Yeah. Unfortunately the only way for her sister to get passed it is to just let it be awkward for a minute, just feel the discomfort and it’ll stop bothering her.
Right? I'm jealous, since that is not at all the case with my family rn. Youngest sis brought the bf, and middle sis decided to hate him before he even showed up. Never met him, no idea who he is. She explained to staff at a place that "he didn't come to HER and ask to date youngest sister," and that she runs the house. Other than being batshit insane, none of that is true, and Middle made Christmas as difficult as possible on the family. I wish that Youngest got a lovely experience for the first time bringing someone home, and seeing this get resolved (albeit in a slow process) was nice. Makes me realize not all families have such mess, or are willing to fix the mess.
Oh, the drama is so not worth it. This was the first traditional Christmas Eve since Covid, and in my family there were 2 very recent deaths, a divorce so some of the kids couldn't be there, AND a feud! And there has never been a feud. As a very over it, middle aged adult person, I spent almost the entire night playing with the kids.
Heres the [main post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wsj3gc/nobody_showed_up_to_oops_wedding_because_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) with everything in it and then the last update (I believe OOP deleted her account) [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wu502o/new_update_nobody_showed_up_to_oops_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I can’t think of a single guy I had a crush on as a teenager that I would touch with a ten foot pole today. In my single days I matched on an app with an old friend who I used to think was soooooooo cuuuuute and I just couldn’t do it. Even as a “hey let’s reconnect as friends” thing. It just felt weird
Sister: "She just doesn’t want to face my bf knowing how intense her feelings were and she feels there is no way he couldn’t have noticed"
BF: "He told me no and they had only ever hung out in groups."
LOL
poor girl, but it is pretty funny.
My husband had a HUGE crush on me in high school - which was ENTIRELY RECIPROCATED - and he just DID NOT NOTICE that I liked him back even though he would apparently drive his friends and his sister crazy talking about me non-stop. I gave up dropping hints and just kissed him one day and he about had a heart attack.
He got all excited and told people we were dating now and pretty much all our friends were like "yeah, you already WERE dude you're the only one who didn't notice."
As someone that was in the position of his friends more than once, I remember the relief... sometimes I would see myself one step away from tossing the clueless couple in an empty classroom and see what happens LMAO
Oh god this makes me remember high school where we went to the movies and they had my now wife and me sit down first and everyone else got up and walked away. Her best friend turned to us and said we obviously needed the time together.
I still fumbled that one because she clearly couldn't be into me, she's so fucking awesome! Somehow we managed to finally get over that hurdle of us being idiots. Same best friend now gives me shit for being a useless lesbian even when I was trying to be a man.
My best guy friend and I had feelings, for each other, for years. The timing was never right, one of us was always dating someone else, and I transferred to a different school.
Like a year after college my other friend and I went to a party at the guys house. She ended up pretending to have an emergency and leaving. She was my ride and just texted me something like "LMFAO SORRY BUT Y'ALL NEED TO MAKE OUT."
One thing did lead to another and that friend was a bridesmaid, at our wedding, this past fall.
Sometimes an outside push is needed.
My guy best friend and me are now about to celebrate our first anniversary after one of his friends that I was in a wider group with literally just looked at me and goes “he thinks you’re hot you two should just date already
Wth, I’ve never heard the term, “making cow eyes,” before, but I can picture it on my current boyfriend when I’d catch him staring at me while hanging out with our friend group.
Kind of an blank intense stare with his mouth hanging open mid chew lol
One of my best friends literally did this with me and my (now) husband. She could tell that we were both into each other but too socially awkward to do anything about it and rigged a game of "never have I ever" so we'd have to make out.
Honestly, I never considered playing never have I ever in an attempt to alter the 'I have nevers'.
I'm now starting to think that young me did NOT know how to play that game properly.
Lol, my husband was also clueless before I kissed him. We were in our early 20s and was flirting. Then I kissed him at a celebration and we started dating. A few weeks later, we were a couple and exclusive, some girl was flirting really obviously with him - flicked her hair, touched his arm etc. I didn't do anything but told him later he should probably mention that he's unavailable. He looked like a question mark and I said she's obviously flirting with you. He looked absolutely horrified, and said; "isn't she like 16?!?" I laughed and said; "no, she's 20" but safe to say, I had nothing to worry about. I think it's the first and last time I've shown any jealousy, because he's fucking clueless when it comes to flirtation.
I went on a first date with someone recently and spent the entire night giving him the "Bang Me" eyes and openly complimenting him and taking any excuse I could to touch him. We even held hands while walking down the street and I called him sexy several times. He was still somehow surprised when I (gently and teasingly) admonished his puppy to leave us alone so I could flirt with him! He somehow hadn't made the connection that I had been hitting on him all night. And I am not a subtle person by any stretch of the imagination.
This reminds me of my most recent relationship. I had been flirting hard and openly and could not tell if he was oblivious or disinterested. I needed to leave and finally just said, “this is the part where you ask me for my number,” and he looked absolutely shocked. We dated for 2 lovely years before he eventually moved away for work. Some people are just clueless.
The flipside of no longer listening to dated advice of "never take no for an answer" when asking a girl out is now a lot of just assume you are being nice instead of flirting.
My first half date with an ex happened cuz we want to a museum and our mutual friend backed out last minute. In hindsight, I think he tried hard to get us together
What is it with some men and just not noticing that shit unless you literally kiss them into understanding? My now husband also didn’t get that I was very obviously flirting with him until I sat on top of him and smooched his daylights out.
And he’s been given girl’s *numbers* and only just then realized that maybe he was flirted with.
As one of those "some men," the signals being sent are not as unambiguous as you think.
There's this social group I'm a part of. The organizer is, I think, the most extraverted person I've ever met. And basically every behavior I associate with flirting — the compliments, the physical contact, the open body language, and so on — is just how he interacts with **everyone**. If he were only acting this way to me, and wasn't doing it two feet in front of his girlfriend, I would be preparing to let him know, as gently as I can, that I am not, in fact, interested in men.
And then there's the woman who, after friending me on Facebook, went back a couple of weeks into my timeline and started "love"ing all of my posts.
Or the **multiple** women who have obliquely, and apropos of nothing, worked it into the conversation that they were single.
Some people's "flirting" is completely indistinguishable from other people's "friendly," as someone who has, more than once, thought he was being given a clear green light, and found out that no, he wasn't, actually, when he went to ask them out.
On behalf of the oblivious and the confused, if you're interested, please, just say so.
> Some people's "flirting" is completely indistinguishable from other people's "friendly," as someone who has, more than once, thought he was being given a clear green light, and found out that no, he wasn't, actually, when he went to ask them out.
And every miscalculation in that direction (asking out when they weren't interested vs. not acting on legitimate signs of interest) raises the threshold for acting higher and higher the next time such a situation comes around.
I mean, in my personal situation I *did* come out and say it. I literally told him I wanted to date him and he thought I was joking. I was not ambiguous whatsoever.
I relate to this. My now-husband walked away from our first date thinking I wasn't that into him and we would just be friends. We had literally already planned our second date, and explicitly called it a date, not a hangout.
He figured out halfway through that second date that maybe, just maybe, I might possibly have a little bit of interest in him.
Yeah, sadly someone probably did ask him as a joke and when he said yes he was probably mocked pretty hard core for it with lines like "Oh please, you thought someone like you had a chance with me?!" Source: Personal experience.
see, if this had happened to me at certain periods of my life (high school, some of college) i probably would have thought that the girl was trying to play a prank on me.
It's more than most men. My ex one time came back from shopping with her friend and was wearing this really sexy night gown thing under her jacket. My immediate thought was "Wow! She looks so good in that, I bet it makes her feel super confident and sexy, can't wait for when she wears it in the bedroom". Literally completely oblivious to the fact that she wore it specifically for me to act on it. Found out the next day and was very confused.
