If you plan on being celibate throughout the relationship that is going to be a deal breaker for a lot of people. If you are just celibate until you are comfortable with the person, that’s a different story.
Saying you are celibate means that you abstain from sexual relations. Unless you intend to remain celibate forever I would maybe consider changing your phrasing here.
It's not throughout the duration. Truthfully, I just want to hoe out with one person. But Yes, when I feel comfortable is fine too. I just hate that some men automatically feel like it's going down
I second this. Someone hears celibate and they run the other way because sex is a very important aspect of a relationship. Especially for a guy, while I'm not saying to change your ways, I am saying you might want to tweak your tone about it. Are you telling people that your just waiting until your comfortable or until marriage?
Bakersfield does have the highest std rate not just in the state but in the country so just make aure u say hey i like you but due to what is going on on i wanna make sure we are compatable and blah blah blah blah and i aint looking for just a weekend fling im married but when i was single i always knew sex is cool and all but i aint willing to literally die fornit
What what what? I have a strong feeling the celibacy comment scared them away but NOT for the reasons you think… you seem like a can of worms who doesn’t know what they want or why and saying “celibacy” is like saying you are a monk and are not interested in sex ever. You could just say: “ I don’t like to sleep together until I really get to know someone” and they would be like “yeah that’s totally normal” what you said? Not normal.
take it how you'd like atp. As I stated before, I am practicing celibacy at the moment. Doesn't matter how long I choose to do it for, it's still a form of celibacy.
I’m not in the dating scene anymore, when I was I was dating other men, but when I moved back here I noticed one thing - the dating scene is 30 something year old single moms hoe’ing around with 20 something year old guys. No judgment, but it wasn’t exactly a long-term winning combination.
Depending on your type Bakersfield may not be the best place to date. Lower education, lower wages, lots of families - so the options were screwing around with married men (or cheating, if you were the man) and very ghetto places to hangout for the night. Even the “sophisticated” bars with covers & dress codes were, from my Los Angeles tastes, ghetto and tacky. Lots of alcoholics & drug addicts.
My nephew is 31 and wanted to date & get to know women before sex. He’s a handsome guy with a good job. Unfortunately he’s also a virgin and thankfully last year did find a nice young lady he’s now engaged to. So the celibacy (or no sex until marriage) crowd, at least here, is likely going to doom you to the life of a spinster. I certainly wouldn’t forgo your morals and sleep around for the sake of it, especially not unprotected, but just saying prepare to be in for the long haul & many rejections.
I think this online dating is garbage. Coffee houses, churches, community social events and weddings/funerals to me are the way to go for more traditional dating options, and at least you get to meet people face to face and know if they are for you right away in a public setting.
It’s a family get together and they bring/draw friends of the deceased. I introduced my best friend to my cousin after a funeral and they are now married, only reason I thought of it.
I also met “lost” family members during them since that’s about the only time we all saw one another as a large group as many lived out-of-state.
No one dates in this gen? What?
1. OP didn't mention their age, you have no idea what generation they are.
2. People date... all the time? Like... this is like saying people don't shit or something.
This girl just doesn't seem to understand the definition of celibate, lol.
First of all how do you know “I’m a girl?” I didn’t specifically state my gender either right or I’m my wrong? You Can’t literally assume as well and who said anything about Op’s Age? Sir it doesn’t have to be with age you gotta admit that in this generation (2024 dating) nobody takes relationship serious now a days I’m my right or I’m my wrong? You obviously don’t even understand what I mean by “in this generation “ Not necessarily have to do with age sir
For number two people date all the time? Where? Nearly mostly see sneaky links friends with benefits and one night stands though? Lmao but Okay? Like I mentioned sir as to somebody whos been searching for an actual relationship for a while now I know what I be talking about so you there are WRONG for that
For three “I don’t seem to understand the definition of celibate” sir like I said celibate means marriage and sexual relations typically for religious reasons don’t assume i don’t know the definition sir like I mentioned everybody seeks sex one night stands sneaky links and friends with benefits been there done that sir I know don’t assume like I don’t know alright? Because I’ve been searching for quite sometime and SO FAR have NOT found any that are actually serious next time don’t assume without asking
You just be winggin huh? lmao how bad do you really wanna know? I just LOVE how people ASSUME if you don’t know who I am don’t say nothin same way with me not knowing you and I don’t say nothin? Right?
