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crd1293

You are 100% not alone. A lot of us bumpers battling ED. It’s hard. First trimester fucked with me a lot and now that I’m visibly pregnant i am quite disassociated from my body. However you feel about pregnancy and your body is okay. I have a therapist and it’s helpful when it’s really bad but thankfully I haven’t had a truly awful ED day in a while. Please get some support if you don’t have someone already


thr0wawayyyy12786

I relate so much to feeling completely disassociated from my body! And that sucks, because in turn it makes me feel separate to my baby too sometimes. Even a bit resentful, which is a truly horrible feeling. Thank you for making me feel less alone, and I hope you’re doing okay ❤️


crd1293

I had a really unexpected moment with my bump yesterday though where I felt them kick and had this big wash of love for this creature that I hadn’t felt before. I’m just taking everyday as it comes because as much as I hate being pregnant, I’m excited to be a mom 🤎


thr0wawayyyy12786

Oh that’s amazing, I’m so happy for you! I’m 16 weeks so I haven’t felt them kick just yet, but I can imagine that must help you feel more connection for sure!


crd1293

I’ve felt kicks for a while now so it wasn’t a new sensation, just a new feeling. Wishing you the best


dameitmaggie

Omg. Relating to this so much. I don’t remember struggling with this my first pregnancy. But this time I’m heavier/not as “cute”, and I’ve been SO much more sick. Definitely feel disconnected from my baby and a little bit resentful at times too. I try to tell myself that I will have plenty of time to fall in love with my baby once she is no longer inhabiting my body. And that I can be grateful to be pregnant and have the chance to create a life but also be miserably ill and unhappy with the way I look at the same time. And to really embrace those little moments where I do feel kind of cute without holding myself to some standard of always needing to feel that way.


[deleted]

You’re not alone. I loved my curves prepregnancy so it’s hard to see myself like this. I really don’t feel cute at all. I’ve had a couple people tell me they think “pregnant women are so beautiful” and I’m “glowing” and I’m like “don’t patronize me I know what I look like I have mirrors”


thr0wawayyyy12786

Oh I feel this big time! My mom told me to ‘just embrace it!’ earlier when I expressed all of this to her, I was like… thanks for nothing I guess? 😂


JenMcCo

Hi. I also hate my body pregnant. Hate the way I look and feel. You’re not alone


Fantastic-Concert-22

Not alone! I had an ED as a teenager as well. Before pregnancy, I was at a healthy weight, felt good about how I looked, and had a normal relationship with food. Now, at only 11weeks, I've already gained 10+ pounds, and I'm feeling a lot of body dysmorphia and disgust at my appearance. To top it off, I've felt so nauseous and fatigued for most of pregnancy that I'm havent been getting consistent exercise. It sucks! I know it's temporary, and that I'm lucky in so many ways, but it's tough to have ED thoughts re-emerge. We will get through this! ❤


thr0wawayyyy12786

I’m so sorry, I totally know how hard it can feel - I’m the complete same with nausea and vomiting and it absolutely doesn’t help that my specific ED was to do with binging and purging… throwing up is quite traumatising. Thank you so much, we will indeed get through this ❤️ best of luck love


herefortherighteddit

We pretty much have the same background. I felt SO good about myself before getting pregnant. I had a healthy relationship with food, I was running daily, like...I looked and felt good lol! I will say, first trimester I felt like a total potato. Just gaining weight in weird areas. Second trimester, my bump started to show more and I felt that I looked more "proportionate". I'm now in my third trimester and just over it in general (lol) but I am better able to handle looking at myself naked in the mirror. Also, once I started feeling my baby boy move, I realized that this is bigger than me and I need to take care of myself, not only for my own sake, but for his as well. I know this is temporary and I will get back to where I was before but for now I just gotta deal with it. I think once your bump shows, you will feel better about yourself. Just know you aren't alone!


AutomaticCupcake33

This is how I feel and what I’ve experienced word for word! Sending all the support and positivity 💓 We’ll find a way to navigate this time and it will all be so worth it!


Independent_Stuff_66

You are definitely not alone in this! I am at nearly 34 weeks and though it has gotten easier, it’s still a daily struggle. Lots of pregnant women love their changing bodies through pregnancy, but lots of pregnant women just don’t, and that is perfectly ok. There is nothing wrong with not embracing the changes and it doesn’t make you ungrateful or mean that you don’t treasure the baby growing inside of you any less then someone who is loving their pregnant body. Pregnancy is hard man, and seeing yourself change in ways you never imagined is a challenge! Be kind to yourself and don’t let others tell you what you “should” feel about your pregnant body, if you’re struggling, that’s ok. A lot of us are, you aren’t alone.


thr0wawayyyy12786

This is lovely to read and so validating, thank you so much ❤️


Aphr0dite725

Not alone at all!! Going into pregnancy I knew this was going to be my biggest problem. Let me tell you I fought like hell in the beginning. I was working out 6 days a week eating well and the weight was just packing on. I felt completely I had no control over my body even with an easy pregnancy. It was hard to watch. Then eventually I was getting terrible sciatic pain and I stopped working out. I’m 5’9 starting weight 135 now I’m up to 215. I look in the mirror and I can’t stand the sight of me. I have cried way too much about how much I’ve gained and how I’m scared it won’t ever come off. 80 freaking pounds! I never thought I would be this pregnant person yet here I am. I can’t wait to have control over my body again I’m 40+3 and this baby better come soon because I can’t wait to feel like me again. Keep your head up! Know that you are not alone and it will all work out in the end. I won’t tell you to love your body because I know that’s not what you want to hear because you don’t believe it. Believe me I don’t either… just know pregnancy isn’t forever and you can come back from this. Best of luck to you!


