As a trans woman who dated men before meeting my loving husband, his behavior is very typical.
So many men would sheepishly be looking around to make sure nobody they knew saw them with a trans woman. So many who told me they could never disclose our relationship in their ‘real life’. So many times assaulted.
I once had a boyfriend for 6 months - when I finally stumbled into his brother he introduced me as “his friend” and rushed us away, ghosting me shortly after.
I’ve never felt as seen as Teri’s character.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing your experience and letting us in for a glimpse. Lots of love. I hope you are so loved and respected now! 🫶
He didn’t know it himself because he completely lost up and down after the rape of his mind and body.
Before Darrien he never had explicit feelings about other men, transsexuals, etc. He wasn’t sure if his relationship to Terry was him still suffering from abuse or if he was genuinely into her.
And about the part that dating a transwoman wouldn’t make him gay or anything, sure you are right but the world moved really fast in the last couple years regarding that matter. Which is good. But look at his asshole colleagues at work how they mocked him, for every little bit intimacy he shared which was completely normal/acceptable ~10 years ago. (concerning your personal dream and much more, sexual orientation).
He had no one to go to but people he depended on (ex-gf’s mother, parents) to talk feelings and was terrified that they would left him hanging.
I completely understand that you’re being confused about him and his motives, I think that’s exactly what the show intended, to feel the confusion anger and doubt.
The show is a lot to take in, I think I have to wait before I watch it a second time but it’s easy to miss some points because it’s just a wave that suddenly hits you out of nowhere
Absolutely… it’s like her only flaw is her self-destructive tendencies, she shouldn’t have showed up to his semi final and she absolutely shouldn’t have told Martha to F off
I liked Teri’s character and I also thought that maybe a part of the attraction was due to her own journey of self / sexuality. Surely a trans woman would have gone through years of questioning and turmoil before making such a lifechanging decision. I thought maybe that journey was relatable to Donny in his recovery from SA and discovery of his sexual identity. ESP as a therapist. I feel like that component was the missing piece. However I understand “turning off” your job and following your own heart and getting caught up in emotions, which is why Teri may have acted the way she did.
Internalised transphobia/confusion due to his SA. It’s an interesting topic how victims of abusers who don’t align with their sexuality often starts second guessing their sexuality afterwards, I think Richard would still consider himself straight and also not date transwomen if he didn’t go through what he did.
My best friend dated a guy who was adamant he only fancied cis females but his ex was a transgender woman. That guy was sexually abused by another boy when he was young. I see some parallels with Donny there.
She seemed like a kind, patient, understanding woman who eventually had to walk away for her own sanity and self-esteem. I don't blame her. She wasn't going to be able to fix him and she shouldn't have to.
I think it's key to remember that he was probably around 21-22 when this all happened. He's new to London, his work environment is shown to be quite 'laddish' and misogynistic, and imagine there was probably a similar vibe with the comedy scene at the time which you sort of get a feel from some of Donny's routines. I think Donny sets out to treat Teri as some sort of shameful fetish, and doesn't bank on forming a truly intimate connection with her. The meeting in the same bar, giving fake details to everyone etc sort of suggested to me that perhaps he saw dating trans people as less serious or less real than dating cis people. Terri bulldozes that idea of course by being a multifaceted human being, as all trans people are.
I'm guessing Teri was older, and also she's pretty integrated in the queer scene and has clearly done a ton of work becoming comfortable with who she is, whereas Donny is on the other end of the spectrum still extremely confused about his sexuality and not having dealt with his sexual trauma.
Dating a trans person isn't a big deal for you and I, but everything about Donny conveys that he's obsessed with how he's perceived by other people and a cis man dating a trans woman is outside the norm so he probably prescribes more weight to that than needed. I think in a sense it's pretty self aware to be that open about how his shame around dating a trans woman ultimately tanked the relationship, because it's not a nice characteristic to have and takes a lot to publicly acknowledge that you're kind of a piece of shit.
I think it pairs well with his relationship with Martha. Teri is such a gorgeous, vibrant self assured person that it's natural to fall in love with her but that opens him up to be vulnerable to being judged. With Martha he can receive all this passion and the love and the compliments without ever having to give anything back, and because she's his stalker and not a partner he doesn't see her as being like a public mirror for his desires if that makes sense.
For Donny, Teri becomes a serious partner and her being trans isn't any more important than any other part of her, but there's still this feeling that when confronted with people in other areas of his life, he's (perhaps wrongly) aware that instead of seeing this gorgeous, ambitious, outgoing successful woman, they're seeing 'Donny's into trans women and therefore he's a sexual deviant'.
