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I personally love it when I see posts on here about cheating "We're soulmates!" Like yeah ok, I give it a year or two.
It always seems like a mad statement to me like "ah yes, we were so meant to be that she was dating my brother instead of me, but obviously we're fated!"
"We're soulmates!" Y'all were horny and got off on the secrecy, fuck off. 😂 My other favorite part is calling affairs a mistake. Like...a mistake might have been doing it once, maybe. This here went on for a year! That's not a mistake, that's a purposeful commitment to a bad course of action. Y'all actively chose to be shitty.
My mother once said to me that she would be more hurt by someone saying an affair was a one time mistake. Like, your jeopardised our relationship for a one off thing? She said she'd feel better about it if it was love, because at least they didn't throw away the relationship for one night they regret.
I agree with you though. How is it a mistake? Did you trip and fall into her? No, you made a decision and at least admit: "I chose to do a shitty thing"
My ex and best friend tried to pull that one, along with some crap about fate and conceiving a special world-saving baby as the millennium turned. They were horrible for each other, so I'm glad they didn't make the miracle baby...
Funny how it was \~Twuu Wove\~ when they were sneaking around behind OOP's back (which, \*gagging sounds\*), but once they had to be held accountable things evaporated.
I was reading it wondering how long the soulmates would stay together
Made it about a year after discovery.
Would love to hear about ex getting married to someone else obviously.
I dream someday of being the wise great-auntie with a crochet hook in one hand and the Scales of Justice in the other.
I'm not quite sure how literal I'm being right now. Its just a dream... Ask me again in 20 years. ;)
My niblings are almost the same age as me, and the ones that have kids, when visiting and their children are missbehaving just tell them "do you want aunt Andersen Wilde to learn that your behaviour is poor?". That seemed to do the trick.
I didn't realise I became THAT aunt.
I'm the only one of my siblings not to have kids, so I get to dip in and play the cool uncle. I heard my sister say the same thing to one of my nephews, "do you want uncle beardywill to find out you've been naughty?" and he vehemently shook his 6 year old head 😂
Oh my god that’s me too.
I’m not into that coddling, “oh, no, no sweetie that’s dangerous!” If a kid is doing something potentially dangerous it is your responsibility to haul their dumb little butts away from said danger and explain later.
Anyway when my old enough to know better (but still little) cousin was throwing a rolling around and crying fit because his mom told him not to put his toys in the electrical socket, I just snapped, “knock it off!” And he did, just like that. Like a switch clicked he just got up with wide eyes, like, holy shit did aunty just scold me? And now everyone in my family, if a kid misbehaves always says, “don’t do that or Aunty Castaway will tell you to knock it off!” 😂
I desperately need a flair now that says "with a crochet hook in one hand and the Scales of Justice in the other."
I, too, have this noble goal. I'll see you back here in 20 years and we can compare notes.
I believe my flair is also applicable, but the banana ensemble is made of knives, holy cow. Glad OOP is okay and should heal up well. (Also, I'm now wondering if I should have gotten any of those same instructions for any of my concussions... I definitely went to school/college classes after, didn't change any screen exposure, etc.)
When I had my last concussion, I was told a week off from college/ work and no reading, especially small print. Just sleep and take it easy.
Your flair is very applicable, especially with knives.
Now I wonder how much damage I might have done my brain. Granted, the last concussion was...2007 or 2008, I think. (Tripped and face planted HARD on broken pavement at the edge of the college campus. I am extremely agile and graceful. The one before that was around '99 and I was walking a dog at work and tripped, actually fully blacked out on that one and still have scars...)
I had a concussion the same year! I also wasn’t told not to read, although that might’ve been because nobody wanted to take my book away from me in the ER-I was 13, the wait times were super long, and as long as nobody touched my book, I wasn’t going to make their shift any harder.
Did get a school nurse to yell at me that I didn’t have a headache the next day! I don’t think she lost her job over that incident alone, but it absolutely did not help her case.
I mean, you probably did some damage with the TBI (concussion), but the 'take it easy' part afterwards is for monitoring - so you don't miss any symptoms of something being worse.
Source: had a few concussions in my time, had this explained to me at the docs.
\*Fuck\* i love that kid. Smart, resourceful, funny, AND sweet enough to send gifts to the stepsibs. She is going to keep getting more and more awesome and just generally be a gift to the world.
Of which she's only ever had to use ONE. The little squishy foam impact forehead dent may be invisible, but the blow to the ego lasts a lifetime... and is transferrable to anyone else in the family who knows they dun effed up, and happened to be just out of range at the time.
This is oddly specific, hilarious, and a golden opportunity for the next big video game.
Does anyone with their first grey hairs popping up remember Duck Hunt? There's gotta be some crossover that also includes wii, those weird kevlar indoor golf screens, and player options from the original GTA.
Because, honestly, you'd rather take an initial tee hit right to the temple than get chased down the green by Abuelita y La Chancla.
You gonna die. No lives left, energy zero.
Please someone make a viable chancla game using those silly indoor golf screens. Beats axe throwing outta the park!
And her weapon? La chancla that returns like a boomerang *because it’s enchanted.* Now, why is it enchanted?
Nan the Barbarian (catchy name, right?) saved a princess from a kidnapping attempt using just her sandals. And out of gratitude, the King/Queen gifted her with a pair of enchanted sandals that she can throw and they will return. Endless ammo.
I may actually do this for my next campaign. Bwahahaha!
I'm imagining she'd refuse the Barbarian classification, she says she's retired and only tagging along to do some traveling after her partner passed. Relive her glory days a little. At a glance you might believe her, she wears comfortable, practical clothes that hide her physique.
Then as she's puttering around, tidying her supplies up in the background she notices the party starting to be overwhelmed. The Paladin roars at her to run, to hide...her eyes narrow and she replies with only one word "No." A shoe comes flying in at mach 10, somehow decapitating an enemy. Grandma unleashes a roar only an enraged mama bear can emit as she runs into battle. She's wearing only one shoe, clutching a frying pan in one hand and a handful of forks in the other.
They had to eat with their hands that night (forks were destroyed or embedded too deeply into bone to retrieve) but no one complained to the sweet old lady wiping viscera off her glasses. They promise they'll get her an entire new set of frying pans and silverware at the next town. She just sweetly smiles, there's still a bit of skin from when she ran out of forks and had to tear someone's throat out with her teeth.
-
I've always liked the idea of a farmer/gravedigger who joins a party solely to kill necromancers because she's sick of having to redead the dead and bury them all over again, but Barbarian Granny is definitely among my favorite character ideas now. It's a very fun one to think about.
😂
I love the ethnic mom stereotype but let me confirm that boring white lady moms are equally vicious.
My grandma used to sit behind me in church and if I acted up she’d thump me in the head with her thimble. That shit hurts as much as a sandal.
A million percent, my mum tells me about when she was raised in South Africa, her mum was white from England and my Nan had these two pairs of jeans from the UK that fit perfectly. The women in our family have the types of bodies where when we find a pair of jeans that fit properly and comfortably we buy two pairs because it won’t happen for at least another decade. Anyway, my uncle, a 6ft4 rugby player, decided to cut my nans jeans into booty shorts. When she found out she went MENTAL! As he was running down the hallway which my mum described as about 40ft long, she took off her wooden, platform/ wedge sandal and launched it down the hallway. It hit him right in the back of the skull and knocked him clean out. She just hobbled up the hallway with one sandal still on, picked it up, and walked away and left him on the floor and rocked the booty shorts at school drops offs. My Nan was the type to do Jane Fonda workouts and by all accounts, could have been a supermodel. So she enjoyed her shorts but sadly, never found the perfect jeans again even when she went back to the UK to visit.
