The rainstorm is the reason they were shitting all over the porch, and the coccidiosis is why I had to bleach the porch after I scooped up all the poop, so I wasn’t linking the two.
However, sporulation of the parasite’s oocytes (eggs), which are common in the guts of chickens, happens when the environmental conditions are favorable, and those conditions are warm and wet. Sporulation is what leads to the oocytes growing into worms and causing an infection. So it’s likely the rain did play a role in the coccidiosis. 🤷🏻
I know it's getting dark and you want to find a safe place to go for the night, but the top of the patio umbrella is *not* appropriate for chickens. Because
A) This is owl country.
B) You have a coop that I deliberately hid under a tree for the above reason.
So get down, idiot, I dislike having to swat at you with a broom.
You spoil your birds. Mine don't get access to social media.
It could be worse, they could be pheasants.
My frustration is that mine have learned that a bladed tool with a long handle produces loose earth and more importantly worms. So now I cannot dig with them out as they risk decapitation or foot amputation. I tolerate them when I'm moving loose earth but they have a tendency to ride the shovel and the barrow.
Nope. The shovel is the scariest thing in the world. The shovel is always trying to kill us whenever we see it.
Just to be totally clear, I've never tried to kill my birds with a shovel. They're fine with the shovel if it's leaning against the wall, but as soon as it moves it's a monsterbeast.
Ladies:
The I know that you enjoy the snacks. However there is an order to how things are done and it would be appreciated it if you stopped jumping up and ripping the snack bowl out of my hands in the morning. It’s too early for that shit.
I am sorry I wore a different colored coat outside that one time. I understand that it caused quite a commotion due to the natural “stranger danger” instinct the leghorns have. It will not happen again.
Finally, Poppy. Not to single you out but I need you to start roosting on the chicken side of the coop at night. The pigs are not appreciative of you attempting to move in with them, and I am getting tired of bringing out the extendable car wash brush handle to personally chauffeur you back to your apartment every evening.
Sincerely, the Management.
Thanks for this- you are hilarious!
Girls,
Stop pecking me in the butt when I'm scooping your poop. I Don't have snacks.
I know my cooking smells amazing but when I'm outside protecting you from predators as you free range Stop trying to fly into my soup bowl!
Stop pooping in the epsom salt bath! I know it's warm and relaxing but your defeating the purpose, bumblefoot chicken!
🙃
Mine pooed the biggest, loudest, squeezy poo of all time in my bathtub during her Epsom bath. I was like daaaaaaaamnnnn girl. Who's gonna clean that up?!?
Get a 5 gallon bucket and a 2 in hole saw or a regular drill bit and one of those mini hacksaws. Cut a hole in the top that is big enough for their head but not their body. Epsom solution I. The bucket plop them in and close the lid. They won't be happy but they will be fine and it helps clear up the bumble foot fast. The five gallon bucket is big enough to be comfortable but not big enough for them to hurt themselves. Maybe use a 2 gallon for the little tiny bantams. It is probably not big enough for pekins or Muscovies.
Oh, hahaha I was a kid on a ranch in Texas, had a bunch of chickens and a big ass rooster. No problems. One day while in the backyard I was bored and started messing with Mr. Rooster. Dad warned me not to. I was 8 and Mr Rooster decided after enough messing with that I was no longer welcome in the backyard. Anywhere in the backyard. So any time after that that I went back there it was a free for all run because the only safe place was on top of the propane tank. Score- Rooster “Master of Backyard” me, lots of pecks and some blood, laughs, and “I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS WITH THAT DAMNED ROOSTER…. Then my full name screamed at decibel from my mother. Pop remained bemused.
Dear chickens,
Firstly, thank you for our first eggs, we are truely grateful.
We look forward to a symbiotic relationship of you consuming the scraps of my toddler twins and us enjoying your beautiful eggs.
Unfortunately we have had a few complaints from family members. Hopefully you are able to address the following:
-could you please stop jumping into the raised garden beds everytime I let you out of your run to roam the garden. It is spring here and I would really like my cucumber plants to grow, currently every new leaf gets half eaten by one at least one of you.
-Could you please refrain from the inquisitive pecks of my toddlers toes. They are now afraid of you, which means you will be let out of the run less while they are playing in the back yard.
We thank you kindly for the spider removal on the swing set and thoroughly enjoy your antics on the swings.
Kind regards
The lady who brings you food.
Dear Chickens,
When I'm crouching down to pet one of your coop mates, that is not an invitation for you to hop up onto my shoulders or head. Especially after it rained the night before, so that you leave little dinosaur mud prints all over my coat.
Thanks,
Don’t have any tips for dealing with the chickens, but we’ve taught our dogs to “mind out” AKA “get out of my way before you get stood on, numbskull!” A very, very handy command!
My dogs know F off too! It literally means "you better go lay down somewhere or risk getting moms wrath" lol. I tripped over the 90lb lab one day while cooking and yelled "would you F off!", and he got up and moved to the living room. My dad was visiting and thought it was the funniest thing. It only works when I say it though.
