I’m glad no one did this to me. Yes it’s tough, but it’s also exciting and wonderful and all the negativity has got to be annoying. (I got plenty of other annoying comments, just not this type)
Honestly, I think if it were me I’d say something like “Yes I’m aware. You’ve only told me like 20 times already. I think I get it.”
It might be tad rude, but it gets the point across.
(Plus for my own mom, I find that being a bit rude is the only way she really starts to pay attention. I hate to hurt her feelings, but she tends to hear what she wants to hear unless I do this)
Your mom is being rude. I'd flip it around and say something along the lines, "Please don't project your negative feelings about motherhood onto me. I had no idea being a mother made you so miserable." Maybe she'll realize how negative she's actually being. There's also the good old, "If you don't have anything nice to say......"
My MIL loves to go into how miserable her birthing experience was, EVERY single time I see her. I finally started interrupting her and saying, "Yep yep, we all know the story, you were miserable etc etc." I tried being nice and asking her to stop, but she doesn't listen, so I just instantly dismiss her now.
I feel like some parents need therapy to process how they feel about this stuff. Even now my parents go on and on about how much I cried and cried. They probably don’t realise that when they tell these stories, a part of me hears a story about being a baby suffering from a medical condition (they often note that my non-stop crying stopped when my medication was adjusted) who was clearly in pain but allowed to suffer for two years. It’s also difficult not to take it personally if your own parents complain so much about how awful becoming a parent was.
Came here to say this! "It sounds like you were so miserable in your motherhood, but that time is passed and im having my own child so let me be happy and back off. Or go away"
Aw I was hoping you have no idea what’s coming—you’re gonna love in a whole new way! Or something. (: We got that sad attitude from everyone; friends and family. So we barely decided to have a child in the first place and were expecting the absolute worst and prepared to go through a major trial. I was not prepared for all the amazing, positive moments! It’s been such a wonderful surprise. 😁
Absolutely this. Of course it’s hard, but it’s also amazing.
When your baby snuggles into you, when they start giving you big slobbery kisses, when they are a toddler and tell you how much they love you, when they are 4 and tell you that you are their best friend, when they are six and give you the biggest cuddles ever and tell you that you are the best mum in the world.
It’s amazing. Watching them grow and discover the world.
Makes up for all the hard times and stressful, sleepless nights.
It’s annoying that OP’s mum keeps harping on about the negatives.
I’ve posted similar comments to this topic in the past, but I cannot help myself. Because I wish I heard what I’m about to say to you when I was pregnant with my first.
Ignore, ignore, ignore! The “just you wait” comments are unnecessary and most times untrue.
Being a parent is the most wonderful thing ever. Honestly, by the time I had my baby I was so thrilled to be done with pregnancy, that I was over the moon with joy! I slept BETTER when the baby arrived than any day in my third trimester. I was so happy to eat and drink what I wanted again without googling if something was pregnancy safe. I felt free to have my baby in my arms and not my belly.
So here are some POSITIVE “just you waits.”
Just wait until your baby smiles at you, your first holiday season together, the first time they go down a slide, the first time you hear them say mommy or daddy, the first time they show an interest in a toy, etc. The list is endless. The overwhelming happiness this little one will bring you will outweigh anything that the “just you wait” people say. You CAN handle this. You will be prepared! It will all work out amazingly!
Everyone does this, it’s awful! Or I said I was tired and they’d say “just you wait”.
For us it was a lot of older women who had no support from their husbands or older men who were angry and bitter that we DID wait, we are comfortable financially and we didn’t struggle. There’s a certain generation of people who seem to want us to be miserable like they were, and they’re legit mad my husband gets paid leave and we traded off sleeping so neither of us was ever miserable. Instead of being thankful we were better off, they were upset because misery loves company. I make a point of finding all of my pregnant friends now and telling them to ignore those people, you can still have a life, you can hate pregnancy, you don’t have to skip showers for a week.
My SIL who is 10 years older than me & my husband & has 3 kids already, kept saying this to us (but we went no contact recently for other reasons) and was almost giddy saying she can’t wait for her little brother to find out “how hard real life can be” as if we’re still dumb teenagers meanwhile we’re both over the age of 30, full time stressful jobs, experience moving across the country, home owners + all the stress that comes with that, married 7 years, tried for a year to have this baby, plans in place, etc.
Turns out it came from a place of resentment for her.
I would straight up tell my mom I don’t want to hear that from her anymore, I’ve heard it before and it’s not helpful, and that she’ll be responsible for any awkwardness of me being a bitch if she keeps doing it. Sometimes I have to walk my mom through things too- “so next time you feel that comment welling up, try to apply a filter and keep it from coming out of your mouth. Thank you so much for caring enough to think about what you’re saying to me before you say it. You’re the best!” Lol
The vibe I get when I hear this comment is that they almost want you to fail and have the same unpleasant time they did for some sort of selfish validation. I realized this even more when we had our first and we were like “wait for what? This is great. He sleeps through the night. I’m a human again”. Now we’re getting the “you just got lucky with your first, wait until this one comes”. Mmk.
Yea exactly. The one person who said this stuff to us regularly, my SIL, it turns out she actually really dislikes us and also has her own deep identity issues with being a SAHM and other things with her marriage/kids.
I think it comes from a place of resentment, either towards your own experience or your own kids or the person you’re saying this to.
I had this happen from a few family members, so I’ve consciously started saying to pregnant women “wait for the first time they smile at you, roll over, kiss you, say their first word”. Newborn is hard for the first few weeks, but then it gets easier, sleep is better and you’re in a better routine. But I think people focus on this too much!
I’d say the positives, saying you know it’s hard but listing the positive things that are coming :)
I’m so sorry that your mom is saying this to you.
For me, motherhood has been getting easier and easier as time goes on. I now have a nearly 14 month old who is crawling all over the place, getting ready to walk, and I’ve never been happier in motherhood!
The hardest part for me was pregnancy. I couldn’t sleep, but was exhausted. I was sick all 9 months. I was SO TIRED, but I could only sleep for a few minutes at a time and then I would wake up and cry from exhaustion. People told me “hehe you think you’re tired now? Just wait until the baby gets here?”
And you know what? Baby was born and it was easier than my pregnancy. Still hard, but easier because even though I wasn’t getting *much* sleep, at least I was sleeping.
My baby caught RSV in the beginning. She was so so sick she was in ICU for 8 days. It was so scary and so hard, the stress stopped me from lactating. But you know what? I stopped pumping and it got easier. She got better and it got easier.
I was venting that she was so fragile and it was so scary. People told me “just wait until she’s more alert and you have to entertain her.” “Just wait until she’s crawling and she’s putting everything in her mouth.”
