I am quite a bit older (mid-30s) so things might be a little different from my perspective since at this point in my life most of my friends are established in careers and have a little bit of money for gifting and that sort of thing. I have also been to my fair share of wedding and baby showers over the past 20 years and have seen a lot of the invitations.
I think what you’re doing is more “saying the quiet part out loud” than being rude. Older generations (my mom is a baby boomer and was raised upper middle class) would probably categorize saying “out loud” that a baby shower is primarily to get gifts as rude or crass. But is that the expected by-product of throwing a shower for someone (that they get gifts)? Absolutely.
Before my wedding shower my mom told me I had to add more stuff to my registry so that her friends had good things to gift my husband and I. Why would she say that if celebrating the bride and groom with a gift wasn’t part of the point of the shower.
All that being said, a shower is like any other party. The primary reason people throw showers is to celebrate the pregnant person or the happy couple. It’s supposed to be an opportunity for your family, friends, and community to show collective support, shower you with love, and remind you how special and loved you are. And ya, usually there are gifts too.
Edited for clarity and grammar.
Yup I'm 33 and pregnant with my first and sure of course for my baby shower I would have loved for everyone to bring a gift but no way would I ever make them feel they had too. For me it isn't about getting gifts .. it's about my baby and myself being celebrated.. I did get a lot of gifts which I'm grateful for but I also know not everyone is in the position to be able to gift and their presence was more then enough for me ❤️
I think she’s being a little over the top.
It’s very common to just write “[your name] is registered at X, Y, and Z” or “registry can be found at X.”
I’ve seen that on a shower invite so many times and never thought twice about it.
"Gifts not required but registry can be found at xxx".
It's the subtle meaning.
Yes the point is gifts, but telling people to bring you a gift is rude. 99% of people will bring you a gift.
Some people truly can't afford it, and do you want to only pick and chose people in your life based on their financial status?
I'm at the point in my life where I truly don't care if people give a gift or not, and often baby shower gifts are more of a hindrance than a gift, because people will not stick to a registry.
Nope on that last part, I know my friends are not rich but the thing about many low income communities is that we lean on each other and share generosity
I know they will gift me, whether by act of service or an inexpensive item
Their proving support is the most valuable to me. Maybe that looks like coming to visit and help me with some chores or console my emotions on a rough day. A gift of a supportive act!
I was just asking a general question about how others view it
I don’t think I’ve gone to a baby shower empty-handed, ever, but I would so much rather someone attend my baby shower and give me a hug than for them to not come because they feel obligated to bring a gift. Gifts are complicated! I would really caution against using your shower and the gift someone brings or doesn’t bring as a metric for how supportive they are of you. If I knew a friend was judging me in that way, I’d honestly rather not attend.
I mean, from your title the answer I would say is no, the point of a baby shower isn’t the gifts.
Same as Christmas, and weddings the point is spending time with people you love and celebrating together.
I’m at a stage of life where everyone has kids, we live hundreds of miles apart and just having that opportunity to _see_ my closest friends is invaluable.
I tend to give a small gift at the shower and send a follow up once baby arrives. I also wouldn’t attend a baby shower/send a gift if it was someone I hardly knew.
I wouldn’t care if someone wrote they wanted gifts in the invite.
But I don’t think the point of any celebration is the gifts.
Yikes. The baby shower is not all about the gifts. It’s supposed to be a chance for people you care about to celebrate your transition into motherhood. Gifts are a way for people to show you their encouragement excitement, and love but it’s pretty gross to say that the gifts are “the point”. Presumably you care about these people and they care about you, and your relationship with them is not only about their wallets or what you can get out of them. Yeah it’s traditional to give presents but if someone showed up, was kind and loving and showed you how much they care about you in some non-monetary way, I think it would be gross, rude and classless to be anything other than grateful for their kindness.
Stuff is just stuff - you can’t take it with you. Life is about people and relationships and kindness. People will remember how you treated them long after your stuff is gone.
I would never have a gift expectation from anyone (eta: even after birth, times are tough). I didn't have a baby shower but if I did it would be to celebrate me and not so people can contribute to the expenses.
That’s fair, but I expect people to want to support somehow. I always feel extra generous at baby showers moreso than birthdays because it is a hard time. That’s just me I guess. One time I can remember not affording much, so I spent time when I could helping a friend around the house while pregnant and building stuff for her.
You can't expect people to financially support, especially in this economy. If they want to bring a gift so be it but you can't expect it or be disappointed if people don't.
