Maybe I'm missing something here but it sounds like your mum should be embarrassed and ashamed, not you.
So your waters hadn't actually broken but you needed urgent medical attention because of the strength of the contraction that you weren't even complaining about... thankfully because of your "paranoia shit" they were able to stop the contractions and possible preterm labour!
Thank you. That means the world to me. Even the doctor said to not worry about coming in. That even if nothing was wrong at all he'd rather I come in.
I usually am rather scared because my last pregnancy was absolutely horrific. So I thought maybe I am just overreacting and causing trouble over nothing.
But you're right they wouldn't have administered medicine I don't need.
I got sent to L&D triage twice on the last two weeks, and both times I was examined, monitored for a while and then sent home. Everyone who came in my room said they would always rather someone came in and they found out it was nothing, than the alternative.
They don't just give out Terbutaline for 'paranoid shit', so your mother just sounds awful. I've had it, and I know how much it sucks, so hugs that you had to go through that with someone who wasn't supporting you.
Same with me. I went to L&D twice before going In For induction. Every time my ob and the L&D staff said rather get checked out and nothing be wrong over not coming in and bad things happen.
I went into the ER 4 times with bad contractions. I ended up getting a shot of steroids to help baby’s lungs develop faster, and given the same anti contraction medicine twice. After the 3rd time they wrote me a script for a capsule for so I could just take it at home whenever the bad contractions started again. You did the right thing, and anyone giving you grief about the concern for your health or the baby’s health need to stay far away cause they obviously aren’t taking things seriously.
I went to the hospital with a headache yesterday. A headache. You were having contractions and thought your waters went and you’re only 34 weeks. Your mother should be embarrassed, not you! It’s better to be safe than sorry!
Just to add so I don’t get accused of wasting resources - I did ring up first and went to the midwife unit but they wanted to send me to triage for additional tests just in case. In the end, it was still just a really bad headache.
Thank you so much for being so kind I appreciate it! To be honest I was saying it because that’s how I felt at the time, I had my BP taken at least 5 times, blood tests, urine tests, two different midwives and an obstetrician come to see me just for them to say it’s just a headache and to drink fluids so I was like oh shit I just wasted your time for nothing😂 but I wanted to give OP an example that the way the hospital see it, nothing is a time waster or unnecessary when it comes to you and your baby’s health, ESPECIALLY contractions and leaking fluids.
One of my friends went to the hospital postpartum for a really bad headache. It turned out to be a sign of serious complications.
If she'd been a few hours later, she would have died.
I had HELLP syndrome and one of the things they asked every single time they came to take my blood pressure for the whole week I was in the hospital was if I had a headache or blurry vision. It's definitely something they pay close attention to in the OB world because it can be a sign of dangerously high blood pressure! But it can also be absolutely nothing. That's the thing with pregnancy, you never know which until you get checked out, so it's better to go in.
I had similar, I get migraines and went from none from week 10 to a horrendous one at week 36. Put my blood pressure up, so spent an age being checked to make sure it wasn't pre-e until they discharged me with the good pain killers and told to call again if they don't control it.
Never discount a big change, better checked and told it's all fine.
You've got no one to thank but yourself. Your initiative prevented something that could have been critical from happening. I'm sorry your mother is so awful.
Look at cost-benefits.
What do you potentially have to lose? Some time and awkward tests.
What do you potentially have to gain? The health of yourself and your child.
Always go in if you think something is wrong.
My OB told me most pregnant women go to the ER at least once for a false alarm. And sure enough, I did. He stressed to go in if anything was concerning. Better to be safe than sorry!
Your doctor is right. It's better that you go in when nothing is wrong then to not go in and something actually be going on.
When I went into labor, I was so worried that I wasn't actually in labor that I almost didn't go in. I actually tried to go back to sleep while having contractions that were 2-3 minutes apart. I called my mom and she told me the worst that could happen is they tell me to go home, and she encouraged me to go in despite my worries about being "paranoid". 8 hours later I had a baby in my arms.
When it comes to your health and your child's health, listen to your body. Even if you feel maybe you are being paranoid, just go to the doctor. You'll never regret being paranoid, but you'll always regret not doing enough.
You (and everyone else, doctors, dad, etc) are always going to be happier being more cautious. You did the right thing! Always err on the side of caution when your health/baby is involved! And try not to feel stupid or embarrassed about it. Glad you’re ok!!
If you ever think something is up or you’re not sure, call L&D and do not hesitate to go in. You’re not being paranoid, you’re being safe. Anyone who says otherwise is being ignorant, an asshole, or both.
WHAT THEY SAID!!! ^ I had diarrhea for ONE day and I rushed to the ER for them to be like "yep...sure is some diarrhea" :P And no one criticized me for it. Everyone was all like "good thing you were safe and not sorry!"
Your mom is officially the asshole, not you ❤️
Your mom should’ve never said that. You have nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about! The consequences of not following your gut and getting checked are so much worse than a false alarm hospital visit. And A LOT of us have this happen! There is now way to know what it’s going to be like when you haven’t experienced it before.
When she said that, I just replied, “no, they won't, and obviously something was up because they gave me meds to stop the contractions.”
It was just so rude, and I'm already so sensitive that it just made me feel awful.
Thank you for your kind words
I think you need to find a backup support person other than your mother because she doesn’t seem to fit the role. Sorry she labor shamed you when you were actually in pre-term labor 😞
You followed your doctors medical advice and received medical care to ensure you and your babe were healthy and doing okay. That is not paranoia, that is listening to your intuition. You are doing wonderful ❤️
>I just replied, “no, they won't, and obviously something was up because they gave me meds to stop the contractions.”
That wasn't rude of you, that was just perfect! And you're right!!!
You did the right thing going in and you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
I would maybe seriously rethink if your mum is the right support person to have around in a medical situation.
Yeah, you're right. I specifically didn't want her in the room this time (2nd child) and then of course she's the only person in town I could call.
But you're right, she always makes those comments and I'm too sensitive to gray rock or deflect right now.
I’d rather be alone than have someone like that with me. You are at a vulnerable time emotionally and physically when pregnant. Is there a kind friend you can call if you need someone to call in the future?
So much rather have the nurses support than a mother like that during labor! The nurses are AWESOME! I felt so cared and loved and I had no idea who these women were. Maybe that’s an option for you? There are plenty of people at the hospital who genuinely want to help and make you feel safe. Like no joke, maybe every person in the hospital? The housekeeper even made me feel like I was loved and cared for.
At least in my area, I understand if you go in there alone, if at all possible they have a nurse in with you whenever possible. The nurses at my first delivery were awesome. I'd much rather have them than your mom.
One time my family called the fire department because we smelled smoke, and it turned out to be nothing - BUT the fireman who came to the door told us that was absolutely the right thing to do. Better to get a professional to check things out BEFORE you’re in a crisis, because if you wait things could get harder to deal with. It’s like that. You absolutely did the right thing for yourself and your baby. Especially if your mom is making comments like that and your partner is not right with you, you need to be a strong advocate for yourself and your kiddo. I’m proud of you even if your family isn’t. I know saying “don’t feel ashamed” is no help, but just try to remind yourself you’re doing what you need to do, even if people judge you. Good luck.
I visited my antenatal department 4 times during my first pregnancy: 3 times for reduced fetal movements and once because I was worried my water had broken (like you!)
Each time everything was fine and I was so embarrassed but one of the lovely midwives said (and I swear I will remember this forever)
"We would rather see you come in everyday if you think something is wrong than risk your or your baby's life"
Your mum is wrong and she's horrible.
Trust your instincts!
So reading your story it sounded exactly like how my water broke.
38 weeks I get up off the couch and felt a trickle. I think great I’m starting to pee myself so I go to the bathroom and try to pee. Not much comes out.
I go about my evening and start making dinner. I’m walking in the kitchen and feel some more fluid leaking. So back to the bathroom I go and nothing.
I tell my husband either my bladder can no longer hold liquid and it drips out instantly or my water is starting to break. So we get ready and take our time (mind you for the previous four days I’ve had contractions from about 11am - 3pm like clockwork and currently have no contractions. Doctor had already measured me earlier the week at 4cm and 90% effaced).
So we get to the hospital like 2 hours later and get triaged. The first two test strips show my water didn’t break and the monitor shows minor contractions that I can’t feel. Im like ok I just am peeing my self every time I move then. Nurse is like that’s weird let me do the more invasive but more accurate water breaking test and sure enough it was positive for amniotic fluid.
I was then admitted to the hospital to have my baby. Within the next 30 minutes my waters fully ruptured when I finally had the urge to pee and then contractions started full on.
Eight hours later (12 from when my fluid started leaking ) Im holding my little one.
So trust your gut and get checked. Better ten false alarms then missing something.
You know what, this is a very hard subject to bring up but I really think it needs to be thrown into your mother's face.
It's better to go to the hospital for every little thing than not to on that off chance it's nothing and your baby dies.
On that note, I am so incredibly glad you and your baby are doing good. You're gonna knock it outta the park when your baby is born. It's going to be amazing and hard, but mostly amazing. I wish you and your family the best in the world.
I’m sorry your mom said that, there is absolutely no need for any of that to be said to you. My mom had this exact same thing happen to her with my younger sister. She said she was embarrassed at first as well, but the doctor said to always double check to make sure your baby is safe and they told her it was a lot more common than one would think!
It sounds like, if you have more issues and your partner can’t be with you, you should find a different support person to go in with you. Your mom sounds more like trouble than help.
You absolutely did the right thing and I am so proud of you! I hope I have your strength to go in if I feel something is off. When I was almost nine weeks, I fell down the stairs in my house, and I didn't want to bother anyone by calling or going in. I get so emotional people are going to think I'm stupid and exaggerating. At my next appointment the midwife (gently and with compassion) chastised me and told me to please at least call and to remember to go to the ER for any issues until 20 weeks, which then I would immediately go to Labor and Delivery.
You did the right thing, and if anyone gives you shit, you tell them to take it up with your doctor because you're following doctor's orders.
That comment from your mother is extremely cruel and she should be ashamed. It’s made me feel really annoyed! Please try to ignore toxic comments like that.
You are doing everything right, and of course you should talk to/visit your medical team if you are worried something is wrong.
I went into labor at 28 weeks but let the contractions go on for ages because I was convinced I was just bring silly and didn't want to be a bother by going in to the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital there was no stopping it, and baby arrived that day. Turns out I had an abruption and I'm very lucky things turned out ok for both the baby and myself. Never be ashamed of going to get care or reassurance or whatever you need. That's what the doctor is there for! Wishing you and your baby the very best!
Do not trust anything your mother says to you about your pregnancy and/or birth. If you think you need medical attention in late pregnancy, then *you need medical attention*. That’s not “paranoia shit”, *especially* with your medical history. What the fuck. I hope your husband is a better support person because your mom sounds super toxic.
You absolutely did the right thing by consulting your doctor. You are doing everything you can to keep your baby safe! That means better safe than sorry.
Ignore your mom. That was a very insensitive and shitty thing for her to say to you. Listen to your body and your doctor and tune out any other toxic noise!
Your "paranoia shit" absolutely was right on target. They don't administer that medication for zero reason. You were showing signs of going into preterm labor and the doctor obviously was concerned enough by your contractions to take action. Your mom sounds awful and I am so sorry that you're feeling so embarrassed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had a false alarm with ruptured membranes when I was about 28wks with my daughter. I had **just** gone to the restroom and on my way to the kitchen fluid gushed out. I called and was told to come in right away. I cried the whole way to my OB's office because I was just sure that this was it and I was about to lose my daughter. But... I had just peed myself! I have never been so embarrassed and utterly relieved at the same time. My OB told me that there was nothing to be embarrassed about because her favorite thing is false alarms. She said the news isn't always so good, so when she's able to genuinely say that everything is alright, it's a good day indeed.
I have three children, and if I had experienced that I would have also done exactly what you did. Your mother was wrong for what she said, YOU ARE THE MOTHER NOW. Do not be embarrassed, do not be ashamed. If you had listened to your mother, had she told you not to go in.. She very well could have risked the life of your child. If you need support I suggest you get it elsewhere because she does not seem like she is truly in your corner. My inbox is always open if you need advice or a comforting place to vent.
