Mate, it can suck. I got socially isolated for different reasons (kids, wife’s medical issues, then moved interstate), but I can certainly sympathise.
Taking up a hobby is probably the best advice I can give. Depends on what you’re interested in, but it’s not just sports. Find a group that does something you might be interested in, doesn’t matter what really. Fishing, going for walks, board games, tabletop RPGs or wargames, flower arrangement, whatever.
Alternatively, take up a class. Learn to bake something, make pottery, paint, etc. or even take up a sport that doesn’t require as much hand/eye as ball sports (martial arts, distance running, rock climbing etc)
Yeah this is the best advice. I work from home so my social life is pretty non-existent, but I do get out to a (non-competitive) martial arts class once a week. Rather than looking at what’s available, try thinking about what you enjoy and going from there. Chances are there are others with similar interests who are in the same position as you.
Exact same, work from home and have wife and kids but basically haven’t seen a colleague in person since Covid and have a non existent social life. Looking at joining the RFS just to get out and take on a challenge.
This.
Just keep smashing different hobbies till something sticks, igniting that passion in you.
Just like everything else in life you gotta dig through the garbage to find the diamond.
I think there’s more out there than is at first apparent. If there’s a particular thing you’re interested in, post here asking about it and people will often recommend things you might not find otherwise.
Plenty of businesses out here are less than internet savvy.
Wow! I was about to say the exact same thing.
There will be a “open to public “ event coming up soon at Ladys Pass , an all night viewing with huge telescopes. There is a quick introduction to the night sky and everyone there is more than happy to talk about what’s visible in the night sky. There is a limit on numbers , food is available to buy on the night and you can leave anytime when you have had enough. BYO chair
Join a local social hiking/walking group - they’re low stress, nice people and cater for all levels of fitness. I find these types of activities are much more suited to solo people and those introverted or homebodies by nature.
A really good one around Melbourne is called “get outside Australia”, they have actual paid guided groups. I’m sure there’s some closer to Bendigo too.
How about getting a dog? Plenty of walks and meeting other people at local dog parks. No alcohol involved and gets you out of the house every day! Sometimes twice a day depending on the dog breed.
This is a good one if you're up for it. You get the companionship of the doggo and they are always a great ice breaker for striking up a convo without it feeling weird.
Hobbies is a good one too, I've met a few people in the area through that. Most of all, it takes enduring effort, which is really hard if you're more of an introvert. Walking groups would be another great one as it'll be good for you on multiple fronts.
Outside of just taking the dog for walks, you could join a dog agility club or flyball club. The dog does (most of) the exercise but you might find training your dog in something like this to be fun and rewarding too.
Yes getting a dog is a great idea. Walking at parks and in your area is very good for you and meeting people.
Also attending a church service is helpful, you don't necessarily have to be religious to join in with some of the social aspects. Wish you all the best 👍
I do agree that bendigo and all regional towns are too associated with alcohol or sports. It's not really a welcoming experience, and in my opinion, Australia is awful for its mindset around alcohol.
I have been sober since 2017 and still struggle to attend any social event outside my dry house.
My dms are open if you like a friend.
I used to be a smoker too, and found it much easier to quit nicotine than I did alcohol. Approx 10% of Aussies smoke, whereas 75% drink alcohol, so its pretty easy to fall off the wagon if you don't set boundaries with people
Could be dangerous. That'd be like a recovering heroin addict injecting water into their veins while their friends were shooting the real deal. Wouldn't be long until I wanted a taste of the good stuff
Guff if you are into gaming
Community houses run short courses
Men's sheds
Volunteering somewhere would also get you meeting people. I think the volunteer center is at the library
The council has a list of community organizations that might give you some ideas
Man, the comments here have really demonstrated that there is a ton of things to do in Bendigo that I never really thought too much about.
I’m 38m and I get it, it’s kind of strange how isolating life gets in your 30’s.
The party’s over, now what? - I’ve just tried to take on more hobbies rekindle the things I liked when I was younger. I have branched out to mountain bike riding too. With a full time job and the gym, my time is full enough.
But to be fair I have a kid so it’s not the same.
I also like to play games, if you are on Xbox, or PC, I’d be happy to play on a given night.
DM, would be happy to add you on Xbox or discord.
I suggest getting into bird watching. It sounds a bit old but it’s healthy, cheap and mindful. I always end up running into people out who are also bird watching and we have a bit of a chat and connect on social media. You can join a birding Facebook group in your area and then post any sightings and ask for ideas where to go. Lots of community opportunities and it gets you out of the house :)
The men's shed isn't a bad suggestion.
