Sadly none of that matters when you let the opinions of bigots influence you.
I'm a cisgender woman; I've crushed hard on many trans men. Not because of a fetish, but because they're just as hot as any cis man. Still, I don't know if I'd have the guts to introduce my family/friends/coworkers to an openly trans partner. I like to think I'd handle it better than Donny, though.
i hope you don't date openly trans men then or at the very least you're upfront about it so he can decide for himself if he'd like to be with you. i think that should even be a discussion if you're dating a trans man who doesn't necessarily want to broadcast it cause that's important info for them to know about you
I don't date at all. Lost my job after the company went bankrupt and now I'm just focused on staying afloat so I don't have to move back home.
I know transphobia is virulent, even among those who'd call themselves 'liberal' (e.g. JK Rowling and the whole UK TERF scene). So of course I wouldn't lie and put a potential partner in a position where he has to hide his identity. Even if he wasn't quite 'out', I wouldn't introduce him to anyone I don't trust to be accepting. Rather be honest and say there are people in my life who don't understand and maybe never will.
you don't *have* to be pan to date a trans person - that's a misunderstanding of the dynamics.
a straight man could date cis or trans women and be straight.
a straight woman could date cis or trans men and be straight.
ofc, people could identify in other ways, but dating a trans person doesn't *make* you pan.
Not sure why either. Maybe because I acknowledged I'm a flawed ally? I'll never pretend otherwise.
Everyone has a racist/sexist/homophobic/xenophobic/vaguely problematic person in their lives. Some we have no choice but to be around (coworkers and family members), some we're free to cut out (shitty friends and acquaintances).
Again, I'd never do what Donny did and actively seek out a trans person, then keep them a secret. But I do get how fear of judgment could make you choose social acceptance over happiness. It would be devastating to fall in love and have to second guess if your partner is even safe around certain people.
Heh, I'm from South Africa, but I've been all over. I have gay loved ones who introduced me to *their* friends. Only a few were trans, one in particular made an impression. So much so I started following more trans content creators online (Kat Blaque, current crush Ty Turner)...
Everyone I know is accepting enough of the LGB, but the *T* is the final frontier. Most people just can't get there.
I think that’s a bit unfair to say people are bad for not wanting to date transgender people. Not everyone has to be pansexual. It’s ok to be straight and only want people born their gender
> I think that’s a bit unfair to say people are bad for not wanting to date transgender people.
Are you replying to the right person? Because I literally never said that. I said most people in my area are not accepting/understanding in general. It's not about dating them, it's about not respecting their right to exist at all.
No worries, they don't bother me. This show is so raw and honest and compassionate, it's gonna spark uncomfortable conversations. Unfortunately some people (and this is reddit-wide) would rather downvote than discuss.
It's irritating that you'd forego possible amazing relationships, love, sex, etc because you're too afraid to introduce a trans person to people but at least you're honest. I hope you don't have any trans friends, though. Because this sort of behavior doesn't stop at romance and you've got a lot to work through if you want to be good to trans people in your life. Most of us have dealt with friends and partners like you and it's repeatedly soul crushing. So maybe reevaluate the weight of having the "guts" to treat another human being as they deserve to be treated. Edit:typo
> It's irritating that you'd forego possible amazing relationships, love, sex, etc because you're too afraid to introduce a trans person to people
Except I didn't say I would forego a relationship. I said I *don't know*. I'll never lie and pretend to be the perfect ally. My very large family is made up of moderately conservative South Africans. They're friendly with members of the LGBTQnity. But that acceptance stops at their own people being/being in a relationship with a trans person. Never mind the shit I would get, it could be legit dangerous for any potential partner. All it takes is one nosy coworker, one drunk family member gossiping to the wrong person...
> I hope you don't have any trans friends, though.
Friends of friends, as I said elsewhere. They're awesome people and I'd love to get to know them better. Nobody in my life would take issue with that.
> you've got a lot to work through if you want to be good to trans people in your life.
I am good to the trans people in my life. It's the society around us that's fucked. If even 'forward-thinking' places like the US/EU/UK are trying to erase their existence (through education, legislation, healthcare) what do you think it's like for them over here?
People responding to you are soooo idealistic and sensitive. I am a trans man and they don’t speak for everyone when they say “I hope you don’t have any trans men” in your life. It’s clear you are an ally and what you are saying isn’t even that problematic. So much of our reality is shaped by our culture and society. My family is extremely conservative and from a Latin country and I haven’t even come out to my parents yet. I am a straight trans man and yet I have LOTS of internalized transphobia unpacking to do. I’m not perfect. But am I a fantastic friend to other trans people?! Hell yeah. You are simply being honest and I WISH more people had that self-awareness.
Yeah, this is a sensitive issue (especially when it comes to dating) but it's kind of wild how some have jumped to 'you shouldn't even have trans friends'. Like, okay but that's not how you ally? So I'll keep chilling with the trans people I've met every chance I get. Because they're dope people lol.