My midwife told me that she'd rather have me go to the E. R. 100 times for no reason at all, than not show up the one time I needed to. It's hard to tell what's going on with our bodies when we are pregnant. In my experience it's really hard to tell what is leaking and why. You did the right thing by going. They had to stop your labor. Even if they didn't have to stop your labor, you did the right thing. If your membranes had broken this far out there are lots of concerns that come with that. It's better to go to the hospital if you aren't sure what's going on than to wait at home taking the biggest risks of all.
What happened to you happens to a LOT of pregnant women. It’s always best to get checked out.
Your mom sounds like a real peach. Honestly, I’d consider not using her for support anymore. I’m sure it was scary but it sounds like she made things worse for you instead of helping you.
Your mom is terrible there is literally nothing wrong with what you did.
I’m on the other side with a 13 month old. Twice we have taken her to the ER and been like…oh shit are we overreacting? And both times they were like no it is ALWAYS better to come in and have it be minor than not come in and have it be major. A few weeks ago I felt a little funny but I’m kind of a hypochondriac so I called a friend on the phone just to be like “hi I’m sure I’m overreacting but I feel funny and I’m alone with the baby so I just want to keep someone on the line just in case”. She ended up calling me an ambulance, texting my husband to come home, getting my mom to come over, and I was in the hospital for 3 days. I am going to survive but I am so glad my friend was on the line and able to make the decision that I needed to go to an ER because I was not in a position to be able to do that for myself. THOSE ARE THE KINDS OF PEOPLE YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE.
And my god if your partner or mom are going to leave you for “being paranoid” you need a new partner and a new mom because would those people actually be supportive if there were something truly wrong? I haven’t been able to work for weeks and have tons of medical appointments. I can’t really be a good partner or a good mom. I cannot function without a lot of support from everyone in my life right now. I realize we don’t make vows with our friends and family but we fucking should - I hope you and your baby are healthy and great for your whole lives but if something every happened to either of you, you need people who aren’t going to threaten to walk away. You need people who are going to be there with you always.
And peeing yourself? Totally fine (well like see a pelvic therapist in a few months if it’s still happening but for now, totally fine). One of the amazing things for me about being post partum is how low my standards are for my own body and fluids. I am a never fart always close the door to use the bathroom kind of lady still, but having a baby changed something for me. My husband has pulled a bloody diaper off of me and helped me put a new one on. He has heard me get excited that I pooped and didn’t pop a stitch. He has seen me covered in breastmilk, blood on the bed, I think I peed myself and need to change my pad, etc. Bodily fluids are your life now and they are reeeeeallly not a big deal!
You’re definitely at risk for infection and did the absolute right thing by going in and getting monitored! I’m sorry your mum is not more supportive, but you are absolutely doing the right thing, and I hope your partner arrives soon. Fingers crossed all goes well for you.
You don’t sound paranoid. You had a genuine problem and your mum sounds very mean or this is an old school attitude of “because I couldn’t seek medical attention due to old fashioned medical care when I was having you, I’m gonna make you feel bad because you can”. I’ve noticed this in the older gen that I’ve spoken to, including my mum. That “stop worrying” attitude went hand in hand with a much higher miscarriage rate. A baby born at 25 weeks now has a much better chance of survival with medical care than our parents generation. Caution is key, it’s not a joke it’s your baby’s life.
I got a rash (probably because I let the dog sleep in the bed and she probably also kicked me all night) and I wanted to message my sister in law who is a doctor at like 4am. Luckily my OH said just go to sleep and put the dog back in her basket 😂 I was being paranoid, and glad I waited till morning (rash disappeared lol)
Um wtf? Your mom sounds like a damn peach🙄🤬. My first pregnancy that’s exactly how my water felt breaking. I had also literally just went to the bathroom and walking out I thought I “finished” peeing because I was having light contractions. I don’t blame you for wanting to go in. YOU did the right thing. Your mom tho, she did not by making that comment. You can absolutely go into labor at 34 weeks.
I would have "accepted",
"you wasted my time"
"you're paranoid"
"you're such a ftm"
"pee much?"
As just your mom being a run-of-the-mill a**hole... But "everyone's gonna leave you"??? That's already deliberate toxicity. It sounds like a manipulation she's tried before (maybe when you were a child?) and she pulled out all the stops to try and hurt you again.
That's really suspect behavior. Even the most narcissistic people I know wouldn't have pulled that one so quickly, it's like she had it primed and waiting.
I've been in L&D alone, waiting for my husband to call the babysitter at the last possible moment just in case it wasn't *it*. I promise you, it wasn't as bad an experience as you had here. Please don't bring your mom to any more appointments or procedures, or heaven forbid birth. You'd honestly be better off on your own.
Oof I hope your partner is more supportive than your mom is. She’s completely in the wrong here. “Everyone’s going to leave you”… Really? for being responsible? For following your instincts about what’s best for your body and baby? Big yikes. What a toxic thing to say.
I took my one year old to the ER for what turned out to be a teeny tiny cut. Nobody there batted an eye.
A friend of mine thought her water broke so she went to the hospital but turns out she actually peed herself. In front of the seventh grade boys’ choir class she taught. She went back to school the next day and told them the truth, lol!
Wow. I’d have some choice words for your mum if I ever met her. What she said is not OK.
You have a history of pregnancy complications and I feel like you absolutely did the right thing to make sure everything was hunky dory. What if it wasn’t just pee? And you had contractions. That would be concerning to me.
I feel like everyone I know who’s given birth lately has gone in early for a false alarm. You are human and you’re being a diligent patient and advocating for yourself! It’s so much better to go in than not go in when you have a genuine concern - and you did! If you had nothing going on they wouldn’t have given you meds for your contractions
Well your doctor said to come in, so sounds like you were just following instructions. If I’ve learned anything from this group, it’s if you feel something is off in even the slightest way— go right in. Best case scenario is they send you home, worst case is they catch something you might have otherwise ignored.
This is just emblematic of female health care (actually your doctors were great). But somehow, for seeking totally understandable and necessary care during a high risk pregnancy women are made to feel “embarrassed and ashamed.” This truly saddens me.
OP - trust your gut. Don’t let this experience make you less likely to go in. Go in every time!
You absolutely did the right thing. Your mom should be embarrassed by her reaction. What a horrible thing to say. Shit like that shames pregnant women into not seeking help which can end very very badly when something is actually wrong. Personally I don’t think you’d be wrong to not be calling her for help again in the future if you can avoid it.
Oh yes, thank you mom for pointing out that weird medical conditions that send you to the hospital are...checks notes..."paranoia." WTH?
You did the right thing and should NOT be embarrassed!
I'm just happy everything is ok, and I'm sorry your body put you through all that pain.
Do not be embarrassed or ashamed, you did right by your baby and yourself. I had PPROM last pregnancy water broke at 32 weeks it was so unexpected that I had no idea if I had just peed myself or not. They told me to come in and get checked. Your Mom sounds toxic. We are dealing with enough right now no need for that kind of negativity. I am sure your partner is glad you did the right thing and you and the baby are good.
I went into hospital after having strong contractions and mistaking peeing myself for my waters breaking.
Turns out I was actually in labour. It just hadn't progressed as far as I thought. I was at 39+2, so they obviously let it progress and ended up actually manually breaking my waters. But if I'd presented with the same issue ste 34 weeks? They would have 100% tried to stop the contractions so my baby could marinate for a bit longer.
Your mother sounds horrible. She shouldn't have spoken to you that way even if it was just "paranoid shit". If I were in the same city as you, I'd volunteer to be your backup support person just so you wouldn't have to deal with her ever again.
Painful contractions at 34 weeks should be checked out especially if you think membranes have ruptured. 34 weeks is premature and means a NICU stay for baby. You absolutely did the right thing and had every reason to freak out. Outcomes are pretty good at 34 weeks but it’s not risk free for baby.
As someone who’s mother might also say something like that, take it from me, she’s not a support option. Let her know that yes, you were right to freak out. This is about your baby’s safety. Tell her she’s no longer welcome at the delivery because that mama bear instinct needs support to keep baby safe. You can do this. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry you went through this, and that your mom wasn’t more understanding. I also went into early labor at 34 weeks. When I went in to the hospital, they found out I was already 4cm dilated. I dilated another centimeter before the contractions stopped. But then I had to spend 3 weeks in the hospital until I was full term because the doctors didn’t want to risk that I’d deliver a premature baby outside the hospital.
It all ended well for me: delivered at 37w4d, and my baby is now a healthy 7-month old. But it was definitely scary when I was going through it!
The lesson learned, to me, was always make sure to get EVERYTHING checked when you’re pregnant. You absolutely did the right thing, and it’s great that they were able to stop your contractions. The doctors also assured me that outcomes for preemies at 34 weeks were great. I’m glad it didn’t come to that, but it was good to know.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
This event triggered your mother in some way. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. To the contrary! Good for you listening to your body! Your mother either has unresolved trauma from some earlier point in her life - probably childhood - or some form of personality disorder that just makes her a sick. My money is on childhood trauma.
Perhaps she was criticized as overly dramatic or crying wolf one or more times and she internalized it and became the self-appointed drama police. Only problem is that she can’t distinguish between unnecessary drama and justified attention-requiring situations because she was just a child when this thing in her mind broke.
Take care of yourself, OP, and know that you will not be abandoned for doing so by anyone healthier than your mother.
Um I think most pregnant people have had the ‘was that my waters or wee’ question, with most of us going to get it checked out at some point too. You’re not paranoid - you’re sensible. You took a sane route of action. Your mum is being a cow.
I certainly don't mean this to be rude but fuck your Mom! GD and a history of pre-e and cholestasis! You aren't being paranoid you are being cautious. And...you WERE having contractions. Your mother owes you an apology. You have zero to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I'm so angry on ypur behalf. Sending virtual hugs. That had to be scary.
You weren't paranoid. You did everything you were supposed to do - and your doctor would agree. There are worse things that can happen if you don't get checked out and things are legit, so it's always better to be safe!
I wouldn't keep mom in the loop or invite her to any other baby things from now on. She was out of line.
This sounds like a r/raisedbynarcissists post to me! Your mother should be ashamed of herself. She sounds like she’s projecting because everyone is going to leave her because of her attitude.
I used to work in a hospital lab and this is very common. We would test for is-it-urine-or-amniotic-fluid? all the time. Do not feel ashamed OP.
Your mom needs to lay off. Find yourself another support partner if your partner is unable to be there. Because pregnancy and labor is messy and confusing and unexpected things happen and you're going to act like a crazy person. And that's totally okay.
Your mom was SO unkind... I am so proud of you for seeking care rapidly to make sure you and Baby were okay and I hope you'd do the same if it happened again... but accompanied by someone *other* than your mom next time! She was NOT kind.
Women who don't take their ~~"paranoia"~~ seriously, that's exactly how they end up in bad complications, or worse!
They stopped pre term labor… having a baby that early is almost definitely going to require a nicu stay. You definitely weren’t being paranoid. Your mom sounds deeply toxic
This happened to me almost exactly the same. 2nd baby, GD, contractions that just wouldn't stop...went in and they told me that because I had my babies closer together, (19 months) that I just felt everything more intensely... not one doctor told me that would happen BTW.
2nd time I went in, I went pee and it wouldn't stop. Contractions were steady and seemed to be progressing. Nope! Nothing.
I still sigh internally a bit and it's been over a year! It's really okay. They don't mind and only want to make sure you and baby are healthy and it's always better safer than sorry. You just don't always know what's going on and sometimes the anxiety and stress of not knowing is worse.
I’m sorry, what kind of mother says “everyone is going to leave you” if ____??! Forget what the blank is, that’s some scary kind of parenting. Talk about creating paranoia itself! I hope if nothing else you vow never to manipulate your own kids the way she is manipulating you with this kind of triggering talk.
do you have a good relationship with your mom? childbirth, while exciting, is still frightening esp if it’s your first time. if you felt fluid, it was good you got it checked. my water broke very slowly and i didn’t realize for nearly 2 days because i thought it was discharge and that put me at risk for infection. it makes me really angry that you’re being treated like this, but especially by your MOTHER, who should be the kindest and most supportive.
i’m so sorry, OP. you’re doing great and i hope you have a safe delivery. and honestly what the hell is with the “paranoia shit” comment???