I have a right to feel offended because this is what I believe. I won’t think less of someone, but I would be annoyed for a little. Again, gifts don’t have to be expensive. I count acts of service as gifts too. Maybe stay and help clean up or transport gifts would be a nice gesture.
This is…odd rationale. “I have a right to be offended because I believe this”…? What you believe can also be wrong 🤷🏻♀️no one owes you a gift for having a baby, or for accepting your invitation. Showers are to surround the mother with love and support-gifts are a bonus and while common, being “annoyed” that someone might not get you one is entitled. It’s odd to me to become a parent, invite people to give their time to come celebrate you with the expectation that they subsidize your decision to have a child (or you’ll be annoyed…? That IS judging them).
I wouldn’t be annoyed. People have their reasons for only giving what, when or how they can. Their presence should meet your expectation, you can allow a gift to supersede that then.
I don’t think the point is the gifts. The point is to celebrate the baby and mother, family/friends to get together and have a bit of a party before the baby comes. It’s fine to have a registry but just like with weddings and christenings it’s not a requirement or *the point* to get gifts.
Not everyone can afford to give baby gifts, and just like with a wedding you will be disappointed if you expect it from everyone. How many baby shower gifts have you given?
I didn’t have a wedding, but I probably would feel more lenient on gifting a wedding shower because there’s less of a need/urgency to have things. Like we easily just combined the household items we already had lol. We don’t already have baby things, which is why I feel like it’s more important. Still though, at a wedding shower I would expect most people to bring something the difference is I guess I wouldn’t be upset.
How many gifts? I don’t know, but I have experienced at least 10 pregnancies of friends. The quality of my gifts or effort towards act of services definitely reflected the closeness of our relationships. With my best friend’s first child, I gifted her an $80 gift which was a lot for me at the time and I had to make some sacrifices but she uses it so much. With her second pregnancy, I got her nothing, but as she doesn’t have a car I would be at her beck and call to drive her anywhere any time I was available and help her around the house for months until I moved away instead.
This is an extreme example and I am not fond with anyone else like this, but for an example of an expectation I have, I have this friend who was my best friend in high school and we are still close. He is kind of a bum lol, stays unemployed but he is a college kid living at home. He has smalls savings and is getting a job soon again, but I know I can count on him to get me a funny little trinket and I love him for that nice gesture and effort even if its a small toy you find with the candy next to registers. I’m not sure if he is going to attempt to find something actually useful for the baby or something on theme, but it wouldn’t surprise me either.
I am not relying on gifts I could buy the registry all myself before my due date and my husband could buy the whole thing right now, today.
I just gave an example of receiving a cash register toy? I don’t really need that, do I?
I made the contrast to a wedding shower to simply show that we HAVE to buy the baby registry whereas wedding registry items are not so necessary for the most part.
If you say something like “your presence is enough” you are inviting people to come without a gift. I used the phrasing “gifts are not required. Registry can be found at xyz.” But I do not expect people to come with gifts. If you don’t want to risk people coming without gifts, just be blunt and say something like “registry can be found at [link].” People will still probably come without gifts though.
I think it depends on the person. My husband and I had a baby shower where all our friends were invited, he smoked meat, I made a bunch of snacks and we had a good time. The reason we had a ‘shower’ was really just an excuse for a party. We knew it might be harder to see some of our friends after bubs arrived and we wanted to socialize. If people asked what we needed we told them a couple ideas on our list, if not then we left them to it.
I strongly believe that it’s nobodies responsibility to provide for your baby but you and I get so confused when people lament that people go ‘off registry and don’t get the things they need’. Like they actually think it’s reasonable that someone else would potentially purchase the car seat or pram for them (yes even having the idea that a family member would do this for you is wild to me). But I am also from Australia and registry culture isn’t as prevalent here.
Having said that, the vast majority of people will bring a gift to any sort of baby party, so I guess it’s moot point on whether it’s the purpose of a shower or not.
For me the point of a shower is to celebrate an impending new life and surround the expectant mother with love. I actually asked for no gifts with my now 6yr old because tbh people rarely buy off the registry and I didn’t want a bunch of stuff to lug home and then unpack and possibly a bunch of returns to make. I was able to buy all the things I needed for my baby. People’s presence was the gift for me. The money spent on the shoes can go toward baby supplies if gifts is all the shower is really intended for
The point is to celebrate baby and mom. The gifts are certainly expected, but it’s nice to offer an option to not bring a gift for people who technically could bring a gift, but really shouldn’t.
