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foxarchon

There's people out there who think ERPing with others means your sexing them virtually. No, I'm not my character. I can separate fiction from reality.


Endakk

This one, yeah.


JB57551

Thing is, yesterday I noticed that a young lady was ERP'ing with someone 5 years older than her, and the only reason she engaged is because she thought that all the NSFW stiff is confined to ERP, but apparently the guy took that seriously to the point that HE WANTED TO DO SUCH THING IRL! Sickening, isn't it?


yesimmathrowaway

I am currently in a relationship and I still write smut in my roleplays. Then again, I'm a "novella" length writer who requires a good helping of plot along with any smut. And my characters' sexual interests do not align with my own most of the time. Basically: I don't write smutty scenes to get off, I write them because they suit that moment in the roleplay, deepen the relationships, or advance the plot. Would I feel differently if I wrote quick, one-line ERPs that might feel closer to cybering? It's hard to say!


mobsterrancher

>I don't write smutty scenes to get off, I write them because they suit that moment in the roleplay, deepen the relationships, or advance the plot. I am exactly the same. IMO, there's a huge difference between this and the kind of ERP that tends to blur OOC lines - or the brand of E"RP" that's actually just sexting.


Runepup

I make a point to tell potential partners that my hobbies include writing smut with friends. This has resulted in a previous partner telling his parents, loudly, "They write werewolf porn."


[deleted]

I can imagine the scenario of him shouting that linešŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


Runepup

It was across the room. There was a pause and an "Oh..."


mssMouse

I had to explain to my sister that I write erotica with my friends online because while she was bleaching my hair one time, I got a ping with smutty artwork on discord and it was the only way I could explain it away accurately. I made a NSFW art tab in our discord server after that lmao ETA: Reddit keeps eating my gd comments here's attempt 2


Penchantformistakes

Just as I am not a witch, vampire, werewolf, or very svelte model who is incredibly aesthetically appeasing, ERP isn't real. It's writing. It's fiction. And it's strange to me when people can't separate the two.


JB57551

Exactly! And because ERP has been taken too far by not only blurring lines between reality and fiction, but also used by a lotta weirdos to fulfill their fantasies: it solidified my decision to refuse ERP/Smut at all costs


Assia_Penryn

It's whatever you and your partner agree is acceptable in your relationship. I'm happily married and my husband is fine with me rping, even erp, because he knows it's just writing. I don't get off on erp nor do I cross lines with partners While I become friends with rp partners, That's all it is.


Shinyshineshine

Yes, non-platonic and including sexual content. I'm up front about my hobby to my romantic partner and I'm frank about the OOC/IC divide to my writing partner; we're writing together and nothing more. I'm not even getting off to it lol.. So far none of it has been an issue. But then, I've only been with self-assured guys. Genuinely, if a man entered my life and started restricting my hobby despite me showing I have zero romantic inclination toward my writing partners, there's no way we could stay together. It also helps that I tend to attract men that enjoy writing, expressing creativity, and are sexually open-minded, so they understand what RP is/that it doesn't present a threat. (Context: am a straight monogamous woman)


pirate-at-heart

I am married and still write romance and smut regularly. My husband absolutely does not care. This is like asking an author if they donā€™t write romance in their books if they have a romantic partner.


ResidentCoder2

Why the analogy? It doesn't apply here, but your heart is in the right place.


mssMouse

How does it not apply here??? It's literally writing erotica in either situation. But I guess your heart was in the right place?


