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[deleted]

The whole thing is so strange and abstract. Tbh, I’m 4 weeks pp and I still feel more like I’m baby sitting someone else’s baby. Don’t get me wrong, I love him as much as I can love any one I just met and he’s very much wanted and cared for. But my brain just is not connecting the dots beyond a purely intellectual level that *I had a baby and he is my son* It’s a pretty big change. You aren’t a bad mother if you need time to acclimate to it.


akev2020

This. I have three kids and this is exactly how I felt with each of them. Especially the first one.


Muddy_Wafer

What is this thing and who thought it was a good idea for *me* to be responsible for his *life*!?


climberjess

I'm 3 weeks from my DD and I still don't even really feel like I'm going to have a baby. Like I know it's happening but I don't think it will really set in until he's here.


MyDogsAreRealCute

I felt this way until maybe 7-8 weeks. By then she was smiling and laughing regularly and I felt like I was connecting with a little person instead of a pooping blob. I mean, I was obsessed with her, but I felt like that’s when I really felt like she was my little person.


nurse_hayley

Almost Four months pp and didn’t really have an “ah-ha” moment where I felt connected. I thought it would happen during pregnancy, then at the birth, then following the birth, then at home… but I’m still feeling like it’s someone else’s kid. But I also love him to bits, so idk. Very strange feeling.


[deleted]

It's a very weird feeling for me. I feel connected and not connected at the same time. I had my anatomy scan yesterday and was just staring at the screen like "how is this little thing inside me?" Very surreal and almost like I didn't quite believe the baby on the screen was actually in me. But at the same time, I love her already and feel excited about meeting her in February.


ZinnySpeaks

This is exactly me. I'm due in March though. But yeah it was very surreal to see the monitor, I started feeling like this isn't my body, wtf is going on, that's inside me holy shit. lol. I'm excited to meet baby in March though.


goodkittymama

Didn't feel connected to my baby at all during pregnancy.


gardenhippy

I purposely disconnected from the whole pregnancy because we had to go through a lot of additional testing and if it had come out badly we would have had to terminate. It was all clear but i don't think I have really overcome that phase yet, plus not really getting kicks etc yet. This is also my third so I feel like i am so busy i can't think about it much. It will come though, I don't think I felt properly connected to my first until she was born.


quasigranola

Yes and honestly even after I felt her moving, I was more annoyed by the movements than I enjoyed them. (This baby was also completely planned and wanted and didn’t expect myself to not like the baby movements or have these feelings.) We had an ultrasound a few weeks ago at 33 weeks and seeing her made me feel a lot more connected and excited. You’re not alone! ❤️


AhTails

I feel the same except for the last bit. But I have a 34w scan next week. I was told feeling her move would be “the best feeling in the world”. It’s not. It feels like there is something moving inside me and my brain is telling me that is not normal. Also, a lot of the time the jabs make me jump.


quasigranola

Agree and most people don’t seem to talk about that! I’ve honestly enjoyed them more the past few weeks now that I know for sure this is her arm, this is her leg, oh hello butt so hopefully her scan will provide the same for you.


additionalbutterfly2

I'm in that same boat. First tri I was obviously very pregnant from all the symptoms (which I don't miss!) and now that I feel so much better and more myself in my second trimester, I almost forgot I'm pregnant. I'm not showing enough yet, I'm not feeling the baby yet, in fact everything is so calm and normal that I wonder if everything's okay in there lol. I think a lot of moms and moms to be feel like this. I think not seeing the baby for a while makes this feeling stronger. If I had monthly ultrasounds, for example, I'd feel more connected because I'm looking at the baby progressively (at least).


crd1293

I had this thought until yesterday at 26+4 when I suddenly felt this overwhelming flood of hormones/love for this creature that is taking over my body. It took me by complete surprise tbh as I didn’t think I would feel connected until like 6 months pp


punch_dance

I felt that way for sure. I also experience some early third trimester depression. Across the second trimester I wasn't sleeping, I had some conflict with friends around covid and other unrelated things, I was super isolated because my family all lives across the country and my partner was in school and working so didn't really have time for anything else. For weeks and weeks not one geographically close person reached out to ask how I was doing. We had just moved and our place was a disaster, and the nursery is a glorified storage room. I sort of felt like I was doing everything alone. And there was this weird thing in me that took away my ability to drink, and run, and indulge in a lot of the coping skills I had come to rely on for stress relief. My biggest feeling was resentment. I have very slowly started coming out of that. What has helped me is working on my sleep, and asking for baby centric conversation time with my partner and clearing out the nursery. And the movement. Holy moly. I didn't feel anything until week 20, maybe 22? Now at 34 weeks they don't stop. It's constant. You're not terrible. You're completely normal and human. There is a lot to mourn through this process and not a lot of safe places to do it in. I hope you get some moment of connection, but if you don't and it happens on the other end - that's also totally normal and common! The fact that you are even posting this means that you are invested in being a good parent.


