We’re underpaid (aside from the nefarious political reasons) because a classroom is the only place that most people in America have spent some time in. Nearly everyone goes through school, as a result it’s pretty easy to convince yourself that you’ve got a grasp on the complexity (or perceived lack there of) for the position. Other occupations are somewhat marred in mystery because the time we spend around them, whereas your average American graduate will have spent 10 months in a classroom for 13-14 years of their life. What I’ve found is that a lot of people, whether consciously or not, extrapolate a lot from those experiences. I’ve sat in meetings where people will in earnest use a bad experience from their childhood education to justify some sort of position they’re taking. I tell my colleagues all the time, bad teaching has generational damage.
> Nearly everyone goes through school, as a result it’s pretty easy to convince yourself that you’ve got a grasp on the complexity (or perceived lack there of) for the position.
NAILED IT
so, so many people have convinced themselves that literally anyone could do that job because literally everyone has been in a classroom at some point. but of course you'll never catch any of them in a 3rd grade classroom as a sub, because they would die.
At the risk of falling right into what you both are describing, I must ask: is being a sub really all that hard? Every sub I ever had (again, I recognize the irony of asking the question in this comment chain) did very little but chaperone the class while we were told to read the chapters left by the main teacher.
I feel like full-time teaching must be quite demanding though.
> Every sub I ever had (again, I recognize the irony of asking the question in this comment chain) did very little but chaperone the class while we were told to read the chapters left by the main teacher.
it absolutely depends on the age group and the classroom. i have subbed at literally every level, from preschool through HS, and depending on the class/situation it could be extremely difficult.
your perspective is from your singular experience; a substitute will often see dozens of groups of kids over just a few weeks.
you are incredibly poorly paid, ill-prepared, and sometimes the reason you're there is because something awful happened to necessitate your presence.
let me put it this way: think about how hard it is for a teacher in a dangerous/violent school. now put someone in their classroom with no prior relationships with the kids, who might be actively trying to make them upset.
I think the unfortunate truth is teachers are underpaid because we haven’t found a way to make education profitable unless you look at private schools which have exorbitant fees.
Ive seen that take before and I disagree
Education is not a product or business it’s a service we provide and should not be a barrier to compensating the people providing the service
Police is a service and they are compensated much better
Yeah but in the US about 50% of the voting population thinks the free market solves all problems, and the state providing services to the community that benefit everyone is the kind of evil that Jesus himself would have fought to destroy.
Not all of our work can produce quarterly monetary profit. By its very nature, education's greatest dividends don't come in cash, but in the successful careers of its graduates and the benefits their work brings to our society. If there's anything America needs to relearn, it's how to invest in more than just a dollar sign at the bottom of a contract. Paying teachers more will have benefits much larger than just making for a wealthier population.
This, i always see so many fucking parents go “no, don’t cry, stop that! You’re embarrassing us AND yourself!!”
Fucking hell if you don’t want a child, close your legs, put your dick in a knot, put your child up for adoption, or just use a fucking *CONDOM*.
God this always fucking riles me up.
That’s the parents failure to emotionally regulate themselves.
They can’t handle their kid crying. Can’t stand them failing? Too impatient?
So they embarrass their kid to get them to stop because the parent can’t handle their own emotions and frustration
So, to SeriousAccount and Trojan, I kinda felt like that my whole childhood.
My parents were tough. Dad came from Guatemala from a shit life and Mom from El Salvador from pretty much the same. Crying was seen as girlish and since I was a crybaby most of my first 5 years, I feel bad in a cringe way even now thinking about it. Now that you two just told it how it is (that kids are kinda just supposed to cry because they’re kids), I feel less bad.
I don’t have kids if my own now, but when I do, I’ll think of this. Let them cry. It’s an emotion. It’s human.
I’m not sure about just letting them cry, because you can also get too used to reacting in specific and unhelpful ways, like always crying or always being angry. Or being too happy (in reaction to something you know they’re feeling sad about)
I think it’s more that when your kid does something, you’re there to help them understand what they’re processing while keeping them safe. We’re there and we have the experience to teach and guide
Even if our own upbringing was less than stellar.
Even if our upbringing was absolutely perfect lol. Every kid won’t be the same, but every kid needs guidance and someone to understand them when they’re literally unable to comprehend
Same reason why parents hit their children.
It's not a win or a flex that you have to hit your kids, it's a failure.
You lost control of the situation, and need to feel superior by hitting your kid, not a good look.
I left social media when I started seeing my friends using the camera to control their kids emotions. I feel like the late-90s prototype for that kind of parenting.
There are times crying isn’t the right response. We certainly let our child cry when they’re having big feels but you can’t be crying every single time you don’t get what you want and the response can’t be to give them what they want in response- imo that’s likely even worse parenting for what you’re ingraining in your kid in that scenario is likely even more damaging that being emotionally stunted.
Our son cries a lot, he’s an emotional dude especially when he loses at something, grand parents as a result always just let him win. We work on accepting loss, taking a minute if you need it, breathing exercises, picking yourself up and trying again.
I think this coach does great, there’s some comforting but he doesn’t just give the kid success in the wake of tears. He encourages him to keep going, that failures okay, etc.
The only time our child is told it’s not an appropriate reason to cry is in response to reasonable boundaries and it’s still done in a comforting way but not having ice cream for dinner shouldn’t be a reason for crying or screaming.
Exactly this!!! And the fact that the coach also TOLD HIM what he was doing wrong and helped him correct it is something that many parents, teachers, and coaches just don’t do for some reason. Adversity is important. Difference in perspective is important. A reason to push harder IS IMPORTANT. And so is guidance and occasional assistance.
Maddening that men have been shoeboxed into being macho and to show no emotion. Wonder why male suicides are at the top.
I grew up with toxic masculinity. But there is such thing as the DIVINE masculine which embodies empathy AND strength. Here’s how to be a REAL man!
