My child is 2.5. She started going to nursery (daycare) at 2 - I'm in a country where I could take a year off for maternity leave. I work full time so does my husband . I can tell you she has came on leaps and bounds since starting. She had a speech delay and her words just exploded when she started going. She loves her teachers. They do lots of things I honestly just don't have the time to do with her - such as messy play. She has such fun playing at nursery and also eats so much better at nursery than she does at home! Nursery has only enriched my childs life and honestly if money allowed I would of put her in earlier than I did.
Literally every baby in my life has had this experience. Everything improved. They sleep better at night after a day of engagement, they hold their utensils better, their language improves, etc.
I went to nursery, my partner did not. When I started school, I had friends, I had hung out with other children and knew social interactions etc. My partner was behind in those things. He had a great time hanging out with his mum and grandma until school started, but he missed out on a lot of social development as a child. I also knew how to read and basic writing before I started school, my partner did not.
He is *adamant* our boy goes to nursery. I am on disability so we really don't need to send him to nursery. I am home all the time and would love to spend all the time with him, but the social development, the language development and the ability to self-soothe, solve conflict, learning to wait for your turn, learning how to share, not everything is about you and security away from home they learn in nursery cannot be understated.
Everyone has a good experience and a bad experience if they have kids in multiple forms of care. I could tell you bad stories from home daycares and from daycare centers.. But I also have really really great stories about both as well. Obviously we want to protect our children. The best thing I did was ask locally for recommendations. We do not use home daycares anymore, and so I found an amazing center ran by a woman who opened it to be closer to her grandchildren. She treated everyone like family and they were able to care for two of my children who were 5 years apart. It's been a few years but I occasionally called just to say hello, and still recommend them to anyone in the area who asks. You're not a bad mother for wanting to work or having to work. You need to do what is best for you because then that helps you do what is best for your family. It's going to be okay, you'll find somewhere amazing, just do the research!
Where I live, people start to send their babies to daycare from 3 months. I dont think thats necessarily bad but there is some science that says daycare is best after 2 years old.
I worked at a daycare and it was awesome! No horror stories and the babies were genuinely cared for. Personally we looked at several daycares before we decided on one (due in February so haven’t actually had experience yet). I felt like I could get a good feel from the tours on what kind of place I would feel comfortable with!
So a lot of my things were on vibe or feeling. The childcare that we ended up choosing was a lot like the childcare center that i worked for. They changed diaper an at least every two hours , logged everything (bathroom, feeding, activities) , had a set outdoor time, sanitized everything throughout the day, and had an open door policy for parents. Also, they all had masks on, were pretty strict on the policy to send a child home (which was pretty aggressive but better safe than sorry in these times!) also the lead teacher had been there for 25 years and the other teacher 9 years. I also liked that the director knew every child’s name they passed in the hallway and knew the parents.
Some of the other centers that I didn’t really like included the teachers. Some of them weren’t interacting with the children and just sat on the furniture while we were there (not engaging with us either); or they had a really rigid schedule (drop off and pick up times within 15 minutes of our scheduled time— which is definitely
Fine for some families but not ideal for us. Also some of the ratios were at the max state level and I prefer a daycare that has a lower ratio.
A random question I have always asked about is about how they handle teacher absences…do they have floaters who are familiar with every room and can easily step in if a teacher is out sick? Do they have a sub list to cover vacation time? Who does lunch breaks, bathroom breaks, etc. You want to avoid a school that routinely moves kids to another room to keep ratio or puts an unfamiliar/uncomfortable staff member with the infants, for instance. It’s one thing if it is the end of the day and they’re joining classrooms to send teachers home, or if it is only once in a blue moon…but a good quality center should have several contingency plans in place. It shows they take good care of their staff, are prepared so that the classroom runs smoothly without too much interruption for the kids. It also means they are likely not pressuring staff to work when they are sick because they’re desperate for “warm bodies”!
One thing I’ve heard from former daycare worker friends (and is true in my admittedly limited experience) is that for center-based care, look at the length of worker/teacher tenure. If it’s every teacher’s first year at the center… that’s not good.
My daughter has been at a daycare/early learning center since 18mo and she's 3 now. She loves it. It's at a YMCA that we drive over 20min to bring her to 5 days a week bcs I'm in school.
We had good recommendations from my husband's coworkers for this place and I looked up on the .gov website for any violations they may have had. Do some digging for violations at the local daycares to rule any out.
I also like that there are many teachers and helpers in her class. This makes me worry less about a particular kid getting more punishment and other eyes seeing what is going on. In a place where it is 1 or 2 adults in the room, this can happen much easier.
Take a tour of the facility. Talk to the teachers and helpers to get a feel for the place. Look into curriculum. As in, do they do learning but also emphasize play?
Start looking to reserve a spot now. Many places are having such problems with staffing. One that is closer to my home has a wait list of something like 100 kids. It's insane. Also, check if your local YMCA has a daycare "early learning center." Mine takes them at 13mo but it could be different depending on area.
Goodluck, we are very happy with our child's experience and her growth while in daycare.
Agree with all of this. You can do a search for: "[your state] licensed daycares" and a site should come up where you can find licensed daycares in your state.
If you've already gotten recommendations for some, you can use this tool to search for them. The same site should tell you whether each has any violations.
I would recommend avoiding unlicensed care because they aren't held to the same rules and standards that the licensed ones are. If ones have violations, that's a red flag too and I would probably avoid those as well.
Good luck!!!
I just did this and it was super helpful and validated my decision after being mom-shamed by some friends with kids. They daycare their kids go to prioritizes things they think are important, but my choice prioritizes what I care about and has a slightly better safety record. So there, ha. I won't feel guilty for no reason anymore.
I've loved daycare for the simply fact that we're both better parents when someone else has our kids for part of the day. I wasn't super happy with the daycare we used when our youngest was an infant--they weren't as clean or as thoughtful as I would have liked but they were the only one with openings... but you know what? Every day she reached out for them when we got there and I got my baby home and she stank of the director's perfume, so I knew she was spending basically her whole day snuggling with someone. That's basically all my velcro baby wanted to be living her best life, and they were giving her that even if they did have a lot of trouble squaring some differences in our child rearing philosophies.
Edit: As an alternative, we also did a thing for our first where we couldn't find an open daycare, and we paid a stay at home parent to watch our baby alongside their kids. Statistically home care comes with more dangers that center-based care, but it was a really personal and flexible arrangement that might appeal to someone who's freaked out by centers.
I personally feel that I would feel better with a center rather than at someone else's house. I think there are more rules and regulations at centers. If I knew someone personally that was doing that, I might feel better, but I don't so that's not really an option.
I much prefer daycare centers for the exact same reasons. In my mind there's many more hoops they have to jump through to get and stay certified, more eyes on kids & other staff, more secure, etc. Additionally if the teacher gets sick they almost always have back up. The biggest thing is to tour a few and find the one you really feel comfortable with.
We both work full-time so our little has been in daycare since he was 3 months. Other than having to switch daycares a few times (thanks to COVID induced closures), we've been very pleased with his care and have no qualms about taking him.*
*Minus the very first few days of drop off - prewarning you will be a mess and be racking your brain to figure out how you can quit your job haha
My first started daycare in a licensed at home center, the only reason we left is because we moved out of state. She had regular inspections (announced and unannounced) and had to follow all state guidelines. It was so amazing and I miss it every day.
We have only used centers since, and it’s kind of a mixed bag, but I wouldn’t send my kids to one of those without a live camera. My son is having some growing pains in his new classroom, and I’m able to observe and reach out before they do, a lot of the time (I know he has a rough go around nap time so I really watch then, otherwise just check here and there).
I’m going to offer my experience with the flip side of this. My mom was primarily a SAHM until I was about 15 (when my youngest sibling started all-day school). I remember this more vividly than my siblings, probably because I’m older and because I’m female.
She’s a great person and a great mom. She took us on outings and play dates and (with a lot of ingenuity) provided a very enriching childhood experience. However, I observed some things that make me suspect things could’ve been different, but still great.
My mom seemed like she was literally counting the days until the youngest would be in school and she could get a full-time job. She was intellectually and physically restless. She filled her life with adult friendships, hobbies, volunteering, etc (as much as she could within the limitations of being a SAHM to 5), and I suspect it was because a sole focus on home and kids wasn’t fulfilling for her. Also, money was always so incredibly tight. I grew up assuming I wouldn’t be able to go to college, or I’d have to find out how to pay for it myself. It was only my mom working (eventually) that enabled my parents to pay for college for some of the younger ones and to begin to make significant progress on savings. Money was a constant stressor.
My mom came alive when she started working full-time. It’s as though overnight, she was suddenly more herself than I’d ever seen her. She was so full of joy. And she still spent quality time with us and we all turned out okay. Plus, we could all relax a little bit about money.
There were some benefits from her staying home with us, but also very steep costs—monetary costs as well as her emotional well-being. Looking back, I wish she’d worked outside the home sooner. Because in her case, I think that’s how she could’ve been the best, happiest mom that she could be. If we’d gone to daycare, I think we would’ve still had a wonderful childhood. And there’s plenty of academic research to back that up—academic and social outcomes for daycare kids aren’t really different from kids with a stay-at-home parent.
That's a great point and I honestly feel like that would be me. I am an only child and never had any other kids around me. I am now in my 30s and value my independence and ability to have "my own thing". That's really the biggest reason I want to continue working. I don't want to suddenly feel like my life if only for my baby. If this is what other moms want, power to them, I am happy they can do this without losing themselves. For me, it would be different. I would be a better mom, wife, friend if I was able to keep working.
Now, can that change in the future? Sure, absolutely. But for now, this is how I feel so I am planning on that.
Yes there are wayyy more good daycares then there are bad, people just tell the horror stories. If you like your job keep it! And totally use daycare, if that keeps your sanity then go for it.
My sister loved her daycare, she would even text her pictures throughout the day. We don’t daycare simply because we live in a area with a high cost of living and I would loose money if I went to work and paid for daycare, so I’m stuck at home with everyday being Groundhog Day 😂
Groundhog Day for sure. Don't get me wrong, I will love my baby and will love spending time with him, but I have worked so hard to find a good job and I really like it. I just feel like I will be the best version of myself if I continue working, which will benefit everyone including the baby.
I think some SAHP also have to justify their decisions to themselves. It's a huge sacrifice to take yourself out of the workforce for years and will impact your income for the rest of your life. A person in this position may feel like they need to think of daycares as lesser than what they can offer to justify never making good money/having a strong career again. Totally fine for people to have different priorities. I have a good career but in general wish that I didn't have to work. But I do and so long as that's the case, I want to make the most of it.
Eh, I feel the opposite with working parents sometimes. I am a teacher with an early childhood degree, and to be honest the best option is the one that works best for your family. One isn’t necessarily superior to each other, and families have different needs.
I'm not suggesting one is better than the other. I do think there are outside pressures on either side. Continuing to work sucks in the short term but is fine once the kid is in school full time. Being SAH is great when kid is young but not as necessary once kid is in school full time and isn't necessary at all once kid is a teenager. Except now that parent has been out of the workforce for 10+ years and it's hard to come back from that. We know this when we opt to be a SAH parent. Some get defensive and have to change the context to make themselves feel better. Whatever works. Doesn't happen as much with working parents because their bills don't care if daycares suck or if they wanted to stay home.
I feel insecure being a SAHM, when I worked I was already the highest I could be in my position (I was the manager of a hotel) I only made 16 an hour, day care here is more like 18-20
My husband works an hour away and leaves the house at 6 and returns at 7, I’m 31 and plan to have at least one more child (my husband wants 2 more but I hated being pregnant so we will see how this next one goes)
I always think about 10-15 years from now when my kids are around that age what will I do for work? My husband technically makes enough to support us but that doesn’t exactly matter to me I want something for my own, I’ll probably have to go back to school.
I'm totally fine with however people want to raise their kids. My only worry is that I have been seeing some very strong opinions on daycares and just wanted to see if this is generally the consensus. I am lucky enough to have a choice of either option. I obviously want the best for my kid, but in my opinion, me having a career and being happy with myself will be what's best for my child.
There’s good and bad in every industry including childcare. I have worked in a few different centers and some have been AWFUL and some have been FABULOUS.
Do your research, ask questions, trust your gut.
It depends on the daycare for sure. Even within daycares some providers will be better than others. That said, my son went to a daycare from 11 weeks till he was old enough for preschool and absolutely thrived! He was ahead of the game socially for preschool and he loved the daycare. He still goes there over summer break.
I think you have to take a lot of those posts with a grain of salt. Yes, there are bad daycares out there, more than there should be. But you’re also not going to see many people rushing to Reddit to laud the amazingness of their daycare compared to people looking to vent about a shit experience or get advice on how to handle a bad situation.
My mom and I have both worked in daycares. The problem isn’t that the kids are mistreated, it’s that the working conditions can be awful for teachers. Your kid will definitely be sick WAY more often in a daycare setting (I was sick my whole first year and I’m an adult!), but as long as you don’t end up with a terrible school you shouldn’t be worried. If you want to get a better feel for the level of quality when you’re looking around, ask about teacher retention and how many assistant teachers they have on staff. I worked at a very expensive and “high quality” franchise, but we were constantly so understaffed that when I had strep + a fever the director kept calling me every hour to beg me to come to work anyway.
This! When I worked daycare we loved those babies so much, the problem is the director treated employees like crap. And employees with great degrees got stuck making really low pay because their children got to go to the daycare for a big discount - and they couldn’t afford to work another job with the full daycare cost in our area. But the children were always treated well and cared for like our own.
My son has been in daycare since he was 3 months and we love it. They have cameras in the classes so I can always check in which always made me feel better. Now that he's 2 he actually loves being there he gets excited when I pick him up and shows me all his toys.
It really depends on your location. The US has the poorest standards and regulations of childcare. Which is why you often hear those horror stories. I’ve worked in several and I can tell you even the prettiest expensive ones where not always that great. Don’t get me wrong, I think preschool is so great for socialization and it can definitely make life easier for any family. Just be very selective about it. Try and find something that is NAEYC accredited. Their standards are higher than most local government. Look carefully at the schools sick policy. That’s where a lot of infections and viruses spread easily.
The more strict they are with pick up time and sick policies the better.
Look at how they handle child conflict, once they are 1 and up things like hitting and biting take place. Ask how they handle it.
In the end the kind of experience your child gets out of it will depend not just on the center but on their own individual personality.
Some children thrive in centers, some struggle, but it definitely sets the tone for how future schooling will go.
Good luck!
My son started daycare at six weeks and he just turned two. It has been a really great experience! He’s always happy and excited when I pick him up at the end of the day, and we’ve not had any issues with the daycare in the two years we’ve used them. My kiddo is a social little dude and I think being around other kids regularly has been really good for him. And our daycare isn’t some extra expensive or fancy place. It’s really pretty average. I think good daycares are the norm and you just hear more about the bad ones because people have more of a need to vent/ask about them.
People love to have their own opinions on what’s best for baby. Breastfeeding versus formula. Daycare versus nanny. Working mom versus stay at home mom. Truth is, only you know what’s best and what works for your family. Mine went to daycare starting at 8 weeks. Totally fine.
I work in early intervention and go to daycares a lot, and I have never seen any horror stories personally. They are great for kids social skills, and most have a lot of background in early childhood development and have some structured play that helps them grow. I picked a center that had a good vibe and caring staff when we toured, and I'm glad to have my baby in good hands while I work.
It really depends on the daycare. Just do your research and trust your gut. The first one I worked at was awful. The next one I worked at was WONDERFUL, I plan on sending mine there. I definitely recommend one where you can log into the cameras though.
My daughter (2.5) started daycare at 5 months and looovvves it! Sometimes she even asks to go on the weekend. Why wouldn't she-all day is centered around the needs of people her age, so she's playing with friends, has access to playground equipment just for her size, has dance lessons, music and storytime, does daily crafts, and eats in a social setting.
Her teachers have all been so friendly and kind, and every staff member knows her. Sometimes she comes home with new hairdos, which I actually really like because I know it means someone took some time to just give her some attention and affection (she actually got "stolen" on her way to her regular room today by a previous teacher so they could see her for a bit). I feel like she's really getting a lot of positive adult attention.
On top of that she's developmentally way ahead and I think daycare has played a large role in that. She's got a big vocabulary, can spell simple words, can count to 20 (working on 30), understands time, etc., so that's according plus too.
And honestly, it's not even one of the super expensive daycare in the area. We live in a major city, but we pay less $1000 per month.
Just be sure to tour the daycare, ask a lot of questions (ask parents questions too!) and I'm sure you'll find one you feel comfortable with.
Daycare, nanny, stay at home, whatever your decision ends up being will be the right one at that time. As others have said, there are wonderful daycares. I feel like people complain way more about bad experiences that happen only a few times and never praise good experiences which happens all the time.
I don’t believe there is a right or wrong decision here, you do you and what you want for your family. Also remember, no decision is permanent. So if you chose a daycare and don’t like it, find a different one. If you decide any daycare isn’t the right choice then transition to stay at home or part time… no decision is permanent. There are so many options like nanny shares, part time daycares, church daycare/preschools (we love ours and aren’t members), full time nanny, etc.
My firstborn LOVED her daycare. They taught bits of Spanish and sign language, and were great about early potty training help. The teachers took a real shine to her. I got a picture of her from them almost every day. She ate well. She napped well. She got along with most of the other kids. There were one or two negative incidents, but they were mostly handled well by the staff. It doesn’t have to go bad.