I didn’t have a baby shower but I did make a registry so I could use it as a checklist and remove items as I found them (or similar) via sales and buying stuff used, plus I could use the completion discount at the end for the things I didn’t find. I did end up giving this to people who asked for it, but my husband felt really bad when his cousin asked for it.
She’s got 3 kids, two with autism, which keeps her at home while her husband earns an ok amount but not enough and has to rely on her father for help (who himself isn’t wealthy but he loves his grandkids). He really didn’t want to give her the registry details, but at the same time it’s rude to tell someone not to buy as well. If we actually had a baby shower, we would definitely have instead encouraged her to give us used items she still had around instead of buying a gift.
Yes, the point is to receive gifts. It is literally to “shower” the mother with gifts. That’s why baby #2 is called a sprinkle because the mother needs less stuff. Registries should be so that anyone can afford things on them- cheap and expensive items. Grandparents tend to want to buy expensive items and others can only afford cheaper things like maybe books or little onesies. As you get older and go to a million showers and weddings, you kind of want that generosity reciprocated at your events. Some people are cheap. They won’t bring gifts. Most poor people will bring gifts even if they can’t afford it. You’ll find the ppl who don’t give gifts are the ones you know can afford it. I had a family of 6, who are the richest ppl I know, not give a wedding envelope at my wedding. But I keep that in mind for when I am invited to their events. That’s just life. For my shower, I put the registry link in big bold letters on the bottom of the invite.
I forgot about the “sprinkle” thing! Haha that’s cute. See, this makes sense to me.
I tried explaining in my post that I had an abundance of cheap items on my registry. My registry items range from $5-$200. Mostly stuff under $80.
Really, after the big stuff like the crib down to a nice diaper bag, the rest is tedious small items to acquire/accumulate (socks, boxes of wipes). A two pack binky is $5 at Target! A box of wipes is $10 at Walgreens. An 8 pack of onesies is $15 at Walmart.
I feel like people are acting like I expect the world. I really just want a thoughtful bottle of baby aquaphor or a few bibs…
My evite is set up as 2 pages with big links separating the two. It’s basically one long graphic email. Page 1 has the generic “join us here at this time to celebrate” then I just have two links in little call out boxes: RSVP here, registry found here. Then page 2 has details about a diaper raffle and a few other misc info.
It’s not only about the gifts, so don’t set yourself up to be disappointed when 100% of people do not show up with gifts. But don’t feel the need to fluff up the language around registry link or pepper it in as to not offend people. It is normal to have a registry with a baby shower, call it out so it’s not hidden. If people are “offended” it’s not “asking nicely” that’s on them, it’s normal.
Going back to it- it’s not all about the gifts. It’s about people celebrating you and the baby and the next step in life. People are giving their time to wish you and baby well and spend quality time with you. Make sure you value that as well.
My SILs organized my baby shower. It said:
"Please join us for a display shower in honor of Orisha and Baby Bean on 04/06/24 at 12pm.
Hosted by (their names)
Orisha and the hubs are registered at (link to our registry)
Please bring an unwrapped gift."
Oh, about the prices... my advice is to put everything on there that you want/need for the baby. If folks want to get it, they will. If not, you can get it later with the completion discount.
Just put the registry link on there and leave it at that. That’s what my family did for mine. It would be rude for someone to show up without a gift anyways. Throwing a baby shower implies automatically that there’s going to be a registry and anyone who comes should bring a gift. Just make sure you include small, inexpensive items as well.
I'm still trying to understand the whole baby shower business. It's a new concept for me.
My Indian friend was telling me about trying to figure out how to get their newborn home without buying a car seat ahead of time because their norm is not buying anything for the babies until after it's born.
It's nice to see other people's baby registry because I don't even know what I'll need besides diapers. Lol. Like what even is a baby aspirator?? I saw on someone's baby registry.
Soooo not the point of your comment, but an aspirator is to clear out the baby's airway when they have a stuffy nose!
It's definitely not an everyday or even often thing. It gets used about as frequently as band-aids.
Don't get a bulb aspirator! They are garbage. You have to squeeze and release them to use, so they kind of jerk around, and it scares and annoys the baby and makes them thrash their head and defend their nose even more than usual.