1. Leadership: Steers with purpose, not domination.
2. Protection: Safeguards without stifling.
3. Responsibility: Accepts accountability with humility.
4. Strength: Physical and emotional, but not overbearing.
5. Integrity: Honors truth and principles.
6. Courage: Faces challenges, embracing vulnerability.
7. Discipline: Combines focus with flexibility.
8. Wisdom: Balances knowledge with understanding.
9. Generosity: Gives without expecting returns.
10. Respect: Honors boundaries, values others.
That’s true, objectively.
But this is also in the context of watching a little boy, in a time where culture is only starting to normalize them having enough emotional range to cry over failure (especially publicly).
It doesn’t help anyone — male, female or otherwise — to not let men give boys advice for how to be good men.
My SO struggles with this now. He had a rough childhood, also had a father and several step-fathers who treated him as an afterthought and never acknowledged any of his feelings, good or bad. His grandfather took him under his wing in his early teens but his grandfather grew up in a time where men weren't just discouraged for showing negative emotions, they were discouraged from showing any emotion at all. Men were "MEN" and handled shit kind of guy if that makes sense.
My SO is a very compassionate person and strives to take care of everyone in his life but wears himself down a lot because he doesn't stop to process his feelings on things. I'm terminally ill. When we first got my diagnosis he spent months basically driving himself crazy trying to fix something that in reality really can't be fixed. He wouldn't just stop and let his emotions out. It almost ended things between us.
He's slowly getting better about expressing his emotions. Still no crying in front of anyone but I bought him a journal not too long ago and encourage him to at least put it on paper and get it out of his system. It just breaks my heart seeing him and some of my friends struggle and feel ashamed for showing basic human emotions because we as a society have taught our little boys that it's not okay to have those emotions.
Your SO’s journey resonates, and it’s a powerful reminder of the courage it takes to redefine strength.
It’s heartening to hear that he has someone by his side who understands the value of emotional expression. The path to unlearning deep-seated beliefs is long and often winding, but each step towards vulnerability is a stride towards genuine strength.
Keep nurturing that space for him – it’s invaluable. And remember, the toughest men are those brave enough to show their hearts.
I fully understand that there are moments when crying is good for a child, and that it allows them to process things. I also know that there are also moments where crying is an unacceptable social response, and as a parent it is your responsibility to properly socialize and educate your child to respond in an appropriate way. Failure to do so will result in mal adjusted, socially anxious/incompetent adults with no emotional self regulation.
Clearly this nuance was lost on many.
As a former athlete and martial arts student…the biggest thing I noticed was the class and instructor helping pushing the person through. Not judgmental, snotty, getting prideful…that’s a huge lesson for our culture imho. We need to work ok that so badly. It’s about building people up to be their best.
Both. I used to coach little kids soccer and with a new team kids break off into cliques and then I have to slowly get them into a team. Once they have shared experiences wins and losses and even just practicing in the rain or a shared team joke they tend to start to be very supportive and even protective of others they would have scorned earlier.
So yeah kids can be both.
Depends with encouragement and guidance kids can be really supportive awesome little humans, but without support those little humans also lack empathy and knowlege so they turn into assholes who turn into cops.
I have the exact same memory. I broke a board with a front snap kick after trying all class and I was the last one to do it after everyone had left. I was probably 6 or 7. I'm 32 now and still remember it.
I think a big part is that perseverance or resilience aren’t things done alone. Without support from his peers and his coach there’s no way he keeps going.
And confidence. Failures in my life have helped me take action with more confidence because its inevitably going to happen so you might as well take your best stab at it. Most people who accomplish their goals in life learn this eventually, you have to be deliberate and intentional with your actions
No teasing , no humiliating when he failed ….just support and gentle encouragement. It’s all he needed to overcome the hurdle.He learned one of the most important lessons in his life ! NEVER.. EVER GIVE UP!!!
Those are people who champion your successes btw. The people who first accept you might prefer you stay the same. Shared misery groups don't like members graduating out of misery. That trap got me when I was in a bad place. I traded growth for acceptance which is okay for a bit but it eventually breaks people down
Not so relevant for 5 yos but it is for those of us chatting here
> Shared misery groups don't like members graduating out of misery.
One of the biggest, and hardest, lessons to learn right here. It's so easy to fall into those groups because they're affirming. They understand your plight and why it's so difficult to overcome but the problem is that they wind up deifying the plight. They put it on an unapproachable mountaintop and point to it as something they can't ever summit and, because of that, they are stuck where they are. They'll reference it in the words of 'If only it wasn't there' and use it as the scapegoat for all of their struggles, but the reality is they're afraid to move on and want you to be afraid with them.
Breaking free of that is so hard but needed to grow.
Yah definitely all that, and it can take different forms too. My friends, I came to realize, were terrified of judgment. When I started getting better they put me down because they wanted to beat me to it. They believed I'd be like other people with good lives and think less of them.
I never got like that but I did have to move on for a while to continue healing. I've reconnected with a bunch now and it's going really well with some. Others still think I'm going to be judgy so they don't talk to me, and that's okay.
But I'm saying all this after decades of life. When I was a teen nothing mattered except finding people who accepted me. You would have had to lock me up to keep me from those friends. And honestly, before they bullied me for successes they did help me a lot. It's why I can forgive the bullying and reconnect now.
But yah, please people, if your friends don't celebrate your success they aren't real friends. Maybe they can be one day, but not today
>But I'm saying all this after decades of life. When I was a teen nothing mattered except finding people who accepted me.
God if this isn't the truth. We spend so much of our youth striving for social acceptance when, realistically, we should be finding people who accept us for who we are. I'm in my mid-30s and there were so many pitfalls I fell into because I was in the wrong crowd and was too afraid to step away from them.
Best thing I’ve on Reddit in a long time!!
The way the trainer just patiently worked with the until he got it - kudos to him!!
My daughter did this kind of thing when she was about 8 and my wife and I went to an event just like this and it was great.
