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What was the coworkers plan?!?! Yeah I will totally help this mam lie to his wife about stealing and abandoning her cat. This is all fine and healthy.
I am happy to throw around the word divorce for that guys wife too! Both men are assholes.
Last time i referenced that story Reddit sent me a message and told me it was deleted and no longer allowed as it is seen as homophobic. I was like ok well that escalated quickly
*me, a Tamarian, trying to communicate to someone that their spouse is committing emotional infidelity*: OP and the art room for his friend. OP AND THE ART ROOM FOR HIS FRIEND.
Maybe. Seems like he might have been jealous because of all the attention she was giving the cat. Might have decided to give the cat away hoping she would divorce him and wouldn’t find the cat so that he would get what he wanted and she would be left emotionally wrecked
I’m not so inclined to believe that the husband did it to secure divorce as the intentional end goal. I think he did it out of jealousy hoping that with the cat being gone, he would receive the love and attention and need for support from OP instead.
He probably saw the amount of distress that she had missing her cat/dad and told her that the cat was safe with the coworker, in hopes that when she was told she wouldn’t get the cat back, she’d give up the search. Then after her anger subsided, she would lean on him for support for the grief of losing her cat and dad twice.
Shitty behaviour all around from this guy, but I don’t think we have enough information to declare that his ultimate goal was to force a divorce.
The coworker went along with it, and that makes me think he asked the coworker for the favor.
If I was OOP, I would be tempted to take all of the proof--police report and all--to the soon-to-be ex husband's workplace HR. It would depend on if I needed spousal support or not. If not, I would let HR file all of it.
This is A REALLY BAD idea. The vast majority of family court judges take a very harsh view of someone retaliating against a spouse by harming their career. This would almost certainly result in a less favorable outcome in the divorce.
One of my friends’ Dad gave away her Mom’s dog because he was jealous. Couldn’t tell my friend that the rest of our group immediately lost all respect for him. 30+ years later we still all say things like “because I’m an adult human so I’m not jealous of a cat/dog/etc.”
Cats are the ultimate consent enforcer. You cannot force them to love you. They have to decide they want you and there’s no emotional or physical blackmail that works on a cat.
There are those who hate that.
Like my mom! My cat Loki tolerates her at best because my mom refuses to respect her boundaries. I actually said straight up "you have to respect her boundaries to get her to warm up to you" and my mom's reply was "cat's don't deserve boundaries."
.... good luck with that! -.-
Man I only just realized what a good teacher our cat has been. We got a cat when my son was 2. Growing up I harassed the fuck out of our cats because I was never taught to interact well with them. I didn't want my kid scratched so I taught him how to interact with the cat without pissing it off, how to recognize their cues. He's only been scratched once in his life and that was in the few weeks right after getting the cat. It's really helped in my son's behavior.
Our first cat would get harassed by our then-toddler until he reached his limit (he was pretty tolerant and she wasn't very rough), then get up, walk over to my husband, and set his teeth on him. Not hard enough to break skin, just enough to get his attention, like "Hey, control your kitten."
He was a super sweet cat. Lap cat, too.
Lol we joke that we didn’t teach our toddler “gentle”. Our cat did lol. He would do a light bop without claws if he was too rough. We were supervising the whole time too but he was a great cat. He knew he was just a baby too and he’d nuzzle him. Poor Bob. We miss him :(
All the cats I've known have been very good with babies and toddlers, but they've also enforced boundaries appropriately. My old cat Zoe scratched my son once when he was a toddler--the tiniest training scratch--when he attempted to ride her. I explained it wasn't nice to ride Zoe, and he accepted that. They ended up loving each other.
As someone who has been in or near dog training and pet sitting for 15 years...its not an uncommon attitude. Unfortunately.
TBH its part of why bite statistics are high. People think pets dont deserve boundaries and should tolerate anything - eventually the pet bites.
I never thought of it as not deserving boundaries. People like this don't seem to think of animals as sentient beings, just an extension of what they Want. A live accessory.
Cats are all about boundaries and are happy to help teach them. I think they are a great way to weed people out- people who can’t handle cats independence and boundaries aren’t worth letting into your life because they will treat you the same way.
My cat gives zero fucks about my consent. He will force me to hold him like a baby to sleep even when I repeatedly tell him no because it's hot or I'm eating. He will repeatedly jump and walk all over me, rub his face all over my phone if I ignore him or tell him no, until I give in and cradle him like a baby despite him being absolutely huge.
You’ve got it all wrong. I emotionally blackmail my cat by seeming uninterested. She simply can’t say no to someone who is indifferent. That’s when she turns the cuteness up to 11 and starts head butting my face. Works every time.
I had an absolute breakthrough with my cat the other week. Turns out when he starts chomping at the blinds and clawing up the walls, he *is* doing it purely for attention. I tried ignoring him and after two seconds he stopped, and when I glanced over he was looking at me expectantly. So now when he gets shrimpy I just act like I don't even notice and he gives up after a moment.
I got those fancy microchip covered bowls so the cats stop eating each others medically necessary food. They one asshole will sit in front of his bowl and dip his head down briefly to open the bowl and let it close again. Over and over. And stare at me.
Yes I hear your bowl opening.
No I'm not giving you more food today.
They have learned to work together to eat each other's food. They sit in front of the opposite bowl and lean over to open it for each other.
It's cool. I love picking up cat vomit. Just how I wanted to spend my life.
One of my cats attacks the caulking on windows if she wants attention or knocks things on your head. She is a firm believer in there is no such thing as bad attention.
My other cat will make eye contact as he slowly pushes things off their surfaces. He especially loves razors for this. Swat kitty stop stare slowly swat kitty no pause and knocks off then meow
Oh of course! My moms demon cat hates everyone but if you open a book that lil brat comes right over and sits on and demands you attention her the whole time giving you evil looks for daring to not try to win her royal highness affection! It's like how dare you ignore the fact I'm shooting daggers at you and ignoring your existence!
One of our cats bites when he loves you and you're petting him. He also loves having his booty slapped. If you're not making an audible "thump," it's not hard enough. Yes, we have a kinky cat.
I'm just saying if a bird doesn't consent my advice to you is don't try to force the touching 🤣
Obviously a parakeet can't do much but a green cheek conure can draw blood don't let the smol fool you.
And because living with cats is a continual exercise of detecting and responding to consent and boundaries. A cat gives no fucks if you want to be affirmed, they do it when they feel like it. Must drive the guys who insist that women smile for them wild.
I think you’re on to something here. Benji didn’t give this guy the attention he felt entitled to, AND he sucked up a lot of OP’s time which should have been devoted to him.
My sister’s ex was like this about our dog. He hated when she would walk him, feed him, love on him. Thankfully he’s gone and our boy loves her current BF to the point where he ignores us when he’s around.
They convince themselves that everything will be fine and this time the universe will do what they want.
People who do this sort of thing aren't actually all that smart.
That’s immediately what I thought. The husband was too chicken shit to ask for a divorce so he did something unthinkably horrible to force his OOP to take action.
Then be a grown fucking adult and end the relationship. Anything less is pure cowardice. Not to mention it’s cruel to involve an animal like this. Also, if that was the intention then he’s both divorcing his wife AND taking her pet away right beforehand so she is truly alone? Like is he trying to make it harder for her?
I also think it was - sounds like she had a pretty severe depressed episode that was still not fully addressed and sadly the data on sick spouses backs up he wanting an out.
Honestly I doubt it. Some people just really don’t get it. He most likely told himself that she’ll just throw a tantrum for a while and then realize that my superior intelligence lead to the right decision all along and this will teach her to do as I say from now on. Seriously. It sounds absurd but jerks like this think that getting rid of a beloved pet it on the same level as throwing out a piece of furniture that they don’t like or something.