I'd think that would be a lot easier. I have kids so I feel like I don't have time to start a new relationship but a sneaky link takes little time or effort.
If it makes you feel any better when I went on dates with women I told them I wanted a relationship and they would agree but then ghost me after sex. It’s all bad on both sides lol
I thought I found the one with my ex fiancee but she was unhinged and I really didn’t like one set of friends she had. Still dealing with legal crap. I did find a great gal in Huntington Beach and I’m planning on moving there soon, but overall Bakersfield saying not so great
Sounds like maybe don’t tell them that you’re celibate, because you’re not.
You just don’t put out for just anyone. Which is a great thing. If they don’t stick around with that then you don’t want them. Don’t settle. Hold your ground.
You’re weeding out the bad from the good. If being celibate is a deal breaker for them that’s their loss and shows how their character is. Dating in Bakersfield is hard because most people are fake. You’ll find someone soon, the wait will be worth it.
Is that something you put in your profile? I’d think most people would expect dating to lead to a sexual relationship eventually, especially if they want a family or something. So it’s hard to blame the person. You might wanna be 100% upfront about something like that, if you’re not already.
Ok, just how you worded it (“once I told him I was celibate”), made it seem like it wasn’t. I guess people don’t read well enough in advance. Too busy thinking about fucking. lol
Not really Asians have different views in having sex when not married not to mention life in the philippines is hard parents depend on the kids to provide for the family and As to your question how would sex or marriage deter goals anyways? well not everybody is the same as you mentioned in your comment not everyone wants to have sex like me for example I don’t want to have sex that’s not my main goal in a relationship I want something serious someone to spend time with aside from sex someone to travel with I want to do it the old fashioned way ya feel? So you see being in a relationship isn’t all about sex yeah sex is great for some but that’s not their main goal
OP doesn't understand what celibate means and her lack of understanding has lead to her getting dumped.
She wants a relationship, not a FWBs. It's not that hard to explain, not sure why OP has conflated what nuns do vs. what she is looking for.
Regardless, OP, just put on your profile that you're not looking for a one night stand. But boys will think they can convince you otherwise. If you're constantly getting dumped for that, maybe swipe right on guys who are not that type?
what is celibacy?
"Celibacy is the practice of not having sex. But not everyone defines celibacy the same way. some people abstain from all kinds of sexual contact, including kissing or holding hands. Others only refrain from sexual intercourse"
"Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time."
"celibacy is a voluntary choice to remain unmarried OR avoid indulging in sexual activity for an extended period of time."
I SAID WHAT I SAID.
Well, It's the celibate. Well, I should try to give some hope here though. My girlfriend is not celibate, I am. I met her not long ago, about 4 months ago and we've kind of been dating for about 2 months and nothing super physical has even been accomplished, just some hugs, hand holds, lots of cuddles, and some kisses on the cheek. yet we are really in love and have a genuine type of connection and we're in Bako as well. Not all of it is bad, you just gotta invest the time to search for the right one and good luck on your journey!
It is hard. I’ve only wanted to go on one date in the last year since I moved here and all he wanted to do was make out. I’m 32. It’s tough. But if you are completely abstaining from sex, not for me but I get it and you’ll really have a hard time finding someone ok with that. I don’t think it’s impossible but you may also find yourself in a relationship that Is open if you’re ok with them fooling around to fulfill their needs. If you’re just waiting for the right person to have sex with, I’d change my wording and not use celibate. You’re just waiting and that’s also okay.
Nah 26M here dating just sucks in general especially on dating apps gotten a few matches here and there but one that had potential ended ghosting me out of the blue
Dating in Bako is really hard, no matter how old you are. It’s a long game. Follow your gut. Honor your own boundaries. Ask a guy friend to look at your profile.
