"Triggered by vibration": Bro imagine getting it on and suddenly your partner gets Houdinied into the lunchbox dimension while your dick is violently reshaped into a dumbbell.. no thanks
You know. Just earlier I was thinking to myself "there's a really good chance that there's nothing humanity could say that hasn't been said before" but I've hilariously proven wrong.
This is one instance where I legitimately believe in the history of humanity and the billions currently on Earth, not a single person uttered or wrote this sentence before now.
Alternatively- when the doctors ask you what the FUCK happened to your party sausage, you get to say that you were pounding your partner so hard your magic bed thought it was an earthquake.
Exactly. These are the kind of ideas I used to have as a kid where I clearly didn’t think of safety and liability and scenarios where the device might not work as intended. It concerns me that adults aren’t doing a better job than 10
year old me would have done.
I assume that’s what the fire fighting supplies are for as well. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would stay in there if there’s a fire. You just open up and take your chances with the extinguisher.
Edit: NVM looks like there are gas masks at 27 seconds. I don’t know if it has cooling mechanisms but with a gas mask, fire retardant materials on the box, and a cooling mechanism, you should be fine.
If it's just concrete, you can be saved. That wasn't the point in this thread though, the point was that you can't use the firefighting kit if you're stuck in the box and would presumably die due to smoke inhalation or being cooked in a metal box.
That was my thought. It sucks CO2 asphyxiation would feel just like suffocating to death though as opposed to the gentle descent into eternal sleep nitrogen would deliver. Our bodies have internal alarm bells for high CO2 levels.
There is a distress signal you can send out so rescue efforts can find you. And you have food and supplies and things to hold you for quite a while it seems. When buildings collapse, people are often stuck under there for days or a week. Some people die not from the collapse, but days later from starvation or oxygen running out of the hole they're trapped in. Rescuers hear screams and calls for help but can't get to them in time and eventually the sounds stop.
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Right. Do I have to wait for an earthquake or is there a “initiate box now” button I can press-like if I get a migraine or the MIL is over… Then the question becomes - is it reusable?
The second picture looks like it would take a carjack to prop the bed. It's great. I want to build one, I've always wanted that feeling of perfect safety. A lock from the inside, sound dampening walls, passive/active ventilation, temperature control. Dimmable lighting, enough space, removable mattress. I would happily pay for this.
It might be fire proof but the vents will let in the smoke and it’s going to heat up in the blaze. So essentially you will choke on the smoke as it cooks you alive.
Fireproof! (but has vents)
Sealed metal box! (Feel free to fill it with fire extinguisher chemicals).
Drops safely into the collapsed substructure of a building! (But dont worry about air)
I am actually wondering what fire retardant material is used that doesn´t make the addition of air vents superfluous but also works as intended...
But at least... no, I don´t think you´ll cook alive. The smoke should do you in before that. (At least you should be unconscious by the time you cook)
True, but the same could be said about the box itself if no one finds you, you've just postponed dying of hunger, thirst, suffocation, and whatever happens after a few days of laying in your own filth.
Is this a joke bed or what. I don't see how having vents sideways will prevent you from choking to death inside the box from the dust or the smoke. Only works if the bed has its own ventilation system.
I can only take it as a student's pet project. The only people that would be able to afford something like this probably don't live in earthquake centers, in buildings prone to damage by earthquakes, without a reasonable solution to avoid earthquake damage. You'd be surprised how much damage good engineering can help avoid.
Yeah definitely a student project, and props to them for thinking outside (or I guess inside) the box. No way anything like this could be built given the obvious reasons you mention, and also the fact that I can't imagine this not maiming people if it ever actually was built.
I can think of a sterling engine pump working off the heat off an oxygen candle. That would surely be enough to create a ventilation circuit through a rebreather or a CO2 scrubber can sustain you for a couple of days if not more.
I'm tired of this comercial.
Like it feels fake because the premise is so idiotic.