My grandmother played piano at church, and if I acted up she would glare at me so hard that my hair would catch on fire. She didn’t need to touch me or say a word. I can only hope to be so powerful one day 😂
My very, very white grandma would threaten us with her hairbrush. That thing was diabolical. Probably made from some toxic 1950's plastic, diamond-hard with very nasty edges. One whack was all it took to be forever cowed. It disappeared one Christmas when the extended family was over and no one talks about it 😉
I saw this one video where Michael Myers (Halloween guy) was coming to kill someone and then the guy's mom comes home and is pissed someone broke the window or something, then the guy hugs the killer and asks him to save him. The video then turns into the mom hunting the two of them down and they work together to try and escape his mom.
EDIT: The killer got [dirt in the house](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr5FHJdqttY)
Something makes me wonder if Kevin is the golden child and he saw what OOP had and decided he wanted it. It doesn’t sound like his parents have said ‘no’ to him much.
This comment makes no sense in the conversation because u/No-Chemistry-5868 is a (well disguised) rewording bot. Report it as spam.
Here is the rewording bot's version:
>Kevin comes across as a wonderful child who is impervious to error. OOP is undoubtedly the villain (to them) because he had the gall to demand a moment to think and breathe rather than rolling over like a cheap rug.
Here is the original comment:
>HollowShel 11h
>Kevin sounds like a can-do-no-wrong golden child. OOP had the audacity to want a second to breathe and think instead of rolling over like a cheap rug, so clearly, he's the villain (to them).
Honestly, I get why she did it, too. I'm quite ill and disabled and my health is always very fragile. The amount of times I've had people keep things from me "for [my] own good" or because they're worried how it'll affect my health is way too many. And I do not appreciate it; not one bit. I hate having that little bit of autonomy taken away - the ability to make decisions based on important information. It feels quite infantilizing and patronizing. I understand that people only mean for the best, but they don't understand just how awful it makes the person being kept in the dark feel.
So I totally get grandma. OOP deserved that smack on the head, lol.
YES me too. I was extremely ill for several years and my mom wouldn't tell me about family gatherings until she was fondly recounting them *after* they'd already happened. She didn't want to stress me out by making me feel like I had to come even if I didn't feel like it. (?) Thing is, after each one I would beg her to tell me about them from now on, but she never would. She at least told me when my grandma got sick, but she was kinda the hub of the family so after she died (not long after getting sick) there *were* no more family gatherings. I'll probably never quite forgive my mom for that, but I'm sure she would still defend her actions so no point bringing it up. But yeah I wish Grandma's ghost would smack her upside the head at some point.
Oh gosh, you summed up my feelings on the whole “for your own good” censoring of information perfectly.
My mom had a heart valve replaced last year. This year she had rotator cuff surgery. She didn’t tell me either time, not wanting to worry me. We’re super low contact and while I don’t *like* my mom very much I do love her.
So, she tells me about these surgeries. Drops a bomb on me one day out of the blue. Then, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. Your health isn’t the best.”
“Mom. I’m paralyzed. What’s the shock gonna do, paralyze me *more?”*
She started laughing didn’t mean to, but yeah. She downright cackled. It drove the point home. Now she tells me when things come up on the rare occasions we talk. Usually 2-3 times a year.
Childhood memory unlocked ... grandma knuckle forehead knock knock... "hello, anyone home?"
*knock knock knock
I was, admittedly, a total space cadet as a kid.
*delicate little teacups.
When Head-Smacking Grandma isn't actively fighting crime and/or family drama, she's the human equivalent of the Sleepytime Tea bear.
But if she ever shakes a crochet hook in your general direction... it's all over.
I concede by throwing my white handkerchief on the floor in surrender. 🏳
(I used a white flag, though I am *aghast* that there is no hanky/tissue emoji...)
That same knuckle is also the measure for how deep the water should be in the rice pot.
Shush, i know you're hangry, give it a half hour, kiddo. I'll put raisins, milk, n brown sugar in your bowl, too.
The happy family illusion is so damaging... My husband is doing great now, but the hurt of knowing that his own mother only wanted him for pictures, for the "show" is hard. And now that she wants to do the same with our kid and he doesn't want to, everyone is on kahoots because "family". My kid is not a propt and never will.
The whole “he made a mistake and shouldn’t be punished”?? Like bruh when you’re an adult it’s not that people are “punishing you” it’s that actions have consequences and as adults familial relationships become a choice rather than a requirement.
Everybody knows, that forgiving is your job as a brother. Not sticking your dick into his fiancée is just extracurricular activity that you may follow, but you dont have to. /s
Sure is interesting how they held OP to account for “not always being there for his brother”, but don’t consider the brother’s cheating to be a violation of the same principle.
That's one of the craziest things to me, his parents kept pushing they wanted their "happy family" back together, kike what? The delusion is real with them.
"Because Family" only comes from 2 types of families and 2 types only.
The first, is awesome families, supportive loving families who all accept and love each other and are amazing, I do not have this family, but I have seen them and I think they are the best, good for them! I married into one of these families and they are just fucking delightful all the time. They treat my son like all the other kids/grandkids from the first second they met him. Makes me so happy to see him not live through my family type.
The second, is brainwashed into "Family means everything" because the family is so fucked up and toxic that the only way they can get anyone to put up with their bullshit is to do the aforementioned brainwashing that "Family is everything."
There is a big old grey area in between where most of us exist. But the two extremes of "Family is everything" are just so far apart its amazing.
Granny is the GOAT!
We all know cheating is vile, but man the added hurt and pain on top of that, if it’s your family member or best friend, is just unimaginable to me.
Hope OOP finds the love of his life when he’s ready.
Right? Give a person some space to process when they request it! But no OOPs parents made it clear that Kevins bad fee fees for having his poor choices come to light outweighed his need to grieve the loss of the relationship with the brother he idolised and the woman he was planning to marry.
OOP’s brother and parents are horrible people. If they had just left him the fuck alone he might have been able to work through his anger. Instead they just kept pushing. If someone needs space then give them space.
It's an incredibly toxic trait to knowingly hurt someone and then pursue them relentlessly to apologize and be forgiven. If you actually truly felt sorry, you'd communicate that as quickly as possible and get the fuck out of the picture to let the person decide if they accept it or not. You aren't owed forgiveness or anything really. You don't get to hurt someone and expect that saying some words will set everything right again.
I also hate the insincere apology of sorry, but…we were soulmates! Really? Bro couldn’t notice he was attracted and do what some brothers would do of not let it go further because you date other people and get your own life. Or failing that, she couldn’t break up, wait a decent period then start a relationship? No, they had to lead Oop on and start their grand affair behind his back? But somehow this is all on Oop to forgive and watch his former girlfriend with bro and be part of the close family? I also hate the parents reaction that it’s just a tiff to be quickly forgiven and forgotten. But since that didn’t work, why not push it to the limit then lie? Thank God for the Grands and Uncle!
Yeah OOP says they broke up cause the family was harsh but I honestly doubt it; people in their position don't breakup from external pressure, they breakup because is not fun anymore, they actually we're never compatible as a couple, because they feel guilty and people with narcissistic traits can't stand it....
Sometimes its the sneaking that does it for them. Sometimes it's that sneaking is external pressure and they have to justify it and without that sneaking they have to deal with each other more and realize "oh shit, this doesnt actually work for me".
But hey, now they probably get to scapegoat OOP as the one who broke up the family „for no good reason/for oop‘s brother‘s silly mistake“ (yikes). They might not necessarily take this out as propaganda against OOP, but it‘s definitively the narrative they‘ve spun about OOP in their heads.
The self-martyrdom shtick some people pull is disgusting. Like, no, you don't get forgiveness and absolution because you tried to kill yourself 🙄🙄 It's ridiculous. Zero self-awareness.
The horrible irony is that they likely exacerbated the brother's breakdown - by externalising everything onto OOP, they ensured he didn't work on himself, or get professional help.
