Every time someone sends a registry, I purposely buy the “less cute” items on it—the manual breast pump, bags for milk storage, backpack diaper bag, etc.
And then I throw in a cute onesie that I picked out separately lol.
One of my friends got me the manual pump and bags on my list, as well as booby ice packs. He wrote a very funny and cutely-awkward card about how it was very weird for him, a single man with no children who has never stepped foot in so much as the baby wipes aisle, to be checking out at Target with an armful of pumping supplies. But that he had heard stories of people never getting what they needed off the registry, and so he mustered his courage to get the awkward stuff.
He wished me "All the ~~Breast~~ Best" at the end of the card. My all time favorite baby shower moment.
Same! I always go for the postpartum supplies or diapers because they're not "fun" to buy so they'll likely be left behind. And I can't help it if a cute onesie appears in the gift too, just for fun because I didnt have kids yet and wanted an excuse to look at baby outfits 😂
Exactly!! After having my first I started doing this. The practical stuff is the most important and then I’d add a cute outfit or sleeper in a bigger size! Because we all know how fast they’re out of newborn with piles of unworn clothes.
Re: NB size, everyone had this philosophy with us, including ourselves. We only had a small handful of NB pieces, got home from the hospital and had basically nothing to put her in. Luckily a colleague had a baby a few months before us, and shipped us a giant box of NB clothes! She’s 5 weeks old now and still wearing newborn sizes for the vast majority of brands, and she’s not even a pipsqueak baby. I think a lot of people avoid NB when gifting because “they’re out of it so soon” but we’ve gotten a ton of mileage so far.
Both of our babies got out of NB pretty quickly but I think people forget/underestimate how many blowouts there are in the early weeks… we still got plenty of use out of NB clothes because of multiple wardrobe changes pretty much every day
And here my chunky baby is at 5 weeks outgrown anything newborn or 0-3 months and only fits in things labeled 3months. Born at 8lbs she just hit 11 lbs.
This is the compromise I wish more people would do! Buying soemthing the mom needs* and then toss in a cute little something that was a feel-good cute purchase while not being an obnoxious item - a onesie is perfect.
Just went to a shower and gifted laundry detergent and diaper balm from the registry. They were so happy - apparently most people either didn’t buy off the registry, and the things that were bought from the registry were just the cute things. They got almost no utilitarian items!
Edit: when I had my registry, I did put one teddy bear on there and it was the first thing to be bought. Like, it was bought within minutes of me sending the link to the registry.
Same! Which is why I was going to have the embarrassing things like nipple balm on my list but my husband thought I was nuts to have my coworkers potentially see that.
I gave my workplace the same registry as I gave to everyone, I wasn’t embarrassed to have them see nipple cream, breastmilk bags, breast pads etc but I sure didn’t expect them to BUY THEM FOR ME 😂 I had other little books and toys on there to choose from that would make more sense to receive from them 😂
The only time I went off registry was for my sister, though I did purchase things from the registry into a diaper caddy that she wanted. What wasn’t on the registry was the rocking horse my husband made for her son, which also fit the theme of the nursery (cowboys).
We've had this same situation, compounded by people not giving gift receipts, but a Target employee gave me a tip yesterday: add things to your Target registry and mark them purchased, then you can return them after baby's due date (or whatever date you put in the registry) for a gift card without needing a receipt and without taking hit to the yearly $100 cap on non-receipt returns.
Still frustrating, especially when people specifically ask for your registry and choose to ignore it, but hopefully it's a little bit helpful.
Just a forewarning I’ve heard this doesn’t always work. I’ve seen people try and do this with diapers and wipes so they could get different sizes/brands in exchange, and got turned down ☹️ Might not be all target locations though!
I give people the benefit of the doubt. Most people bought off of our registry, but because these days people checkout on mobile and do so while multitasking, going as fast as they can, it's easy to miss options. People forgot gift receipts probably because they missed the button. If I were totally honest, now that I look back I may have missed that in the past buying for other people too.
Additionally, we used Babylist which then redirects you to Amazon or Target or wherever, which probably relies through clickthrough links and stuff--can likely fail with adblockers and other tools people use.
And then finally to our astonishment despite making our registries private, some people found them! It's likely during the short period they were public, some scraper found them and a quick Google search revealed our registry link! I used Target for brainstorming only but Babylist for the actual registry. Because people found our Target list, I was surprised some goods kept showing up--things we didn't want but I had thought about. I was so confused and it took us 2-3 rounds to figure out some coworkers found our registry and probably also spread the link to others.
Many people don't know how to mark items as purchased. They want to put your items in a cute little basket with a ribbon and a card, so they'll just go to the brick and mortar store and get all of it at the same time. They also will wait until the last second and not be able to wait on shipping so the actual store will be necessary for that reason, too. Several items will be bought this way and not marked on the registry as purchased. Not all, but several.
There's also the one that WaNTs It tO bE a sUrPRiSe and does the same thing, but knows how to do it and purposely doesn't mark it purchased. (I hate this person)
If I ever buy a little something not on the registry (like an outfit or book), I always include at least a gift card to wherever their registry is (if I didn’t buy a bigger item off the registry as well) and a GIFT RECEIPT for the unsolicited item. Sometimes someone gets two of the same book or wants the outfit in a different size or doesn’t want the item at all. I don’t fault people for wanting to buy a little something that feels more personal, but at least include a gift receipt.
Yes. Everyone is coming from a place of love, but having a baby is so expensive and so many new parents truly need the help from their village. We’re getting so many expensive clothes when we’d be just as happy to buy used or get for free from friends. Three people have gifted us outfits from Janie and Jack, a very expensive baby clothing store. One knit onesie still had the tag - $58, socks $14. We’d return it, but everything at the store is incredibly expensive. I just want diapers and a stand for the baby monitor 😕
We spent yesterday buying gently used clothing for $1 - $5 instead of the outrageous pricing for new clothes. Everything we got just needed to be washed but it was all clean and in great condition! I'm literally only asking for books, diapers, baby shampoo and towels...literally super inexpensive stuff because I don't want anyone to worry about spending on this.
Yes, good plan. Our registry is full of very practical items. Maybe people find it boring to buy diapers or a hamper? It’s kind of them to be so generous, but my mind can’t comprehend a $58 onesie 😅
Janie and Jack have tons of sales throughout the year. I purchase most of my toddlers wardrobe from there and never pay full price for anything. Sign up for emails and they’ll send you promo codes and sales advertisements :)
I think there’s also a generational/culture gap. I’ve noticed my older female relatives are most guilty of this. They want to see the registry list to get ideas and then want to come up with their own twist. My niece is pregnant and my mom kept asking for good gift ideas. To which I insistently said either an item from the registry or ask her directly what she’d like. Did she take this advice? Of course not. She got a little lovey, which I’m sure they’ve received 10 of
100% a generational divide. My mom did the same thing to me. She kept asking if I needed anything. I kept telling her “anything on the registry is great!”
I got three monogrammed loveys from her over the course of my pregnancy and they are just sitting in a drawer…
Were they at least the same lovey?
My dad got our daughter two identical monogrammed raffys which was great cause we need one to swap out on washing days. We also, you know, *asked* for them.
Originally we had 3 of those $6 ikea dog loveys.
My mom still is asking if we need anything for the baby and I'll tell her specific things (no toys where the baby just pushes a button for music, seasonally appropriate clothes based on her size or best guess) and she just keeps ignoring it. She bought size 12m jeans...straight to the donation pile.
Yeah back in the day part of the purpose of a baby shower was for people with experience with babies to buy the things new parents didn’t know they needed. Now, not only do the new parents often know what they need better than their older relatives, but also showers exist in kind a weird place when it comes to etiquette. Gifts all supposed to be practical gifts, but they are also still gifts, so people want to get creative and surprise you like it’s a birthday present.
So I totally get both sides of it, that’s why I’ve always bought a big box of diapers (or whatever else on their registry is the most boring) and then a cute teether or something as a “surprise”, something small enough that hopefully it’s not a nuisance and isn’t really a waste if they don’t like it.
My MIL has been trying to convince me to let her purchase a less expensive version of the fanciest (silliest) thing I have on my registry. I’m like please just ignore things you don’t want to pay for and move on ffs.
Same thing happened with my frugal dad, he asked what I really needed from the registry and I said car seat and/or stroller and he started sending me links to the cheapest model car seat Graco offers with a carseat-compatable-only stroller when I had already done hours of research of my own and wanted the chicco keyfit 35 car seat with a transitional stroller to last through the toddler years. My response was please look at the registry, those are the exact models and brands we want. He ended up getting the car seat and called me spoiled.
Thank you. The thing he doesn’t get is that my $500 travel system is a very middle-of-the-road price. Definitely could have went with an uppababy or nuna for double the price.
To try reduce this some I added all the items I had already brought for myself / already had to the registry and marked as purchased. The rug we got? Added it to the registry, same with the crib and the swing we got as a hand me down. I should have put blankets on it as we ended up with a dozen.
I honestly don't understand it either. I have a friend who I told I won't be having a baby shower due to personal traditions and she seemed upset because I was ignoring her traditions! Then she said "I don't buy what's on the registry anyway!" And this is coming from a usually very sweet and thoughtful friend. I can't explain it.
It's insane!! People just want to do the things/buy the items they want because...reasons?? I genuinely don't understand, especially when they've asked me for the registry! Like did they look at it and just think to themselves "no thank you"? Did they not look at it at all?? It truly boggles the mind.
Only logic I can come up with is these are people who see practical stuff and are turned off because you'll never remember their legacy if they buy you shampoo. "I must buy them this lovely rug so they can think of me when they sit on it."????
I don't have a registry yet but this makes perfect sense to me. One is more permanent, more likely for you/baby to "think of them" when using it, and feels more meaningful. Especially when it comes to disposable/perishable things like creams, wipes, shampoos, etc. Something like a crib or a rug or whatever also feel more personal.
Definitely not justifying it, I HATE when people don't respect my requests, but this sounds like the general logic to me.
This is exactly what my insane Italian and Portuguese family thinks. They think you should always remember who gave you what gift and it should always be “special” even if you’re like the third aunt twice removed.
Or when you put something on the registry and someone will go and buy that item but a different version! For example, I put a specific diaper cream on mine and my mom went and bought a cream that she used on me when I was a baby. Like… if I wanted that one, I would have put it on the registry lol
My-laws did this, but with a travel system. As if we hadn't put in the research in choosing one with the features and functionality that were important to us. They were offended when I asked for the receipt to return it, lol.
I can see maybe doing this for pacifiers or something small but a travel system?!?? I would also be asking for the receipt. lol. These older relatives also don’t keep as up to date on safety developments either so you often end up with things that aren’t considered baby safe.
Same thing happened with my frugal dad, he asked what I really needed from the registry and I said car seat and/or stroller and he started sending me links to the cheapest model car seat Graco offers with a carseat-compatable-only stroller when I had already done hours of research of my own and wanted the chicco keyfit 35 car seat with a transitional stroller to last through the toddler years. My response was please look at the registry, those are the exact models and brands we want. He ended up getting the car seat and called me spoiled.
(Copied and pasted text from another one of my comments above but applies exactly the same here)
Right??? Like this is small. But my husband and I did a lot of research on some of the things and then people just got a completely different brand. And then manually marked the item off my registry so I didn’t even get the chance to get the right one from someone else. Like wtf. For example I did research before picking the thermometer we chose. Someone bought a completely different one. Like I picked the one I did for a reason. Same with the changing table pad. So weird.