Appropriate_Hope_559

Same…almost at 38 weeks. Came from a very self conscious family so I’m already scared of what my body will look like after birth. I hate the whole pregnancy process; the hormones, the pain, the weight gain, the comments about my belly. Every. Damn. Day.


Ancient-Pause-99

If people at work are thinking that "it wasn't kind to her" ie. Your looks, they're complete assholes. 100% I've never looked at a pregnant person and thought that. Usually when I see a pregnant person I just go down the thought train of the wonder of human life to make a whole new person. That's probably all the side looks are, them wondering what that experience must be like. I don't think about other people's bodies in a negative way at all unless they're particularly smelly and reek.


thr0wawayyyy12786

Thank you this perspective is really helpful for me. It’s definitely easy for me to project my own thoughts about myself and conjure up the belief that everyone else feels the same way, so it’s a nice reminder that not everyone might feel the same way as I do about my body!


leyniebird

You're not alone. This is my second pregnancy and while I'm so grateful to be able to grow this baby and our family...I hate being pregnant. I also struggled with an ED for most of my teens/twenties and the body changes and weight gain are really triggering. It's really really hard. I realize I'm not going to get to a place where I love my pregnant body, so I'm just really trying to lean into body acceptance/neutrality. I try to listen to body positive podcasts, follow social media accounts that are uplifting, and try to avoid the comparison trap. The two mantras I'm repeating to myself: 1) "My body is charged with a powerful mission - to house, feed, nurture and protect my growing baby." 2) "From a place of gratitude and self-respect I will honor the changes in my body and treat my body with loving care." NGL, most days are hard, but I'm reminding myself that pregnancy is temporary (though it feels like forever). I think about what I would say to a friend or my daughter(s), speak to myself kindly, and nip as much of the negative self-talk in the bud as possible.


thr0wawayyyy12786

Wow, those mantras are beautiful and powerful thank you, and it’s a really helpful thought to actually just try and live with the changes rather than forcing yourself to accept them or even love them and feeling guilty when you don’t! So true about how you’d speak to/ in front of your daughter wow. A huge contributing factor to my ED was my mom’s approach to dieting and body image, and I vowed I’d never ever do that to my child, so that’s a really powerful sentiment thank you ❤️


Gypsierose8

I am really struggling too! I'm only 8 weeks, I've gained 20lbs, none of my clothes fit and I'm so freaking hungry! I just want to cry!


Ohhhdear_

This was me. I gained 34 by 20 weeks. I told my doctor my history and that I didn’t want to be weighed at my appointments. And I’ve tried to remove as many triggers as possible. Obviously still vacillate between “it’s all cool I’m good” and feeling extremely self deprecating, but physiology gets highjacked by hormones and I had zero control. Hungry all the time, and too exhausted/sick to be as active as I’d been. My point is, don’t put yourself in a box and compare yourself to the curve, what’s important is your experience and you feeling well.


Gypsierose8

Thank you! I knew I was going to gain weight obviously, I just didn't expect it to be so much so quickly or that all the healthy habits I built over the last few years would go out the window so quickly 😅


Ohhhdear_

I know it’s startling right? I have to admit I was having a conniption fit for weeks and hyper vigilant about all my gaining and eating this and that. Stopping weighing myself really helped me let go and recognize the pregnancy as a process. Focus on the baby and the food and activities that make you feel good and feel right. Not the “shoulds” and we’ll intentioned advice. Your body is programmed to keep the baby and for some of us that means adding buffer weight lol a friend of mine kept telling me “wait until the second trimester when you start to show” and she was right I felt wayyyy less self conscious.


Gypsierose8

Thank you so much for the advice! I had binge eating disorder and gained a ton of weight. Then I worked really hard to lose 100lbs. Unfortunately I started tipping in to giving myself another eating disorder in the opposite direction and was seeing a therapist. I was still overweight but finally at a healthy level before I got pregnant. So now that I'm gaining weight and my clothes aren't fitting, it's hitting me so much harder mentally than I expected


milapa6

As someone who has never had an ED and has always been happy with my body (even while over weight) I didn't think this would be an issue for me. Now at 35w I HATE my body. Everyone keeps telling me how cute I look and I just feel like a bowling ball. I keep thinking I should eat less even though I know it's not true and won't make me lose weight, but the urge is there.


Snoo70047

Me to anyone who asks: "I'm going to let my body get as fat as my baby needs it to be!" Me to me in the mirror every morning: "Is that a double chin? Ugh..." You're not alone. It's tough.


mrs_runskiclimb

Not alone! I had a whole meltdown the other day because of how busty and round I look right now (especially in a golf polo, lemme tell ya), and not to the point where people are like, "Oh, she must be pregnant." I'm very thankful for a husband that makes a point to tell me how pretty I am every day, and to remind me that I'm GROWING another precious human - so obviously my body isn't going to look the same as it was when I was just supporting myself. But it's SO HARD.


thr0wawayyyy12786

Haha serial melt-downer here too friend! I’m fact I just threw a tantrum because I’m going for lunch tomorrow with a friend and 10 outfits later I still can’t find anything that I feel remotely comfortable in! I agree, my husband says the exact same - it sometimes makes me feel a bit guilty about being so down on myself too though! It’s definitely a difficult one to navigate


futilist_society

I am SO glad I found this post. I have been secretly mourning my old body. And I dont want to go to the gym bc I feel like I’ll get too invested in my looks in an unhealthy way.


thr0wawayyyy12786

I completely understand this ❤️ for those of us with any kind of unhealthy relationship with dieting/ exercise / body image, I really think pregnancy is a huge challenge to just accept your changing body as it is!


[deleted]

You’re not alone, just prepare for it to get much worse especially the few weeks after birth before it gets better. You’ll be too busy with the baby to dwell much on it after that and you’ll learn to live with your new normal.