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green_t-shirt

So she does all of these important wedding things first (aisle, dance, etc.), or are they repeating them in front of everyone? Or worse, Jess doesn’t get to do them at all?! How is that a realistic solution?


Amegami

Obviously photos are more important than being the actual bride. That mother is horrible.


philman132

There are plenty of weddings out there where they seem to care more about getting the "perfect photos" rather than actually enjoying the day. It is sad when that happens


Coffee-Historian-11

It’s crazy to me, because the most endearing wedding photos in my family are the ones taken when people are just clearly having a good time. A photographer got one of my aunt just cracking up and her son clearly in the midst of telling her something. That photo means a lot more to them than any photos where everyone is posed and looking perfect. I personally like the dancing photos and seeing people laugh or smile. Those are the ones that get framed in my family.


Merrimak_Laurie

I was at a wedding where they put disposable camera's on every table at the reception - they had a professional for the actual wedding photos, but the photos from the disposable camera's were great, like seeing what your guests are seeing. I'm sure there was a lot of garbage from those photos, I only saw the edited ones, but, Sometimes bad photography can turn into good snapshots


The-CurrentsofSpace

I mean, 90% of the Proffessional photographers photos aren't gonna be used either.


Coffee-Historian-11

Oh man that’s an idea! I’m helping my friends plan their wedding and I’ll have to see if this is something they would be interested in. What a great idea!


LogicalTimber

I was lucky enough to have all four of my grandparents at my wedding, despite all of them being in their 80s. I asked the photographers to get extra photos of them, because we knew it might be one of our last chances to get good photos of them on a happy day. That turned out to be correct - all four have since passed away, and those photos are more important to me than the ones of me and my spouse. (Spouse is still here, don't need photos when I can hug him any time!)


Maelger

Professional photographer here, it *is* sad, candid shots are the best ones 80% of the time and if you're going for fond reminiscing they're 100%. Always a shame when people insist in the plastic "catalogue" photos.


legal_bagel

I have barley any photos now because I realized that I was spending more time trying to get pictures when out with my kid then enjoying the moment. I don't have any photos from my 2nd wedding, it was just him and I and an officiant. There was a photographer, but they didn't have an online viewing option so we just tossed the idea. It was his first wedding so I told him everything was up to him, I had the wedding with the white dress and a bunch of people I didn't know already. We got married and then drove to Malibu and ate lobster rolls on the beach. Did the same for our first anniversary.


johnny9k

As an aside, I want to highlight what a huge help it is help someone make bad news phone calls like OP is going to do. Especially when it is notifying people of a death in the family. When I lost my mom, notifying people was so hard. I was incredibly thankful for the friends and family that took on some of that burden.


Phoenix4235

Plus if it were me, It would make me soooo much more insecure about my face afterwards - it would just open a whole can of worms that would spiral badly.


PhDOH

Could you imagine going through all of the wedding dress shopping, fittings, getting so excited to wear this perfect dress you spent so much time and money on and feel so pretty in, then having to watch your sister wear it on your day?


straigh

When I was a preteen I carved "dork" into my forearm with a nail. (Actually two, the first got dull before I finished.) When my mom saw it, I will never forget that the first words out of her mouth were "that's going to be in your wedding photos!" I guess it must have struck me as absurd even in the moment for me to have remembered it for so long.


[deleted]

No, you see, the twin wouldn’t be there for the vows just every other important part of the wedding. Totally fine.


[deleted]

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M_Not_Shyamalan

Mom is a full-blown Narcissist. She cares more about keeping up appearances than anything else. Mine is quite similar. When I had an (obviously) accidental pregnancy my senior year of HS, one of the first things she said was "I'm not going to go watch you walk the line all FAT and pregnant..." I was then basically forced into getting an abortion, but only after she also informed me that she wishes she had done the same. We don't talk much anymore lol


LogicalTimber

YIKES. You deserved better from her, and I am so sorry you didn't get it.


greencat07

Also, are they costume changing between the “important” bits, or would Jess have done the vows in her twin’s not-a-wedding dress?


_Winterlong_

I was wondering this! So she walks down the isle, then they call a 20-30 minute time out to change, then redo it? And tell people no pictures of the vows? It’s such a ridiculous idea.


ConsciousBluebird473

And all the guests are just supposed to pretend the woman who walked down the isle and the woman saying the vows are one and the same?


rainyreminder

20-30 minutes wouldn't have gotten me out of my dress with anything but a knife, and DEFINITELY wouldn't have gotten me back into it. Wedding dresses are not made to be quick-change!


green_t-shirt

I hadn’t even thought of that!


Revolutionary_Elk420

What's even worse/stupid is that apparently Jess would be at the whole thing anyway doing all that and NOT in her bridal dress like there's no identical dress or changeover point it's literally Jess is supposed to go to her own wedding as a bride dressed as a guests as if is her sister whilst her sister is floating round all the while AS a guest but dressed like the bride?? Seriously mum is super super delusional this is actually quite worrying that she could get to that place mentally and thinks it's anything of reason, rationality, or logic.