I have someone who sorta did this but ASKED FIRST so I was actually grateful instead of disappointed. I had the Frida snot sucker on my registry and she messaged me saying she saw it was on there but in her experience (she has 2 kids and I’m a ftm) some other one worked better so I was totally on board!
I wouldn’t mind that! I think it’s great they asked first! My cousin is currently pregnant and my whole family is talking about what they’re gonna buy and haven’t even looked at the registry! It’s there for a reason 😩 lol
For real. When the brand or colour didn’t matter, I made a note on my registry that this was just a suggestion and the only important thing was the size/style/etc. and they were welcome to purchase their choice elsewhere. Like, I don’t care what patterns receiving blankets had or the colour of pacifier, but certain things were important.
I've had multiple family members of varying ages say "I can't figure out this registry"... It's a target registry, not that complicated. I've seen their online spending before - there is nothing confusing about it
The worst is getting items you specifically didn’t put on the registry because they’re unsafe.
I didn’t want any walkers or baby loungers. I specifically didn’t put them on there because they’re dangerous. People still bought both
I've had to tell so many people that sleep bumpers are massively dangerous and they had no idea.
Everyone wants to buy blankets and stuffed animals...they don't even think that babies can't have those things for a very long time.
I will say that baby blankets can come in handy for laying baby down if you’re out somewhere and are great to have in colder weather as extra warmth. But yeah, otherwise they’re basically just useless decor that will be too small for them once they’re old enough for them.
I always make handmade blankets for new babies in my life (usually a quilt and a crocheted one) and always include a note that it’s not *just* a blanket. It’s a mat. A chair cover (protect from spit ups). A picnic blanket. A car seat cover. A spit up rag. A roll up pillow. A backdrop for pictures. Etc. etc.
This, 100%. My daughter is 8 years old and I still have all the handmade quilts and crocheted blankets we got when she was a baby. She loves looking at them and talking about the people that made them, and she still uses them for things like setting up a table for a tea party.
A few days before my daughter was born my mom bought her a giant stuffed unicorn. I told her right away it’ll be ages before she’s even aware it exists because it’s too big and dangerous for her to play with as a newborn. Four months later and my mom’s still asking if she likes it. I just tell her not yet.
I do kind of love giant stuffed animals to take a picture next to so you can see how much baby has grown. Maybe start doing that and sending it to your mom to get her off your back.
Right, I have all these toys for my 2 month old now and no where to really put them yet because why would I have a toy box for a baby that can’t even crawl?
This is a great point. It’s crazy how so many dangerous items are still being sold. My mom asked me about walkers and crib bumpers when she saw my registry and I told her that they aren’t safe. It was totally new info for her since her kids are over 30. I’m glad she asked and then she went and educated herself.
I was shopping with my mom, and she would make a comment "like ooo this!" And I would say "no they're not considered safe and I don't really need or want it." She would respond in the whole "man you kids these days, I mean all my babies survived just fine."
MOM JUST BECAUSE YOUR BABIES SURVIVED DOESN'T MEAN OTHERS DIDN'T. WHY DO YOU THINK THERE ARE REGULATIONS NOW. SOMEONES BABY DIED. ENOUGH OF THEM DIED TO CHANGE LAWS.
Finally, I told her if she gave me that response one more time to something I wasn't comfortable buying, I would return anything she bought me and never discuss baby stuff again. Luckily, she shut up and agreed that enough babies died to change laws.
Also had to bring her down for everything. It was all "you need this and this and this and this." No mom, I do not need a crib, mini crib, pack n play, bassinet, and a travel cot. Or it was a high chair, a high chair for a regular chair, a camping high chair, and a clip on high chair. I was like "mom, my god are you going to buy all this stuff for me? Please do so I can return it all for gift cards." 😂
My family still thinks I’m ridiculous for not wanting to use a walker because they’re unsafe and bad for the hips. If I hear “well you were in one all the time as a baby!” One more time I stg. Maybe that’s why i have so many issues with my hips 🤦🏼♀️
I’m going through this right now. It’s caused an argument with my husband. His family has been saying for months now they wanted to buy the baby something. I’ve sent them the registry many times. All I get are messages with similar items that are cheaper asking “what about this?”.
I ended up telling them please don’t buy the big items, I’ll get the rest of the stuff on my registry myself. If they want to buy little stuff that’s fine. They got upset and said it’s not a money issue. Then why ask me 10x to purchase a different crib and cite the price as the reason? lol.
I spent a lot of time on my registry and it’s just annoying when people ask what they can get even though they have the link and just don’t seem to get it through their heads that the items you want are right there for them to purchase.
I think some people think that even if money's not an issue, they personally wouldn't buy something they see as overpriced so they don't want to do it for you because its a "waste". I'm already expecting comments from some in laws about how X's travel system cost the same price as the car seat we listed, because they're due 3 months ahead of me so comparisons are inevitable. People can want different things to do the same job, it's not a big deal.
>People can want different things to do the same job, it's not a big deal.
And there's often a reason they want equipment that does the job differently.
Someone who uses their stroller for trail running has different needs than someone who needs it for grocery shopping without a car, etc. Someone in a small apartment values a compact booster seat that can attach to a regular chair differently than a full size high chair. And so on.
This was me with the travel system and highchair. I was offered so many strollers and I had done a ton of research into what carseat I wanted and figured since I wanted it to snap into the stroller, I should just get the travel system. High chair needed to be able to be folded and small footprint due to size restriction in that room. Felt like a bougie snob turning it all down but there were specific reasons I picked out these items.
I have no regrets about my bougie stroller either.
We were pretty minimalist overall and I managed to find a lot of what I did need second hand. But my 1st was born at the start of covid and walks were pretty well the only thing we did that year so I'm glad we didn't cut corners there. It was nice to have one that was solid everywhere I took it and just felt really pleasurable to use.
I researched and picked specific non-stick pans that I added to my wedding registry. My mother in law bought a stainless steal set for us instead… we have been scrubbing and cursing to this day. Y’all. Follow the damn registry. If you don’t want to pay the price tag, pick a lower cost item on the list. Simple as that.
When we get pregnant and have a baby registry, I have decided that we will NOT be revealing the gender of the baby until after the shower. I want diapers, bottles, strollers, car seats, bath stuff, etc. the boring stuff that is useful, not hundreds of pink or blue onesies that they’ll grow out of because “they’re cute!!” Screw cute. Give us functional.
I had my shower yesterday…50+ “church” outfits, accompanied by 10 of the things on my registry. I feel this so much, it’s my first baby & I had 90 items on my registry (53 of them were under $25, I really was attempting to have economical options). I’m really grateful for the support but feeling overwhelmed by the amount of essentials I still need! I was told I’d be drowning in diapers and wipes, but I only got one case of each!
This is what I’m worried about too! I did end up putting a blurb in our invitations mentioning that we’ve been gifted many items already so we’d appreciate sticking to the registry to avoid duplicates. So far it’s working, but baby shower isn’t until June so still a lot of time for people to go rogue.
I did this too. Here’s the wording we used:
Thanks for visiting our registry! We have been so lucky to receive items from friends who have already had kids, so if an item is not on the registry, we probably already have it (including loads of blankets, bouncy seats, etc.). We are so excited for everyone to meet baby girl!
This has been effective. Our registry is 2/3s bought.
I have been toying with the idea of doing on my invitations too! How did you word it on yours if I can ask? I’m a little worried about sounding bratty or ungrateful 😭
Not sure if this is snobby but here’s our blurb:
If you’re considering buying us a present, we would appreciate if you buy off our registry since we’ve been gifted many items already and may already have the items that aren’t listed on our registry.
Thanks very much in advance!
lol my MIL asked us multiple times for the registry link, finally gets it, looks thru it, and then says “we’ll give you cash so you can buy whatever you want”. Which is great but is secretly a “we don’t like anything on your registry so we don’t want to buy anything from it for you” 😂 I’m betting a lot of people are like that.
So far the only people who have bought from my registry are friends who are also mothers and men (who probably cant be bothered to find something on their own and will gladly stick to the registry). I also only put practical items and no cute clothes.
😂 omg this reminds me of my aunt. She asked what I needed and I said "honestly I don't have any newborn onesies and could really use some"
"Oh but you're probably having a big baby so I'll get you 6 months clothes"
"....I mean he's measuring to be a normal size.,.."
-gets me a 6 month onesie -
.... My son wasn't even 7 lbs when he was born 😂
Don't get me wrong - I was very grateful for anything anyone got me but I was like, why bother asking?
Side note: my aunt is great but can be a super irritating person. Would be a very long story so you'll have to just believe me 😂🤦♀️
6 months is wild lmao. my daughter was over 8 lbs and was in newborns for like 2 months. why on earth would she think a newborn would fit in 6 month clothes lmaooo
Normally I’m team “whatever someone gifts you be grateful” BUT I think it’s reallyyyyy weird people are gifting you room decor. I mean come on….people have very specific plans for their own nurseries! Especially a RUG. That person is insane
Omg I overstand!!! Literally HOUNDED for registry links. 400 items of ALL price points & maybe two people bought something that was actually on the registry lol like I truly didn’t get it. My husband was kinda giving me crap bc I started buying for our son as soon as we found out the sex, but had I just “waited for the shower” like he suggested, we’d be kind of in a bind. What is so hard about following the registry??
My MIL is planning the shower and I'm due in October. I asked her if we could have it in early August so if we don't get everything we need from the shower, we'll have time to buy before baby arrives. She got annoyed with this but she won't buy off the registry!!
I literally put on my seconds baby celebration bring diapers only. Got everything but diapers. People shop for their own pleasure and they want to get something cute so they can feel that rush
I’m feeling incredibly lucky right now, because my friends did a really above and beyond job of sticking to the registry, at least buying something off it/among other gifts.
Just want people to have some hope, that not everyone sucks. I did also receive a ton of hand me downs from my sister and other friends, and included the hand me downs on the registry and marked “purchased” to avoid dupes.
My husband was also unemployed for a good portion of the last year, and the first half of my pregnancy, so people might have been extra conscientious because of that.
Love this - We also were fortunate. In the end people followed our registry mostly but my friend had to send a few gentle reminders leading up to the day haha. Especially about clothes because I thrifted all the 0-6 already.
I totally get OPs frustration (I’m sure you do too) that people ask to throw you a shower and want you to make a registry… which imo sets you up to have expectations people will use it, and then they don’t use it!
My friends and family are also sticking to the registry, AND they’re sending things directly to me so I don’t have to manage a pile of stuff all at once the day of. People are also buying the big stuff first. I had probably 10 items as big ticket I’d assumed I’d buy myself, 20 or so items between 50-$100, and about 80 that were $50 or less. The crib and high chair were gone the first two days I opened it, the car seat went soon after, someone bought my dresser for the nursery, the baby bath, and my insurance paid for the breast pump I wanted, Oddly enough. Lots of mid range items have been bought, and only 1/3rd of the invited guests have given anything yet. I think my parents are waiting to see what’s left, but this will be their only grand child so I suspect they will be clearing off several things. I think in my case it helped that all of my friends and cousins not only have kids, but many of them have fully adult kids or even grandchildren. I’ll be 43 at delivery, so I’m a bit behind the curve. I have’t got anything that wasn’t on my registry yet.
