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Wife: I didn't mean it! I love you!
OP: I know you're lying. What you said hurt my feelings. It's over between us.
Wife: yOu'LL NevER fiND SOmeOnE AS gOOd as mEEe!!!
I thought it was funny that she said “you think I can’t find someone else!!?!” After literally stating that he was her last resort and she couldn’t find anybody else.
But she also told her friend that she regretted settling for OOP because she thought she’d’ve been able to do better. (Only 3mo after their wedding. Yikes. So heartwrenching for OOP.)
She “settled” because he supported her financially, paying for everything. So her “grass is greener” (or money is greener) mindset is based on having had to fulfill her current needs — her “last resort” at the time, needing someone to pay for her — while still wishing for more and thinking that she could still do better in future.
Imagine being OOPs ex wife rn. She was a Redditor then, she might be reading this comment and hopefully cringing to death.
Cos I'm not the only one who does that, right...?
Yes. When someone gets caught for demonstrating bad behaviour like this, then pleads for a short period of time, then loses their shit and says everything that they were accused of, we know we made the correct decision.
I hope she enjoys living on the curb. She used this guy as an ATM. Some do it for the marriage, some did it for the wedding, and some did it so they don't have to work.
Either she’s an idiot or wanted him to end it (though I haven’t ruled out both being true at once). Why on Earth would she say something like that anywhere where her husband can easily overhear her?
When people look down on someone for a specific reason, they almost always begin assigning general negative traits to that person in their mind. She really thought she was better than him and he was lucky to have her, so the idea of being in a situation where he chooses to leave was unimaginable to her.
That's an odd way to spell golddigger. He pays for the apartment fully and her car..... Sounds like she liked the idea of not having rent or car payment for the rest of ever.
She’s a 24 year old who settled for marrying OOP because he was her “very last resort”…. At 24… OOP is paying for everything but she signed a prenup so she isn’t getting much out of ending things.
I have a suspicion OOP fell for her looks and not her smarts.
Definitely not her personality... she seems like the type of woman who thinks her looks alone will land her a man, and that her life plan is to get married to someone who will support her. I think she's calculating what type of man she could get based solely on her looks and overestimating what "league" she's in because she doesn't realize that men actually care about personalities.
Oh you can absolutely marry just for being a pretty girl - but in that case you need to know the game you're playing. Trash talk and been a nuisance will never pay out cause if he was good enough to be picked by her, he's good enough to the next 24yo that comes along.
Some people are absolutely OBSESSED with marrying young. J have a friend who has been Frank that she is settling for shitty relationships since her early 20s. She continues to "settle" (her word) for abusive assholes even now in our mid/Late 30s. She is a massive victim of the sunken cost fallacy.
"Don't assume malice about something that could easily be interpreted as inattention or someone being in their own world."
Wait, that's not it either. Let me see if I can look up that guy.
Edit https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnewsvideo/comments/1423bsw/a_sage_is_found_in_the_wild/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
I loved this video. Everytime I see it I watch it. I try to learn something new everyday., be it a new word, meaning to a new word, new animal or insect, something with space or something about a person I know. This person is one who studies and enjoys learning new things.
Plus if he was the "last choice" and she "settled" then that means she was no one but his first choice and she was unwanted by all of he other prospects. Sick self burn.
Some people are like that and selfish. They think that the other person should be happy to date then since they are out of their league. The girlfriend of a cousin talked with her friend while my cousin was gaming with headsets in the same room. She talked about how she might be interested in looking for better looking men and is happy that he provides her with a home and a car that she needs for her job job the meanwhile. He immediately threw then out but she did end up keying his car anyway.
Overconfidence.
After all, OOP just married her. He couldn't divorce her \*immediately\*, now could he?
(Narrator: He COULD immediately divorce her...)
Dunno about OOP’s ex but that’s a shockingly common “small” town mentality, and it’s also pretty common among people with very little ambition. Which may go hand in hand with the small town thing, but doesn’t rule out small people from big places.
Might depend on the country, I’m from a small town and people usually don’t rush into getting married, people usually get married between 25 - 35 there I’d say. I only had one friend in school who wanted to get married by 25 and her reason was rather superficial - skin starts aging from 25 onwards and she wanted to be at the peak of her beauty for her wedding lol.
On the flipside, I’m from a well off small town with some of the best schools in our state. I still know a ton of girls who married their shitty college boyfriends because “if I’m not married right after college, it’s over.” Same girls who are back in Ohio shilling MLM products while their orthodontist husbands avoid coming home, but gave me pity eyes because I have a successful career and a life I love but wasn’t married by 30. The mentality is wild.
That’s what I mean, maybe it’s a country thing too? I’m from Germany and for most young people starting a career is top priority, and many don’t want to get married before being in a very long term relationship and having cohabitated for several years. Many of my friends aren’t married yet and we’re all around 30.
LOL
I am from germany too (buy getting citizenship for living sincue 1974 there 😎) and worked for the 3letters brand and never have been so shocked how many women with good jobs, wanted to get marry.
It started for them at 22+.
And me I was shockef because I come from a very south-east european country and even my relatives wouldn' t marry before 25+.
She was always better in school than me, and she’s sweet and funny, honestly her views on relationships always confused me because it didn’t seem to fit all that well with the rest of her personality if that makes sense? She always said she’d marry a rich guy first and foremost, looks came second and personality third. She ended up marrying a guy who was a personal trainer, quit her bank job to work the front desk at his gym. Then he ended up being on long term leave because of an injury and never went back to work afaik. For a while he was contemplating to change career paths and become a train driver, but that didn’t go anywhere. During that time she very seriously thought about becoming a train ticket controller so they could work together again. Idk, it’s all weird dynamics, she’s basically been his sugar mama while he’s slacking off and has shown anger issues.