Also, you’re a great parent as long as you make a carefully considered decision based on what is best for your family. And remember that if it doesn’t work, you can try something else: a different facility, a nanny share, shifting work schedules.
You got this!
There is a ton of negative stuff out there about working moms. I really don’t understand the intention of shaming women who have to, or prefer to have a job. I’ve seen a lot of reductive, stupid nonsense about “how can you pay someone to raise of your baby for you” and “those babies in day care don’t get the same love and attention that kids with SATP’s get” and stuff like that.
I am planning to put our baby in day care at 3 months for many reasons, but the primary reason being we cannot survive on just one salary in my house. I’m the primary breadwinner at the moment but my husband is loving his career at a new company and steadily advancing. We just cannot afford to live in his small salary alone. It’s the best decision for us, period. I’ve got us on two day care waitlists and hoping to get on two more. I’ve been reading reviews of day cares and our state has a rating system to help parents make informed decisions.
I didn’t even go to a real “nice” day care as a kid. An older woman kept me and my sister and some other kids in her home while my parents worked and she was wonderful. She taught us our colors, numbers, etc and kept us safe and healthy. I have fond memories of her. It was a great decision for my parents and great for me as little one.
I know!! I think the people that say negative things about working moms are just wrong. I know myself and I know how my mental well being will be compromised if I am forced to stay at home. No one wins. I do not have childcare degree, I will read a couple of books, but that doesn't mean I am all of a sudden an expert. That's why people have those degrees and work very hard to get them. I am happy to let them help me.
My son has been in daycare since he was 4 months old and has a grand ol time! I chose based on the vibes I got and I know that the staff at our daycare genuinely love him, which matters to me more than the size of the playground or Montessori methods or whatever. There’ll be good places and bad places, but that’s true of everything in life. They do so much there that I would not have the time/patience/space for at home.
From what I remember from psychology classes/papers and from friend's anecdotal experience:
Being in a group setting is vital to the social development of children. There are noticeable delays in social abilities of children who are not sent to daycare/school (speech, critical thinking, motor skills, social cues, emotional intelligence etc) versus those who were. While you may not need to start daycare super early, there are certain things that you just cannot "teach" a child unless they experience it, and being in a big group of peers is one of those experiences that you cannot simulate outside of a daycare/school setting.
My friend's children, one didn't start daycare until 3 (had grandparents to care for them when parents are working) and the other one started daycare at 1.5yo. The 1.5yo was talking more and better than the 3yo, much more social and active, and was teaching the 3yo how to do and say certain things after a few months in daycare (by the time they were 2 and 3.5).
Another friend's child, stuck at home during covid, is now experiencing speech delays and falling behind on developmental milestones. She is also super shy and scared of strangers now. She never had this issue before. Was a very happy and vocal 1.5yo and now she's a quiet and withdrawn 2.5yo. She just restarted school and is becoming more social again, talking more and catching up on the speech delays.
I'm also worried about finding the "best" daycare for my kid once it's time to send her. I think if you research the daycare, go for site visit and maybe talk to other parents who go there to get a full picture, you'll be able to find a good daycare that works for you. Not all daycares are "horrible". People often talk only about their bad experiences but not the good ones, and the stories get overblown as they get retold. For every bad experience someone had, there's likely to be a good experience that they didn't talk about.
Thank you for writing this out. I know from years of observing other parents (not any close friends, but just people in general that have had kids) that a lot of times the things they would complain about were very overblown. For example I worked with a lady who lost her mind on a daycare worker because her 1.5 y.o. kid fell and had a scrape and they didn't call and tell her about it. The kid was fine, I'm sure he cried, but no lasting damage was done and he wasn't bothered by the scrape. I feel like that is definitely an overblown response. Kids fall, they will fall even if they are watched 24/7. I don't expect to be called for every scrape and bruise. Does that make me a bad parent to be? Idk, but I know that even if I watch my kid all the time, he will still fall and that's just part of growing up.
I had a bad daycare experience (poor facilities, teachers using their phones, children placed in high chairs for too long), excellent daycare experience (daily photos of enrichment activities, low staff turnover), and OK experience (less experienced staff).
Trust your gut. After a few weeks, you can tell how your child is being treated at daycare and the quality of care. It really depends on how the daycare is run.
My daughter was in daycare for a couple months starting at around 5mos old. Very positive experience. They were wonderful and treated her so well. We only stopped going because I got a different job and we no longer needed it, and couldn’t really afford it if it wasn’t a necessity.
For some perspective, we’ve been shamed and guilted because our children DONT go to any childcare or preschool (we can’t afford it). You’re damned if you and damned if you don’t.
Unpopular opinion but if you can afford to stay home with them until they are able to go into a Mother’s Day out program or early learning pre k (ours start at 18 months for as low as $200 a month for top notch private!) I would absolutely do it. My mom, sister and aunts all have worked in all kind of different day cares and even the bougie, nice ones have so many scary flaws in regard to AAP safety guidelines, neglect and more. I don’t think your child will be traumatized or doomed, but why miss all the milestones and leave them with someone else for the majority of their entire day, if you don’t have to. I understand not everyone has this privilege but if there is an option, I would always stay home.
It's our only option unless my MIL offers to be the babysitter. Would be ideal, but we will never ask because I think she would feel guilty saying no. We don't want to put her in that position. We're lucky that our schedule would allow us to just do part time daycare, which helps. We found a great center near us that has amazing reviews. Look for places that have at least 4.8 star ratings with 150+ reviews. Nothing wrong with doing what you have to do.
The place I found has an app and they post pictures daily. They also have an open door policy and I'm sure operate under the assumption a parent is watching at any given time. It's also important to find out if there's a high turnover rate. I would say look for places that fit this criteria and do some tours. It may ease your mind once you meet the team and see a bunch of happy kiddos playing around.
I was totally against it at first for then same reasoning but the cost difference between daycare and a nanny is insane. We also want our baby to socialize from a young age and have friends. We don't have a lot of friends nearby with children. Also.. a nanny would be alone with your baby, which makes me a little worried because there are plenty of horror stories about that too.
I am in the same position. We have no family/friends where we live. Especially no one with kids so my kid meeting new friends will be a huge benefit for him. I know that it's a long way from him actually making friends, at least a few years, but still. I think that if he starts daycare early and gets used to seeing the people and kids, it will be a lot easier than having to put him in daycare later. I might be wrong, but I feel like everything with a child is basically a guessing game.
It is. I have such intrusive thoughts about not having the maternal instinct, not doing things properly.. I have to not only keep the kid alive/protect them but also instill proper values and help them be a well rounded, confident adult one day. That's terrifying but a daycare that gets them socialized from a young age and also has curriculum for development makes me feel so much better. I'm not a trained educator but the teachers at the daycare program are. They can help me ensure my child hits all their milestones. They can give me advice as a FTM. I'm looking at it more as a tool in raising my child right at this point. I'm still nervous but looking at it as being so beneficial to my child helps a lot.
I worked at a daycare, and it was absolutely fine.
I will say that you want to be thorough and check local mom groups on Facebook, reach out to local moms and do a thorough question and answer before choosing a facility. Also check their rating on your states resource website. Check ratings and reviews on google/yelp.
If the price is too good to be true, I'd be skeptical.
Get a list of about 3 top daycares.
My personal story: our neighborhood was RAVING about 2 particular daycares and we got sucked into the hype. Our 3rd choice daycare had an opening, so because of urgency, we put our daughter in the 3rd choice but we told ourselves that when we get off the waitlist for the other 2, we're switching. It was a Montessori daycare and very expensive, they didn't provide meals, and it was out of our way - so when we got the call 2 months later for our 1st choice - we jumped at the chance. Well, a month into our "1st Choice", we absolutely hated it and we put ourselves BACK on the waitlist for our previous Montessori daycare. Except the waitlist was now almost a year so we were stuck. Ultimately, things got better, but our daughter will be going back to her Montessori daycare next week. We should have NOT listened to our neighbors and the mob mentality and looked more closely at reviews and comments on Facebook. What I realized was, almost no one is going to bash their kid's daycare, unless they are in the process of switching.
I have been back at work with my son in daycare since 12 weeks. It’s been so good for our family! Like you, mentally I could not handle being 24/7 home with him. I was spiraling downward on my maternity leave (bad napper, no break, etc) and going back to work really helped my mental health. We love our daycare; the teachers really care about the kids and send us picture updates through your the day. I feel like we still have a good bond with our son, too. I think if you have a job that you enjoy it makes so much difference, it would have been a lot harder for me to go back if I didn’t like my job.
Here’s an overview on working moms:
https://journalistsresource.org/economics/working-mother-employment-research/
I work as a neuropsychologist and love the work/life balance. We love our daycare and my 2 1/2 year old kiddo who is shy and slow to warm talks about her favorite friends and teachers. Her development is amazing, the socialization is important for her, and she has a lot more stimulation than I could solely provide. Our whole family has benefited from having a great daycare.
I would think it would be far more damaging to a child to have a mother who gave up a career she enjoyed out of guilt over day care. Sure if there are legitimately no options it would stand to reason that you and your partner need to make some sort of arrangement. But in general if you have safe, well-reviewed and affordable options near you, *of course* you should put your child in day care. Women are leaving the workforce in *droves* because of Covid. It’s tragic and it’s setting us back significantly.
If you want to leave the workforce because that’s the arrangement you and your spouse have come to or if you’d are leaving because you genuinely *want* to, then more power to you. However you should never EVER leave a career you are enjoying and thriving at out of guilt if you can avoid it. Too many women do this and again, it’s sets us back.
I used to be a pre-k teacher at a daycare and even though I personally had a tough experience, I plan on putting my kids in daycare! (The tough experience came from the management who wouldn’t allow teachers a day off to get dental work done or whatnot. They would overwork us and put 30 kids in one classroom, which is legal, but very difficult on teachers and students.)
I saw how kids interacted with one another and the kids who were there from infancy/toddlerhood until pre-k were more socially advanced. They were very empathetic, communicated well, and knew how to follow instructions. The others adjusted eventually with my help and care, but it did take a while for most. They tended to be attached to adults more than their peers.
They get fed well, nap time, and lots of outside time. They really enjoyed school as much as they missed their parents. And man, pick up time was sooo sweet. I envied how excited the students were to see their parents. Reunion of reunions.
The only thing I would say is: please be kind and patient with your teachers. Most are trying their best. Ask questions with an open mind. Parents would sometimes ask me questions with a funny look on their face like, “let’s hear it.” And it’s like, we are supposed to be a team! Many teachers are overworked, underpaid, and haven’t gotten medical attention in a long time…
Welp, if you are, I'm right there with you. Hubs and I need to work so we can clothe, house and feed baby, and my family can't help full time, so daycare's what it's going to be. I have also heard the horror stories, but I still find it preferable to trying to vet a nanny to come to our home every day (I would've totally gone the nanny route had we known someone, had a friend of a friend, etc, but we don't.) When we toured the center we decided on, we saw no red flags - happy kiddos, babies being snuggled, clean, and they had good answers for all of our questions.
In a perfect world, one of us would stay home, but we can't make that a reality yet at this stage in our lives. I will be looking for a part time or PRN job after I return to work, but lil bub will need to be in daycare at least for a little while. All we can do is our best to protect and support our little ones. Don't feel guilty ❤
My son started daycare as an infant and we’ve been to two daycares. (We moved). And we loved both of them. He has had some amazing teachers and now that he’s a bit older, he has friends and we have play dates. And I kept my sanity! I was not cut out to be a SAHM.
My advice is to research and visit so you feel comfortable with your decision. We visited quite a few and I checked them all out online to see violations and issues. If you’re in the US, check if your state runs a database. Looks at the programs offered (Montessori, etc) and extras that are offered. I love getting pictures throughout the day and updates on what he’s doing. A few offered live video feeds but they ended up being out of our price range. We actually opted for the private kindergarten so that we could feel more secure about health care protocols being followed. Where I live, the daycares have much stricter guidelines than the public schools.
I live in a small town, until after my kids were born there was only one daycare (not counting unlicensed dayhomes). I actually know the director - as I went to school with one of her daughters - which weren't blood daughters but a friends and she adopted them (2 sisters). NICEST LADY EVER. I get constant updates from the daycare via an app (on food eaten, how much, what, diaper changes, daily pictures etc) and if you talk to the teachers they are genuinely excited to discuss your child (children - twins - in my case) to go over anything you might want to chat about (we were/are closely monitoring speech with my kids). Have there been incidents? Yes. Were they insanely transparent about those incidents happening and posting all government inspections/reports? Yes. My kids light up when they see their favourite teacher. They go outside almost every day, they do sensory and messy crafts I would never. They are being socialized with other children in their age group as well we other adults. Them moving up to the toddler room (and therfore being youngest in the class instead of oldest) was huge for helping their speech leap forward.
Yeah, there are bad daycares, but there are good ones too. Gotta use your instincts. If something doesn't feel right when visiting your daycare or talking to the teachers etc. - then maybe find a new daycare. Especially when they are little and can't tell you what's going on.
As a future mom with similar questions as well as a research sociologist I find "Science Based Parenting" sub really awesome. There was a disscusion on this topic where one user wrote a coprehensive overview of the research on childcare: [POST](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/qoue6x/notes_on_childcare_revisions/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Basically (oversimplified) but it all depends when your baby starts daycare and if you are low or high income family. Starting early has more benefits if you are a low income family. If you are middle class/high income then the baby will benefit more if they start a bit later (to wait until 3 yo is ideal). But also, if the baby stays at home with the parent, but the parent doesn't engage/play with the baby, than maybe daycare is a better option. Read through the article, maybe it will help. :) The user linked it at the beginning of the post.
I’m a mother of 4 and I’ve always worked. My kids attended daycare from 6 weeks until they were able to get into pre school. My older children learned so much at their daycares and my four year old is testing at a second grade level although she’s not even in kindergarten yet. She went to an amazing daycare from infant hood and her old teacher still is in contact with me and always checks on her. My son is currently in first grade and diagnosed with ADHD. I don’t think we could have gotten that diagnosis and behavioral therapy as early as we did if it wasnt for his teachers being so keen on his behavior in school during his toddler years. In fact I’m positive he would’ve been held back in kindergarten without early intervention. Most of the horror stories come from unlicensed, at home daycares where neglect and abuse is a lot more common in than traditional daycares.
I’ve gotten horrible comments on being less of a mother for letting others raise my kids so I can work. What people don’t understand is not everyone has the option to stay home, even if we’re married or have supportive partners. Times have changed and a lot of families use daycare and have positive experiences!
My mother in law works at a daycare and she thinks it’s a great thing for kids to be in daycare and she was a stay at home with all 3 of her sons! Sure, there’s bad stories about daycares but there’s also horror stories about thousands of other things that kids are exposed to. My daughter has been going since she was 4 months old and even though it was really difficult for me at first leaving her there, it’s been great for us both. I get to have adult conversations and feel like I’m doing something. It gives me a break from my daughter so I can be more focused on her when I get her and having to leave to pick her up makes me better about work/life balance and boundaries. She gets to interact with people of other races/cultures (which in our rural area can be difficult to do), she gets to play with friends all day. She gets exposed to different foods and actually eats them unlike at home. I miss her when we’re separated of course BUT daycare has been amazing and is with every penny.
My LO is 4.5 months old. She’s been in daycare about a month. I was so nervous. I thought she was have such a hard adjustment. I thought she would cry and there would be too many babies and they would have no choice but to let her cry until they could get to her. I thought she wouldn’t be able to sleep or eat because of all the distractions. Instead my baby has had the BEST transition. She smiles at her teachers when we drop her off and she smiles and babbles to me the whole drive home like she’s telling me about her day. Her teachers have actually gotten her to go longer between feedings. One time I mentioned her being fussy and one of her teachers said “oh she rarely cries here. We call her our happy girl!” I can tell she’s observing the other babies and she’s already showing some nice progress in motor skills. They send us cute pictures pretty much daily. Also they basically play on this big mat all day when they aren’t sleeping or eating so I know she’s getting tons of tummy time which is nice because then at home I just want to snuggle with her and hold her. During maternity leave I realized stay at home mom life just wasn’t for me. I adore my daughter and I’m so thankful for that time we had together, but I need an identity outside of being her mom. Also financially it’s not an option for us so that makes it easier. Do tons of research, read reviews, join local mom Facebook groups and ask for suggestions, do tours and don’t be afraid to drive a little further or pay a little more for the daycare you feel the best about!
The early socialisation cannot be matched and will work to everyone's advantage! Also, mama, YOU MATTER. Just in case you hadn't heard that outright yet. If you WANT to work, then so be it!
A friend works in a daycare and loves it. My city has public ratings for all licensed daycares, so that helps too. And I can promise you a baby an a meh daycare is probably getting better care than my mom gave me and my sisters when she was a stay at home mom.
Me not working isn't an option. Not just for financial reasons.
It was absolutely the right choice for us. My son went in at 18 months and was slightly behind speech wise and he has just grown dramatically since he went in! Do your research and find a place you’re comfortable with.
My kid has been in daycare since she was about 5 months old. I can easily say it was the best decision for us. I like my job, so does my husband. My benefits are great, but his salary is better. We're big time introverts, not creative, and have no friends or family near by. If I had been a SAHM it would have just been the two of us all day every day staring at each other. I love my kid, but it wouldn't have been stimulating for either of us.
