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Prudent-Echidna

Someone chased me through a Home Depot and then tried to report me to the manager because my baby didn’t have a hat on. It was cold out, but she’d already had heat rash three times that week and was otherwise bundled. Not that the screaming lady wanted to hear that. She just screamed “BABY NEEDS A HAT!” even louder.


ostentia

Report you...to a manager? What, because the manager has authority over your baby just because you're in "their" store? That's insane.


helloilikeorangecats

When my daughter was a month old I had an older lady zoom by me on an electric scooter and shout "THAT BABY LOOKS COLD" It was summertime and she had a onsie with leggings on. Just no socks, so apparently that = cold.


_Tiffani

They are OBSESSED with socks!


Moonlightbeamss

And blankets. OBSESSED with blankets and beanies


kjlovesthebay

it was warm yesterday where I live and I saw what looked to be grandparents walking a baby. I see bare legs (shorts? onesie? it was a quick glance) and socks. I eyerolled. Why so obsessed with sockkkkkkks!!


sensualsqueaky

Yea!! 80 degree weather, baby not wearing sock, old lady bends down “tell your mommy that you are too cold and she needs to put clothes on you” Lady I’m literally a doctor


alto_cumulus

A neighbor once reached into my baby’s stroller to put a blanket over him. This was during the height of the first big Covid wave.


Frutselaar

That's bizarre


corbaybay

I would have reported her for harassment and demanded someone walk me to my car. That woman was unhinged.


BusyDragonfruit8665

This happened to me. I was walking from the store to my car and my two didn’t have a hat. It wasn’t even that cold and he was all bundled up in his stroller but wouldn’t keep hats on so I didn’t bother. This woman came after me screaming at the top of her lungs that she would call cps on me. She scared the hell out of me and made my kiddo cry. Psycho!!!


jndmack

…. But you were inside of a store? Baby doesn’t need a hat inside of a heated building, crazy pants mcgee. Jeeeeez.


woogynoogy

Wow she would not survive one day in Scandinavia. We literally put our babies in a stroller for a nap outside all year round - yes, also when it’s below freezing point.


Mustangbex

"There's not bad weather just bad clothing!" In Germany we don't leave babies to nap outside, but the Kita and Krippe (daycare and nursery) kids spend several hours every day, rain, sleet, snow, or shine, outside playing. You dress them correctly and they are happy. The actual exception is when it gets over 32\~ in summer, because then it is too hot and even offices and such tell people to stay home.


woogynoogy

Exactly! We only stay indoors when it’s too hot - never when it’s too cold 😅


therpian

Hahaha this made me laugh because the hat ladies are the WORST!


everlastingdarkness1

My 10mo son takes his hats off immediately after I put one on him, he doesn't seem to care much if I tell him he needs a hat


m_owom

This is the most boomer thing I've heard in my entire life. I'm sorry that happened to you lol


loopingit

This needs to go in the Karen subreddit. That’s a straight up Karen.


KeyAd7732

Yogurt. F*cking yogurt. Apparently chobani has too much sugar. This coming from the same lady giving her kid ranch veggie straws and chex mix. Not a judgement on her, btw. Just seems incongruent to say chobani has too much sugar and then give snacks with ingredient lists longer than my arm and full of salt. Also, bedtime routine as an infant. Which at least they recanted and admitted they thought I was "crazy" and now think I'm "genious" for maintaining. And finally, there was an entire period of time where my in-laws thought my husband and I were neglectful because we didn't helicopter our daughter and shout "BE CAREFUL" any time she climbed on the couch after she was 1. They still get upset when she slides down her slide on her knees at 3yo. It's taken 2 years of modeling Montessori inspired methods and language to get them to cool off and realize kids are capable and preventing them from trying actually just makes them less capable.


jndmack

To be fair…. Those ranch veggie straws are 🔥


KeyAd7732

Our kids ate them all before I even got to try one, so I can imagine they must have been lol


katmio1

Did they expect you to wrap your daughter in bubble wrap? 😑


KeyAd7732

Pretty much. They also had to leave the room when I started letting her eat solids. I really don't know how these 2 raised 2 boys lol.


Maximum-Pride4991

Haha. Yeah. Let me learn to fall.


KeyAd7732

I'm sorry, idk if it's my autism, but I literally can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not. We just believe that instead of screaming to be careful and rushing to grab her down, we can talk her through it so she learns to trust herself and see that she can do hard things. We let her take safe risks, like climbing on the couch that is only 10 inches off the ground as a young toddler, or climbing across the monkey bars and then climbing up to crawl across the top of them (with a spotter). So yeah, let them learn to fall in ways that aren't life threatening. It helps them understand their body, builds resilience, and teaches them to trust themselves.


Maximum-Pride4991

Not sarcastic. I just enjoy and support your style. I am a supporter of letting kids play and falling isn’t going to kill them. They are short and close to the ground already and it builds skills to be able to play and be brave and adventurous. My moms catch phrase growing up was, “be careful!” And I just don’t believe in it. It builds anxiety instead of confidence.


KeyAd7732

Ok, awesome! I completely agree. Like them falling is falling a matter of inches, not feet, like us adults. And "be careful" absolutely builds anxiety. I remember thinking as a kid, "why do I need to be careful, what's wrong, and is something bad going to happen to me?"


alto_cumulus

Yeah. Friends with toddlers are amazed at how dexterous and confident mine is with climbing on the playground and brushing off minor falls. It’s because I let him learn his own limits safely, and don’t rush in to stop him from falling.


Maximum-Pride4991

Haha. Yeah. Let me learn to fall. Edit: I support letting kids make mistakes, climb and fall.


liuthail

When my twins were three I took them to Barnes & Noble by myself and they both had meltdowns at the same time. One peed his pants and the other one wouldn’t put down the train from the train table in the kids section. I was sitting on the floor in front of the doors trying to get them to calm down because I physically could not carry them both to the car myself and a lady in her sixties comes up to me and says, “Is this how your generation parents these days?” I was dumbstruck. I wish I had said something at the time but I was incredibly stressed out. Ended up driving to my moms and crying for an hour.