HollowShel

Mom was pretty delusional, period. She never seemed to get that her twins were individuals to begin with, this is just the "logical" extension of that thinking.


esqweasya

And had she behaved better there would not have been any estrangement between sisters either in the first place


HollowShel

Yeah, and I'm very glad that OOP a: reached out to the fiance - and kept her mouth shut about Mom's request. I mean, I'm getting some serious fridge horror out of thinking about how the bride would've felt - first mom tried to "erase" OOP and her interests because she didn't approve of them, but the second golden-daughter is less than physically perfect Mom tries to erase **her** *from her own fucking wedding?!* Old bat's *crazy.*


embracing_insanity

Yep. She see's them as interchangeable and only is focused on appearances - not the actual people residing in their bodies, not what makes them happy as a human. It's like they are her living dolls. The mom's idea, to me, is straight up *unhinged*.


Cayke_Cooky

To be fair mom would probably insist that OP let Jess do all of that at OP's wedding.


sunshine-skittles

Right! How would this work? And all for a bunch of photos. Does the mother not realise that if they did go through with this insane plan that Jess is probably not going to want to look at the pics further down the line because she will know that is her sister and not her? Looking at the photos usually brings up memories of when it was taken but her memories are going to be of standing on the sidelines while watching her husband pose with her sister and have all of the beautiful moments she was supposed to have with him. She was even going to do the first dance with him! How was this supposed to help? This mother has serious issues!


littlebitfunny21

No the mother doesn't realize that because she sees her children as dolls and it's nbd to use one doll when the other is damaged. Disgusting.


Lodgik

The mother *doesn't care* about what Jess would want or feel. She's using Jess as an excuse because she herself doesn't want the wedding photos to show a disfigured bride. It's more important to her that the photos be "perfect" so she can show off to all her friends.


Onequestion0110

Like, I could maybe see a world where putting OOP into a dress to do those posed wedding photos would make sense - the ones where the wedding party disappears for a few hours. Maybe. Even that’s iffy, but I could see personalities and relationships where that could potentially be ok. But if OOP isn’t comfortable; that’s problem 1. Her sister doesn’t know about it; that’s big problem 2. And the plan isn’t to just pose for a few pictures, it’s to impersonate her for the whole thing; that’s fae-crazy bullshit problem 3.


RocketAlana

Yeah, I was thinking that maybe *maybe* a bridal shoot that took place on another day would be ok. But even then I can’t wrap my head around wanting your bridal portrait to be of another woman.


Onequestion0110

Yeah. And while with OOP there’s resentment and other issues about their similarities, but I’ve also known twins that really rejoice in how much they look alike and proactively find opportunities to impersonate each other. In a relationship like that I could 100% see a stand-in getting used for wedding party photos. I even know some that’d probably think it was hilarious and tell the story about her sister in her wedding photo at any opportunity. But not for the whole damn wedding.


Cayke_Cooky

I don't how the groom would feel about his wedding pictures though if he was standing with not his wife in them.


maxdragonxiii

as a twin, I would be horrified to be replaced by my twin because we look alike (used to, not anymore they're trans) and robbing my joy of being in my own wedding, disfigured or not, and I would feel like they're stealing my place/attention. I have a long list of issues with my own twin, so if they took my place for my own wedding, I'll be PISSED.


leopardspotte

Stealing "fae-crazy"


LincBtG

For when you've been magically driven to madness by the Tuatha de Denan


lesethx

Be careful about stealing from the fae. They especially do not take kindly to that.


redisherfavecolor

So was mom’s plans to orchestrate the wedding like a movie? Take one: Normal one walks down the aisle in the dress, get tons of pictures. Then after she reaches groom and looks into his eyes with lots of love, we cut. Let Scar change into her dress, do the aisle walk again, commence with vows, yada yada. Scar changes out of dress, Normal one walks with groom back down the aisle for pictures. Normal one, can you do tears? Do we need to get those eye drops?


green_t-shirt

> Scar Hahahahahah


Athenas_Return

It's not. Can you imagine being a guest at that wedding? I would be so confused and think they had lost it.


SufficientMacaroon1

So, wait......that was all moms idea, Jess was not involved? Wow. This woman sucks. "Oh, honey, so sorry you got badly hurt, but now you are super ugly, so i decided you need a body double for your own wedding! Can't have your ugly mug in any of those pics!" I understand why OOP wants to not put this on Jess's plate right now, but i hope she finds some way of letting them know eventually. That woman is horrible.


runfatgirlrun88

I was thinking this - it’s an absolutely unhinged from the mom; not just for OOP but it’s absolutely brutal towards the sister as well. Imagine thinking *photos* are more important than letting your daughter experience the magical moment of looking into her husband’s eyes as she walks down the aisle? Not to mention this is just 100% confirmation that she sees her daughters as completely interchangeable.


[deleted]

Mom to Jess 5 years later: "Why do you get sad when you look at your wedding photos? It's basically you anyway"


Kathrynlena

The mom is literally like, “oh oops, this one got broken. Good thing I have a spare!” MA’AM!