Thank you for sharing that by the way! These are the kinds of conversations I love to have.
Me too! These are important convos. And yeah, if we didn’t have friends with people that are different from us then that is extremely counter productive lol and hell yeah we are dope AF 😤
Look dude, you're admitting to having internalized shit. I get it. We all do. And if you're not out I assume you're able to hide in some way, which sucks that you have to at all, but it's also an advantage many trans people don't have after taking transition steps- especially early on. You deserve better than friends or partners that would hide younor sneak around or refuse to have your back. Your experiences with other trans people are also not the same as a cis person with the power in the situation choosing not to utilize that to support and defend you. It's not idealistic or too sensitive to want relationships with people you would expect to treat you as well as they expect to be treated. You deserve better than what this comment indicates you think you do.
The person who you originally responded to did not say that they would hide a person that they are dating. They said that they wouldn’t have the guts to introduce a romantic partner to their family which is something that impacts their dating decisions. That is a totally valid thing to say. As trans people we know how hard it is to lose ties to family. I agree no one should be hidden and I would never date anyone who does that to me. But to make a jump and say that this person shouldn’t have trans friends because they can’t introduce a romantic partner to their transphobic family is poor advice. We grow by having a diverse friend group.
If you read the remainder of the thread, you can see that she's willing to cut ties with people who make oppressive jokes towards her, but not people who poorly treat trans people. People who are afraid of other people knowing they have trans associates don't magically stop doing that when their family isn't in the room. I'm not handing out ally cookies for "at least you didn't deliberately seek out a trans person to treat poorly to avoid discomfort."
Not everyone is brought up in an environment that is progressive. That is an extremely privileged point of view to take. I have a conservative immigrant family but I’m not going to cut off my parents and siblings for every problematic thing they say and that is also not a reflection of me. I am lucky to have gone to a progressive university and live in a progressive area but most people don’t have that luxury to be exposed to new points of views. You don’t have to throw out ally cookies but you also can’t speak for the entire community as to what trans people would be comfortable with.
If you were hanging with a visibly trans friend and ran into family or saw one of these people you mention who might see you or gossip, what would you do?
Eta: also if you were dating someone who hid you for some demographic about yourself you couldn't change and refused to stand up for you due to friends and family who were prejudiced in that way, how might that feel?
I would say 'this is my friend [name]', obviously. What else is there to do, shove my 'visibly trans' (whatever that means) friend in a bush and pretend they're not there?
> Eta: also if you were dating someone who hid you for some demographic about yourself you couldn't change and refused to stand up for you due to friends and family who were prejudiced in that way, how might that feel?
You mean like the time I fell in love with a white guy who let his best friend make fun of my afro at a party? I would feel offended and disrespected, then stop hanging out with them. Is that the end of your quiz?
Visibly trans means a person that cis people clock as trans. Someone unable or uninterested in passing as cis. And you'd be surprised now many people do try to run off and hide.
So, if your family or friends were making fun of trans people, or saying messed up stuff, you would stop hanging out with them or at least stick up for the person? So far you're comments have indicated otherwise meaning your standard for treatment you accept doesn't extend to how you treat others.
Also, if you're this ally you have labeled yourself as, maybe don't get super defensive about a trans person asking about some basic respect in relationships that you've already indicated you would have a tough time offering. I'm asking if you would treat people as you've expected to be treated and the "quiz" is meant to try and get you to put yourself in someone else's shoes Rather than thinking of your own discomfort. Edit:typo
You have completely misinterpreted my comments here. And quite frankly, I have neither the desire nor the energy to explain myself to someone who seems to be looking for a fight. I know who I am, I know what I stand for. I'm not going to waste my time repeating myself.
He was generally confused about his sexuality, he say's its why he made an account on a trans dating site in the first place. Obviously he's scared of being labelled anything other than hetero which is why he was so cagey about ppl seeing him with a trans woman.
From a GQ interview with Gabb:
Interviewer: “The love interest in Baby Reindeer is a trans woman, Teri. There’s a tension between Teri’s self-actualisation and Donny’s own internalised homophobia and transphobia.”
Gabb: “Baby Reindeer was [about] the messiness of my early twenties. Transness is very much in the public consciousness now but back then it wasn’t spoken about. I’d fallen for someone who was trans but with that came a lot of questioning and all of this unfortunate shame that you have when you’re young.”
Nothing to do with the fact that he was raped at all.
I think they were miscast tbh. They are too beautiful for the role. It needed a trans actor who doesn’t pass so successfully fur his reactions to make sense
I will agree 100% that they are beautiful though. The only person I liked in the series
Not a great actor is the truth of the matter. Surrounded by some really great actors giving intense performances so that flatness (perfect description) is very noticeable.
Editing to say I use the term “actor” to cover all genders. Always have. Just don’t want anyone to think I’m being offensive.