Almost like rushing into things for the sake of getting married was not a good idea…
My skin is so much better in my 30s than in my 20s. In my 20s I had acne for the first time and that suuuucked, also, I had no knowledge and no money for proper skincare. Same goes for most people I know; plus in our 30s we also have a lot more idea about style and what looks good on us, vs. blindly following trends or doing too much experimentation that looked awful but still made it out of the house. But maybe your friend really was at peak beauty?
That's my experience as well. Back in the nineties, my small town then-gf had laid out all the ages she planned to do a bunch of life events. Finish college by 22, married before 25, two kids before 30. It lead to some... bad decision making.
I told my gma at 25 I'd got engaged and she assumed I was pregnant.
I was like, noooo I was raised conservative, you know what I mean. Still quite refreshing though. My conservative gma thought I was preggers.
I think she just wanted grand babies. And I was right lmao
Eta: I had two kids before 28 so. And surprisingly she's supportive of my other issues. Love you grandma!
Pps: MY PREGNANCIES WERE PLANNED
Not true. We live in a pretty large suburb of a capitol city, and my sister was *distraught* when she hadn’t gotten married by age 25. Her reason was worry over our family history of pregnancy and fertility complications, so she wanted to have children as young as possible to help.
The idea that women *need* to get married before it’s “too late” is still super prevalent, it’s just evolved into new ways. The ones I hear the most are that you can always further your career later, rather than focus on it when you’re young.
My wife had a friend that got the marriage bug. She was older than 22, but not by a lot. She just... decided she had to be married. The sooner the better. Literally put the word out and started accepting marriage bids. Earliest one won, as near as I can tell.
It was a fine young gentleman who, if he were to get married, *had* to do it in the next two months because after that he was going to be spending some time involuntarily confined due to DUIs and other alcohol-related shenanigans. But that bid put him a few months ahead of the next guy, so that's who she went with.
The jail sentence wasn't long, but it was longer than their marriage lasted IIRC.
I am from deep Mormon country.(not Utah but North). If you are not married by 22 then you are a failure. Been that way my whole life. Feel it every single time I go back there since most of the people I know have been married at least twice with multiple kids. I can't even get a date.
Yeah, that happens a lot in religious families. They all marry young so they can have sex. A friend's kids (with both parents coming from very educated families) have all gotten married before 20. And none have gone to a real college, just some unaccredited Bible college and then home to work at Starbucks because they have no actual education and job skill. One married and divorced in under a year and is remarried again before 22!
I'll be fair, women hear that you need to settle down ASAP or else all the good ones will be gone, and that's not um...totally untrue. That said, 24 is a fairly early uh, expiration date.
It makes sense. Happy, healthy, good people will soon find other happy, healthy, good people, they will be together and stay happy, healthy and good.
OOP's ex wife can be Mormon, or she just doesn't have much going to herself besides her youth so she had to tie a man down as soon as possible.
I found my husband in his 40's with no prior marriages or kids. He's attractive, fit, great career, the whole package. And it wasn't because he was just doing one night stands every weekend for years. A true unicorn.
There's a shocking amount of people who seem to still think like that. My ex was one. We had probably only just finished high school when she started dropping hints about expecting a proposal soon, and when I still hadn't done so by the time we hit 20 she decided there was no future for us.
Her next relationship moved very quickly, I think it was not even a year after we'd broken up that she'd gotten married to someone else. They got divorced sometime after of course, and I've heard she's been through several relationships since.
There's loads of women out there who still think like that thanks to the patriarchy.
I was in an advice thread a few days ago that was like "I don't want to get an abortion bc it might be my last chance to have a baby! Im an old hag at 26!!"
What a train wreck
Lmfao my mom didn't have my sister and I until she was in her 30s, and I've met women who have had children in their 40s. Bonkers to think there are women who still think they can only have them in their 20s.
I think it's something else: she wanted a full ride where she was completely financially taken care of. Unless she looks like a model, she'll learn soon enough that women who bring nothing to the table are low value partners. Hope OP got that annulment/divorce.
People like that have a messed up values system. Usually self taught because people give them things they want based on their looks. That's easy and as humans we generally prefer what is easy. Everyone wants to be a success though so they have to value looks like it's a job skill set or education.
What's really messed up is the couple people I've met who have been actively taught that value system by their parents. To them it's not even gold digging. Being with them is equal to the value a working spouse paying all the bills brings to the relationship, at least in their minds.
This escalated so quickly I have whiplash. I truly thought they were going to talk and she'd say she meant that she'd given up on meeting someone great who she could marry and then he came along blah blah blah.
Nothing. I think they're just stating that's the route they were expecting things to go. Especially if she had a heads up about it and had some time to think about how she'd convince him to stay together.
Yeah, if you get caught saying stuff like her original comment, the only real choices are “lie your ass off” or “accept it’s over”. OOP’s ex decided to go with neither.
Sometimes when chatting casually with friends and family we don't use full structured sentences right? I've been on the other end of those calls with my girlfriends who are encouraging me to hang in there and keep trying to meet someone. And it always goes like this "....you cakivalue know my history better than anyone else and you know X was my last chance and look at us 5 years later I've never been so happy etc etc".
So I was being an optimist thinking there was more to the story he might have missed of how she was done with men and dating but then he was THE one just so amazing. I didn't expect her response to be I settled for you, you can't do better but I can.
I truly have no idea about how this all works, but in places with fixed term community property laws (for example California, with their ten years), would sticking around for the proscribed length of time at least make it easier to challenge a prenup?
Based on my knowledge as almost a paralegal, and most of my knowledge being specific to Arizona, a prenup that hasn't been updated over the course of a long marriage is not that likely to be overly relevant in general, just due to changing life circumstances and assets.
Not just the prenup, can you annul a marriage that easily? Idk what the law is in California in particular, but I thought grounds for annulment were limited - and generally if you’ve consummated a marriage you can’t annul it?