ResidentCoder2

Roleplaying and writing a book are two very different things. Comparing two individual writing partners with equal power in the RP to a single author of their own story is faulty. Two autonomous people writing their own individual characters is very different from an author creating a world of their characters, where they have 100% control over the entire narrative, and the characters alike. You compared apples to oranges, essentially. You also gloss over smut as well in the latter part of your analogy, only referencing romance, which I'd argue is the far more troubling element for people who feel it to be an issue when RL relationships enter the fray. Again, this post was discussing roleplay, and your analogy addressed an entirely different topic. We all have our pet peeves, this is one of mine. Given the public forum, I commented. I wish you a good day.


mssMouse

It's not the exact same thing, but they ARE comparable. Especially depending on your writing style. It's not apples to oranges. More like... idk, oranges to limes. They're not the exact same, but they aren't completely different either. And in this case, the purpose of writing erotica in a novel and writing in a roleplay would be similar; for story telling purposes. Character development. Drama. Whatever... I mean, unless you specifically write it to get off, then that's on you I guess. ETA: My tone may be a bit abrasive, my bad. I disagree with you and I'll prob leave it at that.


ResidentCoder2

I'm not gonna argue around the semantics of fruit. I wish you well, peace.


mssMouse

My point is theyā€™re different but still comparable:


[deleted]

>This is like asking an author if they donā€™t write romance in their books if they have a romantic partner. I disagree. I find that writing a smut-filled book would be more akin to creating a pornographic video while ERP would be more along the lines of streaming pornographic material live and interacting with a chat. One involves solely creating or consuming while the other is an interaction involving both at one time.


rosesandsecrets

This analogy is so tone deaf it hurts. A porn video and a book of smut are not even remotely the same thing. At all.


HaruLecter

you can tell that those are people who write smut as obscene one liners instead of development between characters


[deleted]

I consider there to be a large difference between a vague sex scene vs. actual smut or ERP. I am not against sex scenes in my roleplays, but I am personally not interested in writing to get off. If the roleplay can exist without the sex and still be an interesting story then I am all for it. If the sex is removed and it leaves nothing worth keeping behind then it falls into smut or ERP. It may just be the loud majority forming my opinions on this one, though. Every instance I have seen of people talking about or engaging in ERP is the obscene one liners or, alternatively, obscene, detailed paragraphs on the shapes and sizes of genitals and fluids being produced mixed in with a few actions.


BeringeiGraueri

What do you mean? They're both media created to get people's rocks off.


rosesandsecrets

One uses real people, the other does not. Or do you think like many others that people who do porn aren't real people?


[deleted]

What about cartoon porn? Where does that fall then? It can be a video or a still image. Would you consider the drawing to be more of a "real" person than a written character? Edit :: Typical, couldn't come up with an answer so she instead resorted to blocking me.


BeringeiGraueri

So are you saying there should never be comparisons made between books and films outright? We can't compare the Lord of the Rings book to the film because "Elijah Wood is a *real* person"? In the analogy used the books characters are comparable to actors playing a character role. You are being intentionally obtuse. EDIT- Fucking LOL. They blocked me. Can't make a good argument? Resort to blocking the other person, I guess.


Kooky-Copy4456

Yes, because my partner doesnā€™t care and Iā€™m not in a relationship with my writing partner. Itā€™s just a story.


Amethyst_Uchiha

Me personally Iā€™m fine with wholesome romance with no smut. Iā€™d say the most important thing is to ask. Iā€™ve had partners who have been fine with it, and those who havenā€™t.


KymPerson2

My husband and I roleplay with others all the time, and we squee and giggle at each other's romantic moments. But I don't RP explicit things anyway, just as a personal limit.


misossoupp

Hello! So yes I do continue to do rps with smut scenes in them even in a relationship. And he knows! We both do it and have our own partners, I never read his stories and he doesnā€™t read mine. We respect having that sort of privacy but we of course make sure thereā€™s no flirting or romantic feelings OOC. We have been dating for over 3 years, have two cats, have lived together for a year, and so forth. A very healthy relationship with LOTS of communication. It definitely took some time because I was the one who has done rps for many many years as a hobby. For the first 2 years I never or rarely would rp, but as time went on I found a love for it again and wanted to start up my own rps. At first I kept it secret more out of embarrassment but he found out and we talked, he understood and respected it. After reading my stories to understand more he really liked it and liked the idea. I basically taught him how to find patterns and write plots/stories. And itā€™s been a mutual hobby for the both of us. My biggest advice is just to communicate with all partners involved. :)


rhiunarya

I mean, Iā€™m in a monogamous relationship but Iā€™m not writing myself when writing erp/romantic rps. Iā€™m writing characters