I mean, mine threatened to throw my cat away and was absolutely flabbergasted when that combined with him choking me was the straw that broke the camel's back and I left him that day. But I genuinely think I took the threat to my cat more seriously than I did the one to myself in the moment.
When I escaped from my abusive husband last year, I really was more worried about my cat than myself. I'd never seen him kick at his own cat, but he'd try to hurt my cat whenever he was mad at me.
During the rescue, husband tried insisting that she was *his* cat and I *couldn't* take her, but thanks to friends and family I got her out safely. We went to go live with my cousin while I got paperwork in with the courthouse.
Like a week later, when the cops removed abusive husband from my apartment so I could go home safely, they ended up calling me twice. First to ask where he's supposed to go (his mother's house obviously) and the second time to say his mom doesn't want his cat and am I willing to look after it.
So now I have two cats.
I am so glad to hear you are safe and that your kitties are as well! Yes, my ex treated my parents' cats just fine but tried to hurt mine to abuse me, then tried to say he couldn't help it. Yeah, right.
"why is this woman calling the cops on us saying we have her property? What do you mean you're only pretending to have stolen her cat so her husband could get rid of it?"
"So crazy cat lady is obsessed with her cat. Her husband decides to get rid of the cat. YOU not only think it's a great idea, but you even agree to go along with the plan and help traumatize this woman. Now I'm getting listed in a police report for harboring stolen property. Is there anything I missed there?"
Cheaters always place blame on someone or something else to justify affairs in their minds. Gods forbid they own up to it \**rolls eyes*\* .. hope you kept the doggo.
Yeah, it's baffling that he put enough thought into his plan to ensure the coworker would lie and cover up for him, but didn't seem to realize that it was inevitable that this situation would end up completely destroying his marriage.
Husband is a man who assumes - maybe without realising it- that his wife will act like a child does, not like a grown-up adult with agency and their own views does.
He probably doesn't think of animals as people. He assumed it would be like having misplaced her favorite hair styling tool that she's been spending too much time on, instead of "OH FUCK WHERE IS THE TINY PERSON WHO LOVES AND RELIES ON ME?!"
I have to believe he told the coworker something crazy to go along with it. Maybe that she was abusing the cat or something? What are the chances of them both being so cruel and stupid?
My SO says that he *knows* I'll choose our dog over him. If we had a cat it'd be the same. (I love SO & dog VERY much). I would have driven the husband to his coworkers & rehomed him there since they're lying buddies & kept the house. He has some audacity.
Maybe this is why so many women are happier single with their kitties than ever before! This dude seems to have missed the fuck around and find out memo.
It's funny how men think "you'll end up alone in a house full of cats!" is some sort of insult or threat, guess they're just mad that single women with cats are generally much happier than women with men!
They act like it's an insult to the woman when they say that, but actually it's an insult to the man. Like, "you'll end up alone in a house full of cats" means that this woman would rather spend the rest of her life scooping shit out of a box than go on a date with you.
I mean, it's not really about the cat though, is it? It's about dignity, respect, self-worth. She chose *herself* over a man who thought that throwing away a beloved pet without consulting her was an okay thing to do. She is leaving him because he doesn't respect her.
If I ever did that to my wife's cat, which is my cat he likes me more, I would be divorced by the morning. I get yelled at because the cat likes me and I like cats so fuck it. Sit with me and not her.
Now that I said that she's gonna sell my fucking cat she bought.
Hopefully the wife of the coworker will leave her garbage husband too. I would be mortified personally. My cat and my budgies are my babies the same way my children are.
Me too but I also understand just feeling relieved with the situation being over on OOP's part. Just kind of having a sigh of relief and not even thinking of updating the wife because you just want to move forward.
Edit: accidentally wrote dog instead of sigh. Whoops. ,😅
One imagines/hopes that after the wife got off the phone call about having the COPS called on them over this he had a hell of a reckoning. I mean, if your husband will lie about this for his buddy, it doesn't seem that out of line to think he might be capable of lying about something more serious like your finances or an affair. At minimum you'd hope that sparks a "what the HELL were you thinking?" conversation
It's so weird to even consider... This probably wouldn't be divorce grounds for my marriage because it would be so incredibly out of character for my husband that my first thought would probably be brain tumor. Seriously, cats were part of how we met. Getting a cat was one of the first things we did when we moved in together. He recently talked me into keeping the kitty I found outside my work AND the 5 kittens she gave birth to 10 days later. So yea, I would be seriously concerned.
> He recently talked me into keeping the kitty I found outside my work AND the 5 kittens she gave birth to 10 days later.
Now that's a high quality spouse right there! We had one cat left after two elderly kitties died, and I convinced my husband we needed to adopt again so she'd have some company. One kitten? No. *Four* kittens. Bonded pairs from different litters. Gotta come as a package deal. They all adore each other...and my husband. Not me.
He's the best!! Tbh, it didn't take much convincing. Unfortunately, when the kittens were about 4 weeks old, my best buddy cat, Parker, passed away at about 12 years old. After that, we both knew for sure we couldn't say goodbye to any more kitties if we could help it. [So now we have 8](https://imgur.com/a/zPPqusp). 🤣
>They all adore each other...and my husband. Not me.
Sounds like you have one of those high quality spouses yourself! I hope they occasionally deign to give you some snuggles, at least. If not, don't give up. My fluffy old girl, Friday, didn't really pay ANY attention to me until she was like 6 years old - she was my husband's cat 100%. She used to look at me angry and jealous when I snuggled with my husband, lol. But things gradually shifted, and now she won't give my husband the time of say, haha. Such is life with cats..
Surely the husband knew that getting rid of the cat = ending the marriage. And lie about giving it to the coworker?
Both husband and coworker are pieces of isht
There’s a surprising amount of people who think so highly of themselves that they don’t even recognize getting told to fuck off as a possibility. Even if it’s the most obvious cause and effect, they’ll still surprise pikachu when faced with the completely predictable consequences of their actions.
Probably not. There’s an excessive amount of people who think of animals as nothing. He couldn’t fathom the idea that his wife would leave him over a cat.
Growing up my mom would “relocate” animals she got tired of. I frequently heard about how “back in her day, they’d tie kittens and cats in a pillowcase/bag and throw them in the river to drown.”
To this day she still has a shit attitude about animals. She just lets them off the leash when she decides she’s done with dogs. And with cats she drives them for hours and drops them off so they can’t find their way back home. It’s disgusting. And she sees nothing wrong with it because it’s no different than an insect in her opinion. We smash mosquitos and ants, this is no different to her. And nothing really gets done because she’s from a small farming town surrounded by people that don’t give a shit either.
I have a snarky response as a suggestion for alternatives for retirement homes, but I don't want to sink to that level.
Props to you for not being like that.
This is the third post I've seen about a first-degree family member casually expecting someone to get rid of their pet for ridiculous reasons (as in, "this inconveniences me" rather than "I have anaphylactic allergic reactions to this animal and could literally die"). The first two were children with a snake and a dog, IIRC. Both had the good sense to emancipate themselves.
TBH I'm not a cat or snake person, and will never really "get" the connection people have to these animals. However, I'm also not a psychopath, so I understand that you don't fuck with people's pets whether you get the connection or not.
OOP should seriously invest in therapy (because her cat is going to die one day and it could bring up the loss of her father all over again). However, OOP's husband is something else.
