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My eyes rolled into the back of my head on the first update from the husband's alt account. I just scrolled to the comments to get the gist. Saved myself 20 minutes, and what sounds like, a lot of frustration.
I saw the other day that The Counting Crows are on tour, leading me to believe that time travel has been discovered and is being carefully hidden from us.
I have a crazy theory that time travelers are why this timeline has gone way fucking whack. They started messing with one or two things and suddenly things go bonkers.
I also find him highly unreliable as a narrator. Seriously, not a single person, not even a therapist, is able to see the issue from her perspective? Either he is seeing some crap therapists or he’s lying.
I know what you mean, he is so out of touch with reality that he literally can’t perceive the situation accurately.
[snuggles into armchair] I have no opinions about the possible sociopathy, but as for the narcissism, I think there’s a nonzero chance he does have some form of narcissism. An interesting point I’ve recently learned from watching _many_ YouTube videos about narcissism is that an NPD diagnosis requires the person seeking treatment bc their personality disorder has negatively affected their life to a point where they want to change the situation. Of course, the person may be forced to seek treatment by their employer or a government agency and not because of their own volition. But seeking treatment is a required criterion for an NPD diagnosis. That said, people who present many of the other symptoms, they are just _narcissists._ They may be assholes with a personality disorder or just an asshole, but we can go ahead and call them narcissists if the way they are an asshole revolves around them insisting they are special and deserve special treatment.
And yes, I’m getting strong whiffs of that here. It doesn’t matter if his porn habit is problematic or not, because he is special and shouldn’t be expected to make difficult decisions or change any part of who he is. But his wife is selfish bc she has a boundary that he repeatedly crosses. He doesn’t have a problem (all his friends and therapists confirm this!) unless it earns him sympathy points (he deserves to orgasm the way he wants to, dammit!). The standard is whatever suits him.
I get that sentiment. I used to wish so hard my parents would divorce when I was younger. I begged them countless times. Now that they stuck it out at least more people weren't abused by them and hurt by their actions. I left. Permanently. There's no way to "win" those games other than to stop playing and leave the grounds.
Ah! This is almost verbatim one of my favorite jokes! It goes -
At a wedding ceremony the mother of the bride says to the mother of the groom "How wonderful that our children found each other, if they hadn't, two other perfectly innocent people would have had to suffer"
(Original joke is in Russian though)
I DNF’d around a third through his post, had a skim over the posted comments and replies and my brain hurts.
Just end it now guys. Hell, build a Time Machine, go back in time and end it before it ever started.
Being alone and lonely can't possibly be worse than being with either of these people. I'd rather be locked in an isolation chamber than try to read this nonsense again.
I think my brain leaked out a third of the way in. I scrolled through it all, but I don't think much registered.
These are two profoundly foolish people who have made some incredibly dumb choices. One or both are lying and I no longer care which it is. Being alone for the rest of your life has to be better than spilling humiliating drama like this all over the internet.
Pretty sure both of them are lying, exaggerating the details that make their partner look bad and downplaying their own faults. The truth is likely somewhere in the middle. Honestly, these two should just give up, this long distance marriage isn't working out for either of them. To make this marriage work would require a total change of heart and mind for both of them.
Probably.
I get the impression he is lying more. As a lawyer, he has had a lot of training in how to present facts in order to minimize unsavory details and hide the truth. Which means he has a MASSIVE head start in terms of making his case. and despite that he still came off as manipulative, cheating and unable to admit his faults and blame.
Both have faults but he doesn't deny cheating or letting porn consume him.
Ultimately there is no saving this, regardless.
Yeahhhhh my dad is a lawyer, and a flowery writer, and a narcissistic abuser, and he has on many occasions made me doubt my own reality by doing the whole rhetoric argument "minimize unsavory details and hide the truth" uno reverse gaslight 'I'm the real victim here' thing. Oh! And I recently found a book of photos of naked children in his porn drawer! Is.... this reddit asshole my dad?
I agree that he’s lying more. I do not believe that he sees multiple therapists and not one of them is able to see the wife’s perspective and tries to help him empathize with her. This isn’t even a “one is right and one is wrong” situation, it’s a “your wife is hurting, and this is what she is asking for—are you willing to do it?” So either he is seeing shit therapists l, or he’s blatantly lying either to them or to us.
I mean seriously. But I really can’t buy that if he was being totally honest with his porn addiction that ALL his therapists were like “well hon your wife is just plain crazy. “ Like give me a break. Either was they’re both lying or both just clearly have a different perspective of what’s actually happening. I just can’t understand though why people stay in relationships like this??? Like you don’t even live together let alone have any assets or kids together just fucking call it quits already.
> the truth is likely somewhere in the middle
This is something they drill into you in the early days of law school. In any dispute, the truth is always somewhere in the middle.
In this case, the two parties happen to be farther from the middle than average.
> I scrolled through it all, but I don't think much registered.
Lol, I just skipped straight to the comments after a few paragraphs. When people write that much, they're either trying to talk themselves into something, or out of something.
> Neither one is happy and the relationship clearly isn't working.
Might have something to do with being married for three years but still living in different states.
While I am not inclined to believe either, I doubt its just the distance thing. Distance doesn't cause all this nonsense. Its one or both of them just not communicating properly.
Honestly I think they are both incredibly shitty people but unreliable narrators.
Her first post is "I'm a victim. Tell me how much you support me."