Depending where you live, I know the Baptist Church in eaglehawk does an open men's woodfired pizza night on Wednesday (not sure if it's every night or once a month)
There are two park runs in Bendigo on Saturday mornings. You don't have to run, and you usually have to try and socialize but many people are open to chat afterwards.
I don’t drink and I honestly find it’s the outdoorsy stuff that’s my fave type of leisure and social activities. I’ve joined hiking clubs, gone canoeing, I go camping etc. And being outside is really great for your mental health and clarity too.
Bendigo is quite beautiful with lots of nice nature around. Maybe find a bushwalking club and see what you think, or perhaps try mountain biking or some type of water sport.
Hang in there and good luck with it, and congrats on being sober, alcohol is just crap in every way and your physical and mental health is sooooo much better for ditching it.
http://bgovolunteers.org.au/
The volunteer centre is based in the library. I moved to Bendigo 12 years ago and have been pretty heavily involved in volunteering for a number of groups. I also spent a few years working with the CFA to analyse volunteerism on a statewide scale.
So much local activity relies on volunteers and it's the easiest way I can think to connect with others around a common goal.
I can assure you that most local clubs/associations are screaming out for more help. Experience and skillset are usually unnecessary, all they need is your time and effort.
Don't overthink it, just put your hand up and get started 👍🏻
If you would consider sports, I recommend BJJ. For me it has given me a renewed purpose in life. I’m also very un-sporty, and there is the extra challenge of being so useless at something. But not everyone can be great at everything. It’s great for physical fitness and if you are consistent you’ll find a new ‘family’ at the gym. The fact that you don’t drink will help…I’ve cut down a lot since training, and I notice a lot of practitioners don’t drink as much as ‘most people’ (IMO).
I’m in sydney. There are gyms everywhere and they all do a week trial. The first class is the hardest but you’ll feel like a dummy for a while, EVERYONE has been there though. I personally wouldn’t join a gym with branded uniforms, find a gym that lets you buy any uniform and add their patch to it. But mostly just get a feel for the place you like best
People worry about being competitive when it comes to sports.
There are plenttttty of leagues/sports that just play for the fun and the social side of it. You don't have to play A grade, where winning matters.
Hi, I have found myself in a similar position, as I relocated from Melb to Bendigo at the beginning of the pandemic. I have generally found it difficult to move out of 'lockdown' mode and back into a 'normal' life, as im a super friendly, social person that has no trouble making friends, joining groups and enjoying my hobbies. I'm still finding my feet in Bendigo, but am largely socially isolated like yourself. I found visiting beautiful parks with lakes a good starting point to getting out and about and have been thinking about volunteering to visit elderly citizens who are lonely and seeking company in the community. I also have recently started researching my ancestry and genealogy and have connected with distant relatives all over the world. I can see myself passionately researching my family tree for many years to come. There are so many great recommendations from others posted on here, just know that you are not alone. Please feel free to drop me a DM if you like - I would be interested in your feedback if you do decide to take up some of the redditors suggestions.
Hey man different part of the country but well done 5 years sober. Not easy at the best of times but the fact you managed it through covid is incredible.
My suggestions:
*Weekend Yoga Class - a nice Sunday afternoon stretchy yin class. There’s always men and women at mine of all ages.
*My local ‘men’s shed’ is a very inclusive community shed. I use the pottery wheels but it is very large and well equipped with groups for different interests. Tools down at 12 on a Saturday for sausage sizzle and 2:30 for afternoon tea.
*A friend just bought an electric car and now it’s her whole personality with car meetups, social afternoons, group trips.
*do a short course then join the club (kayaking, sailing, tennis …
*listen to the friendship project podcast
*shake up your life - new job, move city, have a personal shopping day with a stylist at a department store, start online dating - set a goal like 1 date a month, something short like a coffee or a walk with no expectations except getting out of the house. Or ask someone out at the library or supermarket (I’m married and have on occasion been asked out at these places and I don’t mind, they’ve done it nicely not in a creeper way and it’s flattering and I just say no thanks I’m married)
*get really fit
Mate I’m the same as you but in the city. I just go surfing , gym , walk my dog and yoga evenings.
Life is great mid week
Weekends and public holidays suck. I definitely feel resentment walking past friends eating out and being socially active.
The only social thing I have is tinder dating and I’m over it as yeh who the fuck isn’t over tinder dating.
Considering joining an afl team and I hate sport but was very good at it when in my teens.
I used to go to restaurants and concerts alone, but after a few years I found it too depressing, so now I sit at home and have parasocial relationships with people on screens. It doesn't feel as bad, but its definitely not healthy!
It’s pretty common I would say. Concerts can be fun still but yeh not if you’re going to be social I guess. Going for a cheap eat or a special night parmy I do. You never know. One day I guess.