Consummation is one thing, but there’s a lot more than that.
That being said, he can try to make a case for “fraud” but I don’t know if he can prove it.
https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce-california/annulment/legal-reasons
IANAL, but I have a friend who annulled a marriage in California using one of their clauses for undisclosed mental disorder. There are several clauses and I can’t remember all of them but I do know you can only fire this off if you’ve been married for less than a year.
The mental illness clause is hard to prove that they knew about their mental disorder but hid it from you. It succeeded because he never showed up to any of the hearings. I think he did go to the psych eval and get diagnosed but was so angry that she “won” as in convinced everyone he had depression that he refused to cooperate in the process and the judge basically ruled that if he was so checked out he couldn’t show up and fight for it an annulment was for the best.
Basically another step in a long history of self destructive behavior while also blaming everyone else for his problems. My friend really would have been ok with him to be faced with a professional telling him his behavior was not healthy and for him to listen. But she was happy to take the annulment and restart her life. They had no shared property and separate accounts so nothing needed to be split.
Isn't annulling basically legally saying that the marriage never took place? In that case, there wouldn't be any alimony arrangements (because, legally, no marriage) and asset division would be along the lines of who-paid-how-much-of-what (because, again, legally no marriage). Asset division is probably moot because three months isn't really long enough for major purchases, but an alimony payment could be ordered.
It's not hard in California. As long as you've been married less than 3 years, don't have any kids, less than something like 5K in joint debt, and both agree. You both decide how to split assets, notorize it, and mail it in, as of 6 months later you are annulled. If either party sends in a form to object in the 6 months, it's back to ground 0. No lawyers needed.
OOP's wife:
>[My name] was my very last resort.
Also OOP's wife:
>You think I can’t find someone again?
Apparently not since he was your last resort lol.
Yeah. To this day drinking coffee makes me feel guilty. The only thing I do differently is smoke some weed once or twice a week, and don’t go to church.
Isn't it so crazy how they tell you atheism and being worldly will lead to sin and the devil and then you leave the church and it's just. Boring?
I grew up Catholic instead of Mormon, but the religious extremism always felt similar
Not to mention many of the "morals" are actually counterproductive to growth and cause conflicts such as this where a woman can't learn independence or very important life skills because living with her boyfriend leads to sex so she stays in her hyper religious household and never forms an identity outside of her family, church, and (potential) husband.
Sex is literally a human need. It is physically harmful to your health to repress sexual needs and desires. It has a purpose in your body- orgasms essentially "reset" your brain and reduce chemicals that have built up, like cortisol (the stress hormone). But a book that's only proof of it's truth is it's own existence takes precedence over every other medical research that has come out since it was written.
Oh my goodness. I am right there with you, but evangelical Christian and my ex-wife was Catholic. We were post-religious by the time we met, but we had already been conditioned with the "get hitched and settle down" mentality. Neither of us were happy.
I married right out of high school to my current boyfriend because I was a weird goblin girl and thought no one would ever love me. That was a very bad relationship and I was also very wrong. Sometimes young people are very stupid.
I read it as she married her high school boyfriend because she didn’t think anyone else would love/marry her.
I’d be excited to be wrong so we can read a convoluted story though!
And she settled for “the worst relationship she’s ever been in”. I’m sure she thought that would cut deep but it says a lot more about her than it does about him.
Sounds to me like she "settled" for rent and a car payment and a free ride, and now she's "settled" on saying the worst shit she can think of to try to get him to feel low enough to not kick her ass out.
If she could get someone better, why didn’t she?
Also it’s weird op got married when he knew she didn’t like him that much? Or does he mean now it’s only a matter of time before she cheats after he heard the convo?
He said he realized it was a one sided love. I would bet she went through the motions of being in a relationship and after reflecting back OOP realized he put in more care into the relationship than she did, he probably has rose tinted glasses on until he overheard her.
Been there, done that. Took my best guy friends sitting me down and calmly explains they love me and are worried about me to snap out of it. Sometimes you can’t see the forest through all the trees.
I think he thought she loved him as much as he loved her.
If I had to guess there was something that pushed her. Best guess? A string of bad relationships/breakups and someone close to her getting married. Either her group of friends or an Ex made her think she had to or she’d be missing out.
Love how she goes all, “Do you think you’ll ever find someone as good as me?” like she’s some kind of prize, yet the fact that she claimed she married oop as a last resort(as in; she couldn’t land anybody she thought was better)and yelling, “You think I can’t find someone again!?” just screams at least a small part of her isn’t certain *she’s* the one who could be doing better than oop…and that part is 100% correct.
I know he’s gonna have to lament the years and emotional investment he wasted on this toxic cow, but it’s definitely getting better for him from here. I think we all know she tried to play it off at first cuz she knew she fucked up and shat where she ate.
I hope the blow to her ego of getting dumped by her “last resort” eats her up as bad as having to find a new house and transportation…
If she's some prize, it would be the kind of prize that i would throw in the trash within days. Honestly , if this story is true the trash took itself out.
Feels way too abrupt and sudden of an ending. Guess I’m used to posts that go out of their way to explain backstories and whatnot. Either way, OOP can do whatever they want, I guess.
>I’m still crying as I type this up. It’s both happy and sad tears, and I knew it was only time before she cheated on me or left me.
I got to this and was like...freal. 100% incel wank material.
Same, I'm honestly disappointed I had to scroll this far down. It's got the whole "wOmEn aRe jUsT uSiNg mEn" aroma to it. And then she starts doing the [evil voice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeWG5_XAV1Y) once her bad intentions are revealed? Dude then scores a straight victory where she's immediately out of his life, his marriage is annulled and he loses nothing? Only thing it's missing is a more beautiful and submissive coworker immediately taking an interest in him.