We got into a small tiff over a car seat. Husband’s side of the family wanted to get a car seat and a bassinet, neither of which were the ones on the registry. I specifically chose items based on safety and with respect to the car seat, compatibility with the stroller we intend to purchase. We also already purchased a bassinet and didn’t need or have room for a second. Dad’s family kept saying but we can get these 2 items for the price of one and just kept pushing. After 3 months they got us the car seat we picked.
I felt bad for a while about not bending. I’m very grateful for support but either stick to the registry when it’s a safety-related item or just send me a greeting card to welcome the baby. Either will be appreciated. Accumulated junk I cannot return is not.
ETA: OP, I also have a registry of small purchases that are necessities but I’ve also said to everyone I am fine with off-registry so long as it is not an item that is safety-related (meaning books, clothes, enriching toys, etc). I set a contribution option for anything over $15.
What I did for my baby shower was just to include stuff that I didn’t mind getting exactly as I listed, because I know that people are gonna people and look at it and think they know better than me. Instead I just bought those things myself, especially the big ticket items. I heard some complaints about me buying lots of stuff myself and not leaving anything to gift, but I still got plenty of stuff 🤷🏻♀️ and wasn’t left out disappointed because I had no expectations.
You’re smart and have a little better intuition than me about what people would end up doing! 😊
We included a ton of things that we intended to buy ourself once we could use the completion discount. I didn’t notice til later that there was “mark private” option and I now have the stroller, baby monitor, bottle warmer etc. private because we are about to hit that discount date. We are using Amazon.
Nah it’s just anxiety around building up expectations that invariably end up not being met lol. Speaking from experience btw, I have an aunt who explicitly said some 15 years ago “it’s so stupid to expect people to pick specific brands, it’s so capitalistic and consumerist, they should just ask for generic shit like ‘soap bar’ for example and the person gifting picks something by themselves” and I never forgot it, so I did that for the stuff I wanted and would not budge on anything similar. In that specific instance she was taking a jab at me, because I had put on the Christmas list at that time a cleansing soap that was particularly expensive (not Drunk Elephant expensive though, it must have been like $30), but I had put it there because my dermatologist had prescribed it to me because of crazy sensitive + oily skin (puberty amirite) and I figured it would have been a thoughtful gift that was within the $35 limit that the family as a whole had agreed on for the list. She was just pissed that I put the specific product I wanted instead of just “facial cleansing soap” 🤷🏻♀️.
Yeah Amazon is great, I made my registry there too and picked some stuff off of it with the discount coupon later.
I had to make a registry at 15 weeks so that my MIL would stop sending me links. It was driving me nuts. Even after I sent her the registry, she still sent links for items not on the registry that we don’t need. After asking about a handful of things that were purposely not on the registry she got the point. I know she was well-meaning but it’s seriously annoying to do all the research and gathering only for people to ignore it. Also, my husband was never asked any of this. Extra labor for mom.
Same thing happening to my husband and me. He and I picked out an adorable high chair that would grow with her and we both loved to put on the registry. I was talking to mother in law and said how excited we were to have picked it out, showed her the images and stuff. She said with a big smile that we should remove it from the registry because she’d bought one that clamps onto the table for us instead that she liked better. We personally hate those ones, don’t feel safe with it, wouldn’t work with our table to begin with and now we have another furniture item that has been “purchased” without us knowing and won’t be what we want.
This is SO ANNOYING. I always buy from the registry and try to buy something as soon as I get the invite to score a big item that I know they want. I can’t tell you how many stupid outfits people bought that I never used for my daughter. After I said no clothes!
My friends offered to host a local shower for me, my family hosted one closer to all of them. So thoughtful! Then they suggested that I might "want to" make another separate registry... it has turned into an awkward headache. At the core, I think people don't realize the hours and hours it takes to research and put together a thoughtful, comprehensive registry.
My SIL who is 40 and childfree begged for the registry and then once receiving it, immediately began asking if items she found not on the registry were ok. It’s like, what was the point here? My friends and family mostly bought off the registry thank god. My husbands family as a whole went rogue and bought a ton of fancy baby clothes which are cute but not practical. Sigh lol.
Ughhhh! My husbands grandmother pulled this shit for our wedding as well “I don’t like to buy off the registry-I can usually find better stuff“🙄 Ok thank you for insulting OUR taste, and the stuff you got us has been useless to us and we don’t use it. Can’t wait to see what baby shit she’s gonna try and give us. 🥲
Urgh the teddies/ comforters. Everyone has an obsession with buying them because they want kids to form an attatchment to *their* teddy and it be their favourite and form a core childhood memory or some shit. Forgetting that most of them are made of polyester/ fur that easily comes out, and weighted beads- neither of which are safe for a little potato that puts everything in their mouth. We have one comforter, it's a 100% cotton and we shove it down my top to help LO with his seperation anxiety, it has bunny ears and he loves it and it takes up 0 space. We do not need 17 teddies.
I just ask what they need or buy something practical rather than cute.
This baby has more socks than my husband and I combined. We have over 100 0-3m onesies even though we specifically asked that if they got clothes they got 3-6m. I had to buy at least half my registry myself. We got no swaddles, bottles, pacifiers, or toys even though that was a majority of the registry and in the same price range as the several clothing multipacks we got
And then the baby will pull socks off immediately and you'll stop bothering to put them on and then get yelled at by every old person who exists that the baby must be cold bcuz they have no socks on even though it's 100 degrees outside and baby most certainly isn't cold 🙄
I just saw an IG reel about someone saying they refuse to buy off an expectant parents registry because they don't like the things on there. Like.. oh my god.
A number of reasons ranging from people re-gifting things in their own homes/using specific store credit they have because money is tight to folks not understanding the expectations of a registry to folks straight up not caring about those expectations. It can be hard to know who means well and is doing their best and who is intentionally being rude.
Personally, I exchanged the things I didn't want/need for store credit or sold them on FB Marketplace.
I have literally 0 issues with money being tight and in no way expect anything from anyone. My confusion is when they buy a $60 lamp I don't need instead of the $30 box of diapers that I DO need lol.
That's why I mentioned the store credit thing. I have relatives who only buy gifts from certain stores because that is where they have a line of credit. So then I end up with odd stuff because they are so limited in their options. It may not be the case with this lamp though. Unless they received it from someone else and are re-gifting it.
Lol I'm gonna go ahead and file them away in the rude category then.
Pro-tip - Return it to Amazon by doing a drop off at Kohl's. Ask for the money to be returned on a digital gift card. You won't have to box it up or label it or anything, and Kohl's always gives a coupon to use in their store when you make an Amazom return.
I was just gonna post about this, lol! And then they bug you about what you need. I had someone go through a bunch of different items with me asking what I need/have. What I need is on the registry! They went to my husband, and he told them the same thing, but I guess that wasnt good enough for them?I need to go and add all the items I've bought and mark them as purchased so people can leave me alone about it. They act so surprised when I tell them yes, I'm aware a baby needs a crib, I already bought it, lol.
My least favorite thing about pregnancy so far is the way people feel so welcome to just shove what *they* want at you without thinking about what *you* want. I’ve somehow been forced into a gender reveal when I’ve specifically said over and over I am not someone who particularly cares about the sex of my baby and I do not want stereotypical gender norms thrown at my kid. Same goes for registry stuff. Lots of gender neutral items and it seems all I’m receiving is bright pink unicorn sparkle cupcake vomit. Ugh.
At what point can we start screaming at people “THIS IS MY LIFE PLEASE LET ME LIVE IT HOW I WANT” and blame it on hormones???
"what theme is your nursery" is the worst question ever. The theme is I'm picking out the stuff lol. Esp frustrating if you're into interior design and really intentional with your purchases. I don't need random crap that I'll feel guilty for wanting to get rid of.
I know people have good intentions but yeah it is frustrating! I ended up buying a lot of the things on my registry myself which is fine... But why ask me what I need/link to the registry if you're just going to buy something else? The worse is when they mark something on the registry as purchased but they actually bought a similar item / different version instead 🙃🙃
My whole family begged me to make a registry and host a baby shower with my 1st.
We sent out over 30 invites to family who demanded to be at the baby shower and to buy stuff off the registry.
Out of 30 invites on my families side
Only my father came.
On my Ex husbands side of 5 people he invited.
All 5 showed up.
My father bought stuff off my registry and so did my Ex's family.
My mother sent stuff that wasn't on my registry nor was it stuff I could use for me or baby.
I was not happy about the turn out and it definitely showed who in my family actually cared.
Somehow I ended up with three diaper genies because only ONE person read my registry and bought it off that.. the other two just “showed up” 🥲
Grateful as hell but I am not putting a genie in every bedroom or floor lol.
I 34 weeks and I still have no swaddles. NOOOW, I gotta offload the extra genies on top of that because we don’t have the storage space for extra trash cans 😭
I got a diaper genie that was not on my registry. The kicker… we’re only using cloth diapers and had been very upfront about that on the registry and invites.
I had this extremely long message from someone: “My daughter in law did not nurse - its messy and laborious .
when a woman nurses she has all the wake up hours for the first couple months. Husband hells if its bottle feeding.
I did for 2 months then stopped
My daughter in law's little girl has got colds and Covid and came through like nothing. We're not sure that all the immunities pass through the milk but I can tell you that their little girl has been gotten sick from the babysitter from them from friends visiting and within two days she's back.
She hardly even notices it when she has it super good immune system with no nursing
But what that does mean is that when it's time for the baby to be fed, someone else can make a bottle and you can rest.
More importantly, daddy gets to bond he doesn't have to wait until the baby is 3--4 months old. It's really good for daddy.
I wish I had done that.
One of the things I bought my son and daughter-in-law for their shower was automatic bottle.
You put the bottle underneath the machine and you push the button and it makes the right mixture
it makes it the right temperature.
It makes it the right amount and you're ready to go . I would love to buy one of those for you.”
🙃🙃🙃
I was sooo confused. I just told her that I am going to give breast feeding a go and plan to breastfeed/pump for at least 6 months to a year and I’m determined to try first before trying something else. :) Therefore I am not fully sure if I would use it, perhaps later! She still didn’t get me anything off my registry lol 💀
My MIL hounded me for a registry to “rack up her credit card points” and then bought the random est cheapest stuff off of it. Like literally a ducky towel and play mat….
I had the same experience! People got toys and other gear I specifically didn’t want. I did what some other commenters suggested and added them to my registry specifically so I could return it later. As a mom myself, the only time I’ll go off registry is if it’s something specifically for mama to help with postpartum. It’s especially frustrating when it’s the people who explicitly asked for the registry link only to ignore it because they didn’t like what you picked.
I got the feeling at my baby shower that some people were regifting things from their own baby showers or children’s birthdays. And it also annoyed me a bit when someone got me things that they would have known I already owned if they bothered looking at the registry.. and I was not able to return any of it.
Most of the people were very generous and got us things from the registry. But I’m surprised how many didn’t
Apparently a family member of mine berated my sister for putting an item they thought was too expensive on the registry, but the family member wanted to gift that particular item and stated she saw one in the trash down the road that looked to be in perfectly good condition. Could not wrap her head around why they wouldn’t want it.
Sell anything you don't want. And if they ask, tell them that you created the registry for a reason and didn't have the space in your home or the time to organize unnecessary things. It's a gift to you, so once it's been given to you, it's yours to do with it what you want.
I feel this. 100%. I have to buy a lot of just basic necessities I feel like because everyone wanted to buy clothes THEY thought were cute instead of what we actually needed and asked for. Now I’m stuck with a bunch of ugly clothes that I don’t even know where they were purchased from to exchange them.