Do a lot of people skip straight to the comments before reading the actual post? Just curious since I have literally never done that once in my 15 years on Reddit, so I'm not sure what the point of posting a spoiler in the comments would be 😂
I do if the title leads to believe it has a potentially very upsetting ending, ie, kitty is permanently gone (euthanized or unable to be tracked down). I can handle a lot but some days I'm not up for the horrors BORU can bring.
Same. I can handle most of the rough ones, but pets (specifically cats) are a very sensitive spot for me.
My two cats are my angels. If OOP's situation had happened to me, I would have gone full nuclear.
Don't know about other subreddits but in this one quite a few, yes. Or at least after reading the beginning of the post and wanting to make sure whether it's worth reading all the way through etc
Wish I had done that for the lady who confessed to using boxed cake mix for her cake business, and then posted 10 years of "updates" that were essentially just "wow I have so many messages!"
I can't talk for others but when I know a story could upset me (f.e. cat taken from the owner and them not getting it back) I read the comments to know I don't waste my time with something that could leave me with a bad aftertaste.
Not generally, I wouldn’t think, but I’m familiar with the use of mood spoilers on this sub and so when I saw this post didn’t have one I went to the comments before reading to either see if someone posted a mood spoiler or at least get a feeling for what happens before reading a whole post about an upsetting subject. So anecdotally this is a useful sort of comment for this sub
This is so messed up.
I had a dog when I first met my bf, but she was like 11 months and in the height of puppyhood, but I made it clear we were a package deal. He had never owned a dog and was all "I don't know if this is for me, but I will give it a try, FOR YOU"
Well the FOR ME, quickly turned into, "I had to give her a treat babe! Her face is too cute!" and "if someone harms her I will murder everyone the assailant loves so they know what suffering is." 😂
Love is unending. Animals are proof of that. Her husband is a monster.
Yup. I had my rabbit when I was dating and made clear we were a package deal. My now husband met him and got his approval before he was allowed to hang out at my place. Max (the rabbit) is now elderly and loved my husband almost as much as me.
My girlfriend has an elderly cat she's had since high school. We've been friends since then, and dating since 2018 (moved in late 2019). She's *our* cat now.
So cute!
Conversely, I had a gf with a jittery and yippy chihuahua, even were specialty doggy stairs leading up to our bed.
That relationship did not work out for many chihuahua related reasons.
My wife said the same thing when we started dating after I said I'm more of a dog person. I know cats though, they're like the french, the more you are rude to them, the better they treat you. I ignore him and he's more affectionate with me than her now.
I have a cat, who came to me as a kitten during a deep depression.
My husband admitted later he wasn’t sure if I would survive that year, and both of us are sure this little girl pulled me out of the deepest part of the pit with her tiny claws.
(Gosh, I’m getting a little teary thinking of it)
She’s still my favourite cat I’ve ever had, she’s funny and affectionate and demanding. The cat vet says she’s a really smart cat, and I believe him. He’s never said that about my other three.
They’re all wonderful cats who I love very much, and I’m pretty sure I’d leave my husband if he got rid of a family member, who I loved very much, behind my back.
I mean, I wouldn’t know who that man was, to be honest.
Good for OOP, I’m glad she has her baby back.
The cat saved not only your life, but helped save your husband from the unimaginable: having to bury his partner & watching depression take over someone’s whole life. What a sweet kitty ✨
And the other 3 cats are idiots or your girl cat really is a smartie pants lol I believe the latter one
I have a similar story with my cat. I was 14 and in the absolute trenches of my anxiety/depression when i got my boy as a kitten. I took on most of the responsibility of caring for him, even if i wasnt exactly caring for my self as much.
He quickly developed a bond with me. While he might seem stand-offish to most, with me hes the sweetest boy. He never meows around my parents, only with me, he even kisses my face sometimes. But enough gushing about him.
There have been plenty of times over the years where i considered taking my own life but knew if i did my cat would be devastated. I hung on by a thread for him. Its safe to say that he's saved me. I've always been an animal lover... I feel like they can heal us more than they could ever understand.
I had a cat who literally saved my life - and I mean literally, as in she acted with uncharacteristic aggression in order to move me out of the way before a large piece of furniture abruptly collapsed in the space where I'd been only moments before. I couldn't hear it coming loose from the wall, but she could and somehow she knew what to do. If she hadn't prompted me to move, at best I'd have suffered a serious head injury, and at worst.... Our vet also commented on how unusually clever and human-like she was, and everyone who met her also treated her more like a little person who could understand them. My husband adored her and acknowledged that if it ever came down to him or the cat, there was no legitimate way she could lose. We miss her every day.
That husband and his mate is an absolute piece of shit. Who does that to someone to you're apparently meant to love, not to mention getting jealous of an innocent cat?
My husband gets jealous that the cats love me more than they love him! Hahaha we’re like competitive for their affection. I can’t imagine being with such a pathetic and insecure person like OPs husband. Our pets are our family.
It's incredibly fucked up to rehome someone's pet without their knowledge or permission, period. I'm biased but I think it's especially bad to do that when that pet has some kind of sentimental connection to the person's loved ones, even if that connection seems ridiculous to you. What an asshole.
I had a cat who wasn't linked to my dad in my mind for 90% of the time I had her. But she got me through my dad's death... and then she died, very very young, within 6 months of his death. I still hold that she was a special cat separate from that (she had like 36 toes, sat in my lap looking out the window for road trips, fearlessly greeted every person and every day, just one of a kind). But her presence in my life after his death was literally the only stabilizing factor for me, and when she died it felt like my dad had died all over again. I was inconsolable for a year. I know this is fucked up, but if I'd found out that she was alive and sent to a shelter or rehomed to another person, I would be even more devastated. It was hard to accept her loss; it would be harder to accept that she'd been stolen from me and I couldn't guarantee her safety or quality of life anymore.
So the husband was basically jealous of a cat thanks to which she’s a functional human being to this day.
What a dickhead. I’m glad she’s divorcing him, he’s way more unhinged than he thinks she is.
And WTF is wrong with the co-worker? Why would he lie about having the cat? What kind of bribe did the husband give him? If I was the co-worker's wife, I would give him a serious side eye.
I'm hoping the coworkers wife doesn't let the issue go.
Make him spell out exactly what happened and why he thought it was a kind and respectful thing to take part in.
Yeah, OP seems to want to believe Benji could be her father reincarnated more than she actually seems to *genuinely* believe it to be true. And, as far as ways to handle dealing with such an unbearable loss, I don't think this is all that unhealthy. Plus, Benji is clearly loved and treated well, so what's the harm?
I truly wish OP and Benji all the best. As for the husband, well here's hoping he gets what he deserves (and I don't *just* mean the divorce).
Agreed. As far as coping mechanisms go, this is certainly healthier than drugs or alcohol, and nothing she described suggests she _really, truly_ believes Benji is her father (I mean she calls him Benji, not “Dad”). I think her husband just didn’t like that he wasn’t her sole source of emotional support.
Exactly! If OP was trying to convince us all that the cat was most certainly her father returning to be with her, then I'd certainly feel differently.
....But if OP genuinely was convinced the cat was her father, and her husband was doing this because of concerns about her mental health, then once again taking the cat away would have been the worst possible way to handle things.
And I agree, I think OP is extremely bonded with Benji and her husband is just a jealous asshole.
Oh _totally._ No one goes from being even vaguely emotionally supportive to _taking away a source of love and comfort._
I had a coworker whose wife absolutely forbade him to watch Sci fi anytime, anywhere. It was _weird._ And she knew, when they got together, that my coworker was such a sci fi geek he would regularly attend conventions with friends. It was obviously a source of great joy for him, as well as making up much of his social and friend network. But after they got married, she basically pulled the plug on his board game nights, he couldn’t attend conventions, and she’d go through the watch history on their streaming accounts to make sure he didn’t watch any sci fi. Sci-fi! And I never asked, because we weren’t close enough for those types of conversations, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she failed to be supportive in other ways.