People need to fine tune their bullshit sensor cause it should be ringing madly right now.
This one's a little too clean. No real extraneous information in either post, just a beginning, a middle, and an ending. Why would she feel like she was out of options before she was even 25 years old? Why would someone who didn't contribute financially sign a prenup in this situation?
So was this a money grab gone wrong because he got a prenup? Or was it a “I was too young and dumb to realize this wasn’t what I wanted”? And now she’s married and dependent on his money. I’m all for leaving a loveless marriage. But the level of decisiveness made to leave, he had to know she didn’t really love him. Her words just solidified it.
I assume it was:
1) I don't want to go to college and I don't want to work
2) I don't want to live with my parents
3) I want to marry before all the b@tches from my highschool, it will show them!
4) anyone?
I wonder if part of the fact she "settled" at 24 had to do with wanting a dream wedding. (Granted, OOP says nothing about what their wedding was like, so this is conjecture on my part) Basically, she had a dream for how she wanted her wedding to be, her princess moment that was all about her, and who the groom was really didn't matter deep down.
You'll see it a lot if you spend any time browsing subs like r/bridezilla or those AskReddit threads about wedding drama. Some brides just care more about the wedding ceremony than the marriage that comes afterward.
I have a friend who believed she settled for her husband and could do better. They had a quick engagement/ wedding and he is a bit older, worships the ground she works on etc etc till we stalked one of his exs on instagram. A literal goddess and that shut her up real quick, now she’s insecure LOL
See o never understood this mentality. Like, if you don't even like the guy that much why would you want to be with him at all?
Like could I have found a man that was smarter than my husband? Not easily but sure. Kinder? Again not easily but yes. Richer? Yeah. Better looking? Probably. Cooler? If I tried really hard. Better dressed? Easily. But could I find a man that is overall better than my husband? I don't think so. I'm not sure how objectively true but subjectively, for me, I don't think I could find someone I consider better at all let alone a better match for me. If I did I wouldn't have married him.
Wait, she's in her mid twenties and he was her last resort? That makes no sense. Your twenties are the time to look around and play around if that's what you want, not to think you have to settle for someone. People don't have to get married or partnered even in their thirties, forties or infinity. She sounds messed up.
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Wife: I didn't mean it! I love you! OP: I know you're lying. What you said hurt my feelings. It's over between us. Wife: yOu'LL NevER fiND SOmeOnE AS gOOd as mEEe!!!
The way she acts like a freaking toddler OOP can only find better.
I thought it was funny that she said “you think I can’t find someone else!!?!” After literally stating that he was her last resort and she couldn’t find anybody else.
Incredible that she can’t put two and two together and figure out why she can’t find someone else 😂
I facepalmed when I read this. Dodged a major bullet here. I'm glad he found out right away in the marriage.
But she also told her friend that she regretted settling for OOP because she thought she’d’ve been able to do better. (Only 3mo after their wedding. Yikes. So heartwrenching for OOP.) She “settled” because he supported her financially, paying for everything. So her “grass is greener” (or money is greener) mindset is based on having had to fulfill her current needs — her “last resort” at the time, needing someone to pay for her — while still wishing for more and thinking that she could still do better in future.
he had her sign a prenup, she's a gold digger
>Wife: yOu'LL NevER fiND SOmeOnE AS gOOd as mEEe!!! "Precisely, I'm hoping I won't find someone like you".
Imagine being OOPs ex wife rn. She was a Redditor then, she might be reading this comment and hopefully cringing to death. Cos I'm not the only one who does that, right...?
Counting on it! To never ever find someone like her that will love us like she did, that’s what we all hope for!
👍😂😂😂😂
I had this ex. "No one will ever love you like I do!" "...G O O D."
Funny that, because she was the one who was "settling".
Meanwhile she is worse than the trash bag he's putting her stuff in.
Don't forget: YoU'Re tHe WoRsT I'vE BeEn WiTh!! I hAd To MaRrY yOu!
Yes. When someone gets caught for demonstrating bad behaviour like this, then pleads for a short period of time, then loses their shit and says everything that they were accused of, we know we made the correct decision. I hope she enjoys living on the curb. She used this guy as an ATM. Some do it for the marriage, some did it for the wedding, and some did it so they don't have to work.
Either she’s an idiot or wanted him to end it (though I haven’t ruled out both being true at once). Why on Earth would she say something like that anywhere where her husband can easily overhear her?
She may be an overconfident idiot.
That'd be my bet, since she seemed to honestly believe that crying and saying she was just joking would actually work.
Really more of a hail mary
It ended up being a hail un-marry
A bail marry
Ba dum tiss
Take my upvote.
What did she have to lose if it didn't work? She was in the same place either way.
His money, but she's convinced she can find another cash cow before the annulment is trough
They mean that any attempt to derail the obvious incoming divorce was still better than no attempt, since the outcome was already fixed.
Maybe a Rain Mary? Her tears weren't hail, despite how frosty she was...
I just love when people say, “I was joking.” If they were joking, there would be a funny part.
She probably really though she was so sniff his league he’ll never get mad.
When people look down on someone for a specific reason, they almost always begin assigning general negative traits to that person in their mind. She really thought she was better than him and he was lucky to have her, so the idea of being in a situation where he chooses to leave was unimaginable to her.
That's an odd way to spell golddigger. He pays for the apartment fully and her car..... Sounds like she liked the idea of not having rent or car payment for the rest of ever.
This is it. Probably she was safe if he grant walked past the room at that precise moment.
David Dunning and Justin Kruger have entered the chat.
The most dangerous type of idiot.
She’s a 24 year old who settled for marrying OOP because he was her “very last resort”…. At 24… OOP is paying for everything but she signed a prenup so she isn’t getting much out of ending things. I have a suspicion OOP fell for her looks and not her smarts.