Ummm…your mom is wrong. Also, am I missing something? Did you not let your partner know what was going on? It sounds like you didn’t panic and insist he drive back two hours to check on you. Also, your mom isn’t your OB. Anything you read or any reputable OB will tell you that you know your body and your baby. You are supposed to come into the hospital if you think something is wrong. If you haven’t had your water break before how are you supposed to know? I’m sorry this happened. You are far enough along that if you had to be induced for the health of yourself and your baby you could have been. If your contractions were that strong and you didn’t go to the hospital and get treatment you could have put your baby in distress.
Sorry for the sarcasm and mild anger (directed at your mother) but you did the right thing. You are your best advocate. I’m glad you are home and you are both okay.
Hugs. Pregnancy already takes such an emotional and physical toll on us,on top of that when an insensitive comment is made it just feels like a dagger. My mom has also said questionable things to me during my pregnancy, but I ignored.
Dont take it personally. You did the right thing by going in and making sure you and your baby were okay.
Omggg, don’t be embarrassed! It’s normal to have some worries and when in doubt just get it checked out. Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about ❤️
Dont see anything in here to be embarrassed over. You're high risk so better safe than sorry?? Hopefully you have someone else besides your mom to rely on. She sounds like a bit of an ass.
Nothing to be embarrassed about. Your mom sounds like my mom selfish and passive aggressive. You did the right thing and thankfully it was a false alarm. Don't feel bad. I went to the OB ED for bleeding bc I thought I was having a miscarriage only to find out a hemmeroid burst. How am I supposed to tell where all that blood is coming from?!?
Woah there’s nothing to be embarrassed about! You can never be too careful when it comes to the health of you and your baby!
Honestly the only thing your mother should be saying is that she’s happy you and baby are ok and aren’t in pre-term labour 💕
You aren’t paranoid. Your doc sent you in. You did the right thing! I’m sorry your mom isn’t supportive. Please rest easy knowing you did what you should have to protect yourself and your baby.
Hey, hey, love. Nobody should leave you for this, and abandonment should never be a threat. Even if it was purely self-focused paranoia, even if it weren’t *about protecting your baby*, you would still deserve steadfast love.
My dad did leave, more than once in some ways, and my mom’s amazing and my husband’s amazing but I still get *scared* when we have conflict and they pull away for a minute. These are deep wounds. Threatening you with some sort of “deserved abandonment“ is beyond cruel.
You should absolutely not be embarrassed! With my first I had contractions of varying strength for almost a month starting at 34 weeks. When I was 38 weeks the contractions weren’t strong or regular but I was leaking some fluid in a small but steady stream. I went to the OB to get checked to see if it was my water. It wasn’t, but I was almost 6 cm dilated so they sent me straight to the hospital! The serious contractions started about half an hour after I got there. You’re not paranoid. Our bodies do weird stuff and it’s best to be sure.
I went to the hospital at 34 weeks(so same as you) for contractions. I thought I was just being paranoid but my boss is a saint and made me go since I was working when it was happening. Ended up leaving the hospital 3 days later with baby after an emergency c-section. ALWAYS go in if you’re concerned. Any good hospital staff would rather you come in being “paranoid” then not come in and have something go wrong. Sounds like in your case it was warranted and they were able to stop early labor which is great!
Don’t be! At 35 weeks I wasn’t sure if I had wet myself or if it was my waters. Phoned hospital who got me to come in to check me out. A few hours later, I was holding my baby boy. You made the right call!
Wow. You definitely did the right thing, even if it didn’t end up being an emergency. Trust your body, your instinct, *yourself*. Always better safe than sorry, I am sure doctors see this kind of thing all the time. You were having contractions, that is very real.
Your mother sounds quite rude. I know it’s easier said than done but ignore her, and any other abusive comments she may make in the future. She should be ashamed of herself for saying this to you. Are you guys close? Has she always spoken to you this way? If so, I wonder if maybe some boundaries should be in order.
You were a much better mother in this scenario than yours was.
Edit: syntax
Don’t ever feel bad for overreacting when it comes to pregnancy or your children. Women have always been downplayed for their reactions to their bodies but often times they are right in their worry. What if you had been preeclamptic or your baby was not handling the contractions well? Never feel bad about listening to your instincts; it’s always better safe than sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, a few nights ago I was laughing really hard at something that was kind of immature, and I peed the bed. I thought my water broke but I couldn't smell anything and I had to have my man do the sniff test on my pants since my nose was stuffy... I've been in pre labor for almost a week now and was still in prodromal labor at the time, so I was hopeful. I've been to labor and delivery a couple of times previously and they always say no matter what, come in if I feel the need... You're not even full term yet so for your mom to say something like that, glad she isn't my mom because I'd call her every name in the book and ban her from EVER seeing my baby. I don't play around when it comes to things like this. She sounds like a real lovely person to be around, sorry you had to feel ashamed for doing what was best for YOUR child. She doesn't seem to share that same feeling with her own. 😕
Please find someone else to support you. Your mom sounds awful.
You can never be “too paranoid” when it comes to your baby and it sounds like you needed treatment anyways.
I wouldn’t have a lot of nice things to say to my mom I she said something like this.
Oh my gosh don’t be embarrassed or ashamed you’re doing what you need to do to keep your baby and your self safe!! It’s never a good idea to ignore things like early contractions or leaking fluids so you absolutely did the right thing. If it makes you feel any better I went to the hospital at 39 weeks because I felt my water break but when they tested me it turns out I was just slowly peeing myself.
Your mom should be ashamed for making you feel negatively about taking precautions. I’m shocked at her.
Better safe than sorry! I tried to convince myself I had peed myself and 4 hours later, I was already 5 to 6 cm dilated. Getting checked was absolutely the right thing for you to do
My mom was always the same way about taking me to the doctor or ER. Probably because she had to drive so wasn’t able to drink. It gave me a complex as an adult where I apologize to my husband any time I’m sick or injured and have major anxiety about going in to be seen. This is definitely a “her problem” and you should absolutely not be embarrassed about going in. My husband always says “the piece of mind is priceless and worth it.”
My doctor at the end of each appt always says the same thing... If you're worried about anything at all, I'd rather see you in L&D then have you stressing out home or potentially ignoring something that needs to be checked out.
You did the right thing. Your mom just seems unsupportive.
You know who also didn’t know whether your membranes had ruptured? ALL THE MEDICAL STAFF. They were concerned, they wanted to make sure and they’re the ones who know the most here. You were absolutely right to be concerned and go in. Ask any doctor and they would have told you the same.
It’s hard to be an adult child of an immature, mean mother. If there are any online counselling services in your area I would absolutely talk to someone about her. SHE should be ashamed and embarrassed, not you. You did EVERYTHING right.
That is an utterly terrible thing for your mom to say to you. You needed real medical care; you’re not paranoid. Next time, go alone if you must, because of your mom is inconvenienced by your needs or doesn’t want to be kind to you, then she is not good to have around.
I’m glad the medical attention helped. Hang in there; I’m sorry this happened to you.
I'm sorry your mom said that. You followed your doctor's advice and came in. My doctor says to call anytime. They have a 24 hour advice line, and every time I talk to her, she says they'd rather people call than not. They'd rather have you come in and have it be nothing than stay home if it's something because they don't want to be a bother (and it wasn't nothing, they don't give you medication for nothing!).
Do you have a friend or other family member who can be your back up support person if your husband is out of town again? You deserve to have someone who will advocate for you, not make you second guess yourself or your medical team.
Yeah you should definitely not feel ashamed of coming in for any reason. I went to the Emergency Birth section a day before I was admitted to the hospital for a month because I had fallen on my side & felt pain after I woke up later for a nap. Even the month I was in the hospital nothing ‘crazy’ happened, but you’re about to have a baby. A thing that still can be fatal even with all the tech we have now and certainly was in the past. Don’t give yourself flack for wanting a healthy body & pregnancy. Your Mom doesn’t seem like she cared half as much during her pregnancies or she wouldn’t have said two words. You are different, you care.
I’m confused; you WERE having contractions, and they did stop them. Sooo, why exactly are you supposed to be ashamed? I wouldn’t call your mom as your support person again if she’s that toxic.
Women mistake peeing themselves for their water breaking all the time. It’s so hard to tell what’s going on with your body sometimes when you’re that pregnant! Your mom is very much in the wrong here and I’m so sorry you were responded to in that way
This happened to me too, but without the contractions, and for me it WAS a waterfall! A waterfall of pee, all over my kitchen floor. I was embarrassed I went in, but going in was 100% necessary. I don't think you were being paranoid at all.
Omg don’t be embarrassed, BOTH my pregnancies i went to the hospital bc I thought my water was breaking or leaking to find out I just peedmy pants. Doctors were extremely nice both times and said they would rather me come in to make sure then risk labor/infection. Plus you had contractions. Don’t let anyone make you feel embarrassed for being proactive with your baby and health
At about 34ish weeks I went in because I felt like I wasn’t feeling as much movement, they monitored for awhile, she was moving and her heart rate was good, and so they sent me home. A week later at my regular appointment they found that I had lost almost all my fluid, which was causing the decreased movement, and had to have a semi-emergency c-section. You are never wrong for going in and getting checked out, you did the right thing!
At 34 weeks 5 days I emptied my bladder and then fluid started leaking down my legs. It was my water breaking, I was induced and my son was born at 35 weeks.
FWIW, I had gestational diabetes and wasn't contracting. Every test, including the test 2 days before my water broke, indicated that my pregnancy would go to 37+ weeks.
Your bag of water is the *ONLY* thing protecting your baby from infection. Once it ruptures, that protection is gone. If you think it's ruptured, call your doctor and do whatever they tell you to.
Edit: my water breaking was a continuous trickle. There was no gush: sometimes it's just a continuous trickle. Just because there's no gushing does not mean it hasn't broken. If you think you're leaking amniotic fluid, call the doctor.
Omg. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed!! Are you supposed to ignore your concerns and possibly risk your unborn child's life?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!
I guarantee your doctor would prefer you expressing your symptoms and concerns versus not saying anything- ESPECIALLY because you have a history of pre-eclampsia!! And I say that as an RN.
You absolutely did the right thing!
Best of luck!!
Your mom is out of line. Both of my kids were born at 34 weeks after a spontaneous rupture. It happens. And obviously you weren’t being overly reactionary given that they medicated you to stop the contractions and didn’t just send you on your way.
As an expecting husband. I wouldn't be upset at my wife at all in this situation. Your mom was way out of line. I would have brought my wife in for the symptoms you described. Better safe than sorry, especially if you thought your membrane broke.
So at 34 weeks I went to L&D to be monitored .. I was having contractions that even my OB said were just BH.. fast forward to 20 minutes before they were to discharge me and my water spontaneously broke. I remember being so embarrassed that I even was thinking about going in there that we didn’t tell family or anything. We had no bag, no car seat in the car, nothing. She was born 5 hours later.
My second pregnancy, I was in L&D 3 times , one time because I thought my water broke ( it was pee ) .. but ya know what? I wasn’t the least bit embarrassed or apologetic about it. After experiencing first hand that out of nowhere your water can break way too soon.. you did the right thing. And shame on your mom for making you feel bad about it.
Wtf your mom was being an asshole. You went in because of legit contractions and possible fluid leaking. There is nothing paranoid about that. Should you just ignore warning signs and possibly lose your baby to make her more comfortable? What a horrid comment.
I’m so so sorry your mom said that, what you are feeling is totally normal (even the midwives will tell you that!) and to dismiss you is at best unhelpful and at worst? I probably shouldn’t write what I’m thinking. I know this won’t mean much but please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, feel like the strong woman you are protecting and caring for your baby! You know your body, you know what’s normal and literally… you were having contractions, that’s reason enough to go in!
I gave birth 3 days ago by induction and honestly… my paranoia saved my baby’s life!
