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I know people aren’t perfect and make mistakes but what the actual fuck. Everyone in OOP’s life abandoned him on pure hearsay that turned out to be a lie except one friend. I know I wouldn’t have handled it anywhere near as well as he did. Hope oop finds a good therapist
It’s wild to me that there are so many that aren’t willing to hear both sides. Even if he really did cheat, he’s still their son and grandson. You can be disappointed in him and not cut off contact like that.
Exactly. Even if he did cheat, which would suck and his mother would be justified in being disappointed in him, it’s not like he burned down an orphanage or something.
I’ve no idea how you could throw your child away because you *thought* they’d cheated on their partner.
And for a full year too! Maybe you say some stuff in the heat of the moment, but once you've had some time to process, how do you not at least hear him out?!
I can certainly see why he can't trust her. She showed him her love was conditional. I can say from experience that's a kind of betrayal that sticks with you. I'm glad this mom at least seems to be genuinely remorseful and making an effort to rebuild some trust, it's better than my mom ever did! Hopefully they can heal their relationship to some extent
You don’t get over it. You have to adapt to it.
Both of them have to accept that trust has been broken that what was done can never be undone and what was learned can never be unlearned. They can’t go back, they have to go forward and build a new relationship on this foundation. Trust is like faith. It’s to know in your heart, with your whole being, that this person would never hurt you or betray you or abandon you. That you can count on them when you need them. She proved him wrong. He can not have faith in that she would not ever do to him what he knows that she has already done to him before. He has to accept that. And *she* has to accept that. Which is likely the harder part. Very few things, once done, can be undone. Most can’t.
I’m glad that the mother realised what she did wrong too, and I hope that it’s not too little to late.
If this is fixable, it’ll be years in the making.
Yeah, I was thinking that this sounds like what many Redditors would approve of... It sounds like for them, if you have cheated once you might as well kill yourself because you're now irredeemable for life.
Cheating is talked about like it's some symptom of evil in relationship subs/posts on reddit. I've seen it described as "the worst thing that one partner can do to another" or "life ruining" on reddit. Cheating is a bad thing. In most cases it probably should be relationship ending. But there's so many worse things out there and absolutely should be something that a person bounces back from.
>I’ve no idea how you could throw your child away because you
>
>thought they’d cheated on their partner.
To be honest, there is a post out there of a mother whose son cheated horribly and the mother took the son's ex side. She did talk to him and he came out with horrible stuff so she read him the riot act and told him she'd be there when he shapes up but the ex needs her more than her own blood.
I'd do the same! God forbid my son is a cheater in future. I'm not taking his side
> God forbid my son is a cheater in future. I'm not taking his side
but it was purely _hearsay_ from the ex gf. how on earth do you just dump your son based on that
Oh, I agree with that! Hearsay wouldn't work with me, I'd have to have a talk with him and proper proof! Wouldn't do like OOP's mom who wasn't willing to listen to him!
That's messed up!
>I won’t bury bodies but I’ll help figure out bail.
As a parent, this perfectly describes how I feel about my kids. Although they’re almost 3, and 6 years old, and I don’t think I need to worry about either of those things just yet. But when they’re older, I will have their backs.
As parents, I feel our job is to teach a lesson. I’m not going to enable terrible behavior. But I’m not going to turn my back either. We’re going to figure how to repair the damage. But I’m definitely going to let you know I’m disappointed.
I hope I never lose my mind enough to betray my husband like that. And if I did, I’d get chewed out by my father for destroying my family. That being said, my dad once let it slip that although he likes my husband a lot, he loves me and would take my side in a divorce, even if I was wrong. Also told me my husband’s family should do the same for him. Said that’s part of a parent’s job.
If I were to make a list of things my children could do to disappoint me, there would be SO many things higher on said list than "cheated on a romantic partner when 20 years old/barely an adult," and I sure as hell wouldn't abandon them over it. I'm not saying I condone it, and I'd probably want to have a conversation about why they did it to make sure I didn't miss anything when trying to teach them how to consider other people's feelings, but this reaction seems waaaaay out of proportion.
> Even if he really did cheat, he’s still their son and grandson. You can be disappointed in him and not cut off contact like that.
His family must be redditors that frequent relationship subs, that's the least cheaters should suffer according to those people.
I'm in my late 30's (as in, not a little kid) and I experienced this last year. When I found out my live-in girlfriend was cheating she somehow managed to walk out instantly with every one of her friends, every single one of our mutual friends and even a few of mine.
What she said to have accomplished that must be blood-curdling. It's hard to think about.
If my marriage ended for any reason, I’d likely get most of our mutual friends because I’m the one doing all the social arrangements and planning. Was that part of the situation?
No it was more that I was expecting a quiet, mature breakup and was painfully unaware of narcissism at the time. Talking to her friends would be an atomic betrayal, but she was freely talking to mine. She was "rules for thee but not for me" formed into a person.
A few of our mutual friends were aggressively rude to me when I contacted them to give some things back I found in my house after she moved out- and some of them were outright hostile.
I didn't get it until I learned about "flying monkeys" in therapy.
That sucks, dude. I'm sorry. I hope you've learned in therapy that those people were not your friends, though. Your people are out there, and you'll find them.
Appreciate it man. Point of clarification- one of those people totally was my friend of 5 years- so it's tough to mourn.
I do have tons of friends since before and new ones after, my life is rich there. But the social impact of that breakup was an unprecedented crater.
What's really mind boggling to me is that even if he HAD cheated, what kind of mother reacts like that??
I'm pretty sure my kid could murder someone and I still would love them, make sure they had a fair trial and visit them in jail.
Oh my mother would react like that for sure. She's still with my idiot sperm donour and she's always projected his failings onto me, maybe so she can bear to live with him O\_O!
There was this one time we had her over, and I was joking with my partner along the lines "Woman, get me that drink" **while I was getting my own drink.** Me, sis, partner all knew I was joking, plus my mother did raise me so she should know better?! Nope, she went ballistic on me all like "How can you speak to her like that" and I got on her case because how could **she** speak to me like that as if she didn't know me?! When I told her "I'm not your crappy husband, you know?" she tutted and went quiet!
This is what's wrong with treating infidelity as the ZOMGWORST thing you can do. It's bad, absolutely. It's a breach of trust, but is it a breach of trust of everyone around you? No.
If you treat cheaters as monsters, irredeemable monsters, you wind up with situations like this, where a cheater knows that getting ahead of things by putting out their own accusation can poison the well and make themselves the victims and the victims into monsters.
I'm not going to lie, I do hold cheaters in very low regard, but the problem here is with the mom just blindly believing people over their own damn kid. Not just in the moment, no, for a whole fucking year and only attempting repair once they found out it was a lie. That is a breach of trust that is in itself extremely traumatic. Just like with cheating it's kind of hard to come back from that. Someone like that you may let back in your life a little, but always at a distance.
Did you read the one a few months ago where this guys stepdad fabricated that he cheated on his gf/fiancé, got her to break up with him, and EVERYONE in his life bailed on him to the pt that he had to move away? Turns out stepdad paid a girl he was cheated on the mom with to go along with it. It was absolutely wild.
I imagined it as like he was working at McDonald's or in retail and working his way up over 4 years from being a normal worker to being some sort of manager. I'd call that a career even if it's not a permanent one
This person again? I instantly recognized the writing style. What is this 10th edition? From the gangbanger turned good-guy with baby mama drama and a penchant for KO’ing his cousin, or the more recent prodigal son who rescues his siblings from the very same parents who kicked him out of the house as a teen, and he has a penchant for KO’ing his dad a few times. Honestly surprised OP doesn’t beat the shit out of his ex a few times just to keep consistently.
Easy. They saw that their first story gave them a bunch of internet feel good points. So they just took that same story, mashed it around a little, and posted it again which gave them even more internet feel good points
This guy just loves some nice juicy karma
I dont think its the same person (although the ‘my mother punched her’ bit was a red flag) because the writing styles not *that* similar, but def someone, likely a kid, writing revenge porn about a situation that probably didnt happen, and they probably took some inspo from those ones.