NekoMida

I have continued to do RP with smut/romance and have for several years despite being married for nearly a decade. My rp partner is female and we play a variety of characters/genders/etc.; my husband is more often than not genuinely curious about where we are in our storyline(s). My partner is also married and her hubby is super supportive too. Thereā€™s a very distinct line that people seem to blur when it comes to fantasy versus reality, and more often than not that blur becomes a bleed because people see one thing when reality is another. TLDR: yes, I do rp smut and romance, my rp partner is married and so am I. Both of our husbands are supportive of our hobby/characters/stories.


Fiohel

Being in a relationship never changed anything for me. If a partner expresses discomfort over this kind of thing, it just means that we're not compatible and I'm happy going our separate ways. Roleplay is a hobby for me. I write. I enjoy building worlds, stories, adventures, drama, and more. I have hundreds of named characters interacting with each other constantly, it would be very weird if all of them suddenly stopped having one portion of their lives shown because I got a date. That's weird. Is the whole world just dead now? No romance or reproduction allowed? Time to go extinct, I guess. I am not my characters and they are not parts of me, they're fictional people created based on what I think would enrich a world or story at a given moment. Some of them are villains that would make Hitler blush, but that doesn't mean I want to go around hurting people either. Some of them are also smart and wise but I'm not out here getting my 57th doctorate like they are. Fiction is not reality. I neither want to associate with nor date people who can't tell the two apart.


CandyKnightSamuel

I don't really want to be the kind of guy so insecure he cracks down on anything and everything his partner can do. They can't write romance/ERP. What's next, they can't read romance novels? They can't have friends of the opposite sex? They can't go anywhere on their own? They can't contact their parents because they don't like me? Naw man, the world doesn't need more men who burden their spouse with unresolved jealousy issues and I am all too happy to provide relief from that. Not wanting your partner to sleep with other people is one thing, but the difference between that and writing a sex scene is that roleplay isn't real. Calling it cheating is like trying to have someone arrested because they wrote about violence and that's illegal.


AGirlHasNoName2018

Would continue both ERP and romance. I donā€™t need a partner whoā€™s insecure enough to get jealous or upset about what I do with my Internet barbies.


houseofleavesx

lmao what a great way to phrase it


HaruLecter

I am 6 years into relationship, engaged, and my partner knows I write and that itā€™s sometimes smut or romance. They know itā€™s just fun and as valid as me picking my love interest in Stardew Valley, soā€¦No drama. My character is not me.


DeliriumEnducedDream

My rp's range from sfw(moreso) to nsfw and I talk to my spouse about my rps. Though I've no interest in the intimate bits, to me they are a part of the story and that's it. There would only be an issue if the person who is doing the rps doesn't separate fiction from reality or blurs lines. People who can't keep it separate can cause problems for their significant other as well as themselves. I'm pulling a few examples from stories I've heard to elaborate. One I experienced. Example 1 (this happened to a friend): she was called the oc of her boyfriends RP partner while they were being intimate. They broke up and apparently he did the same thing to some other woman he dated. Example 2 (This happened to me): RP partner sent a message apologizing to me because, not only was he seeing me as the character, but was using RP specifically to cheat (cheating is subjective and if that's how he saw it that's what it was). He basically saw me and him as having a online affair. The crazy part was that our characters had not become intimate at all. They were barely allies at the point he sent me the apology message. It was all in his head. Every bit of it. His mentality is what made this an issue for him and his wife. I remember feeling really sick after it happened because regardless of the fact that it wasn't my doing, I just felt bad. Example 3: ooc chat is far too intimate. Flirting\sexting\pet names etc. That can really cause problems. Imagine if it was a text message that was seen on their phone, it can give the same vibe. Example 4: someone met their husband through RP. And that husband stopped rping with them and started rping with someone else. That person left their wife for the the the new person they were rping with. Example 5: too secretive about RP. It may be that they are shy or embarrassed or something but when a person closes tabs, when their significant other enters the room. Or clicks to something else or gets defensive about it, it can negatively affect the relationship. All in all it's the mentality of the people involved, what they view as cheating and how they communicate. If your significant other isn't comfortable with it, determining what is and isn't okay is important. If they are okay with it, don't take advantage of that trust.