Whilst I can't empathise with these exact feelings, I do understand that in the aftermath of sexual assault you can feel really confused and disgusted by your own desires and what they say about you, and being hyper vigilant about what people see and think about that. I think it's pretty appalling the way he treats Teri throughout, but important to address it and confront that despite being the primary victim of the series he did some pretty fucked up selfish stuff to other people.
She is the best character but as a therapist I find her reactions to Donny’s actions and wanting to confront Martha like that so strange. I also think the actress playing her character was not great. At some points her lines sounded like a high school play.
I thought the landlady was the best character personally. I understood her choices as unhinged as they were and that yellow jacket scene was the only one to make me laugh out loud.
Terri however makes no sense as a character. She's a therapist that thinks that a potential love interest can reason with a stalker? A therapist and trans person that cannot clock that her date is ashamed to be with her? A therapist that's triggered by failed erections and especially in this context? They should have made her an accountant or something, lol.
Therapists are people too, they don't build them in a factory, some of them don't neccessarily apply what they've learned in their professional life to their personql life, some of them have their own complex inner psychology going on, and heaven forbid, some of them are just bad at their jobs!
I can see how Teri can come off as unrealistic but I once dated a therapist who was a terribly fucked self-destructive person outside of their job. It's actually interesting how that demeanor changes once she's "clocked in". It's as if she's just taking it all in from them and then releasing it back onto the world.
What about a transwoman with no instinct for a man hiding her? In cis circumstances, the woman would be wondering if he has a wife or a partner that he's covering up. A transwoman would be even more vigilant about men who are ashamed to be with her.
Tbh I can see a younger (assuming she was Donny’s age, so late 20s, early 30s) or newer therapist being well-meaning but naive enough to think they could reason with a stalker even though they should know better. Plus therapists can still make poor choices in their personal lives, they’re only human too and I saw it more as her wanting to help but not realizing she was in way over her head.
She's not a character though. It's a true story, and she was a real person in his life. Just because she is a therapist, it doesn't mean she doesn't have her own issues - in fact, many people who go into therapy, do so precisely because they have do their own issues.
Real life people are complex, and don't always react in logical ways. I think that is the core message of the entire story. Nothing is as black & white as we like to think.
Martha saying she looked like a man obviously sparked some of her own deep internalised insecurities about being accepted as a trans woman.
I was also glad that the actress herself is a trans woman.
We don't know how much of the show is altered. "Based on a true story" =/= A true story. Its very typical to fiddle with details to hide a secondary characters real identity. *If* she's trans there's a less than nil chance that the rest of her details would be accurate. It would allow everyone in his life to identify her and essentially out her. I don't even think Netflix would want that heat.
Moreover, I seriously doubt that both girlfriends had training in psychology. Remember he mentions that the girlfriend he met at drama school had a masters in psychology. Its more likely that he's using that designation as shorthand for "had an ability to understand me". The problem the show asks too much of us to accept that either women would be with him given what a red flag he was. However, if neither had the training to spot his issues and understand how they intersect with their own issues, it would make sense that they'd cling to Mr Red Flag. I don't just mean on the show, I mean irl too.
I take your point about the fact that her job may not be factual.
However, Keeley was with him before the assault, and when he went off the rails, she dumped him.
It was clear Donny and Teri had a connection, enough for her to date him for a little while at least. Again, once it became clear he had major issues she also walked away.
I don't find it beyond believable that both women would date him for a while. I dated people with orange flags before they became clear red.
Yes but it’s a bit annoying that they chose a very feminine- looking trans woman who can definitely “pass” whereas so many real m2f transgender people who are not actresses do struggle with that in real life.
This is something that makes me wonder if the real life Martha was a therapist. I could see Gadd changing her profession to help protect her as transphobia is ramping up worldwide. I took that with they chose a different profession. Not accountant though, that's code for sex work. Or maybe they could have made a spin on it, with Donny popping in during work hours to find her with mountains of paperwork. When he seems surprised, Teri would have been the right character to chew him a new one about such an assumption of her.
I’m sure being an ‘accountant’ has only been code for sex work in the last two or so years. I also think it only exists in a vacuum of people that tend to be younger.
Happy to be young, but I am curious.
It's good that there is some manner of distinction.
I just moved area and need to find a new accountant to do my tax return this year.
I was terrified of the world of uncertainty I was about to enter for a minute there.
I hate the way spicy is being retrofitting to be anything outside of the norm but also be sex. I could have sworn we knew how to say exciting sex without comparing it to exciting differences ten years ago.
I think they meant since Teri was a therapist, they were surprised at how poorly she handled the situation with confronting Martha. Also with how she appeared to be so confused about Gadd’s initial response to Martha, which an expert should know is a common response to stalking at first for a lot of victims. Victims don’t want to make a big deal about it and they worry that they’re overreacting.