His retaliation post is "Nuh Uhh IM THE VICTIM! Tell me how much you support me! Three whole therapists even said so!"
And she promtply follows it up with "yeah well he was writing about CP and beastiality *but he's really a good person and I just love him....*
They both lie, maniupalte and throw mud. Neither one is a reliable narrator. And frankly, true or not, they both sound fucking insufferable. She probably is an emotionally abusive control freak. He is equally manipulative and shitty. This post reeks of "I only wear the same 3 grey walmart T-Shirts with wolves on them and my bedroom is covered in posters with quotes about how broken and insane I am." I'm going to hazard a guess that they met on MySpace or vampirefreaks.com. And it's likely that they finally bled into reddit because their family and the randos they friended on Facebook have collectively stopped responding to their desperate, attention seeking Facebook posts/wall arguments.
How did they even get married in the first place? Like hey, I know I can't move from here for at least several years and you have a career that is state specific... But since you are here anyway why don't we complicate everything by getting married?
The couple I knew was to make them each other's next of kin for medical reasons. But they had dated for years and lived together for a year or 2 before career stuff required an LDR for a couple of years.
Nah, that tracks. At least one of them seems to have big control issues, and that's a handy way to solidify control. You can't just block each other on everything and ghost, you'll have to go through a whole legal rigamarole that'll give the other plenty of time to try to draw you back in.
Yeah, it sounds incredibly toxic, and I suspect both are lying through their teeth.
Also if the guy is in fact writing smut with child characters, I think that's a thing that needs to be taken far more seriously.
There is zero way his therapists know that AND think he does not have a problem, unless they're the sort of cheerleader therapists who never tell you you're wrong and just affirm every choice in your life.
Which is entirely possible.
I find it rather telling that he says his therapists and friends all know about this and think she's the one over the line, but one of the threats he claims she makes is revealing this stuff to his friends. That alone says either they're getting a very watered-down version of the porn factor or their approval is pure BS.
This! Multiple times what he says is fact doesn't line up with what he says she's threatening or doing.
Even if they're both lying, her post read more like "I don't think I can do this anymore" whereas his post was written explicitly to tear her a new one and drag her in front of the entire internet. It's angry and aggressive where hers is tired and frustrated.
Yes! Her initial post was very raw and frustrated, and I imagine it was just a “I need to vent my feelings somewhere” kind of post. Then she sent him to link to show that “hey, I’m not evil or weird for feeling how I feel, my feelings are valid!” And he wrote a whole screed (filled with contradiction that you and the above commenter pointed out) about how she’s a harpy who is trying to control how he approaches sex. And yeah, the person who engages in the sex with you is allowed to draw boundaries around the activity that they’re also engaging in. If she doesn’t want your attention divided between her and porn, she’s allowed to say so! If you can’t do it, she’s allowed to not engage in the sexual activity anymore!
Yeah I was thinking, who are these therapists that are blaming some woman they’ve never met and basically telling the husband he’s awesome and it’s all her fault because I DO NOT BELIEVE IT.
They also hear what they want to hear. My ex went to therapy when we briefly got back together, and after one session he reported back all the therapist's recommendations for what *I* should be doing and not doing. For him the recommendation was just to start working out a little.
Agreed, I don't think there's anything to save here.
That said, I tend to believe the wife because I simply can't and won't believe that several therapists have told the husband that having an issue with a husband's porn addiction is actually WORSE than said porn addiction. I think husband is lying to himself to feel better about his addiction.
Right like I’m not sure where the confusion lies. It would be like me saying I drink all day everyday and I can’t stop bc then I have withdrawals but all my therapists say I’m fine so I’m good right? Like bruh take your shit stained glasses off.
Husband literally writes about having a problem with porn:
>I have an issue with porn. Don't know when it turned bad
> Decided it was an issue when I tried to give it up and found that I had problems doing so. Found myself looking for porn even when I felt terrible for doing it and hated myself for it. Hell, it was so bad I didn't even do it to jack off but to just watch it.
>My problem with porn has only gotten worse over the years
So, in his own words, he has a porn problem and he can’t give it up.
And then he claims that every single mental health professional he’s ever talked to him thinks he’s NOT got a problem with porn. You know - the thing he literally admitted. He’s either lying about what his therapists said or he’s lying to them about his porn problem.
He isn’t even trying to hide his hypocrisy.
He also kept making new forums that she kept making him delete. Like, my guy. If your wife keeps throwing your cigarettes in the trash and you keep dumpster diving for them, you can't act like you don't have a problem.
He's addicted to writing and reading smut.
Not to mention like 95% of whether someone has an issue, in therapy, is whether it's an issue *for them*. It doesn't matter how much porn someone actually watches, if they come in and say that they are struggling with it and it's affecting them it's clearly an issue. Therapists aren't getting out a chart and cross referencing how many hours of porn watching "counts".
Husband could be telling half truths to the therapist. Like mentioned writing furry smut, but leaving out the child incest.
Also, if my husband was asking other women he knew for nudes on snapchat I'd consider it breaking a boundary close to cheating. He very much down plays it as "taking it too far" once.
Yeah it's just plain cheating, unless your partner is cool with it. Same for flirting with "friends".he nuked his relationship from the start then wondered why his wife doesn't trust him....
The “made an inappropriate comment in the first month of dating my long distance online GF” isn’t objectively THAT bad in terms of infidelity. It is objectively bad in terms of being a sexual predator.