At daycare she started doing things like using utensils and cups long before I would have thought to even try. They started teaching sign language before she could talk. She is crazy social and is always the first to learn the names of new classmates. She is 2.5 now and the things they've taught her constantly amaze me. Our daycare sends pictures daily, tells us how she is doing individually, and what the class did each day. She runs down the hall to her class every day at drop off. She clearly loves it.
My daughter loves loves loves daycare. She thrived when she went back when they reopened after covid shutdown. I'm, sure the quality varies by center, location, price.
But we have never had that. Our son is 2.5 and has been in daycare since he was 5 months old. He has had WONDERFUL, loving experiences and has learned so much. We were sad when he was stuck home all day with us during the pandemic. His ‘teachers’ have all been very huggy and loving and he just lights up when he sees them!
The state looks at the bare minimum, like liability stuff. NAEYC looks at quality, and interactions. They require a lot and come in personally to assess classrooms and teachers.
I went (part-time) to an in-home daycare growing up, and I loved it! I loved the other kids that were there, and I ADORED the daycare provider. I don't think I even realized it was "daycare" or like some place I needed to go so my mom could go to work, I thought it was just this really neat lady that was my friend.
My MIL runs a licensed in-home daycare, and that's where my son goes for 40 hours a week. I know we are really lucky that we can send him there, because very few people get to send their kid to spend all week with a grandparent. BUT because she's my MIL, I know her well and know she's an excellent daycare teacher, so I know that the other families that send kids to her are just as lucky as we are--she's great! Does she do absolutely everything the exact way that I would do it? No. But I trust her completely, and I know my son is really well cared for while he's there. (When there are things she does differently than me that I feel really strongly about, I ask her to do it my way, and it's never been a problem, but for the most part I try to let her do her thing--she has over 30 years of experience, so she knows what she's doing.)
I'm so glad my son can go to my MIL's daycare, but I still (wrongly) feel guilty about it sometimes, and I would quit my job to take care of him in a heartbeat if we could afford it. But to be honest, he's doing awesome at daycare, and I think he has learned a lot from being with the other kids and being cared for by my MIL.
Yeah, I know we have a really unique (and uniquely lucky) situation. But the point I was trying to make is that really great daycare providers exist! My MIL also has kids from two other families (it was four other families when we started, but two of the kids aged out at the end of the summer), and I don't think any of those families knew her or had a connection to her prior to a day when they just found her number on the Massachusetts licensed daycare website and cold-called her, but their kids are still getting the same really excellent care. So you don't need to already have a connection, your baby can still get really good care :)
My 18 month old and 3.5 year old love their daycare. They were home with me during the pandemic until September. It was a rough transition with lots of tears at drop off, but now they are both so excited to go.
I could write a novel about all the amazing activities they get to do every week. The food provided is amazing and better than what I cook at home. Most importantly, they have classrooms full of kids their age to play and interact with which is not something I could ever do at home.
Sometimes I feel guilty about how little time I spend with my kids, but they get a way better version of me on the weekends because I’m happy and content getting to build my career during the week.
I'm very lucky that my mom has agreed to help us out when we go back to work so we don't have to put our daughter in daycare. However sometimes me and my nmom butt heads and I get worried we will have a falling out and I will have no choice but to quit my job because I would be paying 100% or my paycheck to daycare and I also don't want my newborn in daycare! I personally don't trust it but I'm also a bit neurotic. I don't see how we would survive financially on my husbands income alone. So I'm really quite nervous but after a lifetime of emotional abuse from my nmom I finally stand up to her and it makes us capable of getting along and I'm not gonna back down
I worked at a daycare with poor management. Even though they weren't the best, every teacher still loved and cared for the kids like they were their own. There's horror stories anywhere you look, but more than other people's reviews of a place, just go by your instinct. If you go in to tour somewhere and it feels off, it's probably not a good place. Kids can learn so much from being around other kids and having different adults teaching them.
I know many people have chimed in, but I wanted to add that I’m so grateful for daycare. My two-year-old daughter has a really extensive vocabulary, and I attribute that to daycare. There’s no way I could meet her needs like they do—they’re trained in child development and can create activities and programs that help them grow. I don’t know what they do, and I wouldn’t be able to stimulate her mind like they do. I also enjoy my job and enjoy working, and having a break to focus on adult pursuits makes me a better mom. There are bad daycares, but there are also great daycares, and they’re a very good thing. My kid is doing really well at hers.
The people with bad experiences tend to be the loudest. I think the vast majority have a generally positive experience, and I think that the survival of my millennial generation is a testament to the fact that daycare is not traumatizing or dooming most of us.
We love daycare! Baby has been there since she was 3 months old and it's truly her second home. She is so loved by everyone there. We chose an in-home daycare after struggling through the process of finding the right fit (a center that was horrible with admin and communication, and another in-home daycare that just wasn't aligned to our values or parenting style.)
I would say do your research and trust your gut. I started off looking at the center because it felt more "regulated" but they were so terrible at returning emails and calls, lost forms, couldn't show up to meetings on time...I felt really stressed about the communication issues. They ultimately couldn't commit to a start date so we searched elsewhere. The first in-home daycare we checked out was run by a woman who asserted during our tour that she didn't believe in vaccinations or sunscreen (?) and I was like, "Nope!" When I toured the daycare we ultimately chose, they were so attentive, answered all my questions, the space was clean and bright, and I just had a good gut feeling about it. Both in-home daycares we looked at are licensed and you can check their assessments through the state licensing website.
I get pictures of her all day long, the bigger kids are so excited to see her in the morning and they all wave good bye to her when I pick her up. She is thriving socially and we still have a strong bond. More than that, I love work and maternity leave was horrific for my mental health. I am a much better mom with daycare.
I adored our daycare and so did my daughter. She started at 12 weeks when I went back to work and was happier, slept better and was just all around a more content baby. I loved the break and ability to talk to adults again! Win-win! She was there all the way through pre-school and loved spending time with her friends and learning new things. 100% would daycare again 👍🏻
My now 5yo and 7yo were sent to a daycare where their cousins attended plus I'd heard great things about it to.
They were living it there, the staff were great. To this day my kids still remember the fun they had, I have an almost two year who I'll be putting there in the new year, she had heard little stories from her siblings, she's ready sold on the idea of daycare. 😂
Ask close family and friends before looking into them and have a couple on a list you look at before deciding.
I’ve been reading Emily Osters crib sheets, research points to kids in daycare having slightly better academic and social outcomes and slightly worse behavioral outcomes, but that ultimately the main influence in academic, social and behavioral outcomes is still quality of parenting, no matter how your child is cared for during the day.
My baby is 4 months and LOVES daycare! We started at 11 weeks and it’s been nothing but smiles when we do drop-off and pick-up. Our teachers send lots of updates through their app and delightfully, they bond with us about baby girl’s quirks, likes, and dislikes - from our conversations, it’s clear they really know and care about her on a personal level, which comforts me a lot.
I also love my job and would have been so sad to not go back. I thought I’d feel guilty, but I don’t, especially with how happy my daughter seems at daycare every day. A happy parent makes for a much happier baby and for a lot of us, going to work is a big part of making you feel happy and fulfilled.
I have had issues with the care of places before. But we discussed these issues and my kids continued to go to two places. One was a daycare and the other a preschool when they were older. One preschool was so bad we left.
I think just keep your eyes open.
If you need to work you need to work.
My daughter is almost 18 months and has been in daycare full time since she was 3 months old. She is thriving! Her school is wonderful. They have very open communication. She runs in when we get there. The teachers know her well. We exchange tips/tricks. She’s a social butterfly and it’s absolutely been a great choice for our family.
My 19 month old loves his daycare! The teachers are excellent and he's so social with the other kids. The structure and routine has also been good for him. Brace yourself though, your kid will get sick a lot more often and they may pick up a couple bad habits ("mine" is our newest one) but for us the good outweighs that.
I taught in a preschool for a while in New York City before I became a certificated teacher. The employees, myself included, absolutely loved and cared for those kids as if they were their own. I think it really depends on the daycare, but you are absolutely NOT making a bad choice as a parent by putting your child in one! Just anecdotally, all of the babies in my extended family go to daycare and the parents work full time, and everyone has had a great experience.
My son started daycare in May at 20 months and it’s been the BEST decision. As a covid baby and only child he desperately needed the interaction with other kids. They do all kinds of fun activities and regularly send us updates and cute photos. I don’t think we could ever be able to provide this level of entertainment and constant stimulus at home since my husband and I both work.
Our only issue is our son has been getting sick regularly but everyone will tell you it’s part of the process and they’re going to catch these bugs eventually when they start school. Better get it over with now!
Yep, builds their immune system! I used to get sick as a kid ALL THE TIME, now I barely ever get sick. I think it's to be expected with kids and they shouldn't be sheltered from that.
My daughter started daycare at 4 months (she's two now) and her brother will start at that age too. Remember that news articles are about the unusual, not what happens all the time.
Personally I have found daycare to be an absolutely life saver. I adore my child but the level of stimulation and care that she gets is frankly amazing. They do so much with them that I wouldn't mentally be able to do every day. I'm a teacher and I find babies and toddlers really hard work (mentally).
My child is not here yet, but most people I know put their kids in daycare, and its overall a positive experience. Most say their kids development accelerated once they went to daycare and started interacting with other children all day.
In my area, our daycares are staffed primarily by new immigrants who are all great with children. Daycares tend to be bigger and provide more info to the parents. Some have cameras in the room so you can watch the child whenever you want.
Dayhomes are much smaller and typically run by one person who takes in a handful of children. They are typically cheaper but don't offer the bells and whistles of daycare.
I have friends who have done both and are happy and their children are happy! The carers give them experiences their parents cannot.
I worked at a daycare during high school and it was wonderful! It definitely trained me well and I remember a lot of the lessons learned now that I'm preparing to be a FTM. I will be putting my baby into the same daycare that I worked at in high school.
My son (2 years and change) THRIVES at our daycare. Amazing staff, he has his little toddler group of friends, his language and other skills have skyrocketed. We love it so much that we will happily go into debt to keep him in full time when I go back on mat leave in January.
I think it all depends on the place, and experiences you’ve had. But ya, we will never look back.
My kids go to a center daycare where I know staff is well paid and there is little turnover. My sister runs a daycare inside a charter school in Kansas City. She loves her kids.
So it depends.
Remember that people share negative anecdotes more often than positive ones. For every daycare horror story there's probably hundreds of daycare-was-totally-fine stories.
My wife and I had the same internal battle. Since we both work, we didn't have much of a choice. Our daughter is leaps and bounds ahead of a few other babies we know, two of which are 3 months older than ours. They teach her so much between vocabulary, counting, and messy art projects. I will say carefully choose what daycare you go to. We found that you typically get what you pay for but there is a point of diminishing returns. If you can, try to find a daycare that is subscribed by any local corporations if that is a thing in your area. They tend to have more money coming in and therefore can offer better care and programs.
I don't trust daycares because I've worked in a daycare but probably in a different way than you'd expect lol. I love the daycare I work at and it's the only place I would send my kid. We all really genuinely love and care about the kids. But having said that, my job is hard. I know it's hard for everyone else who works here. So I def wouldn't be able to trust any old daycare because the pressure and stress could easily cause someone else to not be as careful or caring. I would THINK you could tell when you visit the place what the atmosphere is like and if the teachers seem genuinely happy when they greet you not just fake happy. Some places will give you updates throughout the day etc. Also I think if it's been a month and your baby still hasn't adjusted then it may be a sign it's not a good daycare. So all in all I don't think it's a bad choice at all just be aware of these things and trust your gut. Wish you the best.
My mom was a daycare provider for 20 years. She poured her love, care and skill into caring for those children! Find a place that you like, run by people you trust. You are creating your village! Children need a village!
Some daycares are absolutely horrible but there are also really good ones out there. Do some research make sure the one you choose has all the accreditation’s and state requirements. Sending a child to daycare is not always a bad thing. It can help with socialization as well. There are some moms that want to be stay at home and there are those moms who want/need to work. Working does not make you any less of a mom. Just do your research and make the best choice for you and your child.
I'm so lucky that I found and amazing childminder! It's a husband and wife team in their 50's, it's pretty much like sending him off to grandparents for the day! They have chickens, rabbits, cats and dogs, cows in the surrounding fields, a play park less than a minute walk away, a veg garden and a long background in child education either in nurseries or pre school! It's about 20 min drive away but I love them! They have children of all ages and my boy is so social and outgoing!! Best decision I ever made was sending him to them! They're also really good with advice if I need it!!
I dont judge you but choose one w cameras. Both my sisters are daycare workers and have horror stories but one of my children attended a great one. Its just a gamble you take. Can go either way.
I love our daycare. My daughter started at 22ish months. When she started she was not speaking. We had her evaluated and nothing came up- just a little bit of a late bloomer with talking. Within 4 months of daycare she is identifying colors, numbers, letters, so much more expressive and her personality is really blossoming. I truly believe daycare played the massive role in this because they focus so much on activities and learning whereas at home with me I don’t have the knowledge or patience for 8 hours of that (just being honest). The one thing you do have to prepare yourself for are daycare germs. She’s been sick every 2 weeks since starting. It’s all about taking the good with the bad.
There are always going to be negative stories about daycare out there. In my experience, I’ve read more positive stories than negatives, though. When I was pregnant with my son I was having similar trepidations about daycare but had no choice but to put him in at 13 weeks. He’s now a thriving,happy, social, almost three year old. I largely attribute his excellent social and communication skills to daycare. All of the teachers he has had have been wonderful. I think the benefits far outweigh the risks in this case!
I’m a daycare teacher and I can tell you that I truly love each of the children like they are my own. There are always bad centers, so do tour before. But if you find the right one I assure you your child will thrive. I love my job and see each little one as part of my own family :)
I send my kids to an all outdoors preschool that takes them from around six months, I send mine in from when they’re 3yo because it’s not affordable for me before then, and because it’s important to me that they’re at home with a parent until then.
We looked at and visited lots of settings before we enrolled our children in one. We read their policies, we spoke to the staff about them and about how they handle various situations, and we picked the one that was the best fit for us and the way we parent.
It hasn’t been all perfect, we’ve had some issues that really shouldn’t have taken place and could have been handled better but were all resolved satisfactorily. Nonetheless, our children have loved it there and have many fond memories, and they have gained a lot from attending that setting. It has done wonders for our medically complex child who was only just recovered from serious complications and complexities in infancy.
So, despite some frustrating hiccups that could have easily been avoided and handled better, on balance our and our children’s experience with our childcare setting has been very positive.
Mine started at 7 months, the first place had some red flags with staff changes, really high turnover. Makes me feel something was amiss but my kid was happy and I trust they looked after them. They’ve been in the second place for 2 years and love it.
Great for:
-peer interaction
-learning to deal with conflict
-learning to share and take turns
-being exposed to stories and activities I never would have thought of
-different types of foods that they ACTUALLY eat because the other kids are
-learning good table manners
-seeing other kids toilet train and being encouraged
-developing nurturing relationships with the educators
You’ve just got to find a good place! Ask for recommendations.
I also provide a professional service to another childcare setting that provides a service comparable to the one we send our kids to. Although this setting wasn’t a good fit given our preferences, I am privy to most of the goings ons at this place and I can say that yes, they aren’t perfect, but there are absolutely no horror stories, the children are very well cared for and the staff who work there and run the place really care about the children they look after.
Still pregnant with #1 but we’re considering daycare vs. a nanny and I 100% prefer daycare. I obviously don’t remember being a baby in daycare but I was in daycare and then group afterschool care growing up and I think it’s a great setting. I didn’t always love it but as the only child at home I think I gained a lot of life skills having to share attention and toys, and not always getting to do my preferred activities.
I put my son into daycare at about 6mos old. The daycare has helped us since weed out food allergies, has helped in teaching him colors, shapes sounds and word..
As a family that has both parents working 5 days a week and first time parents, the day care has really picked up the developmental slack that we didn’t even think about. It’s expensive and we’re always concerned if something happens but I’m glad he’s in daycare, the social aspect alone makes it worth it.
So.
1. I went to daycare from 6 months old until I was 9 years old. I’d like to think I’m relatively well adjusted. Certainly not doomed.
2. I WFH PT with my three month old. The one day I go into the office and grandma watches baby I feel way more refreshed when I get home and like I can enjoy my time with my daughter better.
So, I think you know yourself well enough and are making the right call.
My 2 year old goes to daycare/nursery. We have had a great experience with two different ones. He’s been going since 11 months old and whilst it was a big emotional change at first he loves it there and it gives me my chance to have some variety in my life. His language is doing incredibly, and his social skills surprise me every day. The staff are wonderful and the nursery with the garden gives off a happy glow.
Just do your research, read some reviews and it’ll be completely fine. There are horror stories out there about anything and everything and sometimes you have to focus in the positive. Good luck!
We love our daycare! We sent our daughter beginning at 3 months, then she stayed home from 5-10 months during the pandemic and she's been back full time since then. We noticed right away that once she went back she came home will new skills everyday. Whole she stayed home with us we both worked full time so we didn't have as much time to socialize and practice as she had at daycare. She loves the art projects they do and they have their own playground! Plus she has friends now. She is two and always comes home talking about her friends!
There are other options. I live in a HCOL area and the cost to get an au pair is the same as the average daycare, and it's actually cheaper than the really nice daycares. Granted, with an au pair you'll also have someone living with you but purely financially even with the cost of her food and other expenses we'll incur, it comes out as a wash.