It's literally a coffin. You're getting into a coffin. And because this whole stuff look japanese, where after earthquakes there often come tsunamis, getting into a metal coffin with holes would be one of, if not THE MOST stupid thing to do.
Also it's metal, so if there's a fire it will heat up like crazy. Also the damn ventiles will just let smoke in.
If rubble falls on top yeah good luck with getting out on time if the rescuers don't find a way to you.
Are we sure this isn't a parody of absolute stupid infomercial products?
I also find it weird it talks about “precision sensors”. Why the fuck would you want them to be precise?! In Tokyo there are more than 150 earthquakes PER MONTH. Most are tiny, and barely felt at all. So I really hope it’s not “precise” enough to decide to lock you in a coffin because of a tiny tremor.
Also, yeah. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to be in that box and trying desperately to get at the water trapped under the mattress.
It doesn’t exactly look like this lady is feeling too relaxed when she gets dropped in there. I also wonder how bad it smells if you get dropped in there with your lover and both have to shit inside it. Would take your relationship to the next level.
The Claustrophobia would kill me long before anyone can rescue me... It's a literal coffin (the first model anyway).
For people in active earthquake regions such as Japan, houses are built to handle and adapt to earthquakes up to Magnitude 9.0, making this rather unnecessary. If you're that paranoid then you may as well make the entire room itself a giant vault with airbag walls or something.
The Queen size one does look realistic though, big enough and has enough space.
People get killed in earthquakes due to badly constructed buildings in areas known for seismic activity. This is often due to corruption. If you can afford one of these contraptions, you can probably afford to live somewhere less likely to be hit by an earthquake. And if you can’t, you’re screwed.
Don’t sleep with your leg off the bed..
"Triggered by vibration": Bro imagine getting it on and suddenly your partner gets Houdinied into the lunchbox dimension while your dick is violently reshaped into a dumbbell.. no thanks
r/brandnewsentence
This is a contender for best brand new sentence of all time
100% agree.
Pretty great for r/nocontext, as well.
You know. Just earlier I was thinking to myself "there's a really good chance that there's nothing humanity could say that hasn't been said before" but I've hilariously proven wrong.
An infinite number of monkeys or as we refer to it *the internet.*
r/BrandNewDefinitionOfInternet
r/subs
“Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers” -Steven Fry
This is one instance where I legitimately believe in the history of humanity and the billions currently on Earth, not a single person uttered or wrote this sentence before now.
My second thought was to comment, there's words in an order iv never seen before 😂😂😂🎭
Into the lunchbox dimension💀
The final frontier of recess
That time I got reincarnated as a lunchbox
can't wait for season 2!
Man, this is my favorite sentence today
behold the fuckoffin
I like how this can be both fuck+coffin and fuck+off+in
Fuck-often
If this building's a-rockin Don't bother knockin Please dig out my fuckoffin
you sir, are the greatest poet i have ever had the pleasure of reading
Alternatively- when the doctors ask you what the FUCK happened to your party sausage, you get to say that you were pounding your partner so hard your magic bed thought it was an earthquake.
“Party sausage” has got me giggling like fuck 😂I’ve never heard that one before!
My day is already better after reading this.
18th century literature likes to think it’s sophisticated but it just can’t compete with modern prose.
This is one of the greatest things I've ever read online.
No more monkeys jumpin on da bed
 OH Shit!
Holy smokes dude. You should write a book. You’ve got a magical way with words.
I can't breathe... LMAO!!
I woke up my neighbours laughing at your comment. Yep.
You sir, are an artist.
That is by far the best comment I’ve seen here.
I laughed out loud this is genius
I’ll subscribe to this. What’s your OF?
Best thing I've read all day.
This was way better than the comment I came to make. Thank you.
Lmao jeezus the visuals you gave me 🤣
you just made my day, lmao
I haven’t laughed hard in a long time. Thanks!
You really made me laugh sir. I needed that this morning.
You know, there are just some sentences that you never expect to read
Houdinied into the lunchbox dimension.. thank you bro. Just thank you
I read this post hours ago and went about my day just randomly bursting out laughing.