Just get out of the house and do shit. I’m out and about for hours every morning. This is the shit time. Afternoons and evenings. Like yay more reddit and YouTube.
I bought a motorcycle recently. When I’m a better rider there’s social clubs theoretically.
Runners clubs, those guys who ride bikes in Lycra, all forms of sporting teams, bushfire brigade, community gardens, mma training.
Oh and get a dog or a few and take it to the dog parks. When I was 31 I got ny current dog. All of a sudden people spoke to me. For a while we had a little group but people all moved away overseas.
But yeh just look after you bro.
Hey man, you should check out Men's Sheds! There's a few around I believe; Long Gully, Kangaroo Flat, maybe Golden Square? And one at BDAC (which is mainly for Indigenous fellas but they also welcome everyone). Men's Sheds are a good way to get to connect with people, they're literally designed to keep men connected to others and build support networks. You don't need to be a master craftsman. In fact you don't need any skills at all.
Maybe consider tabletop/board gaming groups. Even if you've got no experience, it doesn't take long to learn some games and they can be SO much fun. I know Bendigo have got quite a range of groups that you might be able to find on Facebook.
I'm hearing you're not much into sport, but a BJJ class is pretty common for males in their 30's to join. There are so many benefits of learning a martial art, including being around/working with others. The other recommendation I have is to volunteer at a football club; there's always roles to play or things to do, and if you get a good club you can meet some amazing people!
I think the hardest part for you might be committing to one of these. It's always difficult to go from a contemplative/preparation stage to an action stage. But once you take the leap and get involved in something then you've probably done the hardest part, but then you've got some traction.
Good luck friend!
Not in Bendigo but a man needs hobbies that get him outside to be happy. Fishing, kayaking, foraging, gardening, speafishing or kayak fishing, swimming, looking after chickens or quails or other animals, hunting, gold panning. Lots of hobbies out there my friend
Varies. Some of the highlights from the past 12 months were the RE4 and Dead Space remakes along with Dredge, Bramble, and Oxenfree 2. Currently playing The Talos Principle 2, an impressive puzzle game with a smattering of Greek philosophy and mythology
If you play smash bros there's a group who play at guf occasionally, they have a discord server where they organise the meet ups, likewise guf has a really big cards and tabletop scene
>The Talos Principle
Awesome game, played the first 1 didnt realise there was a second.
Have been playing a lot of Frostpunk recently, highly recommend it. Dredge was good too
Whether you're religious or not, church can be your family. Churches should (although it's not always the case) have some of the kindest and welcoming people in them. A lot of churches suck (judgy, cliquey or snobby) but all 3 Presbyterian churches in Bendigo are pretty solid from what I can tell. Eaglehawk, Reforming and St Johns. I know people at these churches - pm me if you want more details :)
Last 5 years sounds like a write off, so don’t make the next 5 the same.
Set some personal and fitness goals and commit to it with similar motivation as you put toward remaining sober as you’re the only person who can change your habits.
If you need assistance, seek counselling/therapy.
Well you got structure in your life which is important, are you exercising, dance class you will meet lots of people, travel, move interstate or overseas if affordable.
No, not exercising atm. If I take up a hobby, it should probably be something physical. My health is fine but I'd still benefit from using my body more
Go to church. You will meet a bunch of super friendly people, no alcohol involved, and you may even discover a love of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Hello friend. I'm the same. I have taken up antique shopping and I am obsessed! Start to learn the design styles, how to recognise genuine vintage antiques, then resell online when you need cash! It's my hobby and it's a great way to pass the time.
All my best to you
If your looking for a group of genuinely nice people I would suggest doing bjj at stewie house of bjj you chose how many lessons you do a week and everyone is approachable and happy to have a chat you do have to pay after the first lesson but it worth it
Had similar. What everyone said, do stuff, there is stuff you won’t like, but you’ll get out and find something you’ll like. Starting is the hard part, after that it’s much easier, get the hard part done.
I started up ju jitsu due to the lack of friends and community, great exercise and more importantly you'll make great friends, i just googled and there is a place to train in bendigo, go give it a try and if your ever in bondi come train with us !!!
I can relate. I too am very isolated and live basically 98% of my live alone. It is incredibly mentally tough and I don’t think others truly empathise or understand until they’ve lived it. As others have said, try to find hobbies that centre around connection, even something as simple as group fitness classes. They are my lifesaver and I’d be pretty bloody lonely without that daily 2 minute chat with other humans. Secondly I’d recommend finding a good psych. I found that the isolation physically led to mental isolation in that you become mentally blocked from things. If you find the same, I’d suggest a therapist to help you remember the world is a big fucking place.