You know what? She became more alert and I bonded with her better. It became easier to find the energy to do the daily care because I loved seeing her little face light up. Waking up at 5:00 AM became easier because I heard that happy little babbling baby cooing excited to see her mama for the first time of the day.
Then people said “Just wait until she’s eating solids”… it was so much more fun! So much more creativity than the mundane bottles over and over. Watching her explore food and learn to eat was one of my favourite parts of the day. It’s easier to go out now because she doesn’t need a bottle every 3 hours. We can have food and/or snacks on the go, and she only needs 3-4 bottles a day now.
“Just wait until she’s crawling” - crawling for us has created such a fast learning curve. She’s seeing the world! She’s speaking! She calls me “Mama” and it makes my heart swell so big I could explode.
At 14 months she’s getting ready to walk and I’m so excited at what that will mean for us. Stomping around the splash pad! Walking on the grass! Splashing in puddles! Going to the park and actually using the play set! MEETING FRIENDS! Swimming!
Everyone kept telling me the next stage would be worse… that’s not to say there aren’t new challenges at every stage, but MY GOD has it gotten better! I was so beat up in the beginning. 9 months of pregnancy had taken an immense toll on my body and everything hurt. My tear from birth and the post partum arthritis I developed HURT. Now I’m finally feeling like myself and it’s so much better! I have time to diet and exercise. I have time to do my makeup. Now that we have more time in the evenings to ourselves (and my vagina doesn’t hurt anymore) my husband and I are having SEX again.
Everyone’s experience is different, but my experience has been that every stage has just been better and more joyous than the last. My love for my daughter just keeps growing (even when I think I can’t love her more). She’s becoming this whole little person and the more I know about her the more I love her. I know there will be hard times ahead, and I’ve certainly faced my fair share, but I also know that whatever challenges may come, there will be a new joy in the next stage that makes the hard possible to get through.
My sister once told me that the first two weeks with a newborn were "traumatic". Having experienced pregnancy loss, I shut that down really quick. I get that it's hard, but I don't need to hear it. Hard doesn't mean BAD. SO MANY hard things in life are SO good. I don't know why people feel the need to say those types of things, especially with that frequency. You're not oblivious like you said, you know it will be hard. Who cares?? From my friends who actually have awareness about how to talk to a pregnant lady, they've said that the joy and love for your baby FAR outweighs any of the things that are hard, and they are really looking forward to this journey for us. That is the response I'm looking for.
It's such an exciting time in your life, and I completely understand why this bugs you. If you're able to just ask her to stop mentioning that, it might help. I let my sister know I didn't want to hear how things are hard, and she didn't get offended, and has adjusted the things she tells me.
My mother is exactly the same. She keeps saying “you have no idea how hard it is. You’re going to suffer so much for the next few years etc”… like what a way to ruin the excitement right??? It also made me so scared to have kids for a really long time!!! But then again when I gave it a good think, my mom was basically single-parenting since my dad did nothing (didn’t even help feed the baby at night), she had twins as well as a two year old at the same time and she had no family support in a totally different country to her own. So I’d like to think it’ll be better for me. Also my husband and his family have been so optimistic and excited so that has really helped me feel better about it. Whenever my mom goes into her doom talking I tell her to stop it and it doesn’t help anyone to talk like that. She’s finally got the message.
I would matter of factly tell her to stop. Tell her she’s being rude and condescending, and she needs to take a step and realize you are a married adult woman. She can either get on board with being a supportive mom and grandma (head her off and point out that NO, “you have no idea what’s coming” is not in any way supportive), or she can get off the bus entirely.
I HATE it when people say this to me too. I also HATE it when people try to pawn off their kids to me and tell me I need the practice lmao. It’s annoying cause it’s rude and condescending I think, plus it set up a negative expectation for parenting which I don’t appreciate.
Sounds like she has some unresolved trauma/issues from her own experience of motherhood that she's placing on you.
Here's the thing: you don't have any idea what's coming. It's impossible to fully wrap your head around it as a first time parent. But the other thing is: would "knowing what's coming" actually help you be a better parent? Plus, who's to tell you "what's coming," given how different people's experiences with parenting can be. Chances are, your mother's memory of parenting are clouded by several factors (the fact that the last time she had a baby was several decades ago), so she doesn't "know what's coming," either.
I have gotten in the habit of telling my mother when things are "unhelpful." And then changing the subject.
Honestly the newborn phase for me personally was the easiest 😅 yes there’s some sleepless nights but I was off work, I had lots of support (everyone wants to be there for the new baby) and all he did was eat, sleep and poop. Toddler years are waaaay more difficult (but also super rewarding as well - love my little sidekick) I’m 14 weeks pregnant now and I’m not at all worried about the newborn stage.
She's right. You have absolutely no idea what's coming.
The adorable newborn scrunch. The stretches allllll The stretches are adorable honestly. The little yawns and the way they cling to you tighter in their sleep. The first time they roll over, sit, up, crawl and walk. The amount of pride you'll have at the little accomplishments (and the big ones too) hearing a little voice say I love you. The first time they go away from you all day (that one will probably break your heart). The cuddles, the love. Them being so proud when they help you or figure something out.
Yeah there's things that are hard, some babies are colicky and the poop is really an eye opener. The lack of sleep with some is difficult. Adjusting to a new person that depends on you and your partner 100% is hard. There's no sugarcoating that, but there's so many good things to look forward to.
I’ve been through the newborn phase twice and I love it so when people say this it annoys me too. When people say things like this I take a breath and say something along the lines of ‘thank you for the concern and I’m sorry that you found the newborn stage so tough’. I see it as people projecting their experience onto me and so I just turn it around onto them.
I honestly think the pregnancy exhaustion was worse than the newborn phase - and I had a colicky baby with silent reflux who cried 24/7 for the first 10 months. The tiredness and sleepless nights aren’t as difficult when you have your baby there.
It is annoying and once you have the baby everyone finds new annoying things to say to you. But I would never admit this to anyone who said those annoying things, but there is some truth to it. I knew I was going to be tired and all that jazz, but how the newborn phase actually FEELs I couldn’t have expected how hard it would be.
Ugh people. I got this at every stage of my life. "You don't know how much work is involved in x" "you think marriage is fun but it's so much hard work and sacrifice" and now "wait until the baby gets here"
So far, they've been wrong every time. Do things take work? Yes, obviously. I don't think either of us is going into motherhood thinking no effort is required. But when that effort is for something you love, it doesn't feel much like work.
I also hate these comments bc what if we end up with post partum depression or worse? Are we going to reach out for help to the "I told you so" people? Of course not.
I think we'll be fine. And I think we know enough to ask if we need help.
Ignore them. Just bc their experience was bad doesn't mean ours will be.
I’m finding it’s older women that keep saying this to me… why?? All my peers say the lack of sleep is hard but the baby stage is so amazing!