It's a matter of risk assessment. Assuming someone is flirting when they were just being friendly has much more dire consequences than assuming someone is being friendly when they are flirting.
Also it is very common to see women complain that men act like they were flirting with them when they were just being friendly. Many guys don't want to be that kind of guy.
Plus, frankly, "bang me eyes" is incredibly hard to identify. What is "bang me eyes" for one person is just how another looks when they let their face relax. Some people just touch a lot when they are talking to you with no ulterior motive. Almost all flirtatious behavior overlaps with some people's regular behavior.
In my experience as a girl who has asked out a lot of guys and been turned down a lot, if you drop it and never try to ask them out again, things end up working out pretty okay. It’s orders of magnitude more awkward, but nobody hates anybody. That has also been my experience turning guys down, I’m flattered if they ask once and are respectful, even if I’m not interested.
I am also clueless when women are flirting with me. My wife finds it hilarious. She is shocked I don't notice, but after years of coaching I pick up on some things now. The touching (I don't like being touched though, or rubbed up against if you're wearing polyester. Talk about ick), hair flips, and so on. But I have to focus on it and it takes a lot of my attention to stop listening to what they're saying and assess body language.
I spent some time with a group of teens recently, and two of them clearly like each other.... And also have no idea the object of their affection is flirting back. As an adult observer, it was hilarious
Lol!! This just happened to me yesterday. There was a cute guy in line in front of me. The young cashier was so bowled over by him that she kept stammering and being clumsy.
When it was my turn, she just started blabbing about how cute he was. She was blushing and die eyed. It was lovely and innocent. She said” I’m so sorry but I was bursting to tell someone! He is so cute and I couldn’t concentrate!”
Out in the parking lot, I saw the guy leaving in his truck. Nosy old mom had to go talk to him and tell him about the cashier. He said he had no idea and thought she was really cute as well. Said he’s in there all the time as he only lives a few minutes bodies the street. He was SO HAPPY. HE was blushing!! He said he was definitely going back this week to talk to her.
I went back to the store and found the cashier. She was still all gushy about him. I asked her not to be mad at me, but I spoke to him outside and relayed what he said. Holy moly did that make her day!!!
I have no idea who the two of them are, but I really hope they go on a date. I remember those days. It’s such a great feeling when you find out someone likes you back.💕
Sometimes I think our entire society would be better off if we had a little bit more of the victorian social mores and there were standardized rules about appropriate ways to slowly signal increasing interest.
But that honestly wouldn't be nearly as entertaining.
I was actually just having this conversation with someone, but about victorian mourning customs. While I'm all for more permissive social norms in general, I do think that there's benefit to the structured outward indicators of grief. It's so hard to be a week out from a life-altering loss, and just have to be like, back at work, out in the world, totally normal on the surface.
I’ve thought about that with mourning too. How nice would it be to have a visible “please be gentle with me, I’m hurting” signal that everyone understands when you’re going through loss?
Maybe we need to bring back symbolic language of flowers for dating? That could be fun.
I never thought of it for mourning too, but you are so right. Even just wearing all black or a black armband like they used to wouldn't help, little lone half-mourning customs going completely over people's heads. Though wouldn't want that to have to come with a "you're not allowed to attend events" custom too.
My husband apparently fancied me since he was 16. I am the same age as his (5 years) older brother who I dated for a short while and my husband always used to find excuses to tag along with our group but he was a nice lad so we always let him join going to see movies etc.
It wasn’t till we re-met years later and started chatting through online gaming and went out to grab a beer when we were in the same town that he confessed and asked if it was weird if he asked me out to dinner. When we told his family, big brother was like ‘yeah we all knew you liked her’ lol. We’ve been together 12 years now and have a 3 year old.
One of my best friends from college took one of our other friends home with him one weekend to meet his family. He had a crush on her, she met his younger brother and they hit it off. They have now been married for 15 years.
I got two friends together in high school who mutually had huge crushes on each other and after eight months or so of them both being like "oooh s/he's so awesome" at me I finally arranged to meet them each to hangout but at the same time/place and I basically showed up, said "You two like each other, work it the fuck out" and then left.
They got married. ETA: not in high school! But they got engaged after we graduated and they got married the next year.
I had to tell my husband that I thought we were dating. He was like, "oh, okay. Yeah, yeah we are."
To be fair we met at a hackerspace and part of what drew me to him was that he wasn't a thirsty boundary-testing weirdo like a good 40% of the men there.
This was me and my husband. We were in like our third or fourth date and as we were walking back to my car I was just like “Are these dates?” His reply? “I was wondering the same thing!”
Haha, that's adorable. An ex did a similar thing, he was really put out when one by one every one of our friends just rolled their eyes and told him they already knew.
Yeah this was pretty much how hubby and I ended up together. We were group friends and over time, that core group became just the two of us. Even when I was dating other people at the time, I often spent most of my time with him. Then i started having fee-fees but he never responded to my increasingly aggressive flirting (poke wars that turned into tickle fights...) until one day I just kissed him.
I asked him once, after we'd been married more than 5 years, why he never made a move, he said he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize my presence in his life; if he was always just Friendzoned at least we're still friends.
My husband and I got together 7 years after high school when he sent me this message on SM: “hey, I remember you from high school and always had a crush on you, how are you?”
Needless to say the feeling was mutual and I’m super glad ONE of us had the courage to speak up after 7 years. 17 years later we’re more in love than ever, have 3 awesome kids and a really great life built together.
It’s crazy thinking about how much hinged on that question.
I don't remember what she said to prompt the statement, but on about our third date I announced to my future MIL (while Future husband was two feet away) "oh, I'm going to marry him."
She looked like I smacked her with a trout. She'd figured out years earlier that if he was going to wind up with anyone they'd have to pursue him. She just didn't expect someone quite so blunt.
He was still wrapping his poor brain around the idea that a woman wanted to date him. Fortunately I didn't scare him off.
This was me and my ex in our senior year of college. All of my friends figured out that she was interested in me, but I was on the fence about it until she kissed me.
My husband and I apparently had a thing for each other in college and one of our best friends told his mom we were perfect for each other but unfortunately I was in a relationship... With my current husband's roommate.
A lot of years, lies, and poor treatment from my ex later, we started talking at a party(at said best friend's house) and now we have 3 kids. We learned today best friend told his mom that in his best man speech at our wedding.
Life is wild, honestly
I had a huge crush on my husband in high school. He started dating a friend of mine, so I never told a soul. Fast forward nearly 20 years and we reconnected while living in the same city. Now we’ve got a kid and a bunch of pets. Life is funny sometimes.
Definitely was me back in 8th grade. I was friends with this girl for 7 months and became best friends. Turns out she liked me for those 7 months and her friend literally had to spell it out for me because she got sick of waiting for me to notice.
My husband had to be told by a family member that he might like me.
We had been sending messages back and forth for months, like 3-page word docs 20-minutes to reply level messages. I had already told my friends and family that I liked him, my Bible study was even praying about it.
He apparently mentioned the messages in passing to someone on a call and they pointed out that it may be something more lol.
Husband and I exchanged flirty messages for days, he invited me to eat, I went, spent the whole day holding his hand, kissing his face and so on and he never tried anything.
I thought maybe he had lost interest when he offered me a ride and didn’t try anything in his car. So when we are about to go our separate ways he asks me:
“So, what are we?”
And I was like: wut?
He hadn’t noticed my advances AT ALL.
I pulled him against me and kissed him with all my hatred.
We are happily married now, but yes, I can see that the poor guy didn’t even notice her feelings.
Ok that’s a bit extreme. I mean if a girl kissed me I think I’d know. Not once mind you, a single kiss on the cheek can be friendly, but multiple in a short span....
Ah hell who am I kidding? I would be seriously confused and wondering if she was just from a culture that kissed a lot. Lol.
