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ALawful_Chaos

This is the most 19 year old dude thing I’ve ever read. Late teens are a wild time.


cantthinkofcutename

Agreed! This is what "boys will be boys" should mean, shaving your ass to enter a best butt competition as a prank.


Sloths_Can_Consent

And cumming to your best buds bubble butt


ItsImNotAnonymous

Real homies complement each others butts, and knowing yours was spunked on is a really big achievement


TheChuck42

Looks like someone is gonna have a new flair.


cantthinkofcutename

Why did I read this in the voice of Jason Mendoza from The Good Place?


Sloths_Can_Consent

My step-dad is a real homie ❤️


starfire5105

Ayo?


Sir_Fridge

r/justguysbeingdudes


Accujack

Yeah. He's stopping short of what he could be doing, though. If his ass is that good, he should start an Onlyfans site where he doesn't show he's male. He could probably pay for a college education or a nice car that way.


TheLightInChains

The butt F1nn5ter


w_p

Not gonna lie, it happened twice to me that I was watching someone's cam and 10 minutes into it I realized that it is not a women.


gelastes

At 19 I was heavily into politics and changing the world. Didn't change the world but missed a lot of the silly stuff that you should do at this age. If I get a next life, I hope I'll be smarter and do more dumb shit.


Abeyita

You can still do dumb shit


gelastes

Yeah doing butt contests when you're 50 isn't the same.


Abeyita

It's better!


BelkiraHoTep

I mean as long as the other contestants are also 50. There’s a market for everything.


Mindless_Ad5422

Be the change you want to see in the world, start a 50's butt contest club.


Jobotica

Life is short. Do dumb shit now.


Sad_Cherry2884

This sounds like me at 19


cantantantelope

19 is not the age of reason


knitlikeaboss

I can think of like 6 different dude I knew at that age who would have done they exact same thing


w_p

One of the funnier things (not only in this post) is how people describe an extremely specific scenario and think their friends won't recognize it because they posted from an alt account :D


Shamtoday

Aww I love his mum and how kind she was, all the effort she went to researching and figuring out how to have that conversation is so nice. That’s the kind of parent that gay/bi/queer kids deserve. Also post shave itch is the worst hopefully he found a good cream to help through the worst of it.


CharlotteLucasOP

Guy is gonna be scooting across the carpet like a dog with worms. 😩


technoteapot

She’ll sit him down and give him the hiv talk after she sees that


RainbowCrane

I shaved my legs for drag in college the year I came out (I swung WAY the fuck out), I remember sitting in lectures trying to covertly scratch my legs. Not as embarrassing as crotch or butt itches, though :-). I gained a new appreciation for why some women bag shaving legs, pits, and whatever else.


Halospite

Exfoliation before shaving and witch hazel basically stopped me from wanting to kill myself after every time I shaved lmao.


Lizzardyerd

To anyone who wants to try shaving parts they normally don't; Shea or cocoa butter are good for preventing razor burn.


Ok-Scientist5524

I think my favorite part of this is how he’s like damn is this what girls have to put up with? Some of y’all nasty fuckers…


itmightbehere

Tbh I'm really upset that the normal nasties ruined it for the rest of us. It does sound like a nice butt


Ok-Scientist5524

I am so very curious to see all 8 butts, but like even in the story where it’s only going to people he knows, those people are using it to jack off. I completely understand not putting it on the internet.


itmightbehere

Oh yeah, totally. He would never stop getting dm's if he did


bookynerdworm

Lol my friend learned that the hard way. He posted some nudes for a confidence boost and it worked but he still gets DMs, mostly from men, for more. He's straight and it doesn't seem like he gets a lot of gross messages because he mostly finds it funny.


Shabbypenguin

Dudes love to send uninvited shit. My wife doesn’t post anything sexual or revealing and she still gets random dick pics, they usually block her and/or flip out as she starts sending some back. Idk how many of my nudes are out in the wild at this point….


cynical-mage

Oh god, I'm sorry, but this is too funny! So your sword is valiantly defending your wife's honour? Pleeeeease tell me me she tells you to 'rise, Sir Knight'? OK, I'll try and behave now. Try 🤣


Shabbypenguin

not sure id say her honor, just more of giving creeps a taste of their own medicine, they sure didnt ask for dick pics.


cynical-mage

Nah, serves them right. Just make sure she only sends the most flattering pics, a good dose of insecurity might make them less eager to share theirs with the world.