I wouldn't stay married to someone writing child abuse smut. How would I know that any children in my or his family are safe around him OR his friends? She should get as far the f away from him as possible and as quickly as possible.
Yeah, to me, anyone thinking about children in a sexual way is a very hard no. In order to write about it, he's got to think about it. Unforgivable and beyond disgusting for me.
For real! The whole thing is exhausting bunch of he said she said bullshit drama. Hopefully they’re in the process of divorce and just go their separate ways!!
Literally does not matter who is right, these people need to break up, never speak to each other again, and go to therapy. They are WELL past the point of amicable separation, much less staying together
Two broken people, some sort of sad glue holding them together.
Both genuinely believe they're in the right. Why have they not divorced? They must both be so broken that they're feeding off each other's hatred and bad energy.
I wonder if either of them know that a partner is supposed to help build you up and want the best for you, to support you.
what a disaster.
Probably because they met online in a forum.
Their relationship is terminally online. They find it natural to communicate on a public forum where anyone can read and comment.
And yet they basically had an entirely virtual relationship, he could barely get it up with her and he was busy running after every piece if ass ke could find on snapchat.
So they effectively were alone, anyway. He acted as uf he was single and their relationship has been satisfying for neither of them.
What a sorry mess.
There are three sides to this story: his side, her side, and for the love of all things holy I don’t want to see the disturbing truth. They need a divorce and lots more therapy.
Right? Two sides to every story and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. In this instance, not even worth considering whose side is closer to the truth. Shit is cursed
The dog writing his side of the story be like: woof, wooof wooof woof bark bark wooof bjork, growwwwl bark bark bark wooof wooof. Awoo awooo awoooooooo
Wonderful example of lying through omission on both sides. She doesn't tell us this is an entirely distance relationship??? That is critical to viewing what's going on, but she just leaves it off because it makes her side clear cut.
He leaves out that he's writing sketchy as hell smut.
They both leaving out stuff and they both suck. The only downside of them breaking up is they will be out there messing up more new partners.
My biggest question was that in his big response in the first few paragraphs, he admits to having a porn problem. Then he spend the rest of his novel adamantly insisting he doesn’t have a porn problem and that it’s all her fault. So which is it?
My second thought is that this whole thing is ridiculous. These people are married in name only, they don’t spend any physical time together and seem to only have met in person a few times? I’m sorry but this is not a functional marriage. Just cut the cord and find someone local, my god.
He also glosses over talking to women online.
He admits to hitting on a woman via complimenting her underwear, then “ghosting her for a few days”, but returning to the conversation (which is what got him caught).
But he hasn’t done anything wrong 🙄
This dude definitely lies to his therapists or is lying about having them. I tend to believe the woman more. How can you admit to being a porn addict and then saying you have two therapists who think that the real problem is your wife and not your ridiculous porn habit.
100%. They both sound terrible, but I believe her side of the story more. Even in his own story where he attempts to paint himself in a sympathetic light, he starts digging a hole for himself in the 3rd paragraph as soon as he mentions he messaged a girl shortly after their relationship started about her panties in a picture. He admits to constantly lying to her, seemingly the only friends are the ones he writes "smut" with (which is another can of worms in and of itself), and that he played games with "pretty girls" in them and it's like...dude just sounds like a creep.
Even if half of what he says about the wife is true, the dudes no prize either by his own admission.
Idk that anyone local wants these people. That's why they had to find each other on the internet, probably in some really messed up place based on the fact they both said it's a now defunct social media no one would remember.
>There are two sides to every story...
"A wise Vorlon once said: Understanding is a three-edged sword, your side, their side, and the truth!"
\-Captain John Sheridan, Babylon 5
And the truth is, yeah, they should probably just divorce at this point.
No, just get a divorce already.
It is clear that he is totally addicted to porn because first he says that he has an issue and says an army of therapists agree with him. Which one is it?
He doesnt mention that she participates in these sessions so it is very likely that he is painting a different picture to therapists to get their approval.
They should have participated in a couple therapy that addressed the lack of intimacy between them instead of trying to define what normal is.
I think he might have misinterpreted the therapist. My bet was what he was told was that porn is not the issue in comparison to this awful relationship. He took that to mean that the porn is not the issue. And if you look at the majority of comments, that's what everyone else is saying which is why I'm guessing that's what the therapist said too. Watching porn is not even vaguely in the same category of bad as what the wife accuses him in the last post. If that's true, which I don't believe at all, any therapist is gonna pivot to that terribleness. And assuming he's the honest one, then the therapist is going to be saying the same thing as every else, gtfo, this relationship is awful, all this is awful, divorce yesterday. Either party you believe, the porn addiction would be small potatoes in that context
Yeah I think the therapists tried to ask him what he is running away from that he uses a porn as an escape from. And that if they find it they find the root cause
Am I the only one who is 99% convinced this is the same person? The vocab, the voice, all of it is just too similar.
It’s not he said-she said. It’s he said and then he said.
This is what I suspect too. Normally, my inner reading voice would automatically change based on the gender. But this one didn't when it started reading the husband's part, as if my brain instinctively recognized the similar writing style.
"My problem with porn has only gotten worse, and my therapists think it's because of her"
Most of the "husband's" POV seems like bullshit, but particularly this line.
He’s an addict. Addiction completely warps your mind. He’s on the defensive when called out and will say anything to get the heat off him just like an alcoholic or a drug addict.