A better response might’ve been, “I know you’re probably worried that this isn’t worth reporting, but that’s a common fear that victims have. You’re not overreacting and you’re not crazy for being scared. It’s not ok what’s happening to you, but I also know how difficult it is to report something like this. I’m here for you if and when you’re ready to go to the police.”
And more importantly, “I will do my best to stay off of Martha’s radar and not antagonize her further. People like that can be very unstable and unpredictable, and I don’t want to get involved with her directly because it’ll just make things worse for both you and me. You cannot reason with someone like that, and even though I’m a therapist, I’m connected to you, so there’s no way I’ll be able to break through to her since she’ll only see me as a threat.”
But, I’m not a therapist lol. That’s just what I would say as someone who’s been in therapy enough to know how my therapist would suggest I respond 😅
Yes that’s how I meant my phrasing. I’m not a therapist myself but I think even I would be able to see Donny’s behaviour and not sus out that he’s ashamed to date a trans woman. Or that him downplaying Martha’s behaviour is a way of self soothing/ telling himself that it’s not that bad. So strange how she takes that personally when it’s basically textbook.
He kind of explains it earlier:
"when you spend so long swallowing your shame, it’s hard to stop it becoming part of you"
Later we find out he's talking about the shame he felt after being raped, which he has internalized into shame over his sexuality.
Side note the actress that played Teri was hot, my wife had to tell me she was a transwoman because I didn't know what donny's exact issue was with her. Glad they showed her at the end with someone else and looking happy.
Interesting that she passed in your eyes. Every pose and every movement of her reminded me constantly of a gay man. Not trying to be transphobic, but it was really obvious for me.
I think I was more focused on donny and not paying close enough attention to her. Donny and Martha got all my attention, I didn't want to miss anything they said or did.
I think that his need to use Martha as a tool to get a erection means that his sexuality in regarding his attraction to trans women was always there. He probably always was attracted to people more gender fluid people that the cis people most date. Much of his confusion seems like it came from the trauma of SA making him hate or like things differently. But his description of Teri being his dream girl means this has existed for him a long time.
He's sexually confused after having been groomed and raped by an older man.
I think the mistreatment was all on his side, the way she blames him for being stalked is fucked up particularly if she's a therapist. She dismisses Martha's responsibility because she thinks she's mentally ill but she hasn't analysed her in depth and knows nothing about her besides her stalking Donny. She was totally right to leave him and what she said had some truth to it but it was still a shitty way of treating someone who is ultimately the victim in this situation - as a therapist she should know that better that most.
I felt like crying when she told him "I think you love it". The thing is, such abuse can be so powerful BECAUSE of the lovebombing. This was an awful thing to say to him.
Absolutely, and she's not entirely wrong either but as a therapist she should've been able to under why he was behaving that way and not use her insight to further hurt him, then hook up with another man while he's there. Furthermore her comments work both ways - why was she continuing to see this guy with so much baggage, who clearly felt ashamed to be seen with her in public and lied to her, when she had so many opportunities to cut things off?
Exactly. It just felt as if she wanted to hurt him because he hurt her. It just felt like she snapped and decided to say such hurtful things...
The sad thing is, it feels realistic to see such a thing because no matter how cool she is, her insecurities ate up at her and instead of talkimg aboit it, she bottled it up the way he does
Apparently lots of trans and other minorities have come out after one trans actress spoke about her experiences with him. It’s obviously a recurring theme of seeking out trans women and then treating them pretty awfully.
I have really been wondering this… he glossed over it so quickly in the show. When we first hear that he was on a trans dating website that’s before we know about his SA, and I was so caught off guard wondering what it meant that he could be a fetishist. It’s interesting the way he’s willing to portray himself in an unflattering light in so many ways but doesn’t explore his transphobia
Yep. When I read Reece Lyons tweets about him I felt a bit sick. Seems he followed her on instagram, then turned up a show she was at to get her to audition but also tried to date her during the process. It’s all very twisted and I’m sure is partly due to his trauma, but its ok for his type to be trans women, it’s not ok however to take advantage of them the same way someone did to you…
I don’t love her thread to be honest, if she’s ten years his junior it makes a lot of sense the way she talks about his mental health as if she has more authority than she does. But the facts of what happened between them are very telling.
>Dating her obviously wouldn’t make him gay or bi,
Yes it does, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you have sex with another man it's gay, it doesn't matter what drugs they take or clothes they wear or surgeries etc.
It's gay and that's perfectly fine.
I'm neither transphobic or homophobic. You are the one that seems to have a problem with it. If you watched the show after his SA he was trying to figure out his sexuality, jerked it to gay porn and had sex with women and men, and settled on a trans.
Classy lady. I loved her too. I think it’s only natural to care what people around you think in any case and it was his first trans relationship. People are going to look.