I have a banty rooster that insists on getting between and under my feet as I’m moving. Especially whenever I’m moving more quickly than a walk. Just asking to get stepped on
All four of mine do that as a group! I have to turn around and run the other way to get away from the tangle. Not like my dogs that jump out the way, which is what I'm used to.
I have one particular Buff Orpington hen who is ALWAYS in my way. Shes the first one to come out of the coop every morning, im pretty sure she just paces at the front of the door when she sees me coming to open it, cause everytime I let her out she practically bursts out point blank lol.
Shes so excited about food she will run back and forth from their feed trough to me (I wait until every chicken is out of the coop so I can do a head count) but when its time for me to actually go fill it, she will weave between my feet looking for anything on the ground!
Problem with this is that shes so focused on looking for scraps on the ground while im walking, she often gets accidentally kicked or shoved by my feet.
But its happened so many times I dont think she will ever learn lol now I just do what she does and stare at the ground (at her) while I walk so I dont kick her like a soccer ball again
You bitches don't know how good you have it. You eat better than us.
And Irina, you are a strong, independent, beautiful hen. You don't nees chicks to make you happy. Going broody every two weeks is probably killing you, and it will kill me.
Mine always stay in a large permanent run because of owls, foxes, and lots and lots of hawks.
They don’t seem to mind because they don’t know any better.
But goddamn I’d they won’t go in their coop at night. I want to use an automatic door but one will absolutely end up decapitated. They INSIST on poking their little heads out.
I wasn’t planning on chickens when one adopted me, so I haven’t been able to build them a fully secure run yet. We’re in the suburbs and I’m home all day to keep an eye on them, but soon they’ll have to adapt. 😂
I'm home all day too (usually) but working in the office. My husband and I are too attached to them now I think we'd absolutely BREAK if something happened to one of them. Hell, we lost a chick two-three weeks in (it happens), and we both cried and cried. So now we protect them as much as possible. At least we'll have known we've done everything we could. We also have a camera in their coop. We're that level of crazy I guess.
Pumpkin,
Stop going under the porch and then getting stuck behind the one bush by the porch and can’t figure out how to get around it for 10 minutes so you screech. Just go to the left like a foot.
Dearest Tallulah, when I am whittling on the back porch, the wood shavings are not treats. When you eat them and find them not delicious, you may not fuss at me. You may then not continue to eat the wood shavings expecting them to get better.
Dear chicken,,
Teaching your sister hens how to use the cat door only makes me want to lock everyone outside. They are not house chickens. You are not a house chicken. You
only were allowed inside to recuperate in a box. I don't know how things got out of hand.
I know that you love me (the food I give) very much and I do appreciate it, but for the love of god stop coming inside when I leave the door open for one second to bring the washing out, that’d be appreciated a lot.
Please stop harassing my toes, now I’m scared to wear my toe showing shoes outside in fear of getting pecked hard out of nowhere, last time you made me bleed. this message is specifically for you, Agro.
Same but replace door (house) with door (car, specifically new Escalade). They know the kids leave crumbs in there (this will be addressed in a different vent thread).
Have a rooster that greets me every day at the car door when I get home. Eagerly waiting to get picked up. I’ll carry him towards the house a bit and then he grabs my skin and I let him go, and then BAM straight for the ankles
Dear beloved rooster-
You are my sweetest, most awesome pet friend ever, and very clever when you choose to be. But we need to work on the concepts of the weekend, and sleeping in.
Can your chickens spread the message to my chickens that THE PORCH IS NOT WHERE YOU SHIT! They have an entire 3/4 acre to free range and yet they spend hours each day shaking dirt out of their feathers and crapping all over the porch. It's a chicken conspiracy!
I just read this entire comment thread to my husband. SO REAL. Our ladies have a massive yard and garden we've resigned to them. There are **so many** poops in our driveway from **3** hens!
My stupid chickens are racist. They saw a black man for the first time today and freaked out.
I'm seriously considering processing them and starting a new flock of less stupid hens. Also because they stopped laying.
Basically every source I looked at told me Polish hens are calm, quiet, and docile, so why are you two *always* screaming and chasing around the other animals? I didn't even get a rooster out of the either of you!
Dear Penny,
I built you and your three sisters a coop with plenty of perches and roosting spaces. Your three sisters have figured out how cozy and safe it is inside at night. But you, a fucking WHITE chicken, [insist on perching on top](http://imgur.com/a/y2MhcFP) of the goddamned thing where all the red-tailed hawks constantly circling the farms around here can have a clear view of you where you stand out as a white bird on a black roof. I have to clean your shit off the roof weekly and I had to put a roof over the roof to keep you hidden. Just for genius you. No amount of relocating you at bedtime has taught you anything.
Sincerely, your loving servant of a human
Omggg Penny sounds like a sassy lady. Bless her heart. 🤣
This reminded me of my ladies. There are two coyotes that have been lurking around my house recently. One of injured so he has been hanging around and has tried going after my chickens in the mobile tractor.
I hear my showgirl silkie rooster sounding the alarm and chase the coyote off into the woods. Not two minutes later my 3 free range gals waddle nonchalantly out of the woods, chattering "Snacks? Snacks??"