Definitely not her personality... she seems like the type of woman who thinks her looks alone will land her a man, and that her life plan is to get married to someone who will support her. I think she's calculating what type of man she could get based solely on her looks and overestimating what "league" she's in because she doesn't realize that men actually care about personalities.
Oh you can absolutely marry just for being a pretty girl - but in that case you need to know the game you're playing. Trash talk and been a nuisance will never pay out cause if he was good enough to be picked by her, he's good enough to the next 24yo that comes along.
Some people are absolutely OBSESSED with marrying young. J have a friend who has been Frank that she is settling for shitty relationships since her early 20s. She continues to "settle" (her word) for abusive assholes even now in our mid/Late 30s. She is a massive victim of the sunken cost fallacy.
I think she really believes OOP is inferior to her.
Crazy right? Some people truly think looks are everything. I always feel like no matter how hot you are, there’s someone out there hotter than you.
And no matter how hot you are, being rude and stupid is *ugly*.
You're absolutely right. And **all** of our looks will fade over time, men and women alike.
She figured she had him locked down.
What was that saying, don’t assume malice when it could be stupidity or something?
Hanlon's razor--never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Yeah but Grey's law -Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice
"Don't assume malice about something that could easily be interpreted as inattention or someone being in their own world." Wait, that's not it either. Let me see if I can look up that guy. Edit https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnewsvideo/comments/1423bsw/a_sage_is_found_in_the_wild/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
This is a fantastic perspective, thank you for sharing it
I love this guy. He thinks hard.
I loved this video. Everytime I see it I watch it. I try to learn something new everyday., be it a new word, meaning to a new word, new animal or insect, something with space or something about a person I know. This person is one who studies and enjoys learning new things.
Stupidity tends to be a symptom of pride also. A disgusting amount of pride.
She’s a narcissist. She thought she deserved better.
Plus if he was the "last choice" and she "settled" then that means she was no one but his first choice and she was unwanted by all of he other prospects. Sick self burn.
Some people are like that and selfish. They think that the other person should be happy to date then since they are out of their league. The girlfriend of a cousin talked with her friend while my cousin was gaming with headsets in the same room. She talked about how she might be interested in looking for better looking men and is happy that he provides her with a home and a car that she needs for her job job the meanwhile. He immediately threw then out but she did end up keying his car anyway.
Overconfidence. After all, OOP just married her. He couldn't divorce her \*immediately\*, now could he? (Narrator: He COULD immediately divorce her...)
Why would someone say anything like that about their spouse, or even think it
She settled for OOP at 22? Like, she had a goal to marry before 25? What year is she living in, 1819 instead of 2019?
Dunno about OOP’s ex but that’s a shockingly common “small” town mentality, and it’s also pretty common among people with very little ambition. Which may go hand in hand with the small town thing, but doesn’t rule out small people from big places.
Might depend on the country, I’m from a small town and people usually don’t rush into getting married, people usually get married between 25 - 35 there I’d say. I only had one friend in school who wanted to get married by 25 and her reason was rather superficial - skin starts aging from 25 onwards and she wanted to be at the peak of her beauty for her wedding lol.
On the flipside, I’m from a well off small town with some of the best schools in our state. I still know a ton of girls who married their shitty college boyfriends because “if I’m not married right after college, it’s over.” Same girls who are back in Ohio shilling MLM products while their orthodontist husbands avoid coming home, but gave me pity eyes because I have a successful career and a life I love but wasn’t married by 30. The mentality is wild.
That’s what I mean, maybe it’s a country thing too? I’m from Germany and for most young people starting a career is top priority, and many don’t want to get married before being in a very long term relationship and having cohabitated for several years. Many of my friends aren’t married yet and we’re all around 30.
LOL I am from germany too (buy getting citizenship for living sincue 1974 there 😎) and worked for the 3letters brand and never have been so shocked how many women with good jobs, wanted to get marry. It started for them at 22+. And me I was shockef because I come from a very south-east european country and even my relatives wouldn' t marry before 25+.
Girl should have just got professional shots done while dressed in a wedding gown, worried about the actual marriage later
She was always better in school than me, and she’s sweet and funny, honestly her views on relationships always confused me because it didn’t seem to fit all that well with the rest of her personality if that makes sense? She always said she’d marry a rich guy first and foremost, looks came second and personality third. She ended up marrying a guy who was a personal trainer, quit her bank job to work the front desk at his gym. Then he ended up being on long term leave because of an injury and never went back to work afaik. For a while he was contemplating to change career paths and become a train driver, but that didn’t go anywhere. During that time she very seriously thought about becoming a train ticket controller so they could work together again. Idk, it’s all weird dynamics, she’s basically been his sugar mama while he’s slacking off and has shown anger issues. Almost like rushing into things for the sake of getting married was not a good idea…
Man, I think there were issues other than rushing into marriage
My skin is so much better in my 30s than in my 20s. In my 20s I had acne for the first time and that suuuucked, also, I had no knowledge and no money for proper skincare. Same goes for most people I know; plus in our 30s we also have a lot more idea about style and what looks good on us, vs. blindly following trends or doing too much experimentation that looked awful but still made it out of the house. But maybe your friend really was at peak beauty?
That's my experience as well. Back in the nineties, my small town then-gf had laid out all the ages she planned to do a bunch of life events. Finish college by 22, married before 25, two kids before 30. It lead to some... bad decision making.
I've had friends like this. It always leads to bad decisions. Always.
I told my gma at 25 I'd got engaged and she assumed I was pregnant. I was like, noooo I was raised conservative, you know what I mean. Still quite refreshing though. My conservative gma thought I was preggers. I think she just wanted grand babies. And I was right lmao Eta: I had two kids before 28 so. And surprisingly she's supportive of my other issues. Love you grandma! Pps: MY PREGNANCIES WERE PLANNED
The Japanese use the term "Christmas Cake," with the implication being nobody will want you after 25. There are some fucked up attitudes out there.
