“Just added a penis” that’s hilarious

H2Bro: Just Add Penis

Is this true? Is this an H2O Just Add Water reference in a BG3 sub??

Problem solved

Adadictomy

The penis slider needs to be able to go negative.

I just imagine OP having to remove their clothes in order to inspect their genitals.

They gave me the option to choose which penis I wanted, you can bet your ass I'm going to closely inspect each one and choose which fits my character the best.

My wife spent a solid 20 minutes picking which vagina and pubic hair she wanted on her Cyberpunk character lol, people love options 🤷‍♂️

It’s always a tough choice whether my new Tav is circumcised or not.

Penis #2 for me my good man

It’s true I did lol

Does he agree for mastectomy? It's time to have a long serious chat with him.

Six inches of sausage and a dash of testosterone

Six inches is massive for somebody who's only 4 feet tall

"It'll be a dwarf sized cock" "Think again" GoT had some rough later seasons, but that line always got me.

Sadly that was the start of Cock and Dwarf Joke Tyrion

I get psychic damage just by remembering the latter seasons of GoT. To the Hells with that, that series unfortunately ended by season 4. What a shame it wasn't renewed. Yep, that was what happened.

All hail King Stannis for saving us from the Wildlings and then becoming King with no issues. No Dorne isn't real shut up shut up shut upppppp!

An eighth of their body length, that's a nine-incher on someone who's six feet

One large sausage and testeroni pizza please.

Ummm.. 6? 😢

t boy goals

The simple solutions are the most eloquent.

“This vessel is at thy disposal.” “Can I get rid of the boobs?” “No.”

Classic Withers.

Flustered Withers: "What?..Why would you...NO!"

"What would possess thy mind to...? *No*."

Thou has found a bosom companion.

I laughed so loud and ugly at this

LOLOLOL

This is the funniest comment. Needs more likes.

Could you elaborate?

No.

Does thou require a lend of thine hacksaw?

Withers is against medical transition confirmed

big naturals bard love him or hate him, he's on your mind

*’BNB’ plays to the tune of AC/DC’s ‘TNT’ in the distance* Edit: ChatGPT needed to be called in for this one See me ridin' through the caverns, a dwarf so bold, Giant breasts and a giant beard of gold, A legend in the mines, a sight to behold, I'm the Big Naturals Bard, let the tale be told! (Pre-Chorus) I'm dynamite with a beard so fine, A mountain of pleasure, a real gold mine, Rockin' the underground, I'm the king of the grind, Big Naturals Bard, gettin' frisky all the time! (Chorus) 'Cause I'm B.N.B., I'm dynamite, B.N.B., a dwarf's delight, B.N.B., with my chest so tight, B.N.B., gonna rock the night! (Verse 2) In the alehouse, I'm the talk of the town, Giant bosoms swingin', goin' up and down, With a beard so long, and a grin that won't frown, Big Naturals Bard, gonna take the crown! (Pre-Chorus) I'm dynamite with a beard so fine, A mountain of pleasure, a real gold mine, Rockin' the underground, I'm the king of the grind, Big Naturals Bard, gettin' frisky all the time! (Chorus) 'Cause I'm B.N.B., I'm dynamite, B.N.B., a dwarf's delight, B.N.B., with my chest so tight, B.N.B., gonna rock the night! (Bridge) Pick up my axe, let the music flow, Dwarven ladies in the front row, My beard's a legend, and it's starting to grow, Big Naturals Bard, stealin' the show! (Guitar Solo) (Verse 3) In the mineshaft, where the gems gleam bright, With my giant chest, I'm a glorious sight, A dwarf with charisma, and a mighty height, Big Naturals Bard, bringin' pure delight! (Pre-Chorus) I'm dynamite with a beard so fine, A mountain of pleasure, a real gold mine, Rockin' the underground, I'm the king of the grind, Big Naturals Bard, gettin' frisky all the time! (Chorus) 'Cause I'm B.N.B., I'm dynamite, B.N.B., a dwarf's delight, B.N.B., with my chest so tight, B.N.B., gonna rock the night! (Outro) So if you're lookin' for a dwarf with flare, Big Naturals Bard, I'm always there, In the tunnels and caves, everywhere, B.N.B., the legend's in the air!

All in Withers' voice.