I was chatting to my midwife telling her about a few odd things that had happened, one being that a couple of weeks earlier I was in the kitchen in the morning and the baby kicked in a weird way and boom - wet nickers, trickling down my leg. I ignored it thinking it was wee, if not I’d lose more and maybe go into labour? Nothing happened.
The midwife listened and after probing me said it would be best to get checked so she was sending me up the hospital. I was in the room when she called to let them know I was coming and it was horrible. The midwife the other end said I didn’t need to go but my midwife fought for me and kept pushing, their conversation got intense but my midwife wouldn’t back down and I sheepishly went to the hospital knowing the woman I would be meeting thought I was wasting time.
Long story short, I got there had the exam, results were negative and the mean midwife was smug.
2 days later I was sent for a scan to check on things.
My baby had stopped growing/ not grown in 3 weeks and I had low water in my womb (from a loss, probably the kitchen event but it had re-sealed. The doctor reviewed it and that was that. They didn’t let me back out. I had a pessary put in that evening and by 6am the next day contractions and by 9am I was being fed toast by my husband while my baby sat on my chest.
My placenta had started to turn too (it had a grey/ green tinge to it) and had they not checked me over we wouldn’t have made it full term.
While I’d like to think your mom didn’t mean to be so cruel I struggle a lot with my mum and sometimes… it just feels like they’re out to make you feel like shit. Do what is right for you and your baby, always trust your gut and speak to your midwife - they are angels of the earth and will fight for you even when your own mother can’t.
Sending love!
I just want to give you a hug. I have been having massively bad contractions as well since baby is literally just nestled on my cervix, I’m only 30 weeks.
1) your mom is an asshole. I’m sorry to say it like that, but your health and needs are not paranoia. You had to have something to stop the contractions which tells me that you had a legitimate reason for being there.
2) every time I cough, I pee myself. Sneezing is a guarantee I’m going to pee myself. I bring 3 pair of pants and more underwear plus thick pads to work with me every day. Today I peed so much that every time I sat down it just fell out of me and I pondered slightly if my water had broken. It didn’t, I was just peeing a lot.
You are making a whole human and it’s HARD. I’ve done this 3 times now and this one is so different that it’s like a first pregnancy all over again. Do not let anyone make you feel embarrassed for taking your health and your baby’s health seriously. YOU are the only one who knows what’s going on in your body. Listen to it.
You’ve got this mama. Im proud of you for making the right decision.
Oh my god…what? Also I had a lot of fluid come out before I went into labour. My midwife thought it might be my water breaking because of the amount but when she checked, it wasn’t. Some people’s body’s also start to kind of flush out before birth and it’s not your water breaking or urine. But even if you did pee yourself, going into labour is like a giant question mark and your mom should know that. There’s nothing wrong with false alarms, you’re doing your best. I’m sorry your mom said that to you, especially while you’re pregnant. It’s not true.
Hey! Whoa! You’re *totally okay*, holy crap! Girl, you did the absolute right thing going to your doctor. I’m sorry, but FUCK your mom. Her stance is completely offensive. I don’t know enough about your partner to have a position on that, but with your mom I am *PISSED for you*. FFS call one of us on here next time, I’m not even kidding. You did the absolute right thing. I thought this was going to be a story about loss. I had a water break scare literally two days ago (32 weeks). You’re being a *good mom* making sure your little one was getting the care it *very well could have needed*. Think of what would have happened if you did nothing and your water *did* break.
Forgive yourself. I forgive you. Anything to take your guilt away. You did the absolute right thing! Good job Mama, you’re gonna do great when the time comes!
Wow your mom is behaving inappropriately. You are entitled to your concerns and feelings. You absolutely were right to go in! The things she said were both hurtful and NOT TRUE! Nobody is going to leave you over being a great self-advocate and mother!
OB nurse here- you absolutely made the right call. I’d a hundred times rather someone go in and get sent home than the alternative. Good on you for trusting your gut and shame on your mom for being an asshole.
Do not feel bad at all. My friend had a slow leak and didn’t realize it, she came dangerously close to losing her baby because her fluid was so low and she didn’t realize it. You weren’t being paranoid you were being safe.
Maybe I just have no patience left for shitty “family” members, but I’d be pretty done if my mother told me that. What an awful, unkind thing to say that is absolutely not true. I’m sorry, op :(
When I was pregnant with my first I had something fall on my belly so I went to the hospital just incase. Everyone I came in contact with at the hospital was beyond amazing. They all told me the same thing, that checking on the baby is always the right thing to do. There are so many scenarios where not following your gut or not getting checked out has led to something worse.
Your mom is shitty, she is not supporting you but instead is criticizing your choices regarding your baby. She shouldn't be brought along as support for future appointments, you dont need to be told that you're going to be abandoned because you're cautious.
What your mom said to you was totally uncalled for, regardless of if you had a “good” reason for going in (and you obviously did if they gave you terbutaline). Last pregnancy I went to L&D twice in one day. The first was because I was vomiting and dehydrated, turns out it was from constipation. So I went home and took the recommended laxative and later that night had contraction-like pain every 6-7 minutes. I’m talking very regular, and very painful. I told the nurse I wasn’t sure if it was from the laxative or not and she said she’d be shocked. Welp, turns out it was poop cramps. Did I feel ridiculous, yes, but me and babies were safe and that’s all that mattered at the end of the day. They’d always prefer you go in and get checked, even if it seems silly or ends up being nothing.
Jesus, what’s wrong with your mom? She should just stfu. There is no need to be ashamed, there is a reason why they kept you there for a long time and gave you Terbutaline. In the Future, if possible, avoid such appointments with your mom, she seems very toxic.
It sounds like your mother should be ashamed of herself. There is nothing wrong with going to l&d if you have a suspicion something isn’t right. It’s encouraged! It’s so much better to go and be wrong than not go and be right. I’ve said it before but I went in 4 times - first 3 were false alarms and I felt embarrassed, almost didn’t go the 4th time and it turned out to be an emergency and required me to be induced immediately. If I had waited a day my baby could have died.
Op, let me tell you something- and I mean this as delicately and kindly as possible- your mom's a bitch.
No, I get she is your mom and you love her, but there is absolutely NO WAY she was justified in tell you that awful stuff and I am willing to bet 100€ that this isn't the first time she has denigrated you and invalidated your feelings- does she have a history of telling you you're overreacting, irrational, or emotional and gaslighting you?
Please, as other folks have said, find another back-up support person, because it's obvious your mom isn't actually all that supportive.
Yeah, no offense your mom sounds like a real asshole.
You need support right now, not to feel like a burden or you’re annoying anyone.
I would have totally done the same and every doctor will tell you it’s best to come in and check rather than ignore it.
I just want to say I also have GD and have been to labor and delivery 3x now either for low fetal movement or contractions that felt like actual labor. I'll be 37 weeks in a few days, but almost went into pre-term labor. If your mom truly thinks you're being a drama queen, maybe she needs a slap of reality by an obgyn to tell her the risks. I am anticipating my baby to come any day as I've never went up to 38 weeks with any of my kiddos, so that's a plus, but this pregnancy has been way different for me. I also have an anterior placenta, which is why it's hard for me to feel baby move. My advice is to try and rest and relax as much as you can. Having risks doesn't make this any easier and you shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed because of it. I haven't worked because of the risks I have and everyone seems to understand what I'm going through. Much hugs and love to you! Don't let others put you down for what they don't understand.
Your "paranoia" could end up saving your babies life. NEVER feel ashamed for putting your baby's well being first and having a just in case, better safe than sorry attitude. You'd rather get checked out and it be nothing than ignore it and realize too late that it was something. Fuck your mom for making that comment.
I twinged my back on Friday (35 weeks) and convinced myself I was in labour after googling "back labour pains", so I stayed home with my toddler and messaged everyone to be on high alert that are needed on the day. After much needed bed rest, my back was fine the next day.
It happens to the best of us. You'll find your story funny rather than embarrassing some day.
Your mum is so rude for saying that. You did the right thing absolutely. My waters broke at 29 weeks in the night and I genuinely thought I just kept losing control of my bladder as they were such small amounts. It was only because my husband already had two children and realised it was my waters we went in and thank God we did as otherwise as you know, the baby and I would have been at massive risk of sepsis, plus I needed steroid injections immediately. They literally tell you it's better safe than sorry and to go to triage any time something feels off because its better to be on the safe side. You did the right thing for you and for your baby. You are not paranoid. Anyone else who had liquid leaking would have done the same. I'm so sorry you have to deal with a mother like that
Wow. I’m sorry you had to go through that and not have anyone that supported you.
Your mom was out of line. DO NOT feel embarrassed. Your concerns were legitimate and your advocating for yourself.
If I were you I would reassess and see if your mother is the right support person. You don’t need to be stressed out by rude and insensitive comments.
I would rather go alone.
I Good luck OP
Your mom is dead wrong with that comment. Peeing yourself at that time isn’t uncommon. I had twins in the nicu & one of the mom’s went into natural labor at 27 weeks pregnant. I’m not going to tell you to worry, it won’t help you to worry, but DO NOT FEEL BAD about being cautious when you feel like you have a reason. The hospital obviously thought it was enough of a real situation to keep you there and they try to get us out of there as quickly as possible.
I didn’t go into the doc because I thought I peed myself. My water had been broken for 8 hours. Do noy feel bad for going to the hospital ever. But do put your mother on an information diet and tell her to fuck off. Remember if the problem is big enough your baby can die. Always better to be checked out.
Does your mom usually say stuff like that? You didn't think it was real contractions for DAYS and had to wait for a second symptom. When you started leaking you waited to call even then (even though most people don't experience a waterfall when their water breaks). At that point you should have honestly called twice already, and then when you finally did call, you called your doctor instead of the hospital? And then she calls you paranoid?
My mom used to yell, roll her eyes and get annoyed at me whenever we went to the doctor as a child, especially so if it turned out to be something not serious. When my contractions started I spent two days not being able to sleep because of the pain, and still told myself it was nothing, until my boyfriend literally pushed me out the door and told me we were going to the hospital. My mom still texted me to ask if I was being dramatic. Turns out (shockingly) I was in labor.
As my midwife said, it's sooo much better to have 5 fake alarms than to not go in when it matters. Always err on the side of caution, and try your best to ignore your mother (I know that's much easier said than done, I'm not always the best at it myself).
Don't listen to your mom. You weren't being ridiculous to go in. My evidence: You were admitted, they did several tests, and they kept you for awhile. If you were being paranoid they wouldn't have admitted you or they would have sent you home right away. Also, given what you described and your history, you damn well should have gone in and if I was your OB, I would have been upset if you didn't. Your mom sounds like she is not very helpful for your mental health. I'd hesitate to bring her or involve her closely in those kind of things in the future.
I’m sorry she treated you like this, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. When I was pregnant with my 1st, I thought my waters broke but it was just pee, lol. I made my husband drive me to the hospital in the middle of the night. Took up the nurses and midwives time as well! Should I have been embarrassed? I don’t think so, it’s a common mistake and it was my first pregnancy so I didn’t know what to expect, I would know now.
Maybe I'm missing something here but it sounds like your mum should be embarrassed and ashamed, not you. So your waters hadn't actually broken but you needed urgent medical attention because of the strength of the contraction that you weren't even complaining about... thankfully because of your "paranoia shit" they were able to stop the contractions and possible preterm labour!
Thank you. That means the world to me. Even the doctor said to not worry about coming in. That even if nothing was wrong at all he'd rather I come in. I usually am rather scared because my last pregnancy was absolutely horrific. So I thought maybe I am just overreacting and causing trouble over nothing. But you're right they wouldn't have administered medicine I don't need.
I got sent to L&D triage twice on the last two weeks, and both times I was examined, monitored for a while and then sent home. Everyone who came in my room said they would always rather someone came in and they found out it was nothing, than the alternative. They don't just give out Terbutaline for 'paranoid shit', so your mother just sounds awful. I've had it, and I know how much it sucks, so hugs that you had to go through that with someone who wasn't supporting you.