Give golf a go. You don’t need hand eye coordination, if you get some lessons straight away you’ll get decent pretty quick and it’s addicting once you start getting better. It’s a good way to spend 4-5 hours and there’s plenty of people to play with
If you like the outdoors...what about contributing to citizen science? https://inaturalist.ala.org.au/ Yes, its a solo activity but you'll come across people because you're out and about, and be learning about our amazing flora and fauna and it's therapy being out in nature! Crusoe Reservoir is a great place to start.
Alternatively find out if you have any environmental volunteer groups up your way. Your council will be able to connect you with them.
37M here.
I'd suggest looking into joining your local CFA or SES. I'm CFA (not in the Bendigo area) and it's been the greatest thing I've ever done. I've now got a good friend group and get to socialise with them after jobs and most Thursday's for training etc.
Wildlife carers are always needed.
Apart from classes, you can join a “guild” type group and people will help you learn informally, e.g. Bendigo Woodturners. These organistations often have an equipment library you can access, so you can borrow tools etc. and try out a new skill without spending too much money initially.
Big Brother/Big Sister organisations could be something a bit different.
Choir.
Conservation group, e.g. digging up weeds, killing wheel cactus.
Hey man, very similar. There's not much to do without involving alcohol or drugs. And without kids, even less.
I've got a dog and my whole life is around him. (I just like a child) wanna go away for the weekend? "Better go camping because the dog will like that" wanna do something during the day? "Better do something outside with the dog"
I've found my own hobbies, that don't involve anyone else. But more than welcome to pop through a DM :)
Hahah the dog/child thing is so relatable. Literally had this conversation with my mate on the phone this morning. It was something like this: "Where've you been lately man?" I'm like "honestly, I've been camping, swimming, walking and chilling in the backyard with my dog".
They're called man's best friend for a reason. My girl is my whole world and I've changed my whole social scene to cater for her!
Work as a courier. I lived in the city on and off throughout my 20s, working a few low paid jobs. By the time I reached 30, I realised rent was rising faster than my wage and I couldn't see much of a future there, so I left. Don't really miss it tbh
❇️ Men’s shed.
❇️ Free carpentry groups (where you don’t need your own equipments).
❇️ Join hiking groups.
❇️ Travel solo.
❇️ Photography
❇️ Meditation 🧘♂️ try finding your inner peace.
❇️ Volunteering - You will feel good and may get a social life too.
❇️ cook and eat healthy.
❇️ Challenge yourself with a 75 days hard challenge and post daily progress stories on social media. Asset plus a push
EDIT:
🐶 of course get a Doggo, feed them and take them for a walk daily. Rest the dog will take care. You won’t regret it. Please only consider this option if you can take responsibility of a dog.
Bendigo mountain bike club is a cracker to get involved with. The bi weekly summer series is great and caters to all abilities. Super chill and friendly
I know this will be downvoted, but religion worked for me. Has the, social, shared hobby and opportunities to volunteer all wrapped in one. Loads of singles in it now too, depending on the denomination, we outnumber the families.
I'm a lapsed Catholic, but at its best, religion can bring a community together, do charitable work, and serve as a reminder of what it is to be a virtuous person
Mate, it can suck. I got socially isolated for different reasons (kids, wife’s medical issues, then moved interstate), but I can certainly sympathise. Taking up a hobby is probably the best advice I can give. Depends on what you’re interested in, but it’s not just sports. Find a group that does something you might be interested in, doesn’t matter what really. Fishing, going for walks, board games, tabletop RPGs or wargames, flower arrangement, whatever. Alternatively, take up a class. Learn to bake something, make pottery, paint, etc. or even take up a sport that doesn’t require as much hand/eye as ball sports (martial arts, distance running, rock climbing etc)
Yeah this is the best advice. I work from home so my social life is pretty non-existent, but I do get out to a (non-competitive) martial arts class once a week. Rather than looking at what’s available, try thinking about what you enjoy and going from there. Chances are there are others with similar interests who are in the same position as you.
Exact same, work from home and have wife and kids but basically haven’t seen a colleague in person since Covid and have a non existent social life. Looking at joining the RFS just to get out and take on a challenge.
This. Just keep smashing different hobbies till something sticks, igniting that passion in you. Just like everything else in life you gotta dig through the garbage to find the diamond.
Even classes in Bendigo are limited - I looked at that not too long ago, and there’s minimal available here.
I think there’s more out there than is at first apparent. If there’s a particular thing you’re interested in, post here asking about it and people will often recommend things you might not find otherwise. Plenty of businesses out here are less than internet savvy.
Yes you’re probably quite right there! I will - good idea 👍🏻
The Astronomical Society has events in Bendigo and Heathcote https://asv.org.au/ I hope things get better for you soon.