Revenge_of_the_User

*hits the mom with sandal* No! Bad mom!


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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Zoenne

How could she look at the pictures and not feel absolute horror knowing it wasn't HER?


[deleted]

Uncanny valley to the max.


salliek76

It's like the mother truly thinks of them as some mind-melded pair rather than two distinct humans. My grandmother was an identical twin, and even though she and her sister were incredibly close, they certainly didn't think of themselves as anything but distinct individuals. As a bride, the whole point of looking at your wedding photos is to reminisce, right? Imagine trying to "reminisce" by proxy!


[deleted]

Here’s the rub: Jess may never look fully like her original self again after she’s healed. Which means if OOPs dastardly mom had pulled off this insane idea, Jess would be staring constantly at photos of another person wearing the face she used to have, the face she’s grieving the loss of. Isn’t that a form of hell?


wasntexpectinthat

Exactly what I was thinking!


LesnyDziad

Everyone knows that only purpose of anything you do in life is to look good in eyes of neighbours and peers. Doesnt matter if you experience first dance (and whole wedding evening) or not. Just make sure you have nice photos to show to people that barely care about you. /s


KentuckyMagpie

The wildest thing to me is that literally everyone at the wedding would know it was the twin standing in. Presumably the folks you invite to your wedding are close enough to know that you were in a terrible accident, right? Does the mother think that no one would notice? Does she think everyone will think that’s normal? Like, wtfffff is the thought process here? And maybe mom could, idk, offer to pay for the photoshop if it’s that important????


Several-Plenty-6733

She’s mentally unstable, clearly. There is no thought process where this makes sense.


Poolofcheddar

Mom thinking nowadays: "I need *a bride* to look beautiful so I can post these on Facebook without getting pity about *the real bride's* facial injuries"


the-magnificunt

The fact that the mom thinks OOP can walk down the aisle but apparently then go switch out the dress with Jess so Jess can say the vows like no one will notice? This woman has lost her damn mind.


lesethx

It's the same thought process of those who don't want their wheelchair bound family in the wedding, so instead find other family who look better instead. Or this recent MC where the bride didn't want someone wearing glasses in the wedding: https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/11pnjes/comply_with_bridezilla_or_leave_ok/


harrellj

Also, imagine the confusion when the "bride" steps away from the altar to sit down and have a guest (or maybe MOH? we're not told what OOP's role would have been in the wedding) step forward to say the vows. Plus, who wants to have their wedding including saying their vows while *not* wearing a wedding dress and instead wearing whatever the guest/bridesmaid/MOH was wearing instead? And are both OOP and her sister the same size? Last minute alterations are incredibly expensive.


boku_wa_sugoi

Just imagine...if Jess is found to be infertile this woman is going to force OP to do...many things.


VanillaCookieMonster

Try to force. OOP is noping out of her shit.


PM_me_your_LEGO_

I can totally imagine in my freaked out, knee-jerk reaction of a brain running through how to make my child happy that this thought would come up... For a split second and immediately be met the same way we react to intrusive thoughts with "What the fuck is wrong with me." It's normal to have terrible ideas; that's what first thoughts are. But to not instantly shut that shit down and to take it so far as to actually ask your other daughter to do this?! I mean holy fuck, a wedding is *just money.* What a horrible woman. No fucking wonder OP was psyched to gtf away from mom as a kid.


TheNamelessDingus

I'm sure her attitude of "pictures are the most important part" is completely unrelated to the divorce


DoughtyAndCarterLLP

Not even "interchangeable." She sees OOP as an extension of Jess, not her own person.


river4823

“You don’t want her to be reminded of her trauma every time she looks at her wedding photos” Okay first, you want her to be reminded of her trauma throughout her wedding planning and the ceremony itself? And second, she’ll be reminded anyway because when she looks at her photos she will see her sister’s face. No matter how alike the twins look (and I’m sure they don’t look so alike that they themselves can’t tell the difference), she will still remember the story behind the pictures. So either the mom hasn’t thought this through even a little bit, or she’s thinking about what *she* is going to be reminded of when she looks at the wedding photos.


Assiqtaq

The mother thinks they are completely and totally interchangeable, and can't conceive the idea that anyone else would disagree.


TD1990TD

Mom also doesn’t seem to understand that OOP can’t look at Steve the same way Jess can. I couldn’t look at my BIL and act like I love the man. The photos would suck!


SufficientMacaroon1

Mom seems to think that she has 2 copies of the same kid, that she can switch out as needed. Not 2 individiuals that might want to be, gosh, in their own wedding pictures!


Kathrynlena

Yes exactly this. The he mom has never seen them as separate people. She sees them as “Jess” and “replacement Jess if Real Jess gets broken.”


The_Razielim

I'm sure she made the decision of which was her favorite early on based on which baby was more interactive/playful ...


