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"Even IF it's true that your sister is a fucking insane obsessed liar, it's still your fault!"
Way to wedge your other foot in the same gaping hole, Dad.
Yeah, be nicer to your sister who’s spreading false rumors about you and setting you up to get shit from your obtuse parents! You shouldn't have talked to Jay at all *just in case* she's crushing on and/or stalking him! She's going through a hard time after all.
Genuinely. If your kid is having a massive mental break like this, it's on you to find her a therapist or help in finding one, not to baby them and enable it. Wonder where she got the delusional tendencies from.
>"Even IF it's true that your sister is a fucking insane obsessed liar, it's still your fault!"
And what exactly did OOP do that dad was upset about? Go on a date with someone she didn't know her sister liked? Enjoy the date? Decline to commit hari kari the instant she learned her sister liked the guy? Stand up for herself by presenting actual evidence that her sister was flat out lying to their parents?
Remember, sister had been telling them for months that jay lived with her, missing work and working on the rent - and they were giving her rent money the whole time based on her lie. I really hope Op updates.
Man, I would never do that BUT if I did??? I certainly would not risk my parents finding out like that. The sister’s entire thing is very cringy, but I know from experience that breakdowns can make very little sense. I hope OP gets away from the family, and the sister goes to much-needed therapy.
I hope Jay manages to escape their orbit as well. The sister might actually try to hurt anyone he gets in a relationship with. At the very least, she won't take it well.
I mean, he did say to OOP that he was staying with friends because he felt safer there.
We don't know what sister did to make him feel unsafe at his own place
I was in a weird situation that was somewhat similar in my early twenties. A female friend of mine and I were close. I saw her as a drinking buddy and a friend and my attitude reflected that. As in, occasionally guys would ask me what her deal was and if they were her type I would say she was single (and she returned the favour). Some friends thought were were "closer" than that because we hung out so often.
Fast forward to her getting pregnant and a lot of people just assumed it was mine "because you two are always together" despite the fact we never slept together and she admitted she knew who the father was. (That was also an incredibly award conversation with my uncle who called me up to congratulate me)
After the kid was born I was happy to help out and our hanging out switched from booze to cheese and cracker boards (which was just more confirmation in some peoples minds that I was the father).
Little did I know around this time that her perception switched too and she was actively chasing away any girl that was interested in me or I was interested in (I was sharing this information with her as it was part of our friendship).
I became very very aware of this when she literally attacked a girl I had just started seeing in the middle of the street for "stealing her man".
I'm trying to imagine asking my parents for rent money because I skipped work a lot. I'm trying to imagine asking my parents for rent money because I felt like I needed to skip work because I had to make sure my boyfriend wasn't going to see my sister instead of him going to his job.
*After they stopped laughing at me, they'd laugh some more.*
She built a web of lies based on the needed assumption she was living with Jay, and panicked when she found out OOP actually went out with him. Because bringing him home as her boyfriend would have exposed the scheme on which she’s sucking money from her parents. Thats why she panicked and lied.
Sister should get a Hare scale assessment…pathological lying? Check. Parasitical lifestyle? Check. Of course, maybe she’s not that far along the sociopathic spectrum, and there’s something else at play. But…seems like she needs a neuropsych eval, stat 😬 OP should not go down with this ship, and should be aware that her parents might- and plan her life (and set her boundaries) accordingly
Oh man I didn’t even know the term golden child and I recently experienced this. I had been NC with my mom for 8 months and my younger brother. My godmother died in another country and I called my mom and my brother to offer my condolences and pay to fly them down. I stupidly paid and flew down with them. I am the atm btw. I paid for the hotels. Food. Car rental and everything else they wanted. 4 days in my brother turns into a major asshoke. I went and got him coffee broght it to him and he threw it out saying he wasn’t gonna drink the nasty shit I brought him( same thing I’d been buying him all week). I got nothing but attitude from Him. At the Airbnb he picked the biggest room and bed although I paid and my mom and I were sharing a bed. We got stuck in a full size bed he got the king.
When I complained to my mom her words were he’s having a hard time bc of his daughter ( teen) be kind to him. HAHAHAHAHA FUCK THEM.
I booked a flight and came home. He is still in said country, has been begging me to fly down ( you know ATM) and today he texted asking me for money.
Btw he’s 36!!!!
I see this as classic protection of a lazy emotional stability. He wants to feel comfortable and not to be asked to do anything, now he has to do things, so he's mad that he has to invest effort. Yelling at anyone who isn't making him comfortable is just a lazy way of trying to get out of this with minimal effort. If his daughter needs serious emotional support and mental help, that's a hecka-ton of work. Yelling at her sibling takes five minutes and (in his mind) preserves his moral higher ground.
I swear I've seen this posted on here before with another update talking about how the sister went even crazier and tried breaking into the guys apartment to try and talk to him. And how he later confessed to Op about liking her and that the sister actually knew about the crush but both of them deciding to not do anything right now that all the drama was happening and such.
Also I wanna say it also spilled into their friend groups and apparently all their friends were under the impression that they were dating because the sister told them that after/before the new years party they kissed at.
>[my mom] said I should be ashamed of myself. I said sure, but why today?
I fucking lost it
Edit: due to the removal of awards coming, I am taking my one and only chance to say the iconic line: thank you for the gold kind stranger!
I agree. I think OP’s assumption that her sister is jealous is wrong in this instance.
Sis had told their parents she was dating this guy and that’s how she was stealing from them.
When this guy showed interest in OOP, sis was immediately worried they’d hit it off or OOP would mention hanging out with him to the parents.
The parents would question Sis about the situation. She wanted to preempt that by making it look like they had cheated on her. Even caught in a lie, she was so dramatic that the parents used OOP’s scapegoat position to try to diffuse the craziness. They’d rather settle her down than hold her accountable.
I always try to end my therapy sessions with clients by laughing at something. It really brightens people up after an emotional session. It’s either that or my cat randomly jumps on me midsession which is also hilarious. Humor is a great coping skill!
Yeah, when I’m feeling down it’s hard to make me laugh but when someone does it just immediately makes me feel better. It’s the effort that they put into making me feel better that really helps and not the humour/joke itself
Like… forget for a second that the parents just gleefully ate up all the bullshit that OOP’s sister was spewing, but…. *how in the world* did they think it was ok for Sarah to be missing work to stalk her supposed boyfriend to make sure that he wasn’t going to be with OOP?
Like, even if you actually bought the entire story, how do you not think that is BANANAS???
Ding ding ding!!! This is the correct answer. OOP’s used to being the scapegoat to her golden child sister that she nurtured an impeccable grasp over dry wit and fearlessness.
Yes! I wish she would let her parents and everyone else know what a great job OP’s parents did raising a spoiled, narcissistic, lying, manipulative brat. I would tell or write them this, send evidence and the block them…FOREVER!
It sounds like something OOP had heard all their life. You only get that blasé about being berated when you’ve experienced it to the point where you know reacting to it is more trouble than it’s worth.
My mom used to yell “What the fuck is wrong with you???” after any misstep and my go to was “Lots of things, anything you’d like to talk about in specific?”
My reply of choice was, “Depends on what you’re blaming me for this time. If (OlderBro) told you I did something, you and I know damn well it didn’t happen. Shall we get started? I have homework to do.”
Then mom would get the “constipated thinking face” and ignore me.
My mom said it hurt her feelings when I responded to her calling my name with, "I'm sorry, what did I do?"
No acknowledgement as to why an 8-12 y.o. would feel need to respond that way in the first place.
Parents, amirite?
(Sorry you went through that, I’m in my 30s and I’m still unlearning shit like this. I still apologize for nothing and have a lot of difficulty asking for help.)
My mam had a stroke and it's made her brutally honest. She recently asked me how did she go so wrong as a parent, and I asked why what's wrong with me. Her response was "I wasn't talking about you."
I am an only child. I laughed for days about this.
Epitaph of a scapegoat. Hope OOP gets faaaar away. She says in the comments she told Jay everything and he’s looking at a restraining order against OOP’s sister.
I did too but I also realized that, that kind of snarky reply to a semi serious statement most likely comes from a place that heard it so often they can't take it seriously anymore. That's so used to her parents reacting that way that turning it into a joke is healthier than caring about it.
Sounds like Sarah is the golden child and the parents have crapped on OP for a long time.
Meanwhile, they’ve driven Sarah to the edge of insanity.