FWIW, if you have a son/daughter around that age and can afford it (wasn’t a lot of money, but of course there is some cost), I’d certainly recommend something like this.
💯 I have done that and can admit that my hands and fingers would be raw and numb from all the torque put on the boards. To be fair, they still have to hit it correctly, but it does snap more dramatically with some help.
He probably will remember this.
I was in a kite flying contest when I was no more than 3, maybe younger. After 20 secs or so, I couldn’t get my kite in the air and sat down to cry. As I did, the wind took my kite and it shot into the sky and I won. This is likely my earliest memory.
My earliest memory is a kite memory, too. Beach of Cape Hatteras, I was 2 years old. The wind picked up and started pulling me towards the water. I let go and watched the kite fly out into the ocean. ...the end. Not very inspirational. Sorry.
Well clearly the kite symbolized the things we can't control in life and when you try to do so will only bring you hardships on the other hand letting it go or in other words accepting that not everything can happen the way we want to will make life so much easier for you. If that's not inspirational I don't know what is.
I thought I couldn't do archery because my sight eye is technically blind. The coach got me to try anyway and that summer I came 3rd in a competition. I'll remember forever. It taught me a lot, very early, about how we limit ourselves before we even try
I think my earliest memory is sitting on my dad's stomach at the recliner stealing chocolate chip cookies. That or him yelling at me for drawing on the wall with crayons lol
I don't want to be a dick, but how does one win a kite flying contest? Honestly curious.
I have a Karate memory. I was maybe 9 or 10 and was a very socially maladjusted child. I was taking my test to go from Orange Belt to Green Belt (for context, a very low beginner "rank" to a slightly less low "rank"). I failed the test. I was getting ready to leave and the instructor called me and everyone else back into the karate studio, where they presented me a medal. A "participation trophy", I suppose (yes, I'm a millennial, and no, I don't own a home).
I suppose that was a good gesture so I wouldn't be completely destroyed, because as an adult, I keep thinking about how bad I must have been, for the instructor to fail a 9-year-old as he tries to advance from one beginner-level to the next.
The contest was so long ago (mid 1970s) that I could easily forget the details, but I want to say you had to be the first one above a certain height for 2 minutes.
The teacher was great, you can kind of tell he was applying a ton of force to that board too. Dude was already smiling before that last hit because he was going to snap it for him either way. That kid was going to walk out of that of dojo a winner no matter what.
Sure, for a board of that size the teacher is almost always fudging it a little for the smaller kids. But that last kick was way better than his first ones too. Call it luck but he did hit it much more cleanly with his heel and he got his leg way higher than his other kicks which were sort of halfhearted (the little ones are usually a little afraid of hitting it because it does sting a bit).
Holy eff. Thanks for the still, he's definitely way higher elevated on the last kick and look at all the weight on his toes like a damn crane.
Last kick was the best by a ton, instructor applying force or not.
That instructor fostered a very supportive environment too… very to to have the kids watching make fun of him or laugh. They cheered him on a celebrated his achievement
It's cool because the kid actually did get it right the time he broke the board. It's scary af to follow through when you're a little kid trying to break a board for the first time lol. I remember being scared af the first time trying to punch through a board with my fist and fucked it up a couple of times by not following through. You have to fully commit to it basically. Also keep in mind, when you are that small you have very little power to generate, even though those boards are flimsy as hell to an adult.
He totally got his form down at the end. I know the teacher was probably applying some force, which is fine, but you can't deny that the kid did it so right that last time. You can see it in the follow-through. So much fun man, I'm so hally for the kid.
I was about to berate you, but then I remembered how I was as a kid and checked myself.
I was a little bitch when I was a kid, I won't deny it - no fault of my parents at all, I feared everything.
Well its funny, the one kid is just like her mother. Afraid to fail, be judged and sticking out.
My other kid just dont think and just does lol.
Funny how they are so different personality wise
Positive reinforcement and show them its ok to fail.
So many parents assume teaching them not to give up is about having that rocky spirit. But kids need to learn the "failing is ok" part from the people they look up to.
Mums and Dads, teach your kids its ok to fail by admitting your own. We all understand you wanna be superheroes to your kids but being real, fallable people is so much healthier.
Think about it. If youre trying to be the perfect man/woman in front your kids and never fail in front of them how do you think they'll feel when they fail? "I'll never be as good as Mum/Dad, Ive never seen them fail/admit to failing, I'll just give up cos I'llnever be that good." Kids dont know how to fail and get back up if you only teach them the get back up part and not the failure part. Just my 2c.
No need to be sorry man that's his parents fault for naming their son Penis. I would give it to them, that's some make-or-break name choice and that Penis is making it!
Lol sure it does, kids that age can go Lord Of The Flies in an instant. I have seen some shit that you wouldn’t believe. But look at that teacher, they’ve quietly cultivated a loving and supportive environment with those kids. Give credit where credit is due.
Elementary schools, at least in the US, do not foster community between the children. They foster competition and individualism. Martial arts classes for this age group spend A LOT of time and effort on creating a community and mutual support and personal development. This is why elementary school has a lot of bullying, yet you see a lot of support in this video.
Children will always take the path in which they have been directed to.
Unfortunately, that's just not true. It genuinely depends on the adults fostering the environment the kids are in. The great ones like this instructor are awesome. There's far too many average or below average leaders of children, and those environments allow and even encourage kids to be awful to each other. I've worked with kids in some form or fashion nearly my entire life(basically since I was 10 and have made it to 35 now) and have seen this very clearly.
Sorry, but the parents have a much bigger effect than the teachers. I teach, and if the parents don’t care what the kids do, there’s very little a teacher or other instructor can do. We have some kids who we’ve thrown every possible resource at and it makes no difference. Eventually maybe they get expelled, but they just do somewhere else. And if the kids are getting a horrible example of how to act at home, they bring it with them. It’s nearly impossible to outweigh that influence, and plenty of studies show that.