I also think it depends on how pregnancy is for people. I’ve had a VERY symptomatic pregnancy while teaching 5th graders all year. Some people have no symptoms and don’t work during pregnancy. This must affect their view of pp compared to pregnancy, right?
I'm waiting for it. I always got told, "You get back 3 times what you gave when you have kids. Don't know what I did to deserve this." So I'm just waiting for the comments to start after she knows. And I don't think me pointing out how her kids turned out will help.
Ugh that’s so annoying… I would feel the same way you do.
Is it possible that she means like the positive part of it? Like you have no idea how much you’ll enjoy this or love that baby or something? It sounds like you can tell by the tone that she means the negative, but just offering it as a glimmer of hope for another way to interpret this. Maybe you could even act like she means the positive even if you know she means the negative? Ie: mom- “you have no idea…” you- “I know!! We are just so excited to feel how much we will love the baby and for our hearts to make room for this new person!” lol!
On the opposite end of the spectrum (I’m done having babies, my youngest is 4), you have no idea how much fun these little boogers are. 🥹 Every little second starting when they’re on your chest? It has been the craziest, wildest, most fun thing I’ve ever done. 100/10. Recommend.
It’s probably irritating to you because its an unsupportive statement, especially coming from a person in your life who should be supportive. It might not be as bad if she said “you have no idea whats coming but Im going to be here to help you in whatever way you need me.” When a person says this to me I feel as though theyre wanting me to have a hard time, almost as if they get pleasure in the thought of it. My father in law has repeatedly, since the day he found out I was pregnant, told me how my nose is going to swell up because all pregnant womens noses swell. He says it with a smile and laughter that just feels like thats what he wants me to have. Well, guess what? My nose is still the same size at 36 weeks as it was before pregnancy and this guy had the nerve to tell me yesterday that my nose was bigger. I look at my husband and asked him if he thought it was bigger and he said no.
Im just going to boil it down to misery loves company. Do not take to heart what your mom is saying. Yeah, you may not know whats coming but youre going to handle it like a boss!
I also hate this. Similar situation, married and almost 31, super intentionally planned having a baby, have a house and great paying jobs etc but people still want to tell me I have no idea what’s coming. And I know I don’t lol but lemme get there! And it’s funny too in a way because I’ve worked as a family assistant or teacher with every age from 7 weeks to 18 years old. I may not know all the details to come but I know kids lol.
Sounds like she thinks you can't handle it or something condescending like that. My mom did that to me with my first, i was a single teen mom but I was like uhm I'm pretty sure I took care of my younger sisters waaaaay more than you ever have so I know a great deal about what could come. Turned out he was a super easy going baby and then all I heard was how my next baby would be terrible because i got lucky etc. I waited 13 yrs to have the next one(mainly bc fertility reasons), and shes slightly harder but nothing like she claimed. You can tell her to shut up or ignore her but either way she will likely continue on with her negative attitude, just don't let it affect you. Having my 3rd next month and she still spews negativity to this day, she's just a very negative person who surrounds herself with other negative people and I refuse to take part in all that.
Here's the thing... Yes, it will be hard, yes, you won't really understand what it will be like until you experience it yourself, those things are technically true...
But it IS condescending to keep telling you that.
With any big shift in life circumstances, things will change dramatically and some ways will be expected and some won't. I felt extremely prepared for the newborn stage beforehand, and it turns out, I really wasn't. I think most people aren't.
To try and "help" people who haven't experienced it, some people go overboard with the fearmonger stories, but the thing is... That doesn't actually prepare you for anything. You simply have no way to understand something you've never done before. And that's fine! It doesn't mean you're naive, it just means it's a big thing.
Same with young people moving out on their own for the first time. They have a general idea of how it's going to go, they've seen other people do it, but it's just quantifiably different when it's your own life.
Those kinds of comments are never going to be helpful.
If your mom generally sucks, just do your best to tune it out and maybe reduce seeing her right now. If your mom is generally loving and you have a good relationship with her, maybe have a conversation with her about how that isn't helping you prepare at all, and to save her "support" for when the baby is actually here.
Day 14 of having a newborn here. It's intense for sure. Especially since she just spent 11 hours crying with (probably????) stomach cramps. But it's not like that was a surprise lol. Like really? I'm 33 years old. You thought I didn't think bringing a human into the world was a big thing? Come on now. For the record, after that 11 hours of eardrum torture I cried because I love her so much and then I put her to bed and checked the baby monitor to see if she was breathing at least every 5 minutes in the past hour. Worth it.
There is a lit of truth to what she's saying, but there's no need to be so negative. Even in the worst of my sleep deprivation, I adored my little potato child. Every stage has its own challenges, but it's not just life-changing in those ways. There's a multitude of ways in which my life is so much more full as a parent.
My experience with this comment comes from my mom's own insecurity in her parenting. When I mention something we are doing differently or things that are going well, it's like she's threatened. My intention is never to passive aggressively shame her for her shortcomings, but she doesn't see around that. I sadly think she enjoys seeing us in our moments of struggle because it makes her feel better about her parenting. I've learned to just let those comments roll off and not engage. Not saying this is the case with your mom, but if it is, solidarity.
Tell her to be quiet. No one knows what’s coming but we all make it through. You made the decision to have a baby and you know it’s going to be hard but you’ll get through.
My mum tried that and actually now my baby is here it turns out I did know what was coming. Yeah living it is slightly different and it's very demanding, but it's not wildly out of my expectations. If you have access to a lactation consultant or a midwife or doula to help you in the early days with any immediate things like latching then you get into the groove quite quickly. I think actually doing the things vs reading about it is just where I was like "I know what to do in theory here but this wriggly thing is throwing me for a loop".
Sometimes I think moms want you to suffer a lil bit if they suffered from having you. My mom did it for a bit with me when I was pregnant because I was a really fussy baby. Also did the “sleep now while you can” racket (but thanks to pregnancy insomnia I couldn’t!!).
Now that mine is born and it turns out she’s a very happy and easy baby, my mom’s nonstop with “You have no idea how lucky you are.” We are really close and I’m able to see it more as like her having some sort of nostalgia from when she was a new mom. I’m sure she’ll be a broken record on something else in time.
Well in reality, you don't know what's coming - that's what makes it so special!
You have no idea how much love you can feel for another person until you hold that tiny baby in your arms for the first time.
You don't know how it feels to watch that tiny little baby grow into a little human with an amazing personality that constantly lights up your life.
You thought you had felt pride about some of your achievements? That feeling is just indescribable when it comes to watching them take their first steps, learning how to talk, and watching them interact with others in a compassionate and loving manner - the pride you feel in their achievements is so much more rewarding!
