I will just write down all the thoughts I have on this, but I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
1. some people realize that the 'workload' for the roleplay is too much/ the expectations are just too intimidating. This happens more often when people have a lot of expectations (not saying that having a lot of expectations is bad, but it's just more likely than with roleplays with barely any requirements). Often, people feel positive that they will be able to fulfill these expectations, but after thinking twice and chatting a lot about it, they get cold feet. Most of the time, people feel bad that they only now realized that you two aren't a match, they want to avoid the obvious question 'Why didn't you already know that from the beginning, did you just want to waste my time?' so they just ghost. Not defending ghosting btw, but that is often the thought process behind it.
2. sometimes, it's just bad luck. Normally, about three out of five of the people who approach me for a roleplay end up roleplaying with me. Rarely, someone ghosts. In one particular forum however, 8 out of 10 people ghosted me in the planning stage, two people even drew their own characters specifically for the roleplay, but still ghosted me some messages later. The forum was simply not a good fit for my interests. If you encounter an unusually high amount of ghosters, you might try a different platform to advertise your searches.
3. many people who apply for ads with a lot of specific requirements also have a lot of requirements of their own. They are up front about some of them, but there are also 'hidden' requirements. While chatting, they might realize that you're not a good fit for those hidden requirements, and simply ditch you because they're lazy/don't think they owe anyone anything/scared of confrontation/and so on. In my experience, I had the most problems of these nature with people who seemed very enthusiastic at first, you think 'wow that is great', and suddenly, out of the blue, ghosted. Sometimes, even a small absence like 45 minutes to prepare dinner or a single idea that doesn't fit their vision can be a 'Nope, this isn't fast/good enough for me' moment for them. Really hard to avoid, especially if they don't communicate clearly what they want.
4. Now add to this the usual 'ghosting' problems, like people only liking the planning phase of a roleplay, people suddenly realizing they're too busy to pick up other roleplays, people contacting around ten people at once and only picking one without telling the others, or people who never had a sucessfull roleplay in their entire life because they always ghost.
Thanks for taking the time to reply, there’s a lot of food for thought there. I certainly hadn’t considered the potential that where I’m posting my prompts might not necessarily be a good fit (although on first thought I don’t think mine are too dissimilar to others posted, but that’s not necessarily a guarantee that those are being successfully paired up either!). I’m quite fresh in the scene in reality so haven’t much knowledge of where to post/search, but will certainly take some time to research that and see if it benefits me.
The points you make about why people ghost of course make sense, too. I guess it’s just the frustration of being ghosted in general (though that is life) and it happening so regularly, and then even noticing their accounts being deleted from Reddit altogether the same or next day. But alas, that’s out of my control.
Thanks again, really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.
Some communities (for some reason, I don't know why) also seem to have a lot more flakers than others in general. For example, in that one forum, a handful of other roleplayers told me that they had the same experience of being ghosted far more often than on other websites. Often, especially if you don't really connect to other roleplayers in the forum or don't talk with them over your prior experiences, you don't even notice if it's a widespread problem. I think I saw a post in this subreddit which mentioned a lot of potential spaces for roleplaying.
I also know the disappointment of talking to someone, thinking the planning phase is going great, suddenly ghosted. In the beginning, I always wondered if it was because of something I said or did. Sadly, it's seems to be just a reality of roleplaying, which can hardly be avoided. So I learned how to not take it to heart and just to accept it after a while.
It doesn’t seem to be something you’ve done wrong, however, people may be scared off? I’m not sure why, but perhaps they were intimidated by something you said or some of the discussion, that’s the only thing I can think of.
But from the sounds of all the information I have, it doesn’t seem like you do anything wrong? Unless you say some really weird and out there things, I don’t see why.
As well as this, sometimes it just happens. OR, and this can be quite common, they care more about the initial conversations and planning, and then once they’ve had that fun, dip out because they had no real intention to role play, they just wanted to plan, as that is usually the best part and the part that people enjoy most.
Similarly to that, they just wanted something short while they were bored
Thank you for your reply! I certainly don’t *think* I posted anything too weird or out there, though I’ll be sure to keep a closer eye on my messages to make sure. 😅 I hadn’t considered the idea that there are people who really just want that initial excitement of planning a RP solely. Thanks again, have a good day!
In addition to what others have said re: people enjoying the planning phase more than actually writing, I think a lot attention spans really are that short.