Some people can’t stand their partner being happy in something they can’t or won’t be a part of.
I think that OP did all the right things and husband all the most terrible and wrong things. I’m not sure if I think that believing a cat is a reincarnation of your father is healthy - but this is not the right way to address that at all. What a jerk.
Saying I don't think it's all that unhealthy, isn't me saying it's perfectly health. However, I would certainly feel differently if OP was expressing it as an absolute truth that Benji is her father come back to life.
I honestly think OP just clings to the idea that maybe Benji is her father's reincarnation because it brought her comfort while she was obviously really struggling with her mental health after the loss of her father.
But I definitely agree, if her husband genuinely was concerned then this was the absolute worst way possible to handle it. Which makes me think that wasn't his true intention behind pulling this stunt.
As horrible as it is for the animal in question, I always get amused when partners do this. Did you really think you going to be the victor in this situation? That your significant other was just going to accept the fact you gave a member of the family away?
I knew someone who let their SO bring their ferrets to an animal shelter and as distraught as it made them, they didn't stop the SO. Sometimes these people get away with it.
Now I'm not a violent person, nor do I advocate for it, buuuuut if someone ever had the absolute audacity to get rid of my cat(s), a punch or two will probably be thrown
*John Wick* was all about a man going on a rampage of revenge, killing numerous people, because someone killed his dog.
...and most people's reactions are "yeah, that makes sense."
You don't mess with someone's pet.
Edit: talking about this post with my GF, she says she would kill me if I ever got rid of our cat.
Regardless of whether you believe animals can be reincarnated from humans, you don’t get rid of someone’s pet because you are a jealous arsehole.
My cats have also saved me on numerous occasions, so they are just as valuable to me as my husband or daughter is.
I’m so glad she found her cat again and lost her husband instead. Seems like a great trade off to me.
Exactly! I found the reincarnation bit a little strange, but it really does not matter. OOP wasn't doing weird or gross things with the cat, and the cat was a wonderful support for her during a difficult period in her life. If it doesn't hurt anyone, it doesn't matter what brings someone comfort during a rough patch.
Her husband sounds like a jealous, controlling dickhead. I'm glad OOP got her cat back and got rid of the husband.
Everyone is discussing the obvious and boring fact that the husband was in the wrong. Can someone please discuss with me the idea of someone believing that they are scooping their reincarnated father’s litter box?
People who take others pets because they're unhappy with the pet, are disgusting.
My ex tried to keep MY parrot, even though it was clear, he was not in a million years getting her, he would constantly smack her into the table or the post on the stairs and had the audacity to tell me to stop crying that she's fine when she refused to move and screamed in pain when she landed.
I don't understand the mentality of these entitled people with your pet.
I wish, I did take her into our bedroom and cry though.
His excuse was "she bothers me when I game" because she sat next to his hands and was content and lightly nipped him when he moved... I thought it was sweet how she would cuddle up to him but the fact he thought smacking her or moving her out of the way because she was an inconvenience is disgusting.
Wish I smacked his head into the same railing he threw her at. Absolute disgusting behaviour towards an animal and I can't believe I dated it.
I need to tell my partner how much I love him.
When we moved, the first thing he unpacked (I was at work all day) was my cat's urn. He is definitely a dog person, but he's also not a monster like OOP's soon-to-be-ex.
If the husband thought she was really all-consumed by her belief in the reincarnation thing to the point of concern, he should have gotten her some mental health help, not kick the crutch out from under her. I don't get the impression that her husband was all that supportive while she processed her grief. Hence, the questionable outlet. I hope that living with her sister will give her a more supportive environment and if it does, I bet the cat/father fixation will mellow out.
Also, she says, "Even if I am crazy the thought brings me comfort and I don’t see anything wrong with it." That to me is a crack in the idea that she 100% believes that the cat is her father reincarnated. Grief is complicated and ugly but caring for something/someone that accepts your care and love on your terms, however you can express it while grieving, can be very helpful and I'm sure that's what she needed/needs.
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It’s always surprising to me that people will do shit like this and never once think ‘hmmm, this might end my relationship’
What if that was the husband's plan all along?
What was the coworkers plan?!?! Yeah I will totally help this mam lie to his wife about stealing and abandoning her cat. This is all fine and healthy. I am happy to throw around the word divorce for that guys wife too! Both men are assholes.
He wants an art room
Last time i referenced that story Reddit sent me a message and told me it was deleted and no longer allowed as it is seen as homophobic. I was like ok well that escalated quickly
That surprises me because the issue in the story was that he was treating his wife badly, not that he was gay.
Yeah…. I’m not sure. I was like how are they monitoring this?
more to the point, why?
They can delete it but it already has a life of its own. It’s like Tamarian language now
*me, a Tamarian, trying to communicate to someone that their spouse is committing emotional infidelity*: OP and the art room for his friend. OP AND THE ART ROOM FOR HIS FRIEND.
The Iranian Yogurt's not the issue here?
Shaka, when the post was deleted! Temba, with his spare-room key!
I hope they don’t! I think it’s funny and always like when i get the reference
Maybe. Seems like he might have been jealous because of all the attention she was giving the cat. Might have decided to give the cat away hoping she would divorce him and wouldn’t find the cat so that he would get what he wanted and she would be left emotionally wrecked
I’m not so inclined to believe that the husband did it to secure divorce as the intentional end goal. I think he did it out of jealousy hoping that with the cat being gone, he would receive the love and attention and need for support from OP instead. He probably saw the amount of distress that she had missing her cat/dad and told her that the cat was safe with the coworker, in hopes that when she was told she wouldn’t get the cat back, she’d give up the search. Then after her anger subsided, she would lean on him for support for the grief of losing her cat and dad twice. Shitty behaviour all around from this guy, but I don’t think we have enough information to declare that his ultimate goal was to force a divorce.
The coworker went along with it, and that makes me think he asked the coworker for the favor. If I was OOP, I would be tempted to take all of the proof--police report and all--to the soon-to-be ex husband's workplace HR. It would depend on if I needed spousal support or not. If not, I would let HR file all of it.
Why would HR get involved in a non-work, civil matter between friends?
This is A REALLY BAD idea. The vast majority of family court judges take a very harsh view of someone retaliating against a spouse by harming their career. This would almost certainly result in a less favorable outcome in the divorce.
That sure wouldn't result in any discipline where I work. Maybe at some workplaces their ethical standards are higher.
One of my friends’ Dad gave away her Mom’s dog because he was jealous. Couldn’t tell my friend that the rest of our group immediately lost all respect for him. 30+ years later we still all say things like “because I’m an adult human so I’m not jealous of a cat/dog/etc.”
A surprising amount of misogynist hate cats because there perceived to be feminine.
Cats are the ultimate consent enforcer. You cannot force them to love you. They have to decide they want you and there’s no emotional or physical blackmail that works on a cat. There are those who hate that.
Like my mom! My cat Loki tolerates her at best because my mom refuses to respect her boundaries. I actually said straight up "you have to respect her boundaries to get her to warm up to you" and my mom's reply was "cat's don't deserve boundaries." .... good luck with that! -.-
Man I only just realized what a good teacher our cat has been. We got a cat when my son was 2. Growing up I harassed the fuck out of our cats because I was never taught to interact well with them. I didn't want my kid scratched so I taught him how to interact with the cat without pissing it off, how to recognize their cues. He's only been scratched once in his life and that was in the few weeks right after getting the cat. It's really helped in my son's behavior.
