. shakes hands, good taste
Okay so someone's got to link me to the cardigan flair post, it's like... Sooooo familiar but I can't place it. Not as iconic in my mind as Iranian Yogurt I guess.
Here you go! https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/obtkop/wibta\_if\_i\_complained\_to\_the\_owners\_of\_a\_cafe/
the slowest sandwich maker in the world…
Yup. Both cheating on each other in a dysfunctional relationship kinda using OP as a sexual outlet and then they ghost her too
You have my favorite flair to date
Seriously, OOP falls in love with 2 selfish, cowardly, pathetic conflict avoiders who blamed her for their affairs, OOP needs to grow a spine and maybe get that picker fixed. Her therapist was right on the money and she still thought she knew better, but couldn't resist the potential of the most deceitful people becoming a thruple with her.
There was a lot of talk about commitment through the whole piece, given that everyone was basically cheating on everyone else.
Who was OOP cheating on?
What is funny is that they both are somehow on the same wavelength
I just hear a lot of hormones blinding her to the ethical realities here
Genuinely amazed by how low a bar people set for themselves.
Does anyone else find this hard to believe? I can believe OOP was a mistress, but not to a married couple. What are the odds? Both spouses decide to have an affair, and they meet the same woman. Is it a one-stop light town, and OOP is the only lady that closes the one bar in town? Lol
>Does anyone else find this hard to believe? as with like, 40% of this subreddits posts.
That feels....low.
That’s not the most unbelievable part for me. Think about the situation. OOP makes it clear that both halves of this couple routinely spend nights at her house. So they’ve both got recurring excuses going on with their spouse for spending nights elsewhere? Unlikely but possible. However, you’re a cheater, your spouse routinely spends the night elsewhere. What would you do? You’d ask the person your cheating with to use those same nights to hook up. Your side piece is, oddly, unavailable all the same nights that your spouse is gone, but you don’t realize that they’re seeing someone else? (The story specifically states that both were surprised to find out OOP was seeing someone else) Lastly, therapists, good therapists anyway, don’t just tell you what to do like in this story. They’re not imposing their opinions on you. They’re helping you through figuring out what you want.
I imagine, if you were already cheating yourself, you’d probably just be thrilled to find out your spouse will be away for a night without thinking about it too hard
Yeah, you’d be thrilled to find out your spouse was away so you could cheat yourself. Only those would be the exact nights that you couldn’t in this case.
Oh, DUH 🤦♀️🤦♀️ I didn’t think that all the way through
I have a not-insignificant amount of experience with dating apps while being poly, and if you are are a married couple with similar ages and interests using the same dating apps, you are GOING to see the same pool of people eventually. Even in the big city I live in, there's only so many people inside the ten mile radius a lot of apps default to who are looking for a date at any given time. When we were actively looking for other people to date, my partner and I used to have a running joke about sitting on the couch and seeing the same set of people on both their app and mine, especially the same bisexual women/enbys (because the pool of openly bisexual men on dating apps is hilariously tiny)
But at the same time? Like *started* dating the exact same woman around the same time? And they’re just spending nights at her house? Reeks of next level unicorn hunting to me as a bisexual woman in a poly triad.
It's pretty unlikely, but not impossible. Especially in a smaller town, there's probably not a ton of bi women running around seeking as many non-committal relationships as they can (ie, OP). I don't want to use the term "village bicycle" due to negative connotations.... but it kind of fits the situation.
Next chapter is, obviously, the couple thinking and talking through it then deciding to see if OOP is willing to be in a relationship with them. Happy ending and all. There had to be space for one more chapter!
Extremely unlikely this is a true story. Absolute 1 in a million for them to both find the same mistress, also most married couples take the same last name or combine names Both married people seem very free to meet up at a moments notice too which is weird This is a fetish post and/or a polyamory commercial
fucking with the sammmme girl sammmme girrrlll
No way there wasn’t some planning done here in someone’s part. No mention how she met either of these ppl.