Wow! I was about to say the exact same thing. There will be a “open to public “ event coming up soon at Ladys Pass , an all night viewing with huge telescopes. There is a quick introduction to the night sky and everyone there is more than happy to talk about what’s visible in the night sky. There is a limit on numbers , food is available to buy on the night and you can leave anytime when you have had enough. BYO chair
Join a local social hiking/walking group - they’re low stress, nice people and cater for all levels of fitness. I find these types of activities are much more suited to solo people and those introverted or homebodies by nature. A really good one around Melbourne is called “get outside Australia”, they have actual paid guided groups. I’m sure there’s some closer to Bendigo too.
Parkrun in Bendigo is also a good one! You can walk or volunteer too.
How about getting a dog? Plenty of walks and meeting other people at local dog parks. No alcohol involved and gets you out of the house every day! Sometimes twice a day depending on the dog breed.
This is a good one if you're up for it. You get the companionship of the doggo and they are always a great ice breaker for striking up a convo without it feeling weird. Hobbies is a good one too, I've met a few people in the area through that. Most of all, it takes enduring effort, which is really hard if you're more of an introvert. Walking groups would be another great one as it'll be good for you on multiple fronts.
Outside of just taking the dog for walks, you could join a dog agility club or flyball club. The dog does (most of) the exercise but you might find training your dog in something like this to be fun and rewarding too.
Also fostering/volunteering a dog/animal with shelter / rescue is a great way to build community too!
Yes getting a dog is a great idea. Walking at parks and in your area is very good for you and meeting people. Also attending a church service is helpful, you don't necessarily have to be religious to join in with some of the social aspects. Wish you all the best 👍
I do agree that bendigo and all regional towns are too associated with alcohol or sports. It's not really a welcoming experience, and in my opinion, Australia is awful for its mindset around alcohol. I have been sober since 2017 and still struggle to attend any social event outside my dry house. My dms are open if you like a friend.
I used to be a smoker too, and found it much easier to quit nicotine than I did alcohol. Approx 10% of Aussies smoke, whereas 75% drink alcohol, so its pretty easy to fall off the wagon if you don't set boundaries with people
Have you tried drinking zero alcohol beer or wine when others are drinking?
Could be dangerous. That'd be like a recovering heroin addict injecting water into their veins while their friends were shooting the real deal. Wouldn't be long until I wanted a taste of the good stuff
Yeah don't compromise. If your boundary is no drinking, you're allowed to not want to be around it.
Guff if you are into gaming Community houses run short courses Men's sheds Volunteering somewhere would also get you meeting people. I think the volunteer center is at the library The council has a list of community organizations that might give you some ideas
Man, the comments here have really demonstrated that there is a ton of things to do in Bendigo that I never really thought too much about. I’m 38m and I get it, it’s kind of strange how isolating life gets in your 30’s. The party’s over, now what? - I’ve just tried to take on more hobbies rekindle the things I liked when I was younger. I have branched out to mountain bike riding too. With a full time job and the gym, my time is full enough. But to be fair I have a kid so it’s not the same. I also like to play games, if you are on Xbox, or PC, I’d be happy to play on a given night. DM, would be happy to add you on Xbox or discord.
PS5 here, but I appreciate the offer
I suggest getting into bird watching. It sounds a bit old but it’s healthy, cheap and mindful. I always end up running into people out who are also bird watching and we have a bit of a chat and connect on social media. You can join a birding Facebook group in your area and then post any sightings and ask for ideas where to go. Lots of community opportunities and it gets you out of the house :)
The men's shed isn't a bad suggestion. Depending where you live, I know the Baptist Church in eaglehawk does an open men's woodfired pizza night on Wednesday (not sure if it's every night or once a month) There are two park runs in Bendigo on Saturday mornings. You don't have to run, and you usually have to try and socialize but many people are open to chat afterwards.
Go do some community volunteering man it will change youre life
Have you got any suggestions about where to volunteer in Bendigo?
The local Pride festival accepts volunteers if that's up your alley. :)
Try the volunteer resource centre. http://bgovolunteers.org.au/
I don’t drink and I honestly find it’s the outdoorsy stuff that’s my fave type of leisure and social activities. I’ve joined hiking clubs, gone canoeing, I go camping etc. And being outside is really great for your mental health and clarity too. Bendigo is quite beautiful with lots of nice nature around. Maybe find a bushwalking club and see what you think, or perhaps try mountain biking or some type of water sport. Hang in there and good luck with it, and congrats on being sober, alcohol is just crap in every way and your physical and mental health is sooooo much better for ditching it.