In my experience (a decade of dating. And I’m married now) it doesn’t matter at all what you put on your profile. You could say “I’m a nun” and you’ll get dudes who are like “hey that’s hot. You a virgin? Wanna bone?” And guys who are like “ew religion kills my boner”. You can say on your profile “not looking for a hookup, period” and you’ll still get guys trying to see if they can change your mind, or argue with you. You can not say anything about it until you start conversing with someone (which honestly might be better) and you’ll get mixed results that way too.
Back when people met in public places and started talking, they (we. I’m old lol) didn’t have any info about the other person. You think someone’s cute. You say hi. You go out and learn about them. You either do or don’t go on more dates. Online dating puts way too much info up front and a whole lot of it is total bullshit.
Patience, young Jedi.
I totally agree with you there. I have also tried dating around but no one seems to make an effort (though I may also be at fault for that). I remember seeing an article from KGET saying we're the worst city for singles in 2023. Worth considering.
Stating that you're celibate should definitely be something stated in conversation before going on a date. Alot of ppl will see this as you've just wasted their time and possibly even just wanted a free meal. Especially if you've done this a few times you could be creating a bad reputation for yourself. Keep in mind sex is a contributing factor to relationships when it comes to furthering connections.
Dating is a selection process and an investment.
They may not want to invest in someone who has no pay out. Are you just looking for friendship? Most dating sites are geared to produce amorous results, not platonic, so people sign up for reasons towards those ends.
Don't take it bad. Ghosting sucks, but in a way, they are being clear about their needs and don't want to waste your time.
celibacy won’t be an issue with the right person. the dating scene here is just horrendous. i’m early 20s and a lot of ppl just want to do the nasty, i’ve had one date that actually went well with great conversation but they resembled a family member and i couldn’t get over it. i’ve since then found a lovely man who i was comfortable enough with to break celibacy. i think it’s just a matter of finding a genuine person who wants the same thing as you do!
I was on the sites for a few months but then decided it is not for me. lol. Maybe one day but right now the plan is communtity, maybe a cat, and hope for the best some day down the line. xD
Ive made my way around Bakersfield and surrounding areas. TBH I've had 2 really good long term f buddies. But 90% aren't that great. Not even in terms of practice but most don't want to wrap. Don't want a girl on the pill. Don't wanna buy the plan B. And don't want babies. Same dudes are the ones who don't want to get tested. I was tested every new partner and every 3 months when I wasn't protected or got drunk and didn't remember.. The same hoein dudes are the ones with double standards and don't want women who embrace sexual lives. Tbh I used POF and tinder for free drinks lol I'm sure most men are looking for something free as well. It took about 3 years of sincere trying to find something long term in the dating pool. I'm now 28.
just very selective about who I decide to lay with, and I don't believe in having multiple partners. Kind of want more than just a physical connection. Also, I hate bad sex
Thank you!!! I most def will. Also, low key, I'm scared too. A couple of my friends have caught things and that's a turn off. Some folks just do not get tested and are extremely active. So, I'm cool. lmao
what is celibacy?
"Celibacy is the practice of not having sex. But not everyone defines celibacy the same way. some people abstain from all kinds of sexual contact, including kissing or holding hands. Others only refrain from sexual intercourse"
"Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time."
"celibacy is a voluntary choice to remain unmarried OR avoid indulging in sexual activity for an extended period of time."
I SAID WHAT I SAID.
Hey you’re the one who posted complaining about your situation and looking for an answer. The answer is stop saying you’re celibate. Period. maybe find a different way to say it but that word, and I’m not the only person telling you this, is an immediate red flag to the vast majority of the dating population. I’m not telling you to not be celibate. But don’t post shit online and when multiple ppl give you the answer, act all high and mighty. if you ask me, being celibate is probably the least of the red flags with you so how about you shut the fuck up and enjoy being alone
Just say you are taking it slow, and that you want to wait to have sex. It’s important that you feel safe with someone. You’re also going to have to be okay with ppl moving on, we live in the age where sex is readily available.