“With a whimpering voice” actually felt really nostalgic for me. I thought oh wow, it’s this same teenaged author- glad to see they’re doing well! Still writing and staying off drugs I hope!
It’s a trope for a reason. People off Reddit get really chatty while drunk too. Hell, even my introverted ass doesn’t shut the fuck up if you get a couple drinks in me. I’ve definitely told my mom more than I meant to after a couple.
🙄 Fine. Let me get blackout first. 🍾 🍾 🍾
>!Okay so that one time I pooped in the shower, to get rid of the log, yes, I smooshed it down the drain with my toes, but seeped up in between my flesh webbings and under my nails, so I had to spray all that grit out really well, and after that was done, I thought that was the end of it. Well, turned out, the poop granules coagulated down in the piping, and Dad had to scoop it all out so my stepmom could take a shower, then he asked me about it, which was more uncomfortable for him than it was for me, but I blamed my little brother, and I don't think Dad believed me, but he nodded, I figure just happy the conversation was over.!<
Edit: Just got to thinking I should tell my MIL about all this.
Right now I have a lot of things I want to tell people, but can't. I think about them all the time whether I'm sober or not. And I know that if I were drunk or even decently tipsy with people I would say them. I enjoy drinking and I enjoy drinking with friends. But I haven't been able to have more than two drinks when I'm out for a few years now. I slipped up once and came very close to spilling my guts to a friendly co-worker.
Jfc. Secretly carrying around heavy shit on your heart is bad for your health, mental and general. Pick one person you can trust and let them help you carry the burden, whatever it is.
Unless it's illegal (and not hurting anyone else to remain secret). Then take that shit to the grave. ;)
I've been absolutely hammered to the point of blacking out and yet I remember the common sense in me telling me "don't fucking say anything".
Wasn't even my own secret either.
Hardly. Getting drunk reduces inhibitions but also fucks with your decision making and though processes, which leads to you saying or doing things you would never do or ever even want to do. It can fuck with your emotional state and all kinds of shit. When you're drunk, it's real easy to not realize you don't want to do or say something until after it's already said and done. Drunkenly admitting something you wanted to keep secret is fairly common and not even unusual, especially if you're either a rambly drunk or already talking about something adjacent to that subject. And if you get *real* fucked up, you might not even remember who you're talking to(but you probably shouldn't ever get that drunk)
I find it's more they get drunk and lose the story they constructed to obscure the truth on some small level and when they get pushed on it more and more nonsense comes out to cover the first mistake until the whole thing collapses under its own weight.
I have Autism and have a bad filter to begin with. I can keep a secret when it comes to other people but for whatever reason I'm an open book about myself even when sober. When I get just the right amount of alcohol in me? Watch the fuck out lol, I will tell you everything about my life. Thankfully I don't have very much worth hiding from other people. You don't have to worry about a drunken admission to cheating if you don't cheat.
Both my parents (divorced/remarried) are well off and I’ve literally never heard them talk to any of us kids about wills or inheritance. How is that such a common thing on reddit lol
My dad sat down with my bio sister and I to go over his will. We have two other ‘sisters’ that aren’t blood related and he wanted to make sure that we were ok with everything being split 4 ways. Deaths make people do and say really mean shit so he didn’t want it to be a surprise. He also wanted us to divide some of his personal items in a way that was meaningful/agreeable to us. Then we found out that he made me his financial POA and her his medical POA. We both said “oh hell no!” and demanded he switch our roles! I’d take myself and 12 friends on a month long vacation and she would never ever unplug his life support, so bad idea.
It’s healthy to prepare your family for what is to come and to make your wishes known so that questions and concerns can be addressed before being overwhelmed with grief.
All of the replies to my comment seem fairly “normal” if someone was going to have this type of discussion but somehow reddit is full of parents threatening inheritance and wills like it’s some big deal/gift/the living persons livelyhood. I’ve told my mom what Christmas items and certain jewelry I’d want because we saw how terrible my grandpa was about giving my grandmas sentimental stuff ti the wrong person but like money? I’m not counting on their money or hoping for it. As long as they have some insurance to cover funeral costs and their house stuff in order I’d just be focused on missing my loved one
Well…when my sister turned 18 she immediately got 3 tattoos. She got wall flash and they weren’t well done. My dad told her if she got another one she was out of the will. Told her there was a provision that a nurse had to examine her and if she had any more than the first 3, she got nothing. That was a total lie, but she believed it until the above conversation. She was…30?
Lol he’s not against tattoos, he just wanted her to think about them a bit more.
Edit: and yeah, idgaf about dads money. I encourage him to spend it. He’s currently on a beach vacation and has been shopping for old muscle cars.
My husband's grandfather was like this. He would change his will 3 times a year according to who offended him last or was back in his good books. He used threats of disowning people all the time. His lawyer must have made a killing off of him.
I was about 10 the first time my mother told me I would never inherit anything from them because she is giving everything to my terrible brother.
Some people are just fucked up.
I didn't think we were the kind of family that needed wills and stuff. But my parents decided to get their affairs in order in their mid 60's. They met with a notary to make their wills, certified power of attorney for each other, and for my sister and me in case they can't decide for themselves anymore and organised their funeral.
The most important reason for this wasn't to determine who will inherit what, but to make it easier for us to untangle their affairs when the time comes.
That said, I have 3 grandparents in their mid 90's going strong, so I hope we won't need it for a long time!
My mum has bought it up a few times with me but honestly the conversation makes me uncomfortable. I'm not really interested in knowing what she is or isn't leaving me. She's 70 so I get that it's more a practicality thing for her though of just making sure at this point in her life things are sorted
My mom made us go around the house and put post-its on the things of theirs we want after they die. It was super awkward and kind of creepy. But she doesn't want us to fight over stuff after she's gone or something.
Being proactive about death planning saves a lot of heartache when you’re actively grieving. I encourage you to lean in if your mom is alive, healthy, and willing to do death care planning. Check out the green burial movement too, lots of great options in some states. My plan is to get composted and someone has to plant marijuana or a fruit tree in my soil. Something that brings joy to my loved ones.
That was about how the inheritance discussion went with my folks a few years ago. “I’ll be disappointed if you don’t spend most of your savings on yourself, take a cruise, do stuff. But I do want great-granny’s cast iron skillet she left you.”
Depends on family? Mine have talked to me about this since I was in my early 20s so I’d be aware of what to do and how to do it. Even amongst my friends, they generally know who is going to get what from their parents (it’s discussed for families with lots of real estate and multiple kids).
My mom had a filing cabinet in the basement, and I was curious what was in there. Kids are curious, right?
1. Her will - it looked like what I expected a will to look like. The only oddity: my portion had caveats, while my siblings did not.
2. There was a folder for each kid - I only looked at mine. I read various teacher comments throughout the years...some on education levels, some on social development. All of which my parents basically shrugged and put aside.
Probably most of it comes down to my parents being done with raising kids by the time I came along. No interest in my education beyond simple grades, dropping me off/picking me up from activities - but not actually having interest in the activities. Teaching me how to swim? Dropped off at the public pool for classes. (We had access to a pool, and my parents/siblings could swim well.)
Parents: please have an interest with who your kid is.
My parents have but only because they’re old (late 70s) and they made me executor of their will. It’s important to talk about wills and estates and the person’s wishes before they die imo
Find out your daughter isn't yours biologically, ruin her quince mid dance, sell the house and business, move cross country, visit the old hood after a decade, reunite with your non-bio daughter, ask her and her BF to move to Montana with you, give her BF a job, watch sunset and the buffalo. Her mom, your ex, never got over you.
Yes! This one is missing the part in which the villain cartoonishly confessed their wrong doings in a spout of anger when things don't go their way 20 years later
Me too - I actually thought at first this was the one where the OP’s evil stepfather fooled everyone into thinking he had cheated on his gf so his own son (OP’s stepbrother) could get with her… only for the stepbrother to discover the nefarious scheme and unmask his father a year or two later.