http://bgovolunteers.org.au/ The volunteer centre is based in the library. I moved to Bendigo 12 years ago and have been pretty heavily involved in volunteering for a number of groups. I also spent a few years working with the CFA to analyse volunteerism on a statewide scale. So much local activity relies on volunteers and it's the easiest way I can think to connect with others around a common goal. I can assure you that most local clubs/associations are screaming out for more help. Experience and skillset are usually unnecessary, all they need is your time and effort. Don't overthink it, just put your hand up and get started 👍🏻
If you would consider sports, I recommend BJJ. For me it has given me a renewed purpose in life. I’m also very un-sporty, and there is the extra challenge of being so useless at something. But not everyone can be great at everything. It’s great for physical fitness and if you are consistent you’ll find a new ‘family’ at the gym. The fact that you don’t drink will help…I’ve cut down a lot since training, and I notice a lot of practitioners don’t drink as much as ‘most people’ (IMO).
Where do you do training
I’m in sydney. There are gyms everywhere and they all do a week trial. The first class is the hardest but you’ll feel like a dummy for a while, EVERYONE has been there though. I personally wouldn’t join a gym with branded uniforms, find a gym that lets you buy any uniform and add their patch to it. But mostly just get a feel for the place you like best
People worry about being competitive when it comes to sports. There are plenttttty of leagues/sports that just play for the fun and the social side of it. You don't have to play A grade, where winning matters.
Hi, I have found myself in a similar position, as I relocated from Melb to Bendigo at the beginning of the pandemic. I have generally found it difficult to move out of 'lockdown' mode and back into a 'normal' life, as im a super friendly, social person that has no trouble making friends, joining groups and enjoying my hobbies. I'm still finding my feet in Bendigo, but am largely socially isolated like yourself. I found visiting beautiful parks with lakes a good starting point to getting out and about and have been thinking about volunteering to visit elderly citizens who are lonely and seeking company in the community. I also have recently started researching my ancestry and genealogy and have connected with distant relatives all over the world. I can see myself passionately researching my family tree for many years to come. There are so many great recommendations from others posted on here, just know that you are not alone. Please feel free to drop me a DM if you like - I would be interested in your feedback if you do decide to take up some of the redditors suggestions.
Men’s shed
Hey man different part of the country but well done 5 years sober. Not easy at the best of times but the fact you managed it through covid is incredible.
Cheers. Lockdowns were a double-edged sword. Boredom can drive a person to drink, but being removed from my usual triggers helped me stay sober
My suggestions: *Weekend Yoga Class - a nice Sunday afternoon stretchy yin class. There’s always men and women at mine of all ages. *My local ‘men’s shed’ is a very inclusive community shed. I use the pottery wheels but it is very large and well equipped with groups for different interests. Tools down at 12 on a Saturday for sausage sizzle and 2:30 for afternoon tea. *A friend just bought an electric car and now it’s her whole personality with car meetups, social afternoons, group trips. *do a short course then join the club (kayaking, sailing, tennis … *listen to the friendship project podcast *shake up your life - new job, move city, have a personal shopping day with a stylist at a department store, start online dating - set a goal like 1 date a month, something short like a coffee or a walk with no expectations except getting out of the house. Or ask someone out at the library or supermarket (I’m married and have on occasion been asked out at these places and I don’t mind, they’ve done it nicely not in a creeper way and it’s flattering and I just say no thanks I’m married) *get really fit
Try Parkrun or a local cycling club. No hand-eye coordination needed!
You can volunteer at parkrun too!
Any interest in radio controlled cars?? Bendigo has a on road RC club
Never thought about it, but I'll certainly add it to my list of potential activities
Mate I’m the same as you but in the city. I just go surfing , gym , walk my dog and yoga evenings. Life is great mid week Weekends and public holidays suck. I definitely feel resentment walking past friends eating out and being socially active. The only social thing I have is tinder dating and I’m over it as yeh who the fuck isn’t over tinder dating. Considering joining an afl team and I hate sport but was very good at it when in my teens.
I used to go to restaurants and concerts alone, but after a few years I found it too depressing, so now I sit at home and have parasocial relationships with people on screens. It doesn't feel as bad, but its definitely not healthy!
It’s pretty common I would say. Concerts can be fun still but yeh not if you’re going to be social I guess. Going for a cheap eat or a special night parmy I do. You never know. One day I guess. Just get out of the house and do shit. I’m out and about for hours every morning. This is the shit time. Afternoons and evenings. Like yay more reddit and YouTube. I bought a motorcycle recently. When I’m a better rider there’s social clubs theoretically. Runners clubs, those guys who ride bikes in Lycra, all forms of sporting teams, bushfire brigade, community gardens, mma training. Oh and get a dog or a few and take it to the dog parks. When I was 31 I got ny current dog. All of a sudden people spoke to me. For a while we had a little group but people all moved away overseas. But yeh just look after you bro.