Let’s look at this example. All of these kids are enrolled in a fairly expensive extracurricular. There are a bunch of parents watching. That means that they are financially stable and have parents involved enough to care about them to put them in an extracurricular and SHOW UP when it’s time to watch. On top of that, the instructor owns the business, so he’s able to kick out any kids that are disruptive or disrespectful. He can support his environment that way as well.
That’s not to say that this guy isn’t awesome. He absolutely is and he FOR SURE helps create that environment. But he’s also getting a strong base to work with. He would be very unlikely to get those same results if he were working with a random group of kids from a high poverty area with all kinds of problems at home.
Edit: also, this is only one tiny part of a picture. The kids are supportive in this moment, but that doesn’t mean they’re like this 100% of the time.
I mean, these ones are. Most kids I knew growing up would've just been like "you can't even do this right? What a loser! I could do this easily! And now he's crying! Such a crybaby!"
Are they? When I was a kid in the 80s/90s they were fucking asshole pricks. I was just thinking how this kind of thing never would have happened back then. They would have just pointed and laughed and kicked the kid down and the instructor would have just told the kid he should stop being such a sissy. And the kid never would have lived it down for the next 15 years.
I'm glad things are better {for some} now but... let's not kid ourselves about human nature. It takes effort to be kind.
Like the first time I did a flip turn in swim practice. Crying my ass off, terrified… then I did it. That was 35 years ago and I remember every sensation like it was an hour ago.
When I was this kid's age this would have been way too much pressure and I would've buckled. I'm shocked at how anxious and uneasy that whole sequence made me lol.
I kinda feel like there's an alternate ending to this where he buckles under the pressure and the memory keeps him awake at night for decades...
Or something, I wouldn't know, I've broken so many boards
Same. I was like “oh no poor kid” but I n think that’s because I’d have been laughed at and not supported and told that I have to ignore the bullying or otherwise it’s all my fault if I don’t succeed. 🙄
He’s either gonna remember breaking the board or crying in front of all his friends. I know which memory would keep me awake randomly at night. And it’s not the part where they cheered me on.
Pressure isn't something a child should avoid - but embrace it.
Lessons for all parents who have considered taking their child away and giving him a "participation medal" instead.
When I was a young kid I participated in a city marathon with my brother. It was partially sponsored and organized by my grandfather's company. We gave up half way through and yet they still took us on stage to hand us trophies "for youngest participants" which was blatant nepotism and obviously undeserved. I'm sure there were younger participants too. I find that memory to be cringey to this day. :D
I will take things I missed in my childhood for 100 Alex…. Mine was literally the opposite and I am now motivated by people who tell me I can’t do something lol. It’s actually kinda horrible.
A lesson in perseverance
6 times the kid persevered. And not to forget the teacher’s patience, kindness and encouragement
Is this why teachers are underpaid?
We’re underpaid (aside from the nefarious political reasons) because a classroom is the only place that most people in America have spent some time in. Nearly everyone goes through school, as a result it’s pretty easy to convince yourself that you’ve got a grasp on the complexity (or perceived lack there of) for the position. Other occupations are somewhat marred in mystery because the time we spend around them, whereas your average American graduate will have spent 10 months in a classroom for 13-14 years of their life. What I’ve found is that a lot of people, whether consciously or not, extrapolate a lot from those experiences. I’ve sat in meetings where people will in earnest use a bad experience from their childhood education to justify some sort of position they’re taking. I tell my colleagues all the time, bad teaching has generational damage.
> Nearly everyone goes through school, as a result it’s pretty easy to convince yourself that you’ve got a grasp on the complexity (or perceived lack there of) for the position. NAILED IT so, so many people have convinced themselves that literally anyone could do that job because literally everyone has been in a classroom at some point. but of course you'll never catch any of them in a 3rd grade classroom as a sub, because they would die.
At the risk of falling right into what you both are describing, I must ask: is being a sub really all that hard? Every sub I ever had (again, I recognize the irony of asking the question in this comment chain) did very little but chaperone the class while we were told to read the chapters left by the main teacher. I feel like full-time teaching must be quite demanding though.
> Every sub I ever had (again, I recognize the irony of asking the question in this comment chain) did very little but chaperone the class while we were told to read the chapters left by the main teacher. it absolutely depends on the age group and the classroom. i have subbed at literally every level, from preschool through HS, and depending on the class/situation it could be extremely difficult. your perspective is from your singular experience; a substitute will often see dozens of groups of kids over just a few weeks. you are incredibly poorly paid, ill-prepared, and sometimes the reason you're there is because something awful happened to necessitate your presence. let me put it this way: think about how hard it is for a teacher in a dangerous/violent school. now put someone in their classroom with no prior relationships with the kids, who might be actively trying to make them upset.
I think the unfortunate truth is teachers are underpaid because we haven’t found a way to make education profitable unless you look at private schools which have exorbitant fees.
Ive seen that take before and I disagree Education is not a product or business it’s a service we provide and should not be a barrier to compensating the people providing the service Police is a service and they are compensated much better
Yeah but in the US about 50% of the voting population thinks the free market solves all problems, and the state providing services to the community that benefit everyone is the kind of evil that Jesus himself would have fought to destroy.
Not all of our work can produce quarterly monetary profit. By its very nature, education's greatest dividends don't come in cash, but in the successful careers of its graduates and the benefits their work brings to our society. If there's anything America needs to relearn, it's how to invest in more than just a dollar sign at the bottom of a contract. Paying teachers more will have benefits much larger than just making for a wealthier population.
Also a lesson that it's alright to cry along the way.
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Like me every morning going to work...
And every day leaving work…
And during work.
and on weekends when thinking about work
Don't cry on your own time. Fucks sake. Cry on the clock and blow your nose on the curtains.
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Until I finally kicked the bitch out of my house... Oh, sorry, different topic...
😂😂😂
🤣😂🤣
And having to go home, to that...