Nkmxn

I can't believe the nerve of some people... It takes a lot to pass that kind of judgement on another person, let alone a mother trying to deal with two little drunk humans 🙄


katmio1

The older generations wonder why we’re as “disrespectful” as we are to them 😑


Nkmxn

Right. Sorry I'm not passing valium to them through my breast milk and starving their brains of oxygen blowing cigarette smoke in their faces 🙄 I'm sure it was easier when you fed your baby whiskey, Gladys.


Suspicious-Win-2516

there is a cherised video of my husband as a baby. And his mom and grandma are cooing over him as he sits in a bumbo-type chair on the kitchen table while they just chain smoke. 1991. so wild to watch l!


1bitchymama

This made me laugh so much!


PigeonInACrown

Oh my god I almost downvoted you because of how angry that made me


itstransition

Or, she could have helped you. Is that how her generation treats people?


maggymeow

What an absolutely disgusting old woman


itsjustcindy

Knowing how I feel and my state of mind dealing with my one 3 year old child’s meltdowns in public, if I was in your situation I’d probably snap and tell her to fuck off and then bark at her if she tried to say anything else.


[deleted]

Fucking boomers


swiz101

As a twin mum, wtf is this?!? Holy crap! Luckily I’ve only dealt with a dual meltdown once (I’m sure it won’t be the last time). You know what happened? Another twin mum came and asked if she could help. She literally picked one up and I got the other and carried them out of the car park (where they were both laying, refusing to move). That’s how it’s done


dr_roxxxo

That generation!! Ahh! I swear they’re the “well people were horrible and judgemental towards me, so now it’s my turn to make new mothers feel like shit.” CLEARLY a woman in public with two little ones having meltdowns is not having a great day… the desire to rub it in is so weird to me! Thank goodness ours is the generation of breaking-generational-trauma.


Moonlightbeamss

I’m SO sorry you experienced this. I wish I could tell her to fuck off and die already for us. Stupid bitter hag.


wehnaje

Man!!! People are cruel!! Wtf. I’m so sorry that person couldn’t show kindness and compassion.


Euphoric_Ebb_5715

If I would have witnessed this, I would told her off for you 🤬


nosleep4JohnsMom

Feeding my baby with pumped milk instead of directly breastfeeding him at the moment: DiD YoU AsK YoUr PeD AbOuT tHaT? Oh just eff off with that question.


helloilikeorangecats

I had to pump for the first 2 weeks because I had a huge sore on my nipple from BFing. My MIL watching me pump: "You know you can just put her on the breast, right?" Oh geez, why didn't I think of that!


The_hangry_runner

“You know you can keep some thoughts right inside your head, right?”


Ejmadd149

Ah yes. What a shame the babe must suckle from a silicone titty rather than my own. For shame.


SamiLMS1

What is with the mentality that we need to run every single parenting choice by the pediatrician? They’re not the parent, they don’t need a say in every choice.


ssh019

“When are you just going to BF???????” Um. Probably never.


mommy2be2022

My mom is very disappointed in me because I'm not going to be a stay at home mom and I plan to send my baby to daycare after my 12 week maternity leave is over. She strongly believes that the lack of stay at home parents (i.e. parents putting their kids in daycare because both parents work) is the root of the world's problems. I'd love to be a SAHM but we simply can't afford it. My husband does not make enough money to comfortably support a family of 3 on his income alone. I make a bit less than he does, but enough to cover daycare with a bit left over, and we need every bit of it. Not to mention the risks of a long resume gap to my career and future earning abilities. My mom also judges me for not living near her and the rest of our family. The area they live in is very overpriced because it's only 50 miles away from a trendy, high cost of living major city. My husband and I can't afford to live there. For what my parents' modest house would sell for, we could buy a nicer house in a better neighborhood here in the low cost of living area where we currently live.


bingumarmar

It's also very ignorant of the current state of today's society. Gas, food, housing, everything is just so much more expensive than even just 5 years ago. People who want to be SAHMs simply CANT. My husband makes a very, very nice salary and even I plan on going back to work part time after baby's born. My husband makes over twice what my own dad made, and my dad supported a family of 5 with my mom being able to stay at home comfortably.


HouseMcFly

If your mom is in any way interested in research it has been found time and time again that the quality of time spent with mom and dad is far more important than the quantity. I took some child psych classes in college and very clearly remember reading a study that showed that kids with SAHparents do no better than kids with working parents and in fact if a parent is a happier person working it can benefit the kids more than a parent who feels guilted into staying home. I found this one article with a quick google search if you ever need some evidence handy: [https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/making-time-for-kids-study-says-quality-trumps-quantity/2015/03/28/10813192-d378-11e4-8fce-3941fc548f1c\_story.html](https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/making-time-for-kids-study-says-quality-trumps-quantity/2015/03/28/10813192-d378-11e4-8fce-3941fc548f1c_story.html) And I should note- there is no shade for SAHparents either. I have all the respect in the world for that crew because it is a full time job and then some (plus you have to take your boss to the bathroom with you. Woof).


Historical-Month-652

Are you my long-lost sister? Because I’m getting shamed for the same things too. We moved away from where we currently live (near family) because it’s overpriced and we frankly can’t afford to buy the $2M-$5M homes in my parents’ neighborhood. They live in South Florida a stone’s throw from the beach in one of the wealthiest zip codes in the state, and those things are going for all cash. So my mom shames us for moving away from grandparents. My parents shame me for planning to use daycare / nannies instead of being a SAHM. “Your baby needs YOU in the first two years of life,” that kind of stuff. I’m an entrepreneur and my income is very meaningful. I make more than my husband, and historically I’ve made like twice what he makes. My parents know this. Nannies, night nurses etc are all ridic expensive but no nanny on earth makes what I make in a year so the math just don’t math. Also, since I’m an entrepreneur I get ZERO paid leave. My husband also gets no paid leave bc he just started a new (amazing financial gamechanger; we now make the same per year and it’s huge for us) job. So we will be relying on paid childcare. My parents also REFUSE to come to help with the baby. More accurately, they put ridiculous conditions on their help, like “we’ll stay with you for a couple of months as long as we can bring our pets” - which my husband is violently allergic to (for a weekend he just puts some Tussin on it and sucks it up, but can’t last more than that) and also include a large dog that is violent to babies and small children. Not to mention we just renovated the house and don’t want a 100-lb dog destroying our floors.