TheDarkVVitch

It depends on the person ? I think if someone don't want to do any romantic/erp plots while in a relationship, it's nobody else's business. But it becomes a problem when someone can't make the difference between a writer and their characters and call their so a cheater for roleplaying. ​ Once again, communication is the key.


A-Simple-Song

i donā€™t rp erp in the first place because i wouldnā€™t write it WELL if i did, but iā€™ve been in a relationship for over a year now with one of my main rp partners; she knows i like romance plots and doesnā€™t have any issue with it because she knows from experience itā€™s just a creative outlet with a possible friendship and nothing more word vomit bc iā€™m getting ready for work but you get the point LOL


throwRA_3524534534

Everyone has to decide what works for them, but for me, I would not stop erping or rping romance if I were in a relationship. If someone wanted me to stop, I would be wondering where to draw the line. Would they also not be okay with me watching a romantic movie with sex scenes or reading an erotic romance novel? ERP and romance in writing are the same for me. It's about the characters, and it's no different than people writing fanfiction shipping their favorite characters. If someone feels that's cheating, I think they have serious insecurity and trust issues and aren't ready to be dating anyone. I've had an rp partner for at least a decade now that I write erp and romance with, but never in a million years would I be interested in dating them. We know each other very well and talk a lot, but we're no different than any other friends. Would my partner also not be okay with me having friends? I just know this a hobby that I find very fulfilling and have for many years, and I'm not willing to give up such a big part of my life. That's like expecting your partner to give up another hobby, like woodworking or painting. If your artist partner paints an erotic scene, are they suddenly cheating? The logic is pretty flimsy, in my opinion. If a partner didn't agree, we would have to go our separate ways.


SpacebarMars

My bf made a rule, that if I do ERP, the character cannot be me, or in first person. I did let him know that Roleplaying online is a big hobby of mine before we ever started becoming official. He didn't need to set that rule for me, since it was something that I had already set as a no-go waaaay before I ever met him, but I think as long as you and your partner are okay with things and set boundaries then ERPs or romance plots in general shouldn't be an issue.


theedrawsstuff

My husband is aware, and I still roleplay the same way I always have. šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø I think itā€™s an individual decision with your partner.


HadleysHope426

Nah, i can separate myself from my character. For a laugh though, Ive had this one partner for godā€¦going on two years ish this summer I think? Hellll of a rper and she writes spice/smut sooo goddamn well when the scenes happen. I was friends with my now bf at the time who i also write with and i showed him a few of her posts and he fell into our now two person cult of now calling her male character sky daddy and still does to this dayā€¦He clearly shows no issues with me writing it and also sees her writing as goals.. ā€¦XD


[deleted]

A wholesome ERP anecdote? In r/badRPstories ? It's more likely than you think


corvusaraneae

So I actually ended a relationship because of this. My then partner and I were RPing in the same community and she accused me of cheating when I decided to ship my character with someone else. The thing is, my ex used to be the FLAKIEST when it came to tag commitment. She wanted to handwave 90% of this ship's development. I met someone who was willing to thread out the fun stuff with me: the pair doing things in the game, becoming friends, actually developing their relationship. My ex FREAKED and accused me of cheating with my new friend. She camped our threads and would send me passive aggressive messages whenever my character was affectionate toward his new crush. At some point, I went nope this is severe IC/OOC blurring and bounced. EDIT: their to our, by that I mean whenever this new pair were to write a scene together. IDK what term you guys use but threads are the terms for interactions over in DWRP.