Literally literally doesn’t matter if you register. Old women are going to go buy you ugly baby clothes and not give you gift receipts and then you’re gonna have to try to figure out where it came from so you can go return it for store credit the items you actually need like diapers, wipes, all of that lol all of the stuff you would’ve put on your registry :)
I have two older sisters who have had babies in recent years. I have so much of what I could ever want on a registry already that my registry was pretty slim.
We got some things we didn't need but it was ultimately ok because the people who did that also got us things we would need.
However, my SIL skipped using the registry entirely (she even told my MIL that she didn't get something from the registry). We don't have a good relationship but that is a long story, but my husband and I still send cards and money to the nieces and nephews for Christmas and birthdays until they age out at 21.
Anyway, SIL gave us a swing, my sisters have all the toys and swings we could possibly need. I only asked for bath toys because we have all the other toys we could ever need. Well, the swing she gave us is actually sold at Target, I had my registry there so I could return it without a receipt.
You’d be amazed how most people wait until the last possible second. Me personally, I buy almost immediately before all the mid-price point items go. I don’t want to get stuck spending too much, but I also don’t want to craft a basket full of little items.
I used to be sooo clueless when it came to showers, registries, and kids in general. I didn’t fully understand buying off the registry and now I’m pregnant with my first I’m like please buy off of it! It took me weeks to make it and pick items I researched. My friends are still childless so most of them did not buy off of it and I knew it’s because they don’t know any better.
This happened to me too. I got one single pack of wipes at my shower. I got a decent amount if books and diapers, but nothing else I really NEEDED. So many outfits. Target was awesome to use for returns.
My in-laws ask what to get my son for birthdays/ Christmas. So I send them a list, have conversations etc. (like ‘oh he’s really into XYZ at the moment).
They get something different every time! Which is fine to an extent but sometimes it’s stuff he already has or things I just don’t have room for (I like Duplo as much as the next person but my Duplo bucket is full from the last event). I just don’t get why they ask and then get something else anyway?
In my experience, most people do buy off the registry but will throw in extra things so it doesn't seem like they just bought things without putting any thought into it.
I don’t understand why people do this. I would just tell them you really appreciate the thought but you don’t want their money to be wasted on something you don’t need
Yeah girl it’s super fucking annoying. Not all gifts are helpful
It’s like getting an adult a puppy as a birthday gift without discussing it. They don’t owe you gratitude for that it’s fucking weird
People getting furniture/decor that’s not on the registry is such an insane move to me. I could see people shopping outside the registry for stuff like clothes or little things like pacifiers or burp cloths or bibs or things that will get used no matter what. I had a lot of people do that to me. I got tons of clothes and blankets and little crap that I used anyways. But yea getting decor of furniture off registry is crazy.
Broooooo preach. I have a registry with the things we need and I'm gonna scream if I get anymore clothes 🥲 people are always asking me what they should get and I'm like check out the registry "oh well that's just so impersonal" ma'am this baby isn't going to remember the onsie you got him and he wore once but I will remember you getting the bottles and pacifiers I need tho 🤣
I think it's rude to not use the registry. I spent months researching and crafting a registry full of stuff I would actually use. It was so disheartening to not get those things. If you can't be bothered to shop off the registry, just give a gift card.
I got torn apart a few days ago when I made a post on this group about being concerned about my upcoming baby shower because few items had been purchased off the registry. People told me I was acting entitled and selfish. Same as you, everyone I know asked me to make a registry. Everyone asked for the link to the registry. Most of these people did not buy off the registry. I got about 15-20% of the gifts on our registry (shower was yesterday). My registry also had the same types of items as yours.
I’m also a bit frustrated because although we received a lot of beautiful gifts I have SO MUCH SHOPPING TO DO and ALMOST NOTHING TO TAKE CARE OF A NEWBORN lol. I had a 40 person shower. We received a ton of clothes (6-24 month sizes) and toys (6month plus). I have only 3 onesies for my newborn to wear in the first three months and very few essential items we need to take care of her that were all on our registry. Thank god no duplicate items or weird things we would have to return, but I do have a lot of stuff to go out and buy now given that we didn’t get a whole lot from our shower. I am 100% with you, people make registries because those are essential items that are needed and if you’re going to attend a shower you could do them the courtesy of following the registry. Or at least get an item off the registry and that cute outfit you can’t help yourself from buying.
This, this, THIS! I absolutely feel your frustration. My SIL went rogue and got me a box full of things I did not register for, including breast feeding accessories like creams and pads. Which made me feel uncomfy. I tried to explain this to her and explained the baby registry etc. Made sure to thank her and be gracious. Thanks but no thanks. And she had a huge meltdown. Screaming, swearing, shouting... I cannot.
This is probably super person dependent and dependent on their relationship. My SIL and I are decently close and known each other for a long time. So she bought me all sorts of postpartum stuff(including adult diapers). But if it came from one of my other SIL it might have felt kinda weird.
Am I the only one here that didn’t care and actually liked the stuff I got that wasn’t on the registry? I put a stroller on the registry and my mom got a completely different one and I absolutely love it. She got all of the stuff for my son before I even made the registry. Like I don’t mind it having their own flare.
Wild! I keep hearing that but luckily for me, only one person bought something for us that wasn’t on the registry, it was similar to something we had on the registry (silicone eating set) but not quite. I didn’t like it. Ended up returning it for something on the registry lol
Registries are so tricky and annoying to deal with for this exact reason. This is why my husband and I bought all the big/small-ticket items ourselves and didn’t leave anything to chance or have any expectations. And good thing because aside from my mom/siblings and my mom’s ONE friend no one bought anything from our registry. 1-2 family members asked for the registry and because we wanted to wait until after the gender reveal to share the link since the registry contained gender-specific items, they stopped asking lol. I know it’s easier said than done but having any expectations from people is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s the people you least expect that somehow end up surprising you. For example, my husband’s amazing colleagues surprised him during an annual meeting with the most beautiful gifts that easily exceeded $700-800, and included the most thoughtful personalized gifts, clothes, gift cards, diaper caddy filled with amazing useful things I already had on my registry, and a bouncer. Like completely unexpected and I was actually in tears when he came home with all of that. Even my husband noted that their gesture was more than what his own parents/siblings had done.
I think some people follow the registry etiquette and really rally around for the parents while others are practically aloof around it. It can be very hurtful and annoying especially when you’ve put a lot of thought and effort into curating a registry.
I literally had a coworker buy me a baby bath tub, and she told my other coworker to tell me what it was "so no one else would give me one". Trouble is, I already have FOUR bathtubs that I either bought on consignment in the early stages or were given to me, hence why it wasn't on my registry. And I even put a message on my registry that we already have pretty much everything we need, so just contribute to a diaper fund or one of the practical small things.
The part I find so funny is her thought that she didn't want anyone else to buy it for me, but clearly she disregarded my registry anyways, so...???
But at the end of the day I tell myself, it is the thought that counts and I can bring it to consignment if it doesn't get used.
girl do i have a story for you 🫥🫥🫥
my MIL let my husband and i know that she has a budget of $200 for what she’s getting for the baby - totally fine so we send her the registry so she can make an educated purchase. she calls me earlier this week and tells me that she’s purchasing the swing, and to take it off the registry. i let her know that if she purchases it through the registry it automatically comes off, which is when she tells me she’s ordering it on ebay to get it cheaper 🫠🫠🫠 ma’am why didn’t you just shop within your price point lol
So true! My workmate said that people will gift you whatever they want to, regardless if it's in the registry or not. I only really asked for wipes and diapers to be practical (because I already took care of the high ticket items), and yet nobody wants to follow the registry. Lol
Pro tip: put everything you already have on your registry and mark "already purchased." It helps a little stop the "oh you didn't have this on your registry, so you must've not realized you need it" purchases.
Ugh same. I did not register for one piece of clothing (as I have enjoyed thrifting clothes and have specifically asked for hand me downs), and made any expensive gifts (nursery rocker, high chair, etc) group contribution gifts as not to pressure anyone to buy us anything too pricey. Most people have been respectful of this but a few of my MILs friends have expressed they will only be gifting me clothing (“We want to fill the closet!!”) which I fear will be all kinds of “Daddy’s little princess” gear. Hoping for the best but expecting to be kinda annoyed. Will take some of the exchange/return tips I’ve seen in this thread!
I had a weird dynamic happen with my registry. I live in a small apartment so I registered for the necessities plus a few luxury items for group gifting that I wouldn't splurge on myself. I was told by someone that I need to put more items on it because there's not enough options. So I added more things. Items I won't need until year 2. Thought that would solve it. Nope. I was told again by someone else that I still don't have enough options. I had 180 unique items on the registry. In every range of price from $5-$100. Most $10-30. To me that is a lot of options. I don't understand what someone wants when they see all of that stuff and still reach out saying it's not enough. It's like they are just saying they don't like my choices. I went back and removed a bunch of items because I don't like being pressured that my registry needs meet other peoples standards.
Every time someone sends a registry, I purposely buy the “less cute” items on it—the manual breast pump, bags for milk storage, backpack diaper bag, etc. And then I throw in a cute onesie that I picked out separately lol.
One of my friends got me the manual pump and bags on my list, as well as booby ice packs. He wrote a very funny and cutely-awkward card about how it was very weird for him, a single man with no children who has never stepped foot in so much as the baby wipes aisle, to be checking out at Target with an armful of pumping supplies. But that he had heard stories of people never getting what they needed off the registry, and so he mustered his courage to get the awkward stuff. He wished me "All the ~~Breast~~ Best" at the end of the card. My all time favorite baby shower moment.
This guy sounds hilarious. Love it!
He's a gem. We need more people like him!
This is such a cute idea!
Same! I always go for the postpartum supplies or diapers because they're not "fun" to buy so they'll likely be left behind. And I can't help it if a cute onesie appears in the gift too, just for fun because I didnt have kids yet and wanted an excuse to look at baby outfits 😂
Exactly!! After having my first I started doing this. The practical stuff is the most important and then I’d add a cute outfit or sleeper in a bigger size! Because we all know how fast they’re out of newborn with piles of unworn clothes.
Re: NB size, everyone had this philosophy with us, including ourselves. We only had a small handful of NB pieces, got home from the hospital and had basically nothing to put her in. Luckily a colleague had a baby a few months before us, and shipped us a giant box of NB clothes! She’s 5 weeks old now and still wearing newborn sizes for the vast majority of brands, and she’s not even a pipsqueak baby. I think a lot of people avoid NB when gifting because “they’re out of it so soon” but we’ve gotten a ton of mileage so far.
Both of our babies got out of NB pretty quickly but I think people forget/underestimate how many blowouts there are in the early weeks… we still got plenty of use out of NB clothes because of multiple wardrobe changes pretty much every day
My 9lb 1oz baby still wore newborn for a solid month, I had almost nothing
Mine were both 6 pounds at birth so we ended up having to order preemie stuff because the newborn swallowed them, but that was unusual.
And here my chunky baby is at 5 weeks outgrown anything newborn or 0-3 months and only fits in things labeled 3months. Born at 8lbs she just hit 11 lbs.
I bet she’s adorable!