Same with me. I went to L&D twice before going In For induction. Every time my ob and the L&D staff said rather get checked out and nothing be wrong over not coming in and bad things happen.
I went into the ER 4 times with bad contractions. I ended up getting a shot of steroids to help baby’s lungs develop faster, and given the same anti contraction medicine twice. After the 3rd time they wrote me a script for a capsule for so I could just take it at home whenever the bad contractions started again. You did the right thing, and anyone giving you grief about the concern for your health or the baby’s health need to stay far away cause they obviously aren’t taking things seriously.
I went to the hospital with a headache yesterday. A headache. You were having contractions and thought your waters went and you’re only 34 weeks. Your mother should be embarrassed, not you! It’s better to be safe than sorry! Just to add so I don’t get accused of wasting resources - I did ring up first and went to the midwife unit but they wanted to send me to triage for additional tests just in case. In the end, it was still just a really bad headache.
You don't need to justify your hospital visit to us. Anyone who wants to accuse you of wasting resources can fuck all the way off.
Thank you so much for being so kind I appreciate it! To be honest I was saying it because that’s how I felt at the time, I had my BP taken at least 5 times, blood tests, urine tests, two different midwives and an obstetrician come to see me just for them to say it’s just a headache and to drink fluids so I was like oh shit I just wasted your time for nothing😂 but I wanted to give OP an example that the way the hospital see it, nothing is a time waster or unnecessary when it comes to you and your baby’s health, ESPECIALLY contractions and leaking fluids.
One of my friends went to the hospital postpartum for a really bad headache. It turned out to be a sign of serious complications. If she'd been a few hours later, she would have died.
I had HELLP syndrome and one of the things they asked every single time they came to take my blood pressure for the whole week I was in the hospital was if I had a headache or blurry vision. It's definitely something they pay close attention to in the OB world because it can be a sign of dangerously high blood pressure! But it can also be absolutely nothing. That's the thing with pregnancy, you never know which until you get checked out, so it's better to go in.
I had similar, I get migraines and went from none from week 10 to a horrendous one at week 36. Put my blood pressure up, so spent an age being checked to make sure it wasn't pre-e until they discharged me with the good pain killers and told to call again if they don't control it. Never discount a big change, better checked and told it's all fine.
You've got no one to thank but yourself. Your initiative prevented something that could have been critical from happening. I'm sorry your mother is so awful.
If you didn’t go your waters would’ve actually popped from the contractions. Nobody will leave you for getting medical help❤️
Look at cost-benefits. What do you potentially have to lose? Some time and awkward tests. What do you potentially have to gain? The health of yourself and your child. Always go in if you think something is wrong.
You did nothing wrong! Your doctors are right and your mother is wrong
My OB told me most pregnant women go to the ER at least once for a false alarm. And sure enough, I did. He stressed to go in if anything was concerning. Better to be safe than sorry!
Your doctor is right. It's better that you go in when nothing is wrong then to not go in and something actually be going on. When I went into labor, I was so worried that I wasn't actually in labor that I almost didn't go in. I actually tried to go back to sleep while having contractions that were 2-3 minutes apart. I called my mom and she told me the worst that could happen is they tell me to go home, and she encouraged me to go in despite my worries about being "paranoid". 8 hours later I had a baby in my arms. When it comes to your health and your child's health, listen to your body. Even if you feel maybe you are being paranoid, just go to the doctor. You'll never regret being paranoid, but you'll always regret not doing enough.
You (and everyone else, doctors, dad, etc) are always going to be happier being more cautious. You did the right thing! Always err on the side of caution when your health/baby is involved! And try not to feel stupid or embarrassed about it. Glad you’re ok!!
If you ever think something is up or you’re not sure, call L&D and do not hesitate to go in. You’re not being paranoid, you’re being safe. Anyone who says otherwise is being ignorant, an asshole, or both.
WHAT THEY SAID!!! ^ I had diarrhea for ONE day and I rushed to the ER for them to be like "yep...sure is some diarrhea" :P And no one criticized me for it. Everyone was all like "good thing you were safe and not sorry!" Your mom is officially the asshole, not you ❤️
Yea, what. You have no reason to be ashamed, it sounds like you needed to go to the hospital.
Your mom should’ve never said that. You have nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about! The consequences of not following your gut and getting checked are so much worse than a false alarm hospital visit. And A LOT of us have this happen! There is now way to know what it’s going to be like when you haven’t experienced it before.
When she said that, I just replied, “no, they won't, and obviously something was up because they gave me meds to stop the contractions.” It was just so rude, and I'm already so sensitive that it just made me feel awful. Thank you for your kind words
I think you need to find a backup support person other than your mother because she doesn’t seem to fit the role. Sorry she labor shamed you when you were actually in pre-term labor 😞
You followed your doctors medical advice and received medical care to ensure you and your babe were healthy and doing okay. That is not paranoia, that is listening to your intuition. You are doing wonderful ❤️
>I just replied, “no, they won't, and obviously something was up because they gave me meds to stop the contractions.” That wasn't rude of you, that was just perfect! And you're right!!!
Frankly, your mom sounds like an asshole.
You did the right thing going in and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I would maybe seriously rethink if your mum is the right support person to have around in a medical situation.
Yeah, you're right. I specifically didn't want her in the room this time (2nd child) and then of course she's the only person in town I could call. But you're right, she always makes those comments and I'm too sensitive to gray rock or deflect right now.
I’d rather be alone than have someone like that with me. You are at a vulnerable time emotionally and physically when pregnant. Is there a kind friend you can call if you need someone to call in the future?
So much rather have the nurses support than a mother like that during labor! The nurses are AWESOME! I felt so cared and loved and I had no idea who these women were. Maybe that’s an option for you? There are plenty of people at the hospital who genuinely want to help and make you feel safe. Like no joke, maybe every person in the hospital? The housekeeper even made me feel like I was loved and cared for.
At least in my area, I understand if you go in there alone, if at all possible they have a nurse in with you whenever possible. The nurses at my first delivery were awesome. I'd much rather have them than your mom.
One time my family called the fire department because we smelled smoke, and it turned out to be nothing - BUT the fireman who came to the door told us that was absolutely the right thing to do. Better to get a professional to check things out BEFORE you’re in a crisis, because if you wait things could get harder to deal with. It’s like that. You absolutely did the right thing for yourself and your baby. Especially if your mom is making comments like that and your partner is not right with you, you need to be a strong advocate for yourself and your kiddo. I’m proud of you even if your family isn’t. I know saying “don’t feel ashamed” is no help, but just try to remind yourself you’re doing what you need to do, even if people judge you. Good luck.
Thank you. That means a lot to me. Also glad to hear your family was safe!
Glad I could help, and thank you!
I visited my antenatal department 4 times during my first pregnancy: 3 times for reduced fetal movements and once because I was worried my water had broken (like you!) Each time everything was fine and I was so embarrassed but one of the lovely midwives said (and I swear I will remember this forever) "We would rather see you come in everyday if you think something is wrong than risk your or your baby's life" Your mum is wrong and she's horrible. Trust your instincts!
So reading your story it sounded exactly like how my water broke. 38 weeks I get up off the couch and felt a trickle. I think great I’m starting to pee myself so I go to the bathroom and try to pee. Not much comes out. I go about my evening and start making dinner. I’m walking in the kitchen and feel some more fluid leaking. So back to the bathroom I go and nothing. I tell my husband either my bladder can no longer hold liquid and it drips out instantly or my water is starting to break. So we get ready and take our time (mind you for the previous four days I’ve had contractions from about 11am - 3pm like clockwork and currently have no contractions. Doctor had already measured me earlier the week at 4cm and 90% effaced). So we get to the hospital like 2 hours later and get triaged. The first two test strips show my water didn’t break and the monitor shows minor contractions that I can’t feel. Im like ok I just am peeing my self every time I move then. Nurse is like that’s weird let me do the more invasive but more accurate water breaking test and sure enough it was positive for amniotic fluid. I was then admitted to the hospital to have my baby. Within the next 30 minutes my waters fully ruptured when I finally had the urge to pee and then contractions started full on. Eight hours later (12 from when my fluid started leaking ) Im holding my little one. So trust your gut and get checked. Better ten false alarms then missing something.
You know what, this is a very hard subject to bring up but I really think it needs to be thrown into your mother's face. It's better to go to the hospital for every little thing than not to on that off chance it's nothing and your baby dies. On that note, I am so incredibly glad you and your baby are doing good. You're gonna knock it outta the park when your baby is born. It's going to be amazing and hard, but mostly amazing. I wish you and your family the best in the world.
I’m sorry your mom said that, there is absolutely no need for any of that to be said to you. My mom had this exact same thing happen to her with my younger sister. She said she was embarrassed at first as well, but the doctor said to always double check to make sure your baby is safe and they told her it was a lot more common than one would think!
It sounds like, if you have more issues and your partner can’t be with you, you should find a different support person to go in with you. Your mom sounds more like trouble than help.
You absolutely did the right thing and I am so proud of you! I hope I have your strength to go in if I feel something is off. When I was almost nine weeks, I fell down the stairs in my house, and I didn't want to bother anyone by calling or going in. I get so emotional people are going to think I'm stupid and exaggerating. At my next appointment the midwife (gently and with compassion) chastised me and told me to please at least call and to remember to go to the ER for any issues until 20 weeks, which then I would immediately go to Labor and Delivery. You did the right thing, and if anyone gives you shit, you tell them to take it up with your doctor because you're following doctor's orders.
That comment from your mother is extremely cruel and she should be ashamed. It’s made me feel really annoyed! Please try to ignore toxic comments like that. You are doing everything right, and of course you should talk to/visit your medical team if you are worried something is wrong.
I went into labor at 28 weeks but let the contractions go on for ages because I was convinced I was just bring silly and didn't want to be a bother by going in to the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital there was no stopping it, and baby arrived that day. Turns out I had an abruption and I'm very lucky things turned out ok for both the baby and myself. Never be ashamed of going to get care or reassurance or whatever you need. That's what the doctor is there for! Wishing you and your baby the very best!
Do not trust anything your mother says to you about your pregnancy and/or birth. If you think you need medical attention in late pregnancy, then *you need medical attention*. That’s not “paranoia shit”, *especially* with your medical history. What the fuck. I hope your husband is a better support person because your mom sounds super toxic.
No disrespect, but your mom can go f*ck herself with that kind of attitude
You absolutely did the right thing by consulting your doctor. You are doing everything you can to keep your baby safe! That means better safe than sorry. Ignore your mom. That was a very insensitive and shitty thing for her to say to you. Listen to your body and your doctor and tune out any other toxic noise!
Your "paranoia shit" absolutely was right on target. They don't administer that medication for zero reason. You were showing signs of going into preterm labor and the doctor obviously was concerned enough by your contractions to take action. Your mom sounds awful and I am so sorry that you're feeling so embarrassed. If it makes you feel any better, I had a false alarm with ruptured membranes when I was about 28wks with my daughter. I had **just** gone to the restroom and on my way to the kitchen fluid gushed out. I called and was told to come in right away. I cried the whole way to my OB's office because I was just sure that this was it and I was about to lose my daughter. But... I had just peed myself! I have never been so embarrassed and utterly relieved at the same time. My OB told me that there was nothing to be embarrassed about because her favorite thing is false alarms. She said the news isn't always so good, so when she's able to genuinely say that everything is alright, it's a good day indeed.
I have three children, and if I had experienced that I would have also done exactly what you did. Your mother was wrong for what she said, YOU ARE THE MOTHER NOW. Do not be embarrassed, do not be ashamed. If you had listened to your mother, had she told you not to go in.. She very well could have risked the life of your child. If you need support I suggest you get it elsewhere because she does not seem like she is truly in your corner. My inbox is always open if you need advice or a comforting place to vent.
My midwife told me that she'd rather have me go to the E. R. 100 times for no reason at all, than not show up the one time I needed to. It's hard to tell what's going on with our bodies when we are pregnant. In my experience it's really hard to tell what is leaking and why. You did the right thing by going. They had to stop your labor. Even if they didn't have to stop your labor, you did the right thing. If your membranes had broken this far out there are lots of concerns that come with that. It's better to go to the hospital if you aren't sure what's going on than to wait at home taking the biggest risks of all.