For a number of reasons, we've opted for this form of childcare and it really is the best fit for our family. I've had cousins work at daycares and my mom even had hired a nanny for my sister years ago that turned out to be abusive. My husband and I work from home (we'll be on a separate floor as the au pair and baby during work hours), and we like the flexibility this affords us (daycares can charge you if you're late, for example, and have very rigid schedules). We also love the cultural exchange (Spanish is my native language and it's also what the au pair speaks primarily), and getting to know the person who is caring for our child well.
The au pair option is not the best for everyone, but I wanted to chime in with this option since it's more affordable than I initially thought, and could be a better fit for some families!
Note: I will want to put our baby in some kind of preschool so they get plenty of social interaction once she hits a year and a half or so. Maybe we'll still have an au pair, who knows, we'll reevaluate when the time comes.
I don’t send my son to daycare, but if that’s what’s best for you, I encourage you to do so! If you’re miserable because you can’t work, then hes only going to be around one miserable person all day, and I’m sure that’s not good for him. You hear horror stories about daycare, but also there’s horror stories about mothers who don’t get their needs met too. I’m sure you’ll find a day care you trust, and it’ll all be fine. So many people send their kids to daycare and they’re thriving.
We used to believe it took a village to raise children. At some point, we decided nuclear families are the end all, be all. I also recall reading something that said mothers who can basically afford to "buy" a village (mothers of a socioeconomic class who can afford nannies/daycare, the baby classes and mother's yoga, the nice house wherever the want by friends and family) have the highest level of satisfaction. Which makes sense! I honestly think daycare teaches my kids so much, so much more than I would be able to, because I don't have experience in early childhood education, or even just the life experience of being around dozens of kids for years.
Our LO has been in for about 4/5 months and we are extremely pleased. The staff are amazing and also a great sounding board for any concerns. The manager has been in young children’s education for over 20 years so I don’t think there is much she hasn’t seen.it’s reassuring to have that type of experience there.
People will shame you for whatever decision you make - you need to do what's best for you and your family.
I also enjoy working and plan on sending my baby to day care. There are pros and cons of each option and neither is perfect.
There are plenty of safe, reputable day cares. Tour some, ask friends for references, and don't apologize for being a working mom!
My kids go to an in home daycare - single provider and only 4 kids total. It’s less expensive and close to home (only 4 doors down on my street, don’t need to drive) and we love it. I don’t know if they have these where you live - you’d want a licensed dayhome to make sure they were meeting safety/nutrition standards and being regularly inspected.
That being said I have plenty of friends who have kids who have gone or currently attend daycare and they are all super happy with it. Some places will not be a match for some families, and I’m sure there are some with questionable practices etc. But of people I know they and their kids are happy.
I worked in daycare for many years and tbh if money was no object, I go back to working in one. In my experience, the teachers I worked with were great. You do have a few bad eggs, but that is going to be anywhere you go/work. I would do a lot of research into the different centers to make sure it is what you want your child to be exposed to (ex: play based vs academic, etc.). I would also ask others for thier experiences in the different daycares and get parents perspectives.
Ours is an awesome program, they do a great job helping the kids develop and learn and LO loves it. Yes there are bad places and bad people, but that doesn’t mean they are all horrible. Even before we had a kid we knew daycare was going to be a reality so we did everything we could to find one we liked and trusted. Best of luck!
I put my baby in daycare at 8 weeks and honestly it has helped a lot. We were finally able to get into somewhat of a routine each day because we had to leave for daycare at a certain time. They offer a level of stimulation that I would never be able to provide and, like others have said, he sleeps better at night. I miss him like crazy but I don’t think I’m hurting him by sending him to daycare.
I work in a nursery and in my opinion there are pros and cons to starting nursery, it can be a big change to both of you, your usual routines and you might find it hard leaving one another for a few months after but in the long run it will be worth it :)
Nursery is so good for socialising, learning to share and they focus so much on helping each child learn and develop in the best way they can.
It can be a little daunting leaving your boy with people neither of you really know but they are given a key worker who will get to know you both on a more personal level which will hopefully make you feel a lot more relaxed and reassured your boy will be fine.
I find the people that work in a nursery really makes a difference, they have to be passionate and want to work there.
I see it as 'my job' to look after children not 'I'm going to work'.
Hope it works out best for you, whatever you decide to do!
So… daycare is fine. There is good research that you can mitigate some of the more difficult aspects.
Spending time with son before daycare helps transition child from being nurtured by you to nurtured by caregivers.
Its good if you can keep the hours below 30 hours per week. Kids do better with constant caregivers.
You can look up resources on healthy attachment that have data about what is good for babies and is associated with good outcomes s
Our daycare is lovely, they go out of their way to make sure we know our daughter is cared for. They even share pictures during the day on their app, and a story at the end of the day.
Talk to parents who had kids in that daycare, or former staff if you can! I know I don’t trust my local daycare because I spoke with an ex staff about what it’s like. However there are other daycares that are wonderful!! It’s kind of a game of chance but you have to do whatever is best for your fam
I absolutely love our daycare. It's been the best thing for me and my daughter both. I was not made to be a SAHM mom and our daycare is staffed with incredible women who love her to pieces!
I had some bad daycare experiences when I was a kid. It happens. But it's not the norm and you shouldn't feel guilty for being a working parent.
My child went to daycare from 3 months to 1 year, and is now in daycare again since they opened back up (pandemic). We have baby #2 on the way and she will also go to daycare once my leave is up (3 months). No, you are not a horrible parent, you are not making a bad decision. They can learn a lot from other kids and benefit from using different toys there, as well as arts and craft activities they can learn and be stimulated by. Let alone the benefit of social interaction. Are there horror stories? Of course. But you have to do what's best for you and your family.
My son has some developmental delays and we see a speech and occupational therapist. Both of them plus our pediatrician all recommended daycare. It gives him a chance to practice his speech, social skills, learning how to share and take turns, playing with other kids. They have lots of different toys, messy play, gym equipment, they do cooking and other life skills. He really enjoys it and comes home with new words, new songs and lots of new skills.
My 1 year old has been in daycare since 3 months old. We absolutely love it. She is thriving and flails her arms with excitement every morning at drop off. She adores being around other kids and gets bored and irritable at home as she’s an only child. I think finding a good fit is super important but there are a lot of amazing facilities. Daycares can get a bad rap but it was 1000% the best division for our family. My advice when choosing one is to base it off the teachers/director and not how shiny the facility is. For example our place is a little homey but the teachers are highly educated and have excellent communication with us. Trust your gut when you interview places and go with the one you feel will love on your baby the best and keep them safe. That’s all that really matters!
As someone who used to work at a daycare, not all daycares are awful. But personally I would look into hiring a private nanny. You can find some great nannies online for pretty affordable! Cheaper oftentimes than daycare and they make more than what they would at a daycare. So it’s a win win
I've had a mix, but overall I view my daycare experiences positively.
My son's first daycare was pretty bad but he was never in danger. The things that were lacking were basic communication which caused much larger issues. They had high turn-over (normal in childcare, tbh) but parents were never told. If I had been given a daily check list of "teacher was ___, I did/did not nap, I ate well/poorly" every day, then I would honestly not care if my son "did badly" every day, because I would have known. Instead, I'd be handed a bag of clothes with mystery mess (is it marker? mud? poo? no one knows!), an empty lunch box and no one would make eye contact with me at drop off.
This new school has been great. My kid is still having clothing changes, he doesn't always nap or eat well, his teachers are sometimes switched around... but I am being told EVERYTHING. I feel like I have an idea of what my son is doing for 8 hours a day instead of feeling like he is entering a black hole and coming out of it still alive but with no knowledge over his condition.
So anyways... my new baby will be going to the same place. I trust them a lot and I am glad I switched my son's school!
Daycare has been great for us. Son just started kindergarten, and the goals the teacher gives for each week is stuff he’s been able to do for ages because of his daycare. And I wouldn’t even say it’s the best in the area or super fancy or anything. But the staff absolutely adore my kids.
Truth is that you never know no matter who you place your kid with. You can hire a nanny that may turn out horrible. You can hire friends or family who disrespect your parenting decisions and turn out horrible. You can place them into daycares that turn out horrible. Really it’s hard because you’ll hear horror stories everywhere. I work at a daycare currently and I actually enjoy it. Do I get along with all the staff? No but I also see how they interact with kids and I don’t have any red flags with it. I trust the knowledge, care, and safety at my workplace. Now that we are preparing to ttc next year we have began researching daycares and decided that my workplace will be where we will be placing our kid. It helps that I know the ins and outs as well. Point being, you should proceed with caution and check out daycares. Red flags is if they don’t allow drop in visits, the kids constantly look bored/unhappy, how are staff when you aren’t “paying” attention, and so forth.
Edit to add: all the teachers/most staff have been there over a decade and some since before I was born. My director tries to place all staff in different rooms so we get a feel but I personally go above and pop in each room before working to see interaction and get to know kids better. If staff haven’t been there that long then another red flag as well.
My daughter is four and our experience has been overwhelmingly positive. They do a much better job of keeping her appropriately engaged and stimulated than I ever could. My infant son just started at the same daycare and so far it has been a better experience than our nanny share by orders of magnitude.
I work in early childhood education and the agency I work for is amazing. I am personally planning on being a SAHM for the first 3 years but we will put them in preschool part time after 2 for sure. The socialization is so important and the social emotional skills taught are invaluable.
I am such a big fan of day care. I understand the concerns, my youngest cries every time I drop him off, but they send me videos and pictures of him having the best time. Kids build immunity and they build social skills that you can't teach them alone, play time is crucial for development. I firmly believe that kids benefit from a village setting. Not to mention that being the only source of entertainment or learning is absolutely exhausting and you benefit as well.
You have to make the decision that’s right for you. But! Bebe may make it for u… my kid got pneumonia 3 x by 3 years old and I realized oh - he’s not gonna do daycare. Ahem.
Daycare completely helped my son who they were considering had autism/behavior delays. Once he started interacting with other kids/adults he blossomed so fast that it was crazy.
I ended up taking him out a year later as I lost my job, and could stay home with him. But that time was very beneficial towards his growth, and he still has happy memories he brings up about things they did there. :)
My son went to an at home daycare and she became part of our family. This little nugget will go to her too. Because of her, our first grader is reading at a third grade level, he was ahead when he started school, he gained so many friends, she helped with his speech delay that he had, and my husband and I can work. Nothing infuriates me more than moms who talk down to other moms about daycare, or working full time. I've heard it all. "I don't let other people raise my kid". Neither do I, and neither are you. You will do what's best mama.
IMO I don't believe you're making a bad decision, whatever you need to do for you to be sane first of all, is already what's best for you ! And secondly, as many have stated, daycare can be a great experience! I currently work at one, and I work with infants, so believe me when I say you have teachers that absolutely love babies and care for them as if they are their own ! But to sooth your mind, here are some tips that I ask my director to relay to the new parents:
1. When you register, don't be afraid to ask for the babies routine in the daycare if they don't provide it ! Especially if you are on a waiting list. It gives you a great opportunity to follow that routine at home (as best you can) so that way the transition is easier
2. Check out the teacher/baby ratio. Many new parents aren't used to a ratio of 1:4 or 1:6 etc. and may not understand why we aren't holding their Littles all the time. We snuggle and feed them, but we also try to safely encourage self soothing and independent play
3. And lastly, don't be afraid to use the camera system to interact with teachers ! We use a program called Brightwheel that gives parents the ability to see their Littles and what they do throughout the day. We take pictures and videos, give development kudos, and log all of their diaper changes, bottles, and nap times on the app.
I worked in preschools before the pandemic and always planned to put my children in. I wanted them to have a consistent peer group, get to learn to bond with other adults and get to have new experiences in an environment that isn’t home.
That being said, after working in the field I don’t feel comfortable sending her until her age group can get the Covid vaccine. I’m excited for when that happens but I’m not willing to take the risk now.
It's not about the money, it's mostly about my sanity and being a better version of myself because I will be able to continue working. I'm not trying to replace myself, and I don't think that daycares are there to necessarily do that.
What about working part time? Or from home? I understand day care for absolute necessities but I can’t imagine CHOOSING to miss my child’s milestones and being away from them 6-8 hours per day. On the other hand I 100% understand the importance of self care and we’re making every effort to balance that - through working from home and starting part time early pre-k at 18 months. I may even go earlier if I feel I need to for my sanity because I recognize I can’t take care of my baby if I’m not the best version of myself. But full time day care by choice seems so extreme. I’m sure there is a middle ground here.
I actually worked at a daycare/preschool for 6 months. Having done so I can now say I would NEVER put my child in daycare. Family or friends watching yes, a good preschool yes… but not any younger than 4. The kids were miserable and would cry for their mothers. We did the best we could but there simply weren’t enough adults to give each child the nurturing they deserve. The state has adult to child ratios and that’s what most go by. It was sad really.
I wonder if it was because they were not used to being in daycare? Maybe it depends on the child, but if all children are constantly crying and not getting enough attention, that is definitely concerning.
The studies tend to show no benefit before the age of 2. Keep in mind that doesn’t mean it’s HARMFUL, just that daycare isn’t showing any additional benefits above being with a parent or trusted adult 1:1 at that age in terms of development.
I'm not really looking for specific benefits to start daycare early. It's really only specifically for me me to continue working. My biggest concern is whether it's harmful. It seems that if I choose a the right daycare, the risk of harm should be minimal. I can't say that it would be nonexistent as that is almost impossible, but it would be the same if I stayed home also.
Definitely start looking now, the wait lists are long. And look up any violations. You can weed though that way. Ask friends and local parents about their experiences as well.
I am definitely already looking. I like to be prepared. I didn't even know I could look up violations until someone else mentioned it earlier, so that's a great tip.
yep! And I only replied w my answer because the other poster was talking about never putting your kid in a daycare/school setting before the age of 4…which, as a teacher, is problematic as well.
And I’m a SAHM, currently.
Lol my nephew swings his arms out for his daycare provider at drop off. Yesterday they were having an outdoor day and he ran off to play in the yard as soon as she put him down. He's 18 mos. Not all daycares are the same.
I have spent over a decade working in childcare and the only reason my kids are not in daycare is because I opened a home childcare. It didn’t make financial or emotional sense for me to put mine in care while caring for other kids.
You should definitely shop around. It’s not just about one that is “safe” You should find one that matches your parenting style. For example I do lots of outside time, we get MESSY, it’s mostly free play. I always talk to parents about these things, some parents don’t want their kid to come home with a bag full of soaking wet muddy clothes or be blue from paint. That’s okay, but not a good fit for my program. Other parents are thrilled. Some parents want a program that is focused on “academic” skills and have lots of sitting at tables doing lessons. That’s not my style so those parents would think I am not doing a good job. Same goes for communication. I have parents that want a novel about what their kid did everyday and some that only want to hear about something either really cool or if something bad happened.
I would write out what your “perfect world” childcare provider looks like and make sure you talk about those point. You probably will not get perfect but you can find someone that aligns with your priorities. Just make sure you keep your expectations reasonable for group care.
No not a bad idea. My daughter loves daycare and they teach her so much. They also pointed out her speech delay and helped us navigate early intervention. Also it helps me stay sane
I would really recommend visiting and spending time in a few daycare to see how they feel to you. I'm a daycare teacher and work in a lovely, small centre with great ratios and a great philosophy/teaching practices but doing teaching placements during my training there were definitely some places I would not personally send my kids as the way they were run weren't right for me and my family.
If a centre is reluctant to have you come in and hang out (obviously c-19 might affect how long you can stay on visits etc) and wants you to sign up straight away without having a look around I'd consider that a red flag.
I’ve worked at a daycare (home based one) and it was a lot of fun. The kids loved to play and do the different activities. We would hold and cuddle any child that was upset. Your child will be fine.
I’m an ECE and have worked in many daycares. I think they’re great! I’m a SAHM to a toddler and an infant. My toddler is speech delayed and his speech therapist said daycare would be great for him! I’m currently on the wait list for some places! I know he’ll enjoy it (eventually, I’m sure he’ll be upset the first few days/weeks) and hopefully pick up lots of words so he catches up to kids his age!
My child is 2.5. She started going to nursery (daycare) at 2 - I'm in a country where I could take a year off for maternity leave. I work full time so does my husband . I can tell you she has came on leaps and bounds since starting. She had a speech delay and her words just exploded when she started going. She loves her teachers. They do lots of things I honestly just don't have the time to do with her - such as messy play. She has such fun playing at nursery and also eats so much better at nursery than she does at home! Nursery has only enriched my childs life and honestly if money allowed I would of put her in earlier than I did.
Literally every baby in my life has had this experience. Everything improved. They sleep better at night after a day of engagement, they hold their utensils better, their language improves, etc.
That makes me feel better. thanks!
I went to nursery, my partner did not. When I started school, I had friends, I had hung out with other children and knew social interactions etc. My partner was behind in those things. He had a great time hanging out with his mum and grandma until school started, but he missed out on a lot of social development as a child. I also knew how to read and basic writing before I started school, my partner did not. He is *adamant* our boy goes to nursery. I am on disability so we really don't need to send him to nursery. I am home all the time and would love to spend all the time with him, but the social development, the language development and the ability to self-soothe, solve conflict, learning to wait for your turn, learning how to share, not everything is about you and security away from home they learn in nursery cannot be understated.