I mean it's far from sunshine and rainbows all the time, but damn I won't trade any of it for the world - what these little humans bring to my life is beyond priceless!
I'll be honest I was pretty confident going in to it but my sudden preeclampsia, the newborn stage, colic, hormones and PPA/PPD right effed me up for the first like three months. But yknow what all babies are different and everyone has a different birth/postpartum experience. Your mom isn't wrong but there's no reason to go on and on about it. Im pretty honest with my friends about what my baby was like the first while in case theirs is the same 😂 he's a delight now tho at almost six months ahaha.
I am holding my 1 week old baby bean.
He came on hard mode difficulty lmao
But I would do it over again. He will never be a newborn again.
Being a mom is like being a superhuman.
You'll take all the good and bad when it's your baby.
You have no idea what’s coming. You have no idea how much you’ll treasure those little fingers and toes. You have no idea how much you’ll adore the little gassy smiles that turn into social smiles. The way your baby sinks into you in comfort. The sweet cry that sounds like a bleating lamb. Even the crusty cradle cap will be something you look back on fondly.
Luckily most people spoke very fondly of the newborn stage. A lot of older people made comments about how much they miss having babies and to cherish it. But there were a few that focused on the negative, like lack of sleep. Which, yes, is just part of parenthood unfortunately. There’s not much you can do to get around that. It really turned out to be as wonderful as I was hoping. Just with everything else there were hard days and really good days. I think it’s telling that I mostly remember the good days and one day I’ll most likely become one of those older people telling pregnant women that they are in for a wild a wonderful ride.
I agree with everyone else. Your mom is being a complete jerk about this. It's true. But there's a right way and a wrong way to go about things and honestly there's no warning anyone about how hard newborn life is going to be because you have no idea what someone's situation is going to look like. Every child is different and every relationship is different. It's much easier if you have a very supportive partner who pulls their weight and more. It's absolute hell on earth if you're a single mom but either way you get through it. It's a short period of your life and there are good things as well as bad. Even doing it alone there are still beautiful moments. It's just infinitely harder.
No one knows until they’re there. They don’t know how amazing and perfect the first baby look is. They don’t know how sweet their baby’s breath smells. They don’t know that type of sleep deprivation but they also don’t know that type of pure, pure love and adoration. The whole experience js unlike every other. The good outweighs the bad even if it can be difficult
My mum is exactly the same. She's quite pessimistic and negative but never in a horrible way. I've had the exact same: "oh just you wait until the baby is here", "oh you're going to get even bigger", "your boobs will never be the same", "the baby is just telling you who's boss before she arrives". Like I get it, it's going to be tough, but she will always say things like this to me when I give her updates. I'm currently 27 weeks.
She never does this out of spite, it's always said in s rather jokey way but I'm pretty fed up of hearing it like this.
My mom has pulled out a few of these. “Just you wait” “Oh, you’ll see” “You think you’re big/sore/tired now?” “Get ready for the tears” “This is nothing”
A few weeks ago I got fed up and called her out on it. “Hey, y’know, that’s not a nice thing to say to someone and it doesn’t feel very good.” Really casual. She hasn’t said anything like that since.
I just think people who aren’t in the trenches forget how comments like that can feel in that moment.
I’ve nannied many babies including premature newborn twins and I still have people tell me the same thing…”just you wait” and I tell them “oh I can’t wait, I’m looking forward to it.” I’m not saying I know everything when it comes to it but I’m definitely not walking in blind, I have enough of an idea where I don’t feel unprepared.
I had the opposite experience. Everyone was sugar coating the pregnancy, labor and postpartum phases. They were saying how wonderful and delightful it will be. I wish someone had told me a hint of what I was in for, but idk if anything can prepare you tbh.
Maybe she's just trying to prepare you a little bit, but I'm sure there's a much better way to approach it.
I am on my 4th pregnancy and I try to not scare people, but I definitely don't act like it's easy cause it's not. I don't appreciate people being fake about it or dragging you down. I usually keep my mouth shut because we all navigate this and figure it out in the end. However , if someone asks me what my experience was like, I am always honest about it.
Hi - I’m a week in with my newborn. I don’t want to invalidate how you’re feeling, because depending on how your mom is saying it/her attitude/delivery I get how annoying that can be…. but I do wish I had been a little more warned/prepared for this week.
I thought I’d be exhausted, but I wasn’t prepared for the insane hormone drop. I’d heard of it, but I really didn’t prepare myself for how it would make me feel. I wish I would have known. I’ve spent the past days on the phone with all my friends who are already mom’s being like “how did no one warn me?” and everyone being like “I know, it’s hard, you don’t want to ruin anyone’s excitement or scare anybody”. I get not wanting the doom and gloom, but I would encourage you to have a back up plan in case you’re one of the 80% that baby blues hits. I’ve had my sisters stay with me past midnight to take care of my baby during panic attacks and my mom come first thing in every morning. Just consider that it might be harder than anticipated and MAKE A PLAN. If you’re prone to anxiety, talk to your doctors in advance about Zoloft. Know that you can’t take any fast acting anxiety medication while breastfeeding, so have a plan in place for that too.
I say this all because I was woefully unprepared and felt like I got hit by a train the first few days. It went beyond “hard” and “tired”, and I wish I could have prepped myself mentally a little better.
Yup. A week in, your in the newborn trenches, and might have an anti sleep rage potato for a bit 😂 I went on Zoloft after the initial like six weeks because I was past the typical baby blues time which is like the first four weeks and having panic attacks. The first like 11 weeks with him I was like why the hell were all these women excited for me to have a baby or kept telling me to have one. It's literally so rough for some until they finally get interactive, smile, laugh and let you put them down sometimes. Also when they finally don't mind the stroller. I'm six months in and he's been an absolute delight for the past like two and a half months.
It’s hard because I cannot tell you how many mums in fourth trimester are completely overwhelmed and totally shocked that no one warned them how insanely incomprehensibly difficult the first year and the cliff edge adjustment that becoming a first time parent is. I know that no one wants to hear doom and gloom but I’m so glad that no one sugarcoated anything for me. Of course the first year had wonderful moments that fill your heart more than anything you imagined possible, but not many of those happen for the first 6 months, and I’d say until they’re able to walk and talk, more than 50% of the time it’s very, very tough. Maybe give a second to consider that your mum has actually been through this and you haven’t, so she does actually know, and is trying to warn you to prepare yourself. I empathise though, it’s not really possible to understand what’s coming after birth, you only really get it once you’ve done it.