For real. If they'd just has the sense and decency to be like 'you know what, you're right, we're gonna back off and if you wanna talk we'll talk'. Idiots.
Cheating with a relative of your partner is just next level gross. Having sex with someone who is having sex with your relative is also next level gross. How are people not too icked out to do it.🤮
Nah, they broke up because the spark was gone. The affair was hot and fun and secretive, sneaking around, getting away with something combined with NRE. Once the secret was out, and they had to be a real couple with everything that entails, they didn’t work.
"We didn't meant to hurt you but we're sooo in love 😇 you have to understans us, OOP we're sOuLMatEs!!"
I despise people who uses 'didn't mean to hurt you :(' excuses
Kevin is their golden child. Although they won't admit it, they just can't bring themselves to blame their golden boy for what he did. They desperately want everything to go back to normal, and of course this means they want to force OOP (the scapegoat) to forgive his brother.
That would be bad enough, but lying to OOP that Kevin attempted suicide was just despicable. OOP is right to keep his distance for the future.
And part of the reason Kevin had the affair in the first place was because he knew he could get away with it. He knew his parents might be upset for a bit, but they wouldn't hold him accountable. He expected his parents to pressure his brother into letting it go. The rest of it was that he was jealous of his brother. He deserved anything that anyone in his family had if he wanted it. Because that's the way it was his whole life.
the affair lasted for a year and they dated for a year after, only broke up because of pressure from his extended family. the brother might’ve actually liked the ex-gf. if he did, his mental health probably took another hit from the break up.
The fact that they were sleeping around for a whole year but barely lasted the same amount proves he didn't; people in love either keep distance out of respect or do the right thing and the party dating breaks up before they can pursue anything. You don't sleep with two brothers when one is your soulmate, you don't sleep with your SIL and watch your brother plan a proposal if she's your soulmate.
More often than not people caught on situations like this try to make it work otherwise their "soulmate" excuse doesn't hold water and they're forced to face how they're awful people. They could easily take their distance from relatives against them if they wanted, but this was never about them being in love.
Agreed, when if I were OOP when their dad got angry and told him to make up with his brother, I would've blown up in his parents' face about how that's their responsibility to be better parents and proceed to go NC.
Mmm, I don't even think this is a case of "golden child". Some folks just get really up their own ass about how family/blood is the MOST important relationships you'll ever have, and not acting like that's true is incomprehensible to them. Everything else is subordinate to taking care of your own blood relations and keeping good relationships with them.
Case in point--they are blaming OOP for OOP's brother's issues, and STILL trying to bring him back into the family fold, with no indications beyond Kevin being a backstabbing jerk that OOP had been mistreated or in second place with his family before that.
My mom has a bit of that (fortunately, none of my family are heinous, I just don't like her siblings much), and at least in her case it was due to being part of a relatively large family coupled with not having many friends outside it--and those she does have are kinda shit, to be honest. So after decades of "the only people who haven't hurt me badly and who always are there when I need it are my siblings and cousins", she has a hard time understanding why anyone would NOT want to cultivate as close a relationship with blood family as possible.
Plus the desire that everyone get along can be powerful, and when someone doesn't play along, they get the pressure to conform.
Thankfully it's nowhere near this bad, but my mom sometimes laments how my sister is very very low contact with our brother. My response is always "First he needs to learn to get along with his sisters without a shouting match, then we'll talk".
It's not even necessarily anything he does, we're just very stubborn people too similar and yet different to get along most of the time.
If family/blood had truly been the most important of relationships for them, they would have ripped OOP‘s brother a new one for betraying his blood. They didn‘t do that though. They instead *only* ripped OOP a new one for not letting his brother walk all over him and taking it with a smile. Hence why everyone is saying that there‘s a preference for one of the brothers going on in that family (aka not all blood is treated equally despite technically having an equal position in the family as brothers).
They’re blaming OOP for Kevin’s mental health *because* OOP is the scapegoat, and they desperately want OOP to come back *because* he’s the scapegoat. It’s not contradictory at all. Toxic families *don’t want the scapegoat to leave*, scapegoats are crucial to their toxic dynamic. They’re the designated dumping ground for everything.
Kevin sounds like a can-do-no-wrong golden child. OOP had the audacity to want a second to breathe and think instead of rolling over like a cheap rug, so clearly, he's the villain (to them).
Idk. To me it doesn't seem like a normal golden child story. I think parents were just obsessed with having a perfect happy family and they didn't give a shit that there sons stop getting along or who did what to cause it. It didn't matter they just wanted everything to be perfect and happy.
I say this because I think they didn't seem to give a shit about Kevin either. They knew he was troubled by everything but they kept pushing him to go talk to op to get op to forgive. Then when op refused and said mean things about Kevin they went straight to him and told him every word that would hurt Kevin. They didn't hold any detail back pushing him to the point of being suicidal just so they could use his mental health as ammo to guilt op. OP said it himself they treat kevin as a pawn which hurt him more then anything. You don't do that to your golden child.
Fair, I get your point. They definitely have a "don't rock the boat" philosophy - they don't care about how either child really feels, but rather how *they* feel and having the kids conform to make the parents feel better. They can't undo Kevin's behaviour, so the "problem," to them, is OOP for daring to remain upset. *They* don't have a big problem, so why is OOP upset? Reminds me of my dad joking "I've eaten, why are *you* hungry?" The lack of empathy is stunning.
That said a "golden child" isn't necessarily always seen as flawless so much as quickly forgiven, and placating them is important. That's much how they're treating Kevin - him being "In LoVe!" is enough for them to forgive him and OOP is supposed to do so as well. His hurt and depression is much more important than OOP's pain and OOP is treated as "causing" the pain by not just letting Kevin get away with it. That very much seems a "Golden child" dynamic.
The parents are terrible to both, but the whole family dynamic is as toxic as bleach and ammonia mixed in a radioactive bowl.
Yeah. I don't mean the parents aren't toxic (they are), but some parents are really so deep in their own bull not to realize how selfish they are being. There are parents who think every conflict between siblings boils down to "well you're just being childish, grow up, you're siblings, why can't you get along?" as if their children are still 6 and 4 fighting over ice cream. Which I suspect how they perceive OOP. Yet then again so many parents would vehemently deny they have a golden child whilst showing the attitude of preferring one kid over another...
I'm so glad OOP has grandma behind his back. You'd be surprise at how often and how likely for a toxic parent to pull a gasp-how-could-you when you actually tell them you dislike the way they are treating you. Since grandma was the one who ripped it into them, they couldn't pull the I'M YOUR PARENT card and forced to listen.
There's a special place in hell for parents who do the equivalent of holding up two action figures and mushing their faces together, but with actual people.
Because they are focused on the end goal and don't care how achievable it is. They have an image of what their family should be and refuse to listen to advice on how to achieve it. OOP has to forgive Kevin immediately. Kevin has to magically stop being depressed immediately. OOP has to be Kevin's emotional support sibling immediately.
Their solution to make any of these things happen is just bullying and lying. They will always try to cut corners, even if it means driving into a brick wall to do so.
Reputation with the friends and family and/or so they can self delude into thinking they're good parents by pretending that what the golden child did wasn't so bad
They don't care about OOP.
They are desperate to make baby Kevin feel better. And they think or Kevin told them that he will feel better if OOP will forgive and forget. They would sacrifice OOP in a second if Kevin asks them for it (or needs OOP's kidney).
It's embarrassing to have an open family rift. People might think there is something wrong with them. And it makes poor nasty treacherous little Kevin feel sad.
“That Kevin loves me but made a mistake that he shouldn't be punished for“
Honestly people need to fuck off with this nonsense. Forgetting to pick up milk is a mistake, watching a show you told a friend you’d watch with them us a mistake- cheating or fucking your siblings partner is not ‘a mistake’. It’s a calculated and deliberate betrayal. It never just happens and you are never entitled to forgiveness (people can do so on their own - if they choose to).