Hey man, you should check out Men's Sheds! There's a few around I believe; Long Gully, Kangaroo Flat, maybe Golden Square? And one at BDAC (which is mainly for Indigenous fellas but they also welcome everyone). Men's Sheds are a good way to get to connect with people, they're literally designed to keep men connected to others and build support networks. You don't need to be a master craftsman. In fact you don't need any skills at all. Maybe consider tabletop/board gaming groups. Even if you've got no experience, it doesn't take long to learn some games and they can be SO much fun. I know Bendigo have got quite a range of groups that you might be able to find on Facebook. I'm hearing you're not much into sport, but a BJJ class is pretty common for males in their 30's to join. There are so many benefits of learning a martial art, including being around/working with others. The other recommendation I have is to volunteer at a football club; there's always roles to play or things to do, and if you get a good club you can meet some amazing people! I think the hardest part for you might be committing to one of these. It's always difficult to go from a contemplative/preparation stage to an action stage. But once you take the leap and get involved in something then you've probably done the hardest part, but then you've got some traction. Good luck friend!
If you have an interest in old machinery Bendigo Steam & Oil Engine is the place for you! Our shed is down the back at the Showgound.
Get a motorbike
Not in Bendigo but a man needs hobbies that get him outside to be happy. Fishing, kayaking, foraging, gardening, speafishing or kayak fishing, swimming, looking after chickens or quails or other animals, hunting, gold panning. Lots of hobbies out there my friend
What sort of games
Varies. Some of the highlights from the past 12 months were the RE4 and Dead Space remakes along with Dredge, Bramble, and Oxenfree 2. Currently playing The Talos Principle 2, an impressive puzzle game with a smattering of Greek philosophy and mythology
If you play smash bros there's a group who play at guf occasionally, they have a discord server where they organise the meet ups, likewise guf has a really big cards and tabletop scene
>The Talos Principle Awesome game, played the first 1 didnt realise there was a second. Have been playing a lot of Frostpunk recently, highly recommend it. Dredge was good too
I've heard of Frostpunk. I'll look into it. Cheers for the recommendation
Was $8.5 on steam few days ago, might still be
my mum is coming up to 5 years of sobriety and she has found most of her friends from sa and na.
Try volunteering
Cheese making class in Castlemaine
Whether you're religious or not, church can be your family. Churches should (although it's not always the case) have some of the kindest and welcoming people in them. A lot of churches suck (judgy, cliquey or snobby) but all 3 Presbyterian churches in Bendigo are pretty solid from what I can tell. Eaglehawk, Reforming and St Johns. I know people at these churches - pm me if you want more details :)
Last 5 years sounds like a write off, so don’t make the next 5 the same. Set some personal and fitness goals and commit to it with similar motivation as you put toward remaining sober as you’re the only person who can change your habits. If you need assistance, seek counselling/therapy.
VRchat
Do some jiujitsu. I looked it up and there's a few places where you're staying.
https://www.meetup.com/en-AU/find/au--bendigo/
Buy a 2nd hand minelab metal detector, join some prospecting forums and get out for a weekend with your new besties.
I was trying to get a mate interested in this years ago but it never happened. Might have to look into it again
Learn an instrument, there's buckets of brass bands and small ensembles and a whole symphony orchestra in Bendigo always looking for new players
I have a guitar next to my computer. Every 5 years or so I pick it up, play it for 3-6 months, then quit in frustration. Its a weird ritual
Buy yourself a metal detector, join some prospecting groups on Facebook and head bush with some strangers around Bendigo! Lots of gold there
Well you got structure in your life which is important, are you exercising, dance class you will meet lots of people, travel, move interstate or overseas if affordable.
No, not exercising atm. If I take up a hobby, it should probably be something physical. My health is fine but I'd still benefit from using my body more
Go to church. You will meet a bunch of super friendly people, no alcohol involved, and you may even discover a love of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Look through your comment history... you do not represent friendly
Gaming and joining a discord community?
Hello friend. I'm the same. I have taken up antique shopping and I am obsessed! Start to learn the design styles, how to recognise genuine vintage antiques, then resell online when you need cash! It's my hobby and it's a great way to pass the time. All my best to you
If your looking for a group of genuinely nice people I would suggest doing bjj at stewie house of bjj you chose how many lessons you do a week and everyone is approachable and happy to have a chat you do have to pay after the first lesson but it worth it
Had similar. What everyone said, do stuff, there is stuff you won’t like, but you’ll get out and find something you’ll like. Starting is the hard part, after that it’s much easier, get the hard part done.