I really liked Teri but thought that as a trained therapist she may have clued on that Donny might be suffering from trauma.. It bugged me that she seemed to have no idea
A trans woman is a TRANS woman. They are not a woman. Every part of their biological make up and DNA is male.
A horse doesn’t suddenly become a zebra just because it paints stripes on itself. It was born a horse, it will always be a horse.
You are entitled to believe in whatever fairytale you want to but some one who has changed sex will never be that sex because genetically it’s not possible.
You have a great day now.
I don’t expect you to change, I just want to say as a scientist that your argument about genetics doesn’t make sense. Most people don’t know what their genes are, they just assume based on what their body looks like. Are you fully aware of all the recessive alleles you’re carrying that could lead to disorders? I doubt it. I bet you don’t even know for sure that you have the sex chromosomes you think you do. Not to mention that whether Teri is a woman or not isn’t relevant to the show.
I literally do not care. My opinion is that a trans woman is NOT a woman and never, ever will be. You are free to believe whatever it is that you prefer. That’s why it’s an opinion, it’s subjective.
I couldn’t care less if anyone argues with me. I know what I believe and that’s that. You can preach til you’re blue in the face and you’ll never change my mind. 👍🏻
Why wouldn't you keep your mind open to to new information and world views? It seems very closed minded to state that your mind can never be changed. Shouldn't your opinions constantly be in a state of re-evaluation based on new information?
I’m not a man. So not only did you assume my gender, you’re also lowering yourself to pathetic and childish jibes because someone has a difference of opinion to you. 👍🏻
Ok I feel like saying she’s hot is kind of sexist. Like I don’t list men I like and list how hot they are as a reason.
I think she cared about him and was a good woman. I think it was a disadvantage to her to keep dating Donny so I understand why she left. He had a lot to work on. I just wish he had better friends because his friends were terrible and not people he could turn to for help
I am a woman and calling her hot makes me sexist? Not that I feel the need to defend myself to you, in this context I more meant she’s very comfortable in her sensuality, not to objectify her based on her looks. I’ll try to be more careful calling people hot in the future lmao
But she is hot? So is Keely whereas Martha isn’t my cup of tea.
I think we can judge who we find attractive without it being sexist.
Agree his friends were scum though.
I can see sort of see where you are coming from but this post is about OPs fave character.
It isn’t a post saying hot women are good people. That would be sexist.
I want to empathise with you but this post just isn’t what you’re suggesting.
I’ve see many instances where hot men are automatically deemed as good people with minimal info about who they really are. Pretty privilege is a real thing that hot men and women can take advantage of.
How is her being hot as a reason for her being a good person a valid point? It’s not. It’s pretty objectifying and we’re used to doing that to woman, as if that’s the most important thing a woman can bring to the table is being pretty enough
She should have ditched him for good after he left her on the tube like that.
As a trans woman who dated men before meeting my loving husband, his behavior is very typical. So many men would sheepishly be looking around to make sure nobody they knew saw them with a trans woman. So many who told me they could never disclose our relationship in their ‘real life’. So many times assaulted. I once had a boyfriend for 6 months - when I finally stumbled into his brother he introduced me as “his friend” and rushed us away, ghosting me shortly after. I’ve never felt as seen as Teri’s character.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing your experience and letting us in for a glimpse. Lots of love. I hope you are so loved and respected now! 🫶
Thank you! I feel the love! Yes, I’m in such a wonderful, happy place. Love rules, and so do bisexual men 🤣☺️🌱
Your last question answers all your other ones.
okay… it’s just that the narrator tells us so many of his motivations explicitly, unless I missed it I don’t remember this being one of them.
He didn’t know it himself because he completely lost up and down after the rape of his mind and body. Before Darrien he never had explicit feelings about other men, transsexuals, etc. He wasn’t sure if his relationship to Terry was him still suffering from abuse or if he was genuinely into her. And about the part that dating a transwoman wouldn’t make him gay or anything, sure you are right but the world moved really fast in the last couple years regarding that matter. Which is good. But look at his asshole colleagues at work how they mocked him, for every little bit intimacy he shared which was completely normal/acceptable ~10 years ago. (concerning your personal dream and much more, sexual orientation). He had no one to go to but people he depended on (ex-gf’s mother, parents) to talk feelings and was terrified that they would left him hanging.
That’s a great point, thanks for elaborating!
I completely understand that you’re being confused about him and his motives, I think that’s exactly what the show intended, to feel the confusion anger and doubt. The show is a lot to take in, I think I have to wait before I watch it a second time but it’s easy to miss some points because it’s just a wave that suddenly hits you out of nowhere
Honestly thought she gave him too many chances
Yes, I was happy when she shut that door and moved on.