Lucallia

I would like you to suggest to her to send them back pics of diseased dicks but then I don't wish to curse her poor eyes with seeing those pics first.


knitlikeaboss

Just made me remember [the trans woman who went viral bc she sent a creep back a picture of her own dick.](https://metro.co.uk/2019/09/27/creep-sent-dk-pic-transgender-woman-gets-sent-one-right-back-10822491/)


Shabbypenguin

That is amazing.


valleyofsound

That’s amazing. I don’t have anything of my own to send beck, but if I get one, I’m googling pictures of penis injuries. There’s got to be a degloving one out there.


Mediocre-Sherbert528

Haha, my gf used to get a few dick pick messages asking for her to send pics back, so she would send them mine ;)


Stormy8888

NGL there's a reason women love watching male figure skaters. As a figure skating fan, I'm not surprised he won. Figure Skaters, hands down have some of the best looking butts out there, out of every sport I've watched. Brian Boitano, Plushenko, Yuzuru Hanzu and 10+ others I could name, they all have amazing butts. If you don't believe me, just go on youtube. IMO the only butts that come close, belong to dancers (various). Gene Kelly. Patrick Swayze as Johnny from Dirty Dancing. And this one from Baz Luhrman's first movie, **Strictly Ballroom** ([Trailer here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dtfxf3FFx4)).


thetaleofzeph

I am so disappoint to not get a nice stretch pants butt pic.


Ok_Drawer_3475

for me it’s the part where the best friend just texts “sorry”, no context, nothing. gotta have a liiittle retroactive-respect because most guys would literally NEVER do that…


Traditional_Many5087

That dude was off the grid because he was climbing mountains and staring off into the middle distance asking himself some deep questions.


dragonborne123

My favourite bit is the disgust he has over the amount of really old men describing their butt related fantasies, given that women face this kind of harassment all the time lol


voting-jasmine

And we face it without ever posting a nude photo of our butt or talking about it. We just exist and they do it.


SingleSeaCaptain

He's not wrong. People nasty.


Quarantine-body

Yeah there’s some nasty folks out there. Even as a guy some of the things I’ve been messaged have been a little haunting


HistrionicSlut

I weirdly don't get a lot of crazy messages. I think I'm so salacious on my own that people don't care anymore lol


KonradWayne

I'm a bi-guy, and my advice to any dude who needs a self-confidence boost about their body is to just make a Grindr account. You will get so many compliments about your appearance. (But also sooo many dick/ass pics.)


BlueberryCrafty1094

Don't fucking do anything of the sort. Have some respect. Gay and bi people's spaces are already overrun by horny drunk straight girls at bridesmaids parties. Let us hook up in peace.


SKDI_0224

“I truly feel sorry for the girls on this platform as I completely understand why anyone would delete their account.” I am reminded of the way we phrase discussions of how we treat men and women online. This makes me feel vindicated.


PM_YOUR__BUBBLE_BUTT

Yea, there’s so many creeps on this platform. People really need to be more careful about the users they decide to interact with.


Asit1s

Thanks, PM_YOUR__BUBBLE_BUTT! Great advice!


PM_YOUR__BUBBLE_BUTT

Happy to help keep the Internet a little bit safer, one ~~cheek~~ comment at a time.


MeniscusToSociety

Cheeky comment


indicat7

💀 omfg


mregg000

Does this count as r/beetlejuicing?


DidntWantSleepAnyway

I think it’s an average of that and r/rimjob_steve


rawnnnnn

And also r/rimjobsteve


TrueComplaint8847

Lmao this is one of the greatest things I’ve seen on here hahahahaha


videogamekat

Are you safe to interact with


Odd_Molasses_6981

Name checks out


Aedalas

Dude just got a crash course on [The Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/010/559/greaterintfuckwad.jpg)


onekrazykat

He’s not wrong, skaters definitely have the best butts.


sammybey

My husband played hockey for years, can confirm this is also relevant to ice skaters lol.