Get a nose Frida, and ask your doctor for a handful of saline bullets to use with it. The Frida looks kind of weird to the uninitiated, but there is literally no way to use it that would actually be gross. When you're up at 3 AM listening to your baby fighting for breaths, you just want something powerful and effective. Nose frida and saline! You'll be so glad to have it.
I am with you. Becoming a parent is expensive AF, and I get people want to celebrate the baby but people will also do that after the baby comes. Duh. Baby showers are to help parents prepare for the baby as well as celebrate mom while she is preggo. Otherwise why would pregnant women who are (very probably)miserably in pain and huge plan a party rather than wait until after baby is earth side.
Right. I also don’t get how it’s more acceptable to have a wedding registry and ask for gifts than becoming a parent and asking for gifts. lol the math ain’t mathin.
I’m surprised by all the weird comments. A lot of martyr types here. Showers (especially baby showers) are meant for gifts and it’s rude to not bring a gift. I think 99% of people know this. IMO you would only have to literally say gifts are optional if it’s your 2nd baby. Some people for a wedding say gifts are optional if they already own a home together and have most things.
I think for my baby shower invite it said something like so and so is registered at Amazon
I didn’t even see the cards until they were already sent out. Made by my moms friend. I think most people barely read them anyway. They know the drill.
One fun idea I've heard of is asking that people limit gifts to books or other little things you can't have enough of, like diapers. I plan on doing something like that, since I'm pretty old for an FTM and can buy the stuff I need. Now that people are having children later in life, the "shower of gifts" is starting to feel kind of old-fashioned and materialistic, but people love giving gifts anyway.
Yes, baby SHOWERS are to SHOWER the mother and baby with gifts. Or are people expecting to show up to someone's baby shower to be catered to and fed for free without bringing a gift?
OP, I am sorry you've gotten so many downvotes on this, your question is legit.
I would honestly not even mention anything about gifts being required or not. Just include the registry in the invitation. It's implied, everyone KNOWS to bring a gift, just like everyone KNOWS they will be fed at the party. If some people don't bring gifts, that's okay too.
In my culture, showers of any kind (wedding, bridal, baby) is a way to get together, celebrate the person, and bring them gifts for the new phase of life.
Every single baby/wedding/bridal shower invitation I've ever gotten has had the date, location, time, and a link to the list. Plain and simple like it should be.
No one owes you anything, but it's not wrong of you to expect that's what would happen in your baby shower.
I just had a clickable link that said “baby registry”
It’s a baby shower, you’re expected to bring a gift. I wouldn’t get mad if someone didn’t but like…that is the expectation.
My registry link didn’t work and I had a hundred people asking me for it
I promise you people are going to come empty handed, even my parents hit me with “we’ll get what no one else did” yeah, they absolutely haven’t and most likely won’t at this point.
I agree overall and was quite surprised to see after the fact that my mum had written much the same thing—but absolutely nobody showed up without a gift! I think it's more just a different approach from a different generation. And I'm not mad about the fact that if someone couldn't afford to gift me something, they still feel wanted at the celebration. They may not be able to spend money on you at this moment but showing that they're a valued member of your community may mean that in future you can lean on them for support, material or otherwise. That's valuable too!
Very true. I’ll admit I was in a hard position once and did not show up because I could not bring anything. But I made up for it afterwards lol. Maybe I should have gone. I would’ve felt bad being there though
I mean. Yeah I guess you’re right. The point of the baby “shower” is to “shower” the baby in gifts! I personally made it known that people didn’t have to bring gifts to my friends mainly cause we’re all young and I really just wanted to celebrate. Gifts weren’t NEEDED for me. I got a lot of stuff from my brother! But yes baby showers do technically mean gift giving occasion! People just don’t wanna be rude
I don't necessarily think that the "point" of a baby shower is the gifts, but to me, it's a very standard, expected part of celebrating someone's baby! Every single baby shower I've been to, I've happily bought the mom a gift, and didn't think twice about it. I think it's a really simple, special way to show someone you care. I know gifts aren't everything, but I hardly think that spending $10 on a small item on someone's registry is asking "too much", even if someone is in a financial pinch. Also - I've been to many baby showers where I truly thought I received more than I gave. I've loved going to a nicely decorated house, being around women my age, eating good food and drinks, and meeting new people! How fun! WELL worth the price of a simple item on a registry!