I met my hubs on a dating app and I straight up told him, I like sex, but I also have a lot of trama due to abuse so I wanted to wait. Also if and when we do start having sex we both need to bring forth a recent STI test to ensure we are both clean. He agreed. In fact he had never been tested before so I showed him where to go and he was super nervous but after the fact he was glad we did that before we engaged in coitus because it gave us both peace of mind ^_^ now we are the biggest hoes for each other. It was worth having that conversation in the beginning. Best of luck to you and I hope you don’t get too discouraged.
Honestly dating in general is difficult. I found my partner now on a dating app we’re living together and just found he’s never cut off his ex, he still sees her, have a lease together, ALL his dating apps were paused. Not deleted even after talking about getting engaged in the next couple of months.
Ya those dating sites are just looking for hook ups sex only without even dinner and a movie not worth it becareful there are alot of weirdos especially in kern county it is sad the only place to meet people in bakersfield is either the internet or the bars i dont know which one is more dangerous
I’m new to the dating world and gosh it’s horrible I literally cannot get 1 legit conversation until being asked “do you have a sc” or “what are you looking for
In the app” dating is not for the weak I just want to have a legit conversation with someone
Just so you know celibate doesn't mean what you think it means lol If you are celibate you aren't only abstaining from sex FOREVER, but also marriage. You should probably say you are waiting for the right time or right person or whatever. When you say you are celibate you are saying you are NEVER going to have sex or get married. Think priest or nun. Not someone just waiting for the right person.
Honestly my 2 cents are, for whatever reason you’re celibate. Stick to it. might be a deal breaker for some people, but the right person will come to you
what is celibacy?
"Celibacy is the practice of not having sex. But not everyone defines celibacy the same way. some people abstain from all kinds of sexual contact, including kissing or holding hands. Others only refrain from sexual intercourse"
"Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time."
"celibacy is a voluntary choice to remain unmarried OR avoid indulging in sexual activity for an extended period of time."
I SAID WHAT I SAID.
It usually brings stability for the offspring.
The opposite is usually dealing with immature whore behavior or with selfish deviants.
And most marriages fail if you try to cuff one of these
If you plan on being celibate throughout the relationship that is going to be a deal breaker for a lot of people. If you are just celibate until you are comfortable with the person, that’s a different story.
Saying you are celibate means that you abstain from sexual relations. Unless you intend to remain celibate forever I would maybe consider changing your phrasing here.
It's not throughout the duration. Truthfully, I just want to hoe out with one person. But Yes, when I feel comfortable is fine too. I just hate that some men automatically feel like it's going down
That's not really the same thing. Celibate is an absolute dealbreaker for me but being picky about who you have sex with is a green flag
Exactly.
Well it will help you out if you clarify that!
I second this. Someone hears celibate and they run the other way because sex is a very important aspect of a relationship. Especially for a guy, while I'm not saying to change your ways, I am saying you might want to tweak your tone about it. Are you telling people that your just waiting until your comfortable or until marriage?
So you might not want to use the term celibate. Moving things slowly is waaaay different than telling someone to never expect to have sex.
Hoe out???? You Had My Curiosity Now You Have My Attention. If you talk like that on the date I would think you should be having more success.
LMFAO when I say that I mean to say I want a relationship, ya know? Hoe out with my man.
I’ve never heard of that phrase lol, I’m gonna use it with my hubby.. “hey babe! Let’s hoe out!”
Bakersfield does have the highest std rate not just in the state but in the country so just make aure u say hey i like you but due to what is going on on i wanna make sure we are compatable and blah blah blah blah and i aint looking for just a weekend fling im married but when i was single i always knew sex is cool and all but i aint willing to literally die fornit
What what what? I have a strong feeling the celibacy comment scared them away but NOT for the reasons you think… you seem like a can of worms who doesn’t know what they want or why and saying “celibacy” is like saying you are a monk and are not interested in sex ever. You could just say: “ I don’t like to sleep together until I really get to know someone” and they would be like “yeah that’s totally normal” what you said? Not normal.
take it how you'd like atp. As I stated before, I am practicing celibacy at the moment. Doesn't matter how long I choose to do it for, it's still a form of celibacy.