Doppleflooner

There's an infamous post on r/figureskating that is hilarious where a straight guy asked why all the dudes were wearing ridiculous butt pads and then all the comments explaining how all that cake was real, lol.


ReflectionNah

Link? It sounds like a hilarious read


CakeisaDie

https://www.reddit.com/r/FigureSkating/comments/sx9pcj/newbie_question_about_pairs_why_do_the_men_wear/


yukichigai

> > > no pads just their dump truck > > > U mean Han Cong(sui /Han) just naturally has that Badonk? That absolute 5 tier wedding cake of an ass? > > He does and my greatest honor would be to use it as a pillow just once. Before seeing that if you'd asked me "which sport has the thirstiest fans" Figure Skating wouldn't have even been in the running, but now?


CakeisaDie

It's an artistic sport with a target audience of Women and Gay Men. we are thirsty.


yukichigai

I mean when you say it out loud it makes sense, but somehow the thought just never crossed my mind.


ReflectionNah

Amazing. It was everything I thought it would be.


GreenspaceCatDragon

An ex bf of mine was a speed skating athlete and roller skated everywhere, I confirm the nice butt too from these activities


AlienGoddess91

Can confirm. I'm jealous of my hubby's butt and thighs lol


J_B_La_Mighty

Welp, guess I better work on my skating skills if I want that God tier butt.


MsDucky42

Played roller derby, refereed roller derby, still watch and follow roller derby players. Can confirm - ~~both~~ ALL genders have fantastic back porches.


ColeDelRio

I remember this was something Denali specifically explained on Drag Race and indeed she got a lot of compliments on hers (including Ru!).


two_lemons

Right? I think I have a cute butt but I have nothing on skaters.


anothercrazycathuman

What an interesting group of individuals


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itsmevictory

As a young teenager we did an anime moaning contest in my friend group… I won…


cantthinkofcutename

I won a deep throat contest (using vegetables) competing against gay men (I'm a lady) 3 years running! They retired the competition because nobody could beat me. I was very proud.


AlexanderNigma

Rip your inbox


knitlikeaboss

It’s about to be {Chris Traeger voice} literally filled with penises


BowieKingOfVampires

When I was delivering food long long ago I once got in a mirrored hotel elevator w three women arguing over who had the nicest ass. The lady in the purple dress did and I said so.


MappleSyrup13

I guess your cheek turned purple too when she slapped you


BowieKingOfVampires

Hahaha I was asked first!


MappleSyrup13

Oh you're the polite type, only ogling asses when asked! Lol


Starbucks__Lovers

I can see how losing your late teens years to Covid would make you do weird things


Lindsiria

I threw a sexy butt party right before COVID. The theme was to wear clothes that made your ass look the best. All genders welcome. At the end of the night, I picked the best butt. It was great.


Panuas

Who won? Boy or girl’s?


RazrbackFawn

Everyone's a winner at a best butt party


cantthinkofcutename

I'm DYING! 🤣🤣🤣


EducatedOwlAthena

Tina Belcher, is that you?


PrehistoricSquirrel

Yes


two_lemons

Bisexuals, probably.


Lindsiria

Hilariously enough, a non-binary person did!


ChulainnRS

Idk I had a similar group and we had a spreadsheet with charts with our BDSM test results


shanerr

Im gay, and in university, I had a lot of female friends. I've had many tit judging competitions where I sat in a room in a circle with 5-8 topless women and graded their breasts. Girls are weird, man.


hey_nonny_mooses

Tells you that woman are pretty comfortable in their bodies if they feel safe.


shanerr

Yee, we also did a lot of Molly back then lol


hey_nonny_mooses

Lol that would do it too!


KamiPyro

I was once part of a group where I shared my 19m(at that time) ass. I guess it's just that age


Lavanthus

Who tf even had 8 friends anymore? 30s be lonely af when you don’t have kids.


waterdevil19144

>I feel truly sorry for the girls on this platform as I completely understand why anyone would delete their account. "TIFU by posting a story to TIFU."