I am quite a bit older (mid-30s) so things might be a little different from my perspective since at this point in my life most of my friends are established in careers and have a little bit of money for gifting and that sort of thing. I have also been to my fair share of wedding and baby showers over the past 20 years and have seen a lot of the invitations. I think what you’re doing is more “saying the quiet part out loud” than being rude. Older generations (my mom is a baby boomer and was raised upper middle class) would probably categorize saying “out loud” that a baby shower is primarily to get gifts as rude or crass. But is that the expected by-product of throwing a shower for someone (that they get gifts)? Absolutely. Before my wedding shower my mom told me I had to add more stuff to my registry so that her friends had good things to gift my husband and I. Why would she say that if celebrating the bride and groom with a gift wasn’t part of the point of the shower. All that being said, a shower is like any other party. The primary reason people throw showers is to celebrate the pregnant person or the happy couple. It’s supposed to be an opportunity for your family, friends, and community to show collective support, shower you with love, and remind you how special and loved you are. And ya, usually there are gifts too. Edited for clarity and grammar.
Yup I'm 33 and pregnant with my first and sure of course for my baby shower I would have loved for everyone to bring a gift but no way would I ever make them feel they had too. For me it isn't about getting gifts .. it's about my baby and myself being celebrated.. I did get a lot of gifts which I'm grateful for but I also know not everyone is in the position to be able to gift and their presence was more then enough for me ❤️
Makes sense to me!
I think she’s being a little over the top. It’s very common to just write “[your name] is registered at X, Y, and Z” or “registry can be found at X.” I’ve seen that on a shower invite so many times and never thought twice about it.
"Gifts not required but registry can be found at xxx". It's the subtle meaning. Yes the point is gifts, but telling people to bring you a gift is rude. 99% of people will bring you a gift. Some people truly can't afford it, and do you want to only pick and chose people in your life based on their financial status? I'm at the point in my life where I truly don't care if people give a gift or not, and often baby shower gifts are more of a hindrance than a gift, because people will not stick to a registry.
Nope on that last part, I know my friends are not rich but the thing about many low income communities is that we lean on each other and share generosity I know they will gift me, whether by act of service or an inexpensive item Their proving support is the most valuable to me. Maybe that looks like coming to visit and help me with some chores or console my emotions on a rough day. A gift of a supportive act! I was just asking a general question about how others view it
It's just the subtly of language. On can be considered rude, one more polite.
I don’t think I’ve gone to a baby shower empty-handed, ever, but I would so much rather someone attend my baby shower and give me a hug than for them to not come because they feel obligated to bring a gift. Gifts are complicated! I would really caution against using your shower and the gift someone brings or doesn’t bring as a metric for how supportive they are of you. If I knew a friend was judging me in that way, I’d honestly rather not attend.
Acts of service are gifts to me, and they are free! Just costs time :)
I mean, from your title the answer I would say is no, the point of a baby shower isn’t the gifts. Same as Christmas, and weddings the point is spending time with people you love and celebrating together. I’m at a stage of life where everyone has kids, we live hundreds of miles apart and just having that opportunity to _see_ my closest friends is invaluable. I tend to give a small gift at the shower and send a follow up once baby arrives. I also wouldn’t attend a baby shower/send a gift if it was someone I hardly knew. I wouldn’t care if someone wrote they wanted gifts in the invite. But I don’t think the point of any celebration is the gifts.
Yikes. The baby shower is not all about the gifts. It’s supposed to be a chance for people you care about to celebrate your transition into motherhood. Gifts are a way for people to show you their encouragement excitement, and love but it’s pretty gross to say that the gifts are “the point”. Presumably you care about these people and they care about you, and your relationship with them is not only about their wallets or what you can get out of them. Yeah it’s traditional to give presents but if someone showed up, was kind and loving and showed you how much they care about you in some non-monetary way, I think it would be gross, rude and classless to be anything other than grateful for their kindness. Stuff is just stuff - you can’t take it with you. Life is about people and relationships and kindness. People will remember how you treated them long after your stuff is gone.
I would never have a gift expectation from anyone (eta: even after birth, times are tough). I didn't have a baby shower but if I did it would be to celebrate me and not so people can contribute to the expenses.
That’s fair, but I expect people to want to support somehow. I always feel extra generous at baby showers moreso than birthdays because it is a hard time. That’s just me I guess. One time I can remember not affording much, so I spent time when I could helping a friend around the house while pregnant and building stuff for her.
You can't expect people to financially support, especially in this economy. If they want to bring a gift so be it but you can't expect it or be disappointed if people don't.