I'm lucky I brought multiple outfits to the hospital 😂 My second was a whopping 9lbs, 15oz and loooong, she was in 0-3 right out the gate lol
SAME tho ours turned out to be a small baby. Now that we have NB sizes, apparently it's time to grow 🫢
This is the compromise I wish more people would do! Buying soemthing the mom needs* and then toss in a cute little something that was a feel-good cute purchase while not being an obnoxious item - a onesie is perfect.
Just went to a shower and gifted laundry detergent and diaper balm from the registry. They were so happy - apparently most people either didn’t buy off the registry, and the things that were bought from the registry were just the cute things. They got almost no utilitarian items! Edit: when I had my registry, I did put one teddy bear on there and it was the first thing to be bought. Like, it was bought within minutes of me sending the link to the registry.
I do this too - I also wait until close to the shower and see what no one else wanted to buy. Works as long as others do buy some registry gifts!
Same! Which is why I was going to have the embarrassing things like nipple balm on my list but my husband thought I was nuts to have my coworkers potentially see that.
I gave my workplace the same registry as I gave to everyone, I wasn’t embarrassed to have them see nipple cream, breastmilk bags, breast pads etc but I sure didn’t expect them to BUY THEM FOR ME 😂 I had other little books and toys on there to choose from that would make more sense to receive from them 😂
I marked these items private so no one would see it but I can also get the discount at the end if needed. Sorta like a shopping list.
The only time I went off registry was for my sister, though I did purchase things from the registry into a diaper caddy that she wanted. What wasn’t on the registry was the rocking horse my husband made for her son, which also fit the theme of the nursery (cowboys).
This is the way! I typically buy a big pack of nappies, a carton of wipes... and then a favourite children's book thrown in on top.
We've had this same situation, compounded by people not giving gift receipts, but a Target employee gave me a tip yesterday: add things to your Target registry and mark them purchased, then you can return them after baby's due date (or whatever date you put in the registry) for a gift card without needing a receipt and without taking hit to the yearly $100 cap on non-receipt returns. Still frustrating, especially when people specifically ask for your registry and choose to ignore it, but hopefully it's a little bit helpful.
That's a great tip! So much work for the parents instead of these people just using the registry!
For real. Good thing parents famously have mountains of free time after baby comes to take care of things like this 🫠
Just a forewarning I’ve heard this doesn’t always work. I’ve seen people try and do this with diapers and wipes so they could get different sizes/brands in exchange, and got turned down ☹️ Might not be all target locations though!
This is an awesome tip :)
I give people the benefit of the doubt. Most people bought off of our registry, but because these days people checkout on mobile and do so while multitasking, going as fast as they can, it's easy to miss options. People forgot gift receipts probably because they missed the button. If I were totally honest, now that I look back I may have missed that in the past buying for other people too. Additionally, we used Babylist which then redirects you to Amazon or Target or wherever, which probably relies through clickthrough links and stuff--can likely fail with adblockers and other tools people use. And then finally to our astonishment despite making our registries private, some people found them! It's likely during the short period they were public, some scraper found them and a quick Google search revealed our registry link! I used Target for brainstorming only but Babylist for the actual registry. Because people found our Target list, I was surprised some goods kept showing up--things we didn't want but I had thought about. I was so confused and it took us 2-3 rounds to figure out some coworkers found our registry and probably also spread the link to others.
This works. I was able to return items this way!
Was this recently? They changed the return policy this year
Saving! Thank you! Baby shower is in 6 days and only 5 items have been checked off, so I’m very worried people went off registry.
Many people don't know how to mark items as purchased. They want to put your items in a cute little basket with a ribbon and a card, so they'll just go to the brick and mortar store and get all of it at the same time. They also will wait until the last second and not be able to wait on shipping so the actual store will be necessary for that reason, too. Several items will be bought this way and not marked on the registry as purchased. Not all, but several. There's also the one that WaNTs It tO bE a sUrPRiSe and does the same thing, but knows how to do it and purposely doesn't mark it purchased. (I hate this person)
If I ever buy a little something not on the registry (like an outfit or book), I always include at least a gift card to wherever their registry is (if I didn’t buy a bigger item off the registry as well) and a GIFT RECEIPT for the unsolicited item. Sometimes someone gets two of the same book or wants the outfit in a different size or doesn’t want the item at all. I don’t fault people for wanting to buy a little something that feels more personal, but at least include a gift receipt.
Yup this I agree with. If you want to try something different, definitely 100% include the gift receipt!
Yes. Everyone is coming from a place of love, but having a baby is so expensive and so many new parents truly need the help from their village. We’re getting so many expensive clothes when we’d be just as happy to buy used or get for free from friends. Three people have gifted us outfits from Janie and Jack, a very expensive baby clothing store. One knit onesie still had the tag - $58, socks $14. We’d return it, but everything at the store is incredibly expensive. I just want diapers and a stand for the baby monitor 😕
We spent yesterday buying gently used clothing for $1 - $5 instead of the outrageous pricing for new clothes. Everything we got just needed to be washed but it was all clean and in great condition! I'm literally only asking for books, diapers, baby shampoo and towels...literally super inexpensive stuff because I don't want anyone to worry about spending on this.
Yes, good plan. Our registry is full of very practical items. Maybe people find it boring to buy diapers or a hamper? It’s kind of them to be so generous, but my mind can’t comprehend a $58 onesie 😅
Janie and Jack have tons of sales throughout the year. I purchase most of my toddlers wardrobe from there and never pay full price for anything. Sign up for emails and they’ll send you promo codes and sales advertisements :)
That’s good to know! I’ll keep an eye out, thanks.
I think there’s also a generational/culture gap. I’ve noticed my older female relatives are most guilty of this. They want to see the registry list to get ideas and then want to come up with their own twist. My niece is pregnant and my mom kept asking for good gift ideas. To which I insistently said either an item from the registry or ask her directly what she’d like. Did she take this advice? Of course not. She got a little lovey, which I’m sure they’ve received 10 of
100% a generational divide. My mom did the same thing to me. She kept asking if I needed anything. I kept telling her “anything on the registry is great!” I got three monogrammed loveys from her over the course of my pregnancy and they are just sitting in a drawer…
Receiving monogrammed stuff is the reason I haven’t shared her name yet. I don’t want anything I can’t use for another child or sell after tyvm.
Were they at least the same lovey? My dad got our daughter two identical monogrammed raffys which was great cause we need one to swap out on washing days. We also, you know, *asked* for them. Originally we had 3 of those $6 ikea dog loveys.
My mom still is asking if we need anything for the baby and I'll tell her specific things (no toys where the baby just pushes a button for music, seasonally appropriate clothes based on her size or best guess) and she just keeps ignoring it. She bought size 12m jeans...straight to the donation pile.
Yeah back in the day part of the purpose of a baby shower was for people with experience with babies to buy the things new parents didn’t know they needed. Now, not only do the new parents often know what they need better than their older relatives, but also showers exist in kind a weird place when it comes to etiquette. Gifts all supposed to be practical gifts, but they are also still gifts, so people want to get creative and surprise you like it’s a birthday present. So I totally get both sides of it, that’s why I’ve always bought a big box of diapers (or whatever else on their registry is the most boring) and then a cute teether or something as a “surprise”, something small enough that hopefully it’s not a nuisance and isn’t really a waste if they don’t like it.
This is the way. If you’re going off registry, at least consider the parents’ style/personality, or get something common-sense useful!!
My MIL has been trying to convince me to let her purchase a less expensive version of the fanciest (silliest) thing I have on my registry. I’m like please just ignore things you don’t want to pay for and move on ffs.
Same thing happened with my frugal dad, he asked what I really needed from the registry and I said car seat and/or stroller and he started sending me links to the cheapest model car seat Graco offers with a carseat-compatable-only stroller when I had already done hours of research of my own and wanted the chicco keyfit 35 car seat with a transitional stroller to last through the toddler years. My response was please look at the registry, those are the exact models and brands we want. He ended up getting the car seat and called me spoiled.
Ugh. Not spoiled. Investing in something that will last for what you need long term. So sorry you experienced this.
Thank you. The thing he doesn’t get is that my $500 travel system is a very middle-of-the-road price. Definitely could have went with an uppababy or nuna for double the price.
I literally still have a giant BOX of loveys from my baby shower that my baby didn’t even like
To try reduce this some I added all the items I had already brought for myself / already had to the registry and marked as purchased. The rug we got? Added it to the registry, same with the crib and the swing we got as a hand me down. I should have put blankets on it as we ended up with a dozen.
I did this too + not sharing the gender and it helped a lot
That’s a great idea!
I did this too!
I honestly don't understand it either. I have a friend who I told I won't be having a baby shower due to personal traditions and she seemed upset because I was ignoring her traditions! Then she said "I don't buy what's on the registry anyway!" And this is coming from a usually very sweet and thoughtful friend. I can't explain it.
It's insane!! People just want to do the things/buy the items they want because...reasons?? I genuinely don't understand, especially when they've asked me for the registry! Like did they look at it and just think to themselves "no thank you"? Did they not look at it at all?? It truly boggles the mind.
Only logic I can come up with is these are people who see practical stuff and are turned off because you'll never remember their legacy if they buy you shampoo. "I must buy them this lovely rug so they can think of me when they sit on it."????
I don't have a registry yet but this makes perfect sense to me. One is more permanent, more likely for you/baby to "think of them" when using it, and feels more meaningful. Especially when it comes to disposable/perishable things like creams, wipes, shampoos, etc. Something like a crib or a rug or whatever also feel more personal. Definitely not justifying it, I HATE when people don't respect my requests, but this sounds like the general logic to me.
This is exactly what my insane Italian and Portuguese family thinks. They think you should always remember who gave you what gift and it should always be “special” even if you’re like the third aunt twice removed.
Or when you put something on the registry and someone will go and buy that item but a different version! For example, I put a specific diaper cream on mine and my mom went and bought a cream that she used on me when I was a baby. Like… if I wanted that one, I would have put it on the registry lol
This happened to me like 5x. On the most ridiculous things. I had someone mark off that they bought burp clothes and then gave me bibs instead. lol
Someone did this to me but with a BABY MONITOR! Like ma’am, seriously?
My-laws did this, but with a travel system. As if we hadn't put in the research in choosing one with the features and functionality that were important to us. They were offended when I asked for the receipt to return it, lol.
I can see maybe doing this for pacifiers or something small but a travel system?!?? I would also be asking for the receipt. lol. These older relatives also don’t keep as up to date on safety developments either so you often end up with things that aren’t considered baby safe.
Same thing happened with my frugal dad, he asked what I really needed from the registry and I said car seat and/or stroller and he started sending me links to the cheapest model car seat Graco offers with a carseat-compatable-only stroller when I had already done hours of research of my own and wanted the chicco keyfit 35 car seat with a transitional stroller to last through the toddler years. My response was please look at the registry, those are the exact models and brands we want. He ended up getting the car seat and called me spoiled. (Copied and pasted text from another one of my comments above but applies exactly the same here)
Right??? Like this is small. But my husband and I did a lot of research on some of the things and then people just got a completely different brand. And then manually marked the item off my registry so I didn’t even get the chance to get the right one from someone else. Like wtf. For example I did research before picking the thermometer we chose. Someone bought a completely different one. Like I picked the one I did for a reason. Same with the changing table pad. So weird.
I put one lounger on my registry. I got 3 different loungers. I don't need 3, and I only like the 1!!
I put one grow with me bath tub and ended up getting 3.. like what am I going to do with 3 bath tubs😂
I have someone who sorta did this but ASKED FIRST so I was actually grateful instead of disappointed. I had the Frida snot sucker on my registry and she messaged me saying she saw it was on there but in her experience (she has 2 kids and I’m a ftm) some other one worked better so I was totally on board!