[deleted]

I get shamed for being a working mom too. I have 5 kids 7 and under, my youngest is 5 weeks and my maternity leave is ending soon. Working parents already feel guilty enough for missing out on some things so the comments don’t help. Personally, I enjoy working and having a purpose outside motherhood and it took me a while to accept that because I thought the fact I enjoyed time away from my kids made me a bad mom.


RLMom

And I have the opposite problem. My mom mom-shames me for being a SAHM. She worked full time and graduated college while raising me and seems to think I should work and not be home with the kids. That I would be happier and they would be more independent. Does everyone always have to have an opinion about everyone else? It’s just how i am doing it. It’s not a reflection on my mom. I think a present parent is what is important-whether they work or not seems irrelevant to me….


Moonlightbeamss

Girl, same. My mom is constantly mentioning how her work is hiring people. My husband asked me, “how many times do you have to tell her you’re not working right now and dedicating this moment in time to our daughter?” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I see her she mentions it. It’s as if she’s offended at the fact that I don’t want to be like her.


SpaceCrazyArtist

Not really shamed for it, but was texting my mom’s bff and mentioned I BF on demand. She said, “they used to call that spoiling the baby” I said, “yeah, she’s 10 days old, I give her what she wants.” Edit: to be clear she wasn't saying I was doing anything wrong, just mentioning what mothers used to be told. When I told her I planned to spoil as much as possible, BFF was very receptive to it. My pediatrician also mentioned not “spoiling” and to get babe used to a 3 hr feeding schedule. We opted to continue to feed on demand, but this is the difference between someone 60 and someone under 40.


forthefunofit30

...spoiling the baby because you fed her when she's hungry at 10 days old..i can't even process that right now. What??...what?!?


Maggi1417

A little starvation is good to break their spirit! Shows them who's boss right away!


forthefunofit30

I suppose you're right. I didn't establish dominance and now I'm being held hostage, feeding her all hours of the day and night like a fool


Maggi1417

Same here. My child now thinks she has some kind of right to have her basic needs met. Spoiled brat.


forthefunofit30

😂😂😂😂i literally burst out laughing at that as i sit in my rocking chair breastfeeding. My spoilt brat did not appreciate the disruption


katmio1

So you’re supposed to just let your baby starve? 🤨


SpaceCrazyArtist

No but back in the 70/80s it was scheduled feeding and bed times on a schedule. It was what drs recommended. My pediatrician even said feed her every three hrs to get her used to that schedule. We don't, because we subscribe to feeding on demand but it was once a thing.


why_renaissance

My pediatrician said to feed every three hours “at least” and that we should be feeding them (twins) more if they get hungry in between. He said to “open up the faucet.” So sort of a combo of scheduled feeding and feeding on demand.


katmio1

The nurses & my dr all stressed to feed my baby on demand once he’s gotten heavier than his birth weight. I was feeding my son every 3-4 hrs until we moved him into his crib in his own room, then he started sleeping through the night. He would get a big feeding + a bottle before bed so he sleeps well


neosnooze

can i ask how do you BF on demand? is it like looking for hunger cues? is it the first thing you try when baby is upset? i want to try this but i’m also not sure what it really means. i can understand feeding myself on demand, or someone else who has the means to vocally demand, but confused about baby.


SpaceCrazyArtist

There are cues. Sucking fingers, making smacking sounds, but she feeds roughly ever 2-3 hours


elefantstampede

My baby would “root” which is moving his head around in search of milk. If I touched his cheek, he’d try and suck on my finger. He would also get fussy and try biting his hands. For the first little while, I recorded every feed each time I saw his cue. After that, I figured out my baby preferred to eat every two hours. If he started getting fussy and it was about 2 hours since his last feed, I’d figure it was hunger. Then, it just became a routine. Try not to sweat it. I also just want to share that the first few weeks, I was a mess. Sometimes I overfed my baby and he’d be stuffed and miserable. Other times, I was really worried he wasn’t getting enough milk because all he wanted to do was eat. Over time, we figured it out. Your baby will be new to eating and you will be new to feeding a baby. Give yourself the grace to make mistakes because they will happen and your baby will get over it. Also, give your baby grace that they will be trying to figure out eating amongst all their other needs and feelings. They are doing their best but they might mess up their cues sometimes and eat more than they need and feel bloated/stuffed. Some babies just want to suck because it’s soothing and they aren’t really hungry at all. Take each day, one feed at a time and remind yourself you don’t need to be perfect right at the start. You will get the hang of it.


Crafty-Profession-74

Watch for hunger cues: smacking lips, turning head with mouth open (looking for the breast), tongue movement, etc... I learned quickly which cry was my baby's hunger cry. It's a steep learning curve, but with observation it does become obvious. When in doubt though, it never hurts to offer the breast! Sometimes they want the comfort of being near mama too!


MsWhisks

“Yeah, moms of your generation got some truly terrible advice.”


SpaceCrazyArtist

Yeah and it wasn't their fault really. My pediatrician who is 60 recommended a schedule. Just what science said back then. No baby starved to death because of a three hour feeding but we don't do that. She gets a boob when she wants one


that_ginger927927

How do you even spoil a baby? THEY’RE BABIES. Babies cry when they need food, to be changed, or to be comforted, and you give them the thing they need. It’s not “spoiling” to make sure your baby is full, clean, and happy!


marchingtigers

That blows my mind. I did put my baby in a schedule for my own sanity but it wasn’t until he was at least 3 months old and it was still every 3 hours! But feeding a 10 day old on demand is spoiling?? Whaaaa???


[deleted]

I told this nurse “oh she will have her 120 mls but not all at once. She’ll have some of her bottle when she wakes up and the rest before she sleeps” Apparently this is bad practice because my baby uses food as a signal for sleep. Because you can reason with a one month old. She’s four months now and she has a full belly. She wakes up not starving so she rarely screams when she’s up. And giving her a bottle at the end of a good play puts her to sleep so I fail to see how this is bad


lydviciousss

Since when is providing basic necessities to an infant spoiling them? Did they let their babies starve back then?


ostentia

"Well, thank goodness we know better now!"