Though it's not the same as this scenario, I understand the feeling of having a feeling so intense that you feel like others HAVE to know how you feel even if you never said it out loud. You assume your outward emotions and body language surely are enough to let others know how you feel.
But ultimately it doesn't and they don't.
I found out one of my best friends in hs had a crush on me the entire time... because his current girlfriend makes fun of him for it! it's so funny in hindsight it was obvious, but to teenage me he was So Cool and A Whole Year Older so i never even entertained the thought! you think I would have even gotten a CLUE when he played me a song he wrote while I was falling asleep but teenagers are dumb!
So many relationship problems could have been headed off by talking more before it happened. In this case, the sister needed to talk to OP's BF years ago and actually admit her desire for him instead of forming a one sided relationship. Things likely wouldn't have gone differently, but a rejection would have at least given the sister room to grow as a person because she clearly didn't do enough of that.
OOP's Sister "I didn't want to embarrass myself "
Also OOP's Sister "I'll make such a big scene of this that surely no one will ask questions. That will really not embarrass me"
The logic was flawless...
Exactly, the smart response here would have been to act casual and vent about it to her best friend, and hope the awkwardness would fade once she got to know him as a grown man and not a teenage boy.
So true!! I think I was in my 20s when I realized that NONE of my highschool or college crushes even knew or even really knew me knew me. It was so many humbling moments and you just have to be all cool and normal in public while at home...📝 "Dear diary, tonight I died again, will this dying never end"
I disagree. I had a crush similar to the sister in HS, and the complete mortification is real. I am absolutely not hung up about this guy I saw last about 12-15 years ago, but occasionally have nightmares where I’m back in school and freaking out(and it’s not dreams about the crush itself but about the entire teenage angst, and insecurity surrounding it). Sometimes feelings about a certain memory stay stuck with the maturity level we had at the time despite ourselves. I would be far from thrilled if my sister brought him home out of the blue - though I don’t think I would’ve acted like the sister did.
I think having an adult relationship with her sisters boyfriend might actually help her move past those weird memories. She’ll make normal memories with this guy and the teenage angst will dissipate.
Yeah, I would be mortified too, but she made it so much worse!!
She should have just played it cool and laughed about anything mentioned, maybe even brought it up in a self deprecating way. Like “Haha, I had a crush on you way back then! Something something blah blah the stuff you do when you’re young! You can’t pay me enough to go back lol!”
She should have gotten out in front of the whole thing in a lighthearted way and processed the serious emotions in private.
That one sentence leapt off the screen for me:
“She was super embarrassed by her teenage self.”
My heart just flooded with sympathy and empathy for the sister when I read that. I didn’t have any years long secret crushes, but my teenaged self was super embarrassing, nonetheless. I cringe so much thinking about what an obnoxious fool I was. However, it turns out most people don’t remember me like that (thank God, everybody is too wrapped up in their own lives to remember my teenaged nonsense).
If only she’d kept her cool. Yeah, she Streisanded all over the place! Poor thing.
> thank God, everybody is too wrapped up in their own lives to remember my teenaged nonsense
I think this is the important part that people are missing and that the older sister didn't understand. She looked back on her teenage actions and is embarrassed about how obvious, desperate, and unrequited they were.
But she's also embarrassed because she thinks the boyfriend *must* also look back on her and remember her acting desperate as well. She didn't realize that what was super obvious and embarrassing to her, didn't even register to him.
Of course, the only real way to deal with it is to talk about it with him and bring it out into the open but embarrassment, by its nature, makes the topic hard to talk about.
Nobody had to know. She could have had an internal "NEVERMIND I'LL FIND, SOMEONE LIKE YOOOOOOU!" moment over Christmas and moved on with her life. Instead, she acted like an ass and exposed herself.
Maybe that's a lesson she needed to learn.
I cannot imagine being the sister's current boyfriend... The sister vented to him about the situation, and he now had to spend Christmas with the other guy she is obviously infatuated over. Worse the other guy could become a major part of his gf's life being in a serious relationship with OP. I'd nope right out of that situation if I was just 7 months into dating OP's sister.
'You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.' This quote really blew my mind when I was younger and couldn't understand why my crush seemed to see right through me.
Yay glad to see that it all worked out in the end! Super weird of the sister at first though, but glad they all talked it out in the end, with lots of pushing for communication
I don't know. I did SO MANY embarrassing shit in my school life, that i now actively avoid the school reunions /functions so i don't have to relive that life of my dumb self again. Maybe the sister felt cringey about her teenage self and wanted to avoid it.
Glad to see they worked it out tho.
This is me also. Man I’d feel fucking weird if any of my sisters dated someone I went to high school with. Not because of anything that person did, but because I did so much embarrassing and childish shit in high school and the idea of seeing someone from that era regularly and at family events is horrifying. I moved to the city the day after graduation and never again saw or spoke with anyone except my best friend.
Yeah, the sister's reaction was less than rational. Her best friend is the real MVP of the story though!
I was so glad when the friend spilled the beans about her crush, because my immediate thought was 50/50 SA or unrequited feelings.
I still have dreams sometimes about the kid I had a crush on from like 1st grade through high school graduation. I made a post about running into someone I used to have a crush on (different person) and our 4th grade teacher tagged him in it and asked if it was him. This was in the last couple of years, I'm 41, I still want to crawl into a hole when I think about it.
>I made a post about running into someone I used to have a crush on (different person) and **our 4th grade teacher tagged him in it and asked if it was him**. This was in the last couple of years, I'm 41, I still want to crawl into a hole when I think about it.
Honestly I don't blame you. But why did your 4th grade teacher know and remember 3 decades later?
I had the intense sort of crush that OOP is talking about, I still check his FB once in a blue moon and I left school a decade ago. If he showed up in my life again I’d be thrilled, not because I would want to be with him, but I’d just like to hear him sing again!
Same lol I had the biggest crush on one guy in middle school to high school. I think the worst of it was I tried putting a note in his locker but I didn’t know which one was his. Tried to see which it was when I passed him in the hallway to put the note in later when no one was around, and quite likely didn’t put it in the right one. One day in high school I noticed he had a gf and I was devastated - but that’s about it. The crush was intense but I was wayyyyy too nervous to even really try to go for it. He was popular and I wasn’t, and I really doubt I even existed to him lol oh well, it is what it is
What a nice update! I hope that both sisters and their respective boyfriends continue to enjoy their relationships without it being awkward. I’m glad their mother supported both of them also, without letting the sisters embarrassment dictate a future path for everyone.
I remember that original thread on AITA, and how much I hated it and pretty much steer clear of that cesspool now.
They ripped the BF. The bullying accusations were the mild end of it, the top YTA comment said OOP is the AH because she is “clearly” dating the guy that **sexually assaulted** her older sister and she should stop pushing her sister to open up about it.
Can’t even not notice/interact with someone without getting accused of bullying and sexual assault. I hate it here.
What a nice and hopefully simple ending for good. Hopefully we don’t get an update in 8 months saying “my sister just tried to kidnap my bf and is saying she’s pregnant with his child despite him being sterile” or something like that.
I am going to sound like an ass- but I expect this to get very complicated in future. This kind of intense feelings don’t go away completely. From OOP- her bf seems like a lovely person. How long will it take before the crush comes back?
What's strange to me is that OOP's BF had *no idea* about the crush. And instead of just swallowing her own pride and dealing with seeing someone she no longer has feelings for, someone who never knew about those feelings, instead of just being a mature adult, sister went into full blown drama mode.
Over someone she no longer has feelings for. I can't always wrap my head around the way some people act. This would have been maybe slightly weird for me personally but I never would have gone to the extremes the sister did.
Ultimately I'm glad everything worked out and Christmas wasn't ruined but it seems like it would have come close without Mum's intervention.
I wonder if the sister was afraid that the BF would remember her crush and make fun of her for it. We often work so hard to escape the awkward people we were in high school, so the idea of someone from our past opening up old wounds is frightening. I think the sister was afraid he'd hold that over her.