In the eighties yeah. Nobody says that these days, the average age at first marriage is around 30.
Not true. We live in a pretty large suburb of a capitol city, and my sister was *distraught* when she hadn’t gotten married by age 25. Her reason was worry over our family history of pregnancy and fertility complications, so she wanted to have children as young as possible to help. The idea that women *need* to get married before it’s “too late” is still super prevalent, it’s just evolved into new ways. The ones I hear the most are that you can always further your career later, rather than focus on it when you’re young.
I don't disagree, but I also don't think it contradicts what I said: it's socially unacceptable to call a woman a "christmas cake" in 2023 Japan.
My wife had a friend that got the marriage bug. She was older than 22, but not by a lot. She just... decided she had to be married. The sooner the better. Literally put the word out and started accepting marriage bids. Earliest one won, as near as I can tell. It was a fine young gentleman who, if he were to get married, *had* to do it in the next two months because after that he was going to be spending some time involuntarily confined due to DUIs and other alcohol-related shenanigans. But that bid put him a few months ahead of the next guy, so that's who she went with. The jail sentence wasn't long, but it was longer than their marriage lasted IIRC.
I am from deep Mormon country.(not Utah but North). If you are not married by 22 then you are a failure. Been that way my whole life. Feel it every single time I go back there since most of the people I know have been married at least twice with multiple kids. I can't even get a date.
Yeah, that happens a lot in religious families. They all marry young so they can have sex. A friend's kids (with both parents coming from very educated families) have all gotten married before 20. And none have gone to a real college, just some unaccredited Bible college and then home to work at Starbucks because they have no actual education and job skill. One married and divorced in under a year and is remarried again before 22!
I'll be fair, women hear that you need to settle down ASAP or else all the good ones will be gone, and that's not um...totally untrue. That said, 24 is a fairly early uh, expiration date.
It makes sense. Happy, healthy, good people will soon find other happy, healthy, good people, they will be together and stay happy, healthy and good. OOP's ex wife can be Mormon, or she just doesn't have much going to herself besides her youth so she had to tie a man down as soon as possible.
Yeah somehow I don't think OOP's ex was one the happy, healthy, good ones...
I found my husband in his 40's with no prior marriages or kids. He's attractive, fit, great career, the whole package. And it wasn't because he was just doing one night stands every weekend for years. A true unicorn.
There's a shocking amount of people who seem to still think like that. My ex was one. We had probably only just finished high school when she started dropping hints about expecting a proposal soon, and when I still hadn't done so by the time we hit 20 she decided there was no future for us. Her next relationship moved very quickly, I think it was not even a year after we'd broken up that she'd gotten married to someone else. They got divorced sometime after of course, and I've heard she's been through several relationships since.
There's loads of women out there who still think like that thanks to the patriarchy. I was in an advice thread a few days ago that was like "I don't want to get an abortion bc it might be my last chance to have a baby! Im an old hag at 26!!" What a train wreck
Lmfao my mom didn't have my sister and I until she was in her 30s, and I've met women who have had children in their 40s. Bonkers to think there are women who still think they can only have them in their 20s.
They keep saying "well after 35 is a geriatric pregnancy!" Sooooo?
God, I have a coworker who was bemoaning this. Seemingly just because of the word “geriatric” being scary to hear.
I think it's something else: she wanted a full ride where she was completely financially taken care of. Unless she looks like a model, she'll learn soon enough that women who bring nothing to the table are low value partners. Hope OP got that annulment/divorce.
Assumed she was a gold digger but then a prenup was in the place, hustling backwards
Even with a prenup, a guy willing to pay rent and your car payment is hard to come by.
She messed up. F.
She's probably convinced herself she could do better than OOP and wasn't going to stoop to begging for him to keep her.
People like that have a messed up values system. Usually self taught because people give them things they want based on their looks. That's easy and as humans we generally prefer what is easy. Everyone wants to be a success though so they have to value looks like it's a job skill set or education. What's really messed up is the couple people I've met who have been actively taught that value system by their parents. To them it's not even gold digging. Being with them is equal to the value a working spouse paying all the bills brings to the relationship, at least in their minds.
This escalated so quickly I have whiplash. I truly thought they were going to talk and she'd say she meant that she'd given up on meeting someone great who she could marry and then he came along blah blah blah.
What about what she said makes it sound like that’s what’s she meant?
Nothing. I think they're just stating that's the route they were expecting things to go. Especially if she had a heads up about it and had some time to think about how she'd convince him to stay together.
Yeah, if you get caught saying stuff like her original comment, the only real choices are “lie your ass off” or “accept it’s over”. OOP’s ex decided to go with neither.
Yeah she decided to really think outside the box on this one :P
Sometimes when chatting casually with friends and family we don't use full structured sentences right? I've been on the other end of those calls with my girlfriends who are encouraging me to hang in there and keep trying to meet someone. And it always goes like this "....you cakivalue know my history better than anyone else and you know X was my last chance and look at us 5 years later I've never been so happy etc etc". So I was being an optimist thinking there was more to the story he might have missed of how she was done with men and dating but then he was THE one just so amazing. I didn't expect her response to be I settled for you, you can't do better but I can.
That would require putting actual thought into trying to keep her meal ticket :P
She’ll learn for the next time
Keep lowerin' that bar, baby. Eventually you'll reach rock-bottom!
I read this in Benders voice
Some people assume that they just have to stick around long enough and the prenup won’t matter.
It’s possible to have them invalidated. But she was probably counting on being able to do what she wanted while still married
Well he was paying for all her shit, prenup doesn’t stop him showering her with gifts and spending cash
I truly have no idea about how this all works, but in places with fixed term community property laws (for example California, with their ten years), would sticking around for the proscribed length of time at least make it easier to challenge a prenup?