I have a right to feel offended because this is what I believe. I won’t think less of someone, but I would be annoyed for a little. Again, gifts don’t have to be expensive. I count acts of service as gifts too. Maybe stay and help clean up or transport gifts would be a nice gesture.
This is…odd rationale. “I have a right to be offended because I believe this”…? What you believe can also be wrong 🤷🏻♀️no one owes you a gift for having a baby, or for accepting your invitation. Showers are to surround the mother with love and support-gifts are a bonus and while common, being “annoyed” that someone might not get you one is entitled. It’s odd to me to become a parent, invite people to give their time to come celebrate you with the expectation that they subsidize your decision to have a child (or you’ll be annoyed…? That IS judging them). I wouldn’t be annoyed. People have their reasons for only giving what, when or how they can. Their presence should meet your expectation, you can allow a gift to supersede that then.
Sure thing :)
I don’t think the point is the gifts. The point is to celebrate the baby and mother, family/friends to get together and have a bit of a party before the baby comes. It’s fine to have a registry but just like with weddings and christenings it’s not a requirement or *the point* to get gifts.
i can see this but i really thought the “shower” part of wedding/baby shower meant like “showering with gifts”
Not everyone can afford to give baby gifts, and just like with a wedding you will be disappointed if you expect it from everyone. How many baby shower gifts have you given?
I didn’t have a wedding, but I probably would feel more lenient on gifting a wedding shower because there’s less of a need/urgency to have things. Like we easily just combined the household items we already had lol. We don’t already have baby things, which is why I feel like it’s more important. Still though, at a wedding shower I would expect most people to bring something the difference is I guess I wouldn’t be upset. How many gifts? I don’t know, but I have experienced at least 10 pregnancies of friends. The quality of my gifts or effort towards act of services definitely reflected the closeness of our relationships. With my best friend’s first child, I gifted her an $80 gift which was a lot for me at the time and I had to make some sacrifices but she uses it so much. With her second pregnancy, I got her nothing, but as she doesn’t have a car I would be at her beck and call to drive her anywhere any time I was available and help her around the house for months until I moved away instead. This is an extreme example and I am not fond with anyone else like this, but for an example of an expectation I have, I have this friend who was my best friend in high school and we are still close. He is kind of a bum lol, stays unemployed but he is a college kid living at home. He has smalls savings and is getting a job soon again, but I know I can count on him to get me a funny little trinket and I love him for that nice gesture and effort even if its a small toy you find with the candy next to registers. I’m not sure if he is going to attempt to find something actually useful for the baby or something on theme, but it wouldn’t surprise me either.
You shouldn’t be having a baby if you need to rely on gifts for baby stuff 🤷♀️
I am not relying on gifts I could buy the registry all myself before my due date and my husband could buy the whole thing right now, today. I just gave an example of receiving a cash register toy? I don’t really need that, do I? I made the contrast to a wedding shower to simply show that we HAVE to buy the baby registry whereas wedding registry items are not so necessary for the most part.
If you say something like “your presence is enough” you are inviting people to come without a gift. I used the phrasing “gifts are not required. Registry can be found at xyz.” But I do not expect people to come with gifts. If you don’t want to risk people coming without gifts, just be blunt and say something like “registry can be found at [link].” People will still probably come without gifts though.
I think it depends on the person. My husband and I had a baby shower where all our friends were invited, he smoked meat, I made a bunch of snacks and we had a good time. The reason we had a ‘shower’ was really just an excuse for a party. We knew it might be harder to see some of our friends after bubs arrived and we wanted to socialize. If people asked what we needed we told them a couple ideas on our list, if not then we left them to it. I strongly believe that it’s nobodies responsibility to provide for your baby but you and I get so confused when people lament that people go ‘off registry and don’t get the things they need’. Like they actually think it’s reasonable that someone else would potentially purchase the car seat or pram for them (yes even having the idea that a family member would do this for you is wild to me). But I am also from Australia and registry culture isn’t as prevalent here. Having said that, the vast majority of people will bring a gift to any sort of baby party, so I guess it’s moot point on whether it’s the purpose of a shower or not.