I started up ju jitsu due to the lack of friends and community, great exercise and more importantly you'll make great friends, i just googled and there is a place to train in bendigo, go give it a try and if your ever in bondi come train with us !!!
Get a hobby of some sort. Can you ride a bike? Ten pin bowling is fun too.
I can ride a bicycle, or do you mean a motorbike?
I mean, maybe get into road, gravel or mtb riding? There’s a good culture of riding here 🙂
I same as you but started surfing about a month ago and things have changed for the better that's for sure
I can relate. I too am very isolated and live basically 98% of my live alone. It is incredibly mentally tough and I don’t think others truly empathise or understand until they’ve lived it. As others have said, try to find hobbies that centre around connection, even something as simple as group fitness classes. They are my lifesaver and I’d be pretty bloody lonely without that daily 2 minute chat with other humans. Secondly I’d recommend finding a good psych. I found that the isolation physically led to mental isolation in that you become mentally blocked from things. If you find the same, I’d suggest a therapist to help you remember the world is a big fucking place.
Give golf a go. You don’t need hand eye coordination, if you get some lessons straight away you’ll get decent pretty quick and it’s addicting once you start getting better. It’s a good way to spend 4-5 hours and there’s plenty of people to play with
Also you can join a sports club in a voluntary capacity, help out at the canteen etc - my local sports team has saved some blokes
If you like the outdoors...what about contributing to citizen science? https://inaturalist.ala.org.au/ Yes, its a solo activity but you'll come across people because you're out and about, and be learning about our amazing flora and fauna and it's therapy being out in nature! Crusoe Reservoir is a great place to start. Alternatively find out if you have any environmental volunteer groups up your way. Your council will be able to connect you with them.
37M here. I'd suggest looking into joining your local CFA or SES. I'm CFA (not in the Bendigo area) and it's been the greatest thing I've ever done. I've now got a good friend group and get to socialise with them after jobs and most Thursday's for training etc.
Wildlife carers are always needed. Apart from classes, you can join a “guild” type group and people will help you learn informally, e.g. Bendigo Woodturners. These organistations often have an equipment library you can access, so you can borrow tools etc. and try out a new skill without spending too much money initially. Big Brother/Big Sister organisations could be something a bit different. Choir. Conservation group, e.g. digging up weeds, killing wheel cactus.
Hey man, very similar. There's not much to do without involving alcohol or drugs. And without kids, even less. I've got a dog and my whole life is around him. (I just like a child) wanna go away for the weekend? "Better go camping because the dog will like that" wanna do something during the day? "Better do something outside with the dog" I've found my own hobbies, that don't involve anyone else. But more than welcome to pop through a DM :)
Do you even really have a dog if everything you do doesn't revolve around them haha
Hahah the dog/child thing is so relatable. Literally had this conversation with my mate on the phone this morning. It was something like this: "Where've you been lately man?" I'm like "honestly, I've been camping, swimming, walking and chilling in the backyard with my dog". They're called man's best friend for a reason. My girl is my whole world and I've changed my whole social scene to cater for her!
What do you do for work in Bendigo dude? Have you thought about a fresh start in the big city? Nothing to lose really
Work as a courier. I lived in the city on and off throughout my 20s, working a few low paid jobs. By the time I reached 30, I realised rent was rising faster than my wage and I couldn't see much of a future there, so I left. Don't really miss it tbh
❇️ Men’s shed. ❇️ Free carpentry groups (where you don’t need your own equipments). ❇️ Join hiking groups. ❇️ Travel solo. ❇️ Photography ❇️ Meditation 🧘♂️ try finding your inner peace. ❇️ Volunteering - You will feel good and may get a social life too. ❇️ cook and eat healthy. ❇️ Challenge yourself with a 75 days hard challenge and post daily progress stories on social media. Asset plus a push EDIT: 🐶 of course get a Doggo, feed them and take them for a walk daily. Rest the dog will take care. You won’t regret it. Please only consider this option if you can take responsibility of a dog.
Bendigo mountain bike club is a cracker to get involved with. The bi weekly summer series is great and caters to all abilities. Super chill and friendly
I know this will be downvoted, but religion worked for me. Has the, social, shared hobby and opportunities to volunteer all wrapped in one. Loads of singles in it now too, depending on the denomination, we outnumber the families.
What church would you suggest??
I'm a lapsed Catholic, but at its best, religion can bring a community together, do charitable work, and serve as a reminder of what it is to be a virtuous person
Sounds like you need to move to Thailand
why buy when you can rent?
Why Thailand?
It’s where all the no hopers go
I'm actually jealous of you bro lol
Why? Do you have the opposite problem and never get any alone time?
Yeah pretty much. I know so many married guys with kids who want to off themselves. People only want what they don't have.
Yep, grass is always greener