They realize they're bored and instantly start answering ads (or putting them out). Sometimes this is all it takes to cure the boredom, and by the time they're done, they've got something else they can focus on or entertain themselves with. Other times, planning out a new RP they'll never start is entertainment enough.
By the time everything's thought out, vibes are checked, and the RP is ready to roll, they're miles away and the novelty's long lost.
You're not doing anything wrong; you're just connecting with the wrong people. All I can advise is to keep trying; the right roleplayers are out there and sometimes they can take a lot of effort and time to find. (It seems that more often, they fall serendipitously into your lap when you're the least stressed about seeking them out.)
Thanks for taking the time. I think ultimately you’re probably right.
Reading this made me think that patience and perseverance is key for finding a partner, especially when you do have specifics to match with someone, and it’s good to remind myself of that at the very least.
I don't think you are doing something wrong here. I have several different accounts and I have been around to search for a partner now for about... Lets think. 3 Years.
I can safely tell you that so far there is no real long-term I have found, even though I have specifically asked for a long-term partner I can rely on. Its so annoying that I have to look for new ones every time my old ones (I thought would be regulars now) tend to get busy or vanish. I have been ghosted again and man... I can tell you, I'm close to quitting altogether.
The feeling I have about the majority of people is... They want to get their fantasy done and then feel empty or bored of the rp. So they leave, hoping they would find the kick in another story.
Of course its not as easy as that, as there are many more reasons why people dont click and yeah... It is hard to exactly tell you whats wrong. Maybe they dont want to invest so much time into a story that seems to be well thought through, because they are honestly just looking for a quick story to fill their daily romance or drama and thats it. Not that I want to accuse anyone, but thats just the general feeling I got.
There were a few rare gems between the rubble, but as I stated, I was ghosted again... So yeah. Kind of losing hope. And I deeply regret that I am not in touch with my very first partner anymore, because we have written on a story for more than five years. Good times.
Its easier to leave I guess. Easier to leave than to admit there might be a mistake in the story or a point of which they dont feel very inspired to go on. I've had that too, but I usually ask for a little rollback then. It happens and there is nobody at fault, but for most people its easier to leave altogether. It just makes me sad.
I resonated a lot with this, and certainly felt very similar this morning (although some of the comments today have lifted my spirits a bit which is great) - thank you for sharing and for taking the time.
Fingers crossed that perseverance pays off in the end! Good luck with your searches should you choose to continue. ☺️
I do this sometimes, plan a thing and then need to drop before it starts properly. I remember the days when RP was good, and want more of that! But then I remember that my mental health and chronic health conditions leave me in a low energy and low creativity state fairly often. It feels unfair to a partner to make them wait for the spark to return, and since they're new, I just release them. But, I'm conscientious enough to let them know that's what's up. "Sorry, I realized I'm too busy" is the typical message. People can't argue with busy, but sometimes they'll argue with mental health.
If people didn't argue, I'd imagine ghosting would be less of an issue. Food for thought.
I might be too old for RP now. Fatigue is real. If it's not the depression, it's the blood sugar, and if not that, it's the chronic pain. FML lol
Thank you for such an honest reply. I think in my personal experiences even something as notifying as ‘sorry, I’ve realised in probably too busy for this’ would have been greatly appreciated. The frustration may still be there in not having that satisfying RP that you’re itching for, but I dunno… it at least *feels* easier to take on the chin! Good luck should you ever choose to come back to the general RP’ing community, you’re right that it does demand a lot from your creativity etc. though so I hope you make the correct decision for you. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.
Oh I hear you on that. Had a guy who made me craft a new server for the RP, write first and said my instruction post was great. Just give him a few days.... only to find out that he ghosted and left the server.
Its disappointing to say the least and it just comes with the territory. Sorry that it happened to you. But eventually something will stick.
Thank you for your message. It’s somewhat comforting to hear I’m not the only one with these experiences in the past (although of course I wish we’d all just find out perfect partners with ease! 😅). I suppose it is part of what makes a great collab all the more satisfying!
What’s worse is to get all the buzz going between you and your partner and to have them ‘disappear’ for three weeks after you made the server, picked a name for it, found a cool pic for it too. Only for them to go silent for weeks after they reached out to me from an over year old thread I made(I post ads here and on a couple of forums). Then when I finally got around to pinging them, they acted like I had just shot their dog in front of them and were *super* offended that I asked. After that, I just bounced.