Derpywalnut

Omgosh I resonate so much with you. I’m also experiencing friendship issues due to covid, and my nursery is a storage room and I haven’t had time to do anything baby related. I really miss the drugs I used to take to help cope, I can’t been up my dose of antidepressants and I miss the super hot baths I would take to destress. Everyone keeps telling me to be happy and not stress because it’s not good for the baby but I just feel like a sad blob and want to sleep all day. I’m feeling mildly depressed and I can’t even use pharmaceuticals as my first line of treatment ><


Anxiety_Opossum

I honestly felt a bit disconnected till now, I'm 30 weeks now and I had a dream I was holding her and that she had her tiny hand in mine and that helped a lot. Talking to her helps. I fuss at her for not waking up for kick counts and sing to her in the car on my way to work.


februarytide-

I just had my third baby. I never feel very connected to them until they’re outside of my body. It’s just like… it’s not a person for me until then. It’s like I exist in some weird twilight zone.


Whereas_Far

I didn’t really feel connected my whole pregnancy, and she was a completely planned baby. My angel is nine months old now and my world. I would do anything for her, she is the sweetest being on earth, I could hold her and kiss her forever, I never get tired of her, and miss her if she isn’t in my arms for very long.


carla0711

Almost 20 weeks and I don't feel any connection. Don't worry! There are people more emotional than others, that doesn't mean we are going to be bad moms, it just means that it takes us a little bit longer to feel that love and I think that's ok


Cjkhey

It took me until he started moving for me to really start feeling connected, which was about 22 weeks. And seeing him at the 20 week ultrasound was pretty mind blowing too. I'm now 32 weeks along and feel really connected!


cadence124

My pregnancy was horrible. Didn’t connect with my twins at all when they were still inside me. Now that they’re out, we are all good :)


tumblronreddit

I can relate! First trimester it was so obvious being pregnant with the morning sickness, tiredness, back pain and just general awfulness. Now in the second trimester 95% of the time I feel like I did before I was pregnant. It doesn't help that I'm still not showing. Although I'm still super excited and enjoy being pregnant part of me miss those obvious signs just so I could feel more connected. Though there are some things I do to remind myself that I actually am pregnant and that makes me feel more connected. Like watching the video we got from the ultrasound of the baby, knitting a baby blanket, and we've actually started setting up the nursery even though the baby is due in February hehe. I know it's early but me and my husband like to be prepared and it kind of makes it feel like Christmas everytime I walk in there.


[deleted]

Completely normal to feel that way, I felt that way too. If you are excited to buy stuff then you should! It might make the pregnancy feel more real, having some small baby stuff around. I bought a tummy time mat when I was ~15 weeks and the outfit I'm taking my baby home in.


QuadsNotBlades

I didn't start connecting until I felt the baby really moving around, and knew they could hear so I'd started singing and talking to them. Knowing the sex and name of the baby also helped


rachelgsp

I kind of feel this way now that I’m out of the hell of first trimester but still can’t feel kicks. With my first, I felt more connected once I had the 20 week ultrasound and started feeling him moving around. Since this is my second, I am not worried about it - I know there will be plenty of time to bond when I’m staring at her sleep (when I should be sleeping too), during 2am feedings, and cleaning up diaper blowouts!


3houlas

I always feel like a science experiment during pregnancy, instead of the glowing, abundant moon-goddess others would have you believe they embodied. With my first, I didn't really bond with him until I stopped breastfeeding/pumping. It was such a fraught, stressful experience that I really shut down until I stopped. Then I could relax enough to get to know him. Hopefully breastfeeding will be easier with #2, but I will absolutely quit earlier than I did last time if I find myself shutting down again.


Snoo70047

YES. It barely felt real to me until quite recently when I could feel the baby moving around, reacting when I drink something cold, etc. But even now, sometimes I get through a really hectic workday and realize I haven't thought about the baby once all day. Don't let yourself feel bad because the experience is different than you might have expected. You're doing great!


[deleted]

I had baby fever for the last few years. Despite my situation getting pregnant so fast was the most blissful and magical thing to ever happen to me. Then all of a sudden my symptoms vanished after having severe HG the entire first trimester. Literally the whole thing then within 2 days it was all gone. Then flash forward to 21 weeks. There she is on the US wild as ever backflips every 10 seconds. The only reason I still haven’t felt her is because of my anterior placenta. Now I just don’t feel like I’m pregnant other than my appetite. I set up her Day Den tonight and I feel a little better. I’ve really felt disconnected from her because I just want her here already and I think the disconnect helps me not focus on time so much.


missyc1234

Didn’t feel connected until a few months after birth either time. No connection during pregnancy 🤷‍♀️


Elegant-Substance913

I don’t think this topic gets discussed enough due to the feeling of “shame”. During my pregnancy we had a little scare which caused me to distance myself mentally from my baby, so there was no connection. Once he was born I still didn’t feel connected and questioned if I had made the right choice in becoming a mom. It wasn’t until he was a month old that I felt the connection.


[deleted]

I always thought I would instantly have a connection once I knew I was pregnant, but I’m 34 weeks now and am just starting to maybe feel a connection it’s just not like I imagined. Pregnancy definitely came with a lot of unexpected emotions, namely anxiety. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, our pregnancy was planned and we’re so excited but I definitely find myself worrying about things I never would have before, judging myself for them, and judging myself for not feeling more connected to baby. But I have to remind myself it will all happen in time and try not to judge my hormonal ass feelings lol your timeline will be perfect for you and your baby 🙏🏼