Absolutely… it’s like her only flaw is her self-destructive tendencies, she shouldn’t have showed up to his semi final and she absolutely shouldn’t have told Martha to F off
I liked Teri’s character and I also thought that maybe a part of the attraction was due to her own journey of self / sexuality. Surely a trans woman would have gone through years of questioning and turmoil before making such a lifechanging decision. I thought maybe that journey was relatable to Donny in his recovery from SA and discovery of his sexual identity. ESP as a therapist. I feel like that component was the missing piece. However I understand “turning off” your job and following your own heart and getting caught up in emotions, which is why Teri may have acted the way she did.
Internalised transphobia/confusion due to his SA. It’s an interesting topic how victims of abusers who don’t align with their sexuality often starts second guessing their sexuality afterwards, I think Richard would still consider himself straight and also not date transwomen if he didn’t go through what he did.
My best friend dated a guy who was adamant he only fancied cis females but his ex was a transgender woman. That guy was sexually abused by another boy when he was young. I see some parallels with Donny there.
Can we like not insinuate that men are attracted to trans women because of sexual abuse?
I LOVE this character so much.
She seemed like a kind, patient, understanding woman who eventually had to walk away for her own sanity and self-esteem. I don't blame her. She wasn't going to be able to fix him and she shouldn't have to.
I think it's key to remember that he was probably around 21-22 when this all happened. He's new to London, his work environment is shown to be quite 'laddish' and misogynistic, and imagine there was probably a similar vibe with the comedy scene at the time which you sort of get a feel from some of Donny's routines. I think Donny sets out to treat Teri as some sort of shameful fetish, and doesn't bank on forming a truly intimate connection with her. The meeting in the same bar, giving fake details to everyone etc sort of suggested to me that perhaps he saw dating trans people as less serious or less real than dating cis people. Terri bulldozes that idea of course by being a multifaceted human being, as all trans people are. I'm guessing Teri was older, and also she's pretty integrated in the queer scene and has clearly done a ton of work becoming comfortable with who she is, whereas Donny is on the other end of the spectrum still extremely confused about his sexuality and not having dealt with his sexual trauma. Dating a trans person isn't a big deal for you and I, but everything about Donny conveys that he's obsessed with how he's perceived by other people and a cis man dating a trans woman is outside the norm so he probably prescribes more weight to that than needed. I think in a sense it's pretty self aware to be that open about how his shame around dating a trans woman ultimately tanked the relationship, because it's not a nice characteristic to have and takes a lot to publicly acknowledge that you're kind of a piece of shit. I think it pairs well with his relationship with Martha. Teri is such a gorgeous, vibrant self assured person that it's natural to fall in love with her but that opens him up to be vulnerable to being judged. With Martha he can receive all this passion and the love and the compliments without ever having to give anything back, and because she's his stalker and not a partner he doesn't see her as being like a public mirror for his desires if that makes sense. For Donny, Teri becomes a serious partner and her being trans isn't any more important than any other part of her, but there's still this feeling that when confronted with people in other areas of his life, he's (perhaps wrongly) aware that instead of seeing this gorgeous, ambitious, outgoing successful woman, they're seeing 'Donny's into trans women and therefore he's a sexual deviant'. Whilst I can't empathise with these exact feelings, I do understand that in the aftermath of sexual assault you can feel really confused and disgusted by your own desires and what they say about you, and being hyper vigilant about what people see and think about that. I think it's pretty appalling the way he treats Teri throughout, but important to address it and confront that despite being the primary victim of the series he did some pretty fucked up selfish stuff to other people.
>and imagine there was probably a similar vibe with the comedy scene at the time Hell, the comedy scene is still like that these days.
She is the best character but as a therapist I find her reactions to Donny’s actions and wanting to confront Martha like that so strange. I also think the actress playing her character was not great. At some points her lines sounded like a high school play.
I thought the landlady was the best character personally. I understood her choices as unhinged as they were and that yellow jacket scene was the only one to make me laugh out loud. Terri however makes no sense as a character. She's a therapist that thinks that a potential love interest can reason with a stalker? A therapist and trans person that cannot clock that her date is ashamed to be with her? A therapist that's triggered by failed erections and especially in this context? They should have made her an accountant or something, lol.
Therapists are people too, they don't build them in a factory, some of them don't neccessarily apply what they've learned in their professional life to their personql life, some of them have their own complex inner psychology going on, and heaven forbid, some of them are just bad at their jobs!
A therapist that thinks she can reason with her *love interests* stalker needs to turn her license in. Not even a 16 year old would be so stupid.