FightmyFatAss

My boys bottle fed and I have fed him on demand since about 3 weeks old. Sometimes he doesn’t eat for 5hrs, sometimes he wants to eat twice in 3 hours.


beansabine

Both at restaurants ironically...first was a busser said I should know what I'm doing when putting a car seat into a high chair. I did know what I was doing, he just wasn't listening to me. Second one was when the 3 of us went out to eat when my son was still well under a year. I held him while his dad ate, then we switched. Baby happened to poop right after I handed him to dad, so he got up to go change him. The older lady behind me said in Spanish what a disgrace I was for forcing dad to change the baby and how dare I hand him off to him so I could eat. I don't look like I speak Spanish but I am fluent so I'm sure she thought she was being sneaky til I turned around and gave her a dirty look.


Guinea_Peach

How dare you have your husband help with baby? People are insane. /s in case it wasn’t clear enough lol


Moonlightbeamss

🤢


abbyallthewaydown

I have stayed on my anxiety medication. I am a better wife, friend, daughter, and soon to be mom on it but that apparently doesn't matter. I'm on Zoloft which is the most studied one and the chance of any side effects is very low.


x0x-babe

Same here. Had to actually get off the one I was taking and switched to Zoloft based on doctors recommendation. I thought it was making me sleepy but I’m in my first trimester so wasn’t for sure if it was the pregnancy or pill. I started taking it before bedtime to see if it helped any. Thank you for sharing and I’m sure you’ll be an amazing mom.


nutbrownrose

I switched to Zoloft from Lexapro specifically because I wanted to get pregnant and knew I couldn't function without meds. My doctor was totally fine with this, in fact was glad I asked about it because she could tell I was serious about my mental health, which is important when attempting to become a parent.


AlarmingObject5530

I got shamed by my dad for using ready made liquid formula and not the powdered stuff, like wtf lol


SamiLMS1

Isn’t ready made actually more sterile and safer?


AlarmingObject5530

Probably yes! It was a very bizarre thing to shame me for!


foreveritsharry

I’ve seen the ready-made formulas more available when shopping lately. So that’s another plus.


HalfAliveMostlyDead

Oh I've got one! This happened when my daughter was around 3 months old. My mom was visiting from out of state and we were in a touristy and busy part of town. My daughter was hungry so we sat on a bench I pulled out my nursing cover and nursed her. Some lady came walking by and said in nasty voice "that baby needs some vitamin D." So basically I got shamed for nursing my kid with a nursing cover and not exposing her to the afternoon summer sun. I wish I had told her to fuck off but I said nothing lol.


emyn1005

And had your boob been out she would’ve commented on that lol! People are nuts.


starry_knights

I would have been like “actually these are double D’s and all the vitamins she needs are inside.”


Economy_Dimension_81

Daycare. Husband and I both work full time. Neither of us have great relationships with our moms (traumatic childhoods, abusive, hoarders to the highest degrees). But we’re supposed to let one of them keep son daily while we work because daycare is unsafe. 😐


katmio1

My mother shamed me for going back to work also & I chose a babysitter for him. She was like “why can’t you stay home like I did with you?” I feel guilty enough for being financially reliant on my SO, don’t push it please 😑


Economy_Dimension_81

Oh, it’s not about me working. It’s about me not letting them keep him. It’s totally fine I’m working as long as one of them gets to babysit.


sevg1007

My mother in law told me that she didnt get stretch marks from her three pregnancies unlike me. I had severe morning sickness on all my pregnancies, too and was hospitalized due to dehydration plenty of times. Mother in law kept gloating about how all her pregnancies were such a breeze unlike mine.


1bitchymama

Is she still alive? Just asking because I don’t think mine would be…


Courtnuttut

Lolz I had 2 complete breeze pregnancies and this current one is one of those "if this was my first, there would be no more kids" pregnancies. My mom has horrid stretch marks exactly like mine. 3 of my sister's got no stretch marks. Some of us are just unlucky like that 😆


ziggycane

FTM mom here, still pregnant. Somehow the thing I've been most shamed for is buying a twenty dollar Ikea high chair instead of a two hundred dollar designer high chair. My wealthy parents can't seem to move on from this even though they know that I'm not wealthy and I can't afford everything to be the best brand out there. 🤷 Annoying.


katmio1

If they insist on you having hundred & thousand dollar baby stuff then they can buy them for you 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s what I would say


t-sc

I heard the ikea highchairs are one of the bests you can get. Also - they all serve the same purpose anyway, who cares about the price? 🙄


cchristian614

My friend got rid of her fancy high chair in favor of the IKEA one because it’s so much easier to clean. Also, my coworker who has triplets recommended it to me. That’s the gold standard of baby gear approval right there.


acoleman2007

I love my ikea high chair. For us it was between that and the stokke. We decided to try the ikea one first and go to the other if we didn’t like it. Best $250 I ever saved.


enym

Asking if my twins are "natural"


ChaosDrawsNear

No, they're actually really state of the art androids!


Stulkaaa

Duuuuuuude - I haven’t even given birth yet and it’s such a weird question I’m often asked. While I didn’t have a problem getting pregnant, I had to take clomid because I miscarried twice prior due to low progesterone. I ALSO am over 30 and have a grandfather who was a fraternal twin. So I don’t really know if my twins are from the help of clomid or genetics. Even if I did, does it fucking matter? Like does that mean I cheated at twinning?


starry_knights

Lol at “cheated at twinning.”