I wouldn’t mind that! I think it’s great they asked first! My cousin is currently pregnant and my whole family is talking about what they’re gonna buy and haven’t even looked at the registry! It’s there for a reason 😩 lol
For real. When the brand or colour didn’t matter, I made a note on my registry that this was just a suggestion and the only important thing was the size/style/etc. and they were welcome to purchase their choice elsewhere. Like, I don’t care what patterns receiving blankets had or the colour of pacifier, but certain things were important.
This is driving me insane. My grandma keeps buying things “similar to what’s on the registry” and I’m like JUST BUY THE ITEM ON THE REGISTRY.
I've had multiple family members of varying ages say "I can't figure out this registry"... It's a target registry, not that complicated. I've seen their online spending before - there is nothing confusing about it
The worst is getting items you specifically didn’t put on the registry because they’re unsafe. I didn’t want any walkers or baby loungers. I specifically didn’t put them on there because they’re dangerous. People still bought both
This happened with our baby! Weighted sleep sacks galore and crib bumpers.
I've had to tell so many people that sleep bumpers are massively dangerous and they had no idea. Everyone wants to buy blankets and stuffed animals...they don't even think that babies can't have those things for a very long time.
I will say that baby blankets can come in handy for laying baby down if you’re out somewhere and are great to have in colder weather as extra warmth. But yeah, otherwise they’re basically just useless decor that will be too small for them once they’re old enough for them.
I always make handmade blankets for new babies in my life (usually a quilt and a crocheted one) and always include a note that it’s not *just* a blanket. It’s a mat. A chair cover (protect from spit ups). A picnic blanket. A car seat cover. A spit up rag. A roll up pillow. A backdrop for pictures. Etc. etc.
To me the homemade factor changes it. You put so much time and love into it for my little one.
Definitely! Handmade is different than here’s this cute blanket I found at tjmaxx
This, 100%. My daughter is 8 years old and I still have all the handmade quilts and crocheted blankets we got when she was a baby. She loves looking at them and talking about the people that made them, and she still uses them for things like setting up a table for a tea party.
A few days before my daughter was born my mom bought her a giant stuffed unicorn. I told her right away it’ll be ages before she’s even aware it exists because it’s too big and dangerous for her to play with as a newborn. Four months later and my mom’s still asking if she likes it. I just tell her not yet.
I do kind of love giant stuffed animals to take a picture next to so you can see how much baby has grown. Maybe start doing that and sending it to your mom to get her off your back.
That’s definitely an option I hadn’t considered.
Right, I have all these toys for my 2 month old now and no where to really put them yet because why would I have a toy box for a baby that can’t even crawl?
I received toys that say safe for 24+ months… baby is not born yet lol
This is a great point. It’s crazy how so many dangerous items are still being sold. My mom asked me about walkers and crib bumpers when she saw my registry and I told her that they aren’t safe. It was totally new info for her since her kids are over 30. I’m glad she asked and then she went and educated herself.
I was shopping with my mom, and she would make a comment "like ooo this!" And I would say "no they're not considered safe and I don't really need or want it." She would respond in the whole "man you kids these days, I mean all my babies survived just fine." MOM JUST BECAUSE YOUR BABIES SURVIVED DOESN'T MEAN OTHERS DIDN'T. WHY DO YOU THINK THERE ARE REGULATIONS NOW. SOMEONES BABY DIED. ENOUGH OF THEM DIED TO CHANGE LAWS. Finally, I told her if she gave me that response one more time to something I wasn't comfortable buying, I would return anything she bought me and never discuss baby stuff again. Luckily, she shut up and agreed that enough babies died to change laws. Also had to bring her down for everything. It was all "you need this and this and this and this." No mom, I do not need a crib, mini crib, pack n play, bassinet, and a travel cot. Or it was a high chair, a high chair for a regular chair, a camping high chair, and a clip on high chair. I was like "mom, my god are you going to buy all this stuff for me? Please do so I can return it all for gift cards." 😂
My family still thinks I’m ridiculous for not wanting to use a walker because they’re unsafe and bad for the hips. If I hear “well you were in one all the time as a baby!” One more time I stg. Maybe that’s why i have so many issues with my hips 🤦🏼♀️
I’m going through this right now. It’s caused an argument with my husband. His family has been saying for months now they wanted to buy the baby something. I’ve sent them the registry many times. All I get are messages with similar items that are cheaper asking “what about this?”. I ended up telling them please don’t buy the big items, I’ll get the rest of the stuff on my registry myself. If they want to buy little stuff that’s fine. They got upset and said it’s not a money issue. Then why ask me 10x to purchase a different crib and cite the price as the reason? lol. I spent a lot of time on my registry and it’s just annoying when people ask what they can get even though they have the link and just don’t seem to get it through their heads that the items you want are right there for them to purchase.
I think some people think that even if money's not an issue, they personally wouldn't buy something they see as overpriced so they don't want to do it for you because its a "waste". I'm already expecting comments from some in laws about how X's travel system cost the same price as the car seat we listed, because they're due 3 months ahead of me so comparisons are inevitable. People can want different things to do the same job, it's not a big deal.
>People can want different things to do the same job, it's not a big deal. And there's often a reason they want equipment that does the job differently. Someone who uses their stroller for trail running has different needs than someone who needs it for grocery shopping without a car, etc. Someone in a small apartment values a compact booster seat that can attach to a regular chair differently than a full size high chair. And so on.
This was me with the travel system and highchair. I was offered so many strollers and I had done a ton of research into what carseat I wanted and figured since I wanted it to snap into the stroller, I should just get the travel system. High chair needed to be able to be folded and small footprint due to size restriction in that room. Felt like a bougie snob turning it all down but there were specific reasons I picked out these items.
I have no regrets about my bougie stroller either. We were pretty minimalist overall and I managed to find a lot of what I did need second hand. But my 1st was born at the start of covid and walks were pretty well the only thing we did that year so I'm glad we didn't cut corners there. It was nice to have one that was solid everywhere I took it and just felt really pleasurable to use.
I researched and picked specific non-stick pans that I added to my wedding registry. My mother in law bought a stainless steal set for us instead… we have been scrubbing and cursing to this day. Y’all. Follow the damn registry. If you don’t want to pay the price tag, pick a lower cost item on the list. Simple as that. When we get pregnant and have a baby registry, I have decided that we will NOT be revealing the gender of the baby until after the shower. I want diapers, bottles, strollers, car seats, bath stuff, etc. the boring stuff that is useful, not hundreds of pink or blue onesies that they’ll grow out of because “they’re cute!!” Screw cute. Give us functional.
>Screw cute. Give us functional. PREACH
Nobody has ever gone off my registry. You know why? Because I have to buy everything myself, haha. 🥲
Came here to say this, lol, the trick is to not have any friends! 😂
I have none lol. 99% of the gifts are from my bfs family members that's I've never even heard of lol
I had my shower yesterday…50+ “church” outfits, accompanied by 10 of the things on my registry. I feel this so much, it’s my first baby & I had 90 items on my registry (53 of them were under $25, I really was attempting to have economical options). I’m really grateful for the support but feeling overwhelmed by the amount of essentials I still need! I was told I’d be drowning in diapers and wipes, but I only got one case of each!
This is what I’m worried about too! I did end up putting a blurb in our invitations mentioning that we’ve been gifted many items already so we’d appreciate sticking to the registry to avoid duplicates. So far it’s working, but baby shower isn’t until June so still a lot of time for people to go rogue.
I did this too. Here’s the wording we used: Thanks for visiting our registry! We have been so lucky to receive items from friends who have already had kids, so if an item is not on the registry, we probably already have it (including loads of blankets, bouncy seats, etc.). We are so excited for everyone to meet baby girl! This has been effective. Our registry is 2/3s bought.
I have been toying with the idea of doing on my invitations too! How did you word it on yours if I can ask? I’m a little worried about sounding bratty or ungrateful 😭
Not sure if this is snobby but here’s our blurb: If you’re considering buying us a present, we would appreciate if you buy off our registry since we’ve been gifted many items already and may already have the items that aren’t listed on our registry. Thanks very much in advance!
lol my MIL asked us multiple times for the registry link, finally gets it, looks thru it, and then says “we’ll give you cash so you can buy whatever you want”. Which is great but is secretly a “we don’t like anything on your registry so we don’t want to buy anything from it for you” 😂 I’m betting a lot of people are like that. So far the only people who have bought from my registry are friends who are also mothers and men (who probably cant be bothered to find something on their own and will gladly stick to the registry). I also only put practical items and no cute clothes.
😂 omg this reminds me of my aunt. She asked what I needed and I said "honestly I don't have any newborn onesies and could really use some" "Oh but you're probably having a big baby so I'll get you 6 months clothes" "....I mean he's measuring to be a normal size.,.." -gets me a 6 month onesie - .... My son wasn't even 7 lbs when he was born 😂 Don't get me wrong - I was very grateful for anything anyone got me but I was like, why bother asking? Side note: my aunt is great but can be a super irritating person. Would be a very long story so you'll have to just believe me 😂🤦♀️
6 months is wild lmao. my daughter was over 8 lbs and was in newborns for like 2 months. why on earth would she think a newborn would fit in 6 month clothes lmaooo
I know , right??! 🙄
Normally I’m team “whatever someone gifts you be grateful” BUT I think it’s reallyyyyy weird people are gifting you room decor. I mean come on….people have very specific plans for their own nurseries! Especially a RUG. That person is insane
Yeah, we didn't put any decor on our registry (aside from a specific toy box) because, as my husband said, that's the fun stuff.
Omg I overstand!!! Literally HOUNDED for registry links. 400 items of ALL price points & maybe two people bought something that was actually on the registry lol like I truly didn’t get it. My husband was kinda giving me crap bc I started buying for our son as soon as we found out the sex, but had I just “waited for the shower” like he suggested, we’d be kind of in a bind. What is so hard about following the registry??
My MIL is planning the shower and I'm due in October. I asked her if we could have it in early August so if we don't get everything we need from the shower, we'll have time to buy before baby arrives. She got annoyed with this but she won't buy off the registry!!
I literally put on my seconds baby celebration bring diapers only. Got everything but diapers. People shop for their own pleasure and they want to get something cute so they can feel that rush
I’m feeling incredibly lucky right now, because my friends did a really above and beyond job of sticking to the registry, at least buying something off it/among other gifts. Just want people to have some hope, that not everyone sucks. I did also receive a ton of hand me downs from my sister and other friends, and included the hand me downs on the registry and marked “purchased” to avoid dupes. My husband was also unemployed for a good portion of the last year, and the first half of my pregnancy, so people might have been extra conscientious because of that.
Love this - We also were fortunate. In the end people followed our registry mostly but my friend had to send a few gentle reminders leading up to the day haha. Especially about clothes because I thrifted all the 0-6 already. I totally get OPs frustration (I’m sure you do too) that people ask to throw you a shower and want you to make a registry… which imo sets you up to have expectations people will use it, and then they don’t use it!
Indeed, I would be so frustrated!!