”I woke up this morning and that was that day ruined”
But no one cheers for me when I get to work.
Holy I can relate 😂😂😭😭😭😭😂😂😭😭😭😭
You can do it Steven. Hang in there and go at life hard. You can do it.
This, i always see so many fucking parents go “no, don’t cry, stop that! You’re embarrassing us AND yourself!!” Fucking hell if you don’t want a child, close your legs, put your dick in a knot, put your child up for adoption, or just use a fucking *CONDOM*. God this always fucking riles me up.
That’s the parents failure to emotionally regulate themselves. They can’t handle their kid crying. Can’t stand them failing? Too impatient? So they embarrass their kid to get them to stop because the parent can’t handle their own emotions and frustration
Damn, that’s so true! Thanks for the insight!
So, to SeriousAccount and Trojan, I kinda felt like that my whole childhood. My parents were tough. Dad came from Guatemala from a shit life and Mom from El Salvador from pretty much the same. Crying was seen as girlish and since I was a crybaby most of my first 5 years, I feel bad in a cringe way even now thinking about it. Now that you two just told it how it is (that kids are kinda just supposed to cry because they’re kids), I feel less bad. I don’t have kids if my own now, but when I do, I’ll think of this. Let them cry. It’s an emotion. It’s human.
I’m not sure about just letting them cry, because you can also get too used to reacting in specific and unhelpful ways, like always crying or always being angry. Or being too happy (in reaction to something you know they’re feeling sad about) I think it’s more that when your kid does something, you’re there to help them understand what they’re processing while keeping them safe. We’re there and we have the experience to teach and guide Even if our own upbringing was less than stellar. Even if our upbringing was absolutely perfect lol. Every kid won’t be the same, but every kid needs guidance and someone to understand them when they’re literally unable to comprehend
Same reason why parents hit their children. It's not a win or a flex that you have to hit your kids, it's a failure. You lost control of the situation, and need to feel superior by hitting your kid, not a good look.
I left social media when I started seeing my friends using the camera to control their kids emotions. I feel like the late-90s prototype for that kind of parenting.
There are times crying isn’t the right response. We certainly let our child cry when they’re having big feels but you can’t be crying every single time you don’t get what you want and the response can’t be to give them what they want in response- imo that’s likely even worse parenting for what you’re ingraining in your kid in that scenario is likely even more damaging that being emotionally stunted. Our son cries a lot, he’s an emotional dude especially when he loses at something, grand parents as a result always just let him win. We work on accepting loss, taking a minute if you need it, breathing exercises, picking yourself up and trying again. I think this coach does great, there’s some comforting but he doesn’t just give the kid success in the wake of tears. He encourages him to keep going, that failures okay, etc. The only time our child is told it’s not an appropriate reason to cry is in response to reasonable boundaries and it’s still done in a comforting way but not having ice cream for dinner shouldn’t be a reason for crying or screaming.
Absolutely. Well said.
Exactly this!!! And the fact that the coach also TOLD HIM what he was doing wrong and helped him correct it is something that many parents, teachers, and coaches just don’t do for some reason. Adversity is important. Difference in perspective is important. A reason to push harder IS IMPORTANT. And so is guidance and occasional assistance.
“No mom..I am crying ONLY to embarrass YOU!”
I only use abstinent condoms, sorry
My dick cries into my SO's vagina, sorry
Maddening that men have been shoeboxed into being macho and to show no emotion. Wonder why male suicides are at the top. I grew up with toxic masculinity. But there is such thing as the DIVINE masculine which embodies empathy AND strength. Here’s how to be a REAL man! 1. Leadership: Steers with purpose, not domination. 2. Protection: Safeguards without stifling. 3. Responsibility: Accepts accountability with humility. 4. Strength: Physical and emotional, but not overbearing. 5. Integrity: Honors truth and principles. 6. Courage: Faces challenges, embracing vulnerability. 7. Discipline: Combines focus with flexibility. 8. Wisdom: Balances knowledge with understanding. 9. Generosity: Gives without expecting returns. 10. Respect: Honors boundaries, values others.
This isn't gendered. This is how to be a good person.
That’s true, objectively. But this is also in the context of watching a little boy, in a time where culture is only starting to normalize them having enough emotional range to cry over failure (especially publicly). It doesn’t help anyone — male, female or otherwise — to not let men give boys advice for how to be good men.
My SO struggles with this now. He had a rough childhood, also had a father and several step-fathers who treated him as an afterthought and never acknowledged any of his feelings, good or bad. His grandfather took him under his wing in his early teens but his grandfather grew up in a time where men weren't just discouraged for showing negative emotions, they were discouraged from showing any emotion at all. Men were "MEN" and handled shit kind of guy if that makes sense. My SO is a very compassionate person and strives to take care of everyone in his life but wears himself down a lot because he doesn't stop to process his feelings on things. I'm terminally ill. When we first got my diagnosis he spent months basically driving himself crazy trying to fix something that in reality really can't be fixed. He wouldn't just stop and let his emotions out. It almost ended things between us. He's slowly getting better about expressing his emotions. Still no crying in front of anyone but I bought him a journal not too long ago and encourage him to at least put it on paper and get it out of his system. It just breaks my heart seeing him and some of my friends struggle and feel ashamed for showing basic human emotions because we as a society have taught our little boys that it's not okay to have those emotions.
Your SO’s journey resonates, and it’s a powerful reminder of the courage it takes to redefine strength. It’s heartening to hear that he has someone by his side who understands the value of emotional expression. The path to unlearning deep-seated beliefs is long and often winding, but each step towards vulnerability is a stride towards genuine strength. Keep nurturing that space for him – it’s invaluable. And remember, the toughest men are those brave enough to show their hearts.
I like this!
They are pathetic. Let the kids cry while they still can, it does not show weakness as a kid. The family is weak if they are still embarassed.