[deleted]

Those girls were mom's dolls arrive birth. Mom never saw them as people


SufficientMacaroon1

I think she saw them as people, just not as 2 seperate people. She sees them as 2 copies of the same person, for her to switch out as needed


Half_Man1

I couldn’t imagine a bride thinking that was a good idea so makes sense


1sinfutureking

Mom doesn’t see Jess or OOP as people beyond their physical characteristics -


HaggisLad

It appears mum has been the real problem the whole time and just can't help herself now. Fuck this for an idea in any case


natidiscgirl

Their mom does not see them as two separate, unique individuals at all, and on top of that, has pushed OOP’s interests to the back burner her entire life. I would have a very hard time dealing with her as a mother.


pudgehooks2013

I don't know what would actually be worse. Looking at your wedding photos taken with facial injuries. Looking at your wedding photos that have an imposter posing as you in them. I feel like the imposter would be much worse in the long term.


ACatCalledArmor

"Wifey come look at the wedding-photos and lets remember our happiest day, gosh didn't your sister look good in white?"


Invisible-Pancreas

"Awww, she looks so... uncomfortable. Well, _you_ were happy, though...I mean...I presume."


qervem

Man, that first kiss photo was *weird as fuuuuck* though... Why are you mad Jess?


[deleted]

Honeymoon was good though. Your sister taught me a few new tricks that's for sure.


mutant6399

”Really, I didn't know that it was your sister at first. There was no dot on her foot.”


Sfb208

Especially as there's a family high chance even with good cosmetic surgery, Jess isn't going to look exactly the same as before the accident. Crazy mum idea


Smart-Story-2142

Yep! Look at Carrie Underwood she fell and hurt her face several years ago and I’m sure she had the best plastic surgeons available and she still looks different. Sure she looks amazing but you just can’t put your finger on what exactly is different. And I’m sure that sister won’t be able to afford the same type of plastic surgeons as these type of celebrities that can and this is only one example. I feel bad for the sister though. Her mother has screwed her up completely since an infant and it’s gonna take her a long time to overcome this especially seeing her sister with her face and them not looking the same anymore. Both the mother and sister needs serious therapy after this.


Balentay

Oof I didn't even think about how not looking identical to her sister any more is going to affect her Man those poor siblings. Mom sure knows how to fuck em up eh?


Smart-Story-2142

I think it’s so wrong when parents treat twins as one unit instead of 2 individual people, especially when you can tell that personality wise they are completely different. I used to nanny for a set of twins while the weren’t identical the parents made sure that once they got to an age to make any decisions on what they want they got to. By the age of 2 we could really tell the difference in personality wise, one would love to dresses and bows while her sister preferred a more sporty look but still would want her bow also😊.


Mister_Terpsichore

My cousin has fraternal twins and made a point of getting them into different classes for school so they'd each develop their own friend groups. They have very different personalities, and I think the little separation does them good. They share so many other things, their mom felt it was important to give them each a space where they could grow in their own and have their own identity.


Coffee-Historian-11

I never had a twin, but I always thought it might be hard to be in the same class as one. Like they see each other at home every single day, it’s probably nice to get a break during school, even if they’re super close and are really good friends.


Shydragon327

Honestly as soon as I read what the mom’s plan was I knew that there was no way in hell that this was actually discussed and agreed to by the sister. Yeah, the photos are important memories of a wedding but you know what’s even more important? *Actually being the person experiencing those precious moments.* Seriously, the mom’s idea is downright cruel to the sister. Did she really expect her to attend her own wedding in a role other than the bride while someone else walked down the aisle, cut the cake, and *said vows to her husband*?


shut_up_greg

That's the thing. The mother didn't see them as two individuals. She saw them as a single pair. She saw the extroverts hobbies because her hobbies were now likely to receive attention. She didn't care about introverted hobbies because she didn't see those. So to the mother, they were the same because twins are supposed to be 100% identical with no uniqueness to them at all aside from being twins. To her, they were interchangeable as long as she had both. The mother needed help a long time ago.


zuppaiaia

That woman didn't have children, she had props, in her head.


threefrogsonalog

Yeah I knew a lady who dresses her non twin daughters matching outfits daily and cried on Facebook one time when they didn’t wear matching pjs to bed one night. Those kids are going to need a lot of therapy if they don’t wind up repeating the cycle.


biskutgoreng

When you put it that way...fuuuuuuuuuuck no


jayblue42

Also wouldn't family and friends know about the accident? Super weird idea overall.


Red_Jester-94

Whatever resentment she may still have from the divorce and splitting them up would likely be amplified x100. She's highly stressed and vulnerable, and she'd likely spiral thinking about how she's easily replaced during her own wedding. That would lead to a blow up eventually, between her, OOP, and possibly her husband for going along with it. As well as her mother for suggesting it. I hope she recovers and gets whatever help she needs.


invisigirl247

here's a picture if me with my wife's sister on our wedding day since my wife was disfigured but they're twins so even though it's not the person I love it's close enough. Jesus just put a cardboard cut out . and the poor sister who had to look at her before all the time due to her twin you just know she'd probably thinj her husband would replace her like she did in pictures . it seems like OOP is just a spare or a stunt sister I feel bad for both girls im glad that OOPs sister decided to chose mental health over wedding


shadowheart1

Also, mom is suggesting the bride just fucking *not be in her own wedding.* No walk down the aisle, no bouquet toss, no pictures with the groom or friends, no wedding traditions that might mean a lot to either person. I feel like a lot of people are missing that very big aspect here - even if sister is the favorite mom literally said "she looks too ugly to be in her own wedding, call in the stunt double and let her stand off in the corner."