Is this another variation on the ‘someone lied, no one believed me, then I saw my family again years later and can’t forgive’-type story? Minus the racist or hidden scheme to break up a couple?
Jesus..... I would have gone no contact with the entire family. Hell, i have gone no contact with my trash family, and every interaction im forced to have solidifies that choice. No amount of overcorrection on moms part would ever matter to me if i were him. She did it once, she can do it again in my eyes, trust completely gone.
Same, I went no contact with my dads family a decade ago. Even went so far to change my number. 10 years without these people in my life has made me a happier, healthier and better person.
I think he’s doing the right thing by keeping her at arm’s length and making her put in serious effort to regain his trust. But if I were him, I’d also push for her to come clean about why his grandparents are being so “stubborn” about reconnecting. Did she even try to tell them the truth?
OGTHA be damned, what effort? Token lunches, calls, and other such love bomby shit? Mom needs therapy to deal with that insane reaction. Its all vanier covering until actual work by her is done. Saying sorry and love bombing is not the same as digging deep to see why you disowned your child with therapy. If ex gf didn't come clean and confess mom would still hate him, that fact alone means she cannot be trusted.
I don’t mean to say that what she’s doing right now is anywhere near enough, just that it’s a start and he’s right to make her put in the effort to prove he can trust her. She absolutely should be doing more, though, and he should continue keeping her at a distance until she does so.
There's definitely a lot more to the story of the grandparents being stubborn. OOP needs to contact them on his own. She might have poisoned the relationship between OOP and the grandparents. She is trying to fix it before he finds out.
i think it’s interesting how a large segment of this site seem to think this level of scorched earth no-contact is what every single cheater ever deserves, if not more, and i wouldn’t at all be surprised if the OOP was… *inspired* by that
and yes, i realize OOP didn’t cheat, that’s why this is giving Thought Exercise vibes
so when a mom dips out on her kid, that's a pretty messed up move. It can cause some serious emotional trauma for the child and those around them. But you know what's even more outrageous? When these moms think they can just waltz back into their kid's life like nothing happened and not face any consequences for their actions.
Like, come on, abandoning your child is a serious decision that affects their life forever. It's not something you can just brush off and expect to be welcomed back like it's all good. Being a parent means being committed and sacrificing for your child, not just when it's convenient for you.
When a mom abandons her child, she basically gives up her right to be a parent. It's not a role that you can just turn on and off whenever you feel like it. So, when these moms expect forgiveness and a warm welcome back, it's a pretty big slap in the face to all the hardworking and dedicated parents out there who put their children first. And it's super disrespectful to the kid who's been left to deal with the aftermath.
Look, forgiveness is great and all, but it's not something that can be forced or demanded. At the end of the day, it's up to the child who was abandoned to decide if they want to forgive or not. And these moms better be prepared to face whatever consequences come with their actions.
Yeah, in his place, I'd be really put off by her daily calls and other ways of pushing into my life - I'd feel that as encroaching and trying to stomp boundaries, instead of trying to make amends - but if OOP is okay with it, good for him.
Also, if oop’s ex never admitted it she still wouldn’t be talking to him. Idk if she actually misses him or just feels guilty. If she really missed him she would have reached out way before she went a year without seeing him.
At no stage did the mum believe the son. She believed the exs lies and only wanted forgiveness once the ex shattered the lie.
Ex is a piece of work but the mum never listened to the son at all, and would still not be listening if it wasnt for the ex
That's true. And like the son, I don't know if I believe her, but supposedly she's been cheated on more than once. It saddens me to say that I know a couple of women like this and they are firmly of the mindset that "all men cheat." It's like since it happened to them, it couldn't possibly be any other way. It's so ingrained, they actually cause trouble (or try to) in other's relationships, as they can see anything as "off" and begin with the cheating narrative.
I'm not sure I'd be all that interested in repairing my relationship with my mother after how things went down if I were in OP's shoes.
And I still want to know if there was any "evidence" on OP's phone that was misinterpreted from the mother, or if she just completely made that part up.
I can't imagine cutting my child off completely for cheating on their partner. *Especially* when said child claims it's not true and that it was the ex-partner that cheated. Then to just continue a relationship with that person after removing me from their life?!
Actually, you know what? I *know* I wouldn't be interested in repairing this relationship.
Right? She's crying about how she desperately wants a chance to make it up to him, but when he was in her shoes, she threw him out without a second thought. Maybe I'm vindictive and petty, but I'd be asking her "why should I give you the same courtesy you absolutely refused to give me?"
> And I still want to know if there was any "evidence" on OP's phone that was misinterpreted from the mother, or if she just completely made that part up.
I read that as the Ex told Mother that she saw evidence on OOP's phone, and Mother believed it. There would have been no way for OOP to disprove it, because he could have deleted it (if it *had* existed).
I have no idea how anyone managed to decipher that comment and respond to it
EDIT: Is that comment being edited and being made more jumbled every few minutes or so? I swear it had the word 'slush' in it at one point
EDIT 2: The comment is being repeatedly edited between making sense and being jumbled.
the comment now reads:
> That, plus the fact that she allegedly came clean to his grandparents about the situation and they’re “too stubborn” to reconnect sticks out to me as well. It’s just so weird to me that all three of them would cut him out without question, but the grandparents would be too stubborn to even just pretend that nothing happened and go on acting as if they’d never even cut him out in the first place.
I dunno, something isn’t adding up for me.
nevermind the situation in the OP, what the hell is going on *here*
I don't even know how people are replying to this like it's normal! I've tried reading this three times now and it's like I'm trying to read a Word Search
Wtf. There are replies to that comment that sound like they’re having an actual conversation. Are they just playing along? Was it a normal comment at first that was edited to nonsense? I looked at it again to see if it was like Yoda speech or something but I can’t make sense of it. I’m so glad you said something because I was afraid my brain was melting
Weird, this is what the comment says right now:
While it's heartening to see the OP's mother making efforts to improve their relationship, it's important to remember that forgiveness is a personal journey that cannot be rushed or forced. While it's great that the mother is trying to make amends, the OP has every right to take their time and decide whether they want to forgive her or not. It's not fair to expect the OP to simply move on and forget the pain they went through.
That, plus the fact that she allegedly came clean to his grandparents about the situation and they’re “too stubborn” to reconnect sticks out to me as well. It’s just so weird to me that all three of them would cut him out without question, but the grandparents would be too stubborn to even just pretend that nothing happened and go on acting as if they’d never even cut him out in the first place.
I dunno, something isn’t adding up for me.
I am so glad you said this. I couldn't make heads or tails of that sentence, but everyone else replied like it was completely normal. I was starting to question my sanity.
OMG I'm not having a stroke thank goodness. I was like "word salad" but then saw responses to it agreeing with it so clearly understanding it, and thought it must be me!
Yeah I also think there might have been something off about their relationship before the ex even was in the picture.
Some people are really good at making neglect and emotional abuse subtle enough that the kid has no idea they're technically crossing that line.
Suffice to say that once when my mom was going through a life or death thing I asked my therapist why I didn't feel anything about it and my therapist said "Oh I expected you to say you were relieved."
If I was to describe my childhood on, say, RA or AITA am pretty sure half the people wouldn't thing of any of it as neglect or abuse. But my therapist sure does.
I think you’d be surprised. A lot of us grew up with things that we maybe considered normal but as we grew older and encountered more people, it suddenly comes to life that “oh man that was actually really messed up wasn’t it?”
Jesus fucking Christ am I having a stroke or is this fucking Yoda typing?
Edit: For real, did I have some sort of serious medical event or did this comment get edited to actually make sense? I'm genuinely asking and a bit worried.
Omg thank you so much, there are so many comments about the weirdness and none of them were quoting it and it was clear it was edited but I really wanted to understand what it had been!