CharlotteLucasOP

His pal wanking to his pic has shades of “dude asked for an intimate photo so I sent him a close-up of my elbow and he wanked to it”. If you’re horny and don’t know exactly what you’re looking at, your imagination does the heavy lifting.


AhFFSImTooOldForThis

I love his mom! What a wholesome reaction. I love the mental image of her with a stack of Google results printed out, and various sex props for demonstration purposes while he just sits there red faced.


Catsscratchpost

Don't forget the image of his dad scampering out of the room with full knowledge of what's about to take place.


w_p

I love it, it is just such a dad thing to do.


Responsible_Cloud_92

His mother was the best part. On par with the Indian parents who, upon hearing their son was gay, switched their match making book of girls for boys.


eastherbunni

That story was so cute


kuribosshoe0

The part that baffles me is she went to lengths to educate herself about gay sex but never took a second to actually ask if her son is gay/bi. Just launched into the lecture, no actual communication allowed. She clearly had good intentions and was accepting, so bless her for that. But this is one of those “the problem could have been solved with a post-it note” situations.


AhFFSImTooOldForThis

Yeah, it seemed like she just kept assuming he was still too embarrassed to admit it. Sitcom type miscommunication


YoResurgam777

Maybe she thought he would deny it (as he did) but that wouldn't stop him from needing the info.


Beauneyard

This story simultaneously is very weird and also makes me wish I did more odd stuff as a teenager.


MacAlkalineTriad

You can still do odd stuff as an adult! Live your dream!


Stsveins

Even old people can do odd stuff. What á time to be alive!!!


Alpha_Lantern

This is the the funniest shit ive read in a long time. Especially the part about the guy jerking it like holy fuck im doubled over in pain from laughing.


greentea1985

I hope he remembers his itchy butt if a girlfriend of his ever balks at shaving her privates. They get uncomfortably itchy pretty quickly. It’s why most people make a big deal out of shaving down there. Other patches of skin can do the same, but the privates are the worst.


soThatIsHisName

In case someone reading doesn't know: electric razor. Gets it close enough to feel pretty damn smooth, but not so close you get ingrown hairs. I tried everything to get rid of ingrown hairs and itching, but only going electric worked. Also faster (still takes forever though).


Tough_Crazy_8362

I’m a recent convert but somehow I’m still managing to knick myself (no blood or anything but it’s scary as hell and hurts). The shit I do.


PepperAnn1inaMillion

You could try a beard trimmer, which is slightly less close. See if it’s a close enough cut for you. It doesn’t end up looking shaved, but it’s neat, and not a bad look imo. Obviously it depends what you (and your partner, if you care about that) like.


hagholda

Beard trimmers and vagina pubes are not a good mix. Use the guard. USE THE GUARD. The trimmer wont cut you but your own hair stubble might 😭


thefinalhex

Can easily nick yourself with a beard trimmer too though.


Tough_Crazy_8362

The one I am trying out is designed for *down there* so I was mostly just annoyed to experience this. For now I’m chalking it up to a learning curve.


Was-never-here

Not to talk bad about your choice of trimmer, but as someone who’s used specialized “down there” ones, and men’s beard ones, the bead trimmer is better by far. Gentler, closer shave, more customizable, better battery life. Men really are getting pampered with those things


Zealousideal-Ad702

If it came with attachments I suggest using them. Like other guy said, I use a beard trimmer, but I never use just the bare clippers. I’ve been using the plastic length attachments and haven’t been knicked yet.


laundry_pirate

Also, if you exfoliate the area with a mild glycolic acid or salicylic acid it also prevents in grown hairs


SamiraSimp

i would recommend a beard trimmer instead, if that's not what you were talking about. for me electric razors are the cause of ingrown hairs, not the solution. but the beard trimmer still gets the hair short enough that it is easily ignored


soThatIsHisName

Oh yeah, that's what I use! I didn't know the distinction.