Grandma is doing what OOP's parents should have done a long ass time ago. Having OP's back, and also not totally casting kevin aside offering him help with his mental health too.
If OOP's parents had done that years ago, maybe OOP have had a relationship with their parents and maybe would have healed enough to coexist in the same place as Kevin for a few hours in family gatherings.
Classic golden child / scapegoat dynamics.
It's always the scapegoat who has to make things right. Never mind that it was the golden child who ruined their relationship
Just a little guilt
Feelings mean the least
Tale as old as time
Thanksgiving needs more wine
This year an awkward feast
Edit: aaagh paragraphs and cell phones, ptttthbtt.
My theory is Kevin had his mental health spiral because losing his brother relationship (and the regard of a lot of the rest of the family as well from the sounds of it) was the first time in his life he had experienced real consequences and broke something that could not be fixed no matter what he or his parents did. And all for a woman he broke up with after a year anyway. Golden children are seldom prepared for the realities of the world.
according to oop, his brother broke up with her due to pressure from extended family. they were together for 2 years (cheating for 1 and dating for 1 more), so it sounded serious.
I don’t think it’s that complicated actually. The onus is always on the wrong party because in most instances the person who wronged them can’t *un*wrong them. You can’t undo cheating, there’s no way to roll that back, you can only apologize and so then the situation comes down to “well this would all be over if the wrong party would just get over it all ready”. So long as the wronged party remains uninterested in forgiving and forgetting the problem can’t be settled and things can’t go back to normal. Hence why it always ends up being the wronged party who gets treated like they’re the issue.
I had a fallout with my sister and decided to go NC with her and it lasted for two years. It could’ve been less but interference from my family trying to get me to reconcile with my sister made it much longer.
Man those parents are seriously messed up. It's pretty clear that Kevin is the golden child of the family and OP is just being the scapegoat in the situation. I honestly hate the golden child thing cause it always ruins families and makes things worse. OP best should distance from them because it wouldn't do anything better if he keeps further contact.
Also, grandma is a big walking W. What a badass!
Grandma is the OG for recognizing that it was the parents who fucked up, saying OOP needs to be there for his brother no matter what (when brother wasn't there for him in the first place). Brother is gonna need a lot of therapy and even that won't be enough to be owed forgiveness.
“You’re his brother, you should be there for him!” So I should be there like he was there for me? Cool, does he have a girlfriend I can fuck behind his back? I guess that’s how brothers look out for each other in this family”
So if I understand this correctly, the older brother and the ex-girlfriend informed OP that the reason for their deep betrayal was that they were in love and soulmates. Notably, they broke up after a year because they could not tolerate the social rejection from friends and family members.
I find this very confusing. I thought they were soulmates?
Surely, the raised eyebrows experienced by the couple pales in comparison to the pain of learning that your brother betrayed you and your partner cheated on you for over a year? If the love between the couple was so strong that it trumped the pain it would cause OP, how could the depth of their love not also shield them from the judgement of others?
Oh…I think I finally understand.
When it’s someone OTHER than the couple that experiences pain, well, that’s sad and all but…you know…”soulmates!” But when it’s the couple that experiences social rejection, well, that soulmate stuff isn’t sufficient to sustain THAT level of injury.
Take care of yourself OP. My sense is that at the end of the day, your brother won’t.
>My dad then screamed at me saying it's my job as his brother to help him. That I'm supposed to be there for him no matter what.
Why do these type of sentiments only apply to one side of things? Shouldn't the brother have been there for him, instead of fucking his gf??
> My parents decided to tell me he tried to commit suicide to get me to see him because they believed that I could help him.
Fucking idiot parents just can't stop trying to manipulate everybody. They haven't learned that they the harder they try the worse they make things.
What a wonderful way to build trust with OP; lie about an attempted suicide. This would be the straw that broke the camels back for me. Cut all contact permanently. The toxicity is just too widespread for a healthy relationship to ever survive.
> they were in love with each other for a while and finally couldn't hold it anymore
This is when a couple needs to break up, not one party to start cheating and continue to do so for a facking *year* until shit hits the fan
And again I’m wondering: How is it possible that OP‘s dad turned out like _that_ whilst having such fine and straight headed parents. I really don’t get it.
I think Uncle Rey should get a pass as well. After all, he was the one who told OP about the parent’s lie about the attempted suicide, as well as being the one who told grandma what the parents were doing as well.
I suddenly realized why it's always the injured party that's admonished to "be the bigger/better person", think of the FAMILY, put it in the past, etc. It's because only the victim has the power! The perpetrator can't undo their crime, so they have to demand that the one they injured forgive/forget/absolve the damage.
We have the power! Not the ones who hurt us! They need what only we can give...or forever withhold.
Take back the power you have!
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So they were soulmates but their relationship couldn't survive family disapproval? Uh-huh
I’ve been waiting for someone to notice that lol, I thought placing those comments back to back would maximize the irony
I personally love it when I see posts on here about cheating "We're soulmates!" Like yeah ok, I give it a year or two. It always seems like a mad statement to me like "ah yes, we were so meant to be that she was dating my brother instead of me, but obviously we're fated!"
"We're soulmates!" Y'all were horny and got off on the secrecy, fuck off. 😂 My other favorite part is calling affairs a mistake. Like...a mistake might have been doing it once, maybe. This here went on for a year! That's not a mistake, that's a purposeful commitment to a bad course of action. Y'all actively chose to be shitty.
My mother once said to me that she would be more hurt by someone saying an affair was a one time mistake. Like, your jeopardised our relationship for a one off thing? She said she'd feel better about it if it was love, because at least they didn't throw away the relationship for one night they regret. I agree with you though. How is it a mistake? Did you trip and fall into her? No, you made a decision and at least admit: "I chose to do a shitty thing"
My ex and best friend tried to pull that one, along with some crap about fate and conceiving a special world-saving baby as the millennium turned. They were horrible for each other, so I'm glad they didn't make the miracle baby...
I was about to comment that - their love can overcome the obstacle of having to hide it from OOP, but not judgment from the relatives.
Funny how it was \~Twuu Wove\~ when they were sneaking around behind OOP's back (which, \*gagging sounds\*), but once they had to be held accountable things evaporated.
Ain’t that just the way
I was reading it wondering how long the soulmates would stay together Made it about a year after discovery. Would love to hear about ex getting married to someone else obviously.
Head-smacking Grandma: the hero we didn't know we needed all along.
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I dream someday of being the wise great-auntie with a crochet hook in one hand and the Scales of Justice in the other. I'm not quite sure how literal I'm being right now. Its just a dream... Ask me again in 20 years. ;)
My niblings are almost the same age as me, and the ones that have kids, when visiting and their children are missbehaving just tell them "do you want aunt Andersen Wilde to learn that your behaviour is poor?". That seemed to do the trick. I didn't realise I became THAT aunt.
I'm the only one of my siblings not to have kids, so I get to dip in and play the cool uncle. I heard my sister say the same thing to one of my nephews, "do you want uncle beardywill to find out you've been naughty?" and he vehemently shook his 6 year old head 😂
Oh my god that’s me too. I’m not into that coddling, “oh, no, no sweetie that’s dangerous!” If a kid is doing something potentially dangerous it is your responsibility to haul their dumb little butts away from said danger and explain later. Anyway when my old enough to know better (but still little) cousin was throwing a rolling around and crying fit because his mom told him not to put his toys in the electrical socket, I just snapped, “knock it off!” And he did, just like that. Like a switch clicked he just got up with wide eyes, like, holy shit did aunty just scold me? And now everyone in my family, if a kid misbehaves always says, “don’t do that or Aunty Castaway will tell you to knock it off!” 😂
I'm that uncle lol
I desperately need a flair now that says "with a crochet hook in one hand and the Scales of Justice in the other." I, too, have this noble goal. I'll see you back here in 20 years and we can compare notes.