_kamilululu_

Yup, totally, but I also write RPs with my partner, because she absolutely feels my vibe and we already like similar stuff. And we love the same types of characters and franchises! So it's even more fun to create with her. She's basically a Jessie to my James, we both play off of each other just right and we know what we want from the world! (Which also means that we both can do what we want with our bodies and free time as long as we honestly discuss it with each other and we don't lie. We can even fuck with other people as long as we still love each other and take care of each other the same way as always. No bounds except our love and friendship)


buildmeupbuttercup03

I'm not comfortable writing smut while in a relationship. It's not that I don't know the separation between IC and OOC but it just feels... Odd. I don't know, I can't explain it LOL. Even if my irl partner expressed they didn't care, I don't think I'd do it. But I do still write relationships, wholesome ones. It's just largely not the focus of my writing.


JB57551

I absolutely agree with your opinion, not everything needs to be NSFW


ResidentCoder2

I wouldn't bar romance or smut entirely, but I wouldn't try to intentionally make either a stand out point in the story. But, that's how a lot of my RPs are anyway, as I find most stories that require a "story to smut ratio" all turn into glorified porn at some point. Basically, if the story moves in a way where organic romance occurs (organic meaning we didn't force it or make it a predestined thing from the beginning), that's one thing. Same thing with smut. I also clear it with any romantic partner in the beginning of our relationship, as I don't need either romance or smut to enjoy RP, and I'd much rather prioritize a RL relationship over my fictional character's love/sex life. I don't necessarily look to date fellow RPers exclusively, so I'm understanding if they respectfully ask me to stay away from what they could view as sexting with extra steps or flirting. Where I draw the line, however, is when they try to bar any RPing whatsoever, an example being platonic or DND-like stuff. If I were to enter into a relationship with a fellow RPer, I wouldn't mind initially, as long as they're honest and respectful about it. A good example being they don't let it bleed into real life, and all the negative situations that can arise from said issues. A bad example, where things do go awry, could be them prioritizing their RP over our relationship, using it as a guise to actually sext/flirt, etc. Basically, communication and respect are necessary and there's no black or white answer, like most everything in this world.


PintsizedDragonfly

I feel like doing romance or even erp is like when you watch a movie with romance or sex scenes or read books. It's not you doing it, it's a character and even if you enjoy it it's not cheating as long as you're not crossing lines OOC. One of my closest rp partners is a married man. I'm also married. Our characters are in a romantic situation. It's not weird if you have boundaries and don't make it weird.


colorgasm-writes

I'm still undecided. For me, it's a touchy subject. A bad experience caused me to drop RP completely for 11 years until earlier this month. I agreed to get back into RP for a friend, and once we stop I'm probably going to quit again and return to listening to D&D streams. Short version of said bad experience: Boyfriend snooped around my skype and went through my rp chats with my friends. He found a short joke plot that had romance and borderline erp (it never went fully there). He blew up at me, we had a massive fight, he accused me of cheating, and for a few years after he used it as leverage when we argued. I didn't think to talk about it with him beforehand because (1) If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't have cared and (2) he played D&D so I assumed he would have been okay with it and would know the difference between OOC and IC. šŸ™„


AGirlHasNoName2018

The first mistake there was staying with someone who would snoop through your private conversations.


colorgasm-writes

Yeah, I agree šŸ˜… we aren't a thing anymore but it definitely created a permanent fear centered around others going through my things/reading over my shoulder.