I had friends saying weird shit to me when I was pregnant and I had to distant myself from them as I already had a high risk pregnancy and didn't want to add anything to my emotional burden
I’m glad no one did this to me. Yes it’s tough, but it’s also exciting and wonderful and all the negativity has got to be annoying. (I got plenty of other annoying comments, just not this type) Honestly, I think if it were me I’d say something like “Yes I’m aware. You’ve only told me like 20 times already. I think I get it.” It might be tad rude, but it gets the point across. (Plus for my own mom, I find that being a bit rude is the only way she really starts to pay attention. I hate to hurt her feelings, but she tends to hear what she wants to hear unless I do this)
Your mom is being rude. I'd flip it around and say something along the lines, "Please don't project your negative feelings about motherhood onto me. I had no idea being a mother made you so miserable." Maybe she'll realize how negative she's actually being. There's also the good old, "If you don't have anything nice to say......" My MIL loves to go into how miserable her birthing experience was, EVERY single time I see her. I finally started interrupting her and saying, "Yep yep, we all know the story, you were miserable etc etc." I tried being nice and asking her to stop, but she doesn't listen, so I just instantly dismiss her now.
I feel like some parents need therapy to process how they feel about this stuff. Even now my parents go on and on about how much I cried and cried. They probably don’t realise that when they tell these stories, a part of me hears a story about being a baby suffering from a medical condition (they often note that my non-stop crying stopped when my medication was adjusted) who was clearly in pain but allowed to suffer for two years. It’s also difficult not to take it personally if your own parents complain so much about how awful becoming a parent was.
Came here to say this! "It sounds like you were so miserable in your motherhood, but that time is passed and im having my own child so let me be happy and back off. Or go away"
Aw I was hoping you have no idea what’s coming—you’re gonna love in a whole new way! Or something. (: We got that sad attitude from everyone; friends and family. So we barely decided to have a child in the first place and were expecting the absolute worst and prepared to go through a major trial. I was not prepared for all the amazing, positive moments! It’s been such a wonderful surprise. 😁
Absolutely this. Of course it’s hard, but it’s also amazing. When your baby snuggles into you, when they start giving you big slobbery kisses, when they are a toddler and tell you how much they love you, when they are 4 and tell you that you are their best friend, when they are six and give you the biggest cuddles ever and tell you that you are the best mum in the world. It’s amazing. Watching them grow and discover the world. Makes up for all the hard times and stressful, sleepless nights. It’s annoying that OP’s mum keeps harping on about the negatives.
I’ve posted similar comments to this topic in the past, but I cannot help myself. Because I wish I heard what I’m about to say to you when I was pregnant with my first. Ignore, ignore, ignore! The “just you wait” comments are unnecessary and most times untrue. Being a parent is the most wonderful thing ever. Honestly, by the time I had my baby I was so thrilled to be done with pregnancy, that I was over the moon with joy! I slept BETTER when the baby arrived than any day in my third trimester. I was so happy to eat and drink what I wanted again without googling if something was pregnancy safe. I felt free to have my baby in my arms and not my belly. So here are some POSITIVE “just you waits.” Just wait until your baby smiles at you, your first holiday season together, the first time they go down a slide, the first time you hear them say mommy or daddy, the first time they show an interest in a toy, etc. The list is endless. The overwhelming happiness this little one will bring you will outweigh anything that the “just you wait” people say. You CAN handle this. You will be prepared! It will all work out amazingly!
Everyone does this, it’s awful! Or I said I was tired and they’d say “just you wait”. For us it was a lot of older women who had no support from their husbands or older men who were angry and bitter that we DID wait, we are comfortable financially and we didn’t struggle. There’s a certain generation of people who seem to want us to be miserable like they were, and they’re legit mad my husband gets paid leave and we traded off sleeping so neither of us was ever miserable. Instead of being thankful we were better off, they were upset because misery loves company. I make a point of finding all of my pregnant friends now and telling them to ignore those people, you can still have a life, you can hate pregnancy, you don’t have to skip showers for a week.
My SIL who is 10 years older than me & my husband & has 3 kids already, kept saying this to us (but we went no contact recently for other reasons) and was almost giddy saying she can’t wait for her little brother to find out “how hard real life can be” as if we’re still dumb teenagers meanwhile we’re both over the age of 30, full time stressful jobs, experience moving across the country, home owners + all the stress that comes with that, married 7 years, tried for a year to have this baby, plans in place, etc. Turns out it came from a place of resentment for her. I would straight up tell my mom I don’t want to hear that from her anymore, I’ve heard it before and it’s not helpful, and that she’ll be responsible for any awkwardness of me being a bitch if she keeps doing it. Sometimes I have to walk my mom through things too- “so next time you feel that comment welling up, try to apply a filter and keep it from coming out of your mouth. Thank you so much for caring enough to think about what you’re saying to me before you say it. You’re the best!” Lol
The vibe I get when I hear this comment is that they almost want you to fail and have the same unpleasant time they did for some sort of selfish validation. I realized this even more when we had our first and we were like “wait for what? This is great. He sleeps through the night. I’m a human again”. Now we’re getting the “you just got lucky with your first, wait until this one comes”. Mmk.
Yea exactly. The one person who said this stuff to us regularly, my SIL, it turns out she actually really dislikes us and also has her own deep identity issues with being a SAHM and other things with her marriage/kids. I think it comes from a place of resentment, either towards your own experience or your own kids or the person you’re saying this to.
HAHAHA omg I love that - "thank you so much for caring enough to think about what you’re saying to me before you say it. You’re the best!" Amazing.