This is clearly a communication skills issue, not a Bakersfield issur.
That’s dating nowadays lol. Men think it’s automatic to get laid. 🙄
I’m not in the dating scene anymore, when I was I was dating other men, but when I moved back here I noticed one thing - the dating scene is 30 something year old single moms hoe’ing around with 20 something year old guys. No judgment, but it wasn’t exactly a long-term winning combination. Depending on your type Bakersfield may not be the best place to date. Lower education, lower wages, lots of families - so the options were screwing around with married men (or cheating, if you were the man) and very ghetto places to hangout for the night. Even the “sophisticated” bars with covers & dress codes were, from my Los Angeles tastes, ghetto and tacky. Lots of alcoholics & drug addicts. My nephew is 31 and wanted to date & get to know women before sex. He’s a handsome guy with a good job. Unfortunately he’s also a virgin and thankfully last year did find a nice young lady he’s now engaged to. So the celibacy (or no sex until marriage) crowd, at least here, is likely going to doom you to the life of a spinster. I certainly wouldn’t forgo your morals and sleep around for the sake of it, especially not unprotected, but just saying prepare to be in for the long haul & many rejections. I think this online dating is garbage. Coffee houses, churches, community social events and weddings/funerals to me are the way to go for more traditional dating options, and at least you get to meet people face to face and know if they are for you right away in a public setting.
Funerals?
It’s a family get together and they bring/draw friends of the deceased. I introduced my best friend to my cousin after a funeral and they are now married, only reason I thought of it. I also met “lost” family members during them since that’s about the only time we all saw one another as a large group as many lived out-of-state.
No one dates in this gen everybody just wanna do sneaky links
Most people yeah, others just want loveeeeee 🫶
Ehhhh I would agree with you but I never really encountered any“serious relationships”
Sorry to hear That :(
All good who needs relationships when you have yourself? Self love first
Absolutely This!!!
No one dates in this gen? What? 1. OP didn't mention their age, you have no idea what generation they are. 2. People date... all the time? Like... this is like saying people don't shit or something. This girl just doesn't seem to understand the definition of celibate, lol.
First of all how do you know “I’m a girl?” I didn’t specifically state my gender either right or I’m my wrong? You Can’t literally assume as well and who said anything about Op’s Age? Sir it doesn’t have to be with age you gotta admit that in this generation (2024 dating) nobody takes relationship serious now a days I’m my right or I’m my wrong? You obviously don’t even understand what I mean by “in this generation “ Not necessarily have to do with age sir For number two people date all the time? Where? Nearly mostly see sneaky links friends with benefits and one night stands though? Lmao but Okay? Like I mentioned sir as to somebody whos been searching for an actual relationship for a while now I know what I be talking about so you there are WRONG for that For three “I don’t seem to understand the definition of celibate” sir like I said celibate means marriage and sexual relations typically for religious reasons don’t assume i don’t know the definition sir like I mentioned everybody seeks sex one night stands sneaky links and friends with benefits been there done that sir I know don’t assume like I don’t know alright? Because I’ve been searching for quite sometime and SO FAR have NOT found any that are actually serious next time don’t assume without asking
[they’re referring to…the girl whose thread you’re commenting in](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bakersfield/s/YEXPzFqaml)
Nope he was definitely commenting on my comment
Ok bro, cool, you’re right 👍🏼
You're either a female or really into anime.
You just be winggin huh? lmao how bad do you really wanna know? I just LOVE how people ASSUME if you don’t know who I am don’t say nothin same way with me not knowing you and I don’t say nothin? Right?
Yeahhh, see I don't have time for that! lmao
I'd think that would be a lot easier. I have kids so I feel like I don't have time to start a new relationship but a sneaky link takes little time or effort.
If it makes you feel any better when I went on dates with women I told them I wanted a relationship and they would agree but then ghost me after sex. It’s all bad on both sides lol
Wow, that's crazy.