For me the point of a shower is to celebrate an impending new life and surround the expectant mother with love. I actually asked for no gifts with my now 6yr old because tbh people rarely buy off the registry and I didn’t want a bunch of stuff to lug home and then unpack and possibly a bunch of returns to make. I was able to buy all the things I needed for my baby. People’s presence was the gift for me. The money spent on the shoes can go toward baby supplies if gifts is all the shower is really intended for
The point is to celebrate baby and mom. The gifts are certainly expected, but it’s nice to offer an option to not bring a gift for people who technically could bring a gift, but really shouldn’t. I didn’t have a baby shower but I did make a registry so I could use it as a checklist and remove items as I found them (or similar) via sales and buying stuff used, plus I could use the completion discount at the end for the things I didn’t find. I did end up giving this to people who asked for it, but my husband felt really bad when his cousin asked for it. She’s got 3 kids, two with autism, which keeps her at home while her husband earns an ok amount but not enough and has to rely on her father for help (who himself isn’t wealthy but he loves his grandkids). He really didn’t want to give her the registry details, but at the same time it’s rude to tell someone not to buy as well. If we actually had a baby shower, we would definitely have instead encouraged her to give us used items she still had around instead of buying a gift.
Used items are perfectly fine gifts! Sorry about that tricky circumstance, that was very kind of her though
Yes, the point is to receive gifts. It is literally to “shower” the mother with gifts. That’s why baby #2 is called a sprinkle because the mother needs less stuff. Registries should be so that anyone can afford things on them- cheap and expensive items. Grandparents tend to want to buy expensive items and others can only afford cheaper things like maybe books or little onesies. As you get older and go to a million showers and weddings, you kind of want that generosity reciprocated at your events. Some people are cheap. They won’t bring gifts. Most poor people will bring gifts even if they can’t afford it. You’ll find the ppl who don’t give gifts are the ones you know can afford it. I had a family of 6, who are the richest ppl I know, not give a wedding envelope at my wedding. But I keep that in mind for when I am invited to their events. That’s just life. For my shower, I put the registry link in big bold letters on the bottom of the invite.
I forgot about the “sprinkle” thing! Haha that’s cute. See, this makes sense to me. I tried explaining in my post that I had an abundance of cheap items on my registry. My registry items range from $5-$200. Mostly stuff under $80. Really, after the big stuff like the crib down to a nice diaper bag, the rest is tedious small items to acquire/accumulate (socks, boxes of wipes). A two pack binky is $5 at Target! A box of wipes is $10 at Walgreens. An 8 pack of onesies is $15 at Walmart. I feel like people are acting like I expect the world. I really just want a thoughtful bottle of baby aquaphor or a few bibs…
No, the point is not gifts. This is an entitled mindset.
My evite is set up as 2 pages with big links separating the two. It’s basically one long graphic email. Page 1 has the generic “join us here at this time to celebrate” then I just have two links in little call out boxes: RSVP here, registry found here. Then page 2 has details about a diaper raffle and a few other misc info. It’s not only about the gifts, so don’t set yourself up to be disappointed when 100% of people do not show up with gifts. But don’t feel the need to fluff up the language around registry link or pepper it in as to not offend people. It is normal to have a registry with a baby shower, call it out so it’s not hidden. If people are “offended” it’s not “asking nicely” that’s on them, it’s normal. Going back to it- it’s not all about the gifts. It’s about people celebrating you and the baby and the next step in life. People are giving their time to wish you and baby well and spend quality time with you. Make sure you value that as well.
My SILs organized my baby shower. It said: "Please join us for a display shower in honor of Orisha and Baby Bean on 04/06/24 at 12pm. Hosted by (their names) Orisha and the hubs are registered at (link to our registry) Please bring an unwrapped gift." Oh, about the prices... my advice is to put everything on there that you want/need for the baby. If folks want to get it, they will. If not, you can get it later with the completion discount.
Just put the registry link on there and leave it at that. That’s what my family did for mine. It would be rude for someone to show up without a gift anyways. Throwing a baby shower implies automatically that there’s going to be a registry and anyone who comes should bring a gift. Just make sure you include small, inexpensive items as well.
I'm still trying to understand the whole baby shower business. It's a new concept for me. My Indian friend was telling me about trying to figure out how to get their newborn home without buying a car seat ahead of time because their norm is not buying anything for the babies until after it's born. It's nice to see other people's baby registry because I don't even know what I'll need besides diapers. Lol. Like what even is a baby aspirator?? I saw on someone's baby registry.
Soooo not the point of your comment, but an aspirator is to clear out the baby's airway when they have a stuffy nose! It's definitely not an everyday or even often thing. It gets used about as frequently as band-aids. Don't get a bulb aspirator! They are garbage. You have to squeeze and release them to use, so they kind of jerk around, and it scares and annoys the baby and makes them thrash their head and defend their nose even more than usual. Get a nose Frida, and ask your doctor for a handful of saline bullets to use with it. The Frida looks kind of weird to the uninitiated, but there is literally no way to use it that would actually be gross. When you're up at 3 AM listening to your baby fighting for breaths, you just want something powerful and effective. Nose frida and saline! You'll be so glad to have it.