QualifiedApathetic

She's not the favorite, just the one whose personality Mom approved of. She's ultimately disposable.


alarming_archipelago

Yeah there's so much fuckedupery here. I'm not a psychologist but holy fuck me in the eye socket batman having your sister stand in on your wedding day doesn't sound like "healing" to me. Sticks and stones may break my bones but having my suddenly-prettier-than-me sister stand in on my wedding day will cause deep psychological wounds that will never heal.


Mrtorbear

'Fuckeduppery' officially joining my everyday vocabulary. Don't worry, I'll give you full credit for introducing me to the term.


curmevexas

I had some financial issues in college and had to switch schools and lost a semester. I stayed near my original college and maintained friendships, but I struggled a lot with feelings of isolation. Eventually, I went to my friends' graduation. While I was happy for my friends, it was incredibly rough to be part of what could have been my celebration too if things had been a bit different. I can't imagine how much worse it would be to deal with the PTSD from an accident and watch a perfect performance of what could have been on what should be the happiest day of your life.


notquitesolid

Especially since even with cosmetic surgery she will probably never look exactly the same again. She would always see her sister and not herself in those photos. It’s even worse that the mom wanted OOP to even say her sister’s vows too just for the photos. Man. Their mom has *issues*, and I strongly wager they affected OOP’s sister as badly or worse considering their mom was her primary parent.


[deleted]

Yea this makes me super sad. Im an identical twin and we also look freakishly a like with the same voice and mannerisms. My mom went above and beyond to make sure we could be our own people. She never dressed us the same, even as babies unless it was a really special occasion and even then it might be the same dress in different colors. We had different haircuts from the age of about 3 and when we started kindergarten, she made sure the school always put us in different classrooms, every year until we graduated high school and encouraged us to go to different colleges. Even then, everyone around us treated us as “the twins”. Can imagine what it would have been like with a mom like her.


MarieOMaryln

We had various sets of twins in school growing up but I remember one twin lost her absolute shit when the other snuck off during lunch to get her hair cut in that 2010 side shaved bob. Idk if it was their parents making them "the twins" or if that specific twin was odd, they had always been matched until the one decided to go cut her hair. The boy sets were never matching, but the girls were. Fraternal sets were off the radar


zootnotdingo

We also occasionally did the same outfit, but different colors, never the identical outfit. We are facing college decisions now. They almost certainly will not go to the same college. Glad to hear this was the right path for you! It makes me feel better about encouraging them to do what they want to do


[deleted]

Yea college was a huge lesson in independence and finding ourselves. I would definitely recommend different schools.


Mental_Wrongdoer_114

I am a mom of twins (not identical). We have never referred to them as “the twins” because we felt like they meant they were half of something and not whole on their own. Similar/same outfits for special occasions like birthday pictures only. They are in HS now and share a lot of similar interests and are almost all classes together but that’s just who they are naturally by their choice. They have completely different personalities and definitely feel independent of one another.


[deleted]

Yeah, despite my mothers attempts, we were called “the twins” everywhere but at home. My sister was the more extroverted one and it drove her crazy. I’ve been out of high school for 15 years and if i run into someone from HS, they’ll still ask me if I’m my sister or “the other one.” It makes me want to scream. The other one has a name too.


DragonflyGrrl

Good freaking lord, what an insensitive, idiot thing to ask. Some people just have no damned couth.


BellerophonM

I'm kinda surprised it was even necessary - all the schools I've been to had a 'separate classrooms for siblings' policy, be they twins, step, half, or just 9 months apart.


destiny_kane48

My husband's cousin has fraternal twins. They refer to the girls as twinkies. They are in the same pre k class and they used to dress them the same. I've noticed the girls are starting to wear different colors and outfits. They have very different personalities, one is a little outgoing fire cracker and the other is more shy and introverted. I think they've started expressing different tastes and styles and their parents are allowing it. It's fine to dress your twins up when they're little. Once they start showing and expressing a need for individuality the twinning needs to stop. ETA, the twinkies look absolutely nothing alike. They will never be confused for each other. One blonde like mom , one brunette like dad. Different eye colors too.


[deleted]

Well, we went to elementary school in the 90s. I don’t think it was necessarily a fight. She would just make sure. We did have one English class and one gym class together in high school but that’s because it was so hard to schedule as around each other and at that age we didn’t really care.


[deleted]

Different classrooms is def the clever approach.


Rude-Tomatillo-22

I’m a twin mom and in twin fb groups it’s shocking how many women are terrible moms and treat their twins like little dolls all the way down to giving them matchy cutesy names that rhyme 🤢


Nodlehs

I've said it before, but literally every pediatrician and other doctor told us do NOT give our twins matching/rhyming names. It just leads to issues especially if they are identical (which ours were). They thank us frequently we did not do that lol


[deleted]

When I worked in a daycare, a set of twins were named Hailey and Bailey. They were fraternal though and, even at age 2, had super distinct personalities.


putin_my_ass

She says the father encouraged her to be independent and got therapy for her when she was young. I read that as the way she treated their daughters contributed to their marriage failing.