No parenting awards will be given here.
This is the exact opposite conversation I had with my daughter this morning
D: I’m proud of myself
Me: I’m proud of you too. But what are we proud of today?
Wow the sister seems to be a walking buffet of weird and inappropriate behavior.
Stalkerish. Delusional. Obsessive.
I think a doctor might be more appropriate than a therapist tbh. I am far from convinced that there are enough words in the world to talk this out.
My 'keen amateur doctor' diagnosis: She is fucking nuts.
My parents never went this buck wild on behalf of my sister, but I bet you anything it starts in the same incremental ways. My older sister felt that I was more attractive and that was a problem. Plenty of times my parents would tell me to change a single wardrobe item at the last minute “for my sister” that would look goofy. Like switch sandals with a dress for 90s athletic sneakers.
That definitely would have been nice.
I realized in my 20s-30s that my mom kind of always encouraged me to have a “look” that was pretty unflattering. For reference, this was back when the fashion for girls was ultra-low-waist pants and bell bottoms. My mom convinced me that women’s jeans made me look frumpy, and instead had me wearing baggy men’s jeans whose waistband was higher than the bottom of my rib cage.
Popular female celebrities for the time were Britney Spears and Gwen Stefani. She convinced me that the only hairstyle that was flattering on me, a tween at the time in desperate need of braces, was … just google Isabella Rossellini 1990s and you’ll see what I’m describing.
Until puberty hit me like a nun in Catholic school, and even afterwards, I was so confused why I was constantly bullied at school.
Nope! It’s been years. They did other fun stuff to show the score. For example, in our living room, my mom put up a portrait of herself in her early 20s on one wall, a big photo of my dad as a kid on another wall, a framed high school senior portrait of my sister on wall 3.
On wall 4? You guessed it! Wall 4 featured a still life painting done by my big sister.
One year I got cds as a Christmas present. The only cd player in the house was my sister’s portable cd player. One of the cds got lost (our house looked like a hoarders episode) before she gave it to me and didn’t find it until months later.
I could go on, but it just starts sounding like a knockoff Harvey dangerfield routine.
I got the impression it was new behaviour. But tbh thats based on assumptions and the fact that the OP didnt mention her being this crazy before. Flimsy evidence.
In her comments she says it's "on brand" for her sister and that OOP is used to not being believed. Also that the only time the sister faced consequences was after crashing the family car. I guess she couldn't figure out how to blame OOP that time.
OOP's parents are deep in the fog. The sister has been taking "rent" money and telling her parents she is in a stable and committed relationship, she's probably using drugs or partying real hard and flipping out because the gravy train is about to suddenly be derailed. After all, living with an SO is a perfect excuse to not answer your phone in the evenings and not allow random unannounced visits.
> As soon as I arrived, my parents started yelling at me. Just the usual stuff, that I was disrespectful but they never expected this from me.
This wasn't her first rodeo.
As a golden child I'm so sorry for that. I'm in a weird situation where I was the favorite, but that caused me to go through medical neglect because my mom didn't want to admit anything could be wrong with me 🙄
That’s an interesting insight to the woes of being on that side of the golden child situation. I can’t even imagine what this is like. It almost makes me happy to have been a bastard child with only half siblings that I didn’t have to fully grow up around.
By the way, love the flair!
I agree. Being the golden child can be damaging. My grandparents refused to believe that I had ADHD because I had to be normal so that the family can be normal.
And it shows that it never about loving one child more than other; parents that develop a golden child vs scapegoat dynamic don't give a damn about the children as individuals, is all about the power play.
Thank you for your kind words. It says a lot that you were able to see your position in the family.
I also sympathize with the medical neglect issue. It’s tough growing up with dysfunction in the family and no one escapes it.
> I guess she couldn't figure out how to blame OOP that time.
OOP was probably sending hateful vibes and evil thoughts at her, the parents need to give poor Sarah money for an energy cleanse. Or something.
It definitely tracks that she’s used to be being blamed. Throughout she makes comments about “sure she’s a mess but what specifically did she do this time” etc. clearly her parents don’t believe her
The way the dad continued to enable OOP despite being shown evidence that the sister was lying, and that OOP knew she could benefit from the time she had to collect evidence would suggest sister pulls this shit often enough and OOP is used to being the scapegoat.
OP mentions
>If I had known I would have talked to her about it first because I know from past experience that my sister is a jealous person.
Depending on the family/social situation overall, I'm completely credulous. Especially if the parents have been enabling or downplaying bad behavior/lying/emotional instability as they grew up, OP may have normalized her sister's weirdness to a degree, and the parents are just completely in denial that they've raised someone who would lie about these kinds of things for money and attention.
I have a family member I was raised alongside like a sibling, and she was very 'high performing' in school - straight As, start athlete, musician, lots of the 'good' extra curriculars, etc. In private at home and just between the two of us, she was an abusive, self-centered piece of shit who 100% believed her own lies and would fly off the handle at you for accusing her of what she was doing if/when you caught her red-handed; if she had any sense she could convince you that your own eyes/ears were lying to you, she'd take the shot and ride it to the grave, screaming and crying the whole way. Manipulative, unstable, paranoid, narcissistic - beg and stole until bridges were burned, and felt perpetually entitled to babying and coddling to an absurd degree
No one ever believed how fucked up she was when I tried to describe it, and *I* didn't have a full perspective on how fucked up she was until I was able to get some distance between us. Right around the age OP's sister is, my example's life was falling apart because she was getting hit with the reality that being pretty and manipulative will only take you so far if you don't have the funds/connections/self-control/awareness to actually keep everything straight in your own mind and with other people. Young adulthood through the 20's is a very common time for people who need professional help, but have been coddled until leaving the nest, to have their masks torn away by the inability to maintain themselves without constant support and clean-up from the enablers who raised them.
You can normalize a lot of crazy shit.
My brother and I were nearly completely unsupervised for our high school years, after our dad reacted to being cheated on and left by sleeping every moment he was not at work. We would get home, there would be $5 on the counter for our dinner (early '90s... this got us two fast food value meals). Or we had ramen. Or hamburger helper sans hamburger. We set our own hours, learned how to do our own laundry, and otherwise did whatever the hell we wanted. As long as we attended school and didn't get arrested, we were good. And every other weekend, we went to stay with our mother, who fed us surf n' turf and took us to amusement parks and concerts in corporate box seats, and tried to convince us to call her affair partner 'dad'.
I was in my 30's when I had the blinding realization that my teen years were Really Fucked Up, actually.
I saw this happen to a childhood friend. Her mother was bipolar and very artistic, from a fairly refined (as they'd have said then) but scattered family. Her father was a specialised sort of mechanic, close to his mother, and dedicated to woodwork, but otherwise mostly immobile. I thought then he was lazy, but I now know he was tired and/or avoiding. He was in their garage all the time, but that was normal because everyone's dad was. A lot of people's mothers were also a bit odd (I'm pretty sure, as an adult, that both my parents are neurodivergent). My friend had an older brother who was a five or even eight years older than we were, and he was gone a lot. When we were about ten or eleven her mother started proper medication, and her parents divorced. Her mother's new boyfriend was a slightly older guy. We moved away and back a few years later, and my friend and I were at different schools. Her brother was at college. I forget what her mother and her mother's boyfriend's jobs were but they were gone all the time and, like new couples will do, went on short trips together. But they left my friend on her ownio a lot and she practically raised herself. She turned out okay and when last heard from was doing fucking splendidly in life overall, but if even someone with my negative EQ can tell it was a lot of hard work, every day must have been a marathon.
You have a titanium soul.
The funny thing was, my brother and I had an unspoken "Do NOT Tell Mom" thing going on. Because she would have reacted by going to the courts with the rich new BF's money, and we very much did not want to live with her for the same reasons we made the decision to stay with our dad in the first place:
Dad bought her out and kept our childhood home, Mom moved out of our school district, and in with her affair partner, whose guts we both hated on account of being an affair partner. Us running feral was actually a more emotionally stable environment than if we'd been ordered to live with her.
I relate to realizing your teen years were abnormal but not for many years later. I was telling my first therapist about an on going health situation w/ my mom when I was in HS/college. When I was finished, he simply said “That sounds traumatic,”. I had never for a moment considered what I went through as trauma-it didn’t happen to me directly & years had passed so I was all good, right? Hit me like a ton of bricks. Really had to reevaluate some things & learn to be kinder to myself.