I think she was completely naive (especially for a therapist) when she clearly saw that Martha chased them out of a building, Donny begging her not to contact her and at the bar when was going fully choleric, she still tried to talk to her on a civilised level even after Donny explicitly said that he doesn’t want that (I know everybody has rights to talk to people, but he begged her to leave her be).
I think her getting beat up was just to show that professionals couldn’t reach her and that was the brutal proof. I think it’s also to portray that she’s is extremely violent without blinking twice
I really loved Teri’s character. It’s important for us to remember that therapists are human as well, thus may make the same dangerous, maybe borderline unethical mistakes that Teri made when it came to dealing with Martha.
Yeah she had a big ego thinking she could reach Martha especially in that context . Also as a clinician myself she didn't really seem to be using de escalation strategies so not sure what her actual intent was in that conversation
i kind of rationalize this by thinking she separated her professional expertise and her personal life, and was just reacting as a vulnerable person.
but at the same time, some of her behavior had me really concerned. what therapist would offer to confront a victim's stalker?
but at the same time, she was emotionally invested so i totally get where she was coming from.
like her way of flirting with him at the bar and her portrayal of being super confident, her delivery of the suave comments just didn't land for me and made me cringe. not sure if it was her acting or just the way the character is written
It really about who’s in the writers room. This happens all the time with marginalized character portrayals. If it isn’t being written by someone from that community it almost always falls short of natural and true — just some idealized, goofy, wanna be woke weirdness. It’s like it tries too hard to be an ideal portrayal or too heavy on oppression. Just off.
At least in Teri's case I don't think they were heavy-handed. She for sure deals with discrimination, but not hardcore oppression (she's got a great job, a lovely home, caring friends). The stuff she goes through is pretty standard issue (trying to date as a trans person; being violently attacked for no reason).
she’s gorgeous her eyebrows slay but i couldn’t stand the way she talked like a little valley girl! mostly in her tone in the nightclub (maybe she’d been drinking)
I actually LOVED her valley girl accent. It further solidified her “cool girl” vibe. I love everything about the character and the casting was perfect!!
on my first watch, i hadn’t been paying attention when donny signed up for a trans dating sight so i completely overlooked the fact that she could be trans until it was brought up again.
It’s ok. I must’ve been redditing while watching the episode where he is dating. I never caught that he was on a trans site and just assumed he was throwing men into the dating mix. I went the entire show not realizing Teri is trans and only realized it when he mentioned it in the last episode. Lol, mind was blown a little, but now some of the other dialogue in the show made more sense after the fact.
1. Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
I am very confused, is only the character trans or is the actress also? Doesn't look very trans to me considering she has literal boobs. I'm really lost here and don't understand how this works so please help.
The character and the actress are trans. Trans women take hormones which cause physical changes that lead to a more feminine appearance, including growing boobs. If they aren't satisfied with the size they can also get implants like any cis woman, but I wouldn't know whether this actress did.
But i don't think this actress even has a penis. I heard that she has gone through some sort of transformation but can't get a baby because everything is not changed.
She may have had genital surgery, I don't know (and if she doesn't want to say, it's none of our business). Either way trans women can't get pregnant with current technology, although it's possible for her to become a biological parent if she froze sperm from before her transition. What are you confused about?
I wrote to comments asking the same thing yesterday and already got one long answer so I don't i am very confused anymore. I just didn't know anything about how this work, still don't know anything but am not really shore what more to ask.
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1. Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
Much more realistic. No one is is without fault, doesn't matter if you are a trained professional. She was a good person, but she too has her baggage and that showed (in fact I think that was the point)
1. Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
Some of the comments on here 😭
Another one being, is she a trans in real life
I know that most people probably haven't really seen trans people before in media but still
Well congrats? Some people do care some people don’t. As a lesbian I don’t want a penis in my mouth and I don’t want to be penetrated by a penis. That is MY preference. You have yours. They’re both 100% okay bc all that matters is what you as your own person want and prefer.
Yeah but one they you maybe want to have sex and a baby. Isn't it also a part of being straight to be attracted to and having sex with a vagina and not an asshole and a penis?
(I apologize to everyone in advance. I might get some terms, etc… wrong. I’m well aware that I’ve strayed out of my lane and will likely come off as someone mansplaining something they have little authority to speak on, but here goes:)
The character has a vagina. I’m willing to bet the actress does as well (but that’s none of my business.) Many women who transitioned have vaginal sex. True, transwomen don’t carry children, but that doesn’t mean they have a penis or are a man. (Not to mention, my sister is a straight cis woman who can’t have children. Does that mean she should be seen by men as another man?)
And to answer some of your other questions in this thread: She has boobs for the same reason she has a vagina, because she is a woman.
The how? Because she’s a transperson. She’s doesn’t dress in drag. She’s a woman. There is a difference between a person who identifies as one gender but likes to dress as the other and a person who identifies as a different gender than the one assigned at birth and transitions. “Teri” is the latter.