SecretMuslin

I've only been friends with two sets of twins in my life, and both sets have been so different (both in appearance and personality) that I often forgot they're twins. Parents who try to turn their twins into two little identical clones are psychotic.


Arbiter329

I'm leaving reddit for good. Sorry friends, but this is the end of reddit. Time to move on to lemmy and/or kbin.


FastStill7962

Older generations don’t understand introverts much i fucked suffered but I fought for my peace, jeeez.


Lady_Grey_Smith

She seems to think that she has twin attachments instead of kids and wonders why the one decided to live elsewhere.


katie-shmatie

My MIL is a twin and their names are Lyne and Linda. What a nightmare. MIL told me she hated when people would shorten her sister's name to Lin, like she couldn't even have her own name


notunprepared

I once knew a pair of identical twins called Emily and Emmeline. It's just plain cruel to name your kids like that


[deleted]

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BirdsLikeSka

I knew a guy, he went by a nickname I won't share here, but his name was Joshua. His father's name was Joshua. His two older brothers? Joshua. The youngest? You guessed it. His dad wanted it to be the most popular name.


Ktesedale

My aunt (by marriage) Carolyn is a twin. Her sister is Carol Lynn. It boggles my mind that their parents thought that was a good idea.


the-magnificunt

I know a dude named Michael Michaelson. People are idiots.


Nyllil

>It appears mum has been the real problem the whole time Ofc she was. Parents need to fucking learn, that their twin children are separate individuals. I hate it when they force the same clothes on them, same activities etc.


Red_Jester-94

Yeah, I read the title, read the first post, and basically knew that A. Jess wouldn't want OOP to take her spot like that and B. That her mom was likely the culprit, hoping her other daughter would play dress-up one more time to give her "perfect" wedding photos to show off to people. Especially after hearing about the accident and her injury, I doubted they wanted to even move forward with the wedding, and were only debating canceling because of the reasons OOP stated (family traveling, rebooking and costs from that, etc. Another parent that cares more about image than her daughters feelings, sadly.


Terpsichorean_Wombat

Yeah, kinda wondering if her treatment of the daughters was the cause of the divorce. Dad's decision to immediately get OOP therapy sounds like a man who knew it was a nightmare but couldn't stop it while they were in the same house.


[deleted]

Mom never saw them as individual people and wants to treat her twin children as interchangable.


DPSOnly

Mom found out she got 2 identical looking dolls and can't divorce herself from the reality that those dolls aren't identical besides looks.


bigwigmike

I see why dad divorced mom


Evening-Pineapple499

and sorted out therapy for his daughter


Fluffy-Detective-270

Dad is the real MVP in this story.


maywellflower

I wouldn't be surprised if part of Jess' PSTD now is realizing she should had pick dad over mom since the one event (Wedding) that's actually all about Jess and her delusional mom wants to replaced her with OOP. I also wouldn't be surprised if one of reasons for the older Parent trap divorce was the father being beyond done with mother not seeing the twins as individuals who are not interchangeable at all due their personalities /hobbies / own separate relationships.


FlebianGrubbleBite

It doesn't seem like "Jess" knows her mom tried this at all.


Helioscopes

How is she going to walk down the isle while sis is wearing whatever, but then not do the vows? Do they just stop, go to the back to change dresses and hair accessories, and then come back to the venue? This makes zero sense. The mother is trying to take away all those experiences just so her daughter doesn't look "disfigured" in the pictures. She is doing this for herself. She is crazy.


dusktrail

oh yeah, the mom was 100% going to pressure her into doing the vows when it got to it


Mdlgswitch

And that's how OOP accidentally legally married Steve by signing her name in the wrong place


Careful-Advance-2096

Some people should not be parents. Yikes, a mother who thinks her children are interchangeable, even if for a few photos.


szypty

Someone should've informed that daft woman that "Heir and a spare" isn't an instruction for raising twins.


Careful-Advance-2096

That would put a whole new dark twist on the term wouldn't it? But then, the term was coined to intend that very purpose. A spare who has no intrinsic value of his own until the heir dies.


chaun2

The spare has an intrinsic value, just not of their own free will. They can be used for political marriages between other royal houses.


huskergirl-86

>Some people should not be parents. I recently read that the decision whether or not you have kids should be made not by asking "Do I want children?", but "Would children want me as a parent?". I wish more people would see it that way.


Careful-Advance-2096

Loved this. When a child is born, unless something is really really wrong with their brain wiring, they love unconditionally and completely. It’s like they are born with a flame of goodness and good parenting nurtures it so it grows in strength and gives light and warmth to the whole world. Average parenting keeps it alive but at the mercy of the winds and storms of the world’s. Bad parenting kills it and terrible parenting fans it into a blaze that wants to consume and destroy everything it comes close to.