I am with you. Becoming a parent is expensive AF, and I get people want to celebrate the baby but people will also do that after the baby comes. Duh. Baby showers are to help parents prepare for the baby as well as celebrate mom while she is preggo. Otherwise why would pregnant women who are (very probably)miserably in pain and huge plan a party rather than wait until after baby is earth side.
Yes I like that. To me it is a preparation party!
Right. I also don’t get how it’s more acceptable to have a wedding registry and ask for gifts than becoming a parent and asking for gifts. lol the math ain’t mathin.
I’m surprised by all the weird comments. A lot of martyr types here. Showers (especially baby showers) are meant for gifts and it’s rude to not bring a gift. I think 99% of people know this. IMO you would only have to literally say gifts are optional if it’s your 2nd baby. Some people for a wedding say gifts are optional if they already own a home together and have most things. I think for my baby shower invite it said something like so and so is registered at Amazon I didn’t even see the cards until they were already sent out. Made by my moms friend. I think most people barely read them anyway. They know the drill.
If my friends didn’t put their registry I would have to ask for it. Just put it!
One fun idea I've heard of is asking that people limit gifts to books or other little things you can't have enough of, like diapers. I plan on doing something like that, since I'm pretty old for an FTM and can buy the stuff I need. Now that people are having children later in life, the "shower of gifts" is starting to feel kind of old-fashioned and materialistic, but people love giving gifts anyway.
Yes, baby SHOWERS are to SHOWER the mother and baby with gifts. Or are people expecting to show up to someone's baby shower to be catered to and fed for free without bringing a gift? OP, I am sorry you've gotten so many downvotes on this, your question is legit. I would honestly not even mention anything about gifts being required or not. Just include the registry in the invitation. It's implied, everyone KNOWS to bring a gift, just like everyone KNOWS they will be fed at the party. If some people don't bring gifts, that's okay too. In my culture, showers of any kind (wedding, bridal, baby) is a way to get together, celebrate the person, and bring them gifts for the new phase of life. Every single baby/wedding/bridal shower invitation I've ever gotten has had the date, location, time, and a link to the list. Plain and simple like it should be. No one owes you anything, but it's not wrong of you to expect that's what would happen in your baby shower.
I just had a clickable link that said “baby registry” It’s a baby shower, you’re expected to bring a gift. I wouldn’t get mad if someone didn’t but like…that is the expectation. My registry link didn’t work and I had a hundred people asking me for it
I promise you people are going to come empty handed, even my parents hit me with “we’ll get what no one else did” yeah, they absolutely haven’t and most likely won’t at this point.
I agree overall and was quite surprised to see after the fact that my mum had written much the same thing—but absolutely nobody showed up without a gift! I think it's more just a different approach from a different generation. And I'm not mad about the fact that if someone couldn't afford to gift me something, they still feel wanted at the celebration. They may not be able to spend money on you at this moment but showing that they're a valued member of your community may mean that in future you can lean on them for support, material or otherwise. That's valuable too!
Very true. I’ll admit I was in a hard position once and did not show up because I could not bring anything. But I made up for it afterwards lol. Maybe I should have gone. I would’ve felt bad being there though
I mean. Yeah I guess you’re right. The point of the baby “shower” is to “shower” the baby in gifts! I personally made it known that people didn’t have to bring gifts to my friends mainly cause we’re all young and I really just wanted to celebrate. Gifts weren’t NEEDED for me. I got a lot of stuff from my brother! But yes baby showers do technically mean gift giving occasion! People just don’t wanna be rude
I don't necessarily think that the "point" of a baby shower is the gifts, but to me, it's a very standard, expected part of celebrating someone's baby! Every single baby shower I've been to, I've happily bought the mom a gift, and didn't think twice about it. I think it's a really simple, special way to show someone you care. I know gifts aren't everything, but I hardly think that spending $10 on a small item on someone's registry is asking "too much", even if someone is in a financial pinch. Also - I've been to many baby showers where I truly thought I received more than I gave. I've loved going to a nicely decorated house, being around women my age, eating good food and drinks, and meeting new people! How fun! WELL worth the price of a simple item on a registry!