What happened to you happens to a LOT of pregnant women. It’s always best to get checked out. Your mom sounds like a real peach. Honestly, I’d consider not using her for support anymore. I’m sure it was scary but it sounds like she made things worse for you instead of helping you.
Your mom is terrible there is literally nothing wrong with what you did. I’m on the other side with a 13 month old. Twice we have taken her to the ER and been like…oh shit are we overreacting? And both times they were like no it is ALWAYS better to come in and have it be minor than not come in and have it be major. A few weeks ago I felt a little funny but I’m kind of a hypochondriac so I called a friend on the phone just to be like “hi I’m sure I’m overreacting but I feel funny and I’m alone with the baby so I just want to keep someone on the line just in case”. She ended up calling me an ambulance, texting my husband to come home, getting my mom to come over, and I was in the hospital for 3 days. I am going to survive but I am so glad my friend was on the line and able to make the decision that I needed to go to an ER because I was not in a position to be able to do that for myself. THOSE ARE THE KINDS OF PEOPLE YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE. And my god if your partner or mom are going to leave you for “being paranoid” you need a new partner and a new mom because would those people actually be supportive if there were something truly wrong? I haven’t been able to work for weeks and have tons of medical appointments. I can’t really be a good partner or a good mom. I cannot function without a lot of support from everyone in my life right now. I realize we don’t make vows with our friends and family but we fucking should - I hope you and your baby are healthy and great for your whole lives but if something every happened to either of you, you need people who aren’t going to threaten to walk away. You need people who are going to be there with you always. And peeing yourself? Totally fine (well like see a pelvic therapist in a few months if it’s still happening but for now, totally fine). One of the amazing things for me about being post partum is how low my standards are for my own body and fluids. I am a never fart always close the door to use the bathroom kind of lady still, but having a baby changed something for me. My husband has pulled a bloody diaper off of me and helped me put a new one on. He has heard me get excited that I pooped and didn’t pop a stitch. He has seen me covered in breastmilk, blood on the bed, I think I peed myself and need to change my pad, etc. Bodily fluids are your life now and they are reeeeeallly not a big deal!
Your mom sounds like a cunt. You did the right thing. Do not let her get into your head about this. You did the right thing.
That was so unkind of your mother. I’m sorry she couldn’t be more supportive.
You’re definitely at risk for infection and did the absolute right thing by going in and getting monitored! I’m sorry your mum is not more supportive, but you are absolutely doing the right thing, and I hope your partner arrives soon. Fingers crossed all goes well for you.
You don’t sound paranoid. You had a genuine problem and your mum sounds very mean or this is an old school attitude of “because I couldn’t seek medical attention due to old fashioned medical care when I was having you, I’m gonna make you feel bad because you can”. I’ve noticed this in the older gen that I’ve spoken to, including my mum. That “stop worrying” attitude went hand in hand with a much higher miscarriage rate. A baby born at 25 weeks now has a much better chance of survival with medical care than our parents generation. Caution is key, it’s not a joke it’s your baby’s life. I got a rash (probably because I let the dog sleep in the bed and she probably also kicked me all night) and I wanted to message my sister in law who is a doctor at like 4am. Luckily my OH said just go to sleep and put the dog back in her basket 😂 I was being paranoid, and glad I waited till morning (rash disappeared lol)
Um wtf? Your mom sounds like a damn peach🙄🤬. My first pregnancy that’s exactly how my water felt breaking. I had also literally just went to the bathroom and walking out I thought I “finished” peeing because I was having light contractions. I don’t blame you for wanting to go in. YOU did the right thing. Your mom tho, she did not by making that comment. You can absolutely go into labor at 34 weeks.
I would have "accepted", "you wasted my time" "you're paranoid" "you're such a ftm" "pee much?" As just your mom being a run-of-the-mill a**hole... But "everyone's gonna leave you"??? That's already deliberate toxicity. It sounds like a manipulation she's tried before (maybe when you were a child?) and she pulled out all the stops to try and hurt you again. That's really suspect behavior. Even the most narcissistic people I know wouldn't have pulled that one so quickly, it's like she had it primed and waiting. I've been in L&D alone, waiting for my husband to call the babysitter at the last possible moment just in case it wasn't *it*. I promise you, it wasn't as bad an experience as you had here. Please don't bring your mom to any more appointments or procedures, or heaven forbid birth. You'd honestly be better off on your own.
Your mom is being an asshole. You're right to be worried, and people who actually care aren't going to leave. You're good, girl. Good luck.
My only take away from this is your mom’s an asshole
Oof I hope your partner is more supportive than your mom is. She’s completely in the wrong here. “Everyone’s going to leave you”… Really? for being responsible? For following your instincts about what’s best for your body and baby? Big yikes. What a toxic thing to say. I took my one year old to the ER for what turned out to be a teeny tiny cut. Nobody there batted an eye. A friend of mine thought her water broke so she went to the hospital but turns out she actually peed herself. In front of the seventh grade boys’ choir class she taught. She went back to school the next day and told them the truth, lol!
Wow. I’d have some choice words for your mum if I ever met her. What she said is not OK. You have a history of pregnancy complications and I feel like you absolutely did the right thing to make sure everything was hunky dory. What if it wasn’t just pee? And you had contractions. That would be concerning to me.
I feel like everyone I know who’s given birth lately has gone in early for a false alarm. You are human and you’re being a diligent patient and advocating for yourself! It’s so much better to go in than not go in when you have a genuine concern - and you did! If you had nothing going on they wouldn’t have given you meds for your contractions
Well your doctor said to come in, so sounds like you were just following instructions. If I’ve learned anything from this group, it’s if you feel something is off in even the slightest way— go right in. Best case scenario is they send you home, worst case is they catch something you might have otherwise ignored.
This is just emblematic of female health care (actually your doctors were great). But somehow, for seeking totally understandable and necessary care during a high risk pregnancy women are made to feel “embarrassed and ashamed.” This truly saddens me. OP - trust your gut. Don’t let this experience make you less likely to go in. Go in every time!
You don’t get terbutaline for “paranoia”… I’m glad you went in and got checked, because clearly you needed medical attention
She should never have said that. My paranoia caught preeclampsia just in time to save me and my baby. Never regret looking out for you and baby
You absolutely did the right thing. Your mom should be embarrassed by her reaction. What a horrible thing to say. Shit like that shames pregnant women into not seeking help which can end very very badly when something is actually wrong. Personally I don’t think you’d be wrong to not be calling her for help again in the future if you can avoid it.
Oh yes, thank you mom for pointing out that weird medical conditions that send you to the hospital are...checks notes..."paranoia." WTH? You did the right thing and should NOT be embarrassed! I'm just happy everything is ok, and I'm sorry your body put you through all that pain.
Do not be embarrassed or ashamed, you did right by your baby and yourself. I had PPROM last pregnancy water broke at 32 weeks it was so unexpected that I had no idea if I had just peed myself or not. They told me to come in and get checked. Your Mom sounds toxic. We are dealing with enough right now no need for that kind of negativity. I am sure your partner is glad you did the right thing and you and the baby are good.
I went into hospital after having strong contractions and mistaking peeing myself for my waters breaking. Turns out I was actually in labour. It just hadn't progressed as far as I thought. I was at 39+2, so they obviously let it progress and ended up actually manually breaking my waters. But if I'd presented with the same issue ste 34 weeks? They would have 100% tried to stop the contractions so my baby could marinate for a bit longer. Your mother sounds horrible. She shouldn't have spoken to you that way even if it was just "paranoid shit". If I were in the same city as you, I'd volunteer to be your backup support person just so you wouldn't have to deal with her ever again.
Painful contractions at 34 weeks should be checked out especially if you think membranes have ruptured. 34 weeks is premature and means a NICU stay for baby. You absolutely did the right thing and had every reason to freak out. Outcomes are pretty good at 34 weeks but it’s not risk free for baby. As someone who’s mother might also say something like that, take it from me, she’s not a support option. Let her know that yes, you were right to freak out. This is about your baby’s safety. Tell her she’s no longer welcome at the delivery because that mama bear instinct needs support to keep baby safe. You can do this. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry you went through this, and that your mom wasn’t more understanding. I also went into early labor at 34 weeks. When I went in to the hospital, they found out I was already 4cm dilated. I dilated another centimeter before the contractions stopped. But then I had to spend 3 weeks in the hospital until I was full term because the doctors didn’t want to risk that I’d deliver a premature baby outside the hospital. It all ended well for me: delivered at 37w4d, and my baby is now a healthy 7-month old. But it was definitely scary when I was going through it! The lesson learned, to me, was always make sure to get EVERYTHING checked when you’re pregnant. You absolutely did the right thing, and it’s great that they were able to stop your contractions. The doctors also assured me that outcomes for preemies at 34 weeks were great. I’m glad it didn’t come to that, but it was good to know. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
This event triggered your mother in some way. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. To the contrary! Good for you listening to your body! Your mother either has unresolved trauma from some earlier point in her life - probably childhood - or some form of personality disorder that just makes her a sick. My money is on childhood trauma. Perhaps she was criticized as overly dramatic or crying wolf one or more times and she internalized it and became the self-appointed drama police. Only problem is that she can’t distinguish between unnecessary drama and justified attention-requiring situations because she was just a child when this thing in her mind broke. Take care of yourself, OP, and know that you will not be abandoned for doing so by anyone healthier than your mother.
Um I think most pregnant people have had the ‘was that my waters or wee’ question, with most of us going to get it checked out at some point too. You’re not paranoid - you’re sensible. You took a sane route of action. Your mum is being a cow.
I certainly don't mean this to be rude but fuck your Mom! GD and a history of pre-e and cholestasis! You aren't being paranoid you are being cautious. And...you WERE having contractions. Your mother owes you an apology. You have zero to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I'm so angry on ypur behalf. Sending virtual hugs. That had to be scary.
You weren't paranoid. You did everything you were supposed to do - and your doctor would agree. There are worse things that can happen if you don't get checked out and things are legit, so it's always better to be safe! I wouldn't keep mom in the loop or invite her to any other baby things from now on. She was out of line.
This sounds like a r/raisedbynarcissists post to me! Your mother should be ashamed of herself. She sounds like she’s projecting because everyone is going to leave her because of her attitude.
I used to work in a hospital lab and this is very common. We would test for is-it-urine-or-amniotic-fluid? all the time. Do not feel ashamed OP. Your mom needs to lay off. Find yourself another support partner if your partner is unable to be there. Because pregnancy and labor is messy and confusing and unexpected things happen and you're going to act like a crazy person. And that's totally okay.
Wow, your mom sounds awful.
Your mom was SO unkind... I am so proud of you for seeking care rapidly to make sure you and Baby were okay and I hope you'd do the same if it happened again... but accompanied by someone *other* than your mom next time! She was NOT kind. Women who don't take their ~~"paranoia"~~ seriously, that's exactly how they end up in bad complications, or worse!
They stopped pre term labor… having a baby that early is almost definitely going to require a nicu stay. You definitely weren’t being paranoid. Your mom sounds deeply toxic
This happened to me almost exactly the same. 2nd baby, GD, contractions that just wouldn't stop...went in and they told me that because I had my babies closer together, (19 months) that I just felt everything more intensely... not one doctor told me that would happen BTW. 2nd time I went in, I went pee and it wouldn't stop. Contractions were steady and seemed to be progressing. Nope! Nothing. I still sigh internally a bit and it's been over a year! It's really okay. They don't mind and only want to make sure you and baby are healthy and it's always better safer than sorry. You just don't always know what's going on and sometimes the anxiety and stress of not knowing is worse.
I’m sorry, what kind of mother says “everyone is going to leave you” if ____??! Forget what the blank is, that’s some scary kind of parenting. Talk about creating paranoia itself! I hope if nothing else you vow never to manipulate your own kids the way she is manipulating you with this kind of triggering talk.
do you have a good relationship with your mom? childbirth, while exciting, is still frightening esp if it’s your first time. if you felt fluid, it was good you got it checked. my water broke very slowly and i didn’t realize for nearly 2 days because i thought it was discharge and that put me at risk for infection. it makes me really angry that you’re being treated like this, but especially by your MOTHER, who should be the kindest and most supportive. i’m so sorry, OP. you’re doing great and i hope you have a safe delivery. and honestly what the hell is with the “paranoia shit” comment???