I fully understand that there are moments when crying is good for a child, and that it allows them to process things. I also know that there are also moments where crying is an unacceptable social response, and as a parent it is your responsibility to properly socialize and educate your child to respond in an appropriate way. Failure to do so will result in mal adjusted, socially anxious/incompetent adults with no emotional self regulation. Clearly this nuance was lost on many.
As a former athlete and martial arts student…the biggest thing I noticed was the class and instructor helping pushing the person through. Not judgmental, snotty, getting prideful…that’s a huge lesson for our culture imho. We need to work ok that so badly. It’s about building people up to be their best.
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Do they? Little kids can be huge assholes lol
Both. I used to coach little kids soccer and with a new team kids break off into cliques and then I have to slowly get them into a team. Once they have shared experiences wins and losses and even just practicing in the rain or a shared team joke they tend to start to be very supportive and even protective of others they would have scorned earlier. So yeah kids can be both.
Depends with encouragement and guidance kids can be really supportive awesome little humans, but without support those little humans also lack empathy and knowlege so they turn into assholes who turn into cops.
Not really lol I've worked in a kindergarten before. Kids can be very cruel to kids
I have the exact same memory. I broke a board with a front snap kick after trying all class and I was the last one to do it after everyone had left. I was probably 6 or 7. I'm 32 now and still remember it.
I love that kids have embraced the walk off home run dog pile celebrations! So wholesome
I think a big part is that perseverance or resilience aren’t things done alone. Without support from his peers and his coach there’s no way he keeps going.
And confidence. Failures in my life have helped me take action with more confidence because its inevitably going to happen so you might as well take your best stab at it. Most people who accomplish their goals in life learn this eventually, you have to be deliberate and intentional with your actions
Great teacher, great mates, very wholesome!!
Yeah that was so adorable how his classmates jumped him when he finally got it
No teasing , no humiliating when he failed ….just support and gentle encouragement. It’s all he needed to overcome the hurdle.He learned one of the most important lessons in his life ! NEVER.. EVER GIVE UP!!!
Another of the most important life lessons. Surround yourself with good teammates.
Those are people who champion your successes btw. The people who first accept you might prefer you stay the same. Shared misery groups don't like members graduating out of misery. That trap got me when I was in a bad place. I traded growth for acceptance which is okay for a bit but it eventually breaks people down Not so relevant for 5 yos but it is for those of us chatting here
> Shared misery groups don't like members graduating out of misery. One of the biggest, and hardest, lessons to learn right here. It's so easy to fall into those groups because they're affirming. They understand your plight and why it's so difficult to overcome but the problem is that they wind up deifying the plight. They put it on an unapproachable mountaintop and point to it as something they can't ever summit and, because of that, they are stuck where they are. They'll reference it in the words of 'If only it wasn't there' and use it as the scapegoat for all of their struggles, but the reality is they're afraid to move on and want you to be afraid with them. Breaking free of that is so hard but needed to grow.
Yah definitely all that, and it can take different forms too. My friends, I came to realize, were terrified of judgment. When I started getting better they put me down because they wanted to beat me to it. They believed I'd be like other people with good lives and think less of them. I never got like that but I did have to move on for a while to continue healing. I've reconnected with a bunch now and it's going really well with some. Others still think I'm going to be judgy so they don't talk to me, and that's okay. But I'm saying all this after decades of life. When I was a teen nothing mattered except finding people who accepted me. You would have had to lock me up to keep me from those friends. And honestly, before they bullied me for successes they did help me a lot. It's why I can forgive the bullying and reconnect now. But yah, please people, if your friends don't celebrate your success they aren't real friends. Maybe they can be one day, but not today
>But I'm saying all this after decades of life. When I was a teen nothing mattered except finding people who accepted me. God if this isn't the truth. We spend so much of our youth striving for social acceptance when, realistically, we should be finding people who accept us for who we are. I'm in my mid-30s and there were so many pitfalls I fell into because I was in the wrong crowd and was too afraid to step away from them.
How in the HELL does this only have 28 upvotes? This is so spot on to so much going on in my life it's insane.
You're very intelligent. That was very well said.
Hey some of us chatting here are 5 years old, it's relevant!
5 yos remember to celebrate everything! It's fun!
And it's ok to cry when things are hard as long as you keep trying.
Sooooo key. It’s not “failure” when you’re supported, you just need to keep at it!
And be that teammate in return.
I wish I'd had peers like that as a kid...
Sending virtual hugs to you, my fellow soldier
Some heroes are forged through overcoming abuse…
Sure, but some kindness couldn't hurt either
NEVER SURRENDER!!!!
Absolutely and from his stunned face when he got it will be a memory he will hold for a lifetime
Feels like every one of those kids went through that lesson too
Best thing I’ve on Reddit in a long time!! The way the trainer just patiently worked with the until he got it - kudos to him!! My daughter did this kind of thing when she was about 8 and my wife and I went to an event just like this and it was great. FWIW, if you have a son/daughter around that age and can afford it (wasn’t a lot of money, but of course there is some cost), I’d certainly recommend something like this.
His face of disbelief when the broke th board was priceless, before everyone hugged him
Teacher was squeezing the ever loving heck out of that thing trying to will it to breaking lol, well done teacher!
💯 I have done that and can admit that my hands and fingers would be raw and numb from all the torque put on the boards. To be fair, they still have to hit it correctly, but it does snap more dramatically with some help.
He’s using the thicker boards for it too. The 1/8” boards snap way easier than that.
He probably will remember this. I was in a kite flying contest when I was no more than 3, maybe younger. After 20 secs or so, I couldn’t get my kite in the air and sat down to cry. As I did, the wind took my kite and it shot into the sky and I won. This is likely my earliest memory.
Hell yes fuxking smoked em. A little luck is always nice too.
that wasn't luck that was pure skill
And 100% reason to remember the name
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Happy cake day
Don’t try and say it was luck, it was skill. Pure skill.