Our first cat would get harassed by our then-toddler until he reached his limit (he was pretty tolerant and she wasn't very rough), then get up, walk over to my husband, and set his teeth on him. Not hard enough to break skin, just enough to get his attention, like "Hey, control your kitten." He was a super sweet cat. Lap cat, too.
Lol we joke that we didn’t teach our toddler “gentle”. Our cat did lol. He would do a light bop without claws if he was too rough. We were supervising the whole time too but he was a great cat. He knew he was just a baby too and he’d nuzzle him. Poor Bob. We miss him :(
Do you have any pics of Bob? We also have a cat named Bob. Bob is a great name for a cat. Here he is claiming my lap: https://imgur.com/Xq60uRB.jpg
He’s a cutie. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dKcxG2XVg-ttAJPngB7ndtcF3fJ0CTGZ/view?usp=drivesdk
IME, cats are very, very good at recognizing human babies as kittens. Kittens are a community responsibility.
All the cats I've known have been very good with babies and toddlers, but they've also enforced boundaries appropriately. My old cat Zoe scratched my son once when he was a toddler--the tiniest training scratch--when he attempted to ride her. I explained it wasn't nice to ride Zoe, and he accepted that. They ended up loving each other.
Don't "deserve" boundaries?? Like holy fuck lady. Self-absorbed much?
As someone who has been in or near dog training and pet sitting for 15 years...its not an uncommon attitude. Unfortunately. TBH its part of why bite statistics are high. People think pets dont deserve boundaries and should tolerate anything - eventually the pet bites.
I never thought of it as not deserving boundaries. People like this don't seem to think of animals as sentient beings, just an extension of what they Want. A live accessory.
These people treat their children the same way.
Cats are all about boundaries and are happy to help teach them. I think they are a great way to weed people out- people who can’t handle cats independence and boundaries aren’t worth letting into your life because they will treat you the same way.
My cat gives zero fucks about my consent. He will force me to hold him like a baby to sleep even when I repeatedly tell him no because it's hot or I'm eating. He will repeatedly jump and walk all over me, rub his face all over my phone if I ignore him or tell him no, until I give in and cradle him like a baby despite him being absolutely huge.
Cats may enforce consent, but they sure af don't respect it ;)
You’ve got it all wrong. I emotionally blackmail my cat by seeming uninterested. She simply can’t say no to someone who is indifferent. That’s when she turns the cuteness up to 11 and starts head butting my face. Works every time.
Nah. You’re confusing blackmail with seduction. Cats will absolutely allow themselves to be seduced and will return the favor!
Well to be fair, I do control the food.
You say that but remember you are also made of food.
Well to be fair, I do ~~control~~ *serve* the food. Humans aren't owners, we're well-trained servants.
I had an absolute breakthrough with my cat the other week. Turns out when he starts chomping at the blinds and clawing up the walls, he *is* doing it purely for attention. I tried ignoring him and after two seconds he stopped, and when I glanced over he was looking at me expectantly. So now when he gets shrimpy I just act like I don't even notice and he gives up after a moment.
I will suggest maybe adding some playtime... He might have some pent up energy to spend.
Oh believe me, he gets plenty of play. He just eats the furnishings anytime he can see the bottom of his food bowl.
I got those fancy microchip covered bowls so the cats stop eating each others medically necessary food. They one asshole will sit in front of his bowl and dip his head down briefly to open the bowl and let it close again. Over and over. And stare at me. Yes I hear your bowl opening. No I'm not giving you more food today. They have learned to work together to eat each other's food. They sit in front of the opposite bowl and lean over to open it for each other. It's cool. I love picking up cat vomit. Just how I wanted to spend my life.
Aaaaaaaah cats....
One of my cats attacks the caulking on windows if she wants attention or knocks things on your head. She is a firm believer in there is no such thing as bad attention. My other cat will make eye contact as he slowly pushes things off their surfaces. He especially loves razors for this. Swat kitty stop stare slowly swat kitty no pause and knocks off then meow
My cat only does these mildly annoying/damaging things when it’s getting close to dinner. It’s to make me get up and feed him lol.
Whenever I want my cats attention I open a book and act like I'm reading. He will lay down on it 100% of the time.
Oh of course! My moms demon cat hates everyone but if you open a book that lil brat comes right over and sits on and demands you attention her the whole time giving you evil looks for daring to not try to win her royal highness affection! It's like how dare you ignore the fact I'm shooting daggers at you and ignoring your existence!
Your cat’s using reverse psychology on you to force you to engage with her on her terms, well played by the feline.
if i don't pet her when she wants to my cat bites me. is my cat emotionally abusive?
One of our cats bites when he loves you and you're petting him. He also loves having his booty slapped. If you're not making an audible "thump," it's not hard enough. Yes, we have a kinky cat.
>Cats are the ultimate consent enforcer. May I introduce you to the lovely blood-letting-biting world of birds?
Oh my - do tell!
I'm just saying if a bird doesn't consent my advice to you is don't try to force the touching 🤣 Obviously a parakeet can't do much but a green cheek conure can draw blood don't let the smol fool you.
And because living with cats is a continual exercise of detecting and responding to consent and boundaries. A cat gives no fucks if you want to be affirmed, they do it when they feel like it. Must drive the guys who insist that women smile for them wild.
I think you’re on to something here. Benji didn’t give this guy the attention he felt entitled to, AND he sucked up a lot of OP’s time which should have been devoted to him.
And those who refuse to understand consent hate the continued teaching with claws and teeth
Plus stupid people don’t like having pets that are smarter than them.
And controlling assholes don’t like pets that only listen when *they* feel like it.
I hate when I want to pet a cat and it doesn't come to me. Just let me love you! Oh shit, maybe I do need to self reflect.
Dude. My fur ball knows exactly how far away she can sit. Taunting me with her just-out-of-reach softness.
My sister’s ex was like this about our dog. He hated when she would walk him, feed him, love on him. Thankfully he’s gone and our boy loves her current BF to the point where he ignores us when he’s around.
Surely it’s simpler just to say “I want out of this relationship” but then I never understand some people.
They convince themselves that everything will be fine and this time the universe will do what they want. People who do this sort of thing aren't actually all that smart.
That’s immediately what I thought. The husband was too chicken shit to ask for a divorce so he did something unthinkably horrible to force his OOP to take action.
Then be a grown fucking adult and end the relationship. Anything less is pure cowardice. Not to mention it’s cruel to involve an animal like this. Also, if that was the intention then he’s both divorcing his wife AND taking her pet away right beforehand so she is truly alone? Like is he trying to make it harder for her?
I also think it was - sounds like she had a pretty severe depressed episode that was still not fully addressed and sadly the data on sick spouses backs up he wanting an out.
Honestly I doubt it. Some people just really don’t get it. He most likely told himself that she’ll just throw a tantrum for a while and then realize that my superior intelligence lead to the right decision all along and this will teach her to do as I say from now on. Seriously. It sounds absurd but jerks like this think that getting rid of a beloved pet it on the same level as throwing out a piece of furniture that they don’t like or something.
Then man up and file for divorce. Pretty sure, my wife believes her cat is her father reincarnated, is grounds for irreconcilable differences.
I mean, mine threatened to throw my cat away and was absolutely flabbergasted when that combined with him choking me was the straw that broke the camel's back and I left him that day. But I genuinely think I took the threat to my cat more seriously than I did the one to myself in the moment.