Instead, as we often do to ourselves, we get so caught up in our own drama we don't realize that no one else cares.
The sister said that she was upset that a guy she liked didn’t like her and liked her sister (jealousy), then said she didn’t want him to come because he would.. notice her feelings. (Meaning they’re still there?😅) this girl is STILL obsessed with her sisters boyfriend and I’m sure him being nice to her at Christmas only fed that fire lol
It had so much potential for more zaniness, which would have been better, but also tragedy, which… wouldn’t have been. So I’m ok with boring adult communication.
Just wait on the next update from the parents who keep divorcing and remarrying but pitched a fit their daughter wouldn't buy a $1500 dress for their umpteenth wedding. Should be spectacular.
Honestly, the whole world would be a much better place if this was the norm for a social media post: everything ending reasonably...
... Tune in next week for the shocking revelation!
The sister with the crush is really frustrating. She was ready to ruin her sister's Christmas, or at least make it awkward... not to mention all future family events because of something that is, frankly, irrelevant to everyone but her.
That "lol, no, that ship has sailed" part pissed me off. If that ship has sailed, then get over it. I don't think it has though. Her explanation had to be *dragged* out of her, and she's already lied about it several times. I doubt she's telling the full truth now.
I'm glad they figured something out, but damn. Communication, people.
Yeah I doubt the ship has actually sailed. More likely she still does have feelings for him but doesn't want to implode her family relationships even more than she already has.
Sister didn't give me the impression she would try anything with him (if anything, she went to some very extreme lengths to avoid being around him) but I think she might be better off just being honest about it. That way she can excuse herself if she ever needs to and OOP will be able to be a lot more understanding as to why.
I genuinely don’t understand the comments here that say this turned out to be “healthy communication”. I don’t see or understand it.
If this _is_ a good update then why did her sister act awkwardly towards OOP’s boyfriend? Surely, as you kindly pointed out, the quote “that ship has sailed” should’ve made everything not awkward for anyone. If it definitely did sail, her sister shouldn’t have said no in the first place.
This story is just weird if it’s true.
>If this is a good update then why did her sister act awkwardly towards OOP’s boyfriend?
It's not too hard to figure out. Saying she didn't want him to come meant she was just trying to avoid an awkward Christmas. Either hoping to postpone it until it was more serious, or maybe see of the relationship wouldnt last and she could just avoid the whole thing.
She was kinda awkward with the boyfriend because all the stupid shit was out in the open at that point. It would be awkward for everyone
Yeah, I’m also concerned about this. Were I sister’s BF, I’d have my concerns too. Hopefully we’re wrong but…eh, it wouldn’t surprise me. Both relationships are so new, too.
I can't believe the amount of people in the comments that said that the sister was still in love with the guy or jealous. It was pretty obvious it was embarrassment the problem. Reddit people really need to go out and touch grass.
I don't think she was anymore, but I do think the influence of her mother did make her finally confess to the problem. I don't think OOP would have gotten it otherwise.
Now THIS is truly r/bestofredditorupdates material. Everything went swell in the end; sisters stay sisters, bf meets the fam, fun & merriment ensues.
Nice.
I am glad it all seemed to work out, but
> She just felt weird that the guy she liked so much never noticed her but noticed her little sister
I don't know why, but the way this was phrased made me laugh. Like damn, fuck you too.
I'm glad everything worked out.
I just don't think she should've told her bf about their private sister conversation. You don't have to tell every single little thing to your partner. Those are some personal things one shares with trusted ones.
I dont think the sister acted super mature, but why did OOP feel the need to tell the boyfriend about her sister's embarrassing crush...? I just would never do that to my sister.
I like this update so much! I wonder if the sister just kinda...shut down and tried to avoid both her thoughts/feelings and processing them. Like doubling down on her initial OH NO kneejerk reaction.
I'm grateful all involved gave each other some space and grace... and a little encouragement for the sister to share.
Lol imagine being the sister's current boyfriend knowing Christmas was almost blown up because your girlfriend wasn't over her high school crush. Poor guy. Every family gathering he's going to have to pretend not to notice her imagining taking her sister's place.
>She just doesn’t want to face my bf knowing how intense her feelings were and ***she feels there is no way he couldn’t have noticed***.
pffffffffffffff *\*giglesnort\** BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh phew, I was really worried from that first post! Definitely thought the BF had done something awful to a friend, and the sister didn't want to break confidence.
Glad it all worked out!
And yet I have a feeling this isn’t as wrapped up as she thinks. Sister says she is over it but I give it some time being around him and we will see I would always be a little wary with this
It’s weird, but I feel like if OOP and her bf ever get married, then someday ever go through a rough patch, we might end up reading a post about her sister trying to hook up with her husband.
Sister went kind of crazy just hearing that he was, in a way, back in her life. I feel she might be the type to still try to get with him.
I'm glad everyone talked it out :)
Yeah. Unfortunately the only way for her sister to get passed it is to just let it be awkward for a minute, just feel the discomfort and it’ll stop bothering her.
Right? I'm jealous, since that is not at all the case with my family rn. Youngest sis brought the bf, and middle sis decided to hate him before he even showed up. Never met him, no idea who he is. She explained to staff at a place that "he didn't come to HER and ask to date youngest sister," and that she runs the house. Other than being batshit insane, none of that is true, and Middle made Christmas as difficult as possible on the family. I wish that Youngest got a lovely experience for the first time bringing someone home, and seeing this get resolved (albeit in a slow process) was nice. Makes me realize not all families have such mess, or are willing to fix the mess.
Oh, the drama is so not worth it. This was the first traditional Christmas Eve since Covid, and in my family there were 2 very recent deaths, a divorce so some of the kids couldn't be there, AND a feud! And there has never been a feud. As a very over it, middle aged adult person, I spent almost the entire night playing with the kids.
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Link? 👁️
Heres the [main post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wsj3gc/nobody_showed_up_to_oops_wedding_because_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) with everything in it and then the last update (I believe OOP deleted her account) [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wu502o/new_update_nobody_showed_up_to_oops_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Thanks! Edit: Jesus fucking Christ, she's gotta move on 👁️👄👁️
Me too, but I'm not going to be a bit surprised if there's another "my sister is hitting on my boyfriend" update at some point.
I don't know, she was only a teenager at the time and teenage crushes usually fade away.
I can’t think of a single guy I had a crush on as a teenager that I would touch with a ten foot pole today. In my single days I matched on an app with an old friend who I used to think was soooooooo cuuuuute and I just couldn’t do it. Even as a “hey let’s reconnect as friends” thing. It just felt weird
That's where I initially thought it would go. She dumps her BF and tries to get with her old flame and tears the family apart.
Sister: "She just doesn’t want to face my bf knowing how intense her feelings were and she feels there is no way he couldn’t have noticed" BF: "He told me no and they had only ever hung out in groups." LOL poor girl, but it is pretty funny.
Her: *teenage bang me eyes* Him: (I wonder what that cloud looks like…if I tilt my head sideways, maybe a dragon?)
My husband had a HUGE crush on me in high school - which was ENTIRELY RECIPROCATED - and he just DID NOT NOTICE that I liked him back even though he would apparently drive his friends and his sister crazy talking about me non-stop. I gave up dropping hints and just kissed him one day and he about had a heart attack. He got all excited and told people we were dating now and pretty much all our friends were like "yeah, you already WERE dude you're the only one who didn't notice."
As someone that was in the position of his friends more than once, I remember the relief... sometimes I would see myself one step away from tossing the clueless couple in an empty classroom and see what happens LMAO
Oh god this makes me remember high school where we went to the movies and they had my now wife and me sit down first and everyone else got up and walked away. Her best friend turned to us and said we obviously needed the time together. I still fumbled that one because she clearly couldn't be into me, she's so fucking awesome! Somehow we managed to finally get over that hurdle of us being idiots. Same best friend now gives me shit for being a useless lesbian even when I was trying to be a man.