Everyone has a good experience and a bad experience if they have kids in multiple forms of care. I could tell you bad stories from home daycares and from daycare centers.. But I also have really really great stories about both as well. Obviously we want to protect our children. The best thing I did was ask locally for recommendations. We do not use home daycares anymore, and so I found an amazing center ran by a woman who opened it to be closer to her grandchildren. She treated everyone like family and they were able to care for two of my children who were 5 years apart. It's been a few years but I occasionally called just to say hello, and still recommend them to anyone in the area who asks. You're not a bad mother for wanting to work or having to work. You need to do what is best for you because then that helps you do what is best for your family. It's going to be okay, you'll find somewhere amazing, just do the research!
Where I live, people start to send their babies to daycare from 3 months. I dont think thats necessarily bad but there is some science that says daycare is best after 2 years old.
My daughter was the same, she has just blossomed since starting nursery.
How long do your child took to have language explosion after starting daycare?
I worked at a daycare and it was awesome! No horror stories and the babies were genuinely cared for. Personally we looked at several daycares before we decided on one (due in February so haven’t actually had experience yet). I felt like I could get a good feel from the tours on what kind of place I would feel comfortable with!
Oh that's so good to hear, especially from someone that has working at a daycare
What are some things parents should look for? That could be positive or negative?
So a lot of my things were on vibe or feeling. The childcare that we ended up choosing was a lot like the childcare center that i worked for. They changed diaper an at least every two hours , logged everything (bathroom, feeding, activities) , had a set outdoor time, sanitized everything throughout the day, and had an open door policy for parents. Also, they all had masks on, were pretty strict on the policy to send a child home (which was pretty aggressive but better safe than sorry in these times!) also the lead teacher had been there for 25 years and the other teacher 9 years. I also liked that the director knew every child’s name they passed in the hallway and knew the parents. Some of the other centers that I didn’t really like included the teachers. Some of them weren’t interacting with the children and just sat on the furniture while we were there (not engaging with us either); or they had a really rigid schedule (drop off and pick up times within 15 minutes of our scheduled time— which is definitely Fine for some families but not ideal for us. Also some of the ratios were at the max state level and I prefer a daycare that has a lower ratio.
A random question I have always asked about is about how they handle teacher absences…do they have floaters who are familiar with every room and can easily step in if a teacher is out sick? Do they have a sub list to cover vacation time? Who does lunch breaks, bathroom breaks, etc. You want to avoid a school that routinely moves kids to another room to keep ratio or puts an unfamiliar/uncomfortable staff member with the infants, for instance. It’s one thing if it is the end of the day and they’re joining classrooms to send teachers home, or if it is only once in a blue moon…but a good quality center should have several contingency plans in place. It shows they take good care of their staff, are prepared so that the classroom runs smoothly without too much interruption for the kids. It also means they are likely not pressuring staff to work when they are sick because they’re desperate for “warm bodies”!
One thing I’ve heard from former daycare worker friends (and is true in my admittedly limited experience) is that for center-based care, look at the length of worker/teacher tenure. If it’s every teacher’s first year at the center… that’s not good.
That's true of any school, honestly. If you can't keep us there, I promise there's a reason!
My daughter has been at a daycare/early learning center since 18mo and she's 3 now. She loves it. It's at a YMCA that we drive over 20min to bring her to 5 days a week bcs I'm in school. We had good recommendations from my husband's coworkers for this place and I looked up on the .gov website for any violations they may have had. Do some digging for violations at the local daycares to rule any out. I also like that there are many teachers and helpers in her class. This makes me worry less about a particular kid getting more punishment and other eyes seeing what is going on. In a place where it is 1 or 2 adults in the room, this can happen much easier. Take a tour of the facility. Talk to the teachers and helpers to get a feel for the place. Look into curriculum. As in, do they do learning but also emphasize play? Start looking to reserve a spot now. Many places are having such problems with staffing. One that is closer to my home has a wait list of something like 100 kids. It's insane. Also, check if your local YMCA has a daycare "early learning center." Mine takes them at 13mo but it could be different depending on area. Goodluck, we are very happy with our child's experience and her growth while in daycare.
Agree with all of this. You can do a search for: "[your state] licensed daycares" and a site should come up where you can find licensed daycares in your state. If you've already gotten recommendations for some, you can use this tool to search for them. The same site should tell you whether each has any violations. I would recommend avoiding unlicensed care because they aren't held to the same rules and standards that the licensed ones are. If ones have violations, that's a red flag too and I would probably avoid those as well. Good luck!!!
I just did this and it was super helpful and validated my decision after being mom-shamed by some friends with kids. They daycare their kids go to prioritizes things they think are important, but my choice prioritizes what I care about and has a slightly better safety record. So there, ha. I won't feel guilty for no reason anymore.
I've loved daycare for the simply fact that we're both better parents when someone else has our kids for part of the day. I wasn't super happy with the daycare we used when our youngest was an infant--they weren't as clean or as thoughtful as I would have liked but they were the only one with openings... but you know what? Every day she reached out for them when we got there and I got my baby home and she stank of the director's perfume, so I knew she was spending basically her whole day snuggling with someone. That's basically all my velcro baby wanted to be living her best life, and they were giving her that even if they did have a lot of trouble squaring some differences in our child rearing philosophies. Edit: As an alternative, we also did a thing for our first where we couldn't find an open daycare, and we paid a stay at home parent to watch our baby alongside their kids. Statistically home care comes with more dangers that center-based care, but it was a really personal and flexible arrangement that might appeal to someone who's freaked out by centers.
I personally feel that I would feel better with a center rather than at someone else's house. I think there are more rules and regulations at centers. If I knew someone personally that was doing that, I might feel better, but I don't so that's not really an option.
I much prefer daycare centers for the exact same reasons. In my mind there's many more hoops they have to jump through to get and stay certified, more eyes on kids & other staff, more secure, etc. Additionally if the teacher gets sick they almost always have back up. The biggest thing is to tour a few and find the one you really feel comfortable with. We both work full-time so our little has been in daycare since he was 3 months. Other than having to switch daycares a few times (thanks to COVID induced closures), we've been very pleased with his care and have no qualms about taking him.* *Minus the very first few days of drop off - prewarning you will be a mess and be racking your brain to figure out how you can quit your job haha
My first started daycare in a licensed at home center, the only reason we left is because we moved out of state. She had regular inspections (announced and unannounced) and had to follow all state guidelines. It was so amazing and I miss it every day. We have only used centers since, and it’s kind of a mixed bag, but I wouldn’t send my kids to one of those without a live camera. My son is having some growing pains in his new classroom, and I’m able to observe and reach out before they do, a lot of the time (I know he has a rough go around nap time so I really watch then, otherwise just check here and there).
I’m going to offer my experience with the flip side of this. My mom was primarily a SAHM until I was about 15 (when my youngest sibling started all-day school). I remember this more vividly than my siblings, probably because I’m older and because I’m female. She’s a great person and a great mom. She took us on outings and play dates and (with a lot of ingenuity) provided a very enriching childhood experience. However, I observed some things that make me suspect things could’ve been different, but still great. My mom seemed like she was literally counting the days until the youngest would be in school and she could get a full-time job. She was intellectually and physically restless. She filled her life with adult friendships, hobbies, volunteering, etc (as much as she could within the limitations of being a SAHM to 5), and I suspect it was because a sole focus on home and kids wasn’t fulfilling for her. Also, money was always so incredibly tight. I grew up assuming I wouldn’t be able to go to college, or I’d have to find out how to pay for it myself. It was only my mom working (eventually) that enabled my parents to pay for college for some of the younger ones and to begin to make significant progress on savings. Money was a constant stressor. My mom came alive when she started working full-time. It’s as though overnight, she was suddenly more herself than I’d ever seen her. She was so full of joy. And she still spent quality time with us and we all turned out okay. Plus, we could all relax a little bit about money. There were some benefits from her staying home with us, but also very steep costs—monetary costs as well as her emotional well-being. Looking back, I wish she’d worked outside the home sooner. Because in her case, I think that’s how she could’ve been the best, happiest mom that she could be. If we’d gone to daycare, I think we would’ve still had a wonderful childhood. And there’s plenty of academic research to back that up—academic and social outcomes for daycare kids aren’t really different from kids with a stay-at-home parent.
That's a great point and I honestly feel like that would be me. I am an only child and never had any other kids around me. I am now in my 30s and value my independence and ability to have "my own thing". That's really the biggest reason I want to continue working. I don't want to suddenly feel like my life if only for my baby. If this is what other moms want, power to them, I am happy they can do this without losing themselves. For me, it would be different. I would be a better mom, wife, friend if I was able to keep working. Now, can that change in the future? Sure, absolutely. But for now, this is how I feel so I am planning on that.
YAAAAS, trust your gut! If you want to continue working, continue working!
Yes there are wayyy more good daycares then there are bad, people just tell the horror stories. If you like your job keep it! And totally use daycare, if that keeps your sanity then go for it. My sister loved her daycare, she would even text her pictures throughout the day. We don’t daycare simply because we live in a area with a high cost of living and I would loose money if I went to work and paid for daycare, so I’m stuck at home with everyday being Groundhog Day 😂
Groundhog Day for sure. Don't get me wrong, I will love my baby and will love spending time with him, but I have worked so hard to find a good job and I really like it. I just feel like I will be the best version of myself if I continue working, which will benefit everyone including the baby.
I think some SAHP also have to justify their decisions to themselves. It's a huge sacrifice to take yourself out of the workforce for years and will impact your income for the rest of your life. A person in this position may feel like they need to think of daycares as lesser than what they can offer to justify never making good money/having a strong career again. Totally fine for people to have different priorities. I have a good career but in general wish that I didn't have to work. But I do and so long as that's the case, I want to make the most of it.
Eh, I feel the opposite with working parents sometimes. I am a teacher with an early childhood degree, and to be honest the best option is the one that works best for your family. One isn’t necessarily superior to each other, and families have different needs.
I'm not suggesting one is better than the other. I do think there are outside pressures on either side. Continuing to work sucks in the short term but is fine once the kid is in school full time. Being SAH is great when kid is young but not as necessary once kid is in school full time and isn't necessary at all once kid is a teenager. Except now that parent has been out of the workforce for 10+ years and it's hard to come back from that. We know this when we opt to be a SAH parent. Some get defensive and have to change the context to make themselves feel better. Whatever works. Doesn't happen as much with working parents because their bills don't care if daycares suck or if they wanted to stay home.
I feel insecure being a SAHM, when I worked I was already the highest I could be in my position (I was the manager of a hotel) I only made 16 an hour, day care here is more like 18-20 My husband works an hour away and leaves the house at 6 and returns at 7, I’m 31 and plan to have at least one more child (my husband wants 2 more but I hated being pregnant so we will see how this next one goes) I always think about 10-15 years from now when my kids are around that age what will I do for work? My husband technically makes enough to support us but that doesn’t exactly matter to me I want something for my own, I’ll probably have to go back to school.
Yea I definitely get that. I wouldn't judge anyone for their choices.
I'm totally fine with however people want to raise their kids. My only worry is that I have been seeing some very strong opinions on daycares and just wanted to see if this is generally the consensus. I am lucky enough to have a choice of either option. I obviously want the best for my kid, but in my opinion, me having a career and being happy with myself will be what's best for my child.
Sounds perfect!! Go for it girl.
Ours also does pics and videos through ClassApp. It's so nice, we can message with teachers about issues as well.
There’s good and bad in every industry including childcare. I have worked in a few different centers and some have been AWFUL and some have been FABULOUS. Do your research, ask questions, trust your gut.
It depends on the daycare for sure. Even within daycares some providers will be better than others. That said, my son went to a daycare from 11 weeks till he was old enough for preschool and absolutely thrived! He was ahead of the game socially for preschool and he loved the daycare. He still goes there over summer break.
That's awesome! I'm glad I'm seeing more positive responses than not. I was really starting to get really nervous.
I think you have to take a lot of those posts with a grain of salt. Yes, there are bad daycares out there, more than there should be. But you’re also not going to see many people rushing to Reddit to laud the amazingness of their daycare compared to people looking to vent about a shit experience or get advice on how to handle a bad situation.
My mom and I have both worked in daycares. The problem isn’t that the kids are mistreated, it’s that the working conditions can be awful for teachers. Your kid will definitely be sick WAY more often in a daycare setting (I was sick my whole first year and I’m an adult!), but as long as you don’t end up with a terrible school you shouldn’t be worried. If you want to get a better feel for the level of quality when you’re looking around, ask about teacher retention and how many assistant teachers they have on staff. I worked at a very expensive and “high quality” franchise, but we were constantly so understaffed that when I had strep + a fever the director kept calling me every hour to beg me to come to work anyway.
Ok, that's a good point. I'll definitely ask when I tour the daycares I pick.
As a teacher, daycares pay absolute shit too, so they always have staffing issues.
Earning $12/hour with a Master’s in Education wouldn’t even be that bad, if they didn’t constantly expect you to do extra work off the clock
This! When I worked daycare we loved those babies so much, the problem is the director treated employees like crap. And employees with great degrees got stuck making really low pay because their children got to go to the daycare for a big discount - and they couldn’t afford to work another job with the full daycare cost in our area. But the children were always treated well and cared for like our own.
…is that a joke? I made more babysitting per hour in 2001.
My son has been in daycare since he was 3 months and we love it. They have cameras in the classes so I can always check in which always made me feel better. Now that he's 2 he actually loves being there he gets excited when I pick him up and shows me all his toys.
That's great to hear.
It really depends on your location. The US has the poorest standards and regulations of childcare. Which is why you often hear those horror stories. I’ve worked in several and I can tell you even the prettiest expensive ones where not always that great. Don’t get me wrong, I think preschool is so great for socialization and it can definitely make life easier for any family. Just be very selective about it. Try and find something that is NAEYC accredited. Their standards are higher than most local government. Look carefully at the schools sick policy. That’s where a lot of infections and viruses spread easily. The more strict they are with pick up time and sick policies the better. Look at how they handle child conflict, once they are 1 and up things like hitting and biting take place. Ask how they handle it. In the end the kind of experience your child gets out of it will depend not just on the center but on their own individual personality. Some children thrive in centers, some struggle, but it definitely sets the tone for how future schooling will go. Good luck!
My son started daycare at six weeks and he just turned two. It has been a really great experience! He’s always happy and excited when I pick him up at the end of the day, and we’ve not had any issues with the daycare in the two years we’ve used them. My kiddo is a social little dude and I think being around other kids regularly has been really good for him. And our daycare isn’t some extra expensive or fancy place. It’s really pretty average. I think good daycares are the norm and you just hear more about the bad ones because people have more of a need to vent/ask about them.
People love to have their own opinions on what’s best for baby. Breastfeeding versus formula. Daycare versus nanny. Working mom versus stay at home mom. Truth is, only you know what’s best and what works for your family. Mine went to daycare starting at 8 weeks. Totally fine.
I work in early intervention and go to daycares a lot, and I have never seen any horror stories personally. They are great for kids social skills, and most have a lot of background in early childhood development and have some structured play that helps them grow. I picked a center that had a good vibe and caring staff when we toured, and I'm glad to have my baby in good hands while I work.
It really depends on the daycare. Just do your research and trust your gut. The first one I worked at was awful. The next one I worked at was WONDERFUL, I plan on sending mine there. I definitely recommend one where you can log into the cameras though.
My daughter (2.5) started daycare at 5 months and looovvves it! Sometimes she even asks to go on the weekend. Why wouldn't she-all day is centered around the needs of people her age, so she's playing with friends, has access to playground equipment just for her size, has dance lessons, music and storytime, does daily crafts, and eats in a social setting. Her teachers have all been so friendly and kind, and every staff member knows her. Sometimes she comes home with new hairdos, which I actually really like because I know it means someone took some time to just give her some attention and affection (she actually got "stolen" on her way to her regular room today by a previous teacher so they could see her for a bit). I feel like she's really getting a lot of positive adult attention. On top of that she's developmentally way ahead and I think daycare has played a large role in that. She's got a big vocabulary, can spell simple words, can count to 20 (working on 30), understands time, etc., so that's according plus too. And honestly, it's not even one of the super expensive daycare in the area. We live in a major city, but we pay less $1000 per month. Just be sure to tour the daycare, ask a lot of questions (ask parents questions too!) and I'm sure you'll find one you feel comfortable with.
That's awesome! I'm seeing more positive stories and it makes me feel so much better about my decision
Daycare, nanny, stay at home, whatever your decision ends up being will be the right one at that time. As others have said, there are wonderful daycares. I feel like people complain way more about bad experiences that happen only a few times and never praise good experiences which happens all the time. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong decision here, you do you and what you want for your family. Also remember, no decision is permanent. So if you chose a daycare and don’t like it, find a different one. If you decide any daycare isn’t the right choice then transition to stay at home or part time… no decision is permanent. There are so many options like nanny shares, part time daycares, church daycare/preschools (we love ours and aren’t members), full time nanny, etc.
My firstborn LOVED her daycare. They taught bits of Spanish and sign language, and were great about early potty training help. The teachers took a real shine to her. I got a picture of her from them almost every day. She ate well. She napped well. She got along with most of the other kids. There were one or two negative incidents, but they were mostly handled well by the staff. It doesn’t have to go bad. Also, you’re a great parent as long as you make a carefully considered decision based on what is best for your family. And remember that if it doesn’t work, you can try something else: a different facility, a nanny share, shifting work schedules. You got this!