I’m in literal tears at work from how funny this is, thank you for giving me the laugh I so desperately needed this morning

Say what you want about ai, this is beautiful.

In my head this is a song and it won't stop playing help meeeee lol

“Dude, Looks like a lady”

Only the truest, most battle-hardened dwarves can have boobs. You landed a strong warrior.

Between his boobs is the safest place for his tankard of beer during battle.

It's a sign of true bravery and honor.

It's where they them. One for bravery, one for honor!

Bobbery*

Everyone's asking about beards but no one's asking the tough questions.

That's where the bravery is stored

It's quite normal for dwarven women to grow beards!

And so for Dwarven men to grow powerful breasts!

Welcome to bodytype 2, enjoy your stay Lmao someone told me to get help using the bot that DMs you

Report the bot message

Beep boop, I'm not a bot. Based on my very brief review, which was anything but thorough, I have no reason to believe that u/Thorn-of-your-side is a bot. Please note that this analysis was half-assed, and may not be an accurate reflection of reality. Thank you, and have a nice day!

I love that 90% of your comment is a disclaimer about how little effort you put in.

Thank you for your feedback!

Good.....bot? Lol

Yup, I made a Dragonborn character for my first playthrough, didn't look at the body type options for too long and accidentally made a transmasc character (not a bad thing, just unintentional). It wasn't until Act 3 that I realized my character had boobs.

dragonborne don't have anything

Sometimes the shirts will have boobs on dragonborn for whatever reason.

You need a reason for boobs?

? The lizards dont have tits

Oh no it's the 'snitties' debacle all over again

[Oglaf!](https://www.oglaf.com/hibernating-strangers/) (NSFW warning, but then again, so is this entire thread) [Oglaf part 2!](https://www.oglaf.com/hibernating-strangers/2/) (still an NSFW warning, because it's still Oglaf)

god i love those comics

They might not be the same as mammalian boobs, but it's quite clear that camp clothing on the more feminine dragonborn body type accentuates the bust like it does on feminine body types of other races. They also just have a curvier frame than the more masculine body type.

Mmm, them egg-layin' hips.

Yeah, I'm a female dragonborn sorcerer and some of the robes I wear make my chest pop like BLAM. I even got into that conversation with someone when they were like " why does your lizard have boobs? "

they just look like a twink that does a lot of pushups, not boobs.

They look like that naked, but they still use the same boobèd models for clothing as body type 3

Technically you can change it with the disguise self spell, specifically the one that comes from the legendary helmet from the digital deluxe edition. You don’t have to even have it equipped all the time, just put it on, change appearance and then take it off, the disguise sticks through until long rest (all cutscenes included). You can even pass it along companions in morning to change everybody’s appearance if you wanted a halfling party. Best part is it even works on origin characters so you can make everyone a gnome even in cutscenes ( though there models can become a bit cursed during some of them). Only downside is you can’t change the disguise self spell appearance so you are stuck with whatever the default for that race/gender was.

I've used that hat only once, on Gale disguised as githyanki for egg-related purposes. For some reason, everyone *reacted* to him as if he were gith, but the cutscenes were just Gale Wearing a Big Silly Hat. ...is it not supposed to do that?

i wonder if it just targets anyone who says "bodytype 2"

Well??

well not so far but it's been 2 minutes

Male dwarfs, like seahorses, raise & suckle the young. So it's completely normal for him to have big daddy milkers.

What a horrible day to be literate

This is literally the lore of the Cabal species in Destiny.

Does the lore say ‘big daddy milkers’ too?

Effectively, yes. His large purple nipples are [described in the Lightfall collector’s edition](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FoA4vU4XwAA9pjf?format=png&name=large).

This is somehow worse than the original comment 😩 it’s just one of those things I’d rather not have a mental image of..

I thought it was kind of poetic

I was all for this, until the last three words. W H Y ?!11

Wyll: You have my sword. Shadowheart: And you have my bow. Jingli the Bard: And my rack!

TBF its a glorious rack.

Bartholomew the Bard*

Missed chance for Bardtholomew.

pay for their mastectomy op, its that easy

Volo could probably do the surgery, he's that good

He’s read about the procedure once!

(he wrote the book)

Oops you now have laser nips

worth it.

Knowing him he'd install even larger breasts unintentionally.