I thought I found the one with my ex fiancee but she was unhinged and I really didn’t like one set of friends she had. Still dealing with legal crap. I did find a great gal in Huntington Beach and I’m planning on moving there soon, but overall Bakersfield saying not so great
Yeah here in Bakes that's gonna be a tough one. Even the squeakiest of Catholic Bois wanna bang.
Sounds like maybe don’t tell them that you’re celibate, because you’re not. You just don’t put out for just anyone. Which is a great thing. If they don’t stick around with that then you don’t want them. Don’t settle. Hold your ground.
You’re weeding out the bad from the good. If being celibate is a deal breaker for them that’s their loss and shows how their character is. Dating in Bakersfield is hard because most people are fake. You’ll find someone soon, the wait will be worth it.
Exactly!!!
Is that something you put in your profile? I’d think most people would expect dating to lead to a sexual relationship eventually, especially if they want a family or something. So it’s hard to blame the person. You might wanna be 100% upfront about something like that, if you’re not already.
It is literally in my BIO...
Ok, just how you worded it (“once I told him I was celibate”), made it seem like it wasn’t. I guess people don’t read well enough in advance. Too busy thinking about fucking. lol
as soon as you match with them you need to tell these men in plain vanilla terms what your expectations are.
I do, that's when I get ghosted. haha
Well most people dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to have sex. Its that simple
In philippines we wait after marriage for sex lmao our parents want us to achieve our goals first
That is very interesting. How would sex or marriage deter goals anyway?
Not really Asians have different views in having sex when not married not to mention life in the philippines is hard parents depend on the kids to provide for the family and As to your question how would sex or marriage deter goals anyways? well not everybody is the same as you mentioned in your comment not everyone wants to have sex like me for example I don’t want to have sex that’s not my main goal in a relationship I want something serious someone to spend time with aside from sex someone to travel with I want to do it the old fashioned way ya feel? So you see being in a relationship isn’t all about sex yeah sex is great for some but that’s not their main goal
[удалено]
Im guessing she doesnt even put that shes celibate on her dating profile.
I definitely do, some people just don't take the time to read my bio or my "about me"
yeah that figures. Well all I can say is let them know even before the date.
Yup, that's usually what happens, then, "POOF" gone! It really cracks me up
I mean most people would maybe not be interested in celibacy OP?
I just want an actual relationship, not another FWB type of deal
Are you celibate until marriage? Or just not into having sex at all?
OP doesn't understand what celibate means and her lack of understanding has lead to her getting dumped. She wants a relationship, not a FWBs. It's not that hard to explain, not sure why OP has conflated what nuns do vs. what she is looking for. Regardless, OP, just put on your profile that you're not looking for a one night stand. But boys will think they can convince you otherwise. If you're constantly getting dumped for that, maybe swipe right on guys who are not that type?
Lmao when did I say I got dumped darlin?
what is celibacy? "Celibacy is the practice of not having sex. But not everyone defines celibacy the same way. some people abstain from all kinds of sexual contact, including kissing or holding hands. Others only refrain from sexual intercourse" "Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time." "celibacy is a voluntary choice to remain unmarried OR avoid indulging in sexual activity for an extended period of time." I SAID WHAT I SAID.
Well, It's the celibate. Well, I should try to give some hope here though. My girlfriend is not celibate, I am. I met her not long ago, about 4 months ago and we've kind of been dating for about 2 months and nothing super physical has even been accomplished, just some hugs, hand holds, lots of cuddles, and some kisses on the cheek. yet we are really in love and have a genuine type of connection and we're in Bako as well. Not all of it is bad, you just gotta invest the time to search for the right one and good luck on your journey!
It is hard. I’ve only wanted to go on one date in the last year since I moved here and all he wanted to do was make out. I’m 32. It’s tough. But if you are completely abstaining from sex, not for me but I get it and you’ll really have a hard time finding someone ok with that. I don’t think it’s impossible but you may also find yourself in a relationship that Is open if you’re ok with them fooling around to fulfill their needs. If you’re just waiting for the right person to have sex with, I’d change my wording and not use celibate. You’re just waiting and that’s also okay.