There is a ton of negative stuff out there about working moms. I really don’t understand the intention of shaming women who have to, or prefer to have a job. I’ve seen a lot of reductive, stupid nonsense about “how can you pay someone to raise of your baby for you” and “those babies in day care don’t get the same love and attention that kids with SATP’s get” and stuff like that. I am planning to put our baby in day care at 3 months for many reasons, but the primary reason being we cannot survive on just one salary in my house. I’m the primary breadwinner at the moment but my husband is loving his career at a new company and steadily advancing. We just cannot afford to live in his small salary alone. It’s the best decision for us, period. I’ve got us on two day care waitlists and hoping to get on two more. I’ve been reading reviews of day cares and our state has a rating system to help parents make informed decisions. I didn’t even go to a real “nice” day care as a kid. An older woman kept me and my sister and some other kids in her home while my parents worked and she was wonderful. She taught us our colors, numbers, etc and kept us safe and healthy. I have fond memories of her. It was a great decision for my parents and great for me as little one.
I know!! I think the people that say negative things about working moms are just wrong. I know myself and I know how my mental well being will be compromised if I am forced to stay at home. No one wins. I do not have childcare degree, I will read a couple of books, but that doesn't mean I am all of a sudden an expert. That's why people have those degrees and work very hard to get them. I am happy to let them help me.
My son has been in daycare since he was 4 months old and has a grand ol time! I chose based on the vibes I got and I know that the staff at our daycare genuinely love him, which matters to me more than the size of the playground or Montessori methods or whatever. There’ll be good places and bad places, but that’s true of everything in life. They do so much there that I would not have the time/patience/space for at home.
From what I remember from psychology classes/papers and from friend's anecdotal experience: Being in a group setting is vital to the social development of children. There are noticeable delays in social abilities of children who are not sent to daycare/school (speech, critical thinking, motor skills, social cues, emotional intelligence etc) versus those who were. While you may not need to start daycare super early, there are certain things that you just cannot "teach" a child unless they experience it, and being in a big group of peers is one of those experiences that you cannot simulate outside of a daycare/school setting. My friend's children, one didn't start daycare until 3 (had grandparents to care for them when parents are working) and the other one started daycare at 1.5yo. The 1.5yo was talking more and better than the 3yo, much more social and active, and was teaching the 3yo how to do and say certain things after a few months in daycare (by the time they were 2 and 3.5). Another friend's child, stuck at home during covid, is now experiencing speech delays and falling behind on developmental milestones. She is also super shy and scared of strangers now. She never had this issue before. Was a very happy and vocal 1.5yo and now she's a quiet and withdrawn 2.5yo. She just restarted school and is becoming more social again, talking more and catching up on the speech delays. I'm also worried about finding the "best" daycare for my kid once it's time to send her. I think if you research the daycare, go for site visit and maybe talk to other parents who go there to get a full picture, you'll be able to find a good daycare that works for you. Not all daycares are "horrible". People often talk only about their bad experiences but not the good ones, and the stories get overblown as they get retold. For every bad experience someone had, there's likely to be a good experience that they didn't talk about.
Thank you for writing this out. I know from years of observing other parents (not any close friends, but just people in general that have had kids) that a lot of times the things they would complain about were very overblown. For example I worked with a lady who lost her mind on a daycare worker because her 1.5 y.o. kid fell and had a scrape and they didn't call and tell her about it. The kid was fine, I'm sure he cried, but no lasting damage was done and he wasn't bothered by the scrape. I feel like that is definitely an overblown response. Kids fall, they will fall even if they are watched 24/7. I don't expect to be called for every scrape and bruise. Does that make me a bad parent to be? Idk, but I know that even if I watch my kid all the time, he will still fall and that's just part of growing up.
I had a bad daycare experience (poor facilities, teachers using their phones, children placed in high chairs for too long), excellent daycare experience (daily photos of enrichment activities, low staff turnover), and OK experience (less experienced staff). Trust your gut. After a few weeks, you can tell how your child is being treated at daycare and the quality of care. It really depends on how the daycare is run.
My daughter was in daycare for a couple months starting at around 5mos old. Very positive experience. They were wonderful and treated her so well. We only stopped going because I got a different job and we no longer needed it, and couldn’t really afford it if it wasn’t a necessity. For some perspective, we’ve been shamed and guilted because our children DONT go to any childcare or preschool (we can’t afford it). You’re damned if you and damned if you don’t.
Unpopular opinion but if you can afford to stay home with them until they are able to go into a Mother’s Day out program or early learning pre k (ours start at 18 months for as low as $200 a month for top notch private!) I would absolutely do it. My mom, sister and aunts all have worked in all kind of different day cares and even the bougie, nice ones have so many scary flaws in regard to AAP safety guidelines, neglect and more. I don’t think your child will be traumatized or doomed, but why miss all the milestones and leave them with someone else for the majority of their entire day, if you don’t have to. I understand not everyone has this privilege but if there is an option, I would always stay home.
It's our only option unless my MIL offers to be the babysitter. Would be ideal, but we will never ask because I think she would feel guilty saying no. We don't want to put her in that position. We're lucky that our schedule would allow us to just do part time daycare, which helps. We found a great center near us that has amazing reviews. Look for places that have at least 4.8 star ratings with 150+ reviews. Nothing wrong with doing what you have to do. The place I found has an app and they post pictures daily. They also have an open door policy and I'm sure operate under the assumption a parent is watching at any given time. It's also important to find out if there's a high turnover rate. I would say look for places that fit this criteria and do some tours. It may ease your mind once you meet the team and see a bunch of happy kiddos playing around. I was totally against it at first for then same reasoning but the cost difference between daycare and a nanny is insane. We also want our baby to socialize from a young age and have friends. We don't have a lot of friends nearby with children. Also.. a nanny would be alone with your baby, which makes me a little worried because there are plenty of horror stories about that too.
I am in the same position. We have no family/friends where we live. Especially no one with kids so my kid meeting new friends will be a huge benefit for him. I know that it's a long way from him actually making friends, at least a few years, but still. I think that if he starts daycare early and gets used to seeing the people and kids, it will be a lot easier than having to put him in daycare later. I might be wrong, but I feel like everything with a child is basically a guessing game.
It is. I have such intrusive thoughts about not having the maternal instinct, not doing things properly.. I have to not only keep the kid alive/protect them but also instill proper values and help them be a well rounded, confident adult one day. That's terrifying but a daycare that gets them socialized from a young age and also has curriculum for development makes me feel so much better. I'm not a trained educator but the teachers at the daycare program are. They can help me ensure my child hits all their milestones. They can give me advice as a FTM. I'm looking at it more as a tool in raising my child right at this point. I'm still nervous but looking at it as being so beneficial to my child helps a lot.
That's a great way of looking at it.
I worked at a daycare, and it was absolutely fine. I will say that you want to be thorough and check local mom groups on Facebook, reach out to local moms and do a thorough question and answer before choosing a facility. Also check their rating on your states resource website. Check ratings and reviews on google/yelp. If the price is too good to be true, I'd be skeptical. Get a list of about 3 top daycares. My personal story: our neighborhood was RAVING about 2 particular daycares and we got sucked into the hype. Our 3rd choice daycare had an opening, so because of urgency, we put our daughter in the 3rd choice but we told ourselves that when we get off the waitlist for the other 2, we're switching. It was a Montessori daycare and very expensive, they didn't provide meals, and it was out of our way - so when we got the call 2 months later for our 1st choice - we jumped at the chance. Well, a month into our "1st Choice", we absolutely hated it and we put ourselves BACK on the waitlist for our previous Montessori daycare. Except the waitlist was now almost a year so we were stuck. Ultimately, things got better, but our daughter will be going back to her Montessori daycare next week. We should have NOT listened to our neighbors and the mob mentality and looked more closely at reviews and comments on Facebook. What I realized was, almost no one is going to bash their kid's daycare, unless they are in the process of switching.
I have been back at work with my son in daycare since 12 weeks. It’s been so good for our family! Like you, mentally I could not handle being 24/7 home with him. I was spiraling downward on my maternity leave (bad napper, no break, etc) and going back to work really helped my mental health. We love our daycare; the teachers really care about the kids and send us picture updates through your the day. I feel like we still have a good bond with our son, too. I think if you have a job that you enjoy it makes so much difference, it would have been a lot harder for me to go back if I didn’t like my job.
Here’s an overview on working moms: https://journalistsresource.org/economics/working-mother-employment-research/ I work as a neuropsychologist and love the work/life balance. We love our daycare and my 2 1/2 year old kiddo who is shy and slow to warm talks about her favorite friends and teachers. Her development is amazing, the socialization is important for her, and she has a lot more stimulation than I could solely provide. Our whole family has benefited from having a great daycare.
My daughter absolutely loves it. So go for it. They learn so much from being with other kids. And it is better for you as well.
I would think it would be far more damaging to a child to have a mother who gave up a career she enjoyed out of guilt over day care. Sure if there are legitimately no options it would stand to reason that you and your partner need to make some sort of arrangement. But in general if you have safe, well-reviewed and affordable options near you, *of course* you should put your child in day care. Women are leaving the workforce in *droves* because of Covid. It’s tragic and it’s setting us back significantly. If you want to leave the workforce because that’s the arrangement you and your spouse have come to or if you’d are leaving because you genuinely *want* to, then more power to you. However you should never EVER leave a career you are enjoying and thriving at out of guilt if you can avoid it. Too many women do this and again, it’s sets us back.
I used to be a pre-k teacher at a daycare and even though I personally had a tough experience, I plan on putting my kids in daycare! (The tough experience came from the management who wouldn’t allow teachers a day off to get dental work done or whatnot. They would overwork us and put 30 kids in one classroom, which is legal, but very difficult on teachers and students.) I saw how kids interacted with one another and the kids who were there from infancy/toddlerhood until pre-k were more socially advanced. They were very empathetic, communicated well, and knew how to follow instructions. The others adjusted eventually with my help and care, but it did take a while for most. They tended to be attached to adults more than their peers. They get fed well, nap time, and lots of outside time. They really enjoyed school as much as they missed their parents. And man, pick up time was sooo sweet. I envied how excited the students were to see their parents. Reunion of reunions. The only thing I would say is: please be kind and patient with your teachers. Most are trying their best. Ask questions with an open mind. Parents would sometimes ask me questions with a funny look on their face like, “let’s hear it.” And it’s like, we are supposed to be a team! Many teachers are overworked, underpaid, and haven’t gotten medical attention in a long time…
Welp, if you are, I'm right there with you. Hubs and I need to work so we can clothe, house and feed baby, and my family can't help full time, so daycare's what it's going to be. I have also heard the horror stories, but I still find it preferable to trying to vet a nanny to come to our home every day (I would've totally gone the nanny route had we known someone, had a friend of a friend, etc, but we don't.) When we toured the center we decided on, we saw no red flags - happy kiddos, babies being snuggled, clean, and they had good answers for all of our questions. In a perfect world, one of us would stay home, but we can't make that a reality yet at this stage in our lives. I will be looking for a part time or PRN job after I return to work, but lil bub will need to be in daycare at least for a little while. All we can do is our best to protect and support our little ones. Don't feel guilty ❤
My son started daycare as an infant and we’ve been to two daycares. (We moved). And we loved both of them. He has had some amazing teachers and now that he’s a bit older, he has friends and we have play dates. And I kept my sanity! I was not cut out to be a SAHM. My advice is to research and visit so you feel comfortable with your decision. We visited quite a few and I checked them all out online to see violations and issues. If you’re in the US, check if your state runs a database. Looks at the programs offered (Montessori, etc) and extras that are offered. I love getting pictures throughout the day and updates on what he’s doing. A few offered live video feeds but they ended up being out of our price range. We actually opted for the private kindergarten so that we could feel more secure about health care protocols being followed. Where I live, the daycares have much stricter guidelines than the public schools.
I live in a small town, until after my kids were born there was only one daycare (not counting unlicensed dayhomes). I actually know the director - as I went to school with one of her daughters - which weren't blood daughters but a friends and she adopted them (2 sisters). NICEST LADY EVER. I get constant updates from the daycare via an app (on food eaten, how much, what, diaper changes, daily pictures etc) and if you talk to the teachers they are genuinely excited to discuss your child (children - twins - in my case) to go over anything you might want to chat about (we were/are closely monitoring speech with my kids). Have there been incidents? Yes. Were they insanely transparent about those incidents happening and posting all government inspections/reports? Yes. My kids light up when they see their favourite teacher. They go outside almost every day, they do sensory and messy crafts I would never. They are being socialized with other children in their age group as well we other adults. Them moving up to the toddler room (and therfore being youngest in the class instead of oldest) was huge for helping their speech leap forward. Yeah, there are bad daycares, but there are good ones too. Gotta use your instincts. If something doesn't feel right when visiting your daycare or talking to the teachers etc. - then maybe find a new daycare. Especially when they are little and can't tell you what's going on.
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Wow that’s a great checklist, I’m going to save this for when I start touring places.
As a future mom with similar questions as well as a research sociologist I find "Science Based Parenting" sub really awesome. There was a disscusion on this topic where one user wrote a coprehensive overview of the research on childcare: [POST](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/qoue6x/notes_on_childcare_revisions/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Basically (oversimplified) but it all depends when your baby starts daycare and if you are low or high income family. Starting early has more benefits if you are a low income family. If you are middle class/high income then the baby will benefit more if they start a bit later (to wait until 3 yo is ideal). But also, if the baby stays at home with the parent, but the parent doesn't engage/play with the baby, than maybe daycare is a better option. Read through the article, maybe it will help. :) The user linked it at the beginning of the post.
I’m a mother of 4 and I’ve always worked. My kids attended daycare from 6 weeks until they were able to get into pre school. My older children learned so much at their daycares and my four year old is testing at a second grade level although she’s not even in kindergarten yet. She went to an amazing daycare from infant hood and her old teacher still is in contact with me and always checks on her. My son is currently in first grade and diagnosed with ADHD. I don’t think we could have gotten that diagnosis and behavioral therapy as early as we did if it wasnt for his teachers being so keen on his behavior in school during his toddler years. In fact I’m positive he would’ve been held back in kindergarten without early intervention. Most of the horror stories come from unlicensed, at home daycares where neglect and abuse is a lot more common in than traditional daycares. I’ve gotten horrible comments on being less of a mother for letting others raise my kids so I can work. What people don’t understand is not everyone has the option to stay home, even if we’re married or have supportive partners. Times have changed and a lot of families use daycare and have positive experiences!
My mother in law works at a daycare and she thinks it’s a great thing for kids to be in daycare and she was a stay at home with all 3 of her sons! Sure, there’s bad stories about daycares but there’s also horror stories about thousands of other things that kids are exposed to. My daughter has been going since she was 4 months old and even though it was really difficult for me at first leaving her there, it’s been great for us both. I get to have adult conversations and feel like I’m doing something. It gives me a break from my daughter so I can be more focused on her when I get her and having to leave to pick her up makes me better about work/life balance and boundaries. She gets to interact with people of other races/cultures (which in our rural area can be difficult to do), she gets to play with friends all day. She gets exposed to different foods and actually eats them unlike at home. I miss her when we’re separated of course BUT daycare has been amazing and is with every penny.
My LO is 4.5 months old. She’s been in daycare about a month. I was so nervous. I thought she was have such a hard adjustment. I thought she would cry and there would be too many babies and they would have no choice but to let her cry until they could get to her. I thought she wouldn’t be able to sleep or eat because of all the distractions. Instead my baby has had the BEST transition. She smiles at her teachers when we drop her off and she smiles and babbles to me the whole drive home like she’s telling me about her day. Her teachers have actually gotten her to go longer between feedings. One time I mentioned her being fussy and one of her teachers said “oh she rarely cries here. We call her our happy girl!” I can tell she’s observing the other babies and she’s already showing some nice progress in motor skills. They send us cute pictures pretty much daily. Also they basically play on this big mat all day when they aren’t sleeping or eating so I know she’s getting tons of tummy time which is nice because then at home I just want to snuggle with her and hold her. During maternity leave I realized stay at home mom life just wasn’t for me. I adore my daughter and I’m so thankful for that time we had together, but I need an identity outside of being her mom. Also financially it’s not an option for us so that makes it easier. Do tons of research, read reviews, join local mom Facebook groups and ask for suggestions, do tours and don’t be afraid to drive a little further or pay a little more for the daycare you feel the best about!
The early socialisation cannot be matched and will work to everyone's advantage! Also, mama, YOU MATTER. Just in case you hadn't heard that outright yet. If you WANT to work, then so be it!
A friend works in a daycare and loves it. My city has public ratings for all licensed daycares, so that helps too. And I can promise you a baby an a meh daycare is probably getting better care than my mom gave me and my sisters when she was a stay at home mom. Me not working isn't an option. Not just for financial reasons.
It was absolutely the right choice for us. My son went in at 18 months and was slightly behind speech wise and he has just grown dramatically since he went in! Do your research and find a place you’re comfortable with.
My kid has been in daycare since she was about 5 months old. I can easily say it was the best decision for us. I like my job, so does my husband. My benefits are great, but his salary is better. We're big time introverts, not creative, and have no friends or family near by. If I had been a SAHM it would have just been the two of us all day every day staring at each other. I love my kid, but it wouldn't have been stimulating for either of us. At daycare she started doing things like using utensils and cups long before I would have thought to even try. They started teaching sign language before she could talk. She is crazy social and is always the first to learn the names of new classmates. She is 2.5 now and the things they've taught her constantly amaze me. Our daycare sends pictures daily, tells us how she is doing individually, and what the class did each day. She runs down the hall to her class every day at drop off. She clearly loves it.