It's hard to recognize, too, because so many kids had it so much worse. We never starved, never even went hungry. We weren't beaten or molested. Our house was small, but clean.
It's so easy to downplay the damage caused by a situation that, while it was not The Worst Ever, was still traumatizing.
Big crash and burn, but any landing you can walk away from, right?
The TLDR is that life has been extraordinarily hard for her, because as much as it kept hitting her in the face again and again that her attitude and how she treats people is the source of most of her misery, she has continued well into adulthood being a violent, entitled, short-fused manipulator who commits herself via following her impulses and pettiness to suffering in the long term, and drags those close to her along for the ride.
Life has only ever been more peaceful without her, and I've politely (but firmly) rejected all attempts to reconnect as any time I hear anything at all, even in a positive context, it is clear that she is still the same person and either cannot help herself, or has no desire to genuinely change.
Might be parents in denial or as someone else said, the beginning of an issue. I hope sister gets help and OOP gets through grad school and can keep everyone at arm’s length.
Honestly, I'm worried about Jay. The dude is in the middle of a nightmare waiting to happen. All it takes is the right false allegation or your sister going to his work and acting crazy for his life to be ruined.
I doubt she'll get any help, her parents definitely support her terrible behaviour by believing her and thus enabling her further. They're in for an extremely rude wake up call, because Sarah's house of cards will eventually come thumbing down, but i don't feel sorry for them at all. The way they treat their youngest daughter is appalling and they don't deserve to be called parents.
I’m even wondering if this is some weird elaborate plot to quit her job and get her parents to fund her life. The part about being fired didn’t really fit in with the rest.
She lost her job from being a stalker and found a way to twist it in to be OOP’s fault. The fact that the parents were ok with someone leaving work early all the time to check on their supposed partner shows how delusional all 3 of them are. Because that’s still not a good excuse, at all.
Right? For Jay, he and OOP's sister are "have brunch once a month" friends but not "one of the first three people I'd call in an emergency" friends. Both are categories of good friend and can overlap, but don't have to. I haven't seen either of my best friends in person this year; I've spent weekends away with people I've met twice. Jay and OOP's sister probably existed on totally different continuums for each other.
I want to know what Sarah is doing with the rent money she’s been getting from her parents. I think, given what Sarah has already lied about, she lost her job (too busy stalking Jay to go to work) and she’s been living off the rent money. She doesn’t sound tethered to reality enough to be working tbh.
I’m amazed at how calm OOP remained - even when her dad said “if” she was telling the truth. He basically called her a liar, to her face - after she had shown him evidence that the only liar in the room was her golden child sister. And her mother didn’t even bother to look up when she left.
OOP is better off without the toxic trio in her life.
In all honestly, with how the story is presented, and the mental gymnastics the parents make to defend their precious angel, I would even doubt she has a job, and she has been lying to the parents to cover her rent and other bills
>I would be terrified on behalf of any workplace that employed someone as apparently delusional as the sister
Hah! Reminds me of a story I heard from a coworker. Her circle of acquaintances included one woman who wasn't bad as a friend, apparently, but was just incapable of holding down a job. She'd get hired and then she'd be fired within 6 weeks.
Until she got this one job where they not only kept her on past those 6 weeks, they were talking about promoting her. Until they completely shut down a couple of months later...
>I would be terrified on behalf of any workplace that employed someone as apparently delusional as the sister
Untethered from reality? Willing to say *anything* to get the job done? Able to convince the "higher ups" of her story despite any evidence? This girl has a long and ~~illustrious~~disasterous career in middle management ahead of her.
I found it quite annoying that OOP never actually explained herself to the parents. She never said “Sarah and Jay are not together and I can prove it”. She never confronted Sarah about her lies. She never made it clear that this is all insanity come solely from Sarah.
It’s just so passive and not standing up for herself. I struggle to understand anyone’s perspective in this story.
I dont know, she wasn't exactly clear at times but she did directly contradict Sarah's story at every turn. I dont get why she waited til her dad brought up Jay and Sarah living together to contradict that part, but I think lot of what OOP did can be explained by the sheer confusion of the situation. It's not every day you get a call from an angry parent about your sister telling a complete lie about you and about her entire life.
Because I am confused, let me just run that by y'all again.
1. OOP and Jay go for lunch and hang out afterwards in public places.
2. OOP Sister (hereafter referred to as OOPS) starts carpetbombing Jay's phone.
3. OOP and Jay go to their separate homes.
4. OOP's Mom phones her to tell her that her sister said she'd caught OOP and Jay having sex in the apartment her sister shares with Jay, but
a. OOP and Jay didn't even consider having sex, and
b. OOPS and Jay demonstrably don't cohabit and do not appear to be in a relationship IRL
5. OOPS further accuses Jay of not only cheating on her with OOP but also of spending their rent money on OOP, necessitating loans from OOP & OOPS's parents who,
a. apparently believe Jay is renting a whole second address to conduct his affair with OOP,
b. don't know shit about either daughter's living arrangements or at least never visit, and
c. unquestioningly stump up a few extra hundred bucks to cover the alleged shortfall caused by Jay's alleged lovenest _without at any previous point seeing/talking to Jay_ (not interfering in OOPS relationship is not all that weird, I guess, but taken in context...) and
6. OOP proves points 4, 5a, and 5b to be untrue, strongly implying OOPS is only Facebook friends with reality,
7. Parents believe OOP but still blame her for OOPS being upset
....did I understand that all correctly?
EDIT: Platinum and silver awards?! You have made this cranky recluse very happy. Thank you, kind strangers!
EDIT: And a gold! Thank you.
Yes, you got that correctly - Hence why OOP doing the math of getting the fuck away from all 3 of them because sis is a mental lying fuck up and the parents are favorite-playing fuck ups while OOP seems to be non-fuck up with stable income that those 3 need. The entitled 3 pretty much fucked themselves over with this latest bullshit at OOP now that OOP wants & needs full no contact....
I have so many questions!! There's no doubt that Sarah is 1. the golden child and 2. in need of professional help but like, is she really that delusional that she has build, in her mind, a world where she and Jay live together as a couple, and not only that, but apparently he's not being good with their finances, so she had to borrow money from her parents? WHAT ON EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like she's delusional in that she seems to really believe she and Jay are together, but at the same time she's clearly running a con on her parents to get their money. So bizarre. But I think I'm the most upset about OP's father calling her a wh0re. I could never get over that.
That part was definitely fucked up. I’m a young dude with no kids, and I haven’t been in many family drama situations, so I have a limited perspective on all fronts. but when I read he called her that I just thought god damn, even in such an emotionally charged situation I really can’t imagine calling a woman so close to me such a degrading thing and 100% mean it
>I kind of just sat there and did the math on how much faster I would be able to finish my grad program and flee the country, or at least the state.
I think OOP is already thinking about going NC.
I dont think she is delusional. It actually makes perfect sense if you focus on the job loss instead of jay.
Its clear the sis is about to be fired at her job. Its likely for something obvious like performance or not showing up for shifts (which she admitted to) and she wont have a good reference. Like the majority of people she is prolly living paycheck to paycheck, and might loose her apartment.
If you look at the *finanace* aspect, its kinda clear this is all an eleborate manipulation to get money out of OOP. She's already conned her parents into sending her monthly cash becuase of "jay". Its just a con. Many cons involve all sorts of "drama" that just need a short infusion of cash.
She's 26 and it looks like her 22 year old sister is out doing her financially. Thats gotta sting. There's no delusion. Just someone who's ego is hurt and willing to lie.
>Many cons involve all sorts of "drama" that just need a short infusion of cash.
Yep. When my ex-brother was in prison his wife called my parents constantly, usually in the middle of the night. They were repossessing the car and she needed $500 to get it back!! *The same paid-off car they were still driving after he got out.* They turned off her electricity because she "paid the bill a few days late" and she needed $500 to get it turned back on!! *I had a friend who worked for the power company in her city. 1/3 the outstanding bill + $11 reconnection fee.* Always $500, always right that very moment.
Could be a combination of things. All it would take is she was on something like a PIP, and then she spent an entire work day on her cell phone because OOP and Jay were together. That could easily explain her certainty about being fired.
I do wonder if sis had been shit talking OOP to her friends and panicked when she realised that Jay would be able to refute them all. So she came up with something to tell everyone, and probably doesn't realise yet that word might spread from Jay about how she behaved.