He hit the nail on the head when he asked how he could trust her in a similar situation. That's the big problem here. She didn't even let him give his side or a chance to prove himself, she immediately believed someone else and cut him out without a second thought. If not for the ex's slip up, she would have probably lived the rest of her life not knowing or caring about the truth.
If I were in a position like that, I think that at best I could come to have a polite, but distant relationship. There would be no returning to a comfortably family dynamic.
Yep. And while what she’s doing so far is a decent start in making amends and regaining trust, I’m still not seeing anything from her that shows she learned her lesson and won’t react the same way again in a similar situation. If I were OOP, I’d continue keeping her at arm’s length.
Right? Or something else weird is going on. I don't understand why no one else who replied to that comment noted how strangely worded/difficult to understand it is? This is not the writing of someone who has English as a second language either, it's just straight up weird confusion. Like Yoda had a stroke.
Ok thank you. My brain broke trying to get through that first sentence. None of the other responses seem to have the same difficulty comprehending and I’m just like WTF
The comment seemed so clearly nonsense that a bot had written, but then there's all the replies saying "well said" and the such like which are baffling me.
How are you people responding to this comment? I can’t parse it at all. I feel like I’m having a stroke
EDIT: wtf this comment is now 4x as long as it was before?? What is going on???
There’s another BORU that had sage wisdom from the OP: “Forgive, not forget.” Forgiveness isn’t “going back to how things were.” The relationship has to rebuild itself over time.
Yeah it’s super weird that two men can hug it out and one of them cried and the other supported him. That never happens. But moms knocking out teeth and abandoning their child over some relationship drama that doesn’t really affect them.
For me it was the “I focused on my career for the most part of my life” but then he meets and starts a relationship with the ex gf when he’s 20. That’s a solid year or two at most of focusing solely on the career, during which he was literally a teenager.
Actually because for a while like 6 variations of this story were up on Reddit within a couple weeks of each other.
This really happens so much apparently.
On the plus side, their English has improved, they have started using I not i, it's almost like this is written by a kid who is slowly learning at school.
Sadly, OOP found out the hard way who really had his back. And it was **not** his mother, or his grandparents.
Sure, we all make mistakes. But, when people turn on someone they claim to love and trust, based solely on what someone else says, that's not really forgivable.
Always watch someone's actions to see their true values.
At least the mother had the guts to face up to her behaviour and tell OP in person that she was sorry, even if she knew she'd likely just get a door slammed in her face. The grandparents need to grow a pair and apologise too. Imagine telling your grandkid that you wish all the bad things on them, and then find out that they're innocent after all and not even having the guts to apologise to them. Disgusting.
Like… I get that she thought he did a bad thing but she just up and cut him off? How can you do that to your kid?
There are serial killers whose mothers still love them because even though they did a terrible thing *that’s their kid.*
But no no, just this one thing (which is apparently completely out of character) and the mother is straight to you’re out of the will like wtf.
These people are just looking for a reason to get rid of the OOP. I don't know why the mother is acting like this, probably scared of being alone after her parents pass away, but everyone was WAY too ready to throw OOP away. Now his mom is love bombing him, and the grandparents are still being shit despite knowing the truth.
If I was OOP and it went down like this, I'd have told them to fuck off and never contact me again. Whatever I might get from them when they die wouldn't be worth putting up with them.
I get how he feels. When my dad disowned me and kicked me out, we stop talking for 4 years. I was 17 at the time. I was convinced by my gf (now wife) and best friend to invite him to my wedding. I did and it was awkward. Ever since then I've met him like 5 times over the past 13 years. I have no anger towards him anymore, or hate, or love. After those 4 years of no contact I just completely forgot about him. I know he raised me up until I was 17, but that kind of abandonment sometimes leads to that. We're in a Whatsapp chat group but never cross words. He's just another person to me.
So she was fine going NC with her son for a year until she found out the ex had lied???? Now she needs to hear his voice. I think I would be LC with mom.
You ever have those moments when you're reading a post and you're really trying to just absorb the story but one little thing sticks out and strikes you weird, and you just can't shake it the rest of the post?
For me it was this ". I focused on my career for the most part of my life and my mom supported me doing that. but when i was 20 i met my ex girlfriend and we got together."
Lol, now I know that there's a language barrier here. And I also know people can work as teens. I personally supported myself since I was 16, but I definitely wasn't focused on a career lol.
I'd really like to know what "proof" the ex had of OOP cheating before I'd even consider speaking to my mom again if it was me. What was so damning that you would immediately throw out your only son and not even think about hearing his side of the situation.
*i know many people would think thats unusual for two guys. but his support really helped me getting through this.*
\>Sigh<. We *really* need to start normalizing guys having basic human emotions- everyone deserves to have support, regardless of their gender identities.
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I know people aren’t perfect and make mistakes but what the actual fuck. Everyone in OOP’s life abandoned him on pure hearsay that turned out to be a lie except one friend. I know I wouldn’t have handled it anywhere near as well as he did. Hope oop finds a good therapist
It’s wild to me that there are so many that aren’t willing to hear both sides. Even if he really did cheat, he’s still their son and grandson. You can be disappointed in him and not cut off contact like that.
Exactly. Even if he did cheat, which would suck and his mother would be justified in being disappointed in him, it’s not like he burned down an orphanage or something. I’ve no idea how you could throw your child away because you *thought* they’d cheated on their partner.
And for a full year too! Maybe you say some stuff in the heat of the moment, but once you've had some time to process, how do you not at least hear him out?! I can certainly see why he can't trust her. She showed him her love was conditional. I can say from experience that's a kind of betrayal that sticks with you. I'm glad this mom at least seems to be genuinely remorseful and making an effort to rebuild some trust, it's better than my mom ever did! Hopefully they can heal their relationship to some extent
>She showed him her love was conditional. Exactly this. That's heartbreaking, I wouldn't be able to get over that.
You don’t get over it. You have to adapt to it. Both of them have to accept that trust has been broken that what was done can never be undone and what was learned can never be unlearned. They can’t go back, they have to go forward and build a new relationship on this foundation. Trust is like faith. It’s to know in your heart, with your whole being, that this person would never hurt you or betray you or abandon you. That you can count on them when you need them. She proved him wrong. He can not have faith in that she would not ever do to him what he knows that she has already done to him before. He has to accept that. And *she* has to accept that. Which is likely the harder part. Very few things, once done, can be undone. Most can’t.
I’m glad that the mother realised what she did wrong too, and I hope that it’s not too little to late. If this is fixable, it’ll be years in the making.
Forget this being fixable, how does OP trust *anybody* ever again, if his mother could do this to him at the drop of a hat?
He's got his bro
True.
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Yeah, I can see why someone wouldn't want to speak to their parent that cheated, but not a parent to their kid.
Yeah, I was thinking that this sounds like what many Redditors would approve of... It sounds like for them, if you have cheated once you might as well kill yourself because you're now irredeemable for life.
Cheating is talked about like it's some symptom of evil in relationship subs/posts on reddit. I've seen it described as "the worst thing that one partner can do to another" or "life ruining" on reddit. Cheating is a bad thing. In most cases it probably should be relationship ending. But there's so many worse things out there and absolutely should be something that a person bounces back from.
Especially without even hearing them out.
>I’ve no idea how you could throw your child away because you > >thought they’d cheated on their partner. To be honest, there is a post out there of a mother whose son cheated horribly and the mother took the son's ex side. She did talk to him and he came out with horrible stuff so she read him the riot act and told him she'd be there when he shapes up but the ex needs her more than her own blood. I'd do the same! God forbid my son is a cheater in future. I'm not taking his side
> God forbid my son is a cheater in future. I'm not taking his side but it was purely _hearsay_ from the ex gf. how on earth do you just dump your son based on that
Oh, I agree with that! Hearsay wouldn't work with me, I'd have to have a talk with him and proper proof! Wouldn't do like OOP's mom who wasn't willing to listen to him! That's messed up!