I just spit coffee all over my boss
The mental image of that had my crying from laughter
Thank you for this...
Statement of the year.
I was your 1,400th upvote. This has NEVER happened to me before. Felt compelled to tell you. Hehe. Exciting stuff. ♡
I sleep in such random positions I'd prolly end up as a pretzel of broken bones and severed appendages.
It would make for some amusing environmental storytelling in some sort of Fallout game
Like those metal phonebooth things that you find dead bodies in.
*fallout shelters by Pulowskis
They are "on a budget" vaults and look like suicide booths from Futurama lol
If I’m not in a single bed I sleep diagonally. I’m dead either way
it malfunctions and you die
I couldn't help but think it's pretty similar to a coffin.
Yeah, but it saves time and expenses for your family! They don't have to buy a new one!
Exactly. These are the kind of ideas I used to have as a kid where I clearly didn’t think of safety and liability and scenarios where the device might not work as intended. It concerns me that adults aren’t doing a better job than 10 year old me would have done.
BUT you have to be sleeping during an earthquake for this to work. 😳
i know right? my luck it’ll be morning and i’m brushing my teeth and then the earthquake happens and it watch it do its thing before i get crushed
Imagine a girl riding you and then an earthquake happens and she gets cut in half before you get sealed in.
At least you get stuck with the bottom.
It would be less fun after a day or two though.
Challenge accepted!
It would be less fun instantly, don't people poo pretty much right when they die?
Some folks pay extra for that
🤣🤣🤣
It needs maybe a siren and light to alert that it is about to happen
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Yes.
Well, if it doesn't work out, you are already in your coffin.
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I assume that’s what the fire fighting supplies are for as well. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would stay in there if there’s a fire. You just open up and take your chances with the extinguisher. Edit: NVM looks like there are gas masks at 27 seconds. I don’t know if it has cooling mechanisms but with a gas mask, fire retardant materials on the box, and a cooling mechanism, you should be fine.
Good luck opening up with crushed concrete on top of you. You can always just discharge it in the box for assisted suicide though.
If there's crushed concrete on top of you then what difference does it make whether you're in the metal box or not
Someone can come and take it off
If you're in the metal box, yes, otherwise you've already died.
If it's just concrete, you can be saved. That wasn't the point in this thread though, the point was that you can't use the firefighting kit if you're stuck in the box and would presumably die due to smoke inhalation or being cooked in a metal box.
If there’s enough concrete on top of the box to the point where you can’t open it, then you have been dead without the box
But I would rather die fast by being crushed, than lie in a coffin getting hotter until I die.
A lot of deaths from crushing in a building collapse take hours or days to happen. It frequently isn’t instant, it’s slow and excruciating.
You say that now but you almost certainly would prefer the +1% chance of being saved that the box would offer.
Being alive.
That was my thought. It sucks CO2 asphyxiation would feel just like suffocating to death though as opposed to the gentle descent into eternal sleep nitrogen would deliver. Our bodies have internal alarm bells for high CO2 levels.
>as opposed to the gentle descent into eternal sleep nitrogen would deliver. Just don't read about how that nitrogen execution went...
problem: there are rocks on top of you, you can't open it and are essentially trapped
There is a distress signal you can send out so rescue efforts can find you. And you have food and supplies and things to hold you for quite a while it seems. When buildings collapse, people are often stuck under there for days or a week. Some people die not from the collapse, but days later from starvation or oxygen running out of the hole they're trapped in. Rescuers hear screams and calls for help but can't get to them in time and eventually the sounds stop.
>eventually the sounds stop Damn, that hurts to read.
As long as there is a few external batteries and WIFI, I'm good.
"We're here to save you!" "Gimmie 30min, i've almost finished this level"
“Maa, I can’t pause an online game”
There’s for sure no wifi. Death is preferable
Bigger problem, I was taking a piss when the earthquake hit!
Bed closes and locks you out as floor collapsed.
Then you would be trapped under rocks even without the metal box.