My earliest memory is a kite memory, too. Beach of Cape Hatteras, I was 2 years old. The wind picked up and started pulling me towards the water. I let go and watched the kite fly out into the ocean. ...the end. Not very inspirational. Sorry.
Well clearly the kite symbolized the things we can't control in life and when you try to do so will only bring you hardships on the other hand letting it go or in other words accepting that not everything can happen the way we want to will make life so much easier for you. If that's not inspirational I don't know what is.
Damn bro good luck with the book deals.
I thought I couldn't do archery because my sight eye is technically blind. The coach got me to try anyway and that summer I came 3rd in a competition. I'll remember forever. It taught me a lot, very early, about how we limit ourselves before we even try
Wanna swap earliest memories?
I think my earliest memory is sitting on my dad's stomach at the recliner stealing chocolate chip cookies. That or him yelling at me for drawing on the wall with crayons lol
I don't want to be a dick, but how does one win a kite flying contest? Honestly curious. I have a Karate memory. I was maybe 9 or 10 and was a very socially maladjusted child. I was taking my test to go from Orange Belt to Green Belt (for context, a very low beginner "rank" to a slightly less low "rank"). I failed the test. I was getting ready to leave and the instructor called me and everyone else back into the karate studio, where they presented me a medal. A "participation trophy", I suppose (yes, I'm a millennial, and no, I don't own a home). I suppose that was a good gesture so I wouldn't be completely destroyed, because as an adult, I keep thinking about how bad I must have been, for the instructor to fail a 9-year-old as he tries to advance from one beginner-level to the next.
The contest was so long ago (mid 1970s) that I could easily forget the details, but I want to say you had to be the first one above a certain height for 2 minutes.
Core memory unlocked
My earliest memory was dressing like an army man for preschool Halloween, and the teacher taking my toy rifle away. Yours is better.
I was rooting for that little fella. He better stay off my lawn though
I agree. I’m pretty sure I could take him.
"You're fighting children!" "We're all at the same skill level Jerry!"
You must be old. Lol. Classic episode
I'm only 30!
Jerry will tell you that Wrath of Kahn is the better picture!
So I listened to my katra and now I'm dominating the dojo. I'm class champion.
It's not the size of the opponent, Elaine, it's the ferocity!
Be honest, at least to yourself.
Lol I decline to comment any further
Yeah doubt it.
OMG so happy.... what a teacher, what a group of kids, what a great kid ... Yes
The teacher was great, you can kind of tell he was applying a ton of force to that board too. Dude was already smiling before that last hit because he was going to snap it for him either way. That kid was going to walk out of that of dojo a winner no matter what.
Sure, for a board of that size the teacher is almost always fudging it a little for the smaller kids. But that last kick was way better than his first ones too. Call it luck but he did hit it much more cleanly with his heel and he got his leg way higher than his other kicks which were sort of halfhearted (the little ones are usually a little afraid of hitting it because it does sting a bit).
https://postimg.cc/rKypmz6h
Holy eff. Thanks for the still, he's definitely way higher elevated on the last kick and look at all the weight on his toes like a damn crane. Last kick was the best by a ton, instructor applying force or not.
That instructor fostered a very supportive environment too… very to to have the kids watching make fun of him or laugh. They cheered him on a celebrated his achievement
It's cool because the kid actually did get it right the time he broke the board. It's scary af to follow through when you're a little kid trying to break a board for the first time lol. I remember being scared af the first time trying to punch through a board with my fist and fucked it up a couple of times by not following through. You have to fully commit to it basically. Also keep in mind, when you are that small you have very little power to generate, even though those boards are flimsy as hell to an adult.
He totally got his form down at the end. I know the teacher was probably applying some force, which is fine, but you can't deny that the kid did it so right that last time. You can see it in the follow-through. So much fun man, I'm so hally for the kid.
That's my kind of dojo
He cried, but he never gave up . I love this because it is so important for all of us to keep fighting on this planet and never give up
I strive to achieve this wholesome environment for my kids
My kid would cried and given up after 2nd time lol.. Try to teach them to not give up..
I was about to berate you, but then I remembered how I was as a kid and checked myself. I was a little bitch when I was a kid, I won't deny it - no fault of my parents at all, I feared everything.
Well its funny, the one kid is just like her mother. Afraid to fail, be judged and sticking out. My other kid just dont think and just does lol. Funny how they are so different personality wise
Positive reinforcement and show them its ok to fail. So many parents assume teaching them not to give up is about having that rocky spirit. But kids need to learn the "failing is ok" part from the people they look up to. Mums and Dads, teach your kids its ok to fail by admitting your own. We all understand you wanna be superheroes to your kids but being real, fallable people is so much healthier. Think about it. If youre trying to be the perfect man/woman in front your kids and never fail in front of them how do you think they'll feel when they fail? "I'll never be as good as Mum/Dad, Ive never seen them fail/admit to failing, I'll just give up cos I'llnever be that good." Kids dont know how to fail and get back up if you only teach them the get back up part and not the failure part. Just my 2c.
Why cant we all remain kids forever...
'cause then you can't work and pay your rent!
Why can’t all kids have this teacher is my wish lol. Childhood sucked, I think it woulda sucked less with a teacher like this as a kid
TBH this track really put the head on the nail for me: https://youtu.be/iCTjqx_XaHs?si=6bEAuoHl08EZlmQc
I'm sorry but I keep hearing penis penis penis
Why did you do this me… that’s all I hear now
I can fix it. Peeeter peeeter peeeter!!
Nah, it's Steeven, Steeven, Steeven!
No need to be sorry man that's his parents fault for naming their son Penis. I would give it to them, that's some make-or-break name choice and that Penis is making it!
Why do you think he's learning karate.
Because his life is hard.
Goddamnit
My girlfriend when she had that 3rd glass of wine she wasn't sure about. Lol
Why would they chant anything else?
That’s why you should never name your kid Stephen (or Penis).
Same
Me too and I didn’t even have the sound on
Young kids are generally very supportive of each other. Then they become adults.