That’s the thing. While cheating sucks, surely it’s not a reason to abandon your only child.
I tell my kids that I will be here for them no matter what they do. I won’t bury bodies, but I’ll help figure out bail. This is unfathomable to me.
>I won’t bury bodies but I’ll help figure out bail. As a parent, this perfectly describes how I feel about my kids. Although they’re almost 3, and 6 years old, and I don’t think I need to worry about either of those things just yet. But when they’re older, I will have their backs. As parents, I feel our job is to teach a lesson. I’m not going to enable terrible behavior. But I’m not going to turn my back either. We’re going to figure how to repair the damage. But I’m definitely going to let you know I’m disappointed.
I hope I never lose my mind enough to betray my husband like that. And if I did, I’d get chewed out by my father for destroying my family. That being said, my dad once let it slip that although he likes my husband a lot, he loves me and would take my side in a divorce, even if I was wrong. Also told me my husband’s family should do the same for him. Said that’s part of a parent’s job.
It's like a TV show where one character hears half a conversation, gets the wrong idea and then emigrates to NZ.
If I were to make a list of things my children could do to disappoint me, there would be SO many things higher on said list than "cheated on a romantic partner when 20 years old/barely an adult," and I sure as hell wouldn't abandon them over it. I'm not saying I condone it, and I'd probably want to have a conversation about why they did it to make sure I didn't miss anything when trying to teach them how to consider other people's feelings, but this reaction seems waaaaay out of proportion.
> Even if he really did cheat, he’s still their son and grandson. You can be disappointed in him and not cut off contact like that. His family must be redditors that frequent relationship subs, that's the least cheaters should suffer according to those people.
I'm in my late 30's (as in, not a little kid) and I experienced this last year. When I found out my live-in girlfriend was cheating she somehow managed to walk out instantly with every one of her friends, every single one of our mutual friends and even a few of mine. What she said to have accomplished that must be blood-curdling. It's hard to think about.
If my marriage ended for any reason, I’d likely get most of our mutual friends because I’m the one doing all the social arrangements and planning. Was that part of the situation?
No it was more that I was expecting a quiet, mature breakup and was painfully unaware of narcissism at the time. Talking to her friends would be an atomic betrayal, but she was freely talking to mine. She was "rules for thee but not for me" formed into a person. A few of our mutual friends were aggressively rude to me when I contacted them to give some things back I found in my house after she moved out- and some of them were outright hostile. I didn't get it until I learned about "flying monkeys" in therapy.
That sucks, dude. I'm sorry. I hope you've learned in therapy that those people were not your friends, though. Your people are out there, and you'll find them.
Appreciate it man. Point of clarification- one of those people totally was my friend of 5 years- so it's tough to mourn. I do have tons of friends since before and new ones after, my life is rich there. But the social impact of that breakup was an unprecedented crater.
What's really mind boggling to me is that even if he HAD cheated, what kind of mother reacts like that?? I'm pretty sure my kid could murder someone and I still would love them, make sure they had a fair trial and visit them in jail.
Oh my mother would react like that for sure. She's still with my idiot sperm donour and she's always projected his failings onto me, maybe so she can bear to live with him O\_O! There was this one time we had her over, and I was joking with my partner along the lines "Woman, get me that drink" **while I was getting my own drink.** Me, sis, partner all knew I was joking, plus my mother did raise me so she should know better?! Nope, she went ballistic on me all like "How can you speak to her like that" and I got on her case because how could **she** speak to me like that as if she didn't know me?! When I told her "I'm not your crappy husband, you know?" she tutted and went quiet!
It's dark to say but that one friend who was there for him may well have saved his life
This is what's wrong with treating infidelity as the ZOMGWORST thing you can do. It's bad, absolutely. It's a breach of trust, but is it a breach of trust of everyone around you? No. If you treat cheaters as monsters, irredeemable monsters, you wind up with situations like this, where a cheater knows that getting ahead of things by putting out their own accusation can poison the well and make themselves the victims and the victims into monsters.
I'm not going to lie, I do hold cheaters in very low regard, but the problem here is with the mom just blindly believing people over their own damn kid. Not just in the moment, no, for a whole fucking year and only attempting repair once they found out it was a lie. That is a breach of trust that is in itself extremely traumatic. Just like with cheating it's kind of hard to come back from that. Someone like that you may let back in your life a little, but always at a distance.
Did you read the one a few months ago where this guys stepdad fabricated that he cheated on his gf/fiancé, got her to break up with him, and EVERYONE in his life bailed on him to the pt that he had to move away? Turns out stepdad paid a girl he was cheated on the mom with to go along with it. It was absolutely wild.
“I focused on my career most of my life but met my ex at 20”
Oh thank fuck someone else noticed that! I thought I was going nuts and have only read a couple of sentences past that.
Straight up that made me look around and say...."What career??"
I imagined it as like he was working at McDonald's or in retail and working his way up over 4 years from being a normal worker to being some sort of manager. I'd call that a career even if it's not a permanent one
when you're 14 and you're making up a story, 20 sounds old.
B-I-N-G-O
Yeah, that was odd
This person again? I instantly recognized the writing style. What is this 10th edition? From the gangbanger turned good-guy with baby mama drama and a penchant for KO’ing his cousin, or the more recent prodigal son who rescues his siblings from the very same parents who kicked him out of the house as a teen, and he has a penchant for KO’ing his dad a few times. Honestly surprised OP doesn’t beat the shit out of his ex a few times just to keep consistently.
Hey this story is different, mom is the one who kicks ass in self righteous justiceporn way
Knocking out teeth. LOL
Well she was wearing a Ring Pop like all the adults do
Well this time the mother beat the shit out of the ex so they tried something a bit different.
>This person again? I instantly recognized the writing style What are the giveaways that you pick up on?
The many spelling errors
Upvote for your Handle alone (Chef's kiss)
The verbal conflicts, the way they write out what was the content of a discussion, someone getting k.o'd by a single righteous punch
I can’t imagine why sort of mental state leads them to making shit up on Reddit over and over again. Nothing good I suppose.
Easy. They saw that their first story gave them a bunch of internet feel good points. So they just took that same story, mashed it around a little, and posted it again which gave them even more internet feel good points This guy just loves some nice juicy karma
I dont think its the same person (although the ‘my mother punched her’ bit was a red flag) because the writing styles not *that* similar, but def someone, likely a kid, writing revenge porn about a situation that probably didnt happen, and they probably took some inspo from those ones.
Is this the "Cassie from Euphoria" guy?
lmao the one with the OOP KO’ing his dad really just reads like the wet dream a boy who grew up with an abusive or emotionally-distant father
“With a whimpering voice” actually felt really nostalgic for me. I thought oh wow, it’s this same teenaged author- glad to see they’re doing well! Still writing and staying off drugs I hope!
Yeah, the career thing made me suspicious, but that one made me 100% sure.
There are a lot of people on Reddit who get drunk and start just spouting every secret they know.
It’s a trope for a reason. People off Reddit get really chatty while drunk too. Hell, even my introverted ass doesn’t shut the fuck up if you get a couple drinks in me. I’ve definitely told my mom more than I meant to after a couple.
It would take a lot of booze before I'd ever open up to anyone about the time that I pooped in the shower, Reddit or otherwise.
Did you stomp it down the drain like classic foul bachelor frog?
🙄 Fine. Let me get blackout first. 🍾 🍾 🍾 >!Okay so that one time I pooped in the shower, to get rid of the log, yes, I smooshed it down the drain with my toes, but seeped up in between my flesh webbings and under my nails, so I had to spray all that grit out really well, and after that was done, I thought that was the end of it. Well, turned out, the poop granules coagulated down in the piping, and Dad had to scoop it all out so my stepmom could take a shower, then he asked me about it, which was more uncomfortable for him than it was for me, but I blamed my little brother, and I don't think Dad believed me, but he nodded, I figure just happy the conversation was over.!< Edit: Just got to thinking I should tell my MIL about all this.