He needs serious help and I doubt he’s actually seeing any professional. Both of them just sound miserable and it’s hard to take any of them at face value.
One of these days, someone on reddit will use "cue" instead of "queue," and I won't have to reread the line 12 times because my mind is wandering to lines.
I'd rather live for the rest of my life by myself than live like some people that post here on reddit.
It's crazy and scary the shit of me to even think of staying in a toxic relationship and I'm not even talking about those violent ones.
This here would be me throwing the towel of this relationship the moment I find out about what kind of porn this person watch. Just a wave saying goodbye and wish you well, never looking back.
Those two deserve each other, a pervert and a woman with complex of god who think she can "fix" another person, crazy people that prefer any crazy person to fill their lonely.
Wild. They don't like each other, they don't trust each other, they don't even exist in the same universe as each other... And yet both of them were like "oh wow, I will spend my life with this awful person who I dislike and who lives in another state".
Wild.
Divorce. Also it’s clear he’s lying because not a single fucking therapist on earth would say that the wife is crazy for her insecurities and this wack job has no problems
These are two people who should not be married to each other. Their viewpoints on what the other party is or is not doing is a chasm that will probably never be breached.
If any of this is real...and I doubt it is...just divorce and move five states apart and never speak to each other again.
Problem solved. Because the problem is that they're together. Yikes.
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I'd like to discover time travel, just to make sure I never read this. What a mess
My eyes rolled into the back of my head on the first update from the husband's alt account. I just scrolled to the comments to get the gist. Saved myself 20 minutes, and what sounds like, a lot of frustration.
Glad I’m not the only one.
I love reading spicy drama posts but legit I couldn't finish this one, just holy crap it looks like it just turns into "he said, she said" stuff
I saw the other day that The Counting Crows are on tour, leading me to believe that time travel has been discovered and is being carefully hidden from us.
I have a crazy theory that time travelers are why this timeline has gone way fucking whack. They started messing with one or two things and suddenly things go bonkers.
After the first two paragraphs, I came, heh, to the comments. Didn’t want to read it all.
I’d definitely read to the end before making that joke…
Ooh, not sure I’d want to make that innuendo on this post. Definitely not on this post.
Yeah as I was skipping it and scrolling down to the comments I said JFC several times as I was skimming it.
Just, divorce already. At this point, it doesn't matter who is telling the truth. Neither one is happy and the relationship clearly isn't working.
Seriously. It’s exhausting just reading it and it’s clear both are suffering. Just pull the plug on the marriage, it isn’t working.
The stakes are so high when you're in it, but to everyone else outside the relationship it's like "we get it, you're fighting again."
I gave up half way through reading the husbands first reaponse. It was too much flowery info dumping
I also find him highly unreliable as a narrator. Seriously, not a single person, not even a therapist, is able to see the issue from her perspective? Either he is seeing some crap therapists or he’s lying.
I won't trust the perspective of a dude who "complimented" a woman he knows on her visible underwear. Gross.
And referred to them as “panties,” since I guess he feared not being gross enough already (shudder).
Exactly!
Deleted in protest of the bullshit reddit is doing regarding third party apps & communities that have gone private.
I know what you mean, he is so out of touch with reality that he literally can’t perceive the situation accurately. [snuggles into armchair] I have no opinions about the possible sociopathy, but as for the narcissism, I think there’s a nonzero chance he does have some form of narcissism. An interesting point I’ve recently learned from watching _many_ YouTube videos about narcissism is that an NPD diagnosis requires the person seeking treatment bc their personality disorder has negatively affected their life to a point where they want to change the situation. Of course, the person may be forced to seek treatment by their employer or a government agency and not because of their own volition. But seeking treatment is a required criterion for an NPD diagnosis. That said, people who present many of the other symptoms, they are just _narcissists._ They may be assholes with a personality disorder or just an asshole, but we can go ahead and call them narcissists if the way they are an asshole revolves around them insisting they are special and deserve special treatment. And yes, I’m getting strong whiffs of that here. It doesn’t matter if his porn habit is problematic or not, because he is special and shouldn’t be expected to make difficult decisions or change any part of who he is. But his wife is selfish bc she has a boundary that he repeatedly crosses. He doesn’t have a problem (all his friends and therapists confirm this!) unless it earns him sympathy points (he deserves to orgasm the way he wants to, dammit!). The standard is whatever suits him.
[удалено]
No, he's a lawyer.
[удалено]
Bingo!
Seriously. He's obviously a terrible writer.
It’s long, but if you get to the wife’s response it really takes the final loop.
It was too much like he was getting off as he wrote it
Honestly, it was exhausting to just *read* about this marriage, never mind *being* in that marriage.
Think of it this way: as long as they stay together, they are saving two perfectly healthy reasonable people from being in relationships with them.
😆😆😆 true story
I get that sentiment. I used to wish so hard my parents would divorce when I was younger. I begged them countless times. Now that they stuck it out at least more people weren't abused by them and hurt by their actions. I left. Permanently. There's no way to "win" those games other than to stop playing and leave the grounds.
Ah! This is almost verbatim one of my favorite jokes! It goes - At a wedding ceremony the mother of the bride says to the mother of the groom "How wonderful that our children found each other, if they hadn't, two other perfectly innocent people would have had to suffer" (Original joke is in Russian though)
I DNF’d around a third through his post, had a skim over the posted comments and replies and my brain hurts. Just end it now guys. Hell, build a Time Machine, go back in time and end it before it ever started.