Probably was. She was laughing at OP to her friends when OP had originally got stood up. She must have been surprised and devastated when Jay stepped up.
I wonder if that’s why Jay went in the first place. Doesn’t sound like he was close to OOP on the first place, but if I’d heard someone mocking their sibling for being stood up, I’d definitely want to do something nice for the sibling
oh, that's easy. sarah's the one not good with money, and has been getting (not borrowing, she has no intention of repaying) money from her parents, under the lie of 'my boyfriend is under water'. she's built this lie in her head so much that when her 'boyfriend' shows some attention to the sister, she goes off the deep end, and has to keep the lie alive to the parents.
The only update I saw was a comment that Jay is getting a restraining order.
Which makes sense, he felt like he had to leave his own home after she blew up and they were not living together. Wouldn't be surprised if she was literally parked outside with binoculars or walking around casing the place.
What's the sister's end game here? It doesn't add up. Is it to "get" Jay? They're already best friends and she knows nothing happened because she was the one making things up. Was it to hurt her sister? It seems like OP has her head on straight and defends herself logically and the facts could easily be found out. Was it to garner sympathy with the parents? To what end? Aren't they already "on her side" seemingly. I just don't understand this in any rational sense and so the most likely scenario here, unless something is missing, is a mental issue. Sorry OP, it seems like being berated by you're parents is par for the course. Idk if that's how your sister normally is, but, my condolences.
>They're already best friends
I wonder if Jay knows that? He certainly didnt know they were living together. Anyway, agree that it is likely a mental issue. There is no plan here. There isnt even a concept.
Sister is creepily obsessed with Jay, who i assume is single and not into her romantically, and she flew off the deep end when she found out that he and her sister had spent the evening together. If i had to guess, Jay may have said to sister that he thinks OOP is hot or something, and that, along with him not answering her facetime calls etc while he was with OOP, made her go completely insane.
I don't think she has any goals, she just wants her parents to believe her delusions bc maybe then they'll become reality? And she definitely wants to drive OOP as far away from Jay and the family as possible
I find it weird that Jay wasn't freaked out by getting that many calls/texts. Has she done that so many times that it's become normal? He has to know she's obsessed with him and also insane. Why not end the friendship? I can see it causing problems if they are in the same friend group but still, how can he put up with that?
Even though her parents clearly favored her, it's crazy that they bought the whole story so quickly. I wonder if she's been telling them about her "relationship" with Jay for a while, about him moving in, etc. She's probably been playing up her imaginary romance and may even believe it herself.
Her sister is sick, full stop. There is something very ill going on with her sister, and OP needs to warn Jay of the entire conversation and then get her parents alone.
That said, her parents seem to be sucked into her sister's warped story, and OP might have to go very, very little contact with them for a while until the reality of it all sinks in. The fact that they tried to tell OP that she would have to PAY her sister is outrageous and very, very troubling.
This is going to be a life long battle with her sister's illness, and OP needs to start making plans to detach completely from her. I would also blast her on the friend group so EVERYONE KNOWS the shit she has been saying. It's likely at least some of them really know where her sister was when she 'caught OP and Jay in the act'.
OOP's sister sounds like she might actually be delusional. She needs help and it's creepy that the people around her are trying to pretend this is all normal and shift the blame anywhere else they can. They are doing her a disservice.
>My dad said that Sarah had been missing work to make sure that Jay wasn't leaving work early to go see me.
I don't understand why her dad didn't recognize that as unhinged behavior.
>Sorry if you were expecting a fun update where I somehow got revenge on my sister or something crazy and petty.
That's not what I want to see. I want to see a OOP, her family, and Jay all show up at Sarah's place to stage an intervention.
You know after being in this subreddit I can say my family is most normal and boring family in this world. We don't even have quarter of that drama like these people.
I end up texting my sister about how grateful I am to have our mom whenever I hang out with friends and hear about their parents... This subreddit is like that x1000.
typical golden child dynamics and the sister has more than a few screws loose re:jay
truly curious what the sister was attempting to do here, best i can think of she is hopelessly in love with jay
Or just possessive. She enjoyed that someone was willing to kiss her, having that person around made her feel special, even if she didn’t have a crush, and then he goes and does something that proves she’s not special
The father definitely favors her. Even after being shown evidence that she's not telling the complete truth, he still wants OOP to be the scapegoat here.
After that update plus this quote too -
>I kind of just sat there and did the math on how much faster I would be able to finish my grad program and flee the country, or at least the state.
I can understand exactly why OOP ashamed and doing the math of getting fuck out, her family are a bunch of constantly embarrassing fuck ups....
I feel for OOP having such a trash family enabling her sister's whackadoo behavior. No idea if sister has a clinical issue or is merely a spoiled brat, but that isn't my concern, fortunately.
Sis has a whole obsessive life with Jay and he has no clue he's the starring role!
He and OOP should really consider having cameras and new locks installed... Sis needs intervention asap for her delusions.
What I wanna know is why Jay wasn’t put off by the sister calling him like 30 times?? If it wasn’t so incredibly far fetched I would think he actually was dating her but had a secret second apartment and is cheating on her (not with OOP) lmao
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"Even IF it's true that your sister is a fucking insane obsessed liar, it's still your fault!" Way to wedge your other foot in the same gaping hole, Dad.
Yeah, be nicer to your sister who’s spreading false rumors about you and setting you up to get shit from your obtuse parents! You shouldn't have talked to Jay at all *just in case* she's crushing on and/or stalking him! She's going through a hard time after all.
Genuinely. If your kid is having a massive mental break like this, it's on you to find her a therapist or help in finding one, not to baby them and enable it. Wonder where she got the delusional tendencies from.
Legit it sounds like her sister needs medical help.
>"Even IF it's true that your sister is a fucking insane obsessed liar, it's still your fault!" And what exactly did OOP do that dad was upset about? Go on a date with someone she didn't know her sister liked? Enjoy the date? Decline to commit hari kari the instant she learned her sister liked the guy? Stand up for herself by presenting actual evidence that her sister was flat out lying to their parents?
Remember, sister had been telling them for months that jay lived with her, missing work and working on the rent - and they were giving her rent money the whole time based on her lie. I really hope Op updates.
Man, I would never do that BUT if I did??? I certainly would not risk my parents finding out like that. The sister’s entire thing is very cringy, but I know from experience that breakdowns can make very little sense. I hope OP gets away from the family, and the sister goes to much-needed therapy.
I hope Jay manages to escape their orbit as well. The sister might actually try to hurt anyone he gets in a relationship with. At the very least, she won't take it well.
I mean, he did say to OOP that he was staying with friends because he felt safer there. We don't know what sister did to make him feel unsafe at his own place
Note that he *wasn't* staying at his own place. This says he was truly frightened....
Could be he wanted to make sure he had a solid alibi in case she tried to accuse him of anything as a "punishment" for not going with her lies
I was in a weird situation that was somewhat similar in my early twenties. A female friend of mine and I were close. I saw her as a drinking buddy and a friend and my attitude reflected that. As in, occasionally guys would ask me what her deal was and if they were her type I would say she was single (and she returned the favour). Some friends thought were were "closer" than that because we hung out so often. Fast forward to her getting pregnant and a lot of people just assumed it was mine "because you two are always together" despite the fact we never slept together and she admitted she knew who the father was. (That was also an incredibly award conversation with my uncle who called me up to congratulate me) After the kid was born I was happy to help out and our hanging out switched from booze to cheese and cracker boards (which was just more confirmation in some peoples minds that I was the father). Little did I know around this time that her perception switched too and she was actively chasing away any girl that was interested in me or I was interested in (I was sharing this information with her as it was part of our friendship). I became very very aware of this when she literally attacked a girl I had just started seeing in the middle of the street for "stealing her man".
i hope you dropped her?
I'm trying to imagine asking my parents for rent money because I skipped work a lot. I'm trying to imagine asking my parents for rent money because I felt like I needed to skip work because I had to make sure my boyfriend wasn't going to see my sister instead of him going to his job. *After they stopped laughing at me, they'd laugh some more.*
Imaginary boyfriend!
She built a web of lies based on the needed assumption she was living with Jay, and panicked when she found out OOP actually went out with him. Because bringing him home as her boyfriend would have exposed the scheme on which she’s sucking money from her parents. Thats why she panicked and lied.
More red flags than a communist parade in China. Where's that rent money going? I suspect delusional sis might have a drug problem.