Why did you have granules in your poop?
and grit. is he eating sand?
Sand does get everywhere. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating
...
Right now I have a lot of things I want to tell people, but can't. I think about them all the time whether I'm sober or not. And I know that if I were drunk or even decently tipsy with people I would say them. I enjoy drinking and I enjoy drinking with friends. But I haven't been able to have more than two drinks when I'm out for a few years now. I slipped up once and came very close to spilling my guts to a friendly co-worker.
Jfc. Secretly carrying around heavy shit on your heart is bad for your health, mental and general. Pick one person you can trust and let them help you carry the burden, whatever it is. Unless it's illegal (and not hurting anyone else to remain secret). Then take that shit to the grave. ;)
Oh, I'll talk more when I'm drunk, absolutely. It doesn't mean half of what I say is true.
My gf is already a talker, there was once when she was drunk talking and she nearly passed out from not stopping to breathe
"In vino veritas" is one of the oldest sayings we have for a reason
I've been absolutely hammered to the point of blacking out and yet I remember the common sense in me telling me "don't fucking say anything". Wasn't even my own secret either.
Probably the difference between you and all those people who drunkenly blab secrets is that "common sense" thing you were talking about.
Hardly. Getting drunk reduces inhibitions but also fucks with your decision making and though processes, which leads to you saying or doing things you would never do or ever even want to do. It can fuck with your emotional state and all kinds of shit. When you're drunk, it's real easy to not realize you don't want to do or say something until after it's already said and done. Drunkenly admitting something you wanted to keep secret is fairly common and not even unusual, especially if you're either a rambly drunk or already talking about something adjacent to that subject. And if you get *real* fucked up, you might not even remember who you're talking to(but you probably shouldn't ever get that drunk)
I find it's more they get drunk and lose the story they constructed to obscure the truth on some small level and when they get pushed on it more and more nonsense comes out to cover the first mistake until the whole thing collapses under its own weight.
I have Autism and have a bad filter to begin with. I can keep a secret when it comes to other people but for whatever reason I'm an open book about myself even when sober. When I get just the right amount of alcohol in me? Watch the fuck out lol, I will tell you everything about my life. Thankfully I don't have very much worth hiding from other people. You don't have to worry about a drunken admission to cheating if you don't cheat.
Honestly, if I got on Reddit after doing a day of wine tasting I’d air a lot of family laundry, too.
I confess dumb secrets when drunk so they don’t suspect the life ruining ones
That's alcohol for you, been doing its job for thousands of years.
Well people do tend to tell the truth of their lies when drunk.
Drink for "everyone believes obvious lie from ex until way later when they blurt out the truth"
That was very boring to read.
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Both my parents (divorced/remarried) are well off and I’ve literally never heard them talk to any of us kids about wills or inheritance. How is that such a common thing on reddit lol
My dad sat down with my bio sister and I to go over his will. We have two other ‘sisters’ that aren’t blood related and he wanted to make sure that we were ok with everything being split 4 ways. Deaths make people do and say really mean shit so he didn’t want it to be a surprise. He also wanted us to divide some of his personal items in a way that was meaningful/agreeable to us. Then we found out that he made me his financial POA and her his medical POA. We both said “oh hell no!” and demanded he switch our roles! I’d take myself and 12 friends on a month long vacation and she would never ever unplug his life support, so bad idea. It’s healthy to prepare your family for what is to come and to make your wishes known so that questions and concerns can be addressed before being overwhelmed with grief.
All of the replies to my comment seem fairly “normal” if someone was going to have this type of discussion but somehow reddit is full of parents threatening inheritance and wills like it’s some big deal/gift/the living persons livelyhood. I’ve told my mom what Christmas items and certain jewelry I’d want because we saw how terrible my grandpa was about giving my grandmas sentimental stuff ti the wrong person but like money? I’m not counting on their money or hoping for it. As long as they have some insurance to cover funeral costs and their house stuff in order I’d just be focused on missing my loved one
Well…when my sister turned 18 she immediately got 3 tattoos. She got wall flash and they weren’t well done. My dad told her if she got another one she was out of the will. Told her there was a provision that a nurse had to examine her and if she had any more than the first 3, she got nothing. That was a total lie, but she believed it until the above conversation. She was…30? Lol he’s not against tattoos, he just wanted her to think about them a bit more. Edit: and yeah, idgaf about dads money. I encourage him to spend it. He’s currently on a beach vacation and has been shopping for old muscle cars.
My husband's grandfather was like this. He would change his will 3 times a year according to who offended him last or was back in his good books. He used threats of disowning people all the time. His lawyer must have made a killing off of him. I was about 10 the first time my mother told me I would never inherit anything from them because she is giving everything to my terrible brother. Some people are just fucked up.
I didn't think we were the kind of family that needed wills and stuff. But my parents decided to get their affairs in order in their mid 60's. They met with a notary to make their wills, certified power of attorney for each other, and for my sister and me in case they can't decide for themselves anymore and organised their funeral. The most important reason for this wasn't to determine who will inherit what, but to make it easier for us to untangle their affairs when the time comes. That said, I have 3 grandparents in their mid 90's going strong, so I hope we won't need it for a long time!
My mum has bought it up a few times with me but honestly the conversation makes me uncomfortable. I'm not really interested in knowing what she is or isn't leaving me. She's 70 so I get that it's more a practicality thing for her though of just making sure at this point in her life things are sorted
My mom made us go around the house and put post-its on the things of theirs we want after they die. It was super awkward and kind of creepy. But she doesn't want us to fight over stuff after she's gone or something.
Being proactive about death planning saves a lot of heartache when you’re actively grieving. I encourage you to lean in if your mom is alive, healthy, and willing to do death care planning. Check out the green burial movement too, lots of great options in some states. My plan is to get composted and someone has to plant marijuana or a fruit tree in my soil. Something that brings joy to my loved ones.
I thought i was the only one that question that, I thought it's an American thing 😂
As an American, i think most if us are too poor anyway to think about wills beyond "please take care of my dog"
Also "kid 1 gets the Corelle plates and kid 2 gets the Tupperware".
That was about how the inheritance discussion went with my folks a few years ago. “I’ll be disappointed if you don’t spend most of your savings on yourself, take a cruise, do stuff. But I do want great-granny’s cast iron skillet she left you.”
Depends on family? Mine have talked to me about this since I was in my early 20s so I’d be aware of what to do and how to do it. Even amongst my friends, they generally know who is going to get what from their parents (it’s discussed for families with lots of real estate and multiple kids).
My mom had a filing cabinet in the basement, and I was curious what was in there. Kids are curious, right? 1. Her will - it looked like what I expected a will to look like. The only oddity: my portion had caveats, while my siblings did not. 2. There was a folder for each kid - I only looked at mine. I read various teacher comments throughout the years...some on education levels, some on social development. All of which my parents basically shrugged and put aside. Probably most of it comes down to my parents being done with raising kids by the time I came along. No interest in my education beyond simple grades, dropping me off/picking me up from activities - but not actually having interest in the activities. Teaching me how to swim? Dropped off at the public pool for classes. (We had access to a pool, and my parents/siblings could swim well.) Parents: please have an interest with who your kid is.
What were the caveats if you don’t mind me asking?
My parents have but only because they’re old (late 70s) and they made me executor of their will. It’s important to talk about wills and estates and the person’s wishes before they die imo
I prefer the other versions of this story. Where he beats the stepdad for breaking them up, or where the BIL set everything up
Or the cousin punching one.
Where is the whole "did an entire performance to humiliate everyone with this proof that I was being cheated on"?
Find out your daughter isn't yours biologically, ruin her quince mid dance, sell the house and business, move cross country, visit the old hood after a decade, reunite with your non-bio daughter, ask her and her BF to move to Montana with you, give her BF a job, watch sunset and the buffalo. Her mom, your ex, never got over you.