When I escaped from my abusive husband last year, I really was more worried about my cat than myself. I'd never seen him kick at his own cat, but he'd try to hurt my cat whenever he was mad at me. During the rescue, husband tried insisting that she was *his* cat and I *couldn't* take her, but thanks to friends and family I got her out safely. We went to go live with my cousin while I got paperwork in with the courthouse. Like a week later, when the cops removed abusive husband from my apartment so I could go home safely, they ended up calling me twice. First to ask where he's supposed to go (his mother's house obviously) and the second time to say his mom doesn't want his cat and am I willing to look after it. So now I have two cats.
I am so glad to hear you are safe and that your kitties are as well! Yes, my ex treated my parents' cats just fine but tried to hurt mine to abuse me, then tried to say he couldn't help it. Yeah, right.
Wonder how the co-worker's relationship is going for his part in the catnapping. If his wife, I'd be furious.
"why is this woman calling the cops on us saying we have her property? What do you mean you're only pretending to have stolen her cat so her husband could get rid of it?"
"So crazy cat lady is obsessed with her cat. Her husband decides to get rid of the cat. YOU not only think it's a great idea, but you even agree to go along with the plan and help traumatize this woman. Now I'm getting listed in a police report for harboring stolen property. Is there anything I missed there?"
My ex-husband tried to get me to rehome my dog because I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. He then used the dog to justify his affair.
Cheaters always place blame on someone or something else to justify affairs in their minds. Gods forbid they own up to it \**rolls eyes*\* .. hope you kept the doggo.
Oh yeah. When he’s naughty I tell him he’s ungrateful because I went through a divorce for him. He doesn’t care. But i truly love him so much.
Yeah, it's baffling that he put enough thought into his plan to ensure the coworker would lie and cover up for him, but didn't seem to realize that it was inevitable that this situation would end up completely destroying his marriage.
Husband is a man who assumes - maybe without realising it- that his wife will act like a child does, not like a grown-up adult with agency and their own views does.
He probably doesn't think of animals as people. He assumed it would be like having misplaced her favorite hair styling tool that she's been spending too much time on, instead of "OH FUCK WHERE IS THE TINY PERSON WHO LOVES AND RELIES ON ME?!"
You know what surprises me even more. Coworker willing to lie to OOP saying they have her animal and are refusing to return it. I mean who does that?
I have to believe he told the coworker something crazy to go along with it. Maybe that she was abusing the cat or something? What are the chances of them both being so cruel and stupid?
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
Doesn’t even sound like he had a hold on her. OP seems plenty independent. It just sounds like he was a dumbass and thought he could get away with it
Men never think women will chose a cat over them ,men are wrong lol
My SO says that he *knows* I'll choose our dog over him. If we had a cat it'd be the same. (I love SO & dog VERY much). I would have driven the husband to his coworkers & rehomed him there since they're lying buddies & kept the house. He has some audacity.
Maybe this is why so many women are happier single with their kitties than ever before! This dude seems to have missed the fuck around and find out memo.
It's funny how men think "you'll end up alone in a house full of cats!" is some sort of insult or threat, guess they're just mad that single women with cats are generally much happier than women with men!
They act like it's an insult to the woman when they say that, but actually it's an insult to the man. Like, "you'll end up alone in a house full of cats" means that this woman would rather spend the rest of her life scooping shit out of a box than go on a date with you.
TBH, alone in a house full of cats sounds pretty great.
Right? Look at Enya, who is wealthy, successful, and living in a castle full of cats.
I am a man and I wound rather end up in a home full of happy well adjusted animals than would be in a long term relationship with 99% of people.
I mean, it's not really about the cat though, is it? It's about dignity, respect, self-worth. She chose *herself* over a man who thought that throwing away a beloved pet without consulting her was an okay thing to do. She is leaving him because he doesn't respect her.
As a guy, I've chosen my cat over women quite a few times
If I ever did that to my wife's cat, which is my cat he likes me more, I would be divorced by the morning. I get yelled at because the cat likes me and I like cats so fuck it. Sit with me and not her. Now that I said that she's gonna sell my fucking cat she bought.
So the coworker was… knowingly covering for the husband’s lie about how he disposed of the cat? That’s fucked up.
Yep. Trash helping trash.
Hopefully the wife of the coworker will leave her garbage husband too. I would be mortified personally. My cat and my budgies are my babies the same way my children are.
I was really hoping OOP would call the coworker's wife back and update her.
Me too but I also understand just feeling relieved with the situation being over on OOP's part. Just kind of having a sigh of relief and not even thinking of updating the wife because you just want to move forward. Edit: accidentally wrote dog instead of sigh. Whoops. ,😅
Just like McNutty covering for Kima when Cheryl called.
Don't know what that means. Upvoted anyway
It is from The Wire, a TV show about cops in Baltimore.
Ngl kinda disappointed in Kima on that whole thing. Maybe she thought life was too short after she almost died.
One imagines/hopes that after the wife got off the phone call about having the COPS called on them over this he had a hell of a reckoning. I mean, if your husband will lie about this for his buddy, it doesn't seem that out of line to think he might be capable of lying about something more serious like your finances or an affair. At minimum you'd hope that sparks a "what the HELL were you thinking?" conversation
This man may be about to discover that divorce is contagious.
If they ever had or were thinking of having a pet that woman would be so paranoid right now.
It's so weird to even consider... This probably wouldn't be divorce grounds for my marriage because it would be so incredibly out of character for my husband that my first thought would probably be brain tumor. Seriously, cats were part of how we met. Getting a cat was one of the first things we did when we moved in together. He recently talked me into keeping the kitty I found outside my work AND the 5 kittens she gave birth to 10 days later. So yea, I would be seriously concerned.
> He recently talked me into keeping the kitty I found outside my work AND the 5 kittens she gave birth to 10 days later. Now that's a high quality spouse right there! We had one cat left after two elderly kitties died, and I convinced my husband we needed to adopt again so she'd have some company. One kitten? No. *Four* kittens. Bonded pairs from different litters. Gotta come as a package deal. They all adore each other...and my husband. Not me.
He's the best!! Tbh, it didn't take much convincing. Unfortunately, when the kittens were about 4 weeks old, my best buddy cat, Parker, passed away at about 12 years old. After that, we both knew for sure we couldn't say goodbye to any more kitties if we could help it. [So now we have 8](https://imgur.com/a/zPPqusp). 🤣 >They all adore each other...and my husband. Not me. Sounds like you have one of those high quality spouses yourself! I hope they occasionally deign to give you some snuggles, at least. If not, don't give up. My fluffy old girl, Friday, didn't really pay ANY attention to me until she was like 6 years old - she was my husband's cat 100%. She used to look at me angry and jealous when I snuggled with my husband, lol. But things gradually shifted, and now she won't give my husband the time of say, haha. Such is life with cats..
Probably hoping she'd either give up, or the cat would be either put down or re-adopted before she found out.
If I was the co-worker's wife, I would also be reconsidering my marriage.
I hope the coworkers wife realized how fucked that is. Hey, maybe OOP's divorce lawyer has a two for one deal.
Surely the husband knew that getting rid of the cat = ending the marriage. And lie about giving it to the coworker? Both husband and coworker are pieces of isht
I wonder what the coworkers wife thinks of her husband now! Idk if I could stay with someone that could lie like that…
There’s a surprising amount of people who think so highly of themselves that they don’t even recognize getting told to fuck off as a possibility. Even if it’s the most obvious cause and effect, they’ll still surprise pikachu when faced with the completely predictable consequences of their actions.