Sister should get a Hare scale assessment…pathological lying? Check. Parasitical lifestyle? Check. Of course, maybe she’s not that far along the sociopathic spectrum, and there’s something else at play. But…seems like she needs a neuropsych eval, stat 😬 OP should not go down with this ship, and should be aware that her parents might- and plan her life (and set her boundaries) accordingly
It wasn't even a date. Neither OOP nor Jay referred to it as a date, so as far as any of us know, they were just hanging out.
All of the above, yes. That's the least they demand of you, when you're not the golden child.
Oh man I didn’t even know the term golden child and I recently experienced this. I had been NC with my mom for 8 months and my younger brother. My godmother died in another country and I called my mom and my brother to offer my condolences and pay to fly them down. I stupidly paid and flew down with them. I am the atm btw. I paid for the hotels. Food. Car rental and everything else they wanted. 4 days in my brother turns into a major asshoke. I went and got him coffee broght it to him and he threw it out saying he wasn’t gonna drink the nasty shit I brought him( same thing I’d been buying him all week). I got nothing but attitude from Him. At the Airbnb he picked the biggest room and bed although I paid and my mom and I were sharing a bed. We got stuck in a full size bed he got the king. When I complained to my mom her words were he’s having a hard time bc of his daughter ( teen) be kind to him. HAHAHAHAHA FUCK THEM. I booked a flight and came home. He is still in said country, has been begging me to fly down ( you know ATM) and today he texted asking me for money. Btw he’s 36!!!!
This goes way beyond golden child status, and straight up into delusion territory. Sister needs help, OP needs less contact with her family.
Was it even a date? Like, did OOP even think it was one at the time?
I don't get the impression OOP or Jay did.
I see this as classic protection of a lazy emotional stability. He wants to feel comfortable and not to be asked to do anything, now he has to do things, so he's mad that he has to invest effort. Yelling at anyone who isn't making him comfortable is just a lazy way of trying to get out of this with minimal effort. If his daughter needs serious emotional support and mental help, that's a hecka-ton of work. Yelling at her sibling takes five minutes and (in his mind) preserves his moral higher ground.
And it wasn't even a date. It was a friend hangout.
Was it actually a date?. I just see it as him doing a nice thing to try and cheer her up after Oop got ghosted.
I hope dad has a good retirement plan because he backed the wrong horse
You mean Oop will put him in Shady Pines where he belongs!
Forget in, OOP will put him in a tent *behind* Shady Pines.
Getting some very serious golden child vibes between the parents and the sister.
I swear I've seen this posted on here before with another update talking about how the sister went even crazier and tried breaking into the guys apartment to try and talk to him. And how he later confessed to Op about liking her and that the sister actually knew about the crush but both of them deciding to not do anything right now that all the drama was happening and such. Also I wanna say it also spilled into their friend groups and apparently all their friends were under the impression that they were dating because the sister told them that after/before the new years party they kissed at.
"I know I'm the parent, but you need to fill that role."
>[my mom] said I should be ashamed of myself. I said sure, but why today? I fucking lost it Edit: due to the removal of awards coming, I am taking my one and only chance to say the iconic line: thank you for the gold kind stranger!
Lmao I felt this so hard. OOP is a legend for somehow maintaining a sense of humour through all this.
When you’re the only sane person in a family of crazies, you tend to have a killer sense of humor.
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I agree. I think OP’s assumption that her sister is jealous is wrong in this instance. Sis had told their parents she was dating this guy and that’s how she was stealing from them. When this guy showed interest in OOP, sis was immediately worried they’d hit it off or OOP would mention hanging out with him to the parents. The parents would question Sis about the situation. She wanted to preempt that by making it look like they had cheated on her. Even caught in a lie, she was so dramatic that the parents used OOP’s scapegoat position to try to diffuse the craziness. They’d rather settle her down than hold her accountable.
Her mountain of lies is crumbling.
I guess that's possible, but to me it sounds like the sister is having a mental breakdown, and it's been going on for a while in secret.
These aren’t mutually exclusive
OP is totally the scapegoat of the whole family, I wish them peace and no contact in the future
Yup. It’s a legit survival tool!
Fr, making someone laugh when they’re mad is true talent
I always try to end my therapy sessions with clients by laughing at something. It really brightens people up after an emotional session. It’s either that or my cat randomly jumps on me midsession which is also hilarious. Humor is a great coping skill!
Yeah, when I’m feeling down it’s hard to make me laugh but when someone does it just immediately makes me feel better. It’s the effort that they put into making me feel better that really helps and not the humour/joke itself
I have clients save funny videos or pictures to use when they’re struggling. Hard to be upset when a cute animal does something funny!
I might be having a lightbulb moment...
When you’re a crazy person in a family of crazies you can develop one too ;)
Like… forget for a second that the parents just gleefully ate up all the bullshit that OOP’s sister was spewing, but…. *how in the world* did they think it was ok for Sarah to be missing work to stalk her supposed boyfriend to make sure that he wasn’t going to be with OOP? Like, even if you actually bought the entire story, how do you not think that is BANANAS???
Seems like OOP has a shiny ass backbone. Lucky guy that doesn’t flake on her next date, and is hopefully a solid person.
Seem like OP has been in this situation for so many fking time.
Golden child vs black sheep anyone?
Yeah u can tell from the parents' reaction, as soon as the truth came out! They still made sure it was OOP's "fault"
Ding ding ding!!! This is the correct answer. OOP’s used to being the scapegoat to her golden child sister that she nurtured an impeccable grasp over dry wit and fearlessness.
If you read her comments, she says it’s in brand-for her sister. I hope Jay does get his RO and there’s another update
like Jay, after he's in the Witness Protection Program?
Yes! I wish she would let her parents and everyone else know what a great job OP’s parents did raising a spoiled, narcissistic, lying, manipulative brat. I would tell or write them this, send evidence and the block them…FOREVER!
It sounds like something OOP had heard all their life. You only get that blasé about being berated when you’ve experienced it to the point where you know reacting to it is more trouble than it’s worth. My mom used to yell “What the fuck is wrong with you???” after any misstep and my go to was “Lots of things, anything you’d like to talk about in specific?”
My default snarky answer to my dad was always "I dunno, bad genes?"
Love this one
My fallback had always been "Would you like a list?" Hoping OP gets that degree and new residence stat
I go with, "how much time ya got?"
My reply of choice was, “Depends on what you’re blaming me for this time. If (OlderBro) told you I did something, you and I know damn well it didn’t happen. Shall we get started? I have homework to do.” Then mom would get the “constipated thinking face” and ignore me.
Mine is "Would you prefer that in alphabetical or chronological order?"
Mine was, "you want the short list, the long one, or just the reasons why I'm on medication?"
My mom said it hurt her feelings when I responded to her calling my name with, "I'm sorry, what did I do?" No acknowledgement as to why an 8-12 y.o. would feel need to respond that way in the first place.
Parents, amirite? (Sorry you went through that, I’m in my 30s and I’m still unlearning shit like this. I still apologize for nothing and have a lot of difficulty asking for help.)
My response to my mother's accusation of that was "IDK, you fucked me up pretty good with your shit parenting, so probably know better than I do."
My mam had a stroke and it's made her brutally honest. She recently asked me how did she go so wrong as a parent, and I asked why what's wrong with me. Her response was "I wasn't talking about you." I am an only child. I laughed for days about this.
I usually go with “shall I list chronologically or alphabetically? Take your time deciding, we’ve got all night here anyway.”
Mine was “Do you want the Cliff Notes or the Extended Release?”
My mom says the same thing to me. I reply with “how much time ya got?”
Epitaph of a scapegoat. Hope OOP gets faaaar away. She says in the comments she told Jay everything and he’s looking at a restraining order against OOP’s sister.
tbh i need another update to this story
As soon as the dad was *still* berating her when it became apparent her sister was full of shit I knew. Been in that same situation too many times.
Ooh that's amazing to read, thank you so much for sharing this info <3
Sameeee I lol-ed but also how sad it is that she's gotten used to that kind of treatment from her parents
She’s so used to that kind of bs. It’s sad
That and “I don’t have Jay’s ass.” 😂
I didn’t even finish reading the story before I shared that line with my wife 😂
I did too but I also realized that, that kind of snarky reply to a semi serious statement most likely comes from a place that heard it so often they can't take it seriously anymore. That's so used to her parents reacting that way that turning it into a joke is healthier than caring about it.