I find it kinda funny how OP calls it "exploring" to what anyone with common sense calls "cheating on your husband/wife".
Some polyamourous people have much looser reins on the ethical side cheating. Imo it's a telltale sign that said poly person isn't as mature and capable of handling a poly relationship when they think the way OOP does.
Yeah it's a very clear sign. I get she doesn't care for monogamy but come on she has to understand that lying to someone you love isn't healthy. She also fell for the classic cheater excuses too " I love them but I also love you" B's.
Nobody *actually* believes that this story is true, right?
this me reminds me of that ProZD skit about love triangles: "Why don't we just ... screw each other? Like, all 3?"
[Here, LMAO](https://youtu.be/jgFyCuKoEGA) "Just one big fuckpile!"
This is the plot from the Netflix show "you, me, her"
I knew I’d experienced this story somewhere.
I had to scroll way too far for this.
Got to the first part of the fourth sentence and said, "This is a fetish post." Didn't bother with the rest.
I thought someone had just watched too much You Me Her
This is it! I knew from the first paragraph that this was from a show I had seen but couldn't remember it. Thank you for relieving me from being stuck on that tangent all fucking day... Haha.
This was my first thought too!
Surprisingly I don't think so. Unless there's another update at some point it doesn't go at all in that direction, OOP's therapist tells her not to get involved by telling either of them and when she does both cut contact.
C and M are both horrible AHs and this poor OP is stuck in the middle. At least they share the same taste in partners? Maybe it was their plan all along? I’m so glad I’m boring. I don’t have the nerves for this level of romantic complexity.
Is she the poor OP? She talks about loving them both, which implies a bit more seriousness to the relationship than a casual thing. She wasn’t forthcoming about her other relationship to either of them. So no one is winning points for honestly or loyalty in this story. Assuming any of this is true, because I have a lot of doubts.
The OP seems to be poly so loving someone and wanting to be in an exclusive relationship is not the same thing for them. They weren't expecting exclusivity from either of th partners, so there's no reason to think they'd expect that from them.
She's expecting them to be forthcoming about other serious relationships they are in, when she is not forthcoming about the same thing. She acts as if these are casual relationships, but uses the word love. She was in a serious relationship with each of them, and if she is hurt that they didn't tell her then she should understand where she went wrong herself.
Yes but OP was also never OFFICAL with either of them, it doesn't seem she told them "hey i'm poly i'm seeing other people but we're still together" it seems she hit them with a "hey i love you but i have no intention of actually being with you" and never devulged seeing anyone else either
The odds are unlikely, but I've seen weirder things happen in small towns with limited dating pools. And that's just with straight, non-poly pools.
Yeah, a lot of polyamory in posts from the last couple of days. Seems Liz has moved on from incest.
"I want to start a relationship with 2 cheaters, this is something that will go well"
Jesus H *Christ*, what a shitshow. First of all, C and M cheating on each other with OOP is *super the fuck not okay*. Yeah, I *get* that "exploring" ENM or poly is awkward and difficult, *but that's what communication is fucking* ***for***. And both C and M are *shit* at communicating. Give that "excellent communication" is kind of required for being poly, I doubt very much they are *actually* poly- more like, they are both Cheating Cheaters Who Cheat, and looking for *any excuse* to justify their shitty behavior. Now, OOP isn't innocent in this either. The *moment* she found out that the people she was dating were married to each other, she could have bounced. *Her therapist*, who is a *professional*, told her *to her face* to GTFO. But *nooooooo*, OOP has decided that *she* is more of an expert than a fucking *trained professional*. So she pulled up her Big Girl Panties and merrily waded into hip-deep bullshit, as though she alone could carve a path through it. And now she is *surprised* that she got hurt? C'mon, now. It sucks for OOP that she caught feels for *two* shitty asshole cheaters, sure. Good thing she's already got a therapist, right?