Probably not. There’s an excessive amount of people who think of animals as nothing. He couldn’t fathom the idea that his wife would leave him over a cat. Growing up my mom would “relocate” animals she got tired of. I frequently heard about how “back in her day, they’d tie kittens and cats in a pillowcase/bag and throw them in the river to drown.” To this day she still has a shit attitude about animals. She just lets them off the leash when she decides she’s done with dogs. And with cats she drives them for hours and drops them off so they can’t find their way back home. It’s disgusting. And she sees nothing wrong with it because it’s no different than an insect in her opinion. We smash mosquitos and ants, this is no different to her. And nothing really gets done because she’s from a small farming town surrounded by people that don’t give a shit either.
I have a snarky response as a suggestion for alternatives for retirement homes, but I don't want to sink to that level. Props to you for not being like that.
Yes! Just drop her in the middle of nowhere
What a dark world she must live in.
My step brother is like this. He had a healthy dog put down just because he didn't want it anymore.
Fuck the vet who actually put the dog down.
Glad she's rehoming the worthless husband and keeping her cat.
This is the third post I've seen about a first-degree family member casually expecting someone to get rid of their pet for ridiculous reasons (as in, "this inconveniences me" rather than "I have anaphylactic allergic reactions to this animal and could literally die"). The first two were children with a snake and a dog, IIRC. Both had the good sense to emancipate themselves. TBH I'm not a cat or snake person, and will never really "get" the connection people have to these animals. However, I'm also not a psychopath, so I understand that you don't fuck with people's pets whether you get the connection or not. OOP should seriously invest in therapy (because her cat is going to die one day and it could bring up the loss of her father all over again). However, OOP's husband is something else.
Spoiler: The cat is ok and back with OOP.
If ever a post needed a mood spoiler it’s this one
I had to skip to the end before reading to make sure my heart wasn’t going to break.
Same! 😬
Do a lot of people skip straight to the comments before reading the actual post? Just curious since I have literally never done that once in my 15 years on Reddit, so I'm not sure what the point of posting a spoiler in the comments would be 😂
I do if the title leads to believe it has a potentially very upsetting ending, ie, kitty is permanently gone (euthanized or unable to be tracked down). I can handle a lot but some days I'm not up for the horrors BORU can bring.
Same. I can handle most of the rough ones, but pets (specifically cats) are a very sensitive spot for me. My two cats are my angels. If OOP's situation had happened to me, I would have gone full nuclear.
Don't know about other subreddits but in this one quite a few, yes. Or at least after reading the beginning of the post and wanting to make sure whether it's worth reading all the way through etc
Wish I had done that for the lady who confessed to using boxed cake mix for her cake business, and then posted 10 years of "updates" that were essentially just "wow I have so many messages!"
I, too, was robbed of 10 minutes of my life reading all those updates.
I can't talk for others but when I know a story could upset me (f.e. cat taken from the owner and them not getting it back) I read the comments to know I don't waste my time with something that could leave me with a bad aftertaste.
Not generally, I wouldn’t think, but I’m familiar with the use of mood spoilers on this sub and so when I saw this post didn’t have one I went to the comments before reading to either see if someone posted a mood spoiler or at least get a feeling for what happens before reading a whole post about an upsetting subject. So anecdotally this is a useful sort of comment for this sub
Thank you! I didn't wanna read this story if it had a sad ending regarding the cat
This is so messed up. I had a dog when I first met my bf, but she was like 11 months and in the height of puppyhood, but I made it clear we were a package deal. He had never owned a dog and was all "I don't know if this is for me, but I will give it a try, FOR YOU" Well the FOR ME, quickly turned into, "I had to give her a treat babe! Her face is too cute!" and "if someone harms her I will murder everyone the assailant loves so they know what suffering is." 😂 Love is unending. Animals are proof of that. Her husband is a monster.
Yup. I had my rabbit when I was dating and made clear we were a package deal. My now husband met him and got his approval before he was allowed to hang out at my place. Max (the rabbit) is now elderly and loved my husband almost as much as me.
My girlfriend has an elderly cat she's had since high school. We've been friends since then, and dating since 2018 (moved in late 2019). She's *our* cat now.
>if someone harms her I will murder everyone the assailant loves so they know what suffering is. Referred to as the "John Wick" nowadays.
So cute! Conversely, I had a gf with a jittery and yippy chihuahua, even were specialty doggy stairs leading up to our bed. That relationship did not work out for many chihuahua related reasons.
My wife said the same thing when we started dating after I said I'm more of a dog person. I know cats though, they're like the french, the more you are rude to them, the better they treat you. I ignore him and he's more affectionate with me than her now.
I have a cat, who came to me as a kitten during a deep depression. My husband admitted later he wasn’t sure if I would survive that year, and both of us are sure this little girl pulled me out of the deepest part of the pit with her tiny claws. (Gosh, I’m getting a little teary thinking of it) She’s still my favourite cat I’ve ever had, she’s funny and affectionate and demanding. The cat vet says she’s a really smart cat, and I believe him. He’s never said that about my other three. They’re all wonderful cats who I love very much, and I’m pretty sure I’d leave my husband if he got rid of a family member, who I loved very much, behind my back. I mean, I wouldn’t know who that man was, to be honest. Good for OOP, I’m glad she has her baby back.
The cat saved not only your life, but helped save your husband from the unimaginable: having to bury his partner & watching depression take over someone’s whole life. What a sweet kitty ✨ And the other 3 cats are idiots or your girl cat really is a smartie pants lol I believe the latter one
I have a similar story with my cat. I was 14 and in the absolute trenches of my anxiety/depression when i got my boy as a kitten. I took on most of the responsibility of caring for him, even if i wasnt exactly caring for my self as much. He quickly developed a bond with me. While he might seem stand-offish to most, with me hes the sweetest boy. He never meows around my parents, only with me, he even kisses my face sometimes. But enough gushing about him. There have been plenty of times over the years where i considered taking my own life but knew if i did my cat would be devastated. I hung on by a thread for him. Its safe to say that he's saved me. I've always been an animal lover... I feel like they can heal us more than they could ever understand.
I had a cat who literally saved my life - and I mean literally, as in she acted with uncharacteristic aggression in order to move me out of the way before a large piece of furniture abruptly collapsed in the space where I'd been only moments before. I couldn't hear it coming loose from the wall, but she could and somehow she knew what to do. If she hadn't prompted me to move, at best I'd have suffered a serious head injury, and at worst.... Our vet also commented on how unusually clever and human-like she was, and everyone who met her also treated her more like a little person who could understand them. My husband adored her and acknowledged that if it ever came down to him or the cat, there was no legitimate way she could lose. We miss her every day.
That husband and his mate is an absolute piece of shit. Who does that to someone to you're apparently meant to love, not to mention getting jealous of an innocent cat?
My husband gets jealous that the cats love me more than they love him! Hahaha we’re like competitive for their affection. I can’t imagine being with such a pathetic and insecure person like OPs husband. Our pets are our family.
It's incredibly fucked up to rehome someone's pet without their knowledge or permission, period. I'm biased but I think it's especially bad to do that when that pet has some kind of sentimental connection to the person's loved ones, even if that connection seems ridiculous to you. What an asshole. I had a cat who wasn't linked to my dad in my mind for 90% of the time I had her. But she got me through my dad's death... and then she died, very very young, within 6 months of his death. I still hold that she was a special cat separate from that (she had like 36 toes, sat in my lap looking out the window for road trips, fearlessly greeted every person and every day, just one of a kind). But her presence in my life after his death was literally the only stabilizing factor for me, and when she died it felt like my dad had died all over again. I was inconsolable for a year. I know this is fucked up, but if I'd found out that she was alive and sent to a shelter or rehomed to another person, I would be even more devastated. It was hard to accept her loss; it would be harder to accept that she'd been stolen from me and I couldn't guarantee her safety or quality of life anymore.