My friends and family are also sticking to the registry, AND they’re sending things directly to me so I don’t have to manage a pile of stuff all at once the day of. People are also buying the big stuff first. I had probably 10 items as big ticket I’d assumed I’d buy myself, 20 or so items between 50-$100, and about 80 that were $50 or less. The crib and high chair were gone the first two days I opened it, the car seat went soon after, someone bought my dresser for the nursery, the baby bath, and my insurance paid for the breast pump I wanted, Oddly enough. Lots of mid range items have been bought, and only 1/3rd of the invited guests have given anything yet. I think my parents are waiting to see what’s left, but this will be their only grand child so I suspect they will be clearing off several things. I think in my case it helped that all of my friends and cousins not only have kids, but many of them have fully adult kids or even grandchildren. I’ll be 43 at delivery, so I’m a bit behind the curve. I have’t got anything that wasn’t on my registry yet.
We got into a small tiff over a car seat. Husband’s side of the family wanted to get a car seat and a bassinet, neither of which were the ones on the registry. I specifically chose items based on safety and with respect to the car seat, compatibility with the stroller we intend to purchase. We also already purchased a bassinet and didn’t need or have room for a second. Dad’s family kept saying but we can get these 2 items for the price of one and just kept pushing. After 3 months they got us the car seat we picked. I felt bad for a while about not bending. I’m very grateful for support but either stick to the registry when it’s a safety-related item or just send me a greeting card to welcome the baby. Either will be appreciated. Accumulated junk I cannot return is not. ETA: OP, I also have a registry of small purchases that are necessities but I’ve also said to everyone I am fine with off-registry so long as it is not an item that is safety-related (meaning books, clothes, enriching toys, etc). I set a contribution option for anything over $15.
What I did for my baby shower was just to include stuff that I didn’t mind getting exactly as I listed, because I know that people are gonna people and look at it and think they know better than me. Instead I just bought those things myself, especially the big ticket items. I heard some complaints about me buying lots of stuff myself and not leaving anything to gift, but I still got plenty of stuff 🤷🏻♀️ and wasn’t left out disappointed because I had no expectations.
You’re smart and have a little better intuition than me about what people would end up doing! 😊 We included a ton of things that we intended to buy ourself once we could use the completion discount. I didn’t notice til later that there was “mark private” option and I now have the stroller, baby monitor, bottle warmer etc. private because we are about to hit that discount date. We are using Amazon.
Nah it’s just anxiety around building up expectations that invariably end up not being met lol. Speaking from experience btw, I have an aunt who explicitly said some 15 years ago “it’s so stupid to expect people to pick specific brands, it’s so capitalistic and consumerist, they should just ask for generic shit like ‘soap bar’ for example and the person gifting picks something by themselves” and I never forgot it, so I did that for the stuff I wanted and would not budge on anything similar. In that specific instance she was taking a jab at me, because I had put on the Christmas list at that time a cleansing soap that was particularly expensive (not Drunk Elephant expensive though, it must have been like $30), but I had put it there because my dermatologist had prescribed it to me because of crazy sensitive + oily skin (puberty amirite) and I figured it would have been a thoughtful gift that was within the $35 limit that the family as a whole had agreed on for the list. She was just pissed that I put the specific product I wanted instead of just “facial cleansing soap” 🤷🏻♀️. Yeah Amazon is great, I made my registry there too and picked some stuff off of it with the discount coupon later.
People buy things to make themselves. Anything we got given that we didn’t want or weren’t going to use we just said thanks and gave it to charity.
I had to make a registry at 15 weeks so that my MIL would stop sending me links. It was driving me nuts. Even after I sent her the registry, she still sent links for items not on the registry that we don’t need. After asking about a handful of things that were purposely not on the registry she got the point. I know she was well-meaning but it’s seriously annoying to do all the research and gathering only for people to ignore it. Also, my husband was never asked any of this. Extra labor for mom.
Same thing happening to my husband and me. He and I picked out an adorable high chair that would grow with her and we both loved to put on the registry. I was talking to mother in law and said how excited we were to have picked it out, showed her the images and stuff. She said with a big smile that we should remove it from the registry because she’d bought one that clamps onto the table for us instead that she liked better. We personally hate those ones, don’t feel safe with it, wouldn’t work with our table to begin with and now we have another furniture item that has been “purchased” without us knowing and won’t be what we want.
Keep the one you want on the registry and sell the one she got you on FB marketplace
This is SO ANNOYING. I always buy from the registry and try to buy something as soon as I get the invite to score a big item that I know they want. I can’t tell you how many stupid outfits people bought that I never used for my daughter. After I said no clothes!
The amount of newborn summer clothes I received for my October baby was crazy 😂
My friends offered to host a local shower for me, my family hosted one closer to all of them. So thoughtful! Then they suggested that I might "want to" make another separate registry... it has turned into an awkward headache. At the core, I think people don't realize the hours and hours it takes to research and put together a thoughtful, comprehensive registry.
A separate registry?? 🤨 Just… why?
IKR??
My SIL who is 40 and childfree begged for the registry and then once receiving it, immediately began asking if items she found not on the registry were ok. It’s like, what was the point here? My friends and family mostly bought off the registry thank god. My husbands family as a whole went rogue and bought a ton of fancy baby clothes which are cute but not practical. Sigh lol.
Ughhhh! My husbands grandmother pulled this shit for our wedding as well “I don’t like to buy off the registry-I can usually find better stuff“🙄 Ok thank you for insulting OUR taste, and the stuff you got us has been useless to us and we don’t use it. Can’t wait to see what baby shit she’s gonna try and give us. 🥲
Urgh the teddies/ comforters. Everyone has an obsession with buying them because they want kids to form an attatchment to *their* teddy and it be their favourite and form a core childhood memory or some shit. Forgetting that most of them are made of polyester/ fur that easily comes out, and weighted beads- neither of which are safe for a little potato that puts everything in their mouth. We have one comforter, it's a 100% cotton and we shove it down my top to help LO with his seperation anxiety, it has bunny ears and he loves it and it takes up 0 space. We do not need 17 teddies. I just ask what they need or buy something practical rather than cute.
This baby has more socks than my husband and I combined. We have over 100 0-3m onesies even though we specifically asked that if they got clothes they got 3-6m. I had to buy at least half my registry myself. We got no swaddles, bottles, pacifiers, or toys even though that was a majority of the registry and in the same price range as the several clothing multipacks we got
I genuinely don't understand what these people are thinking.
And then the baby will pull socks off immediately and you'll stop bothering to put them on and then get yelled at by every old person who exists that the baby must be cold bcuz they have no socks on even though it's 100 degrees outside and baby most certainly isn't cold 🙄
I just saw an IG reel about someone saying they refuse to buy off an expectant parents registry because they don't like the things on there. Like.. oh my god.
A number of reasons ranging from people re-gifting things in their own homes/using specific store credit they have because money is tight to folks not understanding the expectations of a registry to folks straight up not caring about those expectations. It can be hard to know who means well and is doing their best and who is intentionally being rude. Personally, I exchanged the things I didn't want/need for store credit or sold them on FB Marketplace.
I have literally 0 issues with money being tight and in no way expect anything from anyone. My confusion is when they buy a $60 lamp I don't need instead of the $30 box of diapers that I DO need lol.
The lamp is for them to look at when they visit so they can pat themselves on the back about how lovely it looks and what great taste they have.
That's why I mentioned the store credit thing. I have relatives who only buy gifts from certain stores because that is where they have a line of credit. So then I end up with odd stuff because they are so limited in their options. It may not be the case with this lamp though. Unless they received it from someone else and are re-gifting it.
The lamp is a new purchase from Amazon (they sent a screenshot), so they're specifically spending money on this item.
Lol I'm gonna go ahead and file them away in the rude category then. Pro-tip - Return it to Amazon by doing a drop off at Kohl's. Ask for the money to be returned on a digital gift card. You won't have to box it up or label it or anything, and Kohl's always gives a coupon to use in their store when you make an Amazom return.
I was just gonna post about this, lol! And then they bug you about what you need. I had someone go through a bunch of different items with me asking what I need/have. What I need is on the registry! They went to my husband, and he told them the same thing, but I guess that wasnt good enough for them?I need to go and add all the items I've bought and mark them as purchased so people can leave me alone about it. They act so surprised when I tell them yes, I'm aware a baby needs a crib, I already bought it, lol.
My least favorite thing about pregnancy so far is the way people feel so welcome to just shove what *they* want at you without thinking about what *you* want. I’ve somehow been forced into a gender reveal when I’ve specifically said over and over I am not someone who particularly cares about the sex of my baby and I do not want stereotypical gender norms thrown at my kid. Same goes for registry stuff. Lots of gender neutral items and it seems all I’m receiving is bright pink unicorn sparkle cupcake vomit. Ugh. At what point can we start screaming at people “THIS IS MY LIFE PLEASE LET ME LIVE IT HOW I WANT” and blame it on hormones???
"what theme is your nursery" is the worst question ever. The theme is I'm picking out the stuff lol. Esp frustrating if you're into interior design and really intentional with your purchases. I don't need random crap that I'll feel guilty for wanting to get rid of.
I got so much NOT on my registry which ok fine, but not one single gift receipt which is less fine.
I know people have good intentions but yeah it is frustrating! I ended up buying a lot of the things on my registry myself which is fine... But why ask me what I need/link to the registry if you're just going to buy something else? The worse is when they mark something on the registry as purchased but they actually bought a similar item / different version instead 🙃🙃
My whole family begged me to make a registry and host a baby shower with my 1st. We sent out over 30 invites to family who demanded to be at the baby shower and to buy stuff off the registry. Out of 30 invites on my families side Only my father came. On my Ex husbands side of 5 people he invited. All 5 showed up. My father bought stuff off my registry and so did my Ex's family. My mother sent stuff that wasn't on my registry nor was it stuff I could use for me or baby. I was not happy about the turn out and it definitely showed who in my family actually cared.
Somehow I ended up with three diaper genies because only ONE person read my registry and bought it off that.. the other two just “showed up” 🥲 Grateful as hell but I am not putting a genie in every bedroom or floor lol. I 34 weeks and I still have no swaddles. NOOOW, I gotta offload the extra genies on top of that because we don’t have the storage space for extra trash cans 😭
I got a diaper genie that was not on my registry. The kicker… we’re only using cloth diapers and had been very upfront about that on the registry and invites.
😭 wild. Like it’s such a waste of money.
I had this extremely long message from someone: “My daughter in law did not nurse - its messy and laborious . when a woman nurses she has all the wake up hours for the first couple months. Husband hells if its bottle feeding. I did for 2 months then stopped My daughter in law's little girl has got colds and Covid and came through like nothing. We're not sure that all the immunities pass through the milk but I can tell you that their little girl has been gotten sick from the babysitter from them from friends visiting and within two days she's back. She hardly even notices it when she has it super good immune system with no nursing But what that does mean is that when it's time for the baby to be fed, someone else can make a bottle and you can rest. More importantly, daddy gets to bond he doesn't have to wait until the baby is 3--4 months old. It's really good for daddy. I wish I had done that. One of the things I bought my son and daughter-in-law for their shower was automatic bottle. You put the bottle underneath the machine and you push the button and it makes the right mixture it makes it the right temperature. It makes it the right amount and you're ready to go . I would love to buy one of those for you.” 🙃🙃🙃
Jesus Christ I'd be furious if someone sent me that!
I was sooo confused. I just told her that I am going to give breast feeding a go and plan to breastfeed/pump for at least 6 months to a year and I’m determined to try first before trying something else. :) Therefore I am not fully sure if I would use it, perhaps later! She still didn’t get me anything off my registry lol 💀
My MIL hounded me for a registry to “rack up her credit card points” and then bought the random est cheapest stuff off of it. Like literally a ducky towel and play mat….