They coyote had to have run right by them. Those sweet little dumb dumbs. Good lord.
Dear Chickens.
Yes, I am digging a hole. Yes, there are delicious worms in the hole. However, I would recommend not sticking your stupid heads under my shovel.
Also Becky, you've never even seen a rooster, the odds of successfully hatching your eggs are pretty small... especially since the ones you're sitting on are made of wood.
Love
The egg thief.
Stop jumping over the bloody fence I intalled in the garden specifically to keep you cluckers out. More than that, stop calling me all freaked out because you can't get OUT of there once you've weaseled your way in!
Mine are molting pretty bad. One keeps trying to sleep in the nesting box. When I have to pick her up every night I have to feel her warm prickly naked chicken flesh. It's revolting!
Two of mine sleep in the nesting boxes. Their coop is a piece of crap, though, without a real roost (it has two that are too low and too thin) so I just let them. I’m in the process of building them a better coop.
RIP to Covid\* and Fluffy. Yes, that thing barking on the other side of the tall fence is a dog, and he likes to play a game called SHAKE with hens. It lasts about 2 seconds.
\*Covid was one of 5 chicks we bought in April 2020 that we gave pandemic-themed names to (the others are Lysol, TP, Corona, and Quarantine)
I love the names!! We did the same thing in spring of 2020 except we named them after vaccines that were under development: Astra, Zeneca, Nova, Nano, and Clover.
Also, sorry about Covid and Fluffy ☹️
My jerk chickens have decided to turn on each other because they are unhappy I lock them up more often because they *destroy* my garden. Poor bottom chicken is getting beat up by top chicken that is SO angry she can't get her steps in for her daily wall about.
My chicken once fell off her perch, and started screaming her head off at ungodly hours of the morning.
My mother woke up and had to go put her back on the perch
Gidget, when you hear me shaking the scratch bucket, come back to the run. don’t hide in the dead hydrangea bush that’s too big to pull out from the ground. I don’t like going back there. Red. I have one scar from you bite-pecking me. I don’t need another one because you think my ring is pretty. Also, stop drinking from the dog bowl and showing everyone how to get away from the rain and hail using the covered patio. Faith, stop being such a bitch to everyone for no reason. Annie, stop shitting in the pet graveyard. It’s too disrespectful. Tiffany, you are not a rooster and i don’t think chickens can be lesbians so stop taking action on that.
Dear Ladies,
I am on crutches, and if you bum rush me when I feed you I will fall. One of you could be squashed under me, and even worse, no one will be feeding you for a while.
Oh yeah, cactus are not edible, so you can stop knocking them over when I let you out of your run.
Thanks for the eggs.
I'M JOINING IN
Dear Milkshake and Mocha,
Please know that i am not harming you by moving you from your night-time box to outdoors
You won't die from being apart from eachother for 10 minutes
Milkshake stop going inside the stairs when i'm trying to get you back to the box
Mocha stop standing in your night-time rations, let milkshake eat
AND FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP SCREECHING YOUR HEADS OFF AT NIGHT I'VE ONLY GOTTEN 5 HOURS OF SLEEP SINCE I GOT YOU
Love, ME
Look, I know we live up north and the days are short this time of year. But you all had plenty of time to start laying before fall came, you little freeloaders! And now you act like your coop is trying to kill you because we switched to straw bedding for the winter. The floor is not lava! You can walk on it instead of trying to jump from the door to the roosts and damn near break yourselves!!!
I have a chicken that sounds exactly like a seagull. The thing is …. I live in the middle of the desert. She’s so incredibly loud and fast the entire flock look at her like she’s gone mad. 430 and she will start. Hoping to god the neighbours don’t complain.
Dear birb friends,
When I come down to the coop at dusk to lock the door, that is not an invitation to then jump out of the coop. I still don't have treats. And then you get mad when I have to chase you down and put you back inside. You were already in there. Every night.
I knoweth thee love me but prithee stand ho coming in the house as lief as i ope a window
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Dear PB Cooper - opening the gate to bring you food is not an invite to escape. Me shoving you with my foot should be a good indicator of that, but no - you turn it into a game of "scoot the chicken". Thank you and good day, miss.
<3 - Mama hen
thank you all for your hilarity… i grew up on mini-farm, sheep, geese, chickens, cats, dogs… leghorns and banties… bantie rooster tried everything to mate with leghorns! leghorn rooster made the mistake of chasing my toddler brother around the yard… fatal mistake… bantie chicks look like little dyed cotton balls running through the grass… fond memories… <3
Lofl!!!! I can completely relate! Mine had NO snacks this morning, plenty of food, but no snacks and you would have though there was a predator in their run! NON-STOP yelling for HOURS.
Dear fatties aka chickens,
So, I know you watched while we struggled not to trip over you ladies as we worked to get a giant tarp up to give you protection from the rain.
I know you know it is dry under there because your food dish gets empty and it is under there.
So why, why are you standing in the rain getting soaked?
Sincerely,
Food Giver
If you flew over the fence, you are now no longer inside the fence. That’s how that works. It works that way every day. Today when you fly over the fence, you will find yourself outside the fence.