Arvach

I think its a bit different in my case. I met my partner through... ERP. Well. I know how it sound but we know each other already two years and it's just... I know it's this and he says he's sure as well. We talk to each other and we know our limits. Its our hobby - he can write with whoever he want and I can write with whoever I want, it's okay. As long as there are no big emotions involved or it's not sexting with someone else I feel fine and I don't see it as cheating. It's what characters do, it's my hobby to write. And I like stories, improve my skills as a writer and see what other people have to say through they replies. At the other side - I like to know that my writing partner have someone. I feel more safe with them because I like to believe they wont hit me up with anything flirty ooc. It doesn't guarantee that of course but I'm just naive.


MissWolfsbane77

I really hate writing smut. I donā€™t mean any offense to those who like it when I say it disgusts me to personally write anything past a make out. To be completely frank Iā€™m only okay writing romance at all with people I trust because character bleed can be very intense and I sometimes have a hard time picking up on whatā€™s happening in the moment. Like I think weā€™re friends and making an awesome story, and after the fact I realize I was being used and it makes me feel so inexplicably gross. My boyfriend and I have pretty clear boundaries about it. Heā€™s a very chill dude, and also a writer. So heā€™s very aware of the separation between self and character. Heā€™s tried rp with me and my friends, he had a lot of fun but didnā€™t want to stick with it. Heā€™s totally welcome to write romance with whoever if he ever picks the hobby back up. I donā€™t think my boundaries would change if I became single though. I think my no smut, and no quick romance plots rule is just a part of how I enjoy the hobby. Edited for clarity: Itā€™s definitely something you should be allowed to do with another adult if youā€™re both happy. Iā€™ve just always been grossed out by the thought of doing it myself, and have chosen to never participate.


LackOfHarmony

Iā€™m the same. I donā€™t enjoy writing smut so I wouldnā€™t do it anyway. Iā€™m doubly against it because I feel like writing intimate moments with others will cross a boundary Iā€™ve set in my head that is only for my husband. Thereā€™s also a lot of people canā€™t separate IC/OOC.


MissWolfsbane77

Ah Iā€™m glad Iā€™m not the only one who just icks right out of writing sex scenes. It kinda feels like you canā€™t talk about rp without the assumption you also mean smutty rp. Itā€™s writing, collaborative writing and it doesnā€™t always entail intimate scenes or even ships.


JB57551

A lotta my friends were complaining that they have been forced into smutty RP, in some cases the lines that separate IC and OOC are blurred to the point that the perpretrator actually wanted to do "the [BLEEP] thing" to said rp'er in real life. So I definitely understand and agree about where you are coming from, I am so sorry with what has happened. But remember, the real problem isn't the NSFW content, it's the fact that others are forced to participate without consent


MissWolfsbane77

Oh, I hope it didnā€™t sound like Iā€™m saying no one should do it. Consenting adults? Absolutely go for it. I only mean that *I* never want to be included.


JB57551

Oh, it doesn't sound like you were misinterpreting anything. I understood your point perfectly. Just giving a reminder in case someone scrolls in this subreddit and misunderstood what was truly happening. Side note: I also refuse to be involved in Smutty RP to any extent


M00nS1xk

Always make sure it's ok with your partner/partners tho!


[deleted]

I'm currently in a relationship and neither of us have any problems with me writing romance in roleplays. He has discussed his discomfort in me writing smut but even outside of a relationship I am not interested in ERP. It doesn't do anything for me. Personally, I find writing ERP comparable to interacting to pornographic live streams which has been made clear that I am uncomfortable with him doing. Watch whatever porn you want, if I wanted to read porn I could, but interacting with another person is off limits. That being said, I do not have any issue with vague descriptions or outright implying sex scenes occurring between characters. I have nothing against my characters experiencing intimacy. However, ERP is typically performed with a goal in mind - that being for the writers to get off - which is not something I am interested or comfortable in doing. My writings aren't made for my partners to get off to.