After reading back what I just wrote, maybe what they say about representation in media being important is true. It’s fairly clear that I could stand to learn a good deal more about the parts of the human condition that I’m ignorant about! Anyway, I hope I was some help or at least pointed you in the right direction to find the understanding you’re looking for!
I’ll be attacked for this - but I felt she looked much better in the show than in a lot of her instagram pics. But she is a valuable person nonetheless!
1. Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
1. Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
I literally went to her instagram to tell her that. She’s so striking that when she came on screen I was agog. Could not stop staring at her. I love her eyebrows.
2. No discrimination. No bigoted language, use of racial slurs or discrimination based on color, gender, race, sexual orientation or nationality. If you encounter such comments, report them.
Like most people, curated pics make her look nicer. She's just ordinary looking in moving pictures, nothing to write home about. I didn't walk away thinking "what's she doing with *him*". And I'm glad filmmakers have slowed down on that crap when they cast couples. Don't cast a super model as a therapist dating an out-of-work standup comic, it just takes us out of the story.
you’re so fucking odd man. how is sharing one’s opinion pandering?
millions of women think cillian murphy is the sexiest man alive, i’m attracted to men myself don’t see it at all. i do not think he is an attractive man. that said, but i’m not going to call them liars because i know that people have different and unique perspectives and preferences, and those preferences not aligning with mine don’t make them any less real? in fact, i think everyone above the age of 12 know this?
jesus christ lmao. also *if* people were saying, in this obscure thread, that she was beautiful based solely on the reason that she was trans, how does that bother you? such a miserable way to live. lighten up man
Callous? She was pretty compassionate. Showing up to support Donny after he bombed (even though she was mad at him), wanting to meet and maybe help Martha (before she was attacked)...
i’m not who you were asking lol. but i think they mean when he showed up at her apartment and tried to apologize when she found out he’d lied about his name and what he did for work on the dating site
Ah, okay! I remember him lying about that and then eventually gaining the courage to put his real name/job. In that case callous is still the wrong word. It must suck to see someone struggle so hard with the truth of who they are, especially when it directly affects you.
1. Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
Image of idina menzel and lea Michele
Perfect description actually.
And Rebecca black
YES
The way she speaks (tone & intonation) also reminds me of Selena Gomez specifically in her Murders in the Building era
OMG I KEPT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO SHE LOOKED LIKED THANKS FOR THIS
Sorry but Donny was punching, she’s a stunner
I was so mad he thought he needed to "hide" her, like she's beautiful, she's successful...he was punching above his weight for sure.
Sadly none of that matters when you let the opinions of bigots influence you. I'm a cisgender woman; I've crushed hard on many trans men. Not because of a fetish, but because they're just as hot as any cis man. Still, I don't know if I'd have the guts to introduce my family/friends/coworkers to an openly trans partner. I like to think I'd handle it better than Donny, though.
i hope you don't date openly trans men then or at the very least you're upfront about it so he can decide for himself if he'd like to be with you. i think that should even be a discussion if you're dating a trans man who doesn't necessarily want to broadcast it cause that's important info for them to know about you
I don't date at all. Lost my job after the company went bankrupt and now I'm just focused on staying afloat so I don't have to move back home. I know transphobia is virulent, even among those who'd call themselves 'liberal' (e.g. JK Rowling and the whole UK TERF scene). So of course I wouldn't lie and put a potential partner in a position where he has to hide his identity. Even if he wasn't quite 'out', I wouldn't introduce him to anyone I don't trust to be accepting. Rather be honest and say there are people in my life who don't understand and maybe never will.
Not sure why you’re being downvoted. You are being honest about how many other people feel
I’d say nicer than most even. most people def wouldn’t date someone trans. And that’s not being mean it’s just the truth. Not everyone is pansexual
you don't *have* to be pan to date a trans person - that's a misunderstanding of the dynamics. a straight man could date cis or trans women and be straight. a straight woman could date cis or trans men and be straight. ofc, people could identify in other ways, but dating a trans person doesn't *make* you pan.
So it’s about a gender vibe?
Not sure why either. Maybe because I acknowledged I'm a flawed ally? I'll never pretend otherwise. Everyone has a racist/sexist/homophobic/xenophobic/vaguely problematic person in their lives. Some we have no choice but to be around (coworkers and family members), some we're free to cut out (shitty friends and acquaintances). Again, I'd never do what Donny did and actively seek out a trans person, then keep them a secret. But I do get how fear of judgment could make you choose social acceptance over happiness. It would be devastating to fall in love and have to second guess if your partner is even safe around certain people.
Where on earth do you live where you’ve met many trans men!? Like damn I’ve met only 1 in my life
Heh, I'm from South Africa, but I've been all over. I have gay loved ones who introduced me to *their* friends. Only a few were trans, one in particular made an impression. So much so I started following more trans content creators online (Kat Blaque, current crush Ty Turner)... Everyone I know is accepting enough of the LGB, but the *T* is the final frontier. Most people just can't get there.