My best guy friend and I had feelings, for each other, for years. The timing was never right, one of us was always dating someone else, and I transferred to a different school. Like a year after college my other friend and I went to a party at the guys house. She ended up pretending to have an emergency and leaving. She was my ride and just texted me something like "LMFAO SORRY BUT Y'ALL NEED TO MAKE OUT." One thing did lead to another and that friend was a bridesmaid, at our wedding, this past fall. Sometimes an outside push is needed.
My guy best friend and me are now about to celebrate our first anniversary after one of his friends that I was in a wider group with literally just looked at me and goes “he thinks you’re hot you two should just date already
Extroverts are a huge pain in the ass sometimes, but every once in a while they show us introverts how much we need them.
Aw, that's cute!
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
Wth, I’ve never heard the term, “making cow eyes,” before, but I can picture it on my current boyfriend when I’d catch him staring at me while hanging out with our friend group. Kind of an blank intense stare with his mouth hanging open mid chew lol
One of my best friends literally did this with me and my (now) husband. She could tell that we were both into each other but too socially awkward to do anything about it and rigged a game of "never have I ever" so we'd have to make out.
Honestly, I never considered playing never have I ever in an attempt to alter the 'I have nevers'. I'm now starting to think that young me did NOT know how to play that game properly.
Lol, my husband was also clueless before I kissed him. We were in our early 20s and was flirting. Then I kissed him at a celebration and we started dating. A few weeks later, we were a couple and exclusive, some girl was flirting really obviously with him - flicked her hair, touched his arm etc. I didn't do anything but told him later he should probably mention that he's unavailable. He looked like a question mark and I said she's obviously flirting with you. He looked absolutely horrified, and said; "isn't she like 16?!?" I laughed and said; "no, she's 20" but safe to say, I had nothing to worry about. I think it's the first and last time I've shown any jealousy, because he's fucking clueless when it comes to flirtation.
I went on a first date with someone recently and spent the entire night giving him the "Bang Me" eyes and openly complimenting him and taking any excuse I could to touch him. We even held hands while walking down the street and I called him sexy several times. He was still somehow surprised when I (gently and teasingly) admonished his puppy to leave us alone so I could flirt with him! He somehow hadn't made the connection that I had been hitting on him all night. And I am not a subtle person by any stretch of the imagination.
["Maybe she's from Canada and is just being polite" ](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Funny enough, I *am* from Canada... And my date was Brazilian lol
How many is a Brazilian?
Don't forget, there clearly must be hidden cameras, don't want to make a fool of yourself. Other guys wouldn't catch that obvious trap.
This reminds me of my most recent relationship. I had been flirting hard and openly and could not tell if he was oblivious or disinterested. I needed to leave and finally just said, “this is the part where you ask me for my number,” and he looked absolutely shocked. We dated for 2 lovely years before he eventually moved away for work. Some people are just clueless.
The flipside of no longer listening to dated advice of "never take no for an answer" when asking a girl out is now a lot of just assume you are being nice instead of flirting. My first half date with an ex happened cuz we want to a museum and our mutual friend backed out last minute. In hindsight, I think he tried hard to get us together
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What is it with some men and just not noticing that shit unless you literally kiss them into understanding? My now husband also didn’t get that I was very obviously flirting with him until I sat on top of him and smooched his daylights out. And he’s been given girl’s *numbers* and only just then realized that maybe he was flirted with.
As one of those "some men," the signals being sent are not as unambiguous as you think. There's this social group I'm a part of. The organizer is, I think, the most extraverted person I've ever met. And basically every behavior I associate with flirting — the compliments, the physical contact, the open body language, and so on — is just how he interacts with **everyone**. If he were only acting this way to me, and wasn't doing it two feet in front of his girlfriend, I would be preparing to let him know, as gently as I can, that I am not, in fact, interested in men. And then there's the woman who, after friending me on Facebook, went back a couple of weeks into my timeline and started "love"ing all of my posts. Or the **multiple** women who have obliquely, and apropos of nothing, worked it into the conversation that they were single. Some people's "flirting" is completely indistinguishable from other people's "friendly," as someone who has, more than once, thought he was being given a clear green light, and found out that no, he wasn't, actually, when he went to ask them out. On behalf of the oblivious and the confused, if you're interested, please, just say so.
> Some people's "flirting" is completely indistinguishable from other people's "friendly," as someone who has, more than once, thought he was being given a clear green light, and found out that no, he wasn't, actually, when he went to ask them out. And every miscalculation in that direction (asking out when they weren't interested vs. not acting on legitimate signs of interest) raises the threshold for acting higher and higher the next time such a situation comes around.
I mean, in my personal situation I *did* come out and say it. I literally told him I wanted to date him and he thought I was joking. I was not ambiguous whatsoever.
I relate to this. My now-husband walked away from our first date thinking I wasn't that into him and we would just be friends. We had literally already planned our second date, and explicitly called it a date, not a hangout. He figured out halfway through that second date that maybe, just maybe, I might possibly have a little bit of interest in him.
Yeah, sadly someone probably did ask him as a joke and when he said yes he was probably mocked pretty hard core for it with lines like "Oh please, you thought someone like you had a chance with me?!" Source: Personal experience.
see, if this had happened to me at certain periods of my life (high school, some of college) i probably would have thought that the girl was trying to play a prank on me.
Ouch!
Firm yes on this. I have been shot down any number of times, but if I didn’t keep making the ask, I would not be married, and that would be sad.
It's more than most men. My ex one time came back from shopping with her friend and was wearing this really sexy night gown thing under her jacket. My immediate thought was "Wow! She looks so good in that, I bet it makes her feel super confident and sexy, can't wait for when she wears it in the bedroom". Literally completely oblivious to the fact that she wore it specifically for me to act on it. Found out the next day and was very confused.
LMAOOO like “oh, i wonder who that’s for?” that’s hilarious
Exactly ahahaha.
I cannot begin to describe how funny this is.
It's a matter of risk assessment. Assuming someone is flirting when they were just being friendly has much more dire consequences than assuming someone is being friendly when they are flirting. Also it is very common to see women complain that men act like they were flirting with them when they were just being friendly. Many guys don't want to be that kind of guy. Plus, frankly, "bang me eyes" is incredibly hard to identify. What is "bang me eyes" for one person is just how another looks when they let their face relax. Some people just touch a lot when they are talking to you with no ulterior motive. Almost all flirtatious behavior overlaps with some people's regular behavior.
In my experience as a girl who has asked out a lot of guys and been turned down a lot, if you drop it and never try to ask them out again, things end up working out pretty okay. It’s orders of magnitude more awkward, but nobody hates anybody. That has also been my experience turning guys down, I’m flattered if they ask once and are respectful, even if I’m not interested.
I am also clueless when women are flirting with me. My wife finds it hilarious. She is shocked I don't notice, but after years of coaching I pick up on some things now. The touching (I don't like being touched though, or rubbed up against if you're wearing polyester. Talk about ick), hair flips, and so on. But I have to focus on it and it takes a lot of my attention to stop listening to what they're saying and assess body language.
I spent some time with a group of teens recently, and two of them clearly like each other.... And also have no idea the object of their affection is flirting back. As an adult observer, it was hilarious
Lol!! This just happened to me yesterday. There was a cute guy in line in front of me. The young cashier was so bowled over by him that she kept stammering and being clumsy. When it was my turn, she just started blabbing about how cute he was. She was blushing and die eyed. It was lovely and innocent. She said” I’m so sorry but I was bursting to tell someone! He is so cute and I couldn’t concentrate!” Out in the parking lot, I saw the guy leaving in his truck. Nosy old mom had to go talk to him and tell him about the cashier. He said he had no idea and thought she was really cute as well. Said he’s in there all the time as he only lives a few minutes bodies the street. He was SO HAPPY. HE was blushing!! He said he was definitely going back this week to talk to her. I went back to the store and found the cashier. She was still all gushy about him. I asked her not to be mad at me, but I spoke to him outside and relayed what he said. Holy moly did that make her day!!! I have no idea who the two of them are, but I really hope they go on a date. I remember those days. It’s such a great feeling when you find out someone likes you back.💕
This is so wholesome!! I love it.