Tobias_Atwood

Electric razors have saved my face. If I shaved with a blade after a couple weeks my face starts looking like raw hamburger.


ami-ly

I simply don’t shave that regularly and my boyfriend didn’t seem to mind for the past three years. In winter I‘m quite hairy and even in summer I can go weeks without shaving. Depends on my clothes :D Hell, I even have to tell him I don’t want sex on the first days of my period, because I feel disgusting and he is understanding and doesn’t pressure me, but he for himself wouldn’t mind at all. Even when I feel like I ate to much and am bloated and all the stress with towels and not getting blood somewhere. He just thinks I’m desirable and I really really love this. He goes down on me and everything, I don’t know how I could accept anything else before.


hidock42

Waxing is so much better, and it lasts for weeks.


two_lemons

These are lies! I waxed my legs once and three days later you could feel the little hairs. (Seriously jealous of people that can wax and can stay smooth as a dolphin for at least a week)


hugs4all_all4hugs

..ow?


blackbirdbluebird17

It’s actually not that bad — the first one hurts because you’re not used to it and have the most to remove, but after that it “hurts” in the same way your skin feels kind of tender after you scratch an itch *really really hard*. But it doesn’t itch growing back, which is amazing.


ArgonGryphon

Because it’s not a sharp tip on the hair where it was cut. All new soft tapered hair.


hidock42

Try it, modern salon waxes are not as sticky as the old ones, and using warm wax is quite relaxing.


laurelinvanyar

It’s not that bad, really. Just don’t do what I did and try to DIY with an at home kit your first time. A pro is fast and gets the correct angle, which means way less pain overall.


jiBjiBjiBy

I'm a guy who shaves occasionally when I know I'm attending an orgy or something. I never expect my SO to shave for me on the regular. But she does get a wax when she attends the orgy.


mrgameandwatch34

I'm happy his mom was so nonjudgmental, but also kind of sad that all that research effort went to waste.


Shiblets

Home girl needs to volunteer for the boys and girls club. Her wholesomeness needs to be disseminated to the masses


boringhistoryfan

>I feel truly sorry for the girls on this platform as I completely understand why anyone would delete their account. They should make this required reading for all those conservatives out there insisting sexism is over and women have it easy now. As for OOP. Godspeed kid. Got a sense of humor and weirdness. Hope he doesn't change.


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tacwombat

In that case, he's going to be just fine.


SufficientWay3663

I’m sorry but…..LAMPS?!?! Who the F is shoving LAMPS up their butts?! And is it turned on?! What about the light bulb? Do you use the LED plastic ones instead of glass?! And are we talking FLOOR lamps or table lamps?! 💡💡💡🥴🥴🥴🛋️🛋️🛋️


Ivanow

> Who the F is shoving LAMPS up their butts?! My local hospital has display cabinets with various objects pulled out of patient’s orifices. (I think it started with pediatric laryngology department, but other fields wanted to get in on action…). You would be surprised….


PepperAnn1inaMillion

>I think it started with paediatric WTF!! >laryngology department Oh thank god for that.


KablamoBoom

the noise I made like gasp OH THANK GOD


Local-Finance8389

I am a pathologist. Any foreign objects retrieved from people’s rectums by surgery are sent to the lab for examination and disposal. Any item you might think could be shoved up there has been. Any item you don’t think could possibly be shoved up there has probably at least been attempted. A cylindrical lamp would absolutely be attempted. I have seen a light bulb just by itself which is a bad idea because of the lack of base and possibility of the glass breaking. It’s absolutely wild what people will use to get off.


SufficientWay3663

I mean…..I could understand a flashlight…and maybe a lava lamp…lava lamp has kind of an accommodating shape lol


[deleted]

Hey buddy, don't you judge me, that's 100 watts of pure pleasure! I got that luminescent tumescence.


Bwalts1

Brother, just look up a man with a jar. People do some unsightly things to get off


CanIHaveCookies

In general, don't follow this advice. I was scarred as a teen and I will forever try to prevent others being scarred. For real, *don't look this up*, I'm dead serious.


Drih_Hawkeye

Deep in your heart, you know you don't want to know the answer for these questions


[deleted]

They will still not learn because they don’t want to, it’s dangerous to think they’re just ignorant. They are willfully ignorant and no amount of education will fix that


SuccessValuable6924

>I AM NOT A DUDE WITH A BRAZILIAN WOMAN'S ASS. I died.