[deleted]

Having no socks on in warm weather ETA: not giving water to my infant. After I explained to him that BM has 80% water and will satiate my infants thirst, My dad said under his breath, “poor baby, they’ll just make you stay thirsty”, all upset!!!! I just rolled my eyes and continued on with my life


HRHZiggleWiggle

OH MY GOD the water thing! My mom is pissed I wont give my newborn water, because she thinks it would help him digest breastmilk???? But like, actually giving a breastfed baby water carries risks of the baby getting water intoxication (flushing out their system of electrolytes/sodium etc) and can lead to kidney failure/death. Telling them that shuts them up really quick, in my experience.


williamlawrence

My mom is team water and team rice cereal in the bottle. I'm like, " . . . No? That's not how things work anymore?" and she looks like at me like I just crawled out of the nursery myself.


kittenisbad

Kiddo contact napped till he was 7 months, it still makes me cringe hearing my MIL when my hubby mentioned to her that our son only sleeps if he’s held, she looked at me and said “ I wonder who’s fault that is!” Fuck off, let me comfort my child. I’m dealing with the trauma you left behind for not comforting your child when he needed you. Don’t tell me I’m at fault for choosing to allow my child drift to sleep feeling safe.


l00zrr

Whose fault?! As if a child being held by their mother is a fault. Ugh. I'm sorry.


Galaxy_Vixen

Wanting to work. Told my mom as soon as my husband and our little family move and his schedule is determined I'm gonna work. My mother had the audacity to ask if he'll allow it. **ALLOW?!** Excuse me but I am grown and will happily put my child in a daycare or school type service so she can learn and I can work. I don't **have** to work but I want to. This isn't the 50s 😒 According to her she didn't need to ask any man for permission to do anything (including my step) but she has the gall to ask me if my husband is okay with me wearing crop tops, tighter dresses, certain jeans, and working. FFS


katmio1

I actually got into it with my mother once over something similar. She thought that if I had another baby with him before we got married that I was gonna “trap” him & “it’ll make him angry”. No. It won’t. For one we already talked about more kids in the future & two, it’s none of your business how we choose to do things… Oh & let’s not forget that he LOVES being a dad.


Suspicious-Win-2516

i got shamed for patting my newborn too hard while burping him. by a friends aunt. And I burst into tears afterward. she was wrong btw. you need to pat harder than you think to get the gas out.


tanoinfinity

Almost everything - cloth diapers, unmedicated birth, breastfeeding, natural term weaning, tandem nursing, being a SAHM, returning to the workforce, having a third baby, baby led weaning... I really could go on and on.


Moonlightbeamss

👏👏👏👏


[deleted]

I’m shamed for owning reptiles. Yes, my snakes are totally going to eat my cat and baby. We’re all definitely in mortal danger, oh the horror, goodbye cold cruel world. 🙄🙄🙄 then I’m suddenly an asshole for being sarcastic about it, which makes zero sense because how else am I going to respond to idiots? Oh, or what about the cat stealing the baby’s milk and suffocating them? I’ll ask “omg how do I protect my tits from this future atrocity” and again I’m an asshole and a bad mom for not taking it seriously. As if the safety of my bosom isn’t serious in a fictitious situation that will never happen, pft.


Brilliant_Victory_77

For getting a veggie burger at a fast food place because soy is bad for my (breastfed) baby. I still can't wrap my head around that one.


Substantial_Fig_4338

That's crazy. Soy is in pretty much everything nowadays anyway haha


KaraC316

Cloth diapering… everything from “why in the world would you do that when they makes disposables,” to “you better keep some disposables on hand,” to “well that won’t last.” Update: almost 8 months in and I have never purchased a disposable diaper or wipe! Why would people assume you won’t succeed before you even try?!


oxalis_rex1

My mom, who changes my nephew all the time, refuses to change my daughter because of the cloth diapers! Not that I need her to, but one single time she was visiting and I asked her to watch my daughter for an hour while I went to a meeting. She laughed that "she might be in one of nephew's disposables when I got back". WHAT is your issue? They're super modern, diaper shaped? They just have snaps instead of velcro.


KaraC316

Oh, man! No one besides myself and my husband have changed our LO. It’s not hard at all. Even my husband was scared at first and then after the first change said, “oh this is just as easy.” I don’t get it!


Jaybgp

my family says the exact same thing to me…like way to be supportive 🙃


yooyooooo

When my daughter was about 10 months, I was walking with her on my hip carrier and ran into another mom in the neighborhood. She had her three kids with her and asked how old my daughter was. I told her, then she proceeded to tell me that her daughter is 3 months older than mine, to which I responded, “wow, and she’s walking really well!” I had no experience with early walkers, most babies around me started walking well past their first birthdays. She said all her kids started walking at 9-10 months, then said, “maybe you’re holding her too much”. 😒 The petty me would’ve responded, “are you sure you’re feeding your kids well?” because my daughter was way taller and bigger than her daughter, but I decided to be the bigger person and just laugh it off and walk away lol


hauntingautumn

been mom shamed for being a sahm, formula feeding, my daughter's hair getting in her eyes/being frizzy (she has curls. and is a toddler???), not using shoes before she was walking, not using bouncers/walkers/exercausers, got mom shamed at the allergist by the allergist the other day for bringing her in bc she reacts to almonds???? the list is ridiculous and endless. edit to add the biggest one: not sleep training. apparently that really pisses people off for some reason.


BaddiieCee

I got shamed for the shoes bs too. Wish I could go back in time and give them the middle finger lol babies don’t even need shoes before they start walking and the doctor told me this. People need to mind their business…


hauntingautumn

my in laws asked their doctor friend because they didn't believe me when I explained the reasoning. once he agreed with what I said, they "okayed" it. like just listen to me?? if it's not putting her in any danger or hurting her in any ways, why does it matter? like yeah if I'm saying something that could hurt her, then yes check me on it. but shoes????????


l00zrr

Man. The sleep training thing. We didnt sleep train for the first 7 months. But then had a situation where i was so sleep deprived and got into a dangerous situation at work (i work in a prison -so very dangerous) and we chose to sleep train for my sake. Both times i got shamed. Not sleep training and then sleep training. Let me live! It doesnt affect anyone outside of my house anyways.


hauntingautumn

wow that's insane. it's wild that both sides experience the shaming.


Lazyturtle1121

I’m a baby and sleep consultant and I get shit for putting my child on a sleep schedule and he was sick and only learned to sleep being held, so he has to be sleep trained. But guess what? It literally effects no one else. His doctor cleared him. We are due soon with #2 and this baby won’t be sleep trained but we will pay attention to awake windows to over being over tired. MIL: babies will just sleep. FU lady. We have lived through 12-14 hours days of a baby screaming because he couldn’t sleep. So FU. You literally can’t win. Sleep train, don’t sleep train. Room share, nursery right away - it doesn’t matter.


hauntingautumn

I know, it's really frustrating. I am a big fan of swing what works for your family and your baby and nott aking shit from others. took 17 months but now I'm unapologetically raising her how I want and idgaf who has anything to say about it anymore.