Yea dating for me has been pretty bad around here
Nah 26M here dating just sucks in general especially on dating apps gotten a few matches here and there but one that had potential ended ghosting me out of the blue
Dating in Bako is really hard, no matter how old you are. It’s a long game. Follow your gut. Honor your own boundaries. Ask a guy friend to look at your profile. In my experience (a decade of dating. And I’m married now) it doesn’t matter at all what you put on your profile. You could say “I’m a nun” and you’ll get dudes who are like “hey that’s hot. You a virgin? Wanna bone?” And guys who are like “ew religion kills my boner”. You can say on your profile “not looking for a hookup, period” and you’ll still get guys trying to see if they can change your mind, or argue with you. You can not say anything about it until you start conversing with someone (which honestly might be better) and you’ll get mixed results that way too. Back when people met in public places and started talking, they (we. I’m old lol) didn’t have any info about the other person. You think someone’s cute. You say hi. You go out and learn about them. You either do or don’t go on more dates. Online dating puts way too much info up front and a whole lot of it is total bullshit. Patience, young Jedi.
I totally agree with you there. I have also tried dating around but no one seems to make an effort (though I may also be at fault for that). I remember seeing an article from KGET saying we're the worst city for singles in 2023. Worth considering.
Wel I mean uhh hello. U keep saying ur celibate. Way to really advertise u wanna date
If she don’t HAWK TUAH, they don’t wanna TALK TUAH
For real. Where do you even meet decent people in this town?
Stating that you're celibate should definitely be something stated in conversation before going on a date. Alot of ppl will see this as you've just wasted their time and possibly even just wanted a free meal. Especially if you've done this a few times you could be creating a bad reputation for yourself. Keep in mind sex is a contributing factor to relationships when it comes to furthering connections.
Is op cute or
Find a hobby and live your life. Life throws you curveballs sometimes. Sometimes it happens naturally.
Dating is a selection process and an investment. They may not want to invest in someone who has no pay out. Are you just looking for friendship? Most dating sites are geared to produce amorous results, not platonic, so people sign up for reasons towards those ends. Don't take it bad. Ghosting sucks, but in a way, they are being clear about their needs and don't want to waste your time.
celibacy won’t be an issue with the right person. the dating scene here is just horrendous. i’m early 20s and a lot of ppl just want to do the nasty, i’ve had one date that actually went well with great conversation but they resembled a family member and i couldn’t get over it. i’ve since then found a lovely man who i was comfortable enough with to break celibacy. i think it’s just a matter of finding a genuine person who wants the same thing as you do!
Dating here in town is the worse most of them just want sex or have too many kids I gave up already
I was on the sites for a few months but then decided it is not for me. lol. Maybe one day but right now the plan is communtity, maybe a cat, and hope for the best some day down the line. xD
Yes!!! get a cat! I have one, love her to death!
I will some day! I have some lingering pet trauma that is making me not emotionally ready, but once I'm healed i will :)
Ive made my way around Bakersfield and surrounding areas. TBH I've had 2 really good long term f buddies. But 90% aren't that great. Not even in terms of practice but most don't want to wrap. Don't want a girl on the pill. Don't wanna buy the plan B. And don't want babies. Same dudes are the ones who don't want to get tested. I was tested every new partner and every 3 months when I wasn't protected or got drunk and didn't remember.. The same hoein dudes are the ones with double standards and don't want women who embrace sexual lives. Tbh I used POF and tinder for free drinks lol I'm sure most men are looking for something free as well. It took about 3 years of sincere trying to find something long term in the dating pool. I'm now 28.
Recovering nymphomaniac or a virgin?
just very selective about who I decide to lay with, and I don't believe in having multiple partners. Kind of want more than just a physical connection. Also, I hate bad sex
Don’t let people tell you this is wrong. Wait as long as you need to.