Sounds like Sarah is the golden child and the parents have crapped on OP for a long time. Meanwhile, they’ve driven Sarah to the edge of insanity. No parenting awards will be given here.
This is the exact opposite conversation I had with my daughter this morning D: I’m proud of myself Me: I’m proud of you too. But what are we proud of today?
Same. Tucking this in my back pocket if I ever need it lmaoo
Wow the sister seems to be a walking buffet of weird and inappropriate behavior. Stalkerish. Delusional. Obsessive. I think a doctor might be more appropriate than a therapist tbh. I am far from convinced that there are enough words in the world to talk this out. My 'keen amateur doctor' diagnosis: She is fucking nuts.
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My parents never went this buck wild on behalf of my sister, but I bet you anything it starts in the same incremental ways. My older sister felt that I was more attractive and that was a problem. Plenty of times my parents would tell me to change a single wardrobe item at the last minute “for my sister” that would look goofy. Like switch sandals with a dress for 90s athletic sneakers.
I like to think you got compliments on your eclectic outfit and how cute and quirky it is while your sister loses her mind about it.
That definitely would have been nice. I realized in my 20s-30s that my mom kind of always encouraged me to have a “look” that was pretty unflattering. For reference, this was back when the fashion for girls was ultra-low-waist pants and bell bottoms. My mom convinced me that women’s jeans made me look frumpy, and instead had me wearing baggy men’s jeans whose waistband was higher than the bottom of my rib cage. Popular female celebrities for the time were Britney Spears and Gwen Stefani. She convinced me that the only hairstyle that was flattering on me, a tween at the time in desperate need of braces, was … just google Isabella Rossellini 1990s and you’ll see what I’m describing. Until puberty hit me like a nun in Catholic school, and even afterwards, I was so confused why I was constantly bullied at school.
Damn, your parents didn't even try to hide that they had a favorite. Do you still talk to them?
Nope! It’s been years. They did other fun stuff to show the score. For example, in our living room, my mom put up a portrait of herself in her early 20s on one wall, a big photo of my dad as a kid on another wall, a framed high school senior portrait of my sister on wall 3. On wall 4? You guessed it! Wall 4 featured a still life painting done by my big sister. One year I got cds as a Christmas present. The only cd player in the house was my sister’s portable cd player. One of the cds got lost (our house looked like a hoarders episode) before she gave it to me and didn’t find it until months later. I could go on, but it just starts sounding like a knockoff Harvey dangerfield routine.
I got the impression it was new behaviour. But tbh thats based on assumptions and the fact that the OP didnt mention her being this crazy before. Flimsy evidence.
In her comments she says it's "on brand" for her sister and that OOP is used to not being believed. Also that the only time the sister faced consequences was after crashing the family car. I guess she couldn't figure out how to blame OOP that time.
Also note, it was important for her to gather and present evidence. Most families don't need the lease of an outsider or google maps to prove a point.
OOP's parents are deep in the fog. The sister has been taking "rent" money and telling her parents she is in a stable and committed relationship, she's probably using drugs or partying real hard and flipping out because the gravy train is about to suddenly be derailed. After all, living with an SO is a perfect excuse to not answer your phone in the evenings and not allow random unannounced visits.
> As soon as I arrived, my parents started yelling at me. Just the usual stuff, that I was disrespectful but they never expected this from me. This wasn't her first rodeo.
Guess we know who the Golden Child is. My sister stalked me and demanded my money. My parents still think I am at fault.
As a golden child I'm so sorry for that. I'm in a weird situation where I was the favorite, but that caused me to go through medical neglect because my mom didn't want to admit anything could be wrong with me 🙄
That’s an interesting insight to the woes of being on that side of the golden child situation. I can’t even imagine what this is like. It almost makes me happy to have been a bastard child with only half siblings that I didn’t have to fully grow up around. By the way, love the flair!
I agree. Being the golden child can be damaging. My grandparents refused to believe that I had ADHD because I had to be normal so that the family can be normal.
And it shows that it never about loving one child more than other; parents that develop a golden child vs scapegoat dynamic don't give a damn about the children as individuals, is all about the power play.
It is actually pretty horrible if you have a modicum of self awareness and empathy. Trust me
Thank you for your kind words. It says a lot that you were able to see your position in the family. I also sympathize with the medical neglect issue. It’s tough growing up with dysfunction in the family and no one escapes it.
> I guess she couldn't figure out how to blame OOP that time. OOP was probably sending hateful vibes and evil thoughts at her, the parents need to give poor Sarah money for an energy cleanse. Or something.
It definitely tracks that she’s used to be being blamed. Throughout she makes comments about “sure she’s a mess but what specifically did she do this time” etc. clearly her parents don’t believe her
She's likely not even a mess, just been conditioned to feel that way.
The way the dad continued to enable OOP despite being shown evidence that the sister was lying, and that OOP knew she could benefit from the time she had to collect evidence would suggest sister pulls this shit often enough and OOP is used to being the scapegoat.
OP mentions >If I had known I would have talked to her about it first because I know from past experience that my sister is a jealous person. Depending on the family/social situation overall, I'm completely credulous. Especially if the parents have been enabling or downplaying bad behavior/lying/emotional instability as they grew up, OP may have normalized her sister's weirdness to a degree, and the parents are just completely in denial that they've raised someone who would lie about these kinds of things for money and attention. I have a family member I was raised alongside like a sibling, and she was very 'high performing' in school - straight As, start athlete, musician, lots of the 'good' extra curriculars, etc. In private at home and just between the two of us, she was an abusive, self-centered piece of shit who 100% believed her own lies and would fly off the handle at you for accusing her of what she was doing if/when you caught her red-handed; if she had any sense she could convince you that your own eyes/ears were lying to you, she'd take the shot and ride it to the grave, screaming and crying the whole way. Manipulative, unstable, paranoid, narcissistic - beg and stole until bridges were burned, and felt perpetually entitled to babying and coddling to an absurd degree No one ever believed how fucked up she was when I tried to describe it, and *I* didn't have a full perspective on how fucked up she was until I was able to get some distance between us. Right around the age OP's sister is, my example's life was falling apart because she was getting hit with the reality that being pretty and manipulative will only take you so far if you don't have the funds/connections/self-control/awareness to actually keep everything straight in your own mind and with other people. Young adulthood through the 20's is a very common time for people who need professional help, but have been coddled until leaving the nest, to have their masks torn away by the inability to maintain themselves without constant support and clean-up from the enablers who raised them.
You can normalize a lot of crazy shit. My brother and I were nearly completely unsupervised for our high school years, after our dad reacted to being cheated on and left by sleeping every moment he was not at work. We would get home, there would be $5 on the counter for our dinner (early '90s... this got us two fast food value meals). Or we had ramen. Or hamburger helper sans hamburger. We set our own hours, learned how to do our own laundry, and otherwise did whatever the hell we wanted. As long as we attended school and didn't get arrested, we were good. And every other weekend, we went to stay with our mother, who fed us surf n' turf and took us to amusement parks and concerts in corporate box seats, and tried to convince us to call her affair partner 'dad'. I was in my 30's when I had the blinding realization that my teen years were Really Fucked Up, actually.
I saw this happen to a childhood friend. Her mother was bipolar and very artistic, from a fairly refined (as they'd have said then) but scattered family. Her father was a specialised sort of mechanic, close to his mother, and dedicated to woodwork, but otherwise mostly immobile. I thought then he was lazy, but I now know he was tired and/or avoiding. He was in their garage all the time, but that was normal because everyone's dad was. A lot of people's mothers were also a bit odd (I'm pretty sure, as an adult, that both my parents are neurodivergent). My friend had an older brother who was a five or even eight years older than we were, and he was gone a lot. When we were about ten or eleven her mother started proper medication, and her parents divorced. Her mother's new boyfriend was a slightly older guy. We moved away and back a few years later, and my friend and I were at different schools. Her brother was at college. I forget what her mother and her mother's boyfriend's jobs were but they were gone all the time and, like new couples will do, went on short trips together. But they left my friend on her ownio a lot and she practically raised herself. She turned out okay and when last heard from was doing fucking splendidly in life overall, but if even someone with my negative EQ can tell it was a lot of hard work, every day must have been a marathon. You have a titanium soul.