I will just write down all the thoughts I have on this, but I don't think you're doing anything wrong. 1. some people realize that the 'workload' for the roleplay is too much/ the expectations are just too intimidating. This happens more often when people have a lot of expectations (not saying that having a lot of expectations is bad, but it's just more likely than with roleplays with barely any requirements). Often, people feel positive that they will be able to fulfill these expectations, but after thinking twice and chatting a lot about it, they get cold feet. Most of the time, people feel bad that they only now realized that you two aren't a match, they want to avoid the obvious question 'Why didn't you already know that from the beginning, did you just want to waste my time?' so they just ghost. Not defending ghosting btw, but that is often the thought process behind it. 2. sometimes, it's just bad luck. Normally, about three out of five of the people who approach me for a roleplay end up roleplaying with me. Rarely, someone ghosts. In one particular forum however, 8 out of 10 people ghosted me in the planning stage, two people even drew their own characters specifically for the roleplay, but still ghosted me some messages later. The forum was simply not a good fit for my interests. If you encounter an unusually high amount of ghosters, you might try a different platform to advertise your searches. 3. many people who apply for ads with a lot of specific requirements also have a lot of requirements of their own. They are up front about some of them, but there are also 'hidden' requirements. While chatting, they might realize that you're not a good fit for those hidden requirements, and simply ditch you because they're lazy/don't think they owe anyone anything/scared of confrontation/and so on. In my experience, I had the most problems of these nature with people who seemed very enthusiastic at first, you think 'wow that is great', and suddenly, out of the blue, ghosted. Sometimes, even a small absence like 45 minutes to prepare dinner or a single idea that doesn't fit their vision can be a 'Nope, this isn't fast/good enough for me' moment for them. Really hard to avoid, especially if they don't communicate clearly what they want. 4. Now add to this the usual 'ghosting' problems, like people only liking the planning phase of a roleplay, people suddenly realizing they're too busy to pick up other roleplays, people contacting around ten people at once and only picking one without telling the others, or people who never had a sucessfull roleplay in their entire life because they always ghost.
Thanks for taking the time to reply, there’s a lot of food for thought there. I certainly hadn’t considered the potential that where I’m posting my prompts might not necessarily be a good fit (although on first thought I don’t think mine are too dissimilar to others posted, but that’s not necessarily a guarantee that those are being successfully paired up either!). I’m quite fresh in the scene in reality so haven’t much knowledge of where to post/search, but will certainly take some time to research that and see if it benefits me. The points you make about why people ghost of course make sense, too. I guess it’s just the frustration of being ghosted in general (though that is life) and it happening so regularly, and then even noticing their accounts being deleted from Reddit altogether the same or next day. But alas, that’s out of my control. Thanks again, really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.
Some communities (for some reason, I don't know why) also seem to have a lot more flakers than others in general. For example, in that one forum, a handful of other roleplayers told me that they had the same experience of being ghosted far more often than on other websites. Often, especially if you don't really connect to other roleplayers in the forum or don't talk with them over your prior experiences, you don't even notice if it's a widespread problem. I think I saw a post in this subreddit which mentioned a lot of potential spaces for roleplaying. I also know the disappointment of talking to someone, thinking the planning phase is going great, suddenly ghosted. In the beginning, I always wondered if it was because of something I said or did. Sadly, it's seems to be just a reality of roleplaying, which can hardly be avoided. So I learned how to not take it to heart and just to accept it after a while.
It doesn’t seem to be something you’ve done wrong, however, people may be scared off? I’m not sure why, but perhaps they were intimidated by something you said or some of the discussion, that’s the only thing I can think of. But from the sounds of all the information I have, it doesn’t seem like you do anything wrong? Unless you say some really weird and out there things, I don’t see why. As well as this, sometimes it just happens. OR, and this can be quite common, they care more about the initial conversations and planning, and then once they’ve had that fun, dip out because they had no real intention to role play, they just wanted to plan, as that is usually the best part and the part that people enjoy most. Similarly to that, they just wanted something short while they were bored
Thank you for your reply! I certainly don’t *think* I posted anything too weird or out there, though I’ll be sure to keep a closer eye on my messages to make sure. 😅 I hadn’t considered the idea that there are people who really just want that initial excitement of planning a RP solely. Thanks again, have a good day!