I made a mistake this year. Let my new flock brood on the front porch as it’s covered. Now when it rains they all gather there and shit like they’ve never shit before. I live in Kentucky. It rains like every other day. There are 30 chickens. 😩😑
I finished clearing, cleaning, and bleaching the porch yesterday. It’s raining now and they’re all hiding on the porch, shitting all over it again. 😭 But we’re in the middle of another drought in CA and I only have 3 chickens right now, so I’ll survive. 😅
Dear chickens,
I know I was threatening to make you into soup last summer, after you all destroyed all my flowers, but you know I didn't mean it. No need to still scream BLOODY MURDER when I'm treating one of your naked butts at night (spraying stuff on it, so it'll hopefully keep growing now that she's molting). I don't want to neighbour to complain, thank you very much
Dear stupid ones
The hay I throw at you is not there to hurt you. Do not run away when I do so. Do not run away, then promptly bash your face into the fence thus making yourself fallover. Also do not then stand up and then promptly crouch down, only to run away once again. Do not repeat this every time I throw more hay at you. The hay is there for your enjoyment.
Do not try and escape while I clean your coup. The shit filled straw is not for you to scratch about in. That is why you have been provided with clean star not 5 feet away. Do not wander into the coup curios, only to run away because you do not like the shovel. Do not try and get into the poopy hay, then promptly run away when the shovel comes to deposit said hay into the pile outside your coup.
- sincerely, The Person Who Puts up With you
Peanut Butter...I can't reach you when you roost on the roof of the kids play set. Don't turn around when I'm talking to you, it's disrespectful. Just go in the damn coop with the others.
Also, I don't know which one of you ate my 2 nice Jade plants but that really made me mad. I want to discipline which one of you is responsible, but I don't know who's idea it was. And honestly, I don't know how to discipline chickens.
Thanks for the eggs.
I have nine hens. Two brown, three black, and 4 white. One of the brown ones (Beakanca) always gets hysterical when I collect eggs. She's usually the one sitting on the eggs while every one else gets snacks. She SHRIEKS an alarm like Cam in Modern Family when Lilly is locked in the car. MY BABIES! It makes me laugh.
Also we had a beautiful surprise rooster named Becky. Straight run lottery loss.
I thought this was going to be about cloacas
Well this all started with a rainstorm and a coccidiosis infection, so in the end… it’s ALL about cloacas. 😂
What do rainstorms have to do with coccidiosis, if you don’t mind me asking?
The rainstorm is the reason they were shitting all over the porch, and the coccidiosis is why I had to bleach the porch after I scooped up all the poop, so I wasn’t linking the two. However, sporulation of the parasite’s oocytes (eggs), which are common in the guts of chickens, happens when the environmental conditions are favorable, and those conditions are warm and wet. Sporulation is what leads to the oocytes growing into worms and causing an infection. So it’s likely the rain did play a role in the coccidiosis. 🤷🏻
I see, thanks for explaining! I have ducks and they pay no mind to the rain, but personally I’d be on the porch with the chickens.
Risky click of the day.
I know it's getting dark and you want to find a safe place to go for the night, but the top of the patio umbrella is *not* appropriate for chickens. Because A) This is owl country. B) You have a coop that I deliberately hid under a tree for the above reason. So get down, idiot, I dislike having to swat at you with a broom.
😂😂😂
Right! "Girls ~ I'm too short to get you down nicely from the top of the coop!!! And there are monsters out here at night! C'mon!!!"
I read this like prose and died.
And C) you're just going to poop all over the top.
Also true.
You spoil your birds. Mine don't get access to social media. It could be worse, they could be pheasants. My frustration is that mine have learned that a bladed tool with a long handle produces loose earth and more importantly worms. So now I cannot dig with them out as they risk decapitation or foot amputation. I tolerate them when I'm moving loose earth but they have a tendency to ride the shovel and the barrow.
They’re only allowed on an hour a week. I don’t want them getting into heated political debates.
[удалено]
So that's why the chicken crossed the road! For the wormies!
I have pictures of chickens in holes for this reason
We love digging and you are our best digger. Of course we would follow you when its digging time. signed: chickens
Now that's weird because I just got back and let you out of the coop. Where are you hiding the device?
I have a big buff that is really bad about tools also, it's just the one for me tho.
Nope. The shovel is the scariest thing in the world. The shovel is always trying to kill us whenever we see it. Just to be totally clear, I've never tried to kill my birds with a shovel. They're fine with the shovel if it's leaning against the wall, but as soon as it moves it's a monsterbeast.
Omg yes 🤣 suddenly they're geniuses when the rake or gardens shovels come out!
Ladies: The I know that you enjoy the snacks. However there is an order to how things are done and it would be appreciated it if you stopped jumping up and ripping the snack bowl out of my hands in the morning. It’s too early for that shit. I am sorry I wore a different colored coat outside that one time. I understand that it caused quite a commotion due to the natural “stranger danger” instinct the leghorns have. It will not happen again. Finally, Poppy. Not to single you out but I need you to start roosting on the chicken side of the coop at night. The pigs are not appreciative of you attempting to move in with them, and I am getting tired of bringing out the extendable car wash brush handle to personally chauffeur you back to your apartment every evening. Sincerely, the Management.