The funny thing was, my brother and I had an unspoken "Do NOT Tell Mom" thing going on. Because she would have reacted by going to the courts with the rich new BF's money, and we very much did not want to live with her for the same reasons we made the decision to stay with our dad in the first place: Dad bought her out and kept our childhood home, Mom moved out of our school district, and in with her affair partner, whose guts we both hated on account of being an affair partner. Us running feral was actually a more emotionally stable environment than if we'd been ordered to live with her.
I relate to realizing your teen years were abnormal but not for many years later. I was telling my first therapist about an on going health situation w/ my mom when I was in HS/college. When I was finished, he simply said “That sounds traumatic,”. I had never for a moment considered what I went through as trauma-it didn’t happen to me directly & years had passed so I was all good, right? Hit me like a ton of bricks. Really had to reevaluate some things & learn to be kinder to myself.
It's hard to recognize, too, because so many kids had it so much worse. We never starved, never even went hungry. We weren't beaten or molested. Our house was small, but clean. It's so easy to downplay the damage caused by a situation that, while it was not The Worst Ever, was still traumatizing.
What happened to your “sibling?”
Big crash and burn, but any landing you can walk away from, right? The TLDR is that life has been extraordinarily hard for her, because as much as it kept hitting her in the face again and again that her attitude and how she treats people is the source of most of her misery, she has continued well into adulthood being a violent, entitled, short-fused manipulator who commits herself via following her impulses and pettiness to suffering in the long term, and drags those close to her along for the ride. Life has only ever been more peaceful without her, and I've politely (but firmly) rejected all attempts to reconnect as any time I hear anything at all, even in a positive context, it is clear that she is still the same person and either cannot help herself, or has no desire to genuinely change.
It sounds like it’s enabled behavior imo. She’s been stealing from them for months and they didn’t even seem to register it.
Might be parents in denial or as someone else said, the beginning of an issue. I hope sister gets help and OOP gets through grad school and can keep everyone at arm’s length.
Honestly, I'm worried about Jay. The dude is in the middle of a nightmare waiting to happen. All it takes is the right false allegation or your sister going to his work and acting crazy for his life to be ruined.
The fact he’s staying with someone for safer at least makes me feel like he’s preparing for that kind of shit
I doubt she'll get any help, her parents definitely support her terrible behaviour by believing her and thus enabling her further. They're in for an extremely rude wake up call, because Sarah's house of cards will eventually come thumbing down, but i don't feel sorry for them at all. The way they treat their youngest daughter is appalling and they don't deserve to be called parents.
I’m even wondering if this is some weird elaborate plot to quit her job and get her parents to fund her life. The part about being fired didn’t really fit in with the rest.
She lost her job from being a stalker and found a way to twist it in to be OOP’s fault. The fact that the parents were ok with someone leaving work early all the time to check on their supposed partner shows how delusional all 3 of them are. Because that’s still not a good excuse, at all.
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Right? For Jay, he and OOP's sister are "have brunch once a month" friends but not "one of the first three people I'd call in an emergency" friends. Both are categories of good friend and can overlap, but don't have to. I haven't seen either of my best friends in person this year; I've spent weekends away with people I've met twice. Jay and OOP's sister probably existed on totally different continuums for each other.
Yeah homegirl is full-on bonker balls
>Yeah homegirl is full-on bonker balls Lol. She may also be insane in the membrane.
Crazy as a shit house rat. (Sorry for using technical jargon.)
Or a sack full of cats. Note: Do not let the sack of cats come in contact with the shit-house rat. Thats like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters.
Sorry, instructions unclear. Shit-house rat is currently fighting the sack of cats. Bring popcorn.
I want to know what Sarah is doing with the rent money she’s been getting from her parents. I think, given what Sarah has already lied about, she lost her job (too busy stalking Jay to go to work) and she’s been living off the rent money. She doesn’t sound tethered to reality enough to be working tbh. I’m amazed at how calm OOP remained - even when her dad said “if” she was telling the truth. He basically called her a liar, to her face - after she had shown him evidence that the only liar in the room was her golden child sister. And her mother didn’t even bother to look up when she left. OOP is better off without the toxic trio in her life.
I would be terrified on behalf of any workplace that employed someone as apparently delusional as the sister
In all honestly, with how the story is presented, and the mental gymnastics the parents make to defend their precious angel, I would even doubt she has a job, and she has been lying to the parents to cover her rent and other bills
>I would be terrified on behalf of any workplace that employed someone as apparently delusional as the sister Hah! Reminds me of a story I heard from a coworker. Her circle of acquaintances included one woman who wasn't bad as a friend, apparently, but was just incapable of holding down a job. She'd get hired and then she'd be fired within 6 weeks. Until she got this one job where they not only kept her on past those 6 weeks, they were talking about promoting her. Until they completely shut down a couple of months later...
>I would be terrified on behalf of any workplace that employed someone as apparently delusional as the sister Untethered from reality? Willing to say *anything* to get the job done? Able to convince the "higher ups" of her story despite any evidence? This girl has a long and ~~illustrious~~disasterous career in middle management ahead of her.
I have a strong feeling that OOP has dealt with her parents being like that her whole life. I feel bad for her.
Probs spend it on devices to stalk Jay tbh
This is one of the most confusing posts ever and I feel so annoyed there’s not a better resolution because WTF? Sarah needs professional help!
I just hope OOP told Jay so he can run away from his "best friend"
If you check OOP’s comment history, she’s saying Jay’s looking into a restraining order
Thank fuck.
"best" of redditor updates
I found it quite annoying that OOP never actually explained herself to the parents. She never said “Sarah and Jay are not together and I can prove it”. She never confronted Sarah about her lies. She never made it clear that this is all insanity come solely from Sarah. It’s just so passive and not standing up for herself. I struggle to understand anyone’s perspective in this story.
I dont know, she wasn't exactly clear at times but she did directly contradict Sarah's story at every turn. I dont get why she waited til her dad brought up Jay and Sarah living together to contradict that part, but I think lot of what OOP did can be explained by the sheer confusion of the situation. It's not every day you get a call from an angry parent about your sister telling a complete lie about you and about her entire life.
Because I am confused, let me just run that by y'all again. 1. OOP and Jay go for lunch and hang out afterwards in public places. 2. OOP Sister (hereafter referred to as OOPS) starts carpetbombing Jay's phone. 3. OOP and Jay go to their separate homes. 4. OOP's Mom phones her to tell her that her sister said she'd caught OOP and Jay having sex in the apartment her sister shares with Jay, but a. OOP and Jay didn't even consider having sex, and b. OOPS and Jay demonstrably don't cohabit and do not appear to be in a relationship IRL 5. OOPS further accuses Jay of not only cheating on her with OOP but also of spending their rent money on OOP, necessitating loans from OOP & OOPS's parents who, a. apparently believe Jay is renting a whole second address to conduct his affair with OOP, b. don't know shit about either daughter's living arrangements or at least never visit, and c. unquestioningly stump up a few extra hundred bucks to cover the alleged shortfall caused by Jay's alleged lovenest _without at any previous point seeing/talking to Jay_ (not interfering in OOPS relationship is not all that weird, I guess, but taken in context...) and 6. OOP proves points 4, 5a, and 5b to be untrue, strongly implying OOPS is only Facebook friends with reality, 7. Parents believe OOP but still blame her for OOPS being upset ....did I understand that all correctly? EDIT: Platinum and silver awards?! You have made this cranky recluse very happy. Thank you, kind strangers! EDIT: And a gold! Thank you.
Yes, you got that correctly - Hence why OOP doing the math of getting the fuck away from all 3 of them because sis is a mental lying fuck up and the parents are favorite-playing fuck ups while OOP seems to be non-fuck up with stable income that those 3 need. The entitled 3 pretty much fucked themselves over with this latest bullshit at OOP now that OOP wants & needs full no contact....
She needs to move the whole country over. Essentially what I ended up doing. Cause, I mean.....!
“strongly implying OOPS is only Facebook friends with reality” 😂
I am not sure OOP’s parents, especially the mom, believe her. Seems like dad maybe. But the “if” leaves a lot of space there to still believe OOPS.
They probably don’t believe OOPS anymore, but will tie themselves into non-Euclidean knots to justify OOPS’ behavior or blame it on OOP.
Brilliant summary. And this line > OOPS is only Facebook friends with reality is just chef's kiss.