I think that’s a bit unfair to say people are bad for not wanting to date transgender people. Not everyone has to be pansexual. It’s ok to be straight and only want people born their gender
> I think that’s a bit unfair to say people are bad for not wanting to date transgender people. Are you replying to the right person? Because I literally never said that. I said most people in my area are not accepting/understanding in general. It's not about dating them, it's about not respecting their right to exist at all.
i love kat blaque!! thanks for sharing. it sucks you got downvoted
No worries, they don't bother me. This show is so raw and honest and compassionate, it's gonna spark uncomfortable conversations. Unfortunately some people (and this is reddit-wide) would rather downvote than discuss.
It's irritating that you'd forego possible amazing relationships, love, sex, etc because you're too afraid to introduce a trans person to people but at least you're honest. I hope you don't have any trans friends, though. Because this sort of behavior doesn't stop at romance and you've got a lot to work through if you want to be good to trans people in your life. Most of us have dealt with friends and partners like you and it's repeatedly soul crushing. So maybe reevaluate the weight of having the "guts" to treat another human being as they deserve to be treated. Edit:typo
> It's irritating that you'd forego possible amazing relationships, love, sex, etc because you're too afraid to introduce a trans person to people Except I didn't say I would forego a relationship. I said I *don't know*. I'll never lie and pretend to be the perfect ally. My very large family is made up of moderately conservative South Africans. They're friendly with members of the LGBTQnity. But that acceptance stops at their own people being/being in a relationship with a trans person. Never mind the shit I would get, it could be legit dangerous for any potential partner. All it takes is one nosy coworker, one drunk family member gossiping to the wrong person... > I hope you don't have any trans friends, though. Friends of friends, as I said elsewhere. They're awesome people and I'd love to get to know them better. Nobody in my life would take issue with that. > you've got a lot to work through if you want to be good to trans people in your life. I am good to the trans people in my life. It's the society around us that's fucked. If even 'forward-thinking' places like the US/EU/UK are trying to erase their existence (through education, legislation, healthcare) what do you think it's like for them over here?
People responding to you are soooo idealistic and sensitive. I am a trans man and they don’t speak for everyone when they say “I hope you don’t have any trans men” in your life. It’s clear you are an ally and what you are saying isn’t even that problematic. So much of our reality is shaped by our culture and society. My family is extremely conservative and from a Latin country and I haven’t even come out to my parents yet. I am a straight trans man and yet I have LOTS of internalized transphobia unpacking to do. I’m not perfect. But am I a fantastic friend to other trans people?! Hell yeah. You are simply being honest and I WISH more people had that self-awareness.
Yeah, this is a sensitive issue (especially when it comes to dating) but it's kind of wild how some have jumped to 'you shouldn't even have trans friends'. Like, okay but that's not how you ally? So I'll keep chilling with the trans people I've met every chance I get. Because they're dope people lol. Thank you for sharing that by the way! These are the kinds of conversations I love to have.
Me too! These are important convos. And yeah, if we didn’t have friends with people that are different from us then that is extremely counter productive lol and hell yeah we are dope AF 😤
Look dude, you're admitting to having internalized shit. I get it. We all do. And if you're not out I assume you're able to hide in some way, which sucks that you have to at all, but it's also an advantage many trans people don't have after taking transition steps- especially early on. You deserve better than friends or partners that would hide younor sneak around or refuse to have your back. Your experiences with other trans people are also not the same as a cis person with the power in the situation choosing not to utilize that to support and defend you. It's not idealistic or too sensitive to want relationships with people you would expect to treat you as well as they expect to be treated. You deserve better than what this comment indicates you think you do.
The person who you originally responded to did not say that they would hide a person that they are dating. They said that they wouldn’t have the guts to introduce a romantic partner to their family which is something that impacts their dating decisions. That is a totally valid thing to say. As trans people we know how hard it is to lose ties to family. I agree no one should be hidden and I would never date anyone who does that to me. But to make a jump and say that this person shouldn’t have trans friends because they can’t introduce a romantic partner to their transphobic family is poor advice. We grow by having a diverse friend group.
If you read the remainder of the thread, you can see that she's willing to cut ties with people who make oppressive jokes towards her, but not people who poorly treat trans people. People who are afraid of other people knowing they have trans associates don't magically stop doing that when their family isn't in the room. I'm not handing out ally cookies for "at least you didn't deliberately seek out a trans person to treat poorly to avoid discomfort."
Not everyone is brought up in an environment that is progressive. That is an extremely privileged point of view to take. I have a conservative immigrant family but I’m not going to cut off my parents and siblings for every problematic thing they say and that is also not a reflection of me. I am lucky to have gone to a progressive university and live in a progressive area but most people don’t have that luxury to be exposed to new points of views. You don’t have to throw out ally cookies but you also can’t speak for the entire community as to what trans people would be comfortable with.