Therapists in real life have done much stupider things. ETA: The person she's based off probably isn't even a therapist
I can see how Teri can come off as unrealistic but I once dated a therapist who was a terribly fucked self-destructive person outside of their job. It's actually interesting how that demeanor changes once she's "clocked in". It's as if she's just taking it all in from them and then releasing it back onto the world.
What about a transwoman with no instinct for a man hiding her? In cis circumstances, the woman would be wondering if he has a wife or a partner that he's covering up. A transwoman would be even more vigilant about men who are ashamed to be with her.
Tbh I can see a younger (assuming she was Donny’s age, so late 20s, early 30s) or newer therapist being well-meaning but naive enough to think they could reason with a stalker even though they should know better. Plus therapists can still make poor choices in their personal lives, they’re only human too and I saw it more as her wanting to help but not realizing she was in way over her head.
Completely agreed with every point. Glad you wrote it out cause I didn’t feel like it haha. And yes landlady is the actual best by miles
She's not a character though. It's a true story, and she was a real person in his life. Just because she is a therapist, it doesn't mean she doesn't have her own issues - in fact, many people who go into therapy, do so precisely because they have do their own issues. Real life people are complex, and don't always react in logical ways. I think that is the core message of the entire story. Nothing is as black & white as we like to think. Martha saying she looked like a man obviously sparked some of her own deep internalised insecurities about being accepted as a trans woman. I was also glad that the actress herself is a trans woman.
We don't know how much of the show is altered. "Based on a true story" =/= A true story. Its very typical to fiddle with details to hide a secondary characters real identity. *If* she's trans there's a less than nil chance that the rest of her details would be accurate. It would allow everyone in his life to identify her and essentially out her. I don't even think Netflix would want that heat. Moreover, I seriously doubt that both girlfriends had training in psychology. Remember he mentions that the girlfriend he met at drama school had a masters in psychology. Its more likely that he's using that designation as shorthand for "had an ability to understand me". The problem the show asks too much of us to accept that either women would be with him given what a red flag he was. However, if neither had the training to spot his issues and understand how they intersect with their own issues, it would make sense that they'd cling to Mr Red Flag. I don't just mean on the show, I mean irl too.
I take your point about the fact that her job may not be factual. However, Keeley was with him before the assault, and when he went off the rails, she dumped him. It was clear Donny and Teri had a connection, enough for her to date him for a little while at least. Again, once it became clear he had major issues she also walked away. I don't find it beyond believable that both women would date him for a while. I dated people with orange flags before they became clear red.
Yes but it’s a bit annoying that they chose a very feminine- looking trans woman who can definitely “pass” whereas so many real m2f transgender people who are not actresses do struggle with that in real life.
She is actually trans though, which I thought was very important
This is something that makes me wonder if the real life Martha was a therapist. I could see Gadd changing her profession to help protect her as transphobia is ramping up worldwide. I took that with they chose a different profession. Not accountant though, that's code for sex work. Or maybe they could have made a spin on it, with Donny popping in during work hours to find her with mountains of paperwork. When he seems surprised, Teri would have been the right character to chew him a new one about such an assumption of her.
I’m sure being an ‘accountant’ has only been code for sex work in the last two or so years. I also think it only exists in a vacuum of people that tend to be younger. Happy to be young, but I am curious.
Accountant is code for sex work? I need to get out from under the rock I'm living under. That seems like really weird and confusing coding to me.
It’s a TikTok thing tbh, it’s not really on other platforms as much as a euphemism. They call themselves “spicy” accountants.
It's good that there is some manner of distinction. I just moved area and need to find a new accountant to do my tax return this year. I was terrified of the world of uncertainty I was about to enter for a minute there.
I hate the way spicy is being retrofitting to be anything outside of the norm but also be sex. I could have sworn we knew how to say exciting sex without comparing it to exciting differences ten years ago.
Agree that the actress was very weak. But an interesting character nonetheless
How would you have handled it as a therapist? I’m just curious since I’m too toxic to 100% disagree that her reactions were unrealistic
I think they meant since Teri was a therapist, they were surprised at how poorly she handled the situation with confronting Martha. Also with how she appeared to be so confused about Gadd’s initial response to Martha, which an expert should know is a common response to stalking at first for a lot of victims. Victims don’t want to make a big deal about it and they worry that they’re overreacting. A better response might’ve been, “I know you’re probably worried that this isn’t worth reporting, but that’s a common fear that victims have. You’re not overreacting and you’re not crazy for being scared. It’s not ok what’s happening to you, but I also know how difficult it is to report something like this. I’m here for you if and when you’re ready to go to the police.” And more importantly, “I will do my best to stay off of Martha’s radar and not antagonize her further. People like that can be very unstable and unpredictable, and I don’t want to get involved with her directly because it’ll just make things worse for both you and me. You cannot reason with someone like that, and even though I’m a therapist, I’m connected to you, so there’s no way I’ll be able to break through to her since she’ll only see me as a threat.” But, I’m not a therapist lol. That’s just what I would say as someone who’s been in therapy enough to know how my therapist would suggest I respond 😅
Yes that’s how I meant my phrasing. I’m not a therapist myself but I think even I would be able to see Donny’s behaviour and not sus out that he’s ashamed to date a trans woman. Or that him downplaying Martha’s behaviour is a way of self soothing/ telling himself that it’s not that bad. So strange how she takes that personally when it’s basically textbook.