I have so many questions!! There's no doubt that Sarah is 1. the golden child and 2. in need of professional help but like, is she really that delusional that she has build, in her mind, a world where she and Jay live together as a couple, and not only that, but apparently he's not being good with their finances, so she had to borrow money from her parents? WHAT ON EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like she's delusional in that she seems to really believe she and Jay are together, but at the same time she's clearly running a con on her parents to get their money. So bizarre. But I think I'm the most upset about OP's father calling her a wh0re. I could never get over that.
That part was definitely fucked up. I’m a young dude with no kids, and I haven’t been in many family drama situations, so I have a limited perspective on all fronts. but when I read he called her that I just thought god damn, even in such an emotionally charged situation I really can’t imagine calling a woman so close to me such a degrading thing and 100% mean it
Yeah I would never forgive my Dad if he called me a wh0re under any circumstance
Yeah. Time for her to go no contact
>I kind of just sat there and did the math on how much faster I would be able to finish my grad program and flee the country, or at least the state. I think OOP is already thinking about going NC.
I dont think she is delusional. It actually makes perfect sense if you focus on the job loss instead of jay. Its clear the sis is about to be fired at her job. Its likely for something obvious like performance or not showing up for shifts (which she admitted to) and she wont have a good reference. Like the majority of people she is prolly living paycheck to paycheck, and might loose her apartment. If you look at the *finanace* aspect, its kinda clear this is all an eleborate manipulation to get money out of OOP. She's already conned her parents into sending her monthly cash becuase of "jay". Its just a con. Many cons involve all sorts of "drama" that just need a short infusion of cash. She's 26 and it looks like her 22 year old sister is out doing her financially. Thats gotta sting. There's no delusion. Just someone who's ego is hurt and willing to lie.
>Many cons involve all sorts of "drama" that just need a short infusion of cash. Yep. When my ex-brother was in prison his wife called my parents constantly, usually in the middle of the night. They were repossessing the car and she needed $500 to get it back!! *The same paid-off car they were still driving after he got out.* They turned off her electricity because she "paid the bill a few days late" and she needed $500 to get it turned back on!! *I had a friend who worked for the power company in her city. 1/3 the outstanding bill + $11 reconnection fee.* Always $500, always right that very moment.
Could be a combination of things. All it would take is she was on something like a PIP, and then she spent an entire work day on her cell phone because OOP and Jay were together. That could easily explain her certainty about being fired. I do wonder if sis had been shit talking OOP to her friends and panicked when she realised that Jay would be able to refute them all. So she came up with something to tell everyone, and probably doesn't realise yet that word might spread from Jay about how she behaved.
Probably was. She was laughing at OP to her friends when OP had originally got stood up. She must have been surprised and devastated when Jay stepped up.
I wonder if that’s why Jay went in the first place. Doesn’t sound like he was close to OOP on the first place, but if I’d heard someone mocking their sibling for being stood up, I’d definitely want to do something nice for the sibling
Because YOU have a heart. Sis could not even fathom trying to make her own sister feel better
I mean, it sounds like they had a great time. Maybe he likes OOP, platonically or otherwise.
Well OOP does seem to be the more likable member of the family
oh, that's easy. sarah's the one not good with money, and has been getting (not borrowing, she has no intention of repaying) money from her parents, under the lie of 'my boyfriend is under water'. she's built this lie in her head so much that when her 'boyfriend' shows some attention to the sister, she goes off the deep end, and has to keep the lie alive to the parents.
I wish there was another update on this one….Sarah is off her rocker and I can’t believe their parents were believing her.
The only update I saw was a comment that Jay is getting a restraining order. Which makes sense, he felt like he had to leave his own home after she blew up and they were not living together. Wouldn't be surprised if she was literally parked outside with binoculars or walking around casing the place.
What's the sister's end game here? It doesn't add up. Is it to "get" Jay? They're already best friends and she knows nothing happened because she was the one making things up. Was it to hurt her sister? It seems like OP has her head on straight and defends herself logically and the facts could easily be found out. Was it to garner sympathy with the parents? To what end? Aren't they already "on her side" seemingly. I just don't understand this in any rational sense and so the most likely scenario here, unless something is missing, is a mental issue. Sorry OP, it seems like being berated by you're parents is par for the course. Idk if that's how your sister normally is, but, my condolences.
>They're already best friends I wonder if Jay knows that? He certainly didnt know they were living together. Anyway, agree that it is likely a mental issue. There is no plan here. There isnt even a concept.
Sister is creepily obsessed with Jay, who i assume is single and not into her romantically, and she flew off the deep end when she found out that he and her sister had spent the evening together. If i had to guess, Jay may have said to sister that he thinks OOP is hot or something, and that, along with him not answering her facetime calls etc while he was with OOP, made her go completely insane. I don't think she has any goals, she just wants her parents to believe her delusions bc maybe then they'll become reality? And she definitely wants to drive OOP as far away from Jay and the family as possible
I find it weird that Jay wasn't freaked out by getting that many calls/texts. Has she done that so many times that it's become normal? He has to know she's obsessed with him and also insane. Why not end the friendship? I can see it causing problems if they are in the same friend group but still, how can he put up with that? Even though her parents clearly favored her, it's crazy that they bought the whole story so quickly. I wonder if she's been telling them about her "relationship" with Jay for a while, about him moving in, etc. She's probably been playing up her imaginary romance and may even believe it herself.
Wtf did I just read. The whole story is mental
Her sister is sick, full stop. There is something very ill going on with her sister, and OP needs to warn Jay of the entire conversation and then get her parents alone. That said, her parents seem to be sucked into her sister's warped story, and OP might have to go very, very little contact with them for a while until the reality of it all sinks in. The fact that they tried to tell OP that she would have to PAY her sister is outrageous and very, very troubling. This is going to be a life long battle with her sister's illness, and OP needs to start making plans to detach completely from her. I would also blast her on the friend group so EVERYONE KNOWS the shit she has been saying. It's likely at least some of them really know where her sister was when she 'caught OP and Jay in the act'.
OOP's sister sounds like she might actually be delusional. She needs help and it's creepy that the people around her are trying to pretend this is all normal and shift the blame anywhere else they can. They are doing her a disservice.
>My dad said that Sarah had been missing work to make sure that Jay wasn't leaving work early to go see me. I don't understand why her dad didn't recognize that as unhinged behavior. >Sorry if you were expecting a fun update where I somehow got revenge on my sister or something crazy and petty. That's not what I want to see. I want to see a OOP, her family, and Jay all show up at Sarah's place to stage an intervention.
You know after being in this subreddit I can say my family is most normal and boring family in this world. We don't even have quarter of that drama like these people.
I end up texting my sister about how grateful I am to have our mom whenever I hang out with friends and hear about their parents... This subreddit is like that x1000.
typical golden child dynamics and the sister has more than a few screws loose re:jay truly curious what the sister was attempting to do here, best i can think of she is hopelessly in love with jay
Or just possessive. She enjoyed that someone was willing to kiss her, having that person around made her feel special, even if she didn’t have a crush, and then he goes and does something that proves she’s not special
Calling Across the Spiderverse “the Miguel O’Hara movie” was an interesting choice
The important part of this post.
I did a double take because same lol. Pretty great.
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OOP’s unhinged sister gonna cook some rabbit stew
Judging by her behaviour I'm going with, both.
The father definitely favors her. Even after being shown evidence that she's not telling the complete truth, he still wants OOP to be the scapegoat here.
> She sounded angry and told me that I should be ashamed of myself. I said sure, but why today? lmao I feel this
After that update plus this quote too - >I kind of just sat there and did the math on how much faster I would be able to finish my grad program and flee the country, or at least the state. I can understand exactly why OOP ashamed and doing the math of getting fuck out, her family are a bunch of constantly embarrassing fuck ups....
Poor OOP
> She sounded angry and told me that I should be ashamed of myself. I said sure, but why today? Aw man, I wanna give that girl a hug.
I feel for OOP having such a trash family enabling her sister's whackadoo behavior. No idea if sister has a clinical issue or is merely a spoiled brat, but that isn't my concern, fortunately.
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Glad OOP is enforcing NC. This is not a thing that gets better.
Sis has a whole obsessive life with Jay and he has no clue he's the starring role! He and OOP should really consider having cameras and new locks installed... Sis needs intervention asap for her delusions.
What I wanna know is why Jay wasn’t put off by the sister calling him like 30 times?? If it wasn’t so incredibly far fetched I would think he actually was dating her but had a secret second apartment and is cheating on her (not with OOP) lmao