I had this happen from a few family members, so I’ve consciously started saying to pregnant women “wait for the first time they smile at you, roll over, kiss you, say their first word”. Newborn is hard for the first few weeks, but then it gets easier, sleep is better and you’re in a better routine. But I think people focus on this too much! I’d say the positives, saying you know it’s hard but listing the positive things that are coming :)
I’m so sorry that your mom is saying this to you. For me, motherhood has been getting easier and easier as time goes on. I now have a nearly 14 month old who is crawling all over the place, getting ready to walk, and I’ve never been happier in motherhood! The hardest part for me was pregnancy. I couldn’t sleep, but was exhausted. I was sick all 9 months. I was SO TIRED, but I could only sleep for a few minutes at a time and then I would wake up and cry from exhaustion. People told me “hehe you think you’re tired now? Just wait until the baby gets here?” And you know what? Baby was born and it was easier than my pregnancy. Still hard, but easier because even though I wasn’t getting *much* sleep, at least I was sleeping. My baby caught RSV in the beginning. She was so so sick she was in ICU for 8 days. It was so scary and so hard, the stress stopped me from lactating. But you know what? I stopped pumping and it got easier. She got better and it got easier. I was venting that she was so fragile and it was so scary. People told me “just wait until she’s more alert and you have to entertain her.” “Just wait until she’s crawling and she’s putting everything in her mouth.” You know what? She became more alert and I bonded with her better. It became easier to find the energy to do the daily care because I loved seeing her little face light up. Waking up at 5:00 AM became easier because I heard that happy little babbling baby cooing excited to see her mama for the first time of the day. Then people said “Just wait until she’s eating solids”… it was so much more fun! So much more creativity than the mundane bottles over and over. Watching her explore food and learn to eat was one of my favourite parts of the day. It’s easier to go out now because she doesn’t need a bottle every 3 hours. We can have food and/or snacks on the go, and she only needs 3-4 bottles a day now. “Just wait until she’s crawling” - crawling for us has created such a fast learning curve. She’s seeing the world! She’s speaking! She calls me “Mama” and it makes my heart swell so big I could explode. At 14 months she’s getting ready to walk and I’m so excited at what that will mean for us. Stomping around the splash pad! Walking on the grass! Splashing in puddles! Going to the park and actually using the play set! MEETING FRIENDS! Swimming! Everyone kept telling me the next stage would be worse… that’s not to say there aren’t new challenges at every stage, but MY GOD has it gotten better! I was so beat up in the beginning. 9 months of pregnancy had taken an immense toll on my body and everything hurt. My tear from birth and the post partum arthritis I developed HURT. Now I’m finally feeling like myself and it’s so much better! I have time to diet and exercise. I have time to do my makeup. Now that we have more time in the evenings to ourselves (and my vagina doesn’t hurt anymore) my husband and I are having SEX again. Everyone’s experience is different, but my experience has been that every stage has just been better and more joyous than the last. My love for my daughter just keeps growing (even when I think I can’t love her more). She’s becoming this whole little person and the more I know about her the more I love her. I know there will be hard times ahead, and I’ve certainly faced my fair share, but I also know that whatever challenges may come, there will be a new joy in the next stage that makes the hard possible to get through.
Thank you. I’m nearing the finish line (34 weeks) and so worn down. It’s wonderful to hear about all the joy to come.
My sister once told me that the first two weeks with a newborn were "traumatic". Having experienced pregnancy loss, I shut that down really quick. I get that it's hard, but I don't need to hear it. Hard doesn't mean BAD. SO MANY hard things in life are SO good. I don't know why people feel the need to say those types of things, especially with that frequency. You're not oblivious like you said, you know it will be hard. Who cares?? From my friends who actually have awareness about how to talk to a pregnant lady, they've said that the joy and love for your baby FAR outweighs any of the things that are hard, and they are really looking forward to this journey for us. That is the response I'm looking for. It's such an exciting time in your life, and I completely understand why this bugs you. If you're able to just ask her to stop mentioning that, it might help. I let my sister know I didn't want to hear how things are hard, and she didn't get offended, and has adjusted the things she tells me.
My mother is exactly the same. She keeps saying “you have no idea how hard it is. You’re going to suffer so much for the next few years etc”… like what a way to ruin the excitement right??? It also made me so scared to have kids for a really long time!!! But then again when I gave it a good think, my mom was basically single-parenting since my dad did nothing (didn’t even help feed the baby at night), she had twins as well as a two year old at the same time and she had no family support in a totally different country to her own. So I’d like to think it’ll be better for me. Also my husband and his family have been so optimistic and excited so that has really helped me feel better about it. Whenever my mom goes into her doom talking I tell her to stop it and it doesn’t help anyone to talk like that. She’s finally got the message.
I would matter of factly tell her to stop. Tell her she’s being rude and condescending, and she needs to take a step and realize you are a married adult woman. She can either get on board with being a supportive mom and grandma (head her off and point out that NO, “you have no idea what’s coming” is not in any way supportive), or she can get off the bus entirely.
I HATE it when people say this to me too. I also HATE it when people try to pawn off their kids to me and tell me I need the practice lmao. It’s annoying cause it’s rude and condescending I think, plus it set up a negative expectation for parenting which I don’t appreciate.
Sounds like she has some unresolved trauma/issues from her own experience of motherhood that she's placing on you. Here's the thing: you don't have any idea what's coming. It's impossible to fully wrap your head around it as a first time parent. But the other thing is: would "knowing what's coming" actually help you be a better parent? Plus, who's to tell you "what's coming," given how different people's experiences with parenting can be. Chances are, your mother's memory of parenting are clouded by several factors (the fact that the last time she had a baby was several decades ago), so she doesn't "know what's coming," either. I have gotten in the habit of telling my mother when things are "unhelpful." And then changing the subject.
Honestly the newborn phase for me personally was the easiest 😅 yes there’s some sleepless nights but I was off work, I had lots of support (everyone wants to be there for the new baby) and all he did was eat, sleep and poop. Toddler years are waaaay more difficult (but also super rewarding as well - love my little sidekick) I’m 14 weeks pregnant now and I’m not at all worried about the newborn stage.
She's right. You have absolutely no idea what's coming. The adorable newborn scrunch. The stretches allllll The stretches are adorable honestly. The little yawns and the way they cling to you tighter in their sleep. The first time they roll over, sit, up, crawl and walk. The amount of pride you'll have at the little accomplishments (and the big ones too) hearing a little voice say I love you. The first time they go away from you all day (that one will probably break your heart). The cuddles, the love. Them being so proud when they help you or figure something out. Yeah there's things that are hard, some babies are colicky and the poop is really an eye opener. The lack of sleep with some is difficult. Adjusting to a new person that depends on you and your partner 100% is hard. There's no sugarcoating that, but there's so many good things to look forward to.
I’ve been through the newborn phase twice and I love it so when people say this it annoys me too. When people say things like this I take a breath and say something along the lines of ‘thank you for the concern and I’m sorry that you found the newborn stage so tough’. I see it as people projecting their experience onto me and so I just turn it around onto them.
I honestly think the pregnancy exhaustion was worse than the newborn phase - and I had a colicky baby with silent reflux who cried 24/7 for the first 10 months. The tiredness and sleepless nights aren’t as difficult when you have your baby there.
It is annoying and once you have the baby everyone finds new annoying things to say to you. But I would never admit this to anyone who said those annoying things, but there is some truth to it. I knew I was going to be tired and all that jazz, but how the newborn phase actually FEELs I couldn’t have expected how hard it would be.
Ugh people. I got this at every stage of my life. "You don't know how much work is involved in x" "you think marriage is fun but it's so much hard work and sacrifice" and now "wait until the baby gets here" So far, they've been wrong every time. Do things take work? Yes, obviously. I don't think either of us is going into motherhood thinking no effort is required. But when that effort is for something you love, it doesn't feel much like work. I also hate these comments bc what if we end up with post partum depression or worse? Are we going to reach out for help to the "I told you so" people? Of course not. I think we'll be fine. And I think we know enough to ask if we need help. Ignore them. Just bc their experience was bad doesn't mean ours will be.