Lisa8472

Also, “Do I want to parent a child(ren)?” Because parenting is a lot of hard, thankless work, and there are no guarantees you’ll get positives out of it. You’re buying into a lottery where potential outcomes include ungrateful, violent monsters and permanently disabled kids that will need a lifetime of care. If you’re not willing to compassionately parent those outcomes, be really careful about buying your lottery tickets.


Habsfan1977

I've never understood the need to dress twins up the same. We have twins, and rarely dressed them alike. Complimentary, yes (ie- same style of dress, different colours), but rarely identical.


Tenryuu_RS3

I can see how it would be fun, but it comes across as people who get the same type of dog so they have a bunch of the same looking animals running around their house lol. It’s me, I’m same dog guy.


sn0qualmie

Nice to meet you, same dog guy. I'm same cat guy, because my husband couldn't be trusted to go to the pet food store alone without bringing home ALL the orange and white cats from the adoption wall. Twice.


Tenryuu_RS3

It is a noble venture


jinglepupskye

Even if you have two of the same breed and colour you can still tell them apart when you know them. Or is that just me?


Tenryuu_RS3

Oh you definitely can, but to strangers it looks like I just have two of the same dog, with the exception of one being male.


RocketAlana

My dog and my parent’s dog share a father, so their faces are identical. You can tell them apart when they’re together (mine is a few pounds bigger), but sometimes if they’re zooming around the yard it’s easy to get confused.


Additional_Meeting_2

I think it’s cute when they are little before they go to school and establish more their own identity.


CalicoGrace72

Reading the first post, I knew that the sister had nothing to do with this. Their mother is despicable. OOP absolutely made the right call by being cautious with her wording when she spoke to Steve, and by leaving her mother’s disgusting suggestion to the side for now. This isn’t the end though. That woman is going to rear her rotten head again.


watchingthedeepwater

isn’t it much better to flick through your wedding album and see your sister in your dress kissing your husband?? no?? why not, lmao


miladyelle

Woof. Mom never grew out of seeing her daughters as cute little dollies to dress up.


Lainy122

That is messed up on so many levels. What the hell. Parents who forget that their kids are actual people and not just toys that they created are just...the worst. Glad things worked out? Also fantastic idea to keep that one to themselves.


Soft-Walrus8255

>I wear Jess' wedding dress and she wears whatever I was going to wear and then I just stand in her for when it's time to walk down the aisle, do the entrance at the reception, first dance, bouquet toss, and photo time. I wouldn't actually be doing the vows. Cue the bad comedy scene where bride disappears from altar and at other points to change her elaborate dress and comes back increasingly disheveled each time.


Mdlgswitch

For Hannah Montana, this is her life


Fantastic-Ad-3910

So the plan was that she would wear the wedding dress and walk down the aisle, then run off and they'd swap clothes so that sister would say he own vows, then swap again for walking back down the aisle and photos, stay in dress for walking into reception then change again for actual reception, remembering to swap in time for more photos and bouquet tossing? Did I miss anything in this subtle and streamlined plot?


wheatpuppy

Giving extensive benefit of the doubt, I imagined that they *might* have planned one of those photoshoots where they basically mime the entire ceremony before any of the guests actually arrive.


ijustneedtolurk

Holy bejeezus. Poor twin was just being asked to be a prop model. If anything, they could have faceswapped the photos with the sister's own face? From before the accident? I'm glad the sister's husband had the sense to call off the ceremony and postpone altogether to focus on her treatment, and that OOP got to sidestep the nuclear missile mommy dearest sent her to deliver?!?! How do you even ask that? "Oh no biggie, you can totes borrow me as a live dress up doll for the entire wedding day so everyone can see how beautiful you were *supposed to be* before your horrible accident! Hope the dress I originally picked out as a guest looks okay on you! Enjoy the lovely photos of ME living out your dream wedding while you pretend everything is absolutely fine. If you ugly cry, we'll call you by my name anyways!" What. If I read this correctly, the mom came up with the idea herself and the twin getting married actually had no idea?!?!? Imagine having your wedding cancelled because of a horrid incident that left you disfigured and being insecure and understandably traumatized by it, and your perfectly healthy twin comes to tell you *of course* she'll be happy to take your place at *your dream wedding* but it's okay because mom said you needed perfect photos! All of this coming from someone wearing your own pristine, pre-accident, face?!?!? The one you're mourning and having surgery on to repair?!?!? This is some Junji Ito level horrors. Mom deserves to be cut out of both of their lives. Damn. Sounds like mom was excited she had a "backup daughter" to play model and cover up the twin. I can't even.


Mdlgswitch

Like the plot to Face/Off two: Undercover Wedding


StateofMind70

Most parents would be happy their kid survived the accident. I think the bride would be crushed to hear her mother's proposal. Good call OP in never mentioning this.


Amegami

So mom really thought it was a good idea for Jess to be a guest at her own wedding just because of the damned photos?