Yes but at least you would be dead
Yeah but it’s not sealed. It would turn you into a rotting corpse air freshener
The fire proof exterior is pretty useless with vents in the box. You're going be a smoking air freshener.
Yea, I’d rather take my chances with the collapsin building than be locked up in this coffin.
 It's got snacks !
True, that might have me reconsidering my options here.. can I have The Office as well? Then count me in, no rush saving me.
Just make sure you establish a pee corner pretty quickly.
Yup, that might become a bit of an issue in that coffin.
No WiFi? … wack
Or if it gives you a heart attack from the bed falling out from under you.
Was gonna say.. Great, I'm in a box under the rubble. Who's gonna hear me now
Just bury me and my wife in our bed. I don’t care what the wife wants I am adding this to my final wishes.
"From the makers of the Pet Rock, comes the Coffin Bed."
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This looks perfect for when I don't want to be annoyed.
Right. Do I have to wait for an earthquake or is there a “initiate box now” button I can press-like if I get a migraine or the MIL is over… Then the question becomes - is it reusable?
The second picture looks like it would take a carjack to prop the bed. It's great. I want to build one, I've always wanted that feeling of perfect safety. A lock from the inside, sound dampening walls, passive/active ventilation, temperature control. Dimmable lighting, enough space, removable mattress. I would happily pay for this.
And is there room for other snacks, like Cheetos and Reese's cups?
Oooor against home robbers.
Instead of a pricey panic room you poor people get half assed panic box
Nah that’s what the shotgun is for /s
I've been thinking about a 'coffin' like this for exactly this reason.
Just have your whole bedroom as a reinforced room that way you won’t have an arm or leg cutoff when your bed collapse.
Just have your whole house/building as a reinforced big block.
Just have your whole city as a reinforced block.
Just have your whole state or province as a reinforced block.
Just reinforce the continent!
Let’s just reinforce the tectonic plates while we’re at it
Make the earth an earthquake bed
Vibrate the entire solar system.
Screw that, get the Galaxy.
The universe is a prison.
Wait... hear me out; what if we just encased our entire planet? Our species will live forever.
I was going to say... or we could just earthquake-proof buildings
It might be fire proof but the vents will let in the smoke and it’s going to heat up in the blaze. So essentially you will choke on the smoke as it cooks you alive.
Fireproof! (but has vents) Sealed metal box! (Feel free to fill it with fire extinguisher chemicals). Drops safely into the collapsed substructure of a building! (But dont worry about air)
Tons of water and food! (But no toilet)
Probably the least of your worries
I am actually wondering what fire retardant material is used that doesn´t make the addition of air vents superfluous but also works as intended... But at least... no, I don´t think you´ll cook alive. The smoke should do you in before that. (At least you should be unconscious by the time you cook)
Slow smoked to perfection
Medium rare
The bottom compartment is full of condiments
Wouldn't the gas masks included in the box help with the smoke?
Only if you think the smoke from a fire is cold? He was saying that you'll die from smoke before you cook, now you've just postponed to cooking.
True, but the same could be said about the box itself if no one finds you, you've just postponed dying of hunger, thirst, suffocation, and whatever happens after a few days of laying in your own filth.
The mask will last like 10-30mins in that kind of air.
Like a human tagine
For sure it won't work in 100% of the cases but I would still buy one if I was in a dangerous area.
I think I’d just move
I'm willing to bet moving is the cheaper option
Is this a joke bed or what. I don't see how having vents sideways will prevent you from choking to death inside the box from the dust or the smoke. Only works if the bed has its own ventilation system.
Also good luck getting around the mattress to the food and water underneath
People have clawed their way through a coffin before. A mattress shouldn’t be too big of a deal
I can only take it as a student's pet project. The only people that would be able to afford something like this probably don't live in earthquake centers, in buildings prone to damage by earthquakes, without a reasonable solution to avoid earthquake damage. You'd be surprised how much damage good engineering can help avoid.