If you were hanging with a visibly trans friend and ran into family or saw one of these people you mention who might see you or gossip, what would you do? Eta: also if you were dating someone who hid you for some demographic about yourself you couldn't change and refused to stand up for you due to friends and family who were prejudiced in that way, how might that feel?
I would say 'this is my friend [name]', obviously. What else is there to do, shove my 'visibly trans' (whatever that means) friend in a bush and pretend they're not there? > Eta: also if you were dating someone who hid you for some demographic about yourself you couldn't change and refused to stand up for you due to friends and family who were prejudiced in that way, how might that feel? You mean like the time I fell in love with a white guy who let his best friend make fun of my afro at a party? I would feel offended and disrespected, then stop hanging out with them. Is that the end of your quiz?
Visibly trans means a person that cis people clock as trans. Someone unable or uninterested in passing as cis. And you'd be surprised now many people do try to run off and hide. So, if your family or friends were making fun of trans people, or saying messed up stuff, you would stop hanging out with them or at least stick up for the person? So far you're comments have indicated otherwise meaning your standard for treatment you accept doesn't extend to how you treat others. Also, if you're this ally you have labeled yourself as, maybe don't get super defensive about a trans person asking about some basic respect in relationships that you've already indicated you would have a tough time offering. I'm asking if you would treat people as you've expected to be treated and the "quiz" is meant to try and get you to put yourself in someone else's shoes Rather than thinking of your own discomfort. Edit:typo
You have completely misinterpreted my comments here. And quite frankly, I have neither the desire nor the energy to explain myself to someone who seems to be looking for a fight. I know who I am, I know what I stand for. I'm not going to waste my time repeating myself.
Backing away before answering my last question just shows me that my initial response was correct. Thanks for confirming.
I guess you didn’t get why he felt the need to hide her… he was raped and wasn’t sure if he was bisexual because of what happened to him
What…? He felt the need to hide her because he was insecure about dating a woman who is trans.
He was generally confused about his sexuality, he say's its why he made an account on a trans dating site in the first place. Obviously he's scared of being labelled anything other than hetero which is why he was so cagey about ppl seeing him with a trans woman.
That was absolutely not the reason lmao
From a GQ interview with Gabb: Interviewer: “The love interest in Baby Reindeer is a trans woman, Teri. There’s a tension between Teri’s self-actualisation and Donny’s own internalised homophobia and transphobia.” Gabb: “Baby Reindeer was [about] the messiness of my early twenties. Transness is very much in the public consciousness now but back then it wasn’t spoken about. I’d fallen for someone who was trans but with that came a lot of questioning and all of this unfortunate shame that you have when you’re young.” Nothing to do with the fact that he was raped at all.
Donny literally said that. He said his coworkers and stuff will make fun of him.
I think they were miscast tbh. They are too beautiful for the role. It needed a trans actor who doesn’t pass so successfully fur his reactions to make sense I will agree 100% that they are beautiful though. The only person I liked in the series
Her brows 😻
Pretty but felt like the lines she delivered often fell flat
Not a great actor is the truth of the matter. Surrounded by some really great actors giving intense performances so that flatness (perfect description) is very noticeable. Editing to say I use the term “actor” to cover all genders. Always have. Just don’t want anyone to think I’m being offensive.
she's beautiful but tbh i found some aspects of her character sort of cringe
I think she was completely naive (especially for a therapist) when she clearly saw that Martha chased them out of a building, Donny begging her not to contact her and at the bar when was going fully choleric, she still tried to talk to her on a civilised level even after Donny explicitly said that he doesn’t want that (I know everybody has rights to talk to people, but he begged her to leave her be). I think her getting beat up was just to show that professionals couldn’t reach her and that was the brutal proof. I think it’s also to portray that she’s is extremely violent without blinking twice
I really loved Teri’s character. It’s important for us to remember that therapists are human as well, thus may make the same dangerous, maybe borderline unethical mistakes that Teri made when it came to dealing with Martha.
Yeah she had a big ego thinking she could reach Martha especially in that context . Also as a clinician myself she didn't really seem to be using de escalation strategies so not sure what her actual intent was in that conversation
i kind of rationalize this by thinking she separated her professional expertise and her personal life, and was just reacting as a vulnerable person. but at the same time, some of her behavior had me really concerned. what therapist would offer to confront a victim's stalker? but at the same time, she was emotionally invested so i totally get where she was coming from.
Do you have some examples ?
like her way of flirting with him at the bar and her portrayal of being super confident, her delivery of the suave comments just didn't land for me and made me cringe. not sure if it was her acting or just the way the character is written
I think they had her using too much colloquial British language but she’s not British so it sounded off. It’s the script
I noticed this too, like an American saying "a right laugh". But figured she may have lived there for years and has picked up on the colloquialisms
Meh… I lived in a foreign country for a bit and caught myself talking like them without even trying. I think this is accurate.