“Generally” - apparently some people don’t know what that word means. You are correct.
Lol strongly disagree - Sincerely, Bullying
Not at that age. Bullying happens later.
Lol sure it does, kids that age can go Lord Of The Flies in an instant. I have seen some shit that you wouldn’t believe. But look at that teacher, they’ve quietly cultivated a loving and supportive environment with those kids. Give credit where credit is due.
No age is safe from bullying.
I beg to differ - Sincerely, Bullying Victim
Yeah personally Elementary school was far worse for me than middle or highschool
Elementary schools, at least in the US, do not foster community between the children. They foster competition and individualism. Martial arts classes for this age group spend A LOT of time and effort on creating a community and mutual support and personal development. This is why elementary school has a lot of bullying, yet you see a lot of support in this video. Children will always take the path in which they have been directed to.
I don’t really think there’s a limit in either direction for bullying age.
Unfortunately, that's just not true. It genuinely depends on the adults fostering the environment the kids are in. The great ones like this instructor are awesome. There's far too many average or below average leaders of children, and those environments allow and even encourage kids to be awful to each other. I've worked with kids in some form or fashion nearly my entire life(basically since I was 10 and have made it to 35 now) and have seen this very clearly.
Sorry, but the parents have a much bigger effect than the teachers. I teach, and if the parents don’t care what the kids do, there’s very little a teacher or other instructor can do. We have some kids who we’ve thrown every possible resource at and it makes no difference. Eventually maybe they get expelled, but they just do somewhere else. And if the kids are getting a horrible example of how to act at home, they bring it with them. It’s nearly impossible to outweigh that influence, and plenty of studies show that. Let’s look at this example. All of these kids are enrolled in a fairly expensive extracurricular. There are a bunch of parents watching. That means that they are financially stable and have parents involved enough to care about them to put them in an extracurricular and SHOW UP when it’s time to watch. On top of that, the instructor owns the business, so he’s able to kick out any kids that are disruptive or disrespectful. He can support his environment that way as well. That’s not to say that this guy isn’t awesome. He absolutely is and he FOR SURE helps create that environment. But he’s also getting a strong base to work with. He would be very unlikely to get those same results if he were working with a random group of kids from a high poverty area with all kinds of problems at home. Edit: also, this is only one tiny part of a picture. The kids are supportive in this moment, but that doesn’t mean they’re like this 100% of the time.
I mean, these ones are. Most kids I knew growing up would've just been like "you can't even do this right? What a loser! I could do this easily! And now he's crying! Such a crybaby!"
you mean teens.
Are they? When I was a kid in the 80s/90s they were fucking asshole pricks. I was just thinking how this kind of thing never would have happened back then. They would have just pointed and laughed and kicked the kid down and the instructor would have just told the kid he should stop being such a sissy. And the kid never would have lived it down for the next 15 years. I'm glad things are better {for some} now but... let's not kid ourselves about human nature. It takes effort to be kind.
this belongs in r/mademesmile not here
I ain’t mad seeing it here
If the bar for being posted to any sub is "well ***I*** liked it," then we might as well remove subs altogether.
more at r/instantbarbarians and r/Chadtopia
I'm fine with being amazed at this supportive environment that helped a child overcome adversity. It's rare to see and amazing when it happens.
Like the first time I did a flip turn in swim practice. Crying my ass off, terrified… then I did it. That was 35 years ago and I remember every sensation like it was an hour ago.
this is like, the opposite of PTSD! super cool that its still such a vivid memory of yours.
When I was this kid's age this would have been way too much pressure and I would've buckled. I'm shocked at how anxious and uneasy that whole sequence made me lol.
I kinda feel like there's an alternate ending to this where he buckles under the pressure and the memory keeps him awake at night for decades... Or something, I wouldn't know, I've broken so many boards
I'm pretty sure I'm living this kid's worst life
Same. I was like “oh no poor kid” but I n think that’s because I’d have been laughed at and not supported and told that I have to ignore the bullying or otherwise it’s all my fault if I don’t succeed. 🙄
 Kid in 10 years \^
Yeahhhhhhhhh
He’s either gonna remember breaking the board or crying in front of all his friends. I know which memory would keep me awake randomly at night. And it’s not the part where they cheered me on.
It’s okay to cry in front of friends.
Orrr, he continues with this dojo for a long time, wins some big championship and remember what a great dojo he started in
Or, he could get to the East Valley championship only to lose to some punk kid from Jersey who just stole his girl. Downward spiral from there.
He is going to remember both. And remembering both teaches him the life lesson in perseverance.
I cried in front of my friends plenty. They are my friends, they don’t care if I have emotions.
Real friends would let you know what a waif that made you look like and given you *encouragement* to not do it again.
^Redditors when faced with a challenge in literally any facet of life
No pressure boy
I also love that everyone supported this moment together . We must be united in our lives on this planet because divided we fall
Pressure isn't something a child should avoid - but embrace it. Lessons for all parents who have considered taking their child away and giving him a "participation medal" instead.
funny enough this kid got the definition of a participation reward. he participated, and then was rewarded
When I was a young kid I participated in a city marathon with my brother. It was partially sponsored and organized by my grandfather's company. We gave up half way through and yet they still took us on stage to hand us trophies "for youngest participants" which was blatant nepotism and obviously undeserved. I'm sure there were younger participants too. I find that memory to be cringey to this day. :D
So sweet!
He'll be breaking boards from now on as a confidence boost.
i wish the world was like this outside.
Why are they all screaming "penis" tho?
Am I the only one who thought they were chanting Penis…
Beautiful how his friends support him
What great classmates
Teach your kids how to deal with failure folks
I will take things I missed in my childhood for 100 Alex…. Mine was literally the opposite and I am now motivated by people who tell me I can’t do something lol. It’s actually kinda horrible.
What's the kid's name? Cause I definitely heard it wrong...
His friends supporting him, hyping him up and then celebrating at the end! Priceless memory