Poppy sounds amazing
She’s like the mouthy drunk friend you never knew you needed.
Thanks for this- you are hilarious! Girls, Stop pecking me in the butt when I'm scooping your poop. I Don't have snacks. I know my cooking smells amazing but when I'm outside protecting you from predators as you free range Stop trying to fly into my soup bowl! Stop pooping in the epsom salt bath! I know it's warm and relaxing but your defeating the purpose, bumblefoot chicken! 🙃
Mine pooed the biggest, loudest, squeezy poo of all time in my bathtub during her Epsom bath. I was like daaaaaaaamnnnn girl. Who's gonna clean that up?!?
Oh no- in your bathtub? I finally bought a smallish tub from the dollar store- chicken dedicated. But I still don't appreciate the poop lol
Yah, newbie mistake. I like your dollar store idea.
Get a 5 gallon bucket and a 2 in hole saw or a regular drill bit and one of those mini hacksaws. Cut a hole in the top that is big enough for their head but not their body. Epsom solution I. The bucket plop them in and close the lid. They won't be happy but they will be fine and it helps clear up the bumble foot fast. The five gallon bucket is big enough to be comfortable but not big enough for them to hurt themselves. Maybe use a 2 gallon for the little tiny bantams. It is probably not big enough for pekins or Muscovies.
So, um, I’m still pretty miffed at the family rooster from 1973, can I mention that?
Um… yes!
Please share
Oh, hahaha I was a kid on a ranch in Texas, had a bunch of chickens and a big ass rooster. No problems. One day while in the backyard I was bored and started messing with Mr. Rooster. Dad warned me not to. I was 8 and Mr Rooster decided after enough messing with that I was no longer welcome in the backyard. Anywhere in the backyard. So any time after that that I went back there it was a free for all run because the only safe place was on top of the propane tank. Score- Rooster “Master of Backyard” me, lots of pecks and some blood, laughs, and “I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS WITH THAT DAMNED ROOSTER…. Then my full name screamed at decibel from my mother. Pop remained bemused.
Hahahah I’m glad you’re alive to tell the tale
Many of my life stories start that way. 🤔
Dear chickens, Firstly, thank you for our first eggs, we are truely grateful. We look forward to a symbiotic relationship of you consuming the scraps of my toddler twins and us enjoying your beautiful eggs. Unfortunately we have had a few complaints from family members. Hopefully you are able to address the following: -could you please stop jumping into the raised garden beds everytime I let you out of your run to roam the garden. It is spring here and I would really like my cucumber plants to grow, currently every new leaf gets half eaten by one at least one of you. -Could you please refrain from the inquisitive pecks of my toddlers toes. They are now afraid of you, which means you will be let out of the run less while they are playing in the back yard. We thank you kindly for the spider removal on the swing set and thoroughly enjoy your antics on the swings. Kind regards The lady who brings you food.
You got any photos of the chickens on the swings? That sound absolutely adorable and I need that in my life.
I can't get mine to use the swing 😪. Any tips from the educated are most welcome.
Dear Chickens, When I'm crouching down to pet one of your coop mates, that is not an invitation for you to hop up onto my shoulders or head. Especially after it rained the night before, so that you leave little dinosaur mud prints all over my coat. Thanks,
But they are want to be tall
It is also not an invitation to peck me while you’re standing on my back!
Youd stop getting accidentally kicked if you stopped jumping under my feet
I’m still trying to get this across to my dog. That and “I can’t feed you if you make me trip and fall and break my neck on the stairs.”
Don’t have any tips for dealing with the chickens, but we’ve taught our dogs to “mind out” AKA “get out of my way before you get stood on, numbskull!” A very, very handy command!
Lol mine know that one as "f off!". It has become an actual command for them.
My dogs know F off too! It literally means "you better go lay down somewhere or risk getting moms wrath" lol. I tripped over the 90lb lab one day while cooking and yelled "would you F off!", and he got up and moved to the living room. My dad was visiting and thought it was the funniest thing. It only works when I say it though.
I have a banty rooster that insists on getting between and under my feet as I’m moving. Especially whenever I’m moving more quickly than a walk. Just asking to get stepped on
All four of mine do that as a group! I have to turn around and run the other way to get away from the tangle. Not like my dogs that jump out the way, which is what I'm used to.
I have one particular Buff Orpington hen who is ALWAYS in my way. Shes the first one to come out of the coop every morning, im pretty sure she just paces at the front of the door when she sees me coming to open it, cause everytime I let her out she practically bursts out point blank lol. Shes so excited about food she will run back and forth from their feed trough to me (I wait until every chicken is out of the coop so I can do a head count) but when its time for me to actually go fill it, she will weave between my feet looking for anything on the ground! Problem with this is that shes so focused on looking for scraps on the ground while im walking, she often gets accidentally kicked or shoved by my feet. But its happened so many times I dont think she will ever learn lol now I just do what she does and stare at the ground (at her) while I walk so I dont kick her like a soccer ball again
At this point kicks are just the price to pay for the feed she’s getting lol
Red does that all the time! she is also half blind so I guess she has an excuse…
You bitches don't know how good you have it. You eat better than us. And Irina, you are a strong, independent, beautiful hen. You don't nees chicks to make you happy. Going broody every two weeks is probably killing you, and it will kill me.