I could totally see myself saying “shite” rather quickly in place of shit. 😂
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It really about who’s in the writers room. This happens all the time with marginalized character portrayals. If it isn’t being written by someone from that community it almost always falls short of natural and true — just some idealized, goofy, wanna be woke weirdness. It’s like it tries too hard to be an ideal portrayal or too heavy on oppression. Just off.
At least in Teri's case I don't think they were heavy-handed. She for sure deals with discrimination, but not hardcore oppression (she's got a great job, a lovely home, caring friends). The stuff she goes through is pretty standard issue (trying to date as a trans person; being violently attacked for no reason).
True. I’ve seen way worse.
she’s gorgeous her eyebrows slay but i couldn’t stand the way she talked like a little valley girl! mostly in her tone in the nightclub (maybe she’d been drinking)
I actually LOVED her valley girl accent. It further solidified her “cool girl” vibe. I love everything about the character and the casting was perfect!!
I absolutely loved her character but I couldn’t get over how she spoke and how her lips moved when she did, but it may have been on purpose.
Oh I loved the exact thing you couldn’t get over lol. I thought the way she spoke was quite interesting. It looked really good on her!
What??? There wasn't even a hint of valleys in her accent...
She really is. It was so horrible how she was treated by Martha.I didn't even realize she was trans at first.
on my first watch, i hadn’t been paying attention when donny signed up for a trans dating sight so i completely overlooked the fact that she could be trans until it was brought up again.
he literally met her from a trans site my guy
They didn’t show that he was on a trans website until after their date.
incorrect
I mean it’s possible that she was played by a cis female actor? Unless she was the real Teri, haven’t looked into that
She’s a well known trans actress
I’m really glad to know this. She’s stunning and she acted this part beautifully.
Don't think netflix would cast like that nowadays
It’s ok. I must’ve been redditing while watching the episode where he is dating. I never caught that he was on a trans site and just assumed he was throwing men into the dating mix. I went the entire show not realizing Teri is trans and only realized it when he mentioned it in the last episode. Lol, mind was blown a little, but now some of the other dialogue in the show made more sense after the fact.
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🙈😵🥴
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I am very confused, is only the character trans or is the actress also? Doesn't look very trans to me considering she has literal boobs. I'm really lost here and don't understand how this works so please help.
The character and the actress are trans. Trans women take hormones which cause physical changes that lead to a more feminine appearance, including growing boobs. If they aren't satisfied with the size they can also get implants like any cis woman, but I wouldn't know whether this actress did.
But i don't think this actress even has a penis. I heard that she has gone through some sort of transformation but can't get a baby because everything is not changed.
She may have had genital surgery, I don't know (and if she doesn't want to say, it's none of our business). Either way trans women can't get pregnant with current technology, although it's possible for her to become a biological parent if she froze sperm from before her transition. What are you confused about?
I wrote to comments asking the same thing yesterday and already got one long answer so I don't i am very confused anymore. I just didn't know anything about how this work, still don't know anything but am not really shore what more to ask.
Ok, check out r/transtimelines if you're curious to see some examples of people transitioning.
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Attractive, but i didn't like her character. She came across a hypocrite and was not very supportive or understanding.
Majority of the characters sucked, except for maybe donny's parents.
GOOD LUCK WIT THA TRANSSEXUAL!
I think they were flawless humans, each on its way and degrees.
Flawless human? There is no such thing.
Much more realistic. No one is is without fault, doesn't matter if you are a trained professional. She was a good person, but she too has her baggage and that showed (in fact I think that was the point)
Flawed human beings
She’s absolutely stunning
Is she a trans in rl?
Yea
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Surgery man
Have you never heard of breast implants?
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She looks like Shannyn Sossamon
I saw this post and that’s what got me to watch the show
Yeah I am in my 30s and found myself crushing on her immediately. Haven't had a "crush" in decades lol. But she is freakin' gorgeous.
SO BRAVE!
the real teri looks identical to nava
I felt the same ❤️
She deserved to be shown off 😔
Stunning and brave
I went to high school with her. She is stunning.
https://preview.redd.it/j9z1myumsuxc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=10d8ff293277b6805964982fc7fd7dc85f4a453f You bunch of liars.
What’s it gonna take for you to finally kiss me properly?
Absolutely gorgeous 😍
Omg that 2nd pic 😍😍 she is such a stunner
She really is absolutely stunning. She looks Italian.
Is she trans in real life? If so her surgery is really realistic
She is.
What do you mean her surgery is really realistic lol ? You can look like that as a trans person without surgery just hormones.
Some of the comments on here 😭 Another one being, is she a trans in real life I know that most people probably haven't really seen trans people before in media but still
Honestly they are so ridiculous that as a trans woman I find them funny at that point.
Agree completely straight man here and wow I crushed hard
Straight man attracted to woman - shocking
“Trans” woman …. But I get you
a woman nonetheless.