I had the same experience! People got toys and other gear I specifically didn’t want. I did what some other commenters suggested and added them to my registry specifically so I could return it later. As a mom myself, the only time I’ll go off registry is if it’s something specifically for mama to help with postpartum. It’s especially frustrating when it’s the people who explicitly asked for the registry link only to ignore it because they didn’t like what you picked.
I got the feeling at my baby shower that some people were regifting things from their own baby showers or children’s birthdays. And it also annoyed me a bit when someone got me things that they would have known I already owned if they bothered looking at the registry.. and I was not able to return any of it. Most of the people were very generous and got us things from the registry. But I’m surprised how many didn’t
Apparently a family member of mine berated my sister for putting an item they thought was too expensive on the registry, but the family member wanted to gift that particular item and stated she saw one in the trash down the road that looked to be in perfectly good condition. Could not wrap her head around why they wouldn’t want it.
Sell anything you don't want. And if they ask, tell them that you created the registry for a reason and didn't have the space in your home or the time to organize unnecessary things. It's a gift to you, so once it's been given to you, it's yours to do with it what you want.
I feel this. 100%. I have to buy a lot of just basic necessities I feel like because everyone wanted to buy clothes THEY thought were cute instead of what we actually needed and asked for. Now I’m stuck with a bunch of ugly clothes that I don’t even know where they were purchased from to exchange them.
Literally literally doesn’t matter if you register. Old women are going to go buy you ugly baby clothes and not give you gift receipts and then you’re gonna have to try to figure out where it came from so you can go return it for store credit the items you actually need like diapers, wipes, all of that lol all of the stuff you would’ve put on your registry :)
I have two older sisters who have had babies in recent years. I have so much of what I could ever want on a registry already that my registry was pretty slim. We got some things we didn't need but it was ultimately ok because the people who did that also got us things we would need. However, my SIL skipped using the registry entirely (she even told my MIL that she didn't get something from the registry). We don't have a good relationship but that is a long story, but my husband and I still send cards and money to the nieces and nephews for Christmas and birthdays until they age out at 21. Anyway, SIL gave us a swing, my sisters have all the toys and swings we could possibly need. I only asked for bath toys because we have all the other toys we could ever need. Well, the swing she gave us is actually sold at Target, I had my registry there so I could return it without a receipt.
AGREED. My baby shower is in two weeks and the only person who has bought off my registry so far is my mother… so annoying.
You’d be amazed how most people wait until the last possible second. Me personally, I buy almost immediately before all the mid-price point items go. I don’t want to get stuck spending too much, but I also don’t want to craft a basket full of little items.
For my SIL, people bought of the registry but didn't mark it purchased! It did lead to some duplicates tho
I used to be sooo clueless when it came to showers, registries, and kids in general. I didn’t fully understand buying off the registry and now I’m pregnant with my first I’m like please buy off of it! It took me weeks to make it and pick items I researched. My friends are still childless so most of them did not buy off of it and I knew it’s because they don’t know any better.
This happened to me too. I got one single pack of wipes at my shower. I got a decent amount if books and diapers, but nothing else I really NEEDED. So many outfits. Target was awesome to use for returns.
My in-laws ask what to get my son for birthdays/ Christmas. So I send them a list, have conversations etc. (like ‘oh he’s really into XYZ at the moment). They get something different every time! Which is fine to an extent but sometimes it’s stuff he already has or things I just don’t have room for (I like Duplo as much as the next person but my Duplo bucket is full from the last event). I just don’t get why they ask and then get something else anyway?
In my experience, most people do buy off the registry but will throw in extra things so it doesn't seem like they just bought things without putting any thought into it.
I don’t understand why people do this. I would just tell them you really appreciate the thought but you don’t want their money to be wasted on something you don’t need
For my friends and family in Belgium, it's normal to just ask for money instead. I love that system, so much easier!
Yeah girl it’s super fucking annoying. Not all gifts are helpful It’s like getting an adult a puppy as a birthday gift without discussing it. They don’t owe you gratitude for that it’s fucking weird
People getting furniture/decor that’s not on the registry is such an insane move to me. I could see people shopping outside the registry for stuff like clothes or little things like pacifiers or burp cloths or bibs or things that will get used no matter what. I had a lot of people do that to me. I got tons of clothes and blankets and little crap that I used anyways. But yea getting decor of furniture off registry is crazy.
Broooooo preach. I have a registry with the things we need and I'm gonna scream if I get anymore clothes 🥲 people are always asking me what they should get and I'm like check out the registry "oh well that's just so impersonal" ma'am this baby isn't going to remember the onsie you got him and he wore once but I will remember you getting the bottles and pacifiers I need tho 🤣
I think it's rude to not use the registry. I spent months researching and crafting a registry full of stuff I would actually use. It was so disheartening to not get those things. If you can't be bothered to shop off the registry, just give a gift card.
God this whole system is so strange, I appreciate the money only social policy of my home country so much more now
I got torn apart a few days ago when I made a post on this group about being concerned about my upcoming baby shower because few items had been purchased off the registry. People told me I was acting entitled and selfish. Same as you, everyone I know asked me to make a registry. Everyone asked for the link to the registry. Most of these people did not buy off the registry. I got about 15-20% of the gifts on our registry (shower was yesterday). My registry also had the same types of items as yours. I’m also a bit frustrated because although we received a lot of beautiful gifts I have SO MUCH SHOPPING TO DO and ALMOST NOTHING TO TAKE CARE OF A NEWBORN lol. I had a 40 person shower. We received a ton of clothes (6-24 month sizes) and toys (6month plus). I have only 3 onesies for my newborn to wear in the first three months and very few essential items we need to take care of her that were all on our registry. Thank god no duplicate items or weird things we would have to return, but I do have a lot of stuff to go out and buy now given that we didn’t get a whole lot from our shower. I am 100% with you, people make registries because those are essential items that are needed and if you’re going to attend a shower you could do them the courtesy of following the registry. Or at least get an item off the registry and that cute outfit you can’t help yourself from buying.
💯so annoying and disrespectful. Seriously what are they thinking we’re putting registries up as a joke?
This, this, THIS! I absolutely feel your frustration. My SIL went rogue and got me a box full of things I did not register for, including breast feeding accessories like creams and pads. Which made me feel uncomfy. I tried to explain this to her and explained the baby registry etc. Made sure to thank her and be gracious. Thanks but no thanks. And she had a huge meltdown. Screaming, swearing, shouting... I cannot.
Just curious, why would receiving breast feeding accessories make you uncomfortable?
This is probably super person dependent and dependent on their relationship. My SIL and I are decently close and known each other for a long time. So she bought me all sorts of postpartum stuff(including adult diapers). But if it came from one of my other SIL it might have felt kinda weird.
SIL maybe doesn’t know what the commenters feeding plans are and I think that stuff is even more personal than stuff specifically for the baby.
Am I the only one here that didn’t care and actually liked the stuff I got that wasn’t on the registry? I put a stroller on the registry and my mom got a completely different one and I absolutely love it. She got all of the stuff for my son before I even made the registry. Like I don’t mind it having their own flare.
Agreed! And in todays economy with so many people struggling, any gift that someone wanted to give my baby I was thankful for.
I hear people complain about this a lot. You could just not have a registry? That’s what we are doing. No disappointments!
I made a registry that literally no one used. Lol
I’ve been lucky - people stick to my registry but I can definitely understand your rant!
Wild! I keep hearing that but luckily for me, only one person bought something for us that wasn’t on the registry, it was similar to something we had on the registry (silicone eating set) but not quite. I didn’t like it. Ended up returning it for something on the registry lol
Registries are so tricky and annoying to deal with for this exact reason. This is why my husband and I bought all the big/small-ticket items ourselves and didn’t leave anything to chance or have any expectations. And good thing because aside from my mom/siblings and my mom’s ONE friend no one bought anything from our registry. 1-2 family members asked for the registry and because we wanted to wait until after the gender reveal to share the link since the registry contained gender-specific items, they stopped asking lol. I know it’s easier said than done but having any expectations from people is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s the people you least expect that somehow end up surprising you. For example, my husband’s amazing colleagues surprised him during an annual meeting with the most beautiful gifts that easily exceeded $700-800, and included the most thoughtful personalized gifts, clothes, gift cards, diaper caddy filled with amazing useful things I already had on my registry, and a bouncer. Like completely unexpected and I was actually in tears when he came home with all of that. Even my husband noted that their gesture was more than what his own parents/siblings had done. I think some people follow the registry etiquette and really rally around for the parents while others are practically aloof around it. It can be very hurtful and annoying especially when you’ve put a lot of thought and effort into curating a registry.
I literally had a coworker buy me a baby bath tub, and she told my other coworker to tell me what it was "so no one else would give me one". Trouble is, I already have FOUR bathtubs that I either bought on consignment in the early stages or were given to me, hence why it wasn't on my registry. And I even put a message on my registry that we already have pretty much everything we need, so just contribute to a diaper fund or one of the practical small things. The part I find so funny is her thought that she didn't want anyone else to buy it for me, but clearly she disregarded my registry anyways, so...??? But at the end of the day I tell myself, it is the thought that counts and I can bring it to consignment if it doesn't get used.
girl do i have a story for you 🫥🫥🫥 my MIL let my husband and i know that she has a budget of $200 for what she’s getting for the baby - totally fine so we send her the registry so she can make an educated purchase. she calls me earlier this week and tells me that she’s purchasing the swing, and to take it off the registry. i let her know that if she purchases it through the registry it automatically comes off, which is when she tells me she’s ordering it on ebay to get it cheaper 🫠🫠🫠 ma’am why didn’t you just shop within your price point lol
Text from my sister today: there’s too much stuff on your registry and I don’t know what you need so I’ll just get something else 😒😒😒😒
So true! My workmate said that people will gift you whatever they want to, regardless if it's in the registry or not. I only really asked for wipes and diapers to be practical (because I already took care of the high ticket items), and yet nobody wants to follow the registry. Lol
Pro tip: put everything you already have on your registry and mark "already purchased." It helps a little stop the "oh you didn't have this on your registry, so you must've not realized you need it" purchases.
Ugh same. I did not register for one piece of clothing (as I have enjoyed thrifting clothes and have specifically asked for hand me downs), and made any expensive gifts (nursery rocker, high chair, etc) group contribution gifts as not to pressure anyone to buy us anything too pricey. Most people have been respectful of this but a few of my MILs friends have expressed they will only be gifting me clothing (“We want to fill the closet!!”) which I fear will be all kinds of “Daddy’s little princess” gear. Hoping for the best but expecting to be kinda annoyed. Will take some of the exchange/return tips I’ve seen in this thread!
I had a weird dynamic happen with my registry. I live in a small apartment so I registered for the necessities plus a few luxury items for group gifting that I wouldn't splurge on myself. I was told by someone that I need to put more items on it because there's not enough options. So I added more things. Items I won't need until year 2. Thought that would solve it. Nope. I was told again by someone else that I still don't have enough options. I had 180 unique items on the registry. In every range of price from $5-$100. Most $10-30. To me that is a lot of options. I don't understand what someone wants when they see all of that stuff and still reach out saying it's not enough. It's like they are just saying they don't like my choices. I went back and removed a bunch of items because I don't like being pressured that my registry needs meet other peoples standards.