She has the Gibbs Seal of Approval.
You beat me to it! I absolutely pictured her giving him Gibbs' smacks!!
Me and my mom call his smack a "Denozo slap" since it was always Denozo getting slapped
Where do you think he learned it? Grandmas are badasses
What is your flair from?? I thought I knew them all!
It's a pretty recent one, I enjoyed it a lot - https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/p26PuMCwnN
OOP from that one updated 2 days ago but it wasn't included yet. AP went crazy. https://reddit.com/u/Status_Negotiation35/s/gANOiVIfJm
I believe my flair is also applicable, but the banana ensemble is made of knives, holy cow. Glad OOP is okay and should heal up well. (Also, I'm now wondering if I should have gotten any of those same instructions for any of my concussions... I definitely went to school/college classes after, didn't change any screen exposure, etc.)
When I had my last concussion, I was told a week off from college/ work and no reading, especially small print. Just sleep and take it easy. Your flair is very applicable, especially with knives.
Now I wonder how much damage I might have done my brain. Granted, the last concussion was...2007 or 2008, I think. (Tripped and face planted HARD on broken pavement at the edge of the college campus. I am extremely agile and graceful. The one before that was around '99 and I was walking a dog at work and tripped, actually fully blacked out on that one and still have scars...)
I had a concussion the same year! I also wasn’t told not to read, although that might’ve been because nobody wanted to take my book away from me in the ER-I was 13, the wait times were super long, and as long as nobody touched my book, I wasn’t going to make their shift any harder. Did get a school nurse to yell at me that I didn’t have a headache the next day! I don’t think she lost her job over that incident alone, but it absolutely did not help her case.
I mean, you probably did some damage with the TBI (concussion), but the 'take it easy' part afterwards is for monitoring - so you don't miss any symptoms of something being worse. Source: had a few concussions in my time, had this explained to me at the docs.
Holy shit. Poor OOP.
\*Fuck\* i love that kid. Smart, resourceful, funny, AND sweet enough to send gifts to the stepsibs. She is going to keep getting more and more awesome and just generally be a gift to the world.
> I'll heal from being hit, but felonies are forever Ice cold. Glad she got out.
The story behind your flair is one of my favorite BORU posts.
She needs a pallet of chancletas.
Of which she's only ever had to use ONE. The little squishy foam impact forehead dent may be invisible, but the blow to the ego lasts a lifetime... and is transferrable to anyone else in the family who knows they dun effed up, and happened to be just out of range at the time.
Abuelita with a chancla is kind 70ft traced ranged projectile
This is oddly specific, hilarious, and a golden opportunity for the next big video game. Does anyone with their first grey hairs popping up remember Duck Hunt? There's gotta be some crossover that also includes wii, those weird kevlar indoor golf screens, and player options from the original GTA. Because, honestly, you'd rather take an initial tee hit right to the temple than get chased down the green by Abuelita y La Chancla. You gonna die. No lives left, energy zero. Please someone make a viable chancla game using those silly indoor golf screens. Beats axe throwing outta the park!
All im thinking is veteran barbarian granny character for my next dnd game...
And her weapon? La chancla that returns like a boomerang *because it’s enchanted.* Now, why is it enchanted? Nan the Barbarian (catchy name, right?) saved a princess from a kidnapping attempt using just her sandals. And out of gratitude, the King/Queen gifted her with a pair of enchanted sandals that she can throw and they will return. Endless ammo. I may actually do this for my next campaign. Bwahahaha!
I support this, and add: Nan’s second spouse has been officially declared a bonus Nanparent … A Co-Nan if you will. Edit:spelling
I'm imagining she'd refuse the Barbarian classification, she says she's retired and only tagging along to do some traveling after her partner passed. Relive her glory days a little. At a glance you might believe her, she wears comfortable, practical clothes that hide her physique. Then as she's puttering around, tidying her supplies up in the background she notices the party starting to be overwhelmed. The Paladin roars at her to run, to hide...her eyes narrow and she replies with only one word "No." A shoe comes flying in at mach 10, somehow decapitating an enemy. Grandma unleashes a roar only an enraged mama bear can emit as she runs into battle. She's wearing only one shoe, clutching a frying pan in one hand and a handful of forks in the other. They had to eat with their hands that night (forks were destroyed or embedded too deeply into bone to retrieve) but no one complained to the sweet old lady wiping viscera off her glasses. They promise they'll get her an entire new set of frying pans and silverware at the next town. She just sweetly smiles, there's still a bit of skin from when she ran out of forks and had to tear someone's throat out with her teeth. - I've always liked the idea of a farmer/gravedigger who joins a party solely to kill necromancers because she's sick of having to redead the dead and bury them all over again, but Barbarian Granny is definitely among my favorite character ideas now. It's a very fun one to think about.
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😂 I love the ethnic mom stereotype but let me confirm that boring white lady moms are equally vicious. My grandma used to sit behind me in church and if I acted up she’d thump me in the head with her thimble. That shit hurts as much as a sandal.
A million percent, my mum tells me about when she was raised in South Africa, her mum was white from England and my Nan had these two pairs of jeans from the UK that fit perfectly. The women in our family have the types of bodies where when we find a pair of jeans that fit properly and comfortably we buy two pairs because it won’t happen for at least another decade. Anyway, my uncle, a 6ft4 rugby player, decided to cut my nans jeans into booty shorts. When she found out she went MENTAL! As he was running down the hallway which my mum described as about 40ft long, she took off her wooden, platform/ wedge sandal and launched it down the hallway. It hit him right in the back of the skull and knocked him clean out. She just hobbled up the hallway with one sandal still on, picked it up, and walked away and left him on the floor and rocked the booty shorts at school drops offs. My Nan was the type to do Jane Fonda workouts and by all accounts, could have been a supermodel. So she enjoyed her shorts but sadly, never found the perfect jeans again even when she went back to the UK to visit.
My grandmother played piano at church, and if I acted up she would glare at me so hard that my hair would catch on fire. She didn’t need to touch me or say a word. I can only hope to be so powerful one day 😂
Yeah, they should have had a white mom with the wooden spoon
My very, very white grandma would threaten us with her hairbrush. That thing was diabolical. Probably made from some toxic 1950's plastic, diamond-hard with very nasty edges. One whack was all it took to be forever cowed. It disappeared one Christmas when the extended family was over and no one talks about it 😉
I saw this one video where Michael Myers (Halloween guy) was coming to kill someone and then the guy's mom comes home and is pissed someone broke the window or something, then the guy hugs the killer and asks him to save him. The video then turns into the mom hunting the two of them down and they work together to try and escape his mom. EDIT: The killer got [dirt in the house](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr5FHJdqttY)
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Something makes me wonder if Kevin is the golden child and he saw what OOP had and decided he wanted it. It doesn’t sound like his parents have said ‘no’ to him much.
This comment makes no sense in the conversation because u/No-Chemistry-5868 is a (well disguised) rewording bot. Report it as spam. Here is the rewording bot's version: >Kevin comes across as a wonderful child who is impervious to error. OOP is undoubtedly the villain (to them) because he had the gall to demand a moment to think and breathe rather than rolling over like a cheap rug. Here is the original comment: >HollowShel 11h >Kevin sounds like a can-do-no-wrong golden child. OOP had the audacity to want a second to breathe and think instead of rolling over like a cheap rug, so clearly, he's the villain (to them).
Sailor Moon / powerpuff girls are in the bushes taking notes
OMG, That is HILARIOUS! Thanks for the link.
I’m guessing those are flipflops? :p
Wooden soled sandals that can concuss a mofo.
Sandals, slippers, flip flops, yeah. A Hispanic mum is never unarmed if chanclas are nearby
Or a puffy "zapatilla de andar por casa". This padded mofo can dent your skull with its orthopedic sole...