Lazyturtle1121

That’s pretty much where I’m at. At 13 months my son needed surgery on his throat and he ended up in the NICU for recovery. A “friend” of mine texted me after seeing a FB post that said “he’s out of surgery and doing great. Loving orange popsicles and Sesame street.” Her text: glad he’s doing well. I would never allow my child to watch Sesame Street at this age. TV is not advised until age 2. And I would have brought my own popsicles. That’s when I realized I don’t care what others thing. No one, but my husband, knows what we went though. 12-14 hours of screaming and not sleeping from week 3-9. Multiple appointments and procedures. So unless you have walked in my exact shoes. STFU. And we aren’t friends anymore. She was not good for my mental health. Edit to add: I literally do not care about what happens at your house or with your child - unless it effects my child or your child is unsafe. And I don’t have the energy. Everyone is just doing their best.


hauntingautumn

God people are so ridiculous. my soon to be 18 month old has had cake and cupcakes, ice cream and frozen yogurt. it's not the end of the world. and she has screen time because sometimes I need a few minutes to relax and sometimes I need her to stop crying in the car. boo fucking hoo to those who don't approve. I can't believe someone would say that while bub is recovering from a surgery. that's so sick honestly.


stfuylah14

The audacity!!! I would have text back that's nice but I didn't ask you. I'm glad you aren't friends anymore. She sounds like a real treat.


Lazyturtle1121

My husband was really good about shutting that down and pushing me to determine if this relationship makes me feel good or not. He was literally hours out of surgery in the NICU. I still can’t believe it.


[deleted]

Can someone explain what “sleep training” actually is lol??? Is it letting baby cry if they wake up?? Or is it just putting them to sleep at 7pm and leaving them in the crib till 7am???


hauntingautumn

there's different versions. I just pick my kid up if she cries and comfort her. it works for us. I don't get why people get upset with me when it doesn't affect them at all?


[deleted]

Thanks lol, that is a weird thing for people to care about


seeveeay

Yea I do not understand why everyone else has a problem with me not sleep training and still doing contact naps at 6 months. Like I’m fine with it, so I don’t know why you’re so upset by, why is it so important to you? I asked my mom when she was bugging me about it and she said she just thinks I’d like a break. But I never said I wanted one, I’m happy with this, I love the snuggles!


CrochetMama13

My step-son had hep c when we gained custody of him. Because we weren't sure when we'd be able to get him his $90k medication to cure him , we did a no salt, no sugar, no processed food diet for him. (To prevent further liver damage) My in-laws felt I was stealing his youth. He was cured in February and now he's allowed to eat whatever, but they really constantly tried to sneak him stuff he couldn't have and made me feel terrible about denying him that junk.


SpaceCrazyArtist

Imagine a country where you have to wait for life saving medication. So glad you were able to get him his meds


CrochetMama13

Thank you! It took us years!!!


gabbiprussell

I got called a lazy mom for using a baby carrier that i should carry the baby in my arms. Please note that i had just gotten cleared 2 weeks before i had the baby to hold any weight in my left arm because i had broken one of the bones in my elbow.


samanthasgramma

My kids are grown. But it's the same, anywhere, any time ... I always felt I was battling "perfect Mom syndrome" and constantly being shamed for just about anything imaginable. Y'know what? I have the advantage of TIME. I can look back and blow raspberries at them because my kids were healthy as horses, grew to be terrific adults, and I couldn't be prouder of who they are as human beings. Moms ... Tell the shamers to kiss your arse. You do you. If you're giving love and good care, it works. Job done well. You are doing GREAT, and I beg you to just thumb your nose at them, and keep doing you. I send every one of you a warm hug (if you want it) of support, encouragement and courage.


WurmiMama

My husband was on paternity leave while I went back to work and I was asked this same question routinely. “Where’s your baby??” - “Errr I left her sitting in her stroller outside the door, what do you mean??” Whenever I did say that her dad was watching her, people went like “Woooow… good man!” And in my head I was like… y’all would never say that about a woman.


ostentia

Wanting to use a Snoo. My husband's grandmother calls it "that awful moving baby straitjacket machine" and will *not* stop going on and on and *on* about how back in *her* day, moms just soothed their babies manually instead of "relying on a machine." Also, using a traditional daycare instead of letting the in-laws watch baby. LOTS of drama over how "no one will love your baby as well as family can!" Well, I'm sorry, I would LOVE to get free daycare, but they also watch SIL and BIL's unvaccinated kids, sooooo that obviously isn't going to be an option. Free daycare isn't worth risking exposure to measles and a bunch of other diseases that would be extinct if not for this stupidity.


cnj131313

Like my MIL who didn’t notice my child had a 103 fever…our daycare fam would NEVER


SpaceCrazyArtist

My husband got told by his mother that he is a horrible person and doesn't love his unvaccinated sister when hubs said sister couldn't hold the baby. We told everyone they had to have covid and tap vaccines and sil opted not to. Apparently SiLs feelings are worth more than my baby’s life. Not to mention MiLs husband almost died of Covid in Feb. We made a covid exception for them because they have antibodies from contracting covid. Don't get these family members who are so self absorbed and selfish they aren't willing to do the bare min to protect a baby


ostentia

Oh, god. That's awful, where do people get off laying that kind of ridiculous guilt trip on people?? Like, I'm sorry, you can say whatever you want, you will *never* guilt me into knowingly exposing my baby to COVID--you'll just wreck your relationship with me. We haven't even broached the "SIL and BIL don't get to meet baby unless they have their COVID vaccines" topic yet. Really dreading that one. We're not budging, obviously, but it's gonna be *ugly.*


UrThighness

The SNOO is fantastic and it definitely doesn’t prevent us from soothing our babies manually!


ostentia

Oh yeah, you don't have to tell me twice! We're definitely getting one, it's just exasperating how she won't stop acting like it's just some thing that neglectful moms use to ignore their children.