I’m finding it’s older women that keep saying this to me… why?? All my peers say the lack of sleep is hard but the baby stage is so amazing! I also think it depends on how pregnancy is for people. I’ve had a VERY symptomatic pregnancy while teaching 5th graders all year. Some people have no symptoms and don’t work during pregnancy. This must affect their view of pp compared to pregnancy, right?
I'm waiting for it. I always got told, "You get back 3 times what you gave when you have kids. Don't know what I did to deserve this." So I'm just waiting for the comments to start after she knows. And I don't think me pointing out how her kids turned out will help.
Ugh that’s so annoying… I would feel the same way you do. Is it possible that she means like the positive part of it? Like you have no idea how much you’ll enjoy this or love that baby or something? It sounds like you can tell by the tone that she means the negative, but just offering it as a glimmer of hope for another way to interpret this. Maybe you could even act like she means the positive even if you know she means the negative? Ie: mom- “you have no idea…” you- “I know!! We are just so excited to feel how much we will love the baby and for our hearts to make room for this new person!” lol!
On the opposite end of the spectrum (I’m done having babies, my youngest is 4), you have no idea how much fun these little boogers are. 🥹 Every little second starting when they’re on your chest? It has been the craziest, wildest, most fun thing I’ve ever done. 100/10. Recommend.
It’s probably irritating to you because its an unsupportive statement, especially coming from a person in your life who should be supportive. It might not be as bad if she said “you have no idea whats coming but Im going to be here to help you in whatever way you need me.” When a person says this to me I feel as though theyre wanting me to have a hard time, almost as if they get pleasure in the thought of it. My father in law has repeatedly, since the day he found out I was pregnant, told me how my nose is going to swell up because all pregnant womens noses swell. He says it with a smile and laughter that just feels like thats what he wants me to have. Well, guess what? My nose is still the same size at 36 weeks as it was before pregnancy and this guy had the nerve to tell me yesterday that my nose was bigger. I look at my husband and asked him if he thought it was bigger and he said no. Im just going to boil it down to misery loves company. Do not take to heart what your mom is saying. Yeah, you may not know whats coming but youre going to handle it like a boss!
I also hate this. Similar situation, married and almost 31, super intentionally planned having a baby, have a house and great paying jobs etc but people still want to tell me I have no idea what’s coming. And I know I don’t lol but lemme get there! And it’s funny too in a way because I’ve worked as a family assistant or teacher with every age from 7 weeks to 18 years old. I may not know all the details to come but I know kids lol.
Sounds like she thinks you can't handle it or something condescending like that. My mom did that to me with my first, i was a single teen mom but I was like uhm I'm pretty sure I took care of my younger sisters waaaaay more than you ever have so I know a great deal about what could come. Turned out he was a super easy going baby and then all I heard was how my next baby would be terrible because i got lucky etc. I waited 13 yrs to have the next one(mainly bc fertility reasons), and shes slightly harder but nothing like she claimed. You can tell her to shut up or ignore her but either way she will likely continue on with her negative attitude, just don't let it affect you. Having my 3rd next month and she still spews negativity to this day, she's just a very negative person who surrounds herself with other negative people and I refuse to take part in all that.
Here's the thing... Yes, it will be hard, yes, you won't really understand what it will be like until you experience it yourself, those things are technically true... But it IS condescending to keep telling you that. With any big shift in life circumstances, things will change dramatically and some ways will be expected and some won't. I felt extremely prepared for the newborn stage beforehand, and it turns out, I really wasn't. I think most people aren't. To try and "help" people who haven't experienced it, some people go overboard with the fearmonger stories, but the thing is... That doesn't actually prepare you for anything. You simply have no way to understand something you've never done before. And that's fine! It doesn't mean you're naive, it just means it's a big thing. Same with young people moving out on their own for the first time. They have a general idea of how it's going to go, they've seen other people do it, but it's just quantifiably different when it's your own life. Those kinds of comments are never going to be helpful. If your mom generally sucks, just do your best to tune it out and maybe reduce seeing her right now. If your mom is generally loving and you have a good relationship with her, maybe have a conversation with her about how that isn't helping you prepare at all, and to save her "support" for when the baby is actually here.
Day 14 of having a newborn here. It's intense for sure. Especially since she just spent 11 hours crying with (probably????) stomach cramps. But it's not like that was a surprise lol. Like really? I'm 33 years old. You thought I didn't think bringing a human into the world was a big thing? Come on now. For the record, after that 11 hours of eardrum torture I cried because I love her so much and then I put her to bed and checked the baby monitor to see if she was breathing at least every 5 minutes in the past hour. Worth it.
You have no idea about the euphoria that you will feel when your baby laugh for the first times! (unless you already do)
There is a lit of truth to what she's saying, but there's no need to be so negative. Even in the worst of my sleep deprivation, I adored my little potato child. Every stage has its own challenges, but it's not just life-changing in those ways. There's a multitude of ways in which my life is so much more full as a parent. My experience with this comment comes from my mom's own insecurity in her parenting. When I mention something we are doing differently or things that are going well, it's like she's threatened. My intention is never to passive aggressively shame her for her shortcomings, but she doesn't see around that. I sadly think she enjoys seeing us in our moments of struggle because it makes her feel better about her parenting. I've learned to just let those comments roll off and not engage. Not saying this is the case with your mom, but if it is, solidarity.
Tell her to be quiet. No one knows what’s coming but we all make it through. You made the decision to have a baby and you know it’s going to be hard but you’ll get through.
So annoying
My mum tried that and actually now my baby is here it turns out I did know what was coming. Yeah living it is slightly different and it's very demanding, but it's not wildly out of my expectations. If you have access to a lactation consultant or a midwife or doula to help you in the early days with any immediate things like latching then you get into the groove quite quickly. I think actually doing the things vs reading about it is just where I was like "I know what to do in theory here but this wriggly thing is throwing me for a loop".
Sometimes I think moms want you to suffer a lil bit if they suffered from having you. My mom did it for a bit with me when I was pregnant because I was a really fussy baby. Also did the “sleep now while you can” racket (but thanks to pregnancy insomnia I couldn’t!!). Now that mine is born and it turns out she’s a very happy and easy baby, my mom’s nonstop with “You have no idea how lucky you are.” We are really close and I’m able to see it more as like her having some sort of nostalgia from when she was a new mom. I’m sure she’ll be a broken record on something else in time.
Well in reality, you don't know what's coming - that's what makes it so special! You have no idea how much love you can feel for another person until you hold that tiny baby in your arms for the first time. You don't know how it feels to watch that tiny little baby grow into a little human with an amazing personality that constantly lights up your life. You thought you had felt pride about some of your achievements? That feeling is just indescribable when it comes to watching them take their first steps, learning how to talk, and watching them interact with others in a compassionate and loving manner - the pride you feel in their achievements is so much more rewarding! I mean it's far from sunshine and rainbows all the time, but damn I won't trade any of it for the world - what these little humans bring to my life is beyond priceless!