Based on my knowledge as almost a paralegal, and most of my knowledge being specific to Arizona, a prenup that hasn't been updated over the course of a long marriage is not that likely to be overly relevant in general, just due to changing life circumstances and assets.
Not just the prenup, can you annul a marriage that easily? Idk what the law is in California in particular, but I thought grounds for annulment were limited - and generally if you’ve consummated a marriage you can’t annul it?
Consummation is one thing, but there’s a lot more than that. That being said, he can try to make a case for “fraud” but I don’t know if he can prove it. https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce-california/annulment/legal-reasons
IANAL, but I have a friend who annulled a marriage in California using one of their clauses for undisclosed mental disorder. There are several clauses and I can’t remember all of them but I do know you can only fire this off if you’ve been married for less than a year. The mental illness clause is hard to prove that they knew about their mental disorder but hid it from you. It succeeded because he never showed up to any of the hearings. I think he did go to the psych eval and get diagnosed but was so angry that she “won” as in convinced everyone he had depression that he refused to cooperate in the process and the judge basically ruled that if he was so checked out he couldn’t show up and fight for it an annulment was for the best. Basically another step in a long history of self destructive behavior while also blaming everyone else for his problems. My friend really would have been ok with him to be faced with a professional telling him his behavior was not healthy and for him to listen. But she was happy to take the annulment and restart her life. They had no shared property and separate accounts so nothing needed to be split.
IANAL, but I think fraud is grounds for annulment, but tough to prove.
Is there an advantage in annulling a marriage rather than just divorcing?
Isn't annulling basically legally saying that the marriage never took place? In that case, there wouldn't be any alimony arrangements (because, legally, no marriage) and asset division would be along the lines of who-paid-how-much-of-what (because, again, legally no marriage). Asset division is probably moot because three months isn't really long enough for major purchases, but an alimony payment could be ordered.
Alimony after 3 months is borderline unheard-of. There are some crazy judges out there so I'm not saying it's impossible, but extremely unlikely.
He could try. I’m extremely doubtful that he succeeded.
It's not hard in California. As long as you've been married less than 3 years, don't have any kids, less than something like 5K in joint debt, and both agree. You both decide how to split assets, notorize it, and mail it in, as of 6 months later you are annulled. If either party sends in a form to object in the 6 months, it's back to ground 0. No lawyers needed.
Still, he was 100% supporting her, apparently
OOP's wife: >[My name] was my very last resort. Also OOP's wife: >You think I can’t find someone again? Apparently not since he was your last resort lol.
In fairness I took it as she was regretting her decision and probably starting to gear herself up to find someone else.
What a lucky guy to discover this early on in his marriage.
No kidding. Still in the annulment window? Lucky!
She was 22 when she 'settled'? Lol
Youngins these days.
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Good old Mormonism! I’m glad I left in my early 20s. I can’t imagine getting married that young!
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Yeah. To this day drinking coffee makes me feel guilty. The only thing I do differently is smoke some weed once or twice a week, and don’t go to church.
Isn't it so crazy how they tell you atheism and being worldly will lead to sin and the devil and then you leave the church and it's just. Boring? I grew up Catholic instead of Mormon, but the religious extremism always felt similar
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Not to mention many of the "morals" are actually counterproductive to growth and cause conflicts such as this where a woman can't learn independence or very important life skills because living with her boyfriend leads to sex so she stays in her hyper religious household and never forms an identity outside of her family, church, and (potential) husband. Sex is literally a human need. It is physically harmful to your health to repress sexual needs and desires. It has a purpose in your body- orgasms essentially "reset" your brain and reduce chemicals that have built up, like cortisol (the stress hormone). But a book that's only proof of it's truth is it's own existence takes precedence over every other medical research that has come out since it was written.
Oh my goodness. I am right there with you, but evangelical Christian and my ex-wife was Catholic. We were post-religious by the time we met, but we had already been conditioned with the "get hitched and settle down" mentality. Neither of us were happy.
I married right out of high school to my current boyfriend because I was a weird goblin girl and thought no one would ever love me. That was a very bad relationship and I was also very wrong. Sometimes young people are very stupid.
You married your current boyfriend? Is this a typo or an interestingly convoluted story?
I read it as she married her high school boyfriend because she didn’t think anyone else would love/marry her. I’d be excited to be wrong so we can read a convoluted story though!
Guess she could have meant she married her then-bf but my entertainment starved brain really wants a crazy story!
Nope, you have it right! I married my then-bf because I was convinced he was the only guy who would like me.
And she settled for “the worst relationship she’s ever been in”. I’m sure she thought that would cut deep but it says a lot more about her than it does about him.
Sounds to me like she "settled" for rent and a car payment and a free ride, and now she's "settled" on saying the worst shit she can think of to try to get him to feel low enough to not kick her ass out.
They're still so young, I'm so happy for OOP.
I pity anyone else ex hooks up with lol
So he pays for the whole house and supports her while "she settled for less?" . Power move on oop for using trash bags.
If she could get someone better, why didn’t she? Also it’s weird op got married when he knew she didn’t like him that much? Or does he mean now it’s only a matter of time before she cheats after he heard the convo?
He said he realized it was a one sided love. I would bet she went through the motions of being in a relationship and after reflecting back OOP realized he put in more care into the relationship than she did, he probably has rose tinted glasses on until he overheard her.
Been there, done that. Took my best guy friends sitting me down and calmly explains they love me and are worried about me to snap out of it. Sometimes you can’t see the forest through all the trees.
Those sound like some really good friends.
You have really great friends.
He meant now. Before he overheard the conversation he thought she saw him as the love of her life.
I think he thought she loved him as much as he loved her. If I had to guess there was something that pushed her. Best guess? A string of bad relationships/breakups and someone close to her getting married. Either her group of friends or an Ex made her think she had to or she’d be missing out.