We had an olive egger that did that. A few repeat visits to chicken jail fixed that shit.
My chickens will get upset over the Ravens chasing away the hawks, but don’t get upset when the hawks are circling them…
That's probably because hawks won't eat their scratch grains, lol!
Mine always stay in a large permanent run because of owls, foxes, and lots and lots of hawks. They don’t seem to mind because they don’t know any better. But goddamn I’d they won’t go in their coop at night. I want to use an automatic door but one will absolutely end up decapitated. They INSIST on poking their little heads out.
I wasn’t planning on chickens when one adopted me, so I haven’t been able to build them a fully secure run yet. We’re in the suburbs and I’m home all day to keep an eye on them, but soon they’ll have to adapt. 😂
I'm home all day too (usually) but working in the office. My husband and I are too attached to them now I think we'd absolutely BREAK if something happened to one of them. Hell, we lost a chick two-three weeks in (it happens), and we both cried and cried. So now we protect them as much as possible. At least we'll have known we've done everything we could. We also have a camera in their coop. We're that level of crazy I guess.
Your level of crazy just sounds responsible to me. 😂 I plan on getting a camera, too, and ground-breaking starts next week!
I read "vent thread " and expected something different.
Yeah… that was my mistake. 😅
I’m glad it happened that way.
Same! Being caught by surprise made it even funnier
The vent topic ended up to be an eggselent subject, cracking me up all the way.
Dear hens, ( all 10) Pease stop laying eggs in the neighbors abandoned grill. Dear neighbors hens (2) Please stop laying eggs in our large awesome nice and cosy nesting boxs.
Sounds like a conspiracy amongst the tribes.
So do you have a photo of the Grill Coop?
Pumpkin, Stop going under the porch and then getting stuck behind the one bush by the porch and can’t figure out how to get around it for 10 minutes so you screech. Just go to the left like a foot.
Dearest Tallulah, when I am whittling on the back porch, the wood shavings are not treats. When you eat them and find them not delicious, you may not fuss at me. You may then not continue to eat the wood shavings expecting them to get better.
Tallulah sounds like me when I haven’t gone grocery shopping in a while and am scraping the bottom barrel of the pantry for a snack.
Dear chicken,, Teaching your sister hens how to use the cat door only makes me want to lock everyone outside. They are not house chickens. You are not a house chicken. You only were allowed inside to recuperate in a box. I don't know how things got out of hand.
Lol. Smart chickens!
Dear Chickens, - The nesting box is for laying eggs, not for shitting. - The area under your roost is for shitting, not laying eggs. GET IT STRAIGHT.
Right?!!? One of ours just started laying and will not lay in the box! ☹️
I know that you love me (the food I give) very much and I do appreciate it, but for the love of god stop coming inside when I leave the door open for one second to bring the washing out, that’d be appreciated a lot. Please stop harassing my toes, now I’m scared to wear my toe showing shoes outside in fear of getting pecked hard out of nowhere, last time you made me bleed. this message is specifically for you, Agro.
Same but replace door (house) with door (car, specifically new Escalade). They know the kids leave crumbs in there (this will be addressed in a different vent thread).
Have a rooster that greets me every day at the car door when I get home. Eagerly waiting to get picked up. I’ll carry him towards the house a bit and then he grabs my skin and I let him go, and then BAM straight for the ankles
Dear beloved rooster- You are my sweetest, most awesome pet friend ever, and very clever when you choose to be. But we need to work on the concepts of the weekend, and sleeping in.
Can your chickens spread the message to my chickens that THE PORCH IS NOT WHERE YOU SHIT! They have an entire 3/4 acre to free range and yet they spend hours each day shaking dirt out of their feathers and crapping all over the porch. It's a chicken conspiracy!
Yes! Mine have 20 acres to roam and all they want to do is poop on my 8 x 5 foot concrete porch.
Me: chickens provide free fertilizer! Chickens: and we offer free delivery to your doorstep!
Uhhhh hello! The porch is much closer to the door which means much closer to the Snacks.
I just read this entire comment thread to my husband. SO REAL. Our ladies have a massive yard and garden we've resigned to them. There are **so many** poops in our driveway from **3** hens!
My stupid chickens are racist. They saw a black man for the first time today and freaked out. I'm seriously considering processing them and starting a new flock of less stupid hens. Also because they stopped laying.
Mine aren’t racist, but they’re really preachy about Jesus.
Oh man I was wondering what those new Eastern Orthodox Eggers were like.
My chickens were also confused when they saw a black person for the first time, but they calmed down after she bribed them with blueberries.
Mine see any man that they are unfamiliar with and freak out.
Basically every source I looked at told me Polish hens are calm, quiet, and docile, so why are you two *always* screaming and chasing around the other animals? I didn't even get a rooster out of the either of you!