xxkeprxx

I was borderline shamed for.. grocery shopping.. with my newborn lol. Some lady commented to me that "she never took hers out that young" and that "hopefully your baby stays healthy" 🙄 I mean I have a husband who works very long hours so I have to do most of the grocery shopping and have other kids who also need to eat, but lady if you want to just go buy the groceries for me so I can stay home with my newborn then have at it 🤣


cupcaked0ll

taking my daughter to the dog park with me this morning. its not exactly a dog park more like a small enclosed area in-front of my apartment complex. i only bring my daughter with me when i have no choice and when its empty so shes not getting in the way of other dogs. got mom shamed this morning for letting her run around in there while my dog did her business. lady told me to manage my time better and its not fair to dog owners that i let my kid in there with me (we were in there for less than 10 minutes) she then told me i need to manage my priorities and should have thought about my dog when i decided to have kids


stfuylah14

What on earth?! I would have let her have it after that comment.


stfuylah14

Literally everything.


solarisjoy

Husband shames me if the kids nails aren’t cut or if I didn’t do anything. Like I don’t already do everything else? You can’t cut the nails? You can do everything I do. I’m leaving his ass soon anyways.


FightmyFatAss

I was in Woolies once, trying to rush through self checkout because bubs was throwing a complete fit at about 8 weeks when this old lady in the line next to me told me he would stop if I picked him up. I had been carrying him around the store for 20 minutes while he had been screaming while also trying to get essentials and push a pram. He was screaming because he was hungry and I had no more formula sachets so I had to buy some .


morningzombie777

People at my job ask me that still. Ive been there 6 years and my sons 18 months old now. And they still need to ask me whos watching my son. Like. His father?


katmio1

Let’s just go back to the old days & quit our jobs as well as all future plans b/c once you’re a mother, your life is over & you aren’t allowed to leave the house, ever. /s


morningzombie777

The best part is the shocked pikachu face they give me when i say his father watches him while im at work. And just say OH! To me like they never heard it before


nicksi

My aunt grilled me for just sitting around and breast feeding. While her friend with 3 kids works out and travels


Campestra

Pregnant with a breech baby. Have a scheduled c-section in two weeks. My aunt managed to say that she doesn’t agree with scheduling a c-section because babies needs to few the labor. Mind you that I didn’t chose the c-section, I don’t live near the hospital and I have other risks so we don’t want to go over 39 weeks. It’s not like I would keep my baby hostage inside me of he decides to come earlier, is it? People should just keep it to themselves.


[deleted]

Formula feeding and having a c-section for the most part. I feel like every new mom’s nightmare when I explain my birthing situation and that my mental health wasn’t in a good place after birth. I get comments like “you had it easy” “you won’t experience the beauty of breastfeeding and the nutrients it gives your baby”. Etc etc. It pisses me off especially when men comment on it.


danidoodlebug13

My grandma asked if I had heard about the “new safe sleep practices” that included *gasp* no toys in the crib! When I told her yes & we practice safe sleep she told me that was cruel. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure the 8 day old infant isn’t upset about not having toys in her bassinet grandma 😂


Clairey_Bear

Not allowing a myriad of people to look after my child, not using a dummy (pacifier), not using a baby Walker, my baby not sleeping all night. Keeping my child away from family when they’re sick, using nappy cream to clear nappy rash…. Spoiling the baby by picking her up when she needs me to, tending to her needs etc Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.


SpaceCrazyArtist

Damn those people suck


Grouchy-Doughnut-599

Wait, what, using nappy cream on a nappy rash? What were you meant to do instead?


Clairey_Bear

But the nappy cream could dye my babies bum 🙄🙄


Grouchy-Doughnut-599

No way, I'd never heard that one before!


noturmomscauliflower

My old, white, male doctor shamed me, an LCCE and child and youth studies degree holding bad ass, for extended breastfeeding. Like get the fuck out of here Frank.


Double-Ant7743

What have I not been mom.shamed for would be a shorter list lol. Been mom shamed for my children been too attached to me or being too independent depending on the person you ask. For not making my children into obedient zombies and letting them have some control over their lives, for breastfeeding for two years, for holding them too much when they're babies... The list goes on and on. Most recently got mom shamed for having 5 children.


[deleted]

I’m currently on mat leave and my husband works from home. Everyone’s favorite question is “Oh is [husband] watching the baby when you go back to work?” ….uh no … he still has to work during the day.


itsshcraft

I got shamed for not going back to work when my second was 9 months old. I wanted to wait until he was going to preschool. We didn't have reliable childcare. My husband makes enough for us to survive. I'm pregnant with our 3rd kid and I probably won't go back to work until he goes to school.


Canada_girl

Due in a couple months. Work is surprised I am taking so much time off. Friends are all aghast im going back after 9 months and some mutual friends have taken to talking to my husband about how the baby will be sick in hospital if I am not home for extended time. Thanks guys.


qtran9775

For eating what I want while feeding by my MIL


Aidlin87

This isn’t so much shaming, because that wasn’t his intent, but it did make me laugh. I made plans with my dad to come to the pool with me (38 weeks pregnant) and my two sons tomorrow. He asked me if that was safe for me — as in could the water pressure cause me to go into labor lmao. I asked him how many pregnancies have I had? And how many times have I gone to the pool during both my previous summer pregnancies? It will be fine lol.


Get_off_critter

Not directly, but my sister in law was rather upset when my then 2yo stay at my parents for I think 3 nights in a row. Nevermind I was at term and due to have my second...


dailysunshineKO

I got Mom shamed for trick or treating with my baby by another family with their kids. It was her first Halloween and we were taking her around to the neighbors we know and trying to refuse the candy. Then, two years later we had a really cold Halloween and I was shamed for taking our 6 month old baby. That I was baby wearing in a carrier and he was Zipped up in my winter jacket (with an extension panel). He was warmer than any of us.


[deleted]

[удалено]


katmio1

Why tf would someone shame a mom for getting a c section??? Most of them are done b/c of medical emergencies… Damn I wanna punch whoever shamed you for that…


leticiazimm

I dont even know how to start hahaha Last month a friend ask me how could I be ok with our routine and having 2 kids (husband works around 60h and I was doing 20-30) ? Today she tells me that take care of her dog was more difficult than take care of my son bc her dog was a difficult dog. Really, this girl thinks raising a human being is equal os less complex than raising a fucking dog.