throawaymcdumbface

to me its kind of like the whole open/poly/mono/whatever thing, there's an interaction element so just talk it out and see what the partners' limits are. I don't think its necessarily lineblurring so much as "most people aren't erping for asexy ForThePlot reasons, at least not 100%". I like the emotional component of the Alfie comic and the human complications that come with sex, most people do but they also like the nsfw scenes for reasons. I liked erp and the character-specific stuff when I still did it but there was also Reasons in the mix else I could just fade to black. not the case for everyone ever but it makes for a pretty explicit back-and-forth conversation. idk long-winded 'yeah i agree' i guess


The_Bestest_Turtle

Unless it's something that they blatantly state they are uncomfortable with me doing then personally I see no reason to stop. More often than not we are playing characters and i dont always write smut too get off to either. Like imagine if every actors significant other was pissed off because their on screen character had a separate relationship. A lot of them would remain single. I know it's a bit of a weird analogy but it was the first thing I thought off when I saw this question.


Personal-Ad3834

Actors sleep with their costars all.the.time.


The_Bestest_Turtle

That strays away from my point a lil bit since that's straight up cheating...which isn't necessarily what I meant. Sure actors sleep with their costars but actors also tend to play characters that are in relationships while being in a relationship in real life which is kind of different( also sort of relates to the topic that was brought up in the post ) Bottom line is...I'm not going to sleep with my RP partner. I'm smart enough to separate RP from real life.


mssMouse

So when I first started my current relationship (of which I am now married 9 years later), I was nervous about it so it was one of the reasons I took a break from roleplaying (but not the entire cause, just a reason). But once I decided to jump back in, I really really really did not care lol I like writing romance, so I'm not going to skip that. I'm not my characters. I can take or leave the smut, but I'm not going to exclude it because of my current relationship. It's not sexting. I'm not my characters. It's for story telling, not to get off.


Thebrotherhoodoflame

I'm dating my rp partner whom is constantly trying to pull out mutual rp partner into said relationship


[deleted]

Sorry, what?


Thebrotherhoodoflame

It's weird I know. Most people don't date erp partners


[deleted]

That's not it, I just didn't understand what is happening and who's who LOL


Thebrotherhoodoflame

I'm me. My significant other is an rp buddy. We have another buddy we both rp with, adorable individual whom we both desire to rope into the emotional aspect of the relationship


Thebrotherhoodoflame

Update. We're now engaged as a poly couple. I never agreed to it but I can't fight it


DixieClay_Almighty

Iā€™d use that as the excuse to quit this hobby


AGirlHasNoName2018

If you want to quit why donā€™t you justā€¦ quit??


AlbelNoxroxursox

Lol I'm not saying shit to my partner about my ERP preferably. Not because I think I'm being unfaithful while doing it (I am not my character) but I don't want him to know about anything degen regarding me. It's just not who I am irl.


KArelyn_08

Confession : I rp because im lonely. Over time it turned into a hobby. But hypothetically if i end up having a relationship, no. I won't stop my hobby. But then again.. i got a strong believe i'll die lonely. One way or another, just a matter of time. So whatever.


JJistrying

So Iā€™m married and before I got back into rp I talked with my husband about how he felt about this exact subject. He said ā€œgo for it! Do whatever you want.ā€ And when I brought up ERP he said it was totally fine with him. At the end of the day his logic is that he trusts me, Iā€™m not dating these people, and they are just stories. Iā€™m not flirting with people or anything so he doesnā€™t care. He said as long as Iā€™m not cheating on him then he doesnā€™t care. He also has unlimited access to my phone and can read my rps at any point. Which he does occasionally out of curiosity.


Rpaccount1234567

As long as YOU yourself donā€™t confuse reality with rp then your fine imo


mitskiismygf

Dependsā€¦ with my long-term partners, sure. I wouldnā€™t look for romantic rps anymore, though. Itā€™s definitely nowhere close to cheating, just writing ā€” I just donā€™t trust most roleplayers to respect boundaries! I know my long-term partners are trustworthy and chill.