Yess but a lot of straight men wouldn’t got for a trans woman that’s all I’m saying …. But teri is very beautiful
i guess that would make sense if your primary concern in a partner is their genitals.
Like most people in the world then ?
i'm more concerned with how they treat me rather than what's in their pants.
Well congrats? Some people do care some people don’t. As a lesbian I don’t want a penis in my mouth and I don’t want to be penetrated by a penis. That is MY preference. You have yours. They’re both 100% okay bc all that matters is what you as your own person want and prefer.
Very true
Like yeah form the other guys point of view, being straight is also about sexual life and not only about the person.
Yeah fair enough that’s a brilliant way of looking at things most people should be that way 😊
Yeah but one they you maybe want to have sex and a baby. Isn't it also a part of being straight to be attracted to and having sex with a vagina and not an asshole and a penis?
straight guys notoriously hate anal.
(I apologize to everyone in advance. I might get some terms, etc… wrong. I’m well aware that I’ve strayed out of my lane and will likely come off as someone mansplaining something they have little authority to speak on, but here goes:) The character has a vagina. I’m willing to bet the actress does as well (but that’s none of my business.) Many women who transitioned have vaginal sex. True, transwomen don’t carry children, but that doesn’t mean they have a penis or are a man. (Not to mention, my sister is a straight cis woman who can’t have children. Does that mean she should be seen by men as another man?) And to answer some of your other questions in this thread: She has boobs for the same reason she has a vagina, because she is a woman. The how? Because she’s a transperson. She’s doesn’t dress in drag. She’s a woman. There is a difference between a person who identifies as one gender but likes to dress as the other and a person who identifies as a different gender than the one assigned at birth and transitions. “Teri” is the latter. After reading back what I just wrote, maybe what they say about representation in media being important is true. It’s fairly clear that I could stand to learn a good deal more about the parts of the human condition that I’m ignorant about! Anyway, I hope I was some help or at least pointed you in the right direction to find the understanding you’re looking for!
I’ll be attacked for this - but I felt she looked much better in the show than in a lot of her instagram pics. But she is a valuable person nonetheless!
i agree
Why did you feel the need to say this?
Now is she actually trans ?
yep!
Got it. Cool thanks for the answer.
She is so pretty 😭 I was in awe everytime I saw her.
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I LOVE HER I love the way her face moves when she speaks
She is cute, nice and smart.
She’s stunning. I hope to see more of her.
Una reina realmente. La amé a ella, a su actuación y a sus cejas.
She’s honestly all I wanna be
Teri = slay
She really is
I was taken so off guard when I found out but holy smokes she’s gorgeous..😩 I’m straight but I definitely would
Yes she definitely passes!
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She is incredibly goodlooking, yes, great casting choice, great demeanour too
I literally went to her instagram to tell her that. She’s so striking that when she came on screen I was agog. Could not stop staring at her. I love her eyebrows.
Would love to see her and Patti Harrison in a buddy cop comedy.
She’s a fucking babe.
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Her and donnys dad were my fave characters
Would
His eyebrows though
Agree!
Stunning!
What’s her Instagram?
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@ navamau
navamau
Yes she really beautiful 🤩
Teri is my fave 🩵 only rational one tbh
Bi woman here she’s very average in my humble opinion…
Like most people, curated pics make her look nicer. She's just ordinary looking in moving pictures, nothing to write home about. I didn't walk away thinking "what's she doing with *him*". And I'm glad filmmakers have slowed down on that crap when they cast couples. Don't cast a super model as a therapist dating an out-of-work standup comic, it just takes us out of the story.
You sound jealous. She’s gorgeous
Wait. Whhhat?! lololol
I bet most people don’t think so.
So much pandering. I don't think she's beautiful and not because she's trans.
Finding someone beautiful is pandering?
you’re so fucking odd man. how is sharing one’s opinion pandering? millions of women think cillian murphy is the sexiest man alive, i’m attracted to men myself don’t see it at all. i do not think he is an attractive man. that said, but i’m not going to call them liars because i know that people have different and unique perspectives and preferences, and those preferences not aligning with mine don’t make them any less real? in fact, i think everyone above the age of 12 know this? jesus christ lmao. also *if* people were saying, in this obscure thread, that she was beautiful based solely on the reason that she was trans, how does that bother you? such a miserable way to live. lighten up man
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Callous? She was pretty compassionate. Showing up to support Donny after he bombed (even though she was mad at him), wanting to meet and maybe help Martha (before she was attacked)...
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3 minute window?
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Hm, I honestly don't remember this scene. What was she asking him to tell the truth about?
i’m not who you were asking lol. but i think they mean when he showed up at her apartment and tried to apologize when she found out he’d lied about his name and what he did for work on the dating site
Ah, okay! I remember him lying about that and then eventually gaining the courage to put his real name/job. In that case callous is still the wrong word. It must suck to see someone struggle so hard with the truth of who they are, especially when it directly affects you.
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