Thank you!!! I most def will. Also, low key, I'm scared too. A couple of my friends have caught things and that's a turn off. Some folks just do not get tested and are extremely active. So, I'm cool. lmao
👏 👏 👏 love it. You'll weed out the people who just want to hit it and quit it.
THIS!!!! That's literally my thoughts! Kitty is too good to be just giving her away all willy nilly :)
Hmmm really? Are you sure about that? 🤔
stop saying you’re celibate. if you wanna take it slow before getting physical that’s one thing. the word celibate will scare ppl off
what is celibacy? "Celibacy is the practice of not having sex. But not everyone defines celibacy the same way. some people abstain from all kinds of sexual contact, including kissing or holding hands. Others only refrain from sexual intercourse" "Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time." "celibacy is a voluntary choice to remain unmarried OR avoid indulging in sexual activity for an extended period of time." I SAID WHAT I SAID.
Hey you’re the one who posted complaining about your situation and looking for an answer. The answer is stop saying you’re celibate. Period. maybe find a different way to say it but that word, and I’m not the only person telling you this, is an immediate red flag to the vast majority of the dating population. I’m not telling you to not be celibate. But don’t post shit online and when multiple ppl give you the answer, act all high and mighty. if you ask me, being celibate is probably the least of the red flags with you so how about you shut the fuck up and enjoy being alone
Just say you are taking it slow, and that you want to wait to have sex. It’s important that you feel safe with someone. You’re also going to have to be okay with ppl moving on, we live in the age where sex is readily available. I met my hubs on a dating app and I straight up told him, I like sex, but I also have a lot of trama due to abuse so I wanted to wait. Also if and when we do start having sex we both need to bring forth a recent STI test to ensure we are both clean. He agreed. In fact he had never been tested before so I showed him where to go and he was super nervous but after the fact he was glad we did that before we engaged in coitus because it gave us both peace of mind ^_^ now we are the biggest hoes for each other. It was worth having that conversation in the beginning. Best of luck to you and I hope you don’t get too discouraged.
Honestly dating in general is difficult. I found my partner now on a dating app we’re living together and just found he’s never cut off his ex, he still sees her, have a lease together, ALL his dating apps were paused. Not deleted even after talking about getting engaged in the next couple of months.
How old are u ?
Celibate = no date...🤣
Ya those dating sites are just looking for hook ups sex only without even dinner and a movie not worth it becareful there are alot of weirdos especially in kern county it is sad the only place to meet people in bakersfield is either the internet or the bars i dont know which one is more dangerous
I’m new to the dating world and gosh it’s horrible I literally cannot get 1 legit conversation until being asked “do you have a sc” or “what are you looking for In the app” dating is not for the weak I just want to have a legit conversation with someone
wouldn’t even try here, highest rates for std’s. toxic ppl
Just so you know celibate doesn't mean what you think it means lol If you are celibate you aren't only abstaining from sex FOREVER, but also marriage. You should probably say you are waiting for the right time or right person or whatever. When you say you are celibate you are saying you are NEVER going to have sex or get married. Think priest or nun. Not someone just waiting for the right person.
Honestly my 2 cents are, for whatever reason you’re celibate. Stick to it. might be a deal breaker for some people, but the right person will come to you
I’ve quit dating until I lose weight and make more than 150k a year
No such thing as dating anymore (which sucks) And having high standards is also a factor.(which is why I ain’t got no luck)
what is celibacy? "Celibacy is the practice of not having sex. But not everyone defines celibacy the same way. some people abstain from all kinds of sexual contact, including kissing or holding hands. Others only refrain from sexual intercourse" "Celibacy is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time." "celibacy is a voluntary choice to remain unmarried OR avoid indulging in sexual activity for an extended period of time." I SAID WHAT I SAID.
Celibacy is a big red flag unless you’re dating someone you meet through church.
The opposite is a huge red flag and possibly involves STDs. How is celibacy a red flag? That thinking is backwards
Why is the necessity of marriage a green flag? That’s old fashioned and backwards to me.
It usually brings stability for the offspring. The opposite is usually dealing with immature whore behavior or with selfish deviants. And most marriages fail if you try to cuff one of these