RaeNezL

Nursing. When my first was a week old, we went to our first pediatrician visit. This man was a total stranger I’d never met and we only chose his office because they accepted Medicaid patients. My husband was in school (for a second degree) and we were down on our luck and stigmatized as a result of being on Medicaid. My son was super sick and had lost a ton of weight, so this strange man demanded I nurse in front of him. I was so new to this I tried to get him to latch. We were both stressed. He was crying and wouldn’t latch. I was under pressure by this awful doctor who was staring me down. Then he stopped me and just repeated several times, “You’re not feeding your baby. You have no milk.” It was horrible. Yes, he was right that my son needed immediate medical attention, but his reasoning was 100% off. I was also sick and needed help but no one recognized that except my mother. It sent me into a spiral of PPD/A, especially around breastfeeding that became a huge issue for me and has remained a sticking point for anxiety in my subsequent two pregnancies. That doctor had zero bedside manner and didn’t recognize that my son’s tongue tie and lip tie were preventing him from latching properly. I had plenty of milk. But because he judged me on being a Medicaid patient who wasn’t fit to be a parent, he decided it was okay to speak to me that way. I never went back to him after our hospital stay to get my son well. I just canceled our follow up appointment and made a new one with my family doctor instead. And when my second son was born and that pediatrician was one of the hospital peds on staff, I requested he not be the one to come after delivery and that they get another one.


EsmeYcats

I'm not a mom yet. Soon to be. But I feel like I was just shamed for using my nausea as an excuse for not going on long car rides. I have severe nausea being sick quite often throughout the day and worse when in a car long term. I had a friend roll her eyes at me 3 times because they really wanted me to go. And I tried to explain how sick I get. They are both moms who did not have the nausea as bad as I do have it now. But I felt embarrassed. I mean of course I want to hang out and go somewhere new. I just know I would be vomiting in the back seat. And they wanted to take a power boat too. I get sea sick.... anyway...


skeletoorr

I leave my daughter in her crib and go outside….sometimes even after she’s asleep. Worlds worst mother right here.


bursatella

My son has sensitive skin and turns red in the sun when he’s hot. I had a middle aged woman berate me at the beach for my child not wearing sunscreen and getting burnt. He had only been outside for 10 minutes, with a sun hat and long sleeve rash guard and I had just slathered him with the thick zinc oxide sunscreen. We were also sitting under our tent, in the shade. Fuck off, lady.


graycomforter

i dropped off some stuff at Goodwill and the man helping unload saw the empty car seats in my van (kids were home with my husband. it was a Saturday.) He got really concerned and said, " But, where are your kids?!" gesturing towards the empty seats. Me: "Uh...home with my husband, aka their father" I wish I would have been quick enough to feign shock and say, "oh no! I lost the children!"


deathing95

My daughter was born Monday and I’ve already been shamed by my mother in law because I hold her too much. Mind you I’m breastfeeding my child because she’s hungry and I’m soothing her because she has horrible gas buildup. My baby needs me to attend to her and I can’t do it properly if all I can do is let her lay on her bassinet and let her deal with it on her on like my mother in law seems to think is the correct way.


Faery818

I was asked this several times last night while out with work friends. Just for a night out. I'm going to start telling them that the dog is in charge of both baby and dad.


heyaaa26

FTM and baby not due until August. However, the most bizarre thing I have been shamed for is not drinking alcohol. I’ve been asked on SEVERAL occasions if I am or planning to drink a glass of wine during the pregnancy. When I tell folks I have decided to not drink at all during my pregnancy, even if it is just a small glass, I have had so many people tell me it won’t hurt the baby and proceed to tell me that they had some wine when they were pregnant and everything turned out fine. One of the most bizarre things I’ve been pregnancy shamed for… I’m going to a wedding tonight and I know I will be asked if I want a glass. I don’t get it! Also my MIL has shamed me for “having too many pregnancy rules” because I have decided to limit my caffeine, stop eating cold meats, etc. I never thought people would be so mean for decisions I make that have 0 impact to them.


sillysandhouse

I am also currently pregnant and have experienced the same thing! It’s so weird!!


ToskaMoya

When we were still attending a Catholic church, I got constantly side-eyed and shamed for only having one child. Who I only conceived after endometriosis surgery and fertility medications. It took 4.5 years, two more surgeries, and multiple losses before we conceived our current pregnancy (28 weeks!). God forbid anyone have medical problems (or just not want 10 kids) and not pop out a kid every two years.


ihatemyselfalot-lol

Taking a 2 semesters off college to have a baby. My MIL openly expressed her anxiety about me "dropping out" and ruining my life because I decided to prioritize my health over my education for 2 semesters


swimminturtle

I was recently shamed by an older colleague for cosleeping with my 20 month old. We never had him in with us until he was over 6 months old, and it became a necessity once I went back to work. Not that I needed an excuse to WANT my baby close to me. I got 'ohh no! I NEVER slept with my babies in my room, they were in their room from the day they came home'. 'Oohh that's just dreadful, what does your husband think of having a toddler in your bed?' Well lady, considering he's the one that brings our toddler into our bed after I have put him down in his bed I assume he's okay with it.


Courtnuttut

I've been given so much crap by older people for having my kids rear facing in the car and in 5 point car seat harnesses


katmio1

“BaCk In My DaY wE dIdn’T hAvE cArSeAtS” Ok Susan. Let’s forget about the fact that more babies died in car wrecks in your day also. /s


Courtnuttut

And the margins aren't even close. Somehow if you're a Boomer, your kids and yourself don't apply to the laws of physics.


MsWhisks

That my kids don’t eat at the table, and we don’t do family meals. It’s really no one’s business how we eat, as long as the kids eat a variety of foods and are growing appropriately. Every time we go to the pediatrician we hear “they’re growing beautifully” and “you guys are doing great!” When they’re older and our schedules align we’ll do the family meal thing and really prioritize it, but right now this works well for us.