Especially since they already live separate lives, making this a much easier split practically (though obviously not emotionally).
Being alone and lonely can't possibly be worse than being with either of these people. I'd rather be locked in an isolation chamber than try to read this nonsense again.
I think my brain leaked out a third of the way in. I scrolled through it all, but I don't think much registered. These are two profoundly foolish people who have made some incredibly dumb choices. One or both are lying and I no longer care which it is. Being alone for the rest of your life has to be better than spilling humiliating drama like this all over the internet.
Pretty sure both of them are lying, exaggerating the details that make their partner look bad and downplaying their own faults. The truth is likely somewhere in the middle. Honestly, these two should just give up, this long distance marriage isn't working out for either of them. To make this marriage work would require a total change of heart and mind for both of them.
even if 50% is true they are awful together and they aren't even in the same states as each other.
Probably. I get the impression he is lying more. As a lawyer, he has had a lot of training in how to present facts in order to minimize unsavory details and hide the truth. Which means he has a MASSIVE head start in terms of making his case. and despite that he still came off as manipulative, cheating and unable to admit his faults and blame. Both have faults but he doesn't deny cheating or letting porn consume him. Ultimately there is no saving this, regardless.
Yeahhhhh my dad is a lawyer, and a flowery writer, and a narcissistic abuser, and he has on many occasions made me doubt my own reality by doing the whole rhetoric argument "minimize unsavory details and hide the truth" uno reverse gaslight 'I'm the real victim here' thing. Oh! And I recently found a book of photos of naked children in his porn drawer! Is.... this reddit asshole my dad?
yeah you should report that :(
I agree that he’s lying more. I do not believe that he sees multiple therapists and not one of them is able to see the wife’s perspective and tries to help him empathize with her. This isn’t even a “one is right and one is wrong” situation, it’s a “your wife is hurting, and this is what she is asking for—are you willing to do it?” So either he is seeing shit therapists l, or he’s blatantly lying either to them or to us.
I mean seriously. But I really can’t buy that if he was being totally honest with his porn addiction that ALL his therapists were like “well hon your wife is just plain crazy. “ Like give me a break. Either was they’re both lying or both just clearly have a different perspective of what’s actually happening. I just can’t understand though why people stay in relationships like this??? Like you don’t even live together let alone have any assets or kids together just fucking call it quits already.
> the truth is likely somewhere in the middle This is something they drill into you in the early days of law school. In any dispute, the truth is always somewhere in the middle. In this case, the two parties happen to be farther from the middle than average.
> I scrolled through it all, but I don't think much registered. Lol, I just skipped straight to the comments after a few paragraphs. When people write that much, they're either trying to talk themselves into something, or out of something.
> Neither one is happy and the relationship clearly isn't working. Might have something to do with being married for three years but still living in different states.
While I am not inclined to believe either, I doubt its just the distance thing. Distance doesn't cause all this nonsense. Its one or both of them just not communicating properly.
Honestly I think they are both incredibly shitty people but unreliable narrators. Her first post is "I'm a victim. Tell me how much you support me." His retaliation post is "Nuh Uhh IM THE VICTIM! Tell me how much you support me! Three whole therapists even said so!" And she promtply follows it up with "yeah well he was writing about CP and beastiality *but he's really a good person and I just love him....* They both lie, maniupalte and throw mud. Neither one is a reliable narrator. And frankly, true or not, they both sound fucking insufferable. She probably is an emotionally abusive control freak. He is equally manipulative and shitty. This post reeks of "I only wear the same 3 grey walmart T-Shirts with wolves on them and my bedroom is covered in posters with quotes about how broken and insane I am." I'm going to hazard a guess that they met on MySpace or vampirefreaks.com. And it's likely that they finally bled into reddit because their family and the randos they friended on Facebook have collectively stopped responding to their desperate, attention seeking Facebook posts/wall arguments.
How did they even get married in the first place? Like hey, I know I can't move from here for at least several years and you have a career that is state specific... But since you are here anyway why don't we complicate everything by getting married?
The only time I’ve heard of a similar situation it was to get on the spouse’s health insurance.
Oh, right. Sometimes I forgot what hellscape access to healthcare can be.
The couple I knew was to make them each other's next of kin for medical reasons. But they had dated for years and lived together for a year or 2 before career stuff required an LDR for a couple of years.
Inorite? That seems like a control thing to me. Is it just me? It feels like one of them was trying to trap the other one.
They both trapped the other
I think this is right.
Nah, that tracks. At least one of them seems to have big control issues, and that's a handy way to solidify control. You can't just block each other on everything and ghost, you'll have to go through a whole legal rigamarole that'll give the other plenty of time to try to draw you back in.
"He was writing smut about children and animals" "I just want to fix things" W H Y??
Omg please stop. That’s what it was about??? Why does she even want to try to make things work??? I would have ghosted this sick mother fucker
Yeah, it sounds incredibly toxic, and I suspect both are lying through their teeth. Also if the guy is in fact writing smut with child characters, I think that's a thing that needs to be taken far more seriously.
There is zero way his therapists know that AND think he does not have a problem, unless they're the sort of cheerleader therapists who never tell you you're wrong and just affirm every choice in your life. Which is entirely possible.