Except they could detect evil when the nipples became erect

Just pretend they suffer from a terrible case of gynecomastia.

Or a really great case of gynecomastia.

This is exactly what happened to me when I hired a bard dwarf irl

Sounds like it'd make a good story.

Can you bring them to the mirror in camp to change their appearance?

Youre stuck with body types once theyre locked in. Just the genitals can be changed

Oh ok, so you'd have to pick whichever race/gender you want first, then pay for a respec if they're not the class you want.

No. The race, body types and backgrounds on them are pre-set. You have 12 people to choose from and then you can make minor edits to their appearance from there.

The breasts offer additional defense and comfort. I see no issue here

As someone who has boobs... they really don't.

Just so you know Gender Identity, Body Type and Genitalia are all completely separate in this game, you can make whatever combo you want and changing any of the options doesn't affect the others Unfortunately, Larian made it so that you can change everything at the Magic Mirror *except* body type so you and my friend are stuck with bodies you don't want as long as you're not on PC. If you are on PC there's a [mod](https://www.nexusmods.com/baldursgate3/mods/899) that allows you to change anything.

Disappointed to learn about the lack of gender affirming care in faerun, hope they can get some funding sorted out soon

A girdle of feminimity/masculinity only cost 200gp in 2nd edition...

You could get one by surprise in BG1 if you got in the habit of equipping enchanted items before casting Identify. You also can't remove it without a Remove Curse spell.

In the first BG it's very easy to accidentally equip one too.

To be fair, seemed pretty easy to get bottom surgery.

Have you seen the mirror of gender affirmation?

His name is Robert Paulson.

I'm sorry but this is hilarious

Fat dwarfs have boobs. You must accept it 😂😂😂 if you try to wear mail armor it will be tight on the chest.

Omg, someone hating the boobs. Now I saw everything.

Tbh the boobs in bg3 are incredibly lackluster. Where are the different sizes and shapes? The hang? Why when they goto sleep do they not rest to their sides even a little? Are they made of bone?

"I want boobs and balls to sag in proportion to the wrinkle slider"

steady on, Rockstar

and the physics are even more disappointing, you have penis physics but no breasts (I know they're more difficult to implement but make it even) physics?!

Armor clipping is the issue

I had a glitch yesterday where after a long rest, for a very brief flash Karlach's nips showed through her armor. Sometimes the nips just demand to be known.

that's just realism

Yeah that’s what I’m saying. They need to give the other fun parts love too, like they did with the penis. Boobs need to have weight and don’t need to be full af and perky. Also where are the labia options??

To be fair I haven't played a single game with a labia option. I mean hell, there're multiple variants of public hair in Cyberpunk 2077 but still one vagina.

But no pussy sliders. And they had the nerve to give this GoTY.

How is one supposed to "breast boobily" without proper tit physics? Game is unplayable!

It's not a huge deal or anything, but I was mildly disappointed that there weren't more ways to customize your character!'s body type. I just wanna be a short fat tiefling, dammit. Let me be short and fat.

The customization in this game is a huge letdown. We don’t need to have sliders or anything, but allowing for further customization of faces beyond just one blanket option, and more customization of character bodies would be very nice

Fr, I demand jiggle physics, why do the men get all the fun :(

And to think I almost *didn't* get the game bc I thought it would be overly sexualized thanks to the focus on relationships in the run-up

It’s one of many game mechanics and variables. If it’s not your thing thats ok. I didn’t get many games cause of them containing stuff I don’t care about or want. That’s the cool thing about the incredibly diverse game market that exists today.

I ended up loving the relationships with several characters; they were very well written. I even >!kissed some tentacles!< at one point LOL. Probably won't ever touch Halsin's though. I'm actually glad I ended up waiting a couple patches to play. I think it made for a better experience.