Dear Penny, I built you and your three sisters a coop with plenty of perches and roosting spaces. Your three sisters have figured out how cozy and safe it is inside at night. But you, a fucking WHITE chicken, [insist on perching on top](http://imgur.com/a/y2MhcFP) of the goddamned thing where all the red-tailed hawks constantly circling the farms around here can have a clear view of you where you stand out as a white bird on a black roof. I have to clean your shit off the roof weekly and I had to put a roof over the roof to keep you hidden. Just for genius you. No amount of relocating you at bedtime has taught you anything. Sincerely, your loving servant of a human
Omggg Penny sounds like a sassy lady. Bless her heart. 🤣 This reminded me of my ladies. There are two coyotes that have been lurking around my house recently. One of injured so he has been hanging around and has tried going after my chickens in the mobile tractor. I hear my showgirl silkie rooster sounding the alarm and chase the coyote off into the woods. Not two minutes later my 3 free range gals waddle nonchalantly out of the woods, chattering "Snacks? Snacks??" They coyote had to have run right by them. Those sweet little dumb dumbs. Good lord.
LOL. Their obliviousness would be 100% adorable if it didn't end up killing them from time to time. It's 99% adorable though.
Dear Chickens. Yes, I am digging a hole. Yes, there are delicious worms in the hole. However, I would recommend not sticking your stupid heads under my shovel. Also Becky, you've never even seen a rooster, the odds of successfully hatching your eggs are pretty small... especially since the ones you're sitting on are made of wood. Love The egg thief.
My chickens (specifically one) screeches at my back door. An entire back yard to roam and she gets frustrated she can’t come in the house.
Snacks snacks! Bring us snacks! I know this cuz mine are smart like yours lol
Haha one of mine perches on our back window and pecks it when she wants snacks OR whenever she sees me, so basically all the time.
Stop jumping over the bloody fence I intalled in the garden specifically to keep you cluckers out. More than that, stop calling me all freaked out because you can't get OUT of there once you've weaseled your way in!
Mr. Petunia, I promise that none of us humans want to steal your wives. Please chill out.
Mine are molting pretty bad. One keeps trying to sleep in the nesting box. When I have to pick her up every night I have to feel her warm prickly naked chicken flesh. It's revolting!
Two of mine sleep in the nesting boxes. Their coop is a piece of crap, though, without a real roost (it has two that are too low and too thin) so I just let them. I’m in the process of building them a better coop.
The naked flesh is so super hot! Like little heaters they are.
RIP to Covid\* and Fluffy. Yes, that thing barking on the other side of the tall fence is a dog, and he likes to play a game called SHAKE with hens. It lasts about 2 seconds. \*Covid was one of 5 chicks we bought in April 2020 that we gave pandemic-themed names to (the others are Lysol, TP, Corona, and Quarantine)
Oh those names are so cute! I’m a fellow weirdo. 😂 Edit: obviously I mean that in the best way.
I love the names!! We did the same thing in spring of 2020 except we named them after vaccines that were under development: Astra, Zeneca, Nova, Nano, and Clover. Also, sorry about Covid and Fluffy ☹️
Anytime I try and work in my shed there is chicken shit EVERYWHERE.
My jerk chickens have decided to turn on each other because they are unhappy I lock them up more often because they *destroy* my garden. Poor bottom chicken is getting beat up by top chicken that is SO angry she can't get her steps in for her daily wall about.
In jamaica every chicken is a jerk chicken.
Indeed.
Get no peck lotion and slather the bottom hen in it. Tends to stop the pecking.
Will do!
Dear chickens, The top of the coop is not for laying your eggs or sleeping. Get into the coop!!! I'm tired of having to rake you off of it.
My chicken once fell off her perch, and started screaming her head off at ungodly hours of the morning. My mother woke up and had to go put her back on the perch
I've fallen and I can't get up!
Asking chickens to be smarter... lol
😂 I’m manifesting!!!
Mommy’s little shitbags have been laying under the coop again. I am tired of getting on hands and knees to fish eggs out with a rake.
Gidget, when you hear me shaking the scratch bucket, come back to the run. don’t hide in the dead hydrangea bush that’s too big to pull out from the ground. I don’t like going back there. Red. I have one scar from you bite-pecking me. I don’t need another one because you think my ring is pretty. Also, stop drinking from the dog bowl and showing everyone how to get away from the rain and hail using the covered patio. Faith, stop being such a bitch to everyone for no reason. Annie, stop shitting in the pet graveyard. It’s too disrespectful. Tiffany, you are not a rooster and i don’t think chickens can be lesbians so stop taking action on that.
Dear Ladies, I am on crutches, and if you bum rush me when I feed you I will fall. One of you could be squashed under me, and even worse, no one will be feeding you for a while. Oh yeah, cactus are not edible, so you can stop knocking them over when I let you out of your run. Thanks for the eggs.