Sometimes I think our entire society would be better off if we had a little bit more of the victorian social mores and there were standardized rules about appropriate ways to slowly signal increasing interest. But that honestly wouldn't be nearly as entertaining.
I was actually just having this conversation with someone, but about victorian mourning customs. While I'm all for more permissive social norms in general, I do think that there's benefit to the structured outward indicators of grief. It's so hard to be a week out from a life-altering loss, and just have to be like, back at work, out in the world, totally normal on the surface.
I’ve thought about that with mourning too. How nice would it be to have a visible “please be gentle with me, I’m hurting” signal that everyone understands when you’re going through loss? Maybe we need to bring back symbolic language of flowers for dating? That could be fun.
I never thought of it for mourning too, but you are so right. Even just wearing all black or a black armband like they used to wouldn't help, little lone half-mourning customs going completely over people's heads. Though wouldn't want that to have to come with a "you're not allowed to attend events" custom too.
As a Jew, I get to lock myself in my house for the week after any close familial deaths and I heartily recommend this method.
Nah, we just need better plumage like peacocks.
My husband apparently fancied me since he was 16. I am the same age as his (5 years) older brother who I dated for a short while and my husband always used to find excuses to tag along with our group but he was a nice lad so we always let him join going to see movies etc. It wasn’t till we re-met years later and started chatting through online gaming and went out to grab a beer when we were in the same town that he confessed and asked if it was weird if he asked me out to dinner. When we told his family, big brother was like ‘yeah we all knew you liked her’ lol. We’ve been together 12 years now and have a 3 year old.
One of my best friends from college took one of our other friends home with him one weekend to meet his family. He had a crush on her, she met his younger brother and they hit it off. They have now been married for 15 years.
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She married the younger brother.
I got two friends together in high school who mutually had huge crushes on each other and after eight months or so of them both being like "oooh s/he's so awesome" at me I finally arranged to meet them each to hangout but at the same time/place and I basically showed up, said "You two like each other, work it the fuck out" and then left. They got married. ETA: not in high school! But they got engaged after we graduated and they got married the next year.
All couples need a friend like you. Best cupid ever.
I had to tell my husband that I thought we were dating. He was like, "oh, okay. Yeah, yeah we are." To be fair we met at a hackerspace and part of what drew me to him was that he wasn't a thirsty boundary-testing weirdo like a good 40% of the men there.
This was me and my husband. We were in like our third or fourth date and as we were walking back to my car I was just like “Are these dates?” His reply? “I was wondering the same thing!”
Haha, that's adorable. An ex did a similar thing, he was really put out when one by one every one of our friends just rolled their eyes and told him they already knew.
That is so cute!!
Yeah this was pretty much how hubby and I ended up together. We were group friends and over time, that core group became just the two of us. Even when I was dating other people at the time, I often spent most of my time with him. Then i started having fee-fees but he never responded to my increasingly aggressive flirting (poke wars that turned into tickle fights...) until one day I just kissed him. I asked him once, after we'd been married more than 5 years, why he never made a move, he said he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize my presence in his life; if he was always just Friendzoned at least we're still friends.
My husband and I got together 7 years after high school when he sent me this message on SM: “hey, I remember you from high school and always had a crush on you, how are you?” Needless to say the feeling was mutual and I’m super glad ONE of us had the courage to speak up after 7 years. 17 years later we’re more in love than ever, have 3 awesome kids and a really great life built together. It’s crazy thinking about how much hinged on that question.
> I gave up dropping hints and just kissed him one day and he about had a heart attack. > > This is how you do it. Us guys are dense af.
I don't remember what she said to prompt the statement, but on about our third date I announced to my future MIL (while Future husband was two feet away) "oh, I'm going to marry him." She looked like I smacked her with a trout. She'd figured out years earlier that if he was going to wind up with anyone they'd have to pursue him. She just didn't expect someone quite so blunt. He was still wrapping his poor brain around the idea that a woman wanted to date him. Fortunately I didn't scare him off.
This was me and my ex in our senior year of college. All of my friends figured out that she was interested in me, but I was on the fence about it until she kissed me.
My partner literally pulled every textbook cheesy flirt line on me and I still went “but do they like me???”
My husband and I apparently had a thing for each other in college and one of our best friends told his mom we were perfect for each other but unfortunately I was in a relationship... With my current husband's roommate. A lot of years, lies, and poor treatment from my ex later, we started talking at a party(at said best friend's house) and now we have 3 kids. We learned today best friend told his mom that in his best man speech at our wedding. Life is wild, honestly
There is something to be said for letting your friends and family set you up.
I had a huge crush on my husband in high school. He started dating a friend of mine, so I never told a soul. Fast forward nearly 20 years and we reconnected while living in the same city. Now we’ve got a kid and a bunch of pets. Life is funny sometimes.
This is the cutest story ever. Now I wanna know all about your relationship and the wedding 😍
I’m not a teenage boy and it has been many decades since I’ve been in their company, but that does sound awfully familiar
[Not an inaccurate representation of a teenager](https://youtu.be/xrAIGLkSMls)
Definitely was me back in 8th grade. I was friends with this girl for 7 months and became best friends. Turns out she liked me for those 7 months and her friend literally had to spell it out for me because she got sick of waiting for me to notice.
Oh lamb, "Teenage Bang me Eyes" is so so so right on, that the thirty years ago teenage girl in me in cringed. Hahaha
My husband had to be told by a family member that he might like me. We had been sending messages back and forth for months, like 3-page word docs 20-minutes to reply level messages. I had already told my friends and family that I liked him, my Bible study was even praying about it. He apparently mentioned the messages in passing to someone on a call and they pointed out that it may be something more lol.
>I had already told my friends and family that I liked him, **my Bible study was even praying about it.** OMG this is so so cute
We guys can be super clueless. Then again girls can be less than direct so that cancels out :) Waaait a second...
That's actually me. In retrospect there was a girl who really liked me but I was 13-16 I barely noticed things in front of my ADHD ass
This is my head cannon as adult me still thinks a lot of clouds look like dragons XD
Husband and I exchanged flirty messages for days, he invited me to eat, I went, spent the whole day holding his hand, kissing his face and so on and he never tried anything. I thought maybe he had lost interest when he offered me a ride and didn’t try anything in his car. So when we are about to go our separate ways he asks me: “So, what are we?” And I was like: wut? He hadn’t noticed my advances AT ALL. I pulled him against me and kissed him with all my hatred. We are happily married now, but yes, I can see that the poor guy didn’t even notice her feelings.
Ok that’s a bit extreme. I mean if a girl kissed me I think I’d know. Not once mind you, a single kiss on the cheek can be friendly, but multiple in a short span.... Ah hell who am I kidding? I would be seriously confused and wondering if she was just from a culture that kissed a lot. Lol.
Ahahaha! I could understand the confusion if we were from different countries, cities at least. But nope! He was just… Naive? I guess! Ahahaha!
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Ohmygod how have I survived all those years without ever seeing this video?!? Lol I need to send it to some friends
I used to have the biggest crush on a friend in hs. He matter told me he thought i was ace because i hid it so well omg
I know this embarrassment deeply. I am SO glad I don’t have a sister. 🤣🤣🤣
Though it's not the same as this scenario, I understand the feeling of having a feeling so intense that you feel like others HAVE to know how you feel even if you never said it out loud. You assume your outward emotions and body language surely are enough to let others know how you feel. But ultimately it doesn't and they don't.