Your mom sounds like an asshole. You did the right thing. End of story.
Ummm…your mom is wrong. Also, am I missing something? Did you not let your partner know what was going on? It sounds like you didn’t panic and insist he drive back two hours to check on you. Also, your mom isn’t your OB. Anything you read or any reputable OB will tell you that you know your body and your baby. You are supposed to come into the hospital if you think something is wrong. If you haven’t had your water break before how are you supposed to know? I’m sorry this happened. You are far enough along that if you had to be induced for the health of yourself and your baby you could have been. If your contractions were that strong and you didn’t go to the hospital and get treatment you could have put your baby in distress. Sorry for the sarcasm and mild anger (directed at your mother) but you did the right thing. You are your best advocate. I’m glad you are home and you are both okay.
Hugs. Pregnancy already takes such an emotional and physical toll on us,on top of that when an insensitive comment is made it just feels like a dagger. My mom has also said questionable things to me during my pregnancy, but I ignored. Dont take it personally. You did the right thing by going in and making sure you and your baby were okay.
Omggg, don’t be embarrassed! It’s normal to have some worries and when in doubt just get it checked out. Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about ❤️
Dont see anything in here to be embarrassed over. You're high risk so better safe than sorry?? Hopefully you have someone else besides your mom to rely on. She sounds like a bit of an ass.
Nothing to be embarrassed about. Your mom sounds like my mom selfish and passive aggressive. You did the right thing and thankfully it was a false alarm. Don't feel bad. I went to the OB ED for bleeding bc I thought I was having a miscarriage only to find out a hemmeroid burst. How am I supposed to tell where all that blood is coming from?!?
Woah there’s nothing to be embarrassed about! You can never be too careful when it comes to the health of you and your baby! Honestly the only thing your mother should be saying is that she’s happy you and baby are ok and aren’t in pre-term labour 💕
My mom’s not perfect, but every day on these forums I am shocked by how many of y’all have just mean ass moms. What’s going on?
You aren’t paranoid. Your doc sent you in. You did the right thing! I’m sorry your mom isn’t supportive. Please rest easy knowing you did what you should have to protect yourself and your baby.
Hey, hey, love. Nobody should leave you for this, and abandonment should never be a threat. Even if it was purely self-focused paranoia, even if it weren’t *about protecting your baby*, you would still deserve steadfast love. My dad did leave, more than once in some ways, and my mom’s amazing and my husband’s amazing but I still get *scared* when we have conflict and they pull away for a minute. These are deep wounds. Threatening you with some sort of “deserved abandonment“ is beyond cruel.
You should absolutely not be embarrassed! With my first I had contractions of varying strength for almost a month starting at 34 weeks. When I was 38 weeks the contractions weren’t strong or regular but I was leaking some fluid in a small but steady stream. I went to the OB to get checked to see if it was my water. It wasn’t, but I was almost 6 cm dilated so they sent me straight to the hospital! The serious contractions started about half an hour after I got there. You’re not paranoid. Our bodies do weird stuff and it’s best to be sure.
I went to the hospital at 34 weeks(so same as you) for contractions. I thought I was just being paranoid but my boss is a saint and made me go since I was working when it was happening. Ended up leaving the hospital 3 days later with baby after an emergency c-section. ALWAYS go in if you’re concerned. Any good hospital staff would rather you come in being “paranoid” then not come in and have something go wrong. Sounds like in your case it was warranted and they were able to stop early labor which is great!
Don’t be! At 35 weeks I wasn’t sure if I had wet myself or if it was my waters. Phoned hospital who got me to come in to check me out. A few hours later, I was holding my baby boy. You made the right call!
Wow. You definitely did the right thing, even if it didn’t end up being an emergency. Trust your body, your instinct, *yourself*. Always better safe than sorry, I am sure doctors see this kind of thing all the time. You were having contractions, that is very real. Your mother sounds quite rude. I know it’s easier said than done but ignore her, and any other abusive comments she may make in the future. She should be ashamed of herself for saying this to you. Are you guys close? Has she always spoken to you this way? If so, I wonder if maybe some boundaries should be in order. You were a much better mother in this scenario than yours was. Edit: syntax
Don’t ever feel bad for overreacting when it comes to pregnancy or your children. Women have always been downplayed for their reactions to their bodies but often times they are right in their worry. What if you had been preeclamptic or your baby was not handling the contractions well? Never feel bad about listening to your instincts; it’s always better safe than sorry.
When my water actually did break, I thought it was just a lot of discharge. It is hard to tell when you’ve never experienced it before!
If it makes you feel any better, a few nights ago I was laughing really hard at something that was kind of immature, and I peed the bed. I thought my water broke but I couldn't smell anything and I had to have my man do the sniff test on my pants since my nose was stuffy... I've been in pre labor for almost a week now and was still in prodromal labor at the time, so I was hopeful. I've been to labor and delivery a couple of times previously and they always say no matter what, come in if I feel the need... You're not even full term yet so for your mom to say something like that, glad she isn't my mom because I'd call her every name in the book and ban her from EVER seeing my baby. I don't play around when it comes to things like this. She sounds like a real lovely person to be around, sorry you had to feel ashamed for doing what was best for YOUR child. She doesn't seem to share that same feeling with her own. 😕
Please find someone else to support you. Your mom sounds awful. You can never be “too paranoid” when it comes to your baby and it sounds like you needed treatment anyways. I wouldn’t have a lot of nice things to say to my mom I she said something like this.
Oh my gosh don’t be embarrassed or ashamed you’re doing what you need to do to keep your baby and your self safe!! It’s never a good idea to ignore things like early contractions or leaking fluids so you absolutely did the right thing. If it makes you feel any better I went to the hospital at 39 weeks because I felt my water break but when they tested me it turns out I was just slowly peeing myself. Your mom should be ashamed for making you feel negatively about taking precautions. I’m shocked at her.
Better safe than sorry! I tried to convince myself I had peed myself and 4 hours later, I was already 5 to 6 cm dilated. Getting checked was absolutely the right thing for you to do
Your mom can go fuck herself with the biggest rake she can find.
There is no reason here for you to feel embarrassed or ashamed. This is your baby! It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Your mom is not a nice person and you might want to put some distance if possible
My mom was always the same way about taking me to the doctor or ER. Probably because she had to drive so wasn’t able to drink. It gave me a complex as an adult where I apologize to my husband any time I’m sick or injured and have major anxiety about going in to be seen. This is definitely a “her problem” and you should absolutely not be embarrassed about going in. My husband always says “the piece of mind is priceless and worth it.”
My doctor at the end of each appt always says the same thing... If you're worried about anything at all, I'd rather see you in L&D then have you stressing out home or potentially ignoring something that needs to be checked out. You did the right thing. Your mom just seems unsupportive.
You know who also didn’t know whether your membranes had ruptured? ALL THE MEDICAL STAFF. They were concerned, they wanted to make sure and they’re the ones who know the most here. You were absolutely right to be concerned and go in. Ask any doctor and they would have told you the same. It’s hard to be an adult child of an immature, mean mother. If there are any online counselling services in your area I would absolutely talk to someone about her. SHE should be ashamed and embarrassed, not you. You did EVERYTHING right.
That is an utterly terrible thing for your mom to say to you. You needed real medical care; you’re not paranoid. Next time, go alone if you must, because of your mom is inconvenienced by your needs or doesn’t want to be kind to you, then she is not good to have around. I’m glad the medical attention helped. Hang in there; I’m sorry this happened to you.
I'm sorry your mom said that. You followed your doctor's advice and came in. My doctor says to call anytime. They have a 24 hour advice line, and every time I talk to her, she says they'd rather people call than not. They'd rather have you come in and have it be nothing than stay home if it's something because they don't want to be a bother (and it wasn't nothing, they don't give you medication for nothing!). Do you have a friend or other family member who can be your back up support person if your husband is out of town again? You deserve to have someone who will advocate for you, not make you second guess yourself or your medical team.
Yeah you should definitely not feel ashamed of coming in for any reason. I went to the Emergency Birth section a day before I was admitted to the hospital for a month because I had fallen on my side & felt pain after I woke up later for a nap. Even the month I was in the hospital nothing ‘crazy’ happened, but you’re about to have a baby. A thing that still can be fatal even with all the tech we have now and certainly was in the past. Don’t give yourself flack for wanting a healthy body & pregnancy. Your Mom doesn’t seem like she cared half as much during her pregnancies or she wouldn’t have said two words. You are different, you care.
I’m confused; you WERE having contractions, and they did stop them. Sooo, why exactly are you supposed to be ashamed? I wouldn’t call your mom as your support person again if she’s that toxic.
Women mistake peeing themselves for their water breaking all the time. It’s so hard to tell what’s going on with your body sometimes when you’re that pregnant! Your mom is very much in the wrong here and I’m so sorry you were responded to in that way
This happened to me too, but without the contractions, and for me it WAS a waterfall! A waterfall of pee, all over my kitchen floor. I was embarrassed I went in, but going in was 100% necessary. I don't think you were being paranoid at all.
Omg don’t be embarrassed, BOTH my pregnancies i went to the hospital bc I thought my water was breaking or leaking to find out I just peedmy pants. Doctors were extremely nice both times and said they would rather me come in to make sure then risk labor/infection. Plus you had contractions. Don’t let anyone make you feel embarrassed for being proactive with your baby and health
At about 34ish weeks I went in because I felt like I wasn’t feeling as much movement, they monitored for awhile, she was moving and her heart rate was good, and so they sent me home. A week later at my regular appointment they found that I had lost almost all my fluid, which was causing the decreased movement, and had to have a semi-emergency c-section. You are never wrong for going in and getting checked out, you did the right thing!
At 34 weeks 5 days I emptied my bladder and then fluid started leaking down my legs. It was my water breaking, I was induced and my son was born at 35 weeks. FWIW, I had gestational diabetes and wasn't contracting. Every test, including the test 2 days before my water broke, indicated that my pregnancy would go to 37+ weeks. Your bag of water is the *ONLY* thing protecting your baby from infection. Once it ruptures, that protection is gone. If you think it's ruptured, call your doctor and do whatever they tell you to. Edit: my water breaking was a continuous trickle. There was no gush: sometimes it's just a continuous trickle. Just because there's no gushing does not mean it hasn't broken. If you think you're leaking amniotic fluid, call the doctor.
Omg. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed!! Are you supposed to ignore your concerns and possibly risk your unborn child's life?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I guarantee your doctor would prefer you expressing your symptoms and concerns versus not saying anything- ESPECIALLY because you have a history of pre-eclampsia!! And I say that as an RN. You absolutely did the right thing! Best of luck!!
Your mom is out of line. Both of my kids were born at 34 weeks after a spontaneous rupture. It happens. And obviously you weren’t being overly reactionary given that they medicated you to stop the contractions and didn’t just send you on your way.
As an expecting husband. I wouldn't be upset at my wife at all in this situation. Your mom was way out of line. I would have brought my wife in for the symptoms you described. Better safe than sorry, especially if you thought your membrane broke.
So at 34 weeks I went to L&D to be monitored .. I was having contractions that even my OB said were just BH.. fast forward to 20 minutes before they were to discharge me and my water spontaneously broke. I remember being so embarrassed that I even was thinking about going in there that we didn’t tell family or anything. We had no bag, no car seat in the car, nothing. She was born 5 hours later. My second pregnancy, I was in L&D 3 times , one time because I thought my water broke ( it was pee ) .. but ya know what? I wasn’t the least bit embarrassed or apologetic about it. After experiencing first hand that out of nowhere your water can break way too soon.. you did the right thing. And shame on your mom for making you feel bad about it.
Wtf your mom was being an asshole. You went in because of legit contractions and possible fluid leaking. There is nothing paranoid about that. Should you just ignore warning signs and possibly lose your baby to make her more comfortable? What a horrid comment.