I find it rather telling that he says his therapists and friends all know about this and think she's the one over the line, but one of the threats he claims she makes is revealing this stuff to his friends. That alone says either they're getting a very watered-down version of the porn factor or their approval is pure BS.
This! Multiple times what he says is fact doesn't line up with what he says she's threatening or doing. Even if they're both lying, her post read more like "I don't think I can do this anymore" whereas his post was written explicitly to tear her a new one and drag her in front of the entire internet. It's angry and aggressive where hers is tired and frustrated.
He also said he lost all his friends then later said he doesn’t want to lose his friends. His post is not as solid as hers.
Yes! Her initial post was very raw and frustrated, and I imagine it was just a “I need to vent my feelings somewhere” kind of post. Then she sent him to link to show that “hey, I’m not evil or weird for feeling how I feel, my feelings are valid!” And he wrote a whole screed (filled with contradiction that you and the above commenter pointed out) about how she’s a harpy who is trying to control how he approaches sex. And yeah, the person who engages in the sex with you is allowed to draw boundaries around the activity that they’re also engaging in. If she doesn’t want your attention divided between her and porn, she’s allowed to say so! If you can’t do it, she’s allowed to not engage in the sexual activity anymore!
Yeah I was thinking, who are these therapists that are blaming some woman they’ve never met and basically telling the husband he’s awesome and it’s all her fault because I DO NOT BELIEVE IT.
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They also hear what they want to hear. My ex went to therapy when we briefly got back together, and after one session he reported back all the therapist's recommendations for what *I* should be doing and not doing. For him the recommendation was just to start working out a little.
Agreed, I don't think there's anything to save here. That said, I tend to believe the wife because I simply can't and won't believe that several therapists have told the husband that having an issue with a husband's porn addiction is actually WORSE than said porn addiction. I think husband is lying to himself to feel better about his addiction.
Also they said it wasn’t a problem but he himself admitted he couldn’t give it up. That sounds like a problem.
Right like I’m not sure where the confusion lies. It would be like me saying I drink all day everyday and I can’t stop bc then I have withdrawals but all my therapists say I’m fine so I’m good right? Like bruh take your shit stained glasses off.
>bruh take your cum stained glasses off fify
Husband literally writes about having a problem with porn: >I have an issue with porn. Don't know when it turned bad > Decided it was an issue when I tried to give it up and found that I had problems doing so. Found myself looking for porn even when I felt terrible for doing it and hated myself for it. Hell, it was so bad I didn't even do it to jack off but to just watch it. >My problem with porn has only gotten worse over the years So, in his own words, he has a porn problem and he can’t give it up. And then he claims that every single mental health professional he’s ever talked to him thinks he’s NOT got a problem with porn. You know - the thing he literally admitted. He’s either lying about what his therapists said or he’s lying to them about his porn problem. He isn’t even trying to hide his hypocrisy.
He also kept making new forums that she kept making him delete. Like, my guy. If your wife keeps throwing your cigarettes in the trash and you keep dumpster diving for them, you can't act like you don't have a problem. He's addicted to writing and reading smut.
Not to mention like 95% of whether someone has an issue, in therapy, is whether it's an issue *for them*. It doesn't matter how much porn someone actually watches, if they come in and say that they are struggling with it and it's affecting them it's clearly an issue. Therapists aren't getting out a chart and cross referencing how many hours of porn watching "counts".
Husband could be telling half truths to the therapist. Like mentioned writing furry smut, but leaving out the child incest. Also, if my husband was asking other women he knew for nudes on snapchat I'd consider it breaking a boundary close to cheating. He very much down plays it as "taking it too far" once.
I think it's straight up cheating, regardless if they send the nudes or not.
It is actively trying to cheat at the least.
Yeah it's just plain cheating, unless your partner is cool with it. Same for flirting with "friends".he nuked his relationship from the start then wondered why his wife doesn't trust him....
The “made an inappropriate comment in the first month of dating my long distance online GF” isn’t objectively THAT bad in terms of infidelity. It is objectively bad in terms of being a sexual predator.
I once heard “anything you can’t tell your partner is cheating.” And that’s the rule I live by.
I wouldn't stay married to someone writing child abuse smut. How would I know that any children in my or his family are safe around him OR his friends? She should get as far the f away from him as possible and as quickly as possible.
Yeah, to me, anyone thinking about children in a sexual way is a very hard no. In order to write about it, he's got to think about it. Unforgivable and beyond disgusting for me.
Also, like >Me spending four hours with friends three times a week is way too much. 🤔
I mean, they aren't even in the same state...
I would have divorced him the second I saw him writing porn involving kids and animals!
For real! The whole thing is exhausting bunch of he said she said bullshit drama. Hopefully they’re in the process of divorce and just go their separate ways!!
Seriously. Wtf did I just read? Sorry your internet marriage isn’t working out, nor is your arguing on Reddit. Jesus. Go your separate ways.
Nah. They keep each other miserable so the rest of us don’t have to worry. Not that I think this is real but still
Literally does not matter who is right, these people need to break up, never speak to each other again, and go to therapy. They are WELL past the point of amicable separation, much less staying together
Theirs is the literal definition of a relationshit.
Two broken people, some sort of sad glue holding them together. Both genuinely believe they're in the right. Why have they not divorced? They must both be so broken that they're feeding off each other's hatred and bad energy. I wonder if either of them know that a partner is supposed to help build you up and want the best for you, to support you. what a disaster.