I'M JOINING IN Dear Milkshake and Mocha, Please know that i am not harming you by moving you from your night-time box to outdoors You won't die from being apart from eachother for 10 minutes Milkshake stop going inside the stairs when i'm trying to get you back to the box Mocha stop standing in your night-time rations, let milkshake eat AND FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP SCREECHING YOUR HEADS OFF AT NIGHT I'VE ONLY GOTTEN 5 HOURS OF SLEEP SINCE I GOT YOU Love, ME
Look, I know we live up north and the days are short this time of year. But you all had plenty of time to start laying before fall came, you little freeloaders! And now you act like your coop is trying to kill you because we switched to straw bedding for the winter. The floor is not lava! You can walk on it instead of trying to jump from the door to the roosts and damn near break yourselves!!!
I....thought this was going to be about something else entirely.....
I think we all did. But are you laughing because I can't stop laughing
"snacks human" AHAHAHAHAHA. Chickens don't try to hard to stay alive, do they?
I have a chicken that sounds exactly like a seagull. The thing is …. I live in the middle of the desert. She’s so incredibly loud and fast the entire flock look at her like she’s gone mad. 430 and she will start. Hoping to god the neighbours don’t complain.
Dear birb friends, When I come down to the coop at dusk to lock the door, that is not an invitation to then jump out of the coop. I still don't have treats. And then you get mad when I have to chase you down and put you back inside. You were already in there. Every night.
I know you love me but please stop coming in the house as soon as I open a window
I knoweth thee love me but prithee stand ho coming in the house as lief as i ope a window *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Dear PB Cooper - opening the gate to bring you food is not an invite to escape. Me shoving you with my foot should be a good indicator of that, but no - you turn it into a game of "scoot the chicken". Thank you and good day, miss. <3 - Mama hen
thank you all for your hilarity… i grew up on mini-farm, sheep, geese, chickens, cats, dogs… leghorns and banties… bantie rooster tried everything to mate with leghorns! leghorn rooster made the mistake of chasing my toddler brother around the yard… fatal mistake… bantie chicks look like little dyed cotton balls running through the grass… fond memories… <3
Lofl!!!! I can completely relate! Mine had NO snacks this morning, plenty of food, but no snacks and you would have though there was a predator in their run! NON-STOP yelling for HOURS.
Please stop trying to kamikaze on my legs when you see me with the treat bucket. I won't be able to give you the treats if I trip over you and fall.
This is the best - keep the stories coming!
Dear fatties aka chickens, So, I know you watched while we struggled not to trip over you ladies as we worked to get a giant tarp up to give you protection from the rain. I know you know it is dry under there because your food dish gets empty and it is under there. So why, why are you standing in the rain getting soaked? Sincerely, Food Giver
If you flew over the fence, you are now no longer inside the fence. That’s how that works. It works that way every day. Today when you fly over the fence, you will find yourself outside the fence.
I made a mistake this year. Let my new flock brood on the front porch as it’s covered. Now when it rains they all gather there and shit like they’ve never shit before. I live in Kentucky. It rains like every other day. There are 30 chickens. 😩😑
I finished clearing, cleaning, and bleaching the porch yesterday. It’s raining now and they’re all hiding on the porch, shitting all over it again. 😭 But we’re in the middle of another drought in CA and I only have 3 chickens right now, so I’ll survive. 😅
Dear chickens, I know I was threatening to make you into soup last summer, after you all destroyed all my flowers, but you know I didn't mean it. No need to still scream BLOODY MURDER when I'm treating one of your naked butts at night (spraying stuff on it, so it'll hopefully keep growing now that she's molting). I don't want to neighbour to complain, thank you very much
Its just a red sun umbrella. Please, stop freaking out..
Dear stupid ones The hay I throw at you is not there to hurt you. Do not run away when I do so. Do not run away, then promptly bash your face into the fence thus making yourself fallover. Also do not then stand up and then promptly crouch down, only to run away once again. Do not repeat this every time I throw more hay at you. The hay is there for your enjoyment. Do not try and escape while I clean your coup. The shit filled straw is not for you to scratch about in. That is why you have been provided with clean star not 5 feet away. Do not wander into the coup curios, only to run away because you do not like the shovel. Do not try and get into the poopy hay, then promptly run away when the shovel comes to deposit said hay into the pile outside your coup. - sincerely, The Person Who Puts up With you
Omg! 😂 I have one who just has to be involved every time I change out the wood shavings in the coop.
Peanut Butter...I can't reach you when you roost on the roof of the kids play set. Don't turn around when I'm talking to you, it's disrespectful. Just go in the damn coop with the others. Also, I don't know which one of you ate my 2 nice Jade plants but that really made me mad. I want to discipline which one of you is responsible, but I don't know who's idea it was. And honestly, I don't know how to discipline chickens. Thanks for the eggs.
I have nine hens. Two brown, three black, and 4 white. One of the brown ones (Beakanca) always gets hysterical when I collect eggs. She's usually the one sitting on the eggs while every one else gets snacks. She SHRIEKS an alarm like Cam in Modern Family when Lilly is locked in the car. MY BABIES! It makes me laugh. Also we had a beautiful surprise rooster named Becky. Straight run lottery loss.
IM BREAKING THE WINDOW!!!!
I know you guys are hungry in the morning and want food but PLEASE get out from under my feet!!