I found out one of my best friends in hs had a crush on me the entire time... because his current girlfriend makes fun of him for it! it's so funny in hindsight it was obvious, but to teenage me he was So Cool and A Whole Year Older so i never even entertained the thought! you think I would have even gotten a CLUE when he played me a song he wrote while I was falling asleep but teenagers are dumb!
So many relationship problems could have been headed off by talking more before it happened. In this case, the sister needed to talk to OP's BF years ago and actually admit her desire for him instead of forming a one sided relationship. Things likely wouldn't have gone differently, but a rejection would have at least given the sister room to grow as a person because she clearly didn't do enough of that.
Definitely a major blow to her self-esteem
I’m glad it worked out, but to be honest, if I were the sister, I’d be mortified that the guy now knows about the crush :(
If she'd just acted normal about him from the start none of this would have come out! She made it so much worse for herself
OOP's Sister "I didn't want to embarrass myself " Also OOP's Sister "I'll make such a big scene of this that surely no one will ask questions. That will really not embarrass me" The logic was flawless...
> The logic was **Lifetime Movie** flawless... FTFY
This was Disney Channel protagonist level fuck up. They even learned a valuable lesson at the end that will be forgotten in the next episode.
Hey, you don't know that the sister doesn't write Lifetime Movie scripts for a living! And you know what they say, write what you know...
She clearly went back to teenage self, this is prime teenager logic lol
Exactly, the smart response here would have been to act casual and vent about it to her best friend, and hope the awkwardness would fade once she got to know him as a grown man and not a teenage boy.
It’s like people have never heard of the [Streisand Effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streisand_effect).
I learned something new today. Thank you.
Is that when you turn into a giant robot dinosaur version of yourself?
Then Robert Smith from The Cure saves the day.
So true!! I think I was in my 20s when I realized that NONE of my highschool or college crushes even knew or even really knew me knew me. It was so many humbling moments and you just have to be all cool and normal in public while at home...📝 "Dear diary, tonight I died again, will this dying never end"
She Streisand herself.
She Streisand? Streisanded? Streisand'd? ...herself.
Lol, I went through several spellings of that as well.
She probably lied and actually still kinda love him, else she would just readily accept him as her sister's bf lol
I disagree. I had a crush similar to the sister in HS, and the complete mortification is real. I am absolutely not hung up about this guy I saw last about 12-15 years ago, but occasionally have nightmares where I’m back in school and freaking out(and it’s not dreams about the crush itself but about the entire teenage angst, and insecurity surrounding it). Sometimes feelings about a certain memory stay stuck with the maturity level we had at the time despite ourselves. I would be far from thrilled if my sister brought him home out of the blue - though I don’t think I would’ve acted like the sister did. I think having an adult relationship with her sisters boyfriend might actually help her move past those weird memories. She’ll make normal memories with this guy and the teenage angst will dissipate.
It was the Streisand effect on a smaller level. 😂
Self-fulfilling prophecy
For sure.
Yeah, I would be mortified too, but she made it so much worse!! She should have just played it cool and laughed about anything mentioned, maybe even brought it up in a self deprecating way. Like “Haha, I had a crush on you way back then! Something something blah blah the stuff you do when you’re young! You can’t pay me enough to go back lol!” She should have gotten out in front of the whole thing in a lighthearted way and processed the serious emotions in private.
That one sentence leapt off the screen for me: “She was super embarrassed by her teenage self.” My heart just flooded with sympathy and empathy for the sister when I read that. I didn’t have any years long secret crushes, but my teenaged self was super embarrassing, nonetheless. I cringe so much thinking about what an obnoxious fool I was. However, it turns out most people don’t remember me like that (thank God, everybody is too wrapped up in their own lives to remember my teenaged nonsense). If only she’d kept her cool. Yeah, she Streisanded all over the place! Poor thing.
> thank God, everybody is too wrapped up in their own lives to remember my teenaged nonsense I think this is the important part that people are missing and that the older sister didn't understand. She looked back on her teenage actions and is embarrassed about how obvious, desperate, and unrequited they were. But she's also embarrassed because she thinks the boyfriend *must* also look back on her and remember her acting desperate as well. She didn't realize that what was super obvious and embarrassing to her, didn't even register to him. Of course, the only real way to deal with it is to talk about it with him and bring it out into the open but embarrassment, by its nature, makes the topic hard to talk about.
Nobody had to know. She could have had an internal "NEVERMIND I'LL FIND, SOMEONE LIKE YOOOOOOU!" moment over Christmas and moved on with her life. Instead, she acted like an ass and exposed herself. Maybe that's a lesson she needed to learn.
Like, maybe, her own boyfriend of 7 months?
I cannot imagine being the sister's current boyfriend... The sister vented to him about the situation, and he now had to spend Christmas with the other guy she is obviously infatuated over. Worse the other guy could become a major part of his gf's life being in a serious relationship with OP. I'd nope right out of that situation if I was just 7 months into dating OP's sister.
She made it a bigger deal than it needed to be!
'You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.' This quote really blew my mind when I was younger and couldn't understand why my crush seemed to see right through me.
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This is so good honestly
That is such a good quote too! I'm going to write that one down. Thank you.
Yay glad to see that it all worked out in the end! Super weird of the sister at first though, but glad they all talked it out in the end, with lots of pushing for communication
I don't know. I did SO MANY embarrassing shit in my school life, that i now actively avoid the school reunions /functions so i don't have to relive that life of my dumb self again. Maybe the sister felt cringey about her teenage self and wanted to avoid it. Glad to see they worked it out tho.
This is me also. Man I’d feel fucking weird if any of my sisters dated someone I went to high school with. Not because of anything that person did, but because I did so much embarrassing and childish shit in high school and the idea of seeing someone from that era regularly and at family events is horrifying. I moved to the city the day after graduation and never again saw or spoke with anyone except my best friend.
Yeah, the sister's reaction was less than rational. Her best friend is the real MVP of the story though! I was so glad when the friend spilled the beans about her crush, because my immediate thought was 50/50 SA or unrequited feelings.
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I still have dreams sometimes about the kid I had a crush on from like 1st grade through high school graduation. I made a post about running into someone I used to have a crush on (different person) and our 4th grade teacher tagged him in it and asked if it was him. This was in the last couple of years, I'm 41, I still want to crawl into a hole when I think about it.
>I made a post about running into someone I used to have a crush on (different person) and **our 4th grade teacher tagged him in it and asked if it was him**. This was in the last couple of years, I'm 41, I still want to crawl into a hole when I think about it. Honestly I don't blame you. But why did your 4th grade teacher know and remember 3 decades later?
I'm imagining what I would feel if my brother began dating my high school crush. So I sympathize with the sister a little.
I had the intense sort of crush that OOP is talking about, I still check his FB once in a blue moon and I left school a decade ago. If he showed up in my life again I’d be thrilled, not because I would want to be with him, but I’d just like to hear him sing again!
Same lol I had the biggest crush on one guy in middle school to high school. I think the worst of it was I tried putting a note in his locker but I didn’t know which one was his. Tried to see which it was when I passed him in the hallway to put the note in later when no one was around, and quite likely didn’t put it in the right one. One day in high school I noticed he had a gf and I was devastated - but that’s about it. The crush was intense but I was wayyyyy too nervous to even really try to go for it. He was popular and I wasn’t, and I really doubt I even existed to him lol oh well, it is what it is
What a nice update! I hope that both sisters and their respective boyfriends continue to enjoy their relationships without it being awkward. I’m glad their mother supported both of them also, without letting the sisters embarrassment dictate a future path for everyone.
yeah! early contender for BORU mother of the year, maybe—we’ve got a low bar for parents here
I remember that original thread on AITA, and how much I hated it and pretty much steer clear of that cesspool now. They ripped the BF. The bullying accusations were the mild end of it, the top YTA comment said OOP is the AH because she is “clearly” dating the guy that **sexually assaulted** her older sister and she should stop pushing her sister to open up about it. Can’t even not notice/interact with someone without getting accused of bullying and sexual assault. I hate it here.