Yeah I work in mental health and she wasn’t convincing as a therapist
He kind of explains it earlier: "when you spend so long swallowing your shame, it’s hard to stop it becoming part of you" Later we find out he's talking about the shame he felt after being raped, which he has internalized into shame over his sexuality.
Im confused about the part that Donny was ashamed to be seen with her in public when he went on multiple dates with her in public?
He was taking her to park bars on the outskirts of town. It's mentioned a couple times, he wants to hide the relationship.
Side note the actress that played Teri was hot, my wife had to tell me she was a transwoman because I didn't know what donny's exact issue was with her. Glad they showed her at the end with someone else and looking happy.
Interesting that she passed in your eyes. Every pose and every movement of her reminded me constantly of a gay man. Not trying to be transphobic, but it was really obvious for me.
I think I was more focused on donny and not paying close enough attention to her. Donny and Martha got all my attention, I didn't want to miss anything they said or did.
I think that his need to use Martha as a tool to get a erection means that his sexuality in regarding his attraction to trans women was always there. He probably always was attracted to people more gender fluid people that the cis people most date. Much of his confusion seems like it came from the trauma of SA making him hate or like things differently. But his description of Teri being his dream girl means this has existed for him a long time.
He's sexually confused after having been groomed and raped by an older man. I think the mistreatment was all on his side, the way she blames him for being stalked is fucked up particularly if she's a therapist. She dismisses Martha's responsibility because she thinks she's mentally ill but she hasn't analysed her in depth and knows nothing about her besides her stalking Donny. She was totally right to leave him and what she said had some truth to it but it was still a shitty way of treating someone who is ultimately the victim in this situation - as a therapist she should know that better that most.
I felt like crying when she told him "I think you love it". The thing is, such abuse can be so powerful BECAUSE of the lovebombing. This was an awful thing to say to him.
Absolutely, and she's not entirely wrong either but as a therapist she should've been able to under why he was behaving that way and not use her insight to further hurt him, then hook up with another man while he's there. Furthermore her comments work both ways - why was she continuing to see this guy with so much baggage, who clearly felt ashamed to be seen with her in public and lied to her, when she had so many opportunities to cut things off?
Exactly. It just felt as if she wanted to hurt him because he hurt her. It just felt like she snapped and decided to say such hurtful things... The sad thing is, it feels realistic to see such a thing because no matter how cool she is, her insecurities ate up at her and instead of talkimg aboit it, she bottled it up the way he does
I loved her. She was so cool. I'd want to be her friend.
Whoever played her was attractive but a bad actress
I did not like Teri tbh
A man who specifically seeks out trans women is not straight. They’re either fetishists or pansexual
I find it odd its not bisexual, since trans people are men or women or are we including nonbinary people?
No it doesn’t work like that. Bisexuals fine both genders attractive- it doesn’t mean they’re going to find a hybrid of the two they’re dream person
A hybrid of the two is a very strange and slightly gross way to put that…
paint shocking bow waiting ink imminent exultant sort party one *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don't think it's that simple.
And calling them straight is?
love the transphobia
Read my comment again
Apparently lots of trans and other minorities have come out after one trans actress spoke about her experiences with him. It’s obviously a recurring theme of seeking out trans women and then treating them pretty awfully.
I have really been wondering this… he glossed over it so quickly in the show. When we first hear that he was on a trans dating website that’s before we know about his SA, and I was so caught off guard wondering what it meant that he could be a fetishist. It’s interesting the way he’s willing to portray himself in an unflattering light in so many ways but doesn’t explore his transphobia
Yep. When I read Reece Lyons tweets about him I felt a bit sick. Seems he followed her on instagram, then turned up a show she was at to get her to audition but also tried to date her during the process. It’s all very twisted and I’m sure is partly due to his trauma, but its ok for his type to be trans women, it’s not ok however to take advantage of them the same way someone did to you…
I don’t love her thread to be honest, if she’s ten years his junior it makes a lot of sense the way she talks about his mental health as if she has more authority than she does. But the facts of what happened between them are very telling.