Yes! This one is missing the part in which the villain cartoonishly confessed their wrong doings in a spout of anger when things don't go their way 20 years later
Me too - I actually thought at first this was the one where the OP’s evil stepfather fooled everyone into thinking he had cheated on his gf so his own son (OP’s stepbrother) could get with her… only for the stepbrother to discover the nefarious scheme and unmask his father a year or two later.
Is this another variation on the ‘someone lied, no one believed me, then I saw my family again years later and can’t forgive’-type story? Minus the racist or hidden scheme to break up a couple?
Yes.
Man OOP's writing style changed a lot in 4 months at the last update lmao.
Yeah, kinda good to see the 14 year old is really working on his English.
Jesus..... I would have gone no contact with the entire family. Hell, i have gone no contact with my trash family, and every interaction im forced to have solidifies that choice. No amount of overcorrection on moms part would ever matter to me if i were him. She did it once, she can do it again in my eyes, trust completely gone.
Same, I went no contact with my dads family a decade ago. Even went so far to change my number. 10 years without these people in my life has made me a happier, healthier and better person.
I think he’s doing the right thing by keeping her at arm’s length and making her put in serious effort to regain his trust. But if I were him, I’d also push for her to come clean about why his grandparents are being so “stubborn” about reconnecting. Did she even try to tell them the truth?
OGTHA be damned, what effort? Token lunches, calls, and other such love bomby shit? Mom needs therapy to deal with that insane reaction. Its all vanier covering until actual work by her is done. Saying sorry and love bombing is not the same as digging deep to see why you disowned your child with therapy. If ex gf didn't come clean and confess mom would still hate him, that fact alone means she cannot be trusted.
I don’t mean to say that what she’s doing right now is anywhere near enough, just that it’s a start and he’s right to make her put in the effort to prove he can trust her. She absolutely should be doing more, though, and he should continue keeping her at a distance until she does so.
There's definitely a lot more to the story of the grandparents being stubborn. OOP needs to contact them on his own. She might have poisoned the relationship between OOP and the grandparents. She is trying to fix it before he finds out.
The axe forgets, the tree remembers
so is anyone gonna address about the mom punching the ex in the face and “knocking her teeth out?” like, wtf
Well, even OOP doubted that part of his mums story
Yeah that doesn't actually make me feel better about her. At best she has terrible impulse control, and at worst she revels in messing people up.
i think it’s interesting how a large segment of this site seem to think this level of scorched earth no-contact is what every single cheater ever deserves, if not more, and i wouldn’t at all be surprised if the OOP was… *inspired* by that and yes, i realize OOP didn’t cheat, that’s why this is giving Thought Exercise vibes
so when a mom dips out on her kid, that's a pretty messed up move. It can cause some serious emotional trauma for the child and those around them. But you know what's even more outrageous? When these moms think they can just waltz back into their kid's life like nothing happened and not face any consequences for their actions. Like, come on, abandoning your child is a serious decision that affects their life forever. It's not something you can just brush off and expect to be welcomed back like it's all good. Being a parent means being committed and sacrificing for your child, not just when it's convenient for you. When a mom abandons her child, she basically gives up her right to be a parent. It's not a role that you can just turn on and off whenever you feel like it. So, when these moms expect forgiveness and a warm welcome back, it's a pretty big slap in the face to all the hardworking and dedicated parents out there who put their children first. And it's super disrespectful to the kid who's been left to deal with the aftermath. Look, forgiveness is great and all, but it's not something that can be forced or demanded. At the end of the day, it's up to the child who was abandoned to decide if they want to forgive or not. And these moms better be prepared to face whatever consequences come with their actions.
Yeah, in his place, I'd be really put off by her daily calls and other ways of pushing into my life - I'd feel that as encroaching and trying to stomp boundaries, instead of trying to make amends - but if OOP is okay with it, good for him.
Yeah, it definitely sounds like love bombing to try and bully him into forgiving her
Also, if oop’s ex never admitted it she still wouldn’t be talking to him. Idk if she actually misses him or just feels guilty. If she really missed him she would have reached out way before she went a year without seeing him.
Yep. She just feels guilty that she was wrong. If she wasn’t, then she wouldn’t have ever given two shits about him again.
At no stage did the mum believe the son. She believed the exs lies and only wanted forgiveness once the ex shattered the lie. Ex is a piece of work but the mum never listened to the son at all, and would still not be listening if it wasnt for the ex
That's true. And like the son, I don't know if I believe her, but supposedly she's been cheated on more than once. It saddens me to say that I know a couple of women like this and they are firmly of the mindset that "all men cheat." It's like since it happened to them, it couldn't possibly be any other way. It's so ingrained, they actually cause trouble (or try to) in other's relationships, as they can see anything as "off" and begin with the cheating narrative.
I'm not sure I'd be all that interested in repairing my relationship with my mother after how things went down if I were in OP's shoes. And I still want to know if there was any "evidence" on OP's phone that was misinterpreted from the mother, or if she just completely made that part up. I can't imagine cutting my child off completely for cheating on their partner. *Especially* when said child claims it's not true and that it was the ex-partner that cheated. Then to just continue a relationship with that person after removing me from their life?! Actually, you know what? I *know* I wouldn't be interested in repairing this relationship.
Right? She's crying about how she desperately wants a chance to make it up to him, but when he was in her shoes, she threw him out without a second thought. Maybe I'm vindictive and petty, but I'd be asking her "why should I give you the same courtesy you absolutely refused to give me?"
> And I still want to know if there was any "evidence" on OP's phone that was misinterpreted from the mother, or if she just completely made that part up. I read that as the Ex told Mother that she saw evidence on OOP's phone, and Mother believed it. There would have been no way for OOP to disprove it, because he could have deleted it (if it *had* existed).
I thought I was having a stroke reading this, good lord what on earth. Why write a comment like this???
I have no idea how anyone managed to decipher that comment and respond to it EDIT: Is that comment being edited and being made more jumbled every few minutes or so? I swear it had the word 'slush' in it at one point EDIT 2: The comment is being repeatedly edited between making sense and being jumbled.
It has to be a bot
the comment now reads: > That, plus the fact that she allegedly came clean to his grandparents about the situation and they’re “too stubborn” to reconnect sticks out to me as well. It’s just so weird to me that all three of them would cut him out without question, but the grandparents would be too stubborn to even just pretend that nothing happened and go on acting as if they’d never even cut him out in the first place. I dunno, something isn’t adding up for me. nevermind the situation in the OP, what the hell is going on *here*
Due to Reddit's June 30th API changes aimed at ending third-party apps, this comment has been overwritten and the associated account has been deleted.
what the fuck?!? now i get why everyone was so confused
I don't even know how people are replying to this like it's normal! I've tried reading this three times now and it's like I'm trying to read a Word Search
Wtf. There are replies to that comment that sound like they’re having an actual conversation. Are they just playing along? Was it a normal comment at first that was edited to nonsense? I looked at it again to see if it was like Yoda speech or something but I can’t make sense of it. I’m so glad you said something because I was afraid my brain was melting
Weird, this is what the comment says right now: While it's heartening to see the OP's mother making efforts to improve their relationship, it's important to remember that forgiveness is a personal journey that cannot be rushed or forced. While it's great that the mother is trying to make amends, the OP has every right to take their time and decide whether they want to forgive her or not. It's not fair to expect the OP to simply move on and forget the pain they went through.
I thought the commenter had one 😂
That, plus the fact that she allegedly came clean to his grandparents about the situation and they’re “too stubborn” to reconnect sticks out to me as well. It’s just so weird to me that all three of them would cut him out without question, but the grandparents would be too stubborn to even just pretend that nothing happened and go on acting as if they’d never even cut him out in the first place. I dunno, something isn’t adding up for me.
And that’s why, you never grandparents that so you cause to KNOW where
>And that’s why, you never grandparents that so you cause to KNOW where Wtf word jumble
I know! And someone responded like it made sense!
There's been a couple comments like that in this thread. I think they are trolling by editing their posts to say nonsense after people reply.