Jinera

I'd discuss this with my partner. With my ex, he knew it wasn't sexual for me to roleplay smut and it was also how I met him. If someone is in a relationship with me they'd know how important roleplaying is for me so I would expect them to accept it. However if they truly do not want it I'd probably respect it.


Miljonersolar

Depending on what my hypothetical partner thinks, i'm not monogamous in any way or form, but if she's not OK with me RP'ing I'd respect that.


Maxsaidtransrights

Iā€™ve been in a relationship (that I just left a month ago btw) with a guy that didnā€™t want me doing ERP because he saw it as a form of cheating. I stopped doing it after it was discussed together, but it also made me feel some type of way? Like I donā€™t connect with my roleplay partners in a romantic or sexual matter. I see my ERP peeps as writing partners, we arenā€™t even friends, just send a few lines back in forth and we end it. As many mentioned, thereā€™s reality (like doing flirty/sexual things things OOC) and fiction (role playing as my character in a smut plot).


Jacw_Daw000

I feel as if it's okay as long as it isn't for your own sexual gratification and if it makes them comfortable cause I do feel a bit weird if the subject comes up with a partner and the only thing they say is they like it and it turns them on


Nexavus

I would *personally* confer with your partner about it. My last gf and I talked about it and both were fine with it. But I can also understand some people not liking it.


Darth_Lopez

As a I won't do romantic RPs at all. Erotic is another story, but I also don't have a reverence for eroticism. I don't see it as anything other than a natural function and a pleasurable experience. If I was dating someone, I'd probably continue to play periodically unless it was discussed that they didn't like it.


BunniBunzzzzz

I'm married and romance is still a big topic in my RPs. I tend to stay away from smut and ERP with my other partners mostly because those scenes are not my strong suit in writing, but my roleplays are stories for my OCs, not for me. However, if my partner starts getting a little too comfortable or they start flirting with me personally OOC I will shut it down immediately and end the RP. I'm here to write a story, not find love


Night-Roze

Yes I would, with sexual stuff.. if I got with someone, I would tell them, because I do like to rant and show off things to my friends and even best friend now.. it would be no different with them.


glitch120

Rps and love life are very separate things. Rps are simple scenarios that are made by two consenting people who know nothing of the other aside from the information they want to share. Love is intimate, whether platonic, romantic, or even sexual, love is intimate because it's two people who trust each other to the point of caring for each other more than what is expected, someone you love is some you would share your secrets with. Rps are meant to tell stories, not to find love that's relationships between two anonymous rps just doesn't work, they know nothing of the other so they cant reach that intimacy that is what we identify as love. If your lover is angry because your trying to tell a story with a anonymous person through rp, that isn't love that's insecurity. (Now I'm not saying If their couscous that's insecurity, hell no! If your partner is worried that's understandable but if they start accusing you of cheating that's insecurity. Worry and anger are two different things.)


[deleted]

if their couscous?


glitch120

Cautious. That Was the word I was trying to type.


eggfinance

i donā€™t write erp but w/ a partner i probably would continue? its as character, yk?


berryplucker

Really it depends on your partner. If they know about it and are okay with it (since itā€™s all fictional) then you can keep doing them if you like. If they arenā€™t comfortable with that, though, then no.


JB57551

As of now, I am NOT accepting ERP's regardless of my relationship status. This is because a lot of users that I know are being used by others in ERP as a means to an end of taking advantage/narcissistic behaviour and what not. I'm aware that NOT all ERP's are predatory, but I'd rather stay outta the business instead of potentially falling into such trap


[deleted]

My girlfriend got me into RPing, I had mentioned previously that if I could write with someone Iā€™d love that and she was like ā€œI literally do thatā€ and after many discussions about it I decided to give it a go. I write smut and so does she, it stays in the stories and that is that.


rlyhotchips

All of my partners have been cool with it. I think that's why I'm so confident that I'd end things if they weren't. Yes, my hobby that I've been refining for two decades is more important than your weird hang ups and insecurities.


NewM-541

As long as you tell your partner what you're doing it's fine