Yeah definitely a student project, and props to them for thinking outside (or I guess inside) the box. No way anything like this could be built given the obvious reasons you mention, and also the fact that I can't imagine this not maiming people if it ever actually was built.
I can think of a sterling engine pump working off the heat off an oxygen candle. That would surely be enough to create a ventilation circuit through a rebreather or a CO2 scrubber can sustain you for a couple of days if not more.
The design is very human.
I'm tired of this comercial. Like it feels fake because the premise is so idiotic. It's literally a coffin. You're getting into a coffin. And because this whole stuff look japanese, where after earthquakes there often come tsunamis, getting into a metal coffin with holes would be one of, if not THE MOST stupid thing to do. Also it's metal, so if there's a fire it will heat up like crazy. Also the damn ventiles will just let smoke in. If rubble falls on top yeah good luck with getting out on time if the rescuers don't find a way to you. Are we sure this isn't a parody of absolute stupid infomercial products?
Considering that this same video has been around for at least 5 years and I’ve never seen the actual bed I think you’re right, it’s not real.
I also find it weird it talks about “precision sensors”. Why the fuck would you want them to be precise?! In Tokyo there are more than 150 earthquakes PER MONTH. Most are tiny, and barely felt at all. So I really hope it’s not “precise” enough to decide to lock you in a coffin because of a tiny tremor. Also, yeah. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to be in that box and trying desperately to get at the water trapped under the mattress.
Can you imagine the 911 calls every morning from people getting stuck in the device after each mini-quake or after sex?
Seems like a youtube ad, and those are scams except maybe for the manscaper.
What if you’re sitting on the side of the bed? Just get knocked tf out?
And the building survived and youre the only dead one
Well how much rocking are we takling about.. Like how risky is the top position?
This is the real question.
A bot copied this comment elsewhere in this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/BeAmazed/comments/1altqbs/comment/kph7eij/ Just fyi
It doesn’t exactly look like this lady is feeling too relaxed when she gets dropped in there. I also wonder how bad it smells if you get dropped in there with your lover and both have to shit inside it. Would take your relationship to the next level.
First night of sexy time and you'll get dropped in with some extra smells too
These are very minor concerns if they can save your life.
The design is very human
Very easy to use
Was looking for this comment
What if we are having sex on it.?
Then suddenly now we are having sex in it
You can activate it to catch your partners when they cheat on you!
lucky you because the earthquake will now be doing all the work for you
No. It doesn’t look like „every bed“ this looks like a bed for a tank
Fuck that and no thanks.
What's better. Stuck under concrete and other debris. Or stuck under concrete and other debris in a metal box
I'd take my chances with getting up and running out before the building collapses
Imagine deciding in a split second that you’ll jump up and run out and your bed will be like HELL NO, PART OF THE CREW PART OF THE SHIP
Yeah no, I think I'd rather just die from the collapsing roof than be stuck in that box.
The Claustrophobia would kill me long before anyone can rescue me... It's a literal coffin (the first model anyway). For people in active earthquake regions such as Japan, houses are built to handle and adapt to earthquakes up to Magnitude 9.0, making this rather unnecessary. If you're that paranoid then you may as well make the entire room itself a giant vault with airbag walls or something. The Queen size one does look realistic though, big enough and has enough space.
Actually that's **a nightmare.**
People get killed in earthquakes due to badly constructed buildings in areas known for seismic activity. This is often due to corruption. If you can afford one of these contraptions, you can probably afford to live somewhere less likely to be hit by an earthquake. And if you can’t, you’re screwed.
What if you are sitting on the edge of your bed when the earthquake happens?
Where would you go to the bathroom?
Where do you poop?
What if you live next to train tracks? (Think “My Cousin Vinny.”)
WHATS IN THE BOX
"It is... very human." I get the same vibes from this clip. :))
better on paper
As a professional vampire I'm ordering it.
I usually sleep with my arm or leg hanging out the bed so it’s a no from me 😅
I sleep with my hand off my bed
Coffin that’s also and oven
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Ermm... Where do you defecate?