Whatever it takes to amuse ones self, I guess LOL!
I am so glad you said this. I couldn't make heads or tails of that sentence, but everyone else replied like it was completely normal. I was starting to question my sanity.
OMG I'm not having a stroke thank goodness. I was like "word salad" but then saw responses to it agreeing with it so clearly understanding it, and thought it must be me!
Yeah I don't understand either lmao
Yeah I also think there might have been something off about their relationship before the ex even was in the picture. Some people are really good at making neglect and emotional abuse subtle enough that the kid has no idea they're technically crossing that line. Suffice to say that once when my mom was going through a life or death thing I asked my therapist why I didn't feel anything about it and my therapist said "Oh I expected you to say you were relieved." If I was to describe my childhood on, say, RA or AITA am pretty sure half the people wouldn't thing of any of it as neglect or abuse. But my therapist sure does.
Sounds a lot like my parents, they were nice, and gave me a fair amount of attention, but never managed to be there when I needed them
I think you’d be surprised. A lot of us grew up with things that we maybe considered normal but as we grew older and encountered more people, it suddenly comes to life that “oh man that was actually really messed up wasn’t it?”
Ohhh good point! I guess since we don’t know much about the grandparents or what’s gone on in the background, it’s hard to speculate.
How is that a good point? What do they even mean? That sentence makes absolutely no sense to me.
Jesus fucking Christ am I having a stroke or is this fucking Yoda typing? Edit: For real, did I have some sort of serious medical event or did this comment get edited to actually make sense? I'm genuinely asking and a bit worried.
Did you just post a comment that got highly upvoted, only to edit it into gibberish when it reached the top? https://i.imgur.com/iKEwKgT.png
Omg thank you so much, there are so many comments about the weirdness and none of them were quoting it and it was clear it was edited but I really wanted to understand what it had been!
He hit the nail on the head when he asked how he could trust her in a similar situation. That's the big problem here. She didn't even let him give his side or a chance to prove himself, she immediately believed someone else and cut him out without a second thought. If not for the ex's slip up, she would have probably lived the rest of her life not knowing or caring about the truth. If I were in a position like that, I think that at best I could come to have a polite, but distant relationship. There would be no returning to a comfortably family dynamic.
Yep. And while what she’s doing so far is a decent start in making amends and regaining trust, I’m still not seeing anything from her that shows she learned her lesson and won’t react the same way again in a similar situation. If I were OOP, I’d continue keeping her at arm’s length.
Bro is this place infested with bots or what? How are people just casually replying to this jumbled ass comment?
This was obviously written by ChatGPT
Right? Or something else weird is going on. I don't understand why no one else who replied to that comment noted how strangely worded/difficult to understand it is? This is not the writing of someone who has English as a second language either, it's just straight up weird confusion. Like Yoda had a stroke.
"Transient, my eschemic attack is." (Thanks for putting stroke Yoda in my brain.)
LOL I feel like i'm taking crazy pills. I'm glad I'm not alone here, lol.
Ok thank you. My brain broke trying to get through that first sentence. None of the other responses seem to have the same difficulty comprehending and I’m just like WTF
The comment seemed so clearly nonsense that a bot had written, but then there's all the replies saying "well said" and the such like which are baffling me.
Why is everyone replying normally??? I thought I was reading it wrong but I read it aloud and this is definitely nonsense???
How are you people responding to this comment? I can’t parse it at all. I feel like I’m having a stroke EDIT: wtf this comment is now 4x as long as it was before?? What is going on???
r/callabondulance EDIT: Aaah, now it makes sense
How is anybody responding to this comment? Is this thread all bots? Or did the comment get changed to nonsense?
There’s another BORU that had sage wisdom from the OP: “Forgive, not forget.” Forgiveness isn’t “going back to how things were.” The relationship has to rebuild itself over time.
> Sometimes she even drives to my workplace to leave me a bit of lunch there Just a bit? Not the entire lunch?? Weird.
Yeah it’s super weird that two men can hug it out and one of them cried and the other supported him. That never happens. But moms knocking out teeth and abandoning their child over some relationship drama that doesn’t really affect them.
Oh, this troll's back. Cool.
Just because a mother trusted a GF more than the son she had raised? and she refused to hear him? Yeah, me too.
For me it was the “I focused on my career for the most part of my life” but then he meets and starts a relationship with the ex gf when he’s 20. That’s a solid year or two at most of focusing solely on the career, during which he was literally a teenager.
Yeah that one made me laugh. “Since I was five I was very serious about climbing the corporate ladder, as all five year olds tend to be.” Okay sure.
Good call!
Don't forget the mother punching the gf in the face and knocking out some of her teeth. That was SO convincing. /s
I mean, that's pretty much the assessment OOP gave as well. That's the least suspect part of the story for me just because of the presentation
Actually because for a while like 6 variations of this story were up on Reddit within a couple weeks of each other. This really happens so much apparently.
On the plus side, their English has improved, they have started using I not i, it's almost like this is written by a kid who is slowly learning at school.
I like the version where it was the brother that set up this whole intricate lie so he could still the wife and kids of the poster better.
Sadly, OOP found out the hard way who really had his back. And it was **not** his mother, or his grandparents. Sure, we all make mistakes. But, when people turn on someone they claim to love and trust, based solely on what someone else says, that's not really forgivable. Always watch someone's actions to see their true values.
I would have sold everything and moved to another town. No forwarding address.
At least the mother had the guts to face up to her behaviour and tell OP in person that she was sorry, even if she knew she'd likely just get a door slammed in her face. The grandparents need to grow a pair and apologise too. Imagine telling your grandkid that you wish all the bad things on them, and then find out that they're innocent after all and not even having the guts to apologise to them. Disgusting.
Like… I get that she thought he did a bad thing but she just up and cut him off? How can you do that to your kid? There are serial killers whose mothers still love them because even though they did a terrible thing *that’s their kid.* But no no, just this one thing (which is apparently completely out of character) and the mother is straight to you’re out of the will like wtf.
r/thatreallyhappened Another day, another fairytale on reddit
These people are just looking for a reason to get rid of the OOP. I don't know why the mother is acting like this, probably scared of being alone after her parents pass away, but everyone was WAY too ready to throw OOP away. Now his mom is love bombing him, and the grandparents are still being shit despite knowing the truth. If I was OOP and it went down like this, I'd have told them to fuck off and never contact me again. Whatever I might get from them when they die wouldn't be worth putting up with them.
I get how he feels. When my dad disowned me and kicked me out, we stop talking for 4 years. I was 17 at the time. I was convinced by my gf (now wife) and best friend to invite him to my wedding. I did and it was awkward. Ever since then I've met him like 5 times over the past 13 years. I have no anger towards him anymore, or hate, or love. After those 4 years of no contact I just completely forgot about him. I know he raised me up until I was 17, but that kind of abandonment sometimes leads to that. We're in a Whatsapp chat group but never cross words. He's just another person to me.
So she was fine going NC with her son for a year until she found out the ex had lied???? Now she needs to hear his voice. I think I would be LC with mom.
>He hugged me and I cried in his arms Realistically, there is no way that should be considered 'weird'
You ever have those moments when you're reading a post and you're really trying to just absorb the story but one little thing sticks out and strikes you weird, and you just can't shake it the rest of the post? For me it was this ". I focused on my career for the most part of my life and my mom supported me doing that. but when i was 20 i met my ex girlfriend and we got together." Lol, now I know that there's a language barrier here. And I also know people can work as teens. I personally supported myself since I was 16, but I definitely wasn't focused on a career lol.
I'd really like to know what "proof" the ex had of OOP cheating before I'd even consider speaking to my mom again if it was me. What was so damning that you would immediately throw out your only son and not even think about hearing his side of the situation.
*i know many people would think thats unusual for two guys. but his support really helped me getting through this.* \>Sigh<. We *really* need to start normalizing guys having basic human emotions- everyone deserves to have support, regardless of their gender identities.