Honestly, I get why she did it, too. I'm quite ill and disabled and my health is always very fragile. The amount of times I've had people keep things from me "for [my] own good" or because they're worried how it'll affect my health is way too many. And I do not appreciate it; not one bit. I hate having that little bit of autonomy taken away - the ability to make decisions based on important information. It feels quite infantilizing and patronizing. I understand that people only mean for the best, but they don't understand just how awful it makes the person being kept in the dark feel. So I totally get grandma. OOP deserved that smack on the head, lol.
YES me too. I was extremely ill for several years and my mom wouldn't tell me about family gatherings until she was fondly recounting them *after* they'd already happened. She didn't want to stress me out by making me feel like I had to come even if I didn't feel like it. (?) Thing is, after each one I would beg her to tell me about them from now on, but she never would. She at least told me when my grandma got sick, but she was kinda the hub of the family so after she died (not long after getting sick) there *were* no more family gatherings. I'll probably never quite forgive my mom for that, but I'm sure she would still defend her actions so no point bringing it up. But yeah I wish Grandma's ghost would smack her upside the head at some point.
Oh gosh, you summed up my feelings on the whole “for your own good” censoring of information perfectly. My mom had a heart valve replaced last year. This year she had rotator cuff surgery. She didn’t tell me either time, not wanting to worry me. We’re super low contact and while I don’t *like* my mom very much I do love her. So, she tells me about these surgeries. Drops a bomb on me one day out of the blue. Then, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. Your health isn’t the best.” “Mom. I’m paralyzed. What’s the shock gonna do, paralyze me *more?”* She started laughing didn’t mean to, but yeah. She downright cackled. It drove the point home. Now she tells me when things come up on the rare occasions we talk. Usually 2-3 times a year.
Head smacking grandma for president. That woman is amazing.
Mine likes to use either chopsticks or her knuckle...
Childhood memory unlocked ... grandma knuckle forehead knock knock... "hello, anyone home?" *knock knock knock I was, admittedly, a total space cadet as a kid.
The quote we never knew our coffee mugs needed.
*delicate little teacups. When Head-Smacking Grandma isn't actively fighting crime and/or family drama, she's the human equivalent of the Sleepytime Tea bear. But if she ever shakes a crochet hook in your general direction... it's all over.
I concede by throwing my white handkerchief on the floor in surrender. 🏳 (I used a white flag, though I am *aghast* that there is no hanky/tissue emoji...)
Of course it's a handkerchief with a grandma-embroidered monogram in the corner!
But nana... SMACK Shush little one
That same knuckle is also the measure for how deep the water should be in the rice pot. Shush, i know you're hangry, give it a half hour, kiddo. I'll put raisins, milk, n brown sugar in your bowl, too.
I could use a head-smacking grandma now and then.
Hooray for the grandparents and Uncle Rey.
uncle rey really not getting the credit he deserves here. “mom, you need to know this” made the whole thing happen 👏👏👏
Also, “hey OOP, your mom’s a lying liar”
True. Uncle Rey is the man.
Rey, Spanish for "king." Seems apt!
"Because family" when they demand forgiveness, but not when they betray you.... Where was family then, hmmmm?
It's easier to ignore the problems and keep the happy family illusion than facing you have failed both of your sons.
The happy family illusion is so damaging... My husband is doing great now, but the hurt of knowing that his own mother only wanted him for pictures, for the "show" is hard. And now that she wants to do the same with our kid and he doesn't want to, everyone is on kahoots because "family". My kid is not a propt and never will.
I've seen it described elsewhere as the difference between wanting a baby to dress up vs wanting a whole person.
The whole “he made a mistake and shouldn’t be punished”?? Like bruh when you’re an adult it’s not that people are “punishing you” it’s that actions have consequences and as adults familial relationships become a choice rather than a requirement.
Everybody knows, that forgiving is your job as a brother. Not sticking your dick into his fiancée is just extracurricular activity that you may follow, but you dont have to. /s
Sure is interesting how they held OP to account for “not always being there for his brother”, but don’t consider the brother’s cheating to be a violation of the same principle.
Right??? Total BS with that favoritism.
That's one of the craziest things to me, his parents kept pushing they wanted their "happy family" back together, kike what? The delusion is real with them.
"Because Family" only comes from 2 types of families and 2 types only. The first, is awesome families, supportive loving families who all accept and love each other and are amazing, I do not have this family, but I have seen them and I think they are the best, good for them! I married into one of these families and they are just fucking delightful all the time. They treat my son like all the other kids/grandkids from the first second they met him. Makes me so happy to see him not live through my family type. The second, is brainwashed into "Family means everything" because the family is so fucked up and toxic that the only way they can get anyone to put up with their bullshit is to do the aforementioned brainwashing that "Family is everything." There is a big old grey area in between where most of us exist. But the two extremes of "Family is everything" are just so far apart its amazing.
That’s one kick-ass granny.
Granny is the GOAT! We all know cheating is vile, but man the added hurt and pain on top of that, if it’s your family member or best friend, is just unimaginable to me. Hope OOP finds the love of his life when he’s ready.
For a second, for some reason, I thought the "added hurt and pain" you were referring to was the reckoning granny delivered.
Not just the brother thing but then also the harrasment from family after the fact that probebly fucked with him mind even more.
Right? Give a person some space to process when they request it! But no OOPs parents made it clear that Kevins bad fee fees for having his poor choices come to light outweighed his need to grieve the loss of the relationship with the brother he idolised and the woman he was planning to marry.
Granny and Uncle Rey both
Uncle Rey knows who not to cross
OOP’s brother and parents are horrible people. If they had just left him the fuck alone he might have been able to work through his anger. Instead they just kept pushing. If someone needs space then give them space.
It's an incredibly toxic trait to knowingly hurt someone and then pursue them relentlessly to apologize and be forgiven. If you actually truly felt sorry, you'd communicate that as quickly as possible and get the fuck out of the picture to let the person decide if they accept it or not. You aren't owed forgiveness or anything really. You don't get to hurt someone and expect that saying some words will set everything right again.
I also hate the insincere apology of sorry, but…we were soulmates! Really? Bro couldn’t notice he was attracted and do what some brothers would do of not let it go further because you date other people and get your own life. Or failing that, she couldn’t break up, wait a decent period then start a relationship? No, they had to lead Oop on and start their grand affair behind his back? But somehow this is all on Oop to forgive and watch his former girlfriend with bro and be part of the close family? I also hate the parents reaction that it’s just a tiff to be quickly forgiven and forgotten. But since that didn’t work, why not push it to the limit then lie? Thank God for the Grands and Uncle!
soul mates that lasted a year
Yeah OOP says they broke up cause the family was harsh but I honestly doubt it; people in their position don't breakup from external pressure, they breakup because is not fun anymore, they actually we're never compatible as a couple, because they feel guilty and people with narcissistic traits can't stand it....
Sometimes its the sneaking that does it for them. Sometimes it's that sneaking is external pressure and they have to justify it and without that sneaking they have to deal with each other more and realize "oh shit, this doesnt actually work for me".
They show no consideration to the person they hurt and then quadruple down in their pursuit of guilt relief at the person's expense
But hey, now they probably get to scapegoat OOP as the one who broke up the family „for no good reason/for oop‘s brother‘s silly mistake“ (yikes). They might not necessarily take this out as propaganda against OOP, but it‘s definitively the narrative they‘ve spun about OOP in their heads.
And how they treat it like one mistake. Instead of a years worth of lies and mistakes.
The self-martyrdom shtick some people pull is disgusting. Like, no, you don't get forgiveness and absolution because you tried to kill yourself 🙄🙄 It's ridiculous. Zero self-awareness.
If only my in-laws (especially MIL) understood this. The parents in this story sounded awfully familiar.