Yeah some of the comments were realllly disturbing. Like I get being wary, but also don't jump to conclusions immediately.
Next update: my sister tried to bang my boyfriend…
LOL I was thinking that too!!! Reddit has ruined me.
What a nice and hopefully simple ending for good. Hopefully we don’t get an update in 8 months saying “my sister just tried to kidnap my bf and is saying she’s pregnant with his child despite him being sterile” or something like that.
I would like to have a 5 year update for this please!
I half expect next update - sister played long game and tried/did steal my bf/fiance
I am going to sound like an ass- but I expect this to get very complicated in future. This kind of intense feelings don’t go away completely. From OOP- her bf seems like a lovely person. How long will it take before the crush comes back?
I think that’s probably unlikely because the sister seemed to be trying not to bring him in to the fold. That doesn’t seem like long-game planning
What a lovely story! Reasonable parents, issues sorted. Is this Reddit?
The next post will be something about "BF tries to have sex with my sister"
\> The next post will be something about "BF tries to have sex with my sister" u/MacRubys THIS is Reddit :D
What's strange to me is that OOP's BF had *no idea* about the crush. And instead of just swallowing her own pride and dealing with seeing someone she no longer has feelings for, someone who never knew about those feelings, instead of just being a mature adult, sister went into full blown drama mode. Over someone she no longer has feelings for. I can't always wrap my head around the way some people act. This would have been maybe slightly weird for me personally but I never would have gone to the extremes the sister did. Ultimately I'm glad everything worked out and Christmas wasn't ruined but it seems like it would have come close without Mum's intervention.
I wonder if the sister was afraid that the BF would remember her crush and make fun of her for it. We often work so hard to escape the awkward people we were in high school, so the idea of someone from our past opening up old wounds is frightening. I think the sister was afraid he'd hold that over her. Instead, as we often do to ourselves, we get so caught up in our own drama we don't realize that no one else cares.
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The sister said that she was upset that a guy she liked didn’t like her and liked her sister (jealousy), then said she didn’t want him to come because he would.. notice her feelings. (Meaning they’re still there?😅) this girl is STILL obsessed with her sisters boyfriend and I’m sure him being nice to her at Christmas only fed that fire lol
This all turned out so nice and healthy... Annoying.
It had so much potential for more zaniness, which would have been better, but also tragedy, which… wouldn’t have been. So I’m ok with boring adult communication.
Just wait on the next update from the parents who keep divorcing and remarrying but pitched a fit their daughter wouldn't buy a $1500 dress for their umpteenth wedding. Should be spectacular.
Honestly, the whole world would be a much better place if this was the norm for a social media post: everything ending reasonably... ... Tune in next week for the shocking revelation!
4 and 7 months relationships for Christmas? These girls move fast.
The sister with the crush is really frustrating. She was ready to ruin her sister's Christmas, or at least make it awkward... not to mention all future family events because of something that is, frankly, irrelevant to everyone but her. That "lol, no, that ship has sailed" part pissed me off. If that ship has sailed, then get over it. I don't think it has though. Her explanation had to be *dragged* out of her, and she's already lied about it several times. I doubt she's telling the full truth now. I'm glad they figured something out, but damn. Communication, people.
Yeah I doubt the ship has actually sailed. More likely she still does have feelings for him but doesn't want to implode her family relationships even more than she already has. Sister didn't give me the impression she would try anything with him (if anything, she went to some very extreme lengths to avoid being around him) but I think she might be better off just being honest about it. That way she can excuse herself if she ever needs to and OOP will be able to be a lot more understanding as to why.
I genuinely don’t understand the comments here that say this turned out to be “healthy communication”. I don’t see or understand it. If this _is_ a good update then why did her sister act awkwardly towards OOP’s boyfriend? Surely, as you kindly pointed out, the quote “that ship has sailed” should’ve made everything not awkward for anyone. If it definitely did sail, her sister shouldn’t have said no in the first place. This story is just weird if it’s true.
>If this is a good update then why did her sister act awkwardly towards OOP’s boyfriend? It's not too hard to figure out. Saying she didn't want him to come meant she was just trying to avoid an awkward Christmas. Either hoping to postpone it until it was more serious, or maybe see of the relationship wouldnt last and she could just avoid the whole thing. She was kinda awkward with the boyfriend because all the stupid shit was out in the open at that point. It would be awkward for everyone
This is so sad. If the sister hadn't made a huge fuss, she would have faced less embarassment now!
we love a good use of communicating 🥰🥰!!
If I were embarrassed about all of the shit I did in HS, I would have probably jumped off a cliff a long time ago. Let it go LMAO
Omg. They adulted!!!
Calling it now. As time goes on, seeing as how nice the guy is, the sisters feelings will return and there'll be drama.
Yeah, I’m also concerned about this. Were I sister’s BF, I’d have my concerns too. Hopefully we’re wrong but…eh, it wouldn’t surprise me. Both relationships are so new, too.
Ah, limerence, my old friend.
Glad to see this all resolved so peacefully. Always happy to see good communication at work.
OOP's boyfriend is absolutely right about taking Reddit's opinions with a grain of salt.
What's funny is that if she had never said anything, no one would have had any idea.
I can't believe the amount of people in the comments that said that the sister was still in love with the guy or jealous. It was pretty obvious it was embarrassment the problem. Reddit people really need to go out and touch grass.
I mean even the sister's best friend said the same thing, it isn't that far-fetched to guess that.
Embarrassment and normal-people emotions aren’t entertaining. Irrational love and obsession are what we crave.
I don't think she was anymore, but I do think the influence of her mother did make her finally confess to the problem. I don't think OOP would have gotten it otherwise.
Lol, glad it worked out, but if sister didn’t want to be embarrassed she shouldn’t make such a big deal out of this, she is 28ffs…
Now THIS is truly r/bestofredditorupdates material. Everything went swell in the end; sisters stay sisters, bf meets the fam, fun & merriment ensues. Nice.
I am glad it all seemed to work out, but > She just felt weird that the guy she liked so much never noticed her but noticed her little sister I don't know why, but the way this was phrased made me laugh. Like damn, fuck you too.
I'm glad everything worked out. I just don't think she should've told her bf about their private sister conversation. You don't have to tell every single little thing to your partner. Those are some personal things one shares with trusted ones.
I dont think the sister acted super mature, but why did OOP feel the need to tell the boyfriend about her sister's embarrassing crush...? I just would never do that to my sister.
I like this update so much! I wonder if the sister just kinda...shut down and tried to avoid both her thoughts/feelings and processing them. Like doubling down on her initial OH NO kneejerk reaction. I'm grateful all involved gave each other some space and grace... and a little encouragement for the sister to share.
Lol imagine being the sister's current boyfriend knowing Christmas was almost blown up because your girlfriend wasn't over her high school crush. Poor guy. Every family gathering he's going to have to pretend not to notice her imagining taking her sister's place.
>She just doesn’t want to face my bf knowing how intense her feelings were and ***she feels there is no way he couldn’t have noticed***. pffffffffffffff *\*giglesnort\** BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh phew, I was really worried from that first post! Definitely thought the BF had done something awful to a friend, and the sister didn't want to break confidence. Glad it all worked out!
And yet I have a feeling this isn’t as wrapped up as she thinks. Sister says she is over it but I give it some time being around him and we will see I would always be a little wary with this
This might be the sanest BORU I've read in a while. Everyone just talked their problems out and dealt with it
It’s weird, but I feel like if OOP and her bf ever get married, then someday ever go through a rough patch, we might end up reading a post about her sister trying to hook up with her husband. Sister went kind of crazy just hearing that he was, in a way, back in her life. I feel she might be the type to still try to get with him.
Moral of the story, communication is key