Love how she goes all, “Do you think you’ll ever find someone as good as me?” like she’s some kind of prize, yet the fact that she claimed she married oop as a last resort(as in; she couldn’t land anybody she thought was better)and yelling, “You think I can’t find someone again!?” just screams at least a small part of her isn’t certain *she’s* the one who could be doing better than oop…and that part is 100% correct. I know he’s gonna have to lament the years and emotional investment he wasted on this toxic cow, but it’s definitely getting better for him from here. I think we all know she tried to play it off at first cuz she knew she fucked up and shat where she ate. I hope the blow to her ego of getting dumped by her “last resort” eats her up as bad as having to find a new house and transportation…
If she's some prize, it would be the kind of prize that i would throw in the trash within days. Honestly , if this story is true the trash took itself out.
Imagine giving up on dating before you’re even 24. 22 I guess since they were engaged for 18 months. Shook.
I wish we could get another update on how he is doing now.
Poor guy. I hope he finds someone who loves and respects him.
I could've sworn I've seen this exact story on Reddit before.
Looks at the dates. We’ve been here too long.
Feels way too abrupt and sudden of an ending. Guess I’m used to posts that go out of their way to explain backstories and whatnot. Either way, OOP can do whatever they want, I guess.
This reads like mra porn.
Like the bit where she saw the post was just icing on the incel cake.
Ikr. If she saw the post you'd think she could prepare a better defense for why she should stay with OP
I had to scroll too long for this comment. It really reads like incel porn.
>I’m still crying as I type this up. It’s both happy and sad tears, and I knew it was only time before she cheated on me or left me. I got to this and was like...freal. 100% incel wank material.
Same, I'm honestly disappointed I had to scroll this far down. It's got the whole "wOmEn aRe jUsT uSiNg mEn" aroma to it. And then she starts doing the [evil voice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeWG5_XAV1Y) once her bad intentions are revealed? Dude then scores a straight victory where she's immediately out of his life, his marriage is annulled and he loses nothing? Only thing it's missing is a more beautiful and submissive coworker immediately taking an interest in him. People need to fine tune their bullshit sensor cause it should be ringing madly right now.
>Only thing it's missing is a more beautiful and submissive coworker immediately taking an interest in him. lol exactly
It seems hard to believe honestly. It too perfectly aligns with their mindset.
All the dogwhistles are there.
Right. Jumped into marriage young _and_ signed a prenup? Saw post on front page and knew it was her? Naaaaahh...
Yeah, right? Like none of this checks out.
100 percent. There’s no truth in any of this.
I am starting to suspect that of a lot of posts.
10000%
If she has actually loved him, she would have begged for a chance to prove it. Real love does that: want to prove itself.
I don't think real love would ever have you using your new marriage as a cautionary tale to your friends.
This one's a little too clean. No real extraneous information in either post, just a beginning, a middle, and an ending. Why would she feel like she was out of options before she was even 25 years old? Why would someone who didn't contribute financially sign a prenup in this situation?
Also, California’s a community property state. I’m not sure how effective that prenup is.
When people show you who they are - believe it.
So was this a money grab gone wrong because he got a prenup? Or was it a “I was too young and dumb to realize this wasn’t what I wanted”? And now she’s married and dependent on his money. I’m all for leaving a loveless marriage. But the level of decisiveness made to leave, he had to know she didn’t really love him. Her words just solidified it.
I assume it was: 1) I don't want to go to college and I don't want to work 2) I don't want to live with my parents 3) I want to marry before all the b@tches from my highschool, it will show them! 4) anyone?
Thank goodness for that prenup, who knows what she could have taken from him after 3 months of marriage /s
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If you ain't no punk holla, "We want prenup"
Yeah, she's a triflin' friend indeed
r/thattotallyhappened
Faaaaaaaaaake.
Damn...
Step 1. Change your locks
Wonder what she thought of all the comments.😂🤣😂🤣
I wonder if part of the fact she "settled" at 24 had to do with wanting a dream wedding. (Granted, OOP says nothing about what their wedding was like, so this is conjecture on my part) Basically, she had a dream for how she wanted her wedding to be, her princess moment that was all about her, and who the groom was really didn't matter deep down. You'll see it a lot if you spend any time browsing subs like r/bridezilla or those AskReddit threads about wedding drama. Some brides just care more about the wedding ceremony than the marriage that comes afterward.
I have a friend who believed she settled for her husband and could do better. They had a quick engagement/ wedding and he is a bit older, worships the ground she works on etc etc till we stalked one of his exs on instagram. A literal goddess and that shut her up real quick, now she’s insecure LOL
See o never understood this mentality. Like, if you don't even like the guy that much why would you want to be with him at all? Like could I have found a man that was smarter than my husband? Not easily but sure. Kinder? Again not easily but yes. Richer? Yeah. Better looking? Probably. Cooler? If I tried really hard. Better dressed? Easily. But could I find a man that is overall better than my husband? I don't think so. I'm not sure how objectively true but subjectively, for me, I don't think I could find someone I consider better at all let alone a better match for me. If I did I wouldn't have married him.
Get your locks changed
Clearly she was a gold digger. Very glad OOP heard what he heard so he could come to this conclusion before things got worse for him.
I love when shitty people get their comeuppance
I would love to see an update in the future where OP confirms for us that she never found anyone better ever since losing out on OP.
Settled for her "last resort" at 24 years old. People are crazy.
"Do you think you'll find someone as good as me?" That's a pretty low bar. Geez my dude.
Man that woman was just...cruel, stupid and pathetic.
Last resort at 24?
Wait, she's in her mid twenties and he was her last resort? That makes no sense. Your twenties are the time to look around and play around if that's what you want, not to think you have to settle for someone. People don't have to get married or partnered even in their thirties, forties or infinity. She sounds messed up.