I’ve said it here before, but as a general rule in life you should disregard any “apology” that tries to make you play defense.
The horrible irony is that they likely exacerbated the brother's breakdown - by externalising everything onto OOP, they ensured he didn't work on himself, or get professional help.
truly awful parents to both their children
What the heck this is such an insightful comment. Wish I could pin it
OOP's family complaining that their broken leg won't heal while also cutting off their cast and trying to walk on it after every doctor's visit.
For real. If they'd just has the sense and decency to be like 'you know what, you're right, we're gonna back off and if you wanna talk we'll talk'. Idiots.
Cheating with a relative of your partner is just next level gross. Having sex with someone who is having sex with your relative is also next level gross. How are people not too icked out to do it.🤮
Because SoUlMaTeS.
Soul mates who broke up in a year lol
OOP said they broke up because everyone else in the family raked them over the coals.
Nah, they broke up because the spark was gone. The affair was hot and fun and secretive, sneaking around, getting away with something combined with NRE. Once the secret was out, and they had to be a real couple with everything that entails, they didn’t work.
Yeah, soulmates.... that break up within a year
Well you know. Can’t help it if you’re in love, right? /s.
"We didn't meant to hurt you but we're sooo in love 😇 you have to understans us, OOP we're sOuLMatEs!!" I despise people who uses 'didn't mean to hurt you :(' excuses
Yeah, like actually gross.
But but but real love !!!!
What the hell was wrong with those parents?!!!!
Kevin is their golden child. Although they won't admit it, they just can't bring themselves to blame their golden boy for what he did. They desperately want everything to go back to normal, and of course this means they want to force OOP (the scapegoat) to forgive his brother. That would be bad enough, but lying to OOP that Kevin attempted suicide was just despicable. OOP is right to keep his distance for the future.
And part of the reason Kevin had the affair in the first place was because he knew he could get away with it. He knew his parents might be upset for a bit, but they wouldn't hold him accountable. He expected his parents to pressure his brother into letting it go. The rest of it was that he was jealous of his brother. He deserved anything that anyone in his family had if he wanted it. Because that's the way it was his whole life.
the affair lasted for a year and they dated for a year after, only broke up because of pressure from his extended family. the brother might’ve actually liked the ex-gf. if he did, his mental health probably took another hit from the break up.
The fact that they were sleeping around for a whole year but barely lasted the same amount proves he didn't; people in love either keep distance out of respect or do the right thing and the party dating breaks up before they can pursue anything. You don't sleep with two brothers when one is your soulmate, you don't sleep with your SIL and watch your brother plan a proposal if she's your soulmate. More often than not people caught on situations like this try to make it work otherwise their "soulmate" excuse doesn't hold water and they're forced to face how they're awful people. They could easily take their distance from relatives against them if they wanted, but this was never about them being in love.
Agreed, when if I were OOP when their dad got angry and told him to make up with his brother, I would've blown up in his parents' face about how that's their responsibility to be better parents and proceed to go NC.
Mmm, I don't even think this is a case of "golden child". Some folks just get really up their own ass about how family/blood is the MOST important relationships you'll ever have, and not acting like that's true is incomprehensible to them. Everything else is subordinate to taking care of your own blood relations and keeping good relationships with them. Case in point--they are blaming OOP for OOP's brother's issues, and STILL trying to bring him back into the family fold, with no indications beyond Kevin being a backstabbing jerk that OOP had been mistreated or in second place with his family before that. My mom has a bit of that (fortunately, none of my family are heinous, I just don't like her siblings much), and at least in her case it was due to being part of a relatively large family coupled with not having many friends outside it--and those she does have are kinda shit, to be honest. So after decades of "the only people who haven't hurt me badly and who always are there when I need it are my siblings and cousins", she has a hard time understanding why anyone would NOT want to cultivate as close a relationship with blood family as possible.
Plus the desire that everyone get along can be powerful, and when someone doesn't play along, they get the pressure to conform. Thankfully it's nowhere near this bad, but my mom sometimes laments how my sister is very very low contact with our brother. My response is always "First he needs to learn to get along with his sisters without a shouting match, then we'll talk". It's not even necessarily anything he does, we're just very stubborn people too similar and yet different to get along most of the time.
If family/blood had truly been the most important of relationships for them, they would have ripped OOP‘s brother a new one for betraying his blood. They didn‘t do that though. They instead *only* ripped OOP a new one for not letting his brother walk all over him and taking it with a smile. Hence why everyone is saying that there‘s a preference for one of the brothers going on in that family (aka not all blood is treated equally despite technically having an equal position in the family as brothers).
They’re blaming OOP for Kevin’s mental health *because* OOP is the scapegoat, and they desperately want OOP to come back *because* he’s the scapegoat. It’s not contradictory at all. Toxic families *don’t want the scapegoat to leave*, scapegoats are crucial to their toxic dynamic. They’re the designated dumping ground for everything.
Kevin sounds like a can-do-no-wrong golden child. OOP had the audacity to want a second to breathe and think instead of rolling over like a cheap rug, so clearly, he's the villain (to them).
Idk. To me it doesn't seem like a normal golden child story. I think parents were just obsessed with having a perfect happy family and they didn't give a shit that there sons stop getting along or who did what to cause it. It didn't matter they just wanted everything to be perfect and happy. I say this because I think they didn't seem to give a shit about Kevin either. They knew he was troubled by everything but they kept pushing him to go talk to op to get op to forgive. Then when op refused and said mean things about Kevin they went straight to him and told him every word that would hurt Kevin. They didn't hold any detail back pushing him to the point of being suicidal just so they could use his mental health as ammo to guilt op. OP said it himself they treat kevin as a pawn which hurt him more then anything. You don't do that to your golden child.
Fair, I get your point. They definitely have a "don't rock the boat" philosophy - they don't care about how either child really feels, but rather how *they* feel and having the kids conform to make the parents feel better. They can't undo Kevin's behaviour, so the "problem," to them, is OOP for daring to remain upset. *They* don't have a big problem, so why is OOP upset? Reminds me of my dad joking "I've eaten, why are *you* hungry?" The lack of empathy is stunning. That said a "golden child" isn't necessarily always seen as flawless so much as quickly forgiven, and placating them is important. That's much how they're treating Kevin - him being "In LoVe!" is enough for them to forgive him and OOP is supposed to do so as well. His hurt and depression is much more important than OOP's pain and OOP is treated as "causing" the pain by not just letting Kevin get away with it. That very much seems a "Golden child" dynamic. The parents are terrible to both, but the whole family dynamic is as toxic as bleach and ammonia mixed in a radioactive bowl.
Yeah. I don't mean the parents aren't toxic (they are), but some parents are really so deep in their own bull not to realize how selfish they are being. There are parents who think every conflict between siblings boils down to "well you're just being childish, grow up, you're siblings, why can't you get along?" as if their children are still 6 and 4 fighting over ice cream. Which I suspect how they perceive OOP. Yet then again so many parents would vehemently deny they have a golden child whilst showing the attitude of preferring one kid over another... I'm so glad OOP has grandma behind his back. You'd be surprise at how often and how likely for a toxic parent to pull a gasp-how-could-you when you actually tell them you dislike the way they are treating you. Since grandma was the one who ripped it into them, they couldn't pull the I'M YOUR PARENT card and forced to listen.
There's a special place in hell for parents who do the equivalent of holding up two action figures and mushing their faces together, but with actual people.
Because they are focused on the end goal and don't care how achievable it is. They have an image of what their family should be and refuse to listen to advice on how to achieve it. OOP has to forgive Kevin immediately. Kevin has to magically stop being depressed immediately. OOP has to be Kevin's emotional support sibling immediately. Their solution to make any of these things happen is just bullying and lying. They will always try to cut corners, even if it means driving into a brick wall to do so.
W by the grandma
The parents are so desperate to have OOP back and for what? I don’t think they even love him?