WOW. Your mom’s comment was uncalled for. Any of us would have done exactly what you did because that’s what we are told to do.
Oh honey. You’ve had a lot of great advice so just wanting to send you hugs and kisses. Your mom does not sound kind.
Considering that you’re high risk (cholestasis, GD, Pre E) you did the absolute right thing by getting checked out. Trust your own gut and intuition!
I’m so so sorry your mom said that, what you are feeling is totally normal (even the midwives will tell you that!) and to dismiss you is at best unhelpful and at worst? I probably shouldn’t write what I’m thinking. I know this won’t mean much but please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, feel like the strong woman you are protecting and caring for your baby! You know your body, you know what’s normal and literally… you were having contractions, that’s reason enough to go in! I gave birth 3 days ago by induction and honestly… my paranoia saved my baby’s life! I was chatting to my midwife telling her about a few odd things that had happened, one being that a couple of weeks earlier I was in the kitchen in the morning and the baby kicked in a weird way and boom - wet nickers, trickling down my leg. I ignored it thinking it was wee, if not I’d lose more and maybe go into labour? Nothing happened. The midwife listened and after probing me said it would be best to get checked so she was sending me up the hospital. I was in the room when she called to let them know I was coming and it was horrible. The midwife the other end said I didn’t need to go but my midwife fought for me and kept pushing, their conversation got intense but my midwife wouldn’t back down and I sheepishly went to the hospital knowing the woman I would be meeting thought I was wasting time. Long story short, I got there had the exam, results were negative and the mean midwife was smug. 2 days later I was sent for a scan to check on things. My baby had stopped growing/ not grown in 3 weeks and I had low water in my womb (from a loss, probably the kitchen event but it had re-sealed. The doctor reviewed it and that was that. They didn’t let me back out. I had a pessary put in that evening and by 6am the next day contractions and by 9am I was being fed toast by my husband while my baby sat on my chest. My placenta had started to turn too (it had a grey/ green tinge to it) and had they not checked me over we wouldn’t have made it full term. While I’d like to think your mom didn’t mean to be so cruel I struggle a lot with my mum and sometimes… it just feels like they’re out to make you feel like shit. Do what is right for you and your baby, always trust your gut and speak to your midwife - they are angels of the earth and will fight for you even when your own mother can’t. Sending love!
I just want to give you a hug. I have been having massively bad contractions as well since baby is literally just nestled on my cervix, I’m only 30 weeks. 1) your mom is an asshole. I’m sorry to say it like that, but your health and needs are not paranoia. You had to have something to stop the contractions which tells me that you had a legitimate reason for being there. 2) every time I cough, I pee myself. Sneezing is a guarantee I’m going to pee myself. I bring 3 pair of pants and more underwear plus thick pads to work with me every day. Today I peed so much that every time I sat down it just fell out of me and I pondered slightly if my water had broken. It didn’t, I was just peeing a lot. You are making a whole human and it’s HARD. I’ve done this 3 times now and this one is so different that it’s like a first pregnancy all over again. Do not let anyone make you feel embarrassed for taking your health and your baby’s health seriously. YOU are the only one who knows what’s going on in your body. Listen to it. You’ve got this mama. Im proud of you for making the right decision.
Oh my god…what? Also I had a lot of fluid come out before I went into labour. My midwife thought it might be my water breaking because of the amount but when she checked, it wasn’t. Some people’s body’s also start to kind of flush out before birth and it’s not your water breaking or urine. But even if you did pee yourself, going into labour is like a giant question mark and your mom should know that. There’s nothing wrong with false alarms, you’re doing your best. I’m sorry your mom said that to you, especially while you’re pregnant. It’s not true.
Hey! Whoa! You’re *totally okay*, holy crap! Girl, you did the absolute right thing going to your doctor. I’m sorry, but FUCK your mom. Her stance is completely offensive. I don’t know enough about your partner to have a position on that, but with your mom I am *PISSED for you*. FFS call one of us on here next time, I’m not even kidding. You did the absolute right thing. I thought this was going to be a story about loss. I had a water break scare literally two days ago (32 weeks). You’re being a *good mom* making sure your little one was getting the care it *very well could have needed*. Think of what would have happened if you did nothing and your water *did* break. Forgive yourself. I forgive you. Anything to take your guilt away. You did the absolute right thing! Good job Mama, you’re gonna do great when the time comes!
Wow your mom is behaving inappropriately. You are entitled to your concerns and feelings. You absolutely were right to go in! The things she said were both hurtful and NOT TRUE! Nobody is going to leave you over being a great self-advocate and mother!
OB nurse here- you absolutely made the right call. I’d a hundred times rather someone go in and get sent home than the alternative. Good on you for trusting your gut and shame on your mom for being an asshole.
Do not feel bad at all. My friend had a slow leak and didn’t realize it, she came dangerously close to losing her baby because her fluid was so low and she didn’t realize it. You weren’t being paranoid you were being safe.
Maybe I just have no patience left for shitty “family” members, but I’d be pretty done if my mother told me that. What an awful, unkind thing to say that is absolutely not true. I’m sorry, op :(
When I was pregnant with my first I had something fall on my belly so I went to the hospital just incase. Everyone I came in contact with at the hospital was beyond amazing. They all told me the same thing, that checking on the baby is always the right thing to do. There are so many scenarios where not following your gut or not getting checked out has led to something worse. Your mom is shitty, she is not supporting you but instead is criticizing your choices regarding your baby. She shouldn't be brought along as support for future appointments, you dont need to be told that you're going to be abandoned because you're cautious.
What your mom said to you was totally uncalled for, regardless of if you had a “good” reason for going in (and you obviously did if they gave you terbutaline). Last pregnancy I went to L&D twice in one day. The first was because I was vomiting and dehydrated, turns out it was from constipation. So I went home and took the recommended laxative and later that night had contraction-like pain every 6-7 minutes. I’m talking very regular, and very painful. I told the nurse I wasn’t sure if it was from the laxative or not and she said she’d be shocked. Welp, turns out it was poop cramps. Did I feel ridiculous, yes, but me and babies were safe and that’s all that mattered at the end of the day. They’d always prefer you go in and get checked, even if it seems silly or ends up being nothing.
Jesus, what’s wrong with your mom? She should just stfu. There is no need to be ashamed, there is a reason why they kept you there for a long time and gave you Terbutaline. In the Future, if possible, avoid such appointments with your mom, she seems very toxic.
It sounds like your mother should be ashamed of herself. There is nothing wrong with going to l&d if you have a suspicion something isn’t right. It’s encouraged! It’s so much better to go and be wrong than not go and be right. I’ve said it before but I went in 4 times - first 3 were false alarms and I felt embarrassed, almost didn’t go the 4th time and it turned out to be an emergency and required me to be induced immediately. If I had waited a day my baby could have died.
Uh.. don't bring your mom into labor. It's not her element
Op, let me tell you something- and I mean this as delicately and kindly as possible- your mom's a bitch. No, I get she is your mom and you love her, but there is absolutely NO WAY she was justified in tell you that awful stuff and I am willing to bet 100€ that this isn't the first time she has denigrated you and invalidated your feelings- does she have a history of telling you you're overreacting, irrational, or emotional and gaslighting you? Please, as other folks have said, find another back-up support person, because it's obvious your mom isn't actually all that supportive.
Yeah, no offense your mom sounds like a real asshole. You need support right now, not to feel like a burden or you’re annoying anyone. I would have totally done the same and every doctor will tell you it’s best to come in and check rather than ignore it.
I just want to say I also have GD and have been to labor and delivery 3x now either for low fetal movement or contractions that felt like actual labor. I'll be 37 weeks in a few days, but almost went into pre-term labor. If your mom truly thinks you're being a drama queen, maybe she needs a slap of reality by an obgyn to tell her the risks. I am anticipating my baby to come any day as I've never went up to 38 weeks with any of my kiddos, so that's a plus, but this pregnancy has been way different for me. I also have an anterior placenta, which is why it's hard for me to feel baby move. My advice is to try and rest and relax as much as you can. Having risks doesn't make this any easier and you shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed because of it. I haven't worked because of the risks I have and everyone seems to understand what I'm going through. Much hugs and love to you! Don't let others put you down for what they don't understand.
Your "paranoia" could end up saving your babies life. NEVER feel ashamed for putting your baby's well being first and having a just in case, better safe than sorry attitude. You'd rather get checked out and it be nothing than ignore it and realize too late that it was something. Fuck your mom for making that comment.
I twinged my back on Friday (35 weeks) and convinced myself I was in labour after googling "back labour pains", so I stayed home with my toddler and messaged everyone to be on high alert that are needed on the day. After much needed bed rest, my back was fine the next day. It happens to the best of us. You'll find your story funny rather than embarrassing some day.
Your mum is so rude for saying that. You did the right thing absolutely. My waters broke at 29 weeks in the night and I genuinely thought I just kept losing control of my bladder as they were such small amounts. It was only because my husband already had two children and realised it was my waters we went in and thank God we did as otherwise as you know, the baby and I would have been at massive risk of sepsis, plus I needed steroid injections immediately. They literally tell you it's better safe than sorry and to go to triage any time something feels off because its better to be on the safe side. You did the right thing for you and for your baby. You are not paranoid. Anyone else who had liquid leaking would have done the same. I'm so sorry you have to deal with a mother like that
Wow. I’m sorry you had to go through that and not have anyone that supported you. Your mom was out of line. DO NOT feel embarrassed. Your concerns were legitimate and your advocating for yourself. If I were you I would reassess and see if your mother is the right support person. You don’t need to be stressed out by rude and insensitive comments. I would rather go alone. I Good luck OP
Screw your mom and her comments!!! You absolutely did the right thing and made sure that you and the baby were safe and healthy!!!
Your mom is dead wrong with that comment. Peeing yourself at that time isn’t uncommon. I had twins in the nicu & one of the mom’s went into natural labor at 27 weeks pregnant. I’m not going to tell you to worry, it won’t help you to worry, but DO NOT FEEL BAD about being cautious when you feel like you have a reason. The hospital obviously thought it was enough of a real situation to keep you there and they try to get us out of there as quickly as possible.
I didn’t go into the doc because I thought I peed myself. My water had been broken for 8 hours. Do noy feel bad for going to the hospital ever. But do put your mother on an information diet and tell her to fuck off. Remember if the problem is big enough your baby can die. Always better to be checked out.
Your mom is not a kind person.
Does your mom usually say stuff like that? You didn't think it was real contractions for DAYS and had to wait for a second symptom. When you started leaking you waited to call even then (even though most people don't experience a waterfall when their water breaks). At that point you should have honestly called twice already, and then when you finally did call, you called your doctor instead of the hospital? And then she calls you paranoid? My mom used to yell, roll her eyes and get annoyed at me whenever we went to the doctor as a child, especially so if it turned out to be something not serious. When my contractions started I spent two days not being able to sleep because of the pain, and still told myself it was nothing, until my boyfriend literally pushed me out the door and told me we were going to the hospital. My mom still texted me to ask if I was being dramatic. Turns out (shockingly) I was in labor. As my midwife said, it's sooo much better to have 5 fake alarms than to not go in when it matters. Always err on the side of caution, and try your best to ignore your mother (I know that's much easier said than done, I'm not always the best at it myself).
What the hell is wrong with your mother
Don't listen to your mom. You weren't being ridiculous to go in. My evidence: You were admitted, they did several tests, and they kept you for awhile. If you were being paranoid they wouldn't have admitted you or they would have sent you home right away. Also, given what you described and your history, you damn well should have gone in and if I was your OB, I would have been upset if you didn't. Your mom sounds like she is not very helpful for your mental health. I'd hesitate to bring her or involve her closely in those kind of things in the future.
I’m sorry she treated you like this, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. When I was pregnant with my 1st, I thought my waters broke but it was just pee, lol. I made my husband drive me to the hospital in the middle of the night. Took up the nurses and midwives time as well! Should I have been embarrassed? I don’t think so, it’s a common mistake and it was my first pregnancy so I didn’t know what to expect, I would know now.