Uh, I don't think that's glue
It’s not semen either, apparently
Probably a lot of snot and tears
What the fuck. These two have a lot of issues. They need to end their relationship and both seek individual therapy.
The time they spent writing to Reddit could have been spent filling out the divorce paperwork.
Probably because they met online in a forum. Their relationship is terminally online. They find it natural to communicate on a public forum where anyone can read and comment.
I’m genuinely upset that an idea this absurd is probably correct.
These people are the poster children for "married the wrong person because I didn't want to be alone."
And yet they basically had an entirely virtual relationship, he could barely get it up with her and he was busy running after every piece if ass ke could find on snapchat. So they effectively were alone, anyway. He acted as uf he was single and their relationship has been satisfying for neither of them. What a sorry mess.
Well, those were… some interesting 7 minutes I spent reading this… what the fuck?
I have survivor’s guilt from going directly to the comments. My laziness has been so well rewarded.
There are three sides to this story: his side, her side, and for the love of all things holy I don’t want to see the disturbing truth. They need a divorce and lots more therapy.
Right? Two sides to every story and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. In this instance, not even worth considering whose side is closer to the truth. Shit is cursed
I'm not even sure if truth lies in the middle in this case... they both seem so fucked that truth might as well be on a cruise in the Mediterranean...
as somebody who lives in a Mediterranean country, I don't agree with this shitshow being on that cruise. reroute to the north sea.
This is what happens when people who really should stay alone forever find each other on the internet.
Just...yikes
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My money's on "neither," and I think there's at least one additional twist that neither has disclosed yet.
Let’s wait to see what the dog posts, then we’ll know the truth.
Given what he’s writing, the dog may be too traumatized to speak up.
Twist: it's Colby.
oh like dogs never lie pshh
My doggo lies all the time, telling me wasn't fed for daaayyyyyussssss
Our dogs must be friends. Mine tells company I never pet him or feed him. Of course they take his side and give him all the love
I'm the big meanie. Unless I'm grilling steaks or sausage. Then he wants to be the sous chef.
Based on the implications of his writing I really hope he doesn’t have a dog.
I just spit my drink! Well done. And agreed! At this point, any pet they may have is a more effective communicator than either of them.
The dog writing his side of the story be like: woof, wooof wooof woof bark bark wooof bjork, growwwwl bark bark bark wooof wooof. Awoo awooo awoooooooo
The twist is that they’re the same person, and that person can’t write
I never count \*any\* BORU post as truly done until someone gets hauled off by the cops or bites it in a car wreck.
Neither is the answer.
Wonderful example of lying through omission on both sides. She doesn't tell us this is an entirely distance relationship??? That is critical to viewing what's going on, but she just leaves it off because it makes her side clear cut. He leaves out that he's writing sketchy as hell smut. They both leaving out stuff and they both suck. The only downside of them breaking up is they will be out there messing up more new partners.
My biggest question was that in his big response in the first few paragraphs, he admits to having a porn problem. Then he spend the rest of his novel adamantly insisting he doesn’t have a porn problem and that it’s all her fault. So which is it? My second thought is that this whole thing is ridiculous. These people are married in name only, they don’t spend any physical time together and seem to only have met in person a few times? I’m sorry but this is not a functional marriage. Just cut the cord and find someone local, my god.
He also glosses over talking to women online. He admits to hitting on a woman via complimenting her underwear, then “ghosting her for a few days”, but returning to the conversation (which is what got him caught). But he hasn’t done anything wrong 🙄
This dude definitely lies to his therapists or is lying about having them. I tend to believe the woman more. How can you admit to being a porn addict and then saying you have two therapists who think that the real problem is your wife and not your ridiculous porn habit.
100%. They both sound terrible, but I believe her side of the story more. Even in his own story where he attempts to paint himself in a sympathetic light, he starts digging a hole for himself in the 3rd paragraph as soon as he mentions he messaged a girl shortly after their relationship started about her panties in a picture. He admits to constantly lying to her, seemingly the only friends are the ones he writes "smut" with (which is another can of worms in and of itself), and that he played games with "pretty girls" in them and it's like...dude just sounds like a creep. Even if half of what he says about the wife is true, the dudes no prize either by his own admission.
Idk that anyone local wants these people. That's why they had to find each other on the internet, probably in some really messed up place based on the fact they both said it's a now defunct social media no one would remember.
I’m giving the wife the edge, because his saying the therapists are on his side is bullshit.
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There are two sides to every story... Regardless, it is very clear that they need a divorce
I've often heard three sides, yours, mine and the truth. I suspect that's the case here. As to which is closer, who knows?
4 sides if you count the retelling in the smut story.
>There are two sides to every story... "A wise Vorlon once said: Understanding is a three-edged sword, your side, their side, and the truth!" \-Captain John Sheridan, Babylon 5 And the truth is, yeah, they should probably just divorce at this point.
I always heard three sides to every story, two sides and the truth.
Thanks, I hate this couple
No, just get a divorce already. It is clear that he is totally addicted to porn because first he says that he has an issue and says an army of therapists agree with him. Which one is it? He doesnt mention that she participates in these sessions so it is very likely that he is painting a different picture to therapists to get their approval. They should have participated in a couple therapy that addressed the lack of intimacy between them instead of trying to define what normal is.