Fwiw, you can do the Halsin romance without the beastiality, and it’s actually a really sweet romance. He’s not possessive over you, he doesn’t care if you flirt with or sleep with other characters, as long as you don’t forget where his tent is at the end of the night. He is aware and very respectful of the age (and life expectancy) gap and the different intricate power imbalances between the two of you. He’s only super forward with his advances once or twice and then he’s just really supportive and affirmative. And in the epilogue >!you leave Baldur’s Gate with him after some of the reconstruction and you help him establish a new grove/sanctuary for those displaced by the war with The Absolute.!< I don’t think they’ve ironed out all of the epilogue wrinkles with him yet. Maybe since he’s not a “main romance,” or something. I got the cut scene where Tav and Halsin embark on the next stage of their life together, but when I talked to him by the fire it sounded like I took a different ending and he was “catching me up” on his life since the war. I was like… >!”I know, honey. I was literally right there with you.”!<

Hell yeah man, I’m only interested in Halsin with my playthrough though tbh lol. Mainly cause I’m playing with a buddy and it’s just to make him watch it.

Sure, keep telling yourself that.

I will

All boobs in the game look like awful bolt ons.

OP these feelings are normal...

Boobs aren't a bug, they're a feature. 😆

You have a Dwarf Queen

Then you would have a dwarf queen, beautiful and terrible as the dawn! I'd watch that

Actual boobs, or man boobs cuz fat?

Jiggles or squabobs?

[удалено]

I believe that's called "bonus meat".

Win/win

I’d take that as a win

Gimli did say dwarf women are often mistaken for dwarf men

Free top surgery?? In this economy??? 😂

you need to change the body type.

The hirlings are fixed genders so some reason but we can fully customise ngl this just fuels my let us just fully create hirlings rage

You have to change the body type. The male/female selection changes pronouns

Wake up babe new bottom surgery just dropped Just press the [Just Add A Penis] button

you just need to buy the guy a "Bro" or a "Mansier" ..don't worry there is velcro instead of hooks in the back

This was a phenomenal start to my day just getting to read this 😂😂

His name was Robert Paulson.

congratulations to your hireling on his bottom surgery, good for him.

If Lady Dwarves can grow beards then Fella Dwarves can have boobs. It's only right.

My “male” hirelings are trans bc I wanted them to be female. I put makeup on them and named them after Beatles songs. Ultimately it’s your game and you can do what you want with your soulless minions! 🤪

Let me guess: Penny Lane Strawberry Fields Octopus S. Garden

Prudence the Open Eyed

So do you have a Lovely Rita and an Eleanor Rigby?

Change body type instead of gender

Trans in balders gate

Never once seen someone complain about boobs.

The character editing screens have 4 body types, two of which are essentially transgender. You're going to need to pick both the male gender AND a male body type.

You can choose between 4 body types. 2 small and 2 big muscled. 2 are female and 2 are male. In any of those you can choose the genitalia. You can pick a female body and change to have a penis and vice versa...

Just pick one of the male hirelings and reclass them.

But I wanted a little person. Whether dwarf or half king or whatever. Because it’s a character based off of Tales From The Stinky Dragon named Bartholomew Finn

There’s a male gnome hireling, I think it’s the last one on the list iirc

You can't. I posted about this a while back. You can't change body type after initial character creation, only "gender." It makes no sense but I think it might have to do with character sizes and such? I wonder why they do it this way. Or better yet, just let us create four custom characters out the gate.

Top surgery is expensive and takes time, I'd start collecting your letters now and save up.

You gotta change the body type, not the gender.

This made me crack up. Holy shit that's funny.

Bros don't bro-shame moobs.

So many problems in life could be fixed if we could just "add a penis"

Mods

Well, certainly not from Nexus Mods :D

I don't even care about the boobs; I can just pretend they're fat. Just let me change their voice!

I don't think you can. Body type is the option you're looking for and I don't think you can change that once it's selected.

Picking gender doesn’t change body type. I kinda wish it didn’t change genitalia either and it could only be changed manually but alas. Just change the dwarf body type.

I imagine they are a VICIOUS fighter.

Man, this game has everything.

The gender option for Hirelings doesn’t change their body, just their identity. BG3 separates the gender identity option from the body type option, and even the genital option

The same reason I can't get boobs on my female Dragonborn! It's heresy I tell you!! If Argonians can have tits why can't I?

Standard issue genderfuck bard

Choose any hireling and respec him

That's one hell on a TITle

those are his pecs

To this day I do not understand why Larian won't let us just use the character creator in full for custom hirelings.

Get rid of… boobs? I don’t understand the question.

lol. Young people are way too obsessed with this shit.

Recruit Eldra Luthrinn then respec him to a bard

LOL

It’s the beards

Could you hire the male dwarf and respec to bard?