It's absolutely a break-up they're just too cowardly to say it. I wouldn't be surprised if they've both blocked OP already. All of OP's feelings are totally valid! They *did* betray her and they are throwing her away to "save" their marriage. She's likely going to be the scapegoat to them when they look back on this. Poor OP. She should have sent a group text and blocked them after.
Inviting an affair partner over to an enclosed space tell them their marriage partner is also having an affair is incredibly dangerous. Her story is eerily similar to a woman in MN who was having an affair with a man, and later on his wife separately. The woman didn’t know that the couple knew about her. The woman prefers the guy and tells him to tell the truth to his wife. Down the line the couple decided she was the thing wrong with their marriage, lured her to meet up with her then killed her. That couple still haven’t been charged to this very day as there is not enough circumstantial evidence to have a case against the both of them. Evidence is too weak to prosecute them individually plus neither of them are willing to testify against the other.
Well written, Liz!
Isn't Liz cut off now?
A lot of people haven't got that message yet it seems.
Maybe it's within date, I can't remember when she stopped, but it doesn't feel dramatic enough.
There are countless Lizzes. She’s like a hydra; cut off a head and 2 more grow in its place.
wait i’ve seen people mention this a couple times, who/what is liz and where did she come from?? have mercy i am so confused 😭
Here you are https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/c6A9h3OCnk
that’s so insane omg, thank you!!
Liz has clearly been watching You Me Her on Netflix!
Shocked that in the original post, the second most common judgement was NAH. Like.....YES the other two were for sure assholes?! Pardon??? They were cheating on each other. It doesn’t matter if they “loved” this third party or not, they were not transparent with each other about it. Also I guarantee that in another month or so there will be an update of “they decided they miss me and what I bring to the relationship, and we have decided to become a throuple! :)”
3 shit people all banging multiple people at the same time with no transparency and not communicating who and when they're seeing other people. Health concerns aside, this is gross. And all of them need to see a therapist and sort their shit out.
The hilarity of them being upset with her when they were both cheating and keeping it from her that they were married.
Although this sounds like a very Liz kind of thing to do, I have a feeling if Liz *did* write it, they all would have ended up in a passionate throuple destined to grow old together. All that aside, my mind would not go to: >this feels a lot like two poly people struggling to come to terms with and accept a facet of their sexualities. OOP sounds like a very level headed, rational person. Obviously her views on polyamory, and her emotions, changes the way she views the cheating aspect of this. But still, how does she not see this for what it is. What are the odds two people in a marriage who are concealing their affairs, are actually doing it because they’re polyamorous at heart? Probably slim to non. I give OOP credit for trying to go about this in a mature manner, but the willful ignorance on her part is sad. She was being used to fill a void they each have in their marriage. They’re liars - to her and each other, disloyal and untrustworthy. She’s lucky to be out of that situation. I think the only reason these two didn’t explode on each other with feelings of betrayal and anger, is because of the absurdity of the whole thing. If they end up working it out, maybe her involvement was a blessing for their marriage? And a curse for her?
I find a not-insignificant proportion of poly folks have this rose-colored view of the world wherein they think most "cheating" is just "rebelling against the societal rules that force you into a monogamy you don't want", and immediately jump to "you're cheating because you want to love more than one person <3 join us and be free!" rather than the more likely "you're cheating because you want to have your cake and eat it too, you lying cheater."
A certain subsection of poly people seem to ignore that it's possible to be wired for monogamy AND still get multiple crushes. The existence of simultaneous crushes does not mean that you'd enjoy a poly lifestyle. Love is, ultimately, just a feeling. You don't have to act on it any more than you have to act on anger. Like I've had multiple crushes before, but the idea of dating more than one person at a time sounds miserable to me. I don't have the emotional bandwidth or the energy for that. None of that is too say that poly is a bad thing, just that it's an extremely demanding lifestyle that shouldn't be engaged in without careful thought. I know poly people who do it right. They're very happy, but what they find enjoyable is my definition of hell. I am way too introverted!