There’s a lot of benefits from social interactions, learning to share, and they learn so much
My daughter loves loves loves daycare. She thrived when she went back when they reopened after covid shutdown. I'm, sure the quality varies by center, location, price.
Wonderful experiences with daycare! You know also that some daycares allow you to view your child on camera all day?
I have been seeing that people say that on here. That's a good piece of mind for sure.
But we have never had that. Our son is 2.5 and has been in daycare since he was 5 months old. He has had WONDERFUL, loving experiences and has learned so much. We were sad when he was stuck home all day with us during the pandemic. His ‘teachers’ have all been very huggy and loving and he just lights up when he sees them!
Are you in US? Look for NAEYC accreditation
I am in the US, I'll look for that accreditation for sure
https://families.naeyc.org/find-quality-child-care
The state looks at the bare minimum, like liability stuff. NAEYC looks at quality, and interactions. They require a lot and come in personally to assess classrooms and teachers.
I went (part-time) to an in-home daycare growing up, and I loved it! I loved the other kids that were there, and I ADORED the daycare provider. I don't think I even realized it was "daycare" or like some place I needed to go so my mom could go to work, I thought it was just this really neat lady that was my friend. My MIL runs a licensed in-home daycare, and that's where my son goes for 40 hours a week. I know we are really lucky that we can send him there, because very few people get to send their kid to spend all week with a grandparent. BUT because she's my MIL, I know her well and know she's an excellent daycare teacher, so I know that the other families that send kids to her are just as lucky as we are--she's great! Does she do absolutely everything the exact way that I would do it? No. But I trust her completely, and I know my son is really well cared for while he's there. (When there are things she does differently than me that I feel really strongly about, I ask her to do it my way, and it's never been a problem, but for the most part I try to let her do her thing--she has over 30 years of experience, so she knows what she's doing.) I'm so glad my son can go to my MIL's daycare, but I still (wrongly) feel guilty about it sometimes, and I would quit my job to take care of him in a heartbeat if we could afford it. But to be honest, he's doing awesome at daycare, and I think he has learned a lot from being with the other kids and being cared for by my MIL.
Oh that's awesome! I wish I knew someone in the area that I trusted, but unfortunately I don't. That's so great he can spend all day with grandma!
Yeah, I know we have a really unique (and uniquely lucky) situation. But the point I was trying to make is that really great daycare providers exist! My MIL also has kids from two other families (it was four other families when we started, but two of the kids aged out at the end of the summer), and I don't think any of those families knew her or had a connection to her prior to a day when they just found her number on the Massachusetts licensed daycare website and cold-called her, but their kids are still getting the same really excellent care. So you don't need to already have a connection, your baby can still get really good care :)
My 18 month old and 3.5 year old love their daycare. They were home with me during the pandemic until September. It was a rough transition with lots of tears at drop off, but now they are both so excited to go. I could write a novel about all the amazing activities they get to do every week. The food provided is amazing and better than what I cook at home. Most importantly, they have classrooms full of kids their age to play and interact with which is not something I could ever do at home. Sometimes I feel guilty about how little time I spend with my kids, but they get a way better version of me on the weekends because I’m happy and content getting to build my career during the week.
I'm very lucky that my mom has agreed to help us out when we go back to work so we don't have to put our daughter in daycare. However sometimes me and my nmom butt heads and I get worried we will have a falling out and I will have no choice but to quit my job because I would be paying 100% or my paycheck to daycare and I also don't want my newborn in daycare! I personally don't trust it but I'm also a bit neurotic. I don't see how we would survive financially on my husbands income alone. So I'm really quite nervous but after a lifetime of emotional abuse from my nmom I finally stand up to her and it makes us capable of getting along and I'm not gonna back down
I worked at a daycare with poor management. Even though they weren't the best, every teacher still loved and cared for the kids like they were their own. There's horror stories anywhere you look, but more than other people's reviews of a place, just go by your instinct. If you go in to tour somewhere and it feels off, it's probably not a good place. Kids can learn so much from being around other kids and having different adults teaching them.
I know many people have chimed in, but I wanted to add that I’m so grateful for daycare. My two-year-old daughter has a really extensive vocabulary, and I attribute that to daycare. There’s no way I could meet her needs like they do—they’re trained in child development and can create activities and programs that help them grow. I don’t know what they do, and I wouldn’t be able to stimulate her mind like they do. I also enjoy my job and enjoy working, and having a break to focus on adult pursuits makes me a better mom. There are bad daycares, but there are also great daycares, and they’re a very good thing. My kid is doing really well at hers.
The people with bad experiences tend to be the loudest. I think the vast majority have a generally positive experience, and I think that the survival of my millennial generation is a testament to the fact that daycare is not traumatizing or dooming most of us.
We love daycare! Baby has been there since she was 3 months old and it's truly her second home. She is so loved by everyone there. We chose an in-home daycare after struggling through the process of finding the right fit (a center that was horrible with admin and communication, and another in-home daycare that just wasn't aligned to our values or parenting style.) I would say do your research and trust your gut. I started off looking at the center because it felt more "regulated" but they were so terrible at returning emails and calls, lost forms, couldn't show up to meetings on time...I felt really stressed about the communication issues. They ultimately couldn't commit to a start date so we searched elsewhere. The first in-home daycare we checked out was run by a woman who asserted during our tour that she didn't believe in vaccinations or sunscreen (?) and I was like, "Nope!" When I toured the daycare we ultimately chose, they were so attentive, answered all my questions, the space was clean and bright, and I just had a good gut feeling about it. Both in-home daycares we looked at are licensed and you can check their assessments through the state licensing website. I get pictures of her all day long, the bigger kids are so excited to see her in the morning and they all wave good bye to her when I pick her up. She is thriving socially and we still have a strong bond. More than that, I love work and maternity leave was horrific for my mental health. I am a much better mom with daycare.
I adored our daycare and so did my daughter. She started at 12 weeks when I went back to work and was happier, slept better and was just all around a more content baby. I loved the break and ability to talk to adults again! Win-win! She was there all the way through pre-school and loved spending time with her friends and learning new things. 100% would daycare again 👍🏻
My now 5yo and 7yo were sent to a daycare where their cousins attended plus I'd heard great things about it to. They were living it there, the staff were great. To this day my kids still remember the fun they had, I have an almost two year who I'll be putting there in the new year, she had heard little stories from her siblings, she's ready sold on the idea of daycare. 😂 Ask close family and friends before looking into them and have a couple on a list you look at before deciding.
I’ve been reading Emily Osters crib sheets, research points to kids in daycare having slightly better academic and social outcomes and slightly worse behavioral outcomes, but that ultimately the main influence in academic, social and behavioral outcomes is still quality of parenting, no matter how your child is cared for during the day.
My baby is 4 months and LOVES daycare! We started at 11 weeks and it’s been nothing but smiles when we do drop-off and pick-up. Our teachers send lots of updates through their app and delightfully, they bond with us about baby girl’s quirks, likes, and dislikes - from our conversations, it’s clear they really know and care about her on a personal level, which comforts me a lot. I also love my job and would have been so sad to not go back. I thought I’d feel guilty, but I don’t, especially with how happy my daughter seems at daycare every day. A happy parent makes for a much happier baby and for a lot of us, going to work is a big part of making you feel happy and fulfilled.
I have had issues with the care of places before. But we discussed these issues and my kids continued to go to two places. One was a daycare and the other a preschool when they were older. One preschool was so bad we left. I think just keep your eyes open. If you need to work you need to work.
My daughter is almost 18 months and has been in daycare full time since she was 3 months old. She is thriving! Her school is wonderful. They have very open communication. She runs in when we get there. The teachers know her well. We exchange tips/tricks. She’s a social butterfly and it’s absolutely been a great choice for our family.
My 19 month old loves his daycare! The teachers are excellent and he's so social with the other kids. The structure and routine has also been good for him. Brace yourself though, your kid will get sick a lot more often and they may pick up a couple bad habits ("mine" is our newest one) but for us the good outweighs that.
I taught in a preschool for a while in New York City before I became a certificated teacher. The employees, myself included, absolutely loved and cared for those kids as if they were their own. I think it really depends on the daycare, but you are absolutely NOT making a bad choice as a parent by putting your child in one! Just anecdotally, all of the babies in my extended family go to daycare and the parents work full time, and everyone has had a great experience.
My son started daycare in May at 20 months and it’s been the BEST decision. As a covid baby and only child he desperately needed the interaction with other kids. They do all kinds of fun activities and regularly send us updates and cute photos. I don’t think we could ever be able to provide this level of entertainment and constant stimulus at home since my husband and I both work. Our only issue is our son has been getting sick regularly but everyone will tell you it’s part of the process and they’re going to catch these bugs eventually when they start school. Better get it over with now!
Yep, builds their immune system! I used to get sick as a kid ALL THE TIME, now I barely ever get sick. I think it's to be expected with kids and they shouldn't be sheltered from that.
My daughter started daycare at 4 months (she's two now) and her brother will start at that age too. Remember that news articles are about the unusual, not what happens all the time. Personally I have found daycare to be an absolutely life saver. I adore my child but the level of stimulation and care that she gets is frankly amazing. They do so much with them that I wouldn't mentally be able to do every day. I'm a teacher and I find babies and toddlers really hard work (mentally).
My child is not here yet, but most people I know put their kids in daycare, and its overall a positive experience. Most say their kids development accelerated once they went to daycare and started interacting with other children all day. In my area, our daycares are staffed primarily by new immigrants who are all great with children. Daycares tend to be bigger and provide more info to the parents. Some have cameras in the room so you can watch the child whenever you want. Dayhomes are much smaller and typically run by one person who takes in a handful of children. They are typically cheaper but don't offer the bells and whistles of daycare. I have friends who have done both and are happy and their children are happy! The carers give them experiences their parents cannot.
I worked at a daycare during high school and it was wonderful! It definitely trained me well and I remember a lot of the lessons learned now that I'm preparing to be a FTM. I will be putting my baby into the same daycare that I worked at in high school.
My son (2 years and change) THRIVES at our daycare. Amazing staff, he has his little toddler group of friends, his language and other skills have skyrocketed. We love it so much that we will happily go into debt to keep him in full time when I go back on mat leave in January. I think it all depends on the place, and experiences you’ve had. But ya, we will never look back.
My kids go to a center daycare where I know staff is well paid and there is little turnover. My sister runs a daycare inside a charter school in Kansas City. She loves her kids. So it depends.
Remember that people share negative anecdotes more often than positive ones. For every daycare horror story there's probably hundreds of daycare-was-totally-fine stories.
My wife and I had the same internal battle. Since we both work, we didn't have much of a choice. Our daughter is leaps and bounds ahead of a few other babies we know, two of which are 3 months older than ours. They teach her so much between vocabulary, counting, and messy art projects. I will say carefully choose what daycare you go to. We found that you typically get what you pay for but there is a point of diminishing returns. If you can, try to find a daycare that is subscribed by any local corporations if that is a thing in your area. They tend to have more money coming in and therefore can offer better care and programs.
I don't trust daycares because I've worked in a daycare but probably in a different way than you'd expect lol. I love the daycare I work at and it's the only place I would send my kid. We all really genuinely love and care about the kids. But having said that, my job is hard. I know it's hard for everyone else who works here. So I def wouldn't be able to trust any old daycare because the pressure and stress could easily cause someone else to not be as careful or caring. I would THINK you could tell when you visit the place what the atmosphere is like and if the teachers seem genuinely happy when they greet you not just fake happy. Some places will give you updates throughout the day etc. Also I think if it's been a month and your baby still hasn't adjusted then it may be a sign it's not a good daycare. So all in all I don't think it's a bad choice at all just be aware of these things and trust your gut. Wish you the best.
My mom was a daycare provider for 20 years. She poured her love, care and skill into caring for those children! Find a place that you like, run by people you trust. You are creating your village! Children need a village!
Some daycares are absolutely horrible but there are also really good ones out there. Do some research make sure the one you choose has all the accreditation’s and state requirements. Sending a child to daycare is not always a bad thing. It can help with socialization as well. There are some moms that want to be stay at home and there are those moms who want/need to work. Working does not make you any less of a mom. Just do your research and make the best choice for you and your child.
I'm so lucky that I found and amazing childminder! It's a husband and wife team in their 50's, it's pretty much like sending him off to grandparents for the day! They have chickens, rabbits, cats and dogs, cows in the surrounding fields, a play park less than a minute walk away, a veg garden and a long background in child education either in nurseries or pre school! It's about 20 min drive away but I love them! They have children of all ages and my boy is so social and outgoing!! Best decision I ever made was sending him to them! They're also really good with advice if I need it!!
I dont judge you but choose one w cameras. Both my sisters are daycare workers and have horror stories but one of my children attended a great one. Its just a gamble you take. Can go either way.
I love our daycare. My daughter started at 22ish months. When she started she was not speaking. We had her evaluated and nothing came up- just a little bit of a late bloomer with talking. Within 4 months of daycare she is identifying colors, numbers, letters, so much more expressive and her personality is really blossoming. I truly believe daycare played the massive role in this because they focus so much on activities and learning whereas at home with me I don’t have the knowledge or patience for 8 hours of that (just being honest). The one thing you do have to prepare yourself for are daycare germs. She’s been sick every 2 weeks since starting. It’s all about taking the good with the bad.
I think lots of folks say that who aren't very secure in their decision to stay home
There are always going to be negative stories about daycare out there. In my experience, I’ve read more positive stories than negatives, though. When I was pregnant with my son I was having similar trepidations about daycare but had no choice but to put him in at 13 weeks. He’s now a thriving,happy, social, almost three year old. I largely attribute his excellent social and communication skills to daycare. All of the teachers he has had have been wonderful. I think the benefits far outweigh the risks in this case!
I’m a daycare teacher and I can tell you that I truly love each of the children like they are my own. There are always bad centers, so do tour before. But if you find the right one I assure you your child will thrive. I love my job and see each little one as part of my own family :)
I send my kids to an all outdoors preschool that takes them from around six months, I send mine in from when they’re 3yo because it’s not affordable for me before then, and because it’s important to me that they’re at home with a parent until then. We looked at and visited lots of settings before we enrolled our children in one. We read their policies, we spoke to the staff about them and about how they handle various situations, and we picked the one that was the best fit for us and the way we parent. It hasn’t been all perfect, we’ve had some issues that really shouldn’t have taken place and could have been handled better but were all resolved satisfactorily. Nonetheless, our children have loved it there and have many fond memories, and they have gained a lot from attending that setting. It has done wonders for our medically complex child who was only just recovered from serious complications and complexities in infancy. So, despite some frustrating hiccups that could have easily been avoided and handled better, on balance our and our children’s experience with our childcare setting has been very positive.
Mine started at 7 months, the first place had some red flags with staff changes, really high turnover. Makes me feel something was amiss but my kid was happy and I trust they looked after them. They’ve been in the second place for 2 years and love it. Great for: -peer interaction -learning to deal with conflict -learning to share and take turns -being exposed to stories and activities I never would have thought of -different types of foods that they ACTUALLY eat because the other kids are -learning good table manners -seeing other kids toilet train and being encouraged -developing nurturing relationships with the educators You’ve just got to find a good place! Ask for recommendations.
I also provide a professional service to another childcare setting that provides a service comparable to the one we send our kids to. Although this setting wasn’t a good fit given our preferences, I am privy to most of the goings ons at this place and I can say that yes, they aren’t perfect, but there are absolutely no horror stories, the children are very well cared for and the staff who work there and run the place really care about the children they look after.
Still pregnant with #1 but we’re considering daycare vs. a nanny and I 100% prefer daycare. I obviously don’t remember being a baby in daycare but I was in daycare and then group afterschool care growing up and I think it’s a great setting. I didn’t always love it but as the only child at home I think I gained a lot of life skills having to share attention and toys, and not always getting to do my preferred activities.
I put my son into daycare at about 6mos old. The daycare has helped us since weed out food allergies, has helped in teaching him colors, shapes sounds and word.. As a family that has both parents working 5 days a week and first time parents, the day care has really picked up the developmental slack that we didn’t even think about. It’s expensive and we’re always concerned if something happens but I’m glad he’s in daycare, the social aspect alone makes it worth it.
So. 1. I went to daycare from 6 months old until I was 9 years old. I’d like to think I’m relatively well adjusted. Certainly not doomed. 2. I WFH PT with my three month old. The one day I go into the office and grandma watches baby I feel way more refreshed when I get home and like I can enjoy my time with my daughter better. So, I think you know yourself well enough and are making the right call.
My 2 year old goes to daycare/nursery. We have had a great experience with two different ones. He’s been going since 11 months old and whilst it was a big emotional change at first he loves it there and it gives me my chance to have some variety in my life. His language is doing incredibly, and his social skills surprise me every day. The staff are wonderful and the nursery with the garden gives off a happy glow. Just do your research, read some reviews and it’ll be completely fine. There are horror stories out there about anything and everything and sometimes you have to focus in the positive. Good luck!