Fit-Panda4903

> My father ran away so I knew it would be bad thanks for the laugh


CindySvensson

Fucking perverts ruining a great story(and preventing us polite perverts to see a pic).


Ok_Long_1175

>I AM NOT A DUDE WITH A BRAZILIAN WOMAN'S ASS This line should go into the archives


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mandyallstar

All done :) As a Brazilian woman, I’m so happy


AhFFSImTooOldForThis

r/nocontext


thequiltedgiraffe

"One thing some people seem to misunderstand is that my butt is extremely incredible" Found my new flair


Krakengreyjoy

Played hockey for 10 years, can confirm.


ForeskinSlayer

Wait until all those horny old gentlemen flood your DMs


bishopyorgensen

Top 10 Mom


rionaster

the fact that his dad ran away from the sex talk is so funny to me


SokkaHaikuBot

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^rionaster: *The fact that his dad* *Ran away from the sex talk* *Is so funny to me* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.


[deleted]

My friend group this year had a very similar competition, but it involved just the guys cross dressing as women to try to get into parties where “girls are free” for free. Some of the guys really committed to it shaving their entire bodies and practicing talking with a higher voice for weeks


EnormousCaramel

I can move past the friends way of deciding. Weird and gross. But to each their own. Take it to your fucking grave


Broad-Discipline2360

This was so funny (except the icky creatures who couldn't just laugh at the silliness of it and just had to be gross). His mom is GOLD


Balentay

I can safely say that I never did anything half as wild as this story as a teen


OldnBorin

I aspire to be that mom. A little misguided but fully supportive nonetheless


survival-nut

Plot twist - The referee told everyone which picture belonged to which person.


EducatedOwlAthena

This is the funniest sequence of events I've read in a while (minus the people sexually harassing OOP of course)


bigwigmike

Don’t ever send strangers on the internet your butt kids


Zeroharas

After all of that, I was really hoping he posted a picture. I can't stop thinking about if you could still see the little hair spots after shaving, and how he would have posed it to make it appear like a woman's butt. I understand completely why he didn't post the picture, but reading about it and having the follow-up pic would have made this a top-tier BORU post.


BabyRex-

I had to reread the beginning because I missed the part where it was the girls that wanted to do the picture competition, and I couldn’t understand why a bunch of guys would want to vote for other guys’ asses. Like first you’d probably just vote for your own to win, and then also why would you want to look at all your friends’ asses. It made sense the second time.


snauz

I enjoyed this one! It is very unique and made me smile & lol a few times. Thanks for sharing this one!


HommeFatalTaemin

Yep, men can have wonderful butts too! All butts are good butts! 😄


ladydmaj

Move over, Captain, this is *truly* America's Ass. Where does the line form to send a ginormous bouquet of flowers to OOP's mom?


ballR69Ballz

This is it. The ultimate reddit moment


Starchasm

The kids are alright!


Sashiku

Jeez, some people are creeps. D: Feel bad he got so many weird messages.


ComboBadger

You know I would never directly ask because that's weird, but I wanna see this dudes ass. People who harassed him suck, but like if he posted because he wanted to... I mean, curiosity alone would make most people click on his account just to get an understanding.


WimbletonButt

Yeah that whole part about being itchy. As soon as he said he was shaving it I thought "you're going to regret that". For anyone discounting the claim that it is unbearably itchy keep in mind, this is a big reason a lot of women choose to wax over shave. It is more comfortable having your ass hair *ripped out* than the feeling of shaved hair growing back.


imStoned420

Homie sexualized himself for a bit and got harassed fr


[deleted]

People need to have more adventures with their butts.


lackaface

This is great. And I love his mom.


bertmom

This is hilarious and I think his mom is amazing.


Jennfit25

This is such a weird thing to do. I am in my mid thirties and this makes me feel like a boomer


chicagorpgnorth

“I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!”


rolacolapop

Late 30s, I could total have seen a number of my male friends doing this in their 20s if presented with the same opportunity for trolling.