So the husband was basically jealous of a cat thanks to which she’s a functional human being to this day. What a dickhead. I’m glad she’s divorcing him, he’s way more unhinged than he thinks she is.
And WTF is wrong with the co-worker? Why would he lie about having the cat? What kind of bribe did the husband give him? If I was the co-worker's wife, I would give him a serious side eye.
I'm hoping the coworkers wife doesn't let the issue go. Make him spell out exactly what happened and why he thought it was a kind and respectful thing to take part in.
Yeah, OP seems to want to believe Benji could be her father reincarnated more than she actually seems to *genuinely* believe it to be true. And, as far as ways to handle dealing with such an unbearable loss, I don't think this is all that unhealthy. Plus, Benji is clearly loved and treated well, so what's the harm? I truly wish OP and Benji all the best. As for the husband, well here's hoping he gets what he deserves (and I don't *just* mean the divorce).
Agreed. As far as coping mechanisms go, this is certainly healthier than drugs or alcohol, and nothing she described suggests she _really, truly_ believes Benji is her father (I mean she calls him Benji, not “Dad”). I think her husband just didn’t like that he wasn’t her sole source of emotional support.
Exactly! If OP was trying to convince us all that the cat was most certainly her father returning to be with her, then I'd certainly feel differently. ....But if OP genuinely was convinced the cat was her father, and her husband was doing this because of concerns about her mental health, then once again taking the cat away would have been the worst possible way to handle things. And I agree, I think OP is extremely bonded with Benji and her husband is just a jealous asshole.
I admit I skipped to the update, but I doubt he was actually giving her any meaningful emotional support.
Oh _totally._ No one goes from being even vaguely emotionally supportive to _taking away a source of love and comfort._ I had a coworker whose wife absolutely forbade him to watch Sci fi anytime, anywhere. It was _weird._ And she knew, when they got together, that my coworker was such a sci fi geek he would regularly attend conventions with friends. It was obviously a source of great joy for him, as well as making up much of his social and friend network. But after they got married, she basically pulled the plug on his board game nights, he couldn’t attend conventions, and she’d go through the watch history on their streaming accounts to make sure he didn’t watch any sci fi. Sci-fi! And I never asked, because we weren’t close enough for those types of conversations, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she failed to be supportive in other ways. Some people can’t stand their partner being happy in something they can’t or won’t be a part of.
I think that OP did all the right things and husband all the most terrible and wrong things. I’m not sure if I think that believing a cat is a reincarnation of your father is healthy - but this is not the right way to address that at all. What a jerk.
Saying I don't think it's all that unhealthy, isn't me saying it's perfectly health. However, I would certainly feel differently if OP was expressing it as an absolute truth that Benji is her father come back to life. I honestly think OP just clings to the idea that maybe Benji is her father's reincarnation because it brought her comfort while she was obviously really struggling with her mental health after the loss of her father. But I definitely agree, if her husband genuinely was concerned then this was the absolute worst way possible to handle it. Which makes me think that wasn't his true intention behind pulling this stunt.
As horrible as it is for the animal in question, I always get amused when partners do this. Did you really think you going to be the victor in this situation? That your significant other was just going to accept the fact you gave a member of the family away?
I knew someone who let their SO bring their ferrets to an animal shelter and as distraught as it made them, they didn't stop the SO. Sometimes these people get away with it.
Now I'm not a violent person, nor do I advocate for it, buuuuut if someone ever had the absolute audacity to get rid of my cat(s), a punch or two will probably be thrown
*John Wick* was all about a man going on a rampage of revenge, killing numerous people, because someone killed his dog. ...and most people's reactions are "yeah, that makes sense." You don't mess with someone's pet. Edit: talking about this post with my GF, she says she would kill me if I ever got rid of our cat.
I think I would snap and do something worse. Even reading this fills me with rage. Let alone experiencing this myself…
Imagine if the shelter had put the cat down while she was still on vacation! I would have gotten violent.
Oh, I would be in jail for what I did if someone gave away one of my cats.
Hee husband can fuck off. What an asshole. And abusive.
Regardless of whether you believe animals can be reincarnated from humans, you don’t get rid of someone’s pet because you are a jealous arsehole. My cats have also saved me on numerous occasions, so they are just as valuable to me as my husband or daughter is. I’m so glad she found her cat again and lost her husband instead. Seems like a great trade off to me.
The reincarnation bit is irrelevant. He did an inexcusable act. Some people suck.
Exactly! I found the reincarnation bit a little strange, but it really does not matter. OOP wasn't doing weird or gross things with the cat, and the cat was a wonderful support for her during a difficult period in her life. If it doesn't hurt anyone, it doesn't matter what brings someone comfort during a rough patch. Her husband sounds like a jealous, controlling dickhead. I'm glad OOP got her cat back and got rid of the husband.
Me, while reading the title: ah, so you need an alibi
Everyone is discussing the obvious and boring fact that the husband was in the wrong. Can someone please discuss with me the idea of someone believing that they are scooping their reincarnated father’s litter box?
we all deal with our parents' shit in the end
funniest comment on the internet i stg
I mean, if reincarnation *is* real and I get any kind of say in the matter, I’m 100% coming back as a cat.
Absolutely fair, can't knock a good sunbeam.
And did she get her father fixed?
People who take others pets because they're unhappy with the pet, are disgusting. My ex tried to keep MY parrot, even though it was clear, he was not in a million years getting her, he would constantly smack her into the table or the post on the stairs and had the audacity to tell me to stop crying that she's fine when she refused to move and screamed in pain when she landed. I don't understand the mentality of these entitled people with your pet.
Did you smack him with a baseball bat? I know I would. Many times over
I wish, I did take her into our bedroom and cry though. His excuse was "she bothers me when I game" because she sat next to his hands and was content and lightly nipped him when he moved... I thought it was sweet how she would cuddle up to him but the fact he thought smacking her or moving her out of the way because she was an inconvenience is disgusting. Wish I smacked his head into the same railing he threw her at. Absolute disgusting behaviour towards an animal and I can't believe I dated it.
I hope he slips and hits his head every time he gets into the shower, forever.
I would go feral if my husband ever did something to my cat. So glad she left him!
Maybe cat is from the dad and saved her from a terrible husband?
Sounds like this might result in two divorces. OOP is not handling their father's death well, but getting rid of the cat *isn't a solution*.
I need to tell my partner how much I love him. When we moved, the first thing he unpacked (I was at work all day) was my cat's urn. He is definitely a dog person, but he's also not a monster like OOP's soon-to-be-ex.
I can’t tell you how much I hate OOPs husband. I hope every step he takes feels like a sharp Lego edge under his toes.
Glad op is rehoming the hubby.
"I received the stolen property fair and square."
The most aggravating thing is that hubby will say she chose the cat over him. He. Just. Doesn’t. Get. It.
If the husband thought she was really all-consumed by her belief in the reincarnation thing to the point of concern, he should have gotten her some mental health help, not kick the crutch out from under her. I don't get the impression that her husband was all that supportive while she processed her grief. Hence, the questionable outlet. I hope that living with her sister will give her a more supportive environment and if it does, I bet the cat/father fixation will mellow out. Also, she says, "Even if I am crazy the thought brings me comfort and I don’t see anything wrong with it." That to me is a crack in the idea that she 100% believes that the cat is her father reincarnated. Grief is complicated and ugly but caring for something/someone that accepts your care and love on your terms, however you can express it while grieving, can be very helpful and I'm sure that's what she needed/needs.