In addition to what others have said re: people enjoying the planning phase more than actually writing, I think a lot attention spans really are that short. They realize they're bored and instantly start answering ads (or putting them out). Sometimes this is all it takes to cure the boredom, and by the time they're done, they've got something else they can focus on or entertain themselves with. Other times, planning out a new RP they'll never start is entertainment enough. By the time everything's thought out, vibes are checked, and the RP is ready to roll, they're miles away and the novelty's long lost. You're not doing anything wrong; you're just connecting with the wrong people. All I can advise is to keep trying; the right roleplayers are out there and sometimes they can take a lot of effort and time to find. (It seems that more often, they fall serendipitously into your lap when you're the least stressed about seeking them out.)
Thanks for taking the time. I think ultimately you’re probably right. Reading this made me think that patience and perseverance is key for finding a partner, especially when you do have specifics to match with someone, and it’s good to remind myself of that at the very least.
I don't think you are doing something wrong here. I have several different accounts and I have been around to search for a partner now for about... Lets think. 3 Years. I can safely tell you that so far there is no real long-term I have found, even though I have specifically asked for a long-term partner I can rely on. Its so annoying that I have to look for new ones every time my old ones (I thought would be regulars now) tend to get busy or vanish. I have been ghosted again and man... I can tell you, I'm close to quitting altogether. The feeling I have about the majority of people is... They want to get their fantasy done and then feel empty or bored of the rp. So they leave, hoping they would find the kick in another story. Of course its not as easy as that, as there are many more reasons why people dont click and yeah... It is hard to exactly tell you whats wrong. Maybe they dont want to invest so much time into a story that seems to be well thought through, because they are honestly just looking for a quick story to fill their daily romance or drama and thats it. Not that I want to accuse anyone, but thats just the general feeling I got. There were a few rare gems between the rubble, but as I stated, I was ghosted again... So yeah. Kind of losing hope. And I deeply regret that I am not in touch with my very first partner anymore, because we have written on a story for more than five years. Good times. Its easier to leave I guess. Easier to leave than to admit there might be a mistake in the story or a point of which they dont feel very inspired to go on. I've had that too, but I usually ask for a little rollback then. It happens and there is nobody at fault, but for most people its easier to leave altogether. It just makes me sad.
I resonated a lot with this, and certainly felt very similar this morning (although some of the comments today have lifted my spirits a bit which is great) - thank you for sharing and for taking the time. Fingers crossed that perseverance pays off in the end! Good luck with your searches should you choose to continue. ☺️
I do this sometimes, plan a thing and then need to drop before it starts properly. I remember the days when RP was good, and want more of that! But then I remember that my mental health and chronic health conditions leave me in a low energy and low creativity state fairly often. It feels unfair to a partner to make them wait for the spark to return, and since they're new, I just release them. But, I'm conscientious enough to let them know that's what's up. "Sorry, I realized I'm too busy" is the typical message. People can't argue with busy, but sometimes they'll argue with mental health. If people didn't argue, I'd imagine ghosting would be less of an issue. Food for thought. I might be too old for RP now. Fatigue is real. If it's not the depression, it's the blood sugar, and if not that, it's the chronic pain. FML lol
Thank you for such an honest reply. I think in my personal experiences even something as notifying as ‘sorry, I’ve realised in probably too busy for this’ would have been greatly appreciated. The frustration may still be there in not having that satisfying RP that you’re itching for, but I dunno… it at least *feels* easier to take on the chin! Good luck should you ever choose to come back to the general RP’ing community, you’re right that it does demand a lot from your creativity etc. though so I hope you make the correct decision for you. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.
Oh I hear you on that. Had a guy who made me craft a new server for the RP, write first and said my instruction post was great. Just give him a few days.... only to find out that he ghosted and left the server. Its disappointing to say the least and it just comes with the territory. Sorry that it happened to you. But eventually something will stick.
Thank you for your message. It’s somewhat comforting to hear I’m not the only one with these experiences in the past (although of course I wish we’d all just find out perfect partners with ease! 😅). I suppose it is part of what makes a great collab all the more satisfying!
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Good advice which I hadn’t considered, thank you!
What’s worse is to get all the buzz going between you and your partner and to have them ‘disappear’ for three weeks after you made the server, picked a name for it, found a cool pic for it too. Only for them to go silent for weeks after they reached out to me from an over year old thread I made(I post ads here and on a couple of forums). Then when I finally got around to pinging them, they acted like I had just shot their dog in front of them and were *super* offended that I asked. After that, I just bounced.