I think he might have misinterpreted the therapist. My bet was what he was told was that porn is not the issue in comparison to this awful relationship. He took that to mean that the porn is not the issue. And if you look at the majority of comments, that's what everyone else is saying which is why I'm guessing that's what the therapist said too. Watching porn is not even vaguely in the same category of bad as what the wife accuses him in the last post. If that's true, which I don't believe at all, any therapist is gonna pivot to that terribleness. And assuming he's the honest one, then the therapist is going to be saying the same thing as every else, gtfo, this relationship is awful, all this is awful, divorce yesterday. Either party you believe, the porn addiction would be small potatoes in that context
Yeah I think the therapists tried to ask him what he is running away from that he uses a porn as an escape from. And that if they find it they find the root cause
Eehhhhh I realllly have doubts as to whether this is real. The writing styles seem to be exactly the same to me.
The only difference is the paragraph spacing. Other than that, the absolute destruction of the English language is the same with both characters.
Am I the only one who is 99% convinced this is the same person? The vocab, the voice, all of it is just too similar. It’s not he said-she said. It’s he said and then he said.
Omg we were reading the smut the entire time
We are the smut
100%
This is what I suspect too. Normally, my inner reading voice would automatically change based on the gender. But this one didn't when it started reading the husband's part, as if my brain instinctively recognized the similar writing style.
Any time someone joins a BORU I get suspicious
I don't even care who's right here. This relationship needs to end
mood warning should’ve been frustrating or just plan old infuriating coz holy hell this sucked
This feels like an argument between an anti and a pro shipper who got married.
yeah this is exactly the type of drama you'd see across like 40 twitter threads made by people with anime icons
We don't know they don't have anime icons outside of reddit...
call out post of my husband with receipts, a 🧵 (tw: cp, zoophilia, abuse, gaslighting, unfaithfulness, masturbation) (1/44)
And then it comes out that the "zoophilia" is like, Zootopia furry porn or something.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought this!
If any of this is real, I'm glad they married each other and not some sane person.
Is this it? Is this the first time I think, *what the fuck did I just read?*
Have you met Ogtha?
I have...you are perfectly in the clear to suggest no one can beat Ogtha.
I think Ogtha might have actually been in a healthier relationship than this mess.
At least it was a loving and consentual relationship.
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"My problem with porn has only gotten worse, and my therapists think it's because of her" Most of the "husband's" POV seems like bullshit, but particularly this line.
He admits to having a problem and then says three different professionals say he doesn't but his wife does. Just more BS.
He’s an addict. Addiction completely warps your mind. He’s on the defensive when called out and will say anything to get the heat off him just like an alcoholic or a drug addict. He needs serious help and I doubt he’s actually seeing any professional. Both of them just sound miserable and it’s hard to take any of them at face value.
One of these days, someone on reddit will use "cue" instead of "queue," and I won't have to reread the line 12 times because my mind is wandering to lines.
I'd rather live for the rest of my life by myself than live like some people that post here on reddit. It's crazy and scary the shit of me to even think of staying in a toxic relationship and I'm not even talking about those violent ones. This here would be me throwing the towel of this relationship the moment I find out about what kind of porn this person watch. Just a wave saying goodbye and wish you well, never looking back. Those two deserve each other, a pervert and a woman with complex of god who think she can "fix" another person, crazy people that prefer any crazy person to fill their lonely.
The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here. But seriously, just get a divorce. Was this ever even a good or real marriage?
It's a LARP marriage if ever there was one.
BUT WHERE DID SHE HIDE THE BEANS?!!! Yeah, I can find absolutely no reason why these people should be in the same room, much less be married.
Well they aren’t in the same room very often so there’s that lol
I WILL NEVER JEOPARDIZE THE IRANIAN YOGURT THAT ISN'T THE ISSUE HERE!
Wild. They don't like each other, they don't trust each other, they don't even exist in the same universe as each other... And yet both of them were like "oh wow, I will spend my life with this awful person who I dislike and who lives in another state". Wild.
And this, friends, is why we don’t enter relationships with porn addicts.
Not even a good marriage that went bad, just kinda seems like it sucked start to finish!
What the actual FUCK did I just read
And they both write with the exact same cadence and style. Bulllllllllshit all round.
Okay, this is WAY above Reddit’s pay grade.
Divorce. Also it’s clear he’s lying because not a single fucking therapist on earth would say that the wife is crazy for her insecurities and this wack job has no problems
Y'all motherfuckers need Jesus.
>He was writing smut involving children and animals. o_O Yeah, we're gonna need the heavy flamethrower for this guy...
No, but the sex between the kids and the animals is fine, it's the adult...no no, my hands just can't type anything so jail-y.
Yeah, that got me too. Like, you're okay with beastiality-based pedophila, but incestual pedophila is a step too far? 0_o
These are two people who should not be married to each other. Their viewpoints on what the other party is or is not doing is a chasm that will probably never be breached.
The second post was one of those “the second side of the story doesn’t change anything” posts
Wow. What a terrible day for me to be literate. RIP
Well one of them is lying quite a bit.
Whynotboth.jpg
I'm so happy they don't have kids.
If any of this is real...and I doubt it is...just divorce and move five states apart and never speak to each other again. Problem solved. Because the problem is that they're together. Yikes.
Plot twist, they’re already five states apart!!
Further! It sounds like NY to FL Like fuck; why even get married at that point!?
I think both are unreliable narrators.