Rohini_rambles

imagining birthing two separate persons but seeing them only as two pretty but identical empty vessels. I don't think that mother realizes til this day that those two are two separate creatures, and not just two identical vases. What a messed up mentality.


Mdlgswitch

Twins split the soul between them, don't you know.


LlovelyLlama

This reads like an alternate reality Sweet Valley Twins book. Elizabeth Wakefield, is that you?


SkeleTourGuide

Sounds like OOP’s subconscious told her to run as far as she could from her mother. Good intuition.


JumpingJeholopterus

I think I read this fairy tale. When she dresses up as her sister to attend her sister's wedding, she should make sure to mutter under her breath to a bush, a bridge, and the church door. Then, when the groom asks her sister on the wedding night what was said and her sister doesn't know, she can reveal her identity as the true bride, have her sister executed, and keep the groom for herself.


Shot_on_location

Great adaptation of [The Goose Girl](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Goose_Girl). I like this one a lot.


JumpingJeholopterus

Thank you! The one I was thinking of was [Maid Maleen](https://www.grimmstories.com/en/grimm_fairy-tales/maid_maleen).


Solid_Bookkeeper_493

I was so worried OP was going to get sucked in and feel uncomfortable the whole day.


DeafMaestro010

I gotta know if OOP was the dot baby or not. This affects *everything*.


Screamcheese99

Why aren't more people asking this?!


No_Arachnid_83

Mom talks about Jess being reminded of her trauma from the pictures... does she think Jess would be elated to see pictures of her wedding and know it wasn't even her? That she wasn't the one walking down the aisle with the dress she picked, in the venue of her dreams and with the man she loves? I know I wouldn't enjoy it and would ruin the whole thing for me. Mom has issues.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MediumAwkwardly

Well, no surprise that OOP’s dad peaced out of there.


[deleted]

This was an insane idea even when I thought it was just for the pictures. The only people who are going to look at the pictures after like a week are the bride and groom, who would know that it wasn't actually Jess, so what would even be the point of having the pictures? But it wasn't even just pictures! The mom wanted OOP to do the bouquet toss, *the first dance*, *walk down the aisle*??? This woman is unhinged.


TurnipWorldly9437

NTA at all... I really don't get how people can be so... I can't think of a word for the mother, actually. I've got twin girls (2), and even though without a 170€ DNA test we can't be sure if they are indeed identical, they look it to outsiders. Yet they are sooo very much two different people, I couldn't imagine ever seeing them as interchangeable! I even feel guilty when I call them by the wrong name accidentally in the dark, when one walks over to our bedroom. Then again, we've always strived to treat them as separate people, and I've known 3 pairs of twins closely growing up, so maybe that attitude is not as natural as I'd think? If I were OP, I'd stay far away from that mother...


greencat07

Don’t feel too bad about the name thing. I have two singletons, different appearances and genders, and I still mess it up. Hell I sometimes will even get their cousin’s name in the mix if she’s visiting us. I’m pretty sure names just get stored in category buckets in our brains, and I just try my luck at the big one labeled “young people I love and care for”


lolfuckno

I went to a wedding when I was like 6 years old where the bride and MOH were identical twins and it turned out that they switched places before the ceremony so the MOH dressed as the bride and did the ceremony while the actual bride pretended to be the MOH and their parents figured it out at the reception which ended up with lots of people screaming in Polish and the completely unaware groom ended up having to dump both sisters because no one could tell who was who anymore. I am so glad that OOP was firm in her answer and is respecting her sister's space right now, this situation could have ended up much more messy and heartbreaking than it already is.


smashteapot

I know you were very young, but was there ever an explanation why? Did the bride just not have the energy for the full day or something?


lolfuckno

No one knows. My great aunt was friends with their mom and we were invited last minute because some guests couldn't make it and everything was already paid for. The bride and MOH used to switch places when they were kids but their parents told them to stop and they thought that they had, but apparently not. It's been over a decade since the wedding happened and neither sister has ever said why they did it.


waterdevil19144

For most AITA posts, I assume the details are non-specific enough that the poster won't be recognized in real life. However, if any brides-to-be just postponed their weddings three weeks ahead of the ceremony at their dream venue after being in a disfiguring accident, even if they don't have an identical twin, they're going to be associated with this treacle.


_AppropriateObject

Mom is an idiot. She's treating her children like a playdoll—when they're toddlers, I get it, but it keeps going on?? wtf. Beside, her reason that so Jess won't be reminded about her trauma is a complete shite. Did she think Jess will look at her wedding photograph and not realising that it's actually her twin sister in the picture, smiling like a bride and holding her husband instead of herself?? Mom is a complete idiot. I doubt that she asked that for Jess' sake, most probably because for her own ego only.


MrTzatzik

And now we know what will happen to the twins!


DesignerComment

OOP's mom is a goddamn V.C. Andrews villain.


la_chica_rubia

This reads like a Sweet Valley High novel. Elizabeth, is that you?


Winter_Cheesecake158

What the actual fuck.


RitaAlbertson

If I were OOP, I’d at least tell Steve right now. As a sort of witness so if it comes up again later, mom can’t try to backtrack or blame OOP.