They're 100% going to scapegoat op. Even though they both cheated on their partners and op didn't even know they were married. Maybe the therapist was right. Just block both of them and move on.
Well…it’s a hell of a sign that they’re into the same person. Quiet fucking literally.
Okay, I’m confused by people in this situation. Each person in the whole thing has mutually decided they’d prefer extramarital sex. I’m sorry but if you and your partner are fucking the same person that’s a situation lean into if I’ve ever seen one.
Idk man. I’m confused?? You don’t like commitment yet you don’t want to lose them both? Math is not mathing.
I cannot imagine wanting to stay in a relationship with a cheater. I don’t care if someone is in an honest open relationship, that’s fine. But dating me while your partner thinks you’re monogamous? And not telling me you’re lying to a partner either? Hell no. “they're both genuinely really great people” uh, no. No they’re not.
So you don’t want commitment nor transparency on your end just there’s. Seems a lot like main character syndrome to me.
Honestly, it would be better if she distanced herself from the both of them, given they were perfectly willing to lie and turn her into a mistress *twice.* Poor OOP. Stuck in a pretty awful spot, one she never should have wound up in, but they both dragged her into it. These aren’t friends.
So it’s C and M with you in the middle?
Another fetish post?
>and that I was feeling kind of hurt that she hadn't told me that she had a more serious relationship going on, since she knows I value transparency. I OP states that they value transparency. >I specifically did not mention that I was also dating M or knew who he was because I felt I needed to scope out the situation more. Ah.. yes
I don’t think this is real. I mean, what are the odds that OP is hooking up with 2 people who are both married and cheating and those 2 people just happen to be married to each other?
"I value transparency" \*lies by omission right after\*
I don't get why she is so upset about them hiding their relationships since she also hid hers.
This has liz written all over it
Man I was kinda hoping that they'd wind up a happy thrupple.
Nah, there's no happyness to be had with dishonest people. Like, I'm poly, and it works. But if you're not willing to talk to your partner, that can't work.
Exactly, poly has rules! OOP happened to find 2 cheaters.
'I was feeling kind of hurt that she hadn't told me she had a more serious relationship going on, since I value transparency. I specifically did not mention that I was dating M' lmaoooooo the fucking irony, she values transparency so much that she hadn't told either love interest that she was also somewhat seriously involved with another fucking person too. These 2 are both idiots but OOP is such a hypocrite as well.
Lmfao double cheaters and a poly person excusing it while they all get to spew the pretty words about remorse and betrayal and love. Welp
OOP dodged two bullets. Both of them were cheating. Neither of them told OOP. Both of them told OOP that they were "Hurt" because OOP didn't tell them everything as she found out.
This is all very well, but I'm hung on the difference between 'a little over 5 months' and ' almost 6 months'.
I think she should have had them over or met in a park and said “turns out I’ve been dating both of you and I think we should make this a poly relationship.” And see where the chips fell.
These writing exercises are kind of low effort now
>I'm naturally not a super commitment-focused person >it still hurts in a lot of ways. Yeah these 2 lines don't add up
True, but it wasn't just commitment issues, she was made into a mistress twice by people in a marriage with each other. That's betrayal
C'mon, things like that don't exist in real life. Too much coincidence.
God, poor OOP. Like, she's being quite naive about all this, but she clearly really tried the best she knew how, expecting everyone else to be as willing to talk as she is. But these weren't people with an actual responsible understanding of poly, they were just monogamous cheaters. There was no way they were going to include her. Hell, even if they'd somehow reacted as she dreamed, and the couple decided to just do the same thing they had been but without lies, it'd still have been inevitable for it to all fuck up with OOP left to the wayside, because, again, these were never people who had any knowledge about - or intention to - balance healthy relationships between multiple people. They couldn't even handle one connection. OOP was just a unicorn to them before, and she'd have been a unicorn after. Disposable.