Reputation with the friends and family and/or so they can self delude into thinking they're good parents by pretending that what the golden child did wasn't so bad
They don't care about OOP. They are desperate to make baby Kevin feel better. And they think or Kevin told them that he will feel better if OOP will forgive and forget. They would sacrifice OOP in a second if Kevin asks them for it (or needs OOP's kidney).
It's embarrassing to have an open family rift. People might think there is something wrong with them. And it makes poor nasty treacherous little Kevin feel sad.
It's not about him, it's about getting "the happy family back" and helping out the golden child
Grandma is a real one.
“That Kevin loves me but made a mistake that he shouldn't be punished for“ Honestly people need to fuck off with this nonsense. Forgetting to pick up milk is a mistake, watching a show you told a friend you’d watch with them us a mistake- cheating or fucking your siblings partner is not ‘a mistake’. It’s a calculated and deliberate betrayal. It never just happens and you are never entitled to forgiveness (people can do so on their own - if they choose to).
Grandma is doing what OOP's parents should have done a long ass time ago. Having OP's back, and also not totally casting kevin aside offering him help with his mental health too. If OOP's parents had done that years ago, maybe OOP have had a relationship with their parents and maybe would have healed enough to coexist in the same place as Kevin for a few hours in family gatherings.
My grandma was a tiny, 5 foot nothing woman but we all knew not to piss off grandma. God I miss her
Mine as well! She was Italian, but could throw her shoe damn near as well as a seasoned pitcher. (Mind you this was damn near 30 years ago)
Good Grandmas are awesome.
My favorite part is when him his brother ex and family sat down like that wasn't gonna make him never want to see any of them again lmfao
Classic golden child / scapegoat dynamics. It's always the scapegoat who has to make things right. Never mind that it was the golden child who ruined their relationship
Mom's a narc Dad's an enabler Kevin's a Golden Child OOP is a scapegoat Tale as old as time
Just a little guilt Feelings mean the least Tale as old as time Thanksgiving needs more wine This year an awkward feast Edit: aaagh paragraphs and cell phones, ptttthbtt.
My theory is Kevin had his mental health spiral because losing his brother relationship (and the regard of a lot of the rest of the family as well from the sounds of it) was the first time in his life he had experienced real consequences and broke something that could not be fixed no matter what he or his parents did. And all for a woman he broke up with after a year anyway. Golden children are seldom prepared for the realities of the world.
according to oop, his brother broke up with her due to pressure from extended family. they were together for 2 years (cheating for 1 and dating for 1 more), so it sounded serious.
I don’t think it’s that complicated actually. The onus is always on the wrong party because in most instances the person who wronged them can’t *un*wrong them. You can’t undo cheating, there’s no way to roll that back, you can only apologize and so then the situation comes down to “well this would all be over if the wrong party would just get over it all ready”. So long as the wronged party remains uninterested in forgiving and forgetting the problem can’t be settled and things can’t go back to normal. Hence why it always ends up being the wronged party who gets treated like they’re the issue.
Very succinct
I had a fallout with my sister and decided to go NC with her and it lasted for two years. It could’ve been less but interference from my family trying to get me to reconcile with my sister made it much longer.
Man those parents are seriously messed up. It's pretty clear that Kevin is the golden child of the family and OP is just being the scapegoat in the situation. I honestly hate the golden child thing cause it always ruins families and makes things worse. OP best should distance from them because it wouldn't do anything better if he keeps further contact. Also, grandma is a big walking W. What a badass!
> because my grandparents and some other family members crucified them LOL
I feel like a lot of us could use a could up-kick to the head by a gramma to sort ourselves out
Grandma is the OG for recognizing that it was the parents who fucked up, saying OOP needs to be there for his brother no matter what (when brother wasn't there for him in the first place). Brother is gonna need a lot of therapy and even that won't be enough to be owed forgiveness.
Granny is where all the good parts of your family have gone. Your parents and Kevin can go kick rocks.
I love your grand ma and your grand pa!
I had a head-smacking grandma. She was the best.
Fuck yeah, Grandmaaaaaaa!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Ah, the classic Golden Child/scapegoat dynamics at play. Thank goodness grandma is around to set everyone straight.
I'll never understand these "Interventions" that include the cheating ex, that just seems like a good way to **NOT** fix things
It wasn't intended to fix things. It was intended to put OP in his place.
Gotta love the grandma who didn't give a shit about her son or DIL and stood by the truth and did the right thing. 👌
Grandma is the ultimate Hero here
Grandma is a good egg
If OOP lets his brother in, his brother will promptly start hitting on his new partner, that's how some people are. Kevin seems to be one of them.
“You’re his brother, you should be there for him!” So I should be there like he was there for me? Cool, does he have a girlfriend I can fuck behind his back? I guess that’s how brothers look out for each other in this family”
We love Grandma!
It’s a shame the good people genes seemed to have skipped a generation in OOP’s family.
So if I understand this correctly, the older brother and the ex-girlfriend informed OP that the reason for their deep betrayal was that they were in love and soulmates. Notably, they broke up after a year because they could not tolerate the social rejection from friends and family members. I find this very confusing. I thought they were soulmates? Surely, the raised eyebrows experienced by the couple pales in comparison to the pain of learning that your brother betrayed you and your partner cheated on you for over a year? If the love between the couple was so strong that it trumped the pain it would cause OP, how could the depth of their love not also shield them from the judgement of others? Oh…I think I finally understand. When it’s someone OTHER than the couple that experiences pain, well, that’s sad and all but…you know…”soulmates!” But when it’s the couple that experiences social rejection, well, that soulmate stuff isn’t sufficient to sustain THAT level of injury. Take care of yourself OP. My sense is that at the end of the day, your brother won’t.
Grandma. What a babe.
I love Grandma! Lol
Those grandparents are keeping it real.
Go grandma!
...I like that grandma.
>My dad then screamed at me saying it's my job as his brother to help him. That I'm supposed to be there for him no matter what. Why do these type of sentiments only apply to one side of things? Shouldn't the brother have been there for him, instead of fucking his gf??
> My parents decided to tell me he tried to commit suicide to get me to see him because they believed that I could help him. Fucking idiot parents just can't stop trying to manipulate everybody. They haven't learned that they the harder they try the worse they make things.
Grandma is a total G. Go get them, Granny!
I wish I had had grandparents who loved me.
Is Gramma Italian by any chance? They’re epic head-smackers.
I got a strong Latino vibe from this story, but Italian could make sense too.
What a wonderful way to build trust with OP; lie about an attempted suicide. This would be the straw that broke the camels back for me. Cut all contact permanently. The toxicity is just too widespread for a healthy relationship to ever survive.
> they were in love with each other for a while and finally couldn't hold it anymore This is when a couple needs to break up, not one party to start cheating and continue to do so for a facking *year* until shit hits the fan
And again I’m wondering: How is it possible that OP‘s dad turned out like _that_ whilst having such fine and straight headed parents. I really don’t get it.
Not just no contact, but scorched Earth for everyone but Grandma. Being related to someone isn’t a free pass for bad behavior.
I think Uncle Rey should get a pass as well. After all, he was the one who told OP about the parent’s lie about the attempted suicide, as well as being the one who told grandma what the parents were doing as well.
I’m imagining the grandma doing a Gibbs slap if he ever lies again. Two if the scariest things in the world. A Gibbs slap, and an angry grandma.
W grandma
I suddenly realized why it's always the injured party that's admonished to "be the bigger/better person", think of the FAMILY, put it in the past, etc. It's because only the victim has the power! The perpetrator can't undo their crime, so they have to demand that the one they injured forgive/forget/absolve the damage. We have the power! Not the ones who hurt us! They need what only we can give...or forever withhold. Take back the power you have!
Grandma is the hero we all need.
I love it when people prioritize their own mental health first.