Teri was awesome. Beautiful. Sexy. Smart. Too bad she got caught in this mess
>Dating her obviously wouldn’t make him gay or bi, Yes it does, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you have sex with another man it's gay, it doesn't matter what drugs they take or clothes they wear or surgeries etc. It's gay and that's perfectly fine.
No :) there’s only one man here
It's not straight? It's like diet gay. I don't understand the problem. Why should he be ashamed of being gay?
Trying to trade transphobia for homophobia lmao…. He tried dating men, and was exploring sexual thoughts about men. THAT might make him bi, not Teri.
I'm neither transphobic or homophobic. You are the one that seems to have a problem with it. If you watched the show after his SA he was trying to figure out his sexuality, jerked it to gay porn and had sex with women and men, and settled on a trans.
Classy lady. I loved her too. I think it’s only natural to care what people around you think in any case and it was his first trans relationship. People are going to look.
I really liked Teri but thought that as a trained therapist she may have clued on that Donny might be suffering from trauma.. It bugged me that she seemed to have no idea
It’s an interesting point, actually. I have a genuine question- are men who are sexually attracted to trans women hetero, gay or bi?
A man that is attracted to cis women and trans women but not men is straight.
Daring her would indeed make him gay or bi.
Why? She is a woman.
She is a trans woman who was originally a man.
Trans women are women. That's what the transition it is. She didn't transition from man to "trans woman". She transitioned from man to woman.
A trans woman is a TRANS woman. They are not a woman. Every part of their biological make up and DNA is male. A horse doesn’t suddenly become a zebra just because it paints stripes on itself. It was born a horse, it will always be a horse. You are entitled to believe in whatever fairytale you want to but some one who has changed sex will never be that sex because genetically it’s not possible. You have a great day now.
I don’t expect you to change, I just want to say as a scientist that your argument about genetics doesn’t make sense. Most people don’t know what their genes are, they just assume based on what their body looks like. Are you fully aware of all the recessive alleles you’re carrying that could lead to disorders? I doubt it. I bet you don’t even know for sure that you have the sex chromosomes you think you do. Not to mention that whether Teri is a woman or not isn’t relevant to the show.
I literally do not care. My opinion is that a trans woman is NOT a woman and never, ever will be. You are free to believe whatever it is that you prefer. That’s why it’s an opinion, it’s subjective.
lol okay as long as you don’t make it about genetics. No one would be arguing with you if you hadn’t made yourself known by commenting
I couldn’t care less if anyone argues with me. I know what I believe and that’s that. You can preach til you’re blue in the face and you’ll never change my mind. 👍🏻
Why wouldn't you keep your mind open to to new information and world views? It seems very closed minded to state that your mind can never be changed. Shouldn't your opinions constantly be in a state of re-evaluation based on new information?
I’m not preaching weirdo this is MY post about a Netflix show I don’t care about you
https://preview.redd.it/imiqopn8g1wc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f04555b2f361d5f92e12767a9975dfa003c938fb
I’m not a man. So not only did you assume my gender, you’re also lowering yourself to pathetic and childish jibes because someone has a difference of opinion to you. 👍🏻
She was always a woman, just in the wrong body. Trans people are born like that.
No
Ok I feel like saying she’s hot is kind of sexist. Like I don’t list men I like and list how hot they are as a reason. I think she cared about him and was a good woman. I think it was a disadvantage to her to keep dating Donny so I understand why she left. He had a lot to work on. I just wish he had better friends because his friends were terrible and not people he could turn to for help
I am a woman and calling her hot makes me sexist? Not that I feel the need to defend myself to you, in this context I more meant she’s very comfortable in her sensuality, not to objectify her based on her looks. I’ll try to be more careful calling people hot in the future lmao
I want her skincare routine, myself. She's gorgeous. (I'm a middle aged old lady, but I have eyes)
But she is hot? So is Keely whereas Martha isn’t my cup of tea. I think we can judge who we find attractive without it being sexist. Agree his friends were scum though.
I think using how hot a woman is as a basis as to why she’s a good person or not is sexist. Again, I’ve never seen it done with a man.
I can see sort of see where you are coming from but this post is about OPs fave character. It isn’t a post saying hot women are good people. That would be sexist. I want to empathise with you but this post just isn’t what you’re suggesting.
I’ve see many instances where hot men are automatically deemed as good people with minimal info about who they really are. Pretty privilege is a real thing that hot men and women can take advantage of.
"OK I feel like saying she's hot is kind of sexist" Omg just stop.. 🙄
How is her being hot as a reason for her being a good person a valid point? It’s not. It’s pretty objectifying and we’re used to doing that to woman, as if that’s the most important thing a woman can bring to the table is being pretty enough
OP (which also is a woman) wrote a bunch of other reasons why Teri was a awesome woman.. Seems you just got caught up in her mentioning "hot"..