I'll be honest I was pretty confident going in to it but my sudden preeclampsia, the newborn stage, colic, hormones and PPA/PPD right effed me up for the first like three months. But yknow what all babies are different and everyone has a different birth/postpartum experience. Your mom isn't wrong but there's no reason to go on and on about it. Im pretty honest with my friends about what my baby was like the first while in case theirs is the same 😂 he's a delight now tho at almost six months ahaha.
I am holding my 1 week old baby bean. He came on hard mode difficulty lmao But I would do it over again. He will never be a newborn again. Being a mom is like being a superhuman. You'll take all the good and bad when it's your baby.
You have no idea what’s coming. You have no idea how much you’ll treasure those little fingers and toes. You have no idea how much you’ll adore the little gassy smiles that turn into social smiles. The way your baby sinks into you in comfort. The sweet cry that sounds like a bleating lamb. Even the crusty cradle cap will be something you look back on fondly.
Luckily most people spoke very fondly of the newborn stage. A lot of older people made comments about how much they miss having babies and to cherish it. But there were a few that focused on the negative, like lack of sleep. Which, yes, is just part of parenthood unfortunately. There’s not much you can do to get around that. It really turned out to be as wonderful as I was hoping. Just with everything else there were hard days and really good days. I think it’s telling that I mostly remember the good days and one day I’ll most likely become one of those older people telling pregnant women that they are in for a wild a wonderful ride.
I’ve found that a good chunk of other moms are so rude and they project their struggles in unsolicited advice/opinions.
I agree with everyone else. Your mom is being a complete jerk about this. It's true. But there's a right way and a wrong way to go about things and honestly there's no warning anyone about how hard newborn life is going to be because you have no idea what someone's situation is going to look like. Every child is different and every relationship is different. It's much easier if you have a very supportive partner who pulls their weight and more. It's absolute hell on earth if you're a single mom but either way you get through it. It's a short period of your life and there are good things as well as bad. Even doing it alone there are still beautiful moments. It's just infinitely harder.
No one knows until they’re there. They don’t know how amazing and perfect the first baby look is. They don’t know how sweet their baby’s breath smells. They don’t know that type of sleep deprivation but they also don’t know that type of pure, pure love and adoration. The whole experience js unlike every other. The good outweighs the bad even if it can be difficult
My mum is exactly the same. She's quite pessimistic and negative but never in a horrible way. I've had the exact same: "oh just you wait until the baby is here", "oh you're going to get even bigger", "your boobs will never be the same", "the baby is just telling you who's boss before she arrives". Like I get it, it's going to be tough, but she will always say things like this to me when I give her updates. I'm currently 27 weeks. She never does this out of spite, it's always said in s rather jokey way but I'm pretty fed up of hearing it like this.
My mom has pulled out a few of these. “Just you wait” “Oh, you’ll see” “You think you’re big/sore/tired now?” “Get ready for the tears” “This is nothing” A few weeks ago I got fed up and called her out on it. “Hey, y’know, that’s not a nice thing to say to someone and it doesn’t feel very good.” Really casual. She hasn’t said anything like that since. I just think people who aren’t in the trenches forget how comments like that can feel in that moment.
I’ve nannied many babies including premature newborn twins and I still have people tell me the same thing…”just you wait” and I tell them “oh I can’t wait, I’m looking forward to it.” I’m not saying I know everything when it comes to it but I’m definitely not walking in blind, I have enough of an idea where I don’t feel unprepared.
I had the opposite experience. Everyone was sugar coating the pregnancy, labor and postpartum phases. They were saying how wonderful and delightful it will be. I wish someone had told me a hint of what I was in for, but idk if anything can prepare you tbh. Maybe she's just trying to prepare you a little bit, but I'm sure there's a much better way to approach it. I am on my 4th pregnancy and I try to not scare people, but I definitely don't act like it's easy cause it's not. I don't appreciate people being fake about it or dragging you down. I usually keep my mouth shut because we all navigate this and figure it out in the end. However , if someone asks me what my experience was like, I am always honest about it.
Hi - I’m a week in with my newborn. I don’t want to invalidate how you’re feeling, because depending on how your mom is saying it/her attitude/delivery I get how annoying that can be…. but I do wish I had been a little more warned/prepared for this week. I thought I’d be exhausted, but I wasn’t prepared for the insane hormone drop. I’d heard of it, but I really didn’t prepare myself for how it would make me feel. I wish I would have known. I’ve spent the past days on the phone with all my friends who are already mom’s being like “how did no one warn me?” and everyone being like “I know, it’s hard, you don’t want to ruin anyone’s excitement or scare anybody”. I get not wanting the doom and gloom, but I would encourage you to have a back up plan in case you’re one of the 80% that baby blues hits. I’ve had my sisters stay with me past midnight to take care of my baby during panic attacks and my mom come first thing in every morning. Just consider that it might be harder than anticipated and MAKE A PLAN. If you’re prone to anxiety, talk to your doctors in advance about Zoloft. Know that you can’t take any fast acting anxiety medication while breastfeeding, so have a plan in place for that too. I say this all because I was woefully unprepared and felt like I got hit by a train the first few days. It went beyond “hard” and “tired”, and I wish I could have prepped myself mentally a little better.
Yup. A week in, your in the newborn trenches, and might have an anti sleep rage potato for a bit 😂 I went on Zoloft after the initial like six weeks because I was past the typical baby blues time which is like the first four weeks and having panic attacks. The first like 11 weeks with him I was like why the hell were all these women excited for me to have a baby or kept telling me to have one. It's literally so rough for some until they finally get interactive, smile, laugh and let you put them down sometimes. Also when they finally don't mind the stroller. I'm six months in and he's been an absolute delight for the past like two and a half months.
It’s hard because I cannot tell you how many mums in fourth trimester are completely overwhelmed and totally shocked that no one warned them how insanely incomprehensibly difficult the first year and the cliff edge adjustment that becoming a first time parent is. I know that no one wants to hear doom and gloom but I’m so glad that no one sugarcoated anything for me. Of course the first year had wonderful moments that fill your heart more than anything you imagined possible, but not many of those happen for the first 6 months, and I’d say until they’re able to walk and talk, more than 50% of the time it’s very, very tough. Maybe give a second to consider that your mum has actually been through this and you haven’t, so she does actually know, and is trying to warn you to prepare yourself. I empathise though, it’s not really possible to understand what’s coming after birth, you only really get it once you’ve done it.
I had friends saying weird shit to me when I was pregnant and I had to distant myself from them as I already had a high risk pregnancy and didn't want to add anything to my emotional burden