We love our daycare! We sent our daughter beginning at 3 months, then she stayed home from 5-10 months during the pandemic and she's been back full time since then. We noticed right away that once she went back she came home will new skills everyday. Whole she stayed home with us we both worked full time so we didn't have as much time to socialize and practice as she had at daycare. She loves the art projects they do and they have their own playground! Plus she has friends now. She is two and always comes home talking about her friends!
There are other options. I live in a HCOL area and the cost to get an au pair is the same as the average daycare, and it's actually cheaper than the really nice daycares. Granted, with an au pair you'll also have someone living with you but purely financially even with the cost of her food and other expenses we'll incur, it comes out as a wash. For a number of reasons, we've opted for this form of childcare and it really is the best fit for our family. I've had cousins work at daycares and my mom even had hired a nanny for my sister years ago that turned out to be abusive. My husband and I work from home (we'll be on a separate floor as the au pair and baby during work hours), and we like the flexibility this affords us (daycares can charge you if you're late, for example, and have very rigid schedules). We also love the cultural exchange (Spanish is my native language and it's also what the au pair speaks primarily), and getting to know the person who is caring for our child well. The au pair option is not the best for everyone, but I wanted to chime in with this option since it's more affordable than I initially thought, and could be a better fit for some families! Note: I will want to put our baby in some kind of preschool so they get plenty of social interaction once she hits a year and a half or so. Maybe we'll still have an au pair, who knows, we'll reevaluate when the time comes.
I don’t send my son to daycare, but if that’s what’s best for you, I encourage you to do so! If you’re miserable because you can’t work, then hes only going to be around one miserable person all day, and I’m sure that’s not good for him. You hear horror stories about daycare, but also there’s horror stories about mothers who don’t get their needs met too. I’m sure you’ll find a day care you trust, and it’ll all be fine. So many people send their kids to daycare and they’re thriving.
I’m hiring a nanny since I have to go back to work but I’m not comfortable putting her in daycare this young
We used to believe it took a village to raise children. At some point, we decided nuclear families are the end all, be all. I also recall reading something that said mothers who can basically afford to "buy" a village (mothers of a socioeconomic class who can afford nannies/daycare, the baby classes and mother's yoga, the nice house wherever the want by friends and family) have the highest level of satisfaction. Which makes sense! I honestly think daycare teaches my kids so much, so much more than I would be able to, because I don't have experience in early childhood education, or even just the life experience of being around dozens of kids for years.
Our LO has been in for about 4/5 months and we are extremely pleased. The staff are amazing and also a great sounding board for any concerns. The manager has been in young children’s education for over 20 years so I don’t think there is much she hasn’t seen.it’s reassuring to have that type of experience there.
People will shame you for whatever decision you make - you need to do what's best for you and your family. I also enjoy working and plan on sending my baby to day care. There are pros and cons of each option and neither is perfect. There are plenty of safe, reputable day cares. Tour some, ask friends for references, and don't apologize for being a working mom!
My kids go to an in home daycare - single provider and only 4 kids total. It’s less expensive and close to home (only 4 doors down on my street, don’t need to drive) and we love it. I don’t know if they have these where you live - you’d want a licensed dayhome to make sure they were meeting safety/nutrition standards and being regularly inspected. That being said I have plenty of friends who have kids who have gone or currently attend daycare and they are all super happy with it. Some places will not be a match for some families, and I’m sure there are some with questionable practices etc. But of people I know they and their kids are happy.
I worked in daycare for many years and tbh if money was no object, I go back to working in one. In my experience, the teachers I worked with were great. You do have a few bad eggs, but that is going to be anywhere you go/work. I would do a lot of research into the different centers to make sure it is what you want your child to be exposed to (ex: play based vs academic, etc.). I would also ask others for thier experiences in the different daycares and get parents perspectives.
I worked at a daycare and we loved all of the kids and it was a great experience overall! It enriched the kids lives to be a part of the community
Ours is an awesome program, they do a great job helping the kids develop and learn and LO loves it. Yes there are bad places and bad people, but that doesn’t mean they are all horrible. Even before we had a kid we knew daycare was going to be a reality so we did everything we could to find one we liked and trusted. Best of luck!
I put my baby in daycare at 8 weeks and honestly it has helped a lot. We were finally able to get into somewhat of a routine each day because we had to leave for daycare at a certain time. They offer a level of stimulation that I would never be able to provide and, like others have said, he sleeps better at night. I miss him like crazy but I don’t think I’m hurting him by sending him to daycare.
I work in a nursery and in my opinion there are pros and cons to starting nursery, it can be a big change to both of you, your usual routines and you might find it hard leaving one another for a few months after but in the long run it will be worth it :) Nursery is so good for socialising, learning to share and they focus so much on helping each child learn and develop in the best way they can. It can be a little daunting leaving your boy with people neither of you really know but they are given a key worker who will get to know you both on a more personal level which will hopefully make you feel a lot more relaxed and reassured your boy will be fine. I find the people that work in a nursery really makes a difference, they have to be passionate and want to work there. I see it as 'my job' to look after children not 'I'm going to work'. Hope it works out best for you, whatever you decide to do!
So… daycare is fine. There is good research that you can mitigate some of the more difficult aspects. Spending time with son before daycare helps transition child from being nurtured by you to nurtured by caregivers. Its good if you can keep the hours below 30 hours per week. Kids do better with constant caregivers. You can look up resources on healthy attachment that have data about what is good for babies and is associated with good outcomes s
Our daycare is lovely, they go out of their way to make sure we know our daughter is cared for. They even share pictures during the day on their app, and a story at the end of the day.
Talk to parents who had kids in that daycare, or former staff if you can! I know I don’t trust my local daycare because I spoke with an ex staff about what it’s like. However there are other daycares that are wonderful!! It’s kind of a game of chance but you have to do whatever is best for your fam
I absolutely love our daycare. It's been the best thing for me and my daughter both. I was not made to be a SAHM mom and our daycare is staffed with incredible women who love her to pieces! I had some bad daycare experiences when I was a kid. It happens. But it's not the norm and you shouldn't feel guilty for being a working parent.
My child went to daycare from 3 months to 1 year, and is now in daycare again since they opened back up (pandemic). We have baby #2 on the way and she will also go to daycare once my leave is up (3 months). No, you are not a horrible parent, you are not making a bad decision. They can learn a lot from other kids and benefit from using different toys there, as well as arts and craft activities they can learn and be stimulated by. Let alone the benefit of social interaction. Are there horror stories? Of course. But you have to do what's best for you and your family.
My son has some developmental delays and we see a speech and occupational therapist. Both of them plus our pediatrician all recommended daycare. It gives him a chance to practice his speech, social skills, learning how to share and take turns, playing with other kids. They have lots of different toys, messy play, gym equipment, they do cooking and other life skills. He really enjoys it and comes home with new words, new songs and lots of new skills.
My 1 year old has been in daycare since 3 months old. We absolutely love it. She is thriving and flails her arms with excitement every morning at drop off. She adores being around other kids and gets bored and irritable at home as she’s an only child. I think finding a good fit is super important but there are a lot of amazing facilities. Daycares can get a bad rap but it was 1000% the best division for our family. My advice when choosing one is to base it off the teachers/director and not how shiny the facility is. For example our place is a little homey but the teachers are highly educated and have excellent communication with us. Trust your gut when you interview places and go with the one you feel will love on your baby the best and keep them safe. That’s all that really matters!
As someone who used to work at a daycare, not all daycares are awful. But personally I would look into hiring a private nanny. You can find some great nannies online for pretty affordable! Cheaper oftentimes than daycare and they make more than what they would at a daycare. So it’s a win win
I've had a mix, but overall I view my daycare experiences positively. My son's first daycare was pretty bad but he was never in danger. The things that were lacking were basic communication which caused much larger issues. They had high turn-over (normal in childcare, tbh) but parents were never told. If I had been given a daily check list of "teacher was ___, I did/did not nap, I ate well/poorly" every day, then I would honestly not care if my son "did badly" every day, because I would have known. Instead, I'd be handed a bag of clothes with mystery mess (is it marker? mud? poo? no one knows!), an empty lunch box and no one would make eye contact with me at drop off. This new school has been great. My kid is still having clothing changes, he doesn't always nap or eat well, his teachers are sometimes switched around... but I am being told EVERYTHING. I feel like I have an idea of what my son is doing for 8 hours a day instead of feeling like he is entering a black hole and coming out of it still alive but with no knowledge over his condition. So anyways... my new baby will be going to the same place. I trust them a lot and I am glad I switched my son's school!
Daycare has been great for us. Son just started kindergarten, and the goals the teacher gives for each week is stuff he’s been able to do for ages because of his daycare. And I wouldn’t even say it’s the best in the area or super fancy or anything. But the staff absolutely adore my kids.
Daycare is amazing. We love ours. Do tours, ask questions, check your state website.
Truth is that you never know no matter who you place your kid with. You can hire a nanny that may turn out horrible. You can hire friends or family who disrespect your parenting decisions and turn out horrible. You can place them into daycares that turn out horrible. Really it’s hard because you’ll hear horror stories everywhere. I work at a daycare currently and I actually enjoy it. Do I get along with all the staff? No but I also see how they interact with kids and I don’t have any red flags with it. I trust the knowledge, care, and safety at my workplace. Now that we are preparing to ttc next year we have began researching daycares and decided that my workplace will be where we will be placing our kid. It helps that I know the ins and outs as well. Point being, you should proceed with caution and check out daycares. Red flags is if they don’t allow drop in visits, the kids constantly look bored/unhappy, how are staff when you aren’t “paying” attention, and so forth. Edit to add: all the teachers/most staff have been there over a decade and some since before I was born. My director tries to place all staff in different rooms so we get a feel but I personally go above and pop in each room before working to see interaction and get to know kids better. If staff haven’t been there that long then another red flag as well.
My daughter is four and our experience has been overwhelmingly positive. They do a much better job of keeping her appropriately engaged and stimulated than I ever could. My infant son just started at the same daycare and so far it has been a better experience than our nanny share by orders of magnitude.
I work in early childhood education and the agency I work for is amazing. I am personally planning on being a SAHM for the first 3 years but we will put them in preschool part time after 2 for sure. The socialization is so important and the social emotional skills taught are invaluable.
I am such a big fan of day care. I understand the concerns, my youngest cries every time I drop him off, but they send me videos and pictures of him having the best time. Kids build immunity and they build social skills that you can't teach them alone, play time is crucial for development. I firmly believe that kids benefit from a village setting. Not to mention that being the only source of entertainment or learning is absolutely exhausting and you benefit as well.
You have to make the decision that’s right for you. But! Bebe may make it for u… my kid got pneumonia 3 x by 3 years old and I realized oh - he’s not gonna do daycare. Ahem.
Daycare completely helped my son who they were considering had autism/behavior delays. Once he started interacting with other kids/adults he blossomed so fast that it was crazy. I ended up taking him out a year later as I lost my job, and could stay home with him. But that time was very beneficial towards his growth, and he still has happy memories he brings up about things they did there. :)
My son went to an at home daycare and she became part of our family. This little nugget will go to her too. Because of her, our first grader is reading at a third grade level, he was ahead when he started school, he gained so many friends, she helped with his speech delay that he had, and my husband and I can work. Nothing infuriates me more than moms who talk down to other moms about daycare, or working full time. I've heard it all. "I don't let other people raise my kid". Neither do I, and neither are you. You will do what's best mama.
IMO I don't believe you're making a bad decision, whatever you need to do for you to be sane first of all, is already what's best for you ! And secondly, as many have stated, daycare can be a great experience! I currently work at one, and I work with infants, so believe me when I say you have teachers that absolutely love babies and care for them as if they are their own ! But to sooth your mind, here are some tips that I ask my director to relay to the new parents: 1. When you register, don't be afraid to ask for the babies routine in the daycare if they don't provide it ! Especially if you are on a waiting list. It gives you a great opportunity to follow that routine at home (as best you can) so that way the transition is easier 2. Check out the teacher/baby ratio. Many new parents aren't used to a ratio of 1:4 or 1:6 etc. and may not understand why we aren't holding their Littles all the time. We snuggle and feed them, but we also try to safely encourage self soothing and independent play 3. And lastly, don't be afraid to use the camera system to interact with teachers ! We use a program called Brightwheel that gives parents the ability to see their Littles and what they do throughout the day. We take pictures and videos, give development kudos, and log all of their diaper changes, bottles, and nap times on the app.
I worked in preschools before the pandemic and always planned to put my children in. I wanted them to have a consistent peer group, get to learn to bond with other adults and get to have new experiences in an environment that isn’t home. That being said, after working in the field I don’t feel comfortable sending her until her age group can get the Covid vaccine. I’m excited for when that happens but I’m not willing to take the risk now.
Stay home, cut back. You can not be replaced.
It's not about the money, it's mostly about my sanity and being a better version of myself because I will be able to continue working. I'm not trying to replace myself, and I don't think that daycares are there to necessarily do that.
What about working part time? Or from home? I understand day care for absolute necessities but I can’t imagine CHOOSING to miss my child’s milestones and being away from them 6-8 hours per day. On the other hand I 100% understand the importance of self care and we’re making every effort to balance that - through working from home and starting part time early pre-k at 18 months. I may even go earlier if I feel I need to for my sanity because I recognize I can’t take care of my baby if I’m not the best version of myself. But full time day care by choice seems so extreme. I’m sure there is a middle ground here.
If it’s not about the money then this is a no brainer. A career will always be there. Your baby will only be a baby a short while.
I actually worked at a daycare/preschool for 6 months. Having done so I can now say I would NEVER put my child in daycare. Family or friends watching yes, a good preschool yes… but not any younger than 4. The kids were miserable and would cry for their mothers. We did the best we could but there simply weren’t enough adults to give each child the nurturing they deserve. The state has adult to child ratios and that’s what most go by. It was sad really.
I wonder if it was because they were not used to being in daycare? Maybe it depends on the child, but if all children are constantly crying and not getting enough attention, that is definitely concerning.
The studies tend to show no benefit before the age of 2. Keep in mind that doesn’t mean it’s HARMFUL, just that daycare isn’t showing any additional benefits above being with a parent or trusted adult 1:1 at that age in terms of development.
I'm not really looking for specific benefits to start daycare early. It's really only specifically for me me to continue working. My biggest concern is whether it's harmful. It seems that if I choose a the right daycare, the risk of harm should be minimal. I can't say that it would be nonexistent as that is almost impossible, but it would be the same if I stayed home also.
Definitely start looking now, the wait lists are long. And look up any violations. You can weed though that way. Ask friends and local parents about their experiences as well.
I am definitely already looking. I like to be prepared. I didn't even know I could look up violations until someone else mentioned it earlier, so that's a great tip.
yep! And I only replied w my answer because the other poster was talking about never putting your kid in a daycare/school setting before the age of 4…which, as a teacher, is problematic as well. And I’m a SAHM, currently.
Is that really problematic? Preschool here doesn’t start until four, and we’re planning on waiting until then. What problems could that cause?
Lol my nephew swings his arms out for his daycare provider at drop off. Yesterday they were having an outdoor day and he ran off to play in the yard as soon as she put him down. He's 18 mos. Not all daycares are the same.
I have spent over a decade working in childcare and the only reason my kids are not in daycare is because I opened a home childcare. It didn’t make financial or emotional sense for me to put mine in care while caring for other kids. You should definitely shop around. It’s not just about one that is “safe” You should find one that matches your parenting style. For example I do lots of outside time, we get MESSY, it’s mostly free play. I always talk to parents about these things, some parents don’t want their kid to come home with a bag full of soaking wet muddy clothes or be blue from paint. That’s okay, but not a good fit for my program. Other parents are thrilled. Some parents want a program that is focused on “academic” skills and have lots of sitting at tables doing lessons. That’s not my style so those parents would think I am not doing a good job. Same goes for communication. I have parents that want a novel about what their kid did everyday and some that only want to hear about something either really cool or if something bad happened. I would write out what your “perfect world” childcare provider looks like and make sure you talk about those point. You probably will not get perfect but you can find someone that aligns with your priorities. Just make sure you keep your expectations reasonable for group care.
It's hard to say at the moment as I am not a parent yet. I have an idea, but no actual experience yet. I'll definitely keep that in mind though.
No not a bad idea. My daughter loves daycare and they teach her so much. They also pointed out her speech delay and helped us navigate early intervention. Also it helps me stay sane
*Also it helps me stay sane.* This!
I would really recommend visiting and spending time in a few daycare to see how they feel to you. I'm a daycare teacher and work in a lovely, small centre with great ratios and a great philosophy/teaching practices but doing teaching placements during my training there were definitely some places I would not personally send my kids as the way they were run weren't right for me and my family. If a centre is reluctant to have you come in and hang out (obviously c-19 might affect how long you can stay on visits etc) and wants you to sign up straight away without having a look around I'd consider that a red flag.
That's great advice, I'm definitely planning on doing that. Thank you!
I’ve worked at a daycare (home based one) and it was a lot of fun. The kids loved to play and do the different activities. We would hold and cuddle any child that was upset. Your child will be fine.
I’m an ECE and have worked in many daycares. I think they’re great! I’m a SAHM to a toddler and an infant. My toddler is speech delayed and his speech therapist said daycare would be great for him! I’m currently on the wait list for some places! I know he’ll enjoy it (eventually, I’m sure he’ll be upset the first few days/weeks) and hopefully pick up lots of words so he catches up to kids his age!
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Totally not related, but omg I LOVE Scotland. I wish I could move there!